Aug 2018 Archive, part a

I mean, we've already got Uber Pit of Voles for Adult Fan Fiction, which makes sense because it also has fan fiction in the name.

And then there's the Circle of Lemmings, a.k.a. Quotev.

Seems to me Wattpad should be another squeaky thing. Marmots, perhaps? Gerbils? Jirds? I just learned "jird" is a word. I vote for that one because it sounds funny. ^_^

~Neshomeh

(Things I Know Because Of Warrior Cats #75)

Is there anything you have against Wattpad (I'd like to know so I can get an account on there and/or Quotev), or are we just trying to make fun of all writing sites equally?

-Twistey

P.S. I image searched voles. They are rodents. But why voles? Voles are actually cute! I guess they're still considered a pest, though. Lookit dat face.

I have no authority. But I do like talking nicknames. And insulting AO3. My favorite diminutive nicknames for AO3 are The Relatively Shallow Hole Full Of Wolves, or, more succinctly, ABO3. But I think that has more to do with my... personal grievances.

^_^

Name: Amber Callahan (no relation to Kitty Callahan)
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Department: DOGA
Home 'Verse: Alternate of World One in which supernatural powers exist, not tied to any literary continuum.
Species: Human
Nationality: American (Irish background)

Amber loves being outdoors, nature, and physical activity. She is more comfortable up in the mountains than anywhere else in the world. She's also the most stereotypically Irish of the three inseparable Callahan siblings, and has a bit of a temper, which causes her to say things she regrets later. She was born with powers to manipulate earth, but couldn't use them well before she received training at HQ. Her earth powers are a little less versatile than that of an Earthbender in Avatar. As for her backstory, her birth parents are both deceased (her mother died giving birth to her younger brother and her father died working his risky job), but the Callahan kids found some good-hearted adoptive parents and some friends, including Miriam. Amber, her siblings, and Miriam all fell into a plothole together, and occasionally they wonder about how their families have been able to cope with losing them.

Name: Miriam Almstedt
Age: 17
Department: DOGA
Home 'Verse: See Amber
Nationality: American (Swedish background)
Species: Human or fox, but never in between

It probably says something that Amber and Miriam ended up partners despite having known each other before recruitment. In contrast to Amber's tomboy nature, Miriam is a girly-girl who swoons over boys, knows how to do makeup (as opposed to Amber), and gets queasy at the sight of blood. She has both the ability to turn into a fox and to manipulate gravity, although the second one is limited to one object at a time and by her stamina. Both of these powers were obtained from magical accidents that happened at family reunions in Sweden. She also has apparently sighted a few monsters right out of Scandinavian folklore at said family reunions, but downplays it whenever anyone asks because she thinks people won't believe her.

So, how are these two? As I said, they're intended to be the first partners that I make missions with, so I'd like to hear as much advice about them as possible.

-Twistey

Name: Skater (pseudonym)
Age: ~15 or 16. He's not telling.
Home continuum: World One
Appearance: White teen with messy blonde hair who perpetually wears sunglasses because they look cool. He also has dog ears attached to his head that match his hair (see History).
Personality: Skater is quite absent-minded. Paying attention to something important that he isn't interested in is difficult, and he is easily distracted and prefers to busy his mind with some daydream. Skater also often forgets himself and many things that he needs to do, ranging from reporting a broken Disguise Generator to forgetting to pack Bleeprin. Skater likes to absorb himself in something he really likes to do and is annoyed when he is interrupted while doing that thing. He can get worked up and begin to stress out over small things if given a chance and a lack of sleep. He tends to monologue to anyone who is willing to listen. He does not have social skills and can say things that would be misinterpreted by others, or misinterpret others' words. He is somewhat literal-minded, feeling the need to explain every joke away, and has a hard time judging the intentions of others. He tries too hard to solve a problem himself and avoids asking for help. While he is kind with a very strong sense of justice, striking up a conversation with him will eventually lead to him saying something that sounds rude or judgmental without even meaning it. He comes down hard on himself all too easily, which can lead to some pretty angsty scenes, and it's up to his partner to show him that it's not the end of the world. He has a low tolerance for teasing and a lower tolerance for being called a furry.
History: Skater arrived at the PPC through plothole, like many others. During his training, he volunteered for an experiment devised by the Department of Analytical Science to be infused with energy harvested from plotholes, thinking that he would get superpowers. This turned out to be an unfortunate case of Wrong Genre Savvy as his body could not contain the energy and it leaked out a lot, wreaking utter havoc on his psyche and transforming him into an alter ego known as the Phoenix. During his Phoenix phase, he was vulnerable to ego explosions, being a hot-blooded anime protagonist, and completely breaking down because something reminded him of his time as a Suethor. He was partnered with Kuro in the DMS, but after two successful missions and a failed third one, it was clear his state had gotten worse and he was unfit to be an agent anymore. After a long time in FicPsych and then an insane asylum, his condition had mostly improved and he returned to the PPC, where he joined the Department of Floaters. However, when he returned, he was in for a very big surprise.
Abilities: He likes wielding a battle axe, but can function with other weapons. Also, what little power he retained from the experiment allows him to kill non-canons that shouldn't be able to die, basically bypassing immortality.
IMPORTANT: Don't get Skater started on fictional deities. Please don't.

Name: Azoralth, once known to his comrades as the "Soul-Tracker"
Age: Uncertain
Species: Stormcast Eternal, formerly human.
Department: DoMS? Haven't decided yet.
Description:

One of Sigmar's own Stormcast Eternals, hailing from the Warhammer: Age of Sigmar setting. Like all Stormcast, he was once a faithful mortal warrior, plucked from the jaws of death by the God-King Sigmar and reforged via lightning and arcane magic into an immortal warrior. In his past life, he was a youth named Azoralth, a child of two reclusive mages of the Amethyst lore--the lore of Death Magic. (Not to be confused with the Lore of Undeath, which is necromancy.) His parents were also refugees; two of the few survivors of the Age of Chaos wherein the forces of the Chaos Gods ravaged the realms..
Before he was born, they had fled to Ghur, the Realm of Beasts, from the underworlds of Shyish, the Realm of Death. He was raised in almost total isolation, hidden away in a foreboding mountain range, and they taught him the basics of harnessing his latent magical talent for benevolent purposes and self-defense.
At sixteen summers of age, however, his world changed forever with the loss of his parents to a marauding warband of Orruks. His parents had predicted their attack on a nearby village, and presumably gave their lives protecting the village with their sorcery. When he realized they weren't coming back (they had left him alone with a black-bladed dagger and some supplies) he set out to follow their last instructions to him, left in the form of a note: "Find a Realmgate to Azyr [The Celestial Realm.] The Gates are open; seek out the God-King Sigmar for asylum in his halls."
Thus, he set off across the realms, on an adventure that would see him eventually becoming the leader of a rag-tag band of young refugees and strays of various Realms and species, on a quest to find a gate to Azyr. ALong the way, however, they were pursued by various forces of the Undead, sent by the necromantic followers of the jealous Lord of Undeath, Nagash. This culminated in an act of desperate self-sacrifice in which Azoralth fully unlocked his magical potential and challenged one of Nagash's vampire lords to a duel. The vampire, by nature unable to back down from a fight, even one so one-sided as this, accepted his challenge. Soon after, Azoralth gave up his life, buying his friends and companions time to flee to Azyr. Azoralth lay there dying as the vampire loomed over him, his friends' names upon his breath. However, before the vampire could inflict the curse of vampirism upon him, lightning struck down from the heavens, obliterating the creature. When the blinding light had faded, Azoralth was nowhere to be found...
An unspecified amount of time later, he had been reforged by the God-King, who had seen his valor and saved him from a fate worse than death. Now he was able to once again turn his magical prowess to a righteous cause, combined with the holy power of Sigmar's lightning as he took up the mantle of a Lord-Relictor--a warrior-priest charged with the protection of the very souls of his fellow Stormcast. Eventually, as his former companions died, one by one, they, too, were reforged to fight at his side as warriors of a Stormhost known as the Knights Revenant--a host of Stormcast tasked with seeking out, recovering, and maintaining knowledge and artifacts thought lost to history. He was no exception, and to this day he carries the same journal that he kept on his original journey to Azyr.

In the PPC-verse:
Once again taken up into a realm he had hardly dreamed of, he chooses to remain here due to the mission of his Stormhost in his home verse--the mission to preserve knowledge, and uncover hidden truths, the only difference being that it is now done on a multiversal scale, and instead of only fighting the foes of his home canon, in the name of Sigmar, he fights enemies of all sorts, in the name of upholding the balance of the multiverse. A part of him misses his comrades, but he has mostly accepted the burden of losing them as being for the greater good of existence as a whole.
Abilities and Weapons:
--His favored weapon, is, naturally, a relic hammer forged of the same metal as his armor--holy star-forged sigmarite, his other weapon being the black-bladed dagger his parents had left for him in his mortal life.
--He retains control over the Amethyst wind of magic, including the ability to literally see other beings' souls and interact with the deceased via physical contact with their remains. The holy powers bequeathed to him by his Reforging also remain usable, channeled through the reliquary staff he bears and manifesting in the form of holy lightning.

Well, either way, here’s my first agent:

Name: Edward Stone (formerly Edward Eagle, but he changed it because he was being teased)

Age: 20 (ish)

Species: Peculiar male

Department: DoMS, Harry Potter division

Edward is tall with dark hair and his favourite thing to do is wind his sister up. He can control water, but very rarely does because there’s not much water in HQ and it doesn’t work when he’s disguised. He lives on chocolate and coffee and is completely anti-social. In fact, with the exception of Kat, he hates people and likes to be as secretive as possible.

History: Along with his sister, he started life as an OC in an (imaginary) Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children badfic, in which his sole purpose was to turn evil because the Sue ditched him for her LO. Since being rescued by the PPC he’s been working with his sister Kat in the DoMS.

Powers: As mentioned, water control. His favourite method of killing is Avada Kedavra.

I don't have Permission, so I decided I'd shoot my two ideas for agents over- the first of which should be *fairly* familiar for those who were around when I was Anonymouse, although (especially in the History bit) he also takes inspiration from another character of mine, that was... also a Porygon-Z.

Technician/Agent Zeta

Full Name: Porygon-Z
--Full Nickname: PGZProject-423-Zeta
Species: Porygon-Z
Age: Indeterminate
--Mental age: Mid-20s
Gender: None
--Mental Gender: Male
Home Continuum: Pokémon, circa early Generation 7
Affiliation: PPC, DOSAT, Department of Floaters (he tends to shuttle between the two departments quite regularly)

Appearance: Zeta is a Porygon-Z, a Pokemon made entirely out of computer code, made manifest in the physical world as a collection of simple 3D shapes that combine together to form a sort of floating... duck... robot... thing. In addition, Zeta himself has been heavily modified by DOSAT, denoted by the flash patch emblazoned on his back, which can easily show any emblem- although it's most likely to show either the DOSAT smoking swivel chair, or the Floaters waterlily.
--Human disguise: Zeta manifests as a short, redheaded American man with pale skin and a pair of glasses framing a set of amber eyes. In a modern setting, his clothing typically ends up being a set of blue jeans, a blue shirt, and a red bomber jacket, typically worn unzipped.

Abilities: Zeta comes pre-loaded with the moves Conversion, Lock-On, Shadow Ball, and Ice Beam, and he also typically keeps the TMs for Ice Beam, Shadow Ball, and Thunderbolt in his personal bag of holding- that way, he can easily swap one of his two attacking moves for Thunderbolt when he needs to. As a Porygon-Z, he has the quite interesting ability to slip into and out of technology, allowing him to do everything from troubleshoot consoles from the inside, to mail himself by ICEP instead of dealing with the labyrinthine corridors of HQ. In addition, the built-in flash patch wasn't the only modification DOSAT made- he has multiple PPC gadgets built-in as subroutines he can call up, including the Universal Translator (which serves as a sort of backup- he typically communicates via text-to-speech), an RA, the D.O.R.K.S., and most worryingly, a C-CAD- along with *all* of those gadgets' drawbacks. Needless to say, he rarely uses the actual subroutines if he can help it- after all, one ends up quite a bit more protective of their C-CAD when they *are* their C-CAD.

Personality: Zeta is a take-charge, no-nonsense kind of guy, and is surprisingly quick to irritate- one of his pet peeves being the abuse and/or neglect of any technology, especially fellow AIs. He's short and to the point, rarely wanting to do anything beyond the Duty itself in a Word-World. That being said, he has a soft spot for bits victimized by the Suethor- and anything sufficiently high-tech enough can quickly become something akin to a lust object for the digital duck.

History: Zeta was born from a months-long RP based around the Pokemon universe, featuring such joys as wildly-out-of-character canons, events, locales, and people that simply ceased to exist or popped out of the ether, and Pokemon abuse and neglect, topped off with GladioN slash. (Yes, the N is capitalized for a reason. Yes, it's THAT reason.) The Porygon-Z himself was given the backstory of being one of the first Porygon-Zs in existence, created (or, well, evolved) by Team Galactic itself, and tasked with heading into various alternate dimensions- Zeta had ended up somewhere in the Distortion World for a time, and had popped out years later. Fortunately, the RP eventually detonated and fell apart in a hail of drama, and while his Word-World fell apart around him, Zeta fell into the plothole that an entirely new radio station in Virbank had risen from- and landed in the middle of the Department of Sufficiently-Advanced Technology.

---

Agent Smith

Full Name: John Smith
Species: Human
Age: Generic teenager...?
--Mental Age: 21
Gender: Male
Home Continuum: Wizard101
Affiliation: PPC, Department of Floaters

Appearance: John is a medium-height young man with unkempt brown hair and green eyes. His standard outfit usually ends up being comfortable robes in black and yellow, although he also quite often ends up wearing a white-and-purple suit with a jaunty purple top hat. In magic continua, he tends to prefer staves to wands when casting magic- even going as far as to obtain a wand-cane (think 'sword-cane but with a wand') variation of the Muggle-Use Wand for use in the Potterverse. His justification for such is something along the lines of 'Lucius Malfoy had a wand-cane, so it's not like the concept is incompatible with canon- and I'm fairly certain that I can't simply use my Spell Deck to cast things like Obliviate.'

In addition, John is typically followed around by his Pet (yes, that's the actual terminology used by Wizard101, most likely because the target audience might not understand the term 'Familiar'), an Epic-level Sister Cheesiwitz (a humanoid mouse that comes up to knee height, typically bespectacled, clothed in a simple white-and-lavender dress, and equipped with a nondescript green tome) named Lady Phoebe- or simply 'Phoebe', for short.

Abilities: John is a Storm wizard- he's typically armed with a Spell Deck containing spells able to summon anything from the simple Thunder Snake to the powerful and terrifying Storm Lord, which produce powerful... if inaccurate... electricity-and-water-based magical attacks- although his ability to actally use these sort of attacks outside of his home continuum is probably nonexistent, save for perhaps the spell Tempest, which merely summons a storm- and either way, it's probably best he stay away from using abilities that aren't canon to the continuum he's in. (He does, however, have a tendency towards magical or energetic attacks, and weaponry of an electrical or aquatic nature.) Phoebe, meanwhile, is more of a healer, using "may-cast" spells like Unicorn and Healing Current- and when she's outside of her home continuum, she's frighteningly effective with a first-aid kit. (Also, she wears their Bag of Holding like a backpack.)

Personality: John is easygoing, laid-back, and quite optimistic- although he's not naive, and he *knows* about things like Murphy's Law and the Ironic Overpower. He knows things *can* go wrong- he just tends to hold out hope that they won't. He's also quite fond of both sarcasm and wordplay, especially the art of the pun- after all, when you can't simply wash things away with an actual thunderstorm, a punderstorm tends to be the next best thing. (After all, which would you rather think about- the Sue and her litany of crimes against canon, or the Lords-awful puns either made by the agent next to you, or coming out of your own mouth?) Phoebe, meanwhile, is a mouse of few words- or, rather, she's completely mute. She instead gets across her meaning through body language and expression- and when that fails her, she's not above breaking out the charades or (as a last resort) writing notes on the back of a charge list. She tends to strike a middle ground between Zeta and John, and her caring nature means she ends up being a sort of 'team mom' for the duo. While she's not technically an agent in her own right (heck, even in the canon, Pets are mechanically nothing more than mere inventory items that can be bred, trained, and whatnot, despite often being miniatures of everything from often-hostile beasts, to other sapient races, to mythological creatures like the Forest Lord itself), she downright insists on coming along to every mission, where she jots down charge lists, helps to chase down Minis, and breaks out the first-aid kit when necessary.

History: John and Phoebe started out as his author's player character (and... well, an inventory item owned by said player character) from the Wizard101 MMORPG, a Level 50-or-so Storm Wizard who hadn't yet defeated Malistaire. Unfortunately, while preparing to face off against him, he took a wrong turn at the World Gate and ended up in the middle of the PPC. Most of John himself seems to be an author-insert, but he doesn't seem to be complaining about that...

Name: Kuro (real name unknown)
Age: 31
Species: Human male
Appearance: He is a medium-height white man who wears jeans and a simple gray sweater. He has a tangled, spiky mess of jet-black hair that he can never straighten out completely. He has green eyes. He usually wears a belt sporting a katana in case he needs to threaten any agent who disagrees with him on something he feels strongly about.
Personality: Kuro is a Stereotype Flip of weeaboos. On one hand, he likes anime, manga, and anything that comes out of Japan or is based on material from there. He is a social loser and a high school dropout who is hilariously bad at flirting and has multiple waifus. He has quite an ego and talks about how he is "the master of the blade" and whines about how "girls simply have no taste anymore." On the other hand, he genuinely works hard and tries to improve constantly, he tries his hardest to be polite and not creepy (to no avail), is a really nice person when you get to know him, and is physically fit enough to complete missions. He can also be quite cool when he over-dramatizes the killing of a Sue. Kuro likes to come up with new methods of exorcism, including the Exorcism Jutsu.
History: Kuro did try hard in school. He really did. It's just that getting held back once in eighth grade, twice in ninth grade, and a whopping four times in tenth grade, even when you're trying your hardest to understand the material, just breaks you after a while. He eventually gave up and set his sights on a job that got him enough money and time to live and pursue his burgeoning passion for anime. Eventually, he fell into a plothole and discovered the PPC.
He started his career at the DMS. After a sufficiently long period of time, his partner retired, and he was partnered with a newbie who called himself "the Phoenix" or just "Phoenix". The first fic they took on was Kuro's own self-insert Naruto fic, which they disposed of in the most dramatic way possible. After "Phoenix" became completely incapable of functioning after just two missions and was placed in an asylum, Kuro was partnered with... well, I haven't though about that part yet.
Powers: Kuro has enough physical abilities to pass off as a Narutoverse ninja, until you ask him to use jutsu. He is very skilled in wielding "Weeb weapons" (shurikens and katanas), but can adapt to a wide variety of weapons. Just don't hand him a gun or other ranged weapon. His weapon is a katana harvested from his self-insert Stu that also allows him to use canonical jutsu.
Department: DMS

Name: Colonel Caleb Bradbury

Species: Human

Age: 56

Sex: Male

Home Continuum: An unpublished fanfic based on Daniel Pinkwater's "Borgle."

Personality: Bradbury is what is known as a “character”. He has a strange ability to procure just about anything just about anywhere, and a related ability to establish himself as an authority figure even in situations totally unfamiliar to him.

Appearance: The colonel is a gaunt man, just shy of two meters tall. His head is very round, a feature accentuated by his rather severe buzz-cut. He has a short beard, skin on the brown side, and a generally weathered look. He is a good bit more athletic than one would expect from a man his age, thanks to the medical and cybernetic science of the 2050s.

History: In his many years he has been not just an officer in the Argentine army, but also a grave digger, stamp forger, purveyor of shoddy knockoff products, piano tuner, ticket scalper, blackjack dealer, and many other things. He spent an elliptical number of years (time is elliptical in his home continuum) traveling through space, time, and the other by means of a television-detector van equipped with a Hydramatic drive, partly in search of adventure, partly to escape the repercussions of some ill-thought-out business ventures.

Agent Brandon:
NAME: Brandon
AGE: 10
SPECIES: Human male
HOME CONTINUUM: Pokémon (specifically Alpha Sapphire)
APPEARANCE: Brandon looks like the default male Trainer for Pokémon Alpha Sapphire
PERSONALITY: Brandon is sort of like Ash. He's an All-Loving Hero who's always raring to press on with his "adventure," whether it be a Pokémon journey or a mission. He wonders about everything and likes to try new things, like scanning fanart with a CAD or different methods of exorcism. He loves learning about the world around him and enjoys knowing things. He strongly believes that anyone can become stronger and better if they try, and is usually the one to advocate for recruiting non-disruptive Sues. He can often be found in a state of awe at something he just witnessed, like a kid going "That. Was. AWESOME!" He is quite naïve and prior to joining the PPC did not know that most of the things in badfic were even possible. Please forgive him if he bluescreens for a moment in a particularly bad badfic. He possesses a journal, an artifact from his home continuum.
His partner Pokémon, Swampert, is pretty casual and coolheaded. He is arguably the brains of the duo, capable of coming up with intricate plans to take down Sues.
HISTORY: Brandon was the protagonist of an Alpha Sapphire cartridge belonging to someone who did not bother with character naming or customization. Or maybe he did and Brandon just reverted to the default after entering the PPC. He really doesn't know. His cartridge was thrown away and crushed in a dumpster, and the ensuing data corruption created a plothole that allowed him to escape with the six Pokémon he had and his journal to the PPC.
Soon after he reached the PPC, he and his Pokémon were carted off to Medical for an emergency operation to treat the corruption. Only he and his starter Pokémon, a male Swampert, survived. The others were glitchy messes that eventually resolved into piles of gore. Brandon was heartbroken at his loss, but with the help of Marshtomp, he was able to emotionally recover, and they vowed to live well to make his survival count. After being trained, he and Swampert transferred to the DMS and were partnered with an agent referring to himself as the Phoenix. After two missions, the Phoenix became completely mentally insane, and was sent to an insane asylum for his health. Brandon was paired with Kuro instead.
POWERS AND ABILITIES: Swampert can Mega Evolve, but this has been a painful experience for him ever since he entered the PPC< and Brandon and Swampert prefer to use it as a last resort.

*high-fives* Take a pack of sticky notes shaped like poodles, a spare mechanical pencil, and some popcorn!

I'm Twistey, a 1-year-bie who has a lot of ideas, a lot of fandoms, and an addiction to electro music, throwing Fangirl German into my sentences, and anything that lights up. (It's a long story.) Wow... I don't think I've ever summarized myself in one sentence before. Well then, moving on.

So, Jellyity, what about you? How'd you come here? What fandoms are you a part of? And, most importantly, what do you intend to do here? I'm decent at critiquing short bios, so if you wish to contribute to the agent idea thread, do so! I'd also like to know if you animate or program (whether games or mods), since I'm thinking of proposing an expansion of sporkable material into both video and fangame territory, using missions in the same format.

And for your newbie gift, let's see. [Hands you a hand-sized device that looks like a geometric, metal flower bud.] Don't push that little button on the side of it it unless you're ready to give up your humanity, and in that case, point it at yourself. }:D

Nice to meet you! I hope you have a great time here, and welcome to the PPC!

-Twistey

Let me give you a pot of black-holee coffee please.

*hands you some white chocolate bark... or you can have dark chocolate, if you like that better!*

Though, I feel like I should ask - how old are you? ^^; Or, a better question - where did you find out about the PPC?

We have the same fandoms! Yippee! Have some hydrogen-helium atom fusion bunny ears, on the condition that you don’t ask what they are...

Oh, all right! I once played a game where you went round in a circle, the first two people said a thing, and the third had to define the first two words.
That was one of the things that I had to define.

Definition at the time: “Each hydrogen atom has a bunny ear, so that when they fuse together the helium atom has two bunny ears.”

Sorry, Twistey, for my second chemistry-mangling newbie gift in a row!

Have a half-kilo of lembas and a mildly holy suit of Imperial flak armor, pulled from the dark depths of Warhammer 40,000.

So, what fandoms are you a part of, so we can get to know you a bit better?

Also, have this AEP7 laser pistol, from the wastelands of Fallout- along with a pack of Small Energy Cells to feed it! Sure, it's a bit basic, but it's still nice and reliable, I find.

Thank you for coming here! There's currently a swarm of newbies, one of them being me.

Here, have a Yu-Gi-Oh! deck empowered with Essence of Anime Protagonist, allowing you to draw the exact right card at the exact right time and execute situational combos that no one in their right mind would dare trying in the real world. It also spontaneously generates cards that are only useful for getting you out of one particular tight spot and are never seen again.

Have a free bendy pencil and a waterproof notepad!

Have you read any missions or spin-offs yet? Any favourites if so?

Here's a rack of anti-tank missiles and a launcher to go with em. Have fun!
So, what brings you here?

But since the discussion that sparked from it is interesting... I'll roll with it.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to playing a PPC game.

The idea behind it would be that the PPC Boarders, for one reason or another, must write their own avatars into battle alongside the agents, in order to complete a variety of adventures. Your agents could know it's you via something that affects the fact that normally agents don't know that the Board exists, or you could be keeping up a disguise the whole time so that they don't find out (which would be an interesting subplot.)

The game would be a first person RPG (a la Wolfenstein RPG and Doom RPG) that has multiple "campaigns" - different adventures centered around different protagonists and different threats. For instance, I have planned three of my own campaigns where your mission is to stop a rabid badficcer who is attempting to convert the denizens of every multiverse into Suvians of her own design, as well as put an end to both the fictional PPC... and the real one. Those three campaigns, being mostly centered around me, would include my agents and future Badfic Games personas that I create, but if you want to have your own campaign with your own characters, that's totally fine (and probably necessary - I don't want to end up having a game about a group I'm in and showcase nothing but my own contributions.) You could even have a campaign centered around a particular PPC character, supported by the characters they're close to and taking on whatever is after them. The possibilities are numerous.

So, answering your question in this case, there would be a lot of final bosses. And it would be great that way.

-Twistey

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/PPC_Computer_Game

The novel, I mean. I just read the review, having finally realized it was of something I've heard of. {= D

Anyway, I've enjoyed Asimov's writing in the Foundation series and assorted other stories with and without robots, so I reckon I'd enjoy this, too, datedness notwithstanding. I'm also curious about how well the biology stuff holds up. That sort of thing always interests me.

Also how they explain and/or decline to explain the shrinking, which should really not work, especially if we're talking a "scale down all your atoms" thing, but also the Ant-Man "remove the space between your atoms" thing. Unless you take along a supply of similarly shrunken air, I guess?

~Neshomeh, getting around to things in a very delayed fashion.

Fun, though. ^^

I'm not sure a story in which the Janitorial Division do cleaning work counts as an 'interlude', though... isn't that their job? ^~

hS

...Actually, I beta'd this. So I don't have a review. I do have a few comments though. Like that this fic is great. And it's funny and I love it.

One errant comment I previously made while beta-ing that might be amusing: I bet that stabbing coworkers is banned because one team kept stabbing each other and mopping all the blood to make their quota.

Your writing style is, again, so quintessentially PPC-esque, it makes me jealous. Your narration and characterizations take a concept that easily could have been dark and sad, and instead keep it ridiculous and silly. I especially love Bug Catcher Ellis, and how delightfully manic he is in the midst of his nervousness.

I've been toying with the idea of my agents finding a giant landfill deep "under" HQ someday, so kudos on beating me to it! You've certainly given it more complexity than I was imagining it to have, what with the different ecosystems and the rat-roach wars. I like it! And I like that you've made it the "ground floor" rather than some mysterious basement. It makes it feel to me more like it's literally just the lowest point in HQ, and the trash all winds up there through random breezes and kicks, coupled with gravity. I wonder if it used to have RCs and such in it in the earliest days, before the trash accumulation made it unlivable?

—doctorlit, going to play in this area someday

and I can’t say that I had fun; so I guess you did the dark mood right.

One tiny error:
The Onion Grass was a goliath of a Flower who had been been shrunk into a silent, crumpled state by paperwork.

HG

I liked how the repatitive-ish descriptions gave a good feeling of the oppressive bleakness of the ground floor. And your characters' interactions were overall funny. (To pick out an example, the "chop your own head off" and the bit with Anne convincing Ninetwo to hit someone over the head were good.)

The ending confused me initially, but then I cottoned on that the shift decided to hide in the alternate dimension. I wonder how that'll go wrong for them? Guess I'll have to wait for the third installment.

- Tomash

Not much else to say. I liked it, just wanted you to know. :)

And the cat may well have been the best part, though that may just be my liking of cats talking.

Thank you for writing, and your betas for beta-ing! ;)

The black-hole chocolate cake with red berries coating is there, black-hole coffee is there, and even some eclairs of both the stuff.

Thinking about anything else to celebrate?

Happy Boardiversary you wrinkly old bean!

Here's to thirty years, eh? Eh?

I will always remember running, very early on, into your DoSAT spinoff, and for all its brevity I've always felt it was very influential. It turned the PPC's tech support from one person into a team that could actually be used in stories, and started the journey of Makes-Things from 'shy techie who's scared of everyone' to the figure who came back from the dead in sheer denial. It also started off a trend of far more interesting department names, and I know some of mine were directly inspired by it - nothing as simple as 'Department of Mary Sues' here, thank you very much!

Here's to fifteen more years.

hS

Happy Boardaversary, Delta Juliette! Dang, if I had come up with any ideas for your space AU, I could tell you about them as your Boardaversary present. But oh well.

Fifteen years - that's a lot. I hope I can even stay half as long. Bet you've survived quite a lot of stuff. Well, thanks for sticking around! I look up to you and your ideas. :)

-Twistey

*You got the PPC Red Pen.
*You got the PPC Bumper Sticker.

(Used because Cousin shortens to coz; I just happened to hit character limit in the subject line at the same time. ;P)

...I'm kidding, this place is actually pretty okay.

Welcome back! Your introductory gift is this limited edition Hawaiian Vacation Murkrow beanie baby. Only 200 were made, and I own 199 of them. You own the 200th!

Here's to many more years!

Or rather, the Union of Plort, history having wrecked my joke before it even got started. :)

What's a Plort?

The great and noble history of the Protectorate of Plort, Konti-Nyuum, cannot be conveyed in so few words as I have here. Rather, let its full history be told, that you may read it at your leisure:

The History of Konti-Nyuum

(AKA the story that started it all, plus links to some of the stuff that's been added since.)

No, seriously, what's a Plort?

Ohhh, you want the boring introduction. Here's the Beginner's Guide to Plort. Basically, it's 'what if the PPC community was actually a fantasy setting'. If you have Permission, you're a Knight; if you don't, you're a Civilian. The difference doesn't matter much.

I know this! What's new?

Well, nothing's new... but if Plort is being discussed, it's probably time for me to start offering coats of arms again.

Plortish Heraldry is a slightly complicated subject, but the general theme is that everyone is entitled to two coats of arms: one the classic English-style shield, the other based on Tolkien's Elvish heraldry. If you (any you) tell me what your shield looks like - either in formal heraldic speak, or just a description - I will create it for you.

And if you also write out the story of your Plort persona, I'll pop it all on the Cyclopaedia to preserve it for the ages.

(Heraldry for historical Plort/PPC figures who lack it is also welcome, as is heraldry - Inglish only - for any Marizu you have faced. Those ones are fun. ^_^)

And if you ask very nicely, there's always a possibility Scapegrace will pull out all the stops and flag-ify your shield. No promises though. ;)

hS

I'd forgotten about that. And it wasn't long before I re-found the page about myself, too, from back when I was Anonymouse- or, sorry. An'onere Morysse.

Kinda want to update it, actually. After all, definitely not planning on continuing to use Mental Haze anymore, Cheesy's evolved over time into Zeta, and most importantly... well, my name's different now. Again. That, and there's the fact that that friend of mine is no longer a Suethor *and* I rebuilt that Chatzy server as a Discord server.

Also want to update my heraldry, too, to reflect how much I've changed since then. No real big changes (after all, I'm Lunamann, I arguably have a bit more reason to have a crescent charge on my shield than when I was Anonymouse) but perhaps some minor changes... some actual color, perhaps, instead of it being mostly sable and argent?

I don't have anything actually solid yet, though... still kinda wanna think about these kinds of things...

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1361pDn6P-7bc4sUpN6RWMXc2OiKbLazZ-uhToztDflw
It’s probably not my best writing, though. And I didn’t really include the “life is a lie” bit... but here you go.

Here are a selection of bad fanfic premises taken from the website aiweirdness.com:

The Secrets We Get
What if Harry Potter was born? What if Harry Potter had been raised by the Dursleys and had a few friends and a few friends? What if he hadn’t been a Death Eater? What if he had been raised by his godfather? What if he was raised by the Dursleys? What if he had been raised as a Half-blood Prince? What if he didn’t know that he’d been pregnant? What if he was raised in the dark and he became a Death Eater? What if he wanted his parents to be in Gryffindor? What if he was a hero? What if he had found out? What if Harry Potter was not a father? What if he had a twin sister, a very different boyfriend.

A Hero’s Tale
Harry Potter is a wizard, and he is a wizard. He is a wizard. He is a wizard, a wizard, a wizard, and a son. He is also a Slytherin, and he is a wizard. He is a wizard, and he is a wizard. He is also a wizard, and he has not been the one to be a father.

A Game of Happy - Heart
Harry Potter is a sixth year student at Hogwarts. And he has a plan. When a strange new teacher shows up with his cousin he finds out that he is not an orphan, but he is not always a werewolf .

Happy Birthday, Neville
Harry gets a little more than he bargained for.

Hermione Granger's secret hobby turns serious when Dumbledore decides to use her as a pawn, a distraction and a weapon in his game of warfare. The famous starlet called Mione G might change the course of the war in many surprising ways.

"Ah, Miss Granger!"

Hermione jumped as the Headmaster's voice echoed through the draughty room. "Professor Dumbledore! I can explain."

"I'm sure you can." Dumbledore strolled into the round chamber, showing no sign of weariness at the long climb he had just made. "Where would you like to start?"

"Er." Hermione pushed a tangle of hair back from her face. "I'm very sorry-"

Dumbledore pulled out a scroll and allowed it to unroll; the end dragged on the floor. "I have a whole list of people who will be quite put out with you," he said amiably. "Professor Sinistra is wondering where her best telescope has gone... Madam Pince is looking for several missing sixth-year Astronomy texts... Mister Filch is convinced there's a student sneaking into the Astronomy Tower... and poor Minerva is bound to be upset that you're using her Time-Turner for unauthorised purposes."

Hermione cringed at each name. "I know, Professor," she said, "but I really needed to... well..."

"The stars are endlessly fascinating, aren't they?" The Headmaster crossed the empty classroom and peeked into the telescope. "You've enhanced the magnificiation quite considerably, haven't you?"

"I needed to be able to see," Hermione muttered. "Hence the-"

"Hence the advanced textbooks, indeed." Dumbledore glanced out of the window, then back through the telescope. "I'm reasonably certain, however, that even the N.E.W.T.s don't cover astrology of extra-solar planets."

"It's not..." Hermione squirmed, then sighed. "It's not astrology," she admitted. "It's... science."

"Oh?" Dumbledore stepped back and studied the third-year thoughtfully. "Ah, yes; I'd quite forgotten you were Muggleborn." He tapped the telescope gently. "So the planets of α Mione are of particular scienteric interest, are they?"

"Scientific," Hermione corrected, then slapped a hand to her mouth in dismay. "Er, sorry, Professor. And no, not them in particular, but..." She took a deep breath, and the words tumbled out. "Muggle scientists discovered extrasolar planets for the first time last year, but they've still only seen a few, and only indirectly, and only around really energetic stars called pulsars, and I thought that with magic I might be able to see better and find out more about them, and... and it turns out α Mione has a dozen different planets, so the seventh one would be called α Mione G, and I liked the... name... Professor."

Dumbledore gave her a long, serious look. Then, abruptly, he straightened up and beamed. "Marvellous!" he proclaimed. "This sort of thing is why we should be encouraging Muggleborn students, you understand; the way you think is simply remarkable. Using magic to enhance science - quite wonderful." He chuckled, and then just as suddenly was serious again. "But you must return all the things you borrowed right away."

"Yes, Professor," Hermione said, stooping to gather up the books. "Sorry, Professor."

"No harm done, Miss Granger." Dumbledore peered through the telescope again, then tugged thoughtfully on his beard. "In fact... you may just have given me an idea."

Hermione looked at him warily. "Professor?"

"Yes, indeed." Dumbledore chuckled again. "Extra-solar astrology - I should have thought of it myself." He slapped a hand onto Hermione's shoulder, causing the books to jump from her hands. "Miss Granger, how would you like to be my secret weapon?"

"Er." Hermione stopped in the act of picking up a thick textbook. "In what sense?"

"The only sense that matters," Dumbledore assured her: "Wizard's chess! Minerva and I have been renovating the board used to protect the Stone, and it's about ready to be used; a horoscope from your α Mione G might be just the thing to tilt the odds in my favour." His eyes twinkled as he regarded the student. "You'd have to play as a pawn, of course - we couldn't have you standing out too much - but I think you and your starlet could change the course of the game in many surprising ways..."

---

Set during the first half of Hermione's third year. The planets of PSR B1257+12 (aka Lich) were discovered early in 1992, the first extrasolar planets confirmed to exist; following the convention of the time, they were numbered from A in order of their distance from the star.

So far as I know, there is no actual star named α Mione, but if there was it would be the brightest star in a constellation called Mione. I'm pretty sure extrasolar astrology isn't taught at Hogwarts, and that Dumbledore has never met a scientor.

Hopefully I've got them both somewhere close to in character; it's been a long time. :)

hS

And now that I've done my submission, I'm going to add a prompt of my own:

love the way you lie

Draco starts to give in to his urges he has built up towards harry. but will it negatively affect his life and what will it do to the both of them in the end? can he keep to his true self or are old habits hard to let go. -DRARRY-

[Prompt 2]

Not everyone admires heroes. Even among those never harmed by them (some people just get so bent out of shape when their evil plans are stopped), there are always going to be people who go against common opinion, even if only to be contrary. Some people believe that focusing on only one man demeans the ones who enabled his rise, since no heroic deed is done in a vacuum (with some exceptions, allowing for the existence of space programs and CERN). Some don't believe heroes exist, and thus can't trust any who call themselves such. Many are just very, very jealous.


I will leave it up to you to decide which of these applied to Danielle Henderson, 'Danni' to friends. Not that she really had any; she was an awkward child whose parents didn't know how to handle their adopted daughter's unnerving tendency to make objects she hated explode, attract a surprising number of cats, and play tricks on other children even as she swore up and down that she'd never laid eyes on electric blue hair dye in her life and never been anywhere near that amount of superglue. They loved her, true, but it must be said they were somewhat relieved to hear that Danni would be spending most of the year at a boarding school where she would learn how to make sure the thing with the squirrels never happened again.

When she boarded the Hogwarts Express, Danni didn't know what to expect from this school. Ten minutes later, she did know: Harry Potter. Apparently this kid was a year her senior, and if the redhead in her compartment was to be believed, the sun only rose when he wanted to wake up in the morning. You could tell he was a hero, because last year a teacher went mad and tried to kill him. He was still here, the teacher had been fired with extreme prejudice (i.e. he died horribly). He was hero of the wizarding world, he had friends, and he was notably averse to the amateur paparazzi that composed most of Hogwarts' student body.

Danni had heard enough, and it was all things she didn't want to know. Here was a boy who knew what he was all about, could find kindred spirits like it was some sixth sense, and could break whatever rules he wanted and get honored for it. He was the sort who people would believe when he said he hadn't had anything to do with the squirrels. This all she decided without telling her compartment-mate, since even she wasn't bitter enough to ruin the girl's starry-eyed view of a kid who probably wouldn't give her the time of day (popular kids never did, in Danni's experience).

I believe now might be a good time to in form you all that one of Danni's greatest character flaws is premature judgement.

"Back! Back! Left foot back, left foot, keep your right in front! Lead with your right!" Ix yelled, driving Charlotte backwards.

Charlotte was starting to flag, but she grit her teeth and raised her sword, blocking Ix's next blow with a resounding clang!

"Better!" Ix said, locking their hilts together and twisting. The sword was wrenched out of Charlotte's hands and fell to the floor, and she jerked her foot away before it could get hit.

"Can we take a break?" Charlotte panted, hands on her knees.

Ix sheathed her sword and wiped her forehead on her arm. "Break would be good," she said, pulling her wand from her belt and giving it a wave. The RC's furniture flew back into position, and Charlotte collapsed on the sofa. "You really are getting better," Ix added, going to the fridge to pour them glasses of pumpkin juice. "That was the best parry I've seen from you yet."

Charlotte grinned and pushed her glasses up her nose. "Heh. Thanks," she said, accepting her glass from Ix. She drank greedily, and Ix sat beside her, doing the same.

"Want to give it another go when we're done?" Ix asked.

"Ehh..." Charlotte leaned against her and sighed. "I don't know. I'm getting kinda discouraged about this. I'm never gonna be as good as you."

Ix shrugged, fingers tangling loosely in Charlotte's hair. "I wouldn't say that," she said. "I just had to practice a lot. That's all it is."

"I guess you're right." Charlotte sighed again. "Still don't really feel like practicing any more right now."

"Later, then." Ix pressed a kiss to Charlotte's cheek and stood up. "But next time, you have to disarm me—and then we'll take a break."

Charlotte groaned and just lay back against the cushions.


(Also, since it's a ways down the Board, I finally got around to doing last week's prompt here.)

The desert sun was beating down hard and Tiger was beginning to feel like he was melting. He had been a little thirsty for the last few minutes, but it was only now that he realised that he was probably dehydrated.

According to the safety lecture, what he needed to do was to get water as soon as possible and then sit in the shade to recover.

There were two problems with that: he didn’t have any water with him and there was no shade in sight.

He began to mentally curse himself. He had been rather incompetent in several ways: he hadn’t drunk enough water before leaving, he hadn’t taken supplies with him on his spying mission, he hadn’t even prepared for this situation.

And of all the times he could get dehydrated, it just had to be on this stupid training battle his dad had organised.

Not that he saw anything wrong with training battles in principle – a chance to beat his sister was always great – but he didn’t see why they had to be in such inconvenient locations.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he thought through his options. He needed to get water now or else he’d be in serious danger. He couldn’t use a Water-Conjuring Spell (well, he probably could do, but the effort would put him out of the battle) so he had to get back to base and use the supplies.

It seemed a lot further away than he’d remembered, but eventually he saw the little hollow containing a couple of tents which was the base. As he got closer, he could see that something was wrong – one of the tents had collapsed and there was no sign of any of his classmates.

He walked in and saw that whatever had happened was pretty catastrophic – Andy was lying on the ground, “dead”. Of course, no-one really died in these exercises, but Tiger’s dad liked them to maintain as high a level of realism as possible so he wouldn’t be able to talk to Andy.

It was pretty clear what had happened – Holly had paid a visit. It looked as if his carefully laid plan was in ruins, before it had even begun.

The flap of the remaining tent opened and a hand beckoned him in. Tiger crouched down to enter the tent.

Inside it was extremely crowded – his three remaining classmates, Robin, Tim and Matt, were all squashed inside.

“What happened?” asked Tiger quickly. It was Robin who replied.

“The girls came and attacked us as soon as you were gone. We tried to put up a fight, but without you we had no chance and once Holly killed Andy we had to… make a tactical retreat. The thing is, they took all the supplies.”

Tiger groaned. “Even the water? I’m so thirsty!” Having said that, he immediately regretting sounding so whiny.

Robin nodded. “So… Boss…”

“General Lion,” Tiger replied, with his usual insistence on using the proper codenames.

“Sorry – General Lion – what do we do?”

Tiger smiled a little. “Isn’t it obvious? We take the battle to them, and we win it. If they have all the supplies, we just have to win them back.”

Holly wouldn’t expect that – or would she? She’d probably say it was just the kind of reckless thing he’d do and that it was doomed to failure.

On the other hand, they were doomed either way, so they might as well just attack. Tiger got to his feet and marched out of the tent, trying to supress his growing thirst.

I...

Well, I dunno if I like it. {= ( I enjoyed the characters and their interactions, so I certainly don't dislike it... If it were an interlude about Kaitlyn finding out about POVs and being completely distracted by dorbs while Selene was trying to get her to focus on something more important, I reckon I'd have nothing to complain about. But as a mission, it felt a bit POV-heavy to me. This is at least 50% a personal taste thing, since I'm not interested in collecting critters and never have been, but I think it could use more commentary on the badfic, even if it isn't the usual so-bad-it's-funny mess. And that doesn't have to mean more fic-quotes. It's hard when the problem is blandness (which is one reason to avoid mediocre-fic in general), but you could play up that sort of thing by making the world extremely washed out, or sepia-toned, or fuzzy with deadened sound... or some other interpretation to show what dull writing does to a Word World and the unlucky agents forced to put up with it. It would make the agents feel more fully present, too.

Kaitlyn was so excited about who she was going to call in to help that I was, too, so I was sad it turned out to be a set-up to nothing. I was also sorta hoping "Kelly" would turn out to be Kelly the Roman Warrior somehow. Of course, she's dead, so it wouldn't make much sense, but when has that ever stopped a really determined Suvian? {= )

So, kinda unsatisfying as a mission. But, as More Fun with Kaitlyn and Selene, there are some great lines that made me laugh. "That was yesterday," for one. The bit about the A-word and continuing into the not-a-Python-sketch, for another. And Kaitlyn's made-up story about what happened does sound like lots of fun. Very "I reject your reality and substitute my own." Oh, also "It's like kissing, only there's a winner," even if it is stolen. I don't know where it's from.

Is Kaitlyn's throne just a black office chair? My money's on standard high-back office chair. {= )

(You may be excused from reviewing anything of mine. Reckon it's more likely I owe you for something or other.)

~Neshomeh

"Well-fed?" Kaitlyn pushed off the console with both feet, setting her Galactic Tyrant-brand Executive Pivoting Helium-Cushioned Mobile Throne of Glory rolling across the floor. "You've got red on you," she said, pointing as the chair came to a halt in front of the vampire.
I have a little brother a little bit on the 'all about me' mindset needing a birthday gift soon, where can I find one of these?

"He's still a mini-Sparklewolf," Selene said. "Be honest - out of a pack of mini-Capitoline Wolves, Children of the Night, Sparklewolves and non-mini snow wolves, which would you expect to-?"
I unfortunately know Twilight, but what about the other fandoms involved here?

"Mm… vaguely." Selene frowned as she crossed the room. "It's got undead in it - that's why I know it. And wizards, I think."
Okay, important question... What about fighting zombie hordes in this setting?

"I hope so." Kaitlyn ducked down and fished through the cupboard under the console. "Where's the… aha." She flourished a battered looking smartphone and pointed it at the screen. "Computer: upload canon database."

Selene blinked. "Does that work?"

"Nope!" Kaitlyn tapped on the phone, working through the transfer process. "But it was fun. Have you set the disguises yet?"
That sound over there was the hope of many agents gruesomely dying, you monster.

I stood in front of my 1954 Bentley R-Type continental one of the 208 ever made. It housed a Six cylinder, 4.5-litre engine. I loved my car but not as much as I loved my partner and sidekick.
Still not cooler than the Metallicar.

Kaitlyn rolled her eyes. "Not that." She pointed at the dog-sized creature crouched next to the car. "That!"
Dog? Kill it with fire!

Selene checked the Words. "It's a POV," she said. "One of the capitalised ones. Look, it's spotted, because the fic uses periods in the-"

"It's adorable!" Kaitlyn hissed. "It's like a giant floofy hedgehog, it's amazing!" She knelt down and held out her arms to the POV. "C'mere, lovely, come to Kaitlyn."
False alarm.

Selene waved one hand in the direction of the two protagonists. "Skulduggery and Valkyrie. He thinks she's pretty. He's also a walking skeleton."

"Huh." Kaitlyn studied the couple. "Seems likely to put a damper on their love life."
Not if you believe some badficcers, or Undertales fans. Or Warm Bodies fans.

Selene gave the flock of rabbit-sized POVs a distinctly dubious look, which they returned from under their winged helmets. "POV valkyries," she muttered. "Just perfect."
What does the POVs' Valhalla look like?

"Don't look at me," the vampire said. "That's General P.O.V; I'm pretty sure it outranks you, even if," a milder dislocation swept across them, one that felt distinctly unsure of itself, "even if you've been named twice now."
Duck, they're preparing armies to take over the PPC. To arms agents, it's them or us!

"That's called biting," her partner said. "It's like kissing, only there's a winner."
Mandos must have some PTSD about this time she went in his Halls for Dafydd... And Kaitlyn must just love Belkar.

"Don't steal lines, you'll get us reported for plagiarism." Selene looked across the vaguely-defined space - the fic couldn't decide whether it was still supposed to be on the pier - to where Skulduggery ("Not you," she muttered to the POV) was attempting to get through an entire song in a single breath. "And that's why you don't drop a line like 'I sang Me And Mrs Jones. our song.' in the middle of a paragraph."
Where did that former line come from, please?

"And I'm talking to Cute Animal Friends." The vampire rubbed her forehead with one hand. "What would Dafydd think of me?"
Tell him they're Happy Tree Friends, and you're waiting for their death for more blood... What? They always come back.

"I am," Kaitlyn said, holding up an armful of valkyrie POVs for her inspection. "The general is getting the skulduggery POV under control, so I'm keeping track of the valkyries. I think there's more of them now; it's hard to count when they're all so incredibly cuddly."
Remember, more than three is a charge.

"Keep them under control, please, I'm going to be busy." She beamed at her partner, nodded. "Right: go."
Fool, you're letting him build up an army!

"... sure, but they're also a charge."
Especially the big ones. Seriously, what does these critters eat?

"But accurate." Selene got to her feet, ignoring Skulduggery P.O.V headbutting her leg. "This entire chapter is incredibly generic; it doesn't tell you anything about the characters we're watching. I mean, they're down there endlessly discussing their breakfast - what sort of person would write a fanfic about pancakes?"
...Meyer?

"... so then Kayleigh leapt out in front of Gunner, yelling 'Tackle!', but he dodged past her and went for Merelette again. And that was when Meg Thornton - the Meg Thornton! - appeared out of thin air in front of him. 'I am a servant of the Lightning Bolt', she proclaimed, 'wielder of the Right of Despatch; the Dark Uncanon will not avail you, Gunner the Suvian!' And Gunner just recoiled, and Selene dove in-"

"Kaitlyn, what are you doing?"

Kaitlyn looked up from the circle of POVs, who were staring up at her open-mouthed. "I'm just filling the General and his tribe in on how the mission ended," she said. "I feel bad that they had to miss out."
Just think about how we feel for missing on that too.

Standing next to roman the mini-Capitoline Wolf, Selene tilted her head in bewilderment. "But… none of that happened," she said. "Kayleigh and Salamander were off dealing with Tanith's baby, and Despatch weren't even there - we wouldn't call them in for an Implausible Crossover."
Go away, party pooper! Crazy epic won't be sullied by petty muddy reality!

Selene nodded slowly. "It does have the advantage of being what happened."
And the overwhelming disadvantage of being–

"But it's so boring!" Kaitlyn tossed her hair dramatically, then turned back to her audience.
That.

Speaking of reality,... harsh but fair concrit. Just writing happy feelings without actual justification and development just cheapens it all. Not that the caharacters going through the grinder won't have opinions about this... But though love is a thing too, I guess.

Eeeeee! hS actually published.

Lessee... I liked this. A lot. It's not my normal fare for PPC missions, and ordinarily I'd say it had a lot of failings (mainly centering on a lack of description of and connection to the actual fic). But those "failings" work here, because they seem to be deliberate decisions made in the name of focus and brevity, and the story is structured appropriately. The result feels unique and (and this is the important part) fun. It really gave me that sorta classic feel—and as a fan of the classic missions, I mean that in the best way possible.

Oh, and spinoff idea.

THE ADVENTURES OF GENERAL POV AND THE WARSHEEP

First things first: I don't know this canon either. |D But I have heard about it outside of the PPC, which can only be a good thing.

Thing the second: Kaitlyn's got quite a chair, there. I wonder if they do bar stools?

Third thing: Fictionaries! They're very useful for this sort of mission... even if the fic is nothing like the canon.

(And Kaitlyn's lines continue to be gold. "That was yesterday.")

Fourth/Fifth? Thing: And now another character loses a pen! /YW reference FTW

Sixth thing: I do hope Selene was going to say "... A POV intervention." XD (In terms of what Kaitlyn needs.)

Thing the seventh!: "Don't steal lines, you'll get us reported for plagiarism." Yeah, that WOULD be a pain. XD Very nice.

And I also very much liked Selene's "Full Name" - if that's actually her real name she's completely justified in any mortification she feels.

And (second-to-last thing!) I would read a fic about pancakes. Mostly because I enjoy eating them, but still. =P

LAST THING: I very much appreciate POV storytelling. That should be a thing in the next Badfic Games - whatever you're writing, you must present it in a way that keeps POVs interested.

Thank you for writing! =D

That said, alcohol is overrated... You should rather enjoy this black-hole chocolate cake with red berries coating.

Have a triple chocolate (chocolate chocolate chips and chocolate icing) cupcake! Don't forget to blow out the candle!

Congrats! Don't drink cheap vodka.

HAP BIRF!
*fires pie*

Have some goodfic!

https://www.fanfiction.net/u/832399/Masterdramon

I haven't read any of his stuff other than I Am Become Death yet, but if that and the TVTropes page are anything to go by, he's a pretty good writer who respects canon. And even if you're not into any of the fandoms he's written about, he can still help you regain some faith in humanity! You'll need it against the endless onslaught of cringe that is the Internet.

Drunk raid night! *cakefetti*

Happy birthday!

Have some Bleepka to go with whatever horrible fic you dig up next!

- Tomash

Anyway, have some google translate based humor:

https://imgur.com/gallery/eTKxQ#uCgwONJ

On Discord, even! Bet you're surprised to see me on there after all this time; must say, I am too. It's been fairly chill, though.

Come on over and have a peek at us reading through the WWw Trilogy by Robert J. Sawyer over the next three months, followed by... well, who knows! Maybe we'll write a Young Wizards crossover fic because of this.

Please, wipe your feet on the doormat and have a seat. It was just set up today by a friend of mine. ^^

And hS, too!

Seems that the most posts I ever made was a relatively-moderate-amount as a newbie.
I'm a real strong-silent type like that, I suppose.

AKA the ones you can actually search in. ^_~

As for stats, just a couple for you. First off, posts per year, 2008-2018:



2008 and 2018 are projected out to a full year from the partial data we have; all other years are 'everything in the archive'.

And here's the three most prolific people on the Board(s) for each year:

2008 -- Sedri (513) -- Lily Winterwood (309) -- The Trojanhorse (295)
2009 -- Sedri (653) -- Pads (611) -- Maudlin Hart (540)
2010 -- Sedri (662) -- Neshomeh (614) -- Miah (519)
2011 -- Neshomeh (574) -- Aster Corbett (303) -- doctorlit (301)
2012 -- KittyNoodles (839) -- Huinesoron (628) -- SpecstacularSC (598)
2013 -- DawnFire (877) -- Huinesoron (853) -- Outhra (774)
2014 -- Huinesoron (1340) -- Iximaz (730) -- Neshomeh (650)
2015 -- Iximaz (2471) -- Huinesoron (1660) -- Scapegrace (1144)
2016 -- Iximaz (1481) -- Huinesoron (1451) -- Hardric (960)
2017 -- Huinesoron (1220) -- Iximaz (650) -- Neshomeh (518)
2018 -- Huinesoron (457) -- Thoth (412) -- Neshomeh (359)

(All of these should probably be a bit higher; they're based on the name as pulled from the Board, which means that all those random spaces and one-use names you keep putting in aren't included in the aggregate.)

And just for fun: a plot of where I've come on the ranked list of posts per name each year.



Had a bit of a dry spell back in 2010, but it's nothing to worry about. :D

If you want to check out your own rankings, the full name-lists are here. Have fun!

hS

I'm also a sucker for Power of Friendship/Power of Love-fueled victories. And magical girls. And magical girls kicking the bad guy's ass with the power of friendship.

You aren't alone in (your reasons for) hating Umbridge, Snape, and Malfoy's guts. That's one of Rowling's biggest strengths, I think; writing both large- and small-scale villainy well.

But then again, we're all very like-minded people here.

I hate stories that are in-your-face political or moral. Don't care who it's coming from, I hate Captain Planet just as much as I hate BibleMan. Or, well, I don't really show my hate for these things in a straightforward manner; I think it could be more described as "loving to hate" them. For instance, I love to make fun of Captain Planet. This is also the case with anything that's poorly written, hence why I can't stop churning out joke Mary Sues and badficcer avatars for the next Badfic Games. So yeah, love and hate rolled into one.

-Twistey

But there are still things I like. Anything new and original is high on the list, as are plot twists I can’t predict.

Top of the list of things I hate are plot holes and inconsistencies. I have a habit of spotting them. I don’t think I found any in Harry Potter yet, but most others have at least one minor inconsistency. It’s the big ones that are the worst...

Quite high on it is when a series doesn’t know when to stop. There’s very few things more annoying than every single plot point being resolved, the bad guys are dead, and then they make a sequel.

If II keep going any longer this will turn into a rant, so I’ll stop there.

For example, I really like the stuff produced by Botnik studios with its predictive text algorithm. Similarly, I also like things made with multiple levels of machine translation.

Here's a relevant link:

http://botnik.org/studios.html

I mean, I don't want to see it; I'm just morbidly curious.

Along the same lines, one of my favorite things is when it seems like our heroes can't win and they don't see any way out but they keep going because it's right/it's who they are/if they give in the bad guys can do something awful/someone needs to stand up and say no. That scene at the end of Return of the Jedi where Luke almost gives into the Dark Side and then he doesn't and looks the Emperor in the face and says "I am a Jedi, like my father before me"? I get shivers every time. It's horribly cliché,but that doesn't mean it's bad.

As for things I don't like, love triangles. They're not inherently bad, I guess, but I just vastly don't care and when stories get hung up on them I feel like my time is being wasted. Some people might like them, but they're not for me.