Jun 2018 Archive, part a

Now I kinda wanna come up with a Pokemon that's an poke-fied WWII battleship...

Oh, hey, it's my main source of video game nostalgia!

It's easy to see why they switched Blossomole's design. It really looks nothing like the rest of the family. Interesting that its name references moles, since most people seem to consider that line apatasaurs of some stripe.

The Flambear's family is basically just "bears, but on fire," so I'm glad they switched to an animal line that fit the fire into the real world biology more cleverly. These bears designs are pretty dull.

I'm not sure if the Cruz family is meant to be pinnepeds or plesiosaurs/Loch Ness creatures. If plesiosaurs, I can understand the change to keep Typhlosion/Dynabear from being the only non-ancient organism in the fully evolved starters. Cruz and friends look all right, though, so I'm surprised they didn't get revisited in a later generation.

There seems to have been a mix-up. Why was the objectively inferior Noctowl design published in the final game? Might be because they felt this unused design would look Dark-type, and wanted to communicate its actual Normal-type better, especially in the games that introduced Dark. It still saddens me, though.

I don't see why the manta ray used to look like a bird. That's weird. Unless it wasn't a manta originally?

Old Pichu is definitely dumber looking than actual Pichu. Although maybe Super Smash Bros. Melee would have gotten a different character in that slot, since this version of Pichu looks like it can barely move its limbs? I actually like the Cleffa and Igglybuff designs, though. Cleffa communicates the hinted alien nature of its line better with that antenna, and the published Igglybuff design always looked too busy to me, with that huge poof of hair. A perfect sphere is a much better starting point for the Balloon family.

I was always bothered that Politoed strayed so far from the rest of its family, so I think I would have liked this version better.

At least we finally know why Ledian is the "Five Star" Pokémon. I can see why they changed it, though; it does just look like "angrier Ledyba."

I don't know why Remoraid is weirdly fat, but I love the older Octillery! It communicates the design intent so much better, and matches the name.

I like Tyrogue better here, too. The actual design is such a generic anime aesthetic, but this little fellow has elements of both Hitmonchan and Hitmonlee, and maybe Hitmontop too, if I squint.

Skiploom, Elekid, Blissey and Kingdra could have worked as shown here, though I do like the final Elekid design better.

I guess the joke with Porygon2 is that it switched from rigid to round? Weird that it goes from duck-like to lion-like, though.

Ugh. The legendary beasts look like they were designed by a preteen boy on deviantART trying to be edgy. Vastly inferior to the final versions.

I know it's just coincidence that they've wound up next to each other, but it gives the impression that Sneasel traded the Normal type to Aipom for its Dark typing before the final release.

Gosh. I like Tangela's family members, but a lot of the others here are pretty uninteresting. "Grimer but smaller," "Vulpix with fewer tails," "baby Goldeen but it's Seaking instead," "baby Doduo except it has three heads like Dodrio so where does the third head disappear to during the Doduo stage," and "Ditto with teeth" are not winners in my book. I'm glad most of those got scrapped.

I guess Quilfish was originally Electric-type, or gained it when evolving? Maybe the Qwilfish and Chinchou lines started as a single concept, and got separated later. I actually like the Farfetch'd evolution, and I think I like this Leafeon a bit better than the one we got in Generation 4. It fits in with the original three designs better, I think.

For the "new" set, I particularly like the Bombseel, Kurstraw, Wolfman and Sunmola families. It also makes a weird kind of sense that Girafarig was originally Dark rather than Psychic. Maybe it was too good against Ghost-types? But then, there were only two Ghost-type families back then (three if we count Kurstraw). I'm also confused how Turbann would work in relation to Slowpoke, but maybe there was no mechanical interaction, and it was just world building to have the mollusk also around.

—doctorlit, out of time

Whatever happened to Noctowl, ay? Look at that! It looks like a Hoothoot underwent a sort of evolutionary process, rather than just, er, turning into a regular owl!

And Animon looks insane. Looks like it's going to rocket off into space. Bloody awesome.

Also, early Mantine looks so coool. I can't remember what particular creature it resembles, but it's not depicted very much anywhere at all. Kinda reminds me of that whole Sea Monk thing - that fish they found ages what looked like a monk, and that they got sorta religious and such over.

And, phew, Kurstraw. Man that's a cool design. I guess they sorta got that thing later on, with Banette and so on, ay? The ghost doll deal. Still, it looks pretty distinct and cool on its own.

Aaah, they're cool. I don't even care if they're fake - they're proper cool looking.

[sad biggenbrassenparpenthingen music playing in the distance]

I'm also a big fan of Madame, Plux, and the Aquaria line. They seem p neat. =]

Largely, I have had no problems with your modship. However, I have gotten the nagging feeling that you have been breathing down my neck a bit. Maybe it's me being a bit irrational, but I feel like I have been a bit singled out.

I don't go on the Discord, but if they trust you, I trust you. (And also I wanted to add to the "and my _____" thing. :D)

-Twistey

But I'm fine with you in the mod position.

I am also happy with your modhood.

That is, I'm happy with Ak as a mod.

When you brought up villains being portrayed as heroes, my mind immediately went to Loki. Characters of his type (not villains, per se, but incredibly adaptable trolls) would probably be amused to no end by a lot of badfic. If they were more or less in their right mind they would probably try to take advantage of the situation.

Not that I imagine Loki particularly would have many opportunities to do this, because he tends to be one of the most butchered characters I've seen in MCU fanfic. I think his opinion of his portrayals in fanfic would range from amusement to anger, depending on the particular portrayal.

Loki doesn't think of himself as a villain, and neither do a lot of fanfic writers. Fundamentally we see agreement, but the problem arises when you look at the way the fanwriters tend to defend him, which more often than not is portraying him as weak, or more victimized than he was in canon. I don't think Loki would appreciate that.

And I also think he wouldn't much like any fanfic that had him too far out of character. Fundamentally Loki and most other villains like who they are. Seeing someone twist their personality to the point most badfics go to would probably not make them happy.

Besides, I've seen a fair amount of goodfic that's managed to portray villains as good guys to at least some extent. If it can be done well, there's no need for them to approve of it being done badly.

TL;DR: Using Loki as an example, I think that it's unlikely that badfic interpretations of villains as good guys would please the villains much, since it usually involves some warping of character. Also I've seen that done well, so there's no real use to doing it badly.

1. It's possible for a canon character to hold any opinion they might canonically hold. Any canon character who would agree that mind-controlling people against their will in order to make them more like what you want them to be might think of a 'Sue as working toward their own ends. However, such characters almost always don't want their own minds tampered with; so once the 'Sue pulls them out of character, they tend to be pretty annoyed once they come to their senses. Of course, they would need to be aware of the PPC, either temporarily or permanently, in order to have any opinion at all.
   
   Since badfic usually ruins characterization even when it attempts to perfect a species, most mind-controlling canon villains would actually see the 'Sue's efforts as an amateur, horribly executed attempt at doing what they've been trying to do.
   
   2. Imagine covering up a photograph, and poking a hole in the cover. Anyone trying to recreate the photograph from just what they can see through the hole can do whatever they want with the covered-up parts, but their guess needs to be consistent with what's visible.
   
   Depending on how complex a character is, they may be a Generic, a bit, a minor character or a major character. If they're in-character, whatever you can see of them will be consistent with what you saw about them in canon--even if canon doesn't explicitly state those parts.
   
   In the PPC, many agents started out as bit characters or minor characters whose personalities were not completely determined when they joined the PPC. Gaining a personality can be part of these agents' stories. I've never written any missions, but I did create an agent, Jane Doe. She started out with practically no personality except for "Generic Tolkien Dwarf", and over her introduction gained only a love for coffee and a tendency to pay attention to details. Luckily, Jane Doe comes from a strong canon with a well-defined species, so she has a lot to build from.
   
   Bit characters and minor characters gain their three-dimensionality from the canon they come from. If the canon is strong, they're fully-realized people who simply aren't very visible. If the canon is weak--as a badfic storyline is--they can even be completely non-sentient, unable to do anything but stand there unless the fic tells them to do something.
   
   What your agent does with them depends on how much they take from the host canon and how much they take from the fanfic.
   
   Bits and minor characters relatively unaffected by the fanfic can be allowed to assimilate into the canon, optionally after some kind of memory modification, and live as fully-realized people.
   
   Bits and minor characters strongly associated to the fanfic but without any real characterization will generally poof out of existence along with the non-canon furniture when the biggest canon breaks are fixed.
   
   Minor characters strongly associated with the fanfic but with too much characterization to disappear or assimilate on their own have to be removed. Options include assassination, relocation to a more appropriate canon, or recruitment.

If a villain was often portrayed as a hero, that would be an example of the Aura of Smooth affecting them, and people generally don't like being mind controlled.

As for the "perfect race" question, I think a non-'suefluenced character could tell something was wrong with the result, as 'sues tend to stand out.

I wish that a lot of the more popular old mythology races/species would be portrayed closer to the original myths. Not to mention the old gods. Have you noticed how in so many movies, ancient gods of death (Hades, Hela, etc) are always portrayed as evil and wanting to take over everything? When in fact, if you look at the myths that some of these death gods came from, many of them are just fine where they are ruling the dead. This is likely because a lot of these ancient cultures had a less "scary" view of death than the modern Western version. I don't know exactly why this is, as many mythologies had the same judgement-based placement of their dead that Christianity does, but I remember for a fact that neither Hades nor Hela wanted to overthrow everything until Percy Jackson, Disney, and Marvel came along and put a Hollywood spin on things. (Not saying that these continua aren't good, in fact, I love Rick Riordan's stuff so much. Just saying that they do something kind of cliche with portrayal of death gods.)

-Twistey

Drakaina: A cross between a woman and a serpent. Herakles is said to have sired the founder of Scythia with one of these in exchange for it returning his stolen bow.

Telkhines: Originally inhabitants of the island of Rhodes (namesake of Rhode Island). They were known for their skill at metallurgy and their powerful sorcery. They could shape-shift and summon various kinds of weather, including a sulfurous rain that burned everything it struck. Their use of destructive magic angered the either Zeus, Poseidon, or Apollo, depending on the account, who sent the worst of them to Tartarus and exiled the rest to the sea. They had flippers for hands and the heads of dogs.

Bonus mythology:
The image of Heracles made its way to Japan through India via Buddhism, and the guardian of the Buddha, Vajrapani, is often depicted as Heracles. The Japanese equivalents, the Nio, or Kongorikishi, take inspiration from this. So how have I not yet found a story about the time Heracles traveled with the Buddha?

I'd been thinking of getting over that way this fall- October's a bit later than I'd planned, but it sounds like fun!

The price and distance aren't too prohibitive, but it would depend on what was going on with Kaitlyn's course. Trouble is, they're spectacularly bad at giving her information in advance... hence possibly maybe. :)

hS

DISCLAIMER: As I write this, I am disorganized and tired. And sick. So this is opinion, and it might not be totally coherent.

Dragonseye is pretty good. It's full of fun stuff. Like trials for heinous crimes. And songs. And rocks. And a telekinetic bear, a dentist who harvests brains- wait, no, that's something else.

But really, it's got an engaging plot, likeable good guys, hateable bad guys, a decent pace, only a little creepy romance, cool paintings... y'know. Everything that makes a novel good.

Unfortunately for you all, a minor plot element overshadows all of that. For you see, Dragonseye is the first Pern novel to devote a meaningful amount of time to portraying a homosexual relationship (Between bluerider P'tero and greenrider M'leng). And I will take any excuse to discuss homosexual relationships in fiction. So here's a discussion of that thing.

Now, traditionally, Anne McCaffrey writes romance... badly. Not always awfully, but often badly. Strangely, it seems to be better here. Maybe that's because this is one of those relationships where she decided not to be creepy (there's other creepy romance to make up for it in this book). Maybe because the relationship is between two men (and as a side note... for how readily accepting Pern is of gay men being a thing, there sure aren't any lesbians. What's with that?) and as a result McCaffrey couldn't put in creepy gender role stereotypes (not that this has ever stopped other authors...). Maybe it's because despite my objections to the way she writes romance, she is genuinely competent, I read a lot of badfic, and the standards for homosexual romance, in my book, are just that low.

Regardless of the reason, it stands to note: Fic authors, numerous professional writers, and other people of that sort just got slaughtered in terms of romance by Anne freaking McCaffrey, in a book released in 1997. Not just romance, gay romance.

So, let's look at some common pitfalls in writing romance (some specific to homosexual romance, most... not so much), and maybe a bit about how Dragonseye avoids them, if I feel like it. Well... how Dragonseye avoids them here anyways. But that's a discussion for another time.

Make no mistake, this is self-indulgent nonsense. But maybe you'll derive some enjoyment from it.

1. Representation! Yaaay!: In a lot of professional works, there's been an urge of late to add representation for minority groups. This includes the LGBTQ people. And you know what? That's great. Talking more about people who aren't talked about is good. It can lead to interesting stories, and it can send powerful messages of acceptance. However, for the love of god, never write a character that blatantly exists solely for the purpose of representation. Firstly, you will get complaints from someone (and we'll get to why in a moment), but secondly... it just results in bland, boring, bad characters. If all we can remember about your character is that they're "the gay one", then that isn't a well conceived character. Nobody's gonna say, "Hmm... of all the interesting characters in this work, my favorite is the gay one I can't remember much about!" Speaking of which...



2. Being gay is not a personality trait: So. You've got a gay character. Actually, presumably you've got two. So how are you going to characterize them? A lot of people think this is more or less complicated than it really is. In order to do it properly, you have to make an actual character. You know, just like you normally do. Consider how them being gay effects their experience (depending on your setting and their personality, the answer might even be "not very much." If you're writing in a modern or semi-modern setting, however, it will probably have some impact and may be hanging over them like the Doom of Damocles, depending), sure, but as it turns out, gay people come in all shapes and sizes. All of them. Really.
   
   Also, this is just my thing, but... personally, please, don't give your gay character some kind of "stereotypical gay" personality, or at least have a good reason for doing so. This is partly because I feel like it proliferates the idea that gay people are fundamentally alike and that there is a "gay" personality... but mostly because I find all of these stereotypes to be incredibly annoying characters. But hey. If you've got
   
   Dragonseye deals with this part very very well. This might be a consequence of Anne McCaffrey's... fun... ideas about gender and sexuality (all greenriders are gay or female, no exceptions): On Pern, being gay just isn't special, so characters can't use it as a differentiator. And while McCaffrey isn't the greatest writer in the world, she can at least write reasonably distinct and memorable characters. And while the characters aren't the focus, and we don't see a lot of them, they do at least have defined personalities, which counts for a lot.


3. On Romance: A lot of people seem uncertain about how to write gay romance. I dunno why. It's a lot like straight romance, seemingly (although maybe don't ask the man who's never dated anyone ever...). So... yeah. There are dates. And affection. And people liking one another. Sometimes people argue. Y'know. normal relationship stuff. Except that the people involved are both men. Or women, because this applies to lesbians as well, I assume.
   
   So here's the cardinal rule: thou shalt not compromise a character's personality for romance. Seriously. Even i a character is dating, they are still that character. They should still be IC. No radical personality shifts, woobifying, or so on (unless there's story/character justification, obviously). They date the way they'd date a person. That means that the dynamic might be a bit different between two guys than between a guy and girl (or maybe not), but not so different as you might think. But speaking of radical personality shifts...



4. Relationship dynamics Oh jeez. I could devote an awful lot of time to this one.
   
   Okay, so I want you to help me conduct a simple experiment. Draw a pie chart. Fill in the percentage of time a couple spends doing things in bed. Now fill in he percentage of time a couple spends doing things not in bed. As you may notice, the second percentage is vastly higher than the first. Now, when one takes up so much more time than the other, kindly endeavor to justify why the one that takes up less time is the part that defines all aspects of how the couple interacts and relates to one another. Spoiler alert: you can't, because that's BS.
   
   Yes, it's the old "who wears the pants" nonsense. And it truly is nonsense. What happens in the bedroom does not define a relationship, much less the sum total of everything about a human being. Oddly, the perception that it does seems to have largely vanished when discussing straight people. Because if you start writing it, most people's kneejerk reaction is "that's sexist and utterly insane". Which it is!
   
   Real relationships are built on a variety of things. Good ones are probably built on trust and mutual respect. I've never been in one: who am I to talk? But what I do know is that most of it doesn't happen in the bedroom.

Menolly really spoke to me as a kid, moreso than Lessa or Jaxom or any of the dragonriders. She was musical (like me!) didn't get along with her parents (like me!) and had an injury that made it hard for her to do the things she loved (like... okay, you get the point). The characters in the Harper Hall trilogy just felt the most alive to me, and I read and re-read those books so often that my mom's poor, ancient copies are now held together with tape on the spines.

...But let's be totally honest, if I had the option, I'd want to be a dragonrider.

(If you really liked Harper Hall, though, I suggest you check out Robinton's focus book, called—what else?—The Masterharper of Pern. It delves into more of his backstory as a young man training to be a harper and the journey that led him to becoming Masterharper.)

I don't have too much to add right now, because I'm coming off a week of having company in which, due to already having taken a week off work this month, I didn't even get to do any of the fun stuff, and I'm drained. Plus, if I get talking about Pern, I will not stop, so this is probably for the best. ^^

For those who don't know, Pern is in my Top 5 Fandoms, and might even come out at #1 in terms of how involved I was, having run a Pern RP on Neopets for a few years. My knowledge, while not quite encyclopedic, is extensive when it comes to in-universe stuff. I am also practiced at explaining and working around (but not excusing) the problematic crap so all the good stuff can still be enjoyed. And there's a lot of good stuff! The world-building is absolutely phenomenal, and like Thoth says, there's music in its soul. <3

And Masterharper Robinton is my idol, maybe my favorite fictional character of all time. I don't wanna be him, and I don't lust after him, but I would very much like to sit at his feet and listen to him for an hour or five, please.

I'd be sporking in Pern, but it's pretty hard to find sporkable badfic. Pern fanfic wasn't allowed for many years, and I guess most of the fandom is aged past the peak badfic phase? I dunno. If anyone does happen across any real quality Sueage, do send it my way. I have agents to torment. ^^

~Neshomeh

You know abridged series? When animes got a little regime, and YOutubers bring back extra snark to compensate, like DBZ or Yugioh, or Sword Art Online (massively improving source material for the former)?

Well here's one about Saint Seiya, Les Chevaliers du Zodiaque in French, the language used in this one, goign through the Sanctuary arc. English sub included, of course.

Come on, you know you want to watch it.

My roommate showed me Clamavi De Profundis a while ago. Their musical style is pretty distinct, but if you're into that sort of thing it's absolutely brilliant. They do chants and laments and they do them beautifully, mostly in a lower register. Primarily their stuff comes from The Lord of the Rings but their informational video says they're inspired by fantasy literature so I'm hoping they'll branch out to other sources in the future. (They did recently release a cover of the Skyrim theme, which is always a good thing.)

short for Overly Sarcastic Productions. Their content mostly revolves around three series:

1) Miscellaneous Myths - which gives you a summary of various myths n legends

2) History / Literature Summarized - ...Pretty self-explanatory, I think

3) Trope Talks! - an analysis of more and less famous literary tropes.

Which Tomash has already heard me whine about, but anyway . . . it's the video essays about fiction that get me. Have some of my regulars! I should mention that a lot of videos in the lists I'm going to be linking have some casual swearing. I'll give more specific warnings if there's anything more NSFW than that.

Lindsay Ellis does probably my favorite video essays. Her modern work is a lot more in depth, and less gimmicky, than the stuff she used to produce as the Nostalgia Chick. I especially enjoy her Loose Canon series, which examines how a character changes over time through different adaptations.

My latest YouTube discovery is Jenny Nicholson. Her reviews tend to be really long, but her simple, quiet deadpan delivery and the creative way she examines both good and bad parts of the media she consumes make them worth the listen while washing dishes or such. As you can see from a lot of her video thumbnails, she's also a big fan of porgs, and a fan of big porgs.

Wisecrack is another good source of media analysis. This is the one channel here that tends to get a bit more NSFW when discussing certain stories, but it still never gets too directly explicit, I don't think. The "Earthling Cinema" series attempts to examine movies from a non-Earth culture perspective to deconstruct them, while "Thug Notes" summarizes literature and discusses its themes without getting tied down by formal language. Their other, non-themed videos on philosophy in fiction tend to be excellent, as well.

The videos on Nando vs. Movies look at a facet of a film or TV show that fell flat, formulates a solution, and walks that change through to see all the effects it would have had on the final story. It's mostly superhero movies, but there're a couple of Star Wars videos as well.

The content on Nerdwriter1 is literally all over the place—fiction, art, music, comedy, business politics. I only watch the videos that look interesting to me, so I haven't seen them all. But take a look; I'm sure there's at least something to capture your attention here.

—doctorlit, addict for sure

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHsRtomD4twRf5WVHHk-cMw”>TierZoo, which turns the animal kingdom into a Video Game

I watch a LOT of Youtube. So here's a few of the best.

XboxAhoy: Winner of TotalBiscuit's Arbitrary award for "Best Youtube Channel That Isn't Mine," Xboxahoy is one of those bizarre channels that has no right to exist or be as good as it is, but is and does. Ahoy does TV-documentary style... well, documentaries. Like RetroAhoy, a series about classic videogames, their development, and what makes them so special, and Iconic Arms, about real-life weapons and their portrayal in media and games. In addition, he does various absolutely fascinating one-off projects about things like the roots of Open-World, the DNA of Minecraft, the history of FPS on the Amiga, and a five part series on the influence of the Cold War on videogames, all with his characteristically polished graphical and audio production.

Bruva Alfabusa: If The Emperor Had A Text-To-Speech Device is brilliant, and it's practically an institution amongst all the 40k fans I've been able to find. Watch it, and SUMMON WIND-UP KITTEN, IN ATTACK MODE in your local game of Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Hypercube-Chess-Strip-Poker forever more.

And... dangit, I've wasted all my time and space. Here's a quick list of other people who are equally worthy of your time:
Tom Scott and associates
Ashens
Door Monster
Extra Credits
Accursed Farms (Freeman's Mind)
>Killian Experience
>Gigguk
>James Veitch
Miracle of Sound
>Noclip
>Super Bunnyhop

Probably missing a few. Oh, and also pointer to GeekNights, which is a pretty good podcast, and they also do the best panel.

However, would you mind if I added some more?

Overly Sarcastic Productions is a channel talking about several topics: some classic litterature books, history, mythology, and tropes, all arranged with illustrations and/or drawings to live up the presentations. And all of it is more than worth the watching.

Shadiversity animates a channel where medieval and fantasy weaponry, castles and the likes are the (main) name of the game : Always wondered how well-constructed the castle of Lord of the Rings were? How fantasy would impact castles? What sort of weapons were the most adapted to women, orcs, elves, dwarves, dragon riders, skeletons, etc? Wondering how practical a weapon on the back is (surprisingly better than expected for axes)? Stop reading this and watch his channel.

And then comes Mother's Basement, where the big deal are openings and how they're constructed, but also animes, who can also be made fun of through nice 'publicity videos' around one popular trope of the genre. Also, strong opinions against Sword Art Online. Another time sink you need in your life.

And also "MOOOOOOOOOOOO!" X'D

I started an MST of this one once, but it quickly turned into... more of an MRT (with the R standing for Ramsay, as in I stepped the "don't insult the author" line a lot), but it was never finished, for that reason.

-Twistey

I agree with the nomination.

P.S. A second chapter 3. Cheetahmen II on NES also had that.

People who know the canon are rather horrified by the content, I'm rather horrified by the SPaG, and, going off my poking at Google, the fandom at large is generally going "oh god why" and there seem to be a few folks doing recent reviews and sporkings (with one of the Google-snippets calling the fic "infamous").

So, yeah, this here's legendarily bad in my book.

- Tomash

I've heard of it and its horribleness, but then again, I do like the Warriors books.

My only reservation is this: Is it famous outside its fandom? I honestly hadn't heard of it before I got into "Warriors".

Well, kid, I… I know about the the Gem Homeworld only incidentally...
While "I… I" obviously is intentional, "the the" probably isn’t.

HG

I like seeing this much calmer version of Velociripper, compared to his original appearances: specifically that while he's no longer being aggressively tough and macho, he's still got elements of predatory dinosaur to him.

I do feel like Citrine accepts her status as a bootleg of a separate canon weirdly quickly, especially when she calls her weapon a copy and refers to the Hinata replacement, a person she has known a long time as "Gem!Hinata." On the other hand, I get that this is an intro piece, and the point wasn't to go through the entire long process of a character coming to terms with their created nature, so . . . yeah.

—doctorlit, catching up

There were a few instances of "the PPC HQ" that tripped my "this sounds off" sense, but maybe that's just me.

Second, how are people pronouncing the exclamation points?

Third, how'd Palmaira know that she might only have Nami's memories?

Overall, this was reasonably well written and a pretty good introduction interlude. It maybe could've used a bit more humor though.

- Tomash

Here it is:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NN_ruMzOm-tOcXpGnDWAQDuVSL4qF2DEEnGKLcSqvp0/edit?usp=drivesdk

Last time I checked they were friend-locked... I wouldn't mind some wayback links though.

Definitely set up the Wayback links for now, please. As long as we can still copy the content now, I can always set up new pages with those stories on my archive site later.

—doctorlit, regularly discouraged by vanished stories

I signed in, at any rate, and got an 'access denied' page. It might be good if someone else checked as well, though, just to be sure.

~Z

Alright. Settle in--being me, I write a lot to begin with, and I've also responded to HG's comments, so...that might have lengthened it. As usual, I've used formatting to try to make it easy to follow. If anything came out unclear, just ask.


Your characters:

Col. Bradbury: Nice to see an older human! For obvious reasons, a lot of agents tend to be young or young-looking when they start out, so, well, nice to see. I also just plain like the description of the colonel. Provided you avoid the potential pitfall of his ability to "procure just about anything just about anywhere" serving as deus ex machina, I can see him being pretty fun to read about. Actually, he's starting to feel a tiny bit Discworld-ish to me? In a great way. Unless someone can point out any problems (other than what HG said, which I'll address in a moment), I think he'll do just fine.

Regarding HG's comments: Yeah, I think his world would generally be labeled as just 'unpublished' or 'alternate World One' or something? I'm not completely sure. I know I have an agent planned from an alternate World One, also set in the future, which started from 'what if Yiddish was still a widely spoken language?' and developed from there. I never called it anything other than 'an alternate World One', though, to my memory.

My main question here is: what exactly makes Bradbury's home universe an alternate one? The only thing I'm seeing is that he's from the 2050s and they have medical and cybernetic science. If your main reasoning here is just that you want to be able to play with your own idea of a possible projection of the future (perfectly fine, sounds interesting)--it could really probably just be labeled 'alternate World One timeline' or something along those lines? I'd be happy for more details regarding Bradbury's home, though, to understand what makes it an AU. Apart from that, I bow to HG's knowledge here.

Gibbs: I...kind of like Gibbs as well. I think there's also a meme of something that looks a bit like him, so I have that automatic mental image, and it amuses me a bit. I'm personally unfamiliar with the conspiracy theories you seem to be referencing in his profile, but...sure, yeah. I'm amused. It should also be interesting to see how a human colonel and a draconian security guard from different universes interact. From the profile, Gibbs just...well, he also comes across as a bit of a character! The young, kind of a maverick sort. That could also make him a good foil for Bradbury. All in all, sounds good.

Regarding HG's comments: Yeah, typos need to be fixed. Also, if you haven't already, I suggest laying out at least the main conspiracy theories that are true or not true there. For one thing, Gibbs will probably have to explain it at some point (or be smacked in the face with 'what? Nah, that's just a conspiracy theory!'); for another, it'll help both you and us to get a sense of what's going on.

(Also, if Dulce base is still in there--I'm unclear on whether there's a problem with that or if it's just the misspelling on the Mesa--it should be 'Dulce Base', as it is in your response. Quick Google search confirms that capitalization. So that's another thing to fix.)

Characters overall: some details need fixing or tweaking, but...overall, both agents look good! Be a little careful of how you use Bradbury's talents.

Whew. On to the first prompt!

Alright. First things first: I really advise spacing for readability. I can get through this prompt and the other because they're short, but my days of making my way through longer stories like this if the writing's okayish and I like the plot are pretty much behind me. I'd advise hitting 'enter' an extra time at every new paragraph, or else take advantage of wider spacing and the tab key to indent the new paragraphs. (I don't know how you're planning on posting stories platform-wise, but one or the other of these methods should work on pretty much anything.)

With that out of the way: Um, I'm afraid you have another place name mistake. Matama, New Zealand is neither a real place (from what I can find) nor where FotR was filmed; Matamata, New Zealand, on the other hand, was indeed the town nearest the location of the Hobbiton set. That needs fixing. Between this and the Mesa (and the base capitalization)...you might want to start using Google to check your facts a little more, assuming that's an option for you. Or asking a beta to do it if it isn't. It's a good tool, and very easy to use for things like this.

Also, while Bradbury was a child at the right time to grow up with Lord of the Rings, he seems to have gained the trivia of the exact location of the set without the trivia that it was exterior only? Then again, I suppose he could reasonably assume that someone decided to build interiors in the past fifty-ish years...though I do have to wonder why he's thinking of the Hobbits as "well-dressed" when, unless fashions have seriously changed in his time, he should probably be thinking they're dressed in a really old style? That is, really old? It just...doesn't quite connect the more I think about it. I expect it's meant to be in contrast to what he expects to be normal pygmy dress, but...it still seems odd that his version of 'well-dressed' is Hobbiton and not something a bit more...modern.

As to the Hydramatic drive...okay. That does seem to be the capitalization. Fun fact--Hydra-Matic/Hydramatic Drive is also the name for what was apparently the first really successful automatic car transmission! The things you learn. The Pinkwater version does indeed look like something the PPC might want, though.

One more small thing before I actually get into the writing: I assume Nirvana's dressed like a Hobbit, since Bradbury addresses him as a local? (His Ye Olde Englishe is incorrect to my knowledge, by the way, though that may be on purpose? I love the wordplay in his second line, though--"faculties" and "faculty". Very fun.) And another thing, actually: Nirvana can speak parentheses? And Bradbury can hear them?

I'd add a bit of description somewhere at the end, probably, so that it doesn't go completely into dialogue for the last few exchanges of Bradbury's section and we continue to get a sense of movement. It would also give us a little more sense of, well, everything, including what Nirvana's thinking (I don't necessarily mean you should write out his thoughts, but even a moment of speculative looking or hesitation or something would make it flow a bit more). Things like that. Apart from this, it seems mostly fine and readable, and I like some of the dialogue. My only other problem is...actually, this is something HG pointed out as well. Is Bradbury from a Daniel Pinkwater bookverse? If he is, then that is his home continuum. If it's not, then well...okay, honestly, either way I'm a bit confused about what Bradbury's job is when we meet him. The terms are confusing (and don't seem to fit with him being a soldier); he's pretty formal in speech, which is...interesting, if also a bit confusing? Especially since it doesn't match his speech patterns in the second prompt at all? I just...I'm confused. This closer read-through is confusing me. Which is a real shame, because I still do like the character ideas and some of the writing (especially the opening of the second prompt).

Okay. Gibbs' part...well. I've read the explanation of the change in style; fine. It's a nice idea, but it is rather jarring here. This is also all one paragraph (except for Gibbs' two-word reaction at the end), which is...neither good nor necessary. It does feel a little like how Gibbs might write up a report, honestly, which I kind of like, but...that doesn't really make it work here, especially since it comes right after a different style. If this was its own piece and spaced out it would work better, though it's still...well, I wouldn't advise you to write a mission like this, though I would definitely read a mission where small chunks of it were actually excerpts from Gibbs' written mission report--that sounds like it could be done amusingly.

(Also: you want "Gibbs went to compliment the kid" rather than "complement.")

(Also also: I do like Gibbs as we see him here! He seems to mesh with his profile, which is nice, and he just plain seems like he'd be fun to read about.)

First prompt overall: This is...a bit messier than I remember thinking on the first, sleepy read-through. On the plus side, the SPaG looks fine and I'm not noticing any actually incorrect sentences. It could really use reworking, though. I'd like to see this succeed, but...I'm afraid the current version isn't there yet.

The second prompt:

Okay. As mentioned before, both in this post and in my first response, I really love this opening. So much. The entire first paragraph is just...I love it. Response Center 9-unreadable-smudge is fantastic, the military metaphor is both appropriate and executed nicely...There should probably be a new paragraph started at "On the edge of this cave of non-wonders," and again right before Bradbury speaks, but...listen, I love it. I really do. It's nicely done, it stands out, and it still makes me either smile or just sit up and go 'I like this!' on the third or fourth reading. I really like it.

The rest is, uh...okay, let's break it down.

-As mentioned in my response to the first prompt, Bradbury's speech patterns don't match at all between the two prompts. In the first, he says things like "I accept this," and, well, “I assure you, [...] I am in full possession of all my faculties, except the faculty of the department of engineering, who could probably help me. But I digress. Perhaps you, in the absence of the faculty, could furnish aid?” In the second, well, his first longer line is this: “Are we just gonna keep talking in circles like a couple of parrots, or are we gonna do something?” He does keep some of his nicer words, but...there's definitely a disconnect, and there just isn't enough writing (or anything in his profile) to know if he switches formality levels depending on the situation or if this is, in fact, a continuity error.

-After that beautiful opening, the entire prompt essentially becomes dialogue. There are six words mentioning who's talking (three for each), and one seven-word sentence for Gibbs leaving and the passage of time. That's it. Now, dialogue-only stories are a thing, but...the combination here is just...it's odd.

-Speaking of the dialogue, it would be really well supported by more description. I don't even mean description as nice as the opening bit: I just mean description of any sort. A bit of a sense of movement, maybe some other stuff that's in the RC, the expressions on their faces, their body language, thoughts, smiles, frowns, getting up--I'll take anything. It could be easily combined with giving a little more indication of who's talking, too--it gets hard to follow, especially since a, don't know them too well yet, and b, while they do sound different from each other, it isn't such a stark difference that it's immediately obvious (as in, say, a Victorian and a modern slang-using teenager in a conversation).

-Because it's almost completely dialogue, some of the jokes fall flat. Actually, I think most of them do. There's no timing, because we have no real clue what they're doing; their expressions can't add anything because they aren't described...

-We get some sense of how they interact just from the dialogue, it's true, but...so, so, so much more could be shown with a little description. I don't know if they trust each other or just tolerate each other; I don't know if they're wary, or curious, or...I just don't have enough, and I'd really like more. I like these characters! I want to really see them interact!

-I like the final joke, with the bottle of whiskey. Unfortunately, again, it falls flat. If we had a pause right before the line, a description, anything--look, here, I'll show you what I mean:

“I’m back!”

Bradbury looked up. He'd moved a good deal of the debris around, but had, to all appearances, failed to actually find the console. “Any luck?”

Gibbs nodded. “Yeah, they had a very good deal on baking stuff." He set something down on the wobbly table with a thunk, and smirked. "Also, I got a bottle of whiskey, ‘cause this seems like it’s gonna take a while.”

It's obviously my writing style, and my interpretation of both how I'd frame that joke and how I'm very quickly interpreting possible ways for your characters to interact...but do you see a difference? The reader (hopefully) gets a better sense of what's going on, of what Gibbs is like, of time passing, and a bit of both the RC interior and how the two agents might interact. It's a lot more information, added with four descriptive or mildly descriptive sentences.

Second prompt overall: SPaG and sentences are perfectly fine yet again. The opening is beautiful. Would heavily advise adding a lot more description to the dialogue to fill out the scene, make the jokes shine, and give a much better sense of the RC, the characters, and the new partnership. Also: Bradbury unfortunately seems a bit less strongly developed than Gibbs in writing, possibly because of the inconsistent speech patterns--it feels like you have less of a grasp on how to write him right now. It would be good to either work with him a little more or just resolve the continuity issues, depending on whether this impression is correct or it's accidental.

The badfic: It's...wellll. Definitely pretty OOC (in a way that reminds me vaguely of Partially Kissed Hero at the bits with Sirius, though far milder and, well, a lot of things remind me of PKH these days). Skimming along, Harry is apparently...well, he just called Arwen his aunt, and Aragorn thought he was James for a minute? And earlier he said he talked to Hades? Yeah, uh, I think you could get a good mission out of this. There's definitely plenty to comment on.

Alright. With all that said...I'm afraid that, for now, it's Permission Denied. Fix the small errors in both the writing pieces and the profiles; spend a little time with Bradbury (or with making him come across consistently, depending); rework both your pieces (and run them by betas--it's good to see you had a beta this first time, by the way, forgot to mention); and submit them again. You truly have some great ideas here, and are obviously capable of writing that shines**; if you can expand and polish what's here, I think it has the potential to be amazing.

~Z

**See the second prompt's opening and, to a slightly lesser extent, Bradbury's first non-Ye Olde Englishe line.

(I’m new in this job and don’t know what to do.)

Like Zingenmir, I see a lot of potential and mostly like what I read. But I have an issue with Colonel Bradbury’s origin.

World One is just like Real Life, except that the PPC exists as a transdimensional organization. Worlds numbered 2 or higher are word worlds defined by their respective canon. World One and a Half (or 1.5) is just like World One except that Eusabius and Florestan somehow survived Robert Schumann’s death and became actual persons.

World 1.963 is just like World One except that some/many/most conspiracy theories are true (some must still be untrue, because otherwise certain aspects of this world would contradict each other). Minor issue: That’s probably what you mean, and I would buy it if I could find Archuelta Mesa on a map. Actually, the difference appears to be that in World 1.963, Archuelta Mesa and Dulce base exist, while the conspiracy theory about an alien base under Archuleta Mesa is still untrue. If this isn’t intentional, a typo in such a crucial point of your Draconian agent’s back story doesn’t bode well.

But in which way would World 1.567 repeating be different from World One? We can’t tell, because Bradbury, using the medical and cybernetic science of the 2050s, apparently comes from the future and we don’t know the future of World One. Thus, tacking an irrational number on his world of origin doesn’t work for me; he must be from some speculative work, even if it is unpublished original fiction.

Also, I don’t quite understand why Allen I. Nirvana immediately wants to recruit Colonel Bradbury. He says that he was working on something unrelated, so he is apparently aware that Bradbury is not a character of the fic Nirwana is investigating. Shouldn’t Nirwana ask some questions similar to what Bradbury asks him? Who are you? Where do you come from? What are you doing here? How did you get here? There is no implication that Nirwana watched Bradbury for some time and already found out some of the answers without asking. At least he figures that Bradbury can’t just leave and go home on his own, but did Bradbury show any signs of actually fitting into the PPC or not actually wanting to go home, or is the PPC so desperate for new recruits?

I like that Rasputin Gibbs is just sentenced to conscription into the PPC for making a nuisance and vigilante Sue killing. He obviously was under observation for some time, probably by several assassins who reported that he killed their Sue’s before they could get to them. What I don’t like so much is that it is a single paragraph tacked onto a different story. "We see both agents recruited" works better if both agents are recruited at the same time in the same place rather than in two unrelated chapters of a story that’s too short to have chapters. Perhaps you should have gone with the other option – "One agent tells the other how they were recruited" – where Gibbs could still chip in with some lines about his recruitment. But telling a story in dialogue may just not be your thing and I don’t nudge you to do that. Actually, my complaint here is more that it sets a bad example than that we don’t see enough of your second agent.

HG

This was pretty fun to read. You had me laughing a bit, multiple times, and I noticed very few errors--the only thing I really noticed was a time or two where there should possibly have been a new paragraph, which is pretty minor. There *might* also be a run-on sentence somewhere, but I'm not sure--I'm sleepy, and mainly just saw a bunch of commas without actually reading the sentence back a time or two to check that they work. Odds are it's fine. I do love your descriptions, and the vocabulary you use--while your style is obviously different than Scapegrace's, based on the first prompt I'd say you seem to have a similar quality to make me want to read more.

I do think your first prompt is better than your second. Especially the second half of the second. It felt a bit choppier, and possibly could have used a little more description or length (or both) to make it flow. I do see what you wanted it to be, with the whiskey as a punchline, but I'm not entirely sure it works to best effect. On the other hand, I *am* sleepy. Alert!me, or a different PG, can discuss that better (or raise eyebrows at sleepy!me and tell her to go back to sleep for a bit longer). Your first prompt, though, had a lot of good things in it at first read, though bits of it were a tiny bit choppy? I think? It was a fun read, though, like I said.

Didn't open the fic link, but I do rather like the idea of getting VR training missions from that site, if you don't want to make something up! It sounds like an interesting idea. I don't know how many VR training missions people have written (I think doctorlit wrote something along those lines for a prompt once?) but it could be interesting as part of an interlude, or something.

My Hat is partly off, however, because I don't feel awake enough to judge compatibility of some of this with the PPC universe. I say this not to alarm you, but mostly to get the attention of someone (again, whether a more alert future me or a different PG) who will be able to more clearly remember past agents and so on. I *think* the characters' skills are probably fine, though it's possible the finer details of recruitment should be tweaked a tiny bit, but I'd like a second, much more alert opinion.

So, conclusions: overall, this looks pretty good and was fun to read. While I think there is probably writing advice to be dispensed, it currently seems like it'll be fairly minor; apart from that the writing is rich in detail and vocabulary, has no really glaring SPaG problems, and is frequently amusing. A second look to give that writing advice, and comment more thoroughly on the second prompt, would be good. The second look should also double-check compatibility of some elements (small things, mind you--again, please don't panic) with the PPC universe. However, my sleepy verdict is that this looks promising, and probably needs very few changes, if any.

~Z, who should really go get less sleepy now. Preferably with food.

Here's my control prompt. I chose "we see both agents recruited." Once again thanks to hpoggie for being my beta.


Two Days

Colonel Caleb Bradbury, veteran of twenty years and uncounted battles, was having a very confusing day. He must have taken a wrong turn on the interstate, because now he was in some sort of idyllic countryside, and his preliminary scouting efforts had revealed a village home to what appeared to be well-dressed pygmies. Given that some of the houses appeared to be mostly underground, he did not discount the idea that he had landed in Matama, New Zealand, while the Fellowship Of the Ring was being filmed. Space-Time-and-The-Other tourism had taken him to stranger places, though the credibility of this as the destination of this particular detour was somewhat harmed by extreme realism of the area and the apparent lack of a camera crew.
But, of course, Bradbury had not risen through the ranks of the Argentine army by losing his head in unfamiliar situations. So, while he was confused, he didn’t show it. Instead, he occupied himself with concealing his vehicle. A television detector van, let alone one fitted with a Hydramatic drive, would cause some awkward questions in what could be a medieval society. This proved futile, as he had only the entrenching tool he had brought with him, and he was trying to hide a van. Instead, he unpacked his gear and made camp for the night. This consisted of hiding inside his overturned van and eating a protein bar. As both a soldier and a time tourist, he had gained the ability to sleep just about anywhere, so he quickly drifted off.
The next morning the Colonel awoke to a someone knocking on the door above him. He looked up to see one of the locals, and he unlocked the door. The humanoid quickly opened the door and climbed from the door frame into the van, using the seats as handholds. Bradbury thought briefly, unsure how to speak the locals, then said: “Hail and hello, kind sirrah. I bideth thee good tidings. Prithee, what bringest thou to mine cave of steel?” The creature pulled a notebook from one of his pockets, and began write. Bradbury could hear him mutter:
“Encountered extra-canonical humanoid… Seems to have caught sunstroke… In possession of high-value asset (currently damaged).”
“I assure you,” said Colonel Bradbury, “I am in full possession of all my faculties, except the faculty of the department of engineering, who could probably help me. But I digress. Perhaps you, in the absence of the faculty, could furnish aid?”
The man put away his notebook and looked at Bradbury as if he had just noticed him.
“Yes… I think we can come to some sort of deal. How about I take this wreck off your hands and get you out of here?”
“I accept this, but before we go, I have some questions. First: Where am I? Second: Why are you here? Third: How do we leave? And finally: Who are you?”
“Hobbiton; I was working on something unrelated; through a portal; and Allen I. Nirvana, department of Intelligence, PPC.”
“Excellent, let’s get out of here.”
“Tell me, are you interested in a job?”

Rasputin Gibbs lay in wait. Flashgun at the ready, he scanned the horizon for the shape of his target. Ever since the accident, this had been his life: the glitter-monsters were an affront to reality, so he killed them. It was simple, so it brought him comfort, and a creature in his situation needed a routine. As the thing came into view, he readied his weapon and prepared to make the kill. Then a teenager walked up to the thing that should not exist, and began to talk to it, getting in way of his shot. Gibbs held back. He didn’t kill people. As he waited, the kid finished talking, the monster said something, and then the kid killed it with a knife. Gibbs went to complement him on his work, but as Gibbs approached, the kid turned and spoke to him: “Rasputin Gibbs, you have been charged with making a nuisance and vigilante Sue killing. You are sentenced to conscription into the PPC. Look this way please.”
“Wait, wh-”

And I certainly haven't read them in the proper order. But I still really loved this interlude! It was really sweet, and it's always nice to see something go right for agents. They usually have to put up with so much garbage. And this seemed like a very nice, satisfying conclusion to the hints of romance that appeared in the stories I read. Even though I didn't see everything about these two, this was still a good read.

And the hints of shipping present from the start... until the 'hints' part was dropped. Dang that was a long road. Makes the conclusion that much sweeter. Congrats for this interlude.

I like that this wedding was so small and quiet and sweet. After everything Ix and Charlotte have been through, they deserve a moment like that. I also like that it leads with Ix seeing herself as beautiful. Very appropriate!

—doctorlit, sorry for short comments but very busy

Charlotte and Ix are so cute together! This was overall a good heartwarming interlude.

Olivine's officiating was also a well-put-together speech. I liked the "never officiated a wedding before" bit.

Now, how're you planning to throw a massive pile of angst on top of this? Because that's presumably what's coming next, no?

- Tomash

"So, how may I be of service?" Chef Matt leaned against the kitchen entrance. He wore a stained apron that seemed to hug his corpulent body a little too much, a bandana on his head, and his glasses had a few specks of flour on them. Strapped to his belt were a ladle, a spatula, and several spice bottles resting comfortably in small holsters.

Agent Jones was bouncing on the balls of her feet, gripping a small stack of photos so hard that there were already visible crumples on them. Her partner, Agent Grey, was standing in the back, fiddling with a pack of cigarettes, completely uninterested in the conversation.

"We need a cake," she stated, almost pressing the photos into the chef's hands. "A big one! Suitable for a wedding!"

Matt cocked an eyebrow as he looked over the photos. All of them showed wedding cakes of various shapes, sizes and colours. Some with overly excessive floral decorations, other with funny crown figurines of the bride and the groom. Some had the names on them, some didn't. Some were singular, some had many layers on them.

"And those are...?" Matt asked.

"References!" VJ beamed. "Lottie's getting married and I want to give her something to make this special day even sweeter!"

"You're just salty ya didn' get an invitation, ain't you, love?" asked William, breaking the seal on the new package. "Told ya, they must've their reasons."

VJ rolled her eyes and turned her head sharply. "I know that, Will! But if I can't be there, at least I can send them something, can't I? All I'm asking is that you magic the cake to them, when it's done!"

William shrugged, and VJ turned back to Matt. "So?"

"I don't need those." The chef dropped the photos into the nearest batch of Slop™. The paper started bubbling and quickly dissolved into a goop that matched the 'dish' in both colour and consistency.

"You want the Perfect Wedding Cake, you'll get the Perfect Wedding Cake. The softest, moistest, most refreshing, yet filling, cake your mind can think of." Matt clapped his hands, opening the kitchen door. Immediately, sounds of cooking, chopping, and gun shots could be heard. A cloud of something glittery escaped through the door.

The Chef turned his head to his customers. "Just give me a little over an hour. And no peeking."

These two have certainly earned this! Now let's raise a glass to the happy couple!

To your union and the hope that you provide, may you always be satisfied!

(Yes, that was a Hamilton reference. Couldn't resist.)

I still love Olivine's speech- it's sweet and to the point.

July obviously has the right to request this, as would any other current or former PPCer (though heaven help us if Jay or Acy ever try it...!).

The Wiki pages for all of July's characters that I can see (three agents, plus four kids) have been wiped back to their ledes and marked as Out-of-Continuity (someone had already done this, I'm not claiming all the credit). The level of deletion is by specific request elsewhere.

I've also removed mention of July and Library from the Coffee Lounge and Nurse Asclepius' pages; as free-to-use concepts, they remain around, but without their sources.

I won't be removing mentions from other agents' pages (they worked with Trojie and Pads, for instance), but anything that is solo July is removed.

I will be poking through the various pages linking to missions when I get a chance to try and remove them.

hS

The link mentionned was on the Awesome page of the PPC, and I tried to remove it, explaining it was very much unwanted. We'll see if this holds.