Feb 2018 Archive, part c

(Heeeey Skarm. Sorry for tacking on again, but they are both MCU, eh?)

So to my mind, they are two halves to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. There's the half with all the good material, and there's the half with the two Guardians films and Ant-Man. Yeah. I know it's not a popular opinion, but those three are my least favorite films of the series. I've seen a lot of complaints lately that Marvel films have a problem with undercutting serious moments with out-of-place humor. Honestly, I think the majority of the films and TV shows are at a pretty good balance in that regard. Except for my disliked three. A-M and the the two GotGs put way too much focus on humor. A-M I didn't mind quite as much as the GotGs, mostly because I really liked Hank Pym, Hope and especially Cross. But the first GotG had basically nothing I really liked, apart from the mix tape's use as the soundtrack throughout the film. The constant lack of seriousness made it hard for me to reconcile that film as existing in the same universe as the Captain Americas and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.s, etc.

That said, I think the sequel was a big improvement over the first, though that same problem of overbearing, idiotic humor is still present. We got to know all the characters a whole lot better this time, other than Quill. I think that's fine, though—we got pretty much all we needed to know about Quill in the first movie. I'm glad they gave all the other characters chances to open up, especially Rocket, Yondu, and Gamora and her sister. I also liked the little scene between Dax and Mantis, where Dax is talking about his lost family members with a fairly neutral and expressionless face and tone. Then Mantis touches him, and immediately starts crying. It shows us that Dax really is as emotionally deep as the others can be, and just doesn't show it. Although that makes me wish he wasn't always used as an outlet for stupid jokes.

Ego was a fun villain, definitely an improvement over Ronin in the last film, who was basically just a personalityless vehicle to introduce another Infinity Stone into the series. The actor who played him whose name I can't be bothered to look up did a good job of playing up the self confidence of an immortal being. He's all powerful and very self-absorbed, but is confident enough about it that he doesn't feel any need to boast constantly. He knows he's powerful, and that's enough. His evil plan feels like a reasonable extension of his identity. It's the sort of inhuman thought process you would expect a creature like a Celestial to have. All around, I rather liked him.

I was also pleasantly surprised by the resolution between Gamora and her sister. The sister had been a fairly flat villain in the original, as well, and for a while, it looked like that was going to continue. She was threatening to kill Gamora at the outset, but then (and in an example of a moment of humor I did appreciate), she was satisfied with finally besting Gamora in combat. After that point, the relationship between them finally evolves past violence, and they start having the discussions they should have had all along. I wish the sister had decided to join in with the heroes in the end, but I'm sure they'll be reunited against Thanos during Infinity Wars anyway.

I really liked the one space dogfight in the beginning. The . . . choreography? of the ship movements was very different and cool-looking. The detail that the . . . gold people . . . were actually being logical and piloting their fighters remotely was both amusing, and fitting for that culture's characterization. Why should they dirty their hands with fighting out in space?

Although that does lead me to another problem that carried over from the original movie: too many alien characters look and talk like humans in face makeup. The entire race of gold people, the green lady, the handful of blue folks. And a lot of them have accents from Earth English dialects. It just makes them feel like they have no unique cultures out there in space, it's all just weird technicolor transplants of humanity. I am told the aliens in the original GotG comics are like that, so at least it's a faithful adaptation in that regard, but I still don't like it.

And yeah. Still way too much adolescent humor for me. I got enough of that nonsense back in grade school and junior high. It wasn't funny then, and it isn't funny now. I'm not really looking forward to the Guardians showing up in Infinity Wars, because then I'll have to put up with it even more. Joy.

—doctorlit, the token stick-in-the-mud MCU fan

"We're really gonna be able to jack up our spoilers if we're two-time galaxy savers." "We're really gonna be able to jack up our spoilers if we're two-time galaxy savers." "We're really gonna be able to jack up our spoilers if we're two-time galaxy savers."

I forgot to talk about Shuri in my own review! I super-duper love that the smartest character in the movie is a teenage girl—and let's face it, she's probably the smartest character in the entire MCU, considering the level of tech she's working with. Tony Stark, eat your heart out. But I also like that she does very much have a good heart, as well. Despite her cracks about Ross being a "white boy" and "colonizer," she was clearly more concerned about his welfare than stopping the weapons shipments during the final sequence, telling him to leave the simulation before the barrier around the lab could be destroyed. Actually, the fact that she remodeled the simulator to feel like a U.S. airplane is interesting too. She spent the moments leading up to the final battle in exile from her lab, so she certainly couldn't have made that modification in the instants before Ross needed it, nor could she have any knowledge that such an attack on Wakandan ships would be necessary. The only time she could have changed the program to have U.S. plane features would have been while Ross was recovering, which shows she respected his opinion and flight record enough that she wanted to show him the program after he healed, and ask his opinion on her programming. It also seems, from the final after-credits scene. that she has been responsible for rehabilitating Bucky Barnes. I wonder if he was removed from cold storage at her urging? Definitely a complex and strong-minded character.

I did notice the rhinos were rather poor CGI, but there was so much going on in the movie, I easily dismissed that purely aesthetic issue. Actually, come to think of it, there must have been some moments, like the car chase and the fight in the vibranium mines, where the panther suits themselves had to be CGI as well, but I couldn't tell at all while I watched, either because they looked that good, or because, again, the story was so gripping I was just too focused on it to notice the effects.

The one Asian character you missed in your list is Skye on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and her mother, but I don't want to say too much about them in case you aren't caught up yet. But I definitely agree it would be nice to see further diversity moving forward.

—doctorlit, realizing that the vibranium in Bucky's old arm seems completely unaccounted for in the timeline of "vibranium that has left Wakanda"

(Hope you don't mind me tacking on, Skarm?)

My brother wanted to see Black Panther in theaters with me, but the only night we could do so this month was Saturday, in the middle of my work week. So Sunday was a terrible, slow day for me, and I didn't get as much done as I wanted. But the payoff was Monday, when I happened to be driving past a certain service gate in my golf cart when a radio call went out that an ambulance was coming to attend a zoo guest who had had a seizure, and that someone needed to open the service gate immediately. The ambulance arrived less than half a minute later. I have to wonder, if my brother hadn't had me out past my bedtime Saturday, and ruined my productivity Sunday, would anyone else have been close enough to that gate on Monday to let the ambulance in immediately? I don't know, but I do know this has been a Wildly Off-Topic Spoiler Block.

So yeah, Black Panther is amazing, and I barely know where to start. As usual, I won't really know characters' names, because I'm terrible at catching characters' names while I'm watching something on film, and I'm not going to look them up to avoid having outside information affecting my initial reaction. Of course, this initial reaction is based on notes I took two days ago, but uuuuuh

The way the designers made Wakanda appear on-screen is incredible. The mix of futuristic, modern technology, and the uniquely shaped skyscrapers, mixed with all the costuming, body paint, weaponry and names make Wakanda entirely distinctive from any other setting, ever. I love that it combines science fiction, comic book technology with traditional African aesthetics and values. It really gets across how Wakanda has kept itself sheltered over the millennia, developing new technologies at its own pace, and without outside influence undermining its traditions.

Maybe it just seems this way to me because I don't watch a whole lot of movies, but the plot of BP feels incredibly unique to me. I can't think of another story to compare it to. The use of royal bloodline interaction to fuel the conflict not only reinforces Wakanda's heavy reliance on tradition, but causes the plot to advance in a way that made the whole story feel unpredictable and engaging. The characters' motives and restrictions were a bit foreign and outside my ability to understand at a glance, so it forced me to stay captivated and follow along with the action. The battle sequence at the end, too: what movie about a fantasy culture features a civil war at the end, with fellow citizens turning on each other to push different ideologies forward? That part actually made me feel bad, seeing people who should have been allies attacking each other, but it reinforces the idea that I was observing aspects of a foreign culture.

Speaking of conflict, I really liked both major villains in this movie. Killmonger is such a memorable figure because you can see the logic to both his motivation and goals. His aims are violent and destructive, but you can sympathize with him through his history and the real life plight of the disenfranchised around the world. I also liked the contrast between his calculating mind, planning abilities, and combat skills, and his stereotypically "punkish" speaking mannerisms. It defies the way movies normally portray characters with those traits, which made Killmonger an incredibly fun and active character to watch on screen. I also really liked Claue's constantly excited, almost manic attitude to . . . anything, really. I don't remember him being lack that back in Avengers: Age of Ultron. I don't know if it's due to different writing/directing, or just because he got overshadowed by Ultron at the time (also a fun-to-watch-and-listen-to villain). The drawback to me liking both villains so much is, of course, that they both got killed off. I'm actually getting pretty tired of the MCU writing out its villains that way. Aside from the socially problematic, and media-wide, issue of constantly portraying conflicts as solvable only with violence and life-taking, it sucks when you like a villain, and know you're never going to get to see them again in this very long movie series. (Who else really liked Yellow Jacket in Ant-Man? Literally no one but me? Okay.)

The soundtrack was cool. I think it's definitely the most memorable MCU soundtrack to date. I don't usually take much notice of the music in a movie while I'm watching it, but in this one, I especially liked the traditional vs. modern motifs that represented T'Challa and Wakanda with African tribal music, and Killmonger with hip-hop.

As we left the theater, my brother said he "hated all the white-shaming." Well, uh. I thought the "white-shaming" was freaking hilarious. Honestly, I like how the usual roles of white and minority characters got reversed in this. Goes to show that Hollywood's perceived "appealing to the majority/baseline" is garbage. Everett Ross, in particular, was interesting. I didn't expect we would even see him again after his purely bureaucratic role in Captain America: Civil War. I now remember he was in the trailers for BP, but I had forgotten that when I started watching the movie, and was surprised to see him appear. I was further surprised that he joined in the ensuing shootout, and again at the end when he was forced to put his piloting skills to use in the final conflict. It fits back in with what I said earlier about Killmonger, taking a character who was presented as a pure dialogue dispenser in his previous appearance, and allowing him to show off other traits and skills that one wouldn't expect to see in his character archetype. I also love that Ross's last push to stop the weapons distributions required T'Challa's sister to instruct him in making a Wakandan arm gesture. Very appropriate!

—doctorlit will totally respond to Skarm's review a bit later today, wanted to get this down before the movie faded too much from his mind

"They're sitting on an entire mountain of spoilers, and they've been mining it for centuries." "They're sitting on an entire mountain of spoilers, and they've been mining it for centuries." "They're sitting on an entire mountain of spoilers, and they've been mining it for centuries."

I've been pointed at a summary of an interview with Iain M. Banks about A Gift From the Culture being in the running for a movie adaptation and the adaptation of Player of Games that fell through.

oh god it's the size of a bloody double-decker bus this was a dreadful mistake

Pernicketiness aside, I'm definitely excited to see what they do with it. =]

Séverine stirred the soup furiously, sloshing it over the sides of the pot. Ignoring the splashes of soup that were now burning into crusts on the stove top, she called, "Please hurry, Yoof! Lyn's team finished nearly ten minutes ago!" She gave a pained glance to the wheeled serving cart behind her, where a solid cubic meter of steaming lasagna stood imperiously on a tray in the center.

Yoof whined, "Hnnnnnn, I know, Séverine! It's almost ready to—" Then he gave a long, low moan.

Séverine's spirits crashed. "What has happened, Yoof?"

"Hnnnn . . . Séverine, I forgot to mix any yeast into this dough before I baked it! It's all short now."

Séverine let her breath out. "That is fine, Yoof! That just means that you have made flatbread."

Yoof's ears perked up. "I didn't even know I knew how to make flatbread! But now I know that I know it!"

"Indeed, Yoof, indeed." Séverine poured her finished soup into a serving tray that would fit in the salad bar.

Another agent skidded to a halt next to the cart, somehow keeping the pitcher she held from spilling. "Oh, crap!" she yelled. "I totally spaced and forgot to put any sugar in the lemonade! I've got to fix it or it'll be all bitter." She spun around, ready to head back to her work space.

"There is no time!" Séverine said, her voice high-pitched. "Just set it with the rest! If anyone complains, we can call it 'all-natural' or 'diet' or something. If they don't like it—"

"Don't read it!" Yoof chimed in, smiling.

"Something like that." Séverine lifted the tray of soup and quickly carried it over to the cart, letting it slam down next to the lasagna cube, and sloshing soup onto the cart and floor. The agent with the lemonade placed her pitcher on the other side.

A man sat in a chair nearby, playing Candy Crush on his phone. "Oh, right. I forgot I had a kitchen shift," he monotoned. "Consequently, I forgot to actually do anything involving food."

The other three cafeteria workers stared at him for several moments. Finally, Séverine said, "For God's sake, man. Even this division has some standards."

"Oh? Well, maybe you should try heating those up some time." He never looked up from the screen.

Séverine blinked. "'Standards' is not a kind of food, you imbecile."

He mumbled, "Maybe they will be if you heat them long enough."

"Ugh! Never mind him," Séverine said as Yoof stuck his flatbread loaf on top of the pitcher. "We have plenty of food to send out into the dining hall. Lyn's lasagna looks fine, and my soup is flawless. I did not forget anything." As she said this, she wheeled the cart through the big double doors and out of the kitchen.

And right into a mob of agents wielding pitchforks, torches, and furious glares.

"All right. I may have forgotten how dangerous a room filled with hungry agents can be."

—doctorlit note: Lyn's team belongs to Vixenmage.

Late evening in Response Center 1110. Chance of a new mission coming in: slight but not zero. Opportunities for extracurricular carousing: exhausted. Fellrazer and the minis: fed, watered, and settled into their corners. As for the agents . . .

Derik sat at the console desk, hand-writing their latest mission report. He was a hopelessly slow typist, and he appreciated the luxury of having paper freely available to write on with high-quality ink. Like anyone who had copied records under Master Archivist Arnor and not been kicked out, his handwriting was small and neat, and had become rather pretty with the freedom he now had to flourish.

Gall was cross-legged on the floor, sealing and labeling vials of the latest batch of Monstrous Nightmare Gel collected from Fellrazer. Selling the very useful commodity, which had started out simply as a means to keep the dragon fed without resorting to robbery, had turned into a serious enterprise. Gall had somewhat ingeniously expanded it by expanding her dragon at every opportunity, courtesy of the collar that normally kept him shrunk down to large-dog-size instead of large-horse-size: it worked in reverse, too. The bigger the dragon, the greater the volume of flammable saliva produced, the greater the profits. Some people might have questioned the physics of this, but such thoughts never crossed Gall's mind. It worked, because she wanted it to.

She had a habit of humming to herself while she worked, which Derik had grown to tolerate. Her voice wasn't bad, and she could carry a tune when she felt like it, but she often didn't bother with anything like a melody, just meandered aimlessly through pitches for which the notation he'd learned had no signs. He understood there were musical traditions that encouraged this sort of thing; he didn't think Gall's was actually one of them.

She stopped. He looked down at her, eyebrows raised in an inquiry.

She had a quizzical look on her face, her mouth pursed to one side. "Do you ever get the feeling you forgot something, but you can't think what?"

"Sometimes I think I've forgotten more than I ever knew," Derik said. "Why?"

"I've got it now, and it's really annoying."

He turned in his chair to face her more fully. The report would keep. "Well, is it something you were supposed to do?"

She shook her head. "No way. We did the mission; I flew and fed and de-drooled Fellrazer; the minis got their bacon and bouillabaisse; if I polished my mace any more it might blind your other eye; I haven't even worn my armor lately, let alone needed to clean it." She rapped her knuckles impatiently against her thigh as she thought. "Seriously, the hell?"

"Laundry?"

"Your turn this week, dude."

Derik grimaced; it was, and he hated it. "Plans? Anything you should have told me about and haven't?"

"I don't think so." More rapping. "I told you I'm doing the thing with the kids again, right?"

"Yes; I think I expressed my feeling that I still can't believe they let you."

Gall grinned. "Hey, Fellrazer and me are totally ambassadors for our universe. It's educational."

"And obscenely dangerous."

"Whaaat? We strap them on, so the worst that can happen to them is they puke, which is totally outside my control. Not my fault if they keep shouting 'do a barrel-roll!' and he's so well-trained he just reacts like a pro." She snickered, and Fellrazer, having lifted his head at the sound of his name, joined in with the odd hollow chortling noise that was the Nightmare's laughter.

Derik's jaw dropped open a moment. "That's not what I was talking about—but good grief, tell me that did not really happen."

Gall's grin got wider. "Hey, don't worry! We have DOGA agents on standby for when we do the flame jacket demo."

"Self-admitted pyromaniacs. This does not inspire me with confidence. And you didn't answer me."

"If you're so concerned, you should come next time," Gall said, leaning back on her elbows. She managed to do this with her legs still crossed, which made for an unusual view. "You could do the whole boring health and safety thing, and then our butts would be covered and we could get on with the important part: having fun."

"I'm busy, and no, I will not be your liability waiver."

"Aw, come on, you gotta take a break from your boyfriend sometime." Gall used her most ingratiating tone, which was both transparently insincere and irritating. "Have I mentioned lately that that bullshit is bullshit?"

Derik grinned. He was going to win this game. "What, the part where you're jealous? Would it help if I gave you all the sordid details of what we get up to, locked away together in that exceedingly tiny response center for hours on end?"

"Ugh. You suck—no pun, because that would be interesting and you are so boring and lame." Gall flopped all the way down onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. "What were we even talking about?"

Chuckling to himself, Derik shrugged and turned back to his report. "I forget."

---

I tried to get Gall to talk to me and give me something to work with here, because I really need to develop her more, but she wasn't cooperating. So I took having no idea what she might have been forgetting and ran with it, and this is what happened. {= P

~Neshomeh

I had a great idea for a way
To update jokes in that soliloquy
In Náriel, a farce (in the Musée,
For Númenórë sank into the sea).
I'd ref'rences that many Agents know,
And might through laughter help them to unwind.
One Gabby/Capper lemon later, though
I found the Bleeprin drove them from my mind!
This is a lesson learned; I need to write
Ideas down while still fresh in my brain.
Or else, if I must bleach my brain, I might
Unable be to bring them up again.
I wish I could recall the gags and see
If they were funny as they seemed to be.

She walked up to the man slowly as he stood by the dressing table. He was barely more than a boy, really, but muscular in a lean kind of way, a swimmer's build. He had sleek dark hair and piercing silver eyes, gazing out from behind some fashionable - and, she knew, highly advanced - thick-rimmed black spectacles. He was wearing an excellently tailored suit that fit him very well indeed, emphasising his physique and teaming well with the long Japanese sword he wore at his waist. Everyone assumed it was an affectation, right up until he killed them with it, like he had that commoner during training.

"Agent Morgan," she said, cutting the primness with just a little suggestiveness - it was how he liked to be addressed.

"Well, hey there, Roxy." He turned and smiled, gleaming, white, perfect. "And I told you already, you don't need to call me what that meddling old coot Arthur does. The special people in my life call me Bandit, and the people I love?" He walked closer, running his hand over her back. "Well, they get to call me Storm."

"Yes - Storm - of, of course." The blonde shivered at Storm's touch, but then, so many women did. "I... I just came by to give you this." She held up a small box.

"Aw, thank you, Roxy! What's the occasion?" Storm was already unwrapping the box's sober navy paper and white ribbon and plucking out the bottle of aftershave.

"Just the occasion of us being... us, I suppose," she replied. "Or you being you."

"Heh, guess all that world-savin' is paying off a li'l, huh?" He smiled again, sleek and white and evenly spaced as a military cemetery. "Man, and here I was thinking I'd get British girls just with the accent." He quirked an eyebrow.

She blushed a little and giggled. "It helps, Morg- Storm. It certainly helps."

"Yeah?" Storm put the present down on his dresser and moved towards her. "Is it helpin' now, Roxy?"

"Yes and no," she said, smiling. "Yes, because I like an accent, and no because, well..." She stood up, tossed her hair back, and changed.

"Storm Valerian Gunner," said the short, mousy-haired brunette in front of him, "also known as Agent Morgan, also known as Callsign: Bandit, you are charged with bending the Kingsman canon into an n-dimensional pretzel, killing the series main character to take his place, being an American Kingsman agent, being a secret ninja lord Kingsman agent, getting all blood in my hair from when you decapitated all those people, turning Roxy Morton into a quivering damsel to be rescued and bonked by you, taking Merlin's job despite being a field agent and also impossibly dense, getting blood in my hair do you know how long it takes to wash that stuff out, and generally being a Gary Stu of the first order. Not the First Order first order, because this isn't a Star Wars crossover, thank God, but still. Your sentence is death. Any last words?"

"What?" Storm unsheathed his sword and brandished it at her. "Who are you, and what did you do with Roxy."

"Those'll do me," said Cassie Aubrey, and she sped out the room and slammed the door shut behind her.

Her partner sidled over as the Stu began hacking at the door with his katana. "Damn, girl, that stunt took some hella balls!"

"Em?"

"I mean, there's balls, and then there's balls, ya dig?"

"Em!"

"Because I totally get that you're not into them but hot damn, Cass, those are some huevos muchachos ya got-"

"EM!"

"What?"

"DETONATOR!"

"Whuh?" Three inches of sword blade appeared by Em's right shoulder. "Oh, yeah. Whoops!" She fumbled through her bag and pressed the button. Three beeps and a horrible ker-splutch later, the execution was complete. The agents walked down the stairs as the uncanonical room disappeared behind them, and they left the Kingsman tailors' shop soon after, another well-dressed couple on a day out in London.

"You know, we've got the run of the city for a bit - the real city, not the Stu's version with all terrorists in it," said Cassie. "Fancy lunch? I know this fantastic little pizza place in Euston-"

"You had me at lunch, hun. Girl's gotta eat!" Em ruffled her partner's hair and didn't stop, loving the feel of the soft, brown curls against her fingertips.

"I will too, Em. I did promise."

"Yes you did."

And arm in arm, they walked away.

“Thoth, how did you get your name?” Tom asked the question seemingly apropos of nothing.

Thoth sighed, not looking up from his book. His partner’s occasional and seemingly random enquiries resulted in discussions that were either mildly interesting or extremely irritating. This one seemed to be approaching tiresome. “‘Thoth’ was the name I took after my legion’s egress from the Imperium. It was the name of an ancient Terran god of knowledge, although many details regarding this god have been long forgotten. It is an arrogant name, perhaps, but it is better to appear pretentious then to show a lack of confidence. In most cases, at least.”

“You know, I’ve been reading about Thoth of late,” said Tom. “While it may be half-forgotten in your continuum, in World One knowledge of Egyptian mythology is still very much alive. It’s quite fascinating.”

Thoth looked up, at once intensely focused. “Might you provide me with such information?”

“Certainly!” Tom grinned, almost laughing. “Take the book. I’ve just been reading about Thoth’s origins, so that’s where the bookmark is.” He tossed a moderate-sized tome over to the Space Marine.

Thoth caught the book and began to read rapidly.

“Well?”

Thoth nodded. “Fascinating. I appreciate it.”

“You’re not going to—”

“No. The fact that you continue attempt to jab at me is more bothersome than the jabs themselves.”

Tom gave his most winning smile. “Well, I’m glad you enjoy the book at any rate, headchild.”

“Tom…” Thoth sighed. “Cease. It is pointless, and I am reading.”

Tom turned to his monitor. Sooner or later, he’d manage to get a reaction. And although he recognized this might be a bad idea, he found it amusing nonetheless.

--

This bit was prompted by a discussion on Discord. If you weren't there and don't study Egyptian mythology (I really don't know enough about the subject, given my name), you may be confused a bit as to what Tom's up to here.

Egyptian mythology is a confusing mess of entirely contradictory stories. However, one of the more popular versions of Thoth's origin is... extremely NSFW.

Tom continues to love jabbing Thoth with things, because He Is A Child.

RC 112358 echoed with the sound of a furious search. Drawers were being systematically opened, rummaged through, emptied, re-filled, closed, and then opened again several minutes later. Anything resembling a container in the room was checked and re-checked, including pockets. The beds and furniture were moved to check for the lost item. Peregrin even tried to move the console, which didn't budge, but it was worth a try. Throughout all this, muttered questions like "now where did I leave...?" and "where could I have put...?" could be heard, usually paired with Peregrin scratching his head or beard.

Peregrin scoured the room about two and a half times before coming to the conclusion that what he was looking for was likely not there. He stood around and tried to make a list of where he had been recently, and when he last remembered having this thing.

"I had it out on the mission ... and then I put in that bag over there..." he said, pointing at the bag and going to check it (which yielded no results) "and then when we returned I went to ... where did I go? Rudi's, I believe. Or was it... Hm... . Either way, I took it out there, and so I did not leave it on the mission. I think. So where...?"

Peregrin sat down on the floor, took some deep breaths, and tried to remember.

Right as he got to thinking, the RC's door opened. Taq walked in, looking as if he'd just finished practicing with his sword - for that was what he had been doing.

"Eh?" Peregrin said, looking around. "Oh, Taq! Would you happen to remember where our CAD is?" he asked. "I, ah," he looked down sheepishly, "seem to have misplaced it."

Taq took a step back, just to make sure he was out of easy striking range. "Sir, it exploded, sir. On th' mission, sir. Ya took th' bits t' DoSAT, sir."

Peregrin stood up with his memory thoroughly jogged. "Oh, yes, yes, it did. Right. Thank you for reminding me." He then walked over to a chalkboard that he'd managed to get installed on one wall, circled something, and told the air "So that experiment will need to be delayed to the arrival of a new CAD. So now ... oh, idea! What if the total flux through a stable plothole were non-zero. That would imply plotholes were directional, which is contradicted by, so no, unless... hold... it could be..." All of this mathematics was accompanied by occasional marks on the chalkboard, which made no sense to anyone else, and often didn't make much sense to Peregrin a few days later either.

Taq, meanwhile, shrugged and walked back out of the RC after setting down his sword. This human the Flowers had put him under was weird, even by their standards, and Taq was not needed when he was like this. So, he went to go get a drink, wondering how Peregrin had managed to get promoted to any sort of senior position to distract himself on the way there.

Faolan's head jerked off her chest and her cheeks pinked when Jessica snickered beside her. "Yes! Yes, sorry, what is it?"

"I asked you to pass your essay up," Professor Longbottom said gently.

"Right, yes, of course," Faolan stammered, scrambling for her bag and digging through it. There were her textbooks, and her Charms essay, and her star chart for Astronomy that night, but her essay over fanged geraniums was nowhere to be found. "Er." She looked up, face burning with embarrassment. "I think I forgot it in my dorm, Professor."

Professor Longbottom nodded as he collected the remaining essays. "Would you mind seeing me after class, Miss Saibhir?"

She nodded, keeping her eyes on the table in front of her. Jessica leaned over to Denise and whispered something, and the two girls giggled.

The bell rang and students rose from their seats, and Professor Longbottom had to raise his voice to be heard over the clamor. "Elspeth, ten points to Ravenclaw for answering all my questions correctly. Next week, we'll be starting on Screechsnaps, so don't come late!"

Faolan slowly approached Professor Longbottom's desk, stifling a yawn. She'd stayed up all night working on not just her essay, but Jessica's and Denise's and Alisha's. And tonight she had to do their manticore diagrams, and start on their Transfiguration homework—

She was jolted out of her thoughts when Professor Longbottom snapped his briefcase shut. "I didn't want to say something in class that would be seen as favoritism," he began, "but if you can run back to your dorm and bring me your essay before the end of lunch, I won't count you late."

Relief spread across Faolan's face and she nodded. "Thank you, Professor," she said. "I'll go get it right now—"

She turned to leave, but Professor Longbottom cleared his throat. "I hope you know you can talk to me if there's anything bothering you."

Faolan turned back, forcing a smile. "Nothing's bothering me, Professor," she said, internally cringing at the thought of what her dorm mates might do to her if she tattled. "But thank you for the offer."

Professor Longbottom studied her face, her gaunt cheeks and sunken eyes with their dark circles. He knew something most certainly was bothering the girl, but without seeing proof for himself, his hands were tied. "Alright," he finally said. "I'll see you later."

"Bye," Faolan said, and bolted for the door. She had to get to her essay before her dorm mates could.

She sprinted across the grounds, praying nobody could be bothered to look twice at her lurching gait—up the wide stone steps—across the entrance hall—up another flight of stairs—another—another—

"Doxy bites," she panted when she reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, and it swung open. She scrambled through the portrait hole and drew on her last reserves of energy to run up the stairs to the girls' dorm, sending up a silent prayer of thanks that they hadn't decided to flatten on her today.

She was too late. Of course she was too late. Her bedside table was empty, and when she checked inside her trunk and under the bed, it was nowhere to be found.

Her dorm mates would be in the Great Hall now, she knew, and Caitlyn had taken to haunting the library in preparation for their O.W.L.s, so that refuge was no longer safe. Faolan trudged back down the stairs, resigned to spending another lunch period in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.

Nice to see you...sort of back?

...and that loophole is Dahlia-shaped.

As long as the fic's text is pasted into a Google doc, I could still write a Monstery Science Theory story.

...assuming anybody actually liked Dahlia and her weirdness, that is.

And if said blocking happens to be due to any family mindset that wouldn't sound out of place as an entry on the For Other People page, I salute you again.

Funny, I should probably introduce myself. I've heard of you already, so maybe that's why I didn't go into "eyyyyyyyyy returnbie!" mode. Or maybe I do know you, ish, meaning maybe I've seen you before. I joined back in April 2017, so... Hi?

-Twistey

Sorta. But anyway, *tosses Spikes* :D

I completely understand everything, and it has been an honor working with you throughout your stint as a PPC writer. I'm glad to know you as a friend, and I'll happily cheer you on and talk to you whenever I myself am not busy being swallowed whole by my own work! X'D

And sadly, I can't really play WoW at this time due to the paywall/subscription fee, but I'll try to reason with my family once I get paid better. We'll see how it turns out!

Still, that all sounds great! =D I don't have any way to play WoW, though, otherwise I'd join you on there. I do still have GHangouts if you want to chat with me that way sometime, though.

https://youtu.be/KKlKX0do4Rc

Fair warning: it's a shaky cell phone video, and I'm off-tempo and pitchy as hell. But I added captions, so at least something about this is high quality. {= )

~Neshomeh has a YouTube channel now.

I'm not sure what to think of either of these, really. They both seem pretty alright, at least. I haven't listened to the song properly yet, so I can't say for sure.

The fic is... hm. I could be wrong, but this is an AAR, right? If so, I kind of have categorical issue with it, in that I'm not sure what I'd get out of reading this over playing my own game of Skyrim, as the mainline quest (probably the main aspect of what will be covered) doesn't, as I understand, vary that much from player to player. Am I wrong about this? I mean, sure I'm getting a strong main character, who does seem interesting, and I'm looking at their choices, but that doesn't really make up for the fact that were're going through the motions of a story I've already seen. Part of the problem may be that I've just been playing through Skyrim for the first time, so all this stuff is perfectly fresh in my mind. If that wasn't the case, I might have enjoyed the fic more.

Indeed, for what it is, it's a very well-written piece. The extra flourishes, things that aren't expressed in the game, work very well to give us a sense of who this character is. I'm just not sure what it is satisfies me.

Have some Swiss bleepolate. If you don't mind sharing, what's the story behind your screen name?

~Z

Hi there! I'm Twistey, a fellow pun lover who doesn't like to admit it. Oops as well. I have lots of fandoms and make a good amount of original stuff too.

So, anything else about you? Fandoms? Original writing? What brought you here? Etc.

For your newbie gift, here, have a bottle of this purple stuff I invented. It may or may not be an antidote to the yellow stuff I gave another newbie a while back. I won't tell. If you stick around long enough, you'll learn what exactly that yellow stuff does and what the holders of the purple stuff must do.

Nice to meet you! Welcome to the PPC!

-Twistey

Have one of my own shed feathers and a complimentary kit of Spikes!

(I need to answer quicker.) Still, please accept a bag of black-hole chocolates as a welcome gift.

I wish you well, have a half-kilo of lembas bread.

Don't worry about the pun-lover thing, you'll be in excellent company.

Have a pile of multi coloured pens.

Nice to meet you! What's your favorite genre, beit of writing or of movie? Welcome aboard, and enjoy your stay. Have a pair of sneakers with laser pointers on the ends. You'll never know when you'll need them most.

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate and enjoy your stay! And don't worry, we don't bite... much.

If you haven't yet read them, may I point you towards the Original Series and the Constitution? They're pretty much the only required reading around these parts. Another useful resource you might use is the Wiki; if you have any questions, just look here before asking. We like it when newbies do the research.

Got any favorite fandoms?

I'm too tired to say what I usually say with greeting posts, and I think that's going to be the new norm, so hello there. I'm Twistey. Newish-bie, approaching my first Boardaversary. Lots of fandoms. Hi. Welcome back.

-Twistey

Also a Sindarin must-not-leave-PPC-territory dub of World 1's animated reconstruction of i-Vellas e-Dalechoth*!

Hopefully I'm not creating a mini-Reaper here. According to my sources, "Dalec" should not be affected by the mixed mutation. I created the mini-Reaper Talek last year by neglecting the soft mutation.

* "The Power (lit. 'Might') of the Daleks"

Even though I'm pretty sure I joined long after you did lol. Anyway, have one of my own shed feathers and a complimentary kit of Spikes!

Hi, Leto! Long time, no see! Last I heard, I think you were teaching English in Japan? How was that? How's things?

As hS says, we do indeed still use the General Store! As mentioned at the end of that story, my DMS team go there for Dragon Chow—and don't worry, they definitely pay properly. {= )

Have some welcome-back Canon Cookies!

~Neshomeh

It has been a while- I was a Techno-Dann in the bad old days, and then I caught a case of the genders. Welcome back!

Have a plate of brief welcome-back SPaGhetti!

[Fumbles for light switch; gives up; pulls out matches and lights candle instead] See? Still works! ^^

You'll probably only recognise a handful of names, but yes, we're still here, still insane, and still <a href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mJb2N_MzN3NF0rJUhXQj-k5qU37-lNc--11xNElDdM/pub">visiting the HQ General Store whenever we need something too ordinary to be found on a mission. We even had a snowball fight a few months back...

hS

Why must cool stuff happen all the time to a game I can't play!?

Also: thank GOD, her armor actually looks somewhat practical.