Sep 2017 Archive, part a

Lumos. Hard to believe it's been that long...

Thank you, Harry Potter.

You did not teach me why reading was worth it - I knew far before I met you. But your touch has still been clearly visible in my own story.

You wanna know what my first-ever TRPG character was named? Expecto Patronem, more commonly called Expelliarmus.

You wanna know what one of the biggest mainstays of my daydreams is? Magic of all kinds. The two hands-down most frequent systems are the Will and the Word (from the Belgariadverse) and yours.

You wanna know who has a small collection of wands on her shelf? Me.

Merci beaucoup et joyeux anniversaire, Harry Potter.

I don't think there was any book series that impacted my childhood quite as much as this one.

Lumos

I was there that last day. At the launch for DH. I remember by brother locking himself in his room to read it. I remember seeing the films for the first time. I remember it all.

I remember the books that taught me about reading. Not the numbers and letters and words, no: about why it was all *worth it*. About how reading could take you to worlds beyond this one.

Thank you, Harry. You changed my life. I don't know where I'd be without you.

*wipes tears*

((I entirely place the blame for this one on GMA and his tendency to find completely off-the-wall werewolf matefics.))

Summary: Agent Ix, better known as Faolan, reclaims her rightful place as the pack's Alpha Queen. Harem.

I’m changing some of the characters into werewolves for the purpose of this story. I hope you like it!

Agent Ix was an enigmatic young woman. Faolan, as she was rightfully called—it meant wolf—was an agent of the PPC like everyone else, but she had a secret. A dark, monstrous secret. Faolan was a werewolf, and one that hungered for flesh. Not to eat… but to love.

She thought she was doomed to be a loner amongst agents until the day she met another werewolf, her soulmate, Charlotte Moon, and discovered she was none other than the wolf that had turned her. The secret coven of werewolves that lived in the PPC were about to gain a new pack member.

Faolan moaned as Charlotte drew her closer to her body. "Oh, Charlotte... my mistress, my Alpha, my mate..."

"What is it, my dear?" Charlotte purred, biting her ear.

"Take me away from the PPC," she said breathily. "They suppress the wolf here, make it impossible for me to transform... poison me with Wolfsbane... keep me from my pack..."

Charlotte chuckled softly and knotted her fingers in Faolan's hair. "I'll have to teach you to be a good little submissive after all these years left untrained," she growled.

"Yes, mistress," Faolan gasped, feeling a thrilling tingle race through her body at her words.

"Fifteen years away from the pack.. I should have taken you as mine from the moment I first bit you," Charlotte said.

"My parents never understood me," Faolan said, her lip curling. "They would chain me up every month rather than let me roam free to hunt as our kind has the right to!"

"Despicable," Charlotte said. She traced a finger down the side of Faolan's face. "Now that it's been so long, I'm going to need to refresh your bite. Hold still, pup."

Faolan obeyed, grateful to her mistress for the new opportunity she was giving her. She flinched when her teeth pierced the skin of her shoulder, and hot blood burned as it ran down her arm. But it was a good kind of pain, and she wished she would bite her again. She was wild with desire now, as the werewolf's saliva began to take its amorous effect on her senes.

Her eyes rolled back in her head and she passed out.

After Faolan awoke and was taken to the PPC’s hidden chambers for bathing, Charlotte ordered her to undress. She did so, shyly, but her shyness was mollified when she realized how hungrily she was looking at her body.

“Every scar you carry on your body,” Charlotte said, coming over to trace a thin one on her lip, “is a mark of your unwillingness to accept who you truly are. Your body rejects my blessing and marks you as ugly. Now that you have found your mate, however…” She leaned in and licked a scar that ran along Faolan's collarbone. There was a warm, soothing sensation, like a salve being applied to a burn, and as they watched, the scar faded away to nothingness.

As Charlotte bathed her, she licked along her skin, healing every blemish and scrape she had inflicted upon herself.

“Do not restrain yourself, my pup,” Charlotte said, her hot breath tickling her ear. “You’re like a flower denied sunlight: without it, you wilt, but when nurtured, you blossom into something beautiful.”

She looked at the mirror he held to her and gasped. Gentle, yet intense amber eyes peeked out from long, curled lashes, and her cheeks were rosy, smooth, and dangerously alluring. Her eyebrows arched inquisitively, giving her a playful, mischievous, mateworthy look, and her body was nothing but curves and smooth, flawless skin.

Charlotte couldn’t help but groan when she saw her new mate. “You look like the Queen,” she said, trailing kisses along Ix’s collarbone. “Even your scent… but no, you couldn’t be…”

“Be what?” Faolan asked.

Charlotte’s orange eyes met Faolan's amber ones.

“The reborn Werewolf Queen,” Charlotte said.

So what do you think? Leave good reviews and I’ll update again, loves! Next chapter will be about werewolfs in the PPC and I can’t wait to share with you!

Title: "The Cabin" (( NSFW, seriously. ))
Summary: The most uptight agent of them all finally learns to relax with a little help from a friend. Supernumerary/J. Robinson, genderbending, M/M, D/s, casual drug use.
Rating: M
Genre: Friendship/Romance
Status: Complete

You wanted it, lovelies, and you got it. Enjoy! But not too much.

Ah, who am I kidding? Go nuts! :D

--Lemony

(( A couple people encouraged me to finish this during a CAHQ game, and then Phobos practically sat on me until I did and has pronounced it good to go, so here it is!

(( As I said of the original release: This story is intended as one of the rare stealth goodfics that crop up every now and then in the fic archives. 100% non-canon, but not actually bad. YMMV on the subject material, but I did my best.

(( ~Neshomeh wrote an entire lemon ohgodohgodohgod... ))

AN: You know how there's an OFU for practically every fandom out there? Well, JayBird had an inkling of a cool idea; what if there was one for the PPC? But the result was predictably illegible and Ronion kinda-sorta indirectly challenged the rest of us to rewrite it better, so, here I go! All OCs mentioned belong to their original authors.

Chapter One

On a beautiful summer morning in the Shire, an elf called Tallulah Greensleeves walked along the riverbank. Except, she wasn't truly an elf at all.

She was a fangirl. And not just any fangirl, a PPC fangirl. How she'd ended up as an elf in the Shire was anyone's guess. She said she was Legolas' sister and had learned alongside Aragorn, but she sometimes claimed that Frodo and Sam (Rosie never showed up, conveniently) had raised her. Once she'd almost convinced Merry and Pippin she was a mermaid.

Whatever the case, she was here now, and she was determined to find a way for the PPC to recognize her and sort out her situation. She kept a watchful eye out for Sues, even though most Suethors rarely if ever wrote about the Shire. If she could help identify and assassinate one, they would surely rescue her and train her in the ways of being an agent. Maybe she'd even get a chance to find true love!

As soon as she thought that, a swirling blue portal opened underneath her and dumped her flat on her butt in a dreary gray hallway. A daisy and a few dandelions turned to look at her.

Welcome to Headquarters, Miss Greensleeves, said the daisy. Please do not scream, you'll see much stranger things than psychic flowers.

"I know," said Tallulah. "I've read a whooooole lot about this business. Why am I here, anyway?"

You've been chosen to attend Tofu Hop. Did you not receive an application letter? The Daisy tilted its head slightly.

"Uh...no...? What's Tofu Hop, anyway? Sounds like a dance or a fllash game."

It's neither, said one of the dandelions. Follow us and you'll find out.

So the Daisy and the dandelions led her to (according to the very large sign next to the doors) the Not As Big As The Big Auditorium But Bigger Than The Small Auditorium Auditorium, which was full of fangirls.

Tallulah only noticed the Sunflower Official on stage, though, and ran up to hug him.

Oh no you don't! yelled a Security Dandelion, and grabbed Tallulah by the arm. First rule of an Official Fanfiction University: No glomping the canon characters.

"But the Flowers aren't from any canon so it's OK to hug them!" Tallulah countered, struggling.

"The PPC counts as a canon," said an elf with black and gold hair. "Also, hi, I'm Jessaminthe Windflower Evenstar, second daughter of Elrond and Princess of Rivendell."

"Cool name. I'm Tallulah Greensleeves, Legolas' sister. I studied alongside Strider--you know, Aragorn? Also I might be part-mermaid." The Security Dandelion released her, and she went to a seat with her name written in Elvish on the back.

"How the ... can you be Legolas' sister and a mermaid?" demanded a pink-eyed girl with black hair. "There are no fish-women in Arda, and if there were Thranduil wouldn't have ...ed one."

"Nobody asked you, Morana," said Jessaminthe.

"Oh, like your backstory's any more plausible, you stupid shallow bi--"

There was a pointed psychic cough from the stage, and everyone turned to the Sunflower Official. Now that I have your attention, fans, let me officially welcome you to PPC Headquarters.

"Yaaaaaay!" Tallulah cheered.

I appreciate your enthusiasm. Now then, I'm sure you know that there has been a lot of bad fanfiction about the PPC.

There was a general uneasy murmur, and many of the fangirls exchanged nervous or guilty glances with each other. Morana, however, simply looked smug.

So, just as Miss Cam started the Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth to deal with an influx of bad Tolkien fanfiction, we have created the Official Fanfiction University of the Headquarters of the PPC. Yes, it's long, but we needed something that would fit the acronym of 'Tofu Hop'.

"So that's what it means," said Tallulah.

The Sunflower Official waved his leaves, and a host of other Flowers and famous Agents came on stage. The Bonsai Mallorn, the Lichen, the Marquis and the regular Daisy...and on the Agent side, Luxury, Dafydd Illian, Trojanhorse and Paddlebrains, Suicide, Miiro, Supernumerary, even Jay and Acacia (no one quite knew how; probably a plothole). Tallulah, to her credit, did not squee, though she did have a very enthusiastic grin.

"They're all so pretty..." said Jessaminthe with a dreamy expression.

(2nd AN: I'm not apologizing.)
((Over to you, Zingenmir ^^))

Richard end Marina ouere sent back tou anozer micheun fore ze ivil Floueurs, dans un setting caulled Chine Mégami Tenséi, ouere zere are mény ivil monsteurs, tou kill eu Siu, ou can seummon mini dimons, bicoz zat's eune important fing in Chine Mégami Tenséi.

Leukily, Perussona are bétteur que Dimons, so Richard can kill zem ole. Zen Marina kill the Siu wiv blak majic, bicoz ze Siu iz ivil énd dizerv it.

((Finally sent my master's degree to my teacher. My last week as a student.))

Tallulah Greensleeves (A/N: kk so shes' Laegolasses sister fron mIlkwood whois not JUTS an elf but aslo a MERIMADE adn she grw up wit FORDO and SAM who livd togtheer in tihs stor becasue veryone knoes tehyr'e GAU and tahts' FIN but neway she wet to teh same shool as SPIDER who is aslo calld ARGAGON spollers lol neway now shse in tihs sotry) was walking along the banks of the Shire River when SUDDENLY a swirling blue portal (A/N kk so i KNOOOO i ususually make tehm pink witch is BETTAR but tihs is a bad protal sort of opps spoylers) opened under her feet and dropped her straight into PPC HQ. So she landed in a corridor and said to the Daisy (A/N not teh markee but the ohter dassy whos'e allays standining cordirors and suck) "Why am I here?" and the Daisy said Because you've been chosen to come to Tofu Hop, and Tallulah said, "What's Tofu Hop? It sounds like a game," but the Daisy said It's not a game, COME WITH ME and you'll see.

So the Daisy led Tallulah (A/N THERE ELLZ ANDA HAITCH ive bene watching doctro who can yuo telll?????) to the Not As Big As The Big Auditorium But Bigger Than The Small Auditorium Auditorium, and who should she see there, but... the SUNFLOWER OFFICIAL! And she ran up to him and gave him a hug because he's so awesome. Thank you, Tallulah Greensleeves, said the Sunflower Official (A/N: omng he is SO NISE), but please take your seat so we can get started.

Tallulah looked back at the seats to find they were all full of FANGIRLS, and there was one with her name on it (A/N: writting in ELFISH LETTETERS), so she went to it and she sat down. "Hello," she said to the girl on her left, "I'm Tallulah Greensleeves and I'm Legolas' sister from Mirkwood, and I'm not just an elf but also a mermaid, and I grew up with Frodo and Sam, who live together because they're gay and that's fine, and also I went to the same school as Strider who is also called Aragorn."

"Hi," said the girl next to her, who had black and gold hair and pointy ears, "I'm Jessaminthe Layla Windflower Evenstar (A/N: Jessaminthe is righten by MrsSupernumerary and shes' RILLY COOLL), I'm Arwen's sister and Elrond's daughter and the princess of Rivendell."

"Cool," said Tallulah, and she turned to the girl on her right. "Hello," she said, "I'm Tallulah Greensleeves and I'm Legolas' sister from Mirkwood, and I'm not just an elf but also a mermaid, and I grew up with Frodo and Sam, who live together because they're gay and that's fine, and also I went to the same school as Strider who is also called Aragorn."

"Ugh," said the girl on her right, who had black and pink hair, spitting on her, "I'm Morana Kristine Stephanie Hecate King (A/N MorONa is righten by NightmareTwisteyTheDemonFoxAnimatronic who is EFIL and a PLAJJERIS so DONT@T REED HER SOTRYS), I'm a 16-year-old girl with black-and-pink hair reaching to just below my boobs and shiny pink eyes, and I hate you."

"Well, that isn't very nice," said Tallulah. "Why do you hate me?"

"Because I hate everything which is nice," said Morana, spitting on her again.

Tallulah was about to say something which would make Morana feel very bad for what she was saying, but then the Sunflower Official spoke again. Hello, fans of the PPC, he said. As you know, I am the Sunflower Official-

"Yaaaaaay!" shouted Tallulah.

Thank you, Tallulah, said the Sunflower Official. You're really nice; can I call you Tally?

"Of course!" shouted Tallulah. "Can I call you Sunny?"

I would be flattered, said the Sunflower Official. Now, fans of the PPC, he said, I'm sure you know that there has been a lot of bad fanfiction about the PPC.

Morana cackled. "And lots of it is MINE!"

Precisely. When there was a lot of bad fanfic of Lord of the Rings, Miss Cam started OFUM to deal with it. Well, now we are doing the same thing. The Sunflower Official waves his leaves, and lots of other Flowers and Agents came up onto the stage. There was the Bonsai Mallorn and the Marquis de Sod and the Lichen, and also there was Dafydd Illian and Supernumberary and Suicide and even Jay and Acacia.

"Wow!" said Jessaminthe next to Tallulah. "They're all so dreamy! (A/N: sso Jessaminthe is lick in luv with EDERYBODI in her sotry so I dessided to make her lov all teh argents here hop tehts' okey!!)"

Fangirls, said the Sunflower Official, and also Captain Deadly (A/N: shootout two xXth0th999Xx!!1)... welcome to The Official Fanfiction University of the Headquarters Of the PPC.

"Tofu Hop!" gasped Tallulah. "So that's what the Daisy meant!"

~~~~~

A/N kk so I nedded lost of caractars for tihs so i borruwd some HOPP TAHTS OKAE neway more chappie sun!! ~J~B~

Disclaimers and stuff: All right, I obviously don't own any characters here. This fic is rated 18, or M in Freedomland. Not going to be explicit (it's not as explicit as Scape's masterpiece), but it's not hard to figure out what's going on here. You've been warned.

---------------------------------------------

Zeb padded into the Courtyard luxuriantly as his wonderful soft luxuriant fur had just been carefully washed by his partner. He gazed over the lush green grass, the verdant trees, and the sparkling blue water beforewalking into the center of the area to lie down and wait for someone to show up

It was at that time coincidentally that Ix wwalkec inn and Zeb as always wondered what happened for him to get all those scars across his face and stuff. Ix took a few steps into the Courtyared, looking up at the sky, and let out a shriek of internal pain and agony baring out her soul to any who could hear. Zeb bounced over as was his way.

"Hey, Ix!" Zeb bounced "Whatup?"

Ix smiled despite himself because it's impossible to be sad and angsty when confronted with a happy luxray. "oh Zeb" he said "I'm just so unhappy all the time and Charlotte is just smothering me in her protective awesomeness! I can't deserve her so I'm out here alone instead of doing whatever in the RC."

Zeb nodded sagely, still bouncing around. “Well do you want a distraction or something? I can go fetch stuff like sticks!”

“Sure” Ix said and tackleglomped Zeb petting him and his beautiful silky fur all over and started tearing his clothes off to reveal more beautiful scars which Zeb wasted no time in licking sensually. Eventually the two pulled away, breathless. “Wow that was great,” Ix said. “I barely feel terrible and angsty now!”

“Good!” Zeb replied. “I’m told I have a way of rubbing off on people like that.”

“You certainly do.”

It was then that Zeb had an idea, an idea to do something he’d always wanted to do since getting blown up and winding up in the PPC. Before long, both Agents were having lots of fun, rolling in the grass of the Courtyard and ending up with Zeb standing over the almost-Auror as the sun was setting, painting the sky with a dazzling array of oranges and golden yellows and other similarly gem- and precious metal-inspired colors.


And Ix screamed into the sky, tears of pure joy and pleasure streaming down his face,



“OHHHHHHHH ZEBBIE-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN~~~~~”

[[AN: AUGH. You wake up the next morning and discover that you've posted to FFW drunk. Apologies for that nonsense. The following story will be up to my usual standards of quality.]]

The Aviator walked into Rudis and sat down at the bar. "Grr. I am sad and angsty," she said, in a sad and angsty. She then burst into tears and started crying. She took out some black paint and started painting her face.

"Oh shut up," said Acacia, who was sitting nearby. "If you keep crying like that, I'll stab you."

At this point, The Head of the PPC, Mr. Sunflower, walked in the bar. Everyone in the bar bowed. "Good news!" he said. "I just sent out all the paychecks, and we've done such a good job you can all get a two weeks vacation!"

Everyone cheered, except Agent Selene. She wished she could spend more time doing her job.

Just then, Thoth walked in. "I just loosed a bunch of Genestealers all over HQ. Jave fun dealing with that!"

"But why would you do that?" Asked Agent Cameo. "It doesn't benefit you at all?"

"Because," said Thoth, "I'm evil! Do you think I need a reason? MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Just then, Tom hit Thoth in the back of his head with a crowbar. "Sorry about that. Come on..." He dragged Thoth back to the RC by his T-shirt.

Then Jay showed up and punched Acacia in the face. This started a barfight, which stopped why Terry Pratchett entered the room.

"But what are you doing here?" asked Jay.

"Didn't you know? I'm secretly an agent." said Terry. He then gave them all copies of the 50th Discworld novel, causing most of the participants in the fight to become so focused on reading that they stopped fighting.

Then the author of this fic walked into the room and was immediately shot by Agent Zeb for writing something this stupid.

Summary: I decided to try something different. Ave/Dee.

The Aviator was in her TARDIS, cleaning up after having put Elanor to bed. Suddenly, the Detective walked in!

"Aah!", the Aviator shouted, scared, "How did you get in here?"

"The front door." said the Detective.

"What do you want?"

"Remember that one time we did some stuff when we were drunk?"

"Yep!" said Ave. "It was fun!"

"It sure was."

"Did you want to do it again?". The Aviator, who'd already taken most of her clothes off to be more comfortable clearing, started to take off the rest of them.

The Detective blushed. "Uh ... yeah. I did. 's why I came here."

"Cool. It's great that you came by again. I've needed to get in another relationship after my last boyfriend died in the war."

Ave then shrugged dismissively and said, a bit quieter, "Between you and me, he was kind of lame. Not like you."

"Awww, thanks!" The Detective was a bit surprised that anyone was saying that sort of stuff about him, and tried not to show it. It didn't work out very well.

The Aviator looked towards the bedroom, and then realized something. "We can't have sexytimes here?!" she said suddenly. "We'd wake Elanor!"

"Damm. That sucks." said Dee, rather disappointed. "Maybe later, then.". He started walking away.

On his way out of the room, he remembered something. "Wait! My TARDIS has a spare bedroom! Maybe yours does too?"

"I dunno. Let's go look?"

And so the two lovers went off in search of the spare bedroom, holding hands. Fortunately, thanks to Ave's expert navigational skills (which were so good that she could find places in Headquarters while trying to get there), they found it in about a minute, even though it was halfway across the TARDIS.

They went in, and Dee started to take off his clothes too. Both the Time Lords got into bed, and started off with several rounds of passionate snuggling and kissing. After a good hour or so of that, they put the legendary Time Lord stamina to work. They spent the next day or so plowing each other relentlessly, thereby setting off a whole new round of speculation in the Multiverse Monitor about Elanor's parentage.

Somewhere in the middle of a pile of all these goings-on whose detailed description would bump the rating too much for this website, Ave turned to the Detective and squealed "Oh my god, I love you!"

"I love you too, Ave!"

"We should get married! Elanor already thinks you're her dad, we might as well make it official. And then we can do this every night!"

"Sounds like a great plan! We can do that after we get tired of this!"

They then got back to screwing.

Eventually, the two bleary Time Lords, faces glowing with happiness, stumbled out of bed. They took a shower (together, obviously) and then put their clothes on. Then, they started heading out of the TARDIS so they could portal to Vegas and get the wedding over with.

As they were leaving, they saw Zeb, who was sniffing the air.

"Ave! Dee! You were mating, weren't you?" he asked, teasing.

"Yeah! And we're getting married! Want to come?" the Aviator said, excited.

"Duh! What took you two so long? You're perfect for each other!"

Both Time Lords looked at each other and shrugged. "Dunno." they said, nearly in unison.

The new couple (and Zeb) then left the TARDIS and started fiddling with the portal generator.

A/N: To be continued? Maybe. Depends on if I get reviews.

(Note from the Original, Non-Suethor Version Of This Author:

This fic may end up being NSFW and/or NSFB. I'm not sure exactly where to go with it. It features Sued versions of some agent ideas I had recently, along with some of the more famous agents made by other people functioning as the Sues' punching bags or adoring fans. I have particularly mischievous plans for a few of the male agents... TuT But anyway! Let's go, then!)

----
The New Recruit

---Prologue---

As I slept in my luxurious bed in my sweet home town of Las Vegas after a day of gambling (my parents let me do whatever I want), I had the most wonderful dream. I was standing in the middle of a beautiful, dark forest clearing underneath a huge, pure white full moon. Everything smelled of pine and aspen and maple and flowers too, like lavender and honeysuckle and pink roses, my favorite of all. In the clearing there was a small, still reflecting pool, surrounded by a short circle of rose bushes, and before it was a massive yellow sunflower that appeared to be watching me. It was wearing a robe of some sort. I approached the giant flower and stared at it in wonder, and a couple seconds later, it began to speak to me.

Tomorrow, you will come to a new world, it said, its voice echoing through my brain. Do not be afraid. You will discover new power within you, more than you've ever dreamed of. Then I felt my heart beating in every part of me with a strong, regular rhythm, and everything slowly went dark as the flower's last words faded away:

Feel... it... pulse...

I woke up falling.

---Chapter 1---

Hi, my name is Morana Kristine Stephanie Hecate King, and I'm a 16-year-old girl with black-and-pink hair reaching to just below my boobs and shiny pink eyes. Usually before I came here I would wear blue contacts and say that my hair was dyed so that I wouldn't be mocked (and yes, some people found out and mocked me anyway), but once I came to the place where I belonged, I threw those suckers away! Of course, I still wear makeup, even though I look gorgeous without it, with my beautiful face and figure, because doing people's makeup is what I like best. I always wear clothes that make me look super cute, like right now I've got on a black strapless top with a pink glittery skull on it, a short black skirt with a pink glittery belt, thigh-high black and pink striped stockings, and black lace-up boots with pink glittery lightning bolts on them. In terms of accessories, I also am wearing a pink light-up pendant necklace (ha, bet you didn't know those exist!), black wrist-guard thingies like Wonder Woman wears except black not gold, and my new jacket over my shoulders. Why'd they have to make my department logo a cactus? That's so lame! A pink glittery broken heart would be better. Anyway, you can get a general image of me now, right? Aren't I hawt? Yeah, I know.

But that's not the point of the story, is it? I know you want some makeup tips from me, but I have to tell you about how I got to my favorite place ever, my new home. What is that? Well, let's go back to me falling. I was falling and falling and falling as I flailed my arms in a futile attempt to somehow get out of the hole I was in as my mind raced to figure out what was going on. Had I been sleepwalking? What was going on? Why wasn't I in my pajamas? Oh well, it seemed like in my sleep I'd picked out my cutest outfit yet! Go me! I kept falling, and I fell faster and faster and faster. I was wondering when I was going to stop falling when I saw the ground approaching. The ground had tiles on it, and they were white and black. Why not pink? Wherever I was going needed a remodeling. And that's when I hit the ground, landing on my feet standing as I looked around the place. I appeared to be in some sort of office building, in a room with windows and doors. Surrounding me were many young adults in black jackets and the giant sunflower from my dream, except it was wearing the top half of a suit, as well as other huge flowers. Upon seeing me, they became excited, murmuring amongst themselves things like "That's the one from the prophecy!" and "Looks like we have a new recruit." I awkwardly smiled, shrugging my shoulders, which caused them to burst into cheers. "Welcome," said the sunflower. "We've been waiting for you."

-------

How'd ya like it? I think it's a good start to a story! Plz review it! Reviews r my life! Except no flames. I haven't been flamed before - this is my first story - so I don't know what it's like, but I know that flamers are horrible, horrible people. Have a Foxytastic day!

-Nightmare Twistey the Demon Fox Animatronic

Full Title: Five Times Dawn McKenna Cut Her Hair Accidentally (And One Time She Did It On Purpose)

A/N: So this is a slightly different kind of story than the other one I started posting below. That one's a romance, but this...well, the PPC really lacks 5+1 fics, which I think is such a shame! So I've decided to write one. And since Agent Dawn is one of my favorites, and she's had long hair for ages, I figured it'd be fun to show a couple of ways she could cut it! With or without a little help...

Enjoy!! And don't forget to R&R (and Read & Review too! ;) )


I.

Dawn was running through a Narnian forest, her long brown braid flying out behind her and thumping annoyingly against her back. It had already been a long day: first of all, she was in Narnia, which hardly ever happened. That would have been nice, if it hadn’t been so long since she’d read the books that she wasn’t completely sure of half the charges, and was having to rely on her partner.

Secondly, her partner. Ugh.

Oh, Supernumerary was a good enough agent. That wasn’t really in question.

What was in question was his attitude: which was dreadful. There were no two ways about it: working with ‘Nume’, as his lovely partner Ilraen had called him, was to suffer.

‘Nume’ was rolling his eyes now: she could just tell from his tone of voice. “Splendid. Caspian’s just landed a killing blow on Aslan. This should be...fun to sort out.”

“What about Peter killing that wolf? Maugrim?” Dawn asked. She was panting: she hadn’t had to run so much in a while.

She could feel the look of disdain from three feet away. “That is canon. Do you never reread books?”

Before she could retort angrily that yes, actually, she did reread books, loved to, in fact, but just hadn’t felt like rereading Narnia recently, something stopped Dawn short. She shrieked as she was pulled backwards by her hair.

“What now?” Nume demanded, but even he fell silent when faced by the sight that met his eyes:

Dawn was trying not to cry from the pain of having her hair pulled with so much force--and no wonder: her braid was tangled firmly in and around the grasp of a moving tree. It was one of the Suefluenced ones, and its twigs went through the braid even as vines wove their way in and around it.

“Oh,” said Nume.

“Ow,” said Dawn, as well as a fine number of further words which aren’t fit to print. “Ow!”

“I, er.” Nume fixed the tree with a look; it froze, but didn’t release Dawn. “Er. I don’t think I can untangle this.”

Dawn said another few words which can’t be printed, and Nume winced.

“Language,” he said weakly. “Er...I think I might have to cut it off.”

“No,” Dawn groaned. “Oh, great. This would happen. What a splendid day this is.”

“Hold still,” Nume said a little more strongly. He took out a knife; Dawn closed her eyes.

“Try to make it even,” she said.

Nume tried.

He really did.

*

When they got back to the RC, Ilraen stared at Dawn. <> he asked.

Dawn groaned. “Long story short, he had to cut my braid off. One of the Sued trees had it. It’s not even remotely even, is it?”

Ilraen managed to make a clucking sound without a mouth, which was really quite impressive. <>

“I don’t drink the stuff,” Dawn said glumly, “but I’ll happily drink some tea. Lots of it. And then I have to somehow find a hairdresser...they exist somewhere around here, right? I haven’t had to do more than cut off split ends in years.”

<> Ilraen said comfortingly. He put a hand on Dawn’s arm. <>



A/N: So that was the first part! What do you think? I have the whole thing planned out, so I won't be taking suggestions...except maybe for another way she could have to accidentally cut her hair. I'm still deciding on one of those.

I'm really excited for the next chapter!! Aren't you? :) Thanks for reading (and don't forget to leave me some tasty reviews...)

A/N: So this is going to be amazing! I hope you enjoy it lots :) I'm not new to this beautiful fandom, but I fancy myself a little more grown up than when I first entered, and so I've changed my screen name. I'm not going to tell you who I am (at least not right away!!) though: I want to show you all how much I've grown as a person and a writer without being immediately associated with my previous works!

So, this is a love story in the end :) But don't worry! It'll also have some adventure! ;) But I love these characters and they deserve some happiness...so here goes!!

A Tale of Two Women
Chapter One!

Jacques POV

I’ve made a change in myself; hopefully for the better. You see, I’ve got really bored of all this emptiness: I need to stop flirting with everyone, stop sleeping with anyone with a post code--oh yeah, I saw that clip--and start focusing on what’s important: finding my True Love.

I mean, that’s really all anyone wants. And I’m no different. It’s even stronger for me, I thing, because I was a fictional character to start out with…

Charlotte POV:

I was sitting in my chair last night--I’m a vampire, so I don’t need to sleep--with my pet Tarantula and thinking. Ix looks so nice when she’s asleep; she always looks nice, but at night she doesn’t worry about her scars. She’s at peace--well, sometimes. Other times she tosses and turns and cries out from nightmares. It makes me want to go hunt down everyone who’s ever hurt her and become a different kind of assassin.

Tonight she looked different ,though. More at peace. She’d been to this awesome slumber party--I wish I could’ve gone with her, but I couldn’t stand to be around so many people--and she came back with a makeover. I liked the way she looked before, but this is nice too and she seems so much happier: most of her scars are gone, and her hair is long--almost as long as mine. It falls in beautiful silken waves down her back. It even has purple high lights now, which look great. But everything looks great on her.

I haven’t told her yet that we’re moving to ESAS. She deserves a good night’s sleep--for once. But in the morning I’ll have to tell her.

I wonder what she’ll think.

Jacques POV: Eventually I decided to go to bed, fending off Luxury along the way. I wonder what tomorrow will bring?


Preview of next chapter:

“Don’t look at me, Charlotte, I’m hideous!”

“I thought...I thought you’d love me, if you loved anyone.”

“Oh, hey. Are you guys new here? I could...show you around…”


A/N: So, what'd you think? Tell me all about it! ALSO! What should Charlotte's tarantula be named? Vote in the comments!!

(A/N lol i can't think of titles or an actual story plot or how to write character but THIS JUST CAME TO ME LAST NIGHT and i hope u all enjoy my two OCS DO NOT STEAL!!! )

---

“There’s no way to stop the Sues!” Kitty screamed, grabbing at Ruby’s arm. “And if we don’t, the entire multiverse will be destroyed!”

Ruby gripped both of her friend’s wrists, staring deep into her eyes with a wild-eyed horror. “It’s— it’s too late for me, darling— you must go on alone! Go without me!”

“But I can’t,” Kitty sobbed. “I can’t do this without you!”

“You must,” Ruby said urgently. “You, and you alone have the power to save the PPC, Kitty!”

Kitty wiped away tears of outrage and sadness, and nodded grimly. “You’re... right. I— I can do this!” She turned to face the crack in the fabric of Reality, and drew her longsword.

“One last thing before you go,” Ruby cried. “Kitty... I’m— I’m pregnant!”

“What?"

“Yes!” Ruby said. “And it’s not mine!”

--

(A/N READ AND REVIEW and if you steal my Agents i'll set my minis on you!! :PPPP)

Disclaimer goes here (dat claimer goes somewhere else entirely): All characters used are property of their respective creators. I claim ownership of nothing except altogether too much free time. =]

Content Warning: This fic is rated Mature, or 18 in civilised countries. If you're under the age, don't read it. This isn't difficult. =]

===

It vas beink ein fine summer's day in Responsezentrum Drei-Vier-Sieben vhen Doktor Trollenfisch, VhatThe agent extraordinaire, vas interrupted in his meditations on zer proper methods of Sue annihilation by ein knock at zer door. Puzzled by just who vould be appearing at zis hour, he sploshed out of his fish tank und opened zer Responsezentrum's door vizz ein carefully-shot pointy qwill, und zen he vas extremely surprised!

"Oh, Mein Doktor, I am thankink goodness zat you are beink here!" It vas beink zer Aviator, only it vas not zer Aviator zat zer average agent-about-town vould normally be seeink goink about her business smitink Suvians vizz laser fire und beink very sad about gettink to do so for ein living for some totally-inexplicable reason, likely to do vizz zer Time Var. For starters, she vas dressed in ein skintight leatherette vun-piece lingerie set, vizz hot pants ridink high upon her delectable, golden-brown thighs und decorative lacework formink zer bulk uff zer bodypiece. However, it vas by no means zer most notable change about zer Aviator's appearance, liebe Arceus no. Zat vould be zer boobs.

Lonktime connoisseurs of zer Aviator's jiggletacular Dalek-bumps vould be knowink zat zey vere beink ein dead heat in ein zeppelin race to begin vith, but now zer Aviator's bouncy funbumpers vere truly vomanly, vhich is to say, possessed of ein cleavage in vhich vun might conceivably lose ein medium-sized horse. Doktor Trollenfisch's eyes vere beink drawn irresistibly to zose perfectly gargantuan mounds of feminine perfection, und his eyes vere bulgink in in ein totally comedic manner! Und so vas somezink else.

"Ach, meine kleine FlugzeugundTARDISmädchen, vhat can I be doink for you?"

"Oh, Doktor, it ist beink zo terrible! Ever since I haff had mein leetle Elanor, I haff been zo svollen in zer chesticular region zat it has been beink impedink mein abilities in zer field, as vell as mein ability to see mein feet und fit through doors. In addition, zer mere presence of airflow flowink over zem ist beink makink me uncontrollably desirous of doink zer horizontal porkaroonie vizz every red-blooded beink of non-specific but generally male-coded gender in zer entirety of Headqwarters! Please say you are beink in zer possession of ein solution to mein two big, jiggly problems! You must! If you do not, I am not knowink vhat I am to be doink!"

Ein big und cheesy grin spread across Doktor Trollenfisch's face, und considering zat zer good Doktor ist beink 90% face by area, it vas havink qwite zer effect. "Meine kleine FlugzeugundTARDISmädchen, I am havink zer perfect solution. Be varned: it vill be takink ein qwite unbelievable amount of time, und vill reqwire you to be obeyink mein every instruction."

"Of course, Doktor!"

"No matter how strange it might at first be seeink."

"Of course, Doktor!"

"Or how much banoffee Angel Delight it might involve."

"Of course, Doktor!"

"Echt klasse!"

Doktor Trollenfisch und zer Aviator hopped into zer big inflatable paddlink pool full of orange-flavoured jelly zat zer Doktor vas in zer habit of usink as ein bed, und zen zer fun began. Zey did everythink togezzer: zer Bouncyfunnen, zer Canoodlespoonen, zer Fricklefracklepicklehiden, und even zer Boingokaspoingokadiddlymachen, vhich ist takink four hours to be completink in full, necessitates zer presence uff ein cardboard cutout uff Benny Hill, und ist beink illegal in many countries but not, thankfully for zer common-or-garden libertine, all of zem (zough it must be beink said zat ve are beginnink to hear vorrying rumblings on zer subject from zer Albanian Ministry of Veird Bedroom Activities). By zer time zat zer pair vere takink zheir fifth "Remembering How To Legs Und Vords" break, zer Aviator found herself sayink somezink she had not been havink said in several centuries.

"Doktor... I think I am fallink in love vizz you."

Zere vas only vun think zat ein good und noble Trollenfisch could be sayink to zat.

"Echt klasse!"

TO BE BEINK CONTINUDE!

[AN: this is my first fic! isn't it awesome! it's awesom!! I know! Give me good reviews please!]
Captain Deadly had been a Space Marine for 15 years with the spacwolves. He worked for the ppc since recently. He was busy romancing a female coworker (he often dated many people) when The Boss walked in. "Captain Deadly! he said, we have a dangerous mission for you." The Captain Looked Up At The Bosses Face. The booss was very tall, and the Captain was normal hieght. "yeah. Whatever. Give me the notes." The boss handed him the notes, and he looked at them. "This is dangerous." "I know. thats why we gave it too you." "okay." Captain Deadly went out into the cetral access room to access the room where the portals were kept, so he could go into the dangerous mission. He went in, and he saw a sue. He waited until the sue was married. then it was a marry sue. so he killed the marry sue, and went home.

(A/N: Personally, I would say that the entire reason anyone would read stories regarding Crim'ka and Cynthia was so that they might read a romance between the two, a romance which one can clearly see if they read anything in which the two are involved. Thus, I have decided to take matters into my own hands.)
Cynthia’s left, chocolate-brown orb was temporarily obscured as she winked at Crim’ka, her partner—indeed, supposing that Cynthia was successful, the practitioner of magic most dark and foul would soon enough be her partner in multiple manners.
“Why might you be winking at me so, my dearest friend Cynthia?” Crim’ka inquired, elevating a single brow in a manner most inquisitive.
“You see, Crim’ka, I was musing over something which I have been pondering for, frankly, far too long,” Cynthia responded, the manner in which she spoke seeming to be designed to lead to a question from her partner that he might understand what she meant in greater clarity.
“And what, Cynthia, might that be?” Crim’ka questioned inquisitively.
“Well,” Cynthia replied, twirling a bit of the ebony hair whose beauty was surpassed only by the assassin herself around her finger, “I was thinking of how close we are, how long we have been partnered together, how much we enjoy one another’s company, and I thought that perhaps… we could be soul mates; that is to say, that perhaps we are meant to be.” She paused to wait for a response, expression hopeful.
Crim’ka’s visage transformed in that moment from the color of fresh snow to the color of the roses that spring up after that snow has been melted by the sun which burns in an intensity not unlike the passion the agents felt for one another at the time of which I write. He threw his arms around Cynthia in an embrace which was, as both agents knew in their innermost hearts, long overdue.
“Oh, Cynthia!” the dark mage cried happily. “I was worried that you might never ask!”
Cynthia breathed a sigh of relief before partially separating herself from her partner that she might kiss him.
“I must say,” Cynthia said between kisses, “I did not expect, joining this organization, that I would find love with a character in a fanfiction of one of my favorite games.”
Crim’ka merely smiled and said, “Ah, Cynthia, truly, the most benevolent aspects of our reality arise in the strangest of circumstances.”
A bit more accurately, he started to say this; you see, dear reader, Crim’ka was interrupted partway through the last word in his sentence by his darling Cynthia kissing him once more, resulting in a muffling of his speech. Crim’ka, however, was not particularly offended regarding this particular fact. He was much too busy with the nigh-intoxicating pleasure and catharsis of finally kissing his beloved.
(A/N: Thoughts on the narrative I have authored? I was pondering if perchance the language is not sufficiently-sophisticated...)

AN: Hiiii all my lovely readers! I was missing out on Numey goodness so I decided it was time for another fic! I kinda have some ideas of what I want 2 do with this but nothing solid yet so I'll be asking you for ideas! ENJOY!

My name is Jessaminthe Layla Windflower Evenstar. I'm Arwen's sister and Elron'ds daughter and the princess of Rivendell.

one day I was walking by the river singing to myself.

"How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb"

I was ready to torhw my self into the river and drown. My father Elrond wanted me to marry Aragorn! Aragon was nice I guess but Aewen loved him more so I couldnt marry him and do that to her!!!!1 So I was walking by near the river to singing to myself. I was so sad and mad I didn't know what to do.

"Without a soul My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold Until you find it there and lead it back Home"

Suddenly...........

I was falling!!!!!!!

I WAS FALLING THROUGH A HOLE IN THE GROUND!

"AAAAAA" I screamed!

I covered my eyes as I fell!

And suddenly.....

WHUMP!!!

I was caught!!!!!!

I opened my eyes and felt my heart race! I was caught by the most handsome man I've ever seen!! He had glasses and gelled black hair, and his glasses had a red rim to them (I know they're green but red is just cooler) and he was smirking crooked at me. He looked like Andrew Garfield mixed with Chris Hemsworth and he was sooo hot. Like Edward Cullen or something. Yum.

"T-t-t-t-hank y-y-you f-f-or s-s-s-s-saving me", I stammered.

"Hey it was no problem", He said still smirking at me. "What's your name?"

"Jessaminthe Layla Windflower Evenstar", I said "But everyone calls me Jessa Or Jess".

"Jess is a beautiful name for a beautiful elf", The Man said, setting me down and kissing my hand(!) What a gengleman! :D "My name is Supernumberary and I'm an agent of the PPC"

I gasped.

AN: So what do you think? PLZ R&R! Next chappie she's going to meet someone else and then we'll start with the love triangle but we all know she'll end up with Nume in the end, lolol. Until next time! <3

I'm here to talk about my favorite fantasy universe ever, then. Belgariadverse.

Note that I am biased in basically every way for this series, for a variety of reasons.

Did you have any other observations on the Belgariad and Mallorean? Because I will happily chatter on about it if anyone will indulge me.

I too am sad about The Great God Pterry's Mighty Mass Storage Device. However, if you're going to do it, a steamroller is the right way to go.

As for portraying crime as bad, I've never read Eddings's books. So I have no idea what I'm talking about. With that disclaimer out of the way...

Sympathetic!=moral. And honestly, I don't think it should. The question is whether the narrative portrays their actions as unambiguously good. If the narrative doesn't, or doesn't pass judgement on the characters, than it can be quite interesting.

But then, I myself have a soft spot for sympathetic characters with... different morals, or who are just outright awful to a greater or lesser extent. This really shouldn't surprise any of you, because I play 40k, and Sons at that.

-Thoth (grumbling in response to your grumble with my grumble)

That's amazing! It might be the first step to curing not just cancer, but who knows what else? Exciting stuff.

Sad to hear that about Sir PTerry's hard drive, but understandable. I wouldn't want anything of mine being published that I hadn't signed off on, either.

The voting is now closed. With 22 of the 26 counted votes, the community overwhelmingly votes to Permanently Ban zdimensia/Bramandin/TooPurple. The ban goes into effect immediately. Functionally, this means that they are banned from all PPC spaces, Permission is revoked, and all stories that they wrote when they had Permission become Out-of-Continuity.

In the interest of record keeping, the final tally is as follows.

Permaban - 22
Votes: Huinesoron, Phobos, Iximaz, Mikelus, Tomash, Matt Cipher, Hardric, World-Jumper, Larfen, KittyEden, PoorCynic, S.M.F., doctorlit, Scapegrace, 1visible, SkarmorySilver, Neshomeh, Delta Juliette, Thoth, The Triumvirate, Granz the Ice Cream Monarch, HerrWozzeck

Unspecified length ban - 3
Votes: Novastorme, Zingenmir, CodeCom

Abstain - 2
Abstentions: Hieronymus Graubart, Akrinor

Ban until December - 1
Votes: Bramandin

-Phobos

Currently, we have four groups of votes, though more can be added if need be. Group one has voted in favor of continuing the original ban for an unspecified amount of time. The second group has voted to continue the original ban until December, at which time Bram would be unbanned. The third group has voted for a permanent ban. The fourth group has explicitly abstained from voting.

1) Unspecified length ban - 5
Votes: The Triumvirate, Granz the Ice Cream Monarch, Novastorme, Thoth, CodeCom

2) Ban until December - 1
Votes: Bramandin

3) Permaban - 18
Votes: Huinesoron, Phobos, Iximaz, Mikelus, Tomash, Matt Cipher, Hardric, World-Jumper, Larfen, KittyEden, PoorCynic, S.M.F., doctorlit, Scapegrace, 1visible, SkarmorySilver, Neshomeh, Delta Juliette

4) Abstain - 1
Abstentions: Hieronymus Graubart


I am going to close voting on this exactly 48 hours from the time of this post. If you want to change your vote in that time, you are more than welcome to do that. If you are part of Group 1 and would like to specify a ban length, you are free to do so.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

-Phobos

(( Bramandin contacted me unsolicited with three further responses. I am passing them on because I think the last one in particular is relevant to our decision and grants an opportunity to explain banning and blocking [again] for posterity, but I won't be accepting any more. ~Neshomeh ))

To: O the marvelous things:

One, I don't appreciate your sarcasm, and my beard has had gray hairs in it for years. I would have photograpic proof that it has gray hairs now, but I shaved it off.

It would all be pointless because I believe that you're just going to stick to your own opinion and ignore everything I say. I do consider that other people are correct, and then come to the conclusion that they are wrong. I could say you have no capacity to consider I'm correct because you conclude that I'm wrong. I do compromise at lot, which I guess you can't see because I don't preface it with any sort of statement. I thought I had already covered my mistakes and accepted them, while the community continues to deny that there were any mistakes on their end. I am not unapologetic because I have made apologies. There might be something I've forgotten to apologize for, but if that's the case it's an honest oversight.

I believe that you haven't treated me fairly. In 2014, I didn't see evidence that you had given me the benefit of doubt. I believe you asked me to use a set of characters that I wasn't ready to use and ignored me when I said I didn't want to use them. I believe that right now, you're deciding not to give me another chance after in May people were willing to consider it. I don't understand where I've been given four chances. The reputation is mostly from me being validly angry and people deciding that they hadn't even made a mistake.

I haven't ignored you. I've considered what you said and decided you were wrong.

-----------------------------------------
------------------------------------------

Reply to Nesh Just a couple things:

I have been tested, and they decided not to diagnose me because "depression can increase the aspie traits" (IIRC, my IQ tests at 137, so I guess average people like you have scores like 190.) I've also tried bringing it up with a doctor, but they choose to focus on the depression. I could try again if my insurance covers it.

Most of my experience with people has been with those do who enjoy causing pain, so it's a reasonable assumption that I could be dealing with people who follow the pattern. A principal once got me to cry and then mocked me for it. The group's deciding to continue something that has been shown to cause me stress is not taking great pains to avoid exacerbating it.

I apologize for thinking that you were enjoying my pain. I'll keep that in mind for next time.

-------------------------------
--------------------------------

Re: Ban evasion:

One, I didn't expect the message to go through. Two, that it did go through meant that I wasn't blocked. If you're accusing me of hacking into the Nameless Admin's account, I didn't.

The banning me for a year because you decided I didn't work on myself when I did is wrong.

I was not here when Bram arrived. However, based upon what I've seen of Bram's behavior in this thread and prior ones, I can in good conscience vote to continue the ban. Bram is, in my judgement, not ready to participate in this community, and as others have stated, unwilling to take responsibility for his or her actions.

Bram, I will put this as kindly as I can: although we try our best, the onus is not on us to understand your meaning implicitly. The onus is upon you to ensure that your meaning can be easily understood. If you are not capable of making yourself easily understood through the medium of text, then you need to practice until you are capable of it. Because you cannot participate in most online communities until you do.

It's not easy participating on online community. It's hard to admit fault, it's hard to get used to the norms of any community, and it's often painful to screw up. I've been there, I've done that, I know. But you have to learn to handle it better.

It's a bit outdated, and not always accurate (be aware of context in the community you're in!), but it's still worth reading some incarnation of one of the USENET guides to netiquette, such as the one viewable

I was not here when Bram arrived. However, based upon what I've seen of Bram's behavior in this thread and prior ones, I can in good conscience vote to continue the ban. Bram is, in my judgement, not ready to participate in this community, and as others have stated, unwilling to take responsibility for his or her actions.

Bram, I will put this as kindly as I can: although we try our best, the onus is not on us to understand your meaning implicitly. The onus is upon you to ensure that your meaning can be easily understood. If you are not capable of making yourself easily understood through the medium of text, then you need to practice until you are capable of it. Because you cannot participate in most online communities until you do.

It's not easy participating on online community. It's hard to admit fault, it's hard to get used to the norms of any community, and it's often painful to screw up. I've been there, I've done that, I know. But you have to learn to handle it better.

It's a bit outdated, and not always accurate (be aware of context in the community you're in!), but it's still worth reading some incarnation of one of the USENET guides to netiquette, such as the one viewable

Bram, you need to understand that the community owes you nothing. You can talk about forgiving us or not, but honestly, I haven't lost any sleep over it, and I don't think others will either. You seem unwilling to accept your role in what happens, and for as long as that is the case, you definitely should remain separate from this community.

I was expecting this to be an ambiguous, nuanced situation, where the question was whether what Bramandin had done/claimed to have done was sufficient. That's why I said outright that I wasn't going to be voting.

Instead, Bramandin has continued with the line of 'I have done nothing wrong and need to change nothing, but I will graciously consider forgiving you and gracing you with my presence.' See:

I had forgiven you for your mistakes, but you did nothing to reinforce it, so I'm retracting my forgiveness until you've earned it.

As for functioning in an online community, I've interacted with a couple of different ones. They don't flip out at non-sequiters, but rather understand that the connection makes sense to me.

I vote for the ban to continue.

I don’t want to hurt anybody, but I can’t promote Bram’s return; I’m too afraid that it might hurt many of us. Also, it’s obvious that Bram cannot fit in without lots of mentoring, and I don’t see who could do that. I know I can’t.

That’s an official abstain.

HG

Bram is arguing that she has matured and is ready to rejoin the PPC. This is the basis her appeal exists on. And within the very thread she raises this argument, she also says this:

'Despite you finding joy in adding to that stress, we survived it.

I had forgiven you for your mistakes, but you did nothing to reinforce it, so I'm retracting my forgiveness until you've earned it.'

Bram has not matured and is not ready to rejoin the PPC, and the very issues that led to her being banned certainly seem to remain in full force, as they have every single other time she's tried rejoining. I really don't know why she wants to join us so much, anyway, if we've wronged her and she still hasn't forgiven us.
But, anyhow, no. I vote against Bram returning. It's a bad idea for this community and for Bram, who clearly isn't having the most fun, on her side, either. And if this is an issue of mental health, heaps of people have already said that we are clearly not capable of sufficiently providing for Bram, nor is it really our responsibility. Healthier for everyone, I'd say, the block.

See you lot the next time Bram decides she's ready to return and we all need to vote on it again.

If the vote results in a continued ban, I don't plan to ask for another vote unless I have a good reason to believe that the result is likely to be different, and, in any case, don't plan to raise the issue for a long time (that is, at least a year from now in the best case).

My reason for this is that I don't want to put the community through a bunch of ultimately pointless re-votes about Bram, since that's counterproductive and at least a bit harmful for everyone involved in this issue.

I'm going to suggest that other people follow these guidelines about re-votes (or at least the first bit about a likely change in result), but, obviously, I'm not the PPC dictator and people should use their own judgment about if (or when) to bring up this stuff again if we continue the block.

- Tomash

I feel like this isn't a matter of mental health. For me, at least, that hasn't ever been part of the equation. The problem is... Honestly? I'm not going to claim to be in any way some kind of authority on the matter, but if I had to say what I think in one sentence, it's that I don't think that Bramandin has a history of improving. It seems that at any point, from writing to working with the community, Bramandin has a history of either not responding to criticism, saying they will work to improve themself but not providing evidence of it, or even spending the time dedicated to that on other things instead, as might be seen in Phobos' post, or stating that the issue is not with them, but with us, and I would point to their first response to Neshomeh for this. None of this is would seem, and I place emphasis upon the word seem, to point to a devoted effort to come to a better place that would lead to a better community experience for all sides. Because of that, I am voting that Bramandin's block be continued.

I would also like to note an email I got from Bram on June 7, just one week into her ban (enacted May 31), asking to use one of my agents in their permission request.

I have often said that I feel that Bram purposefully tries to get around the rules and around punishment; and it seems to me the "I will ban myself for a short time to work on me" was just another example. I believe it was meant to placate us so that we would allow Bram to have her way. Bram didn't get to work on herself, she got to work on her next permission request while she sat out for the minimum amount of time.

-Phobos

I'm sorry Bram, but I just don't think you are compatable with this community. I know that you have mental health issues, and I fully respect that fact. You need to find a group of people who you can connect with and share passions with. But it has been proven time and again that we are not equipped to help you. When you are confused, we have problems clarifying to where you can understand. This causes conflict and hurt, for you, and for us. Hurt that I just don't feel is worth it. I truly hope you find a community better at working with you, and can make you happy. But I'm afraid that's not here.

in the Discord

Here's the logs, which include the evidence:

I don't know how to phrase this terribly well - thinking is confusing - but I definitely know that I do not want Bram back in here yet.

Last time this came up, I was the one to start the thread, because Bram contacted me and - after a few conversations - asked me to. And I was absolutely, positively terrified the entire time. A big part of it was that I love it here and would have been positively crushed if I had been asked to leave or unofficially shunned for that, but that was most certainly not all of it.

I will not say that Bram was taking advantage of how nice I can be, or how strongly I feel about helping people. I will freely admit to being something of a people-pleaser, but I very highly doubt that that was Bram's intention, and how would e know that it actually physically pains me, to one degree or another, to say the words "I can't help you"?

I gave Bram a chance to reasonably explain eimself to me without having to wade through everything everyone else had to say about eim, and then proceeded to ask other people for their versions of the story, because I believe in getting all sides of a story before passing any kind of judgement. (That belief goes a little ways out the window when I am contacted very late at night by a drunk person, though.)

What's really bothering me, I suppose, is exactly what Scape said: Bram has openly admitted to being manipulative. Now, I will be the first to admit that this is a touch hypocritical coming from me, because I am also a manipulative person-whose-parents-were-never-married. However, the distinction I'm making (and please do correct me if I'm wrong here) is that I know very, very well when to stop messing with people and get serious. I know when it's not okay to be the Chessmistress. And never, never, do I attempt to be manipulative when it's not a game. And I'm not entirely sure the same can be said about Bram - I'm actually fairly certain it can't be, or at least not without a modifier or two.

For the time being, I rest my case.

--Calliope

At the time of Bramandin's ban, multiple people accepted Tomash's proposal that Bramandin be banned until 'receipt of a request that indicates some (not necessarily massive, but more than tiny, unless that's all that's needed) improvement in Bramandin's ability to interact with the PPC'. To further quote Tomash: 'I'm proposing this modification because, when you have a cast on, you can't take it off just because you feel like your bone isn't broken anymore.'

I feel that this requirement should be borne in mind when considering whether to unblock Bramandin.

that I should link Bram's wiki user page, which contains a lot of her versions of the events of the past few years.

- Tomash

Short and sweet with no complications. Though I can't believe the author of the fic went and ripped off Moana.

It doesn't help that Moana is easily among my top 5 Disney animated movies...

Though it is a bit on the shorter side as far as your usual mission length. Nonetheless, the agent banter was good, as usual.

Nice, standard mission. Nothing complex happened, but you used the weather and Sue song as good sources of frustration for the agents, which makes it even funnier when they get the unexpected boon of the Sue tying herself up. Lainduilien is cute at the end, too. Oh, and I was amused by Elanor making the "prrrp" noise, too.

A typo (which HG probably already said but uh I didn't read other comments oh well):
She sighed an activated it.

—doctorlit is way behind on Disney stuff, still needs to watch Moana

Well, why should I be the one to go to all the trouble of saying nice things?
I’ve only ever seen this as "to go through all the trouble", but my awareness may be limited.

She sighed an activated it.
I’m sure this should be "and".

We’re gonna have to go the Nursery now, Elanor.
Shouldn’t this be "go to the Nursery"?

Others said it already: the friendly banter, the meta-joke about Lainduilien, the fortunate lack of mosquitoes in generic jungles – it’s all so good.

HG

• Ave and Dee are doing a wonderful job of the "friendly bickering" component of a relationship
  - Oh, Zeb. Are you going to be poking fun at those two for the whole mission?
  - Elanor is cute
  - ... I had to look up who Lainduilien was - that was a good meta joke
  - Heh. The Aviator's flying.
  - Yes, Zeb, please do play Bingo
  - Trying to clear water out of your head seems like a reasonable response to being italicized
  - Of course DoSAT has a betting pool on how many C-CADS Ave and Zeb will blow up
  - Ok, so this entire fic is basically going to rip off Disnay movies in an Avatar setting with some stupid extra sort of bender tossed in?
  - Good point about two-story houses
  - re: jungle "On second thought, Generic isn't so bad". snrk
  - That's a good description of picking food
  - Ave and Zeb drying off in the TARDIS (with the clothes and the butt-licking) is a cute scene. Also, where did the Aviator get that burn scar?
  - Zeb has a point about the hot guys
  - "thicker than Goyle"
  - I've learned something about wave heights today
  - The scene in which Zeb asks Ave if she'll be OK is touching
  - Nice of the Sue to make the assassination easier
  - Zeb putting on the earmuffs for Elanor. Heh.
  
  So, overall, this was short and had a lot of neat moments between the agents, and took decent advantage of the silliness of the fic to create some funny situations and lines.

I think Zebbie-boy once again took the spotlight of the fic. I can't help but to be absolutely enamored by his actions, starting from the obvious blockage in the beginning, through the grooming part :P

Also, oh my Elune people are ripping off Moana already!? Yeeesh. Good call with the Glopsnerch, too. Nice to see more obscure PPC tech making it a comeback.

Really, Ix, I am utterly in awe of how well you write. TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.

I'm always a sucker for TES, and this was a great fic! I'd recommend it to anyone generally interested in TES.

I think I'll let my review speak for itself, but I'll add my kudos here.

If you're a fan of Skyrim, give this a read. It's excellent.

*wanders off to resume playing her Companion*

I'm mostly sad I missed that. I would be even more sad if it weren't museum.

(I have a history with those cursed places. Lore likes them; I do not.)

But still! I hope to be able to join in on the next one. Whenever that happens.

Picture this... A great city stands besieged, it's outer defences lie broken and it's few defenders are tired after so long fighting. Everything to the east of this city has been either captured or destroyed by the great army that has come from even further east, sparing no one. The city has called for allies and yet none have arrived. Today the enemy are so close to breaching your final layer of defences and destroying all that you hold dear when, to your surprise a loud horn echoes across the plains. From the north comes a great army of allies, all united in their quest to help defend your city and defeat this great army from the east.

If you stood with these allies to the north you would see that numerous though they were, they were still not numerous enough to outnumber your foes. But still they march towards them, utterly fearless. The enemy from the east turns some of their forces to meet your allies while the rest try to break your defences one last time. You stand strong, emboldened by the sight of your allies arriving. Whilst your allies infantry push against the enemies, you notice on a hill a large gathering of cavalry forces, the largest gathering of cavalry forces ever known to man. Led by their king the cavalry force charge into the enemy breaking their positions and making them run for their lives. You sally forth to meet your allies and succeed in utterly routing your foe and saving the West.

Almost sounds like the Battle of Pelennor Fields does it not? Except it is not. The year is not 3019 of the Third Age it is 1683, and the city? Vienna not Minas Tirith. For on this day 334 years ago the Polish Winged Hussars lead the largest cavalry charge of all time (18,000 men) to break the Ottoman Empire's forces and relieve Vienna from the two month siege it had found itself in. That is not to say the Holy Roman Empire did nothing, their infantry were vital to push the Ottomans back and their cavalry charged alongside the Winged Hussars.

But overall the battle of Vienna, and indeed the entire centre of Europe and possibly beyond could have been lost to the Ottoman Empire. Then the Winged Hussars arrived.

Novastorme

I'm convinced that How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty is a description of Nightfall by Isaac Asimov. (I've only read the short story and not the extended novel, admittedly.)

Sample lyrics:

I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Well I believe it all is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come

The song, interpreted a little darkly to match Nightfall, is like, well, it's the end of the world, and let's see how far we've come. And in Nightfall, they've made it exactly as far as society did several times when it collapsed the previous times.

Also, World by Five for Fighting for Dragonsdawn by Anne McCaffrey.

Sample lyrics:

Got a package full of Wishes
A Time machine, a Magic Wand
A Globe made out of Gold

No Instructions or Commandments
Laws of Gravity or
Indecisions to uphold

What kind of world do you want?
Think Anything
Let's start at the start
Build a masterpiece
Be careful what you wish for
History starts now...

The song is asking that if you could start anew on an empty world, what would you do with it? I think it describes the settlement of Pern pretty well, at least until Thread starts falling.

Back to my lurking; I don't plan on becoming a regular poster at this time; I've just been dying to share this somewhere for awhile now.
A. Lurker

I kinda feel like the entirety of Fall Out Boy's album "Save Rock and Roll" works as a soundtrack for a story about supervillains, especially if you make The Phoenix the opening track and Young Volcanoes the end credits theme.

Also Rob Zombie. Most of his stuff obviously works for horror stories. Living Dead Girl is actually pretty great for a Vampire the Masquerade story about a Samedi lady. Or a Sabbat lady.

I always thought The Offspring's "You're Gonna Go Far Kid" matched the first Mistborn novel pretty well. I may be crazy.

In news for Twistey and any programmers in the audience, Fabien Sanglard has just released his Black Book of Wolf3D. So if you ever wanted to peer into the guts of Wolfie, you at least have a flashlight to do it with now. Given, this was not a book written for The Rest of Us by any means. I would suggest downloading the preview first to see if you can read it. I, for one, am very intimidated and doubt I will be able to...

Article here

Today marks the 78th anniversary of the Battle of Wizna where the Polish Army held out against the might of the Wehrmarcht for three days in what is sometimes called the Polish Thermopylae.

The Polish soldiers were outnumbered well over 40:1 and they held on until they ran out of ammunition.

Always remember a fallen soldier. Always remember fathers and sons at war.

Novastorme

Kitty Eden posted this in the chat last night.

The Voynich Manuscripts?

Solved.

—doctorlit

Dark Tower is and always will be my favorite Stephen King work/works. More of an epic than horror though.
It (the book by that name, not the aforementioned series) is also good. New movie just came out.
The Shining is a classic and it more recently got a sequel in the form of Doctor Sleep.
Insomnia was a very good read and is, IMO, underrated, and ties into Dark Tower--similarly to The Stand, another good one, but better-known.
'Salem's Lot ties into Dark Tower as well but is more horror than that. I'm currently reading Needful Things and loving it so far.
King's short fiction is good too--The Langoliers is nightmarish, and I really enjoyed The Library Policeman.
By the way, you can enjoy any of the DT tie-ins I've mentioned above without reading DT. It's more easter eggs and in one case DT ties up a loose end in one of those.

Here is a waterproof paperboat, just for you. I'm glad you returned!

Please have some black-hole chocolates.

Have a pile of multi-coloured pens.

My absolute favorite King novel (of the ones I've read so far) is From a Buick 8. It's a bit more sci fi/cosmic horror rather than Gothic horror, but the horror elements aren't really the focus of the story anyway. It's a very character-driven, dialogue-heavy story about a group of good people who suddenly find themselves interecting with, and trying to keep control over, an inexplicable object that doesn't seem to follow the laws of space or logic, and shows how they come together to cope with it.

Also, while King's novels are all very well known names, I have to recommend trying some of his short story collections. I actually think he's much better at writing short stories than novels, as he has a major talent for setting up scenes and characters in very few paragraphs and leading all the action up to a big punch in the end.

—doctorlit, a Kingly fanboy

I haven't read any Steven King novels, though I'm curious to know if the Dark Tower books are any good.

Anyway, have some chocolate and enjoy your stay!

My personal favorite novel was Under The Dome. I really liked it.

For the book question, it's without a doubt "Needful Things". What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good 'Deal with the Devil' story.

I've never read Stephen King, so I can't help you there, sorry.

Cool that you're coming back stronger and whatnot! I'm Twistey, a lightly-used-bie with really weird interests (need I say more?) and it's great to meet you. Do you have any ideas or tips for fanfic, considering I myself might want to try for Permission soon?

As for the Stephen King question, I've only read The Eyes of the Dragon and his memoir/writing advice book, since I'm too chicken to read any of his other stuff. Obviously, those two would be my favorites as a result. ;P

As a returnbie gift for you, here, have several large chunks of blueish metal. No, that's not paint, they came that way. Whether or not they can get oxidized and if so, what color that is have yet to be found out. Do whatever you wish with them! Nice to meet you!

-Twistey