Sep 2016 Archive, part c

*multiple elemental powers
*Malfoys

Here's what I found looking for things on Skyrim.

Submit to Me, Dovahkiin - Alduin becomes human and gets paired with a male Dragonborn. As the author says, "M for kinda rape."

Emperor of Darkness Basically, the Dragonborn gets possessed by Boethiah and Miraak threatens to open a portal to the past and let the Snow Elves destroy everything for some reason. Also, MPreg. The first few sentences are... interesting.

Fate and Friends - Just to prove that not everything here is sex, there's this. Bad writing and comma splices abound, along with random POV shifts and whatnot. Basically a series of snippets showing the Dragonborn with her companion going through some pieces of the quest/world.

Guild of the Dragonborn - Let's have Alduin through a Dragonborn of each race, each with their own parallel universe, together through a hole in reality and see what happens. Turns out, it's just the main questline again, thus removing any special-ness the Dragonborn ever had.

Yet again I am far too late for my traditional salutations to be of much use, but I hope you enjoy your stay with us nonetheless.

For your newbie gifts I present a Replica Holocron and a silver reproduction of your Patronus. If you don't know what your Patronus is you can just saunter over to the link in the Pottermore quiz thread and your figuine will magiccally take shape.
Ain't sorcery grand?

Speaking of Harry Potter, might I enquire which Common Room you call home?

I arrive afterr the fiesta, but I still bring black-hole coffee! Hope youu'll enjoy it here.

It's me, Cicily, AKA fellow DW audio drama script writer! How are ya? Welcome aboard!

Have a cup of black tea to keep you warm and awake!

Have a rusted bit of metal. I have no idea what it used to be, but it's twisty and orangey and looks super cool.

Are there any obligatory questions left for me to ask... What gender pronouns should we use to refer to you (He seems pretty cool for a newbie, She seems pretty cool for a newbie, etc., etc.)? I'm particularly curious because I mentioned the PPC to a couple of my friends lately, and I want to figure out if you're one of them. (Although I don't think any of them are learning Japanese...)

--Key, not a metalworker, she/her

*drives electric car into the Board* This is yours now.

Ho, hey.
It's Tesla! The one! The only!
Teslaaaaaa!

Welcome, my finely feathered fellow.
My gift upon you is: a high-two-and-a-half! (it's like a high-five, but for people with only half their hands.)

I feel you on the "too many fandoms" thing. Here's some movie-theater popcorn to eat while you read the Original Series and whatever spinoffs strike your fancy.

And OMG you're learning Japanese?! Me too! How far have you gotten? Are you taking classes or teaching yourself? I've been taking classes on it since my freshman year of college. It can be a pain to learn sometimes, what with all the kanji and the weird grammar points and honorific language, but I absolutely, 100% do not regret my decision. :D 日本語は一番！

*thrusts a butterscotch-cinnamon pie in your direction* Welcome to the PPC! I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay here. Is there any chance of me seeing some of your fics? Our fandoms seem to coincide quite a lot and now I'm curious.

Here's a towel. Keep it with you, it's important.

Not in a "Hitchhiker's Guide" way, but it'll help keep your shininess existing for a while, at least.

Didn't know Gravity Falls really had a fandom, but I'm glad; great game. I liked Warriors, too, until I fell behind a few (dozen) books.

I hope you enjoy your time here, and you sound nice. I'll give a coppermind to store memories in, as per usual.

MIRACULOUS LADYBUG?! STEVEN UNIVERSE?!?!?! UNDERTALE?!?!?! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *FLAILS*

Aside from one of my own shed feathers, have a trophy stand replica of Rose Quartz's sword, a potted yellow flower that totally doesn't want to kill you, a replica of Marinette's yo-yo, and a Golden Snitch with a Poke Ball engraving!

This magic shovel digs up...

Uh...

LOVE. It digs up LOVE.

You miiiiiight want to stay away from [spoiler redacted] and [spoiler redacted], and ESPECIALLY [spoiler redacted].

Hello, and welcome aBoard! For your newbie gift, take this plate of freshly-made SPaGhetti! Hope you decide to stick around. :)

Fa-la-la-la-la Val-ha-la-laaaaa~!

Welcome, welcome! Make yourself comfortable and have a slice of Infinite Pizza!

Welcome back!

I think I missed welcoming you last time, so here's two welcome back pizzas to make up for it.

As for what you missed, I'm afraid I can't help much. I've been gone myself for the past week or so, which seems to be when everyone was determined to do all the things.

Welcome back again!

Please have a special black-hole package, with coffee and chocolate.

Although I swear I've seen you before... >.>

Anyway, have a fluffy something! I'm not sure what species it is, let alone what breed it is, but it purrs when you pet it so there you go!

Again, back again, welcome! Again! Back!

You missed this, you missed that, you missed here, you missed there.
There was a whole Hunger Games you missed, in fact. I would know. I missed it, too!

Welcome, again, again back, welcome!
Have a high-one! (it's like a high-five but for hook-handed pirates)

I'm going to hand you an Electrum metalmind. It already has some Determination inside it. Good luck, and I missed you. I loved your camping trips, and I hope that's enough encouragement. Welcome back.

Aaand here's your plate of Returnbie SPaGhetti!

Since I don't know when you left, not really sure what there is to update ya on, sorry. But yay, you're back!

I have kind of mixed feelings about the result. I mean, I do like dogs... but I find large, very friendly dogs somewhat intimidating.

As the quiz doesn't really allow room for your personal life to influence it, I think mine really would be a cat. My cat is one of the most important beings in my life, and she's helped me fight off the real-life Dementors I've had to face.

Not sure how you're supposed to tell the color of something that's always a glowing bluish-white, but I love ginger tabbies, so I consider it a win!

This would please me more than I care to admit. =]

I don't believe it for a second, but it's a better result than I was expecting.

That... is pretty cool. ^_^ I kind of expected a cat, but y'know, I was into horses as a kid, and it makes sense for something born of my happiest memories, which would tend to be out-of-doors, feeling free and on top of the world. {= )

I do wonder how I can tell it's a dun stallion, though. Maybe it's brown, or bay, or dappled. A Patronus silver no matter what. O.o

~Neshomeh

This proves it: Hogwarts shall be governed not by the Ministry, but by the King inthe North, the Raven-in-Flight, John Uskglass.

I might be reaching a bit here. =]

...I really thought that the "your patronus is very rare... just one more question!" lines were part of the script for everyone.

Huh. Interesting. Not really 'me', but...

...And I don't like chow dogs.

Basically, a very fluffy cat.

I really seem to have a spiritual cat motif- my spirit animal is a winged cat.

So, a small, fuzzy, Irish predator. My patronus is basically my younger brother.

Which is funny, because dolphins are huge jerks and everyone loves them anyway. XD *wishes there was such a thing as a shark patronus*

I'm OK with this! I mean, a buzzard is pretty swell:

More specifically a West Highland Terrier.

The image of fending off a teeming horde of black-roped figures with a tiny bird appeals to me.

Bonsaimallorn is down. I hope you know that.

Naturally, I'm late, but that doesn't mean this Birthday Pizza is any less tasty. Just give it a list of toppings and enjoy.

Oh, and try not to freak out too much over the adulthood thing. It's only a number, after all.

*throws cake*

Adulthood is a bit overrated, but you can still enjoy it. Or at least, you can enjoy this black-hole chocolate cake.

Good job on that growing stuff, there! Pretty tough work, you know. Lots of mitosis. And respiration.

My gift upon you is: a heap of oxygen. For respiration!

My birthday actually passed while I've been around on The Board, I just never told anyone. Look, I'm not going to judge that you're now grown up, unlike fairies and ghosts. It's a transition, you don't suddenly grow into a suit and start typing away in an office. There's my two cents.

Quite literally nothing is different. Well, apart from the fact that you can now be prosecuted as an adult, so I hope you got all the fun stuff out of the way already.

Have a towel, because I've already started the Douglas Adams reference, and it'd just look silly if I didn't finish it now. Also, your birthday may be somehow related, I don't know.

A great man once said that "There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish once in a while." With that in mind, here's a box of Lucky Charms cereal bars!

Have a shovel that digs up knowledge of how to survive!

(don't ask why I haven't used it myself in the last four years)

You are now a responsible, well-adjusted, and productive member of society. Congratulations!

If, for some reason, you are not a responsible, well-adjusted, and productive member of society, please report to your nearest Adulthood Education Center for remedial training.

(One of us! One of us! One of us!)

Okay...

GRAB THE CHAIR, BOYS! WE'VE GOT ANOTHER BUCKET-KICKER!

HIT IT!

Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death!

Okay...

GRAB THE CHAIR, BOYS! WE'VE GOT ANOTHER BUCKET-KICKER!

HIT IT!

Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death!

Okay...

GRAB THE CHAIR, BOYS! WE'VE GOT ANOTHER BUCKET-KICKER!

HIT IT!

Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
HOPE NOBODY MAKES YOU BLUE
AND YOUR CAKE DOESN'T EXPLODE IN GOO!

*blows noisemakers*

Welcome to adulthood! It's just like being a teenager, expect people expect you to have your head screwed on straight at last. No idea how that's supposed to work. :P

And a question: are you any different, compared to yesterday? Is tomorrow that different?

May the two of you always find happiness with each other.

I mean, CONGRATULATIONS!!! Wow!

But also, I do mean minor SPaG corrections (this still counts as a PPC story, right? It's still supposed to be reviewed, right?

In the post:
you will find moment between Lady Iximaz and Aegis? A moment, perhaps? Or did you mean "moment" in the Elizabethan sense of "importance"(e.x. Hamlet III.i.94)? It's a little grammatically iffy, but in the over-dramatic faux-medieval way that Plort often is.

In the story:
Aegis sheathed his own blade, saying “Something from the kitchens, then. Based on your placement of punctuation with regard to quotation marks, I am assuming that you use United States SPaG conventions. To be consistent, there should be a comma after "saying."
She squeezed his fingers in silent reassurance, and together, they set off for the keep. If I'm understanding the Purdue OWL correctly, there should be another comma before "together" because the word is nonessential to the clause (in that you could have put it on the end of the sentence or left it out and the sentence would still be coherent, not because I think your being "together" isn't important! ^.^). I'm not terribly sure about this, so if anyone wants to discuss it that would be appreciated.

Non-SPaG-related concerns:
You two are far too cute together. D'awww and congratulations again.

--Key is procrastinating on writing an essay, but also genuinely happy for you two.

*Tosses NM&Ms*

(Also, hey, November 23's my birthday!)

(Also: November 23rd? I see what you did there, you crazy people. ^_^)

hS

May you both have many years of happiness to come!

I'd say more but I'm far too busy grinning like an idiot right now.

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No. Way...









I... I can't. Just... just can't English right now...

Congrats! (Also the story was adorable, thanks!)

I wish you the best, both in World One and any other 'verse. And if you want black-hole coffee or cakes involving black-hole coffee, call me.

So, if I may be so bold as to ask: when did you two first meet IRL?

Good luck you two.

Needless to say, I wish you both the best. :>

Bloody legendary, that. Rare stuff.
Hope it all goes well!

CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU BOTH! I look forward to seeing where this goes in the future, both in Plort and in World One! :D

*summons confetti, etc*

Unless I am misunderstanding in which case ignore me entirely.

1) The anime ended it's original run
This should be obvious.

2) “What I’d give to cave in that skull of her’s,” said Whitney.
Another extraneous apostrophe.

3) Funny, I’d have sworn showed up earlier than this.
I think you a word there. Perhaps "he" or "it"?

And this one's more of a "please clarify":
Meta Knight, meanwhile, looked down at said mask fragments, thinking. Backslash made the connection in his mind a bit faster, though, and pulled out a little rod-like device.

What connection are you talking about?

All in all, a good mission, though the two "MOMMY MAY I KEEP IT" lines struck me as a bit OOC. Then again, I'm willing to accept the possibility that I'm amiss in expecting Backslash to act more like Shulk.
But back to basics: a good mission and good expansion on the characters of Whitney and Backslash.

I liked this mission a lot! I do have one question though- what happened to the minis? They were mentioned and then kind of poofed into thin air.

Sword and Blade don't appear in Epic Yarn. However this fanfic writer seemed to forget that Meta Knight appeared in Epic Yarn. Actually Meta Knight in Epic Yarn did help Kirby,after he was freed from Yin-Yarn.

So basically it should be Meta Knight telling Sword and Blade about helping Kirby in Epic Yarn if anyone.

I take it this was meant to represent the mini-Gathering earlier this year? I enjoyed it, especially the bit when Eshakhar recognizes her old friend. It was very sweet.

I was curious about what people would think about this article.

The problem is when it's done badly. I think it's cool when characters are best friends with Legolas or marry Caspian or any of the other things you mentioned. But it has to make sense. The girl who's a better wizard than Dumbledore should show it off and do something really cool and impressive. Sues usually just have a character SAY they're better than Dumbledore. The character who blows up the Super Double Death Star should have some big action-y sequence where they work as hard as they can and come out as a hero for it. Sues just have it happen. I don't need every story to be a cerebral look at the flaws of man and his failings. Heroes are allowed to just be cool. They're heroes after all. But the difference between a Mary Sue and a hero is that the hero earns the title and makes me like them.

The girl who does backflips is fine though, because that's legitimately impressive, and Legolas is a smart elf for recognizing that.

But here is the thing.
Take on look at my old whitewash representation of New Orleans and tell me that it's okay to show a mostly black city with a deep black history as Asian.

Take a look at all the bad ocs who use mental disabilities and illnesses as accessories to excuse their wrong doings or make them edgy and tell me that's okay.

The importance of sues and stus is that they are just a stage. An unavoidable stage that one must grow out of in order to let true characters and truly important characters shine through.

Instead of wasting your energy on us, why don't you take it and put it to use teaching the world not to tell girls that they're nothing? Then, according to this essay, they won't write godawful Mary Sues anymore, and maybe fiction in general will improve so that the next kid with a Barnes & Noble gift card will fall in love with a book that actually deserves it. Everybody wins!

Though, I'm pretty sure my own terrible writing had nothing to do with feeling undervalued, because I wasn't and I knew it. Also, this doesn't address boys creating godawful Gary Stus, which we also don't like. Just saying.

~Neshomeh

It's funny, honestly, because the original character Mary Sue from Star Trek was a parody of the concept itself.

It therefore follows that any Mary Sue is just as bad as the characters created for Star Trek which inspired the parody in the first place. In short: We're not going to listen to you.

Not that it matters. I'm going to assume that you just posted this in a flash of anger and then disappeared into the ether to provoke us, with the exception of the troll comment. After all, you know we're not going to stop doing what we do: Writing good stories to show others how it's done and how to improve.

Your points are valid. Your opinion is valid. They simply aren't relevant to us.

We are not enemies. We are all fans. PPC authors and writers of Mary Sues are both fans. Yes, we have different ways of expressing our fandom love in our writing, but we are not enemies. We have no problem with other authors writing Mary Sues; after all, writing missions is part of our setting and tradition! Our goal is not to cause less writing to be made overall, but more writing, and better writing, by transforming poor writing into a completely different story that celebrates what we love about the original canon.

—doctorlit, from his cousin's bed on Long Island

I can assure you nobody in this lesser-known forum will be moved by your lengthy troll essays.

Shame...

a) it's not yours, per Delta Juliette.

b) you're probably the same Tor-using troll as posted the (deleted) reply to this, which is just attention-seeking.

c) it doesn't apply to the PPC. We have never, ever, ever shamed anyone for writing Suvians. Said they should do better, yes. Explained what the problems with the character are, yes. Done both of those with snarky voices, yes. But shamed them? Never.

hS

...you should at least cite your sources. As far as I can tell, this was originally written by UnWinona, on their tumblr.

Assuming we're talking about the time when we didn't have admin control here, my response was to establish a second YourWebApps (or were we still Server.com?) board, and do my level best to make it an exact copy of this one. At the time, we mostly believed that we wouldn't get control of this one back - I wasn't setting up a temporary spam shelter, but a replacement Board.

I remember being very frustrated trying to get the link colours to work right; they kept wanting to be blue.

I know you were working on getting hold of the admin details... did you also try and contact P@L to get her to stomp on the spam for us?

This is my opening post on the Other Board, which says that apparently I'm misremembering slightly (go figure). This is where the Other Board starts; you can jump the URL back in 25s to find the rest of the posts. It looks like you got the admin access after only ten days.

~

On a Plort perspective, in case it helps, this is what's already written:

But the renewed onslaught was noticed - and brought retaliation. Vast armies of hideous trolls crossed the sea, swimming through the reefs, leading their gargantuan ypur mounts through the water. When they made landfall, they brought ruin upon whatever they found. Only the combined forces of the barons was able to bring them down - and those which escaped swore, in their vile tongue, that they would return.

Fortifications were built, in preparation for the next assault, but the next enemy Plort would face was not the Marizu. Distrustful of the barons, the lands that had once been Chaett rebelled anew, forming the Republic of Iric. Huinesoron fled to Plort; Dann remained in Iric, a leader of the revolution.

Iric claimed a new form of government: true democracy, with elected officials, not absolute rulers. The people of Plort were skeptical - but some took the idea to heart. The Librarians’ War was swift and bloody. When the fighting died down, the south coast of Konti-Nyuum had become the Commonwealth of Wechi. Here, all were truly equal: though the baron Neshomeh still held her castle, and her opinion was sought in time of dispute, Wechi was not her domain.

The splintering of Konti-Nyuum might have continued indefinitely, had it not been for a further assault by the Marizu. Driven from their homes, the people of Plort fled to the western city of Ozerbord - and found the citizens of Wechi there before them. Even the folk of Iric soon joined them, and as their united armies drove away the trolls, the three nations took conference.

The outcome was perfect for none, but acceptable to all. The nations would once more reunite into a Union of Plort, but would not thereby become a single realm. Instead, it would be a union of four countries. Over each would be placed barons, to lead the common war effort - but beyond matters military, the nations would be independent. The Protectorate of Borrd, comprising the north and central areas, would continue to be ruled by its barons. The Republic of Iric would continue to elect its own leaders, known for no apparent reason as ‘Ops’ and ‘Dars’. The Commonwealth of Wechi renewed its commitment to absolute democracy, while granting its barons the power to exile inhabitants at need. Finally, in the west, Ozerbord and its hinterland were created the new Refuge of Ozerbord: a monument to the unity of Plort, a bastion in time of need, a place of celebration. Over this primarily military realm, the exiled baron Huinesoron was placed.

And:

During the invasions of Konti-Nyuum by trolls, it is said that an Unnamed Knight guarded the Pass of the Five, fending off all attacks until the armies of Plort could once again take the field. Who this knight is has been a source of much debate, with speculation ranging from 'a baron of Plort' to 'a long-departed knight' to 'Jay herself'.

I'm... actually not sure what's going on with the timeline, there. Ypurs, then the IRC, then the Other Board? At least one of those must be out of order, unless I'm dramatically misremembering.

hS

It was running when I first went to college, so I didn't have the time, but if it's on Netflix, I guess I don't really have an excuse not to see it. Cool!

Okay, maybe not *ever*, but it's so, so good. The songs are catchy, the plot is good, it's funny, and it's just *fun*. It's even fun to rewatch! Give it a few episodes, and it'll catch you forever and have you humming the main song at random moments. :) Karen (Du Lay) got me hooked on it around when it was on season 2 or about to start season 2 (can't remember exactly). It's so much fun and I recommend it. (Watch out for a bit of strong language and a number of actor cameos--including Anthony Stewart Head of Buffy and More fame).

~DF

Darkotas got me hooked on it back when it first started. It is so many levels of glorious. I'll heartily second this recommendation!

Now the sun had set
And the birds have gone to sleep
Autumn comes closer

In fact it's a great way to flesh out agent concepts.

(\* unless the RP is explicitly canon, but I'm not sure that's happened in a while)

I'd like to propose now that Fantastic Beasts minis be mini-Aragogs that can only move in circles.

Anyway, now that that's out of the way...

Nifflers! Nifflers are adorable and I want thirty of them!

I swear I saw an Erumpent at one point, that big rhino-thing with the glowing horn. (I can't see Matt's links, sadly, so I don't know which one he's talking about.)

I'm not really one for speculation, but "We've lived in the shadows for too long" sounds like there might be resentment at the strict boundaries between magic and mundane. Hmmmm. I'm still hoping for a political thriller.

Is when a misspelling caused a windowsill of the Dursleys' house to transform into a Window Seal - a small harp seal merged with the window.

A misuse of gratuitous Spanish in my first mission led to the walls of a room turning out to be made of tightly-packed Iberian hookers. Which one of the charries was forced to lick.

Yyyyyyeah.

So far, it seems that everything that needs to be said has been said. Perhaps I was reading too fast, or maybe you fixed the errors, but I did not spot the comma-period substitutions that Larfen noticed. In fact, I do not recall spotting any errors this mission. Kudos to you and your betas.

But I need to apologize in advance for putting a damper on every shipper's favorite scene, as something does not make sense:
In the kissing scene, wasn't Charlotte's ostensible goal to show how kissing in the midst of a bridal carry does not really work? If so, then how did Charlotte's stunt accomplish that?

It's so adorable!
Everything is adorable!
Hnnnnnnnnnng

Mate, the characterisation here is brilliant. There are so many small sort've things that are just there for characterisation, and they're so bloody human. Bloody legendary.
There are quite a few cases, though, of full stops being in the place of commas, especially in the later half, which is a wee bit awkward. Doesn't take much out of the mission, 'course.
Also, that cardboard Sue thing was great - funny, unique, surprisingly refreshing.

Proper brilliant mission, especially impressive considering the blandness of the fic you took on.

Mah heart!

...but we're neglecting the most important thing.

*beat*

It's shipnames. I nominate Bloods and Furries!

~Mattman, who's Inb4 some poor bloke has to make a PPC version of the RWBY Ship Sheet

Sweet Philemon, that was indeed really bland. The cardboard thing was a good idea for showing that too. Good thing that your agents are so interesting to read.

And to... Nobody's surprise, a new ship sets sail. I 'vote' for naming it 'IxiLottie'.

(P.S. Why I'm thinking about RariJack when I see them?)

If those sues turned out to be cardboard,could sue cardboard boxes become a thing? I'd imagine not but it would make for a interesting execution for other 1-dimensional glitter creatures. All you'd need would be masking tape and some box knives.

Normally I try to work on 'I've read it, so now I need to comment'. But today I started by commenting on unrelated trivia, which made me feel like I needed to read the mission...

Anyway, long story short: d'aww.

~

Arright, arright, more useful comments: I like the fact that Ixilotte (is that what we're calling them?) don't spend their entire time in 'ugh this fic is so bad it makes me want to kill myself' mode. It felt a lot like TOS, with the sense that they're a) angry on behalf of the canon/good writing, rather than because they're ~*sUfFeRrInG*~, and b) genuinely happy to be in the canon. Charlotte in particular was just a breath of fresh air.

PS (er, Pre-S?): 'seaweed top'. Am I supposed to be picturing a tank-top type thing, a seaweed bikini, or what? For some reason, that question really bothers me.

hS

While the badfic was indeed beige as heck, Ix and a very lively Charlotte more than made up for it. Our resident Twilight vampire sure enjoyed being a mermaid, and the "kiss demonstration" part was funny and endearing at the same time - I like how you're developing the relationship between the two.

Only point, that "dark black" did make me raise an eyebrow at the beginning, but it was deliberate, right? After all, Lotte IS a Twilight vampire.

Let's have a play-by-play of the situation, Jon!

- Hey, Lottie, your Sparklepire is showing. You know, touchy-grabby and all that.

- Giant POV! :D POVs are always fun!

- Nope, I still think it's her inner Sparklepire that needs to be released once in a while.

- Can I pitch in on that bet, ladies? I'm saying she's just a jealous human best friend with a complex!

- A seaweed top? Huh... Guess it's better than Shell Bra.

- Okay, this thing with Lottie bein' all twirly better lead to something! It appears too often for just a one-time joke!

- Smoooth pick-up line, Lottie. Reeeeeally smooth.

- Where's Ursula?

- Ah, there she is! Heh... To be fair, it's kinda funny for these outside characters to actually stumble upon the singing scene. I mean, it's like if during Under the Sea Triton looked out the window and went "Neptune's Beard, what are they doing?!"

- Okay, Ursula would go for something far more tricky than just "okay, your job, please." She would've make sure the Sue wouldn't be able to fulfill the contract! That's just stupid!

- SERIOUSLY?! Hahaha! Lottie, you devil! Yep, a perfect opportunity to snatch a kiss!

Ooooh, my ship for them, HMS Tooth and Claw, is sailing juuuust fine. Love every single mission they're in!

It's going to be interesting to see what you do with Ix and Charlotte. I like how you made up for the lack of much bad writing (other than Sues) with agent development.

My only criticisms are about describing Charlotte's eyes as turning "dark black" and that perhaps the shipping is happening too quickly, but I'm sure you know what you're doing. You're a brilliant writer, after all. :-)

Well, you know what they say. Start with the small stuff.

It doesn’t feel like you rushed to get into the mission, so I call this progress from previous stories.

(Typo detected: er uniform came in two pieces.)

(PPC canon error detected: The mission report is what you are just writing. What lucky agents get to read before they go on a mission – while unlucky agents are just sent in not knowing what to expect – is an "intelligence report" or "Intel report".)

But then you rush through the mission. I don’t agree with other comments that the fic is too short for a mission, but we definitely need more description of what Kelly sees and we need to listen to her thoughts. Just for fun, I’ll list what I spot (not being a native speaker, not knowing the canon, and giving the dialogue some leeway for writing the accent of future pirate folks) and what I would do about it.

1. Ambiguously misspelled title "Little Treasuer" (Might be made a running gag: Every other paragraph, Kelly tries to spot the little treasure or to figure out who might be meant to be the little treasurer. Alas, it doesn’t work, because the writer repeated the title in the fic’s first line, and there it is definitely "Little Treasure". Question to more experienced PPCers: Is there a legitimate way to ignore an in-fic title line?)

2. My eyes wonder around our house (No idea. Guessing the right spelling and then taking the "wandering eyes" literally is probably not an option. If Kelly doesn’t see anything weird, she may wonder what eyes "wondering around a house" should look like.)

3. You know the rules, no sitting to the counter. (I’m not a native speaker. Is "sitting to the counter" synonymous to "sitting on the counter" or to "sitting at the counter" or something totally different? In the second case, Kelly may see Jenna in two places at the same time, or rapidly moving between "sitting on the counter" and "sitting at the counter".)

4. Speaking of witch (Kelly spots a witch in the room. I guess Treasure Planet doesn’t have witches, so what the witch does and whether she looks like a Disney witch or a Harry Potter witch or somebody else depends on the canons Kelly knows.)

5. Dropping the plats she was holding. (Probably just a misspelled "plates", not a homophone. My dictionary doesn’t know "plats".)

6. The other on looks at me. (Is there a third robot cop who is "off”?)

7. I run up to my door and push my ear agents it. ("Agents of the PPC! What are you doing here? This is my badfic to spork!")

8. its din heard enough keeping this place a flout be myself (Several lines may be spent on an inner monologue while Kelly tries to figure out what she just heard. "be myself" is probably just talking like a pirate – a language doubly foreign to me – but whose din [retranslating German translations: shenanigans, hubbub, hullabaloo, row, slapstick, ballyhoo, fuss, riot, racket, uproar] is Jenna’s mother talking about, what did it hear and how is a din even able to hear something, who made the Benbow Inn a flout [insult, offense, scathe, affront, defamation, indignity, derision, jeer, mockery, ridicule, scoff, taunt] and why would somebody want to keep it that? Confusing the agent will certainly be one of the charges.)

9. but its never his fault (Again with the missing apostrophe. No idea what to do with whoever’s never – it’s not a noun.)

I don’t see how you got from "a flout" to flutes, and I didn’t spot a door wearing pants, but that may be my different perception of a language I didn’t grow up with.

One last thing: She wondered just how a writer could use so many homophones and expect her story to be read.
Please don’t. We talk about stories, not about their writers.

HG

You had some good ideas here that I wish you'd gone more in detail with. The part where you described the problems with the fic seemed a little rushed, especially after the loving detail paid to Kelly's getting dressed. I would have really liked to see the quote that led to a door wearing pants and the other odd ways the Word World interpreted the fic. You implied that there were a lot of funny mistakes with homophones -- it would have been more fun to see them rather than just hear about them. And to see Kelly's reaction to them. Did they make her mission more difficult?

You have interesting ideas, and I like that you write for unusual fandoms, but I think you need to work on structuring your missions. If I may make a suggestion, I'd recommend trying to line up a cowrite. One can learn a lot from collaborating with more experienced writers.

--Key

Honestly, while the fic as written has the bones of badfic, I don't think it really has enough content to qualify. It's not even 500 words long, and covers a single scene. In general, I'd try to pick longer fic, or at least ones that have more actual content, because it gives you more to work with.

Also, your mission needs more content as well. Short missions are fine, not everything needs to be a multi-part epic, but this is shorter than most Permission prompts and takes about ten minutes of actual time. There's no tension or humor or anything else that makes it enjoyable to read - or, presumably, write. The fact that it's a solo mission means there isn't even any inter-character banter. I have to wonder what inspired you to write this in the first place, because it feels rather obligatory, like you're writing this because you have to rather than because you want to.

First of all, jumping the gun on Skarm is not cool. While he could've phrased things better, what you did was pretty rude (not to mention detrimental to the quality of your mission). You should, at least, apologise to him.

That being said, there are also things to say about the mission itself:
-Frankly, the badfic isn't bad enough. It's too short and consists of "Jim has an uncanon little sister" and nothing else. Remember — the PPC is about making funny (good) stories out of bad ones, not pointing at stories and saying "that's bad". Having an uncanon relative isn't bad in and of itself — cf. this WH40K x [secret] fic (the usual "this is WH40K, grimderp ahoy" warning applies, of course). Other words, there isn't enough substance in the fic.

-Related to that, "is an uncanon relative" isn't grounds for assassination, since it doesn't automatically make a character Suvian.

-The mission itself lacks the proper "buildup, climax, resolve" curve that most stories have. It's basically "Kelly went in, killed an OC, got out", except told in 311 words instead of eight.

-There are a couple small errors here and there — things that a SPaG beta would've caught, probably.

To be completely frank, I agree with Skarm: I think this mission should be taken down for revisions.

I did not give you the greenlight to post this mission, despite my feedback, and on top of that you haven't consulted with a second beta who would probably be better at it and less busy than me anyway. I am not amused by your haste on any level, and I would kindly recommend that you take this mission offline and have it beta-read properly before any public release.

And before you respond to me trying to defend yourself, remember how angry and reckless I got when you first requested Permission due to a tense situation being made a lot worse. I don't want that happening again. We wish to help you not only become a better writer, but a better participant in the Internet community as well, so like it or not, please heed our advice.

People should still feel free to sign their own agents up, but I'm taking the reins back and starting to wrestle what we've already got into coherence and that's easier if it's not twenty people all jockeying for position.

Feel free to call on Cyba Zero and Eagrus Khan. Details can be found on the wiki here:

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Cyba_Zero
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Eagrus_Khan

Marvin and Printworthy are here to help!

That is, if you have room.

Also... Hi. I'm back. I think.

The 'verse has horses, after all.

And if she goes there, Hieronymus goes too.

So, how are we going to do this?

HG

Corolla's going to be there for sure, and since I recently claimed Sergio and Nikki are temporarily back as contractors... why not?

But unfortunately, I got no permission.

I reserve the right to edit what's written for the sake of pacing and flow. It's already starting to get a bit cluttered as is.

It's their area, after all. Kozar and the Reader could pop in too.

~DF

Does this mean that you'll need pony versions of people's agents? Because if so I will get right on that, and also Tungsten Monk already made one for Nume. *g* (Though actually, he'd probably be a unicorn... I will give this more thought!)

~Neshomeh

Email is in the name above, or wherever it displays, I don't remember.

—doctorlit feels all participatory now

Okay, not really.

It's sending two okay guys— some big guy named Angus MacFarlane and some skinny dude whose name we can't remember at the moment. Maybe you've seen him around? Tall, walks crooked, broken nose, bowtie, dumb haircut? Sometimes seen with Tacitus?

Yeah. Those guys.

Tomash and Peregrin were in their RC, enjoying some downtime. Peregrin was reading a book with a stack of sticky notes nearby; as far as he was concerned, sticky notes were a massive improvement over notes in the margins or keeping a separate note leaf organized.

Tomash's fingers were running furiously over the keyboard on the console. He'd started trying to "fix" it about five minutes after he first used it and declared that "it just didn't feel right". The console didn't mind this, since it liked the attention.

There was a knock at the door. "Moment!" Tomash yelled towards the door. He took a moment to save and collect his thoughts, then made his way over to open the door, which was a bit tricky due to a half-finished remodeling effort Peregrin had started before Tomash had been partnered with.

When he opened the door, $someone was standing outside and looking somewhat nervous. "Hi," they said, "my parter and I are looking for people to help with a mass exorcism of the Everfree Forest?"

"Sorry, an exorcism of the what?" Tomash asked. He then added, "Oh yeah. I'm Tomash. Forgot to introduce myself."

"Hi as well. I'm $someone. $someone_else and I will need to exorcise the Everfree Forest. You know, from My Little Pony."

"I've never seen that show, but I heard it's pretty good. That not gonna be a problem, is it? Also, I'm pretty new, so maybe you should ask my partner Peregrin..."

"Nah. Don't worry. You'll be fine. All you really have to do is stand somewhere and ring a bell a bunch. Maybe shout something to expel the Stu."

"Cool. I can do that. Just mail me the details. I'm tom@rcfibs[0..5]!dms" Tomash said, somehow pronouncing the monospace. Then he had a sudden realization. "Wait. We should probably get my partner in on this." He turned around and yelled "Yo, Peregrin! There's someone here and they need people for a mass exorcism."

Peregrin closed his book, startled. "A mass exorcism? I've heard of such things, but I don't believe that one has been performed for many years. There was some well-known case involving a merger with a planet, but I don't remember the details. I should check those ..." He trailed off and started heading for the bookshelf.

"You can check the history later. I don't think this guy wants to wait all day for you to flip through old mission reports."

Peregrin then changed course and wandered over toward the door. "What canon did you say this was occurring in, again? I was rather distracted and didn't hear you."

"The Everfree Forest in My Little Pony", replied the agent at the door. They were rather relieved that no one was shouting at them or slamming the door in their face.

"I'm not familiar with that work," Peregrin began cautiously, "but I don't believe exorcism rituals require a familiarity. I haven't performed any yet, so I can't back that up with experiment. It might be good for me, er, for us, to do."

"You'll do great! Like I said to your partner, all you really need to do is stand somewhere, ring a bell a bunch, and yell something about banishing uncanon. There'll be enough people that we won't need to get it perfect."

Peregrin turned to his partner and asked "Tomash, could you get the bells from two-down-one-right?"

The agent quickly added "You don't need those right now. We're not starting for at least a few days since we need time to get everyone together. We'll ping your console when it's time."

Tomash, who was already near the bells, grabbed one of Peregrin's sticky notes and scrawled on "TODO: fix console ping." He then took the bells anyway, to save himself the bother of trying to find them later.

The agent had started to leave. Before she closed the door, Peregrin held up the set of exorcism bells an old inhabitant of 112358 has left behind and asked "Are these the right bells?".

"Yeah." said the retreating agent, who was copying "Peregrin and Tomash" from the sign by the door. "Those're the ones!"

After the door closed, Peregrin started to think out loud in a quiet mutter. "That's good. I think I'll need to modify the usual rituals to apply to uncanon influences instead of generally disruptive ones. But first I'm going to need to find the history of this sort of thing, so I can do it properly." This train of thought led Peregrin directly to a loose collection of pages titled "∑ M.R. Idx", which he scanned for an entry on mass exorcisms.

Followup research resulted in three requests that Tomash search the mission report database since he was already at the console and a trip to Supply because the printer ran out of paper. After Peregrin was eventually satisfied with his general understanding of exorcisms, he took several cracks at arranging an 'appropriate' tune for the exorcism. He wasn't much good as a composer, but he was working off of established material, so the final result came out sounding better than horrible, as far as Peregrin (and Tomash) could tell.

"So you're tellin' me that there's a world a' talking horses, and they think a man becomin' a forest is strange?"

"That seems to be the long and short of it, Sir Jesse."

-Alleb

Richard and Marina are ready to go if necessary. On the way for the fiesta!

Des, Lump, Navare, Amris or any combination thereof are available for cameos.

My DMS agents are your best bet among my characters, although if you want to go all out with this (and I'm pretty sure you will, knowing what you're describing), Falchion and Ripper would be more than happy to lend their aid as well. Heck, you could even throw in Sarah for extra measure, as a friend of a friend if you will. ;)

Neither of my characters (Aaron) know anything about MLP, but they'd be happy to help out with the exorcism part.

(The sound of a Chainsaw Sword fills the air, followed by the flash of it setting on fire. Ajax looks at his partner with a look of I'm gonna have to put out a forest fire, aren't I)

((Feel free to send me the mission to beta and/or character checks))

((Also prepare for a awesome art))

If we're exorcising stuff...

Come on, I know you need a lil' magic
and magic is my specialty du jour.
Don't just stand there lookin' sick,
would I kid you? Play a trick?
Like I told you, I don't do that anymore~

Doktor Trollenfisch und Gabrielle seem like the most natural fit, since it's sufficiently weird an occurrence that WhatThe backup fits the bill nicely. Other than them, you're more than welcome to use either Lola and Algie or Wobbles and the Notary, but not both; I don't want Lola and Tree to meet yet.

For the first part I said, "The Eye of Argon is unbearable even in this format."

I take it back.

Nitpicks:

Two oddly familiar figures in in an oddly familiar dark room, which is lit up by an oddly familiar small, clunky television.
Repetition.

I don-t know if this-s one of his comedies or a tragedies.
Is this meant to be singular or plural? I guess if it just were the way Finch talks, I should have noticed something similar earlier.

HG

a link to the first part for those of us who were too busy to read it before and are too lazy also busy to look up the link now? *smiles sweetly, bats eyes in winsome manner*

~Neshomeh

But have you read PC's workshops? They're very useful in developing characters and all, you know.

Have a link to his one on characters! I'd recommend read the rest of them, too. Fascinating stuff, it is. Useful, too.

And good luck with your next attempt!

No. Just… no.

This character doesn't work in many ways. Desdendelle has already touched on several major points (what is a Diplomancer, uninteresting personality, major errors in PPC canon), so I will specifically look at Terraria canon issues.

The big one is that Terraria itself… doesn't really have a story. Or a unified world, really. The only true canon to Terraria is detail-based: what the monsters are like, what the NPCs are like, and so on. Much like Minecraft, the only story is 'kill the bosses.' This character might as well not be from Terraria.

Are you trying to claim that the NPCs are the 'inhabitants?' Because that is a stretch I cannot buy. And how can Terraria get the Internet if they don't even have computers? Their most advanced technology is wires hooked up to pumps and sensors.

But let's put that aside. Let's say that Terraria has a fully fleshed-out world. You've given knowledge of the PPC to an entire universe! That's bad both in-universe (the PPC's trying to be secret here) and out (it suggests that you don't quite get what we as a group are about).

You want my opinion? Scrap this character. Begin from the ground up. Make multiple characters as thought exercises. Like Des said, that might help you see what makes a character interesting.

-PPC knowledge is lacking. DoSAT has no RCs and its technicians usually don't go on missions.
-What is a Diplomancer and why is Trevor one?
-Personality section is too short and also lacking. "Normal and gets well along with some people" feels like a cardboard cutout than an interesting character.
-Having to read a wiki article and still not understand a third of the words you've used in the profile is bad. Assume that the Permission Giver reading your request (and the people reading your spinoff) don't know an awful lot about the canon at hand.
-Having your agent actually affect the canon (and not come from a fanfic) makes him a bit too Suvian for comfort.

I think you're doing this wrong, and I think I have an exercise that can help you: instead of making an agent from Terraria, try — as an exercise, you don't have to use the resultant character in anything — to make an agent from World One, who arrived in the PPC via a generic plothole. I think this will force you to think about what makes them an interesting character instead of their powers or canon of origin or whatnot.

I'm pretty sure of the Ancient Greek translations. I've also poked around with Google searches, Google Translate, and Wiktionary to try to find accurate translations in modern Greek. The words are common and the sentences are simple, so my grammar shouldn't be off. However, no guarantees.

Translations will be in the Greek alphabet first, then romanized.

Optional words are in parentheses.

So without further ado, the translations.

First off, Ancient Greek:
"Who's a good boy?" Τίς καλός ἐστίν; Tís kalós estín?
"Yes, you are!" Ναί, σὺ (εἶ)! Naí, sù (eî)!

And for Modern Greek:
"Who's a good boy?" Ποιος είναι καλό παιδί; Poios eínai kaló paidí?
"Yes, you are!" Ναί, ('σύ) είσαι! Naí, ('sú) eísai!

Feel free to ask for any clarifications or explanations.

unless you want it in ancient Greek. Otherwise, you might have to stick to English.

This is a beautiful tribute.

--Key

I don't usually get emotional over spacecraft, but this got me.

... except the usual:

Stopping at first door she found ...
Is there a "the" missing?

He had short back hair that seemed to have beaten any attempts to tame it ...
Did you mean "black"?

HG

I've enjoyed the interprelude, though it's a bit on the short-ish side; I kinda expected a bit more interaction between Apollo and Kelly. Other than, I don't really have anything to say.

There was a very quiet, subtle sense of humour throughout the whole thing - even the absurdity of Kelly running into the direct opposite of her RC has a certain dry calmness, which I quite like. (I also just like that joke in general)
Hell, even the [BEEEEEEEEP] joke has that quality, what with the punchline being a cynical comment, as opposed to any other number of possibilities. Normally the kind of joke you'd expect to be very loud, y'know?

You've also done a good job of introducing the various characteristics of the agents, from Apollo being in pitch-black and fine with it, to Kelly being delighted at archery equipment. Very showy, without telly, y'know?
As Ix said, of course, some've the dialogue's a bit expositiony.

Let's see what the three year mark'll bring...

I like the idea of a daughter of Apollo and a Green Arrow expy working together. That was clever.

I'll be on the lookout for more from these two.
Quivering with anticipation, really.

She's a daughter of Apollo...

But his name's Apollo...

WELL THIS WON'T LEAD TO ANY AWKWARD DISCUSSIONS. :P

Only thing I'm going to nitpick is that Apollo's explanation of his powers felt kind of... I dunno, stilted and expositional rather than natural?

I hope it doesn't take you three years to write a mission with these two because I think they'll be interesting to see.