May 2016 Archive, part b

Have a celebratory pizza! It's a family tradition.

Why yes, my family does celebrate everything with pizza, why do you ask?

Also, I totally understand your reaction to hS. I knew how things worked when I introduced myself, but I was still a bit flustered.
Now I think about it, I had about the same reaction to Iximaz greeting me.

It's your boardiversity!
You've managed to not only survive for a whole year, but in that time stayed on the board, too!
Good heavens!
Good grief!
Some people can barely manage one!

I'm giving you a very special gift: the letter 'K.'
That's right, it's yours now.
Do with it what you wish.


*Larfen awaits the end of the year.*

Though at this point I think you're pretty much a Little Sibling in name only. :) You've come a long way.

Don't worry - I was exactly the same way around the likes of Miss Cam or (ulp!) Jay. Come to think of it, I had to suppress the same feeling the last time Saphie and Hellga wandered in...

Happy Boardiversary. May you have many more.

hS

Have a Rorschach Cake - it changes flavour every ten minutes! :D

I've only seen the first season, but I liked it a lot. If second season is as good I should hunt it down.

Thanks to the Sue replacing nearly instance of "I" with "we", she and Percy ended up simultaneously making the sign to ward off evil, causing Gabe to be whacked by the screen door with twice as much force.

"nearly every instance"?

HG

I was able to follow it with little trouble, even without having read the Percy Jackson books. Good work.
Do you really have it in for your Agents?! First the Bleep allergy, then Rose Potter, and now a portent of impending death? Then again, Hardric could be right and the cut was really for the Sue...
but if that were the case, then there would be three cuts, not two...
*looks through the LXX for an appropriate prayer*

*Ahem*
Either way, obligatory nitpicks ahoy:
1) “I’ll save the trouble of guessing. Spoiler alert: yes, yes you do,” the Aviator said in annoyance.
Missing word: "I'll save you the trouble of guessing."

2) This is… this is just… I can’t even He doesn’t even get snippy with her? She just drove a god OOC!
Missing punctuation before "He". I recommend an ellipsis or an em dash.

3) Braccas meas vescimini!

Do I detect Translatin? The last two words are correct Latin, but WORDS does not recognize the first word. What were you trying to say? "Eat my ____"

Seriously, how o you manage to write so much good stuff so fast? If you want to become a writer someday, just do it, you're guaranteed to success.

The cut was really for the glitterbag, so no need to worry, right? Right?

Both inside the mission and out!

Great job, dealing with the most annoying cliche of the Percy Jackson universe: Percy's sister! Ugh... I can't stand them!

One mythological nitpick, if I may:

“why would Percy’s mom have named her daughter after a nymph who turned into a tree? I mean, she named Percy after one of the few Greek heroes to get a happy ending, so wouldn’t Atalanta or something make more sense?”

Atalanta's story doesn't end well, actually. Sure, after the Calydonian Boar Hunt she gets married and becomes the queen of either Beotia or Arcadia (sources differ on this one)...but she and her husband decided to do the waka-waka in Zeus's temple. Needless to say, the Big Guy wasn't happy, and turned them into lions.

I might have a more accurate world-view if I had stuck to reading non-fiction, but even documentaries would have sugar-coated things and not been completely realistic.

My brain came defective. :D

By gum, this is ridiculous. I've read a lot of classics and a lot of modern novels, and it's clear that he has probably just heard some rumors about bestsellers from parents who gave The Hunger Games to their three-year old.

Besides, there has been studies, ACTUAL studies on what books do to the brain, and apparently they are quite good for you.

Clearly, this man has only read the Shakespeare plays they make you read in school... and them not too closely, because Romeo and Juliet talks about sex.

Seriously, I'd like to point this guy to Titus Andronicus. Shakespeare could have written a Saw movie.

As others said, plenty of the works by the authors he mentioned have terrible stuff in them too. I think he's just biased against new stories, honestly. I'm particularly bothered by his referring to modern stories as "insensitive," "un-sensitive." Partly because I've mulled those terms over in my head so much now that I'm questioning their very meaning from over-use. (Does he mean not sensitive? Or not sensible? Or . . . senseless? Not making sense? HURRRRRR—) Seriously, compare the Potter series to literally any Shakespeare play. There's far more emotional depth to the Potterverse characters than Shakespeare's. (On the page; I'm not saying actors can't lend the roles emotion on stage.)

Another line that bothered me, not from the principal, but from the other teacher lower down, is "I feel that the darkness of the books is so palpable that it wasn't the sort of thing that we would want to expose young children to in their formative years . . ." No. All of my no. One thing I will never waver on: the real world is less scary when you've fought monsters in your mind. If we refuse children the freedom to encounter villains in fiction, we're only depriving them of the mental strength to work around school bullies, unfair professors and rude bosses later on in life. To learn to handle conflict, they—big surprise!—need to encounter and study conflict.

—doctorlit, gettin' preachy

I have more to say, but now is not the time. I need to proofread what's to come.

Most likely, it's only correlation. It could be the other way around: Brain damage causes fantasy!

Don't ask what fantasy brain damage causes.

Please don't look too deep into The Post.

We'd probably come to the conclusion that everything is evil, and that the only way to save the human race is to lock everyone inside of a small box and bury it, to never be dug up until the sun finally loses its patience and devours the solar system.

Don'tcha know?
The sun creates a subconscious desire to be involved in explosives!
We live in a world where, every morning, our innocent children are exposed to a massive explosion, one which we consider to be normal!
Why, if our great human race wasn't exposed to the sun at all, I doubt we'd have any wars.
Break out the boxes and shovels, lads!

Pesona learned me this. Mister, you managed to out-stupid these articles.

Congratulations. You're a black hole of stupid.

You will note that this is the kind of miserabilist who has ended up running a private school in rural Oxfordshire after a stint in the British Army; these are not the kind of institutions that encourage or cultivate a rich internal life in their charges. The man is quite clearly demented.

We must send him some Pratchett immediately. =]

A few errors:
After pushing Frodo “gently” against a wall (why, the agents didn’t know) the Sue and an OOC Aragorn took them both up to Aragorn’s room.
Whom did Aragorn and the Sue take?

The next chapter began with a time skip, combining the effects of both
Combining the effects of both of what?

She wasn’t moving: She’d hit her head when she fell.
That word after the colon should be lowercase. I'd also suggest that the colon be replaced with a semicolon, but that's just a suggestion.

There doesn't seem to be a character page for these guys, why would one be holding a spoon in their mouth to chop onions?

It makes me want to create a barbarian or team that are unfamiliar with modern technology.

I enjoyed it, especially the raw bacon metaphor.
Bacon gets overplayed a lot in jokes and whatnot, so thank the Lord that you focussed on it's slipperiness rather than it's LOLOMG!BACON!-ness.
I also ought to say, I love Jesse's 'I get names wrong' thing. My style of humour.

This fanfic must have been boring as Hell to write, I must note. Good heavens.

Having a LOTR Sue really brings back memories. :)
I liked your agents and their banter a lot. Really funny and endearing.
And the epic boss fight at the end was very well written. Both funny and exciting.

One minor error, the two paragraphs starting with "The Sue struggled to her feet, and the agents let her" appear twice.

And you may many, many more!!!

Now for your gift... I have this lv. 13 male Eevee nicknamed Dobby, with its Hidden Ability, Anticipation, perfect IVs in Attack, Defense and Sp. Def. and a Sassy nature. Now... I just need to find a way to send it...

Yes, seriously, I have it in my Alpha Sapphire savegame.

Have a purple glitter gel pen.

*rummages through Bag of Holding*
No, I gave the Delibird present already...

*rummages some more*
She already has a Muggle-use wand... How did I even get a Muggle-Use Wand?

*rummages some more*
No, the snowglobe is a newbie gift...

*rummages some more*
Hm?

Aha!

In honor of your 19th birthday, here's Mountain Kalos Pokemon #19: Goomy!

Here's some Birthday Pizza. Don't worry, the toppings will stop fluctuating when you tell it what you want.

I guess you will need to fight the Present Samurai for it's contents.

Here's an ergonomic mouse so you don't get carpal tunnel! (Also, congrats on the recent PJO mission. That was a whole other level of stupid right there. -_-)

How *did* you get a plot hole into a cake, anyway?

Enjoy it while it lasts. Soon you'll be old... By this Board's satndards.

<3

Do we get to call you old yet? No? Bother, maybe next year.

hS

Ekhm... *looks at the Band* You ready, fellas?

GRAB THE CHAIR, BOYS! WE'VE GOT ANOTHER BUCKET-KICKER!

Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death.

The cake is on the table,
And it is awfully bright,
'Cause there's so many candles on top.
But you are so decrepit,
Your chest so tight,
When you blow them out your lungs are gonna pop.

You cannot complain
Each time you feel a pain,
Though you have arthritis and gout.
'Cause when you start kvetching,
All your teeth fall out.

So have another cigarette,
Have another beer,
Raise your glass to one more year. (GONE!)

Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death.

Your skin is so worn out and old,
All over your body it's sagging.
Especially loose is your old caboose,
You're dragging it behind you in a wagon.

Well, you're an alcoholic,
And you're blind and deaf,
And you have Alzheimer's I bet.
You're too old to remember,
But you're too drunk to forget.

So have another cigarette,
Have another beer,
Raise your glass to one more year. (GONE!)

Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death.

You're so old you smell like dust,
And now your bones begin to rust.
See that face, it's full of wrinkles.

So have another cigarette,
Have another beer,
Raise that chair to one more year. (RAISE!)

Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to death.

Happy Birthday my olde friend.
It seems this horror show will never end.
Any moment's your last breath,
Here is to another day closer to your sweet death!

We've got a whole lot of people dying nowadays, and I'm glad that you haven't given in to the peer pressure.
Doing a great job with all the writing, I must say. Lord knows how you manage to get out so much quantity and quality.
Presumably some form of dark magic.

My gift to you is: A GPS!
You can use it to locate your childhood!
Make sure to plug it in!

I give you a book of discourse, for all your discourse needs!

I mean, it's cool, but surely JK can do better than just naming the houses directly after the creatures? :/ I'm... not gonna lie, I hope there's more to it than that because I'm pretty disappointed otherwise.

And 1visible, where are you from? Because my middle school and high school were pretty similar and didn't have any of this 'clusters' stuff you were talking about. In both middle and high school, we had our own individual schedules; it was rare for me to see the same kids throughout the day. The only difference is that in middle school, third period was aways set aside for "RE", that is "Reading and Enrichment", or as the other students treated it, "goof off and act like idiots" time. Lunchtime was determined by your fourth period class.

Elementary school for me was different, but I went to a tiny, tiny private school where forty kids to a grade was a rare, large class. There were two teachers to a grade and the grade would be split into two groups, one for each teacher, and halfway through the day they would switch (one teacher would handle half the classes like math, science, and history while the other would take, say, English, religion, and music).

/end rambling anecdote

Hogwarts:

-Gryffindor = lion = brave
-Ravenclaw = corvid = smart
-Hufflepuff = badger = ... I dunno, cuddly?
-Slytherin = snake = super evil and sneaky

So what about [possible] Ilvermorny? Let's look at Wikipedia for guidance.

Horned Serpent

The various Horned Serpents are associated with water (and there's apparently an element theme to Hogwarts too, so that's interesting). Its character is... debated. The Muscogee version is a friend to animals and humans, but the Cherokee one is deadly poison and will murder your family. Both of them apparently draw other creatures in, though, so perhaps this is the Hufflepuff 'friendly' house?

Or, more crackpotly: they have some nonsense attribute, but their real characteristic is 'smothering'. That would make them the Slytherin analogue (serpent, so it's likely anyway), and would tie in with the oppressive nature of MACUSA. An evil house that wants to grab you and not let go... I can see that.

Wampus

So... it's a big cat. The Cherokee legend attached to the wampus talks about spying, so how about 'stealthy'? Your Wampus kids are going to be the ones who can blend in well, and tend towards small, non-flashy magic. They're also stuffed with anti-MACUSA dissidents - the ones who managed to get in at all - because they're part of an entire hidden subculture.

Thunderbird

The thunderbird is powerful and dangerous, and embodies a force of nature. Wikipedia also uses the word 'wrathful'. Your Thunderbird kids are going to be 'brave' in a way that even Gryffindor would say 'hang on a minute' to: they will charge into danger without regard for their own life. Are they doing it for their friends? Are they in a rage? Or are they just out for glory? Depends on the kid.

Pukwudgie

It's a... wow. It's a poisonous invisible were-porcupine that wields malevolent ghosts as weapons.

Uh.

Okay.

The only remotely positive trait I can really associate with this is 'mischievous'. Perhaps the idea of pukwudgies being anti-human is a lie, and they're really just playful creatures. Sure. Let's go with that. And never believe anything a Pukwudgie kid tells you.

So we have smothering, sneaky, headstrong, and tricksy houses. That sounds really interesting! So I suspect it'll be nothing of the sort. Here's the Did Not Do The Research alternative:

-Thunderbird = bird = Ravenclaw
-Horned Serpent = snake = Slytherin
-Wampus = big cat = Gryffindor
-Pukwudgie = looks like a hedgehog = Hufflepuff

(Which is why I'm a bit dubious about them being real - surely she's got enough imagination not to literally copy her previous houses, right? ... right?)

hS

... why the internet (or bits of it) are calling this cultural appropriation?

I can just about understand the skinwalker thing. But... why is 'using native mythological creatures (which aren't religious practices)' appropriation/viewed as by some? Surely it's... good to reference the magical background of the continent?

~

Of course, the idea that the USA has a magical school exactly following the pattern of the UK version is a bit weird; do American schools have houses? And particularly since we've got the canon statement that Ilvermorny started out as a shack in the woods, rather than being established by four wizards a la Hogwarts. So I'm mildly dubious about the truth of this (but not too much so).

~

And that is an amazing picture of a thunderbird. Whoooooa.

hS

"I say, you there... I say, you there... I say, you there..."

So. Here's an article discussing what's going to be in it. Some thoughts, after a quick readthrough:

-Everything that was changed from CIV to CiV seems to be being retained. Understandable, since they're basically continuing with the same vision here.

-They're diversifying leaders somewhat, with... personality traits, I guess? The impression I get is that leaders will have their own obsessions, and you go against those at your peril.
--Per this article: "One leader might be fanatical about allying with city states. That forces you into a decision: back off from city states and potentially be friends, or compete over a state's affection and maybe come to blows."
--Well, unless city states are really good, you just back off. So the other leaders make certain playstyles unfavourable, above and beyond the norm.
--As in: 'normally, I will ally with any city states I meet. The exception is if they're allied with someone who might attack me over it. Oh, look, Murderos IV is in the game. He will attack me if I ally with city states he's allied with. Then I guess I won't do that.'

-"The unstacking of armies revolutionised the way the military side of the game played out and we’re making a similar change on the economic side of the game." What they're doing is apparently going to One City-Building Per Tile; quite how that will work I don't know.
--It suggests that cities in small spaces aren't going to be able to develop very far; there'll be no workaround to shove extra food into them, because the restriction is physical space.
--It might mean that certain tiles are only buildable-on in the late-game.

-They're playing about with research, making it so that you have 'miniquests' for each research option, which are based on what's on the map. So you can research masonry much faster if you have access to stone, for instance.
--That... sounds dubious to me. They say it's to break out of 'one way to play' mindsets, but if the boosts are significant enough to make a difference, then they're still One Right Way: 'if you have stone, research masonry; if not, don't'. Or, to quote: "[in previous Civ games] you could research sailing and navigation, even if you’re landlocked in the middle of a continent. Now you can still try to do that but it’s going to take you forever."
--That means that how you play is restricted by the map generation - which is exactly what I wrote about the city thing. Hmm. New section.

-So carrying on from 'combat using terrain features' as a central feature of CiV, Civ6 will make the way you build your empire depend on the terrain, too.
--Is that good or bad? That really, really depends on how tightly restricted you are. If the random map generation pretty much puts you on rails, then it's bad. And with the leaders also putting restrictions on what you can do... I dunno. We'll see when it comes out.

hS

you need to upload them to a site like Photobucket or Imgur or such, and then copy the image URL into the message. (You can email them to yourself to get them from phone to computer, obviously.)

—doctorlit answering a computering question, surprisingly

That was an easy-to-follow mission, and a well done execution of the Sue. Death by Canon--so rare, but sometimes so satisfying when done right. And of course, this Sue was one of the annoying in-text-A/N-to-show-off-some-incorrect-trivia Sues (First, the name you're thinking of is Atalanta, not Atalantis. Second, Atalanta does not mean "mighty huntress" (it means "equal in weight"), she was a mighty huntress!)

But some errors slipped through in your mission. One of which HG picked up already:
Give my partner and I your guidance, O god of thieves and merchants.
It should be "my partner and me": they are both the objects of the verb "give".

The remaining errors are pluralization errors:
1)Their first mission into one of the most interesting continuums (in the pair’s opinion) that they had discovered in a long while,
The plural of "continuum" is "continua".

2)So she had hidden away for over a millennia inside the Labyrinth
"Millenia" is plural. The correct word is "a millenium".

One more thing stuck out:
That is not a bad trait, Za’kiir thought. It’s rather interesting. Khajiit likes it.
Is that a quirk of Za'kiir's speech, or did you mean to say, "Za'kiir likes it"?

Za'kiir and Natalie are so much fun to read, but there are some spelling and grammar issues:

Give my partner and I your guidance, O god of Thieves and Merchants.
Wouldn’t "Give me your guidance" be correct? Adding another person, like "my partner", shouldn’t change this. (Apparently, many people fell into the habit of saying words like "My partner and me went somewhere" to an extent that it began to look right because it was seen so often. Then the backlash came and had such an impact that to some people "another person and me" now looks wrong even when it’s right?)

The agents clapped along with the rest of the campers, through their smiles were tight —
I believe you meant "though".

Apparently none of the other gods couldn’t stop talking about it ...
I’m not quite sure what you are trying to say there. The double negation actually says that Mr. D is the only god who couldn’t stop talking about it, but maybe that’s the reason why he wants Ally to do something?

How had she gotten her?
If you aren’t alluding to the Sue’s weird way of thinking, this should be "here" (or less probably "there").

How do you who I am?
If this weren’t the Sue speaking, I would guess that the missing word wasn’t left out intentionally.

Yeah, I could have seen it coming, but then I didn’t. When the "goddess" claimed that she had been forgotten, I wondered whether she could even still exist. But since I didn’t know how this works in Percy Jackson canon, I dismissed the thought, because nobody could be this stupid, and forgot all about it. Surprise, surprise! Atalantis could, and found a rightful Death by Canon.

HG

This was still enjoyable even though I haven't read it. Maybe that's why I really like your Missions.

I haven't received a chapter though. I did mention when I came back that I've lost access to the old gmail account I was using for PPC stuff, and am currently using an older account. It's stormehawk@gmail.com, sorry for any problems my switching of emails have caused.

Matthew decided to attempt to pick it’s equally red seal off,
I shouldn't have to spell out what the error is.

“Why the hell do you look like a reptilian Dragon Caller?” His partner questioned.
The H in "His" should be lowercase.

Olimp, having moved from their perch on the chair,
"Their"? Shouldn't it be "its perch"?

There it was, hanging on one of hooks on the entryway wall.
Missing word "the".

Part of the problems I have with the following may come from me not knowing Ajax’s home continuum. Apparently there are magical letters Ajax can use to cast spells. Anyway, after While there wasn’t any clue on the envelope to discern which letter it was, I would expect some clue elsewhere. I certainly wouldn’t expect the sentence to be continued with but. What is this "but" meant to contradict to? Is the envelope was black with some red edging on the flap thing a clue that this can’t be a magical letter? Maybe you just need to omit the "but", but I really don’t know whether I understand what you are trying to say here.

It didn’t seem to damage to the note inside though.
These are either too few or too many words. If "damage" is used as a verb, it should simply read "seem to damage the note"; if "damage" is used as a noun, it should read "seem to do damage to the note".

(thought it was a small step up from the one Techno-Dann used, it actually had a readout)
You probably meant "though".

Unlike their RAs, Matthew’s and Ajax’s Combined Content Analysis Devices were both newer, smartphone-shaped models.
This is a bit confusing, because you previously said that Ajax’s RA resembled a generic smartphone. Thinking about it, I get that the point here is "both" (Matthew’s RA is an older model), but I wonder whether this might have been made clearer.

What would have shown data on a character were currently displaying the following:
Are there at least two "things" that would have shown data on a character? Otherwise, the plural "were" should be a singular "was".

A bunch crystalline-like shards of light surrounded Matthew ...
Missing word "of" after "bunch".

HG

So, having split "All-Stars" and "More CAH" into two different decks, I am now thinking of folding them back into just "More Cards Against Headquarters." I figure it's one less code to add, and if there's any risk of my favorites overwhelming everyone else's favorites, y'all can always suggest more stuff.

What about folding in TOS, The Flowers - A (but not B), and FicPsych, too?

Is it better if they're separated into themed decks you can pick and choose from, or would one big deck be preferable? I want this to be good for everyone, not just me. {= )

Thanks in advance for your input!

~Neshomeh

Or anytime Tuesday-Thursday, really. I'd like to try out some of the fandom decks I found, and if there are people who haven't had much chance to play who want to, I'd like to try to time it so they can join in, too. {= )

I'm generally available from about 10 am – 5 pm CST.

~Neshomeh

Password is "Suedom"

That's what you get when you have always imagined your Agents anime-style and live-action adaptations always felt off to you.

(If anyone has ideas, though, they're more than free to share.

That's 'Protectors of the Plot Continuum Cinematic Unlimited Universe(s)', of course. The 'Unlimited' is in there to make the acronym funnier because we've got multiple actors for different agents, so temporal consistency is probably out the portal.

Someday there will be an actual actor in the PPCCUU. And that will be probably me so weird.

hS

But, presenting Liam Hemsworth as Des! Benedict Cumberbatch as the Librarian! And Toshiro Mifune as Navare.
Added bonus: Frank Oz as Marsivil Getrono-Parsim Amris Handrahen Trehebil-Makat's puppeteer.

I may need assistance.

I require the sharpest looking, pointiest, most tall and skeletal-looking balding man for Bingle, and the deepest voiced Australian-or-similar-accented man for Finch.
Well, his voice, anyway.
Suppose his visual representation could be filled in by a painted fridge. Or a conveniently shaped rock.

... someone would fill in my agents for me. I'm really rubbish at this game, so I was looking forward to it.

And now it turns out I get two choices for Constance! From Ix and Scapegrace.

... so then this happened.



(Drawing specific people is not yet my forte, but I hope they look at least vaguely like their models.)

hS

Dafydd Illian would be Colin O'Donoghue, whom my fellow connoisseurs of televisual garbage will know as Captain Hook from that august barrel of lunacy Once Upon A Time. The guy who plays Killian Jones, a man for whom death really is like man flu, seems like a natural fit for one of those agents who came back from the dead. =]

Since it'd be wrong to have one without the other (though their kids'll have to wait because life really is too short), Constance Sims is Shenae Grimes of 127 Hours fame. This, I admit, is largely based on appearance, though if movie!Dafydd is hotter, then so is movie!Constance. =]

As for my agents, well... my agents might all be humanoid (with a few exceptions), but I think a PPC Movie might well require them to be CGI just because of how cartoonish they are. Anyway, here's the voice cast for my motley assortment of total weirdos.

Wobbles: Anna Faris. She has the bubbly voice for it, and I think she'd be good at voice work; getting her into a fatsuit or something for a live-action performance might be trickier though. Additionally, it's worth mentioning that my first choice was Amy Poehler, but Nesh poached her, the swine. The feeeeeeelthy swine. =]

The Notary: Carmen Ejogo. A wonderful voice that sounds old and young at the same time - a perfect mix for her. Plus, she's got experience of more emotional parts, meaning I really think she could pull off the pathos for the part; there's a lot of history for the Oncoming Form. =]

Doktor Trollenfisch: Ray Fiennes. Now, strangely, this part does not require an actual German to play the Doktor; rather, it requires someone willing to ham it up to a ridiculous degree and just plain old have fun with the part. Fiennes' turn as Victor Quartermaine in Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit proved he can do both. Everyone had an absolute ball making that film, and I think that's what has to shine through with the Doktor und Gabrielle.

Gabrielle: AnnaSophia Robb, and yes, that is how you spell it. This is mostly on the strength of her performance in a weird little film called Jack of the Red Hearts, in which she displays the girlishness and grit combined that makes Gabrielle such a compelling character to write for. Small floof, many damage; perfect for Ms. Robb.

Lola McCandless: Clare Bowen. Now, American viewers probably know her from Nashville, assuming they know her from Adam, but she's an Australian actress and veteran of Home and Away. That said, I refuse to hold it against her. =]

Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne: Toby Jones. I was exceptionally tempted to cast Eddie Marsan in this role, but Jones won out in the end. He's an immensely talented actor with an amazing presence and voice, and I think he'd do well with the part - though whether or not he'd enjoy going back into a sound studio is open to debate. =]

Honestly, I can only think of one agent of mine that has an actor counterpart:

Ceka: Lauren Cohan

I only really know who I'd cast as Nume (Timothy Omundson a la Carlton Lassiter in Psych) and Derik (Gerard Butler, because duh). For the rest, I have no idea.

... So I found a way to cheat! Buzzfeed has a quiz called "Who Would Play You in the Story About Your Life," and I've shamelessly used it to cast the rest of my characters.

Ilraen - Nicholas Hoult. You may know him as Henry McCoy in the recent X-Men movies. I can see it.

Jenni - Amy Poehler, who I know from SNL. Iiiii dunno about this one. A comedienne wouldn't be my first choice. She's the voice of Joy in Inside Out, though, so that's kinda cool.

Gall - Elle Fanning. Apparently she plays Aurora in Maleficent, but I haven't seen it, or anything else she's been in. She's adorable, though! Give her red hair and an evil smirk, and I can see it.

And, just for fun, I did Nume and Derik, too.

Nume - Benedict Cumberbatch. You all know who he is, right? Excuse me, I'm gonna go die laughing now. (Full disclosure: this was actually my second result for him. First time around, I came up with Idris Elba, rumored to be the next James Bond, who I think is a bit too cheerful and, as Phobos said, debonair for Nume.)

Derik - Idris Elba. ... Yeah, I don't know how this is possible, since I gave totally different answers from when I was playing as Nume, but this time I think it could work! So yeah. {X D

~Neshomeh

I remember we had a thread sort of like this back in January. I stand by the choices I made back then, especially Aaron Dismuke as the voice of Chris and Tara Strong as the voice of Ami.

Take these with a grain of salt.

Chris Pratt as Matthew, with his hair dyed a bit darker

John Cho as Ajax, who is canonically Asian

Sophie Cookson as Levy, Kingsman 2 HYPE

Robert Downey Jr as Nickul, for multiple counts of Badass Bookworm credentials.

...this thread regarding voice actors for PPC agents.

To be honest, though, I'm not entirely sure about what to choose for live-action actors for my agents, although Halle Berry as Rashida still makes SO much sense, and if Keira Knightly would make a good VA for E.V.L., I bet she'd be good for a live-action version of her as well.

Still find your choice interesting though. Besides, contacts/retcon exist.

For Richard, I'm thinking about Jesse Eisenberg, mainly thanks to Zombieland. By the way did anyone watched American Ultra, one of his latest movies? A shame he didn't do any film in 2016 Dawn of Justice is a lie.

Not sure for other agents, I'll need to think about it.

As for the others... er... uh...

Dolph Lundgren as Chakkik is all I can think of.

Now you have me imagining Rupert Grint as Ilraen. Look at him, he's adorkable!

Hm, others, others...

Katie Leung, otherwise known as Scottish Cho Chang, as the Aviator.
Ryan Potter as Zeb. Just listen to his voice acting in Big Hero 6 and you'll know what Zeb sounds like.
Melissa Rauch as Kala - dunno why, but she's short and blonde and can be a mite intimidating when she starts shouting. I think it works.
Rahkee Thrakar as Naya. Just a gut feeling.
Mayim Bialik as Constance Simms. She could totally pull this one off.

...oh, I know.

Ashley Tisdale as... *drumroll* Jaycacia Thornbyrd! Suddenly explains why I read all of Jaycacia's lines in Candace's voice... :P

Pretty much if you can build a list of traits that make a story bad and say "you did this number of them and it's not funny" then it's a safe bet that the story is bad.

The Name of the Wind is still enjoyable even though the main character is a giant Stu. Everything that happens to him builds him as a legend.

"What's good or bad is based only on opinions, not facts."

Okay, so why is Shakespeare's poetry enjoyed by people everywhere, while my silly doggerel about my cat hasn't even been published in the school paper?

Why is it that people commonly criticize "Twilight" as being poorly written, but not "Dracula"?

Why can your high school literature teacher justify giving you a bad grade for poor writing, even if your grammar and spelling are fine?

The fact is, people judge each others' writing all the time. Book critics make a living from doing it.

And there's a difference between judging quality and judging preference. "Pride and Prejudice" is a very well-written book. Many people really enjoy it. I don't; I find it rather tedious to read. But I can recognize good writing when I see it; it's a well-written book, even though I don't like the genre. On the other hand, even though I absolutely love fantasy and sci-fi, I recognize "Eragon" as rather bad writing, a teenager's first attempt that somehow got published.

I also recognize that bad writers grow out of it. Christopher Paolini is probably going to write very well when he's had more practice, if he doesn't get a big head about having been published so young. But how is a person to know how to improve their writing if everyone says, "Well, it's only my opinion, but I personally happen to dislike your work," rather than, "Your characters have no realistic motivations, and your heroine is flatter than a cardboard cutout. You need to fix that"?

Saying I enjoy a piece of literature, and saying I think it's well-written, are two different things. I can read "A Little Princess" and admit that Sara Crewe is a Mary Sue while still enjoying the book thoroughly. I can wade through fifty pages about the Paris sewers and still enjoy "Les Miserables".

If we don't critique each others' writing, how are we ever going to get any better at it?

That argument applies to a lot of things, but not quality. Some people don't like some genres. I myself can't stand and don't read horror and tragedy. However, this is entirely separate for how good the thing is, and it's a poor reviewer indeed who mistakes their personal dislike for shoddy construction.

Also, say we assume that everything is based on opinion. You posted it to a public forum, thereby exposing it to the judgement of others, and they have judged that writing needs to follow certain rules to be acceptable. If they judge that your story does not follow these rules, then you should accept their opinion. If you really wanted only your opinion to matter, then you probably shouldn't have put it under others' scrutiny.

Sure, some of what's good or bad is pretty subjective. If we're targeting your story, though, we're not doing it because it's mostly competent and we just don't like the direction it's heading. We're doing it because it contains glaring problems in the building blocks of the story: characterisation (especially in characters from canon), world-building, sentence structure, plotting and pacing, among others. These aren't subjective; they're objective standards, and to get our attention, you need to have failed them pretty hard.

((Some of that might come across as a bit rude. :-( But I think that's the general message we need to get across.))

Dear writer: The rules of writing are not arbitrary!

If you try to make brownies with rhubarb jelly instead of eggs, we have every right to (a) not eat it, or (b) if we do, say we don't like it. If you try to hold a house together with glue instead of nails, we have every right to laugh at you when it falls apart and point out that nails would have held it together better, so you don't make the same mistake again.

Just like the rules of brownie-making say you need eggs and the rules of house-building say you need nails, the rules of writing say you need SPaG, a coherent plot, and a grasp of characterization. This is for a reason: it makes your story hold together and appeal to more people, just like eggs make brownies hold together and taste good; just like nails make a house hold together and not come crashing down on your head. It is not merely a matter of opinion.

~Neshomeh

Good and bad could be something subjective, however, if your story do something like turning a character who is pure good into a genocidal maniac without a credible reason, or that your 'writing' consists of blind plagiarization of canon with badly-thought additions, you could at least ask yourself some questions.

Granted, failing at that level is pretty rare, but the fact is that there is some elements which will show your writing under a bad light, no matter the opinion. Some things just cannot be done. Besides, writers are always the wort type of judges when their own work is concerned, hence the concept of beta-reader.

Introduce yourselves!

My first thoughts are Rudi's or wherever the Purim RPs were. I almost wanted it hosted in my agents' RC, but I figured that's a bit self-promoting.

What agents are you guys intending to bring along?

Obviously, I'm bringing Valon and Kala. Chakkik and Stephanie might show up as well, although I'm currently at a loss for what Steph should do.

I may or may not also be bringing a new character or two to the party... we'll see.

It's pretty good.

I might actually try sing.
(This will so totally end badly)

We don’t often see it described in such detail, and this is a really good story.

Alas, there are still some nitpicks.

…well, the Tiger Lily decided to send someone to make sure everything nothing happens to you guys.
That’s a weird phrase. Would the Guardsman really say this?

... and a faint trail of smoke started to coming off of her wrist.
I believe that "come" would be the correct form here.

Lena studied both men for a moment before putting her hands behind her hand and doing a small twirl.
Where did Lena get a third hand? You probably meant "head".

– we had to throw down a Time Lock to prevent the Daleks from reversing the my unit’s evac—
Choose one.

At the mention of the Vortex Manipulator, Floats Too Low looked up from the its work and nodded.
Choose one again.

You’ve got the remains on one on your hands ...
I guess you meant "of".

HG

THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! See, all that work paid off! I'm so proud of you. :)

Though now I'm wondering, what are Sigalorians like? And since they're not canon, does this mean Hop is from a fanfic universe?

And she talks an awful lot like William so now I'm wondering if the two are related. Hmmm... *scuttles off to get her conspiracy notebook*

...also, why is she introduced here (as in, on the Board) as Lena Swift when it looks like she's going to go by Hop for the rest of her appearances? Just kind of threw me for a loop when she suddenly changed her name.

Also, not anything wrong with this, but it felt like it took Swift/Hop a very long time to realize the Guardsman is a Time Lord, considering he introduced himself as "of Gallifrey". This could just be me being nitpicky, though.

Also also, a few mistakes I noticed:

The Time Agent’s glanced upwards for a moment.

The apostrophe-S needs to go.

the place seemed to have the life on its own
I think you meant the place seemed to have a life of its own

All in all, an entertaining interlude. :)

Close to each other, the two men were almost of a height, though Chakkik was far, far bulkier. Valon read the note and grinned. “Didn’t know you liked metal, Chak.”

Chakkik gave him a Look.

“…yessir.”

As the gigantic blond man stood before the microphone, a few somber piano notes filled the auditorium. After a few bars…

“I’m gazing upward, a world I can’t embrace…
There’s only thorns and splinters, venom in my veins…
It’s okay to cry out, when it’s driving you insane…
But somehow, someday… I’ll have to face the pain.”

Chakkik’s voice was deep, mournful, and thrumming; it wouldn’t have been out of place in an opera. He had approached the stage reluctantly, but when guitars and drums joined the piano, he threw himself into the song.

“I’m begging for forgiveness, everything I’ve done…
If God is listening, he knows I’m not the only one.
It’s okay to lash out from the rules that I’ve enslaved…
But somehow, someday! I’LL HAVE TO TURN THE PAGE! ”

He kept his eyes tightly closed throughout his entire performance. He prayed desperately that the melancholy he was feeling wasn’t showing on his face.

“My heart’s an endless winter, filled with rage…
I’m looking forward to, forgetting yesterday… ”

Chakkik was silent for a few seconds. When the music returned, he practically roared the lyrics.

“… it’s all gone COLD! And no one wants to change!
It’s all so WRONG! And no one wants the blame!
It’s all gone COLD! There’s nothing left to gain!
It’s all so WRONG! But who am I, who am I to say!?
To say… It’s all gone cold, BUT WHO AM I TO SAY!? It’s all gone cold… but WHO AM I? WHO AM I TO SAY! ”

He finally opened his eyes as all but the piano faded.

“Cold…”

((If you're wondering, the song is Cold, by Five Finger Death Punch.))

"So..." She clasped her hands behind her back. "Who goes first? And don't you dare say I should because I was in Gryffindor; bravery and willingly making a fool out of yourself for no reason are two completely different things."

"This is quite a music collection, uh...uh...I don't think I got your name. Do you have any Lady Gaga songs?"

((OOC: I decided a performance would be better than Miguel and Violet bickering.))

Her supernaturally-enhanced voice did come in handy for certain songs, after all. She pulled the mic off the stand and began dancing along with the opening of the song, mimicking Countess Coloratura's dance moves in the episode. Standing under the spotlight caused her skin to take on the same odd gleam the Cullens' did under the lights at Bella's graduation party. It only served to enhance her performance, if you asked her.

"Time for the spectacle

The time is now, it's about to blow!"

Yeah, having an enhanced voice made emulating the synthesizer sounds from the song much easier. Charlotte grinned hugely as she reached the chorus, having to hold back a laugh at the words.

"Razzle dazzle

Not just a pony, I am the Countess!"

Charlotte flipped her hair and bowed before jumping nimbly off the stage.

((Link if you want to know what the original is like.))

But without a goddess to guide him, a fit of stumbling around trying to put himself in front of the mic would have to do.

Having told the name of the song to Valon, Cupid cleared his throat, and as the music began to play, he aimed a deliberate glance at Violet and hoped that his voice wasn't slurred. Though Sarah's temporary alcohol ban may have helped somewhat.

"I was so high I did not recognize

But always in my heart, oh..."

Cupid's voice was almost angelic as he continued. Okay, it WAS angelic. Flapping his wings and tapping his toes to the beat, it was surprising to see that this normally alcoholic, scatterbrained youth could sing so well.

By the time the song ended, he bowed, spreading his wings one last time. If only Stephanie could see him now - Oh, wait.

((OOC: Inspired by this. Yes, that's Pit's VA doing the singing. ;D))

She grinned ferociously as she turned to her audience. "Hold onto your asses, this one's gonna be crazy." She tapped Valon's laptop with her stinger.

The first few notes of Halestorm's "Mayhem" pounded from the speakers, and Kala lost herself to the metal. She whipped her head back and forth, her side-tail flying around her ear.

"I'm so bored with... this world that spins around me... used to make me dizzy..."

Kala's singing voice was high, with a faint rasp; the kind of voice common to all metal vocalists, the kind that can turn into a scream at a moment's notice.

"A little mayhem never hurt anyone, when'm I gonna get some...
A little bedlam, till I'm coming undone, when'm I gonna get some..."

And indeed it did; she put a great deal of force into her voice, compounded by the fact that her legs and pincers were constantly clicking and tapping with the song's drumbeat.

This reached an extreme in the song's bridge, where she punctuated each line by pounding the floor with her pincers, so hard that the entire auditorium shook.

"I wanna feel the chaos
I wanna hear the uproar
A little pandemonium
I know I'm not the only one
I wanna be, blown away
I wanna feel the walls shake
I wanna feel the walls shake!
I WANNA FEEL THE WALLS SHAKE IT SHAKE IT SHAKE IT SHAKE IT SHAKE IIIIIIIIIT!"

That last scream nearly blew out her voice, but she soldiered on with the last few lines of the song.

"LOOKIN' FOR SOME MAYHEM, LOOKIN' FOR SOME MAYHEM! Yeeeaaaaaaaaaa-AAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

She concluded the song by thrusting the mic above her head, her chest heaving with her ragged breathing.

The Aviator was standing by the doors, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. "And I still can't believe you tried to get me to sing that crap with the Librarian! Do you have any sense of decency?"

"I'm sorry," Zeb said, his ears flat against his skull. "I just thought—"

"Yeah, well, you thought wrong."

Both agents were silent for a moment.

"I just thought you would have fun if you tried it," Zeb said quietly.

The Aviator barked out a harsh laugh. "Yeah, fun. What's so fun about getting up there and singing in front of a bunch of people?"

Zeb shrugged. "I thought it was," he said quietly. His ears pricked up slightly. "C'mon, please? Just one? I'll let you pick," he added hastily.

"Oh, that's awful generous of you." The Aviator sighed and looked around. "I dunno. I mean, my glitter's bad enough as it is..."

"It's karaoke," Zeb said desperately. "Everyone's doing it and I don't see the DIA running in to arrest them for turning into Sues."

The Aviator hesitated. She hadn't sung in centuries, after all, but she still remembered how much she used to enjoy doing it.

"Just one?" Zeb tried again.

"...Oh, f\*\*\* me, I must be crazy. Fine. But only because you asked nicely."

And just like that, Zeb's face split into a massive grin. "Yay! Thank you!"

The Aviator swallowed and headed up to the microphone, where she told Valon the name of the song. Gripping the mic almost hard enough to break it, she listened to the few opening bars, prayed for a low glitter count by the end, and began to sing.

"Heart beats fast

One step closer..."

She realized her throat was beginning to tighten, but she powered on, pouring her heart into the music. Her voice sounded... good. Too good, and she hated it, certain that her tracker was already beeping.

"I have died every day waiting for you

I'll love you for a thousand more...."

When she reached the end, she put the mic back on the stand. Her cheeks were wet, and she reached up to dry them as she hurried off the stage. Stupid emotions. Stupid karaoke night. Stupid, stupid, stupid everything.

"Why're we doin' this again?" he asked, moodily strumming his well-worn guitar. "Don't we have missions to do, 'n stuff?"

"Because, Sir Jesse," Alleb said, practically skipping. "it will be fun!"

Jesse snorted. "Fun for you, maybe."

Alleb's smile grew a little wider. She looked out over the assembled group, to the stage. "Should we play now, do you think?" she asked, readjusting her grip on her flute case. "There is no one up--" She cut herself off, staring at a specific person in the crowd. "Oh, dear..."

"What?" Jesse asked, then followed her line of sight. His scowl turned itself into a wolfish grin with uncomfortable alacrity. "Y'know, Alleb, I think you're due for a doctor's appointment."

Alleb rounded on her partner. "Sir Jesse, if you even think about--"

"HEY DOC!" Jesse shouted, already starting towards the Doktor. "HOW YA DOIN'?"

Alleb set her teeth, sighed, then followed her partner as one walking to her doom.

((-Alleb))

Des walked around for a while, muttering to himself. He did, however, raise his head when he heard someone else starting to sing. It was the man he talked to just a moment ago. With a sigh, the cyborg looked around, trying to find his partner; when he saw him sitting with the Aviator, he decided to let the Time Lord be for the moment.
Then the song was over and the stage stood empty. Tugging at his faceplate, Des made his way onto the stage. "Can you get Pippin's song? From Return of the King? Good."
He cleared his throat, waited for the music, then started singing: "Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows, to the edge of night,
Until the stars are all alight.
Mist and twilight, cloud and shade,
Away shall fade! Away shall fade..."
Afterwards, he bowed curtly and hopped off the stage, feeling decidedly worse. "Dammit," he mumbled, "I managed to make myself sad again."

He needed to clear his ideas after his... less than stellar conversation with Desdendelle. Comforting to know he still mastered the art of putting his foot in his mouth. Only thing left was hoping it wouldn't affect his performance.

When he had learnt about this karaoke event, he had been thinking furiously about the songs he would sing, and had finally ended up throwing a dice for reaching a decision. At least the result looked it would fit with most of the precedent ones. Oh well, you only live once, and he liked being here. He always liked singing. Now, the question was, would people like it too?

"So, for this time I'll go with Please Don't Say You Love Me, by Gabrielle Aplin. Hope you'll appreaciate it."

Richard sung quietly, trying to his best to match the tune of the music. One of his hands was slowly whirling around, on the rythm of the song. He moved a bit before the micro, sometimes closing his eyes.

Summer comes, winter fades Here we are just the same Don't need pressure, don't need change Let's not give the game away

Just please don't say you love me 'Cause I might not say it back

He then bowed, waiting for the public's reaction.

((Tell me if you think I should show less lyrics the next time. Or edit that message.))

((A thing? A THING!

Anyway, just so that people aren't waiting on me: From here on out, anybody can write their performance as a reply to the OP. You can assume Valon or Kala turns on the song you want; any reactions can be replies to the appropriate performance.

This came to me after my wifi ran out last night, and Skar couldn't actually write his performance with Lapis [who I indeed planned on going after Valon], so I decided to head that off on other people.

If you're wondering on who else is going for me? Well, originally I'd planned to reveal one or two new characters here, but I scrapped that. For now, though, know that Stephanie, Chakkik, and Kala are all going to perform.

Juuuuust as soon as I can figure out what songs they should sing.))

"Um... H-hello, everyone!" Her voice was small, so she had to lean into the mike to make herself heard. "Oh man, I'm r-really going to regret this... Uh, would it be okay if I performed just one song tonight? Hmm, how about "Try Everything" by Shakira, from the soundtrack of Disney's 55th animated feature, Zootopia?"

In the stands, Sarah began nodding enthusiastically. This did not comfort the blue-haired girl. At all.

Without waiting for anyone else, and before Kala could stop him, Valon had already made his selection and made his way to the microphone.

He took a deep breath…

“It’s been!”

And with a flurry of wild gesticulations, Valon started his performance of ‘One Week.’ He never stood still for a moment; his hands were constantly flying around and making appropriate gestures. His voice was a lively soprano, loud and full of energy.

“Hold it now and watch the hoodwink! Cause I make you stop, think! You’ll think you’re looking at Aquaman!”

At the first verse, Valon started drawing things from his vest, again trying to match the song: an Aquaman costume and a stop sign were the first things to emerge, followed very swiftly by a plate of sushi and a frying pan. Valon continually drew out new props and dropped the old ones at his feet.

By the time the song concluded, the pile of things at his feet consisted of a film camera, a katana, a giant Snicker’s bar, a bag of golf clubs, a Sailor Moon coronet, a fedora and whip, and numerous other things.

“It’ll still be two days till we say we’re sorry… Birchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie…”

When the last note faded, Valon turned, bowed, and tried to walk away… completely forgetting the pile of knickknacks at his feet. His boot caught on the pile, and he fell rather gracelessly to the floor.

Her glare softened slightly. "Hey," she said grudgingly. "Didn't think I'd see you here."

((Jumping up to the top to keep the threads from getting unwieldy.))

"Who wants to sing first I DO I D—mmph!"

Kala clapped a hand to her husband's mouth and dragged him away. "YOU can wait. Let's see..." She looked around at the gathered agents, before pointing at Zeb. "You. You're on first."