May 2016 Archive, part a

I already worked with Hieronymus for beta-work, and had problems with his abscence of Google account. Only way I managed to solve this problem until now was by sending him a sharing link, where anyone can comment. I don't if any other method exists, but I know this one works.

I wish you much luck in getting things done, then! :>
*Optional!Hugs, if you'd like*

"My people don't exactly have the best track record ever." He craned his neck, trying to catch a glimpse of Fox. "Is he going to be all right? I really hope I didn't permanently traumatize him. I won't go running after him-- it's the last thing he needs-- but I'd just like to add that given what I've seen of him... I think he should talk to someone about his fears. The poor boy can't even look at others in the eyes. Can you tell him that, miss Laquisha?"

Overwatch won't be released publicly until May 24. But open beta starts tomorrow.

I don't know what word processor you're using, but Word and OpenOffice, and probably others, can be set to American or British English. You may wish to investigate this.

~Neshomeh

It's a proprietary form of brain bleach manufactured exclusively by HFA, which I'd say makes it a brand. It's not just any old brain bleach; it's Bleeprin. Accept no substitutes—or you'll regret it.

LOTS of drug names are mashups of their ingredients. They're just more obscure about it. (Interesting article; as a chemist, maybe you knew this stuff already?)

Plus it's capitalized in the source material.

So... nyah. {; P

~Neshomeh will not be troubled.

A lot of the good "General HQ" ideas have been used already. Besides, there's nothing wrong with agent-specific ones, right?

** Infact, don't expose any Monster Musume linimals to the light of the full moon.
*** That is, if you still want to stand for the next week.
**** Disregard anything Luxury says on the matter.

Very good. Though I'm a Hufflepuff myself, I've always been rather fond of Ravenclaw. I wouldn't put too much faith in the Pottrmore quiz, though. It's pretty good, but nothing meant to handle so many fans can be infallible.

Also, yay, more love for Five and Eight! They're my fourth and fifth favorite Doctor, respectively.

Also, re: Archers: not all of them are actually archers; we've got Oda Nobunaga (known for rifles), David (known for a sling) and Nikola Tesla (zappy-guy). Not to mention that the original GARcher is actually a Magus. And a swords-person kinda guy.

Although I admit, the Infinite Pizza sounds really nice... oh well. *Squints suspiciously at Senzu beans and goes back to watching pirated episodes of Doctor Who* I thought one of these can keep you full for a few days?

I have Oscar the Floating Ocelot Head over here to convince me of that.
He sometimes convinces me to do other things, too, but, honestly, those orphans had it coming.

It's been years since I read it last, though. I borrowed it from a library but I've moved houses multiple times since then, haha.

I have the barest memory of the plot, but I remember it being an interesting read. I might have to see if I can't find a copy around somewhere and re-read it!

And while I'm here... welcome! :D
When you've read the Original Series and stuff, I'd recommend one of the OFUs - that is, official fanfic universities. The original was OFUM (the Official Fanfic University of Middle-Earth) and it's one of my favourites, though there's more for different fandoms that are all fun reads as well.

You just took all the fun out of it.

Although they also did a better job of painting the Jedi as idiots or against Matrix than in this video.

According to Tolkien himself, two of the three houses of the Edain were in part 'swarthy', and two of the three tribes of hobbits were 'brown-skinned'.

Now I really want to see a properly multiethnic version of Middle-earth, since that's what Tolkien actually wrote about.

hS

I'm sure I've heard people refer to friend-inserts before, at least. Pretty sure. Like, 83%.

--Key likes that phrase, even if it's not real

... that it was 'outright lying' than 'exaggerating'.

Also I can't recall something I never knew. ;)

hS

Everything has now gone in somewhere, because I made a new, general deck called "More Cards Against Headquarters" for the purpose. {= )

Also, there's a wiki article now.

~Neshomeh

I fit most of them in. Thanks! ^_^

~Neshomeh

These are great. ^_^

I hope no one will be offended if I don't use all the All-Stars suggestions, though. It's my All-Star deck, so what goes in there is purely related to what I find especially nostalgic, memorable, funny, etc. A thing not being included doesn't make it ~*unworthy*~ or anything, just not something I'd personally get a kick out of playing. I should maybe have mentioned this from the outset. >.>

Nothing stopping anyone from making such a deck of their own, though. Especially since you can sign into Cardcast using your Google account, and maybe other such things, too. {= )

The rest will probably all go in.

(BTW, you should ask Jenni about the Fey Wine Incident in the Mailbox Game. The timing on this is kinda perfect!)

~Neshomeh

Go on ahead.

Finch and Bingle's mailbox is now open!

Haha, just kidding, they can't afford a mailbox, it's just a very small crate outside their RC.

Finch and Bingle's very small crate with 'mailbox' written on the front in black marker is now open!

I have a lot of respect for you, and that was stupid and thoughtless of me. I'm sorry.

We are blood-brothers, you and I.
(this is a post-modern society, women can be brothers.)



*Larfen doesn't actually listen to AC/DC that much†, he just likes that one song.



†We can still be blood-brothers, though.

I feel for you. KP is the worse thing ever. Except for maybe guard duty in the dead hours.

Thank goodness the silver made the cut!

And that gift probably would have suited hS pretty well. XD

I'm also totally down for betaing something. I'm having problems with the email address you probably have on file, though. Send everything instead to poorcynic AT me DOT com (substituting symbols where appropriate).

We take what we get and don't try to change what is out of our hands.

Agent Chris, I think you might be mistaken, I'm not from Earth-199999, which is the designation of the Cinematic Universe by the way, but from Earth-616, the main Marvel Universe; and as such, my knowledge of that universe is severily limited. Also, I also would be most grateful if people stopped confusing both universes.

And Mr. Correa, regarding my stance on the Superhuman Civil War, SH.I.E.L.D. as a law enforcement agency, had to be sided with Mr. Stark and the Superhuman Registration Act, thus... Wait. You meant Earth-19999 too!? Would you people stop doing that!? Please, is annoying!

I have been out from home a long time and as such, I'm unfamiliar with the events following the fallout of the clash between the Avengers and the X-Men, I know there were another Secret Wars, and Thor has been somehow forced in a female body, but until I know more, I'll refrain judgement in the matter.

Now regarding my file from Personnel, it's quite likely, that because of some incosistencies from my homefic, there have been some... issues, getting my documents in order, not to mention the nature itself of my own home universe and its quite... irregular timeline fluctuations.

It was quite a large tree, and don't get me started on the crosswinds. Eventually I made it to a branch from which I could use my active ability to create an aquatic pathway from said branch to Matthew. So I hollowed out the inside of the tree and made it to Matthew before he could fall to his death.

It was interesting to say the least

~Ajax, DMS

We don't know each other all that well yet, but we'll try to answer as best we can.

Larkus:

What I find most irritating about Curff is his attitude. I'm a pretty friendly person, when I'm not on duty I like to get to know people, but Curff just wants to be left alone all the time. He's cold and aloof, and it gets on my nerves.

What I like about him is that he's dependable. We might not always agree on what needs done or how to do it, but when we settle our differences I know I can count on him. Reliability is a pretty big plus in a crazy place like HQ.

Curff:

As for me, I find Larkus' diligent nature tiring. I certainly appreciate his professionalism, but stars above, he's already giving me headaches correcting me on canon details. Saints help me when we start keeping charges.

To his credit, however, he is a practical enough sort not to apply that attitude to everything. Indeed, I find I quite enjoy his sensibility. Far too often in my life I have found myself in the company of people who were variously insane, impractical, immoral, or simply bizarre. It is quite refreshing to partner with a more balanced individual.

Shows what I get for trusting Curff with the console.

As to your question, I'm fairly sure I'm Legends-verse, but I have no idea how it affects me. I haven't had much experience with the new canon, so I don't know how much my homefic clashes with it.

((I have no idea how that typo snuck in there. I even added Coruscant to my spellcheck just the other day.))

DID YOU KNOW THAT I'M TECHNICALLY NOT ALLOWED TO MOVE FASTER THAN 16KM/H?
I'VE BLOODY BROKEN THAT ONE A FEW TIMES, LET ME TELL YOU.

\*SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS, I'M NOT AUTHORISED TO WRITE IN ANYTHING ELSE, AND I DON'T WANT MY SELF-DIAGNOSTICS TO GET ON ME.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO HELP WITH LEGIBILITY, BUT IT JUST LOOKS LIKE I'M SCREAMING.

• FINCH

I distinctly recall once causing a total gravitational breakdown.
For a good fifteen or so metres away, we had quills and parchments floating around like they thought they were in the sea!
Not a single newton of gravity, they told me.
A remarkable achievement, though it lost its touch somewhat when they made me clean up the results.

~ B. B. Bingle

Colt's still swearing up a storm at all the wiring he's got to fix, but the problem was easily handled once we cut the power.

You guys really need to be firm about where she can go, otherwise you're going to end up having to rely on DoSAT for the electrical fixes.

I'll consider it. I have a few mission reports to catch up on and file, they're beginning to accumulate somehow.

As for the lessons, they're as intriguing and educational as ever. It's a shame it's all incompatible with my home universe.

-C. Library

((OOC: Of course you're hypothetical. That's why you can talk to me. And why none of the real agents ever talk to you.))

Aw, shoot. I wondered about that.

((OOC: This is an AU, though; you can talk to them now.))

Sweet! Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet! Gah, it's such a pain only having Key to talk to. Especially since she's always sniggering about plans she has for me.

((OOC: Being hypothetical means you don't have to go on missions, though.))

I don't know why everyone complains about missions; they sound really cool! There's magic and weapons and sexytimes with your favorite characters, all in the name of justice! I wish Key would at least let me read the reports...

((OOC: I cannot wait to send you on a mission.))

See what I mean about sniggering?

Well, it is somewhat hard to tell precisely, but I tend to think that I come from the movies. That ties into your next question quite nice. See, I did go to Hogwarts and I somewhat remember the moving staircases, which seem to come more from them, with Hogwarts in the books being more like Headquarters, just shifting around in general and being really confusing. And well, I'm what people around here call a semi-fic bleep. Giving that my homefic was never published and got deleted, most of my memory is not all that clear. I can't tell for sure exactly when I attended, but I do know that I was in Gryffindor and that played as a Beater in the House's Quidditch team.

Henry: Well, it has been interesting so far. Aiko likes quite a bit of Magical Girl shows, so we tend to get dragged into badfics for those occasionally. The magic in most of those is quite different from the one I use. Most don't have defined spells behind those special attacks used to defeat monsters.

The closest to the Potterverse magic system that I have seen would probably be that Nanoha show and even that is still quite different. Way flashier and more destructive, but still somehow less lethal in most fights. I haven't seen that one firsthand in a mission yet though. That will likely prove to a quite interesting experience.

Aiko: Well, the obvious choice for my favorite season would have to be a tie between Digimon Adventure and Digimon Adventure 02. Those are where my parents came from, after all. It is really nice to watch what they were like when they were younger, how they were such strong friends. Though watching the epilogue to 02 is still somewhat of a sore point for me. It reminds me that I couldn't possibly exist in canon. I mean, there is no official word way or the other on wheter they got together, but it is pretty clear that they both had sons regardless. It is always a difficult momentfor me.

But it always refreshing to see what Davis was really like. He may have been jealous about mom, but he was a good friend and not anything like the monster they made him out to be in my home badfic.

Picking a least favorite season is the hardest choice. I will have to admit that I probably haven't watched as many seasons as I should have, being from that universe and all. I'm most familiar with the first four seasons. Out of Tamers and Frontier, I don't think there is one I dislike all that much. Though if I had to pick, I would have to say Frontier. It is not a bad season per say, but the differences between it and the others seasons tend to be a point of contention from what I have heard.

Oh, it's you again. Um...I'm in a broom cupboard at the moment, and they don't know I stole a computer, yet, so I think I have a minute.

I've never heard of the Department of Efficiency. We only had the Department of Resistance where I come from. It was formed when the Sue invasion took over HQ in...2015? 2016? I can't remember. My head's still fuzzy.

Your apocalypse...did you fix it? Can we fix these futures?

Dat's a good question, Kevin. In da multiverse dere are tree-hun'red eighty-nine t'ousand an'a half kinds'a Troll. I know, 'cause I done da mat' on dat one personally. Dat's a lot'a Trolly Brethren ta choose from. Ya got yer monstrous Trolls, like dat roam da Scandawhovian wilds. Ya basic unda-da-bridge Trolls from Michigan (dat one's da half). Ya gnomish Trolls dat got electrocuted so dere hair stan's up. Some kinds is rocky and some kinds is grey wit horns. All kinds'a Trolls. So, if I had ta pick one, I gotta go wit da Jotnar Troll. I mean, come on! Ya seen one'a dose? Ting's like two-hun'red feet tall!. Dat'd be amazin'!

Anyway, I hope dat answer's ya question, Tim.

-Barid, da Troll

How is your magic's stabilization going? And what you and Sergio think about this new series for Card Captor Sakura.

The first time I tried my hand at that devilish machine, I forgot to use my "sun's glasses," and Sir Jesse had to keep the Fellowship of the Ring from murdering us for carting off a Sue. Sir Jesse does not know how to use the RA. The second time, I accidentally neuralyzed Jesse, instead. The poor man thought he was one of the Pevensie children.

I have since let him do the neuralyzing.

Also, your "cars," to be brutally honest, are minions of Paragory, and ought rightly to be destroyed.

--Agent Alleb of Alleble, DF

In all honesty, I am not sure what possessed me to act as I did, especially considering that the Doktor is as prickly as a moonrascal. The Knights of Alleble are not forbidden to marry, but... is it harsh to say that I am not sure I would wish to marry something like a fish? A fish with an accent that I can only barely understand? Oh, bother this whole mess! I fear I have given him the wrong impression about everything. He seems genuinely pleasant--I must make amends with him.

In short... I do not think so. I hope we shall be friends, though.

--Agent Alleb of Alleble, DF

Everything's been tryin' to kill me--have you seen those toaster things? One nearly took my arm off!

~This is Agent Alleb: Jesse shot the toaster. It was not trying to take his arm off. It does, however, burn toast magnificently.~

It nearly took my arm off, Alleb! It's snappier than a surly horse!

~It is not, Sir Jesse. Now kindly return to answering questions.~

Oh, fine! Darn knight. All the tekanalogy is either mean-spirited or possessed by somethin'. The people're weird, too. Still, ain't so bad after a little while. Better than sleepin' on the ground next to a herd of smelly cows.

Still don't know what that metal disk thing above the tub is...

--Jesse McKines

I had Meganium, obviously, and I remember that at different times I had a Seel, a Vulpix, a Miltank named Canada, the red Gyarados from Lake of Rage, and a Togepi/Togetic. It's safe to say I had at least one of the generic ones--Pidgey, Caterpie, Sentret, et cetera--at various points in time. Sorry I can't answer your question more; Limbo really did a number on my memories.

I'm not sure what a Nuzlocke Challenge is, but I didn't do anything special with my training.

Ix: I... I guess I'd try using Incendio? But Lottie's fast, like, really fast. She'd kill me before I could even draw my wand. Unless you're assuming I have the element of surprise somehow, and in that case, yeah, Incendio.

Charlotte: Easy. I'd just run in and drink her blood. I mean... snap her neck. Yeah. Why would I want to drink her blood, it doesn't smell good or anything...

Honestly, most of them are okay. The Agent, Dis, Fish, and Morgan I don't know all that well, but the Agent and Dis are nice and Fish makes me laugh. Morgan's cool, I guess, but I don't know her as well as I'd like. The Reader and I are friends, of course, so we get on fine.

The Librarian, well. If you'd asked me a few months ago, I would have said the same thing about him as I would the Notary: insufferable. And a few other choice adjectives I probably shouldn't share. He's starting to grow on me, though. Not that I like him or anything. He's just tolerable.

And don't call me Shirley.

...you are kidding, aren't you?

Jesus, you're not kidding. Isn't it obvious? I'd just end up running away again.

And if I took office? Appoint someone more qualified in my place, and then run away.

I was able to conjure one... once. It was a dalmatian. Haven't been able to conjure one since training though.

To Charlotte: Did you see Mrs Hydes' effort to rewrite your continuum? Would you have prefered to follow her rules about vampires?

(Cannot believe I forgot these ones.)

Alex: It's going great, actually! I'm still working on building my own--I don't have a lot of time between other projects, but it's coming along--so in the meantime I've been borrowing a training lightsaber. I started off with Shii-Cho, but switched over to Soresu pretty fast after that blaster-wielding Sue broke in that one time...

As for Farilan, she's--well, I don't think I'm supposed to say what I think about her in public. I'll just say I really, really enjoy making her fetch me snacks. Hey, that's one of the best things about being a Techie: getting to do the ordering instead of getting ordered around. Good times, good times.

The Aviator: Yeah, I went there once, with the Guardsman. I don't want to talk about what happened.

As for my parents, there was... Lots of crying. Lots of yelling. Lots of hugging. We've made up since then and I managed to get a few hours off with Alex to spend his birthday at their house. Dad loved getting to see the inside of a TARDIS; he's the one who introduced me to Doctor Who, so it felt right to repay the favor.

I've been trying to read the books because Technician Dives insists it's important I know where I came from, but it's so dreadfully boring and cringeworthy. Why would anyone want to read about human children and Prince Elfangor breaking the law of Seerow's Kindness? And don't get me started on his brother, Aximili. What an absolute disgrace he is.

(( Warning: This post contains swearing. ))

I can just about stand the first one, even with all the lens flares, but I gave up after the second. I actually wrote down my screed about it for the first one of these mailbox things. I never finished it or tried to refine it, because I'm pretty sure I'd have an aneurysm if I did, but here it is:

I hear all you modern kids and newcomers to this dimension thought it was great. Obviously you're all too green to know the difference between an homage and a ripoff—between fanservice and pandering. Well, pay attention, because I'm here to tell you all the ways you're mixed up. You would basically have to either know nothing about the original Star Trek or simply have lost all capacity to give a shit to enjoy this lazy, recycled assfest of a film.

Where to even begin.

Let's start with how pointless everything is in this film. I'll admit I was intrigued by the opening sequence and the idea of Cowboy Kirk actually receiving consequences for his actions. Kirk loses the Enterprise just before the start of the five-year mission? Interesting! Maybe he'll have to do some honest goddamn work and learn a thing or two before he gets it back. Maybe he'll be less of an idiot in this universe.

Or maybe he'll have to do jack shit and learn nothing because the plot conveniently kills off poor Captain Pike before his time, landing the Enterprise in Kirk's lap again. Pointless.

And then there was the whole rest of the film. There are no meaningful consequences for anything that happens in it. At the end, we're exactly where we were in the beginning: Kirk and crew are all set to go off on the five-year mission, Khan is a popsicle, and the Federation is poised on the brink of war with the Klingon Empire. Whoop-de-doo.

Oh, but we might have discovered a cure for death, though. I guess that happened. Now we don't have to worry about anyone making a meaningful sacrifice ever again! As long as they're mostly intact, they'll be fine!

Y'know why Spock's death had meaning in the original Wrath of Khan? Because we all thought that was the end. We didn't know there was another movie coming after that. That was it. No more Spock. No more Star Trek. His death was symbolic of the end of an era. And he had fucking earned that scene.

Let's talk about earning your moments. This film doesn't.

The reveal of Khan? Well, who the fuck is that? This universe didn't have a "Space Seed" to set the stage and show us why Khan is a big deal. We didn't get a full hour of the Enterprise slowly coming to realize exactly what kind of madman they had on their hands, leading finally to the difficult choice to maroon him on some desolate space rock where he couldn't do any damage. This film just tells us, "Oh, by the way, this is Khan. He's a superhuman from three centuries ago and he's a bad guy, okay?" And we're expected to gasp when we hear his name!

The Kirk death scene? Bullshit. I've already talked about Spock's death out of universe. Let's talk in-universe. By Wrath of Khan, Kirk and Spock had a steadfast friendship going back twenty years or so. They'd worked together, fought together, shared... all right, the tears and laughter weren't exactly shared, but you know what I mean. Shut up. The point is, "I have been and ever shall be your friend" had decades of weight behind it. They each knew exactly what that moment meant to the other.

In Into Darkness, they've known each other for what, a year? Less? I don't know. They're still working things out. NuSpock hasn't even got a chink in his armor for his girlfriend oh God don't even get me started on that, fuck. Anyway. This guy. We're expected to believe he's going to cry for Kirk. Really? Why? Based on what? They don't have a lifetime of friendship and profound shared experiences. They don't even get along that well. All I can think is that they're trying to appeal to the Kirk/Spock slashers in the most blatant and pandering way possible, for which I can only say shame on them. I mean, don't get me wrong, everybody's love is equally none of my business thank you very much, but don't go there unless you mean it. Don't taunt people.

This brings me to the Khan! shout. Not earned. Out of place. Khan didn't kill Kirk, Kirk's idiocy killed Kirk. The Khan! shout in Wrath of Khan happened after a classic villain speech of epic proportions.

And that is where I had to stop or pass out due to hyperventilation.

The trailers for the third movie make me want to resign from the human race. I keep telling myself I won't even watch it, but I know I will anyway. Somebody shoot me.

—Agent Supernumerary

(( Obligatory disclaimer: Nume's opinions are not necessarily those of the management. I do think the trailers for the third film look appalling, though. The don't feel like Star Trek to me at all. ))

I was so happy believing this could never be brought up again. It's kind of embarrassing. ... Oh well.

No, Fey Wine isn't dangerous—well, not exactly. Maybe sort of. It's a very potent aphrodisiac, enough to drive any non-fey to a "sex or die" level of desperation. Pretty much impossible to resist. You should probably be glad it's from an unknown original continuum.

The Incident was that somebody (I don't remember who anymore; might've been one of our ship-happy teenage authors) thought it would be hilarious to slip some into the tea one day in the Lounge. Long story short, that's how I got to know Agent Reria really, really well. And she was nice enough to let me have some of her cool leather clothes afterward, too.

If you REALLY wanna know the whole story, I'll tell you, but first you have to promise not to go spreading it around, okay?

~Jenni

You don't actually have to worry about that. Impressed fire-lizards are tame, not domesticated; they've lost none of their wild instincts. They're telepathic and they can teleport at will, so they'll find each other when they want to socialize, and they'll be fine. (Speaking of which, I should probably remind everyone to make a decision about spaying/neutering soon. I recommend that owners of blues and greens especially have it done.)

The bad news is, they don't naturally know how to socialize with people. That takes training, with which I am always ready to help.

~Jenni

P.S. You wrote a fourteen-page missive about Lolus? I can I read it?

I don't get into fights. Try it sometime; I'm sure you can manage.

... All right, fine, I've mostly either run away or gotten knocked out before I could actually do anything. It's probably better for everyone that way, you know. My hand-eye coordination is awful.

Which foot...? The left, if you really want to know. What the hell kind of question is that?

Oh wait, I don't care, because this whole exercise is stupid.

—Agent Supernumerary

(( Stupid enter key, making me post before I was finished... BTW, Tomash, may I suggest moving the "edited" tag to the other side of the line? On the left, it makes it harder to identify a post's actual position in the thread. ))

In fact, I believe I have nearly completed it. It really requires field testing to be certain, but I am afraid I am not likely to get the chance, given my partner's distaste for the project from its inception. Not that there isn't an element of practical concern for our safety in his reticence—a concern I share.

I do not know what my next project will be. It would be a shame not to put all that I've learned about electrical engineering to some use, though.

I'm pretty sure people have been saying that about me for years. Why is today special?

If I have to choose, though, make it cake. You can leave it on the doorstep and then go away.

—Agent Supernumerary

You made it clear Emiran won't get the answer, but could we have your answer please? Oh, another thing. How do you fare in missions? No report seems to exist about your missions.

How're you doing? Snubbed any interesting species lately? I know a few you could persecute unreasonably without fear of starting a minor war if you're interested.

I may be drunk, but I'm not drunk enough to gossip about my colleagulants with you. Except the Notary, because seriously, the Notary. Have you met her? She's an awful person. I thought she was misunderstood, but NOPE. She's just awful.

Kind of like you. You should get together. She could claim Time Lords are innately superior to someone, you could claim the same someone is irredeemably evil, and then you could make little bigoted babies together. It's be like reality TV, but even worse.

Wait, HQ doesn't have a reality TV show yet. I should talk to the folks at Nutmeg...

((She's drunk, and she's angry at the Notary over this, and to my memory she's not had much contact with the Guardsman since the initial 'all Daleks must be persecuted whatever their circumstances' conversation. If you want actual answers, ask OOC and she'll be happy to give them. ^_~))

I don't think I'm drunk enough for that question to make sense. Gimme a minute.

Right, I think I've got this. HQ is an utter nightmare, temporally speaking. The one time I've tried to make a point-to-point TARDIS flight in here, I ended up six years in the past. Even flights out aren't always safe - this one time, we got dumped in an alternate universe where everyone was a Time Lord. Can you imagine, an entire PPC filled with Time Lords? It was horrible. They made me drink tea.

I don't know that any of my idi- colleagues have tried to deliberately time-travel within HQ. It's possible anyone who did has wiped themselves from history; the original Continuity Council proposal included an Opal President and the Onyx Monitor as a separate position, so there's two candidates for you right away. I might be a bit alarmist about this, but I've had my own experience with erased timelines. I wouldn't try to induce one on purpose.

Unless the Notary's listening. In which case, Spinel Promotor, can you pop back to Event One and pick up my coat for me? I think I left it there.

For that matter, you don't need a TARDIS to time-travel in HQ, which might be what you were getting at. It seems like every time there's a party someone from the past drops in. Perhaps alcohol, in addition to being the foundation of economics, also exerts a temporitational field on local space...?

Ah. Now I'm too drunk for this question.

Constance: I don't miss it. You're right, there's a few things I do miss - not having to go shopping, easy access to medications, the social aspects of HQ, being able to choose which of my departments to spend the day on, the occasional 'lull you into a false sense of security' quiet days, the weapons, the-

Dafydd: Er, Connie...

Constance: ... but I don't miss it. Honest. Your turn.

Dafydd: Well... I don't miss the stress, or the hours, or the working conditions and superiors in general. The job itself? I don't miss the brain-melting aspects of it. Or the parts that lead to, e.g., people's hands getting blown up. And I can't tell you how happy I am not to have to feel narrative compression every time I step out of the door.

Oleander: I miss the sweeties!

Constance: ... you weren't in the PPC, Ol.

Oleander: Bu' I want to be in the BBC! I want to.

Dafydd: Not until you're much older, baby boy.

Jasmine: Yeah, Olly. Like me. I'm much older than you.

Oleander: I want to be older than you. I want to.

Tanfin: That's not how being older works, Oleander.

Oleander: But! I! Want! To!

Dafydd: ... Connie? I think we can turn the camera off now.

~

((And writing small children continues to be very easy when you actually have them. Luckily, the 'I want it/You can't have it/But I WANT it' style of argument seems to fade away by age 5... ~hS))

Ever since Agent Kaitlyn highlighted my... propensity towards... well, you know.

All right. My tendency to think of my race as superior, even in cases where- I mean, even though that's not true, I've tried to make improvements. I don't know for sure how well I've managed, though.

I've not met any of the others you mention, but I've heard that some - not all - Time Lords suffer from the same problem. If either of the pair you mention are unable to break out of the mindset that their species is better than any other, I would hazard that one of them would fit the bill.

Or maybe this is just me being haughty myself, thinking I've done well when I haven't...

-Agent Huinesoron, DOGA

I am operating on the assumption that you are curious about "the best kisser" of those agents tied to this particular mailbox. Judging our collective kissing abilities would require a certain level of… experimentation, I suppose. As we have never engaged in this activity, I would have to say

Let me cut you off there, Xerry. It's me. I'm the best. Gremlin, that is.

Gremlin, we have discussed this before. I thought that we agreed you would no longer use your electromagnetic manipulation to hijack my online posts.

Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry. But this is a subject I have a little bit of experience in. I've smooched plenty of people, and I'd like to think I'm a pretty good judge of it. No one's ever complained before.

So then you have kissed the agents in question?

Well… no. But I'd like to think that I can leverage my worldly experiences into some very accurate guesses.

I see. On the one hand, I feel I should close out this answer now and leave it as is. That being said, I am curious as to your conclusions. It is a curiosity born of weariness and bile, but it still exists. Go ahead. Lay out your theories.

Cool. First off, there's Laura. I think it's pretty likely that she's never kissed anyone. Not only is she a bigger pain in the rear than me (A remarkable feat in itself.) Hush, you! Not only that, but she's something of a homebody. She only likes people when they've been filtered through something like Skype or a video game chat window. That being said, she doesn't back down from anything. I see her kisses as being inexperienced, quick, but very energetic. Definitely not the best.

Then there's Danny. Heh… you'd probably be better off asking Teyala Solnerii about his skills. I hear she has first hand experience. Lots of first hand experience.

I asked you to put forward your hypotheticals, Gremlin, not engage in water cooler rumormongering.

Fair enough. Cornelius is a no go area. Sure, he can make his light form solid with technology, but that's no fun. Rachel, though, would be the epitome of fun. She's bouncy, she's excitable, and she loves the idea of love itself. I see her being a bit like Laura, all enthusiasm and slight awkwardness. But while Laura would be an angry kisser — I can just see her planting one on some guy before pushing him away and giving him the cyber-finger — Rachel would be a lot of little kisses all in a row, with some cuddling to follow.

Finally, there's Xericka.

No. While this exercise has been an interesting peek into your subconscious, I must draw the line on your speculating about my own abilities.

Well, it isn't exactly speculation. I mean, you and I… uh…

And now she's walking over. Gotta go! Peace! —G

It was actually kind of a fluke, my getting into Kingdom Hearts. When I first heard about Kingdom Hearts back in 2002, I thought it was a joke. Mixing Disney with Final Fantasy seemed like the dumbest idea I'd ever heard. I certainly wasn't going to waste my allowance on that.

Then, out of the blue, my dad got me the game for my birthday. I never thought to ask why; maybe he thought I'd like the Disney stuff. He never really had a handle on what I saw in video games. I wasn't about to throw it back in my dad's face, so I started playing it.

And that was pretty much that.

It's an awesome series, provided you can wrap your head around the bonkers plot. Don't get me wrong, I love the story, but it's a bit wedged into its own rear. There's still plenty of ways to play it too; old consoles are getting cheap, and there are things like the various Remix titles that package a bunch of the games together.

But there is a reason why I'm not lettin' anyone take my blood or my organs. If you oh so desire demonic blood, I can summon a suitable specimen right under your very doorstep. Non pro bono of course.

What's it like in continuums without magic? I'm a D&D-verse sorcerer, magic is in my blood. Being without it is... not something I'm looking forward to, to say the least. Any advice?

But then, I would get killed. And this is no joke to avoid answerin'.

The majority of warlock research and knowledge is stored in the archives of the Spiral Labyrinth. And at this point, if I say anythin' more, my geis will activate, so excuse me but I'd rather live for few more centuries. All I can say is, there is space between worlds called "the Void". Pandemonium is a rumored city of demons in the very centre of the Void. I'm a half-demon and I burn a lot of stamina when casting magic. Connect the dots, love.

P.S.: Y'all better brace yourselves. VJ says she's going to your RC to "collect the tribute". DO NOT LET HER TAKE ANYTHIN' ELSE!

No, not now, not ever. I'd make a horrible father, my relationship with Ezra is proof enough of that, a child would drive me crazy, I WILL NOT BE MOVED!

...

Kala here. Valon had to lie down for a bit.

No, we don't plan on having children. We agreed that we wouldn't make good parents; I've got my anger issues and he's got his... other issues.

He doesn't hate children, though. He just doesn't know how to deal with them.

((Otherwise I'd be really annoyed by this constantly trying to get the Notary and Lola to meet up before the time is right. As is, I'm just kind of bored by it. So, y'know, if people could refrain from it? I would really appreciate it. Thanks for your cooperation.))

"Don't speak that name in front of me, you maggot. How dare you say that name to me? How DARE you?"

Besides, even if she is, I... I'm not sure I can force myself to give a crap. She's just another Time Lord now. She's not my Tree, and she never will be again, and it wasn't my fault. It wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't.

It vas penned by zer maker of mein Biggenbrassenparpenthingen, how could I not be knowink it? Alas, zo, I am not likink it very much. I am much preferrink zer traditional oompah sound, ja? Such as zis, vhich meine kleine Gabrielle ist claimink ist mein theme song. Echt klasse!

They've spent their entire adult lives running around pretending to matter; the ConCounOfGaInEx is where they belong. Since Morgan has taken to shooting down every suggestion I put forward that might make our esteemed Council more than a talking-shop and open-plan martini glass - when she's not threatening to shoot me, that is - I am loathe to say that my presence improves it at all, however unquestionably true it may have been before. They are loathsome.

I am worse.

Though my old pistol is as accurate as may be expected, I'm sure you understand that it is not suitable for every continuum. Why, just last week my partner and I were obliged to exterminate a Suvian in the feudal Japan of the Tales of the Otori, and a flintlock would have been entirely anachronistic. For occasions where melee combat is unavoidable, I have adopted a tactic from someone of whom I have heard many great things and taken to carrying a ball-peen hammer with me; our cover in the field is so often as a workman or artisan of some kind that such a weapon is perfectly innocuous. However, in science-fiction continua, I have been obliged to raid the Commander's gun cabinet, and have developed a particular affinity for the Farscape continuum's pulse weaponry - in particular the mini pulse pistol, a weapon I consider most suitable for covert carrying and use; in modern-dress continua, I favour the cheap and profligate Zastava M70, a pistol of Czech manufacture, as 9mm hardball is still more than enough to give the common-or-garden Suvian lacking in body armour a quite exceptionally bad day.

I trust this is a full answer to your question, and hope that I have not rambled and taken up too much of your time.

I remain, yr obdt. svt, Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne

However, Agent Alleb ist not beink in zer market for ein committed relationship vizz anyvun, let alone ein pink Qwilfish whose primary claim to fame ist playink zer Biggenbrassenparpenthingen qwite competently. Vows uff chastity, ja?

I am not cryink, I am just preparink to be usink zer move Vater Gun, zat ist beink all...

In XCOM: Long War, which was the primary continuum my homefic was based off (though I'm technically from the canon Whoniverse), Field Commander is the highest rank for a field officer. You're one step down from the Commander (in my case, Jack O'Neill from Stargate: SG1... yeah, DIC took one look at it and noped on outta there) and are basically their eyes and ears on the ground. They give you that rank in case you run into any obnoxious local-yokels on the ground who think they can boss you around when the plasma starts flying, basically.

Hope that helped!

However, it is also a question I cannot answer with any degree of precision. I am not familiar enough with other "magical girl" universes. Further, while I might be a mage, I am a soldier first and foremost; I would imagine that I would do better in a universe with a military focus, like the Command and Conquer 'verse, than in one focused on non-mathematical "arcane" magic as, I am told, "magical girl" 'verses tend to be. I can do without magic; I don't believe I'll do well wearing a tuxedo and a mask and hopping from tree to tree.

Thanks for the Notary-induced rant. I appreciate it.
Roughly, however: he really doesn't like the Notary, as is obvious, and is a good friend of the Reader. From what I understand he really doesn't understand the Aviator. The rest, well... "they make for interesting specimens and are not too bad as drinking partners". His words, not mine.

Please don't tease him like that. Everything else aside it's not making my job of making a decent human being out of him any easier.

You can try to combine two verses' cyber-tech yourself. I assure you, it's not easy nor pleasant, and I'm pretty sure Nurse Fujimoto knows my body better than I do at this point.

1. The reason I work in the Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha division is twofold: one, it is a place where my abilities are useful; and two, Agent Navare is the only person who did not request a transfer two days after being partnered with me.
2. Marsivil Getrono-Parsim Amris Handrahen Trehebil-Makat.
   Now go away.

After the incident with the tea, figs and pencil he simply refuses to touch the console.

You actually got him to reminisce. Teach me?
Anyway. The gist of his answer is this — while research takes the lion's share of his time, it's his duties as a librarian that were most formative for him; there is a certain charm in caring for a library that no research can replicate.

Yes, I'll write all the things you say to me without editing.

Well,

I'm a Dresdenverse wizard, or so it seems that's the way I would be called here. Any human practicioner from my 'verse worth its salt will screw up tech. The stronger and less experimented they are, the worst it is. And it leads technology around me to experiment critical failure after critical failure, the more advanced it is the harder. Now I would love to engage in a long and reasonable discussion but I litterally cannot do this right now, and I'm more than irritated that you're remembering me this fact, and I would like to pay your console a visit...

What? That's the gist of your message. Eh, the console would have censured these parts anyways.

I mean, we're already in the DMS, Freelance Division. Pretty sure I didn't forget to send the rapports.

Yes Marina, I know you didn't chose it, but frankly, you could have been in a worst situation, like Bad Slash.

Terabyte:

I am a single geth unit, upgraded with Reaper code and further enhanced by Commander Wilson Shepard's synthesis with the Crucible. My initial upgrades have permitted me to become a true intelligence and thus utilize a combat platform without the need to network with other geth. The second upgrade has enhanced my sentience, allowing me to fully understand what it means to be an organic.

Emiranlanoamar:

Naya and Terabyte know and so do Arin and Xandria. Out of all of them, Naya took it the hardest, actually. She clung to me for several hours after I had talked to her about it, asking me to resign from the PPC and go back home where I'd be safer. I never thought she'd have this reaction to me— she's always so standoffish.

Tacitus:

I need to be hated. When interacting with a client, I retain a professional attitude; one needs to maintain Madam's good reputation after all. However, any and all who attempt to get too friendly will be dealt with accordingly. Trust only leads to betrayal: it's a slow and insidious process. Nobody came for me back when I needed it the most— why should this time be any different? Why now? Time has taught me that my only worth is as an information broker and an insufferable presence. I know my place and I act like it.

But then I realized that I could be useful. People hate me, avoid me by nature. When I enter a room, they all turn away, form groups, and talk amongst themselves, making sure that I don't get a chance to insert myself in the conversation. They spread rumours about me and slander my name, furthering my isolation. When I sell some highly personal information on someone, they all rush to the "victim" and send them their support and sympathy. And that is good. You see, when I'm around, they band together and cooperate. They are together. I did this. Through my actions, they can have something which I will never know: friendship. Support. Maybe even companionship.

Everyone loves to hate and fight a villain. I just so happen to play the part perfectly.

And I hate every single moment of this [CENSORED] existence.

What if—and this is just an idea, mind—we let people fly them? I mean, this is HQ we're talking about. Probably the only places that surpass it in terms of people who would want to fly a TARDIS are World One and Gallifrey itself. With an entire Continuity Council of Time Lords running around, plus any agents who learned to fly them during the Macrovirus epidemic, there's bound to be a few agents around willing to act as instructors. Some of them might do it just to get a break from missions. There'd certainly be no shortage of students for them to teach, and we might even get a few agents who decide they want to keep theirs.

Okay, it might be a bit mad to leave a TARDIS in the hands of questionably sane individuals, but considering we already trust them with the disguise generator, the RA, and a multiversal armory...

Now I think about it, does Doctor Who have its own OFU yet? If so, loan a few to them. Show those fanbrats how hard it really is to fly the things. With the right security measures it should no more dangerous than giving students muggle-use wands. Heck, you could even go further with it, give TARDISes to a bunch of OFUs. Need a guaranteed safe haven in case of Mary Sue invasion? Boom, TARDIS.

...I can't actually think of any other uses an OFU would have for a TARDIS, but I'm sure there are at least a few more.

I don't know how many TARDISes we have in HQ, and we probably couldn't save all of them, but at least this way a few of them would get the use they deserve.

Do correct me if any of this is laughably infeasible. I am no more a Time Lord than I am an unfortunate cabbage salesman.

My opinions on the members of our favourite little useless-drama club? You asked for it, you got it. Overall, they're a bunch of teens with serious angst issues that sit in a room and do nothing productive during their shouting matches. Y'know, aside from raiding museums and providing a source of antagonism for the HQ Daleks and pretending to be relevant when they did absolutely squat during the time they were active. It's honestly more of a social club with costumes more than anything.

The Fisherman seems like a fun guy. I haven't seen much of him lately but I hear he's a mellow fellow and great company overall. Out of all them, he's the one I'd trust the most— gut feeling. I just don't understand his name, though. Why "Fisherman"...?

Morgan. Oh, Morgan. She's always so angry about something— and that coupled with her drinking habits isn't a good combination. I haven't had much contact with her up until now but she's always struck me as an extremely guarded person with strong feelings. She's the sorta-ringleader of the ConCoun— for reasons I can't understand. I think It's doing more harm than good to her stress levels... and her liver.

I like Xandrialdimansiumar. When she's not busy brooding about something in her past, she's actually a little ray of sunshine. She's smart, collected, and a really good influence over my partner, Naya. The two have a romantic thing going on— they play it off as a huge joke by being overly saccharine when they're around me— but it's actually rather painfully obvious that they do care deeply for each other.

The Librarian. This guy... I don't respect a man who willfully abandons his unit while engaged with the enemy. His condescending attitude and general abrasiveness really doesn't help his cause either. The little I've seen of him in person just confirms that he's really not pleasant company. Apparently he's trying to turn over a new leaf with Arin's help, though. In that case, good luck with that to both of them.

Also, mark my words: if this doesn't turn out to be that situation where the weird, socially awkward boy falls in love with the girl that helped him come out of his shell, I swear to the gods that I will eat my hat.

The Disentangler and the Agent: lumping them together because I never see them apart. I don't really have an opinion on them due to the fact that I've never interacted with them whatsoever. So... moving on.

Antrilovorasilendar, the Notary. You know the Notary, I know the Notary, everyone knows the Notary... and loves to hate her. After all, anyone who makes it their personal mission to interfere with your work after you comment on a picture they carry with them is not right in the head. Now, this hints that she wasn't all bad in the past, sure— but we're dealing with the present now. And Present!Notary is not a good person. At this point I'm tired of her hateful little crusades against anyone who offends her. I just want her to grow out of her "I-hate-everyone" phase and find peace.

Ending on a high note: I like Arin. Apparently she considers me her second father or something— I'm not to sure how to feel about that. On one hand, I don't feel like I've done anything special to deserve her trust but on the other, she's a great kid and I want her to succeed in life.

As for the TARDISes... yeah, Inspector Chandra has been pushing for the decommissioning of the TARDIS fleet. In all honesty, I see the logic behind that. A TARDIS is a living thing too, you know— it needs to travel to stay healthy. Why d'you think the doors opened to Arin when she had her... episode? It was desperate to escape. DoSAT has got a whole room full of them gathering dust and doing nothing. Chances of reactivation are remote too, so... as loathe as I am to put down a TARDIS, this seems to be the humane thing to do. Forgetting about them and keeping them in limbo for all eternity is a hellish fate and the scrap material we can salvage from the TARDIS' innards can be repurposed to upgrade PPC technology.

So, tl;dr version: I'll assist if necessary, but it's not my call to make.

Weirdest, I would have to say was the time she turned into a replica of that giant jack-in-the-box from the Prisoner of Azkaban movie. Most interesting? A DeLorean, for sure. How's that for showing up Doc Brown?

...I feel like there's a meme to be made out of that last one...

Guardsman:

I don't own a TARDIS, son. Never did— unless you count my old regiment's Battle TARDIS and that one Type-103 we caught a ride in once. Back in the War, the standard disguise for a TARDIS was a reinforced neosteel bunker with gun ports, several exit hatches, and an entrance to the TARDIS proper. We needed a sturdy and practical design to carry us into the battlefield— something that would protect us as we deployed and provide cover during a fight. Nothing fancy, really: but "fancy" is just that much more likely to break.

As for the humanoid TARDIS... I hated that thing. It's freaky and it talks back to you and it's just full of nope. It made the most awful psychic noise when it died— I still get spooked just thinking about it.

Gaspard:

It's a bit difficult, but I can actually use it without a CMC. The trigger needs two fingers to properly pull on it and the lack of an actual stock and the sheer weight of the Impaler makes it difficult to fire but so long as it's set to three-round burst, I can actually tear those paper targets a new one.

This, of course, means that I'm absolutely incapable of using it in a fight without the CMC. And why would I get into a fight anyways? I'm a dime-a-dozen office drone, not an actual agent.

Honourable discharge from the armed forces, received multiple awards and commendations for 3500 years of exemplary service, turned in my rifle, armour, and laser screwdriver to the Quartermaster, got to meet a survivor or two from the War, found my sister, got disowned by my sister, laid a wreath at the War Memorial for the 442nd, and received a bit of land as per the Veterans' Act. I can now start that garden I always wanted to set up.

So all in all, a pretty fruitful visit. I'm considering retiring in a few years and going back home-- for good this time. I think I've earned the right to some peace and quiet.

Can't do solid foods at the moment: teeth haven't grown back since last mission. Also, the docs think they may have missed a bullet in my chest cavity after the latest "surgery". Nothing serious, though: I can still walk.

Meet me by the TARDIS docks in New Cal, maybe? I know a good bar two steps from there.

-E

P.S: enough with the superfluous text symbols already.

And frankly, I'm appalled that you would consider "forcefully used as a pillow" as any indicator of a "thing".

Have a day.