Aug 2015 Archive, part c

(1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

We are now in the sequel, 'Profesor Lupus 2: Fighting Moudlermore'.

Next genre: Silent movie.

(And thank you very much to doctorlit for the entertainingly creative genre.)

hS

To describe how Cris and Myall felt as they forged on into the next chapter would be to describe one who is shaken beyond belief, terrified and terrorized by the trials and tribulations of both badfic and a changing genre. With the wind of the vaporized train at their backs and the replacements ahead of them, the agents found themselves in the strangest of place - one would describe it as a combination of a castle and a library, or perhaps a writing desk.
"What is this place?" asked Myall.
Cris checked the Words. "Hogwrotes, I believe. I have a very bad feeling about this badfic, for there are as many mispellings in this passage alone as there are stars in the night sky."
At once, two more mini-Aragogs, namely Hogwrotes Sckoole, and McDongaol, and another mini-Balrog appeared, and as Bumbeldore declared that it was "tim for a feast", yet another of the miniature spiders came crawling out of the darkness.
The agents sent the minis to their respective OFUs before they could notice, and just in time too. For the replacement, having spawned yet another mini-Aragog, declared that there were four new houses: Buffalochrage, a good house, Ghosthand hoyse, an evil house, and Parrotfaether house and Ratrunns house.
Not!Saruman stepped forward, and the Sorting Hat was lowered onto his head - "Saroman you are to bein Gohsthand house!" it declared.
"but that is an evil house I don't want"
"hahahaha" laufed sorter, as the agents shook their heads and exchanged shattered, broken glances.
"The strange feeling, oh how it has returned," said Cris. "We could be dealing with... with... a trollfic!"
As yet two more mini-Acromantulas appeared, Not!Lupin and Not!McGonnagal were sorted into "Buffalosharge house". The fic then spoke in a long sentence about the students going to bed, for want of a missing quote mark.
The chapter ended, with all the abruptness of a chapter being cut off. The agents just stood there, apalled, confused, and scared.

----------

Well, that was fun! The chapter to cover after this is Chapter 5. Next genre: Epic Poetry!

...do you guys think we can take this to The Other Board? It sounds like so much fun so far, and I'd hate to see it bumped off the front page before it's done.

(Advance apologies to everyone who knows more about Japanese culture than I do.)

*Drums and flute sound, played by the A/V Division. The usual kagami-ita backdrop shows only a generic grey wall, rather than a pine tree. One figure in matching grey sits there, back hunched and facing the wall. A second figure steps onto the stage, clad in a kimono mixed with Ancient Egyptian elements, and bearing a cat’s mask and a black fedora.*

“Greetings, travelers! I am Bast, the Grey Lady, come to tell the tale (continue, really) of two samurai warriors poised to venture into the lands of the wizards’ school.”

*Chanting begins as two samurai in grey armor arrive on stage from either side.*

“These are the warriors, Cris and Myall!”

*Bast glances at Myall.*

“Who has been mysteriously genderbent, once again.”

*Myall is handed a more masculine-looking mask by a kuroko. She turns his face away from the audience to switch them.*

“I mean, seriously, girl. Is it the name? You can get a nickname. Ahem! These warriors of plot will now prepare for their journey. Before they leave, they must seek protection for their mind!”

*Entering from the left side of the stage, one figure whose mask bears the facial hair of Doctor Freedenberg, another holding a fan painted with a riding crop—the symbol of Meir Brin. They dance, waving their fans around the heads of the samurai, shaping barriers around them. Before they leave, they each give one fan to one samurai. They hold the fans before their faces, allowing the audience to read them for the first time. Cris has received “COCOA” from Freedenberg; Myall has received “BLEEP” from Meir Brin.*

“They must gain protection for their bodies!”

*Entering from the right side of the stage, one figure with the helmet of Osbert, another figure dressed all in green, with a green mask, yeah, it’s the Jolly Greenman. Deal with it. They cross to the center of the stage, and enter into a mock battle with their fans. Cris and Myall turn to watch raptly. After the fighting dance is completed, they bow to each other, then to the samurai, awarding each a fan, which they display over their shoulders. Cris has received “TRAIN” from Osbert; Myall has receieved “EQUIP” from the Greenman.*

“They must also gain the gift of stealth from the eyes of the unknown enemy!”

*The hunched figure stands and turns towards the audience. This performer’s kimono is bedecked with fraying wires and loose buttons, and the mask is a reflective black glass. It begins to move erratically, twisting about in a strange, formless dance. The samurai approach cautiously. As they get near, the Console leaps to the side, and pokes at Myall with a fan. The samurai leap back, then try to approach the Console’s new position, only for the same thing to happen to Cris.*

“Our warriors must gain disguises from the Console, but the machine is most fickle!”

*After many attempts to sneak up on the Console, the samurai begin to act more aggressively, brandishing the “TRAIN” and “EQUIP” fans at it, while the chanting lulls. The Console relents, making pacifying gestures towards the samurai. It then directs several kuroko to bring robes on stage and adorn the samurai with them. The chanting begins again. Myall gains the green and silver robes of Slytherin, and Cris gains the yellow and black robes of Hufflepuff.*

“Fully prepared, the samurai Cris and Myall are ready to venture into the lands of the wizard school. The Console reveals the way!”

*Still twisting erratically as it moves, the Console steps to the kagani-ita and parts it down the middle. Blue fog flows across the stage, and a great castle is visible through the mist.*

(I only capitalized the “c” in “console” because it’s a character in this context. Don’t even start on me.

The next prompt is: tabletop role-playing game! Have fun!)

Cris stumbled gracefully to get feet, looking around with wide eyes that were expertly outlined with makeup. "Myall? Myall, where are you?"

"Well, hello," came a deep voice. It was attached to a very attractive smile, which in turn was attached to a tall-ish man class impeccably in a suit. "The name's Bromia, Myall Bromia."

"Oh, I've heard of you," Cris said breathlessly. She cleared her throat. "You have quite the reputation, Mr Bromia--and I should know. I'm your partner."

"And what a partner you are." Bromia sauntered over to the console and worked the controls expertly. "My dear Miss Wirewood, it seems we've been signed a mission." He straightened. "Have you heard from Q lately?"

"No, he's far too terrified to leave DoSAT right now..."

"Then we shall make do without him. Get my gun."

--
Must dash. Next one: comic book.

Let's see what I can do with a mobile phone!

~DF

I would claim, but I've just done ten minutes of searching, and I can't find any clues as to how to write the Spy genre. So I'll wait for something I recognise to come up.

Which will hopefully be during the day. :-/

hS

King Eliam, of the Door Within. He is God, pure and simple. He's slightly different from the God of the Bible in that he exists in only one person, rather than three.

In fact, as a bit of backstory, He sent Agent Alleb to HQ, so He definitely knows about it. I doubt anyone will need to know about Him, though; there were fewer than fifty DW Trilogy badfics the last I checked.

1/ We don't really need to think about things we're not actually writing missions into. ^_^

2/ Canon-cloaking. The canon itself stops canon characters noticing us; there's no reason it shouldn't apply to omniscients.

3/ SEP fields. Unless your omniscient explicitly pays attention to everything (rather than just having the ability to know about it), an SEP field should render agents unnoticed.

4/ Canon self-repairs after a badfic is dealt with. Lots of characters don't need neuralysing at all; they just have the events wiped from their personal history. Dying characters will get back up and move on; uncanonically-alive characters will spontaneously die. You should really need knowledge of alternate timelines to get around this.

5/ Practical omniscience =/= true omniscience. Any method of omniscience that isn't simply They Just Know By Magic is spoofable by the PPC.

6/ 'And then dark gods tore a dimensional rift into HQ and slaughtered everyone inside' isn't funny. The PPC is a humour series. Rule of Funny should be consulted over and above precedent and logic.

hS

And the Outer Gods, since they're actually different things. The vast majority of Lovecraftian horrors are not omniscient; they are more like unstoppable forces than sentient beings. They don't really get involved with humanity except to destroy them. The two major exceptions that I can think of would be Yog-Sothoth and Nyarlathotep.

Yog-Sothoth very explicitly knows and sees everything. He would definitely know about the PPC. That being said, he's not in a position to do anything about it due to being sealed outside of reality (although that didn't seem to stop him in "The Dunwich Horror.")

Nyarlathotep, on the other hand, is not omniscient. He is, however, much more involved with humans. More specifically, he likes to drive them insane. He is treacherous, cruel, and yet profoundly charismatic. Nyarlathotep acts as the emissary of the Outer Gods, of which I believe Yog-Sothoth is part of. So… he could possibly know of the PPC. That could be a very bad thing.

PC, amateur Lovecraft scholar

And, indeed, could be shorter. (Jack Harkness? Why?) Usually, these are reserved to those who are truly Omnipotent. YAHWEH, Aslan, Death, and so on. Due to having complete omnipotence in their job description, it is a little difficult to make them say, "except this." So, instead, we make a plea to their better nature and hope they wont go blabbing about us. They seem to have kept their word thus far.

However, I would make an argument about certain other canon characters who are not on the list. Relax, they are not fourth wall breakers. You can see how I think they go below. Indeed, I don't even go with the argument of, "But they are gods, so they must know, because they are deities!" Unless total and complete omnipotence is in their list of powers, they can be neuralized. Is it harder? Possibly. But it can, and will, be done.

In my view, the "Recorders of Fate" or "Keepers of Forbidden Knowledge," may very well have some old tomes relating to the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. The biggest one is, for me, Hermaeus Mora: Daedric Prince of Forbidden Knowledge. He resides in the plane of Oblivion known as Apocrypha. Here, in the vast, unending library, resides all knowledge of all reality. whether mortal man or immortal god was meant to know any of it, it matters not, only that it be recorded within this maddening realm. To those who wish to seek it, grand power and inspiration lies within. But, be weary traveler, for within resides monstrous beasts and tormented souls who have lost their sanity and selves in the ever eternal quest for knowledge. But, beyond the physical dangers within the Eternal Library, be most afraid of that which you seek. For glancing within the wrong book without the proper mental wards can shatter even the strongest willed of minds.

In my view, Herma Mora is effectively Omnipotent. It is his job to know all things. Even better, with C0DA*, my view is true! In my C0DA, Hormaius Mora knows every dirty secret of the PPC, and how it all works. He knows how to find the Pool. He knows the exact layout of HQ. He even knows how Legal works. He will simply never tell anyone. He is far too interested in seeking new knowledge (of which, there is never ending, yet, non-existent) and impressionable, desperate minds to break and bend under his control. So, if ever an agent should see a pitch black book in HQ, it is best to send it directly to the Library, without ever glancing within. For your safety, and every one else's.

As for any other recorders of forbidden knowledge, you can make the argument that they have it within their library, somewhere. But what librarian is expected to have their entire stock memorized? Again, anyone other then Herma Mora.

(No, I have not misspelled Hermaeus Mora once in this post. He has a number of spellings. The proper one? Such knowledge mortal man is not meant to know.)

(*C0DA is something... special for the Elder Scrolls canon. While it does not stand for anything, I like to say it unofficially stands for: Canon Open; Do Anything! It is complicated, but I will gladly go into it if anyone is interested. However, yes, it also stands to reason that in your C0DA, Herma Mora knows nothing of the PPC, and have it be just as valid as my insistence that he knows everything. All I can do is try to convince you to adapt my C0DA as your own.)

As in, most likely do not know of the PPC simply because they haven't heard of them. However, most are also so reality breaking, I would assume a memory-erasure or something would have, to quote Worf, "No Effect". brain chemistry or eyballs mean very little when you can tell the laws of physics to shut up and go sit in the corner.

Thus, I would assume agents would try to avoid interacting with them. I know I would! Although, if I were some unpronounceable otherworldly entity of evil, I really wouldn't care about the strange, insane kids who run around killing the sparkly people either, so maybe the Great Old Ones do indeed know of the PPC, they just don't care. Or have some feeling resembling apathy. Actually, it's probably best not to think too hard about this one.

I had Coyote from Gunnerkrigg Court know about the PPC because, well, because he's Coyote. He's capricious as a fairy from an old, old story and as powerful as a god can be. He knows how to mess about with memories to a far more detailed degree than a neuralyser can manage. And lastly? If someone tried to mess about with him? He'd put up a fight.

That's not a fight an experienced agent team would have a snowball's chance in a blast furnace of winning, and it was Wobbles and the Notary's first (and to date only) mission. =]

Waaaay back in Ye Olden Times, Cthulhu was used as a popular method of Sue murder. He was phased out because... well, the REAL OOC reason was because it was an over-used death, but the In-Universe reason was because he was getting fat - so I assume that Cthulhu, at least, knows about us.

I'm fairly sure that Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls knows about the PPC. Unfortunately he's probably the reason that I am leery of writing a mission in that universe - it seems like Agents would be too good a target to pass up, but I have no idea how that would play out other than 'badly.'

"...there are a few canon characters who know of the PPC. These characters may be omniscient, like Aslan or Eru, or otherwise impossible to neuralyze, like Death or the Bronze Dragonflight; or they might simply have a talent for knowing things they shouldn't, like Gaspode."

Neither Discord, nor The Great Old Ones, enter on any category. They aren't omniscient, nor are embodiments of Time, Death or Memory. They aren't known for knowing things they shouldn't know either. Pinkie Pie on the other hand...

As far as I know, the only beings that know of the PPC are either God or His analogue (i.e. Aslan from Narnia, Eru from Middle-earth), or are everywhere in the universe at once (Madoka). As powerful as Discord and the Lovecraftian critters are, they aren't omnipotent and certainly not omniscient.

With the mission, I mean. You see, there is this C0DA thing in the Elder Scrolls. It gets rather complicated, but, to boil it down, there is no Canon, there is no fanon, all fanfictions are just as valid of interpretations of Mundus as the official Bethesda games. All of them. Let me explain further.

If you are familiar with the Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind, then you are familiar with the work of one Michael Kirkblade. He is responsible for most of the Elder Scrolls'... weirder aspects. There is a reason I say that Nirn is possibly more developed then the famous Arda. Kirkblade added several metaphysical aspects to his view of the land of Tamriel that shape its unique identity, such as CHIM, (basically the act of transcending and becoming a Buddah) and that all of known reality is a dream.

What does all that have to do with C0DA? Well, Kirkblade also introduced the concept of reincarnation. Not just of a person, but the whole world. Every time the world ends, for one reason or another, it will immediately be reborn, in a new form. Here, we have C0DA. Each person's individual idea as to how the world of the Elder Scrolls works is totally legit with C0DA. It is just one of many cycles, and cannot be dismissed. There are many reasons Kirkblade wanted to do this, partially because he likes open source fiction, partially because he does not like where Bethesda is going with the games and he wanted to stick it to them.

So what does this mean for the PPC? Well, in a way, it makes Elder Scrolls missions impossible. In a way, all fanfic is now canon. Or, well, at least, as Canon as Bethesda's version. Heck, even before this, the Elder Scrolls has been left purposefully open-ended. So much, they introduced Canon plot holes, in the form of Dragon Breaks. This was made in Daggerfall, so that all possible outcomes are Canon at the same time. All of them. It's called the Warp in the West. Major event in Tamriel's history. If you played Skyrim, you have a basic understanding of these Dragon Breaks.

However, if you are insistent, I can think of a few ways it could work. Your agents would have to work as Morag Tong, the assassins of Morrowind. They have legal contracts that allow them to kill in broad daylight. Well, in Morrowind, at least. In Skyrim, they would still be sneaky. However, it is a great excuse for a charge list. Just read the "contract" to the Sue when time to do the deed. Also, you would have to be very sparing in Canon charges. Unless it directly goes against everything that has ever been stated in every Elder Scrolls game, you may have to cut it a little slack. You are, however, allowed to point out how much this C0DA diverged from the commonly accepted one.

I am a bit of a lore nut. If you need help, I can see what I can do to see that your mission stays lore friendly.

One of my agents is a Cathy-Khajiit in fact, named Za'kiir.

I don't play Skyrim, but I think this would make for an interesting first mission. Good luck!

Hello! I'm Dorano, I just joined a couple weeks ago so I don't believe I remember you...but hello anyway! I don't have gifts to give, unfortunately. Very sad.

Great to see you again.

Have some sonic screws. You have to provide your own screwdriver for them.

Have this replica of the One Ring that allows you to use 'Unrelenting Force'!

I figured you were too insanely busy to post much (like I get sometimes). I don't think you're breaking any rules by submitting a fic you previously contributed to, but don't quote me on that. Instead, have a peanut butter cookie. :)

Also, I... vaguely kindasorta remember you from the first time you were here! =]

Anyway, here's your NG+ starter Pokémon:-

Iiiiiiiiiiit's Raichu!

And your starting item is:-

Blessing Of Hermes (Spell Slot) from Ascendant!

So, this is a pretty good item in general because it gives every attack a nerfed version of the properties of Hex. Doing 50% additional damage to enemies with any kind of status effect, major or minor, is good shtuff. Raichu, as a special sweeper, can take advantage of this - though be sure to use the ability Lightning Rod for the additional Special Attack boosts rather than going for Static. Raichu doesn't have the bulk for it. I'd run Thunderbolt, Hidden Power Ice, Focus Blast, and either Teeter Dance if you're in singles - it's a really good way of spreading Confusion - or Thunder Wave if you aren't. Max out your Speed and Special Attack, with your last four EV Points in Special Defence, and select Timid as your nature, because high speed will really help you out and Raichu's base Speed is 110, which is pretty okay. However, you'll almost certainly need status spreader support if you want to get the most out of this item. =]

Have this nuclear firecracker. Totally safe. I swear.

Have a debatably-existent kitten.

I remember you as well and like you I just got back from the endless void a few days ago. So here, have a Rorschach Book, which changes automatically according to your current reading needs.

Have a shovel enchanted to dig up nothing but rabbits. You have to care for them.

Heya, welcome back! I remember you! Have a plate of fresh SPaGhetti!

Anyway, as for your claim, we have this lovely page on the Wiki for you to list your claim. Just make sure to label it as 'Permission pending', alright? ;)

Nice to see another familiar face find their way back. Look forward to seeing your next stories.

I think I remember seeing you around, though I also think we never interacted that much with each other, but whatever the case, welcome back!

I know how that feels like. Trust me, I probably could have returned WAY sooner, but it slipped my mind as well. I just only thought to check on the Board again a few days ago.

Oh, computer problems, the bane of my existence. Yeah, I can sympathise.
Welcome back, anyway! :-D

You're something of a fixture, at this point.

Hi. It's great you're back.

Here, have some sonic screws, but you have to provide your own screwdriver for them.

Welcome back! Here, have this pot o' tea, nothing but Lapsang Souchong-y goodness.

Have a shovel that only digs up the greatest hits of Elvis Presley.

Have this replica of the One Ring that doubles a squeaky toy!

So many returnbies! I guess August is the season of renewal around here or something, huh? :P

Anyway, hi again! Take this plate of freshly-made SPaGhetti! It's good to have you back. :)

Now that I have supremely annoyed a PG, have your NG+ starter Pokémon:-

Iiiiiiiit's Bastiodon!

And your starting item is:-

Caffeine Pill from The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth!

Now, Caffeine Pill is actually banned from the competitive scene because of how it works. It's analogous to Weakness Policy, but instead of it boosting your Attack and Special Attack by two stages, it boosts your Speed and Evasion by two stages. Accuracy and Evasion modifiers are banned. Still, though, this makes Bastiodon slightly more swift, but it's really not what you should be going for on a Pokémon like him. He wants tanky items - Repulsion Armour and Fire Shield from Risk of Rain, for instance. =]

Link's Queen wrote another story about Sclyina, the uncanonical goddess mentioned in My Inner Life, running a kind of twisted version of the PPC, sending her daughters on missions into rival badfics to kill them off and make sure that MIL remains the One True Zeldaverse Badfic (or something).

In my personal headcanon, Sclyina had a sort of unofficial truce with the PP...il Rina killed MIL's Sue, and all the bad things that happened to Rina since then have been secretly engineered by Sclyina as revenge.

Because if you mean the PPC shared universe, the EPC also fits. But they're from the Mirror Multiverse, rather than the standard PPC multiverse.

You can read more about them here... but if you're considering using them in future writing, please ask the community if you're going to do something big involving them, because from what I understand their presence has usually led to things like Emergencies.

The RSC does Star Wars/Henry V!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gX1S1vqd0Uw

How much canon is involved? Which canon? It's hard to tell without any details.

It was a fair assessment to say that -- while possessed of good character, an inquiring mind, and a kindly, gentle disposition -- the 7th Earl of Wymbourne was not one of nature's sailors. His father had been a Navy man (that much backstory had been granted him by his unfortunately Suvian wife) but his brother had been the seaman; indeed, Algie had devoted his life and personal fortune to magic largely because, in his own estimation, he became violently seasick on anything wetter than a dewy lawn. However, here he was, afloat with naught but a heavily-armed former XCOM field officer for company, feeling thoroughly sorry for himself as he rued his luncheon, long since disappeared over the side in a technicolour yawn of which Linda Blair would have been proud.

"Ah, cheer up, your Lordship, you'll be fine." Nothing could dampen Field Commander Lola McCandless' enthusiasm, not even the flood. She was one of those people who would trot out the old phrase that the Chinese word for "crisis" was the same as that for opportunity were it not for the fact that she was troubled by the occasional presence of a thought in her head. "At least we were allowed to crack the Arc Throwers out, makes the job ten times easier."

"Commander, you forget your augments. Not all of us are blessed with the ability to turn off our sense of smell, though there are a few tinctures related in Meredyth's Whisperings Of The Great¹ that might have worked had not this devilsome flood demolished mine and Agamemnon's laboratory." Algie brushed at his DIA-issue oilskin with his free hand. If he concentrated on practical magic to the exclusion of all else, he could almost but not entirely distance himself from the reek of Arc Thrower-belaboured kraken. The stench was reminiscent of calamari, if the chef's only tools had been a poorly-earthed piece of electrical equipment and prayer.

"Eh, like I said, we're fine. Look at you! Holding up nicely. I bet one day soon you'll be able to go on a real boat!"

Algie, who had been raised properly, gave her the least weak smile he could presently summon up. "Thank you for your confidence in me, Commander. I fear it is misplaced, but your sentiment is much appreciated, depend upon it."

Lola had worked with him for a couple of months now, and knew better than to startle him with a matey clap on the shoulder. Instead, she just smiled and continued to pilot their large tin bathtub, the longer-established DIA mob having previously laid claim to all the dinghies. Quite where Algie'd managed to dredge it up from, she didn't care to ask, possibly because she was scared he'd literally dredged it up from somewhere, but she was as determined as ever to make the best of things.

They continued their merry way down a corridor, Algie leafing through his e-books and muttering to himself in a dead language. Behind them, the floodwater started to flow backwards, gently pushing them along rather than leaving them marooned in a pile of enormous, concussed squids.

As they rounded a corner, Lola stopped moving and crouched down, unlocking the safety catch of her Arc Thrower. "There's something coming up at the T-junction ahead. It's moving fast, and it's moving against the current. Game face on, Algie."

"Just as you say, Commander." Algie concentrated, then leaned over the side and filled up a makeshift scrying bowl with water. It might have been a Generic Mug with an inscription that said To The Worlds Greatest Insert Relative Here, but one made do with what one had to hand. He drew a quick cross-shape in the water and held a hand over it. "I have the beast. It has taken a left at the junction and... means to go right. I must say, this thing seems rather fast on its feet, assuming it even possesses them. Given what you've been catching so far, it may not."

"Great," Lola said as she steered them around the bend. "Fast-moving tentacle things I can't track with the good ol' Mark One Eyeball. At least it can't fly. It, it can't fly, can it? It can't fly."

"I see nothing to indicate it can," Algie replied. Admittedly, he had seen very little full stop, and nothing of their quarry's physical anatomy aside from the odd glimpse of a fin, but Lola's free hand was rubbing at her neck so he decided not to say so. "We will both be right as ninepence, Commander. We are here to look out for each other, are we not?"

"... Yes. Yes, we are." Lola stuffed her hand into the pocket of her own oilskin with rather more force than was necessary. "We are. Ignore me, I'm being stupid."

"You never are," he replied, and reached out his hand to touch her other hand, far away from her neck. He looked back down at the mug and stopped dead, his hand gripping a little too tight.

"What? Algie, what - it's coming back, isn't it?"

"At pace! Brace for imp-"

Algie was cut off by an enormous CLANGGGG of something on bathtub. Said something rocketed out of the water in a dizzying, brightly-coloured spray, and the waves tipped both agents out of the tub and into the drink.

Lola was the first to surface. "What the hell was that? And what's this crap in my hair?"

"Glubble," Algie glubbled eloquently as he began to sink. "Glubble glubrblblblbl."

"Algie!" Lola swam over and hauled him back to the surface, his periwig having floated off somewhere else. "Algie, are you okay?"

"I will be..." he wheezed. "In all likelihood."

The whatever-it-was landed back in the water with a splash and leapt out again, and Algie was only able to shake his vision clear for a moment before his partner reacted, shoving him out of the way as lurid orange goo coated the water where he had previously been.

"Thank you, Commander."

"It's in my hair I was growing it out this thing fries - oh. Damn."

"Language," Algie reflexively chided.

"Yeah, well, not everyone can pronounce an asterisk. Also, we have bigger problems."

"I fail to see what they are. We are floating, yes, but your Arc Thrower is to hand and our assailant has momentarily vanished."

"Algie? It's XCOM tech. This stuff really doesn't like seawater."

"Seawater."

"Yep."

"Seawater."

"I know, right? Something to do with the salts, I think, I wasn't really paying attention at the time. I'd been shot, it tends to dominate your thinking a bit."

"Indeed. That seems..." Algie paused, biting back a tirade. "That seems like a considerable oversight."

The creature had apparently taken the opportunity to circle around and come back at them, and with a cry of challenge it leapt onto the upturned tub, transforming on the way there.

As it clanked down hard, wielding what looked like an elaborate Super Soaker, Lola's eyes went a little bit wide.

"She's an Inkling! Oh my God look at you you're so precious!"

The Inkling gave a little curtsey and shot her in the face with the goop.

"You are rapidly becoming less precious."

"Well, you're the guppy who's not shooting back. Honestly. Don't you know how this game works?"

"... Were you in a match?"

Splat.

"Duh, of course I was in a match! What else would I be doing, guppy? I went squid, dived through a grate, went through the big hole, and out here. Is this a secret area or something?"

"You, er, you could say that, yes." Algie decided to speak up, now that he was treading water and able to at least vaguely breathe. "My name is Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, and I work for an organization called the PPC. Please don't shoot me in the-"

Splat.

"I should perhaps have seen that coming," he continued. "Still, I should probably mention-"

Splatsplatsplatsplatsplat.

"... If I could just get a word in? Please?" Algie threw his head under the water the moment the Inkling's trigger finger moved. Then he came back up. "You didn't fire."

"Duh, 'cause you ducked! God, you guys are so bad at this."

"We're humans. We're not exactly known for feats of aquabatic prowess, especially not by the standards of... your doubtless fine people."

"What's a human?"

"We're like your kid mode," Lola piped up, "only without the turning-into-a-squid bit."

"Ohhhh... have you tried pressing-"

"Yeah, no, that doesn't work on us, cob."

"Huh."

"You got a name, kiddo?"

"xXxFartMeisterxXx. What's yours?"

"... Got any nicknames?"

"Kay."

"Right. Cool. Kay, um, you're more than a bit lost right now. This is, well, it's not Inkopolis. Not even close. You're in the Headquarters of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, and, um, I think you must have got wrapped up in our little flooding problem."

Kay blinked and staggered back a little, nearly falling out of the bathtub. "You guppies consider this a problem? It's amazing! There's so much cool stuff just floating around, and I'm not even running out of ink! I love it here!"

"Well, if you'd like to stay-"

"Where do I sign!" Kay bounced on her feet, the bathtub making slightly ominous noises.

"Let's figure that out later. Right now? I want to towel off. And shower. And towel off. And shower again."

"What are we going to do about the krakens?" Algie said.

"Let that Guardsman guy you're always banging on about deal with it. We've done enough, you've earned a rest, and Kay needs orientation"

And so, as the three paddled off, life began anew for the little Inkling that could. She grabbed Algie and Lola and pulled them into a tight hug. "You guys and me? We're gonna be best buds. Go team!"

"Glrbl," replied Algie, who was just not suited for a life on the ocean wave.

---

¹: This is a real book; indeed, I own it. However, it is not a book of magic, or even about it, but rather a collection of quotations from the great and the good. I felt its title was well-suited for a treatise on Revivalist English Magic, though perhaps (given friend Algie's origins) one of somewhat dubious canonicity.

Algie, Lola, and Kay belong to me. Jonathan Strange and Mister Norrell belongs to Susanna Clarke. XCOM: Enemy Unknown belongs to Firaxis and, further up the line, Julian Gollop. Splatoon belongs to Nintendo. I belong to my bed. I am going to go to sleep. I hope this has amused people by the time I wake up.

(( Because it's about time to wrap back up to here anyway.

(( A few notes: 1. I'm gonna crack eggs in batches, and I have the day off today, so if you happen to be around I can actually engage in a little back-and-forth posting with you while feeding hatchlings is going on. Yay! Just not too quickly, if for no other reason than that I have to do laundry and stuff today, too.

(( 2. A thing I forgot to say - the meat is cut up into tiny blobs about the size of your first thumb joint. This is important. I am the dumb for not saying so IC from the get go.

(( 3. "Think loving thoughts" means be loving at the hatchling. If your character was confused IC, that's cool, they'll figure it out pretty quick. I just want to make sure no one is confused OOC.

(( And now, ladies and gentlemen, your main event! ))

Jenni did not, in fact, approve of the Notary one little bit. She took her eyes off that egg for one second to survey the room, and when she looked back, there was that woman, on her feet and juggling egg and meat in her hands like a ninny—and what was that, a skewer? She was going to feed it with a pointy object? Jenni pressed her hands to her face and groaned. The woman was going to kill that poor hatchling for sure. But if she could ignore Brightbeard's kindhearted words and the clown jumping up and down next to her, she certainly wasn't going to listen to Jenni. If she lost it, maybe it would be a lesson to her. In her mind, Jenni washed her hands of the matter and resolved to help the other ten owners succeed no matter what.

Just about everyone else had done the sensible thing and sat down on the sand with their egg in front of them or in their lap. That was good—a few had the food a little too close to the eggs, though, which wouldn't help them Impress. One last chance to impart some wisdom.

"Okay, everyone!" she called out. "Make sure to settle your eggs so your hatchling can break out safely, and don't let them gorge on the meat. Feed them carefully, one piece at a time, and make sure they eat from your hand, not the bowl!"

She heard Hera and Ilwion's song reach a new level of intensity, and the first three eggs broke almost simultaneously.

If anyone's was first, though, it was Colt's. The egg gave one good hard rock, tipped on its side, and shattered. A little green head popped out. The hatchling gave a startled, raucous call, her eyes glinting red like tiny rubies, and shook off the rest of her shell, leaving herself flopping awkwardly on her side with one wing snared beneath her. She called again, a piteous little creel of hunger and dismay.

Near Colt, Gerry's hatchling had a considerably better time of it. The shell broke neatly, and the creature that staggered forth, though dark with egg fluid, was clearly bronze. He lay on the sand a moment, catching his breath, then flapped his wings and got to his feet, looking around and urgently calling for food.

At the same time, Alex Dives' egg hatched, and this one was a blue who, when dry, would be the exact medium gray-blue shade favored by the Harper Hall. He added his cries to those of his siblings, head swinging wildly one way, then the other. He caught the scent of the bowl in Alex's lap, and with an excited squawk, lurched toward the tech.

"Remember, small bites!" Jenni called out. Her heart raced. She could feel the hatchlings' hunger—anyone with more natural sensitivity than a block of wood could feel it—and she remembered her own Impressions, lifetimes ago though they were. Tears pricked her eyes, but she wouldn't let herself get caught up in memory.

Henry helped with that. He had been happily chatting with the Illion-Sims kids about this and that, and he eagerly scooted toward the agents with their eggs when he heard the humming that he knew signaled the start of the hatching. He was startled by sudden pangs of appetite, though. "Mommy?" he called out uncertainly. "Mommy? I'm really hungry!"

His tone brought her to his side in an instant, and she scooped him up into her arms. "It's all right, baby. It's not you, it's the hatchlings. Remember?" She smoothed his fine black hair back from his face and also threw a light shield over his mind. The tracker on her ankle vibrated a warning, but she ignored it. The hunger would only get more intense when more eggs cracked, and she couldn't have her own child upset.

"Oh yeah," Henry said, relaxing against her. Then he spotted Gerry's and pointed excitedly. "Look, look! That one's a bronze like Ilwion! That's good, right?"

Jenni laughed. "They're all good, Henry. Just watch now, and see what they do!"

(( Let's take this as an opportunity to reset and behave from here on out, yeah? ))

<Hello, Agent Brightbeard,> Ilraen replied happily, although he offered his delicate seven-fingered hand with hesitation. He hoped the Dwarf was aware that he had to reserve his strength. <My partner and I are well enough, thank you.>

He would have gone on, but he noticed the blue asari approaching them at that point.

She walked over to the Andalite and gave him a courteous nod. "Hello Ilraen," she said. "I hope you're doing well."

<Yes, thank you, Teyala. Henry and I are very excited to be present for this occasion. We wish you joy with the outcome—and you as well.> He bowed slightly toward Brightbeard. <Now, since our transactions are not material in nature, please do not let me keep you from your eggs. Jenni tells me it will be best to be comfortably settled before the shells begin to crack, which should be quite soon.> He glanced at Voltarmi, who nodded with the cheeky grin of someone who knows and isn't telling.

...

Henry yelped when Bella abruptly hugged him. "Bell-la!" he complained, struggling to free his arms so he could pry her off. "Lemme go! No glomping, no glomping!" An ill-timed heave resulted in one of his feet slipping out from under him in the sand, and the two children went over in a heap. "Mo-om!"

...

No sooner had Jenni finished speaking than a blur of gold streaked by her to land with the clutch beside her. "Well, hello, gorgeous!" she exclaimed softly. Quickly gathering in her excitement, she did her best to radiate calm and confidence as the queen inspected her eggs. "Don't worry, they're all right."

And then Dafydd was back, issuing much the same sentiment. She nodded at his reassurance, but was distracted from replying by the young tech—another Intern Alex, she recalled—coming around to get vetted by Hera. The queen's acceptance of Alex reassured Jenni that she wasn't likely to interfere with the Impressions.

Then Henry squalled for her, and her head whipped around to pinpoint where he'd tumbled in the sand. She relaxed, realizing that everything was all right—he was just in a tussle with little Belladonna. She trusted Constance to sort it out, so she simply called out, "You're fine, Henry! Play nice!" and left it at that.

She was surprised to note that, although the dwarf and asari had made their way to Ilraen and the Cafeteria dolly, no one else had queued for their eggs yet. If Hera was any indication, they'd better hurry up. She planted her hands on her hips and looked around impatiently. She did not want a chaotic last-minute scramble, and she especially did not want to be landed with ten fire-lizards. She was not Menolly, thank you very much!

She raised her hands and clapped loudly for attention. She was peripherally aware of upsetting Hera and Ilwion with the sudden noise, but they'd be more upset if their hatchlings started to arrive with nothing but each other close enough to eat. "Come on, people! Do you want an egg, or not? We have minutes, if that! Let's have some order, please!"

Between the speed this is going at and being ignored I'm going to bow out of the rp. I won't be able to keep up and have no reason to do so.

Nesh, if you don't mind, just assume my two are still present?

Intern Alex Dives raced through the Generic Corridors of HQ, clutching the newly-repaired tricorder to his chest. The eggs were hatching, they were finally hatching!

It was all he could do to keep from thinking about the fire-lizard he would soon be getting, but he forced himself to replay the last episode of My Little Pony in his head as he ran. Consequently, he almost blew right past the door.

He skidded to a stop, spun around, and opened it. "I'm here!" he gasped, bending over and panting hard. "I'm--I'm here! I'm not late, am I?"

I'm really enjoying reading the Hatching RP.

Didn't want to comment on the actual RP thread, even out of character, cos I didn't want to risk disrupting it, but it's very fun to read. Looking forward to the actual hatchings.

- Irish

p.s. RAAAR :)

Oh, just some agents I don’t know. So, what do we have here?

Probably shouldn’t forget this: SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

I like how Zeb is so loyal although he can’t know that Rina believed him to be dead.

Apparently he’ll be drawn into an organization that may be illegal. Owen and Buck don’t have evidence, but they try to warn people anyway. I hope this doesn’t end badly.

Owen’s about to snap. Somebody take him to FicPsych asap.

And there’s one "in" too much:
He relaxed once he saw Zeb in sitting in the grass.

HG

(Because it's only halfway to being a response.)

Nita Kerys prodded vaguely at her meal. The schedule at Building Maintenance had been a bit hectic recently, so her breaks were coming at essentially random times. Two hours after breakfast was far too early for lunch, even when those hours had been occupied pumping out floodwaters from Implausible Crossovers (something about an unbalanced pressure differential, apparently). But if she didn't eat, she knew she'd be starving by the end of her shift.

A commotion across the Courtyard drew her attention. A bunch of small animals - no, those were Pokemon - seemed to be squabbling. As Nita watched, two of them fled into the grass - and then the third slammed its hands into the ground.

The tremour wasn't enough to throw Nita from her bench, but did roll her tomatoes off her plate. "Oh, come on," she muttered. "Those were the only thing I was looking forward to!"

There was a blaze of light as the fourth Pokemon shot a bolt of electricity at the third, then leapt for its throat, teeth glittering with lightning. Nita winced as the Pokemon's opponent went down.

"Sometimes," she murmured, "I wonder if we had the right idea after all. Powers like that... how can we even know whether an agent's Suvian or not, if they can throw lightning around like confetti?" She paused, chuckled. "Or like coriandoli, as that Italian guy would be quick to point out."

One of the runaways had returned, and was now rooting frantically through an armoured vest of some kind. Nita's eyes narrowed. "Wait... that dog-thing is from the DIA?"

She watched as the returning Pokemon fed the dog-thing something from the vest - then as the dog leapt up and punched the lightning-one clear across the lawn.

"That's not right," she said, half-rising from her seat. "Internal Affairs aren't meant to... even we would never have beaten up an agent in public like that! That's..." She stopped herself just before saying it, but the words hung in the air in front of her: That's what the DIS did.

Nita watched the rest of the abortive fight: the arrival of the human DIA Agent, his care for the fallen electric Pokemon, the portal out. Then, very slowly, she bent down and picked up one of her tomatoes from the floor, dusted it off, and bit into it.

Her radio crackled. "Hey, Nita," came the voice from another member of her team, "did you decide to take the day off or something? We've got krakens coming out of our ears down here; get a move on!"

Nita snorted and tapped the button. "We can sell 'em to the Cafeteria as calamari," she said. "Give me a minute, I'll be right down."

Though, now I wonder who this Madam is...

...that I don't like Owen.

At all.

He's worse than the Librarian, honestly.

GREAT interlude though, don't get me wrong!

Because Zeb is the only name in the interlude that I actually recognize. I had a really hard time following the story, because I couldn't stop wondering who everyone was supposed to be. It's one thing to introduce new characters, but I felt like the default assumption was that I knew who everyone was, and I don't. Poking around the Wiki doesn't turn up any hits. It also loses a lot of its impact, because I don't really know anything about anyone. It felt like I tuned into an ongoing TV show without seeing any of the previous episodes, and given that I've been following this series pretty closely, I shouldn't be having this reaction.

On another note, I'm not super fond of the overly gritty tone used for the Pokemon battle. I know Zeb is from a Nuzlocke, but it's canon that Pokemon get knocked unconscious all the time and usually can recover perfectly well. I felt like it was trying too hard to make it darker and edgier, which wasn't really necessary. Maybe it's just personal taste, but I'm not really fond of the tendency to take lighter continua and darken them just to make them seem more "mature."

Sorry for being so harsh, but I feel like this one is a lot weaker than the rest of the LMM interludes.

This is going to be my last story posted until September 19th, so... enjoy, everyone. :)

Story number 50, woohoo!

Rose Potter and Little Miss Mary weren’t even products of the Mary Sue Factories; they were created by identifiable Suethors.

HG

A brief report from the central offices at Dreams Come True, Inc, headquarters of the loyal League of Mary-Sue Factories:

I don't think the PPC would benefit from having a "villain" or "foil" working against it, especially not an organization of Sues.

Here's my view on this: Mary Sues are like a disease within a canon. Most of the time, they're not actively trying to destroy a canon; however, the way they are written naturally causes them to degrade the world around them, to bend the world around their existence. A badfic is like an infection within canon, and the PPC acts as an antibody.

Goodfic coexists with established canon, bad writing clashes and damages it. It's a naturally-occurring thing brought about through the worlds created by writing, not attacks on canon orchestrated by some shadowy force of corruption. In this case, think bacteria. There's a lot of different kinds within your body; some of it coexists with your immune system to strengthen it, while other kinds are harmful and cause you to get sick. It's not actively malicious, but you still get sick just because it's there. Mary Sues are like bad bacteria.

The PPC is basically a team of Almighty Janitors cleaning up a mess made by botched uses of a setting, not some army fighting against forces of evil. Having this League just wouldn't fit.

Obviously my post that this was just one mission was a case of misplaced optimism. As people said in the earlier thread, we don't want to go into a whole bunch of big Emergencies and darker plots. Let's leave Rose Potter and Little Miss Mary where they are, instead of trying to imitate them. Not only is it taking the PPC in a direction it's not really meant to go, it feels a bit like you're trying to use Iximaz and co's success to get more attention for your own thing.

I've heard of people charging for getting the setting wrong in Harry Potter. If it's clearly an Arminian trying to Wright a British settling and completly screwing up, charge for it.

-apologies for any selling mistakes. I'm posting this from my cheap piece of crap phone.

Stuff like that could easily be charged for under things like 'failure to do the research' and 'sending people OOC'.

As for actually charging them breaking laws, well, agents don't have any real authority to do so, but that doesn't have to stop them. In my most recent mission my agents did specifically note the laws the Sue had broken, after reading all the official charges.

And while the major charges are supposed to be about objectively bad writing, charge lists also frequently include unofficial charges like 'annoying PPC Agents'. If one of your characters is a stickler for the rules, I could certainly see them adding in some unofficial charges based on laws broken.

- Irish

Email sent.

But technically, it can be improved:

Outside the walls, waiting by the north gate, a lone halfling pulled the cowl of his tattered, dark green green cloak further over his head, shivering slightly in the chill.
That’s very green.

After taking a moment to ask one of the guards for directions, the halfling set off for the district of Old Smoke.
After about ten minutes, he stopped, looking closely at a squat, two-story building with cracked and boarded windows. Through the grime-smeared glass, he could see silhouettes moving about.
Two consecutive sentences beginning with "After" took me out of the mood and the story. Why not "About ten minutes later"?

When he saw who was sitting at the table pushed away in the corner, he stopped, trying not to gape. Two people were sitting there: ...
Not as obvious as the above, but still slightly irritating.

he shrugged it off and returned the handshake.
"He" should be capitalized.

Aramarth continuted.
What did he do?

I would like to see more of this.

HG

It looks like it might be in danger if Garret hangs around much longer. ^_^

I find the shardmind really interesting. Is it humanoid? I'm getting 'floating serpent' vibes off it for some reason, though that's obviously not right as it has a sword and shield.

hS

"Except when I need to be Darth Balrog, Scourge of the Multiverse." Dafydd chuckled at the kid's expression. "Joke, joke. As, I'm sure, would be anything I said about Hera being high-maintenance." The golden queen flicked her tail at him, but seemed content to let the scolding pass - for the moment.

~

((That took a lot longer to compose than it should have. I have no idea how Dafydd deals with fame - well, I do now: apparently jokes. Except when he feels like bragging.))

((If you think he's making a massive effort to be diplomatic to everyone today - you'd be right.))

((hS))

Swaps are up!

Feel free to make plans (who runs into who or where people would be) or even try to see who would be interested in grouping up for trying to hunt for the device.

I will probably be putting the threads up later tonight; a few things have gotten in the way.

If you're still on the fence, right now is the last chance to add your characters to the list!


I'll be doing the randomizing tomorrow (Sunday) morning!

Can we also do some RP as a non-switched character (as in, for example, the partner of someone who got body-switched)?

I don't have the permissions yet. Depending on when this happens, though, I'd love to get involved with this.

Semper erit insanus

Can I add an extra character? The character is Technician Shui-Hua Liu. She doesn't have a page yet, but here's the information that may be needed: She's a mixed race Waterbender, born in Republic City, and as such she has blue eyes. She has a rather pale skin and her back-long hair used to be black, but she dyed it blonde, and keeps it in a tight braid. She's nearsighted and needs glasses. And she's in charge of the maintenance and operation of the Danger Room.

Abnd now, the extra details. Whoever gets into Solvig's body, won't get to use her powers, thanks to the Output Limiter; unless that person manages to convice Yuuna, or anyone else with the authority to deactivate it, or gets body swapped with Solvig while she is in the Danger Room, in which case, that person will be rather forced to interact with whoever gets into Shui-Hua's body, and quite likely will damage the Danger Room.

My other characters are left out of this, I have other plans for them.

I've added my agents to the spreadsheet.

- Irish

although I'm travelling at the moment so time windows to participate will be patchy.

Elcalion

I'm no good at big, chaotic RPs, and truthfully, I'm a little leery of letting anyone pilot my characters' bodies. ^_^; That said, I could maybe work something out with some folks ahead of time and be okay with it?

I'm gonna keep Nume back (Phobos and I have some ideas for him), but I'll offer up Ilraen, Derik, Gall, Jenni, and Henry, if anyone is interested in them specifically.

You can put my other FicPsych nurses in the randomizing spreadsheet. If anybody actually wants to play as them, too, that could maybe be a thing. (Oh good lord, what happens in FicPsych when it's suddenly staffed by a bunch of random agents? {X D )

~Neshomeh

I am considering joining, but I have a question, first: how canonical is the RP?

...who are (human-based) Borg and Esterling (an Easterling with an odd fruity aroma) respectively. Also, bonus points for if Eagrus ends up as anything tech-based as he will freak out even more.

I'm in! Can I enter both of my agent pairs?

Totally going to have fun when some poor chap's going to be stuck in Corolla's tiny body...

Time to go edit the sheet, then.

Marvin and Pritworthy are a go! And, randomize! I want to see who gets stuck with my agent's bodies. Treat them well, will you?

If only because I really wanna see how he'd handle alcohol and the like in someone else's body. XD

Seems like fun, and it seems like as good a time as any to introduce the characters I have been on again off again working on as my prospective agents.

Harris Frost is a go, folks. Let's hope he doesn't turn this into a complete disaster zone.

I've got Agent Bosh'Guk the two-headed ogre and Woon Gengi the Gungan available. Now, seeing as Bosh and Guk are separate personalities... I'm thinking their body would house two swaps for maximum hilarity. I haven't released much of anything with them yet, so I'll give as many details as needed. And if you get paired with Woon? Be prepared to write everything in Gungan.

I volunteer Chakkik as tribute!

Chak: But I do not wish—

Shut up, Chak, your opinion doesn't matter, mwahahahaha.

So yes, this is Chakkik in human disguise. Meaning that whoever ends up in his body ends up with the perks of his gorgeous appearance.

Or if it's a straight girl/gay man, maybe they'll just spend a while staring in a mirror.

Like, you grab another person and their agent and your agent co-writes their body-swap story? Because that would be kind of cool.

Or it could be used to do a Freaky-Friday style thing to have a pair of agents understand each other better.

It doesn't have to affect all or most of HQ. Don't see why it would; HQ's a big place. More of a "Anybody who wants their agent involved should join in".

But we would need some people with DoSAT agents who can write up the "Find the thing and get it deactivated" plot.