Since Potterverse!England seems to contain everything World One!England does, it's technically a proper name in the Potterverse. But EvilAI's brush joke is probably funnier.

Must not be the most comfortable thing in the world

http://uncommon-comma.livejournal.com/1208.html

My fifth mission. Sue decided to basically plagiarize the whole PMMM plot putting herself in the place of Madoka, including brainwashing Homura.

Once freed of the Sue's mind-control, Homura was Not Happy.

I do have a Discworld mission where the Sue tried to marry Death...

But I have to find out where the mission was, it was on the Assassinations page.

And there was also a Dumbledore vs. Not!Dumbledore duel, I think. No prizes for guessing who won.

This was a pretty good mission, but (at the risk of sounding like a broken record) some advance warning that you're going to post would be greatly appreciated. One look-through just isn't enough to catch every possible error, and if I know that you're planning on posting soon, I'd make sure to give it another look ASAP.

That said, this has been a good mission. Even though this mission juggled five Agents (gasp!), they did not get lost in the multitude of characters. And thanks loads for avoiding major spoilers for those of us who (like myself) only watch the anime.

As for the errors:
1) Eren Yager got there first, bit down on her tail and pulled hard enough to send her into the floor.
Unless you're implying that E.V.L. phased through the floor, that should be "onto the floor," not "into."

2) Whoa Nelly
You need a comma between these words.

3) “Ohhh. Heichou, Captain… I get it now! First time I’ve seen fangirl Japanese make a mini.”
There is a bit of punctuation missing:
"Ohhh. Heichou: 'Captain'… I get it now!"

4) Regenerate like a son of a b***h, single weak point on the back of their neck, I know these things, I’ve read the manga.
Replace that last comma with a period or a colon.

5) from the Pathfinder continuum
Italicize "Pathfinder," since it is the name of a continuum.

6) Valon shuddered. “This… could be a problem. I’m acrophobic, meaning I’m pretty much earthbound for this entire mission—if you want me to be coherent, anyway. I’m not comfortable being more than my own height away from solid ground, and 3DMG gets a lot further than that.
You forgot to close the quotes.

7) Wait… An accent over the e? How did the author do that?
I mentioned this during betaing, but apparently you missed it: There is no context to this. Where did the fic have an accented E?

8) The Sue proceeded to explain how the parade had come to be, involved a lengthy description of the event and a tale of two lovers.
I understand what you meant, but the wording is just the tiniest bit awkward. There are three possible fixes:

a) The Sue proceeded to explain how the parade had come to be, which involved a lengthy description of the event and a tale of two lovers.

b) The Sue proceeded to explain how the parade had come to be and included a lengthy description of the event and a tale of two lovers. (Note that there is NO comma.)

c) The Sue proceeded to explain how the parade had come to be, including a lengthy description of the event and a tale of two lovers.

9) Also, why the oral exchange of bodily fluids, I do not understand why mammals do that.
Please replace the comma with a semicolon or question mark.

10) I can understand how surviving a Titan attack would give you A lot more self esteem, but...
"Self-esteem" is hypenated.

11) Valon nodded in agreement, and paged the Department of Redundancy Department.
Am I missing something? Why did he page the DRD?

12) “No no, not in front of me!”
Please put a comma between the two "no"s. And this is a stylistic suggestion, but please add a third "no"; it sounds more natural to my ears: "No, no, no! Not in front of me!"


13) “No way, I’m not getting separated from Valon again.”
Please replace that comma with a semicolon.

14) “Excuse me, I am an arachnid.”
Please replace the comma with a period or a semicolon.

“Seid ihr das essen? Nein, wir sind der Jäger!”
“Are we the prey? No, we are the hunters!”
Actually, Valon said, "Are you [plural] the eating? No, we are the hunter!"

(1) essen may be a verb ("to eat") or a noun ("food"); if used as a noun, it should be capitalized like every noun in German. Thus, “Seid ihr das Essen?” would translate to "Are you the food?"

(2) Beute would be a more accurate translation of "prey". If Valon doesn’t actually mimic a dialogue, he should say "Sind wir die Beute? Nein, wir sind die Jäger! "

(3) The singular and plural forms of Jäger ("hunter"/"hunters") look similar, but der is the male singular article. With "hunters", you should use the plural article die, which incidentally looks just like the female singular article.

Also:

... otherwise you’d have at a giant wall of text ...
I think either "at" should not be there, or some other words may be missing.

"He beat the living scheiße out of Eren in the latter's court trial ... "
Since Scheiße is a German noun, it should be capitalized.

Valon expression was one of alarm.
Shouldn’t this be "Valon’s expression"?

... leave their best verdammt weapon against the Titans to die ...
If you mean "their damned best weapon", you should keep the word order: " their verdammt best weapon ".
If you mean "their best damned weapon" (assuming that being damned is an attribute of the weapon), the correct conjugation would be "their best verdammte weapon", because a generic weapons grammatical gender is female (die verdammte Waffe).

HG

Normally I hate reading missions set in a canon I don't know, but the agents did a good job of explaining exactly why the fic was so wrong for the canon. The way you split them up into two groups also helped. It added variety and stopped the mission getting too repetitive.

And now I'm off to find more about EVL, for - uh - obvious reasons.

That'll teach me to take on another project while I'm already beta-reading another mission and a multi-chapter fanfic Great to see one of those stupid Levi-targeting Sues get her just reward. (Seriously, he's not even that hot.) Having five agents interacting with each other and the badfic sounds pretty challenging; props to both of you for making it work, even if I couldn't always tell where everyone was.

Should we make a page for mini-Titans? I think we should.

Some things that I noticed:
"...along with stuff from after that period. There are cars, for example; by contrast, in this continuum, where the fastest form of transport is by Jean Kir – sorry, by horse."
This doesn't flow very well. I made a suggestion about it during production, but since you forgot to accept it, I'll repeat it here: "...along with early modern inventions like cars. AoT, on the other hand, is a pre-industrial society where the fastest method of transport is still Jean Kir--sorry, horse."

"...— if you want me to be coherent anyway. I’m not comfortable being more than my own height away from solid ground, and 3DMG gets a lot further than that.
One, either put a space before the em dash or take out the space after it. Two, a quotation mark went missing. Three, add a comma after "coherent".

"[Petra Ral, Attack on Titan canon. ...]"
Not a crossover, so remove the "Attack on Titan".

More later; I need to update my computer.

You could have mentioned me by name in the closing notes - I wouldn't mind having my contribution be acknowledged, after all. ;^)

Overall, I thought it was alright. There were a lot of characters, though, and I felt like they didn't necessarily all need to be there. The stuff about Rayner's background was interesting, but there was so much going on that I didn't feel like it got the attention it deserved.

... and have completely rewritten my first prompt due to finally making up my mind about which characters to have.

I'm a little busy for the next few days, so I probably won't be able to look at anything before the weekend. If that's OK with you my e-mail is samurai_ireland@hotmail.com

- Irish

In fact, it's pretty 'late'. You're a returnbie, not a newbie.

On the one hand, I'd love to help (and I've made my name clickable in any case).

On the other, it'd probably be best to wait for some older members of the Board to come along and help you out.

Hope things go well for you, though! ^^

I guess I can do some checking, but don't take my word for it. Get somebody else, too.

mail is mattcipher94 and a gmail tag

Unfortunately, I'm not eligible. I hate eligibility rules.

I thought even extras had to be auditioned.

Des is so excited that he begins to stutter occasionally. This is probably not intentional:
The Israeli education system is ...ed up and and if you want to learn something properly you have to go after it yourself.
and
Best one, however, belongs to to the Spell Breaker.

I didn’t even being to scratch the surface with the guy.
I assume you meant "begin".

HG

Good to see her in a story.

My e-mail is my username, plus a Gmail address.

It'd probably be Monday at the earliest before I could take a look.

If you're interested, my e-mail is samurai_ireland@hotmail.com

- Irish

First, I only decided to read this when I saw that you'd added it to Za'kiir's wiki page, and I could see what the fandom was and also what badfic it was. I had no idea you'd double-posted until I saw the replies to this thread. Including more detail about the mission in your posts might help you get more responses.

Second, when you claimed this fic, you saw the note about how this fic's Cluny was in FicPsych in 2008, right? How come you didn't do anything to resolve that? I was looking forward to seeing how someone would handle that. I has a sad. {= (

~Neshomeh

Still catching up after being offline for some days, I had something to say, but I was too tired to put my thoughts together last night.

His eyes landed on the form of his partner ...
This gives me the mental image of detachable eyes flying around like helicopters, landing on interesting places for closer inspection. But this may be just me, not knowing the prevalent metaphors and having read too much weird PPC stuff. Since two beta readers who are native speakers apparently didn’t get this image, it’s probably okay to say it this way, but considering most PPCer’s impatience I’m never sure whether the beta readers have actually seen the final version.

Ratty went into full-blown wagnst to top her previous wails off as the punctuation-storm continued.
This should be "wangst" (and spell-check should know that this is a word in the PPC).

As soon as the neuralyzer was deactivated ...
Is there really something to be deactivated? I never got the impression that canons are still under the neuralyzer’s active influence while the agents help them fill the gaps in their memories, reminding them where they should be and what they should be doing (and telling them what they shouldn’t remember from this reorientation period, like having met the agents). But there may be different interpretations of how the neuralyzer works.

Generally, this is a solid mission I could enjoy, although everything I know about Redwall I learned from other missions to Redwall.

HG

I've made this mistake, too. You never repost a mission. Ever. Just... don't, okay?

I know this is incredibly blunt, but bluntly is the only way to explain this. It pushes threads off the front page, and basically just wastes space with a duplicate thread.

If your mission's already been posted, don't take up another thread re-posting it just because it's being bumped down the page. People can still see it's there; all you're doing is wasting Board space.

I get the impression that this report may mislead newbies who don’t know Scapegrace. Mentioning that two persons on this group picture identify as female might have helped.

HG

And for one memory that didn't make it in:-

Welcome to Hufflepuff

Not with anything you've said about me in the report, but just by writing it so quickly. I still haven't got round to writing up the Chicago Gathering from September last year. And how does one "accidentally" write a Gathering Report anyway? I suspect foul play of some sort.

Was that really the route we took? Yeah, that looks... less than optimal in terms of efficiency. However, it has given me a new goal: host a Gathering myself, and deliberately lead the group on a path that forms an amusing shape when viewed on a map (I'm sure we can all guess what shape first sprang to mind*). Because, apparently, I'm mature like that.

That shot you got of me at the door in Bree is a good one; I've rarely looked so mischievous.

- Irish

*A giant smiley face, obviously

Because it clearly doesn't mean "place where ink is forcibly injected into your skin-flesh," as it does in United Statesian.

Mm, tea.
Well, another one: I'll be echo Ix here and say that I'm a bit jealous right now.

I probably sound like a broken record at this point, but aw man am I jealous!

I gotta dash, so I'll put a more detailed post of thoughts later. :)

... and Amy’s reaction to it.

Some technical errors:

The skutter stopped by the two agents and waggled its head at the mess near their feet, then trundled back back down the corridor, presumably to fetch the necessary cleaning supplies.
Obvious repetition.

She also objected to him calling her a child, despite that fact that she was one ...
Shouldn’t this be "the fact that"?

At that, the Sue let a gasp of fear ...
I suspect that a word may be missing there.

HG

I don't know much about Red Dwarf—in fact, I think the first episode is all I've actually seen—but it's always seemed like something I SHOULD like, so it's nice to see it in a mission. {= )

Technical notes first, because that's how my brain operates:

Somehow, your four betas appear to have missed a number of incorrect periods in dialogue. Basically, any time you've got dialogue in the formula of "Words words words," verbed Character (or Character verbed), you need a comma at the end of the speech, not a period. The first one of these in the mission is this:

“Looks like you’ve lost a bit of weight recently, like, in the last few seconds.” Amelia said
There are also assorted comma issues throughout, but I don't really want to make a list of them here. I could take a crack at the doc in Suggestion mode if you like, though. I've got some free time coming up this weekend.

Regarding the actual content of the mission, I liked it! I like how you set up the things that happen to Skeet ahead of time, like with the CAD cartridge (interesting idea, btw) and the sleeping bag. I'd think that knowing what's going to happen would make it less funny, but actually the suspense of waiting for it to happen makes it work for me.

I also really like what you did with Amy at the end. It's always interesting to see assassins having moral qualms about what they're doing. I look forward to seeing how this plays out for her in future stories.

The agents' interactions in general are good, too. It's clear they're still getting to know each other and aren't quite sure how to behave, especially Amy when she was all happy that she'd been helpful and then found out otherwise. Ouch.

So, all in all, nice work, and it's good to have you back. {= )

Oh, and about creating a wiki page—I'd say go for it. I want to say I've seen at least one other Red Dwarf mission, though I could be wrong, and I know Agent Milask is either from that continuum or at least heavily based on the Cat. It doesn't have to be a huge page, just enough to give the basic idea.

~Neshomeh

That Avani was a real brat. But I loved the way you killed her off. That was simple but fitting.

At one point Batman tells Cash that he is going out to find Jim Gordon and Cash exclaims "He's alive!" in a voice to close to Brian Blessed's for it to be a coincidence. It almost broke my brain, that game is so dark and horrible at some points and then they put in a Flash Gordon reference.

Here are some of my favorites:

-In the scene from "Breaker of Chains" (Game of Thrones season 4) where the Meereeneese champion challenges Daenerys, one of his lines is apparently a Low Valyrian translation of a certain immortal Monty Python line. I'm not sure if this is in A Feast for Crows, too, but now I want to reread it and find out. :)

-Speaking of Game of Thrones, there's a subtle reference to it in Pokemon Gold/Silver/Crystal/HeartGold/SoulSilver; a trainer on Route 42 is called Fisherman Tully.
--Other good ones from the Pokemon series include the Hiker in Rock Tunnel who literally says "Hit me with your best shot" before battle (and "Fired away!" when he loses) and Silver quoting Ledger!Joker in HGSS.

-Listen to K.K. Adventure in Animal Crossing. Then listen to the Pirates of the Caribbean theme.
--K.K. Island is also a remix of the island theme from the Gamecube game, and Rockin' K.K. is based on the Hippie battle theme from EarthBound and/or Chuck Berry's "Johnny B. Goode".
--Quillson the duck villager is probably based on Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys.

In Diane Duane's High Wizardry, one of the characters is suddenly helped out by a stranger described thusly:

"So rattled was she that though she stared right at the person who was steadying her, it took her precious seconds to see him. He was built slight and strong, wearing a white shirt and sweater and a long fawn-colored jacket; a fair-haired young man with quick bright eyes and an intelligent face."

He's also telepathically sensitive, friendly towards strangers, and very familiar with being chased by angry aliens.

In fact, he is very much (exactly) like this guy:

Because that's not gonna get awkward at all...

hS

His name was Dio Brando.

I think of Dio as basically a Gary Stu who knows he's a Stu, and those Stu powers are what make him dangerous.

Is, quite frankly, nothing new.

So please don't say you know one of us will steal the idea and that you will flame whomever does it in turn.

You could turn it super-meta, and have the protagonist figure out they're in a story, and figure out how to remove the Sue's influence!

I didn't really get a feel for the proposed plot beyond "boy meets Sue, likes Sue, finds out Sue, gets gaslighted by Sue."

It sounds like a pretty creepy idea, which is good if you want creepy -- but if this is a parody, it would turn it into dark humor pretty quick, and dark humor is hard to pull off. And dark humor + songfic is something I can't see going well, I'm afraid.

(I'm also not sure why you think we're going to steal your idea -- we have ideas of our own, don't worry, and it wouldn't fit with the PPC universe even if we *did* steal people's ideas.)

Pick the right disguise.

While the classic Original Series situation of Uruk-hai at the Council of Elrond would certainly get the agents noticed if they didn't use some additional means to stay hidden, there are times where it would be possible to walk around in plain sight - even in front of the Sue.

For example, if a Stuish Imperial Guardsman is outshining even the 40k canon Stus, then the agents could simply disguise themselves as Commissars. This would allow them to a) walk around wherever they liked without being out of place, and b) execute the Stu perfectly canonically.

- Irish

Invisibility Cloaks from Harry Potter, cloaking devices from Star Trek, Tau XV-25 Stealth Suits from Warhammer 40,000, the list goes on. However, that's not really the point. If we used everything - if we really munchkinned our way out of problems - well... it'd be against the spirit of the PPC. We're not a bunch of power-armoured ultra-badasses with the pick of equipment from across every continuum. We're harried, sleep-deprived, mentally ill people with tech that barely works and has a tendency to explode. And yet we still succeed. =]

I couldn't look at it until later tomorrow, though. allebknight (AT) gmail (DOT) com

My address is harry heath 99 at that email service where the mail is hot. =]

...is that they don't make it clear whether this is fantasy or "based on a true story" historical fiction.

Yes, you said it was "a low-fantasy book" in the post, but there ought to be some clue on the book as well.

"After being unfairly accused and exiled, a swordsman seeks for answers in a troubled country."
I’m confused. Is the swordsman exiled to this "troubled country" or is it the country from which he is exiled and he returns to it? I can’t actually imagine what this story will be about.

"An exiled swordsman seeks revenge against a monarch and peace for his own heart in an unstable country."
Is romance involved? Will there be wangst? The "and peace for his own heart" part is putting me off. Personal preferences. And there is the same confusion as above. So that works worst for me.

"Exiled from a capital governed by the best fighter in the land, a swordsman finds that things aren't as stable as he believed them to be."
This sounds intriguing. I may want to read this.

Sorry, I don’t have more detailed answers to your questions. I hope this helps a bit.

HG

And I don't remember who suggested that, but it wasn't me. Sorry. ^^;

Anyway, I think the third tagline is the best one so far because it's the least generic of the three. The other two, I could have sworn I've heard before in regards to other books, I just can't tell you which ones because they're, well... generic.

Taglines, I feel, should also at least give readers an idea of why this book is different from all the other books with similar plots and themes.

Dawn and Des sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G

*Recovers from the diabeetus*

That was cute at the end. But now I'm curious: is this a sign of something going on in Real Life, or is this strictly PPC-verse?

(And now that I'm thinking about it, a totally random question for DawnFire: IIRC, all Israeli citizens must spend some time in military training, right? Given your triple citizenship, does that apply to you as well?)

As for the mission itself, it was a pretty fun romp. Few errors:
1) Up up and away and all that stuff.
Missing commas: Up, up, and away, and all that stuff.

2) The king of Omashu dropped the Leutnant and stared blankly at nothing in particular.
Misspelling: it's "lieutenant," as you most likely know already.

Dawn and Des are adorable together!

Well, I'm with doctorlit on this—I'd really rather not, if we can possibly persuade you to let us keep it. To you, maybe it's just a really old work, but to us, it's possibly the first recorded instance of a semi-fic blip in PPC canon, and an instance of PPC agents coming across an Extra Ring of Power, quite the staple trope in LotR Suefic. It would be a real shame for us to lose that.

And, you know, nobody likes what they wrote ten years ago. That doesn't make it actually bad, though. In fact, I think it's pretty good, not to mention a strong example of a classic PPC mission. {= )

So, do you think we could keep it? Pretty please?

~Neshomeh

The author of this mission is Archiekins. I'm not sure if that is correct or not though.

So, you're the author to Kwennyfer and Jane? Or the author of the badfic from that mission? Just so we're on the same page.

If you are the agents' author, welcome back! It's not often we get a visitor from the very earliest days of the community! Any stories or memories you care to share?

Speaking probably mostly for myself, I would hate to see one of the very earliest bits of the PPC's history disappear, even if it is just a single mission. Since your screen-name isn't even mentioned in the story itself, are you sure we can't continue to host the mission?

Anyway, I've pinged Neshomeh in the subject line. She's the host of the Lost Tales site, and can probably help you from here.

But what help I can offer is yours for the taking. I can be contacted at harry heath 99 at that email service where the mail is hot. =]

And I think my computer prefers docx.

So, we just highlight our suggestions and send it back to you, right? ^^

Have a Black Cloak of Mysterious Awesomeness! And have Fun!

Have a Generic Gift™, and don't trip over the Minis.

Oh, and enjoy yourself here.

I hope you find your time here enjoyable.
Here's an Elwind tome, sorry it's slime-covered.

We don't have any fandom in common (though for some of those, it's more of a problem with my Internet connection preventing me from watching the original work), and the only VN I know is Hatoful Boyfriend, but still, welcome! ^^

Please have this Splatoon plush toy. It's a squid, though not a kid. (I guess I'm also in that fandom now... Oh well.)

Welcome to the board and here is a glose light pen.

Nice to meet you.
*Gives a Bleepolate ice cream.*

Here's your starter Pokémon:

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's Kricketot!

And your starting item is:

The Double-Edged Pendant from Darkest Dungeon!

The synergy here is that the Double-Edged Pendant grants +20% chance of a random Major Status Effect to all your moves, but moves with a chance to inflict a Major Status Effect that target the holder have an additional 10% chance to inflict that status. Kricketot is just garbage, but the item is good, and it works fairly well with Uproar, allowing you to inflict status effects through Subs - just beware of the enemy switching to a Ghost-type. =]

We only have two listed fandoms in common (and I don't do that much with Madoka, really), but I hope you have a good time here! ^_^ *Optional!Hugs, if you like those*

Hello, and welcome aBoard! Please take this fresh plate of SPaGhetti!

May I direct you to the Constitution and theOriginal Series if you have not already see those? Also, which spin-off(s) is/are your favorite(s)?

Hope you like it here!

Nice to meet you dude/dudette

Here, have a Head That's Always Screaming

Have a +1 flaming shovel! Pretty bog-standard as far as magic weapons go.

Okay, uuuhh... Katawa Shoujo? Fate/Stay Night? Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni? Umineko no Naku Koro Ni? Saya no Uta? Hatoful Boyfriend? Popotan? H2O: Footprints in the Sand?

... yeah, that's all the visual novels I know.

Have a disappearing kitten!

Oooh, a .hack fan! You don't see those too often. Here's a pet Grunty and a Lion Licker ice cream sandwich! (It's tradition around here for established members to give new people virtual gifts.)

I skypechat Des and Sergio a lot, which causes some issues as I'm on Eastern Standard Time. The main thing is to figure out what times you'll both be awake and skype then. Plus get used to saying things at one point in the day and then getting replies whenever whoever you're talking with is awake.

... But mostly because I tend to stay up until 2 AM.

Well, over here is 8:39 a.m., Pacific Daylight Saving Time.

(That's UTC-4.) 9:39 AM as I post this.

It's 8:44 AM here. Timezone UTC-4.

I'm in Israel Daylight Saving Time right now — that's GMT +3 — which means you Americans are circa seven hours before me; it's roughly half past three now (1531 hours, to be exact), but over there in your side of the globe it's half past eight.

When I want to talk to (well, almost) anyone here, it has to be waay late at night. As I'm writing this, i's 9.45 a.m in Poland, 26th of July.

Right now, 10:46pm How about that?

I spend so much time out of the week working, I often don't even start my computer when I get home, because it's nearly time for bed. (And because I'm an electric bill cheapskate.) But I'll try to get on more often so we can chat. And also Smash some Bros.

—doctorlit

and, by the time i posted this, it's 1:46 AM

Dunno. ^_^

All right, all right, I'll check.

According to Christopher Tolkien, the text that gave rise to Appendix A included a statement that they have few children, so many as four being rare, and that, quoting the Professor:

To these they are devoted, often rather fiercely: that is, they may treat them with apparent harshness... but they defend them with all their power, and resent injuries to them even more than to themselves.

The picture we're given is of a people wherein roughly two-thirds are able to reproduce (ie, 1/3 drop out due to being unattached males - the unmarried women I'm neglecting for mathematical simplicity). If they average three children, then you're still getting 1 child back for each member of their parents' generation. That produces a fairly static population count.

It's actually quite likely that the number of children is heavily ritualised. They certainly have rituals regarding when to have them: virtually every firstborn we have record of is 100 years younger than his father, and every second born is 110 years after his father. (Thorin is actually an exception to this; his younger brother was born only five years after him.) Tolkien even states this explicitly, stating: [Women] are seldom seen in genealogies. They join their husbands' families. But if a son is seen to be 110 or so years younger than his father, this usually indicates an elder daughter.

The more I read about them, the more I realise that dwarves were deeply into (non-religious) ritual. They all marry at the same age, have their children at the same age. They'll follow their kings into virtually anything. Their women stay at home, quite possibly voluntarily. They speak a language which hasn't changed since their species was created. They carry racial grudges as deep as chasms.

All of which says that the ones who buck the trend - Gimli Elf-friend, those women who don't marry - must be very strong personalities indeed.

hS

Let's use X-com as our example canon, Enemy Unknown, of course. If there was a hypothetical fic where the sue in question is a squad member, I would look largely at ease of success. In X-com, tactics are everything. Good tactics can let a recruit (Accuracy of a Stormtrooper + life expectancy of a redshirt) wipe out a squad of mutons (quarter-ton slabs of bulletproof muscle), as long as you're very lucky, and very clever about fighting them.

However, if the sue just walks out into the open, guns down three mutons, and then destroys a sectopod (Huge, well-armed brick powered by pure spite) without even getting close to dead, that is a pretty clear-cut example of someone being overpowered. So, what about a more ambiguous example?

If the sue in question does the same thing, but is not a recruit, and has at least mid-game equipment? A bit more reasonable, as I have had my own soldiers do even more insane things before. The moral of the story?

If the sue in question does everything to stack the deck in their favour, and gathers intelligence, fights like a massive cheap-shot and gets lucky? Well, then it might not be a sue we're dealing with, but rather, a perfectly reasonable character given the circumstances. In that case, the over-poweredness might be intellectual, rather than physical. After all, bringing a gun to a sword fight will ensure your victory, but you'd need to know it WAS a sword fight, or something similar enough, ahead of time to prepare.

In short: If they fight like Superman while still being weak, than it's a sue. If they fight like Batman, it's a bit more reasonable, but you should always be on the lookout for Mary Tzu type characters.

And he was certainly a very weak character defeating a very strong one.

Oh, yes, he had help. Sam, plus a couple of armies. But in the end, it was a couple of hobbits versus Sauron, and the hobbits won, mostly because Frodo was too compassionate to kill Gollum when he had the chance.

So here's your benchmark. Yeah, Frodo can defeat Sauron, but he had better try pretty hard doing it, or think hard, or face obstacles that matter. The world has to stay consistent.

Being overpowered, by itself, isn't the fundamental problem. Being able to easily overcome obstacles is the real Sue trait. It's often done by giving a favored character unrealistically strong abilities, to the point of Godmode!Sue, but some Sues weaken the characters around them, making them incompetent, instead of making themselves stronger. Others simply take over doing all the important things, even when it's a canon character's specialty.

It's possible to write a character with extreme powers, in a world where no one can match them, and still write a good story. The conflict simply has to come from another angle.

If you're looking for "overpowered", I think the best way is to ask yourself, "Are these characters facing obstacles that have, in one way or another, been made so trivial that there's no challenge? Are the obstacles merely there to make them look good?"

Can the Sue in question brush aside these ridiculous canons... without doing the whole rigmarole of what you describe? Do they beat the greatest without effort? That, I think, is what you look for in a continuum like this. Effort. =]

Apologies for the brevity, old spot, but I'm on my mobile. =]

For Touhou, overpoweredness comes when they ignore the Spellcard Rules and make impossible bullet patterns or something.

Of course, one wonders what would happen if one were to remind a Touhou Sue that spell cards have to actually be possible.

I just watched that whole episode and nothing about that episode references the PPC. You know, we didn't invent the idea of mocking bad fanfiction.

I've been considering finally starting my Luna+/Classic run. But every time I do, I remember Chapter 2, and my resolve just goes out the window.
The kids are amazing; 'nuff said. Especially Morgan. Especially especially third-gen Morgan.
Casual or Classic, by the way? If you don't mind me asking.

Anybody remember this little beauty? Cause I found it again and holy hell it's as dumb as I remember.

http://the-writing-raptor.deviantart.com/art/Time-Wasted-Yandere-Jean-x-Reader-Chapter-1-448000627 Someone please explain to me why yandere fics ever became a popular trend. And then kill this.

Supper Smash Bros Mishonh From God (exact spelling) by Princess America
http://archiveofourown.org/works/647449?view_full_work=true

Seriouly I'm surprised no agents have brought the mighty hand of justice upon this fic, is that trivialized rape I see?

Seriously this crap and its "sekwel" should become legendary

New Girl by Zeref's Disciple, who is a guy surprisingly enough
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9434818/1/New-Girl

Basically the trope of everbody has lots of sex trope set in the PJO verse post HoO, at least an early approximation of it around the time The Mark of Athena was approaching a year old. Recommend team should be made up of members of DMS and DBS, as both Mary Sues and Yuri (yes Yuri) are running rampant, it has a sequel,New Adventure, featuring the unlikely ship of Connor and Reyna ( https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10602334/1/New-Adventure ) and New Girl itself is a sequel to a one shot, Love at its Finest ( https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9401106/1/Love-at-Its-Finest ) which is generally okay Percabeth story except for the ending. Don't expect to do much in turns of Grammer, just cringe at the hint of semi-beastiallity and obvious incest with the godly parents.

"Tomb Raider: Lara's Friend" (Tomb Raider)
James was from Manchester in England he Grew up there but when he was 6 his rich parents moved to London and he when to an Expensive school he had no friends and no one talk to until one day in the School Café he was eating alone on his table when he met a Girl who was very nice to him her name was Lara Croft she was the in love for the rest of his life. Lara X OC
Exactly as it says. Also, the grammar is HORRIBLE. There's very little punctuation to speak of, the paragraph spacing is almost nonexistent, and the run-on sentences make the fic really hard to read. Thank Arceus it's only six chapters long.

"The Pirate, the Fairy, and the Mermaid" (Pirates of the Caribbean, The Little Mermaid, and a smidge of Tinkerbell)
What happens when a human boy meets a fairy? What happens when they travel together and meet a mermaid? What will happen when their worlds collide? And what will happen when they must work together to stop a great evil from destroying their worlds? Sequel from "The Meeting" and not a lemon story like the others I made. Melody/OC.
The mythos in the first chapter is inconsistent with any of the continua present, there's tense changes and povs up the wazoo [a pov snrfs in the distance], the Stu is the friggin' son of Captain Jack Applebucking Sparrow (and wants to romance MELODY of all people), and just... These continua are totally anachronistic if put together. That is all.

"New Angry Birds English Version" (Angry Birds X Rio X Guardians of Ga'Hoole X Penguins of Madagascar X Happy Feet X Zambezia)
Red form a team of new Angry Birds with members like: Blu from Rio Soren from Legends Of The Guardians Kai from Zambezia Cody from Surf's Up Mumble from Happy Feet The penguins of Madagascar from Madagascar
*curls up in the fetal position* The formatting... the formatting...

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7526223/2/Dragon-Claims-and-Human-Change

Hiccup is picked to be Toothless's "Dragon Mate" in order to end the conflict between Vikings and dragons.


A insert from the fic:
"I'm all right with mating Toothless as long as I can still visit home when I want."

"You are aware being with my heir means having his children?"

Of course, Hiccup aggrees. So not only is it mpreg, it's mpreg with a dragon involved.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11384824/1/Black-Frost
Highlights include him being an eleven year old karate master, a seven year old master of legimens and an elemental, whatever that is. There's a secondary Sue with "hair that looked like it was made of the sun and gold." He gets a wand with a crystallized Amarok blood core.
Oh, warning for physically abusive Dursleys, but they get gunned down in the second chapter so ...

Way back in the dim and distant past of, like, 2009 or something (according to the site), Topless Robot did this thing called Fanfiction Friday, in which a bloke called Rob dredged through the Internet's river of boiling, pus-spattered excrement to find the very worst that fanfic had to offer. A few of these have doubtless been missioned - I'm fairly certain someone did the one in the Number One spot - but here we are!

The Ten Most Face-Meltingly Awful Fanfiction Fridays, as judged by those fine folks at Topless Robot. Enjoy! And by "enjoy" I mean "wail and gnash teeth". =]

I've never seen the Lorax movie, so kudos for making the mission (and the charges) understandable (I only needed to go on a wiki once, and that was pre-mission, to figure out who/what a "Once-Ler" was).

And only one error:
tightening the grip on the rifle which was now her’s, apparently.
Delete the apostrophe.

... but mainly I'm just poking Skar because he's not showing up on Hangouts or anything. You've got mail!

Ooh, Gathering-type Thing.

Sounds cool, in principle. The only problem for me is that my weekends are booked up for the next several weeks in a row. And I know that parks like this tend to close down for the colder months (although I couldn't see anything about that on the Dreamland site - do you know if they have seasonal opening times?).

- Irish

It took me a second to recognize it, but this completely snuck up on me. A lot of respect for how nicely done that strip was.

You can find it here!

Feel free to pop over!

That sounds like fun! I'll have to figure out who I'll bring, but yeah, I'll play.

Well, time to have Gaspard get horribly sunburnt work on his watch tan. And read a book. And not have a stressful day at work. And drink copious amounts of ice cold Nuka-Cola.

Yes, this should be fun.

Jenni: *blink* Whoa, deja vu. Didn't this happen in a Lounge RP, like, ten years ago?

Me: Except you were mostly unconscious for that one, as I recall. And being embarrassingly clingy.

Jenni: Er... right. *brightens up* All the more reason for a do-over, then! I have a six-year-old who needs more sun. This is happening. And screw the AU tag.

Me: Unfortunately, I'm working seven hours a day and can't really keep up with an RP. ... Interlude, maybe?

Jenni: Pff, says the woman whose sole free time "accidentally" turned into a nap last weekend. ... This isn't happening, is it?

Me: We can say it did?

Jenni: Doesn't count and you know it.

Me: Yeah, I know. Sorry. *hangs head* I gotta go eat breakfast and go to work now.

Jenni: *sigh* *pat pat* Yes you do. Off we go, then.

~Neshomeh's Head

All four of mine (Chris, Ami, Miguel, and Violet) are totally down with this. Miguel in particular, for reasons I haven't fully fleshed out yet.

I would love to join, but I won't... for obvious reasons...
I will read it, though! :)

And Alloy will be dragged along too, to confront the terrible truth of what happens when her hair gets wet.

Natasha will probably want to start a game of beach volleyball (that hopefully won't end up running on Melty Blood mechanics). Aaron, on the other hand, will just enjoy being by some water that isn't radioactive.

The only one of my teams who wouldn't want in would probably be my DF one, and even then, that's only because Ripper is -le gasp! - terrified of large bodies of water.

Of course, this being a beach episode and all, I can think of one inevitable occurrence that would no doubt befall Cupid and Backslash (who's practically summer-ready thanks to Shulk's undergarment outfit from both Xenoblade and Smash), but I don't think that'll be taken well by some of my fellow Boarders. XD

It's nice that she was amused, rather than hurt - this is why we Steve for humor over bashing! That's awesome, dude. Because I write infrastructure rather than missions, I've never had anything like this - but I did once have someone write to me a few years after I'd left them a very detailed review of everything wrong with their story (I know, I know - on the one hand, jerk move- on the other hand, she was a teenaged assassin with kills in the thousands, who outmaneuvered George Cooper and Alanna of Trebond at their peak… and I was young and hotheaded). She told me she'd been pissed for a while, but after some time looked back and realized she really had let that story get away from her, and she wanted to improve it.

I do believe, though, this may be the first time I've seen an author respond to a mission based on their fic with good humor and an edit. That's awesome! Good for her - and you.

Good times!

... but it's comprehensible, which is a step in the right direction!

D&Dverse bags of holding, Harry Potter bigger-on-the-inside storage, even Mary Poppins bags--agents carry them; they're useful. Technically, you can even use a plot hole itself for storage, but I imagine DoSAT would have to stabilize one similarly to the ones used for transportation, so you could actually rely on using it for storage rather than randomly opening up into the girls' locker room or something else equally embarrassing.

If there's a canonical way to activate such an effect without being a magic-user proper, go for it. If you can write a backstory about such an effect having been created by badfic, ditto.

Otherwise, I would go for a garden-variety bag of holding, perhaps created by a DoSAT employee mucking about with the "Connect" spell effect.

I think your question is mainly related to whether this is OP for an agent? Well, first of all is the useful rule of thumb that goes, 'if you have to ask whether it's OP or not, it probably is'. Second, you might want to look at this thread, which deals with a similar subject (how to figure whether a Sue is OP or not).

On a different note, please touch up your SPaG. As per article 11 of Da Rulez, "Thou shalt make thyself legible. Spell correctly and use good grammar to the best of your ability — remember, the PPC is a force for good writing, and that includes SPaG."

Although I don't have an answer for that, I have a solution:

If I manage to obtain the Permission before you, my agent can make yours a spell, which would enable him to summon objects from the Hammerspace. We can work out the details later...


So, wanna make a deal, kid?

Valon's vest is lined with Bags of Holding. I imagine that you can always find creative ways to keep all your gear with you.

Next to the lapping waves on the beach, a trio of large beach umbrellas are planted firmly into the ground, angled together so as to provide a wide area of shade. Under the combined canopy, Maria lounged on a reclined beach chair, her tail moving sluggishly on the sand beside her. A radio is placed on top of a cooler beside her, playing a fast tuned beat at a low volume.

“I can’t believe we’ve never gone to a nice beach like this before.” She brushed some sand off of her stomach and her bat-themed bikini. “It’s relaxing, I guess.”

Mark gave a snort, sitting on the sand before the waves and reading a thick book. He wore only green swim trunks and his battered red scarf, leaving his scarred and maimed body visible. “I’m surprised you’d be relaxed at all with the sun so bright out. I made sure to pack the dustpan, in-case you die.”

“And I have plenty of blood for reviving you. Well, I guess everyone does, but it’d be pretty impolite to go around asking for some!” Cadmar grinned and laughed, letting her head flop down on the water where she was floating in a blue one-piece swimsuit.

“Gee, what thoughtful servants I have,” Maria muttered dryly.

Their conversation fell dead, and the tunes from the radio washed over them for a few minutes.

“… I don’t recognize anyone here,” Cadmar said, looking out across the beach and the people on it. “Are we on the wrong beach?”

“No, you’re just too much of a shut-in.” Maria looked down the beach, squinting her yellow eyes from the brightness. “I recognize some people. It’s what happens when you go out to social functions.”

...her white t-shirt and staring at the water.

It wasn't that she'd never been on a beach before. Gallifrey had had them before the Time War; so did badfics. But she'd never been to one for leisure time in this regeneration, much less in her previous one, and she hadn't been much of one for beaches in her first regeneration.

Well, she decided, she was just going to have to operate off what she knew, and watch what the other agents did, and try to ignore that the last time she had swum for pleasure it had been Lan who pulled her in--

This was the life: blue skies, hot sun, plenty of sand, and no Sue to chase through any of it. There was even water; she had gleefully splashed in up to her knees, and then splashed back out in favour of getting some sun. She had managed to unearth some sunscreen, though she hadn’t managed to apply it to some parts of her back, and she had found and donned a plain blue one-piece swimsuit that she suspected belonged to her sister.

Despite the sunscreen, the sun had been making her nervous that her fair skin would burn (not to mention that she had been getting too warm), so Dawn had flopped one of the damper parts of her towel over her legs and settled in for a nice relaxing doze.

That was not, of course, to say that she would resent any interruptions…

A sound known across the multiverse. The sound of summer. The sound you spent all those long, sunny days waiting, begging to hear.

This sound.

The ice cream van powered onto the sand as if the driver was trying to roll the thing, which she probably was. The clown whose head was poking out through the sunroof waved a cheery hello to everyone on the beach.

"ICE CREAM!" Wobbles boomed. "GETCHER ICE CREAM! WE GOT EVERYTHING YOU COULD WANT AND MORE!"

"I hate you," grumbled the Notary from underneath her candy-striped uniform and cardboard server's hat as she gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles started to bleed, "but this is mostly because I currently hate everything, including ridiculous clowns that would otherwise be beneath my contempt."

So I was wondering what music would be fitting for this RP.

See, I only know three songs about beaches:

Pacific Coast Party (Smash Mouth)
When the Sun Goes Down (Kenny Chesney and Uncle Kracker)
Toes (Zac Brown Band)

Anyone have other songs that would work here?

It had taken Natasha an hour of digging through Headquarters, another half-hour of setup, and judicious application of Reinforcement magic, but she had finally done it. A rather battered-looking volleyball net had been erected on the beach, and now the tall woman was standing beside it, clad in a bikini and holding a volleyball.

"PPC Beach Volleyball tournament! Who wants to play?"

...was designed more for strutting around the beach than it was for swimming in. Not that Alloy had any particular desire to swim; Ginger had attempted to drag her into the water earlier, and Alloy was still cringing from the feeling of the wet paper sticking to her skull. Ginger had mostly ignored her after that -- the former Hermione replacement was checking her makeup in a tiny pocket mirror while she lay on a towel a few feet away.

The swimsuit in question was pink, with faux-lace hanging off of it. It was also about a size too small, but that was Ginger for you. Alloy herself was wearing the first thing she'd found -- a black one-piece swimsuit.

Ginger finally snapped the mirror closed. "Hey, 'Loy -- d'you have that book?"

Alloy clung to her copy of Men at Arms. "Yes, and I am reading it."

Ginger sighed and shook her head, sending carefully arranged hair flying back into disarray. "Look, it's cruel to lend me your books without letting me read the sequels!" She attempted to smooth her hair back down, only to find that the red curls would have none of it. "Ugh, whatever. I'd say that the Sue who gave me this hair needs to die, but she already did. Now tell me what happens with the gonne."

"Gonne?" Alloy asked. Her eyes widened. "Ginger! Spoilers! You have been reading my books while I was asleep, have you not?"

"Maybe," Ginger muttered. "Besides, I thought you were a fast reader."

"I am, when I have my glasses. You know, the ones you broke?"

"That was an accident! Just hold the book closer!"

"I am not nearsighted, you know! Just bad-sighted."

Ginger pushed herself upwards. "Yeah, fine, I know. I'm gonna go see if there's one of those dingy little snack shops around. You want anything?"

"No thank you, Ginger." Alloy flipped her book back open and squinted at the text.

((Yes, Ginger's swimsuit is a real swimsuit. It was just as appalling in person.))

(Yes, all of my agents and other characters will be present! Including the secondary characters, too. I'll be setting up four different RP starters as soon as possible. Feel free to respond to any one of them!

As for who participates in which RP, well... You'll see when I get around to posting them. :D)

Riaa stretched out her arms as she and Lana walked down onto the sand. "Ahh, what a nice day," she said happily, adjusting the soft blue shirt that served as a sundress.

Lana smiled. "Glad you're enjoying yourself."

"So, why didn't Narav want to come? Not that I'm complaining about spending time with you, I mean."

Lana shrugged, replying "I think he just doesn't like the seaside. Makes sense, I expect sand's quite hard to get out of his fur."

A tall, blond man stood a good thirty feet from the water, fully dressed in leather armor, a tunic and a heavy yellow cloak. The fact that he was shining with sweat didn't seem to bother him.

"Aw, come on, Chak, it's no fun to be at the beach if you're fully dressed!" His partner, an enormous woman with bubblegum-pink skin and ten tentacles instead of legs, slithered around him in a blue bikini top that was clearly straining under her massive chest. "Besides, you could get heatstroke!"

"I do not know what heatstroke is, Stephanie, and I do not particularly care."

((I apologize for the low quality and the in-person cameo of my shirt, but this is what Stephanie looks like. I don't have access to a scanner right now...))

was a bony teenage girl with braided red hair, wearing a long-sleeved swimsuit and board shorts. Beside her was a lean, rather handsome young man with dark gray hair and yellow eyes, dressed in a pair of navy blue swim trunks.

"This is really nice," Zeb remarked, tilting his face back to catch the sun. "Reminds me a bit of Sandgem Town--my mother used to take me to the beach in the evenings when the humans weren't around, back when I was a cub."

"We never lived near a beach when I was growing up," Rina said, digging her toes into the sand. "So it was always a treat when we went on vacation. My dad taught me how to surf. I don't suppose you've ever done that before? It feels like you're flying across the water."

"No, sorry," Zeb said with a grin. "I'll have to try it sometime." He looked over his shoulder, noting the other agents with interest. Perhaps he'd have to say hello to Tacitus sometime. "I do have a question, though."

"Yeah?"

"The other females seem to be dressed in a lot less than yourself. Why is that?"

Rina paused for a moment, then eyeballed him. "Okay, seriously? It's a bit hard filling out a top when you've got no chest to speak of."

"Oh, okay. I was merely curious." Zeb lay back on the sand and stretched out, putting his arms behind his head. "I like this. It's peaceful."

...near the tree line, a blue-rimmed portal opened and let through two people: a young man with a backpack and a Zorua. The former hauled a beach chair and a plastic cooler behind him while the Pokémon balanced a beach mat on its back and dragged a parasol in its teeth. In a few minutes' worth of set up, the portal was closed, the parasol was deployed, the beach mat unfurled, the beach chair pointed towards the ocean and sat on by one Gaspard De Grasse, and the cooler used as a footrest. Gaspard was pouring the contents of a bottle of Nuka-Cola into a dog bowl for his companion.

"Here you go, Tacitus," he said, placing the soft drink in front of the seated Pokémon. "One ice-cold Nuka-Cola, just as you like it. Thanks again for helping me secure that 24-hour leave."

Tacitus nodded curtly and immediately went to lapping his soft drink. The mute Zorua would've scribbled something along the lines of "thank you" in the writing booklet it used to communicate but nothing, nothing came in between him and his Nuka-Cola.

The human agent smiled slightly and went back to staring at the shimmering waters, sipping occasionally at the Nuka-Cola bottle in the chair's cup holder. As much as he wanted to swim, he was too comfortable to move. Opportunities like being able to sit still and relax somewhere nice were far and few between in the PPC-- might as well take advantage of them. Besides, under his hat, sunglasses, green t-shirt, and blue board shorts we was wearing enough sunscreen to block out gamma radiation; going for a swim would mean having to reapply all of that sunscreen again.

Gaspard pulled out a copy of Persepolis from his backpack and began to read. He was far enough from the others that he couldn't hear them. Tranquility at last.

...as they saw a large could of sand swirling close to them. When everything calmed down, Valon and Kala could hear two individuals arguing.

"Don't you dare hide under that hoodie all the time, old man," a cheerful female voice said. "It's time to catch some bronze for the ladies!"

"I agreed to teleport you to the beach," another voice, this time belonging to a man, replied, "I can patiently wait untill you're done playing and then we'll get back. Besides, this colour works too."

Two people have enter the beach: one was a young slender woman with shoulder-length black hair, and blue eyes hidden behind glasses, wearing a Hawaiian shirt over a black bikini. She was definitely the one having more fun. Following her was a taller man carrying a picnic basket ana a parasol. He, on the other hand, was fully clothed, with jeans, shoes and a grey hoodie over his head.

"Come on," the girl encouraged him, "do it. I dare you."

The man only dropped their equipment and sighed. "You won't stop, will you?"

After the girl shook her head, the man decided to finally remove his clothes, leaving only black swimming with a nautical star pattern. Now his messy, dark red hair, green eyes, and a small, pointy goatee could be seen. The biggest surprise was that his skin was pale. But not just simply pale. The man literally was paper-white. Even more, if that's possible. His companion covered his mouth, trying to contain laughter, before finally falling on the sand and rolling around, clutching her stomach.

"Hahaha! I-I can't..." she wheezed, trying to regain her breathing. It made the man fluster, which gave even more comical effect.

"It's not that bad," he said, but the girl had another opinion, still laughing loudly.

"It's so shiny! Hahaha!" She started punching the sand, spreading it a little around her. "The beacon of Minas Tirith! Hahahaha~! Gondor calls for aid!"

"I'll murder you, reanimate you, then murder again," the man grumbled, as he started setting up their place at the beach.

((I've decided to give a little description, since their profiles are still in the making.))

I thought it was a very good looking review. I'll have to make time to look at it in depth, later, though. Based on your quick verdict down there, I'm glad you weren't disappointed. Assuming, of course, that 'Mad' means 'Awesome' as it does in my language. In any case, I hope to see more movie reviews from you, as we seem to have a shortage of good ones.

You did a great job of being informative and evaluative without just recapping the whole thing. I thought you raised some very thoughtful points in there, too. You also managed to write a review about something you really enjoyed without just ranting about how good it was, which is a major talent. I look forward to seeing more movie reviews from you.

I feel like a bit of a weenie for asking this, but exactly how gory is it? I have much lower tolerance for live-action gore than I do animated - I'm fine with Attack on Titan and Fallout, but Kingsmen was a little too much for me. Plus, I've been wondering if my mom would like it, since she's pretty fond of action movies and car chases, but she's even more sensitive about violence than I am.

Have you seen some of the behind the scenes videos? I personally love this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zgkawcew2u8

Fun fact, Charlize Theron was actually the one who decided the War Boys would be bald. Apparently quite a few of the stunt doubles were annoyed they'd have to shave their heads for the roles.

(Actually, speaking of behind-the-scenes stuff, there was so much going on. Charlize Theron and the Wives went rolling down hills to get appropriately dirty rather than sit for hours in makeup. Hugh Keays-Byrne was Team Dad to all the War Boy actors and hung up motivational posters. Charlize Theron taught the actor playing Nux how to knit and he made Christmas presents. Tom Hardy made bracelets for people. And best of all (IMO) the stunt doubles for Max and Furiosa actually fell in love and are now married with a kid.)

...I gotta say, you keep calling the Many Mothers' land the Green Land. It's the Green Place, darnit! (*pedant pedant*)

"Women are treated almost like livestock" nope, not even almost. They are livestock in the eyes of Joe and the Citadel.

Mad Max Fury Road really isn't in a timeline with the other Mad Max movies. There are bits of continuity - the Interceptor, Max having a leg brace, Max's leather jacket (which is apparently the same one Mel Gibson wore!) - but in Miller's own words, the Mad Max movies are more like... legends of the man called Mad Max, rather than a straightforward narrative.

1) Having differences in the catalogues could be good, and might even add to the replay value of the game. Are you thinking of giving entries on different topics for the different factions, or giving entries with different viewpoints on the same topic (or a mix)?

One thing that I will caution you on, regardless of exactly how you implement the catalogue, is not to spend too long on it. The only game I play with a big system like this is Star Wars: The Old Republic, which has an in-game codex. You get new entries the first time you enter a new area, the first time you encounter a new species, and upon interacting with certain key individuals. And you know what? My first play session, when my Imperial Agent was making his way through Hutta, I stopped and read every single one. My second play session, and every session afterwards, I didn't read any of them - because they interrupted the gameplay.

If you want your players to get this information, the best way to do it would be to bring it up in game: through narration, dialogue, plot coupons, etc. Having some extra detail for the players that want it will certainly be a nice bonus for them, but you'll probably find that the people who read through every entry are a minority. Your time will almost certainly be better spent on core game aspects.

2) I agree with Des: show, don't tell. I'm assuming you've already heard the phrase 'one death is a tragedy, a million is a statistic'. You're asking which one has the most impact. Honestly, none of them have that much impact. You're asking me to imagine the deaths of tens of millions of people in one go - I can't even image ten million people all standing together in one space. It's just too big a number for me to get my head around. I'm not really going to care about them.

If you want impact, then your audience has to have an emotional investment - you need to make it personal.

Show us a soldier. Show him going through training, and how he spends longer being trained than he survives in his first fight. Then show us that his situation is hardly unique.

3) The answer to this question depends on exactly what you mean by 'prepare the students to defend the school against the enemy'. Are you meaning that they will be preparing (by learning to shoot) and that they will then defend the school (and everything else around) by fighting on far-flung battlefields so that the enemy never gets near the school? Or are you meaning that the school itself is in danger of being directly attacked?

In the first case, there is no reason to have live ammo lying around (and as Des has pointed out, some very compelling reasons not to have it).

In the second case, I can't see how they would be able to actually defend the place without live ammo. Training them up to do so, then withholding the actual weapons that they would need, would be a fairly pointless exercise.

- Irish

1) If you mean 'different factions see different things', well, on one hand, it makes the separate factions more interesting, but on the other hand it might make things annoying.
2) A million is a statistic. Show, don't tell.
3) None-training ammunition + children = dead people. It's stupid and not very safe, ICly. It says something about the people running the school, I reckon.

Well, since you already have three people, I don't think you need more betas, but, due to the continuum your mission is set in, there's still something that I need to ask you. I cannot tell more details here, so contact at me at my username above plus Gmail.

Although how much help I can be rather depends on what continuum your mission is in.

For future reference, mentioning the canon(s) involved when you ask is useful, as it lets people know if they can help or not. Likewise, mentioning any special skills you'd like, such as someone to check punctuation if you're not completely confident in your own SPaG, or some to Britpick, is worthwhile. Just helps people judge how useful they're going to be able to be.

Also, PoorCynic's beta reading workshop gives some details on how the process generally works.

- Irish