Jun 2015 Archive, part b

Are you leaving these Easter eggs intentionally because you realized that I may not comment if I don’t find at least one? And everybody else ignores them, because they know that they are for me? Is this a conspiracy?

The Sue begged for him to take him along, and after only minimal argument, he agreed.
You probably meant "to take her along".

She already was, biting back a screech of indignation when the canons started asking the Sue if they could tell them about the future in store for them.
Don’t we know the Sue’s gender? You probably meant "if she could tell".

Also, I had a weird experience with this sentence:
Rina pressed her face into the snow as a wave of out-of-whack time sense-induced nausea hit her.

The apparent necessity to emphasize the time sense induced nausea’s sense-induced nature by connecting these two words with a hyphen forced me to think about it and to look back to remember what sense we are talking about. Apparently it is the time-sense that is out of whack – no, wait, is it the out-of-whack time that – ah, what did it do again?

It is impossible to forget what I read and do a real comparison getting the same information for the first time from another version of this sentence, but I feel like "time sense induced nausea" wouldn’t have made me trip and stall like this. Of course this may be a not-being-a-native-reader thing, and other readers may see it differently.

Huh, a lot of words for such a tiny thing like a hyphen.

HG

My favorite bits have to be the creeper joke, the seals (just... seals), the povs (I want one!), and of course, the Reality Room execution by frostbite.

However, uh... The agents ducked behind some bushes, watching the Sue pick berries and talking to herself about how she shouldn’t get involved in Sokka’s love life.

I believe that for the sake of parallelism, that should be "watching the Sue pick berries and talk to herself".

.
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THE SEAL JOKE! Hahaha! Oh, I love you so much... (Although I'd imagine Zeb would make seal-Pokemon reference: Spheal, Dewgong, etc.)
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Yay~! I love the Reality Room punishments! They're so fun :3
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And a drink after a job well done! Nice :D

snrf

*waddle waddle waddle*

snrfsnrf

*scritch*

...

*contented yawn*

snrf

*falls asleep*

Well, I just read almost all of that. "Almost" meaning I had to skip the last few paragraphs and then read the last one. Thankfully it was short. Yeah, I don't know who would do it.

(Maybemebutidonthavepermissionyet.)

I'm not sure which department would be the one to handle this, but I'm definitely not touching this one with a Macedonian sarissa (which is like a ten-foot pole, but bigger and pointier).

I mean... Underage sex AND bestiality at the same time? No. My body wasn't ready. No, not at all. *scrambles for the Bleeprin*

He was a remarkable actor with a fascinating life. May his talent and body of works continue to inspire others for decades to come.

Christopher Lee Sings Treebeard's Song

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I'm sorry, I need a moment...
*crosses out Sir Lee's name in his 'To-ask-for-an-autograph' List*

Sigh...

I loved him as Saruman and Dooku. I never saw him as Dracula, though.

I'm sure you made the other Knights proud. (The Bachelor Knights is a group in England, comprised of only men who never marry and who are famous actors well into their old age. They are knighted by the monarch and given the title of "Sir" as initiation.)

He played mostly villains, but he made them memorable. He acted them well. Bravo, Sir Lee. The world will not soon forget you.

He actually died "on 7 June 2015 at 8:30 am after being admitted for respiratory problems and heart failure shortly after celebrating his 93rd birthday in hospital," according to Wikipedia.

But I had to.

I don't have the stomach for this... no pun intended.

NSFW, NSFB (unless you're into vore), freaky as hell, and unlike most MonMusu fanfic, everyone is severely out of character.

I couldn't make it past the third chapter.

You can add to your previous threads, there's no need to push threads off the front page.

Make that urple prose as obnoxious as possible. Then compare between the beige and urple prose, and balance it all out.
I'm not sure if my suggestion will help, but I hope it does.

I know I struggle with describing actions and not letting things turn into an MST, with nothing but dialogue. But dialogue is a major way to portray character interaction, and it would be very weird if there isn't any.

One thing you could try doing if you want to move away from a style you think you overuse is to force yourself to write in the opposite style. For example, I made myself write a fight scene to get away from Talking Head Syndrome. So if you think you need to work on adding more dialogue, try doing a scene that's nothing but dialogue. It's not necessarily a better style, but it'll make you branch out.

Basically, I'd reckon unless our hypothetical Thomas is a Trappist monk in a Trappist monastery, such narration should be avoided. People talk and not showing that kinda makes stories seem weird.

Eh, adult or not, we still love you :)

/hands over present containing Swiss Bleepolate, sparklers (unlit), shiny things, and an official Key to the Wiki/

Mazal tov :) I hope you had an absolutely fantastic day yesterday (yes, even at work), and I wish you a great year ahead, full of ideas, writing time in which to use the ideas, and lots of fun.

~DawnFire

I might have sat on the cake a bit though...

The gift is right there, I can't exactly move it. *points at the other post*

Have a replica Escafil device! Unfortunately, it won't turn you into an Animorph, but perhaps you can use it to lure an Animorphs Sue into a trap!

Have some cake! Don't worry, it's NOT a lie. ;)

Here's a replica of the sweet, sweet birthday hat from Animal Crossing: New Leaf!

GRAB THE CHAIR, BOYS! WE'VE GOT ANOTHER BUCKET-KICKER!!!

*LET THE SONG BEGIN!*

~So have another cigarette,
Have another beer,
Raise your glass to one more year.~ (GONE!)

Accompanied by a quintet of origami dragons varying in size and colour.

Here's some of General Iroh's jasmine tea and some Lava Cookies to go with it!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
HOPE NOBODY MAKES YOU NLUE
AND YOUR CAKE DOESN'T EXPLODE IN GOO!

*blows noisemakers*

And that makes your birthday one day short of a month after mine!

By the way, I personally don't consider people old until they're 50.

Unless the fic you're sporking is a) really short (less than four thousand words) and b) really beige, you'd want to quote as little as possible.
That said, it's a case-by-case thing and I can't say anything else without knowing what you're talking about. That said, what I usually do - with any fic I come to spork - is C/P its text to a GDoc, read it thoroughly, and note charges in comments; afterwards I try to figure out which charges are important and which charges are so heinous they deserve a quote.

It's really hard to judge what's too much and what's balanced without actually seeing it. If you have someone with more mission-writing experience go over it, they can give you more specific advice.

If I had to give a general suggestion, it would be to restate some of it in your own words, and try to only quote really bad instances that you want to make sure the reader sees.

I highly encourage you to talk to SkarmorySilver and check out Karalora's fanfic "Crowns of the Kingdom". I recommend the fanfic because in addition to an awesome adventure through Disneyland, the author makes sure to let the readers know where she gets her information from at the end of various chapters. That should help you find out more about the parks and stuff. :)

I'd recommend checking out the Nostalgia Critic's Disneycember videos. They're fun, and you'll pick up some interesting trivia.

As for the question of minis, my first thought is the demons from the "Night on Bald Mountain" segment in Fantasia. If you subscribe to the "Friends and the High Council" theory (which I find amusing), Chernabog is the biggest bad in the unified Disney multiverse, so what better to use than his minions?

Alternatively, every film is its own universe and gets its own minis. Have fun with that!

~Neshomeh

…achieve true love so quickly? And why it wouldn't work in real life (as shown when the students practice and fail)?

But wait! What kind of Minis will you use? There are many monsters in the land of Disney, after all.

Just really friendly. I met people like him in that regard. As long as you keep stuff probable, you're golden, I think.

I'd like to look over her section, but sure. My email's on my Wiki page.

Item #: SCP-3130

Object Class: Safe Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3130 is to be stored in a Type-2 humidity- archival storage unit.... -an opaque envelope to prevent accidental obser... . Personnel exposed to- ... transportation or testing … … be treated with standard sleep aides, and report -daily psychiatric …. …. -until symptoms subside.

Addendum 3130-2009-A: All documentation pertaining to SCP-3130 is to be inspected for data loss on a weekly basis by a member of Level 1 administrative personnel. In the event- …is observed, the-... Officer for SCP-3130 is to restore missing sections from memory as soon as...

Description: SCP-3130 is a digital photograph printed onto... --quality gloss photographic paper, depicting a human body- - [REDACTED] section of- -roadway. Persons viewing the photograph are consistently unable to describe the condition of the body, other than- … downward. Additionally, for one to two weeks- … of the photograph, affected subjects will experience vivid auditory and visual hallucinations when attempting to sleep. The content of... … is variable, but all depict at least one [DATA EXPUNGED].

...- -a-... … approved subject D-176523 “Lucy” for tes- … no results of note.

- in the bottom right corner identifies SCP-3130 as a crime-scene photograph taken by the ██PD Forensics Department- … the murder of ███████ Downey. An accompanying timestamp indicates the photograph was taken on Friday, June 06, 2001 at 11:59 PM. Despite ███████ Downey- -pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics at 9:24 PM, experts in [REDACTED] analysis employing SCP-███ on the name ███████ Downey consistently retrieve a time of death of exactly 12:00 AM. Although all ██PD- -the case appear to have been lost, interviews with... -...tectives indicate that while the cause of death was identified as [REDACTED], no suspects were -... …and the case was abandoned as cold at some point in late 2002. No officers- -any indication of anomalous phenomena.

Addendum 3130-2009-B: A routine sweep of Foundation archives on ██/██/2009 revealed that small and seemingly random portions of documentation relating to SCP-3130 had been erased by unknown means. Erasures were identical across all digital and hardcopy backups, and system logs recorded no activity relating to SCP-3130 between ██/██/2004 and ██/██/2009. Reclassification to Euclid submitted and approved.

"I'm still confused by this new fanfic script," said Voldemort, flipping through the pages. "'The four and the feared and the loved will rise'? How do we both rise?"

"Right," said Harry. "And who are the four? The Marauders are mostly dead, and they were really more of a five."

A massive portal opened and a U.S. destroyer sailed into the hallway. "I believe destroyers were called for?" asked a soldier on board.

"Certainly not," explained Voldemort, "it specifically says no cannons."

The soldier frowned. "All right. I'll try for some submarines, then."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Ron, bash him."

Ron Weasley leaped on board the ship and began pounding the soldier.

"Ah," said Voldemort. "I do love a good Ron bashing."

—doctorlit was at the U.S.S. Arizona memorial today; does it show?

5) Love Cycle by Stranger4EverBlaBlaHaha
:) My own story... Dare to copy it... or I will you will die! :3

6) Destiel Daycare by ilovegayfanfiction
DESTIEL Cas is the Daycare manager and sam is grieving over his wife Jessica's death and is leaving the care of his child to Dean. Dean is overloaded and takes his niece to the daycare WHERE CAS WORKS. My first fic. reviews and comments appreciated. I also need a beta. Evidently.

7) Hobbes and Bacon by LittleLovingWriter
Calvin has grown up, and now has a daughter named Bacon. Her best friend? Everyone's favorite tiger- Hobbes! What kind of adventures will the two get themselves into? Read and find out!

8) Prologue- Hermini's Mistake by Ilovewarriorcats-dealwithit
Who knew if you were bored enough to walk all the way to the edge of Ron Wesley's Backyard, you could fine A Vast forest With a fresh water Lake At the center. But Who knew That Four clans of cats Will soon be ripped apart, all because of hermini's one, Big, Mistake. Please note K rating because mention of nudity. -that's about it.

For the first one:

"I'm sorry, Dumbledore's gone where?" Madam Pomphrey tapped her foot, a sure sign of impatience.

"To 'far'," replied Professor McGonagall. "Although," she added dryly, "why he would go to a place with a name which lacks a capital letter is entirely beyond me. Perhaps it has something to do with those possessions of Mr. Weasley's which are not good; if not, then I can only assume the Headmaster was in too much of a hurry to bother with the rules of capitalization."

"Did he happen to mention when he would be back?" the school nurse asked.

The Deputy Headmistress shook her head. "I'm afraid not, Pomona."

Madam Pomphrey scowled. "Typical. Right when I've had beds vandalized, the Headmaster takes a holiday."

"Vandalized?" McGonagall repeated sharply.

The nurse's scowl deepened. "Yes, vandalized, Minerva. Three of the beds have 'this is non-cannon' scrawled across them in capital letters. Two of the walls have 'I own nothing but my plot' in the same."

"Well," the Transfiguration teacher said briskly, "perhaps it was a patient. After all, anyone else would surely find it obvious that beds are not cannons." At Madam Pomphrey's completely unimpressed look, she added, "Or perhaps another of Mr. Weasley's rogue possessions is to blame. I will speak with him."

--
And there I'm ending, with apologies for not really concluding (and, for that matter, not using even most of the elements of the summary. Should someone else wish to write a different take on this one, you're welcome to.)

Also, wow, it's been a while since I wrote HP fanfic. But that was fun :)

~DF

(It's traditional to give the titles and assign numbers, but hey, I'm not complaining: it's Fill the Plothole!)

"Please, this photo was taken in the sixth of June."

Lucy looked up from the stamp of approval freshly imprinted on her hand. "Um, was it?"

"That is, Friday."

Lucy looked at the white-haired man, baffled, then down at the picture. "Er, right. At nighttime, yes?"

"Approved Lucy guesses."

"I do? I mean, I do." Lucy looked closer at the picture. "So... about midnight, I guess? From the, y'know, darkness..."

"Yes, at 23:59... weird little..."

"Hey!" Lucy folded her arms, flashing her stamp. "I'm approved, you know! That means I'm certified not weird!"

"I sigh he finished."

"... is that an apology?" Lucy looked the man up and down. "Look, who are you, anyway?"

"Very strange... Wait..."

The man turned on his heel and walked away. Lucy gaped after him. "I'm not strange!" she yelled. "I'm approved! And I'm not little, either-"

The man stopped in the doorway, then turned with a weirdly mechanical movement. As he retraced his steps towards Lucy, she couldn't help but notice that every pace was identical in every way. The only thing that changed was the swirl of the air currents through his hair.

He held out the photo, exactly as before. "She sat on a chair. Pulling the paper out of the bag, she started flipping pages and dark, pointing to the paper, began to read:"

Lucy stared at the picture. Sure enough, the girl shown in it was sitting on a chair, reading in the dark. "So... is she missing? Do you need to find her? Look, if she's in trouble, I'll forgive the 'weird' comments-"

"Experts have found out that the girl's death came at midnig-"

The man stopped. No: he froze, his mouth open, his tongue flexed in mid-syllable. Even his hair was static now, caught in the pattern the air con had given it.

Lucy reached out as if to touch the man, then thought better of it. She didn't know which would be worse: if his skin was hard and immobile, or if it yielded under her fingers. Instead, she snatched the photo from his loose grip.

"Right," she said, "well. I'll... I'll look into it. Um. Yes. Gotta go now." And she fled, leaving the man where he stood, staring into nothingness.

~

That was fun. ^_^

hS

I like the descriptions of the magic, especially.

While I'm here, you know that castle you wanted? Any idea where you'd like to build it? The map's wide open.

hS

Because I feel no desire to give me into his hands, but I must report a small mistake:

“Well,” he he said, then paused.
One "he" too much.

The song creating a lilac is sweet. And your talk about the price that must be paid for magical power made me wonder what the hermit may have sacrificed for his apparent expertise in Apparition and Invisibility. It may be the ability to stay visible and in one place for an extended period of time.

HG

Cuz, you know, popular demand and all that.

On the off chance this does become a regular thing, you guys should know that there are only ten slots in a level three dropdown like the Prominent Agents one. Rina makes nine. There's room for one more before there will also have to be a vote on who to knock OFF the list to make room for a new agent.

~Neshomeh

I selected the agents on that dropdown based on who'd been nominated as Featured Agents in the old system, where they had to be nominated by other people and not self-selected. From that list, I went with ones that represent a wide variety of departments and/or have spin-offs that I feel are particularly worth reading to get a solid handle on the PPC. So, unless y'all wanna come up with some other method of selection that covers those bases and is fair, not so much?

~Neshomeh

It seems that my explanations have gone down well with at least two Boarders, but you haven't replied yet.

Not to sound net, but how did I do? Did I answer your question OK? Or was I completely unintelligible?

OK then. To catch everyone up:

Translatin: tutis illorum vos diligo , proeliator illi quisnam can't pugna pro themselves , angelus ut vigilo super totus.

English (after DawnFire bravely strove to make sense of GTranslate’s translation of the Translatin): protector of those you love, champion/warrior of those who cannot fight for themselves, an angel to watch over everyone.

We’re two parts in, and our running translation so far is defensrix illorum quos diligis, propugnatrix illorum qui pro se non pugnare possunt

One last part to go: angelus ut vigilo super totus.

9) angelus
That’s the word for “angel”. Absolutely no problem here.

10) ut
The word is correct; ut is the word for “to” when it is used to introduce certain types of clauses. (If you know French, think of this ut as akin to the French afin que.) However, any student of Latin knows to be wary when ut rears its head, as it usually requires the upcoming verb to be in the subjunctive mood. Of course, if GTranslate cannot even get the indicative mood right, don’t even put your hopes up for seeing a correctly-conjugated subjunctive.

11) vigilo
Again, lazy translating. Vigilo is the verb for “watch,” but I reiterate that GTranslate didn’t even try to conjugate it: vigilo means "I watch."

Question is: what do we need to conjugate this verb to?

To figure this out, let’s unpack the English a bit. The full sentence reads, in relevant part, “[Y]ou shall be … an angel to watch over everyone.” The sense is “you shall be an angel so that you may watch over everyone.” In other words, vigilo needs to be conjugated to second person singular present subjunctive active. That is vigiles.

12) super
Wrong word. “Super” means “over” in the sense of “on top of.” Of course, this is not what we are looking for here; we want the preposition that is part of the verb phrase “to keep watch over [someone].” Here, I will admit that I do not know for sure, but my best guess is pro. If someone is willing to confirm or correct me, I'd gladly appreciate it.

13) totus
Wrong word. Totus means “all” in the sense of “entirety.” We want “all” in the sense of “everyone.” That is the word omnes. The object of the preposition pro must be in the ablative case, though, so omnes declines to omnibus.

Fit the words in their proper places, and (assuming that I used the proper preposition in this last part) we have all three titles properly translated: defensrix illorum quos diligis, propugnatrix illorum qui pro se non pugnare possunt, angelus ut vigiles pro omnibus.

And with that, class dismissed!

OK then. To catch everyone up:

Translatin: tutis illorum vos diligo , proeliator illi quisnam can't pugna pro themselves , angelus ut vigilo super totus.

English (after DawnFire bravely strove to make sense of GTranslate’s translation of the Translatin): protector of those you love, champion/warrior of those who cannot fight for themselves, an angel to watch over everyone.

We’ve gone through the first part and now know that a more proper translation would be defensrix illorum quos diligis

Are we all caught up? Good. Off to the next part: proeliator illi quisnam can't pugna pro themselves

3) proeliator
Proeliator is an actual word meaning “fighter.” GTranslate got it right. No issues here.
Of course, feel free to look in WORDS if you want another word. Since you think that the English is going for “champion,” I’d prefer propugnatrix (remember that the hearer is female).

4) illi
Declension fail. And you had it right just a few words ago, GTranslate! Illi is the masculine singular dative form of the reflexive pronoun ille. The word needed here is the masculine plural genitive: illorum.

5) quisnam
OrangeYoshi99 hit it right on the head again. This is an interrogative pronoun: “who then?” The correct pronoun is the relative pronoun, which I’ve introduced you to in Part I. Since the relative pronoun is the subject of its clause here, we need the nominative masculine plural: qui

6) can’t
Why didn’t you even try, GTranslate?

There is a word in Latin for “can,” as in “to be able.” It is possum. Conjugate to third person plural present active indicative, and you get possunt.

To negate a verb, just add non before it. So “they cannot” becomes non possunt.

7) pugna
Pugna is the noun for “a fight.” We are looking for the verb “to fight.” And since the word “fight” is following the word “can,” it needs to be in the infinitive mood: pugnare.

8) pro themselves
So close, yet so far, GTranslate! Anyone who’s been in court may already know the term for “for himself”: it’s pro se. That’s what we need here.

Given that Latin has a case system, word order is a lot freer in Latin than in English. But in general, Latin syntax is subject-object-verb. So we need to mess with the syntax a bit to put the words in their proper places: propugnatrix illorum qui pro se non pugnare possunt

So our running translation thus far is: defensrix illorum quos diligis, propugnatrix illorum qui pro se non pugnare possunt

First and foremost, major kudos for wrapping your brain around the task of trying to make sense out of the badfic Translatin.

That aside, let's look at how badly the author/Google Translate botched it up now that I have some English to work off of. I want to make this manageable, so I'll chop this into multiple parts.

I'll warn you right now: there will be a lot of grammar terms bandied about. If you have no idea what a word means, please ask.


*ahem*
*taps ruler onto chalkboard*

First off, let's reiterate what our author supposedly meant to write: "protector of those you love, champion/warrior of those who cannot fight for themselves, an angel to watch over everyone."

Now for the Translatin: "tutis illorum vos diligo, proeliator illi quisnam can't pugna pro themselves, angelus ut vigilo super totus."


Before I go on, I must thank Matt Cipher: I had no idea about the term "negative transfer." There's quite a bit of it here, and that term will be quite useful.

Off we go:

1) tutis
First off, I have little idea where GTranslate got tutis. Most likely is that GTranslate tried to use the verb tueor (to protect) or the adjective tutus (safe, protected). However, tutis is nowhere close to meaning "protector." I won't bother you with the possible parsings: suffice it to say that you can conjugate tueor to get tutis, and you can also decline tutus to get tutis as well.

But how to say "protector"? Well, if we want to work off of the verb tueor, the word for protector is tutor.
However, that might throw an Anglophone off, so what other words can we use for "protector"?
A look in any good dictionary (BTW, I highly recommend Whitaker's WORDS; it's the program I use) will give quite a few options. One that would resonate more with English speakers would be defensor. So let's go with that.

2) illorum vos diligo
And we see negative transfer at work: illorum for “of those” (nice job actually declining for once, GTranslate!); vos for “you”, and diligo for “love”.

Illorum for "of those" is actually correct.
Ille is the demonstrative pronoun "that." "Of those [people]" requires ille to be declined to genitive masculine plural. (Just like French, a group of people is referred to by the masculine plural unless the group is composed totally of females.) And the genitive masculine plural of ille is, indeed, illorum.

But that's where GTranslate begins and ends being correct in this clause.

Just like Spanish, personal pronouns are optional for conjugating verbs. And since the speaker is talking to one person, the pronoun used here is wrong. OrangeYoshi picked up on that: vos is plural. The correct pronoun here is tu. But as I said, it is optional; Latin mainly uses the pronoun for emphasis, and we don't need it here.

As for diligo, it seems that this is more fodder for the belief that GTranslate utterly fails at conjugating Latin verbs. Sometimes it tries (and fails), and other times it doesn't even try. This time, it didn't even try.
Go to any Latin dictionary and look up a verb, and you'll find that the entries look something like this: “natō, natāre, natāvī, natatus: swim” The parts that I put in italics are the principal parts of the verb. (Akin to “swim, swam, swum.” in Englishj)
However, unlike other languages' dictionaries, Latin dictionaries' verb entries start with the first person singular present indicative active, as opposed to the present active infinitive.

Why did I say all that? To underscore how wrong GTranslate got it when it simply plugged in diligo for “love.” It would be akin to it plugging in aimer in a French translation. It’s even worse since diligo is a finite verb: it means “I love”! So GTranslate gave “to those protected of those ye I love”—utter nonsense. (Since we’re dealing with a language that distinguishes between singular and plural “you,” I’ll use “thou” and “ye” to distinguish in the English translations.)

So, how to fix it?

First off, we need to expose a word that GTranslate missed because it was hiding in the English. The English is “protector of those you love.” More properly, it’s “protector of those whom you love.” GTranslate missed the “whom.” The relative pronoun in Latin is qui. Here, we need it to be accusative masculine plural: quos.

Next: “you love.” As I said, the pronoun is unneeded. Using diligo for “love”, second person singular present indicative active gives diligis.

OK, I said a lot, so let’s summarize what I’ve said so far.

The English: “protector of those you love.”
The Translatin: tutis illorum vos diligo
The problems:
* tutis is the wrong word, no matter how you slice it
* GTranslate, being not human, did not detect the hidden relative pronoun
* vos is the wrong number
* diligo is conjugated wrong
A correctly-done Latin translation: defensor illorum quos diligis


I won’t add the summary to the later parts, but I will keep a running translation as we go through the sentence.

It looks like a few Latin-student PPCers have joined since I last looked for fellow Latin learners, and the bits of advice you're getting are, for the most part, right.

But unless I'm mistaken, you want to get into the nitty-gritty of the depth of GTranslate fail here. I'm working on that as we speak, and will actually have a real translation at the end, but as it will be quite a long post, expect it to be a few hours before I'm done.

What happened, it looks like, is they ran the sentence through a translator program, thus can't and themselves are in English; presumably, it couldn't handle contractions or reflexive pronouns. Not only did they just Google Translate a phrase into a language they don't speak, they didn't bother to read through the results and realize it didn't all translate.

...safe of those you (more than one "you" to be exact, Latin makes that distinction, English does not) love, warrior of that who (note that this "who" is used only in questions, and this is definitely a statement) can't fight in front of themselves, angel so that I watch on the whole. (you can put man here if you want.)

So in other words, it makes no sense at all.

This expression is a classical example of a negative transfer, where the rules and the principles of your native language (L1) influence your translation of the foreign language (L2).

Yes, carus unus does literally mean 'dear one', but it has several mistakes:

Carus is a masculine nominative meaning (who?) 'beloved'. It is used only to men. Calling a woman your beloved would be cara.

Another thing - unus does mean 'one', but as a numeral (one, two, three - unus, duo, tres), not as a pronoun (the big one; the green one; etc.)

So, yeah, in conclusion - this is a failed attempt. The author could've used so many actual expressions: carissime, dilecti, etc.
======================

Well, what do you know - it was worth studying linguistics. Gimme a moment, I may be able to analyze the longer problem.

My family's going to Arizona to visit my cousins then; we should spend a day together at doctorlit's zoo! I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to convince the parental units. *knock on wood* foofooman3 and I are already plotting. :)

If you need to contact me for any reason (or if you just want to chat; I'm more than happy to talk about anything), you can still reach me by email. It's DBooker67 at Google's mail service.

I wish you safe travels.

And while I'm at it, I'll also be going to a conference on Sunday and I won't be back until Wednesday night, so for those of you who are currently co-writing with me or have plans to do so, please be patient until I return!

...Is that the villain doesn't think he's the villain at all. He's the hero of his own story, and in that story, you are the villain. Think about what this person wants, why they're willing to do what they do to get it, what might have led them down this path. Behind every monster is a living, breathing person who probably didn't just wake up one morning and go, "today, I shall be evil!"

The best thing to do if you want to write good villains is to read the ever wonderful Evil Overlord List because that will never lead you wrong.
Personally, I think a villain who knows what he is doing is wrong and crazy but does it for the kicks anyways is the creepiest villain.

I'm told that villains give zero ...s about anything. Other than themselves, their goal, and/or their family, of course.

Play with the design of your character, too. The Uncanny Valley is a close ally. If the character looks just a little bit off--their skin is too smooth, for example, or they rarely ever blink--that can evoke a powerful negative response.

... mostly because there are so many different types of villain that fit better or worse depending on the narrative. A few general tips:

Some villains, like serial killers, are frightening because of who they are. Others are frightening because of what they represent, where villainy is as much carried out by their faction/minions/whatever as themselves. Note that this doesn't mean such a villain necessarily has to be some kind of behind-the-scenes puppet master- they can be significant, visible badasses in and of themselves, so long as they also represent kind of the natural pinnacle of their faction's power.

To showcase the threat of what a villain will do if not stopped, they usually have to be in a position where they have come at least partway to doing what they actually want. They don't have to have won, but for a faction it's generally a good idea for them to have controlled at least some territory, and if they have something in particular they plan to do, if it's something less final than destroying the planet or whatever (see, Omnicidal Maniac) it's usually a good idea for them to have done it successfully at at least one point prior.

Villains with strong "acting" are always a nice touch, but it's not strictly necessary. Tevos T'sael from Palaven's Dogs was just a sleazy politician with relatively little screen time, but that played to her advantage when she discusses the extermination/enslavement of the turian people just as blandly as she does her newest trade proposal.

So, ultimately, creating a villain is a very broad challenge, and without knowing more about what goes on in this game there's no easy answer. Usually, when I can't think of anything, I tend to plan out what the villain doesN/i> to move the plot forward, then see how I can use that to make them see villainous (which is how Tevos came into being, above).


Also, a side note. It seems like a lot of media these days (mostly fan, although the last Mad Max movie was also extremely guilty of this), seem to think that making a villain or villain faction ludicrously sexist is enough to make them threatening. I've always found this to be a bit of a cheap substitute for actual characterization, and it usually leaves me just sort of snorting disdainfully about how these troglodytes could possibly have made it into a position of importance as opposed to being scared or angry at them.

Depending on the title, make it true. The creepier it is, the better. For example, Ugnatt Trunn from "Lord Brocktree" by Brian Jacques had the title of "He Who Drinks Blood from the Skulls of His Enemies." Not a page after this name was first written was Trunn handed a hollowed-out weasel's skull, with blood in it, to sip. It was mostly for the image, it turned out, but still, it was creepy when you didn't know that.

Wait, you're making a video game? Awesome! I hope it goes well for you.

I don't know if I'd describe them as chilling, but personally, I really like villains that have understandable motivations but absolutely no morals. Whether their goals are noble (making the world a better place, getting revenge for the death of a loved one) or selfish (money, power), they're something the audience can recognize. But they're willing to cross the line with their behavior. Basically, the kind of villain that you can almost, but not quite, understand completely.

Also, villains who do have really clever plans. This is a little more subjective, but I'll admire a villain a lot more if he can outwit his opponents. The same's true for the heroes, too.

This may or may not get a tad opinionated. I'm not as well versed in popular media as I'd like to be but I know of some really good examples that I feel are worth sharing.

My idea of a genuinely creepy antagonist is one who knows and understands you on a personal level, or vice versa. The former because he is not only relatable to you but also knows how to well and truly ruin you, and the latter because you get the sense that this could be you, or at least someone you know. How either of these can be expressed in the character can vary depending on the writer and the audience but in general they are basically the incarnations of things that the viewer is afraid of, and those that have the potential to damage them on a personal level can be especially terrifying. Especially if they have the public backing them up. For example, my idea of a truly scary villain would play on my own fear of losing face due to exposure of my personal faults, with said character broadcasting the hero's worst secrets to the entire world and getting everyone to hate them. Or, if the reader fears being wrongfully accused by the masses, Tumblr style, the villain could spread hateful rumors among the populace with a similar result.

On the flipside, there’s also the villain who could very easily turn up in real life and affect the people around them no less differently than their fictional counterpart. That's why Dolores Umbridge is so widely hated because really, who HASN'T had at least one teacher as despicable as her? Another good starting point could be emotional manipulation in that the villain convinces the heroes that they are in the wrong, even if it's not true, which is something that happens a lot in real life as well. Again, if the character has a public reputation and following, even better, since those who admire the character could easily turn against you if you try to speak against their idol.

By the way, you don’t have to worry about projecting your own fears into a scary villain, because lots of writers do that in canon, and I know I would. The key is to make sure your audience can also relate to whatever makes your villain so frightening. In my opinion, if there's anything a good book or movie must be, it's engaging. And the same goes for the characters of these works, antagonistic or otherwise.

The PPC in fact started with such, and it's only been in the last few years really that the majority of people have gone with creating utterly new characters for being their starting agents rather than using some version of themself as one of their starting agents.

TOS is rooted in such, as are plenty of older spin-offs.

The instant they join the PPC, their experiences and yours start to diverge. The changes will be small at first, but the longer they stay in the PPC, the more they'll begin to grow into their own character. It can get a bit difficult at times reminding yourself, the further you go along, that they aren't going to be getting the same real-world experiences that you, their author, are getting as you go on with your life and they do their job.

Look at Agent Trojanhorse. She started off as a SI. but she's gotten so much development she and her author are two completely different people. Look at Agent Rina. She's not diverged too much from me, personality-wise, but her insanity is definitely growing and it's only a matter of time before she snaps it's going to play a huge part in her character development. By the time I'm done with her, the only things we'll have in common will be our origins and our fandoms.

Oh, and to answer your question: Yes, there are self-insert agents. ;)

Long answer, people sometimes play a caricature of themselves meant to be entertaining. I know that this might be something I'll try, since my flaws would be hilarious when exaggerated. In fact, this is really more a testament to the PPC's general amount of skill when compared to other fansites, considering how easy it is to make yourself into a sue without even realizing it. It takes an incredible amount of both humility and self-awareness to play an unbiased version of oneself. I encourage you to try it, because it can be quite fun if you do it right.

Some people play completely weird agents, which can be interesting if done well and nightmarish X-man Sues on the hypothetical occasion that they are done poorly. Some people play themselves, which has the same risks. However, there's also the option of creating an agent who isn't you necessarily, but some other everyday human.

Often times the present themselves as caricatures of the writer. But others like the more fantastical approach. I think the general rule is as long as it is a well written character and not a Sue (though I do not think the two are anything but mutually exclusive), you can really do what ever. And of course assuming it fits the tone of the PPC.

But keep in mind that here on the board, we are essentially who we are. There might be some differences, but for the most part the board is essentially a place where you can be who you are. The agents are the characters you create for the stories you write or the RP's you want them to take place in. So I hope that answers your question.

“Great,” Zeb said, rolling his eyes and the Sue and Sierra began squealing over various things.
This sounds weird. Why are different actions performed by different people parts of the same sentence?

He helped Rina though into the next scene, where the Sue was visiting the Oracle to get the prophecy from canon.
I assume you meant "He helped Rina through" [the portal].

HG

It's always satisfying to read a good mission. I'm not into Percy Jackson but I had this surge of "ah yes" when everything was returned to canon.

I enjoyed this nevertheless! I like your writing style.

It's always gratifying to see another Sue get taken down, and this one was... well, it felt like the kind of Sue TOS always ended up murderating. Taking command of canon, rendering the original plot unworkable, no regard for the actual canon work - it's PPC Bingo in full force. I didn't spot any real SPaG flubs, though I'm sure HG'll dig up something, and overall it was a short, sweet little fic that didn't outstay its welcome.

One thing, though. Rina seemed... more terse than usual in this one. Is there a psychotic break on the horizon?

So, something like this?

A hunter who boasts about his achievements preys for praise.

I've never had so much fun listening to people yelling at each other in my entire life. If only all vampire stories were this good.

I, too, have been watching it recently. And it is amazing. I cannot recommend this series enough, if you are not easily offended.

I think my favorite character would have to be Alexander Anderson. Love that crazy Irish catholic bastard.

... your plan is 'a child hides inside an adult's clothes which they are wearing'?

And this is not meant to be creepy?

hS

Sometimes they have animalistic intelligence, sometimes they seem to be fully sapient. Either way, they're more like beloved pets than children, and don't seem to really grow in intelligence. Also like Pokemon, the whole issue gets slightly creepy if you think about it too hard.

As for having a mini go along on a mission, there's no reason that it couldn't contribute. Within the OFUs, they're frequently used to keep the fangirls in line, so I think being able to take on a mini-Sue is reasonable. Taking one along would be highly discouraged, of course, and they might violate the SEP field.

Hi. Welcome to the PPC Posting Board. We're a society of rather critical fans who like to poke fun at the flaws in other people's writing for entertainment. We're not exactly most people's first choice for seeking out reviews. Either you're actually looking for critical feedback, or you're very, very confident of the quality of your writing. Which is it, I wonder?

~Neshomeh

Welcome! Here's a miniature of the Luggage as your newbie gift.

I'm unable to review your fanfic as the Inheritance Cycle is not one of my fandoms, but I like the sound of the summary!

Glad to see those newbies Ari trained branching out. :)

Couple minor things...
"as you keep remind me"
Reminding.

"the Sue's all Stoic, but it still makes Subaru adore her."
Stoic isn't usually capitalized when it's referring to someone's personality/actions.

"With that, it shut itself down, smoke rising from its screen."
Um...don't CADs only shut themselves down/blow up when examining a truly terribad Sue/replacement/fic? This Sue seemed average by our standards. *shrugs*

"apart from more idiocy from Subaru..."
You've established earlier that Subaru isn't stupid like the Sue makes her out to be. Maybe you should indicate Subaru's OOC? *shrugs*

The grey-haired human looked at his brown-and-white TSAB Ground Armaments Service, disgust plain on his face.
I don’t know the Nanohaverse, so it may be possible that the disguised drone can look at its qualified-by-many-words "Service", but I get the impression that a word, like "uniform", may be missing there.

And apparently Navare’s CAD has a spelling problem ("StrikeS" or "StrikerS"?):

[Subaru Nakajima. Type 0 Combat Cyborg female. Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikeS canon: protagonist. OOC 25%. Suggested action: removal of the Suefluencing Mary Sue.]

[Chrysae. Mary Sue. Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS canon: OC. OOC: N/A. Suggested action: destruction.]

HG

I did not see that story coming. I'm liking it since I'm seeing all your works in progress.

Also, I've always wondered why people get too fancy in describing characters in fanfics. Isn't small descriptions like "Brown, flow hair" or "piecing green eyes" not enough?

If in the fic the Fellowship goes through Moria, I have an idea. You could use your Khajiit (I forget his name at this point). Khajiit have always been masters of stealth. So you could have him hide in a dark corner wait until the Fellowship passes, snatch the Sue then retreat into on of the darker recesses of Moria. Alternatively any sufficiently dark area could also work.

Does she go off to angst or something at any point? Could you carry the mission that far?

Failing that, I think the single combat idea could work. The Fellowship would likely respect a request to keep out of it, especially if the Sue herself makes it while they're still under her control. Of course, the agents could have a bit of peril once they kill the Sue if the characters don't snap back into character immediately. That could be fun. OTOH, there's no real reason killing the Sue shouldn't allow the canons to return to their proper characterizations in a Mary Sue mission, so you could avoid it if that's better for the story.

~Neshomeh

An important question is, does she at any point in the badfic, demonstrate any fighting skills? Because some Sues will boast about their proficiency with a blade/bow/whatever but never actually show said skills. Which means you can take it all as being a lie; they have no idea how to handle a weapon and will be an easy kill.

As for how you get her away from the others, my agents usually just open a portal underneath the Sue and let her fall through into wherever they want her. It's not exactly dramatic, but it works and it's fast.

Perhaps, when you show up with a proxy account in a bit, you'd care to lie down on this couch and tell Ix about your mother...

Congratulations. You’ve not only completely failed to understand how the community works, but also implied hypocrisy on your part to the highest level. I wasn't a part of this myself (and I never wanted to be a part of it), but accusing the rest of the Board like you've done? What kind of egotistic ass thinks THAT is a good idea?!

I never wanted to see this happen on the Board, and I hope it doesn't happen again for a good long while. For now, though, goodbye, and no good luck whatsoever. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!

*flips desk and storms off*

Usually, we use it to sniff out bad writers. However, it also works to see how the bad writers handle rejection. If they are a bad writer who is trying to improve, they will take the rejection for what it is, look over why they did not make it, and try to improve. If they are a toxic member of the community, however, they will show themselves as such. They will whine, complain, and blame the system for their failure. Truth be told, it is really easy to get permission. You just have to show you can write well. Not brilliant, you're not submitting a story for a Hugo award. Just, decent, and with some humor.

Is our system perfect? Maybe not, there is almost always room for improvement. But is it hideously broken? Absolutely not. It is a far sight better then what we used to have, that's for sure. Used to have almost no structure, just send in a story, and hope the Permission Giver who reads it likes it. So much nicer to have a guideline and prompt to work with.

So, I am glad to see our filtration system has worked. Goodbye, and as far as I am concerned, good riddance. This community was clearly not for you.

If your goal is to parody fanfiction, the PPC isn't the only way to go about it. There are other "Sue hunter" groups you can look into, you can write MSTs, do a webcomic, even just compose essays critiquing negative fanfiction tropes. You've been told "no" here, but I think you've become more focused on seeing us as antagonists than on pursuing your goal down other avenues.

It's clear that, regardless of the reasons, this community hasn't worked out for you. Rather than spinning your wheels here, why not move on and find another way to write fic parody?

As far as I can tell, the only thing you care about is whether or not you can write PPC stories. Unfortunately for you, we don't allow people to write stories in our universe if they can't function peacefully in our community, and this post proves you are unwilling or incapable of engaging with us without insulting and threatening us.

I vote for a full ban, and I'd like to make it clear that being banned from the community ALSO means that you do not get Permission and you are not allowed to publish PPC stories. We do not want your attitude on our Board or in our universe.

How many people have to tell you that the problem is yours, not ours, before you realize that you're in denial?

~Neshomeh

You claim to want to be a part of the community. A community which you claim is abusive to you. You broke the ban, which wasn't so the community could calm down but rather so you could get yourself together. You've proven that you can't abide by the rules, you've insulted the community and several members therein. Your attempt at "civilized discussion" is laced with disdain and vitriol.

If this is an abusive environment, then let us help you escape it.

Nameless Admin, please block her IP. For her good, as much as ours.

(And I'm genuinely curious about this; not trying to be disrespectful in any way.)
If you were so upset with us last time, why did you come back?
I seem to recall that we already had a civilised discussion when you left/got banned last time. Please correct me if I'm wrong, I wasn't involved that much. And as Tira pointed out, it's been 10 months in which we literally haven't done anything to attack you. Heck, we didn't even talk about you, let alone whisper nasty things behind your back.

I really don't see any reason for you to have returned, unless you wanted to apologize and possibly rejoin us. Which you clearly aren't doing.

1.) It's not abusive to remove toxic people from a community. It is abusive to force people to tolerate toxic behavior. It's also abusive to try to threaten people into giving you what you want.

2.) You were banned. You've been banned for ten months now. We haven't done anything to you in ages. The only exception would be if people are having trouble with you off-site, which isn't a matter of concern for the PPC community at large.

This is from IP evidence (it matches hers and her stated location) and general textual style.

For reference, zdimensia was banned until 22nd August 2015 last year.

Given the content of this post, Nameless Admin blocking will not be enacted until requested.

There's no reason why it could not occasionally happen. Minis come from misspellings and they're usually powerful but non-unique monsters from the continuum or occasionally small versions of the characters. Many minis have their personalities influenced by which name they're misspelled from.

The precedent that has been set is that the vast majority of minis are of the standard type, but a very few could be different. If you do this, try to have a reason for it--if the sentence that creates the mini includes a hint that it could be something other than standard. Say a Harry Potter mini is given a description that sounds like it should be a snake--you could have a mini-basilisk named Foldemort or something.

(For the record, mumakil is the native plural form of mumak, while oliphaunt is a Hobbitish idiomatic term. ~hS)

This could have easily been kept in the thread below.

Also, we don't add new mini types at random. That's for the first person to either 1) write a mission into the series or 2) write an OFU for that series to decide.

(And by the way, WoW already has a mini type.)

1/ This really, really should've been part of your previous thread. The Constitution says Before you post, though, see if someone else is already talking about your preferred topic - no-one will object if you add to a relevant thread instead of starting your own (in fact, we often prefer it)!

2/ Minis are decided by the person who writes the relevant OFU, or by the first person to write a mission in that continuum and need one. They're not really planned out in advance this way.

Not saying you can't have the discussion, but please, no-one add any of the ideas thrown around to the wiki.

hS, feeling more and more like a boring lawyer

Two things:

1. Please don't start multiple new threads in a row, especially when they're on the exact same topic. Each new thread knocks an older one off the front page. This post could have been added as a reply to your first one.

2. We have a wiki article all about minis, including when it's appropriate to create a new type. You can read it right here. {= )

~Neshomeh

I have a doozy of a series of badfic involving underage relationships, plagiarism, threatening children with grievous harm and taking photos of a child, refusing to delete them when asked and calling said photos his treasures.

https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4307970/Xantrax-42

I have a list that goes into more detail if you want.

So you all know how much I like Monster Musume. And if you don't, well now you do.

Imagine my horror when someone decides to throw what my friend describes as hard vore into the MonMusuverse.

The result is sickening.

I couldn't make it past the third chapter, but so far everyone seems completely out-of-character. Kimihito is given powers he doesn't have in canon, and last I checked Miia just wanted to [redacted] Kimihito, not eat him, and it's also got graphic depictions of digestion and Kimihito getting turned on by it.

If it's mission material... this is a job for the Department of WhatThe or the DAVD, but I think my agents may need to be involved anyway because I'm pretty sure I'm the only PPCer that knows MonMusu.

http://www.toondoo.com/cartoon/9066929>Here's another comic strip from ToonDoo. Note Dracula shouting silently into his cellphone, and the floating pad of giant Post-It notes that speaks with a cryptic comment. If only Bram Stoker had remembered to include those scenes in his novel...

Or at least, a parody Suefic, seeing that description and the author's comment.

Anyway, I should at lease contribute to this thread. I did just find a badfic, but it's for Hatoful Boyfriend which is a kinda obscure continuum.
Basically, there's another human at St. PigeoNation's Institute even though this is literally impossible in the game because SPOILERS, the birds have turned into their humanized versions because REASONS, there's now a maid café in the school, the timeline is messed up and the game's main protagonist is thrown OOC by the time of the prologue, there's a sudden switch to what sort of looks like script format for around 10 lines followed by an utterly pointless POV change, lines from the game are ripped off in a way that clearly shows the contrast in writing quality, the mild-mannered Kazuaki jokes about his students, "If this was an anime, Hina knew she would be sweat dropping", aaaaaaaaand I gave up.
(Oh, and Ryouta's drag persona is Coolene, not Cooline. What would minis for this continuum even be? I can't think of anything what wouldn't be a walking spoiler.)
Here's a link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10752597/1/The-Apostle-of-the-Sun.

(And I'm now wondering what I'm doing with my life.)

Gravity Falls, I'm sorry...

From what I've seen, just going through it briefly, Mabel is seriously replaced.

(Also, pfahaha, "This is the story of how she [Twilight Sparkle] solves every problem all by herself, because she is the best pony and my favorite." If that's not a Sue, I don't know what is.)

Here is a Doctor Who fic I'm in the middle of sporking. Daughter of Rassilon who essentially is put into an escape pod and crash-lands on Earth a la Superman.

Aside from the problems already mentioned, there's a few reasons why the Sarlacc would be a bad disposal method. The reasons for disposal post-mortem have already been mentioned, so I'll stick to live disposal.

First off, the slow digestion of a Sarlacc means survival and escape are possible. Second, the Sarlacc is sentient. It feeds off of and learns from the things it is digesting. And if a Sue is being digested... well, a possessed Sarlacc won't exactly be easy to exorcise, and will be a greater threat to the agent than most Sues.

Plus, slow digestion could count as torture. A death of a thousand years...

Also I imagine a reason to not do it, is that in previous canon, before the Disney Reset, Boba Fett actually survived the Sarlaac, so there is some precedence for failure. Of course I just realized you probably mean disposal of the body, meaning the Sue is already dead, and for that go back to the reasons previously mentioned.

In general, it's preferred that the Sue be disposed of within the continuum she invaded in the first place, or somewhere neutral like HQ. No need to risk spreading the contamination around. Plus, we try to keep things fresh as much as possible. Reusing the same disposal method over and over would get dull, especially in a universe as large as the SW universe. There are practically endless options to choose from, so why limit yourself?

Also, yes, kindly do slow down. As iterated below, each new post knocks an older one down and finally off the front page. Please add new questions to an existing thread. I promise they'll still get noticed.

~Neshomeh

Anyway, we don't use the sarlaac more often because 1) Even with her high disposal rate, canon monsters can get fat from too many Sues, 2) We like to see variety and creativity in the disposal methods, and 3) Cross-canon executions/disposal is generally discouraged and we don't have too many Star Wars missions.

...Tolkein's less wordy than her.

Yo mama's so lost, her last name is Crusoe.

Yo mama's so tone deaf, she sings 'Happy Birthday' on pitch in a crowd of people.

Yo mama's so old, she predates the Big Bang.

Yo mama's so out of touch, she thinks a banana's a phone.


...


Yo mama nags so much, she's actually a mare.

she makes Queen Grimhilde jealous.

Hey, who said they had to be negative?

But at one time I was watching a show about astronomy and how the universe was created with a friend and every time the speaker mentioned objects that were superlarge, superheavy or supermassive we just yelled 'Like your mom!'
I am a very classy person with very classy friends.

Luxury said, "Well, maybe just for a few minutes . . ."