May 2015 Archive, part b - PPC Posting Board

Happy Mother's Day, everyone! by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-11 01:18:00 UTC Link to this

As the title says. Now, go give all of your moms thanks for incubating you for nine months!

On an unrelated sidenote, as of this day, I am now an Ohio State University alumni with a doctoral degree in Civil Engineering! I'd like to know any other Ohio PPC Boarders, and if they're graduating from OSU as well, congrats to them as well. GO BUCKS!!! :D

False start, at least for me :D by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-11 09:18:00 UTC Link to this

In Poland, Mother's Day is on May 26th.

Hello there. by Alleb on 2015-05-11 03:49:00 UTC Link to this

Hi, I'm Alleb. I already made a post just below this one, but instead of formally introducing myself I jumped straight into a a question. Hence this.
Hi, I'm Alleb. Formally.
Iximaz was kind enough to give me this shrieking hummingbird and urple bow, both of which I shall treasure to the end of my days. On a side note, Huinesoron, I deeply apologize- I spelled your name wrong in my original post. So very sorry sir!
I'm a huge fan of Lord of the Rings, though I could be better on my Silmarillion knowledge (all the names of the battles go in one ear and out the other). I also enjoy the Chronicles of Narnia, the works of Brandon Sanderson, and the Lunar Chronicles. I hope to become more involved with the PPC in the future, and I'm very glad to have found this community!

Hello yourself! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 01:44:00 UTC Link to this

Welcome to the board! I quite like your taste in things. And I enjoyed your post to which hS replied regarding the 10th Walker issue and how to do it well!

Tell me, now, what was it that got you into Sanderson?

Glad you liked it! by Alleb on 2015-05-12 01:56:00 UTC Link to this

That'd be my family- someone was reading it, and then everyone else started, then it came to me and now I'm obsessed XD What's your favorite book of his? I like Warbreaker a lot, but if I had to pick I'd say Elantris. Maybe the Stormlight Archive. Maybe.. Well, I like all of his stuff!

Aha! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 17:06:00 UTC Link to this

I personally have a huge weakness towards the Mistborn books. And the Reckoners series as well!

Were I not so busy with things as far as real life goes, I would be heavily considering creating a Misting agent.

His short stories are also very excellent.

Anyone else you read?

Ooh, great idea! by Alleb on 2015-05-12 17:54:00 UTC Link to this

That would be awesome! I don't read many modern authors- Brandon Sanderson is just about it. I do like the Marissa Meyer. She writes this really awesome series called the Lunar Chronicles- they're futuristic retellings of classic fairy tales. Like Cinderella is called Cinder, and she's a cyborg mechanic. Love those books. I love his short stories too- have you read I Hate Dragons? It's on his author page, and it's SUPER funny.

What about you- what do you like to read?

Hehe. by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 21:56:00 UTC Link to this

I read nearly everything and everyone that catches my eye- I actually have the first book on my phone, saved for a later time.

But honestly, hard science fiction, soft science fiction, fantasy, urban fantasy, et al. Suspecting that you enjoyed the Mistborn books might I suggest Jim Butcher's Codex Alera series?

And I hear the catch- 'modern'. Who do you read, then?

Well, let's see.. by Alleb on 2015-05-13 00:24:00 UTC Link to this

Tolkien and Lewis, of course- a few miscellaneous Christian YA authors and adult Christian authors- Monster by Frank Peretti is one of the first books I remember intensely loving (I suppose all of those count as modern, but I just read the stock I have instead of keeping up with them, so I didn't count them..). I've gotten behind, but I'm reading the Lord Peter Whimsey series. Have you read To Say Nothing of the Dog? AWESOME time travel book. I falsely categorized myself with 'modern'- I meant authors that are currently alive, active, and coming out with new books, like Brandon Sanderson, as versus, say, Robert Jordan (I really liked his stuff, but I had to stop reading- they simply got too violent.)Also, it's only been rather recently that I've started finding new authors, so I'm used to identifying myself solely by Tolkien and Lewis.

Overall I'm a fantasy nerd- occasionally I'll read a bit of science fiction or mystery.

What is the Codex Alera series about? It sounds interesting!

Could you recommend some good urban fantasy? I like the sound of the genre, but I haven't read much of it.

Monster? by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-15 20:55:00 UTC Link to this

That is pretty good. If you like Peretti's style I might recommend House: The Only Way Out is In by Ted Dekker and Frank Peretti. Though If I recall there probably is some harsh language. And thematically it might not be perfect for you. But it is a good read. And if you like that kind of genre you might want to check out some of Stephen King's work. Though I will say that those are targeted at an adult audience and often have strong language and certain thematic elements that you might take issue with. If you are interested in Stephen King, I might recommend Cell. I do not recall any substantial language, though it is probably there, and I do not recall any problematic themes.

One of my favorites! by Alleb on 2015-05-16 04:11:00 UTC Link to this

It was the first book I ever read that made me want to forget the plot, so I could read it all over again. I think I might own House actually, but I don't think I've read it. The language surprises me; I know Peretti is a Christian author, and I thought Dekker was as well. But then, not all Christians take the same Puritan stance that I do XD

I think Stephen King might be a bit.. much for me. I know he's a great author, but straight-up horror isn't really my cup of tea. Monster had its scary moments, but I wouldn't call it horror. Thanks for the suggestion, though!

I honestly cannot remember by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-16 04:40:00 UTC Link to this

If House had language issues or not. It is not something I pay attention to, but it might, so I figured I would err on the side of caution. And not everything Stephen King does is horror. There is The Eyes of the Dragon which is low fantasy.

Lets see, some other recommendations that I would make. I am going to assume you have probably read the Left Behind series. If not, from what I understand, it seems right up your alley. I also recommend 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami to anyone looking to expand their horizons. Though I cannot remember if there was language issues or not, and it might thematically be inappropriate for your tastes. It has been a while since I read it and I only vaguely remember the first half, but violence does have a role in it. However, it is a phenomenal novel. If you are looking for a challenge you might also consider Les Miserables by Victor Hugo.

I do not know anything about it, but I have friends that really enjoy The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare, but I know nothing of it other than the name, and I think it is generically categorized as "Urban Fantasy". The only other urban fantasy I am familiar with is Anita Blake, but I am certain that that is not going to be for you. It has very strong language and as a whole the story itself could be classified as NSFW.

Anything else you are particularly interested in?

I started reading House! by Alleb on 2015-05-16 17:32:00 UTC Link to this

It's QUITE good; thank you! No language yet, other than the semi-appropriate use of the h-word.

What's 1Q84 about? I should probably read Les Miserables. I've seen one of the older, non-musical adaptations, but that's it.

I've actually read the first TMI book- it had a bit too much language for my tastes. It wasn't so much quantity as.. quality? Strength is a better term. Nothing so bad as the F-word, but practically everything else, I think. Which is a shame, because I really enjoyed the story. It was innovative and original, and the characters were good.

Anything fantasy, really, as long as it's fairly clean. I read a *little* sci-fi, but not much. Mysteries are lots of fun; and time travel books! What about you ?

Lets see... by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-16 19:35:00 UTC Link to this

1Q84 is similar to George Orwell's 1984. But it is basically an alternate universe with some dystopian influences. But now as I reread a summary of the plot, it looks like it may not be appropriate for you. So for now, until I get the chance to reread the whole novel, you can disregard it as a suggestion.

If you like Time Travel stories, then The Time Machine by HG Wells is required. It is the original. Anything by HG Wells or Jules Verne is good. Lets see, as for fantasy, I cannot really recommend anything, because most of what I read I already know will be objectionable. Except maybe the Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini. But many people here find it poorly written, I do not because I think it is well suited for its target audience. Its plot draws heavily from Lord of the Rings and Star Wars.

As for me? Well I like a little bit of everything. I am generally willing to read anything once, except for Twilight. The idea of sparkly vampires is just wrong. But to kind of show what I like I think I will just give a list of some of what I read.

1.Moby Dick, Herman Melville
2.Dracula, Bram Stoker
3.Cujo, Stephen King
4.The Warlord Chronicles, Bernard Cornwell
5.A Song of Fire and Ice, George RR Martin
6.Les Miserables, Victor Hugo
7.Lord of the Rings, Tolkien
8.The Thrawn Trilogy, Timothy Zahn. Probably the best Star Wars EU stories out there.
9.Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury
10.Crime and Punishment Fyodor Dostoyevsky

And there are many others. But right now my biggest genres that I read (when I have the time) tend to be Dark Fantasy or Gothic Horror, but as I said, I am willing to read anything really at least once. Some genres I have read in are Fantasy, Science Fiction, Gothic Horror, Psychological Thrillers, Military Political Thrillers, and the list goes on.

Call me Ishmael. by Alleb on 2015-05-16 19:54:00 UTC Link to this

I've been meaning to get around to some Wells; I have a few of his works lying around.

You've got eclectic taste- that's awesome! I should really broaden the scope of what I read; right now, my tastes are pretty limited. Have you ever read To Say Nothing of the Dog? It's a time travel book; hilarious and well-written. The first chapter or so is a bit odd, but once the plot gets going it's beautiful. (By the way, I apologize for my lack of italicized titles. I haven't looked up how to italicize on here yet)

I think you like slightly heavier stuff than I do, so I don't think I can do much to return your awesome favor of book recommendations :( You might like Brandon Sanderson, though. I don't know if you've heard of him or not; he's a fantasy author, probably best known for his Mistborn trilogy, which is VERY good. I heartily recommend him.

Right by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-16 20:56:00 UTC Link to this

First to do italics, to open and to close it. Just make sure that there is no space after the <.>
I have not read To Say Nothing of the Dog. I do not much care for a lot of time travel stories. It is too easy to get it wrong. I may have heard of Sanderson in passing. And as I said, I basically will read anything once, or at least try, so I do go all over the place.

If I recall you mentioned you were interested in doing your own writing. Do you have a particular genre you write in? Like my reading interests my writing is also all over the place. Off the top of my head I've written Low Dark Fantasy with a touch of Gallows Humor, "Soft" Science Fiction, Psychological Horror (one of the few times I consider what I wrote a complete failure), Gothic Urban Horror, Military Political Thriller, and a Metafiction Comedy (also a disaster).

Ah, thanks! by Alleb on 2015-05-16 21:32:00 UTC Link to this

That'll be handy.

I write in fantasy; that's all so far. I'd like to write in different genres eventually. At least one mystery, some sci-fi, a zombie novel (strange ambition of mine), a western, and a time travel story. You have quite a nice list there; if I may ask, what length do you prefer? I'm attempting to write full books, but I'm a slow author.

As of now? by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-16 21:39:00 UTC Link to this

Short stories, typically 15-30 pages in length. Ultimately I have not had the time to dedicate to longer work. In August I should finally be able to start real work on anything longer.

I'm bad at finishing stories. by Alleb on 2015-05-16 21:49:00 UTC Link to this

I should probably try a shorter length so I can actually get something done, but I like the idea of writing a full-length book.

A lot of writers do start with the short stories by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-17 00:53:00 UTC Link to this

And then eventually move on to longer things.

Urban fantasy by Neshomeh on 2015-05-14 20:20:00 UTC Link to this

Check out Charles de Lint. He writes some of the most amazing short stories I've ever read, and has some really beautiful things to say about writing and the world in general.

I also recommend Sherri S. Tepper, who is hard to classify. Wikipedia says she writes "feminist science fiction" with an "ecofeminist slant," but I personally think that's an oversimplification. She's a philosopher, if you ask me. She thinks about things from a different perspective, and shows them to you, and by the time you're done you're not quite sure which way is up anymore. That's why I like her so much. {= )

~Neshomeh

Interesting; thanks! by Alleb on 2015-05-14 20:28:00 UTC Link to this

I love finding new books. It's one of the best feelings ever.

Dai Stiho! :D *Optional!Hugs* (nm) by SMF on 2015-05-11 18:21:00 UTC Link to this

Welcome! by Desdendelle on 2015-05-11 16:51:00 UTC Link to this

I assume you have read the Mistborn trilogy?
Have this cup of confused Lapsang Souchong tea - it's not quite certain whether it smells like a campfire or not.

Yes! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 17:41:00 UTC Link to this

I love those books! Have you read the Stormlight Archive?

Not yet, unfortunately. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-11 18:13:00 UTC Link to this

I have a reading list longer than my arm. Have you read The Alloy of Law?

Indeed! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 18:21:00 UTC Link to this

Very good; I can't wait for the sequels! I know the feeling of long reading lists XD What others of his books have you read?

I've started on Warbreaker... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-11 18:29:00 UTC Link to this

But that's about it. I haven't been reading a lot of prose, recently - I'm reading a book about patent law right now.

Might I recommend Merges' Patent Law and Policy? by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-12 19:08:00 UTC Link to this

It is US Patent Law, but it is well written, and gives a lot of good explanation for a complicated area of law. Also some of the cases are very interesting.

Thanks for the recommendation. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-12 19:11:00 UTC Link to this

I'll look for it in the library once I'll actually start my studies.

It has some interesting things by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-12 20:16:00 UTC Link to this

A good selection of cases. Off the top of my head, there are cases on:

1. Corsets
2. Telephones
3. Telegraphs
4. Light Bulbs
5. Computers
6. eBay

And many others.

Then again it is a full casebook...So it is pricey (nm) by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-12 19:08:00 UTC Link to this

Cool! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 18:33:00 UTC Link to this

I love Warbreaker (I apologize for the incorrect grammar, I don't know how to italicize on here). It's one of my favorites of his. That's interesting; why that particular area of law?

The Board uses HTML formatting. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-11 18:47:00 UTC Link to this

I dunno what's the escape clause so I can't demonstrate, but you can find guides for that easily enough.
Anyway, I'm reading that particular book because it's not full of legalese; I haven't started my studies yet - I've still got five months of military service left - so I need to keep it simple. And, TBH, it's actually pretty interesting, not to mention useful.

Thank you! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 19:05:00 UTC Link to this

I'll look those up when I can. You're in the military? That's so cool! I've never tried reading a law book, but I can see it being pretty interesting. Legalese is so tedious.

Yap, I'm a soldier. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-11 19:14:00 UTC Link to this

You see, we have compulsory conscription here (mostly - it's a bit complicated) and I'm of the right age.

Still, that's really cool. by Alleb on 2015-05-11 19:31:00 UTC Link to this

I have a high respect for the military.

Lemme tell you something. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-11 19:46:00 UTC Link to this

While it might not be the best path for everybody, those who can go on it for a while learn a lot. I know that I learned a lot and grew up because of my service.

I... will agree to disagree with you re: militarism. (nm) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-11 19:52:00 UTC Link to this

Might I explain? by Desdendelle on 2015-05-11 19:54:00 UTC Link to this

It's less the 'we're a military, it's our job to hurt people' part (which is a gross exaggeration and generalisation, FYI - reality's a bit more complicated than that) and more the 'you have responsibility right now, you can't flunk it, and you have to work together with all sorts of different people to achieve your goal' part.

Also, because I misclicked: by Scapegrace on 2015-05-11 21:52:00 UTC Link to this

I also do not seek to denigrate the sacrifice of any member of any armed forces. I merely hold the belief that such sacrifice is not always as necessary as the bosses of the world would have everyone believe.

So, uh... by Voyd on 2015-05-12 19:06:00 UTC Link to this

Apparently Scapegrace and I started a thing. We're both very anti-war, and there are people here who serve in the military.

I'm... not sure if adding my own thoughts to the discussion was a good idea, because my post was when everything kinda exploded.

It's cool. by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 21:52:00 UTC Link to this

An explosion of replies does not in and of itself mean an actual explosion. I respect your opinions and why you value them.

The fact that you're so violently opposed to war while there're those of us here who serve doesn't mean we can't agree on other things.

I'm sure that there are good and bad soldiers. by Voyd on 2015-05-13 14:12:00 UTC Link to this

Soldiers are people, after all, and people on the whole are morally neutral. I'm not cynical enough to see humans as inherently bad, but I'm also not naïve enough to think they're inherently good.

My problem with soldiers is that I've heard about very few, if any, good ones, and an alarming number of honest-to-god horror stories about evil ones, the ones who enjoy killing, or doing worse things to civilians or even their brothers- and sisters-in-arms.

Rationally, I know that the psychos must be very few and far between, but, well, I'm not a rational person. Those horror stories have tarnished my vision of military forces as a whole, because I know that every armed force in the world has its supply of sociopathic soldiers.

You're missing something here. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-13 15:03:00 UTC Link to this

As you've said yourself, the psychos are few and far between. They are just a lot more noticeable than the regular dudes and girls because they merit attention - a guy like me simply moving bits of paper from point A to point B won't make much of a news story.

There's also the thing that the armed forces do not get a higher amount of psychos than the rest of the populace, especially in places like here where you have a draft.

Yeah, but... by Huinesoron on 2015-05-13 15:12:00 UTC Link to this

... do you carefully monitor your paper-moving activities for psychopathic behaviour? Have you analysed the way you hold your pen for indications of sociopathy? Des, Des, Des - have you considered all the trees who were ruthlessly slaughtered in order to give you paper to move from A to B?

hS, thinking of the trees. Won't anyone think of the trees?

(Digital lembas to the first person to make a 'Lorax' skit featuring me)

Well... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-13 15:23:00 UTC Link to this

The silly response is, "I'm actually a murderous psycho, I just didn't tell anyone."
The serious response is that I've had the displeasure of working with a real head case - massively unpleasant guy, actual OCD and a host of other problems beside - and the lesson is that only an infinitesimal amount of the psychos in the army are actually of the 'rape pillage loot kill burn' type. Most of them will just make your life Hell if you have the misfortune of working with - or, worse, under - them.

What's worse... by Voyd on 2015-05-13 14:16:00 UTC Link to this

... is that an absolutely sickening number of crimes go unpunished. I can't discuss the nature of it here, PG-13 Board after all, but I've read that over 97% of assaults on military women, by their own comerades, are never, ever punished.

Okay, back up there. by JulyFlame. on 2015-05-13 16:14:00 UTC Link to this

You did not have to jump from 'sickening number of crimes go unpunished' to making that sort of suggestion- and yes, you did, considering you alluded to the board being PG-13.

For starters- the US military takes crimes committed by service members extremely seriously. Any crimes, be they while in uniform or while off duty.

For second, the US military takes sexual assault- which I know is what you were trying to unpleasantly insinuate- seriously and has several methods of dealing with it when it is reported discovered for the safety and integrity of the person assaulted. Which is not limited to only women, for the record. Every place I've been at has had zero tolerance for that sort of thing, and even if something doesn't happen at a particular command for whatever reason, there are people and resources to go to to get around it.

It isn't perfect, of course it isn't, but I would love to see a place that actually is.

Please do not spout factoids without actual proof or anything to back yourself up on them just to justify your vehement feelings against a group of people.

Ack! I'm sorry! by Voyd on 2015-05-13 16:26:00 UTC Link to this

I hate making people angry...

But like I said earlier, the actions of a few kinda have tarnished my vision of the organization as a whole.

I apologize for making you angry, really I do.

I really don't have much of a spine, do I?

Stand up for what you believe, please. by JulyFlame on 2015-05-13 16:51:00 UTC Link to this

But with actual facts and evidence. Hearsay shouldn't be involved, especially when you're taking the actions of the few to blight your opinion on the many. It's a thing that should be applied to everything- not just one subject or organization.

As for angry, no, this isn't me angry whatsoever.

I think he meant unreported not unpunished by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-13 19:03:00 UTC Link to this

Because that is true, though I do not think the number is 97%, but they are under reported. The US Department of Justice published a study not too long ago that suggests that some percentage does go unreported.

I also know that when they are brought to the attention of command, those actions are heavily investigated and I also know that the JAG Corps (Military Lawyers) get a large number of those cases.

Has it exploded? by Huinesoron on 2015-05-12 21:07:00 UTC Link to this

I haven't seen anyone attacking anyone else; I've just seen reasonable discussion. Which is a good thing which we like! Thumbs up!

hS

Yeah, I agree. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-12 21:24:00 UTC Link to this

The discussion seems pretty level-headed to me.
Tea and crumpets for everyone! Huzzah!

Never had crumpets, I'm afraid. by Voyd on 2015-05-12 21:36:00 UTC Link to this

And I'm also not allowed caffeine, so no tea either.

My views are pretty similar. by Voyd on 2015-05-11 22:09:00 UTC Link to this

Ultimately, the purpose of a soldier is to kill, and that makes it very difficult for me, as a pacifist, to trust them. There's a fundamental difference in ideology that unfortunately cannot be rectified there: Soldiers believe that killing is okay in certain circumstances, and I believe that it's never okay.

I don't mean to insult members of any military force, but I've always believed that war is pointless, and does nothing but waste human life. Unfortunately, our society glorifies warfare, so most people nowadays have their heads filled with the idea that a soldier is the coolest thing ever, forgetting the fact that fighting is traumatic.

I'm sorry, but I just don't like the military. I disagree too much with their methods, and the United States government bringing back the draft is one of my personal nightmare scenarios. I'd likely kill myself before taking the life of another human being.

Just throwing this in.. by Alleb on 2015-05-12 14:23:00 UTC Link to this

As far as I know (which, admittedly, is not far) if, for whatever reason, the draft is brought back, if you say you are a pacifist, and are able to reasonably prove that you are, then you do not have to be in the military.

In the US by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-12 18:42:00 UTC Link to this

What you are talking about is being a Conscientious Objector. In the US it is pretty narrow. You must be opposed to all war in any form and the objection must be sincere. From what I understand during the Vietnam War (last time the US used conscription) it basically acted as a mini-court case. Its burden was much higher than just reasonably prove. From what I understand it required something maybe not quite as high as what a Civil Lawsuit would require, but close.

But also in the US, unless World War III starts and Nuclear Weapons are not used, the US Government will not bring back the draft. We have an incredibly large volunteer armed forces.

Decided to add my two cents. by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 02:53:00 UTC Link to this

If you, personally, would rather die than kill someone (even in self-defense?), then fine, but most people would agree that's the exception.

Having a military is the same principle. You don't want to be left defenseless when someone else attacks— and let's face it, someone will eventually. Sad as it is, we don't live in an ideal world where nobody has any need of a military. It's better to have that presence well-established and trained so when the inevitable happens, you can minimize casualties instead of having a country that is easily steamrolled and millions are left dead because people tried the ideal route.

For the record... by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 01:40:00 UTC Link to this

As someone currently serving as well...

The US is not going to be bringing back the draft anytime soon. We are currently more than capable of operating at full functioning capabilities with volunteers. You don't need to make such a bold statement as that. Besides that, around (if not less than) 10% of the total American population is actually fit/able to serve under current requirements, and members of the military make up roughly one percent of said population.

You're welcome to not believe Des or me, but war is not always pointless, sometimes it does have to reach that point.

The important thing is to not make it the only option.

Some perspective. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-11 23:21:00 UTC Link to this

My father is a soldier and he had this to say when I brought up a topic similar to this one:

War is the final act of diplomacy. More specifically, it is the indicator of failure. Failure at the highest echelons of the government to reach out and work out a peaceful solution with the other party. He'd be happy to be out of a job but the fact of the matter is that there will always be a need for soldiers: everything on this planet is a competition and humans are no exception. When there is no compromise to be reached and the opposing group threatens your very existence, you fight.

My father's job is to make sure that that fight is as short as possible and inflicts the minimal amount of collateral damage. It sounds stupid, yes, and he admits that no war at all is the ideal. If there is to be war, then it must be as swift and painless as possible: there is a reason Sun Tzu says that "There is no instance of a nation benefitting from prolonged warfare." Nobody wins. It's a horrifying, brutal affair.

With regards to your position on killing, take the rise of the so-called Islamic State for example. They have imposed a brutal regime focused on oppressing anyone who is Different. They persecute the Shia (who they consider "infidels" even though they are Muslim too) and the Christians and drive them from their lands, they pillage and destroy villages and cultural sites, they fund terror cells worldwide, they brutally execute prisoners of war (beheadings, burning alive, etc.), and oppose the governments of the various territories they control. If left to their own designs, will IS expand? Certainly. Do the people who live in areas near IS want them as their neighbours? Hell no.

There is only one thing left to do. The people take up arms and fight. They resist, they kill the invaders. It's not a pointless affair: this is about survival.

War is horrible and shouldn't happen but it does. Therefore we need people to fight and bring it to an end whenever it does happen.

In that situation, I can understand... by Voyd on 2015-05-12 17:47:00 UTC Link to this

But I still hate that it is necessary. I hate that people are forced to fight for their lives because other people are bloodthirsty psychos. I hate that some people are so defeatist about it, and insist that they will never be able to reach a peaceful resolution. I hate that human beings can be so black-and-white, and feel that anyone who disagrees with them is evil.

There's a reason I don't watch the news; I'm sick and tired of hearing about how terrible the world is.

Not everyone has to be focused on violence. by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 22:08:00 UTC Link to this

Or on how terrible things are, or how terrible things could be.

I'm in the military because I don't want people to be forced to fight for their lives- I want to be one of the people who help.

The military- the American one, at least- isn't just compromised of soldiers, after all, and their goal isn't only to wage war.

The US Navy has ships that serve as floating hospitals that get deployed at the drop of a hat to go to places that need aid. The navy also patrols the sea as a hard and soft power, to help protect merchant ships from pirates, and as a general lookout for vessels in distress.

The US Army's out in Africa right now, still helping to provide border control to limit the spread of ebola further via quarantine.

There's plenty of news out there in the world to tell you how fantastic the world we live in is, and you don't need to be discouraged by war or violence; look at it as something to rise above instead. Volunteer for causes you care about, be active about helping. Actively improving the world- even in small things- is something you can do to prove plenty of people wrong and to show that your viewpoint and opinions not only matter, but can change the world as well.

Random side-comment. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-12 22:44:00 UTC Link to this

You know how we wiped out smallpox and all, so we should surely be able to wipe out other diseases even better now, what with us being more advanced now?

Yeah, I was quite shocked to find out that smallpox was killed off by... basically putting everyone who'd been exposed in giant fences camps and waiting for it to die out in there. Um, and we got away with that, how?

Somehow you imagine the whole process being more... well... medical.

hS

Well... by JulyFlame on 2015-05-13 12:11:00 UTC Link to this

The main reason we 'got away' with that is because there really were no better alternatives. We have vaccines, yes- pretty much everyone born before the mid 60s at least got them- but extremely unfortunately it's far more difficult to get everyone vaccinated and kill a disease off that way than to use a quarantine.

The whole procedure regarding diseases that aren't easily cured but are highly contagious kinda involves that sort of thing because there isn't very much you can do from a medical standpoint besides prevention and treatment.

Though, also, part of the reason there was intervention with the ebola outbreak (which has only been contained, it's improving, but it's still there) is because it was spreading faster than health officials were able to fight it on their own just because of sheer lack of knowledge and supplies in the affected region in the first place.

Since we're quoting stuff... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-12 18:31:00 UTC Link to this

“But just as the river is always at the door, so is the world always outside. And it is in the world that we have to live.”
Lian Hearn nails it - you can't ignore the world outside. Especially since it's not the bestest world ever.

Slightly sidestepping... by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 22:05:00 UTC Link to this

But goodness, that's quite the change from when I first met you.

*rubs his neck* by Desdendelle on 2015-05-12 23:17:00 UTC Link to this

Well, going through the army sure made me grow up a bit. I'd like to think I'm a bit more stable and mature now.

This will be the only thing I say about this... by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-12 19:04:00 UTC Link to this

I agree. I personally think it is naive to ignore the outside world just because there is so much bad. I also think that unless and until a fully unified Utopian World Government exists (which will never happen) armed forces will always be required. One need only look to Germany's earlier war successes during World War II to see precisely why armed forces will always be required. Because ultimately, there will always be the Kim Jong Uns, the Adolf Hitlers, the Julius Caesars, and other would-be conquerors. And there will always be the Saddam Husseins and the Pol Pots.

Yeah, but... by Voyd on 2015-05-12 18:58:00 UTC Link to this

I don't like how, for the most part, the news only tells you about the bad things that happen in the world. Some people think that the world is worse than it is because their newspapers only focus on crime or real-world horror stories or something.

And honestly, I used to be one of those people.

' everything on this planet is a competition'. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-12 09:15:00 UTC Link to this

Yes - but it shouldn't have to be.

I'm going to hold up the ever-unpopular European Union here for a minute. Yes, it rose out of the back of a war - but it's not stayed intact because of military force. Germany isn't sitting there going 'now we've got our feet under us again, it's only a matter of time before France lets its guard down and we can start World War Three'; Britain isn't going 'man, if only the others would scrap their navies we could totally blow up their ports'. By and large, the established EU has achieved peace by... um... cooperating, instead of competing. Yes, there's competition on a parliamentary level, but once it all shakes out, we have a functioning (if rather weak) EU government.

"But Russia invaded Ukraine!" "But IS want to kill us!" Yes, I know, and that's why I'm speaking only of internal lack of conflict - but on the other hand, the EU is only 'internal' because it's working. Britain at peace with both Germany and France? Inconceivable!

Yes, it's hard for nations to get along without being worried that their neighbours are going to attack them if they show weakness - but it is possible. And if it's possible between Britain, France, and Germany, with all that historical bickering, then there's only a handful of places I'd say it's not possible.

(Which include, for the record: Israel and Palestine, China and Taiwan, North and South Korea, and India and Pakistan. Lot of anger in those four. Also, Russia needs a change of outlook before it seems likely to cooperate very much.)

~

But what about internal threats like IS, or like the IRA a few years back? Yeah, that's a fair point, and I can't really come up with a solution that isn't the military. But a situation which is internal to both the union as a whole, and one of its member states, can make use of a relatively small force taken from everywhere, rather than a huge one taken from an individual state. I think?

hS

You don't have to like the military. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-11 23:02:00 UTC Link to this

The military, as I said, is a necessary evil. Most soldiers don't like it, either.
However, I have two problems with what you say.
One is that killing yourself is not easy. It takes a special kind of courage - or despair, depending on your reasons - to do that. I don't think people should say that they'll kill themselves before doing something lightly - this is a thing of great importance indeed.
The second is logical in nature - if killing is never OK, how is killing yourself before taking another person's life OK? Either killing is always not OK, which means that killing yourself isn't OK, or killing is OK in certain circumstances (in which case you need to define them).

The Doctor on this: by Scapegrace on 2015-05-12 00:18:00 UTC Link to this

"What do you want to be liked for? You're the ones with all the guns."

Well... by Voyd on 2015-05-11 23:09:00 UTC Link to this

I do believe that suicide is a horrible horrible thing to do to yourself. But in my mind, compared to being forced to end someone else's life and having to live with it for the rest of my own, it's the lesser of two evils.

And being forced into the military is literally the one and only condition I have for that. I have issues with self-loathing and depression, but I'm too much of a stubborn fool to even consider it for any other reason.

You have explained. by Scapegrace on 2015-05-11 21:51:00 UTC Link to this

Let me explain my position to my own satisfaction, because it's probably not going to be to yours.

I'm extremely anti-war, and rather pro-international law. This... does tend to put one on something of a collision course with the IDF's more, for want of a better term, militant supporters. Perhaps it's hindsight talking (the entire region being my people's comprehensive cockup in the first place), but - while I wholeheartedly support Israeli statehood - I think a better solution could have been reached than the one that has led to the state of Israel being tiny and, to the common-or-garden outside observer, militaristic to a frankly absurd degree. My position on militarism in general is summed up by this verse from Billy Bragg:

"I kept the faith and I kept voting/
Not for the iron fist but for the helping hand/
For theirs is a land with a wall around it/
And mine is a faith in my fellow man/
Theirs is a land of hope and glory/
Mine is the green field and the factory floor/
Theirs are the skies all dark with bombers/
And mine is the peace we knew/
Between the wars"

Please don't get me wrong; I sincerely believe in the right of Israel to be a state. I just think that over the course of creating that state, the British Government of the day made a complete and comprehensive Horlicks of the entire affair to the point where what was meant to be a safe haven for the thousands of displaced and downtrodden is a bunker full of sand and guns. We messed it up. The blame for all the lives lost lies, at least in part, at my people's door.

In part.

Well... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-11 22:52:00 UTC Link to this

Generally speaking, I dislike war, and killing and senseless suffering. You have to be completely off your rocker to like that. The problem is that in the world as it is today, power - including but not limited to military power - is a necessary evil. International law without military power to back it is a joke, as Syria (where Assad gassed his own people) and Crimea (where Putin decided that the peninsula is his now) show, and a sad joke at that.

Israel is militaristic mainly because its neighbours are various shades of bloodthirsty madmen (it was nationalists in my grandparents' time and it's overly-religious fundies now, but they're pretty much the same thing with regards to Israel) who seem to have lost their ability to talk and reason somewhere along the way; the other choice is to let them butcher us, and I think the Jewish people as a collective had enough of that - being unable to protect itself - for hundreds of years which culminated in the Holocaust. Never again, and if we have to kill others to get some peace, so be it. Maybe it'll get through their thick skulls that they should mind their own business and let us exist in peace.

You know, being in the military gives you perspective. I don't mean the drivel they tell you in basic training; that's bullshit that even the commanders don't really believe. But - even as an administrator whose job can be summed up as 'telling people to do logistical things A, B and C because there's an angry officer who wants them done yesterday', I've seen things that made me stay up until late at night; things that made me realise there isn't any choice. Considering the environment we live in, peace through superior firepower is the only choice: si vis pacem, para bellum (if you want peace, prepare for war). Would that it be different, but it isn't. That is the harsh reality of the Middle East.

A counter-quote from Vetinari: by Scapegrace on 2015-05-11 22:56:00 UTC Link to this

"Those who would desire war, prepare for war."

It's not quite a counter, per se. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-11 23:03:00 UTC Link to this

Vetinari's quote isn't diametrically opposed to the Latin phrase I quote earlier - it doesn't say anything about desiring peace. It is obvious that if you want war, you should prepare for it; what the phrase I quoted means is that even if you want peace, you must prepare for war - because your enemies won't just go "ah, he wants peace, we won't kill him now, let's all be friends". They'd go, "ah, he's not defending himself? Itbakh al-Yahud!" and kill you.

I don't think that quote would apply to the situation. by Darkotas on 2015-05-11 23:01:00 UTC Link to this

Sorry to butt in, and I don't intend to step on any toes, but... If everyone around you wants to and is actively trying to wipe you off the map, I would say that having at least some form of defense is a necessity. War should not be a thing. It is horrendous and ugly. But... It is a thing. Even if you don't desire war, those who do may not give you a choice.

Hi there! by domirossi on 2015-05-11 16:44:00 UTC Link to this

So, welcome aBoard!
Full disclosure: I tried reading LotR. Sadly, I lost my small brick... Er, I mean, "pocket" full trilogy edition. And then I was too lazy to find it back.
Anyway, have this plush Great Old One! I'd recommend to avoid looking at it for too long. But it's f̥̙̥͙͈̭͢ͅl͏̦̞̺̘̰̞u͕̣̰̫͇̘͙f͈͢f͖̦̥͕͕̀y̻̮̫.
Have fun on the Board! ^^

Hello all recent newbies! I grant the gift of caffeine! by Silenthunder on 2015-05-13 12:15:00 UTC Link to this

Trust me, your agents will need it.

Caffiene; yay! Thank you! (nm) by Alleb on 2015-05-14 20:37:00 UTC Link to this

Thanks! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 17:44:00 UTC Link to this

They're really good books, but of course I'm not biased AT ALL.. Thanks for the plush!

Welcome! by Cassie on 2015-05-11 15:37:00 UTC Link to this

It's always lovely to have new people here! Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object. *sweeping curtsey* It's always good to have more Tolkien fans around.

Thanks! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 16:20:00 UTC Link to this

*hordes the Shiny and pebbles* I'm glad to be here! I do love Tolkien. Nothing quite like his works. :)

First plover! (nm) by Tawaki on 2015-05-11 14:54:00 UTC Link to this

Welcome, welcome, welcome! by eatpraylove on 2015-05-11 14:15:00 UTC Link to this

*gives box of popcorn* Tell me about the Lunar Chronicles; they sound like either a science-fiction series about a moon colony or a fantasy series about werewolves. Are either of those guesses right?

Oh, and since you're into Lord of the Rings, here's a T-shirt with the White Tree of Gondor printed on it. Enjoy your stay!

Both! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 14:20:00 UTC Link to this

*eagerly takes popcorn* It's both, really. The general premise is futuristic retellings of Classic fairy tales- the first book is Cinder, in which Cinderella is a cyborg mechanic in the Eastern Commonwealth. There's werewolves (sorta) and a moon colony that is home to the main antagonist, Queen Levana. They're really good, I fully recommend them. The author actually started out writing Sailor Moon fanfiction, which she said helped her learn the craft. Thanks for the t shirt!

YAY! HI! by KandleKitty on 2015-05-11 14:05:00 UTC Link to this

HI!!! I HAVENT BEEN HERE LONG EITHER BUT HI AND WELCOME!
/passes you a slice of infinite pizza/

Ease up with the capslock, lass. (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-11 16:24:00 UTC Link to this

Infinite!? by Alleb on 2015-05-11 14:22:00 UTC Link to this

I love this place! Thanks!

Oh oops by KandleKitty on 2015-05-11 14:09:00 UTC Link to this

Oops, why did it post twice? /shrugs/ HAVE a HUG!

YAY! HI! by KandleKitty on 2015-05-11 13:44:00 UTC Link to this

HI!!! I HAVENT BEEN HERE LONG EITHER BUT HI AND WELCOME!
/passes you a slice of infinite pizza/

Hella by radioactiveSue on 2015-05-11 12:25:00 UTC Link to this

Welcome to the board and here is a Lark Bled Light Pen.

Gracios! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 13:03:00 UTC Link to this

Me gusto. *ties to urple bow*

*Gracias. *Me gusta. (nm) by eatpraylove on 2015-05-11 14:15:00 UTC Link to this

I apologize for my poor Spanish. (nm) by Alleb on 2015-05-11 14:24:00 UTC Link to this

Welcome to the PPC! by Scapegrace on 2015-05-11 09:36:00 UTC Link to this

*spins up your starter*

You got an Amaura!

(she's so fabulous)

*spins up your starting item*

You got a Will-o'-the-Wisp!

Enjoy your things!

Thanks! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 12:11:00 UTC Link to this

Ooooh, an Amaura and a Will-O'-the-Wisp! I love htme; thanks!

Equip them both for Synergies! by Scapegrace on 2015-05-11 12:27:00 UTC Link to this

Normal-type attacks become Ice-type attacks, deal 1.33x damage, and have a 33% chance to inflict 5x the attack's base power to adjacent enemies if you use one to make an opponent faint! Also you summon hail on entering the field. =]

Sweet! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 13:05:00 UTC Link to this

I shall keep it near and dear. And deer, for the sake of James Potter.

Newbie! Oh, Frabjous Day! Callooh! Cahlay! by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-11 09:08:00 UTC Link to this

Welcome, you're definitely fit right in.
Here, have a SACRED COOKIE OF INFINITE KNOWLEDGE (: :)!!!

*gasps* by Alleb on 2015-05-11 12:13:00 UTC Link to this

A SACRED COOKIE OF INTERNET KNOWLEDGE!!My preciouss.. (Also, love the Lewis Carroll reference!)

Newbie! *pokes* by KittyEden on 2015-05-11 06:10:00 UTC Link to this

Take this Weighted Companion Cube. If it attempts to stab you, ignore it. It cannot speak. If it does, it's lying.

Kitty :3

Cool! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 12:14:00 UTC Link to this

Thanks! Love me so Portal. I'll keep this in my Wardrobe!

Hiya! And Welcome! by Edhelistar on 2015-05-11 05:31:00 UTC Link to this

As yer newbie gift, you can have this replica of The One Ring that attracts chickens to you when you wear it.

Oooooh! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 12:15:00 UTC Link to this

Chicken! Yum. Thank ya kindly!

Wait, what?! by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-11 09:10:00 UTC Link to this

I'm the resident chicken whisperer here! May I have one too, please?

No. (nm) by Edhelistar on 2015-05-11 16:35:00 UTC Link to this

Welcome! by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-11 03:56:00 UTC Link to this

Have one of my own shed feathers! Careful, it's sharp~ XD

And seeing as you're a fan of Narnia, have a replica of the Wardrobe that doubles as a bedside table!

Awesome! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 04:48:00 UTC Link to this

Can the feather by fashioned into a dagger? Imma fashion it into a dagger. I love the Wardrobe- thanks!

Absolutely! by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-12 02:21:00 UTC Link to this

Though honestly, it's big enough that it can be made into a sword, instead XD

Welcome to Creation, here's your shovel. by Voyd on 2015-05-11 03:52:00 UTC Link to this

This shovel's an Intelligent Device. Meet Deep Digger; he's good at tectonic manipulation!

(I'm changing up my formula, whoo!)

*sobs* by Alleb on 2015-05-11 03:54:00 UTC Link to this

*uncontrollably* I've always wanted a shovel! *sobs again* thank you!
But really, thanks. I love the welcoming atmosphere of the PPC, it's very refreshing. I shall store this with my hummingbird!

I wouldn't just store him... by Voyd on 2015-05-11 03:55:00 UTC Link to this

Intelligent Devices (from Magical Nanoha Lyrical Nanoha) are magical supercomputers that act as channels for arcane power. Deep Digger has access to spells that involve moving the earth around.

And they're called INTELLIGENT Devices for a reason.

Whoops! by Alleb on 2015-05-11 03:59:00 UTC Link to this

Sorry! Got it. I'll keep him near me instead; that sounds useful.

I feel I should point out... by firemagic on 2015-05-11 03:57:00 UTC Link to this

Any kind of earthmover spell will be more along the lines of 'pick up a rock with a tractor beam or a magic binding spell' or 'crack the earth with a kinetic attack.' Flatout earthbending type things are not canon!

*nitpick nitpick*

Hmm by Alleb on 2015-05-11 04:00:00 UTC Link to this

Cracking the earth sounds handy.

Requesting concrit. by Cassie on 2015-05-11 15:47:00 UTC Link to this

Inspired by playing around on tumblr roleplay groups with Potterverse canon characters, I wrote a little fic. Now I'm wondering what you all think.

Not My Daughter is a Tonks-POV fic set in the Battle of Hogwarts. Slightly AU.

Concrit? Why does she ask for concrit? by Hieronymus Graubart on 2015-05-13 09:34:00 UTC Link to this

Grumble, grumble.

It’s hard to come up with something more than generic praise, and "Insert generic praise here" isn’t funny anymore if I do it too often. I realize that I tend to fall back into lurking mode and not comment at all when I can’t nitpick on errors that escaped the beta reader(s). That’s bad. Good writers should be made aware that I don’t ignore them.

*More grumbling.*

Ah, nitpicking. I remember now that there’s actually a point where I hesitated for a moment, but I was so immersed in the story that I didn’t want to pause and take a note. *Rereading*

A light show exploded as Bellatrix went on the attack, her eyes bright with mad glee as she shrieked insults between her spells; she'd cornered her niece at last, and nothing was going to stop her from wiping the stain off the family tree for good now.

Up to here and after it again, it’s all from Tonks’ POV. But in the second part of this sentence, are we suddenly in Bellatrix’s head? Is an omniscient narrator jumping in to explain Bellatrix’s motives, or is this a plausible conclusion Tonks can come to? I don’t know how to do it better; it just doesn’t feel perfectly right.

Should I tell you how much I like what you did with Ginny Weasley? Realizing that she doesn’t need to be there took me even longer than finding the One Flaw, because teaming her up with Tonks is so fitting for both characters that it just seems to come naturally.

HG

Seems OK to me. by Seafarer on 2015-05-13 22:33:00 UTC Link to this

Given that Bellatrix is "shriek[ing] insults", I think it's fair to assume that the last bit is a summary of said insults.

Um, so... by Iximaz on 2015-05-11 21:27:00 UTC Link to this

Considering Tonks/Remus is my OTP4life, I kind of teared up at the end. Now I'm wishing so much this is what actually happened... TT_TT

*offers internet cookies*

...Well thank you. :D by Cassie on 2015-05-11 21:40:00 UTC Link to this

*noms cookies*

Anybody want to solve a logic puzzle? by World-Jumper on 2015-05-12 00:50:00 UTC Link to this

So, I was wandering YouTube when I came across this animation. It is an animation about a logic puzzle. While it involves ponies, you should watch it even if you don't watch MLP. I am going to be honest: I have absolutely no idea what the answer is. So, I need your help to solve it.

And don't try looking up the answer either. There is a commonly accepted one by the brony community, but I refuse to see it as a solution to a logic puzzle. Unless you can explain how that answer makes sense, I don't buy it.

The PPCÂ’s answer by Hieronymus Graubart on 2015-05-13 19:42:00 UTC Link to this

My listening ability is far less developed than my ability to read this strange language. Thus, I’m not entirely sure what the question actually is and what the reactions to Twilight’s answers are, and I simply have to trust Huinesoron’s transcription of the correct answers.

As far as I understand this, whenever Twilight says a number, the answer is not correct because it’s a fragment and thus grammatically incorrect. A correct answer must be a grammatically correct sentence. The actual number doesn’t matter, because the result of any attempt to count the stars is subjective, depending on eyesight, atmospheric conditions and other circumstances. (And that’s probably what some other posters try to say, just in other words.)

HG

The solution is simple. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-12 21:00:00 UTC Link to this

Provided you have a Turing-complete computer, of course!

You see, the present composition of the universe is a direct result of the history of the universe. That means that - with a powerful-enough computer - you can calculate back from a sample of the universe to describe its origin - and then calculate forward again to deduce any desired fact (such as the number of stars in the night sky).

But that only applies for a representative sample. The elements that make up an eyepiece, lamp, flower, field of grass, etc, are not representative of the universe as a whole. Thus, every time you calculate from one of those objects, you will obtain a different answer. (Admittedly the answer with pi stars must have been an interesting simulation.)

Then why is Pink Thing claiming you can do it by looking at the objects? Simple: those aren't ponies. I mean, you know that, right? You know they're just computer animation, not actual real-live ponies? Heck, it's even flagged up by the fourth-wall breaking!

And there's a key word in there: computer. Yes, the animation was clearly made on the turing-complete system I discussed above.

So the answer is: I'm not a computer, Pink Thing, I can't do that. Why don't you calculate it for me and let me know?

^_~

hS

You know what? by KittyEden on 2015-05-13 09:58:00 UTC Link to this

You should post this on the comments to the video, just to see how other people react.

That's quite tempting, actually. (nm) by Huinesoron on 2015-05-13 10:03:00 UTC Link to this

Yes, watch the puny non-Boarders squirm at the logic of PPC. (nm by KittyEden on 2015-05-13 12:17:00 UTC Link to this

Where'd that 'hS is MacGyver' meme go? by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 22:37:00 UTC Link to this

(Though it's not quite as applicable in this case...)

You mean... by Edhelistar on 2015-05-13 03:39:00 UTC Link to this

...this one?

Pfff haha, no, but that works, too. XD (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-13 03:46:00 UTC Link to this

Look, I did my best. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-12 22:40:00 UTC Link to this

If Pink Robot had ended with 'count all the stars in the night sky using [thing]', I would've had an easier time of it.

(What was the last thing? Flying Robot's mane? Simple: create a primitive diffraction grating, and take an average of the light output of the sky as a whole. Using an estimate of the average brightness of a single star, calculate back. Ea-sy!)

hS

Fine. Let's do this. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-13 07:02:00 UTC Link to this

The correct answers, in order, are:

"There are four hundred and twenty stars."
"There are eighty stars, tonight."
"There are three point one four one five nine two six five stars."
"What if I say there are one hundred and seventeen times ten to the power of three point forty-three stars?"
"I thought there were absolutely no stars tonight."

There are, clearly, two possible answers. The second requires a bit of calculation, and I'll do it later; the first is obvious simply by looking.

-Taken as a RGB code, '420' is a dark orange colour. Orange is practically the same colour as pink.
-In both ASCII and Unicode, decimal 80 is the code for 'P'.
-3.14 etc is, of course, pi.
-117x10^3.43 comes out as 314909; that's a very clear simple visual code for 'is agog'.
-'no' means 0, which can be read as 'oh'.

Thus, the string of answers reads:

"pink P pi is agog! Oh..."

This is, of course, a third-person statement that Pinkie Pie is awestruck by the sheer beauty of the stars - which, if you recall, was the trigger for the entire conversation. Given that the character being addressed is called Twilight, the final answer is obvious:

4, because there are four books in Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series.

^_^

hS

Not 4... by Seafarer on 2015-05-13 22:27:00 UTC Link to this

4 novels, a novella, an illustrated guide and a half-finished novel draft. So more like 4.75 and a guide. Clearly the guide represents 42, so the answer is 46.75!
(I hope that 3/4 of a star stays well away...)

And the mathematical answer: by Huinesoron on 2015-05-13 09:47:00 UTC Link to this

-3,149,044.305 stars.

Obtained by calculating a Lagrange Interpolating Polynomial according to the Hughes method. The polynomial obtained was:

S_n = -1573216.444 + 3200251.055n - 2151387.758n² + 577253.124n³ - 52479.977n⁴

(to three decimal places, obvs)

The graph looks something like this:

(And in case you're wondering: no, it doesn't look like the number ever goes positive again.)

hS, brute forcing it

(PS: Of course, as Sam points out in the second link, you can Lagrange Interpolate the answer to be literally any number. This is just the one that falls naturally out of the sequence provided.)

Simple. by Darkotas on 2015-05-12 02:31:00 UTC Link to this

As stated before, the solution can be anything as long as it fits the question asked. It's not a true logic puzzle - it depends on the target's inherent acceptance that because they are told it is, the solution will follow the rules usually followed in logic puzzles. In essence, they were trolling Twilight. Unless you know the trick, most people aren't going to get it at all.

Ah! That makes sense. (nm) by KittyEden on 2015-05-12 04:36:00 UTC Link to this

Well... by radioactiveSue on 2015-05-12 02:00:00 UTC Link to this

I'm going with what one of the video's commenters said, which is, and I quote:

"How many stars are there in the night sky?
The answer is "There are [insert number here] stars in the night sky."

The answer can involve ANY number, because technically any number from 1 to infinity is correct. It's not about finding the COMPLETE number of stars; it's about stating that there ARE stars in the sky in the first place. You have to give a "correct answer."

Twilight always got it wrong because she only said a number, instead of that there were stars in the sky.

Get it?"

Sadly, that doesn't work. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-12 21:06:00 UTC Link to this

We're specifically told at one point that 'absolutely no stars' is a correct answer.

hS

PS: Also... uh, the number of visible stars is between 5000 and 10000, depending on a number of variables. The number of stars in the total observable universe is somewhere on the order of 10²⁷. Unless you interpret 'in the night sky' to mean 'technically behind an area of the night sky, even though it's physically impossible for the light to ever reach the Earth', infinity is not a correct answer. ^_^ ~hS

Wow? by KittyEden on 2015-05-12 01:47:00 UTC Link to this

I don't get it. I watched it twice, and while there probably is an answer, I'm not clever enough to get it.

Happy birthday to me, I'm turning eighteen... by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 04:39:00 UTC Link to this

I'm s'posed to be mature, but I act like I'm three!

(Well, technically, it won't be my birthday for another twenty minutes, but that's a minor detail.)

So, yep, the big one-eight at last. :D *offers everyone cake*

Congrats! by TheShyIon on 2015-05-14 11:36:00 UTC Link to this

Have... a candied unholy crossbreed of apple and pear! ^_^

Shy?! by Iximaz on 2015-05-14 12:33:00 UTC Link to this

Haven't seen you in a while! *glomps*

*eueballs the candied papple* Um... thanks? ^^;

Welcome to adulthood. There's no manual though. by darklordaakmal on 2015-05-13 16:36:00 UTC Link to this

Thanks for the cake. You will have to ask around for tips and tricks regarding adulthood. May wisdom and common sense guide you, although those are not as common as people say they are.

Happy Birthday! *throws confetti* (nm) by Anonymous on 2015-05-13 12:05:00 UTC Link to this

Happy belated birthday! by PoorCynic on 2015-05-13 06:26:00 UTC Link to this

May you find fortune, make new friends, and sharpen your skills to a new edge.

Also, get off my lawn whippersnapper.

PoorCynic

Happy now-belated birthday, Ix! by Fasoula on 2015-05-13 05:19:00 UTC Link to this

Welcome semi-officially to adulthood! Have complimentary a tie and a suitcase.

Good luck out there! And don't forget, Tuesdays are dress-down days!

Joyeux anniversaire! by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-13 02:04:00 UTC Link to this

Now, please collect your 2.7925 * 10^10 km frequent flier kilometres you've earned by orbiting the centre of the Milky Way. Don't let them go to waste! Get yourself, like, a toaster or something.

Merci! by Iximaz on 2015-05-13 02:50:00 UTC Link to this

I'll go a step up and get myself a toaster oven. :P

(As an aside, I poked you a few days ago with an email. Did you get it?)

Negatory. Resend? (nm) by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-13 03:04:00 UTC Link to this

Sent. (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-13 03:55:00 UTC Link to this

Welcome to 'adulthood'! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 21:48:00 UTC Link to this

You are now old enough to properly value naps.

Oh, I can appreciate a good nap. by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 23:54:00 UTC Link to this

I just never seem to be able to actually have one unless I'm feeling sick or stayed up through the entire night. ^^;

People keep asking how it feels to be eighteen. Honestly, I don't feel any different from when I was twelve, so... *shrugs*

Told ya! by Darkotas on 2015-05-13 00:24:00 UTC Link to this

I got the same exact question, over and over and over again. It doesn't feel any different now, but it might when tax season rolls around, sorry to say...

Eh. by Voyd on 2015-05-13 00:09:00 UTC Link to this

I'm 21, and I don't feel any different from when I was 14. A bit fuzzier about the face, maybe, and a good deal more stressed out, but I don't think I'm that different.

Personally, I believe that once you hit 21, growing older kinda loses meaning. There aren't any more milestones to celebrate, no aspects of life that get unlocked. Birthdays have basically stopped mattering to me.

Dude, there's plenty of milestones left. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-13 03:16:00 UTC Link to this

-Graduating from college/university

-Buying your first car

-Getting your own house

-Surviving tax season

-Learning when Half-Life 3 will be released (upon which Our Lord GabeN will ascend to the highest reaches of the heavens and shower us mere mortals with Steam sales and free DLC)

...among others. If I missed a big one feel free to add it here.

-Children starting school. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-13 08:50:00 UTC Link to this

-All children in school.
-Children leaving home.
-Children leaving home.
-Children leaving home.
-Children leaving home.

Believe me, once you've got them, them leaving is a major milestone. ^_^

hS

Children leaving home, indeed. by Iximaz on 2015-05-13 12:22:00 UTC Link to this

Bit terrifying for everyone involved. ^^;

Childfree-by-choice over here. by Voyd on 2015-05-13 11:52:00 UTC Link to this

I don't plan on having kids; I don't think my mind could take it. Plus it'd only be doing kids a disservice if I was their father.

(I'm dropping my beliefs all over the place these past few days)

Sure, fine. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-13 12:00:00 UTC Link to this

But you said: Personally, I believe that once you hit 21, growing older kinda loses meaning. There aren't any more milestones to celebrate, no aspects of life that get unlocked. That's not true as a general statement, however depressingly factual you may feel it is about yourself. See? ^_~

hS

Ah. by Voyd on 2015-05-13 14:25:00 UTC Link to this

My meaning was that there's no more reason to celebrate birthdays. Drinking age is the last thing that opens up depending on age, and for me, well, that hardly matters because I haven't found an alcoholic beverage that I like.

Presents and well-wishes are nice, sure. But I don't really care about my birthday anymore.

[/cynicalbastard]

Nonono, you're missing all the fun. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-13 14:59:00 UTC Link to this

There's no point in celebrating birthdays period, because the exact date matters jack squat - change is continuous, not 'I'm 18, so I'm mature now'.
However! Birthdays are an excuse to party and have fun. You can gather your friends and do silly things together, or go to a restaurant with your family, or any of a plethora of other things. It's a bit similar to Sylvester, really - nobody actually celebrates the Saint's day; people just use that as an excuse to party.

What is this "party" thing you speak of? by Voyd on 2015-05-13 15:59:00 UTC Link to this

I'd love to get all my friends together, but the problem is that none of us can drive.

I've actually never been to a party that wasn't for little kids, so I have no idea what parties with teens/adults are like.

A party is whatever you make of it, really! by Darkotas on 2015-05-13 18:16:00 UTC Link to this

You don't have to be active, or even really have a plan - just get some people you know (the closer you know them, the better, IMO) and find something fun to do. Watch a movie, play a game, take a trip! What you do isn't important so long as it's something you enjoy with people who are important to you. :)

Actually... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-13 16:12:00 UTC Link to this

'Party' here stands for 'doing fun stuff together'. I personally despise large gatherings of people where you can't pay attention to anybody without looking asocial.

Well... by Iximaz on 2015-05-13 16:02:00 UTC Link to this

For just about every occasion, my friends and I get together to play Cards Against Humanity, or marathon movies or TV shows, or we play video games or D&D. Nothing special, really, but it's fun.

Responses by Voyd on 2015-05-13 03:39:00 UTC Link to this

-I'm iffy about college, though getting a mathematics or creative writing degree once we move to Arizona has crossed my mind.

-I'm kinda scared of the idea of ME driving. I forget what I'm doing too much to think I can.

-That depends on figuring out how to survive on my own... I once had to stay home (I still worked at Steak n Shake) while my family traveled to Arizona for two weeks. I had two cats for company then, and the house was a disaster when my family got back.

-I know exactly zip about taxes.

-I'm not terribly interested in Half-Life.

The point I was making, though, is that BIRTHDAYS no longer mean anything to me. Next February, hurrah, I'll be another year closer to a casket. Not much to celebrate.

Seriously, dude? by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-13 15:17:00 UTC Link to this

Yeah, we're all gonna die someday. Every birthday, every month, every day, every hour, every living moment of yours is accompanied by the sound of your biological clock ticking towards The End. You're dying as you read this message.

So what are you going to do about it? Here's my (crappy and completely unsolicited) advice: go out there and do something. Anything is fine: a walk, reading a book, talking to people, volunteering your time, etc. Keep moving.

Think of it this way: by Darkotas on 2015-05-13 18:31:00 UTC Link to this

Sure, every second you live brings you closer to death. That can't be helped. But every moment you exist brings opportunities to learn new things, to have an effect on others. Everything you do changes the world, even in the smallest way - remember that, and make those changes be the best they can be!

Welco-- Uh, no, wait. by domirossi on 2015-05-12 19:21:00 UTC Link to this

Just kidding. Happy birthday! Have this "eggnog gone deliciously wrong" cake. It's made with Suegar because I didn't have any of the normal kind of sugar left, but at least, the color is covered by the icing. It does still have that special flavour, though. Not bad, actually...

Happy birthday! by Huinesoron on 2015-05-12 18:48:00 UTC Link to this

[Insert really interesting birthday post here; alternately, insert 'insert' statement and berate hS for being unimaginative in the extreme.]

[h... er,]hS

Or, alternately, guffaw like an idiot at hS' silliness. (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 18:50:00 UTC Link to this

HAPPY (Now Belated) BIRTHDAY! :D *Optional!Hugs* (nm) by SMF on 2015-05-12 18:05:00 UTC Link to this

It's not belated where I am! :D (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 18:07:00 UTC Link to this

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! *Kermit flails* (nm) by SMF on 2015-05-12 18:40:00 UTC Link to this

Happy Birthday! by son_of_heaven176 on 2015-05-12 15:27:00 UTC Link to this

It's been a while since I broke out this thing!

*rummages through Pokémon-Trainer-issue bag of holding*

Here you go: a flask of Butterbeer!

Happy birthday! by eatpraylove on 2015-05-12 14:25:00 UTC Link to this

*blows noisemaker* I found an online game I think you might be into. (Link goes to a review.)

B-but Ixi, the cake is a lie. by KittyEden on 2015-05-12 13:45:00 UTC Link to this

Before you die of poison, take this carbon dioxide balloon. Happy birthday!

Umm... you know CO2 is heavier than air, right? by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-12 13:54:00 UTC Link to this

The balloon will be hugging the ground all the time.

Also, I've thought of something... If Ixi is acceptable... so is Pixie?

PPC Balloon Soccer/Football! by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 14:02:00 UTC Link to this

If the balloon pops while you're kicking it, the other team gets a point. :D

And just... look, please, no nicknames that aren't variations on my name.

Hmm, okay, I can do that... by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-12 14:04:00 UTC Link to this

...I think... I like nicknames, though.

Anyway, I'm a goalie! Game start! :D

Since you canÂ’t do it for yourself by Hieronymus Graubart on 2015-05-12 10:37:00 UTC Link to this

I’ll do it for you – once.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
HOPE NOBODY MAKES YOU BLUE
AND YOUR CAKE DOESN'T EXPLODE IN GOO!

*hides*

*snerk* Okay, was not expecting that! XD (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 11:18:00 UTC Link to this

Happy Birthday! by Darkotas on 2015-05-12 08:20:00 UTC Link to this

Happy Birthday to the most awesome-est girl I know!
I hope you have a wonderful day, and don't forget to eat that extra slice of cake for me. ;)

For a birthday gift.... hmm. Here, take this Cheerful Pensieve! It will allow you to store and view your happiest memories whenever you wish. May it serve you well!

Wait, wait, what!? 18!? by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-12 07:05:00 UTC Link to this

Jay-sus Christ, I feel old now... I'm 21!

Anyway, wszystkiego najlepszego~!... That's Happy Birthday in Polish :3 (although technically it means "All the best", but it's used for birthdays anyway)

Umm... here, have a raspberry and chocolate cake with chopped nuts :3

Yap, 18. by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 12:50:00 UTC Link to this

Dunno why everyone always seems to think I'm in my twenties. ^^;

I do believe I have the answer by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-12 13:51:00 UTC Link to this

At least correct in my case. You're typing style is too mature... or I'm just childish... both of which, I have no problem with.

Happy birthday to you... by Cassie on 2015-05-12 06:07:00 UTC Link to this

Have a cake shaped like Sue
With sprinkles and some glitter
happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuu

Have a great birthday! by ratbrainbasher on 2015-05-12 05:10:00 UTC Link to this

And for your gift, here is a sue trophy rack! Happy hunting!

Happy Birthday! by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-12 05:00:00 UTC Link to this

Assuming I didn't give this to you on an earlier occasion, have a complimentary kit of Spikes! Oh, and a TM93 for Zeb as well. :D

Happy Birthday!!! by Edhelistar on 2015-05-12 04:50:00 UTC Link to this

For your gift you can have this one-week supply of Lava Cookies and a Doctor Whooves plushie!

HUZZAH! by Voyd on 2015-05-12 04:45:00 UTC Link to this

As for your gift...

Behold, the greatest weapon I can grant: a +6 keen holy vorpal shovel!

Happy birthday, Ix! I hope your day is awesome!

It's also my little brother's birthday! by Voyd on 2015-05-12 14:34:00 UTC Link to this

He turns 10 today. I got him an Optimus Prime toy from the new Combiner Wars series. Now I just have to wait for him to get out of school...

Greetings, those who make light of the darkness (nm) by Baroom on 2015-05-12 16:55:00 UTC Link to this

First plover! (nm) by Tawaki on 2015-05-14 17:09:00 UTC Link to this

Hi, newbie! by eatpraylove on 2015-05-14 04:18:00 UTC Link to this

Well, you've certainly picked a memorable way to introduce yourself. Here's a bag of dried apricots! Don't look at me like that, it was the only thing I could find on short notice.

Hey, welcome! by Alleb on 2015-05-13 12:26:00 UTC Link to this

I just got here myself! Don't be nervous; these people are really cool and nice. Have a bag of chocolate coins, and here's a miniature of an Ent!

Re: Hey, welcome! by Baroom on 2015-05-14 17:47:00 UTC Link to this

My Greetings!
Chocolate! Specifically in the only form of money most agents see. And is the Ent animate or do I have to that myself?

Fully animate! by Alleb on 2015-05-16 22:25:00 UTC Link to this

I got Hermione to do it for me.

Um, hi? by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 17:07:00 UTC Link to this

Might I ask who you are?

*sniff* *sniff* I smell a Newbie. (nm) by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-12 18:06:00 UTC Link to this

Indeed. by Baroom on 2015-05-12 18:38:00 UTC Link to this

One with 2 settings: high fantasy and slightly nervous

'Kay! Welcome aBoard! by Edhelistar on 2015-05-13 04:12:00 UTC Link to this

Take this replica of The One Ring that allows you to cast Alohomora while you wear it!

Welcome to Creation, here's your shovel. by Voyd on 2015-05-12 18:55:00 UTC Link to this

I'll just consider this your introductory post... anyway, have this Shovel Blade that I borrowed from Shovel Knight. He had an extra, he didn't mind.

But yeah, you can't just pop in and say "hi," you have to tell us about yourself!

Bit more info, please? by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 18:46:00 UTC Link to this

Have you read The Original Series and the Constitution, and if not, may I direct you to them?

What are your fandoms?

Read any spin-offs? If so, which ones are your favorites?

Got any preferred pronouns?

Oh, and since I wasn't sure beforehand, have your welcome present! It's a honking llama. If the urple bow around its neck becomes too much, feel free to remove it. ;)

Re: Bit more info, please? by Baroom on 2015-05-12 19:47:00 UTC Link to this

Found out about the PPC via OFUM and Tvtropes.
Original series, yes that's what brought me into lurkerdom. Constitution, yes whilst considering exiting aforementioned lurkerdom.
Fandoms: Tolkien,Pratchett, Gaiman, Old Kingdom, Earthsea,Les Mis,Harry Potter and some second hand fandoms, mainly MCU and Atla/Korra. There may be smaller ones as well. Currently reading Ray Bradbury and Soseki Natsume's I am a Cat.
I have read spin-offs, and enjoyed: DOGA; the Mara&Isiah stuff; Trojie&Pads; those with Agent Suicide in; and have read most of the sporkings of Legendary Badfics.
Cis-female, so as usual.

Cool stuff. by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 20:10:00 UTC Link to this

Harry Potter's definitely my number one fandom, but AtlA is also awesome. Toph is my favorite. ;)

Re: Cool stuff. by Baroom on 2015-05-12 21:28:00 UTC Link to this

Harry Potter is more a childhood, no seriously why did you do that, fandom which I enjoy the metas and the world building fic for. However I do enjoy your missions in said continua

Oh, thank you! by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 21:39:00 UTC Link to this

Considering I practically learned how to read thanks to Harry Potter, it's not really any question about which continuum I'd do most of my work in.

Hallo the fort! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 17:30:00 UTC Link to this

This is more of a reintroduction I guess than nothing else, if mainly because I'm hoping to poke my head in a bit more than I have been the last year or so, thanks to a change in circumstance that has me doing odd tasks at strange hours usually in a location filled with gray mazelike passageways and doors that at random intervals will hold a room that was most definitely not occupied or even in use several hours ago, where the powers that be do not always make sense but you're supposed to do what they say anyways, if you can't make do with what you've got you gotta MacGyver it, and there's always the distinct probability of things exploding and/or suddenly becoming on fire. (I also wouldn't eat the food or think too hard on it, if given the option, but that's neither here nor there.)

Anyways, to all those new people who don't know who I am, hello, I'm July, I've been around for quite a few years (with a short break), I may or may not be a PG at this point in time (honestly, that is a very good question), and I'm a spontaneous and continuous fountain of Excellent Bad Ideas (as many can attest or have witnessed). I'm also a pro at travel planning (as a few others here can vouch). I've got a spin-off that I really, really, really need to make available online again, and missions that have been in the works for so long that were they human children they'd be in school by now.

I've got a fairly steady set of canons I'm interested, primarily books (and comics), including but not limited to Pterry, Brandon Sanderson, the Harry Potter series, so on, so on.

Anyways, heyo to everyone who knows me from before, and I promise to not bite ~~too hard~~ any new people.

Have a welcome-back plover! (nm) by Tawaki on 2015-05-14 17:05:00 UTC Link to this

Thanks! (nm) by JulyFlame on 2015-05-14 21:27:00 UTC Link to this

Hail, traveler! by Neshomeh on 2015-05-14 17:04:00 UTC Link to this

Nice to see you around again. ^_^ Sorry for the delayed response, but I have a new job that's actually making me work, so I have less free time.

(Hm, seeing you reminds me that I should check and see if FractalDawn is still interested in a co-write. Any idea?)

Anyway. Welcome back!

~Neshomeh

Gasp! Work? by JulyFlame on 2015-05-14 21:07:00 UTC Link to this

Congratulations on it, though, assuming it's something that makes you happy.

(I rather suspect she would, you just need to give her a ping.)

I'm happy that it pays, so yes. {= ) by Neshomeh on 2015-05-15 00:57:00 UTC Link to this

It's a self-serve frozen yogurt shop. They're very popular, at least around here. It's not difficult and the pay is decent. I make about half per hour what I was before, but I should be getting more hours in a week, so it works out. {= ) Plus, I should be more motivated to actually do stuff with my days off. It's weird that having less time can mean that I get more done, but there it is.

(I shall do so in good time, then!)

~Neshomeh

Aaaah. by JulyFlame on 2015-05-15 02:00:00 UTC Link to this

Yeah, funny thing about time management, that. It's certainly done wonders for me.

I'm pretty sure the frozen yogurt has become a nationwide popular thing. Except perhaps in Alaska? Who knows.

As an Alaskan, I can confirm frozen yogurt is a thing here. by World-Jumper on 2015-05-15 19:11:00 UTC Link to this

We are not, contrary to popular belief, frozen year-round. And even then, just because it is cool outside, why would we not want something tasty? Do you only eat ice cream when it's super hot? Doubt it.

Speaking of ice cream, I also seem to remember Alaska being the largest per capita consumers of ice cream in the US, though that may be wrong.

Also, welcome back! Sorry for the late response. Finals, you see. Anyway, it's wonderful to see you around again.

Can confirm that frozen yoghurt is not a thing down my way. by Scapegrace on 2015-05-15 23:37:00 UTC Link to this

I've only ever seen it once.

That was in Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

Frankly, a cup of it looked like something you hand back to the nurse after an easy-going but productive morning at the sperm bank.

*baps Scape* Oh, right, yogurt in Indiana! by Iximaz on 2015-05-16 02:40:00 UTC Link to this

It's gaining in popularity here, though we're mostly dominated by the ice cream industry. Mostly soft-serve, which is a shame, because hand dipped is the best. Even more of a shame is that hand dipped costs more.

Frankly, I prefer ice cream, because if I want dessert, it's not going to be good for anything but my taste buds. :P

Mmmmm... Ice cream! by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-16 03:32:00 UTC Link to this

give... yes...

OH. What? Stop looking at me like that! Frozen Custard is also good, but I only say that because theres a store that serves some about 3 streets down from my house.

I say, is that a July?! by Elcalion on 2015-05-14 08:05:00 UTC Link to this

Welcome back! Great that you'll (hopefully) be able to lurk around here a bit more.

Have a welcome-back mongoose from the Shelter!

Elcalion

Why, indeed it is! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-14 21:20:00 UTC Link to this

Thanks! I'm definitely planning on.

For better or worse the internet access I have is adequate enough for the PPC Board. ;D

I accept this mongoose with only a small amount of tentative fear. Because moongoose.

Welcome back! by eatpraylove on 2015-05-13 15:30:00 UTC Link to this

*hugs* Good luck with getting your spinoff back on the radar!

Someone mentioned that you're in the Navy? Wow, that sounds pretty intense. What exactly do you do there?

Hee! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-13 21:30:00 UTC Link to this

Thanks! It's something I may well just do all at once sometime soon, depending.

And yep, I am. Right now I help the ship enter and leave port, get refueled and replenished with supplies, and am part of the team that is in charge of handling man overboards. I also look for dolphins.

Man overboard? by Iximaz on 2015-05-14 11:17:00 UTC Link to this

Does that, uh, happen often? O_o

But dolphins are cool. :)

Usually not! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-14 21:20:00 UTC Link to this

But we do have to be trained and prepared! It's a serious thing and we've always got to be on the lookout!

Considering that I think ship decks are pretty high up... by Voyd on 2015-05-14 21:26:00 UTC Link to this

I'd imagine so.

July! by firemagic on 2015-05-13 14:10:00 UTC Link to this

Hi, July! How have things been for you lately? Any new fandoms?

Heya! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-13 21:36:00 UTC Link to this

They're going! We're working up to deployment which will be an adventure in and of itself, so there's that going for me.

As for new fandoms, hmm, I've gotten a bit more deeper into comics than I had been prior, but nothing too new (for now at least).

*glomp* by KittyEden on 2015-05-13 09:59:00 UTC Link to this

I'm old enough to remember you! *hugs*

So much glomping going on! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-13 21:42:00 UTC Link to this

And I you- wait, that's not how this works.

Heyo again officially! by Fasoula on 2015-05-13 06:07:00 UTC Link to this

Good to have you back aboard!

Just for the occasion, here's a welcome back boomerang! It guarantees many great returns to come.

It's always nice to still see people who were here when I first joined. Feels all fuzzy and nostalgic. I hope to see you around!

Welcome back! by Edhelistar on 2015-05-13 03:45:00 UTC Link to this

Havethis replica of The One Ring that summons a squeaky toy Sauron while you wear it.

Welcome back... aboard! by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-13 01:58:00 UTC Link to this

Hah, get it? A-Board? 'Cause you're in the Navy...?

No, that was an awful pun. Ignore that.

Lovely to see you back in action! If you want to know about current events then you just missed the PPC's first ever Pokémon tournament, unfortunately. Luckily, everything you need to know is in this handy GDoc! You can even watch the replays of the battles!

Huzzah and hurrah! by PoorCynic on 2015-05-12 22:45:00 UTC Link to this

Let joy be unconfined! It's good to have you popping back in.

Hooyah! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-13 22:02:00 UTC Link to this

And good to see you, too! I've noticed those workshops you've been running; good work there!

Hello! by dramaticsoprano on 2015-05-12 21:05:00 UTC Link to this

Have some Swiss Chocolate.

Hoy! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 21:47:00 UTC Link to this

I will gladly accept.

Welcome back! (nm) by Sergio Turbo on 2015-05-12 20:29:00 UTC Link to this

Thanks! (nm) by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 21:56:00 UTC Link to this

*squeals at a very high pich* ASDFGHJK JULYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY by Cassie on 2015-05-12 19:59:00 UTC Link to this

*tackles* Oh man I was just wondering the other day how you were doing! It's so good to see you again! =D

CAAAASSIEEEEEE-*sqooshed* by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 21:50:00 UTC Link to this

Haha, I'm doing fairly well, sleep deprivation and odd job hours and an odd job in and of itself.

How have you been, m'dear?

^________^ by Cassie on 2015-05-13 05:48:00 UTC Link to this

I've been up and down really. Got a job, lost a job, got a new job just recently, hoping to make a few splashes in the Potter fandom... Glad to hear you're doing all right. :)

Welcome re-back againly. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-12 18:46:00 UTC Link to this

Yeah, that is a very good question which I've avoided answering. ^_^ To make it even more tangled, you're definitely a Baron of Plort - but a baron without a barony. And round and round the question goes... best not to think about it too hard.

Love the job description, by the way. Very nice. [Thumbs up]

hS

Indeed it is. by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 21:46:00 UTC Link to this

I've been skirting the matter of the question myself, until now. Perhaps we should keep pretending we've not noticed it.

And I am glad you enjoyed it. It's suspiciously fully accurate.

Baron July is invited to stay in De'endee... by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 18:48:00 UTC Link to this

...until she is able to find more permanent accommodations or gets sick of Lady Iximaz, whichever comes first. :P

Oneself prefers to wander, as it were. by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 21:53:00 UTC Link to this

Seeing as she cannot claim her former lands, and has not much interest in doing so. :P

If that is your wish, then so be it. by Iximaz on 2015-05-13 00:20:00 UTC Link to this

Just never let it be said Lady Iximaz turned another away. The gates to the keep will be open to you. ;)

Fee! Fie! Foe! Fum! I smell the blood of an... Oldbie? by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-12 18:09:00 UTC Link to this

Anyway, welcome and have a SACRED COOKIE OF INFINITE KNOWLEDGE (: :)!!!

*squint* I haven't got hurt recently... by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 21:44:00 UTC Link to this

I will accept this cookie and preserve it forever. Unless someone else eats it, of course.

Dai Stiho! by SMF on 2015-05-12 18:02:00 UTC Link to this

I remember reading your stories. I found you pretty cool, and I hope you have a good time being back here. ^^
*Optional!Hugs, if you'd like*

Oho! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 21:42:00 UTC Link to this

So they've not gone completely undiscovered after all! Though, there are still more than a few that are right now entirely unavailable.

And thank you very much! I do plan on.

*does indeed accept hugs, yes*

Yay! A friend came back! by doctorlit on 2015-05-12 17:59:00 UTC Link to this

Hey July! How are you?

And uh . . . your new job sounds suspiciously like it's in HQ. I'm going to be so jealous if that's the case! What actually are you doing?

Oh, and how's Artell? Haven't heard from him in a long while.

And you're still here! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 21:38:00 UTC Link to this

I'm doing well! Aside from the sleep deprivation. And constant warning that if anything goes wrong it will be Certain! Death!

As for it sounding like it's in HQ, well, I cannot confirm nor deny... ;) (In actuality I'm still in the military, and on a ship for the time being.)

Artell's doing okay last I heard!

Welcome (back) to Creation, here's your shovel. by Voyd on 2015-05-12 17:53:00 UTC Link to this

Have a moonsilver shovel! If you're a Lunar Exalted, you can do crazy things with it. If you're NOT a Lunar, well, at least it's prettu.

Do not underestimate what I can do with a shovel. :> (nm by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 21:32:00 UTC Link to this

You broke the Board! (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-12 21:34:00 UTC Link to this

Sssh. >_> (nm) by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 21:40:00 UTC Link to this

But anyway... by Voyd on 2015-05-12 21:55:00 UTC Link to this

You can't use it to its full potential without being a Lunar Exalted. You could use it as a normal one, but you can't access the unique powers of moonsilver without the blessing of Luna.

Not that Luna, the moon goddess of Creation. Who can also be a god. Or a child-god. Or a heavily pregnant any-of-the-above.

Hello again and (belatedly) welcome back! by Desdendelle on 2015-05-12 17:38:00 UTC Link to this

Have this cup of confused tea as a welcome-back gift.

Don't mind if I do! by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 17:48:00 UTC Link to this

Yeah, I figured on making it slightly more extended a return than merely popping back in. We'll see how that goes in practice, however!

Oh, I forgot: *salutes* (nm) by Desdendelle on 2015-05-12 18:01:00 UTC Link to this

Julyyyyy! *flying tacklehug* by Iximaz on 2015-05-12 17:38:00 UTC Link to this

Take this plate of freshly-made SPaGhetti! It's good to have you back.

As for your PG status, you just need to hang out for a bit and re familiarize yourself with the current system and you'll be considered active again (assuming you were considered inactive before). Welcome back! :D

Yeek! *tackled* by JulyFlame on 2015-05-12 17:42:00 UTC Link to this

Possibly, though the actual circumstances may make it slightly more murkier than such an outright clear solution.

Thank you very much for both warm welcome and SPaGhetti!

WTNV by Superfluity on 2015-05-12 23:39:00 UTC Link to this

I don't know if anyone listens to "Welcome to Nightvale" but I get to go to the live show today! I've not been listening recently but my friend got me a ticket and how could I say no? Just thought that I would share.
If you don't listen to it yet, it's a free podcast on itunes. I recommend it.

You're going to a Night Vale live show?? by eatpraylove on 2015-05-13 15:27:00 UTC Link to this

Awesome!! Congratulations!! Try not to get eaten or stranded in the Void or mauled by a stray librarian!

(Oh, and if you don't mind, share pictures of the event with the rest of us. Please? Pretty please?)

WTNV a podcast? Don't be silly. by Scapegrace on 2015-05-13 14:49:00 UTC Link to this

I listen to Cecil's soothing voice on an old, blackened Bakelite radio pulled from the burning wreckage of an Arby's. I know when it's tuned to the right setting by the issuing of lumps and strange yellow gas from the back of the set, followed by the sound of diving hawks and a distant temple bell, calling those who worship to enact their final sacrifice...

(i love that show and i find it kind of easy to write for)

*high-fives* (nm) by eatpraylove on 2015-05-13 15:28:00 UTC Link to this

I do by EileenAlphabet on 2015-05-13 08:30:00 UTC Link to this

I've also been to one of their liveshows (The Librarian) and it was awesome!

So here's a random question. by Alleb on 2015-05-13 22:28:00 UTC Link to this

(And I hope I'm not breaking any rule, unspoken or otherwise, by posting thrice in such a short time) Has there ever been a fic encountered, containing two OCs, in which one was perfectly healthy and the other a Mary Sue? And not in a way meant for laughs, like in "Fair Wanderer, Thou Makest Me Sicker," just a person writing a regular ole' fic?

You're fine. by Iximaz on 2015-05-13 22:39:00 UTC Link to this

It's just when people start up, say, multiple badfic threads that we need to bap them. ;)

Anyway, I don't know so much about finding well-rounded, 'healthy', characters in badfic, but you do occasionally find ones that are less horrible than the main Sue/Stu and they're generally either recruited or left to assimilate back into canon.

I have a 'nern. by Alleb on 2015-05-14 01:14:00 UTC Link to this

It pertains to Permission, which I would like to get someday, but obviously not today. So, it's clearly stated that one cannot write before obtaining said Permission, but I sort of assume that by 'write' it means 'write and publish.' Is it okay to write, say, from the 36 prompts before getting Permission, as long as you do it solely for you own practice and without spreading it across the internet? I'd like the experience. I wouldn't say no to being able to write a mission or two for myself, but for now I'll stick with the prompts, if that's permitted.

Absolutely! by Iximaz on 2015-05-14 01:21:00 UTC Link to this

Practice makes perfect, after all! And just between you and me (heh), I was already polishing my Permission piece a few weeks before I asked. ;)

Great! by Alleb on 2015-05-14 01:31:00 UTC Link to this

Cause, you know, I haven't started one of the prompts or anything.. nope, not me! Definitely not. Nuhuh.

Between you and me, I might do that too.. By the way, how long did you wait before asking for Permission? I know there's no set time period, but I'd like a ballparkish estimate if possible.

About a month, at least. by Iximaz on 2015-05-14 01:41:00 UTC Link to this

I showed up January 22 last year and got Permission February 28th, so it was a little over a month.

Don't be discouraged if you don't get Permission right away, though. Desdendelle tried, er, five times, I think, and now look at him, big scary PG. ;)

Thanks! by Alleb on 2015-05-14 01:56:00 UTC Link to this

That seems fairly quick! I'll wait a while, familiarize myself with you lovely people. I think the Permission giving is a really smart idea, do you happen to know who thought of it? There's not a specific name mentioned, just that the article was assembled from the words of various Boarders.

Got it. I think JKR tried.. what was it, twelve different publishers before someone accepted The Philosopher's Stone? I can keep applying :)

Something like that, yeah. by Iximaz on 2015-05-14 03:19:00 UTC Link to this

Bet those publishers who rejected her are still kicking themselves. :P

Anyway, I think the original Permission system was basically 'ask Jay or Acacia' and later 'ask Miss Cam, Thalia Weaver, or GreyLadyBast'. The current Permission system was actually put in place almost immediately after I got Permission, so that's been going on since last year. I don't know what the middle stages were like, though.

Gosh, that would be awful! by Alleb on 2015-05-14 03:24:00 UTC Link to this

Turning down Rowling.. whew. Poor guys.

Hmm, so not TOO long it's been around then. Yeah, those middling times would have been quite annoying. All transitions are hard halfway through.

Well... by Iximaz on 2015-05-14 04:07:00 UTC Link to this

The system in place now and the system in place when I asked were fairly similar. Only difference is, back then, you just submitted brief bios and a short piece of writing. It could have been PPC related, it could have been fanfic, it could have been original fic, just so long as it wasn't in script format.

Quenya! Sindarin! Westron! Mordor! Fellowship! Orthanc! Tom Bombadil! Lembas! Morgoth! Silmarils! Preciousss!

Alright, hS, now that I got your attention, would you be so kind as to give us a history of the Permission system? Pretty please?

[Appears in a cloud of books] by Huinesoron on 2015-05-14 09:37:00 UTC Link to this

In the beginning was Eru, the One, that in Arda is called Iluvatar-

No, wait, wrong story.

When Jay and Acacia first wrote the PPC, I don't think they expected anyone else to want to write it - but people did! So they made some vague rules about how to do so. The idea of asking for permission came, I suspect, from Miss Cam and OFUM; there was a lot of crossover between the OFUM newsgroup and the early PPC community. When the PPC was pulled from FF.net, Miss Cam hosted their missions, and that site is where the Permission rules come from.

If you want to write your own spinoff, there are a very few rules we'd prefer you to follow. (Not compulsory, of course.)

Okay. Things you should and should not do when writing spinoffs. This is, generally, only "should".

1. Email Miss Cam or ask at the PPC Board for permission before posting. If you don't do this, at the very least tell us you've written one and send the link, so it can be linked in the Archive. Also if you don't get it beta'd, use a spellcheck.
2. If you're introducing a new Department, keep to the naming traditions. Department of Mary Sues, Department of Bad Slash, Department of Personnel, Department of Intelligence.. are you seeing a pattern? Good. Stick to it.
3. We've written some fun gadgets. Use them. This is, obviously, only a suggestion.
4. Another stylistic suggestion: Inside jokes are fun. Many jokes about Discworld, a few movies, and various random things we've seen online are made in the original PPC, the towel stuff in Clan of the Cactus made me giggle, it's fun.
5. Say, in your Author's Note, what fic you're entering. New spinoff writers need to know what has and hasn't been done. MSTers may be looking for material. Morbidly curious people like me may actually want to read the fics.
6. Pay attention to the Backstory. Try not to contradict.

Yeah, it's pretty simple, and the 'permission' can even be given retroactively!

As time passed, Jay and Acacia left. They appointed Miss Cam (already in place, you can see), GreyLadyBast, and Thalia Weaver as their official Permission Givers; I think that's where the title comes from. At this point the process was still pretty loose: I've recently described how I got permission to write DOGA.

But time kept on, well, passing. Someone (Bast?) told Leto Haven he could give out Permission as well, which was fine, but then Thalia left amidst drama, Cam stopped frequenting the Board, and Bast went off in a huff. Over that span of time, various other people were told they could hand out Permission - BeautyID, Bjam, NenyaQuende, Tough Cookie, Rohirric Monkey, and our very own still-around-somewhere PG, Araeph. When several of them left, they appointed a few more - TZA, Doc Filth.

But Permission was changing, as it got further and further from Jay and Acacia's authority. It was somewhere in that period that they started asking for a sample of your writing and a description of your agents; nothing particularly defined, but it was there. They also made a firm requirement that you ask on the Board, rather than by email; prior to that, email was quite common! It's how Kaitlyn got her Permission (from Thalia Weaver, I think).

In 2006 (yes, all of four years after the PPC began), we altered how we appointed PGs - we switched it over to elections. I was brought in on the very first election (and yes, I did protest and say I didn't want the job. They didn't listen), along with Techno-Dann. We've had another... five, I think, elections since, plus one extra-normal appointment (JulyFlame designated Cassie as her successor when she left; that's what she meant about her PG status being a bit vague).

How Permission is actually obtained has changed too, generally under two opposing influences. Neshomeh and Araeph have been a driving force in making things more strict - looking hard at SPG, requiring decent characters and a clear grasp of writing humour and the PPC. On the flip side, I've been trying to make the process easier - people were having to ask repeatedly because their writing sample wasn't humour, for instance, so I've worked us through several iterations of 'specific PPC writing sample'. The Random Prompts are the current version of that - people were previously mostly writing their agents' arrivals, and those all tend to come out the same.

For a long time we also had a hard limit of 'be here a month before you asked', but (in a rare moment of agreement) we did away with that on the basis that people were reading it as 'on the 32nd day you're on the Board, you MUST ask for Permission, and you WILL receive it'. Yeah.

So what's the future of Permission? Personally, and I know Nesh disagrees, I want to do away with agent profiles. I want a Permission Request to consist of nothing more than a piece of writing with your agents in it; if I can't tell who they are from that, you need to rewrite it anyway. Actually, my ideal scenario would be for Permission to become PerMission - you write your first mission, and a PG says whether you need to go back and rework it. But that would be horrible for the people involved, so let's not do that. ;) Other ideas have included a sort of mirror of the Sib Houses - a PG with a few concerns, but not a 'total failure' scenario, can ask for a longer-term PPCer to take you under their writing wing until you've found your feet, granting you 'Permission under so-and-so' until they say you're good enough.

And that, at least, is how I remember it. Araeph wrote a post describing the early events slightly different; I know for a fact that she'd wrong about Leto, because the Board Archives include him giving out Permission before even Thalia had left! But she may be right about the rest.

[Vanishes in a cloud of pixels]

hS

That's fascinating! by Alleb on 2015-05-14 12:34:00 UTC Link to this

The more I learn about the history of the PPC, the more I WANT to learn. So basically the process went from "Here's a few guidelines," to "We need a sample," to what it is today. Interesting. I can see why, as the community grew, it would become harder and harder to judge who could write missions and who could not. I think the current system is quite nice, but the alternate Sib Houses sound handy too. Anyway, thank you for the back story!

That's handy. by Alleb on 2015-05-14 04:15:00 UTC Link to this

So I alert you with Harry Potter, Des (if I may use the nickname) is summoned via tea, and Huinesoron is flagged down with LotR and it's fellow bookses. Fascinating.

You called? by Desdendelle on 2015-05-14 09:30:00 UTC Link to this

The way I got Permission was actually pretty simple; I wrote a couple agent bios and a writing sample (mine was actually a prologue, creatively named "Introducing the Agents", but it wasn't required for the sample to be connected to the PPC) and found myself a badfic to spork. As Ixi mentioned, it took me four or five times - about a year - to get it.

I did call, thanks for coming! by Alleb on 2015-05-14 12:37:00 UTC Link to this

Hmm.. a year.. How long should one wait before asking again? Oh, also, that reminds me; does one have to report a badfic before one sporks it? Because just doing a quick search on the Pit yields veritable bundles of badfic.

A few weeks, give or take. by Iximaz on 2015-05-14 13:26:00 UTC Link to this

Just give it some time, revise your prompts, and you'll be fine, promise.

Anyway, no, you don't have to report a badfic before sporking it. If you did, I would've been spamming the Board with reporting threads. :P If you do see a fic you'd like to claim, even before getting Permission, you can do so on the Claimed Badfic page. Just make a note you don't have Permission yet when you claim.

Got it! by Alleb on 2015-05-14 17:06:00 UTC Link to this

Can do.

Good to know; the wiki wasn't quite clear, and I wanted to be sure. I'll take a look see. So far the DIC is looking interesting; do you have any agents in that one?

I don't, but Neshomeh does! by Iximaz on 2015-05-14 17:13:00 UTC Link to this

Please allow me a moment for some squeeing.

*SQUEES*

Arright, I'm back. But you should consider checking out her missions (though if you have a problem with swearing, stay away from "Ring Child"), especially "Harry Potter and the Dragonriders of Pern".

I shall do the thing! by Alleb on 2015-05-14 20:18:00 UTC Link to this

Thank you! I'd like to familiarize myself with proper DIC procedures, in case I decide to write for it. I used to think I'd like to write for the DMS, but.. I know they're not real people, but the thought killing Sues makes me a bit uncomfortable.

If it's DIC you're looking for... by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-14 22:03:00 UTC Link to this

...then read the adventures of HerrWozeck's Florestan and Eusabius. His missions mostly deal in video game continua but they're still a blast to read.

Hang on a minute. You said you had a thing about swearing, right? Heads up then: Florestan is a big-time potty-mouth.

Ah, thank you. by Alleb on 2015-05-14 22:32:00 UTC Link to this

Yeah, I don't like to read or hear profanity when at all possible. Thanks for the suggestion, though!

If you're still looking for DIC stuff... by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-14 20:57:00 UTC Link to this

I have an agent team there that you may want to check out! Just Google "Sarah Squall PPC", "Cupid Carmine PPC", or "Lapis Lazuli PPC" and take it from there. I have only four missions and an interlude with this team so far, but I think they should all be good clean fun for you! (If you don't mind the tickling content, ~fifty pages, and uncanonical-army-level craziness of the first one, that is. That was all me and I have no regrets. XD)

Haha, sounds good! by Alleb on 2015-05-14 22:30:00 UTC Link to this

Thank you! Craziness is fine by me!

You forgot Blood Raining Night. by Voyd on 2015-05-14 19:18:00 UTC Link to this

Alleb'd DEFINITELY have a problem with that one.

Thanks for the heads up, by Alleb on 2015-05-14 20:44:00 UTC Link to this

And also thanks to both of you for looking out for me :) It means a lot.

'S true. by Neshomeh on 2015-05-14 19:54:00 UTC Link to this

Though at least most of the swearing in that one comes from the badfic, not my agents.

... On the other hand, Nume speaks the Lord's name in vain all the time, so that might be a bigger issue for a serious Christian person? Not being one myself, I wouldn't know.

~Neshomeh, more of a secular humanist and also Unitarian Universalist, if anyone was wondering.

Eh, it's not my favorite thing in the world.. by Alleb on 2015-05-14 20:23:00 UTC Link to this

If I may ask, what's a Unitarian Universalist? I've never head the name before.

Yeah, we're fairly small. {= ) by Neshomeh on 2015-05-14 21:17:00 UTC Link to this

My best answer is to direct you to the Unitarian Universalist Association's website. (Scroll down past the large image to get to the actual content; I don't know why websites do that.) Especially check out the Seven Principles.

My second-best answer is that we're a religion without a creed; we believe that people deserve to be treated with a basic level of dignity even if we don't agree with them; we embrace people's differences rather than abhorring them; we take wisdom where we find it; we advocate responsible stewardship for the planet we share with each other and every living thing; and we basically just want everyone to get along and be good to one other. {= )

~Neshomeh

Hmm, interesting. (nm) by Alleb on 2015-05-14 22:37:00 UTC Link to this

It took me so long... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-14 15:06:00 UTC Link to this

Because I'm a generally slow person (ask anybody who did a co-write with me about my writer's block), not because there's an arbitrary time limit between Permission tries.

I hate writer's block. by Alleb on 2015-05-14 17:09:00 UTC Link to this

I get it waaay too often. Thanks for the info! Like I said, I'd prefer to get mine sooner rather than later, and it's good to know it doesn't necessarily take that long.

You're not that bad. by Iximaz on 2015-05-14 15:30:00 UTC Link to this

Then again, I do like poking people with the Inspiration Stick, so.. ^^;

A slightly different question by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-13 23:24:00 UTC Link to this

What would we classify a fic that starts out really horrible at first (eg Sues and Stues, and bad SPaG) and then gets gradually better? Would that still be badfic?

I'm not sure about the "classification", per se... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-14 09:53:00 UTC Link to this

But I think that in most cases we won't spork it. I know that if I'd see a fic that starts terribad and becomes better over time, I'd contact the author, offer concrit, and suggest editing the beginning so it'll conform to the higher standards of the later part.

Ok. by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-14 11:40:00 UTC Link to this

Mostly I was thinking of the Longest Fanfiction Ever (at least on ffn about smashbrothers) soooooooo... we wouldn't spork that with a pole of any length.

Interesting.. by Alleb on 2015-05-13 23:15:00 UTC Link to this

Good to know; I don't want to annoy anyone.

I can imagine it being very rare, and I wondered if the PPC had any official policy for it. I like inquiring after loopholes XD

Happy Name Day, everybody! by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-14 11:37:00 UTC Link to this

In case you don't know, my American friends, a name day is a tradition in many countries in Europe and Latin America that consists of celebrating a day of the year that is associated with one's given name.

Today, May 14th, is a name day for (among others): Jeremy, Victor, Michael, Maciej (or, Mattias - that's me!), Mary, Ampelia, Ampelius, and Fenenna.

Anyway, bring out those cakes! Let's party!!!

So, are those like your saint's days? by eatpraylove on 2015-05-14 18:48:00 UTC Link to this

Cause some people celebrate those, too.

Hmm... maybe? I mean, everyday is somebody's name day by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-14 19:02:00 UTC Link to this

We do have All Saints' Day on November 1st, but that's more religious thing.

Didn't know of that custom... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-14 14:57:00 UTC Link to this

But who cares, let's have fun.
-Sets a table with tea and scones-

I was surprised it wasn't known in America... by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-14 15:48:00 UTC Link to this

It is pretty common, at least here in Poland. While birthdays are celebrated, too, name days are more like a way to meet with friends and have a drink together. I.e. people from Italy know this as "Onomastico"

Hasn't made it to England, either. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-14 15:51:00 UTC Link to this

Can I hazard a guess that it's a Roman Catholic thing originally? It sounds like it might have its source in saints' days, and Poland, Italy, and South America are (I think) traditionally Catholic.

Wait, I don't need to guess - you probably know. So tell?

hS

According to Wikpedia, by son_of_heaven176 on 2015-05-14 19:53:00 UTC Link to this

you're exactly right: the "name day" celebration has its roots in the Catholic celebration of saints' days--so it makes perfect sense that traditionally-Protestant nations like the UK and the US don't celebrate them.

Originally, yes. Now, not so much. by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-14 18:01:00 UTC Link to this

Although yes, originally it was connected to the celebration of one's own patron saint, there is no longer any explicit connection to Christianity. I'm a Wiccan (or, at least, soon-to-be one) and I still celebrate it :D

Indeed you're right hS! by Edhelistar on 2015-05-14 15:59:00 UTC Link to this

In fact, here in Mexico, is greeted with "Feliz Día de tu Santo." (lit.: "Happy Day of your Saint."). It even has its own celebratory song! It's not celebrated as it used to be though, it has been falling out of favor over the last decades.

Silmarillion goodfic (and musings, because it's me). by Huinesoron on 2015-05-14 13:32:00 UTC Link to this

The story first:

Magweth Pengolodh: The Question of Pengolod is a tale of Numenor at its height, and of Beleriand in its decline, and of elves, and of mortals, and of wonder, and of terror. I've linked to it by way of the author's note, which points out the reasons you might not want to read it:

You may enjoy this if you are interested in Númenor or in the Silmarillion in general, or if a philosophical exploration of differences between elves and mortals is up your alley. There will be 12 parts. 'Magweth Pengolod' has got linguistics, romance, drag queens, schemers, villains, boats galore, and through the tale-within-a-tale device, plenty of Silmarillion glimpses and some HoME characters getting fleshed out.
...
A 12-part story based on HoME characters? Spiced up with linguistic obsession and drag queens? If I'd sat down and thought really hard about how to scare off 95% of Tolkien fan readers, that's what I'd come up with.

I really enjoyed it; it's one of those stories that takes you into the world for a walk-around, rather than the kind that drags you along with plot. ;) It spends a lot of time showing you the things around the edges of Tolkien's world, the bits he never got to write - what it was like to fight in the Fall of Gondolin, for instance. Plus, did you read that description? It's got linguistics!

Stories like this always leave me feeling... different. Like I'm halfway into the world myself, like I could spend hours looking at the stars, and can almost hear the voices of the trees. Not just Middle-earth, either - give me a story of magic I've not read, and you'll have me half convinced the magic's real by the end. ;) Some books even alter my way of speaking for a little while - I get stuck in 'noble speechifying' mode, it's kinda hilarious. ;)

hS

...Wow by Seafarer on 2015-05-16 21:47:00 UTC Link to this

Now there's something you'd probably never find on FF.N.
Oh, and the author's hit their estimated readers just form the PPC. I'm guessing they underestimated the number of Tolkien nuts in the world...

Oh yes you would. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-16 23:58:00 UTC Link to this

I wrote the same type of thing on FF.net.

It'd be hard to find, certainly - but that's true everywhere.

hS

Oh, right. by Seafarer on 2015-05-17 02:06:00 UTC Link to this

Yes, I remember that. I think it's in my favourites...

That... looks... amazing! by Elcalion on 2015-05-16 02:25:00 UTC Link to this

*goes off to read*

It absolutely is. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-16 20:24:00 UTC Link to this

And... yep, that's the three people with Elvish names going off to read it. ^_^

hS

C-c-c-c-combo breaker! by Desdendelle on 2015-05-16 23:04:00 UTC Link to this

I'm reading it - I'm about halfway through, I think - and so far, I like what I see.

It is amazing! by Edhelistar on 2015-05-16 02:51:00 UTC Link to this

I just finished reading. And I'm not giving spoilers... :D

You got me at the linguistics part! by Edhelistar on 2015-05-14 14:47:00 UTC Link to this

Seriously, I'm reading it as I write this.

Anyway, speaking about questions, Middle-earth, linguistics and... uh, drag queens, I've got a weird question for you:

What's your hypothesis about what would happen if an elleth spent a little too much time with (and by that I mean living with, speaking with, learning Real Life languages from, and being tortured alonside) the fangirls from the OFUM? How would her speech patterns change, if they do at all? How would that affect her mindset and the way she sees the world? Would she get PTSD? Will she start liking stuffed toys!?

Despite the apparent silliness of the question, I actually have been seriously meditating that question since I joined the Board (except for the stuffed toys part, that one's a truly silly question), so I really want to know your thoughts on that.

Flip your question around. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-14 15:23:00 UTC Link to this

What would happen if an American girl spent her time living with, speaking with, and learning slang from some girls from the north of England? The answer is the same: depends on the girl! Some Americans in Britain go 'hyper-American' and protest that everything American is better; some do the opposite and end up with hilariously fake 'English' accents; and some walk the middle path and just sort of absorb things.

So you might end up with someone like Agent Huinesoron, who's disdainful about mortals and thinks in Quenya (deliberately so). But... okay, let's design a character.

Lethril ('eavesdropper', hilariously - and yes, there's a masculine form as well!) is a fairly quiet Green-elf from the First Age. She lives in Doriath, speaks Doriathrin Sindarin, and can vaguely write - she's aware of the runes, knows about half of them, that sort of thing. (No, the Doriathrim weren't particularly literate! See P@L's comments on 'Sindarin-style record keeping'.) Her mother is a hunter, her father a smith. Her favourite season is winter, because the ice on the river reminds her of crystals; her most treasured possession is a dwarf-made bracelet set with faceted quartz crystals.

(As an aside: see how easy it is to invoke a character without spending your time listing powers and weapons?)

And then she's dumped into OFUM and has to learn English, and is abused by the staff over her habit of telling her friends back home whimsical stories about life around Cuivienen (she doesn't understand why - what was wrong with her tale of Bainion the Fair and the way he healed the rift between the Lindar and the Gódhellim by being Just Plain Better than everyone else?).

She'd likely pick up English very quickly - elves do, you know. Given that she's a native Sindarin speaker, her main problem might well be a tendency to soften the first letters of words - 'the 'irls vrought me flowers, and I was hincerely voved' - but she'd get a handle on that. Conversely, when switching back to Sindarin, she might lose the mutations, which would sound equally strange.

She'd probably use colloquial English - she's picking it up from conversation, not from lessons, after all - but that wouldn't filter back into Sindarin. She'd probably start mixing idioms between the two, though - the Doriathrim were great mixers of culture.

Her outlook on life... there's a lovely speech in the Leithian Script, where Luthien thinks about her association with the mortal Beren:

Beren, you've made me see time as a mortal woman does. It's been an hour already! How will I survive a day -- a week -- a year?

And that goes for Lethril as well. When all your companions are getting enthusiastic about the passing of a week, it's impossible to keep the mindset that anything less than ten years is a blink of an eye. So yes, Lethril will end up thinking in 'mortal time'.

Another probability (also from the Leithian Script) is that she'll become somewhat addicted to mortals. It's their worldview! Lethril is 254 years old; she's seen virtually everything already, it's all a bit samey. But the girls at OFUM, they're seeing things for the first time. Lethril would never have looked at Legolas and thought 'wow, he's hot' - she knows his grandfather, he's of her people, she's spent her life around people just as pretty as him, her built-in assumptions mean she doesn't bother to look - but now that her friends say it, she's looking, and she's liking what she sees. ^^ And not just his hair, if you know what I mean.

Would Lethril come out of it with PTSD? Um, possibly from the teachers! If anything, she'd end up with Stockholm Syndrome - her family back home would hardly recognise her!

Lethril is fairly heavily based on Finrod Felagund's mindset, I think. He ran into the Edain and shacked up with them for a while, and you can totally imagine him dressing in rough furs and getting into a drinking contest with Beor. But you could equally make her a Thranduil, isolationist and withdrawn - or a Caranthir. Pick a model and project them into that situation; if you know the character, you can work out their reactions from first principles.

hS

PS: And yes, she'd love the stuffed toys. Menegroth was sculpted as a 'forest underground' - stuffed animals are a way to do that in every room! What's not to like? ^~

Thank you very much! by Edhelistar on 2015-05-14 15:50:00 UTC Link to this

Now'll keep reading the fic.

Let's try this again. Big Sibs/Little Sibs! by Iximaz on 2015-05-14 16:13:00 UTC Link to this

(Have a link to the Wiki page.)

We've got quite a few newbies running around now, and I think now might be a good time to try making the Sib Houses a bit more prominent than "oh yeah, that's a thing".

Newbies, basically, an older Boarder (Big Sib) 'adopts' you as their Little Sib, answers questions you have (or directs you to someone who can answer), and basically just shows you the ropes.

Oldbies/Middlebies/Inbetweenbies, we need more Big Sibs.

So, guys, let's try and make this work!

I'll choose Grave Energy Initiative as a Little Sib. by Silenthunder on 2015-05-17 12:31:00 UTC Link to this

I don't really care who the Big Sib is.

I know I'm not all that experienced here... by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-16 21:42:00 UTC Link to this

But I would be perfectly willing to help out the newer members.

Little Sib please! by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-15 00:29:00 UTC Link to this

And for the house, it can be kind words and a two by four or skull goblet, I don't care witch one.

I'd volunteer to be your Big Sib. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-15 00:36:00 UTC Link to this

If it pleases you, that is. Email is sur DOT nhm AT gmail DOT com. Feel free to drop a mail whenever.

That's great! by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-15 11:47:00 UTC Link to this

My email is spenuerfoucart AT gmail DOt com.

So... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-15 18:21:00 UTC Link to this

If you need to ask questions or whatnot (or just natter) my mailbox is open.
I'll edit the wiki page.

I think Little Sib is good for me... by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-14 23:54:00 UTC Link to this

I don't feel too confident yet to give any kind of advice. As for the House, I'll gladly join the GEI house :3

Or, maybe, just anyone who wish to have me as a Little Sib? by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-16 21:14:00 UTC Link to this

I have some skills... I'm good at crossword puzzles...

While I'm not in House GEI... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-16 22:50:00 UTC Link to this

I can certainly adopt you as a Little Sib, if so you wish.

Red & Silver sounds good to me. by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-16 23:44:00 UTC Link to this

Sign me up, good sir!

Arighto, then. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-17 00:16:00 UTC Link to this

My mail is already mentioned in this thread, so feel free to drop me an email any time about whatever subject.

I decided I'd like to be a Little Sib! by Alleb on 2015-05-14 22:42:00 UTC Link to this

(This seemed like the place to say it, and I apologize if I should have put it on my previous post.) House Grave Energy Initiative sounds like the place for me, if it's okay. So.. Am I assigned a Big Sib, or do they request me, or do I ask for them? I'm up for anything!

Hm... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-14 23:25:00 UTC Link to this

It seems that the only Big Sib in that House is EileenAlphabet, and I haven't seen her in quite a while. Hm...

Oh.. by Alleb on 2015-05-14 23:44:00 UTC Link to this

That's unfortunate. House Kind Words and a Two-by-Four also sounds good, if that's easier.

If you want a specific Big Sib, you can ask. by Iximaz on 2015-05-14 23:24:00 UTC Link to this

No guarantees they'll take you on, but it's probably a good chance they will. If you don't want a specific sib, someone will (hopefully) volunteer. :)

So.. by Alleb on 2015-05-15 20:18:00 UTC Link to this

I can see on the wiki that you're already Big Sib to another Boarder, but there are other Big Sibs paired with more than one Little Sib, so.. would you be my Big Sib? If you don't want to be I'm totally fine with it- honestly.

I'm game for that. by Iximaz on 2015-05-15 21:18:00 UTC Link to this

And honestly, it's probably time Shy graduated. She's been around long enough she knows what she's doing. :)

Awesome! :D by Alleb on 2015-05-15 21:34:00 UTC Link to this

Thank you so much! I looked at her profile and saw that she'd been around for a little bit, and that she had two agents, so I though it'd be okay to ask. So, do we exchange email addresses, or does that come later?

Yay! by Iximaz on 2015-05-15 21:37:00 UTC Link to this

Now's as good a time as any. I'm iximaz(AT)gmail(DOT)com. Shoot me a message anytime, I'm pretty good about responding.

I'll go ahead and edit the Wiki to add you, but I won't remove Shy unless she says it's okay.

Cool; thanks! by Alleb on 2015-05-15 21:42:00 UTC Link to this

I'm allebknight(AT)gmail(DOT)com. Thanks again for being my Big Sib!

Right. by Alleb on 2015-05-14 23:49:00 UTC Link to this

I'm not sure I'd want to ask; I don't want to impose or anything. I'm fine waiting for a volunteer.

As I say on my page... by eatpraylove on 2015-05-14 18:33:00 UTC Link to this

I'm a Big Sib in House Kind Words and a Two-by-Four, pending your approval :)

*Neshomeh's, sorry (nm) by eatpraylove on 2015-05-15 20:09:00 UTC Link to this

Say what? by Neshomeh on 2015-05-15 20:49:00 UTC Link to this

I'm not sure why you'd need my approval. I don't oversee anything with the Big Sibs/Little Sibs. Anyway, my house is Darjeeling.

~Neshomeh

*waves* by Neshomeh on 2015-05-14 16:53:00 UTC Link to this

Available Big Sib here, though I am not crazy-available like I used to be, since I just started a new job. Still, I'm pretty good about answering e-mails, particularly if they contain specific questions that need answering. {= )

~Neshomeh

Well honestly, myself... by Edhelistar on 2015-05-14 16:45:00 UTC Link to this

...I´m intersted in three of the Houses:

*) House Grave Energy Initiative. I love worldbuilding and language construction. In fact, my current ongoing project, that I use for school projects, is the creation of mythology, with world and languages to go with it.

*) House Kind Words and a Two-by-Four. I would be Little Sib here. My English grammar still needs work.

*) House Parmandili. Every time I get in to a fandom I research it to the point of obsession. I'm actually tring to learn Dovahzul (and I was sorely disappointed when Kryptonese turned out to be a cypher), and many, many other stuff.

I support this, by Desdendelle on 2015-05-14 16:22:00 UTC Link to this

as is obvious from the fact that I am a Big Sib already.

I support this from the sidelines. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-14 16:28:00 UTC Link to this

As anyone who's exchanged emails with me can confirm, I'm not a good person to be a Big Sib - I tend to stop replying at random intervals. But I support this! I think it's a nice, simple-yet-robust system which can ease the transition of newbies into the PPC community.

Also I think the houses have an awesome set of shields, but I miiiight be biased. (Also, I can't remember whether anyone ever noticed the subtle theme in them... hrm.)

hS

Well, now that you mention it... by Neshomeh on 2015-05-14 16:55:00 UTC Link to this

There's the metals, but you outright explained that one, so that can't be it.

*takes another look*

Hmm... VWXYZ, yes?

~Neshomeh

That's the one. ^_^ by Huinesoron on 2015-05-14 16:58:00 UTC Link to this

It made the design work easier, let me tell you.

(Also the 'P's on Parmandili, but I think I explained that one as well. And... oh, there's probably more stuff, but the letters are the only outright theme. I think. Prove me wrong!)

hS

Quick question about agents by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-14 20:43:00 UTC Link to this

I assume we do not approve face claims, when dealing with the agents' appearance, right? If so, does anyone could recommend any good character creator? I mean, I have Rinmaru one, but it only makes slim anime-like characters, which is kinda boring. I could use some variety.

I'll toss this question here by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-15 22:41:00 UTC Link to this

I have an idea for a prospective agent, but his status is a bit complicated. He comes from an unpublished original universe that was intentionally designed to be bad. I was going through a really strange Meta-Fiction Experimental Stage in my writing. So I guess the question is, are there any objections to using that kind of a character?

Well... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-15 23:13:00 UTC Link to this

It's hard to say without seeing the character, but Stylistic Suck doesn't mean that character is actually bad. What sort of character is it?

Well... by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-16 00:04:00 UTC Link to this

I basically created the character to essentially spork the story he was created for. A Viking/Barbarian from Generic Fantasy Land with no fourth wall. He recognizes that the story might as well have been called Generic Fantasy Plot 1, decides his sole purpose is to correct a very bad story. He finishes his arc by killing the very bad author. It was part of an intentionally designed trunk story.

Really, there is nothing wrong with the character himself, other than coming from a non-published universe. Though his full awareness as a fictional character might be a bit much.

If that's the case... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-16 00:10:00 UTC Link to this

Non-published is perfectly fine - he'd be a Semi-Fic Blip. The meta awareness is probably the more problematic part, but it's not inherently bad - it's a thing that can be done well.

That's what I figured by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-16 00:25:00 UTC Link to this

I'll keep playing around with it and see what I get.

Also, a question for my Harry Potter brethren by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-15 15:02:00 UTC Link to this

I plan on writing a "Next Generation" fic, about James Potter II's first year at Hogwarts (and maybe expand it into a series, who knows). S, here's my question:

How do you guys feel about vampire students? Or, half-vampire (we know that's possible - Lorcan d'Eath), because I felt like expanding the British folk tales into the Potter-verse. I know, it sounds bad - a PPC member messing around the canon universe, but I feel like up for a challenge. So, what is your opinion? Also, anyone willing to Beta it?

Um, well, if you were to do that... by Iximaz on 2015-05-15 15:30:00 UTC Link to this

You should remember that the one time we see a vampire on-page (Sanguini, in HBP), he had to be kept from eating some of Slughorn's partygoers. So while it's maybe possible to 'domesticate' a vampire, it seems like they never quite loose their thirst.

As for pointing to Lorcan as your canon example... I'd hesitate to call that 'book canon', per se, since it's from the games and they have a different canon from the books and movies (thank Rowling).

Anything can be done well if handled right, but this is definitely a delicate thing you're playing with. I'm honestly quite a bit leery of the idea, but I'll reserve judgement until I see it.

Oh, true to that, by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-15 17:13:00 UTC Link to this

I never meant for any of my vampires (if I was to create them) to go on a bloodless diet. I was thinking about making a DADA teacher somehow connected to them (to make a reference to what Dean said in PoA when discussing who will be their next teacher, after Lupin), but I think this might be too much.

I think a safe way of doing this, is not making the character a full vampire but have them having a vampire somewhere in their ancestry.

As for Lorcan, he was featured on Rowling's site as November 2006's "Wizard of the Month", so I guess we could count him as a canon, maybe?

I use Heromachine by LonelyStar on 2015-05-15 07:25:00 UTC Link to this

Which is here: http://www.heromachine.com/heromachine-2-5-character-portrait-creator/

It has a rather realistic style (no super-deforming) and a good variety of options, even if you don't want to make superheroes..

I know how I will eventually be doing it. by ratbrainbasher on 2015-05-15 05:35:00 UTC Link to this

Honestly, I would use a program to custom make CGI models of my agents, but Star Trek Online is much faster, and almost as good. Seriously, it has the best character creator I've seen. A screen shot, a little trip through Gimp, and I have a new agent picture. I've done this professionally before, and I still do a little, but Star Trek Online would work really well if you don't have experience with things like Makehuman, Blender, or even Maya. I may discover a better method in time, and once figure it out, I'll share it.

Of course, if you want a 2d picture, Gimp is the best free option. If you have it or want it, either Coreldraw or Photoshop will work. If you are inexperienced, it is actually surprisingly easy with the latter two, to alter a photograph of a consenting friend, or yourself. It won't be perfect if you're really new, but you can go back later and make improvements once you're more experienced. Hope this wasn't too long winded or rambley.

I drew mine by hand. by Voyd on 2015-05-14 21:38:00 UTC Link to this

I can't do a normal Caucasian skin tone, but if you check out my agents on the Wiki (Valon, Kala, and Gabby) their pictures are hand-drawn because there were things that just plain couldn't be done in a character generator. Like Kala's entire bottom half.

Why is Chakkik excluded? There's already official artwork of a Mantis Ant, which is what I used.

By the way, Gabby's chest is actually small for a MonMusu hobgoblin. I just can't draw them that big, eheheh.

Here is this thread! by radioactiveSue on 2015-05-14 21:31:00 UTC Link to this

http://disc.yourwebapps.com/discussion.cgi?disc=199610;article=271339;title=PPC%20Posting%20Board;pagemark=175

I hope it helps!

We don't do face claims here. by JulyFlame on 2015-05-14 21:23:00 UTC Link to this

That said, the primary one used on the wikia is basically used for Gaia Online avatars. If you want to see a different kind, you can check out the website Doll Divine, which has a lot of individual different ones.

The TekTek site got shut down a while back. by Iximaz on 2015-05-14 21:52:00 UTC Link to this

We're still flailing to find a decent replacement.

Gaia Online has said they'll make a replacement. by Neshomeh on 2015-05-14 22:45:00 UTC Link to this

No telling when that will actually happen, though, or if it will be open to non-members.

If not, though, I'll be happy to volunteer my avatar-making services. I loved playing with TekTek, so if Gaia's version doesn't suck, I'll take any excuse to play with it, too. {= D

~Neshomeh

Avatar builder is now in beta. by Neshomeh on 2015-05-20 06:29:00 UTC Link to this

I can't try it out myself yet, but from other people's comments, it seems like they haven't worked out all the kinks yet, so maybe that's just as well.

~Neshomeh

Well, at least they've got it up! by Huinesoron on 2015-05-20 16:09:00 UTC Link to this

Not that I actually have any particular need to use it right now, but still! It's the principle of the thing. ^_^

hS

Couldn't agree more. by Scapegrace on 2015-05-21 10:43:00 UTC Link to this

We all loved Tektek, and it's a poor sight in any loving relationship if you can't get it up for the people who love you yeah this metaphor broke under its own weight I'mma go hide somewhere now. =]

Update by Neshomeh on 2015-05-16 19:25:00 UTC Link to this

As of last night, Gaia says the new avatar builder is "coming soon" and "nearly ready for public testing." They posted a preview image here, though I don't know if people without accounts will be able to view it.

I'll keep everyone posted, since I go on there to do puzzles from time to time. {= )

~Neshomeh

Image is visible to everyone. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-16 23:50:00 UTC Link to this

Does a Gaia account require anything other than an email?

(Also, that is a seriously ugly webpage. Eesh.)

hS

Nope, just an e-mail. by Neshomeh on 2015-05-17 14:06:00 UTC Link to this

Maybe a bit of your soul, too, but just a little one. Nothing you'll actually notice. {= ) It's free to sign up and do most things on the site, though they try like blazes to get you to pay money for more, shinier things. Do friend me if you get an account—I'm Neshomeh_soul on there. One of the few times Neshomeh was already taken.

~Neshomeh

Who needs a soul anyway? by Huinesoron on 2015-05-18 10:09:00 UTC Link to this

So... what actually is it? Other than the source for pretty agent pictures, obviously. ;) Can you give me a quick rundown/summary?

hS

Let's see if I can explain... by Neshomeh on 2015-05-18 17:00:00 UTC Link to this

There's a lot of elements to it. There's a whole world with characters and backstory, which you can follow via comic strips. Some of the characters run shops you-the-user can visit to buy stuff for your avatar. You can also outfit a car, house, and aquarium. There are also games (like the puzzles I mentioned), which you can play to collect gold to spend on aforementioned design-y things. There's a thing where you can run around in the world and interact with other players, too, though it's fairly limited—or was the last time I poked my nose in. There are also forums for everything you can possibly imagine. I joined the site in the first place because some friends of mine were RPing there. (Posting also earns you gold.) Then there are the special site-wide events, which are occasionally really cool, such as the one where they created their own version of Oregon Trail. Playing them generally gets you special limited-edition avatar items.

... Basically, it's a huge, elaborate time-waster. ^_^; But mostly harmless, and sometimes really fun.

~Neshomeh

I used to play with TekTek when I was stuck for writing. by Iximaz on 2015-05-16 20:30:00 UTC Link to this

I'm really hoping the replacement Gaia has is free, because I loved derping on that so much.

Require female beta-reader by Voyd on 2015-05-15 17:07:00 UTC Link to this

So I'm writing a mission right now. I've had two betas, but because of the circumstances of the mission, I need a girl to check my work.

Any takers?

Not sure if I'll be available until Sunday, but... by SMF on 2015-05-15 17:53:00 UTC Link to this

I can do some beta reading.
I take it this isn't for just grammar or syntax, though?
(Is it biological or social, what you need to be checked on? I can do biological pointers better than social ones. ^^;)

Biological. by Voyd on 2015-05-15 18:05:00 UTC Link to this

I need your e-mail address to share the doc with you, though.

Okay! (I made my email clickable) (nm) by SMF on 2015-05-15 18:21:00 UTC Link to this

Doc shared! (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-15 18:23:00 UTC Link to this

Hawkeye Singing by dramaticsoprano on 2015-05-15 18:16:00 UTC Link to this

I found this hilarious video on YouTube of Hawkeye singing about his super powers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ27iS1mkuo

I can't stop laughing (nm) by Superfluity on 2015-05-16 02:04:00 UTC Link to this

Hilarious (nm) by Omega on 2015-05-15 22:01:00 UTC Link to this

*dies laughing* by Iximaz on 2015-05-15 21:11:00 UTC Link to this

Bravo, bravo.

Requests? by N. Harmonik on 2015-05-16 03:49:00 UTC Link to this

Er, excuse me but do you chaps take requests? Only I have a few badfics (none of which are mine) in mind for you people to look into...

SoÂ… here's the thing. by VixenMage on 2015-05-18 04:04:00 UTC Link to this

I don't think anyone's properly explained this here yet, so I might as well. Although our purpose is to poke fun at bad fanfiction and promote good fanfiction, as well as support each other as writers within the community… requests really depend entirely on whether someone wants to do it or not. And we're also reeeeally much heavier on the community/goodfic parts of the mission than the "finding badfic" bits.

That in mind, please keep all "badfic requests" to one thread. This is fine, and you're doing well at keeping it contained, but since you're new, I want to make sure someone lets you know so it doesn't come up later: if there's already a badfic thread on the front page we highly encourage everyone to post their badfic stuff there.

Re: Requests? by N. Harmonik on 2015-05-17 03:07:00 UTC Link to this

http://disc.yourwebapps.com/Indices/241484.html
Should I post the bad fics I found in this link too?

No. by Voyd on 2015-05-17 03:13:00 UTC Link to this

The Other Board is for roleplaying.

Re: No. by N. Harmonik on 2015-05-17 05:41:00 UTC Link to this

So when it says it's "the place to report new offenders in need of smiting", it means to only do it in a role-playing manner?

About that. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-18 09:18:00 UTC Link to this

The header on the Other Board is an archive of the original header on this Board. I was kind of uncomfortable changing it (even though this version's better), so I kept a copy over at the Other Board.

hS

Nope. by Voyd on 2015-05-17 14:03:00 UTC Link to this

The Other Board was originally created as a backup for when this one gets overrun by spambots.

Since we don't have that problem right now, we really only use it for roleplaying. If you want to report badfic, report it here. That's it.

We have before, we probably could again. by eatpraylove on 2015-05-16 20:28:00 UTC Link to this

Also, welcome to the madhouse! Here's a first-iteration Menger sponge! Don't ask where I got it.

Oh, and since this appears to be the badfic thread... by Scapegrace on 2015-05-16 18:21:00 UTC Link to this

I've got a doozy!

The Search For Isaac is... well, it's spectacularly awful. The writing is pathetic, the OC girl is irritating, and all in all, it's the kind of thing I could definitely see a mission coming out of.

Welcome aBoard! by Edhelistar on 2015-05-16 16:21:00 UTC Link to this

Have this replica of The One Ring that summons a random cat while you wear it.
(Disclaimer: The giver takes no resposability for maulings resulting from the misuse of this item.)

Welcome! by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-16 15:51:00 UTC Link to this

Have one of my own shed feathers and a complimentary kit of Spikes! :D

Welcome! by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-16 15:12:00 UTC Link to this

Take this Generic Newbie Gift! I know it looks like a gray box, but give it a description and it can be whatever you want!

Dai Stiho! :) by SMF on 2015-05-16 14:18:00 UTC Link to this

And pointing the collective PPC towards fics is essentially why I started posting here too.
Feel free to hang around! ^^
I don't have that many gifts to give, but I can offer *Optional!Hugs* if you'd like them!

By the way... by Voyd on 2015-05-16 14:42:00 UTC Link to this

What does Dai Stiho mean?

It's a greeting! ^^ by SMF on 2015-05-16 14:50:00 UTC Link to this

From the Young Wizards-verse. I can't remember a direct translation, but I know there are several posts about the Speech (the fictional language that Dai Stiho and other words/phrases comes from) on Tumblr. Just Googling the phrase should help, especially if you add "Young Wizards series" to it. :)

Welcome to the PPC! by Scapegrace on 2015-05-16 12:15:00 UTC Link to this

Here's your randomly-generated starter 'mon!

Iiiiiit's Conkeldurr!

And your randomly-generated starting item is:

The Book Of Sin (The Binding Of Isaac: Rebirth)

Enjoy! Especially since your Conkeldurr can give randomly-selected use items and (very occasionally) stat boosts to peers without a use item, making it a good pairing for anyone with Fling. Good luck! =]

Welcome to Creation, here's your shovel. by Voyd on 2015-05-16 04:35:00 UTC Link to this

Have a +2 corrosive shovel! It deals additional acid damage!

Re: Welcome to Creation, here's your shovel. by N. Harmonik on 2015-05-16 04:53:00 UTC Link to this

Thank you. I don't have any intention of going on missions though. I'd prefer to track down badfics if that's okay...

Newbie! *glomp* *poke* by Iximaz on 2015-05-16 13:51:00 UTC Link to this

Don't worry about not wanting to go on mission, he gives everyone shovels as a welcome present. Speaking of, have this whistling armadillo! If the urple bow around its neck becomes too much, feel free to remove it. :)

Re: Requests? by N. Harmonik on 2015-05-16 04:27:00 UTC Link to this

And how and where do I report badfics?

Hello there, stranger! by Desdendelle on 2015-05-16 04:23:00 UTC Link to this

While the PPC doesn't take requests per se, you are more than welcome to report badfic; if it will tickle someone's fancy, they will mission it.

Re: Hello there, stranger! by N. Harmonik on 2015-05-16 05:06:00 UTC Link to this

And how and where do I report badfics?

Basically... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-16 05:09:00 UTC Link to this

You post a link in this Board. You should note their author, fandom and rating. Most people copy the description, too.

Here's a few... by N. Harmonik on 2015-05-16 05:29:00 UTC Link to this

Story: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8467713/1/My-Little-Pony-The-Human-Chronicles-Season-1
Author: seniorcopycat (which is very appropriate, he plagiarizes from everything, from other franchises to other fanfics; details here [https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/124913/121096883/1/Report-FFNID-2140644-seniorcopycat-Active] and there [https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/145811/121111700/1/])
Fandom: My Little Pony
Rating: K+
Description: The story follows a lonely twelve year old human boy named Toby Morrison who wants nothing more than to have friends is mysteriously transported to Equestria where he gains incredible magical powers and meets a group of talking ponies called the Mane Six. Now Toby must protect Equestria from all sorts of monsters, crazy bad guys and a mysterious hunter who is targeting him. (Note that there are a couple of sequels)

Story: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php?id=163552&submit=View
Author: Dakari-King Mykan (you've likely heard of him)
Fandom: Teen Titans (but copies elements from Super Paper Mario and Carmen Sandiego)
Rating: Unknown
Description (from here: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/TheEndOfEnds): Beast Boy, saddened by the events of the episode Things Change, finds his life tumbling down and in a fit of depression, runs away from Titan Tower and quits the Titans. Shortly after this, a black hole opens up in space and starts to suck in Earth, as well as other galaxies. As this is happening, Jump City is attacked by three villains, all of whom serve a higher power: Count Logan.
After a brush with the three minions, the Titans are shocked to learn from the Doom Patrol that Beast Boy was killed. Thus begins a struggle between the Titans and Count Logan, who plans on destroying the entire galaxy with the help of an ancient artifact forged by Trigon known as the Dark Prognosticus.

Story: http://dakari-king-mykan.deviantart.com/art/My-Brave-Pony-Starfleet-Magic-Season-1-435694341
Author: Dakari-King Mykan
Fandom: My Little Pony
Rating: Unknown
Description: Welcome to a newer version of MLP, as a race of genetically altered space alicorns team up to fight off some of the most evilest of creatures ever known and save the universe they live in, eventually teaming up with the Equestrians.

Re: Here's a few... by N. Harmonik on 2015-05-16 05:29:00 UTC Link to this

Please and thank you.

So, knowing me, by Alleb on 2015-05-16 23:07:00 UTC Link to this

and the Puritanical standards I have, do you think "Suedom" would be an okay read for me? It looks interesting and fun, but it's rated PG-13, and that rating seems to encompass a lot more in literature than in film. Also, I didn't really mention before, but I'm a bit like Agent Supernumerary when it comes to romantic stuffs. I'm more relaxed, but I don't like it that much. So. "Suedom"- yay or nay?

I loved that story! by KittyEden on 2015-05-17 05:41:00 UTC Link to this

I read it a few weeks ago, and from memory there's a bit of a rape scene in the middle. So I'm not entirely sure... it depends what your standards are.

Ah. Nope. by Alleb on 2015-05-18 00:50:00 UTC Link to this

Thanks for the warning. Yeah, that's no good for me. Thanks again!

Just checked, and... maybe. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-16 23:56:00 UTC Link to this

There's a couple of curses right at the beginning of chapter 1, but the character doing it isn't someone we see again (I don't think). Uhm... ultimately, it's been too long since I read it. I suggest trying Chapter 1, (not the prologue), ignoring those first couple, and seeing how you find it. I will say that it's a cracking good read, even if unfinished.

(And isn't romantic, from memory. Though who knows? I read the thing while it was still being written - I think I actually have a cameo - so my memory ain't fresh.)

hS

I had an Elf related question; by Alleb on 2015-05-18 01:08:00 UTC Link to this

totally off of the topic, but why worry? Anyway, if Elves are so fascinated by language- why don't they know them all? I mean, we have clear proof that not every Elf can even speak the Common Tongue, let alone different strains of Elvish. Perhaps I'm misremembering, and they don't actually have a 'thing' for languages, but I seem to recall such a thing being mentioned.

Yep, they have a 'thing'. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-18 09:17:00 UTC Link to this

But obviously it still varies within the species - I mean, humans have a 'thing' for, oh, let's go with telling stories - but some people do it much more, or much better, than others.

We know that the Noldor learnt Sindarin very quickly - they were speaking it by the time they had the Feast of Reuniting, when Maedhros was rescued. But they're a kind of biased sample - the 'Deep Elves' are all about wisdom and knowledge. The other races don't focus on it so much.

We also know that the Galadhrim don't all speak Westron, and that most elves don't speak Quenya. That's probably for the same reason: why would they? Quenya is a dead language in Middle-earth from... er... the moment Thingol found out about the Kinslaying. Westron isn't spoken in Lorien.

Elves are good at languages, and as a general comment, they enjoy learning them. But that doesn't mean every elf does.

hS

(PS: Also, cultural reasons. An elf of Doriath wouldn't learn Quenya, because their king banned it, for instance.)

Ah, thank you! by Alleb on 2015-05-18 12:45:00 UTC Link to this

I have always wondered about that; I mean, if I were immortal and liked to learn languages, I'd.. learn languages. Anyway, thanks!

Hmmm.. by Alleb on 2015-05-16 23:59:00 UTC Link to this

I'll give it a try, skipping the prologue. Thanks very much! It looks incredibly fun, and I love the premise.

A CATS Badfic by Silenthunder on 2015-05-17 15:28:00 UTC Link to this

So, I remembered a Cats the Musical fic I'd found long ago and re-found it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6307523/1/How-I-met-the-Jellicles

I'm re-reading it and I'm speechless. I vote that this one goes to the Unclaimed Badfic section.

She says in an author's note that "in this story, Cats the Musical doesn't exist." That's like writing a Harry Potter fanfic and then saying Harry Potter doesn't exist.

She and her Lust Object (Mungojerrie) fall in love with each other instantly. Then it's implied they have sex, and she says she never wants to go back home. She whines about how she's always bullied at school, even though we only see some name-calling. An author's note reveals that the making-out scene was dreamt. Remind you of anyone?

She calls the Rum Tum Tugger messed up. TUGGER. Excuse me, but he's supposed to be the flirtatious heartthrob. That's his role!

Mungojerrie is bent horribly into OOCness.

None of the Jellicle Tribe do a thing when Macavity shows up.

And.... SHE AND MUNGOJERRIE DO THE PAX DE DUES!!!! As any fan knows, this duet dance is done by Plato (who is rarely switched out for another sometimes) and Victoria. It's an important part in the Ball Dance. The queen in the dance is always Victoria, no ifs ands or buts!!!

I'm aghast, really by Superfluity on 2015-05-18 16:39:00 UTC Link to this

I couldn't even get past the author's note. The fact that this author would make up names instead of looking towards the book of poems that CATS is based off of makes me very upset. The first poem is literally about naming cats and has a butt ton of names that fit in with the rhyme and rhythm scheme that the rest of the names follow.

She isn't making up names. by Silenthunder on 2015-05-18 23:46:00 UTC Link to this

She's using common nicknames that the Musical fans use for the characters. It's done all the time. So, technically, it's not wrong. Names like "Mungo," "Jelly" and "Pounce" are fan-bestowed nicknames. It's a shortening of their full names. "Although Rumpleteazer is more known by the nickname "Teazer," not "Rumple." But maybe I'm wrong in saying that's what you're thinking of?

But Munkustrap… Poor Munkustrap… He gets mad for no reason and slaps her. MUNKUSTRAP DOES NOT HIT QUEENS. I am glad he hit her, though. And Tugger keeps trying to flirt with her, even though she clearly refused him. Tugger doesn't flirt with those who clearly don't like him. Take Demeter or Jennyanydots, for example. Poor Tugger…

This one's on my sparking list for the future. *evil smile*

Is anyone else's PPC Wiki broken? by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-17 16:17:00 UTC Link to this

Because on my end, when I look at any ppc wiki article it looks like it was formatted the way the board is. It's not a Wikia-wide problem either, I checked.

What do you mean by... by Huinesoron on 2015-05-17 17:31:00 UTC Link to this

... 'the way the Board is'?

hS

Never mind. by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-17 20:03:00 UTC Link to this

It seems to be a problem with my laptop. Hmm.

This is a pretty common problem. by ratbrainbasher on 2015-05-17 21:53:00 UTC Link to this

Seriously, I see this all the time. I have so many computers, one of them is bound to be doing this at any given time. It's not really dangerous, just annoying, and I have a possible fix. I use chrome, and I get this in chrome. It does not appear to be present in Chrome Canary, which is basically just the dev version. You can download and use it even if you're not a dev, and it's not as horribly unstable as you might believe, so give it a shot if this is an unbearable problem.

I can't sign into the Wiki. by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 04:50:00 UTC Link to this

It won't accept my password, even though it did when I first signed up to it. So I changed the password, and it's still not working.

Have you tried signing in to other Wikias? (nm) by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 13:25:00 UTC Link to this

New interlude! by Voyd on 2015-05-17 17:06:00 UTC Link to this

RC 512 Interlude 2: Orientation Day

In which I talk a little more about Gabby and Chakkik, and introduce a new character!

Hopefully, I've given Gabby a bit more of a personality, with having someone else for her to bounce off of. Also, a slight bit of Chakkik exploration.

Interesting! by Superfluity on 2015-05-18 16:35:00 UTC Link to this

I think it's nice that you gave Chakkik a little more character. I can't wait to see how he develops!

Nice work! by eatpraylove on 2015-05-18 16:27:00 UTC Link to this

I'm a little concerned, though: don't most Touhou characters look like they're about twelve years old? Not sure how I feel about a young(-looking) character in a relationship with the obviously-adult Gabby.

Cute story otherwise, though :)

Well... by Voyd on 2015-05-18 18:16:00 UTC Link to this

Adéle's 23, so she's actually older than Gabby.

She's young for a youkai, though. She does have a unique creativity-encouraging youkai power (the power to build things), but she's only figured out a few applications of it.

About that by Superfluity on 2015-05-18 16:36:00 UTC Link to this

As long as both parties are consenting adults, I don't think there is a major issue with how old the character looks. I tend to draw the line when there is a physical age difference and not just a perceivable one (if that makes sense?).

So, I got my first ink today. by Iximaz on 2015-05-18 03:27:00 UTC Link to this

After six years— yes, six— of waiting to be old enough, I finally got myself a Deathly Hallows tattoo on my right shoulder blade to commemorate my love for Harry Potter. I really couldn't be happier with it. :D (Plus, it didn't hurt nearly as much as I expected, which probably helped a lot. ^^;)

If you guys have fandom tats, share what they are! Heck, if you don't, what would you get should it strike your fancy? I'm already considering getting a second after college, a d20 to represent D&D.

Whoa, congrats! (nm) by TheShyIon on 2015-05-19 17:09:00 UTC Link to this

HE'S EVIL! RUUUUN!! ;) (nm) by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 04:45:00 UTC Link to this

Nevermind, I thought you said a Death Mark tattoo. by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 04:47:00 UTC Link to this

Whoopsie! Anyway, have fun with it!

You mean Dark Mark...? by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 11:11:00 UTC Link to this

(And just for the record, I'm a she.)

Oh yeah. Sorry, haven't read Harry Potter in awhile. (nm) by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 12:11:00 UTC Link to this

That's AWESOME! :D *Optional!Hugs* (nm) by SMF on 2015-05-18 17:55:00 UTC Link to this

Awesome! by Superfluity on 2015-05-18 16:32:00 UTC Link to this

I've always thought that getting a tattoo would be super rad but, as stated earlier, how would I ever decide what to get? How can I be sure that I won't ever tire of the tattoo? That would suck...

Well, like I said... by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 00:20:00 UTC Link to this

I've been wanting this one for six years. I think, generally, if you've wanted something for six years, it's a safe bet you're committed. XD

That said, Harry Potter has also been a major influence on my life. It seems fitting I make a tribute to the fandom that helped make me into who I am.

Tl;dr, consider your choice for a while, and pick something meaningful to you.

Hmm... by Voyd on 2015-05-18 15:07:00 UTC Link to this

Considering how inconsistent of a person I am, I don't think I could get a tattoo. They're a bit too permanent, so if I got one, how much I like it would probably change a lot from one day to the next.

The main one I could see myself getting would be the Believe emblem, from the Disturbed album. I'm a music lover, and Disturbed is one of my favorite bands.

Hey, congrats, dude! by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-18 12:15:00 UTC Link to this

I love tats, too bad I don't have any yet. I wonder what I should get... I was thinking about the Seal of Rassilon from Doctor Who

Me? I have a Hippogriff on my chest! by Desdendelle on 2015-05-18 07:51:00 UTC Link to this

Kidding. Tattoos aren't really my cup of tea, so to speak.

I prefer the Hungarian Horntail by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-18 17:50:00 UTC Link to this

Much more 'macho'. ;D

My brother has a pygmy puff, but I won't say where. :P (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-18 11:45:00 UTC Link to this

Congrats, Ix! by Fasoula on 2015-05-18 05:13:00 UTC Link to this

You are braver than I. I don't know if I could ever muster up the courage to let anyone who wasn't a doctor stand over me with a needle. Cannot stand those things. Were I to get one though, I believe I'd have to have, in big, bold letters, the word "wizzard" printed on my chest, so all who looked upon me would know my (utter lack of) power.

If I may ask, why the right shoulder blade of all places?

It's easy enough to cover up with most shirts. by Iximaz on 2015-05-18 11:08:00 UTC Link to this

I do want to get a job sometime in the future, after all! XD

"Bionicle" Reboot by dramaticsoprano on 2015-05-18 21:58:00 UTC Link to this

So LEGO rebooted the "Bionicle" franchise this year. It looks good, but I don't think it will have quite as much zing as it did when first came out in '01. Then again, it might be better than I anticipated.

http://www.lego.com/en-us/bionicle

There's a new interlude in town! by DawnFire on 2015-05-18 22:54:00 UTC Link to this

That's right! Earlier this month, I got inspired (mostly by hS, but also by OrangeYoshi99) to write a short interlude, which was then betaed by two wonderful people (namely, Admiral Sakai and Hieronymus Graubart). And now...it's ready to be shared.

And so, without further ado...A Meeting At Rudi's is ready to meet you. In it, Agent T'Zar talks about various aspects of her latest mission and Agent Dawn is confused.

Hope you enjoy!

~DF

Excellent short story. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 13:55:00 UTC Link to this

There's nothing like good old-fashioned PPC absurdity to start the day off right.

Just a typo fix, though: "Agent Rabbit was at hir best"

Should that read "his"?

I don't think so? by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 14:20:00 UTC Link to this

Some people use 'hir' instead of 'they' when referred to a person of indeterminate gender.

Hm. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 15:28:00 UTC Link to this

I thought the convention was "they".

How are we supposed to pronounce "hir" anyways? "Here"? "Her"? IMO, it's a little awkward compared to "they".

Well, it was that or... by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 16:26:00 UTC Link to this

...ze, which I use for Agen_t, or else xe, which...I actually did consider using for Agen_t but then didn't. I didn't feel either of them worked here, though I couldn't tell you exactly why. And I didn't actually think of just saying their, which... hm. I'll keep it in mind.

Hir does seem to be a thing, though--I checked to make sure. No clue about pronunciation, unfortunately, though I've been mentally reading it as something similar to 'her' but with an even shorter middle sound.

As to convention... well, I'm not even remotely qualified to speak about this, but as far as I understand it, you're right: the general polite thing to do is to say 'they' if you don't want to misgender someone. However, people have other preferred pronouns sometimes, which include things like ze, xe, and hir (I've also heard of zie and xie). I think 'hir' just somehow suggested Agent Rabbit to me more than the others did, so that's what I went with.

On another note, PPC absurdity is the best :) Thank you.

~DF

Heh, I think it's because... by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 16:45:00 UTC Link to this

...I think in French. There's a rigid masculine/feminine division in how you structure your sentences so my brain went : un lapin --> masculine noun --> pronoun in text is "hir" --> correct to "his".

Come to think of it, there's no framework in place in the French language if someone wants to adopt nonstandard pronouns: you always check if the person identifies as male or female. Interesting.

Reminds me of this trainwreck of a Tumblr post... by domirossi on 2015-05-21 21:20:00 UTC Link to this

One word: "Feurself." This was from a set of custom nounself pronouns intented to be used in French. No further comment necessary.

Non mais c'est quoi cette niaiserie? by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-22 00:50:00 UTC Link to this

Comment est-ce qu'on peut penser à mettre un nom au hasard et un "-self" et en faire un pronom personnel?

Pourquoi? Ça sert à quoi autre que de se trouver plus spécial et unique que tout le monde d'autre?

((SeaTurtle is mad now and rants in French, like any self-respecting Québecois would do.))

Bah, en fait, je suis Ã peu prÃ¨s sÃ»r que Ã§a sert juste Ã Ã§a. (nm by domirossi on 2015-05-22 20:16:00 UTC Link to this

French isn't the only language that's built that way. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 17:06:00 UTC Link to this

Hebrew is built that way, too - no neutral gender; everything is either female or male. In my case, however, I already knew about the 'hir' thing, so it didn't surprise me.

So in either of those... by Huinesoron on 2015-05-20 09:43:00 UTC Link to this

... how would you talk about someone whose gender you have no possible way of knowing?

'I sent an email to the head of the company; we'll see if they reply'.

hS

Ignoring the fact... by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 15:26:00 UTC Link to this

...that I somehow didn't ask anyone who the boss was, I could say:

"J'ai envoyé un courriel au chef de la compagnie. J'espère qu'il ou elle me répondra."

Literally: "I sent an email to the head of the company. I hope that he or she replies".

If the reply does come through, I'll simply check the signature and determine if the boss is a man or a woman. Alternatively, I can check to see if the head has written anything anywhere else: your conjugation changes slightly if you're a man or a woman. That's the thing I love about French: there's little clues everywhere and you gotta pay attention to all of them.

Huh. Nifty. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-20 16:03:00 UTC Link to this

(You didn't ask anyone because the company makes breakfast cereal and it is 1984 so there's no internet and also your phone book is lost. Or something. Or you can substitute 'when the first person comes through that door, you should give them a cake'.)

I didn't know (or possibly didn't remember) that your conjugation would change based on your gender - cool!

hS

(PS: Do you mind if I ask which French-speaking country you're in? I'm rubbish at keeping track of this stuff. Don't answer if you don't want to, obviously.)

Canada. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 17:24:00 UTC Link to this

Born in Québec, moved all over the place. Québec is the only full French-speaking province in Canada-- all of the other provinces use English as their official language with the exception of New Brunswick, which is fully bilingual (due to the high concentration of Acadian people who somehow managed to survive decades of British oppression and deportation).

I think you had a couple of extra words there. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-20 18:58:00 UTC Link to this

'oppression and deportation' - wouldn't it be quicker just to say 'decades of the British'? I'm pretty sure we all understand what that means.

hS, likes the island, not especially the politics

Hah! Point taken. (nm) by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 19:22:00 UTC Link to this

In addition... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-20 16:38:00 UTC Link to this

In Hebrew, unknown gender defaults to male pronouns. I'd save you the moon-runes and say that that sentence would look, roughly and translated back into English (because just translating the words will sound weird), like 'I sent an email to the boss; I'll see if he'd reply'.

Well: by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 13:24:00 UTC Link to this

Ow, my ribs. This takes the PPC's bizarreness to the next level. I am also totally mentioning Agent Rabbit in a mission; the concept is too good to pass up.

Feedback needed for an SO section of my samples. by Silenthunder on 2015-05-18 23:37:00 UTC Link to this

Exactly what it sounds like. Darkotas suggested I get at least one other person's review on my portrayal of the SO as I make final adjustments for Permission-requesting. I won't give the whole link, just send the section in an email. Any takers?

I'll be happy to. by Omega on 2015-05-19 00:07:00 UTC Link to this

riderranger47(at)gmail.com

Sending it now. (nm) by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 00:11:00 UTC Link to this

Immortal Sues by Voyd on 2015-05-19 02:35:00 UTC Link to this

What do we do with them?

I don't just mean really freaking tough to kill, or ageless. I mean honest-to-god incapable of dying.

I'm talking about the kind of immortality granted by a third taste of the Hourai Elixir, where even if they're completely annihilated, they pop back into existence good as new.

I suppose that if it was specifically the Hourai Elixir, you could just kill the Sue before she has a chance to taste it three times.

Another potential option... by Seafarer on 2015-05-19 22:27:00 UTC Link to this

This may be a bit late, but what about the Dragonrend shout from TESV: Skyrim? Shouts literally force the concepts on the target, and that particular one goes with mortal, finite, temporary. Use that, kill them while they're vulnerable, then let canon reassert itself, wiping the immortal from having ever existed.

I don't know much about Skyrim, but... by Voyd on 2015-05-19 23:17:00 UTC Link to this

Isn't the Dragonborn the only living thing that can use that Shout?

Nope. by Seafarer on 2015-05-20 03:34:00 UTC Link to this

Anyone can use it if they know the Voice, like the Greybeards and the ancient Nordic heroes who created it. The exception is dragons themselves; the concepts it embodies are so alien to dragons that they can't project them. Also, the Last Dragonborn isn't the only Dragonborn.
And I thought of something else: wish. The D&D spell, that is. It lets you literally rewrite reality. There's a creature - the tarrasque - that can regenerate itself from being disintegrated into its constituent atoms. Wish is the only thing that can put it down, and only then if it's as close to dead as it can otherwise get. Its resilience sounds a bit like what that elixir you're talking about grants.
If even that doesn't suit you (because of the different rules governing various continua), there's this other nice little thing called soul bind. You said that the elixir prevents its drinker's soul/body/whatever from being confined to the underworld/afterlife/whatever... but nothing about it not being able to be confined in a gemstone. It's basically a magical alternative to sticking her in a black hole - there is no escape.

Reality Rooms. by Calista on 2015-05-19 04:13:00 UTC Link to this

If you can risk taking your immortal 'Sue to a reality room, it should impose entropy on her and force her to become mortal, and if you are lucky, the injuries she's survived by being immortal should kill her.

But every godmode 'sue is different, and every writer should endeavor to find interesting, creative, and entertaining solutions to the godmoding. When you're writing about scrappy underdog-type agents, finding sneaky ways to deal with a way-overpowered, way-undercharacterized fictional glitterthing is pretty much in the job description.

This is why we have ESAS. by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 02:39:00 UTC Link to this

Well, probably. At least partially.

I don't have much of an answer, but what I do have is that there was a Jack Harkness character replacement (the guy can die, but he always comes back) who was left somewhere in the Underworld in a Greek myth. That's one way of doing it. Black holes or suns are also things that get used, I think, though again, I'm not completely sure.

Anyone care to elaborate? That's all I've got, besides a suggestion to search the wiki in case there's an article on it.

~DF

The thing about the Hourai Elixir... by Voyd on 2015-05-19 02:43:00 UTC Link to this

The Touhou games specifically state that people that drink it can never be bound to the netherworld. Yuyuko, a character who literally has the power to make things dead, has no power over creatures that have taken the Elixir.

Suns qualify as annihilation, which the Hourai Elixir cancels out.

Black holes... there, I'm not too sure, because Touhou doesn't really go into black holes.

Like I said, the only way I can think of to deal with the Hourai Elixir would be to prevent a Sue from drinking it in the first place.

Black Holes by LonelyStar on 2015-05-19 04:11:00 UTC Link to this

Black holes, realistic ones at least, probably would work. Even if they wouldn't kill the Sue, she wouldn't be bothering anyone again. This happens for several reasons:

First, the Event Horizon. Absolutely nothing escapes once it's past the Horizon, not even light (that's why they're called black holes). The Sue sure wouldn't be able to.

Second, any realistic black hole has insane time dilation. Even if, by some miracle, the Sue did manage to escape, it would be in the far future (how far depends on how massive the black hole is).

Third, there's this Fun thing called Spaghettification (I'm not kidding, that's its actual name) that happens when you get too close to black holes. Spaghettification is when tidal gravity (the difference in gravity between your top and bottom) rip you apart. And then it happens again, and again, and again, until you're a cloud of disconnected atoms. Meanwhile, you're being squeezed into a tube of matter resembling a spaghetti noodle (hence the name). Even if the Sue had drunk the Hourai Elixir, this would happen to her. Heck, because she wouldn't be able to stop falling into the black hole, it would happen to her continuously.

One of the few ways this wouldn't work would be if it was banned as torture. Black holes are a very, very thorough way of killing stuff.

Hm. What about stasis? by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 02:47:00 UTC Link to this

Find a way that works and would stay working, something that would freeze the Sue somehow but not kill her. That way she's stuck and can't reform or whatever it is.

Just need to make sure it's something that won't break...and then find a safe place to leave her.

~DF

There is one other possibility. by Voyd on 2015-05-19 02:53:00 UTC Link to this

That maybe the Sue thinks it's the Hourai Elixir, but is mistaken.

The Elixir is incredibly rare. There's only one person who knows how to make it, Eirin Yagokoro, and it's not known if she has any more left or even if she has the ingredients to make it.

Only four characters have actually taken it: Eirin herself, Kaguya Houraisan (the exiled princess of the moon), Fujiwara no Mokou (the daughter of a man Kaguya spurned), and Chang'e (the Chinese goddess of the moon).

It's highly probable than a Sue claiming to have taken the Hourai Elixir probably got ripped off... especially if it's misspelled. >:3

So, what you could do... by Scapegrace on 2015-05-19 13:43:00 UTC Link to this

Is portal ahead and swap it out for, Iunno, bleach or battery acid or one of the horrifying local poisons, and charge them while they're on the ground. To paraphrase a talking raccoon in my acquaintance:

"Hehehe. Writhe, little Sue."

Maybe... by Voyd on 2015-05-19 14:50:00 UTC Link to this

If they had the "Horai elixer" or something like that, it probably wouldn't be the real thing. But I have another idea...

Drinking the Hourai Elixir, according to Fujiwara no Mokou, comes in three stages. With the first taste, you stop aging. With the second, you can never become ill. With the third, you become completely and utterly immortal.

A misspelled Hourai Elixir might not create a Touhouverse mini, but rather an incomplete version of the Elixir that only grants the effects of a first or second taste, no matter how much the Sue drinks.

Thoughts?

Let's try this. (nm) by Phobos on 2015-05-19 14:20:00 UTC Link to this

Scape, you broke the entire Board. by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 14:01:00 UTC Link to this

Let's see if this will work...

This should fix it. (nm) by KittyEden on 2015-05-19 14:11:00 UTC Link to this

This is the sort of corkscrew thinking I like to see. {= D by Neshomeh on 2015-05-19 13:34:00 UTC Link to this

Remember, boys and girls and starfish: the Sue is only as powerful as her story is well-written. Use their own plotholes against 'em!

~Neshomeh

I'd go with the black hole option. (nm) by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 04:52:00 UTC Link to this

HMMM by SMF on 2015-05-19 13:15:00 UTC Link to this

Both sound suitably dangerous, thorough, and creative. Isn't that what we look for in assassinations? >:)
(The black hole one would only be ironic if space was actually mentioned in the fic; the fake Elixir can be ironic anywhere.)

this is to fix the HTML (nm) by eatpraylove on 2015-05-19 13:50:00 UTC Link to this

Permission Request by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 04:58:00 UTC Link to this

After the first draft, a huge re-write, advice, discovery, tweaking, and a bit more, I finally feel ready to ask. The second roll-of-the-die-sample is based on prompt 5.2.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zkDzdqrA63vz0xuAF-tODRusFjK6vZwA-QxVSw1XSYM/mobilebasic

The link is for the type you'd see on a mobile device (I'm using an iPad at the moment.) If it doesn't work, I'll try the computer-based link.

Thanks to Darkotas and Omega for their feedback!

Congratulations Â– and a warning by Galanthus nivalis on 2015-05-21 09:09:00 UTC Link to this

Your Permission Giver let you get away with it, but if you ever again imply that We Flowers That Be sit around in pots...

Actually, We are quite mobile when We need to be. We went on missions before We recruited non-floral agents, and you should have seen the party We had at the Fifth Anniversary. When the Sunflower Official was introduced in TOS Chapter 5, he deliberately stayed behind his desk so that Jay and Acacia could not see how his business suit’s trousers fit his stem. Thus, how We manage to walk is everybody’s guess, and We prefer to keep it that way.

The Snowdrop, Head of Department, Uncanonical Department of Inaccuracies

[[I was quite busy these days and got no chance to respond to your request for a second opinion on the SO scene, so you get this instead.

Also, there is a sentence in your Agent #1 Profile I don’t quite understand:
Za’kiir grew up in the Anequina region of Elswyer, the desert-land half of nomad warriors.
I don’t know about this lands geography, and my grip of the English language may not be as good as I want it to be. Are you saying that this region is one half of a (group or tribe) of nomad warriors?

Hieronymus Graubart]]

My deepest apologies. Forgive my lack of ignorance. by Silenthunder on 2015-05-22 00:37:00 UTC Link to this

I could edit the sample if you like. One question: Do you feel like I got His personality mostly accurate?

As for Elswyer, it is split into two regions: the desert-land of fighters and nomads, the warriors; and the jungle-land, home to merchants and traders and makers of Skooma, Elswyer's world-wide-famous sweetened rum. Both reigons are under a king, known as the Mane, who is born when the two moons of Tamriel are in a perfect yet rare alignment.

You write English well, don't worry.

Characterization? by Hieronymus Graubart on 2015-05-22 10:23:00 UTC Link to this

21.05.2015 Characterization?

This aspect of the SO looks good to me, but I’m probably the wrong person to ask. I don’t trust my own ability to keep anybody in character.

BTW, it’s not necessary to use capital letter pronouns for the Flowers. The Snowdrop using Capital-We is just my attempt to give him a distinct personality. Apparently the little guy tries to feel bigger than he is (being uncanonical and all), and he is tempted to use the pluralis majestatis even when he talks only of himself.

Also, the Snowdrop may be exaggerating. Although I try, I can neither read nor remember every PPC story ever written. It’s possible that other Flowers reside in pots (and may levitate rather than walk).

Thank you for explaining Elswyer’s geography. So Anequina is a desert-land of nomad warriors. Now I’m even less certain that the desert-land half of nomad warriors actually says what you intend to say. Removing the word "half" would probably improve it.

Should you edit the "sample" (and the agent profile)? Absolutely! (And don’t forget the irrigation/interrogation problem Des mentioned.) The question is not what I like or want. I’m just an attentive reader and don’t have any power whatsoever. The point is that this isn’t just a sample. If you don’t decide to redo it and give your agents a different back story, it is the prologue to your spin-off and should be linked on your agents’ wiki pages (which should be based on your agent profiles). I hope you want it to be as consistent with TOS canon as possible.

We don’t want outsiders getting the impression that the Protectors of the Plot Continuum are a bunch of hypocrites who can’t write a straight sentence and aren’t able to keep even their own canon consistent. Therefore We try to catch the errors which escaped the beta readers. Shut up, bighead.

HG

Anequina is one region, the jungle land is the other. by Silenthunder on 2015-05-23 23:50:00 UTC Link to this

They are both one country. I don't know what the jungle-land is called, unfortunately.

How they move is rather vague. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-22 10:55:00 UTC Link to this

Some Flowers are certainly potted (the Bonsai Mallorn, the, uh, 'potted fern'). Others spend all their time wandering around (the Daisy - not the Marquis, the other one). The Floating Hyacinth has been seen at least once bobbing around in a fountain. The Chlorophyll Club has pots for the Flowers to stand in and eat.

But how the Flowers move? I know I've avoided addressing it; I don't know of anyone else who's done so. They Just Do. ^_~

hS

*pauses in putting on her hat* One moment. by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 11:40:00 UTC Link to this

You've got your story prompts, but where are your agent bios and a link to the story you want to mission?

Get those up and I'll come back to this, alright?

Uh-oh... The story for missioning got taken down. by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 12:13:00 UTC Link to this

I copied it into a Doc, though. Do you want me to link you to that?

You can do that... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 12:16:00 UTC Link to this

Or you can find another one.

Nevermind, I found it. by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 12:18:00 UTC Link to this

http://www.quotev.com/story/4653027/The-10th-Member/1/

I'll post the bios when I get a chance, have to get ready for school now.

Here's the bios. by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 12:48:00 UTC Link to this

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mztUaVNMpwHiZMxhQNfAaxUiDXQ0bpmjN9wk0oDY3_4/edit

Is anything else needed?

Sick bag, maybe? by Scapegrace on 2015-05-19 13:23:00 UTC Link to this

Because sweet heavenly Mithras, that fic. Eugh. I can't be havin' with Legolust. Like, I get that Orlando Bloom is really pretty, but, like, no? He's... really, really boring? His entire role in LotR is "guy who am shoot arrow gud". And he's not even that brilliant! He fights like a modern European target-shooter as opposed to how archers and skirmishers actually fought with those weapons-

*We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by while we try to get hS's hands off Scape's neck. Ix, fetch the big crowbar, please?*

So far they haven't fallen in love, oddly enough. by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 22:44:00 UTC Link to this

But she gives a very Urple description of his eyes - HIS EYES! YOU RUINED THEM WITH TOO MUCH DETAIL, YOU MONSTER! - and later mentions how he was the only one to protect her from a nightmare because "her soul trusts him the most." UGH.

Oh, and did I mention she has TWO severely overpowered Cute Animal Friends? A Unicorn-Pegasus (but she calls it a HORSE, can't break canon after all!) and a shapeshifting wolf-raven creature. *sharpens sword*

That sounds like a cue for another 'can it be done right'. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-20 08:27:00 UTC Link to this

Is it possible to have shapeshifting, animal friends, magic jewellery, or psychic powers in an LotR goodfic?

Well, you all know my answer by now! :D I'm sure I'll come up with a story to prove it someday, like I have before.

hS

Well.. by Alleb on 2015-05-20 12:39:00 UTC Link to this

Shapeshifting has been shown to be canonically possible, so long has one has a Maia for an ancestor. Sure, it's rare for it to happen, but if one really wanted a character like that, change the fate of Elered and Elurin. They live, have children, boom. There's your Maia ancestry, through Melian.

Animal friends.. Dealing with the assumption that our OC is an Elf, not too difficult. Elves are shown to be very, very good with animals. He's got Maia blood to boot, and he's related to Beren through Dior. Animal friends aren't very surprising at all.

Magic jewelry really isn't all that hard- after all, Saruman made some rings which we know nothing of, and there are the "essays into the craft" that I can't remember anything else about. I'm actually hoping to mention them (maybe involve them) in my Tenth Walker story.

Psychic? Well, why not? Galadriel and her family can do it (as far as I can recall). It's not too far a jump to think that others from Aman might be able to. Heck, it makes me think that if an Elf were powerful enough, he could do it without being from Aman- slap one of the unknown rings on his finger, say it increases the strength of his mind, and boom. Psychic.

Now, can all of this be woven into a "good" story? I think so. The hardest part might be coming up with a reason for our OC to stay in Middle-earth, rather than leaving for Aman. There'd also be the issues of what he would do during the War, who he would lead, who he might follow, and all of that. But I think it could be done.

This unicorn was Sauron's. He never had a steed! (nm) by Silenthunder on 2015-05-21 04:21:00 UTC Link to this

Basically that, yep. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-20 13:24:00 UTC Link to this

Though I'm tempted to get the shapeshifting direct from the source - what would a vampire look like when not in bat-form? (We know Sauron could shift into it; it seems at least reasonable to characterise the entire race as shapeshifters). I'm gonna go with 'not pretty even if she tried to be'.

You're right about magic jewellery and psychic powers (of a sort - the word is tercen, 'Insight', and precisely how 'telepathic' it makes you is up for debate. Luthien sensed that Beren was in trouble, for instance...); the trickiest one is actually the Animal Friend, as anything other than... well, just an animal. Obviously we could go via Huan - but I like to avoid 'it's all from Aman/Maiar' wherever possible.

That said... there is one animal in the Third Age known for its cognitive abilities. ^_^

A fox passing through the wood on business of his own stopped several minutes and sniffed.

'Hobbits!' he thought. 'Well, what next? I have heard of strange doings in this land, but I have seldom heard of a hobbit sleeping out of doors under a tree. Three of them! There's something mighty queer behind this.' He was quite right, but he never found out any more about it.

What do you think? 'Fox, Thinking' as a CAF to any Elves, Dwarves, and Dunedain passing through the Shire?

(Actually, I've just remembered that both talking ravens, and humans who speak Thrush, are perfectly canonical. :D)

hS

Yes, perfect! by Alleb on 2015-05-20 19:58:00 UTC Link to this

The Fox; one hundred percent canonical, one hundred percent cute, and one hundred percent our CAF. Awesome.

I'm guessing the Fox would be less likely to hang around the vampire, though. Which reminds me- what happened to them, and the werewolves?

So, we've got shapeshifting, Sparkly Jewelry, and possible mind powers- all completely canonical. Wow. That's interesting..

Vampires and werewolves, oh my. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-21 11:59:00 UTC Link to this

(Also, of course, Beorn can shapeshift, without even being an elf!)

'Werewolf' is a bit of a misnomer; Tolkien seems to have used it synonymously with 'warg', and with 'wild wolf' and 'great wolf'. Basically, think 'intelligent Dire Wolf' and you won't be far wrong. Sauron aside, there's no evidence they could shapeshift. And what happened to them? Nothing! They're still around in the Third Age, teaming up with the goblins to sing songs about fir trees. ^_^

Vampires... well, it's difficult, since the only two we ever hear about are Sauron (again, shapeshifting) and Thuringwethil - who's already dead by the time her name comes up! It's pretty clear that they're messengers of Morgoth, and that Sauron keeps a few on hand in both Tol-in-Gaurhoth, and when he holed up in the Nightshade.

It's also clearer than I said that they could shapeshift. Sauron turned into the 'giant bat' form, but Morgoth wasn't surprised to see Luthien in a form that could speak, and stand in front of him - not a giant bat, in other words.

So what happened to them? They may have all died in the War of Wrath - they weren't fighters, after all. Or... well, there is an army of giant bats in The Hobbit, and the movies definitely didn't show them as ordinary bats. Given that Tolkien ripped the setting off The Hobbit right out of his Silm manuscripts (check out the dwarf-hating Elvenking in his underground city!), I suspect they're actually bat-form vampires. Perhaps, with Morgoth gone, they can no longer look human - that would make a certain amount of sense.

hS

Batses, precious! by Alleb on 2015-05-21 13:00:00 UTC Link to this

I wonder how long they live if they aren't killed. 'Cause there's a certain wolf that killed Finrod Felagund, and he's gotta go. *sharpens sword*

That's sort of terrifying- and it does mention the bats fastening onto the stricken. It would be really interesting to write about them. Do you think they're immortal- well, clearly, they can be killed, but ageless?

That one, at least, is dead. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-21 13:26:00 UTC Link to this

Finrod killed him to protect Beren, remember? And then the Lady Luthien dropped a castle on his corpse. He's very dead.

It's fairly clear that a bunch of Melkor's abominations are long-lived. Draugluin, 'Father of Werewolves', is around in the late 460s, but it's hard to imagine werewolves don't date back to the very early days of the War. Dragons and balrogs are both immortal-in-the-Elvish-mode. Vampires... well, again, it's hard to say.

But look at it this way: Sauron was able to make a Ring that accidentally makes its wearer immortal. That suggests that the immortality comes from contact with the chunk of Sauron's power that he put in it. And, as we know, 'the whole of Middle-earth was Morgoth's ring' - he put bits of himself everywhere. So werewolves, vampires, even orcs are probably all un-ageing.

(Though orcs would be anyway, being mutant elves.)

hS

That's good, at least. by Alleb on 2015-05-21 17:31:00 UTC Link to this

No, I had forgotten; it's been a bit since I've read the Silmarillion. I should probably brush up on it.

I hadn't thought about that; so there might be Orcs and wolves running around that served Morgoth? I mean, it seems fairly unlikely, since they fight so much amongst themselves (or Orcs do, anyway), but there might be some ancient Orc chieftain somewhere, plotting revenge..

So it's entirely possible that a) the bats are vampires, b) the vampires are immortal, and therefore c) at least some of them may have served Morgoth.

And that leads me to two questions; are vampires necessarily evil, and are they born or created?

On Vampires. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-21 18:29:00 UTC Link to this

As ever (or more so than ever): this is speculative. We know virtually nothing about vampires specifically. But...

-They were probably born. Morgoth's usual process (or rather, Sauron's, since he was apparently the one who created orcs - and werewolves) seems to have been:
--Make the first of a species by twisting something natural. Orcs are twisted elves. Trolls are, according to Fangorn, twisted Ents. Werewolves are presumably twisted wolves.
--Engage in an aggressive magical breeding program. This is how Draugluin gave rise to Carcharoth.
--Let them just keep breeding. We know that orcs, for instance, bred in the Misty Mountains.

There is an alternate scheme: the one used for creating dragons. It goes:

-Make a body out of inanimate matter.
-Persuade a Maia to run it for you.

This probably doesn't make something that can reproduce. We've no indication that dragons could breed, and very strong indications that balrogs couldn't.

So why do I say vampires are probably the former, rather than the latter? Simple: they're based on bats. Balrogs and dragons are only loosely based on other creatures; vampires are pretty obviously corrupted bats. So they were born.

But, as I've said somewhere else, the 'born' method involves sticking a little bit of Melkor's essence inside the creatures in question. This is apparently hereditary (which might mean that Morgoth grew more powerful as his armies grew, which would figure). But it also has the effect of making his creatures Default Evil.

Think of it as having a little Shoulder Morgoth (there's an image for you...!). Does it make you necessarily evil? No. But it means your primary drives are going to be selfish, and quite possibly power-hungry. Can someone who's predisposed to see themselves as the most important person in the world (except for the Master, of course) be good?

Well... that sounds like a story in the making!

hS

I seem to remember by Alleb on 2015-05-21 21:47:00 UTC Link to this

a passage saying that the plainest to the north of the Lonely Mountain were the breeding grounds of dragons, though. But I can't recall anything else..

Little Shoulder Morgoth.. Heh..

That reminds me of a passage; I can't remember if it's in Silm or LOTR. But it's talking about the motivations of Orcs, and how they live in fear of Sauron and hate for him, and hate for themselves, and hate for everything less pitiable than they are. And that makes me think of the scene in the movies, when Aragorn falls off the cliff, and Legolas speaks to the Orc. The Orc is holding the Evenstar so gently- he's cupping it, really, like it's the most precious thing he's ever seen. And I can't help but wonder if whatever tiny bit of Elf that might still have been in him longed for beauty again.

Ahem. Anyway, yes, that does sound like a good story!

Hmm, apparently. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-22 09:50:00 UTC Link to this

Even more clearly, in a draft manuscript somewhere, Gloin apparently mentions 'a dragonet new from the shell'.

But that doesn't mean that they breed like normal creatures do. I'm now picturing a dragon melting together a vast horde of metals into a ball, then heating it still further so that some of the dragon's own innate fire passes into the 'egg'. The fire-spirit in the centre of the 'egg' would then work its way outwards, building itself a body from the metals around it; finally it would break through the last shell of metal, and emerge as a young dragon.

(All this assumes that you take the 1917 descriptions of dragons as mechanical as canon, rather than just reading them as mutant lizards or something.)

hS

I don't know.. by Alleb on 2015-05-22 12:09:00 UTC Link to this

If they were made completely of metal, why would Smaug have a weak spot? His skin would be metal, and, more importantly, his insides would be metal as well.

Heh. Is the spoken exam a Thrush Oral? =] (nm) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-20 17:04:00 UTC Link to this

One of my favourite quotes... by Huinesoron on 2015-05-19 15:04:00 UTC Link to this

... is Tolkien talking about the fact that the elves touch the world only lightly, and by the Third Age were already withdrawing from relevance:

Legolas probably achieved the least of the Nine Walkers...

^_~

Though, of course, it must be said: Legolas, not that good? Er, how many archers do you know who can climb on top of AT-AT-scale elephants and shoot them dead? How many archers do you know who can get multiple clean, single-shot kills while shield-surfing down a flight of stairs?

Let's face it, Legolas may not look like much of an archer - but you can't argue with results!

(Besides, it's not like the guy obeys the laws of physics anyway.)

hS

He's a decent marksman, for sure... by Scapegrace on 2015-05-19 15:37:00 UTC Link to this

But that isn't how lone archers actually fought. Look, I'll link you to a video that explains this far better than I ever could:-

Lars Andersen: Makes Legoland Look a Total Scrub

By the Black ArrowÂ… That is AWESOME. by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 22:36:00 UTC Link to this

I mean the video.

It's how he fought. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-19 15:49:00 UTC Link to this

And he won the War of the Ring singlehanded, I think you'll find. So there.

(Obligatory crackpot theory: perhaps you don't need to fight sensibly when you're facing orcs. Did any orc in any of the movies ever try anything other than 'charge into your face and hack at you'?)

(Also, haven't watched video yet; will watch later)

hS

I know, right? by Voyd on 2015-05-19 15:26:00 UTC Link to this

Seriously, when I was watching the Hobbit movies, and Legolas showed up, all I could think was "You're not hiding your status as a Solar Exalted very well, you keep using Charms..."

He pirouetted on a Dwarf's head. by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 18:04:00 UTC Link to this

No, I'm not letting that go. It was my 'what is this' moment in the theater more than anything else.

~DF

My main issues would be... by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 18:29:00 UTC Link to this

Throwing his sword and it actually working, and then violating every law of physics by using the falling blocks as platforms. Legolas, wat r u doin.

Apparently, Film!Legolas immigrated from an anime. by Voyd on 2015-05-19 18:39:00 UTC Link to this

That's basically what happens in the fight between Cloud and Sephiroth in Final Fantasy: Advent Children. Except it's even MORE ridiculous, because they platform in 26 directions.

Nvermind that Elves have light feet to defy stepping in snow by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 22:38:00 UTC Link to this

He can now defy the physics of falling objects by slowing down time! It's too ridiculous now.

*puts a Hat on* by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 13:21:00 UTC Link to this

At least this ugly beast fits the blargh weather outside. Anyway!
1. Community involvement - I recognise your name with a glance and don't have a kneejerk cringing reaction, so I think we can safely say you know the community and the community knows you.
2. Writing samples - the samples are good and show a generally good grasp of the PPC. There are two things to be noted, however. One - you have a couple of, erm, auto-correct-induced typos ('irrigation' for 'interrogation'); two, you didn't quite catch the SO's appearance right. Other than that you're good.
3. Badfic - that's a Tenth Walker aright. Nothing too enormous, but there's nothing wrong with missioning a classical Sue.

So. May I have a Dramatic Drum Roll? No? Very well.
Unless a more experienced PG has any issues, my verdict is Permission Granted. Conga Rats, Silenthunder!

Congratulations! *tosses Spikes* (nm) by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-19 19:06:00 UTC Link to this

Congratulations! Have a Lava Cookie! (nm) by Edhelistar on 2015-05-19 15:49:00 UTC Link to this

Congratulations! by eatpraylove on 2015-05-19 13:48:00 UTC Link to this

*blows noisemaker* I look forward to your missions! Also, have three bars of Bleepolate!

Hey hey, congratulations! *cakefetti* by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 13:28:00 UTC Link to this

Looking forward to your first mission! :D

Thank you everyone! A few questions. by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 22:51:00 UTC Link to this

I've seen sporkings where the fic in question was too long, so the agents would go and portal to certain spots to take care of the really bad spots. I have a feeling I might need to do that. So what's a good rule of thumb for knowing when you need to do that. On the other hand, what's a good way to know when to skip chunks of writing that don't pop out, and how to make the transitions smooth from shocker to shocker?

I was wondering if it's mandatory to post every sporking link I do on the Board, or will that be saved for the Wiki profile?

Three, the Wiki isn't letting me sign into it. I tried with a new password, and still no go.

Lastly, can I have a beta if needed?

Hm, answers. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 23:52:00 UTC Link to this

1) You have to develop your own rules of thumbs for that. If you want to see what other people did, most people link to the badfic they sporked, so you can look at the mission and the badfic side-by-side and see what they did. It changes from person to person and from mission to mission.
2) Wiki has an article on that.
3) Have you tried signing in to another Wikias? If you can't sign into any Wikia, it's probably a problem to be solved with Wikia itself. If it's just the PPC Wiki that gives you problems, you should poke the Wiki admins to see if you're caught in a ban by mistake.
4) Of course. Post a beta request on the Board and someone will answer it, 99.99% of the time.

Thanks. I can't wait to begin! Thanks for the encouragement! (nm by Silenthunder on 2015-05-20 02:31:00 UTC Link to this

Another question by Silenthunder on 2015-05-20 13:30:00 UTC Link to this

What's some differences between a Replacement!Sue and a possessed character? They seem like the same until an agent says otherwise in the sporking.

Oh, andâ€” by Neshomeh on 2015-05-20 16:01:00 UTC Link to this

Possession shouldn't be confused with plain old OOCness. Possession usually implies a Sue- or slash-wraith, which respectively make the character behave in a Sueish or slashy way. If they're OOC but not particularly Sueish or slashy, or if there's already a Sue in the fic to blame for characterization issues, possession is not likely.

~Neshomeh

I have Opinions about this. by Neshomeh on 2015-05-20 15:54:00 UTC Link to this

In theory, a possessed character is being forced to do things they wouldn't normally do because a wraith is making them, but they're still more or less recognizable as themselves. Sometimes more, sometimes a lot less.

A replacement, on the other hand, is what you get when you surgically remove the defining things that make that character who they are and replace them with BS. I always look for a name-change to seal the deal, too. If they can't even claim to be the same character in name anymore, that's a wrap: they've been replaced. See Archir the Emerald, for example, who was originally supposed to be Harry Potter. Other examples from my missions include Severus "Sithchean Bran" Snape from "Family Ties" and Hermione "Nadia" Lupin-Black (or whatever) from "Harry Potter and the Dragonriders of Pern." I could've gone the same route with Ginny in that mission, but although she was pretty speshul, she wasn't too horribly OOC motive-wise, her name didn't change, and her backstory was still intact, so I just had her be possessed.

Unfortunately, what seems to happen in practice a lot of the time is that a writer just wants to kill or recruit something, so they declare it to be a character replacement. It's annoying. Please strive to avoid doing this.

~Neshomeh

Hey! I'm new... by Steely on 2015-05-19 05:43:00 UTC Link to this

I found out about this fiction universe on TV Tropes, much to my excitement. It seems just like my sense of humor. I've read a few of the original series and painstakingly went over the FAQs.

I'm a bit intimidated by this community, I have to admit. There seems to be such a tangle of inside jokes, history, etc... that just joining looks like it takes a lot of preparation.

But the main draw is my enthusiasm for fanfiction! I hate that people think fanfic will automatically be bad, and thus give the free excuse of "eh, it's fanfiction" whenever someone writes something terrible using the medium.

Aside from that, I mostly write for the Hetalia fandom and Elder Scrolls.

Flowers? by Steely on 2015-05-20 02:26:00 UTC Link to this

Wow, everyone seems pretty nice. :) So my first question is... Flowers? Like, are they actual plants?

*points you at the Original Series* by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 04:26:00 UTC Link to this

Yes. Yes they are. Human-sized (usually), psychic, self-mobile plants.

Hi! by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-19 23:02:00 UTC Link to this

Take this generic newbie gift! Just give it a description and it will be whatever you want! I found this place through TVTropes also!

Hello! by dramaticsoprano on 2015-05-19 19:39:00 UTC Link to this

Have some Swiss Chocolate.

Wellcom! by Edhelistar on 2015-05-19 15:52:00 UTC Link to this

As your welcome gift, you can have this replica of The One Ringthat allows you to summon Arvak!

Welcome! by Superfluity on 2015-05-19 15:42:00 UTC Link to this

I can assure you that getting in is the easy part. The hardest part is leaving.

Welcome to Creation, here's your shovel. by Voyd on 2015-05-19 14:36:00 UTC Link to this

Have a +3 keen Sue bane shovel! It has an improved crit-rate, and deals extra damage to Sues!

Welcome! by eatpraylove on 2015-05-19 14:26:00 UTC Link to this

Don't be intimidated, we're very user-friendly. Here's a Yoshi doll and a copy of Russia's awesome scarf!

Welcome to the PPC! by Scapegrace on 2015-05-19 13:33:00 UTC Link to this

Let's roll you up a starter Pokemon:

Iiiiiiiit's Deino! =]

And your starting item is:

Bum Friend!

Synergies: Bum Friend increases the damage of your STAB moves proportionally to the amount of prize money you'll get. In competitive play, this is set at a 1.2x multiplier, applied after the rest of the damage formula. Enjoy! =]

'ello there! by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 13:22:00 UTC Link to this

Since other people asked about the important stuff, have this cup of confused Lapsang Souchong tea - it's not quite certain whether it smells like a campfire or not.

Dai Stiho! :D *Optional!Hugs* by SMF on 2015-05-19 13:10:00 UTC Link to this

I haven't been here very long, either, but it's been nice greeting other newbies! ^^

Hi! Since you mentioned Elder Scrolls... by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 13:00:00 UTC Link to this

Here's a free, non-powerful copy of an Elder Scroll! You can record whatever you want, the parchment will never run out!

Hello! by Alleb on 2015-05-19 12:39:00 UTC Link to this

Don't be intimidated; this is probably one of the nicest corners of the internet. I just joined a little over a week ago, and I already feel like I've been here forever!

As a welcoming gift, have this self-refilling quiver. I stole it from Legolas.

Salutations! by domirossi on 2015-05-19 12:35:00 UTC Link to this

Don't worry, the inside jokes and all that stuff don't take much time to understand. Well, I can't exactly confirm that since I had been lurking for two years, but I'm sure the others will say the same thing.
Have this... Thing! Yeah. It's definitely a thing. Pretty cuddly, but you might want to avoid looking at it. The non-Euclidean geometries and mind-breaking horrors aren't that bad... But it ate all of my Suegar, and now it glitters. You have been warned.

Newbie! *glomp* by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 11:07:00 UTC Link to this

And a fellow Troper to boot! Take this completely silent riding cicada! Yup, completely silent. If the urple bow around its middle becomes too much, feel free to remove it. :)

I still remember what it was like to be a newbie, and I promise, you have nothing to be intimidated by. Everyone here is very friendly, and we won't bite ~~much~~. You'll pick up on the inside jokes fast just by hanging out and reading missions.

Oh, before I forget, make sure to read the Constitution as well! :)

(By the way, instead of replying to your original post, see the little button at the bottom of my post that says "Post reply"? Use that to respond to other people. Makes it easier to tell who you're talking to.)

Newbie! Oh, Frabjous Day! Callooh! Callay! by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-19 07:17:00 UTC Link to this

Welcome,

Don't you worry - you will fit in just fine and soon you'll have your own share of history and jokes. Now, as your newbie gift, please accept a SACRED COOKIE OF INFINITE KNOWLEDGE (: :)!!!

Re: Hey! I'm new... by Anonymous on 2015-05-19 06:15:00 UTC Link to this

Shovel...? :P Is that a reference to something? *flops to the ground with clueless-ness*

*pokes* Welcome to Creation. by KittyEden on 2015-05-19 06:13:00 UTC Link to this

Here's your shovel.

I hope I don't get crucified for stealing someone else's line.... -_-

I just noticed this... by Voyd on 2015-05-19 15:03:00 UTC Link to this

You can only say it if you get the joke. Has anyone noticed that I use white text a lot? Have an explanation of the joke!

It's a reference to Exalted, a tabletop RPG made by White Wolf. It has a lot of Eastern influences, and counts such things as InuYasha and Dynasty Warriors among its inspirations. The setting is also screwed six ways to Sunday. "Here's your shovel" is kind of a theme in Exalted, and what exactly it means is up to debate. Is there a lot of crap in Creation that you're shoveling away? Or are you digging Creation's grave?

Oh, please, we're not savages. by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 11:09:00 UTC Link to this

BURN THE WITCH! BURN HER!

I'm not a witch! by KittyEden on 2015-05-19 14:09:00 UTC Link to this

You lot put this outfit on me!

No, no, no, no, look, listen, it's perfectly simple: by Huinesoron on 2015-05-19 15:20:00 UTC Link to this

If she weighs the same as a duck...

hS, hiding the false noses

Are you suggesting she's made of wood? (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 15:25:00 UTC Link to this

Well... by Huinesoron on 2015-05-19 15:51:00 UTC Link to this

... she still hasn't cottoned on to the fact that we're deliberately leaving her behind after every Hypothetical Camping Trip, y'know what I'm saying?

hS

*dies laughing* (nm) by Silenthunder on 2015-05-19 13:01:00 UTC Link to this

Re: Hey! I'm new... by Steely on 2015-05-19 06:12:00 UTC Link to this

I'm a girl and use girly pronouns.

Hella by radioactiveSue on 2015-05-19 06:07:00 UTC Link to this

Welcome to the board and here is a Blunette Light Pen.
Can you tell us your pronouns?

New mission! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 15:59:00 UTC Link to this

RC 211 Mission 7: Of Slashy Stus

Continuum: Harry Potter

This will probably be the last Valon and Kala mission for a while. After all, I still need to work with Gabby and Chakkik!

Good work! by eatpraylove on 2015-05-22 19:16:00 UTC Link to this

How do you keep finding these weird fics, man?

Wish I knew. (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-22 19:26:00 UTC Link to this

Nitpicks by Hieronymus Graubart on 2015-05-21 10:22:00 UTC Link to this

He was also drugged to make him him feel hot and bothered...
Apparently you couldn’t decide whether to quote "him" from the badfic or make it part of the narration; and in the end you got it twice.

... and with disgusting my partner and I...
While "my partner and I are disgusted" would be correct, I believe that the passive voice should be "disgusting my partner and me". You wouldn’t say, "You disgust I", right?

I would like to say something encouragingly positive about the mission, but I don’t have the time. There’s work couching on my desktop, and it glares at me.

HG

Bugs fixed! (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-21 21:56:00 UTC Link to this

Lot's of fun by Superfluity on 2015-05-20 21:52:00 UTC Link to this

What a fun mission. I am less familiar with Valon and Kala than I am Gabby and Chakkik but I definitely like them as agents.
The mission was well paced and exciting. I'm unsure about how I feel about how Valon genderbending. The handling of that character could have been better...
Otherwise, a worth while fic!

Wow, really? by Voyd on 2015-05-20 22:12:00 UTC Link to this

Dangit, I ran through four betas trying to get Valerie right...

If I were to improve this, how would you suggest going about it?

Well... by Superfluity on 2015-05-20 22:56:00 UTC Link to this

There's something about the way that Kala thinks, during her narration, about Valon, especially right after he became Valerie.
If you were to change it, try having Valon not change (the fic itself was pretty short and having Valon become Valerie outshone the mission in some scenes) or having both Kala and Valerie change.

Oh, the "uh, chest" part? by Voyd on 2015-05-20 23:13:00 UTC Link to this

Blame my betas for that one. There was no "uh" previously. Honestly, I feel like that shouldn't be there, but I tend to go with my betas' suggestions. They're typically better writers than I am, after all!

Mostly! by Superfluity on 2015-05-21 00:42:00 UTC Link to this

That's what bothered me. I guess you should go with your gut next time. Or maybe find a fifth beta, though I don't doubt that the four you already have aren't excellent judging by the rest of the piece.

Alright, fixed! by Voyd on 2015-05-21 01:11:00 UTC Link to this

I would have stopped at two, but Darkotas said that I needed a girl's perspective. And then I got two more because ALL THE SECOND OPINIONS!

Oh, and there's strong language at the end, just warning ya. (nm by Voyd on 2015-05-19 16:19:00 UTC Link to this

Oh, my Doctor... by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-19 16:16:00 UTC Link to this

You see, today I received the BBC's Doctor Who: How to be a Time Lord, and there is a section about Time Lord codenames. Here's how it goes:

Use the first letter of your first name to discover what your title, or introduction, should be:

A - F = Professor
G - L = The
M - R = Lord
S - Z = Grand

Now, take the first letter of your surname to learn your main Time Lord name:

A = Venturer N = Golven
B = Sain O = Immortal
C = Winner P = Dynamo
D = Explorer Q = Shadow
E = Shield R = Pioneer
F = Infinite S = Force
G = Challenger T = Champion
H = Meteor U = Voyager
I = Protector V = Typhoon
J = Vortron W = Dextive
K = Athlete X = Moorid
L = Zenarck Y = Cosmos
M = Dimensioneer Z = Defender

Going by this, as a Time Lord, I would be known as Lord Saint... not bad. Not bad, indeed. :3

Professor Saint? Uh... okay. (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-22 14:20:00 UTC Link to this

I would be 'The Shield'... by KittyEden on 2015-05-22 10:41:00 UTC Link to this

...which, to be honest, really doesn't bode well for me.

Bah, regeneration, you'll be fine. XD (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-22 11:24:00 UTC Link to this

Mm. Grand Infinite. by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-20 22:57:00 UTC Link to this

It's like Lord Infinite- only cheesier. Also, shame on them, for forgetting to put "Doctor" anywhere on that list.

There's a reason for that. by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 23:09:00 UTC Link to this

But but... by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-21 02:20:00 UTC Link to this

does that mean that The Doctor will have to kill my doctor? I usually refer to him as "the doctor."

Professor Pioneer. Again. (nm) by domirossi on 2015-05-20 17:53:00 UTC Link to this

Lord Protector by Pippa's Ghost on 2015-05-20 09:08:00 UTC Link to this

Does this mean I have to be painted warts and all?

Grand Winner by Steely on 2015-05-20 02:29:00 UTC Link to this

Grand Winner. My secret timelord name is lame. :P

Same here. -_- (nm) by eatpraylove on 2015-05-20 19:24:00 UTC Link to this

Professor Pioneer! I like this much! (nm) by doctorlit on 2015-05-19 16:54:00 UTC Link to this

I very much doubt that's canon by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-19 16:35:00 UTC Link to this

It this book -->

Let's also take a notice, this was written from the 11th Doctor's POV. Lemme read you a passage:

"A Time Lord must have a strong name that represents their power, status and beliefs. Those who are not allotted a name or nickname during their time at the Time Lord Academy can use these charts to find a title"

So, from what I understand, it's like a last resort if you don't have a name.

Eleven? Ah, well then: by Huinesoron on 2015-05-19 16:38:00 UTC Link to this

Rule One: The Doctor Lies.

Come to think of it, Eleven's visited the PPC a couple of times, hasn't he? My theory is that Morgan went and pestered him until he wrote this as an utterly wrong guide to being a Time Lord, so that a) Morgan wouldn't have to put up with any more Time Lord recruits, and b) the PPC could spot dodgy Time Lord OCs really easily - they're the ones who call themselves Grand Infinite or whatever.

hS

"Actually, that's legitimate." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 16:46:00 UTC Link to this

"My old supervisor on Arcadia wrote it, primarily so - in his words - the self-important spods could rejoice in names while the proles had a giggle at them. He refused to come to my graduation; he said I'd changed. I had. For the better, I think."

The book itself is pretty cool, though. by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-19 16:45:00 UTC Link to this

It describes the Time Lord Academy very nicely.

Students of the Time Lord Academy are separated into individual Houses, or 'Schools of Thought.' ...Harry Potter much? Too bad only 3 out of 6 are described.

The Patrex Chapter
- Patrex students wear purple robes
- Artists, archivists and cataloguers of information (The Librarian, anyone?)
- Patrex students often display advanced telepathic abilities.

The Arcalian Chapter
- Arcalian students wear green and brown robes.
- Solitary and logical thinkers.
- Arcalians have been known to excel in the field of Temporal Technology

The Prydonian Chapter
- Prydonian students wear crimson and orange robes.
- Plotters, strategists and decision-makers
- Prydonians are particulary skilled at languages

Uh, no, not very Harry Potter. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-19 16:50:00 UTC Link to this

The Gallifreyan Chapters have been in existence at least since 1976. Also, more generally, most every school in Britain has Houses (though they're randomly assigned, these days, and pretty much meaningless).

Also also: no, the Patrexes wear heliotrope. Not purple. Heliotrope. How can you miss an opportunity to say that name? Honestly...

hS

Blame the book. by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-19 16:52:00 UTC Link to this

Also, one of the subjects 11th wants to be taught at the Academy is "Advanced Ood Management"... sign me in! :D

I'd like to learn about Happy Prime Numbers. by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 16:54:00 UTC Link to this

(Member of the Patrex Chapter here. Heliotrope is awesome.)

I can help with that! by Scapegrace on 2015-05-19 18:46:00 UTC Link to this

Try this thing!

Yeah... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 16:34:00 UTC Link to this

Agreeing with Ixi and hS here. I'll stick to 'the Librarian', thank you very much.

Yikes... by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 16:28:00 UTC Link to this

hS took the words out of my mouth. That' seriously an official book? O_o I think I'll pass on Grand Pioneer.

The Aviator is out! Peace!

[Cringes] by Huinesoron on 2015-05-19 16:22:00 UTC Link to this

Okay, is that seriously an official book? Because that's... pretty awful.

You can keep your 'Vortron's and your 'Dimensioneer's; I'm sticking with the Alchemist.

hS

It's just like one of those irritating Facebook things! by Scapegrace on 2015-05-19 16:30:00 UTC Link to this

But I don't care, because according to this, I rejoice in the name of PROFESSOR METEOR!! (gentlewoman adventurer, rates reasonable, ask about our repentant-supervillain internship scheme)

Re: It's just like one of those irritating Facebook things! by Steely on 2015-05-20 02:32:00 UTC Link to this

I admit to liking those kinds of 'see what your secret name is' things. I can waste an hour or so on Seventh Sanctum just looking at Fullmetal Alchemist names.

Lord Infinite salutes you, & wonders what her name looks... by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 17:54:00 UTC Link to this

...like in Hebrew.

'Lord Infinite'. Wow. Professor Meteor at least sounds...okay, honestly, it sounds like someone Wobbles would get along with, so.

...and Lord Infinite would probably get on the Notary's nerves. It's just such a...a pompous name, but also kind of ridiculous? It suggests to me someone who tries to be very lofty but keeps breaking character to have giggle fits.

~DF

×”×ž... by Ч“ЧЎЧ“Ч Ч“Чњ on 2015-05-19 18:17:00 UTC Link to this

(לא, הלוח הזה לא תומך בבידי)
'לורד אינסוף' נראה יותר טוב מ'הספרן'

גוט מאָרג by Ч¤ЦїЧІЦ·ЧўЧЁ-Ч§ on 2015-05-19 18:51:00 UTC Link to this

עס בלאָזט הײַנט אַ װינט אין קאַנאַדע, אָבער איך מײן אַז ס׳איז בעסער װי שנײ...

*salutes and walks out, grinning*

~DF

*sigh* Complete subject line inside this message. Ridiculous by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 18:55:00 UTC Link to this

גוט מאָרגן, דעס! װאָס מאַכסטו?

...oh, you know what it is? I think the Board doesn't count it as single letters, but as these long strings of code. No wonder only a handful of letters fit in the subject line.

~DF

...wow, the Board really doesn't like other languages, huh? by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 18:53:00 UTC Link to this

That username should read פֿײַער-קאַיאָר. Though I suppose פֿײַערקע wouldn't be so bad...

~DF

Aright, the Yiddish broke my mind. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 19:07:00 UTC Link to this

I'm this close to actually understanding what you said.

I'm impressed. by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 19:17:00 UTC Link to this

Okay, translation time. The subject line says 'Good morning/day, Des! How are you?'

It then continues with, 'It's windy today in Canada,' (literally, 'there blows a wind today in Canada') 'but I think it's better than snow.'

(What to do? I couldn't resist. And anyway, it's good practice!)

~DF

Huh. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 19:20:00 UTC Link to this

So I pretty much got the first but totally missed the second.
And, yes, it's all Voyd's fault.

ЧњЧ•ЧЁЧ“ ЧђЧ™Ч ЧЎ by ЧђЧ©Ч—ЧЁ on 2015-05-19 18:31:00 UTC Link to this

אבל...המ. זה בעצם מתחיל לראות יותר טוב...אבל זה עדיין נראה לי כשם לא שלי. אני אשאר עם אשחר, נראה לי.

ושמע--'הספרן' נשמע קצת יותר טוב מ'הקוראת'. (אבל עכשיו בא לי לדעת איך אומרים נוטרי בעברית, ואולי גם לכתוב משהו על מועצת המשכיות גליפריי הגרוש...(נגרש? או שזה נקבה? אין לי מושג).

אש"ח~

×”×ž... by Ч“ЧЎЧ“Ч Чњ on 2015-05-19 19:11:00 UTC Link to this

אשחר זה שם מגניב, כן.
בכל מקרה - 'הקוראת' זה שם לא רע בכלל, אהאהא. לנוטרי יקראו 'הנוטריונית' (העברית קנתה את המילה במשיכה משפה אירופית כלשהי) ולמועצה יקראו 'מועצת ההמשכיות הגולה של גליפריי'.

... by Voyd on 2015-05-19 18:42:00 UTC Link to this

I feel like I have shamed myself, because I can't tell for certain what language that is. I really like languages, so not recognizing one feels kinda bad to me.

I think it's Hebrew, but I'm not 100% sure.

I also can't read it, but I haven't devoted any time to reading languages with non-Roman characters. I can speak a few words here and there, but that's it.

You are 100% correct. by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 18:46:00 UTC Link to this

It is Hebrew. Technically, Yiddish uses the same characters, but Des doesn't speak it or read it (beyond a few words, as far as I know), so it would be cruel to--

...I'll be right back.

~DF

*Lord Einsof, b'emet? by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 18:32:00 UTC Link to this

Sorry, it seems to have something against continuing past the samech. Silly luach.

~DF

Think I'll keep Professor Cosmos, though (nm) by Phobos on 2015-05-19 16:30:00 UTC Link to this

You'll have to fight me for it. by Neshomeh on 2015-05-19 22:57:00 UTC Link to this

I don't wanna be Professor Pioneer, even if doctorlit hadn't already taken it. {= P

~Neshomeh

Would anyone be interested in an agent mailbox game? by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 16:36:00 UTC Link to this

I did this thing on the Other Board two years ago and it had some positive reception and I thought that with the influx of new agents (and the development of current characters) it might be a fun thing to do again. Here's a link to the original thread for reference.

The rules (copy-pasted from the original thread) are as follows:

"This is an AU game in which we get to have a Q&A session with some of our favourite PPC agents.

We'll be using Huinesoron's amended mailbox style for this game, meaning that the format is now like this...

Other Board setup post

>BoarderName1's Agents' Mailbox (nm)
>>Question(s) for BN1's Agent1
>>>Answer(s) to the above
>>Question(s) for BN1's Agent2 and Agent3
>>>Answer(s) to the above
>>Another question for BN1's Agent1
>>>Answer to the above

>BoarderName2's Agents' Mailbox (nm)

...in order to avoid stretching the thread to infinity and beyond."

Do we have any takers?

So, overall, it's been a complete succe- by Scapegrace on 2015-05-20 00:44:00 UTC Link to this

*has loads of replies while other, better, more interesting writers have considerably less*

...

Forget I said anything.

You mean Skar and the Permission Givers, right? by Voyd on 2015-05-21 03:45:00 UTC Link to this

I think people just can't resist the urge to mess with the Notary. Playing with fire? Yes. Fun? Also yes.

Believe me, cob... by Scapegrace on 2015-05-21 10:40:00 UTC Link to this

I do not mean Skarm. No disrespect to him or anyone who likes his missions, taste is subjective, but his style is very much not to my taste. It feels... Iunno, forced is probably the best word I can come up with. His prose is stiff and kind of bloated, and the interesting ideas he has can often get lost in it.

But hey, like I said, taste is subjective. I'm sure there's plenty wrong with my missions (PC's a good person to ask about that. =] )

Honestly, no, I don't like to mess with the Notary... (nm) by Edhelistar on 2015-05-21 04:45:00 UTC Link to this

Been a complete success other than... by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 02:50:00 UTC Link to this

you know, all the bickering Time Lords ruining it. XD

Hear hear. by Agent Supernumerary on 2015-05-20 05:00:00 UTC Link to this

All those high and mighty muckety-mucks are so full of themselves and their petty little grievances with each other. It drives me nuts.

— Agent Supernumerary

(( Sorry, couldn't resist. *eg* ))

Oh by the way Valon's trolling the Notary (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-20 02:07:00 UTC Link to this

I think more than a few people are (nm) by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-20 23:19:00 UTC Link to this

So why not ask 'em questions? by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 01:08:00 UTC Link to this

If you notice that someone isn't getting the attention they deserve, shine the spotlight on them!

Because I don't know enough about the characters to ask. by Scapegrace on 2015-05-20 10:34:00 UTC Link to this

Any questions I have wouldn't be based on a sufficient understanding of the character; unlike the Notary, I don't exist solely to alienate people. =]

You can always turn that on its head. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-20 16:34:00 UTC Link to this

Other words, you can ask questions in order to know the characters better.

Allow me to clarify. by Scapegrace on 2015-05-20 17:09:00 UTC Link to this

I don't want to look stupid; chances are a preliminary reading of the character will result in my asking a question that has already been asked and answered elsewhere. I can't read every PPC story, after all; for one, I joined fairly late on. =]

Hm... by Desdendelle on 2015-05-20 18:03:00 UTC Link to this

Considering that Ixi's 'question' for Agent!Des was offering him a cuppa coffee...
-Vein throbs-
I don't think people will mind you asking basic questions, so to speak.

Why not ask my agents? by Voyd on 2015-05-20 17:55:00 UTC Link to this

They all have fairly limited appearances; most of what's "officially" known about them is in the missions and interludes.

And part of the fun is getting into character!

For even more fun... by Voyd on 2015-05-20 01:16:00 UTC Link to this

Do it in-character! Surely Herr Doktor and Wobbles have things they'd be interested in knowing.

The Notary... eeeehhhhhhnot so much.

I'm in! by Neshomeh on 2015-05-19 22:45:00 UTC Link to this

Just as soon as I can set up my agents' new mailbox. I may not be able to reply right away, though, since I have rehearsal tonight. I also work some weird hours this week, so if I go silent for long stretches at unpredictable times, I'm not dead, just trying to make a buck. I'll write replies as quickly as I can. {= )

~Neshomeh

Can't...stop...refreshing...page... by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 20:40:00 UTC Link to this

This entire thread is absolutely amazing. I'm having so much fun thinking of various questions!

You and me both. (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-19 20:42:00 UTC Link to this

Make that three. (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 20:49:00 UTC Link to this

Four, me lads, four! (nm) by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-19 23:48:00 UTC Link to this

We are live on the Other Board! by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 18:23:00 UTC Link to this

Hop in and have fun!

*scuttles off to look* (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 18:29:00 UTC Link to this

Ooh, yes. by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 17:49:00 UTC Link to this

I remember this. And I'm definitely in again.

It might help that this time I've had Permission for longer than 13 days, and people have actually met some of my agents here and there. And I just posted an interlude, so there's that. Recent experience and all.

...yes, I'm definitely in. Wow. I had actually had Permission for less than two weeks last time we did this.

Also, seconding Ixi's question: will this be on the main Board, or on the Other Board?

~DF

Count me in. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 17:00:00 UTC Link to this

I think Des got some development since last time and the other three are interesting characters in their own right, eheh.

Why the hay not... although, do I qualify? (nm) by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-19 16:46:00 UTC Link to this

Un, probably not? by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 16:56:00 UTC Link to this

I mean, you don't have any agents for us to ask. And even if you came up with some, we wouldn't have any idea of what they're like of have any reason to, well, care enough about them to ask questions because we've never seen them in action.

Yeah, thought so... by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-19 16:59:00 UTC Link to this

Oh, well, I'm this close from posting the Permission request, so my time will eventually come. :3

Nothing says you can't ask the agents questions, though. (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 17:49:00 UTC Link to this

Who what me huh? by Huinesoron on 2015-05-19 16:45:00 UTC Link to this

Well, if you're using my amended mailbox style, I'm in! Man, I'm pretty awesome coming up with that amended mailbox style. Apparently.

At least I have actual active agents this time round. ^_^

hS

Sounds like fun! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 16:44:00 UTC Link to this

So this is kind of a fourth wall mail slot? You can count me in!

I'm in. (nm) by Phobos on 2015-05-19 16:43:00 UTC Link to this

Ooh, yes! by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 16:38:00 UTC Link to this

I saw this a while ago and kind of wanted to participate, but I never thought it would make a comeback! *cheers*

Oh, would this also be taking place on the Other Board? (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 17:27:00 UTC Link to this

The PPC Agent Mailbox game redux! by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 18:23:00 UTC Link to this

As discussed on the Board, here is the revamped version of the PPC Agent Mailbox event! See the original post on the Board for the rules and have fun!

eatpraylove's agents' mailbox by eatpraylove on 2015-05-21 14:25:00 UTC Link to this

Accepting questions for Trainees Miguel Correa and Violet Rose Greenfield in addition to Agents Chris and Ami Seeker, all in Floaters.

Question for Miguel. by Agent Lapis Lazuli, DIC on 2015-05-22 22:14:00 UTC Link to this

Seeing as you had a connection to a Legendary in your homefic like I did, what was it like? Was it similar to communicating with the legendary in question? Also, what is your moveset? I know a certain *someone* who wanted to ask how you'd handle being in competitive battling...

I still have that connection. by Trainee Miguel, DF on 2015-05-23 17:59:00 UTC Link to this

You know the Doctor's little speech about how he can feel the Earth rotating underneath his feet and see everything that ever was, is, and could be? That's kind of what having Celebi powers feels like. I didn't communicate with it so much as become one, either.

Tell your "certain someone" that I'm not qualified or designed (seeing as how I'm still technically human) to be a competitive battler. We're pretty sure I can use Confusion and Recover if you stretch the definition, but that's about it. :P

Question for Chris! by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-22 12:47:00 UTC Link to this

You know what's the best way to care for a Charmander? 'Cuz well, I never had a real one before...

A Charmander? by Chris on 2015-05-22 19:26:00 UTC Link to this

Hmm...I've never had one either. I hear they're stubborn, though. As long as you make it clear you're the boss and let him fight tough opponents, you should be OK.

Now I'm curious; how'd you get your Charmander?

Well, my psychiatrist said I needed a pet... by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-23 01:01:00 UTC Link to this

... 'cuz I needed to learn resposability or something, and asked me what I wanted. So I said a Charmander, and she got Lizzie for me.

((In reality, it was one of my newbie gifts; sonofheaven176 let me choose my choice of starter Pokémon and I chose Charmander. Sadly, I'm unable to justify using a Replica of Kristoff's Hat.))

Question for Ami Seeker. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-22 01:32:00 UTC Link to this

How hard is it to live life in an environment designed for humans? Do you use the disguise generator to switch to a human if you want to use a keyboard or are your hooves good enough for the job?

RE: Question by Agent Ami Seeker on 2015-05-22 19:22:00 UTC Link to this

Actually, Chris says I'm not allowed to use the laptop until I can set up the DVD player correctly without asking for help. I'd have a lot less trouble if we knew where the instruction manual was. (meaningful look at Chris)

It's not overly challenging, really. Most things I can just handle with my magic if I'm not sure about them. The console's not a problem; they thought ahead and gave it a touchscreen option that I use with the disguise generator.

Elcalion's agents' mailbox's thread by Elcalion on 2015-05-21 14:12:00 UTC Link to this

Wow, so much possessive punctuation!

For those newer than about 2010 (the last time I posted a mission), here's a link to my main ESAS agents:

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Bryndan_Kern
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Scott_Logan

Elcalion

Hi, Logan! by Agent Ami Seeker on 2015-05-21 14:43:00 UTC Link to this

How long have you been playing violin? How do you find the time to practice in between missions and...whatever else you're up to these days?

TheShyIon's agents' mailboxes by TheShyIon on 2015-05-21 00:47:00 UTC Link to this

Alloy and Ginger in the Department of Mary Sues. Neither have very good wiki articles yet, but here they are: http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Alloy and http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Ginger-Wise . Since I don't have their backgrounds up, as I am a silly person who keeps forgetting, here is a small amount of background:

Alloy was a bit character in a badfic who had a problem with hardening eyes. She doesn't use contractions -- a habit that annoys Ginger quite a bit. Due to a typo, her hair is made of the same material as the American dollar, though it lacks the printing. She tries to be upbeat most of the time, but often ends up confused instead. The badfic hasn't really worn her down yet, though, even though their first mission was an utter disaster that required intervention by another agent.

Ginger-Wise was a Hermione replacement, rescued by Rina. Her personality hasn't quite settled yet, but she's basically settled into a state of resigned annoyance. She's also a bit more into appearance than practical, and is, in general, hard to get along with. Of the two, Ginger tends to end up being the leader; annoyance tends to move one to action more than confusion. She also has a weapon that she took from a Stu -- in "Dawn's" Stu-wielded state, it was a chainsword/gun, possibly crossing over from the Warhammer 40k continuum. With Ginger, who isn't a native of RWBY, it's mostly a gun with too much purple on it and an annoying tendency to slice things at inopportune times.

((Not that I think that they'll get many questions, but...))

Another for Alloy! by Iximaz on 2015-05-24 20:51:00 UTC Link to this

So, say you want to get a haircut. (Papercut?) But later, you get tired of it. Is your hair able to grow out?

Question for Alloy! by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-21 04:38:00 UTC Link to this

How does it feel to have paper hair?

((Goddammit Solvig! Think before speaking!))

Re: Question for Alloy! by TheShyIon on 2015-05-24 02:12:00 UTC Link to this

Alloy: Papery, I suppose? It is not like I have much to compare it to. It can make it hard to shower, though. Thankfully, I can just put some plastic over it.

Question for both! by Iximaz on 2015-05-21 01:54:00 UTC Link to this

What do you least like about your partner? Conversely, what do you like most?

You're trying to get SeaTurtle's scenario to happen... by TheShyIon on 2015-05-21 03:19:00 UTC Link to this

...aren't you? ;)

Alloy: I would not usually say this, but Ginger is absolutely a jerk. A confusing jerk who reminds me too much of that horrible Sue. And she named me without my permission, too! Who even does that? But that bridge is burned, I guess. It is better than Kayt. And she does seem to care about me to some degree, so I do have hope!

Ginger: She talks like a robot. A perky robot. She's not all bad, though. She's got good taste in books, I guess? Though those probably weren't her picks... ah, well. I'm stuck with her, and I guess I can deal with that.

Don't be silly, everyone gets questions. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-21 01:08:00 UTC Link to this

Question for both and be honest. If both of you got into a fist fight against each other, who would win?

No weapons, no magic. Just good old-fashioned fisticuffs.

As honest as they get... :P by TheShyIon on 2015-05-21 03:08:00 UTC Link to this

Alloy: I am not sure. If fighting as I would in the RWBY continuum does not count, I would almost certainly win! If not, I would, well, still probably win, but it is possible I could get tripped up. Possibly literally.

Ginger: Uhh... I dunno. I mean, it's not like I'd preemptively admit defeat or anything, but Alloy's from a continuum full of crazy backflips and wall-running and stuff. Now, if she couldn't run... heh. I'd certainly have a chance.

SkarmorySilver's Agents mailboxes by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-20 00:39:00 UTC Link to this

(I'm still pretty busy with other things at this time but I'll try to answer as much as I can! Below are my PPC characters with complete PPC Wiki articles. Have fun!)

RC #227:
Falchion
Rashida Mafdetiti
Velociripper

RC #133,316,666:
Rayner Blitzkrieg
Evangeline von Lilith

RC #333:
Sarah Katherine Squall
Cupid Carmine
Lapis Lazuli

Other:
Alexander Appleday
Salvo

Piikaa-pi-i Pi Pii-chuuuu! by Thrud the Pikachu, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Div. on 2015-05-24 20:06:00 UTC Link to this

((Translation: Question for Falchion!))

Kaaa pi Chuu chu chu pikachu pikapi pi pi-i Pi pikachu pikaa pi?
((How does it feel to be in an Action Department?))

Maya, the Gardevoir: *In the background* Do you have your Universal Translator?

Thrud: Chuuuu!
((Shut up!))

Really tough. But I seem to manage. by Agent Falchion, DF on 2015-05-28 18:13:00 UTC Link to this

Notwithstanding the fact that I can't use my armor during most missions, of course. But if anything, it helps me rely on strategy rather than brute force.

And before you ask, no, I didn't steal your Universal Translator. I don't have any item-stealing moves or abilities whatsoever. Honest!

Hi Sarah! by Gabby, DMS on 2015-05-21 16:11:00 UTC Link to this

Have you ever forgotten how strong you were? I accidentally broke a few bones back home when I tried to hug by host families, eheheh.

————

Chakkik worked his mandibles a bit. "so you have always been overly affectionate? i cannot say that surprises me much."

"Hey, I learned how to restrain myself before I got here! You'll notice Addie's still in one piece!"

"or else her youkai resilience is instantly healing any injuries you might be dealing to her."

"Actually, Gabby's really gentle–"

"i did not ask for your opinion."

Hello! by Agent Sarah Squall, DIC on 2015-05-22 05:59:00 UTC Link to this

"Actually my strength isn't derived from raw power in the same way that Mr. Incredible's is. It's momentum-based, meaning I'd have to get my body moving for any real impact. THAT SAID, though, I've accidentally hit my teammates a bit TOO hard every so often, which is why people get uncomfortable when I try to shoulder-punch them nowadays lest I send them through a wall or two! So the short answer to your question would be a solid yes. Unfortunately. I'm amazed it hasn't happened to Cupid or Lapis yet, but time will tell..."

For Agent Lapis Lazuli... by Technician Shui-Hua Liu, DoSAT, T&A on 2015-05-21 15:16:00 UTC Link to this

Would you like a Star Wars-continuum Galactic Civil War Era life-like cybernetic replacement hand? Is fully functional, and in good condition. I offer a fair price and a free cup of Ba Sing Se-style jasmine tea.

((Technician Shui-Hua Liu, always looking to get a profit.))

Thanks, but no thanks. For now, anyway. by Agent Lapis Lazuli, DIC on 2015-05-21 16:06:00 UTC Link to this

Medical was specifically against the replacement hand until further notice. They were afraid that any residual glitter from my, uh, mishap from my fourth mission would get into any hypothetical cybernetic implants that I end up getting, and I'm not sure if they'll be able to get rid of it completely. I'll probably go back to Medical after a few missions with my current prosthetics and reevaluate my physical state. If they revise their prognosis so that I can get a new hand in the future, though, I'd be more than happy to take up your offer - especially because I've been meaning to sample Avatar-verse jasmine tea!

Oh well, I'll keep it in case you change your mind. by Technician Shui-Hua Liu, DoSAT, T&A on 2015-05-21 16:14:00 UTC Link to this

*toys with a small drop of water with her, then launches and freezes it in midair, in the form of a snowflake* Which I eagerly await for.

(Also...) by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-22 06:07:00 UTC Link to this

(I've been meaning to explore how Lapis would deal with her missing hand for a while. I'm thinking of having her go back to Medical a few stories later to have her hand checked up, possibly after her plot holes start coming back near the end of a mission. Maybe once she gets the whole matter of her being an ex-Sue cleared up, then the thing about her hand may finally be resolved. We'll see! :D)

((You know it and I know it.)) by Edhelistar on 2015-05-22 14:52:00 UTC Link to this

(( But Shui-Hua doesn't, she just wants a quick buck at Lapis' expense. XD))

Another question from Lapis! by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-22 06:06:00 UTC Link to this

[Lapis:] "Good to know. Oh! Almost forgot! I'm a pretty big fan of the original Avatar series, and so is my author - my homefic had Aang dragged in, for one thing! That being said, have you ever snagged any technology from AtLA or LoK?"
[Cupid:] "Uh, LoK?"
[Lapis:] "The Legend of Korra. The follow-up series to the original Avatar show, seventy years later. Anyway, I like the idea of Republic City technology making its way into the DoSAT, but I want to know if that's really happened before. I'd speculate on what sort of stuff you could do with it, but I'd rather not spoil unsuspecting readers..."
[Sarah:] "I'm not that familiar with either series, so, um, thanks! I guess."
[Lapis:] "Don't mention it, Sarah... heheh..."

*raises eyebrow* by Technician Shui-Hua Liu, DoSAT, T&A on 2015-05-22 14:50:00 UTC Link to this

Uhh... No. Why would we? One, half of the technology used is useless without Benders to power it up, and two, all of the technology from my home-continuum is heavily outclassed by technology from any Sci-Fi or Superhero continuum.

So, you answer me this: Why would the Department of Sufficiently Advanced Technology, Testing and Application Division, bother 'snagging' it?

((Congratulations Lapis Lazuli! You just made a Waterbending engineer mad. :D))

I'd cite a specific example, but it's ridiculously spoilery. by Agent Lapis Lazuli, DIC on 2015-05-22 22:20:00 UTC Link to this

Besides, it was supposedly powered by a really powerful bending technique, and I always wondered if it was worth exploring in case, y'know, an energy-bending Sue comes along...

*beat*

*sweatdrops, rubs the water off the back of her neck* ...But then again, it seems like a bit of a cop-out to consider such an option. I didn't mean to sound demeaning, I swear! Still, exploring how Benders and technology work together seems like a fascinating venture to me. If more or less completely useless.

Excuse me, what...? *narrows her eyes* ((Spoilers!)) by Technician Shui-Hua Liu, DoSAT, T&A on 2015-05-23 16:11:00 UTC Link to this

At first I thought you refered to the Equalist's shock gauntlets, the only piece of useful technology from there.

*calls the water from Lapis' back of the neck to her hand*
But, I think I now know what are you talking about, more likely because probaly that thing is the reason of why I'm here, why my family thinks I'm dead, and why my family was nearly killed!

*freezes the water into a thin ice needle, launches it to Lapis and stops it less than an inch of her face*
Don't. You. Dare! Speak of Kuvira's walking war crime as it was nothing but a technological curiosity. Hundreds or more died because of it, nearly flattened a city where hundreds of thousands lived, and... and...

*her voice trembles, tears run down her cheeks, composes herself before continuing*
You're an idiot if you think that using a Spirit based weapon would work agaisnt someone that manipulates Pure Spirit Energy, that's about as useful as using a flamethrower against the Human Torch.

*liquifies the ice needle and Waterbends it into a plastic cup*
There's your "tea", and you'll no longer get a fair price from me. I'm out of here.

((Seriously, what's on with your newest characters pressing my characters' Berserk Buttons? What did they ever did to you? =( Because, well, it has happened a lot lately.))

(Well, that escalated quickly.) by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-23 19:50:00 UTC Link to this

Lapis stared after Shi-Hua, a look of horrified shock on her face.
"I... I don't know what to say," she said to nobody in particular. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean..."
She felt a hand rest on her shoulder.
"Leave her be," said Cupid. "I've heard enough people speak lightly of Viridi and Hades to know how she feels."
"But... I said something I shouldn't have... I..."
"I can talk to her, and apologize on your behalf. Just give it some time. Maybe she'll get you that new hand you wanted in due course. Sounds good?"
He draped his wing over her, and she smiled, wiping a tear from her cheek. "Sounds good."

(I genuinely didn't mean for that to happen, and I'm sorry too :( It's just that even as someone who's seen the ins and outs of the PPC for over two years, Lapis can be pretty naive sometimes, especially given how young she is. I do hope for the subplot with her replacement hand to happen sometime, though!)

*slow clap* by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-23 21:58:00 UTC Link to this

Congratulations, Lapis Lazuli. You just angered someone again, with your reckless speech.

My office, tomorrow, 9 a.m., not 'buts' or excuses. What? Becoming an Agent does not mean you stop being my patient.

((What? Don't tell me you had forgotten this subplot. (:< )

*slow clap* by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-23 21:58:00 UTC Link to this

Congratulations, Lapis Lazuli. You just angered someone again, with your reckless speech.

My office, tomorrow, 9 a.m., not 'buts' or excuses. What? Becoming an Agent does not mean you stop being my patient.

((What? Don't tell me you had forgotten this subplot. (:

(BTW...) by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-23 22:15:00 UTC Link to this

(Cupid's asked Shui-Hua a question in your agents' inbox.)

*sighs in defeat* by Agent Lapis Lazuli, DIC on 2015-05-23 22:14:00 UTC Link to this

I guess I deserve that...

(Y'know what, once I post my latest mission, I'm probably gonna set up an open RP thread in which Boarders can elaborate on some of their agents' FicPsych shenanigans, and I think we can continue this there!

Hmmmm, that gives me an idea... We can set up Lapis and Shui-Hua's encounter as an interlude! Since Sarah will be helping your agents, Cupid and Lapis are gonna get involved with one of firemagic's teams in the meantime. So maybe we could have Shui-Hua hold Lapis up, this argument happens, my agents make up with Shiu-Hua, and head off to help out the other team. And THEN Lapis has to head over to FicPsych after that mission and... well... we'll see how it turns out! :D)

((That second idea is the best idea!)) (nm) by Edhelistar on 2015-05-23 22:24:00 UTC Link to this

(This did not go the way I wanted it to. :c) by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-24 01:23:00 UTC Link to this

(I guess I owe Shui-Ha an apology for... basically everything. I myself genuinely didn't know she was that adversely affected by the events of the canon. I wonder what would happen if she met Rashida...

All that being said, I still think it would be a fun subplot for Lapis to get to know Shui-Ha officially, and maybe take up matters with that cyber-hand again once this boils over. For now, though... Bad Lapis! No Poke Puff! Bad! Now go back to your RC and think about what you've done!)

(Whoops, mini-agent! That should be Shui-Hua.) (nm) by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-24 01:24:00 UTC Link to this

Hi Falchion! by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-21 04:36:00 UTC Link to this

Would you like to meet Lizzie?

Hi! by Agent Falchion, DIC on 2015-05-21 18:21:00 UTC Link to this

~~OH DEAR ARCEUS FIRE MY ONLY WEAKNESS NO GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME~~

*ahem* Yeah, I-I guess I could say hello. Just... be careful when you handle him and all. I don't like fire...

Also, a question I've been meaning to ask myself. Have you ever played the Pokemon games? If so, what generations are you familiar with? And can you sing the Kanto Pokerap?

O,Ã³... Is a her... by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-21 18:35:00 UTC Link to this

Well, now I'm familiar with Generations One thru Four, a little with Five, and not quite with Six. Learning of about Seventy sub-continua is hard y'know, that's why I haven't taken the time to learn the Poke-Rap.

Ok. by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-20 00:56:00 UTC Link to this

For Falchion, (and Velociripper): What's it like being an author avatar?

For all of RC #333: How's Lapis doing? Is she OK?

For Salvo: What's Intelligence like? What do you guys do?

Re: Ok. by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-20 16:49:00 UTC Link to this

For Falchion, (and Velociripper): What's it like being an author avatar?

[Ripper:] "Horrible."
[Falchion:] "Dude, no."
[Ripper:] "Your author used me as a tool to inflict grievous harm on multiple canons, both mentally and physically. I haven't forgotten that."
[Rashida:] "Please don't, you two."
[Falchion:] "But being an author's persona isn't all about seeing their past mistakes, Ripper. If I hadn't looked up my history and the history of my author, I wouldn't have had a clue as to how to complete my first mission. And I certainly wouldn't be in most of the fandoms that I'm in today."
[Rashida:] "Fair points, but that doesn't change the fact that your author made such an ass out of himself back then."
[Falchion:] "Rosie, we've all been like that at some point. Well, our authors have, anyway."
[Rashida and Ripper:] "True."

For all of RC #333: How's Lapis doing? Is she OK?
[Lapis:] "Oh, I'm perfectly fine... if it weren't for the fact that I, oh, lost my right hand AND my ability to teleport!"
[Sarah:] "Lapis, it was for your own good. If you'd kept those plot holes, who knows what would happen next time?"
[Cupid:] "Don't forget that without my intervention, there wouldn't BE a next time!"
[Lapis:] *sweatdrops* "You drunk-drove that Super Truck into the DoSAT. How can you call that intervention?"
[Cupid:] "I wonder what anime sweatdrops taste like?"
[Sarah:] "Cupid, stop it. Anyway, we're working on getting some prosthetics taken care of for Blue-Hair, since the lack of a hand would be an OBVIOUS hindrance to missions and the like. But we can't risk a permanent replacement, even a mechanical one. What if there was some residual glitter and it got inside?"
[Lapis:] "You took the words right out of my mouth, Sarah..."
[Cupid:] "You know, I think we should see Mad Max: Fury Road. From what I've heard, there's a major character in that movie that I'm sure you'll relate to."
[Lapis:] "I'd be willing to, if it weren't for two things. First, that movie is rated R, and I'm TWELVE. And second, if we get sent into a mission involving the Mad Max continuum, it'll be your fault."
[Cupid:] "Um, oops? Sorry, Lapis!"

For Salvo: What's Intelligence like? What do you guys do?
[Salvo:] "Oh, Intelligence? Pff, don't get me started. It's difficult, for a start, to move around in a badfic and not get noticed by the Sue in question. Especially when you're in a disguise in which you can't move in total silence, which is basically most of the disguises I have to pick when I'm sent in. We also have to endure the ENTIRE badfic in order to determine whether it's missionable or not. Not the easiest way of handling things. Lastly, there's the matter of the folks Upstairs sending missions to agents in action departments. I'm always worried that I'd submit an Intelligence report only to have it sent to the team who rescued me, because it would come off as being ungrateful. But hey, I'm not the one who takes care of who does what. So please, direct your complaints to the Flowers and not us if you're not happy about what you're supposed to do!"

Question for all agents! by Voyd on 2015-05-20 00:54:00 UTC Link to this

What would you say is the best part about working with the PPC? There are perks to the job, after all.

Re: Question for all agents! by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-20 17:28:00 UTC Link to this

[Ripper:] "For some of us, the PPC is our only home. We have no where else to go. So that means that being an agent at least gives us a chance to exist, to hunt, and to have posterity if we're lucky. It isn't an ideal habitat, to be fair, but being able to live my own life is more than I can ask for. I'm sure most of us would agree - even if some won't admit it."
[Sarah:] "I still hate you."
[Falchion:] "Yeah, well, we also get to meet a lot of new friends, and in due course patch up the old wounds in our relationships with our authors."
[Rashida:] "Assuming we HAVE authors, that is..."
[Falchion:] "And if we get to meet anyone from the same places we originated, we can have the time to make up for the rough times we went through with them."
[Rayner:] "I still have to question your choice to live with the guy who tried to murder your adopted sister, Falco..."
[E.V.L.] "This, coming from the person who tried to kill me and accidentally set up our life-bond? I see no perks. It's either being here or not existing at all."
[Cupid:] "Oh, c'mon, it's not the worst place to be in! They have the best wine in the multiverse, after all!"
[Alexander:] "But knowing your habits, it's lucky that angels don't have to worry about the risk of alcohol poisoning."
[Lapis:] "I'm not worried about that! If he gets drunk on the job, who knows what'll happen?"
[Sarah:] "It's not like he's never gotten drunk before. Remember our first mission?"
[Lapis:] "What, the one where Cupid pissed off Yveltal?"
[Cupid:] "It was NECESSARY! There was an entire Suvian army and I couldn't just pick them off one by one!"
[Salvo:] "Yes, but was bringing in the entire roster of newcomers for the fourth Smash Bros. really necessary?"
[Cupid:] "...No?"
[Salvo:] *sighs* "Didn't think so."
*beat*
[Falchion:] "Well... that escalated quickly."
[Rashida:] "Oh, shut up."

So... by Voyd on 2015-05-20 17:36:00 UTC Link to this

Has there never been a time where the job felt like it was worth it? Like you'd actually done some good in the world and helped people?

Re: So... by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-21 18:21:00 UTC Link to this

[Falchion:] "My first mission, full stop. And too many times since then."
[Rashida:] "That's your response every time anyone asks that. I don't consider that mission to be worth the extra effort - and I certainly didn't like the fact that it was ridiculously long, even by our standards."
[Sarah:] "Oh, c'mon! If it weren't for Adam's help, I wouldn't even be here. But then again, neither would Ripper..."
[Ripper:] "I'll pretend I didn't hear that."
[Sarah:] "As for me, I'd say the mission that led to Cupid's recruitment was probably the big one for me. It's not every day that you get to befriend a Sue-wraith, let alone recruit one. It just goes to show that sometimes a story CAN be redeemed if you change up a few things about it."
[Rayner:] "But it wasn't consistent with the canon. How hard is it to understand that?"
[Cupid:] "We know that already! It's just that they didn't think I was completely hopeless, and knowing them, that's a pretty big deal."
[E.V.L.] "Count yourself lucky. I'm only here because Pony Boy just had to make an ass out of himself..."
[Rayner:] *facepalm* "You HAD to bring that up, didn't you?"

doctorlit's agents' mailboxes by doctorlit on 2015-05-20 00:33:00 UTC Link to this

Doc and/or Vania in Floaters

Séverine and/or Yoof in the kitchens

Mollie and Ollie in the Nursery/PPC school

Question for Doc and Vania: by Huinesoron on 2015-05-20 16:17:00 UTC Link to this

Is it true?

Yes, you know what I mean. Don't try to hide it.

hS ((is evil))

The answers. by doctorlit on 2015-05-21 05:05:00 UTC Link to this

Vania: What? Are you asking if I'm mardy? Hah hah, no. Doc's about as romantic as scratchy lint from an old blanket, and we mostly use costumes instead of full disguises nowadays, anyway.

Oh, yes, I saw that little story posted on the lounge's bulletin board, and I know you wrote it. Guess I can't be surprised that in an organization full of fans, that some of them wind up shipping their coworkers, but still. Come off it. I mean, I have nothing against mardy couples, but . . . no. Just, no.

And I'm not wrought either.

* * *

Doc: No. You can't know. I mean, it's impossible! That was never published! I mean, I'm not a fic writer! Understand? There's nothing! No badfics!

. . . That's impossible . . . How could anyone know?

(Nice, hS! Actual foreshadowing! Mua ha ha ha ha!)

Got one for Doc! by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 11:21:00 UTC Link to this

You carry so many books in your pockets, are you sure they're not bigger on the inside?

Oh, they're definitely normal pockets. by Agent Doc on 2015-05-20 14:49:00 UTC Link to this

The shorts are from real world Kohl's. I'v just gotten really good and stuffing books safely inside them. After all, can't leave the house without something to read, right?

Plus, I hadn't even heard of Doctor Who until after I joined the PPC, so . . .

Question for SÃ©verine and Yoof. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 01:11:00 UTC Link to this

Can you guys tell us what's on this week's menu? Is it fresh?

Oh boy! It's good! by Agent Yoof on 2015-05-20 02:21:00 UTC Link to this

Séverine found some white celery from Bunnicula! Said it probably won't turn most agents into vampires!

Shipment of Slowpoke tails! Smell good! Like hot dogs!

Got a whole pantry of stuff in The Last of Us! Had mold spores on it, but Séverine bleached it all, so it's okay to eat!

Someone caught a giant enemy crab! They cooked the weak points for massive deliciousness!

Found a world made entirely of ketchup! It's going to be a good year!

Oh, and we still need to finish the meatloaf. Come on, agents! If it doesn't get eaten, it might go Slorp again!

I'm so excited! I can't wait to eat! How about you?

*pants*

Meatloaf? I'll pass. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 02:30:00 UTC Link to this

But the rest sounds delicious... ish. Carry on.

Another question, this time for Doc: how is life with Vania? Does she keep you on your toes?

Oh, yes. by Agent Doc on 2015-05-20 07:05:00 UTC Link to this

I had requested not to have a partner, but I wound up with her. She's . . . well, noisy. And bouncy. It's distracting, and hard to read. She also used to keep dragging me out of the RC to do stuff around HQ, but that's slowed down recently, thank Gan.

But, I have to admit: I would be in way over my head without her. Being in the Word Worlds has a lot more real danger than I thought the job would entail, so it's nice having a senior agent around to keep me safe.

If only she would stop the singing thing . . .

Neshomeh's Agents' Mailbox by Neshomeh on 2015-05-19 22:53:00 UTC Link to this

RC 999, DIC
- Agent Supernumerary
- Agent Ilraen-Aroline-Fothergill

RC 1110, DMS
- Agent Derik
- Agent Gall Knutson

FicPsych
- Nurse Jennifer Robinson
-- Her son, Henry Robinson
- Nurse Mirrad
- Nurse Elms
- Nurse Castor Parwill
- Nurse Loquacious Immac
- Intern Alex Bjørnsen

(( Just a reminder: I might not be able to reply right away due to work and stuff. I'll reply as quickly as I can! ))

Question for Supernumerary. by doctorlit on 2015-05-21 05:11:00 UTC Link to this

We all know you're a ravenous book lover, but that you're also into Star Trek. What novel or book series is your favorite? And do you like it or Trek better?

I don't like to name favorites. by Agent Supernumerary on 2015-05-21 18:54:00 UTC Link to this

Start doing that, and that's when truly horrible, soul-crushing badfic of it starts landing on your console. So I'm not going to.

That said, it's no secret that I'm a bit of a Tolkien buff. Got its hooks in me during my formative years and all that, same as Trek. There's no point in trying to put one above the other. They're both cornerstones of their genres, both revolutionary in their own way, both equally important.

For the record, I'm more of a sci-fi fan overall, but it doesn't show as much because authors like Asimov, Heinlein, Huxley, etc. are less comprehensible to the average idiot, ergo, knock on wood, there's less fanfic of their works. Let alone crossovers.

— Agent Supernumerary

(( Also, his author has been a bit tardy in reading all the important sci-fi novels/novellas/short stories out there, so she doesn't want to make any definitive statements she might later have to retcon. ))

((OMG, you have to read Foundation!)) by doctorlit on 2015-05-21 22:33:00 UTC Link to this

((The original trilogy, at least; the four novels published later got a bit Star Wars prequel-ish for my tastes. But the original trilogy is very fuax-historical sounding, and the sci-fi details aren't very intrusive, and I bet you/Nume would love them!))

((And then we can have long, confusing debates about how psychohistory actually works!))

(( Oh, I have! )) by Neshomeh on 2015-05-22 14:12:00 UTC Link to this

I thought about picking it as a favorite of Nume's, actually, but see above.

I would love to have a long, confusing debate with you. The problem there is that I do not, in fact, have perfect recall, and it's been ages since I read it, and my brother made off with my copies at some point. {= (

I recently read "The Caves of Steel" and "The Naked Sun," though, and I can say that the more I read of Asimov, the more I think he's awesome. He's really good at getting the human voice in there, and describing stuff so you can see it. ^_^

~Neshomeh

((AHH, I love Asimov!)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-22 16:39:00 UTC Link to this

((I got my hands on a copy of I, Robot back when I was ten and it's still my favorite of his works to this day. Especially the first story, it still makes me cry a little.))

((I tried to read I, Robot...)) by Voyd on 2015-05-24 16:06:00 UTC Link to this

((I'm sorry, but it's just not for me. This seems to be a common problem I have with really, really old works of literature: I get bored of them. Lovecraft's about the only one I like. I've tried Lord of the Rings, Frankenstein, I Robot, The Gods Themselves, probably some more things I don't remember. I just couldn't stay invested in them. I feel shame TT_TT))

(( Haven't gotten to that one yet. )) by Neshomeh on 2015-05-22 23:18:00 UTC Link to this

And admitting things like that are why I sometimes feel like I need to hand in my geek card. Call myself a sci-fi fan, will I, when I haven't even read I, Robot? Pshaw!

~Neshomeh

Um, Nurse Jennifer? by Agent Gabrielle, DWT on 2015-05-20 16:38:00 UTC Link to this

Uh, I don't know if I'm allowed to ask, because I know soft toys aren't allowed to stay on wards because they're an infection vector (the Doktor told me), but, um, do you need a hand? Because cuddle therapy's been known to work, and I wanna help people as much as I can, now that I actually can. If that makes any sense. Sorry if I've wasted your time.

You're not a soft toy, are you? by Jennifer Robinson on 2015-05-21 18:20:00 UTC Link to this

I mean, we could theoretically put you in a bath and get you all squeaky-clean between patients, right? ^_~

Anyway, we're a psych ward. We don't see a whole lot of infectious diseases, so we're not terribly worried about transmitting anything from patient to patient around here. If you want to stop by and visit sometime, it's fine by me! If nothing else, you can play with my son (he's six years old sweet Powers where does the time go?) and/or Nurse Immac.

Cheers!

~Jenni

:DDDDDD by Agent Gabrielle, DWT on 2015-05-21 18:55:00 UTC Link to this

Yaaaaaay! I mean it was mostly the fact that I'm fuzzy was the problem and and and YAY! I'll be right down!

*What follows is a small, obnoxiously adorable Pokémon prancing - yes, prancing - through FicPsych handing out cuddles to the poor unfortunates within.*

Agent Supernumerary, may I? by Agent Takamiya Yuuna, DIC on 2015-05-20 16:19:00 UTC Link to this

How do you manage to endure living alongside all those idiots and lunatics that populate this place?

Solvig: *In the background* HEY! What's that suppos'd to mean?

Yuuna: SHUT UP! *Rubs her temple and groans* Please, tell me your secret for that...

Mostly by avoiding them as much as possible. by Agent Supernumerary on 2015-05-20 17:49:00 UTC Link to this

I have to live with my partner, of course, but he's pretty quiet when he's not trying to blow us up with his damn tinkering, he doesn't leave dirty socks and old pizza boxes lying around, and he's out of the RC pretty often these days, anyway. It's better than college.

For those times when you must leave the RC, however, I recommend a permanent scowl and a cold glare. If anyone tries to talk to you anyway, eviscerate them with your devastating wit, assuming you have such a thing, until they give up and go away. When forced against your will to work with others, stick to the job and get it done as quickly as possible so you can leave.

Oh, and always keep your palliative of choice on hand for emergencies.

— Agent Supernumerary

Thank you very much Agent.. by Agent Takamiya Yuuna, DIC on 2015-05-21 03:01:00 UTC Link to this

I think thinkI will start putting tho-- *Explosion is heard in the background*

Solvig: *In the background* Sorry, my bad!

Yuuna: *headdesks* I need a chocolate-banana milkshake...

One for Derek: by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 15:54:00 UTC Link to this

Would it be okay if I gave you a hug?

Um. Maybe? by Agent Derik on 2015-05-20 17:22:00 UTC Link to this

But, er, why? I mean, do I even know you?

Ooh! Ooh! I've got one! (And I won't glomp you, promise!) by Agent Cupid Carmine, DIC on 2015-05-20 22:03:00 UTC Link to this

Speaking as a fellow badfic refugee whose homefic was deleted, have you and Gall ever had any missions that got prematurely cut short by the badfic being taken down? If so, does it really look like the collapsing dream thing from Inception when that happens while you're in the story?

Can't say that I have, no. by Agent Derik on 2015-05-21 19:08:00 UTC Link to this

Anyway, I haven't seen Inception. Film isn't my favorite medium.

(( I always save a copy of the fic I'm sporking against just such an eventuality. Also for note-taking. ))

You just look like you need one. by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 17:26:00 UTC Link to this

And I figured it was better to ask than to glomp.

((Whoops, sorry for the misspelling!)) (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 15:57:00 UTC Link to this

Mister Supernumerary? by Kala Jeng, DF on 2015-05-20 14:03:00 UTC Link to this

What would you say is the most dangerous situation you've ever been in?

In my natural form, I'm never in any real danger, but Valon... well, I saved his life on our last mission, but I don't think he's going to forget being strangled almost to death anytime soon.

If we must do this... by Agent Supernumerary on 2015-05-20 15:10:00 UTC Link to this

Could you people at least try to be original? I've answered this one before. It's on record. No such thing as privacy here.

... Well, all right, "situation" isn't quite the same as "foe," so if we leave off everything that's tried to break me on purpose... Being in a Word World when it starts to collapse comes to mind. Being stranded with Agent Decima with a busted RA and trying to leap back to HQ via plotholes, that was fun. Being stuck in the response center with my partner for a month with macroviruses and Daleks trying to beat down the door, though that might be breaking the rules a bit. Being anywhere near the Hetalia continuum—I deserved the medal just for showing up, if you ask me. Sharing HQ with a bunch of kooky demi-god-like aliens with the maturity of two-year-olds in a sandbox...

What's the most dangerous situation...? I don't know, take your pick.

Oh, and by the way: Bleeprin. Neuralyzer. Memory Charm. Psychic intervention. Electroconvulsive therapy. Any knock to the head if you set it up right as per Legal. All ways to deal with troublesome memories available to us here in this fine institution. Tell your partner to suck it up and deal with it or quit before something REALLY bad happens to him.

— Agent Supernumerary

I tried giving him Bleeprin... by Kala Jeng, DF on 2015-05-20 15:29:00 UTC Link to this

... but he refused to take it. He said something about not wanting anything to mess with his mind.

((Yeah... Valon refuses Bleeprin on principle. He's staunchly opposed to mind-altering substances, and to him, Bleeprin qualifies.))

Your partner's an idiot. by Agent Supernumerary on 2015-05-20 17:06:00 UTC Link to this

You know what messes with your mind? Being alive. All the billions of impulses of data from your senses, every hormone, every neurotransmitter, the chemical bath distilled from everything you eat and drink—all this and more bombards your brain and shapes who you are every single day whether you want it to or not.

But, y'know, if he wants to be a helpless victim who just lets it all happen to him without doing anything to take matters into his own hands, it's none of my business. I'll let FicPsych know to have a bed ready on the inpatient ward in about, oh, a month if we're being generous. Good luck with that.

— Agent Supernumerary

Gall! Gall! by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 12:33:00 UTC Link to this

Your dragon is so awesome and cool! What's your care routine for him like?

Well, BobÂ— by Agent Gall on 2015-05-20 15:31:00 UTC Link to this

I can call you Bob, right?

... Wait, this feels awfully familiar. Why's that?

Oh, right! Because this dude had the same question last time around. The answer's pretty much the same, too. Water, fresh fish when we can get it, dragon kibble when we can't (and yes that is a thing, I know, surprised me, too); regular exercise that sadly doesn't involve nearly enough terrorizing of Sues and new recruits; taking him out to do his business so we don't end up with piles of glowing green dung in the RC; eck cetra.

Oh, and FYI, updated from last time, Skyrim is basically Vikings and therefore kicks all kinds of butt. Also the show Vikings, though it's this weird AU (I guess) where there's no dragons and it's all, like, seriously grim and creepy sometimes. Rollo is hot, though, so it's all good.

Oops, sorry, I wasn't around last time! by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 16:25:00 UTC Link to this

Alright, another question: if you could be a dragon, what species and why?

Dude, so many choices! by Agent Gall on 2015-05-21 20:02:00 UTC Link to this

I mean, I could just say Monstrous Nightmare, because obviously they're the coolest, but that's ignoring the whole wider world of totally badass dragons. I mean, have you ever seen a Whispering Death? They're scary! But not too stylish... hmm...

Maybe a Flightmare? Those things glow in the dark, and they can paralyze you with their breath! Not too fast, though, and any dragon can glow if they eat the Arvindal's Fire algae.

Speed Stinger? Nah; they're fast all right, but they don't fly, and that's like half the point.

Now, a Fireworm... normally they're little, but a queen... bright gold, huge, intelligent, agile, killer fire breath... yeah. Yeah, I like the sound of that!

Questions for Supernumerary! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 23:11:00 UTC Link to this

What would you say is the best part about being in the PPC?

Are you asexual or anti-sexual (meaning you have urges, but don't want them)?

Ugh, this dren again. by Agent Supernumerary on 2015-05-20 05:59:00 UTC Link to this

I wish I could say the best part about being in the PPC is not having to put up with invasive personal questions from random idiots, but that would be a lie, wouldn't it? Please imagine me glaring pointedly at you here.

— Agent Supernumerary

P.S. My partner threatened to morph human and play with the mini-replicator until I answered at least the first question properly. He won, so send him a prize or something. Preferably in the form of some goddamn pants.

Right. So. The best thing about the PPC is that it's not home. Given the choice between fiction and so-called reality—yes, even the bizarre, twisted manifestations of badfic—I'll take fiction any day. You can take that to the bank.

— Agent Supernumerary

(( Sorry, but if you thought you'd get an answer to the second question, you haven't been paying attention. ^_~ ))

Ilraen and Nume! by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 22:56:00 UTC Link to this

What, in your guys' expert opinions, are two continua that should never, under any circumstances, be mixed?

Nume, Kirk or Picard?

Ilraen, have you ever met Agent Farilan?

Oh! Mail! by Agent Ilraen on 2015-05-20 05:38:00 UTC Link to this

Hello, Iximaz. I am composing the answers to your questions for both of us. Nume does not admit to wanting to have anything to do with this exercise, although I suspect he is more intrigued by the questions than he lets on.

We actually got into quite the discussion about your first question, but in the end we agreed it's best not to answer it. We fear that if we name any particular crossover, a badfic of it is sure to exist, whether or not it did before, and will then be sent to our console. In general terms, however, continua that have vastly differing tones and physical laws—say a silly children's cartoon and a hard sci-fi drama—would be particularly difficult to reconcile.

Nume says that he answered your second question the last time we answered letters. (He expressed this with more colorful language that I have chosen to omit.) I'll quote his previous response here: "Giving credit where it's due, Picard is the least terrible [of all the captains]. Kirk is Kirk, but I never liked him much. Don't see the appeal."

Agent Farilan? No, I don't believe I know anyone by that name. Should I?

I feel ya on the "differing tones" bit. by Valon Vance, DF on 2015-05-20 13:48:00 UTC Link to this

My first mission with my partner was a crossover between Monster Musume, a romantic comedy harem manga, and Prototype, which is about as grimdark and bloody as you can get. I believe we in the industry refer to that as "pepper-jack cheese" logic.

That would be me. by Farilan-Haothil-Esthine on 2015-05-20 11:13:00 UTC Link to this

I must say, it's a pleasure to finally meet another member of the noble Andalite race living in this... place.

Oh. Oh my. by Agent Ilraen on 2015-05-20 18:49:00 UTC Link to this

I had no idea there were any other Andalites here besides Agent Iskillion and myself. Have you been here long? When did you arrive? How did you come to find yourself here?

And... please excuse me, I know this is an unforgivable string of foolish questions already, but... you're a female? I had nearly come to believe I would never meet a female of my own species. I have often imagined what it might be like to speak to Aldrea, who adopted another culture as her own by choice much as I have done by fate, but of course she would be so preoccupied with the war she could hardly spare the time...

Forgive me, I'm babbling. You must think I am terribly stupid, but this really is such a pleasure for me, too. I am quite overcome!

Hmm. by Farilan-Haothil-Esthine on 2015-05-20 19:08:00 UTC Link to this

You say you wish to meet Aldrea? A foolish girl who didn't know her place. You have clearly been living amongst humans for too long, especially since you no longer seem able to distinguish between the sexes. Yes, I am female, if my purple fur and delicate tail blade were not obvious enough.

I have been working in the Department of Intelligence *derisive snort* for several months now. I was rescued from a badfic, much like yourself. However, it would seem that is the only thing we have in common.

Well... by Agent Ilraen on 2015-05-21 19:30:00 UTC Link to this

There aren't many female Andalites even named in the Animorphs series, let alone given any development. My choice was rather limited.

But now you're here... I know I am not the picture of the ideal Andalite, having spent my whole brief life in the PPC, but I hope we might be able to bridge the gap somehow. It was impossible with Agent Iskillion. Frankly, he frightens me a little.

And I can recognize a female when I see one. It is just that it's rather like spotting an elusive mythical beast one has only ever found in fanciful drawings. It is not the same, and the real thing is far more wondrous than an image could ever capture in mere ink.

(( Oh Ilraen, you charmer you. ))

Oh, well... by Farilan-Haothil-Esthine on 2015-05-21 21:53:00 UTC Link to this

*slightly mollified. And flattered.* Well, you should still realize that these humans are inferior compared to ourselves. It does not behoove you to stoop to their level, Ilraen.

*blinks in bewilderment* by Agent Ilraen on 2015-05-22 23:16:00 UTC Link to this

*and not only because he's not sure whether they're writing to each other or face to face, gah, this definitely started out being mail but now there are action asterisks involved, what*

*okay... time to give the benefit of the doubt as hard as he's ever done*

I suppose it must have been a shock for you, suddenly being stranded here, cut off from your home and your people. I cannot say I understand, because this is my home, and these are my people, and I cannot see myself as superior in any way. But I do sympathize. Please let me reassure you that life here is not so bad. There is a courtyard where we can run, the technology is quite fascinating, the work is important, and the people are mostly very intelligent, kind, and determined. They are all warriors of a sort, fighting this war against bad fanfiction. You will see. At least, I hope so.

Yes, about these warriors of other species... by Farilan-Haothil-Esthine on 2015-05-23 03:23:00 UTC Link to this

Could you perhaps explain why they allow their females to fight rather than have them go into more suitable departments such as Intelligence or Sufficiently Advanced Technology?

((Girl's got a single-track mind. XD ))

Certainly! by Agent Ilraen on 2015-05-23 04:24:00 UTC Link to this

For one thing, I understand there have historically been far more female recruits than male, so if the organization limited itself to male action agents, it would be even more pitifully understaffed than it is anyway. It would not serve the cause well to do so.

For another, the PPC is run by sentient plants, which may or may not recognize biological sex as a matter of any importance at all.

Furthermore, while the males of many species do tend to be larger and stronger on average, none of the sentient species I'm aware of have a significant difference in intelligence between males and females. This work does not demand physical prowess, but rather intelligence and passion, so females and males are equally capable of serving.

Of course, that's to say nothing of the full spectrum of sexes and gender identities, which is not binary at all. Some species, including humans, acknowledge a wide range of genders, and some have none at all!

I theorize that Andalite society would be less rigid in this matter if it were not for the inescapable difference in tail-blade size between males and females. A big male with a large tail-blade is simply better suited to tail-fighting—if we were all born alike, our society would never have invented such a division. I further theorize, however, that some females must be larger than others, and some males smaller (with tail-blades to match), just like every other species. In such a case, would a large female not be just as suited as a male to become a warrior, and would not a small male find he is more suited to the arts or sciences?

In closing, I believe this is a quotation, though I regret I cannot recall the source: "Allow them? Just try stopping them!"

(( Oops, he took her at face value. He's so helpful, isn't he? {= D He's clearly been talking to Jenni about some things. Farilan might've got more than she bargained for there! ))

*snorts* by Farilan-Haothil-Esthine on 2015-05-23 14:43:00 UTC Link to this

Be that as it may, Ilraen, the fact of the matter remains that it is just not proper behavior. But very well, I will attempt to turn a blind eye, though I cannot say I will ever approve of the females being field agents. This is why I am in Intelligence; it is up to me to set a good example for others, is it not?

((Dang, it's hard to write obstinate characters when you make such good points. :/

Also she's totally getting dragged along on a mission sometime, just for that.))

(( Gah, stuck for a response. )) by Neshomeh on 2015-05-25 05:44:00 UTC Link to this

Sorry. {= (

Yeah, it's tough getting into the head of a character you disagree with. Especially since we don't really know all that much about Andalite society, all things considered. I mean, do they have the same kinds of variations in sex/gender as humans? It wouldn't surprise me, but we can't know, although we can make a fair guess how they would handle that sort of thing if they did. (Read: not well.)

And, well, this is the sort of issue I think about a lot. I didn't have to try very hard to come up with Ilraen's answer, relatively long as it was. It's not quite a fair fight from an author standpoint. ^_^;

Considering that this is all only dubiously canon anyway, maybe we oughta make a proper interlude out of it? That way we can work out the kinks and then put it someplace people can read it easily.

~Neshomeh

((Yes, we should do that!)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-25 15:34:00 UTC Link to this

((...right after we finish polishing our mission's rough draft. ^^; ))

P.S. I remembered. by Agent Ilraen on 2015-05-23 04:42:00 UTC Link to this

The actual quote is from Dragonflight by Anne McCaffrey. The fuller passage runs as follows:

"Do you mean to say that you allow your queens to fly—against Threads?" F'lar ignored the fact that F'nor was grinning, and T'ton, too.

"Allow?" D'ram bellowed. "You can't stop them."

(( Naturally, I figured it out just after I posted. {= P ))

((Farilan would get on swimmingly with the Notary.)) (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-21 22:02:00 UTC Link to this

((No she wouldn't.)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-21 22:19:00 UTC Link to this

((She's not at all pleased that the Time Lords are more advanced than the Andalites and hates them for it.))

((Couldn't fit a sarcasm tag in the subject. Oops?)) (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-21 22:27:00 UTC Link to this

Sergio Turbo's Agents mailbox by Sergio Turbo on 2015-05-19 22:13:00 UTC Link to this

In which you can ask stuff to Sergio, Nikki and Corolla.

Corolla, hey there! by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 22:23:00 UTC Link to this

Was it hard to adjust to DoSAT after being in the field for so long?

Well, it was quite the change of pace. by Corolla on 2015-05-19 22:27:00 UTC Link to this

I got used to it pretty quickly though. I never thought I would like tinkering with stuff this much...

Still, I do miss the action every once in a while, so I did everything I could to get allowed on the field again. There's always that missio nonce in a while where you need a techie on the field, and that's where you can always ask for Corolla!

PoorCynic's agents' mailbox by PoorCynic on 2015-05-19 21:59:00 UTC Link to this

More specifically, this is the mailbox for Laura Dukes, James Pittman, Danny Richardson, Gremlin, Xericka, Cornelius, Rachel Calendar, and Teyala Solnerii. Enjoy!

Question for Cornelius. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 22:06:00 UTC Link to this

Are you afraid of rampancy? Is there any way that DoSAT can help you reach metastability?

A most excellent question. by Agent Cornelius, DIAU on 2015-05-21 04:12:00 UTC Link to this

Yes, rampancy is indeed a most pressing issue, especially as I enter what could be my last operational year. DoSAT is indeed looking into it, as is my own DIAU. I'm sorry to say that results so far have been unproductive. Attempting to meld technologies from different fandoms -- in my case, the Haloverse with anything else -- tends to create more problems than it fixes. While some sort of merger could fix the metastability problem, I could cease being Cornelius and become... something else. Other presented alternatives have not been palitable to my taste.

But the PPC has experts from across the mutliverse on its staff. I am confident that a solution will be found. I will do whatever I can to preserve myself against the onset of rampancy.

Questions for Gremlin and Xericka! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 22:02:00 UTC Link to this

First: What's the best thing that's happened to you since joining the PPC?

Second: What have you been up to? You haven't run any missions in a good long while.

Whoa, a two-fer! by Gremlin and Xericka on 2015-05-21 04:04:00 UTC Link to this

Gremlin here. Xericka's standing right behind me reading everything I write, so I suppose she is also technically here.

It's hard to say what the best thing that happened to me is. I've seen plenty of both good and bad. Maybe meeting Xericka? Hanging with her 24/7 is way better than a night of breaking and entering. She's surprisingly cool. (She audibly scoffed at that, by the way. And now she is telling me not to write that she scoffed. Or that she told me not to write that. And now she's glaring at me. I should probably move on.)

Xericka says the best thing that happened to her was adopting Aiden. I can't argue with that. He's adorable. Plus, Xericka makes a pretty good mom. (She just told me to stop issuing her bald-faced comments. Whatever.)

As for what we've been up to, we've been plenty busy. Just because you haven't heard about us running missions doesn't mean we haven't. If our feats of awesomeness haven't been getting any publicity, blame the archivists. I hear that job has a lot of churn. People going nuts and whatever.

Even when we're not on missions, we keep busy. Taking care of Aiden. Drinking to forget. Causing ruckuses. Ask around a bit more; you might hear a little something.

Xericka wants me to add that it's me who causes ruckuses, not her. She's being modest.

Now she's glaring at me again. Gotta dash.

Scapegrace's agents' mailboxes by Scapegrace on 2015-05-19 19:09:00 UTC Link to this

This is for Wobbles, the Notary, and Doktor Trollenfisch. Have fun with them. =]

One for Doktor Trollenfisch! by Iximaz on 2015-05-24 20:42:00 UTC Link to this

*holds up her French horn* Want to play a duet with me?

JAWOHL! :D by Doktor Trollenfisch, DWT on 2015-05-24 22:09:00 UTC Link to this

*AND THERE WAS MUCH OOMPAH-RELATED REJOICING*

Pi-kaaa-chu kachu-pika-pi-ka chu pika Chu ka-pika-pika! by Thrud the Pikachu, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Div. on 2015-05-24 18:07:00 UTC Link to this

((Translation: Question for Doktor Trollenfisch!))

Kaaa pi Chuu chu chu pikachu pikapi pi pi-i Pi pikachu pikaa pi?
((How does it feel to be in an Action Department?))

Maya, the Gardevoir: I think you need an Universal Translator

Thrud: Piikaa! Kaa chu kachu pi pi-kaaa-chu pi Chuuuu!
((Never! I don't need it!))

Maya: Maybe this time. After all he is a Pokémon like us.

*Thrud gives Maya the stink eye.*

Hallo mein tiny electric friend! by Doktor Trollenfisch, DWT on 2015-05-24 22:03:00 UTC Link to this

It ist feelink like ein big responsibility, my vord yes! But, as long as you are beink careful und do not take zer silly risks, it can be zer greatest of fun, my vord yes!

Until you are required to be vatchink zer Sues. Then it is, alas, not so fun.

a question for the notary by chakkik the mantis ant, dms on 2015-05-24 15:59:00 UTC Link to this

i implore that you refrain from being arrogant in your response. self-assured evasion of curiosity does nothing but waste your time and mine.

with that said... are there any abilities carried by other creatures that you desired to possess?

i am aware that your kind has a great many biological strengths over humans. this is merely a hypothetical question of evolving beyond the capabilities of your kind.

((So! My agents all show different attitudes I have toward the Notary. Chakkik here is the king of not giving two halves of a damn; he may not like her as a person, but he remains professional in his dealings with her. If she tries to pull the "I'm a Time Lord, I'm better than you" card, he'll just ignore her.))

"You have it backwards." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-24 22:07:00 UTC Link to this

"It is you who wastes my time. In short, there are none, because, leaving aside that the greatest possession of a Time Lord is the mind and power of their heritage, whatever any other abilities may be I will not possess them. It is like a mantis ant wishing they might breathe under eighty yards of molten rock. I care not for such fantasies and you would be wise to do the same."

i suppose i should have expected nothing less. (nm) by chakkik the mantis ant, dms on 2015-05-24 22:16:00 UTC Link to this

"Ask a stupid question..." (nm) by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-24 22:37:00 UTC Link to this

Um...ok, this one's for Wobbles. by Trainee Violet Greenfield on 2015-05-23 18:03:00 UTC Link to this

How do you feel about custard/cream pies?

The old favourite! by Agent Wobbles, DF on 2015-05-24 09:39:00 UTC Link to this

So simple, but so effective! The surprise pie's one of the greatest gifts to clownkind! You can put it anywhere and everywhere - well, not quite everywhere if you're me because there are things I'm not allowed to touch or come within five feet of - and it's always, always, always hilarious. The pie's the greatest leveller we have.

"Is this why you keep throwing them at me, human?"

Eh, sorta. =oD

Question for the Notary by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-20 19:17:00 UTC Link to this

How exactly did your feud with the Guardsman begin? Because it kind of seems like belligerent and unresolved tension of the intimate variety.

((Can take this as a question from prospective agent Cipher-7 who is for the time being on the shelf so to speak))

Oh, ew, now that's just insulting the poor Guardsman. (nm) by Rina Dives on 2015-05-20 22:25:00 UTC Link to this

"I would answer, but I am too busy vomiting." (nm) by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-20 20:33:00 UTC Link to this

greetings, strange pink iffish. by chakkik the mantis ant, dms on 2015-05-20 14:19:00 UTC Link to this

what is this "scyther" i have heard so much about? my partner has informed me that it might be something i might be interested in. i am uncertain if she is simply making jests of my personal preferences for mating partners.

((In case it hasn't been shouted enough, Chakkik is gay for mantises.))

Ach ja! Scyther ist ein Pokemon! Like I am beink! by Doktor Trollenfisch, DWT on 2015-05-20 15:19:00 UTC Link to this

Und he is lookink like zis:

But only vhen he ist in ein realistic universe. Usually he ist lookink like zis:

Scyther ist zer titan uff zer Leetle Cup, vhere zey put zer Pokemon who are zer first stage uff zeir evolutionary line. Vizz zer proper investment, he occasionally rises into zer Rarely Used tier zat I am callink home!

((Totally read that post in a Jagermonster accent XD)) (nm) by eatpraylove on 2015-05-23 18:04:00 UTC Link to this

Gabby looked at her partner... by Voyd on 2015-05-20 15:22:00 UTC Link to this

"Uh... Chak? Wwwhatcha doin'? I didn't even know it was possible for you to drool..."

((He likes what he sees. The realistic one looks like Kha'Zix, one of his Lust-Objects.))

((Yes, I rather figured that out for myself.)) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-20 15:27:00 UTC Link to this

((Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I am not in fact a complete idiot. Which bits are missing I leave to your imagination.))

One for the Notary. by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 13:57:00 UTC Link to this

So what's this Tree business? OH GOD PLEASE DON'T HURT MEEE

"You DARE-" by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-20 15:14:00 UTC Link to this

*What follows is the protracted sound of screaming and a clown trying to sit on a slightly damp-faced Time Lady's head before she does anything more egregiously stupid than normal.*

Question for you, Miss Notary! by Valon Vance, DF on 2015-05-20 01:20:00 UTC Link to this

So there's a song by the Kinks about a guy who starts falling for a girl at a bar, who turns out to be a transvestite, or transsexual, or something.

Ever heard it?

((Valon was at Rudi's, remember. This bit of trolling is fully intentional on his part.))

"No, I have not." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-20 10:32:00 UTC Link to this

"Human culture does not interest me in the slightest; what little I know of it comes from enforced familiarity with the inferior media created by World One's scrawl-and-daub merchants. I assume this is a link-"

---

[Twenty-seven seconds later]

---

"Uh, Notary... What happened to the console?"

"Leave."

"Have you been crying-"

"I said GET OUT!"

"Okay!"

"Before you do, though, take this to Agent Valon... or Kala, or Gabby, or Chakkik, they're all basically interchangeable. The RCs are listed on the top there."

"Sure! You know me, ever so helpful!" Wobbles shoved the receipt in her pocket and bounced off towards Valon's RC, her smile getting slightly wider as she heard the Notary's keening.

And there was a knock at RC 211's door... by Voyd on 2015-05-20 13:44:00 UTC Link to this

Valon opened the door and bared his trademark grin. "Well, hi there, Wobbles! First guess: You've got something for me from the Notary, yes?"

((Oh dear... did Valon go too far? His goal was just to annoy her, not actually hurt her. If he'd known she'd react like that, he wouldn't have done it.))

((Put it like this...)) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-20 15:26:00 UTC Link to this

((Her declaring war on the Guardsman was because he asked politely about a picture of Lola. There's a trope that applies; you can find it here))

Wobbles, whose own trademark grin was never actually missing, smiled back. Since it was painted on her face, she didn't really have a choice in the matter.

"Uh, yeah. Two, actually. One's a receipt for a destroyed console, with a note saying, um... oh, gosh... that because you caused it to be blown up, you're liable for the damages. The second, um, well, I think it's best if you read it."

She shoved the scraps of paper into Valon's hands and scarpered. The second merely said this:

'There is a rather mercenary wizard from the Dungeons and Dragons continuum working in DoSAT who owes me a favour. He knows the spell Explosive Runes. DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN.'

At which point there was a whine of incoming magic and the paper glowed red.

Valon pulled a wand out of his vest. by Voyd on 2015-05-20 15:37:00 UTC Link to this

"Alright, wand of dispel magic, showtime."

In his many journeys into DnD/Pathfinder continua for supplies, Valon had acquired several ranks in the Use Magic Device skill. Thus, the explosive runes were reduced to normal, harmless text.

He tossed the notes away. "Jeez, you make a joke and she tries to kill you. Someone's got no sense of humor..."

((Valon's vest is lined with Bags of Holding, and he tries his best to prepare for anything. Although to be honest, I was expecting the Notary to use a neuralyzer bomb, followed by whatever she wanted Valon to remember.))

((Nah, the Notary doesn't send neuralyzer bombs.)) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-20 16:04:00 UTC Link to this

((She sends bombs. Girl's got issues.))

((Either way, I was expecting the use of a ten-foot pole.)) (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-20 16:05:00 UTC Link to this

Ooh, ooh, I have a question for both of you! by Alex Dives on 2015-05-19 22:34:00 UTC Link to this

Wobbles, if there was a piece of tech you wanted to use, what would it be? I'm looking into devising a way around your problem!

Notary, do you have your own sonic screwdriver? I've always wanted to see the different variations!

Uh, I've... not given it much thought. by Agent Wobbles, DF on 2015-05-19 22:47:00 UTC Link to this

Y'know, it's like... there's one kid, Stacy. She's in the nursery. She was rescued from a badfic - an OC bit like me - and she was put in a wheelchair and just kinda left there 'cause the only reason she existed was to prove how sweet and kind the Sue was. She's pretty much nonverbal and she's almost totally unable to function, but she... she draws, and paints, and she enjoys that, and she's happy here. We think. Asking an AAT sufferer what kinda gadgets they wanna use is kinda like asking Stacie what her favourite dance steps are. It's, um, it's pretty insensitive. So don't do that please.

Also, there is a solution; don't use tech or go anywhere near it.

---

"No. And if I did, there are plenty of others salvaged from missions. I have a weapon."

Oh, oh man, I'm sorry, Mrs. Wobbles. by Alex Dives on 2015-05-19 22:59:00 UTC Link to this

And ooh, what kind of weapon? A staser, I bet. What kind of staser? How long have you had it, and has it ever needed repairs?

"I'll field this one, human, you have rounds to do." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 23:05:00 UTC Link to this

"My weapon is an early-model handheld staser, category 7, rated primarily for use against Ogron-level threats and below. Dalekanium warping power is limited, but can penetrate up to codename: Warlord-class Dalek battlesuits with sufficient sustained fire. I'm afraid the operating manual caught fire some time previously. This may have been a result of target practice."

Alright, awesome! Thank you! by Alex Dives on 2015-05-19 23:07:00 UTC Link to this

And just so you know, if it ever needs repairs or maybe upgrades, I'm more than happy to take a look at it!

((What is this madness? Someone who doesn't immediately draw her wrath?))

"Indeed." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 23:15:00 UTC Link to this

"It has been sufficient for my sole foray off-base, but should it become necessary I shall prepare the paperwork in advance. Indeed, I may be able to help you right now..." The Notary scribbled down some complicated-looking strings of numbers. "These are the forms you will require for a personal effects requisition from an Internal Affairs operative. Fill them out perfectly, in triplicate, and return them to me. I can then get you an unsullied but surplus-to-requirements laser screwdriver for you to experiment with at your leisure. I'll look them over once you're done - they have to be absolutely perfect, or the prodnoses won't have any of it. Good day."

Triplicate, huh? by Alex Dives on 2015-05-19 23:16:00 UTC Link to this

No problem! Haven't had to do this since tenth grade, but it won't be that hard.

And sweet, a laser screwdriver! I've got a leftover Sue laser spanner, but that's it. You're the best! :D

"It is... gratifying to be appreciated. At last. Thank you." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 23:21:00 UTC Link to this

"Remember, in triplicate, then get them to me. I'll make sure they're absolutely unrefusable. It's the only way to make any headway against those people."

... what just happened? by Valon Vance, DF on 2015-05-19 23:23:00 UTC Link to this

No, seriously, I'm asking. The Notary wasn't a completely hostile windbag to someone?

The end is nigh! The Long Night is upon us! SECURE YOUR DOORMATS!

Hey, no problem! by Alex Dives on 2015-05-19 23:23:00 UTC Link to this

You know, you're a lot nicer than most people give you credit for. *beams and runs off, papers clutched to his chest*

"..." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 23:27:00 UTC Link to this

The Notary considered calling after him, but in the end just stalked off down the corridor. It was a victory, a good piece in her long game against the Grunt, but it felt... hollower than normal. Or perhaps she did.

Later that day... by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 00:06:00 UTC Link to this

The Notary would find the forms, perfectly filled out in triplicate, sitting nearly stacked on her desk in her RC. A sticky note on top of the stack read "See? I told you it would be easy. —Alex"

The Notary just looked at them and sighed. by Scapegrace on 2015-05-20 00:18:00 UTC Link to this

Oooh, but that boy knew how to treat a lady right.

She focussed her brain, quite violently, and when her ears stopped ringing from the slap she sat down and filed the forms. They were, true to his word, absolutely perfect, and there was a frisson of excitement about her as her plan kicked in.

Later that evening, one of the DIA internal security devices activated, and the Guardsman's laser screwdriver vanished with a small pop as the miniature hyperspace motivator activated. A few seconds later, it was replaced with an IOU in a travel tube and details of how to get a temporary replacement until another Insert Agent Item Here could be made permanently available.

Then the next set of Circumstance forms kicked in, and the screwdriver made its way steadily to DoSAT and Alex Dives. This was where the Notary shone; at the stroke of a pen, so to speak, the paper trail became thoroughly occluded. You'd have more chance of untangling where mob profits wound up than finding the device if you used the paper trail alone. Of course, this wasn't a perfect plan, if one used detective work, but it gave enough time for Dives to have his fun.

She tracked it indirectly, through the ripples it made in the formsphere, and when it arrived at DoSAT she punched the air and resolved to buy the human something tasteful. Some flowers, perhaps, properly arranged.

The look on the Grunt's face was going to be priceless.

The Guardsman slammed the drawer shut. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 01:06:00 UTC Link to this

"WHERE IS IT?" he bellowed to nobody in particular. "MY SCREWDRIVER! IT'S GONE! AND THEN THERE'S THIS NOTE ABOUT HOW TO GET A FRIGGIN' REPLACEMENT! I DON'T WANT A REPLACEMENT! I SURVIVED THE WAR WITH THAT THING! I MADE MODIFICATIONS TO IT! IT'S MINE! IT'S MINE AND IT'S GONE!"

"So we noticed," grumbled Naya, walking around the cluttered RC with her Omni-tool in the air. "Calm down. We can trace the recall tag--"

"NO WE CAN'T!" yelled back the Guardsman, rifling though another desk drawer. "SHE DID THIS! SHE KNOWS HOW TO MAKE THINGS DISAPPEAR! I'M NEVER GOING TO SEE IT AGAIN!" He paused to wipe his tears with his sleeve and violently kicked his workbench. "GOD DAMN IT! SHE JUST TAKES THINGS AWAY FROM YOU AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! ALL OF THIS BECAUSE I COMMENTED ON A PICTURE! A PICTURE, NAYA! I WAS MAKING CONVERSATION! I WASN'T INSULTING HER OR DOING ANYTHING TO HER! I TRIED BEING HELPFUL! I TRIED GIVING HER A CHANCE! BUT IT JUST BITES ME IN THE ASS, RIGHT?"

Terabyte's mobile platform cautiously approached its partner. It extended a hand towards the Time Lord. "Emiran," said Terabyte.

The former soldier whirled around and looked at Terabyte. He paused to take a deep, shaky breath and wiped his nose. "Yes?" The geth took an end of the glowing red scarf it got from the gift exchanged and gently dabbed at the Guardsman's eyes. "The isomorphic controls are still there, yes? You have nothing to fear. As soon as the thief will attempt to operate the screwdriver you'll receive a notice. Remember?"

The Guardsman stood still for a moment, then let his shoulders slump. "Right. I forgot about those." He sighed. "Yeah. Any second now we'll get the email. Thanks."

Terabyte pulled the Guardsman into a hug. "She will provoke you. You will not take the bait. You will be prepared and you will respond appropriately." The Guardsman returned the hug. "You're right, of course. Thanks."

Naya smiled and patted Terabyte on its shoulder as she walked past the pair. "I'm stepping out. I'll go and file a formal complaint against the Notary through Central: we've got enough interactions with her to warrant action from the higher-ups. Catch you two later!"

"Bye," said the Guardsman as the quarian left the RC. He wiped his eyes again ("No, TB, you don't need to get your scarf dirty-- I'm fine!") and made his way to his seat in front of the Console. He opened his email and refreshed the page. The Guardsman squinted at the screen.

One new message. Isometric controls report unauthorized use at coordinates... aha. DoSAT. Terabyte tapped his partner's shoulder. The Guardsman turned around and saw Terabyte handing him his tricorn hat. "Shall we?" asked the geth. The Guardsman took his hat.

"Let's roll."

- - -

((Very sneaky. I'd hate to be the Guardsman: his laser screwdriver is is little pride and joy. It's pretty much achieved the role of practical good-luck charm in his eyes. Well played, Notary. Well played.))

Alex flipped his new laser screwdriver between his fingers. by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 01:11:00 UTC Link to this

Whistling "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" to himself, he turned it on and bent over his ice gun, intent on finally making that last modification to the melt settings and blissfully unaware of what was soon to come.

((Oh man, I wanna hug the Guardsman so badly. This is not going to end well.))

A portal popped into existence outside of DoSAT. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 01:33:00 UTC Link to this

The Guardsman and Terabyte stepped though it, closing the portal behind them. The nodded to each other and pushed the doors open. After presenting their DIA identification to Tess and explaining the situation, the secretary gave the two officers directions to Alex's workshop. The Time Lord and his geth partner swiftly made their way to the specified location, dodging technicians and their workbenches on the way there.

They approached Alex from behind as he tried to get the laser screwdriver working. The Gallifreyan tech was unresponsive in the technician's hands and kept beeping loudly whenever he tried to activate it.

"Isomprphic controls," said the Guardsman, plucking the tool from Alex's grasp. "Only works for its owner." The DIA officer used his laser screwdriver to turn on Alex's desk lamp as proof of his ownership. He then removed the screwdriver's power source, disabling the auto-recall system, and clutched the screwdriver like a mother holding her child.

"Mr. Dives," asked Terabyte, "where did you obtain this screwdriver?"

Alex's eyes went huge. by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 01:39:00 UTC Link to this

"I g-got it from the Notary," he stammered, looking between Terrabyte (who looked like nothing he'd ever seen before) and the still-shaken Guardsman. He swallowed. "If I was doing anything I wasn't supposed to, I'm sorry! I'll turn in my laser spanner if you want me to!"

"Don't sweat it, son," said the Guardsman. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 02:27:00 UTC Link to this

"Let this be a lesson to you. I don't know exactly what you did but you gave the Notary a chance, right? Showed her what it's like not to be despised all the time? Well, look what she does with your kindness: she turns around and uses it as leverage to attack someone else." He strode off to a corner of the lab, checking his screwdriver for any possible damage.

Terabyte looked from the Guardsman to Alex. "As much as I dislike the Notary for tormenting Emiran like this, I must admire the skill involved. Managing to activate the PPC's automated gadget confiscation system through a DIA override is no small feat. It's not all bad, though: we use the Notary's little cyberbullying campaigns to plug leaks in our system. We'll never be able to stop her-- if there's a will, there's a way-- but she's allowed us to identify key vulnerabilities and patch them. The fact that she has to constantly invent new ways to hack into our database is proof of our success." The geth stared at Alex, then extended a three-fingered hand towards the boy. "Forgive my rudeness. Special Response Officer Terabyte, at your service, sir."

The boy looked crestfallen, but he returned the handshake. by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 02:33:00 UTC Link to this

"Alex Dives. I'm an intern here." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry about the screwdriver, if I'd known... shoulda listened to my sister, she likes to rant about the Notary. But she really didn't act as bad as I'd been told, I thought Rina was overreacting."

Terabyte waved its hand in the air. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 02:46:00 UTC Link to this

"No, don't be sorry. Tales of the Notary are always outlandish by nature. Their scale and audacity are comical, if somewhat aggravating. It makes one wonder why she's pulling off these stunts in the first place."

"Maybe she likes the attention?" by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 02:53:00 UTC Link to this

Alex shrugged, looking sheepish. "Sorry, can't really help you there. I'm good with machines, not people." He glanced over at the Guardsman. "Um, Mister, I'm really sorry... is it okay? The screwdriver?"

"It's fine." by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 03:00:00 UTC Link to this

The Guardsman returned the screwdriver and its battery to his pocket. "Thank god. This little beauty saw me through the worst battles of the War. Second battle of Skaro, the Aether incident, the three-second crisis, and the Final Day, of course." He walked back towards Alex. "Tell me, kid... what favour did you do for the Notary? I can't imagine she'd give my screwdriver to any old person."

"Um, nothing..." by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 03:05:00 UTC Link to this

Alex gnawed his lip in a manner reminiscent of his sister. "I mean, I offered to repair her staser if it ever needed it, but that's it, really."

"You offerer to repair her staser and she does this?" by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 03:10:00 UTC Link to this

The Guardsman shook his head. "You're sure you didn't do anything else? The DIA confiscation system isn't triggered very often-- you need special permissions and such for that."

"Well, she had me fill out some paperwork..." by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 03:21:00 UTC Link to this

"But it was all about rights to handle her staser and repair it and whatnot, I read the fine print." Alex shrugged, looking helpless. "I have no idea how this happened."

"Well, I do." by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 03:46:00 UTC Link to this

"If you want to repair some of the best tech in the galaxy, you need the best tools... hence the laser screwdriver. I see. Very sneaky." He nodded. "Tell you what. It's a shame you got dragged into this-- this is really just a childish squabble when you look at it-- so how about I make it up to you, yeah? Give me a couple of days and I can design you a laser screwdriver. Just give me an idea what you want the casing to look like and I can draw up the schematics for you. I can't build it myself-- sorry-- Special Response work tends to get hectic and life-threatening at times."

- - -

((Last post for the night.))

The poor intern nearly fell over from excitement. by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 03:55:00 UTC Link to this

"Oh, wow, would you really? Rina got me a laser spanner, but it's got urple light, and, well, you know Sue tech is nothing compared to an honest-to-God laser screwdriver!" Alex actually hugged the Guardsman in his moment of euphoria. "Don't worry about not being able to build it, I can do that no problem! Oh man, this is great!"

And that was when Rina came bursting in. by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 16:18:00 UTC Link to this

"Alex!" she yelled, running over. "Don't take anything she gives you, she—!" She pulled up short when she saw Terrabyte and the Guardsman. "Oh balls."

The Guardsman blinked in surprise. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 19:03:00 UTC Link to this

Terabyte raised a hand. "Greetings. A pleasure to see you here, Miss Dives. No need to worry about Emiranlanoamar, everything is under control."

The Guardsman rolled his eyes. "Well, yeah. You could say that when you've just learnt that some madwoman who's declared war on you can literally steal the gear off your back."

"Vulnerabilities will be patched," said Terabyte, looking at his partner. "And I'm sure that you can develop a countermeasure to prevent, say, your rifle being taken from you while you're in the field. Note: create such countermeasures immediately. That is a massive security concern."

"Yeah, yeah," muttered the Guardsman, extricating himself from Alex's bear hug. "So, Dives junior? What kind of case do you want? Something like mine?" He held up his laser screwdriver. The polished silver case caught the lab's light, making it a mirror-like shine. The tip of the screwdriver was composed of a triangular brass hood wrapped around a red diode-- a shape somewhat reminiscent of the nib of a fountain pen. A line of well-worn black buttons stretched down one of the screwdriver's sides. "Or maybe something else?"

"How can you guys let her keep getting away with this?" by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 19:14:00 UTC Link to this

Rina demanded. "At what point does she cross the line? Because it seems like she's crossed a lot."

Alex grinned. "Yours looks fantastic, really. I can make minor tweaks to the design if I later want to, but I can't imagine I would."

((Blast. *offer)) (nm) by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 03:12:00 UTC Link to this

((cue the NotaryxAlex shippers >:3)) (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-19 23:29:00 UTC Link to this

No, just... No. (nm) by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 23:38:00 UTC Link to this

((I wasn't completely serious.)) by Voyd on 2015-05-19 23:42:00 UTC Link to this

((Though I wouldn't be surprised if someone used this as ammunition in a future Badfic Games.))

...someone needs to do this now. (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 00:13:00 UTC Link to this

It is now canon. Look what you did. (nm) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-20 00:06:00 UTC Link to this

((I sense Ten Years Hence material. >:3)) (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-20 00:35:00 UTC Link to this

((Oh, ew, gross!)) (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 23:30:00 UTC Link to this

Oh, and for the Notary: by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 20:39:00 UTC Link to this

What is the best part of Gallifreyan culture, and why? Conversely, what is the worst part, and why?

One more for the Notary. by Darkotas on 2015-05-20 16:08:00 UTC Link to this

What is the best type of paper, and why?

"... Good grief." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-20 16:54:00 UTC Link to this

"A sensible question. That's two now. Anyway, the point of a hardcopy is to be hard-wearing. You'll need a high-quality paper, nice high gsm - that's grams per square inch, if you're wondering - and I like cream, personally, but there are a lot of colours available. Treat paper like a nightclub bouncer. What you want is heavy, hard, and really bloody thick."

*affects a shrill voice* by Rina Dives on 2015-05-19 20:57:00 UTC Link to this

There is no such thing as a bad part of Gallifreyan culture, foolish human! We are the most noble race to ever exist in all the multiverses, and our shining cities were the hub of innovation and culture... *drones on*

*scribbles furiously* by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 22:01:00 UTC Link to this

Fascinating stuff.

"If you're attempting sarcasm in future, Dives," by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 22:09:00 UTC Link to this

"Do be sure to say something that's actually incorrect."

"...You just make it too easy." (nm) by Rina Dives on 2015-05-19 22:18:00 UTC Link to this

For the good Doktor: by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 20:06:00 UTC Link to this

What is your favorite thing in the world?

Also, what, in your opinion, is the hardest word to pronounce?

"Ach ja, zat ist most easy!" by Doktor Trollenfisch, DWT on 2015-05-19 22:08:00 UTC Link to this

"It ist mein collection uff zer music uff zer Biggenbrassenparpenthingen! Allow me to be demonstratink for you all!"

---

[[What follows is eight hours of oompah music, played at Coca-Cola volume. For those unfamiliar with the turn of phrase, this is the kind that can actually dissolve the listener's teeth.]]

For the Notary: by The Reader, Citrine Theorist of the ConCounWhatsit on 2015-05-19 19:27:00 UTC Link to this

I've got a question. Why is there a giant stack of paperwork on my bed? How did you even get anywhere near my bed? I thought my TARDIS was locked.

-R

"Oh, that." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 19:33:00 UTC Link to this

"It is your purview to analyse new Time Lord agents for potential Suvian traits. Those are all the forms you'll need, along with hardcopies of every mission report she's ever filed, details of her mission to Rose Potter - in, if you'll pardon the phrase, exacting detail - and a little light reading to get you fully up to speed on the changes to the forms since their inception a few years ago. That, for reference, is the really big pile. I had to work out a lot of the kinks. The majority of the data is passlocked - there's a test at the end of the paperwork change details, and if you score 100% on it, you pass, and the work on Agent Dives's assessment can begin. It's simply standard procedure. I trust you'll be able to cope.

"As for how I got into your bed, I regret it immensely but you must understand how lonely life on a mission can be..."

... by Citrine Theorist&Onyx Monitor Reader of CCThingy on 2015-05-19 19:46:00 UTC Link to this

Notary, I'm perfectly qualified to do my job. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have the job to begin with. Secondly, I've been keeping up with Ms. Dives' mission reports anyway, because, quite honestly, they're amusing. Thirdly, I don't know why you'd bother with the passlock, unless you're trying to give me a headache on purpose--what am I saying, of course you are. Fourthly, if you think I'm going to read through the log of every single tiny little tweak you've made to the bloody forms, I don't know where your mind's gone.

Fifthly, what. Just what. And also, why? Lonely life on a mission? So you--did you actually fall asleep in my--

Notary, I want a complete explanation of how you got into my bed, what you did while there, and why in the name of Rassilon's flying earmuffs you chose to seek out my bed while lonely.

...*sigh*. Sixthly, thanks for the forms. I wasn't actually sure where to find them, and I didn't feel like actually hunting you down to ask. I'll take the giant pile of papers over an earful from you any day.

...just leave off the passlock next time. And, and explain the bed thing.

-R

((Well, that was fun to write. I should take the Reader out for a spin much more often. ~DF))

"Do you truly not recall?" by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 19:49:00 UTC Link to this

"We... I believe the term is 'snuggled'. Quite a lot. Clothing was involved, but not much."

---

The Notary is trying to develop a sense of humour, in much the same manner that an abandoned cup of coffee is trying to develop a fungus.

What?! by The Reader on 2015-05-19 19:54:00 UTC Link to this

We didn't either! I should think I'd remember if we had! I--wha--Notary--Notary, you--

[incoherent]

[deep breathing]

Okay. Considering I haven't bothered sleeping in my actual bed for several days, I have no idea when this...snuggling took place, but I--you--argh!

Take. That. Back. Or else provide proof, I'll take either option.

-R

((I'm not sure if they're going to end up with shippers or the need for a restraining order, at this rate. ~DF))

((Also, I'm heading out for about an hour, so... *vanishes* ~DF))

"Check the vidscreen." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 19:56:00 UTC Link to this

"The one in the cafeteria."

The Notary finished editing the security footage, pressed send, and grinned.

"The big one."

Check the-- by The Reader, Citrine etc on 2015-05-20 00:51:00 UTC Link to this

[crashing noises]

[Gallifreyan swearing]

Notary. [Incoherent]

Listen, even if we did maybe...snuggle, I definitely would not tell you to stay--

...

...you faked the footage, didn't you? I don't actually have a shirt that looks like that anymore, it got ruined two missions ago. Maybe three.

I don't--I'm not even sure what to--

[some sighing and running of hands through hair]

Okay. Fine. Nice joke. Good job with the fake footage. Now get it off the Cafeteria vidscreen!

And for the Citadel's sake, if you ever much with footage of me again, use clips where I'm actually wearing trousers.

-R

((That's quite a sense of humor the Notary's developing. I think the Reader appreciates it only a slight bit more than she'd appreciate fungus in her coffee.))

((On the other hand...she does seem to be warming up to the Notary just a tiny bit. Maybe it's that they're the only two Time Lords in HQ who actually experienced the Time War? ~DF))

"Ah." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-20 10:52:00 UTC Link to this

"I was... not expecting you to catch on this early. I'm rather new to this whole 'pranking' business and, er, I... may possibly have co-opted some of the emergency broadcast protocol code to put it up. For a total length of... hold on, let me check... a fortnight."

Wow, epic fail, much? by Rina Dives on 2015-05-20 12:26:00 UTC Link to this

*rubs forehead* I'll see if I can get Alex to take a look at it. And I'm not volunteering his services for you, Notary.

"Dives, a word." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-20 15:30:00 UTC Link to this

"Did he get it? Has he dismantled it? You are related - do you share a bond? No, of course not, I'm being silly, he's as human as you used to be prior to your ascension. Oh, that'll teach the Grunt a thing or two about personal bloody privacy!" The Notary rubbed her hands in glee and cackled like a storybook witch after a dose of phosgene.

Related? What are youÂ—? by Rina Dives on 2015-05-20 15:46:00 UTC Link to this

OH MY GOD, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BROTHER?!

"Used him to get at the Grunt. He agreed to it." (nm) by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-20 15:59:00 UTC Link to this

*goes running off to DoSAT* (nm) by Rina Dives on 2015-05-20 16:02:00 UTC Link to this

"He's probably fine!" by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-20 16:27:00 UTC Link to this

"I mean, he might have been a little bit shot, but I can't say for certain and that all depends on how grumpy the Grunt's feeling."

((*quick correction--that should be 'muck with footage')) (nm) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 00:52:00 UTC Link to this

Wait just a minute! by Rina Dives on 2015-05-19 19:37:00 UTC Link to this

Are you seriously suggesting I'm a— a— a Sue?

"Yes." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 19:41:00 UTC Link to this

"I read your report. I read all the reports. Recently, a CAD described you as displaying a 12% Suvian contamination rate. That is more than double the safe limit for a field agent, and it has therefore set the wheels in motion. Since you are a Time Lord, by fair means or foul, that investigation has fallen to the Citrine Theorist. I trust that this is clear? Or would you perhaps like me to headbutt you this time?"

I hate you. (nm) by Rina Dives on 2015-05-19 19:51:00 UTC Link to this

"I can hardly contain my dismay." (nm) by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 19:52:00 UTC Link to this

I can do without the sarcasm. by Rina Dives on 2015-05-19 21:17:00 UTC Link to this

And for your information? The C-CAD was malfunctioning. There's nothing wrong with me. Seriously.

"Which we can't check..." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 22:10:00 UTC Link to this

"On account of it having blown up when pointed at a conveniently-located Sue. How very... inconvenient that must seem, for all concerned."

Alright, that's it! by Rina Dives on 2015-05-19 22:19:00 UTC Link to this

You want a CAD reading?! COME AND GET ONE, YOU-

Oh boy, not this again. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-19 22:24:00 UTC Link to this

Of course it had to happen during the Q&A... Naya! I'll be stepping out a moment. Dives is having a fit.

Console, end dictation mode, please.

"Your presences is neither wanted nor required, Grunt." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 22:29:00 UTC Link to this

"Indeed, to use one of Dives's species's turns of phrase, you're about as welcome as a swarm of wasps at a bat mitzvah. If Dives wishes to give in to her baser instincts, then you will of course be in receipt of a post-incident report. Whether it will be a full report depends entirely on how much your superiors are willing to give you."

I sincerely hope you're not classifying yourself as... by The Reader, Citrine Theorist, etc on 2015-05-19 22:44:00 UTC Link to this

...his superior, Notary. That's just rude--

Oh, wait, I forgot who I was talking to.

-R

((Time Lords are a dramatic bunch, huh? They seem to love to angst and bicker :) ~DF))

Yeah, you kind of did. by Rina Dives on 2015-05-19 22:46:00 UTC Link to this

*sighs and rubs temples* Has she always been this insufferable?

((Seems like it. Then again, old Rina would have been a lot more snappy had she run into this bunch before the transformation. This is comparatively tame for her. XD ))

Luckily for me, I have no clue. I'm pretty sure I didn't- by The Reader on 2015-05-19 22:49:00 UTC Link to this

-know her back on Gallifrey.

She's definitely been this bad since the first time I met her, though.

-R

[Laughter] by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-19 22:39:00 UTC Link to this

Hey! Hey, Naya. Get a load of this: she's actually telling me how to do my job now.

[Falsetto] Oh, Grunt! You're a brainless cog in a machine! You're small, stupid, and unimportant! I piloted a TARDIS but ran away and I still did more good than you in the long run!

"Well, I did." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 22:42:00 UTC Link to this

"You were put in the role you were in during the Time War because you were expendable, Grunt. Nobody gave a damn if they lost you. You had no value beyond that of shoe leather and paradox organs. Your only gift to the cause was life after life after wasted, pointless life. It still is."

---

((NB: Paradox organs are admittedly something of my own devising, but it makes sense; time clones being harvested for body parts is exactly the kind of disgusting thing the Time War would make the Time Lords do.))

[Laughter] I'm not disputing that. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-19 23:17:00 UTC Link to this

We kinda all realized that we were canon fodder during the first few months of the War. It all went downhill from there, trust me. So what if I'm expendable? It won't stop me from trying to do something worthwhile. I dream of a better future for Time Lords-- a future where we actually care about the world around us and don't sit around, all complacent-like. The Time War was a much needed kick in the pants and the Doctor gave us all a second chance. We're gonna capitalize on that and make things better.

And you know what? You're a darn good motivator. The spitting image of the old regime, what we must never return to. Thank you for that. You have my pity.

- - -

((That's a really cool idea, paradox organs. I'd share my own Doctor Who headcanons but they're all too stupid to be actually vocalized.))

Notary, that's enough. -R (nm) by The Reader on 2015-05-19 22:46:00 UTC Link to this

"Yes, thank you for your input." (nm) by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 22:53:00 UTC Link to this

Come on, Mr. Guardsman. by Rina Dives on 2015-05-19 22:41:00 UTC Link to this

You were telling me to ignore her earlier, so try taking your own advice. I don't like having to be the reasonable one where she's concerned.

I'm a hypocrite. (nm) by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-19 22:44:00 UTC Link to this

Eh, she tends to have that effect on people. by Rina Dives on 2015-05-19 23:01:00 UTC Link to this

Don't feel too bad about it. :)

((I'm probably the only one imagining...)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 22:28:00 UTC Link to this

((That the Q&A isn't so much in the form of letters as it is a big panel with all the agents sitting at a long table and the Boarders are sitting in the audience asking questions. You know, like at comic-con?))

Rina: No, no, it's fine. I'm fine. *mutters something about where the Notary can shove it*

((That sounds like rather a bad idea, actually.)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 00:55:00 UTC Link to this

((Mainly because someone would definitely try to strangle the Notary. Several times.))

((~DF))

((Aw, come on, the mental images are hilarious.)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 01:43:00 UTC Link to this

((It starts off like a nice, orderly panel, and then it gets disrupted by the Time Lords all screaming across the table at each other while the others either try to keep the panel going, hide, get exasperated, or join in the shouting!))

((...look, do you want me to write this?)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 01:45:00 UTC Link to this

((Because it's beginning to reach the point where I will. Snippets of it, anyway. ~DF))

((...can I help?)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 01:49:00 UTC Link to this

((Because seriously, I'm going to fall asleep thinking about this. The idea's just so hilariously ridiculous.))

((...that sounds like fun. Shall we set up a GDoc?)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 01:51:00 UTC Link to this

((Just going to eat dinner, don't worry if I don't respond for a bit. ~DF))

((Sounds good to me.)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 01:55:00 UTC Link to this

((Email's iximaz(AT)gmail(DOT)com, but I won't be able to work until tomorrow afternoon, since I'm kicked off the computer after dinner and the phone has to go up at 9:00 (not that that ever stops me). I'm in EST, what about you?))

((I'll get something set up, then :))) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 02:34:00 UTC Link to this

((And that's fine, actually--means I have more of a chance of getting to sleep early tonight, which I'm sure would be good for me. Also, I'm at my volunteer job until about...let's say 5 pm, I'm generally home by then. I can always jot down some ideas or a scenelet or something, and you can add to it if you're on earlier in the afternoon than I am, and then we can meet up at some point. I can also get internet on my lunch break, assuming it's working.))

((As to time zones...I think we might be in the same one? UTC -05:00? I think we're currently on Daylight Savings Time, too. It's currently about 9:30 pm. Does that match up with where you are?))

((Lookit us, talking about time zones so we can write about Time Lords. It seems appropriate :) ~DF))

((Yup, 9:40 here.)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 02:41:00 UTC Link to this

((I usually have volunteering on Wednesdays as well, but I think I have tomorrow off, I'd have to look.

Anyway, your plan sounds great! I can't wait to get started!))

((Fantastic!)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 02:49:00 UTC Link to this

((It's always nice to share a time zone. When Karen and I first started writing together, she was 8 hours behind me. It was kind of horrible, but definitely doable. Now she's only 1 hour behind, which is much better.))

((Oh, fun! May I ask what sort of volunteering you do? I'm basically an assistant in my former middle school, which is exhausting and exhilarating. We're still working out my fixed schedule, but it's been great so far even without one.))

((Also: there is now a doc, which has been shared with you. There isn't anything in in yet, but we can fix that! ~DF))

((I supervise children's horse riding lessons.)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 02:57:00 UTC Link to this

((Mostly I help the little kids groom the horses and get them tacked up, and then I set up the barrels for barrel racing or the pole-bending poles. And occasionally I muck stalls. XD

And woop, got the email! I'm excited for tomorrow!))

((You do?)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 03:12:00 UTC Link to this

((That is so cool.))

((Hurray! It does now have some planning in it--mainly just various ideas and a question or two--but that's it. No writing yet. I'm looking forward to adding some, though. ~DF))

((The cool part is when I get to ride.)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 03:27:00 UTC Link to this

((I can jump two-foot gates, but I'm hoping to get to three over the summer. :3

And eee, can't wait to see it! Perhaps one thing we could do is have each scene headed with whatever question(s) sparked the ~~uproar~~ ~~bickering~~ friendly banter?

((Oooh.)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 03:36:00 UTC Link to this

((Want to switch volunteer jobs for a day? You can come help exciting grade fives and adorable grade ones, and I can ride a horse so cool.))

((Good luck getting three!))

((Ooh, I like that idea, assuming I'm understanding it correctly. Something like "So, Agent Notary, why is Agent Wobbles still alive?" at the top, and then a giant ~~argument~~ bit of friendly banter breaks out in the scene about whether or not the Notary can actually kill someone with sharp words?))

((~DF))

((Sure, I'm good with kids!)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 03:42:00 UTC Link to this

((Now, without looking it up, can you tell me what a fetlock is?

Though actually, riding isn't (usually) part of my volunteer duties. I have lessons on Thursdays and like it there so much I wanted to know if I could hang around more. Thus, volunteering.

And yup, it sounds like you get my idea. It provides context and scene dividers all in one!))

((Bzuh.)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 03:46:00 UTC Link to this

((Um. It...is probably not a tuft of hair at the top of a horse's face, so I'm going to go with...part of the hoof? I think it's just above the hoof? I think I need to reread my horse books.

Fair enough. It's cool that you get to ride occasionally, though, and it probably combines nicely with the lessons!

Hurrah! That works pretty well with something I jotted down, then--I thought briefly that we could do it in scenelets, and then thought it might not work because it's a panel...but with this format, it does work! ~DF))

((You got it!)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 03:59:00 UTC Link to this

((It's the tuft of hair on the back side of the leg just above the hoof. Very useful if a horse doesn't want to pick its feet up for cleaning.

Aw man, I can't wait to see this start to devolve into chaos— because let's face it, you know it will.))

((Yesss, my memory is good!)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 04:07:00 UTC Link to this

((Fantastic. I am totally ready to volunteer with horses now. /nodnod/

Start to devolve into chaos? Oh, no, my dear Iximaz--it'll probably be chaotic from the very beginning.

...unless, of course, we play it so that it seems like everything's fine, but then it starts getting out of hand...and suddenly there are Time Lords arguing, Agent Des looks like he might throw hot tea on someone, and another group of agents are having a perfectly calm and reasonable Q & A session on the other side of the room. You know. Something logical like that :)

~DF))

((I can just imagine the other agents' reactions...)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 04:19:00 UTC Link to this

((Zeb's hiding under the table, ears flat against his head, Nume's sitting straight-backed in his chair, trying to follow procedure, Corolla's just given up and buried her face in her hands, the whole panel's gone to $hit...

~~And then Time Lord ninjas attacked!~~ ))

Another question for the Notary! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 19:21:00 UTC Link to this

Why do you provoke people that are stronger than you? It honestly seems rather stupid to make enemies of a bunch of homicidal maniacs on a hair-trigger, and yet you seem hell-bent on doing so. That's something I'd expect from an orc. Not from a human, and certainly not from a Time Lord.

"Provoke them?" by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 19:25:00 UTC Link to this

"Hardly. I merely treat them as their innate inferiority requires me to; if this offends, then there is nothing I can do to change that."

If you say so. by Voyd on 2015-05-19 19:44:00 UTC Link to this

Still, treating people as inferior... that seems like an invitation for someone to prove you wrong. Possibly with a weapon.

You're not the least bit concerned about this?

"No, not really." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 19:46:00 UTC Link to this

"I was a blockade runner during the Time War. I think I can stand up to the occasional grunting barbarian with a pointy stick."

Another question! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 20:59:00 UTC Link to this

Did you choose "Spinel" as part of your title in the Continuity Council? If so, why?

"Basic gemology." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 22:13:00 UTC Link to this

"The Promotor's position was traditionally grey; neither white nor black, but a balance. Spinels are commonly grey. Hence my choice."

That was actually really interesting! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 22:27:00 UTC Link to this

I was honestly expecting something rude and dismissive.

Anyway, a few further questions!

First: Is there anything about human culture that you do enjoy, or at least find intriguing?

Second: Why do Time Lords have such massive egos? It's not just you; a lot of Time Lords seem to think that they're automatically better than everything ever just because they're Time Lords.

Third: Have you ever stopped to consider that one day you might meet someone stronger than you? Or are you the sort that's not afraid to die? If the former, I'll be waiting with popcorn. If the latter, that's actually admirable.

"Allow me to address them in order:" by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 22:31:00 UTC Link to this

"No, we are, and death is just a thing that happens. One might as well be in fear of coming rain. It's unnecessary to worry about that which is certain to occur."

But there are creatures more powerful than your kind. by Voyd on 2015-05-20 14:46:00 UTC Link to this

I wouldn't want to be in your shoes if you encountered an Evolved, for instance. He or she would probably eat you, absorb all your memories, and grow stronger from it.

Time Lords are resilient and smart, sure, but I don't think you're physically stronger or faster than humans. Evolved can outrun cars and bench-press tanks. And you'd never know they were monsters until they killed you, because they look perfectly like humans before morphing out their weapons.

Speaking from books and experience... by Rina Dives on 2015-05-20 15:43:00 UTC Link to this

I think I can safely say that yes, we are stronger than humans— I had to get a new bow because I accidentally broke my old one— and have much better senses. I'm also faster than I was before, but that might be a regeneration-specific thing. Of course, not getting tired from running helps. Lemme tell you, two hearts are a lot more efficient than one, never mind the better respiratory system.

But, um, yeah, Time Lords are nothing compared to those Evolved you described.

"Consider." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-20 15:35:00 UTC Link to this

"A wolf is a thing that kills. It is intelligent. It hunts in packs. It is capable of ripping through flesh and hide with consummate ease. And yet, humans have domesticated it to become their pets and companions. Do you fear the dog, because of the wolf in its blood? Of course not. Time Lord technology is superior; staser fire will bring it down, or our mastery of time travel will remove the threat without damage to the historical flow. Your Evolved are as beneath our notice as any other mindless, thuggish weapon-beast. We are Time Lord. We will find a way, and we have all the time we need."

---

((BTW, "we are Time Lord" isn't a typo; it's a demonym for this sub set of the race, similar to Gallifreyan.))

That's exactly what the Evolved want you to think. by Voyd on 2015-05-20 15:49:00 UTC Link to this

Imagine this scenario, which totally isn't inspired by A Song of Ice and Fire.

You're walking down the street, on your way to do whatever it is Time Lords do in their spare time. You pass a hobo on the street, who gives you a funny look as you go by.

You get half a block away, when you hear a sound behind you. You turn around, and there's the hobo, and his arms are now four-foot-long blades. He surges toward you, faster than you'd believe possible, there's no way you can run from it, and now one of those blades is in your stomach. Your innards spill out, but they start retracting into the man that's killing you, and you can feel yourself being pulled in along with it. In less than two seconds, you exist only as thoughts, imprisoned with the minds and memories of everyone else he's consumed.

At what point during all this do you stop to draw your staser?

And once he's eaten you, he knows exactly how Time Lords work, so if he ever meets another one, it'll be even easier.

"Yes, that small subset of possibilities is very scary." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-20 16:34:00 UTC Link to this

"Congratulations. I shall have a "Being Very Scary" scout badge made for you. And how likely, exactly, is that situation? Or, if your ego will permit, allow me to offer a counter-example.

"There is a monster, and it's killing people, and it looks like everyone else. Monsters come from somewhere. Eliminate the source, eliminate the threat. Paradoxes are controllable in the right circumstances - and oh look! Those circumstances are the ones we have spent millions of years creating. The only time, the only time someone came close to our power, the resulting war all but tore the universe apart. Keep your children's stories. You know nothing of fear."

The source? by Voyd on 2015-05-20 16:38:00 UTC Link to this

Good luck with that. The source is damn near unkillable; even a nuclear blast didn't put him down.

"Oh dear, shrugged off a fission-derivative blast?" by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-20 17:00:00 UTC Link to this

"That's a shame. I suppose the kind of weaponry a Time Fleet is able to wield is of a similar nature - oh, no scratch that. No it isn't. Killerstars. Conversion bombs. The Could-Have-Been King. These are the weapons we unleash when Time Lords are killed by monsters lurking in the dark. A fission device is to them as a broken branch is to a staser."

Huh. by Voyd on 2015-05-20 17:20:00 UTC Link to this

I freely admit that I have no idea what any of those are, I'm not much of a Doctor Who scholar.

My mother might know, though, she's the one that really likes the show.

Oh, I forgot to mention something: the Evolved are born from a manufactured virus. Who's to say that something similar couldn't happen to Time Lords?

Not just a Time Lord eaten by an Evolved, but a Time Lord that became one. Honestly, the idea of you with Evolved abilities is frightening.

"Viral weapons were used in the Time War." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-20 17:49:00 UTC Link to this

"In the early stages, at least; they were more of a delaying tactic than anything else, since paradox resources were devoted to combating the virus rather than combating the enemy."

Hm. by Voyd on 2015-05-20 17:59:00 UTC Link to this

I still recommend checking out Prototype. It'll give you a clearer idea of what I'm going on about, and also you get to play as a creature that, in the words of the game, "rips tanks apart with his teeth."

You have absolutely no idea... by Scapegrace on 2015-05-20 18:38:00 UTC Link to this

... how much interest I have in doing that.

Let me tell you.

None.

Suit yourself. by Voyd on 2015-05-20 20:56:00 UTC Link to this

Don't act like I didn't warn you if Wobbles turns out to be a shapeshifting viral monster with claws that could cut an elephant in half.

Anyway, why do you react so strongly to the mention of... er... a certain name? I'm trying to word this in such a way that you can't dodge the question, and won't get me killed...

Oh! How about the name of Bugs Bunny's love interest in Space Jam? Yes, that name.

And speaking of, do you go berserk automatically when other people or characters happen to have the same name? That sounds like a recipe for disaster.

... who wants popcorn?

((I am so tempted to make a character named Lola now, just to mess with the Notary.))

((Joy unconfined, another member of the cardboard club.)) (nm) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-20 22:29:00 UTC Link to this

((Hey, I'd put some thought into it this time!)) (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-20 22:32:00 UTC Link to this

((Which is presumably a novel experience for you.)) (nm) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-20 22:38:00 UTC Link to this

((No need to be rude.)) by Voyd on 2015-05-20 22:45:00 UTC Link to this

((Also, the Notary never actually answered my questions, evasively or otherwise.))

Because her answers are unrepeatable in polite company. (nm) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-20 22:55:00 UTC Link to this

Guys? by Desdendelle on 2015-05-20 22:56:00 UTC Link to this

This is the point when it's best for you to take a step back.

Oh... er... by Voyd on 2015-05-20 15:55:00 UTC Link to this

I just realized that Rina... probably has a problem with this description. I didn't even notice that you were there, I was talking to the Notary. Uh... sorry?

*suppresses bile* by Rina Dives on 2015-05-20 15:58:00 UTC Link to this

No, no, it's... it's fine. Um, I'll just... be leaving now...

Questions for Wobbles and the Notary! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 19:12:00 UTC Link to this

Notary: Is there anything in life that you do enjoy?

... that DOESN'T come at the expense of others, I mean.

Wobbles: What's the best thing that's happened to you since you joined the PPC?

Oh, that's easy too! by Agent Wobbles, DF on 2015-05-19 19:19:00 UTC Link to this

Gosh, I'm lucking out with these questions! =oD

But yeah, everything's wonderful at the PPC! It certainly beats where I came from, but you didn't ask me about that so I won't bore you. I guess the best thing was getting my own show, though, because that way I get to make so many people happy! Especially all the boys, girls, and everything-elses in the Nursery. I love to visit them and be silly for them, it really brightens up their day - and mine! =oD

---

"Filing. Next question."

Alright, Wobbles, what's your trick? by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 19:11:00 UTC Link to this

How do you put up with such an insufferable b**** of a partner?

Notary, why are you such an insufferable b****?

Oh, that's easy! by Agent Wobbles, DF on 2015-05-19 19:15:00 UTC Link to this

All you gotta do when you see a frown coming is turn the other cheek an' walk the other way! That way everything's bright and sunshiney for ever! =oD

---

"... That came from Dives, didn't it."

"I have no idea."

"I'd disagree, but I suppose that is your normal state of being..."

Edhelistar's Agents' Mailbox! by Edhelistar on 2015-05-19 18:59:00 UTC Link to this

I don't really spect alot of questions, 'cuz well, no missions yet, but oh well, here they are.

Solvig Karinsdotter, the auburn-haired clone of Supergirl.

Yuuna Takamiya, the violet-haired/eyed teenage ex-Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Question for Shui-Hua Lui. by Scapegrace on 2015-05-24 09:42:00 UTC Link to this

~~How come you're so cute?~~

No, for real this time: since you're a technician, how do you use your bending to aid your work? Water knives to cut steel? Hydraulic fluid control? It seems like it'd be very useful.

Dawww, you flatter me. by Edhelistar on 2015-05-24 15:55:00 UTC Link to this

Now regarding your actual question, mostly I don't use it. I don't have have the skill level to generate water blades with the precision required for my job, and hydraulics don't actually use water, they use oil.

That doesn't mean is not useful in certain situations, like for cleaning pieces using soapy water, drying by removing the water from them, cooling engines faster, and making a nice clean tea while working.

((Physicist being physicist-y)) by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-24 16:21:00 UTC Link to this

((Hydraulics doesn't have to do specifically with just water: it's just an application of fluid dynamics pertaining to liquids in general.

And cooling engines is a thermodynamics problem. Heat transfer, see? I'm not well versed at all it Avatar so ignore this is waterbenders can manipulate water temperature.))

((Well is all Avatar-verse rules.)) by Edhelistar on 2015-05-24 16:54:00 UTC Link to this

((Waterbenders are never seen manipulating any sort of oil, only water and stuff that contains a lot of water, so just to be on the safe canonical side, let's say they can't. And yes, they can manipulate water temperature, in fact, they can freeze it.))

*Shui-Hua Liu. Derp. *tidies up mini-Agent* (nm) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-24 10:43:00 UTC Link to this

((Can I join you in the derping?)) by Edhelistar on 2015-05-24 15:59:00 UTC Link to this

((I used the wrong name up there. XD))

Question for Solvig. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-24 03:06:00 UTC Link to this

What is your best time and difficulty for the Danger Room scenario? Have you ever attempted "Suicidal" difficulty?

Five minutes, forty-three seconds... by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-24 05:00:00 UTC Link to this

... on 'Suicidal' difficulty. I take more time on lower difficulties, holo-robots take more time to respawn y'know. Nurse Chan says that I take that much, 'cuz I spend too much time trashing 'bots, but it's just so fun to do it!

Question for both agents. by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-20 00:41:00 UTC Link to this

Do you have any significant others at the PPC? Also, what were your respective homefics like, and how bad were they in terms of writing, characterization, etc.?

Significant other? by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-20 01:47:00 UTC Link to this

Uh... Does my pet, Lizzie, count?

And my homefic... well, it was never actually written...

Yuuna:
What does that euphemism mean? Family, lover, boyfriend? Whatever, the answer would be "No" on all counts anyway. Although I do [CENSORED, 'CUZ SPOILERS!].

My homefic? *sigh* It was written by a native Japanese speaker, with a very tenuous grasp of English grammar, a worst grasp of American culture and no knowledge of the Marvel Earth-616 continuum; you do the math.

Shui-Hua:
My gadgets and experiments. Don't you dare touch anything!

Homefic!? I proudly come from the Main Avatar-verse, where I was just a random background character. Unless you consider The Legend of Korra fanfic, which in that case, well I have bad news for you.

Question for Shui-Hua. by Agent Cupid Carmine, DIC on 2015-05-23 19:57:00 UTC Link to this

First off, I know I'm not in the right position for this, given my nature and excessive drinking habits, but... I just wanted to apologize on Lapis' behalf. It was an honest mistake on her part, since none of us agents from RC #333 know the Legend of Korra series in as much detail as you do. And I can imagine how you feel about what happened, too, given that I've been through the entire War against Hades and I KNOW you don't talk about him lightly. *drapes his wing over her like a blanket*

Anyway, moving on to my actual question... What's the best thing you can remember from your home continuum? Food, people, places, doesn't matter, really. As long as it made you happy, well...

Stay away from me, you creep! by Technician Shui-Hua Liu, DoSAT, T&A on 2015-05-23 22:17:00 UTC Link to this

The Kryptonian told me enough about you, to know that I don't want you to be that near me.

Good, now that we're clear on that, I'll answer your *beep!* question: That would the jasmine tea made in the style of Ba Sing Se's "Jasmine Dragon" teashop. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to drink bucketfuls of it.

((Fun fact: Shui-Hua gets drunk on tea.))

((And I bet that Cupid is now thinking that this might have been a bad idea.))

That wasn't my intent, I swear! by Agent Cupid Carmine, DIC on 2015-05-23 22:32:00 UTC Link to this

I already made that mistake once, and I've never made it since! Promise!

Anyway, if you want, I'll pay for the tea. None of us intended to hurt your feelings. It's the least we can do

to make up for it. I hope...

[Sister January, FicPsych:] I see that you've been having... problems... with one of my patients' acquaintances,

Mrs. Liu. I'm very disappointed with the behavior of both you and Lapis, so in that case, I would like to

schedule an appointment with you tomorrow at noon. Don't be late.

(Geez, Shui-Hua, calm down! I mean, I know you have problems with what Kuvira did, but...)

*twitch* Hurt my feelings? by Technician Shui-Hua Liu, DoSAT, T&A on 2015-05-23 23:16:00 UTC Link to this

HURT MY FEELINGS!? You... you... have no idea, you weren't there. The screams, the running, the pushing, the violet flashes, the explosions... *grabs her head* Oh Spirits, please make it stop... *falls on her knees* Make it stop! *screams to the top of her lungs*

((She only has one problem with that, is called "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder". :D Cupid Carmine, you're in some deep s**t.))

Are you all right, my dear? by Sister January, Department of Fictional Psychology on 2015-05-24 00:40:00 UTC Link to this

I think you really do need counseling... Again, noon tomorrow. I will be there to help in any way I can.

Oh, and Cupid, please leave. Now. Whatever you had intended to do, it is clear as day that it didn't help AT ALL.

*Cupid gulps, horrified, and runs off without another word.*

(I swear, your agents never cease to surprise me...)

No. I'm not. by Technician Shui-Hua Liu, DoSAT, T&A on 2015-05-24 02:38:00 UTC Link to this

I have been diagnosed *sniff* with PTSD by FicPsych, since I *sob* arrived here. I need to get to my quarters, *cough* tke my meds with some tea, *sob* and rest. Yes, sleep, that will do me well.

((Want more? Take a look to Solvig's second reply to Gaspard, where Yuna interferes. Or the question to Huinesoron. 8D))

Sleep would be good, yes. by Sister January, Department of Fictional Psychology on 2015-05-24 03:00:00 UTC Link to this

I can take you back to your RC, if you so wish. It's the least I can do for you. And rest assured that my patient and his partners will never bring this up ever again. *hugs her gently*

(...Yeah. An appointment with Jan sounds about right. Shall we leave this to be continued in the FicPsych thingy I'll be setting up soon? C:)

((The next day...)) by Technician Shui-Hua Liu, DoSAT, T&A on 2015-05-24 17:34:00 UTC Link to this

*beep. beep. click*
Hi Sister January! Shui-Hua speaking. Just checked my schedule this morning, and I realized I cannot make it to the appointment. *sigh* I have "Preventive Maintenance for the Danger Room" scheduled for today, and that will take all day to complete. It's a very complicated and delicate piece of tchnology, y'know.

Also, most of my week is similarly filled up, in fact I have an appointment with Nurse Robinson this Friday. So maybe... next week...? Sorry, I'm quite busy. I eagerly await your reply. Bye-bye!
*click*

((What? You thought you could rope her that easily? Shui-Hua is eighteen! While biologically she might still be a teenager, legally she's an adult in most places, you cannot force her to do anything. And she is smarter than you give her credit for, of course she'd be already in treatment, with therapy and Bleep-products))

Seems fair. by Sister January, Department of Fictional Psychology on 2015-05-24 20:36:00 UTC Link to this

I understand if you are busy. If you still wish to talk to me, you are welcome to come and see me at any time. In the meantime, best of luck with today's endeavor!

(The thread's been set up! I'll have Lapis and her partners' intro up later today. Have fun!)

Oyes! I forgot! Another Mailbox! by Edhelistar on 2015-05-19 19:57:00 UTC Link to this

Technician Shui-Hua Liu, Department of Sufficiently Advanced Technology, Testing and Application Division, Technician in charge of the maintenance of the Danger Room.

You can ask her questions here too.

Question for both agents. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 19:17:00 UTC Link to this

What was the scariest situation you have ever been in during one of your missions? How did you react?

"Ooh... Aaah... Uuuhm..." by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-19 19:49:00 UTC Link to this

"... Hey Yunie. What's the scariest thingy we ever got in a mission?"

Yuna: *facepalms and groans*

Solvig: "What?"

Yuna: *smacks Solvig on the forehead and clears her throat* "Now, whoever-you-are, that question would be easier to answer, if, you know, we actually have gone to a mission." *pause* "What do you mean if I went to missions for SHIELD?" *starts fidgeting uneasily* "I... uh... have never gone in a mission for SHIELD either. I... was kept in desk duty..." *Solvig snorts and starts laughing in the background* "Shut up..."

All right then, another question. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 20:04:00 UTC Link to this

How are you guys getting along? Did you discover anything about your partner that drives you up the wall?

"Are you seriously asking that question?" by Agent Takamiya Yuuna, DIC on 2015-05-19 23:34:00 UTC Link to this

*sigh* "I hate her stupid non sequiturs, I hate the way she speaks, I hate that stupid orange lizard she got for a pe-- You know what, scratch all of that, I hate everythingabout her."

Solvig: "You I kinda dislike she's a little stuck-up and--"

Yuuna: *twitches* "How did you call me?"

Solvig: "'Stuck-up.' Ya'know, the kind of people that--" *Yuuna tackles Solvig to the ground* "Ah! Help!" *there sounds of struggling, and punching, and--*

*Sorry about the inconvenience, we are experiencing technical dificulties.*

((And that´s why you never put Solvig and Yuuna in the same room, when doing rounds of questions.))

Phobos' Agents' mailbox by Phobos on 2015-05-19 18:46:00 UTC Link to this

You have reached the collected mailboxes of Barid, Brightbeard, Decima, Durotar, Kur'nak, Phobos and Voltarmi. Please leave a message after the tone and they will get back to you at their earliest convenience.

I guess you can leave a message for Oopart, too, if you think this system will still work in a post-apocalyptic future.

[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!}

Another for Barid! by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 12:28:00 UTC Link to this

First of all, I just want to say you accent is awesome. ;)

Anyway, is there a secret to making such good-looking shrunken heads?

What accent? by Barid on 2015-05-20 15:25:00 UTC Link to this

An' da secret to'a propaly made shrunken head is love. Ya gotta love ya work, ya know? Den, and only den, can ya have de attention ta detail necessary ta cut off ya enemie's head, skin it, magically shrink da skull, an put it all back tageder in a cruel mockery intended ta trap da soul.

Just gotta have love.

-Barid

Alright, neat! by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 16:27:00 UTC Link to this

Is love also how you got such good spin on those cinnamon buns, or is that just really good aim? :P

Dat's diff'rent by Barid on 2015-05-20 18:31:00 UTC Link to this

Dat's down ta da aerodynamics of da bun. Dat's jus' science, dat is.

Question for Oopart. by Gaspard De Grasse on 2015-05-19 22:28:00 UTC Link to this

I've been reliably informed that you've gone back in time to prevent a PPC apocalypse of some sort. Can we arrange a meeting or something and compare notes? I've got my own catastrophe to prevent and your sequence of events don't match up at all with mine.

Re: Question for Oopart. by Agent Oopart,, DMS on 2015-05-20 15:00:00 UTC Link to this

I don't really know how much help I can be on this. I don't remember much about the events of my future. Everything is really hazy and my head hurts. But, listen... You've got to get me out of here so I can fix what you're talking about! They've got me locked up and --Connection Terminated--

Look, I keep telling you guys: by Lucy Illiond, Demas Paladin on 2015-05-20 10:32:00 UTC Link to this

You're mucking with something that didn't need mucking with. The timeline was perfectly fine the way it was before y'all tried to 'fix' it. I mean, yes, sure, the Sundering was a bit of a mess - but we bounced back! We got better! The PPC of my time is, I think I can say without fear of being biased, simply better than it was before the House of Rhodes was broken. You should've all just-

Wait, hang on, you don't look like the Gen- um, Gaspard I've been chatting with. What timeline am I in, anyway?

... right, sorry about that, there's been a type 3b acute timelike slippage. Grandad? Get me out of here, I don't want to make things even worse...

[WHOOMF]

Question for any agents of Azeroth: by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 20:11:00 UTC Link to this

What are your thoughts on the current affairs of the Alliance and Horde, along with the Draenor fiasco?

Re: Question for any agents of Azeroth: by Brightbeard on 2015-05-20 15:10:00 UTC Link to this

That's quite a question, lad. I dinnae think I've the time tae get intae all the political nuances recquired tae answer that tae the fullest extent. However, I will say that I ne'er liked Garrosh as Warchief. I could respect Thrall, but not that hot-headed child.

-Brightbeard

Follow-up! by Darkotas on 2015-05-20 16:41:00 UTC Link to this

Perfectly understandable, then. Garrosh wasted what potential he was given, I think.

Alright, my next question for you: I've heard that you're both an accomplished blacksmith and a Paladin. What is the best thing about being a Paladin? As for blacksmithing, what is your favorite type of armor or weapon to forge?

Re: Follow-up! by Brightbeard on 2015-05-20 18:29:00 UTC Link to this

The best thing about being a Paladin is that ye have the abilities and strength necessary tae be a shield for the powerless.

As for smithing, well, each piece is unique. Each a new challenge, and a new chance tae learn something about the craft and yerself.

Draenor? by Arinellya on 2015-05-19 22:38:00 UTC Link to this

*composure breaks for a half second* Prophet Velen... Even if he was of the alternate timeline, I... You know what, I think I will leave it for Master Brightbeard and the troll to answer.

Questions for Barid and Brightbeard! by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 18:54:00 UTC Link to this

What do you guys think of the Pandaren? Have either of you heard of the player DoubleAgent?

Re: Questions for Barid and Brightbeard! by Phobos on 2015-05-19 19:25:00 UTC Link to this

Barid: Da Pandaren are'a bunch'a weirdos if ya ask me. What's da point'a all dat meditatin' anyway? Now, don' get me wrong, I do like dere beer, an' all. Just wish dey'd pick'a sida a'ready.

Brightbeard: Neutraliy can be a double-edged sword. I mean, sure, ye dinnae have any real enemies; but do ye have any real friends? It takes a great amount of balance and effort, which the oddly named "DoubleAgent" seems tae have.

DawnFire's Agents' Mailbox! by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 18:39:00 UTC Link to this

Hurrah!

Taking questions for pretty much everyone:

-Abaddon
-Agen____t
-Brenda
-Charlie
-Dawn
-Edgar
-Kozar
-The Reader
-T'Zar

Anyone who catches your fancy, really. If you can think of another agent I've written of whom you want to ask something, assume they're open for business as well and I've just forgotten to add their name to the list.

~DF

And another for the Reader! by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 20:53:00 UTC Link to this

If it's not too personal, of course.

So, first time you regenerated into the opposite sex. What was your first reaction?

Oddly enough, that's actually less personal than the- by The Reader on 2015-05-20 01:08:00 UTC Link to this

-Time War question.

First time I regenerated into the opposite sex? To be perfectly honest, I was mainly preoccupied with two things: a, that I was finally off Gallifrey, and b, that Gallifrey was gone and there'd been an unbelievably vast war. Somewhere in there was all the confusion about having longer hair and different balance and a larger chest and all, but...it kind of took second place to everything else.

Of course, the second time I regenerated into a female body--which wasn't actually that long after--I...well, I was still trying to deal with Gallifrey's destruction, but there was also this stray thought that this body felt rather nice. A good weight, you know? Long hair, sure, but the interesting sort. And good hands. I like these hands. They can do a lot.

So. Considering I went from 'skinny student' to 'slightly stronger and on the run' to 'why do I have a different body now this is horrible timing' to 'hey, I have a body that feels comfortable and isn't injured'...

Well. Let's just say that, so far, this regeneration has been working out well for me, at least physically.

Any other questions? I'm here all night. [dramatic arm sweep]

-R

As a matter of fact, yes! by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 01:52:00 UTC Link to this

What was your time at the Academy like? I love hearing stories about that, since I won't ever get to go myself. :3

Question for the Reader. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 19:24:00 UTC Link to this

Did you participate in the Time War? I can't remember if you fell into HQ before or after it.

...Ah. by The Reader on 2015-05-19 19:32:00 UTC Link to this

I...wouldn't quite say that I participated in it, exactly, but...I was on Gallifrey. I was still in the Academy when it started, and then, when it got really bad, I left to find a way off the planet. Didn't happen too quickly, though, and then things got really bad, and--

Well. Long story short, I regenerated twice and escaped with a TARDIS. And then I ended up in HQ. Where I regenerated again. Excuse me, I'm just going to...uh, go...do paperwork, yeah...

-R

((The third regeneration happened on a mission, not due to a crash-landing or something. ~DF))

...add in the Calaquendi agents, assuming anyone's met them. by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 18:41:00 UTC Link to this

Their names are Gurnirel (female) and Naergondir (male). Both are Noldorin, though Gurnirel has Vanyarin blood as well, and they hail from the First Age. They're also both in SIELU.

~DF

Huinesoron's Agents' Mailbox by Huinesoron on 2015-05-19 18:34:00 UTC Link to this

The main active four are probably Kaitlyn, Selene, Huinesoron, and Morgan - but anyone with missions on my Webplex or a mention on my Wiki profile is fair game! Though if they're retired or dead, your answers might be a bit strange... ;)

hS

Question for Agent Kaitlyn Jackson: by Agent Takamiya Yuuna, DIC on 2015-05-21 17:01:00 UTC Link to this

What inspired you to do the Driftwood missions and how would you feel if other agents followed on your footsteps?

[Incoming transmission from the Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth.]
"Is this thing working?" *pause* "A!" *clears throat* "Well met Huinesoron, this is Erynloth from the Woodland Realm. May I ask, how is working for this 'PPC' for you? And for-- Wait, the little ones are coming. I must-- *PTOOM! CRASH!* "Ai! Ai! A--" *bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt*
[Transmission terminated.]

Replies: by Huinesoron on 2015-05-22 09:23:00 UTC Link to this

Kaitlyn: Uh... Intelligence sent me the reports, so I had to do them? And I'd love it if everyone else did their jobs too?

OH WAIT you mean the reports and the concrit, don't you? Well, I just thought: most authors aren't actually villains, so why not try to help them? If anyone knows about their fics, it's the people who've been inside them! So I decided to help out. Simple as that, really!

~K~

((I guess this is really a question for me, maybe? My answer is that... basically I was fed up with every new recruit to the PPC being from TVTropes and not actually being a writer. ^_~ I wanted something PPC to be up on Fanfiction.net, so that fanwriters could find us again. I also wanted it to be something that presented the best face possible for the PPC - hence the concrit, and the use of 'Suvian' rather than any gender-specific terms.))

~

Huinesoron: Working in the PPC is like standing in the Siege of Angband, with one important exception: portal technology means we, not they, control when we have to meet the foe. No more surprises; I like that.

So it is a fulfilling duty. It's still dangerous, of course - my work consists of hunting down the creators of abberent geography and putting an end to them, of course it's dangerous! - but each mission is a strike against the Suvians who plague our world. I think that's worthwhile.

hS

Thank you Agent Jackson. by Agent Takamiya Yuuna, DIC on 2015-05-22 15:45:00 UTC Link to this

You're truly an inspiration for us all. *glares at someone in the distance*

((Actually is both! After all the concrit was given in-character, wasn´t it? ;) That reminds me... Neither Boarder, nor the character answered the second part of the question.))

Erynloth: *bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt* ((Sorry, she was taken by the mini-Balrogs, won't be answering anytime soon.))

((Sure she did!)) by Huinesoron on 2015-05-22 17:00:00 UTC Link to this

((Kaitlyn said she'd love it if other people did their jobs, too. Ohhhhh, you mean the other thing...))

Kaitlyn: Oh yeah! I think it'd be brilliant if other people did the whole concrit thing. Ella was so disappointed that her department was never a big thing; it'd be a lovely tribute if we could make it work in our own, um, work. Also, who knows? Maybe if badfic writers get a little advice, they can develop all the quicker into goodfic writers! ~K~

((That's the Department of Author Correspondence, of course. As for me: I'd love to see all aspects of the Driftwood setup becoming more common, but not piecemeal. If people start posting their missions to FF.net when those missions consist of angry shouting, it's not going to look very good! Public-facing stories should take their audience into account - and the audience on FF.n is mostly young authors without much experience writing. But with that huge caveat in mind - yes, absolutely! ~hS))

Questions for Haar. by doctorlit on 2015-05-21 05:21:00 UTC Link to this

Do you malfunction frequently? When you do, do you go to Medical or DoSAT?

What's the redundancy PPC agents report most frequently?

Why are you named Harpoon? Are you a fishing robot?

Do you need to remain within range of electrical sockets, or other power sources, while you work?

Oil can?

—doctorlit (is a troll)

No. No. Words. Maker. No. No. No. (nm) by Haar on 2015-05-21 08:59:00 UTC Link to this

;_; (nm) by doctorlit on 2015-05-21 16:54:00 UTC Link to this

And one for Agent Huinesoron. by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 12:24:00 UTC Link to this

What's it like being the most fabulous elf in all of HQ?

But I'm not. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-20 13:35:00 UTC Link to this

Legolas is down in FicPsych right now, and he is far more amazing than I am.

[Cue Agent Kaitlyn dropping out of the ceiling]

Kaitlyn: Wow, Hawky was right, that's really useful. Wh-? Oh, it's you! Stopped being all arrogant yet?

Huinesoron: I... uh... I think so? I'm certainly trying.

Kaitlyn: Good stuff! So what's up?

Huinesoron: You'd know; you just came from there.

Kaitlyn: [Narrows eyes] I can't tell if that was a joke, a snide remark, or ignorance of a common idiom.

Huinesoron: ... what?

Kaitlyn: The third, then. I meant, what's goi- what's happening?

Huinesoron: Oh. This... person who is probably not inferior to the Eldar unless she proves herself so was asking me about being fabulous.

Kaitlyn: Yeah, trying too hard there. So what did you say?

Huinesoron: That Legolas was more fa- something funny?

Kaitlyn: Ah... I don't think that's quite what she meant by 'fabulous'.

[A muttered conversation ensues]

Huinesoron: ... ah. Then... I don't know? Fairly... normal, for me? I'm not sure why that's a question.

Kaitlyn: You... are utterly hopeless.

hS & ~K~

((Oh goodness, laughing so hard right now.)) (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 14:10:00 UTC Link to this

Got another for Morgan! by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 11:27:00 UTC Link to this

If you had a renegade name, what would it be?

'A renegade name', 'a renegade name'. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-20 12:18:00 UTC Link to this

Ancient stars, but I'm tired of hearing that description. Look, the whole mystical 'ooh, I'll hide my name and take a The Title to show that I'm a rebel' thing is just... silly. Why would you do that? I'm Morgan. It's short, it's simple, people can both spell and say it.

But okay, sure, let's see: how about the Morrigan?

Excuse me, that's not what I just typed. I think my TARDIS is playing games with me. I typed 'the Wanderer'. For me in this incarnation, it's quite apt.

But not for my prior regenerations. My first body in the PPC would probably love to be 'the Assassin' or 'the Protector'. And as for Second Me - can we say 'the Bimbo', or is that too mean? (Can't believe I didn't fix the Avon Rift first time around. Honestly, Past Me...)

(M)

((funnily enough, in the piece I adapted her from ..)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 13:08:00 UTC Link to this

((... The Reader went by the Wanderer.

Well, technically that was the regeneration just before her current one, but since she wasn't originally even in the PPC and couldn't regenerate on a mission, I had this whole thing about the Wanderer. In her next regeneration--this one--, she changed her name to the Reader, was easily distracted, and liked to speak in sentence fragments, IIRC. However, she'd been the Wanderer for a while, which influenced her... the PPC Reader never even got to choose that name. She most likely still thought of herself as Saa.

...come to think of it, why did the PPC Reader bother with a new name? Oh, she probably wanted to have fewer reminders of what she'd lost. Or maybe she felt it didn't fit her anymore.

Well, for whatever reason, Saa became the Reader, and the Wanderer never really got the chance to wander around. So the Reader turned out as we know her here.

But still. You say the Wanderer, and I picture a rather subdued woman in purple and a jean jacket, who goes around mourning Gallifrey and occasionally finding a companion or getting involved in weird situations.

~DF))

I'd much rather think of you as 'the Wanderer' than... by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 12:47:00 UTC Link to this

that thing claiming to be the protagonist of The Host.

So, another question: *gestures at the squabbling Time Lords* Thoughts?

Many of them. by Morgan on 2015-05-20 13:27:00 UTC Link to this

I'm prone to thinking, me.

Oh, you mean about my... esteemed... colleagues? I don't know; I'm somewhere between 'behold the majesty of Gallifrey, can you believe we didn't ever take over the universe?' and 'this is why I like guns'.

(M)

Yeah, they have a tendency to invoke those reactions. by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 13:34:00 UTC Link to this

Oh, speaking of guns, which one's your favorite?

That's situational, isn't it? by Morgan on 2015-05-20 15:02:00 UTC Link to this

I mean, a decent handgun is good in most circumstances, but I wouldn't go up against Daleks or zombies with one, would I? What people fail to understand is that it's not about any specific gun - it's about the innate characteristics of guns. All that power stuffed into a handheld weapon - the ability to keep your opponent are a distance, especially when they don't have the same option - the fact that you can fire multiple bullets in a row - what's not to like?

((Look, it was either that or randomly copying a technical description from somewhere. If you like, you can imagine she ended with 'But if pressed, I'd go for a' followed by a description of some powerful handgun. I know nothing about guns, so I'm not even going to try.))

(M)

Hey, Selene! by Valon Vance, DF on 2015-05-20 00:49:00 UTC Link to this

Have you ever met a problem that couldn't be solved by fire?

I have, unfortunately... that problem almost strangled me...

*curls up in a corner*

No, of course not. by Selene etc Windflower on 2015-05-20 06:26:00 UTC Link to this

Everything can be solved by fire, or rather, by the correct application of fire.

Take for example my recent... instability. You might think that fire would be useless in that situation - but Dafydd made excellent use of it in getting me out of FicPsych, and once I had the Key, the mental equivalent to lightning was exceptionally gratifying.

~SMLPXW

What my traumatized partner meant was... by Kala Jeng, DF on 2015-05-20 14:40:00 UTC Link to this

Have you ever encountered a problem that's immune to fire? We had to kill a dragon Stu in our last mission, and Valon tried firebombing him. It worked on the Harry Potter replacements, but not on the Stu.

See my previous answer. by Selene etc Windflower on 2015-05-20 14:58:00 UTC Link to this

Nothing is immune to correctly applied fire. It's only if you think of the pyrotechnic arts as consisting entirely of 'set fire to Suvian' that you have a problem, but fire can do so much more. It can bring buildings down on people; it can weaken stones and even metal enough to create deadly traps. Lightning (which is basically just fire but more awesome) can electrocute - or bring a motor to life.

Even with simple 'apply fire to target', it usually works if you try hard enough! Dragon scales melt; magical protection overloads; even 'indestructable' skin has a melting point, though it's usually quite high.

And if all else fails, blow up the sun. I never did understand why Dafydd was so opposed to the department's Sun Crushers. They're like... fire writ large.

~SMLPXW

One for Morgan! by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 21:31:00 UTC Link to this

Which do you think is easier: Keeping the Continuity Council in line, or herding cats?

Heh. I see you've met them. by Tigereye Castellan Morgan on 2015-05-20 06:41:00 UTC Link to this

No, in all honesty, one of the best things about the Continuity Council is that they aren't all that fond of doing anything. More so than the High Council back home, sure (but rocks are more active than the High Council). But ultimately, when one of the Continuity Council suggests a ridiculous course of action, what they really want is for people to disagree with them so they can have a nice bicker.

Plus, on the few occasions when we've actually needed to do something, I think we've turned out rather well.

(M)

I'm guessing the answer is "herding a fleet of Daleks" :) (nm) by Agent Dawn McKenna, DMS on 2015-05-19 23:17:00 UTC Link to this

Uh, but, I thought they obeyed orders? by Agent Wobbles, DF on 2015-05-19 23:24:00 UTC Link to this

I thought they were kinda all about that? I mean, they'd be goose-steppin' all over the place if they knew what geese were or had legs to step with, they're like tiny little earth stars. Kind of adorable in a weird way. And I bet you'd be able to make a really nice wheelchair outta them, and I'd do it myself, but, uh... yeah.

Not when it's a Time Lord doing the ordering, I don't think. by Agent Dawn McKenna, DMS on 2015-05-20 00:41:00 UTC Link to this

But they are kinda pepper-pots, aren't they? Bit too easy to move around. Guess it wasn't the best choice of species...

~DM~

Hallo to Herr Ventvay! by Doktor Trollenfisch, DWT on 2015-05-19 19:07:00 UTC Link to this

It ist becomink most clear to me und mein partner zat your are beink less zan entirely supportive uff our presence in zer Department. Zis state uff affairs may not be allowed to continue! I am zerefore issuink you vizz ein challenge! Pointy qwills at dawn-

*sounds of conferring in the background*

Ah. Mein partner is informink me zat zis is for ein qwestion. Since mein stubby fins are beink most tired by recent coffee-related exertions, I have passed zer responsibility of askink you ein qwestion to her good self. It is therefore as follows:

Vould you like ein hug?

Yours, and so forth,
Doktor Trollenfisch und Gabrielle,
Responsezentrum 347,
Just along from zer door zat ist constantly on fire vizz pearlescent, multidimensional flames,
Zer vun on Blue Corridor 306-b,
You know, vizz zer hot chocolate machine zat screams curses in ein ancient and unknowable language vhen you are pressink zer extra milk button.

Doktor Trollenfisch und Gabrielle: by Mortic Wentway on 2015-05-19 20:03:00 UTC Link to this

Ja, ich möchte eine Umarmung, aber nicht von Ihnen. Ich würde lieber sehen meine Frau, nicht Sie.

Aber vielen Dank für das Angebot.

>Mort

Aw, that's too bad. by Gabrielle on 2015-05-19 21:15:00 UTC Link to this

I'm all fluffy and cuddly and warm! Lots of agents like to hug me! Some of them squeeze too tight, but I don't mind. :3

*waves* Hi, Selene! by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 18:37:00 UTC Link to this

What's it like having a perky hobbit-lover as a partner?

Kaitlyn, what's it like having Mrs. Grumpy as a partner?

Dafydd, how's the family? ((Sorry, you just had to tempt me...))

Replies from the team. by Huinesoron on 2015-05-19 19:55:00 UTC Link to this

Selene: Ugh. Don't. Just... don't.

Kaitlyn: Nah, Selene's not so bad. She's just a bit highly strung. She- hey, did she answer a question too? Ooh! I wanna see!

...

... wow. Um, didn't see that coming.

Selene: What?

Kaitlyn: I... nothing, I just... thought we were getting along well.

Selene: We are. Why?

Kaitlyn: Well, your answer...

Selene: I was objecting to the characterisation of you as a 'perky hobbit-lover', as if you - or anyone - could be summed up by three words-

Kaitlyn: But I am a perky hobbit-lover. Er, liker.

Selene: ... true. Very well, then, to answer the question: she could be a lot worse. Kaitlyn is a competent agent, and I think our skillsets complement each other well.

Kaitlyn: Compliments aren't something you're good at, are they?

Selene: Mm... nope.

~

Dafydd: Connie! An owl just dropped a letter down the chimney! Did Tanfin turn eleven while I wasn't looking?

[Inaudible reply]

Dafydd: That's what I thought, I was just... oh, never mind. Let's see...

... Connie! Do you know an 'Izimax'?

[Inaudible, somewhat irritated reply]

Dafydd: Right, right, sorry. Well, to answer the question, we're all doing fine. We decided to stop at five children, so I won't be beating Dad any time soon. Tanfin is... actually probably advanced enough to start at Hogwarts, if that was a thing that was going to happen (which it isn't); he's eight, but he takes after my side of the family, and we Eldar mature quickly in spirit. The girls are more like their mother-

[Inaudible comment]

Dafydd: - by which I mean perfectly lovely violent lunatics. How's that?

[Inaudible, amused comment]

Dafydd: Right. And Oleander's two, so he's a screaming sociopath like all two-year-olds.

hS

Desdendelle's agents' mailbox by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 18:32:00 UTC Link to this

Taking questions for:
-Agent!Desdendelle
-The Librarian
-Navare
-Amris

Alright, Agent Des. by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 17:06:00 UTC Link to this

*offers coffee*

Yeah, right, nice try. by Agent Desdendelle on 2015-05-20 17:30:00 UTC Link to this

How is that even a question?

Hello, Librarian! by Valon Vance, DF on 2015-05-20 14:31:00 UTC Link to this

What are some of your favorite works of literature?

An interesting question. by The Librarian on 2015-05-20 16:41:00 UTC Link to this

Aside from a multitude of works you have not heard of, I find a particular Narrative of Existence somewhat amusing do to personal reasons.

Have you ever read A Song of Ice and Fire? by Valon Vance, DF on 2015-05-20 16:53:00 UTC Link to this

It's a phenomenal series, let me tell ya.

And again for the Librarian. by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 14:15:00 UTC Link to this

Why do you hate everything?

Why 'the Librarian'?

Is your real name Alfonso? I bet it is.

I'll answer those for him. by Agent Desdendelle on 2015-05-20 16:46:00 UTC Link to this

I don't want him to get any more... irritated. I have to live with him, remember?
Anyway:
-The Librarian doesn't 'hate everything'. First, there are a few things he actually likes - books, computers, his Tablet, etc. Second, he doesn't hate the majority of things he doesn't like; he just thinks they're not worth of his time, or inferior, or barbaric, or a nuisance, or... you get the idea.
-I think it has something to do with cataloguing of knowledge. Not sure, though.
-He didn't tell me his real name and I'm not planning on asking, but I'd figure it's not 'Alfonso' - he's a Time Lord, not an ape, as he might say.
Now excuse me while I go wash my mouth, saying that made me feel ill.

Can you answer another for him? by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 22:05:00 UTC Link to this

How many times has Rina punched or attempted to punch him?

Not enough, probably. (nm) by Agent Desdendelle on 2015-05-21 14:32:00 UTC Link to this

One for the Librarian: by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 21:01:00 UTC Link to this

Do you use product on your hair? Because dang, you look fabulous.

For the record, I almost asked the same thing. :P (nm) by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 22:04:00 UTC Link to this

Do I look like I have time for such frivolity? (nm) by The Librarian on 2015-05-19 21:04:00 UTC Link to this

Yes, actually. by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 21:05:00 UTC Link to this

And I'll keep flooding your inbox until you answer.

No, he doesn't. by Agent Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 21:07:00 UTC Link to this

He's too important for such trivialities.

"I can confirm this." by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 22:37:00 UTC Link to this

"It's not any kind of gel in that... thing squatting on the top of his head. I've half a mind to manipulate the coming paperwork for A Troupe By Any Other Name's coming staging of A Very Potter Musical so that he's cast as Professor Snape. Which... would technically make you a Snape/OC Self-Insert shipper, I believe."

Questions! by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 20:03:00 UTC Link to this

For Agent!Des: what is the defining trait of a good tea?

For The Librarian: What is the best thing about being a Time Lord?

Answers? by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 20:05:00 UTC Link to this

Des: Good tea has no single defining trait. It is a mixture of traits that makes one brew heavenly and the other - unworthy of the name.
Librarian: Why, the inherent superiority, of course.

More questions! by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 20:36:00 UTC Link to this

For A!Des: What is the strangest thing you have ever seen?

For The Librarian: Is there a part of Gallifreyan culture you dislike, and why?

More answers? More answers. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 20:45:00 UTC Link to this

Des: Lemme quote Shakespeare as a generalisation: "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
Librarian: Is this a joke question?

Question for the Librarian. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 19:13:00 UTC Link to this

What is this Osiris business and why are you interested in it? Does it have something to do with your past?

The Osirian Riddle, if you will. by The Librarian on 2015-05-19 19:16:00 UTC Link to this

I suspect that this memory-related quest - 'riddle' is a misnomer; its scale is too large for it to consist of but a single one - would let me reach that which I require.
It only has to do with my past only as much as any other long-term undertaking has, so to speak.

Agent Desdendelle: by Technician Shui-Hua Liu, DoSAT, T&A on 2015-05-19 19:02:00 UTC Link to this

So, when do we met again to enjoy some Ba Sing Se-style jasmine tea?

((T&A, huh?)) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-19 23:18:00 UTC Link to this

((One wonders what they do all day. Do their gadgets come in plain brown envelopes? >=] ))

Testing & Application? Well... by Edhelistar on 2015-05-20 02:01:00 UTC Link to this

Ever seen The Mythbusters? That's my headcanon of what every day is in T&A. XD

Hum... by Agent Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 19:05:00 UTC Link to this

Time is a weird concept here in HQ. You should try to find RC 3-Apple-14 - you'd end up in log e, no doubt, and might even find me there.

"That was the o-only time I ever..." by Technician Shui-Hua Liu, DoSAT, T&A on 2015-05-19 23:41:00 UTC Link to this

"...got lost, and that has ne-- *realization kicks in* I... got lost again... I... uhm... Do you know what kind of tea does Agent Dives like?"

For the Librarian: by Zeb on 2015-05-19 18:55:00 UTC Link to this

How do you really feel about Rina? ;)

Uh, that's all the time I have for today, I think my partner's about to try and kill me. *runs off*

*huff* by The Librarian on 2015-05-19 19:01:00 UTC Link to this

That question does not merit an answer.

Come on, Librarian, we deal in knowledge. by The Reader, ConCounThingy--confound it. on 2015-05-19 19:21:00 UTC Link to this

Where's your sense of fun?

-R

No, no, I got this. by Rina Dives on 2015-05-19 19:27:00 UTC Link to this

*clears throat and affects a deeper voice* "Dives is an immature and primitive monkey with no respect for her superiors."

And before anyone can ask, I hate him, too.

You are not worthy of my hatred, Ms Dives. (nm) by The Librarian on 2015-05-19 19:29:00 UTC Link to this

Yeah yeah, you don't think anyone's worth your time. by Rina Dives on 2015-05-19 19:39:00 UTC Link to this

I don't have to listen to your nonsense. Good-bye, and good luck finding a surgeon to remove that pole jammed up your—

NOW KIIIIIIIIIISS! :D by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 19:45:00 UTC Link to this

No, don't, I've just eaten. It's still repugnant, even if it isn't bestiality any more.

I think I threw up in my mouth a little. (nm) by Rina Dives on 2015-05-19 20:12:00 UTC Link to this

Notary... by Agent Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 20:25:00 UTC Link to this

You continue like this and you'll be seeing your innards.

Chill, man. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-19 20:36:00 UTC Link to this

The Notary falls under "PPC personnel", something which my department is sworn to protect. Don't do anything stupid, okay? I don't like her either but that's how the game works.

Besides, she plays you until you make a fool of yourself. Don't fall for it: I only got out because of bodycam footage and my secret camera. She wants to be left alone? Fine. Give her what she wants. This isn't a battle worth fighting.

I didn't murder anyone... yet. by Agent Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 20:47:00 UTC Link to this

But you try having to live with the Librarian for any stretch of time and we'll see how tranquil you will be afterwards. Anebrin, at least, had the decency to mind his own business most of the time.

Woah, guys, everyone calm down. by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 20:59:00 UTC Link to this

Now let's all go back to our respective mailboxes and forget this little spat happened, yes? *overly-hopeful grin*

"Why bother?" by Spinel Promotor Notary of the ConCounOfGaInEx on 2015-05-19 22:18:00 UTC Link to this

"If the Grunt and the headtaker wish to belabour each other about the face with sharp objects, I see no reason to object. In fact, I'd rather assumed that such an occasion warranted not so much intervention as popcorn."

Rina, for Chrissake. by Agent Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 19:44:00 UTC Link to this

Now I have to deal with the leftovers. Again. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

Just send him over here, Agent Desdendelle by The Reader on 2015-05-19 19:48:00 UTC Link to this

If he's any good at TARDIS repair, I could use his help. If not, well, it's been a while since I had a good argument with someone who wasn't the Notary, and I can feed him. By the time you get him back, he should be all yelled out.

-R

Did you say "TARDIS repair"? by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-19 19:53:00 UTC Link to this

Oh, I can lend you a hand with that. Just gimme a call and I'll have your back: it's been ages since I last got to work on a TARDIS!

What model is it? I can get my old manuals out and send them over to you. They've got schematics, repair procedures, whatever.

I, uh, might have to look up the model number. by The Reader on 2015-05-20 01:16:00 UTC Link to this

I mean, don't get me wrong, I have some idea of what I'm doing (mainly because I didn't throw the manual into a sun), but, uh, half of my manual is missing, and I'm really just kind of hoping that it goes to this model. So...repairs have been going slowly. And I'd really appreciate your help; oddly enough, I don't think we've ever properly met.

If you can identify my TARDIS' model--or if I can figure out where the information would be--I'd be very grateful for your old manuals. Or your help. Anything would be good.

-R

((The Reader stole her TARDIS on her way off Gallifrey, and I don't think she knew much about TARDISes to begin with, beyond whatever she remembered of Academy classes on them. ~~Also, I've forgotten which model I gave her, assuming I ever figured that out.~~ She's mainly been guessing, using her half-a-manual, and letting the TARDIS guide her to places that need fixing. For obvious reasons, it's not going very quickly. ~DF))

No problemo. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-20 02:34:00 UTC Link to this

Send me few pictures of your manual--cover, spine, information page-- and I'll find you the complete edition. I've got loads of old manuals lying around.

Just gimme a call whenever you're free and ready to do some TARDIS repairs. We can do some sort of introduction-TARDIS maintenance-whatever thing as we work. It's always a pleasure to see a reasonable Time Lord in HQ.

- - -

((Not sure how he's going to take the fact that she's also a deserter. Not well, I assume.))

Fantastic. by The Reader on 2015-05-20 03:25:00 UTC Link to this

It, uh, doesn't have a front cover, and part of the spine was burned off at some point, but I'll send you what I can. If you can figure out which edition it actually is, I will be incredibly grateful.

I will definitely do that. Thank you so much for agreeing to help! My TARDIS deserves a lot better than someone working from half a manual. And it will be nice to talk to a Time Lord who isn't part of the Council--I can't remember the last time I did that, if you ignore exchanging a word or two with the Doctor post-exorcism. Thank you.

-R

--
((To be fair, she was basically a kid at the time. She was also a politician's son, and had the utmost respect for Rassilon right up until he began the Ascending stuff and she realized her trust was misplaced. She did do some fighting on her way to finding the TARDIS, too.))

((On the other hand, she left the Academy with the goal of escaping. I think she would have liked to take her friends with her, but...it didn't work. And while she did try to help where she could, she really was mostly fixated on GET A TARDIS and GET OFF GALLIFREY. So I expect the Guardsman won't be too happy with that? You know him best, of course, so you tell me. If she hadn't left the Academy, though, I'm not entirely sure she would have been part of the fighting--I don't know if it was ever mentioned in canon materials, but I'm guessing that sending Academy students out to fight would probably not have happened until things were really horribly bad. Though, on the other hand, leaving at any point could equal 'deserter'. I suppose it'll depend on the Guardsman's definition.))

((Speaking of which: when you say he won't take it well...are we looking at yelling? Some sort of disappointed speech? Severing all ties? Pointed disapproval, but continued fraternization?))

((...I'm going to stop there. Going formal is generally a good point to stop, except in academic writing and so on. ~DF))

((Most likely a "disappointed" speech...)) by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 03:35:00 UTC Link to this

((...at first, but if she explain her position he'll realize that he's being harsh.

The Guardsman was fresh out of the Academy when the war hit-- he'd understand if a student wanted off the planet. Besides, in times of war the priority is to get noncombattants out of the area, right? If the Reader wasn't old enough to fight then that's completely fair. She shouldn't sweat it. It's not like the Notary's case: she had a duty to Gallifrey and broke ranks to escape the War. The Reader was a civilian. That's a big difference.))

((Got it.)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 03:42:00 UTC Link to this

((The Reader was titchy during the Time War. She's currently only about 150 years old. I'm not sure how much it'll ever come up, but she's actually missing chunks of the knowledge that people like just about every other Gallifreyan Time Lord in HQ possess--she didn't actually graduate.))

((I do wonder, however, just how the Reader will manage to get across that she was a civilian--and how long it'll take her to do that. It should be interesting to write!))

((But oh, she won't take too well to the disappointed speech at first. Not when she thought she'd finally met a genuinely helpful Time Lord who's not on the Council and doesn't irritate her in any way. You could say it'll be...a disappointment. :) ~DF))

((Just have her blurt out...)) by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 03:47:00 UTC Link to this

((...something along the lines of "But I was at the Academy!" The Guardsman will then ask for her age and connect the dots. Boom, problem solved!))

((Well, she was really only there when it started.)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 03:52:00 UTC Link to this

((Though she did stay for a bit. It could definitely work if he says something like 'What sort of Time Lord runs away instead of fighting when they hear that Gallifrey's going to war?' whereupon she blurts out, "I was at the Academy, what was I supposed to do? I'd never even seen a weapon, much less flown a TARDIS!" and then it continues.))

((...this really is sounding like very fun drama to write. Time Lords, man. They're great. ~DF))

((Is this going to become a thing?)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 04:04:00 UTC Link to this

((Because if not, it should. I would read the heck outta that!

And yes. Yes they are.))

((Well, I'm definitely in.)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 04:21:00 UTC Link to this

((Like I've been saying, it sounds like fun. And I'm just about always up for writing Time Lords being ridiculous(ly dramatic).

Thoughts, O French-speaking compatriot of mine? ~~Other than that it's probably time for me to go to sleep if I'm actually calling you that?~~

~DF))

((I'd love to.)) by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 17:53:00 UTC Link to this

((I just have a rather busy schedule as of late-- looking for a job and all that.

Perhaps we could open up a shared GDoc and each add a part when we have time-- build it up paragraph by paragraph? Feel free to poke me at expertmechanic[at]yahoo[dot]ca if you want to discuss this further.

Actually-- what we need is for someone to draw the Time Lord ~~high school drama~~ shenanigans. Does anyone around here still got a hold of Lily Winterwood? She's got Time Lord agents too and might want in on this.))

((Fantastic!)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 18:47:00 UTC Link to this

((Ooh, that sounds great. I think it'd work quite well. I'll see about emailing you when I get home and can do it on a laptop.

Time Lord high school drama. Perfect description.

Let's see, we'll have to figure out what it is we're writing and which characters we need for it...

This should be fun :D

~DF))

((Is it bad that...)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 18:56:00 UTC Link to this

((When you said "Time Lord high school drama", my brain went "high school AU what??" ))

((Ixi, nooooooo)) by Anonymous on 2015-05-20 18:58:00 UTC Link to this

((Now I might write that.

~DF))

((Not if I beat you to it!)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 19:02:00 UTC Link to this

((With the Notary as the Alpha Bitch, the Librarian as the Haughty Nerd, the Guardsman as That Nice Guy on the football team, Rina as the awkward social outcast, and the Reader as... I dunno?))

((You said "Nice Guy"...)) by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 19:24:00 UTC Link to this

((...and suddenly the Guardsman grew a neckbeard and a fedora. This is your fault, Iximaz.))

((What, what, what, where did that come from?!)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 19:30:00 UTC Link to this

((I'm over here just going 'wat'.))

((You know? The "Nice Guy" stereotype?)) by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 19:55:00 UTC Link to this

((Like this but in person:

No?))

((You know...)) by Voyd on 2015-05-20 20:59:00 UTC Link to this

((Whenever someone brings up the "Nice Guy™ Stereotype," I feel the urge to link to this.))

((Ohh.)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 20:00:00 UTC Link to this

((Alright, gotcha.

...the mental image of everyone in a high school AU won't stop. Now I'm imagining them all as teenagers. :/ ))

((The Reader would be...)) by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 23:28:00 UTC Link to this

((...the loner, I think. The one who barely talks to people unless forced, and can be kind of snappish. Glares at everyone, some days. And either hates or is completely ignored by the Notary? Something like that.

A teenage Continuity Council. Heaven help us a--

...

Iximaz, stop giving me plotbunnies! I don't want to write what would happen if they got deaged! I'm not even sure how it would work!

~~Someone please stop me.~~

~DF))

((Too late, we are making this happen!)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-21 01:44:00 UTC Link to this

((SeaTurtle, mind if we borrow the Guardsman to swing by and stumble upon a bunch of kids shouting at each other? XD ))

((She hasn't been around since last year.)) by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 18:00:00 UTC Link to this

((I think? Unless anyone's seen her lately?))

((I've run into her on Tumblr and gchat within the past two- by DawnFire on 2015-05-20 18:38:00 UTC Link to this

-months. She's around, just probably a bit too busy to get on the Board or something. ~DF))

TARDIS repair?! by Rina Dives on 2015-05-19 19:55:00 UTC Link to this

Oh please oh please may I come to watch?!

*shrugs* It's fine with me. by The Reader on 2015-05-20 01:37:00 UTC Link to this

Actually, I'm not sure we've met properly yet. Hey there. I'm the Reader. I'm also the Citrine Theorist and Onyx Monitor of the Continuity Council of Gallifrey-In-Exile, or the...ConCounGalInExile? Whatever the Notary keeps abbreviating it as. You probably know this by now, but my duties as Onyx Monitor involve keeping an eye on new PPC Time Lords--make sure they're settling in properly, and, like the Notary said, watch out for Suvian tendencies...all of that. So we should definitely meet. I can probably answer some of the questions you have (I'm guessing they haven't all been answered yet), and I like to think I'm much easier to get along with than the Librarian and the Notary.

So, now the introduction's over...you're definitely welcome to come. Please do. Have you ever seen a TARDIS with a purple interior before? The first time I woke up in there--and I woke up on the floor--it became my favorite colour. Though, uh, I may have been a bit biased due to the fact that I'd been trying to get to a TARDIS for--

Well. Anyway. You should definitely come. We can maybe even put you to work, if you're very, very careful.

-R

Right, yes, introductions. by Rina Dives on 2015-05-20 02:28:00 UTC Link to this

Well, considering everyone seems to know who I am, seems a bit silly, but yeah, I'm Rina Dives, DMS. Very nice to meet you, much nicer than the Notary or the Librarian.

Are you sure you don't mind questions? Because I have quite a lot...

Anyway, I've read a bunch of TARDIS manuals from the Canon Library, I'm sure there's something I can do to help. Then again, seeing the real deal is a lot different than just reading about it...

No, I definitely don't mind. by The Reader on 2015-05-20 03:04:00 UTC Link to this

First of all, it's quite literally my job, which I do take seriously, no matter what the Notary (or anyone else) might think. Second--we seem to be getting along so far, and I've read enough of your mission reports that I don't think that's likely to change. Ask away.

There certainly is a difference between reading about TARDISes and actually seeing one, but...well, you should have at least some of the more instinctive necessary skills now. And your theoretical knowledge is, uh, probably more complete than mine is right now, which might help as well.

We'll muddle through. And I've got an offer of help from someone who sounds like he actually knows what he's doing, which should be very useful.

Have you never seen a TARDIS before, though? If not...well, you're going to love it.

-R

"Ah, well..." by Rina Dives on 2015-05-20 03:09:00 UTC Link to this

*glances around and whispers* The questions are... erm, a bit embarrassing? Maybe later?

And WOO-HOO, AWESOME! Um, I mean, great! The only TARDIS I've seen is the Doctor's, and only in badfics at that. I haven't gotten the chance to actually poke around in one. Ohhh, thank you so much!

Of course. by The Reader on 2015-05-20 03:31:00 UTC Link to this

Well, don't get too excited. I mean, get excited, but--be aware that this is a TARDIS in need of repair, and that I won't be too pleased if she ends up in need of more repair, if you catch my drift.

I'm sure you'll be responsible. And, actually, I'm fairly sure there are parts of the TARDIS that I haven't managed to find yet, so...maybe you can help me look. If she takes a liking to you, anyway, if she doesn't we'll never find anything.

-R

((In which the Reader briefly regrets inviting people to come see her TARDIS. ~DF))

*holds up right hand* by Rina Dives on 2015-05-20 03:48:00 UTC Link to this

I swear to treat her as if she were mine.

*huge grin* I'm gonna get to see a TARDIS oh this is so exciting ahhh!

Fun?! by The Librarian on 2015-05-19 19:25:00 UTC Link to this

I do not have time for frivolity. I waste enough time running around and destroying Dalek Stus as things are, when I should be spending it chasing after the Riddle.

Oooh, I never pegged you for a Potterhead! =oD (nm) by Agent Wobbles, DF on 2015-05-19 19:26:00 UTC Link to this

Thank you very much. by Agent Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 19:28:00 UTC Link to this

Now I have to deal with an irate Time Lord. Thanks, honestly, this is loads of fun.

Welcome. To. My. World. =oD (nm) by Agent Wobbles, DF on 2015-05-19 19:33:00 UTC Link to this

Och. by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 19:35:00 UTC Link to this

Why.

Y'know, if I had more of a temper, you and Kozar could- by The Reader on 2015-05-19 19:35:00 UTC Link to this

-form a club.

-R

Question for Des and the Librarian! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 18:45:00 UTC Link to this

What's the best thing that's happened to you since you joined the PPC? I know some people say that the job is nothing but horrible, but there are good points to it!

...yes, I know I just asked Rina and Zeb about this. Doesn't matter, it's a universal question.

Voyd's Agents' Mailbox by Voyd on 2015-05-19 18:31:00 UTC Link to this

Agents accepting questions:

Valon Vance
Kala Jeng
Chakkik
Gabby

I would have said Publica and Adéle, but a) they haven't appeared that much, and b) they're not technically agents.

Question for Kala and Valon. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-24 02:58:00 UTC Link to this

Now that you guys are capital-"o" Offically A Couple... now what?

Re: Question for Kala and Valon. by Voyd on 2015-05-24 20:45:00 UTC Link to this

Valon: Haven't the foggiest! Never been in a relationship before, guess I can learn as I go! Not every guy gets to date an industrial-class version of nature's very own tank. Besides, I have less reason to be jealous of normal people now!

Kala: Well, he'll probably freak out a bit less on missions. He really likes hugs, hand-holding and cuddling, so at least I know how to calm him down.

Ohai, shades of me. Valon's mention of jealousy? Yeah. I envy anyone that's in a working relationship, because it feels like they've got something I'm missing.

As for what Kala's talking about, that's also true of me. I like physical contact, but the problem is that I don't think that anyone would be comfortable with me hugging them.

Valon's also going to get a vasectomy, because childfree for life.

Question for Kala. by Agent Velociripper, DF on 2015-05-20 00:51:00 UTC Link to this

Are there any creatures or beings immune to your venom? How would you react in the presence of animals that prey on mundane scorpions?

Hmm... by Kala Jeng on 2015-05-20 00:59:00 UTC Link to this

We girtablilu are immune to our own venom. You wouldn't believe how often we accidentally sting ourselves as kids. Our own legends say that dragons aren't bothered by it, but I have yet to test that.

As for scorpion predators... I don't like them. I'm not really scared of them, because they're generally creatures I could kill without even noticing them, but still. I just want them out of my field of vision.

Question for all. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 20:27:00 UTC Link to this

What is the most dangerous situation each of you have ever been in? How did you react?

Re: Question for all. by Voyd on 2015-05-19 20:36:00 UTC Link to this

Chakkik: the smauglock stu that gabby and myself encountered in our second mission. had the stu not woken ancalagon, we may not have survived the encounter.

Gabby: Nah, Chak's exaggerating. We just had to get out of Ancalagon's way.

Kala: Our first mission. I didn't know at the time, but apparently the replacement Alex Mercer was about to level our surroundings. We were very lucky.

Valon: *curls up in a ball and shudders* hands... on throat... can't see... let go...

Questions! by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 19:40:00 UTC Link to this

For Chakkik: What did you find most difficult about adapting to a human disguise?

For Gabby: I've heard that you have quite a bit of intimate friends. Got a preferred type?

For Kala: What is the strangest thing you have experienced within the PPC?

For Valon: Why the gender-bend thing, man? What was most surprising about your experience?

Re: Questions! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 19:52:00 UTC Link to this

Chakkik: the loss of my natural abilities. \ i can understand being unable to cast gem missile, as i have no connection to gnome in most continua. however, the inability to breathe acid on my foes is quite irksome.

Gabby: If you're flashy and colorful, I'm in! Addie has magical glowy bullet spam, but she says everyone in her world can do that.

Kala: Probably our fourth mission. All of it.

Valon: I was curious. As for what surprised me the most, probably the increased sensitivity to emotions. I'm not sure if they were stronger or not, but I felt them more than I normally do.

More questions! by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 19:56:00 UTC Link to this

For ALL the agents: What annoys you most about your partner?

Re: More questions! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 20:01:00 UTC Link to this

Chakkik: the fact that she brings guests into our response center without my knowledge or permission.

Gabby: Chak talks waaaaay too much. I don't even know a lot of the words he says.

Kala: He's pretty weird, and I am starting to get annoyed by all the minis in our RC. Also he tends to sneak up on me...

Valon: Kala's pretty trigger-happy with her tail. I've been accidentally paralyzed more times than I care to admit.

You have answers? I have questions! by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 20:15:00 UTC Link to this

Chakkik: What is your greatest fear?

Gabby: What is the coolest thing about the PPC?

Kala: Is there a situation you hope never to face?

Valon: What is your favorite type of Mini?

Re: You have answers? I have questions! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 20:22:00 UTC Link to this

Chakkik: i am an insect. i only feel fear when there is something to be afraid of.

Gabby: The fact that you don't get deported if you accidentally knock a wall down!

Kala: The full moon. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but liminals give in to their animal instincts under the light of the full moon. I'd rather not turn into a four-hundred-pound sex drive, thank you very much.

Valon: Oh man, how do I pick? I love them all!

Iximaz's Agents' Mailbox (nm) by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 18:26:00 UTC Link to this

Pika pi pika-pika-chu ka kachu-kaaa! by Thrud the Pikachu, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Div. on 2015-05-24 18:50:00 UTC Link to this

((Translation: Question for Zeb and Gabrielle!))

Kaaa pi Chuu chu chu pikachu pikapi pi pi-i Pi pikachu pikaa pi?
((How does it feel to be in an Action Department?))

Maya, the Gardevoir: I must insist. You have to use an Universal Translator.

Thrud: Pika-chu ka kaaa--
((I said--))

Nurse Chan: What are you two doing with my Console!? Shush! Stick!

Maya: I'll then take my leave Miss.

Thrud: Piii Pi-pika--!

Nurse Chan: No "buts" or plea-- Wait, are those a Luxray and a Flareon? Hmm... That gives me an idea. Maybe if I speak with Doctor Freedenberg, we could open a Psychological unit for Pokémon Agents. Ja, ja, det skulle vara bra...*goes away muttering to herself*

*Thrud and Maya scramble back to the screen*

"Action Department?" by Iximaz on 2015-05-24 20:21:00 UTC Link to this

Zeb: Well, most of the time, it's pretty fun, until you get a Sue actively trying to kill you instead of the other way around. Then it's flat-out terrifying. I've had my remote activator's speed dial set to Medical since-- since Rose Potter, just in case. *he falls quiet for a moment* The rest of the time, it's pretty cool, though!

Gabrielle: AHH! A Pikachu! You're so cute can I hug you can I can I please please please??? Oh, right, sorry, I'll answer your question! Anyway, Doktor and I get some really weird stuff-- I mean, we are in WhatThe-- but it's a lot of fun getting to see the characters in real life and getting to help them out!

Question for Zebby-zeb. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-24 02:56:00 UTC Link to this

I can call you Zebby-zeb, right?

Anyways: what do you like so much about the Inheritance Cycle? You realize that Eragon is a thinly-veiled maniac, right?

Everything! by Zeb on 2015-05-24 04:27:00 UTC Link to this

And sure! My partner's called me Zebbie-O before, Zebbie-zeb is fine with me!

Anyway, yeah, I just love the storyline, the worldbuilding, the history, the Ancient Language— What do you mean, thinly-veiled maniac?! Eragon is a great hero!

*goes off to sulk*

Rina: Um, yeah, I should have warned you, he gets snippy when someone insults his hero. *mutters* I think I threw up in my mouth a little. Now he's going to sulk for a week, thanks a lot.

Hallo Herr Zeb! by Doktor Trollenfisch, DWT on 2015-05-22 12:14:00 UTC Link to this

I am beink given to understand zat you are ein very experienced Poké-agent, und vish to know zis; vhat is zer proper meta for zer destruction uff zer Suvian threat? I do not vish to be ein liability in zer field, not vhen I am havink ein extremely new partner who might uzzervize be put into unnecessary peril.

Oh, a Qwilfish! by Zeb on 2015-05-22 16:35:00 UTC Link to this

I haven't seen one of you in person! *waves* You and the little Flareon took out Christmas Cuppa, right? Rina won't let me look at the mission report, but well done!

Um, anyway, as for your question, it really depends on the Sue in question. Some of them require a lot more strategy to kill than others. I like to use Thunder Wave to incapacitate them, whenever possible, but other status moves would be nice if I had them. Really, just go with your instincts. They're usually pretty reliable.

Ah, jawohl! by Doktor Trollenfisch, DWT on 2015-05-22 22:42:00 UTC Link to this

Mein moveset ist generally beink consistink uff Vaterfall, Thunder Vave, Spikes, und Toxic, but I am likink to svitch out zer stuff every now und again, my vord yes! I am given to vunder vhat zer effect uff Pain Split vould be on ein Immortal Sue...

Question for both of you. by SkarmorySilver on 2015-05-20 00:42:00 UTC Link to this

Why are you so awesome?! 8D

In all seriousness, though... How come you two were able to finish so many missions so quickly? Yeah, I know that may have resulted in some pretty adverse side-effects, but still...

"Um..." by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 00:58:00 UTC Link to this

Rina: Us, awesome? *snorts* Please.

Zeb: Aw, come on, it's nice to get some recognition!

Rina: And we could do with less. Eh, anyway. We actually don't have that many missions done compared to other agent teams. We've just had more mission reports released to the public. I've actually been on a lot more missions than what you've seen— I mean, being an agent is a 24/7 job— but they weren't really noteworthy enough to read.

Zeb: Yeah, considering we've gotten about a mission a day since I arrived, barring the longer ones, and I've been here for a little over a month... *does some math* I've been on about twenty missions so far, including Rose Potter. I dunno about Rina, though.

Rina: *shrugs* Several hundred. I stopped counting after Randa and I hit triple digits.

Speaking of Randa- is she here to answer questions? by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-20 01:56:00 UTC Link to this

If so, what's working in Bad Slash like?

Woah, wait, someone wants to talk to me? by Randa Roan on 2015-05-20 01:59:00 UTC Link to this

*waves* Hi there! Bad Slash is a helluva lot more fun than DMS, lemme tell you. And the risk of death is a lot lower, which is why I swapped in the first place. It's nice, so... yeah. :)

Holey moley! Is Randa Roan! by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-20 17:30:00 UTC Link to this

Hi! I'm your biggest fan and the founder of the "Randa Roan Fan Club", which has a membership consisting of... uhm... me.

Anyway, here's my question: Do you still have that awesome Sue-Hair Yo-yo?

*blush* by Randa Roan on 2015-05-20 17:40:00 UTC Link to this

Aw, thanks, bruh.

Yo-yo, you ask? *pulls it out and Walks the Dog*

*squees* by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-21 02:08:00 UTC Link to this

*Takes out her urple notepad used to write down charges* Can you give me your autograph!?

Haha, sure thing! *autographs* (nm) by Randa Roan on 2015-05-21 02:15:00 UTC Link to this

Yaaaaay! *runs around like crazy* (nm) by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-21 04:35:00 UTC Link to this

Here: by OrangeYoshi99 on 2015-05-20 00:09:00 UTC Link to this

For Zeb, (or Rina if she happens to know,): How do potions work? Do you drink them?

For Both: What is the most bizzare thing a SPaG error has ever caused for you?

Re: Here: by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 01:01:00 UTC Link to this

Zeb: Well, potions seal up the wound until the trainer can get us to a Pokémon Center.

Rina: Heck if I know. Open bag, click "use potion" and bam, regain hit points.

- - -

Zeb: Hm, I dunno. Maybe that one time Legolas simultaneously held a Sue at arm's length and hugged her? His arms turned into noodles.

Rina: Two words: Misspelled. Lion.

Question for Zeb. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 20:18:00 UTC Link to this

If you ever plan on going to the PPC Agent school run by the Department of Operations, what language (besides English) do you want to study?

Wait, there are other languages? by Zeb on 2015-05-19 20:38:00 UTC Link to this

Rina: *mutters something*

Oh, okay! Um, well, since apparently Harry Potter spells are based off of Latin, that sounds cool- no, wait! The Ancient Language from Eragon! Well, only if they teach that. ^^;

Ach ja! by Doktor Trollenfisch, DWT on 2015-05-19 22:55:00 UTC Link to this

I vill be holdink ein course in German later! Just as soon as I have zer slightest idea vhat German is.

Questions for Rina and Zeb by Scapegrace on 2015-05-19 19:24:00 UTC Link to this

Rina: How is your burgeoning romance with the Librarian going? Any saucy details? What else do Time Lord boys have two of? The public DEMANDS TO KNOW!

Zeb: Since you have Intimidate, are you shipping Librina so much because you can't get a date of your own?

Scapegrace: Do you have a one-track mind?

Yes. Yes she does. =]

*sputtering noises* by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 19:30:00 UTC Link to this

Rina: *goes storming off*

Zeb: Oh, no, I'm not cut out for all that romance-y stuff, but I think it would sure be cool if Rina and the Librarian got together. He just needs to realize he's not as mean as he'd like everyone to think.

*raises hand* Zeb, Zeb! A moment of your time, please? by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 19:20:00 UTC Link to this

What aspects of human culture do you find most strange? Also, for us non-Pokemon... what does it feel like to evolve?

Oh, and a question for Rina as well: If you could be any magical creature from the Potterverse, what would you be?

"Oh, um..." by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 19:25:00 UTC Link to this

Zeb: I'd have to say your guys' mating rituals. All the little nuances still seem to escape me... As for evolving, your whole body starts to feel all tingly, and then suddenly you glow really bright and the next thing you know, you're in a new body! I guess it's a bit like regeneration, but not painful.

Rina: Something that can fly, so I guess a hippogriff?

Interesting, interesting! More questions: by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 19:35:00 UTC Link to this

First, for Rina: If you could give any one piece of advice for a new, prospective agent, what would it be?

For Zeb: if you could learn any move in existance, what would you choose?

For Arinellya: Working in Bad Slash, you have to see a lot of weird things. But you never lose your cool. What is your secret?

"One piece of advice?" by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 19:47:00 UTC Link to this

Rina: Get out while you still can.

Zeb: Oh, gosh, I don't know, there are so many good ones! Maybe Close Combat? That would be neat!

Arinellya: Several centuries' worth of learning to be a priest. You develop some wonderful mental fortitude doing that.

*presents a present* (nm) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-19 19:58:00 UTC Link to this

((Dammit, misclicked.)) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-19 20:00:00 UTC Link to this

Anyway, this is a special TM. Ignore the eldritch runes and screaming. This is a TM for Hyperspace Fury. Dark-type. 100 Base Power. Full accuracy. +2 Priority. Hits through Protect/Detect and similar moves. Again, ignore the screaming and the sound of people being sacrificed no I didn't kill them you can't prove it.

Follow-ups! by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 19:53:00 UTC Link to this

For Arinellya: Several centuries of training, eh? Interesting. Alright, a follow-up question, but a bit personal: Why Bad Slash? I assume you would have to have an extensive knowledge of things you might have to deal with, so I'd like to know: did that training include a vow of celibacy, and if not, how has your love life influenced your handling of Bad Slash material? :P

(Asking the hard questions here!)

For Kalen: If you could be transferred to a different division, what would you choose?

"Oh, dear." by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 20:46:00 UTC Link to this

Arinellya: I apologize, but I'd rather not answer that. My love life, regardless of any status, is my own business. You could all stand to be more respectful of Agents Dives and Librarian, I'm sure they don't appreciate the attention.

Kalen: DMS, for sure! They get to see all the action. Man, I gotta tell ya, it's so [CENSORED] boring here in Bad Slash, but the [CENSORED] Flowers refuse to let me switch!

Okay, one more for now... by Darkotas on 2015-05-19 22:06:00 UTC Link to this

For ALL agents: what are the most annoying things about your partner or anything they do?

Re: Okay, one more for now... by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 22:17:00 UTC Link to this

Rina: Zeb's so clueless sometimes. Honestly, considering how long he's spent in badfics... *shakes head*

Zeb: Um, hrm, well, before it was her tendency to get upset and start throwing tantrums... I guess now it's the fact that she never stops bringing books back to the RC, it's a total mess now.

Arinellya: Everything.

Kalen: This gal ain't got no sense of fun!

Gabrielle: Nothing! I love Doktor Trollenfisch!

Questions: The Sequel! by Darkotas on 2015-05-20 16:06:00 UTC Link to this

The first one is for Rina. At the start of your career, you were known to use a crowbar. Why did you pick that particular tool as a weapon?

For Zeb: In humanoid forms, you tend to use knives. Got any tips for those trying to learn?

For both agents: What would be your dream vacation continuum?

"Ever read the Zombie Survival Guide?" by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 16:14:00 UTC Link to this

Rina: I had a copy that I used to read quite a bit— man, I remember the days when the only thing that scared me was the threat of a zombie apocalypse. *wry grin* Good for bashing skulls, opening barred doors, you know. Basically, it was a multi-purpose weapon, it was light, and it didn't require a whole lot of skill to use.

Zeb: Well, it's really not that hard when your target's pinned down or otherwise incapacitated. All you have to do is stab. I wouldn't be able to hold my own in combat, though, so if that's what you want to know, I'm not the one to ask.

Both: *look at each other and fall over laughing*

Indeed I have. Quite a useful book, yes? by Darkotas on 2015-05-20 17:06:00 UTC Link to this

Okay, new few questions!

For Kalen: Do you have a favorite technique in combat? If so, what situation is it best used in?

For Rina: as someone who works with a nonhuman agent, what is the most important thing to remember during interactions, in your opinion?

For Zeb: I assume you've had experience with being inside a Pokè Ball. What does it feel like, and do you have a preferred type?

"All right, now we're talkin'!" by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 17:15:00 UTC Link to this

Kalen: F***in' Sly Flourish, man. It's definitely my favorite move, since it's so deceptively simple and packs huge power! Aw man, one time, when we were fighting a fire bear... *drones on*

Rina: *scratches the back of her neck* Um, well, with Zeb, really, the important thing to remember, other than no loud noises or sudden contact, is that he might not have heard of most pop culture references. It's a bit lame when you make a great reference and he just gives me his blank look.

Zeb: Well, I can't say I have a preferred type, since I've only ever been in the standard Poké Ball. It's not so bad, you can still hear and see what's going on and you can come out anytime. Mostly, though, I just napped when I was called back.

Re: "All right, now we're talkin'!" by Darkotas on 2015-05-20 17:24:00 UTC Link to this

Awesome answers, thank you! Okay, next up:

For Rina: out of all of the other agent teams you have worked with, which has been your favorite?

For Zeb: Other than Rina, who or what has been your biggest influence or role-model within the PPC?

For Arinellya: do you have a favorite place in Azeroth, and if so, where?

For Kalen: I want to hear something impressive.

"Easy." by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 17:32:00 UTC Link to this

Rina: Marvin and Printworthy. Both of them were pretty awesome. Desdendelle and Ilraen were great, but their partners are such assholes it doesn't let him make the list. Sorry, guys.

Zeb: Huh? Um, well, I haven't really spent a whole lot of time outside of Rina's company. I mean, I am still pretty new. *thinks* Mr. Benoît's team, I suppose?

Arinellya: My favorite place? I don't really have one, but I suppose the Exodar, where my people have set up their city. It reminds me of home.

Kalen: Buddy, EVERYTHING that comes outta my mouth is impressive! *belches*

Und I love you too, Gabrielle. by Doktor Trollenfisch, DWT on 2015-05-19 23:00:00 UTC Link to this

It ist zer love uff good friends, ja? Vee are two very dear friends, vhich is as it should be between Agents, my vord yes! Und you are havink many fine qwalities und ein useful role as ein physical attacker in NU-tier, und das ist okay, I am not makink vizz zer judgink unlike some, because I myself am only vun tier above zat in zer usage rankinks! Besides vhich, you are far more capable und versatile in zer field zan you are givink yourself credit for!

For Zeb: by DawnFire on 2015-05-19 18:44:00 UTC Link to this

How weird do you find being in human disguise? Have you ever tried non-human disguise? If so, how was it?

~DF

Re: For Zeb: by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 18:52:00 UTC Link to this

Zeb: Well, it was really weird at first, especially the bipedal thing, but you get used to it. I must say, though, opposable thumbs are a nice bonus.

As for other disguises, I've been a Lord of the Rings orc before, but it was just once and for a short time, so I don't have much of an opinion on that one. Now that I think about it, I haven't seen much variety.

Question for Rina and Zeb! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 18:35:00 UTC Link to this

What's the best thing that's happened to you since you joined the PPC? I know some people say that the job is nothing but horrible, but there are good points to it!

...somehow that was English.

Re: Question for Rina and Zeb! by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 18:40:00 UTC Link to this

Rina: Hm, that's a toughie, since the job kind of sucks. I guess, really, just getting to see all the different continuua I grew up with. Being able to protect them makes the job worth it. Then there's being able to work with a good partner like Zeb. He's pretty cool.

Zeb: Oh, easy, getting to meet Rina and all sorts of other people! Getting to read books is also really cool, I never got the chance back home.

SeaTurtle's Agents' Mailbox by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-19 18:25:00 UTC Link to this

Taking questions for:

Gaspard De Grasse

Harris Frost

Terabyte

Emiranlanoamar

One for Emiranlanoamar! by Iximaz on 2015-05-23 22:49:00 UTC Link to this

(Well, two. Did you know your name's really awesome?)

Anyway, I know you don't like the Continuity Council, but do you get along with any of its members, at least?

My name? by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-24 01:30:00 UTC Link to this

Direct your compliments to my parents: I didn't do anything. Baby, I was born this way.

With respect to the Continuity Council... ugh. Let's go though the list, shall we?

The Fisherman - Never met the man but I hear he's very mellow. He's the Ruby Shipwright too-- that means he knows his way around a TARDIS. On paper he sounds like the kind of guy you want to hang around. Let's hope it's like that in real life.

Morgan - I once disagreed with her club's mission and she's taken it quite personally. We met a few times in the hallways-- exchanged greetings and cold stares. She's not openly hostile, though.

The Reader - Aside from meeting her at Rudi's once and my little chat with her a few hours ago I haven't had much contact with her. She seems like a nice person, though. She's even agreed to let me work on her TARDIS! I tried pinning down her model: it's either a Scendles Type 77 and or a Cerulean Type 99-- my chapter's TARDISes-- but I need to physically get a look at how the Console is wired to confirm my suspicions.

The Librarian - Coward. Deserter. Honorless. I have little respect for a man who wilfully abandons his unit in battle.

The Disentangler - Never met her.

The Agent - I saw him eating at Rudi's once through the pub's windows. I would've introduced myself but there was a Suvian shooting at me at the time.

The Notary - No comment.

So... possibly four friendly people out of seven. I'd like to meet them all at least once to see what they're like-- and I never want to lay eyes on the Notary ever again.

It's still a nice name. by Iximaz on 2015-05-24 04:31:00 UTC Link to this

Much nicer than mine, that's for sure. My parents got it into their head to name me after a very shallow romantic comedy with abhorrent characters and whose plot I saw coming from miles away. But I digress.

Okay, another question: What kind of TARDIS is your dream model? Have you ever had the fortune to see one, or possibility be in one?

Now you're talking. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-24 15:27:00 UTC Link to this

Dream model? Prydonian Type 83. With its oversized engine, elegant computer architecture, tough-as-nails time-recursion shielding, and compact room design it's the finest exploration ship we've ever produced. It's a bit tricky to pilot-- the TARDIS gets really grumpy if her engines aren't recalibrated regularly-- but the 83 is a beautiful ship that will care for you as much as you care for her.

An interesting-yet-highly-unsettling model are the Type 100s. They're honest-to-god talking TARDISes that adopt a humanoid form and can walk about. The creepy part is that they're derived from of one of the Doctor's companions (officially known as the Type 102) which morphed into a TT capsule after she had some TARDIS tech integrated to her body. I don't want to know what happened next but my professors at the Academy just said that a Type 102 had been crossed with another experimental design to produce the Type 103 and its successors. They're still TARDISes-- bigger on the inside, piloted by Console, Chameleon Circuit, shields, the works-- but you can directly interface with the Matrix. You can talk to them.

As much as I'd like to be able to talk to my TARDIS... I have a lot of questions concerning the origins of the 100s. It feels... wrong, in a way. Not natural. I think it's the Uncanny Valley effect but using a machine that looks like a walking, talking person puts me on edge. I saw a lot of them during the War, talked to a few, rode in a 103 just one time but never got over how creepy they were. Give me a standard model any day.

Uh, could I butt in? by Agent Wobbles, DF on 2015-05-24 23:48:00 UTC Link to this

It's not a Prydonian, but the Notary's TARDIS is a type 83. I... think she said it was that. I'd check, but, um, that's a big ol' nono. And you can get some requisition forms for that, because she likes to keep hard copies of everything and there's some lying around here, and, um, I heard what she did because I was passing and I heard shouting. Like, a lot of shouting. And when I got back she was smiling but it wasn't a nice smile because I think she forgot how to do those. Um. So, if you wanna... grab a Type 83 blockade runner? That's your in. And it'd really tick her off. Just sayin', she started it.

So you heard me, then? by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-25 01:21:00 UTC Link to this

Right. Sorry you had to hear that. I really need to keep a lid on things like this.

So, a Type 83 blockade runner. I bet she mistreats it, too. She's a clerk: what does she know of TARDIS repair? The poor thing: I could single-handedly restore it, make her healthy again... but no. No, I have to decline. I can't stoop to her level by engaging in tit-for-tat: she's going to literally strangle me in red tape if I touch her things. I don't want to escalate the situation, right?

That being said... a while ago at Rudi's you mentioned that she had a nickname. "Honeybee", right? You said that it would make sure she never came near me again. At this stage in the game I don't want to do anything that might worsen the situation. How sure are you that this would work? This will either destroy the Notary or make her destroy me if I play this card. And how okay is it to use something extremely personal from her past against her? She's kinda pathetic to be honest-- from my point of view it's like kicking a sick puppy lying on the ground.

- - -

((IIRC, the Notary flew a Dromeian 89 as described in this CCoGiE episode. Retcon?))

((Misremembering.)) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-25 01:28:00 UTC Link to this

((This is what I get for not keeping everything on file. =] ))

Gonna have to agree with you on that. by Iximaz on 2015-05-24 21:37:00 UTC Link to this

The Type 100s kind of creep me out, to be honest. The Type 83 sounds fantastic, though. :)

Now, me, if I were lucky enough to have a TARDIS, I'd pick a Type 52.

Another question for Mister de Grasse! by Voyd on 2015-05-22 20:43:00 UTC Link to this

Are you Eeyore? No, Goober from Fraggle Rock. Wait a tick, scratch that, Nozomu Itoshiki! Er, no, that's not it either... Dolorous Edd Tollett! Is that you, Edd? How's life in the Night's Watch?

((I make no apologies if you don't get the references.))

Oh, I know Eeyore. by Gaspard De Grasse on 2015-05-22 21:24:00 UTC Link to this

He's strangely relatable on quite a few levels, actually. No idea about the other characters, though. I can google that, though, gimme a minute... ah, I see.

Yeah, no. Eeyore it is.

Random question for Gaspard, Harris and Emiran! by Voyd on 2015-05-22 03:12:00 UTC Link to this

How would you feel if someone of your preferred gender (if any) said that they thought you were attractive? Directly to your face, that is, before Mister de Grasse considers dodging.

((And I'm bringing back this subject. Bleheheheheh.))

Harris: Well. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-22 19:38:00 UTC Link to this

Harris: Do a little small talk, ask her out on a date, hope everything goes right. Isn't that what people do?

Gaspard: A girl calling me attractive? It's an obvious trap. Why else would anyone pay attention to me? Look: I've got crappy looks and a crappier personality. That's a formula for pure people repellant.

Harris: Oh, come on. You don't look that bad.

Gaspard: How many people do you know have cystic acne so bad it says "please kick me" on their foreheads in zit-braille?

Harris: Um... only you, actually. But come on: you'll find someone--

Gaspard: Oh yeah? Some girl just right for me is just going to appear in my life, ignore my flaws, and live Happily Ever After? This isn't how real life works, Harris. You gotta put effort into it. I've got to stop looking and acting like crap before even considering being presentable. But "comfort zone", right? Let's face it: I'm not ready yet. Gotta grow up first.

Harris: If you say so.

- - -

Emiranlanoamar: No time. Work to do. Maybe in the next fifty years?

"Sir! Sir... Emiranlomaar? I beg a moment of your time!" by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, sans portfolio. on 2015-05-21 15:19:00 UTC Link to this

"I have found myself transported, sir, transported to this labyrinth! No spells come to my aid, I cannot be pointed in the direction of the sun or stars, and there are beasts and fairies everywhere! Moments ago, I am ashamed to say I fled from what appeared, against all rationality, to be some manner of upright mechanical man! I am informed that your department is the closest thing to a constabulary here, and therefore throw myself upon your mercy, sir! To put it bluntly, sir, I know not where I am and I am most grievous frightened!"

---

((This is the introduction of Algie, an upcoming character from the universe of noted inky breezeblock Jonathan Strange and Mister Norrell and general Friend of English Magic. JS&MN is a wonderful book, which I have recently reread after the so-far excellent BBC adaptation came out, and Algie'd fit right in; a Strangeite practitioner of magic spells, but moreover a gentleman of learning and good character, if slightly overmuch given to panic. He'll be a DIA Special Respondent paired with a refugee from XCOM's Long War mod, which makes vanilla XCOM's Impossible difficulty look like a massage from a supermodel made of chocolate and cloud fluff. Field Commander McCandless, the refugee in question, is a short blonde woman with a penchant for plasma weaponry that borders on the fetishistic and a slightly odd past. They'll be introduced in a proper fic that will be started Soon(tm) - I'm basically waiting on Iximaz to finish reading Worm so that she can understand what's wrong with the fic and also so I have someone to sob with in a totally undignified manner. =] ))

The Guardsman squinted at the screen. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-21 19:57:00 UTC Link to this

"Hey, Naya. I thought that we were having the Q&A with the PPC Boarders and their agents. Why is work popping up on my screen?"

"Just answer it, will you?" said the quarian as she fiddled with the RC's clean room controls. "So, what's up?"

"Some poor soul doesn't know where he is. I'll get it."

"All right. I'll be taking a shower in the clean room. Message my Omni-tool if you need me."

"Gotcha. I should be back soon."

"Mmh."

The Guardsman cracked his knuckles and wrote his reply:

"Greetings, Earl Algernon. Don't panic: you're probably in one of the most secure places in the multiverse right now. You've most likely stumbled across a hole in the fabric of the universe and fell into our Headquarters-- again, don't worry, you've contacted the right people. It'll be much easier for me to explain the situation to you in person than over this messaging service so how about I swing by and give you the tour? I've got your location logged on my machine and I can use a portal to get to you quickly."

The Time Lord glanced to a side screen and typed in a command. Okay. So this Earl was messaging him from a vacant RC. No problem. He turned back to his email.

"I'll be at the door to the room you're in by the time you finish reading this message. I won't keep you waiting, I promise! I look forward to meeting you in person."

The Guardsman signed his email and sent it. He rose from his seat, sidestepping various bits and pieces of electronic components scattered all over the floor as he made his way to his RC's front door. Once there he took his Inverness coat and tricorn from the coat rack and put them on. He dug in his pockets, fished out his RA, and plugged in the coordinates to the RC where the Earl was waiting. "Terabyte, hold the fort while I'm out, please!" he called as he stepped through his portal.

- - -

((Sorry for the delay. I had a rather busy morning.

Ooh, new agents. They certainly sound very interesting! I can't wait to see what you'll cook up for them.))

And just as he had made his plaintive cry... by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, sans portfolio. on 2015-05-21 20:49:00 UTC Link to this

A door in the air appeared. Algie staggered back aghast as a man in peculiar dress stepped from the portal, tripping over the Generic Surface table in his flight. "Are - are you he? This Emir of whom wagging tongues have spoken? Are you a fairy? Is this Lost-Hope? I dem - I humbly request that you take me to King Stephen. His Court is no enemy to any English gentleman, as you are no doubt aware... and, and yet I feel not a drop of magic in the air... and what spells I have tried to cast have, have failed, without exception... this is not Lost-Hope then... is this Hell? Are you the demon that torments the souls of ill-starred magicians, in some guise as a gentlemanly constable or some manner of magistrate? Speak, Sir, I would have an answer!"

Algie was white as a sheet and fumbling for a flintlock pistol. One does have to wonder what he'd do in an actual combat situation. At the moment? Cower and wait for the noise to stop.

The Guardsman nodded patiently. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-21 22:18:00 UTC Link to this

"Yep. I'm Emiranlanoamar-- Emiran for short or 'Guardsman' if you're referring to my old rank in the army. Pleased to meetcha. Answers to your questions, in order of vocalzation: Not a fairy, just an alien from Gallifrey. This is the Headquarters of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, which is actually located... everywhere. You're not on Earth anymore, sir. And yes: this is a special kind of hell. It's not too bad once you get used to it though. Whether I'm a demon or not depends on how much the other guy wants to see a police officer coming down the hall."

He noticed the man scrabbling for his sidearm. "Question, sir. You call for the police and then you drew a weapon on them. Why?"

"Because... because I mistook you for the fairies." by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, sans portfolio. on 2015-05-21 22:36:00 UTC Link to this

"I see now that this is a death of some kind, and a weapon will do me no good if my magic has left me. No, not dead... lost. In Limbo, as an unbaptized babe or pagan hero of old might be. I... I cannot go home, can I? To Perenelle Abbey, to the village, to the Hanover Square Academy... even if I am not dead, it is as close as makes no difference. I am scared, Sir Guardsman, I am scared to the very marrow and I feel no shame in admitting it. But I can... I can be of use, can I not? I was a scholar. A gentleman of means, which, which I suppose will be passed to my son. Agamemnon is a good lad, and will be a finer friend to English magic than the Wymbournes have been since the days of the Raven King, I know it, I... I wish only that I would see it, Sir."

Algie sagged slightly, fishing the pistol out and proffering it to the Guardsman. "I'm afraid I cannot offer a sword, Sir, and you have my apologies. This must suffice until I can have one made that will see me here. I do hereby pledge allegiance to your Protectors of the Plot Continuum, and hope that you will allow me to serve in the ranks of your constabulary. Becoming a scholar of magic takes considerable acumen and a gift for detective work, if I may be so bold, even in such a place as Yorkshire. As long as you bring no suffering, and only relieve it, you will have what aid I can give you."

The Guardsman accepted the offered flintlock... by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-22 00:39:00 UTC Link to this

...and held the weapon in both hands. "I humbly accept your allegiance. I'll do everything I can to help you settle here comfortably. Hopefully you won't get a nutjob as a partner. Oh, and can I just say... man, that was really fast. I didn't even have to do the recruitment spiel!" said the Guardsman, laughing.

"As for your son, don't feel bad: if you really want to go back home, we can arrange that for you... er, most of the time. If you're a semi-fic blip and barely escaped the destruction of your home 'fic... Yeah, that might get complicated. We're going to have to check. But if we can get you back home, the constabu-- er, the Department of Internal Affairs has some nice, flexible shifts compared to the other departments around here. You can pop back for a few hours, hug your family, eat supper with them, and be back in time for the next shift. The hard part is explaining why you work for an multiverse police force though. I can imagine that's going to raise a few eyebrows." The Guardsman stepped to the side. "Shall we walk? If you're going to join we need to get you to the Department of Personnel for the legal stuff. Registration, assignment, all that jazz."

- - -

((The Earl speaks so formally and the Guardsman is essentially a plebian who just so happens to have a degree in TARDIS engineering. I can't help but laugh.))

"In this, perhaps, I am more fortunate than others." by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, Internal Affairs on 2015-05-22 09:06:00 UTC Link to this

"My good lady wife," Algernon continued as he walked with the Guardsman, "is the gentlest, kindest soul in all of England, and equally, alas, one of the most incurious. Agamemnon, now, he would be more inquisitive, but... ah! I have it.

"I shall them them this: that I have been requested, as is often the case for gentleman magicians, to aid His Majesty's Government in a most secret business; and this is all that I might say, for fear of breaking my sworn oath to the Crown. And is this not true? I am given to understand our organization is charged with the protection of all things, though the meaning of your words is occasionally occluded; logically, this includes His Britannic Majesty George IV and all he surveys. Thus, it is not only my privilege, but my duty to enrol as a member of your society, and see how a friend of English magic may become a dear friend to you all."

Algie was summarily presented with a bevy of forms, which he signed with great flourish after being explained how to use the datapads ("Ah! A stylus, of course! In no dissimilar way to the manner in which Homer and his contemporaries inscribed their words upon sheets of pressed beeswax before the advent of the scroll!"). He then pressed the Guardsman closely for more advice. "Sir Guardsman, I beg one last indulgence, if I may.

"You have spoken to me many times of being a "blip" from a "fic", and now that I am more aware of what this implies... are we real? My wife and child, my estate, my books - are they too real? Or were we merely shadows upon the wall of a cave, dancing to the tune of some unseen master. So many here... they seem to have been pulled from stories and games meant for children! The pleasant Technician with the Oriental caste to her features mentioned the "benders" of her race, powerful sorcerors all and worthy of the utmost respect - but it transpires that they were conceived by a parade of Johnathons for a kind of automated zoetrope. Am I, too, a child's passing fancy? What am I?"

The Time Lord rubbed his eyes. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-22 20:12:00 UTC Link to this

"This is where it gets really, really weird. On one hand our home continua exist as fiction in World One. On the other... well, we've led perfectly ordinary lives, haven't we? We've both got families, friends, education, memories of completely mundane happenings, the works. Nobody from World One has spent their entire lives chronicling everything that happened to us, right? Our stories have main characters: my universe has the Doctor, for example. Everyone knows about the Doctor. Everything is centred around the Doctor. Heck, the show is called Doctor Who. But nobody knows about the rest of us. We got our own lives too! My guess is that by some sheer coincidence bits and pieces of our home universes filter though and pop up in World One. It looks like we're creations of some author in an office somewhere but what they produce is the tip of the iceberg. We're still very real people, just... not visible. Yes. That didn't come out too confused, did it?"

He then presented Algie with the flintlock. "Welcome to Duty, Officer. You might want your pistol back. Personally, I suggest that you pick up something that hits heavier than this thing. I'm thinking energy weapon-- how about you? And you mentioned being a magic user too? Can you tell me about it? My universe doesn't have that aspect to it. Science-based and all that. Always interesting learning new things, eh? That's the big perk of this job: seeing new people and travelling. Given the fact that you're taking this change of scenery really well I'd say you're going to fit right in."

"I, I still do not completely understand." by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, Internal Affairs on 2015-05-22 22:07:00 UTC Link to this

"Oh well, I trust I will be able to find the answer you gave with proper study. As for my magic... hm. A demonstration. A simple cantrip, of Norrellite manufacture, alas, alas, but it will do. Hm." Algie rifled through the contents of his pocket. "I have need of a mirror and - sir! Sir, I am sorry to impose, but your luncheon there, does it contain meat of any kind?"

The secretary looked at his cheeseburger. "Y'know, pal, I really ...in' hope so."

"Capital! I will only require it for the briefest of moments. If I may? I promise that it will be unsullied, on my honour as a gentleman and magician!" Algie yanked the burger out of the secretary's unresisting hands and placed it around a compact mirror. He breathed on the mirror, drew a circle, and quartered it, and there it was. The mirror showed an elderly man.

"Linfield! That old cur! Ha, I knew him for a mischief-maker the moment I saw him! That, Sir Guardsman, is Praisegod Linfield, Bishop of Salisbury, possessor of the aptest name in the country, and arch-Norrellite of the most grievous colour! His pamphlets are well-researched, but only because he has the blessing and funding of the Church at his disposal! What I could have done with that money... I tell you what I would not, Sir, and that is to fritter it away on scurrilous and derogatory pamphleteering! Old Puritan. I'll have his hide!"

"Yeah, boo, hiss, et cetera, can I have my lunch back please? Thanks, bud." The secretary picked up his burger and began to eat, noisily and with gusto. Algie did his best not to make a face.

"That, Sir Guardsman, is English magic. It can do more. Had I a bowl of silver and river-water to fill it with, I could repair any item at a word. I could summon a gentleman from Lost-Hope - and I believe I know the doing of that - but... I fear it pales in comparison to technology. I mean to say, Sir, your portals... they only appeared in the prophecy of the Raven King."

And this time, Algie did not speak, but intoned.

The rain made a door for me and I went through it;
The rain shall make a door for me and I shall pass through it.

And the air trembled, like a guttering candle.

The Guardsman felt a tingle run down his spine... by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-22 23:35:00 UTC Link to this

...at the Earl's last two sentences. Those words were charged with something-- magic, ostensibly-- but why? The Time Lord looked around the office. Aside from the temporary, eerie flicker of the air nothing seemed to be out of place.

"What," said the Guardsman, still looking around, "was that exactly? And forgive me for asking but... who is the Raven King? Well, obviously some important figure-- most likely tied to the magic you've just shown me-- but... yeah, I know nothing about your home universe. Sorry."

- - -

((Note to self: read Jonathan Strange and Mister Norrell. Judging by the various awards won by the book it looks like a great read.))

"The Raven King." by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, Internal Affairs on 2015-05-23 00:00:00 UTC Link to this

"The Black King, the King in the North, the nameless slave. John Uskglass, who gave unto England the magic of the Other Lands, who stood between the world and the wild places, guarding, watching. He is not as men, but nor is he as fairy. He is the Raven in Flight, enemy of Lucifer. The stones shall make a throne for me and I shall sit upon it."

And there it was again, less pronounced, but then, it was only one line of prophesy.

"Magic, Sir Guardsman," said the Earl, without the ever-present tremble of fear in his voice, "the Magic of England, and of the Other Lands, and of the Raven King. He is coming."

---

((Do. Do, and do not hesitate. It's enormous. It reads like a comedy of manners. In fact, I've heard it described as like if Daniel Defoe wrote urban fantasy. I am a fan. I am very, very much a fan. =] ))

The Guardsman shifted uncomfortably in his boots. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-23 01:40:00 UTC Link to this

"Man. That's some next-level creepiness right there. But you say he's an enemy of the Devil, right? I guess that has to count for something, right?" The Time Lord took off his tricorn and rubbed his short, frizzy black hair nervously. "Or maybe he represents some sort of third party? That always throws a wrench in anyone's plans. You said something about fairies? I'm assuming that those in your home continuum aren't the little Disney animated ones. Well, especially since you carry your pistol with you against said fairies. On second thought: if a flintlock is able to pose a problem to them then maybe they're not so bad. You just got to make sure you got a clean shot, though. Missing would be disastrous. We really need to get you a better gun.

"And at the risk of attracting more creepy happenings to my life, what exactly is the prophecy of the Raven King? You said it mentioned something like portals in there."

"Who is Disney?" by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, Internal Affairs on 2015-05-23 08:35:00 UTC Link to this

"Is he another puritanical Johnathon? There was a trend among them for a time for echoing that witless Shropshire bovine Bowdler and rewriting plays, books, and the old stories to make them, in their eyes, more suitable for children. I shall have to investigate this further; perhaps I shall summon a fairy-servant to gauge their own reaction. It might amuse them."

Algie subconsciously adjusted his powdered wig. "But you ask about the Raven King's prophecy. It is this. It is something all magicians have known, ever since the Glorious Revival."

And once more, his voice changed.

I reached out my hand; England's rivers turned and flowed the other way;
I reached out my hand; my enemies's blood stopt in their veins;
I reached out my hand; thought and memory flew out of my enemies' heads like a flock of starlings;
My enemies crumpled like empty sacks.
I came to them out of mists and rain;
I came to them in dreams at midnight;
I came to them in a flock of ravens that filled the northern sky at dawn;
When they thought themselves safe I came to them in a cry that broke the silence of a winter wood.
The rain made a door for me and I went through it;
The stones made a throne for me and I sat upon it;
Three kingdoms were given to me to be mine forever;
England was given to me to be mine forever.
The nameless slave wore a silver crown;
The nameless slave was a king in a strange country.
The weapons that my enemies raised against me are venerated in Hell as holy relics;
Plans that my enemies raised against me are preserved as holy texts;
Blood that I shed upon ancient battlefields is scraped from the stained earth by Hell's sacristans and placed in a vessel of silver and ivory.
I gave magic to England, a valuable inheritance
But Englishmen have despised my gift
Magic shall be written upon the sky by the rain but they shall not be able to read it;
Magic shall be written on the faces of the stony hills but their minds shall not be able to contain it;
In winter the barren trees shall be a black writing but they shall not understand it.
Two magicians shall appear in England.
The first shall fear me; the second shall long to behold me;
The first shall be governed by thieves and murderers; the second shall conspire at his
own destruction;
The first shall bury his heart in a dark wood beneath the snow, yet still feel its ache;
The second shall see his dearest possession in his enemy’s hand.
The first shall pass his life alone; he shall be his own gaoler;
The second shall tread lonely roads, the storm above his head, seeking a dark tower
upon a high hillside.
I sit upon a black throne in the shadows but they shall not see me.
The rain shall make a door for me and I shall pass through it;
The stones shall make a throne for me and I shall sit upon it.
The nameless slave shall wear a silver crown,
The nameless slave shall be a king in a strange country.

This time, the Earl all but collapsed, swaying upon his feet as he was. "He came to England, Sir Guardsman, as is the right of the King in the North. He will come here. He is coming. And Sir, as do all right-thinking men, I bid you do as I; and bid welcome to the Raven King."

"Right. I think I'll do that." by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-23 14:59:00 UTC Link to this

The Guardsman wiped his hands on his coat to get rid of the cold sweat that had formed on his palms. "Erm. Yes. Does the Raven King have a timeframe for his visit or something? 'Cause maybe this isn't the best time for a powerful magician king to visit HQ. This place is a bit of a mess-- loonies with weapons and all that. But if he does pop by for a visit I'll be sure to pay my respects." He then rolled his eyes. "Oh, what am I saying. He's a canon character-- he's bound to pay a visit here sometime after some badfic or the other. Not sure how much badfic is written about your home 'verse but I hope it's not too much. Er, for the sake of the good health of the Raven King. Yes."

He paused, trying to think of something else to say. "Oh, and you're absolutely right about Disney. If 'Johnathon' means something along the lines of 'marketing' then yes, Mr. Walt Disney has been taking old stories and repackaging them into family-friendly tales. You gotta admire the animation work, though. Very talented people."

"Ah. Yes. Well." by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, Internal Affairs on 2015-05-24 09:24:00 UTC Link to this

"The King... will come. This is known, and known to be certain. The prophesy, his prophesy, has already been in large part fulfilled; Strange and Norrell are themselves the two magicians mentioned. As for "badfic", well, of this I am less sure. I know not, but I believe that the life stories of those two gentlemen are to be adapted for... I'm afraid I cannot quite remember the name of it... ah! Television. From teleos, meaning "far". So perhaps there will be a revitalization of that community, and with it the attendant horrendous doggerel of which your documentation most eloquently speaks."

"Also," Algie continued, slightly breathlessly, "a Johnathon is an American. I believe the term comes from old cartoons from the days of their Revolution. I admit to it being pejorative, but gently so; like an old playground nickname for a dear friend, though how dear they view the mother country is unclear, considering they sided with the Corsican during the War... hm. I shall definitely be browsing the work of Mister Disney and his fellows, since I have yet to be assigned any work of my own, but your use of the words "family-friendly" gives me considerable pause. I fear he will turn the old stories into pablum, fit more for a mimsyish parson than a family. What stories has the gentleman remade in his own own image?"

"Look it up," said the secretary from around his burger, "you have a datapad."

"Indeed. I... yes. And if we select thus..." the Earl's eyes lit up. "This is a library."

"Nah, 's'definitely a datapad-"

"Sir, you mistake me, this is a library! In the palm of one's hand! Is it perhaps possible to convert a book directly into the form used by this magnificent device?"

"Uh, not exactly? I mean, you can scan the pages, but-"

"Excellent! Sir Guardsman, if you will permit, I must return to Perenelle immediately and retrieve my books. My man will take them to my Response Centre, and from there... all shall have access to my spells! Oh, I feel like a child at Christmas morning!"

"Go on ahead," said the Guardsman. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-24 15:38:00 UTC Link to this

"Just make sure to drop by the DIA Armoury and get geared up once you're back. You're gonna want to keep your Remote Activator on you at all times in case you need to move quickly. Oh! One more thing." The Time Lord smiled. "Give your wife n' kid a hug. Leaving your family for any period of time is really hard-- I've got a sister back home but I can't contact her. So you go on and take advantage of your luck and you visit them often! And keep that cheery attitude of yours. It's a refreshing change compared to everyone around here."

"I shall, Sir!" by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, Internal Affairs on 2015-05-24 16:15:00 UTC Link to this

"On every charge, I shall. You in turn will always be welcome at Perenelle, and I do very much hope that you will be able to call. Now then..." The Earl wandered off down the corridor, sorting out the last of his filing and bringing up a map on his datapad. "To RC... two million, six hundred and thirty-one thousand, five hundred and thirteen." He looked at the door of the RC by his side, which, painted in a cheery orange colour, bore a number seven.

"D-mn," he cursed, pronouncing the hyphen with some difficulty.

The Guardsman had started walking... by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-24 21:55:00 UTC Link to this

...down the corridor in the opposite direction of Algie when he heard the muffled curse behind him. He turned and quickly made his way back to the newly-minted DIA officer's side. "Hey, me again. Okay: actual, real last piece of advice. While it may look that way, HQ isn't very well organized. This place is spread across six dimensions and makes absolutely no sense unless you're a freaky psychic Flower.

"Long story short. You got your four standard dimensions: 3D and time plus probability and consciousness. Don't worry about probability, it only applies in certain cases. What you wanna care about is consciousness: if you focus on your destination or your surroundings you travel along the consciousness dimension and induce this weird effect where the local area will loop on itself. What you want to do instead is lose focus. This will allow you to move in the other direction in the sixth dimension and eventually reach your destination. It's not very scientific, I know, but that's how the cookie crumbles I'm afraid. When you'll go through Basic Training your instructor should show you a simplified map and explain the effect better than me." The Guardsman paused for breath. "There. I think you're pretty much set for what's coming. Any other questions? I'll do my best to help."

"Er, yes, if I may be so bold as to ask your assistance." by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, Internal Affairs on 2015-05-24 22:36:00 UTC Link to this

"I have been reading through this list and I fear I must ask you to indulge me once more. Is... anyone allowed to join?"

Algie sighed and turned again, pocketing the datapad. "I am afraid. My wife... she was always enamoured of Mister Strange, and rightly so in my opinion, for he was and remains the truest gentleman, Sir, the very truest. And I fear, Sir Guardsman, that she is... I hesitate to say the word. Her hair, for one, glows as gold when the light of a sunset catches it - and I have often remarked upon it, because she enjoys being told that she is beautiful, and I have no reason to lie and say that it is not so - save for a streak of crimson that frames the left of her face. Her skin is pale and she favours powders that make her paler. And, Sir Guardsman, she is more adept at magic than any I have seen, and I have seen many mighty magicians of the day! We entertained many, Sir, Perenelle is renowned for its hospitality and I am as proud of its reputation as a gentleman may be, and she has stunned them all to silence with her magic! I..." He wrung his hands. "You see why I am afraid."

And now that the Earl had mentioned it, the Guardsman probably did. Algie was a roundish sort of man whom, in his green frock-coat and powdered wig, resembled nothing so much as an inflated pea. His face was broad, his nose short and pointed, and his eyes a piercing blue and slightly too small for his features. The rest of him was nondescript, totally, totally nondescript. A common enough description for such as him, and most fitting.

"I love her," he said, "and Agamemnon loves her. Indeed, it is simply impossible not to! One would have to have a heart of stone! And I read of this organization and the devilry it faces and..." He trailed off, his shoulders drooping slightly. "I must apologise. This was a private matter and a private grief; I should not have inflicted my sorrows upon you. But I, I cannot... excuse me." He sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose between two of his hands. "You see? This is a curious habit! I do this, this gesture almost akin to prayer when I am dealing with extremes of temperament, and it is a habit that I have had since I was but a boy, and yet when I have been at Perenelle I cannot recall a single instance in which I have done it! This, this pistol," he scrabbled at his belt and pulled it out, "it is half of a matching pair with my good lady wife's, and she is a keener shot than a Greenjacket! I do not want this to be so, Sir Guardsman! I do not want to deprive Agamemnon of his mother, when my own was t-taken from me when I was but half his age, and which tragedy I am only recalling now! I do not want this!"

"Ah." by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-25 00:33:00 UTC Link to this

The Guardsman listened intently to Algie's speech. "No, it's fine," he said to the Earl. "In fact, it's a good thing you talked to me. Supernatural beauty, preternatural command of magic and superior marksmanship-- with a flintlock no less-- along with being enamoured with one of the protagonists. Those are all indicators of... that, I'm afraid. I'm sorry."

The Time Lord rubbed his eyes. "Your home 'fic is bound to be picked up by our Intelligence operatives: this is a textbook Suvian, really. I have to admit that things are looking rather grim for her. Unless... oh, that's genius. DMSE&R!" he exclaimed as he brought his hands together. "They've recently decided to expand their program concerning live subjects. Your wife-- if she's Suvian-- we can try and bring her to them. I honestly don't see why everyone needs to die all the time. As for your son, we have a Nursery here that can take care of him. He'll be in good hands. We just need to alert DoI and DMS and tell them about your case. I'm sure someone will understand."

- - -

((Seriously. Everyone forgets about DMSE&R.))

"Then it is done." by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, Internal Affairs on 2015-05-25 01:08:00 UTC Link to this

"I... it pains me deeply to speak of my wife this way. As a Suvian, as a subject for testing, like some poor departed soul's body under the knife of an Edinburgh anatomist. And yet I must, because that is what she is. My son is but thirteen years and I, I must explain to him that his mother is some manner of changeling monster. But it is not just my blood family of whom I must think.

"I am a gentleman, a titled man, and - I like to think - a man of principle. I am possessed of an estate of eight thousand pounds a year. I have servants; but a mere few, yes, but their families have been at Perenelle for generations. At least, that is what I believe to be so, but I am, I am unsure now of what is and is not real. If the Suvian is removed, then, then canon will snap back, and I cannot ascertain their fate. I must ensure their safety, Sir! For they are as much a part of my family as any other!

"My father once said to me, and I only now find myself able to remember him say it, that it is how a gentleman treats his inferiors that will shew his innermost character. You yourself speak in terms of Duty, of the burden you must bear to ensure the safety of countless lives who will never know of your existence nor mourn when it ceases. This, Sir Guardsman, is my Duty. It is a duty of care to those who have served me and mine. So I must ask: can they join?"

---

((Something else people forget: the servants. We know the Sue who rules as Queen has to be killed; what of her palace guards, her chambermaid, her farriers and coachmen and scullery-maids? It is no great stretch of imagination for an estate's master to be kind, and wise in the application of his kindness. They will be fed and watered; they will, arguably, have a better life here than in canon. Loyalty begets loyalty, and deserves it too.))

The Guardsman smiled at the Earl. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-25 01:45:00 UTC Link to this

"Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. We're short-staffed in every single department over here so any help they can offer would be greatly appreciated. You're absolutely right about the Duty: family is family and we do what we must to protect them."

The Time Lord nodded. "Right. First, we warn Intelligence, then we lay out special instructions for DMS or whoever is going to pick up this mission. We're going to get your people out of there, Earl. They're going to be just fine. Well then. Shall we go? There's people to save."

"I should say so, Sir Guardsman! And it is well done!" by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, Internal Affairs on 2015-05-25 12:47:00 UTC Link to this

"Once again, Sir, I am entirely in your debt; and once again, Sir, I am forced to say that it could not be to a more deserving man. But come, Sir Guardsman, we must make haste!" Algie powered off down the corridor, striding purposefully despite his stature being rather small and spherical. He was scribbling away upon his datapad, leafing through departments and quietly piecing together the places to which his servants would be most suited. Shortly, they were back in the Induction Centre, accompanied by an Intelligence officer and an enormous walking rose bush dressed in a suit of clothes, which frankly was by no means the weirdest thing to happen to-day, so Algie just went with it. The rose bush was introduced to him as the Sub Rosa by one of the other staffers, clearly from Intelligence themselves.

"I, I..." the Earl straightened, and adjusted his wig. "I am delighted to make your acquaintance. Madam," he added hurriedly after a surreptitious check of his datapad. "Might I also take the opportunity to commend your wit? Yours is a fine pun, and no mistake. But let us get to business. I have taken the liberty of constructing a plan of action for the integration of my personal staff..."

The plotting went on for some time, with the occasional delay for the Earl's delight at PPC technology to subside. It was still a good plan, though; everyone at Perenelle Abbey had skills that they could bring to bear, and while there had been an argument concerning the gardeners, an amicable solution was reach when it was brought up that fantasy continuua divisions were always on the lookout for people who knew how to handle dangerous lumps of worked, sharpened metal. Over time, though, Algie's unease returned.

"I pray that my wife remains unharmed, milady. I... She is a Mary Sue, this is beyond question, but she is my wife and I cannot help but love her, unconditionally and without question. It is not my place to say, but if you could find it within yourself to ensure her safe arrival into the bosom of DMSE&R's Live Subjects Program directly, I would be most grateful."

"I understand. Thank you, milady. Thank you all." Algie gestured to the assembled staff, some of whom had only wandered in because PPC people love a bit of street theatre. "This is a most painful episode in my life, and it gladdens my heart that you seek to help me through it."

"It's what de do here," said the Guardsman. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-26 02:35:00 UTC Link to this

"We help wherever we can. I'm glad we were able to help you, Lord Wymbourne. You seem like a pretty decent guy."

Across the room, the Sub Rosa conversed with her aide. "Very well. Bulldog, find someone who can perform an Intel run on this. If we're going to be mounting a rescue operation of this size I want to know exactly what we're getting into. Ask them to highlight a good moment for the DMS team to sedate Wymbourne's wife. We need to make sure she does not leave the Word World until every single character we can rescue is safe in HQ. We don't want to erase those potential recruits." The Firstborn handed Bulldog a dossier. "Make copies and send them to Mansfield for processing. This operation will fall into Active Recruitment Division's jurisdiction as soon as the Suvian is neutralized."

Bulldog took the documents and looked over them. "Sure thing, ma'am. I'll get on it right away."

The Sub Rosa nodded. "Go." She turned her blossom towards the Earl. "Good day, Officer Wymbourne and thank you for your time. You've been most helpful." And with that she turned and followed Bulldog out of the room.

The Guardsman watched the Flower go and then turned to Algie. "Well, it's out of our hands now. DMS and Personnel will do their thing and bring this thing to a close. Er, speaking of Personnel: were you assigned a partner? SR teams are always a minimum of two people. Can't have a single guy going full Leeroy Jenkins on a case."

"Indeed I have." by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, Internal Affairs on 2015-05-26 13:27:00 UTC Link to this

"I have the details lurking somewhere in this contraption... aha! One "Field Commander McCandless" of Response Centre 2,631,513. This is why I have yet to report to the Armoury, Sir Guardsman; her personnel file indicates that she is a weapons specialist, with particular expertise in the combat use of plasma. One of the technicians was kind enough to explain its use to me; guns that shoot starlight. It is like something out of a story, is it not?"

Algie turned, and his eyes were bright and clear, and not watery at all, by dint of some effort. "To-day has been a strange one, Sir Guardsman. I have learned that nothing is as I had thought; that my world is a winter's tale; that my wife is some manner of star-being; that my estate and all worldly goods may vanish into the aether without the presence of said woman, at the cost too of near two dozen blameless lives; and yet..." He straightened, and steepled his fingers over his nose, as was his wont. "And yet I have wandered through a soft place in the world, to a more dangerous one than I thought possible to exist, and have found myself among nought but friends. I have lost everything, Sir Guardsman, or shortly will. And yet, I cannot help but feel that it is... that it is for the best."

---

Field Commander McCandless is important, and also quite cute, and will be showing up later. =]

"Well, you escaped from a parasitic pocket dimension..." by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-26 21:27:00 UTC Link to this

"...that was unstable by nature," said the Guardsman. "Furthermore, your home 'verse stays clean, your son and your employees are safe, nobody has to die, and you've got a new job. I'd say that's a huge plus. Tell you what: once you're settled in I'll take you to Rudi's pub and buy you a beer or someth-- wait. Did you say 'Field Commander McCandless'?" The Gallifreyan man smiled. "Oh, I think I know who that is. I was at the range the other day and I was in the lane next to her. Very good markswoman. The targets never stood a chance. I don't know much about her but I think you'll be in good hands."

"Capital!" by Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne, Internal Affairs on 2015-05-26 22:24:00 UTC Link to this

"I do hope you will call for tea once my new garret is in a suitable shape for visitors, Sir Guardsman; moreover, if you have any future cause in which English magic will be an aid to success, do not hesitate to request any service I can offer. As for the Commander, for all that she has a most peculiar name, if she possesses your recommendation then I shall consider her a bosom companion already. Thank you once more, Sir Guardsman, for all that you have done. Bless you, Sir. God bless you." With that, Officer Wymbourne of the PPC's Department of Internal Affairs strolled away, awaiting new life.

He looked through the personnel file for McCandless again, and wondered just how common a name it was. Perhaps it was from the Colonies, or some similar place. It hardly mattered; he would know her by calling her name.

How many people, even in a place like this, could possibly answer to something as outlandish as Lola?

---

((Yes. Yes I did just do that.))

((Ah, the plot thickens.)) by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-26 23:11:00 UTC Link to this

((I like where this is going. I assume that this is going to be a catalyst for some character development on the Notary's side. They just need to meet... Well, I'm certainly looking forward to the adventures of Wymbourne and McCandless now.

A pleasure RPing with you, Scapegrace. I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have. Should we consider this RP canon? Semi-canon? Rough draft? I'm leaning towards "canon" but I'd like your input in case you need to modify something.))

((Totally canon)) by Scapegrace on 2015-05-27 00:50:00 UTC Link to this

I mean, for one thing, RC 2,431,513? 24-3-15-13. XCOM. I like puns. I'm keeping that canon. Therefore, I'm keeping the rest of it. If you don't wish to, be my guest, but I rather like his Lordship's origin in this RP and I think it shows him as the kind of man the PPC ought to have around.

Also, if anyone wants to check if they've got the right RC, the following is painted on the door:-

The Wymbourne arms. Which sounds like the name of a lovely country pub. =]

Questions! by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-20 22:47:00 UTC Link to this

Hi Harris! How does it feel to be the shining knight saving a damsel in distress from the clutches of a perverted drunken angel? *wink*

Now for Gaspard! Which one is your favorite food?

Harris: [Snoring] by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 23:31:00 UTC Link to this

Gaspard: Harris. Harris, wake up, there's questions for us.

Harris: [Snoring]

[Slapping noise]

Harris: Ow! I'm up! I'm up! Jeez! Okay. What do we have here... ah. Hello, Solvig. Let's see... Gaspard, can you zoom the thingy? I can't see a thing... ah, thanks. "Shining knight... perverted drunken angel..." when did this happen again? Well, Sonia and I have a fruitful partnership but I sometimes she gets in harm's way and then I have to--

Gaspard: Purim party.

Harris: What?

Gaspard: She's the girl at the Purim party. I saw you out of the CMC's peripheral cameras. You pulled Cupid off her. You know, the angel boy who shoved his face in her chest?

Harris: Oooooooooh. Well, I was only doing what was right, y'know. Good member of society and all that.

Gaspard: Food? Beef shawarma wraps, hands down. You have to make sure you get the pickled beets and the garlic sauce-- otherwise it's not a real shawarma.

Harris: Wait a minute, is she flirting with me?

Gaspard: What?

Harris: Look at the message: she winked me!

Gaspard: Yeah, so?

Harris: People don't talk about knights in shining armour, damsels in distress, and then wink in normal conversation. Is it flirting?

Gaspard: Don't look at me. This never happened to me before.

Harris: Yeah, me neither.

*giggles* by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-21 02:26:00 UTC Link to this

Nah, I wasn´t flirting with ya Harris. Wait, Sonia? Is she there? Hi Sonia! *waves*

Hey Gaspie! That sounds delicious! So, think you can take me out in a date to eat one of those thingies?

((Well Solvig is not normal, she's very, very, very weird, in more ways than one. Her favorite food, anything not made in the Cafeteria. Yes, she's flirting with Gaspard. No, I have no regrets. 8D))

Harris: Sonia? Er, hang on a minute. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-21 03:10:00 UTC Link to this

Harris: Nope, Sonia isn't here. I swear she was around just a minute ago-- Gaspard, what in the world are you doing? You're not choking, are you?

Gaspard: She called me "Gaspie", Harris! She says she wants to go out on a date!

Harris: Yeah? When a girl says she wants to go out with you, well, you say "yes". Now, go on. You can do it.

Gaspard: No. No, no, no. This is an obvious setup. Can't you see it?

Harris: Er... no.

Gaspard: Look. She doesn't even know who I am, what I look like or even where I work. This is exactly what happened the first time-- shame on me if I let this happen again.

Harris.: You lost me there. What first time?

Gaspard: You know... Valentines' day?

Harris: Oh! I remember now! You got the texts from "Sarah".

Gaspard: Yes.

Harris: She sent you pictures of her...

Gaspard: And I was dumb enough to send "her" pictures of me.

Harris: You bought her flowers and chocolate...

Gaspard: God, I'm such an idiot. Flowers and chocolate-- can you get any more unoriginal?

Harris: And then you waited on a bench in New Caledonia for four hours...

Gaspard: I thought she was running late but the pranksters were actually filming me during that time.

Harris: And then "Sarah" came over...

Gaspard: She took my offerings, laughed in my face, told me I was hideous, and left with her friends.

Harris: Damn, man. But Solvig looks nicer than that.

Gaspard: How can you tell? A quick database search shows us that she has no missions under her name. I know a trap when I see one and I'm looking at one right now. I'm not risking feeling like crap again just because someone says they want to go out with me. I'm smarter than that.

Harris: Whatever you say.

- - -

((Behold Gaspard De Grasse in all of his cringeworthy stupidity. Relevant comics.))

What? Did I say something wrong? by Solvig Karinsdotter on 2015-05-21 04:19:00 UTC Link to this

And who's this "Sarah" you're talking about? Should I beat her up? Yeah, I should. Hey Yunie! Can you say the "magic word", I need to do something.

Yuuna: No.

Solvig: Oh come on! Is important!

Yuuna: *sigh* Okay. Please, would you stop being an idiot?

Solvig: Not that one!

Yuuna: Whatever. By the way, your pet set on fire one of your comics.

Solvig: What!? *runs to her side of the RC* No, Lizzie! Bad Lizzie! *keeps scolding her pet*

Yuuna: *creeps to the Console* Sorry about that gentlemen. She's like that with everyone she meets, well mostly everyone, even if she doesn't have met them before or in person. And she'll forget it by tomorrow.

I'm sending an order of a beef shawarma to go to Rudi's, to be sent to Agent Gaspard de Grasse, paid from my money. Good night gentlemen. *smiles* RC #2814 out.

((Whatever it looks like, Yuuna Takamiya may be a jerk, but underneath all that, there's a heart.))

Harris: Hey look, you're getting pity-food. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-21 20:34:00 UTC Link to this

Harris: And she'll forget about you too, so no worries, eh?

Gaspard: Forgotten again. Yipee.

- - -

((He's great at parties, I swear.))

Sorry about the intrusion gentlemen. by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-22 16:23:00 UTC Link to this

But let me defend my patient. Solvig won't forget Gaspard, she will forget the events that transpired today, and she will try again another day.

She does not do it out of ill will, no. She genuinely wants everyone to become her friend. If you want to, Agent de Grasse, I might ask her to not do it again; but you will make her very, very sad.

Signed, Corinna Chan, Nurse from Fictional Psychology, Paidopsychiatry Division.

((Seriously Harris, ya think she'll forget the guy that was inside the metal suit? XD))

Harris: hey, that's good news! by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-22 20:29:00 UTC Link to this

Harris: Solvig won't forget you. I'm telling you, she's a really pretty gal and I think--

Gaspard: --it will end in disaster.

Harris: You're such a spoilsport. She wants to be your friend, moron. Why don't you meet her first and then decide if she's a wicked witch out there to stab you in the back?

Gaspard: Okay, fine. I'll try but she'll change her mind about being friends when she sees my face. You'll see.

Harris: [Facepalming noise] You're absolutely insufferable.

Gaspard: I know.

((Hmm...)) by Voyd on 2015-05-21 03:36:00 UTC Link to this

((I wonder how Gaspard would react if locked in a building with Kala or Gabby while the moon is full. Liminals go kinda nuts under the full moon, to the point where I personally think not even Anti-Lustin could calm them down.))

((I haven't reached the skill level to write that scenario myself. Sue me.))

((Well.)) by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-21 22:27:00 UTC Link to this

((It's a bit obvious, isn't it? Place anyone in a house with a half-human monster who becomes absolutely sex-crazed under the full moon and they'll be trying to get the hell out of there before they get raped, right?))

((Not just that.)) by Voyd on 2015-05-21 22:58:00 UTC Link to this

((The fact remains that they don't hold back their [often superhuman] strength, so it's very likely that if, say, a lamia was after you, you'd die from her affections.

That's pretty much the plot of Chapter 6 in MonMusu, except there's also a harpy [who's got razor-sharp talons] and a centaur [who's just plain heavy and strong].))

((That's utterly terrifying.)) by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-21 23:36:00 UTC Link to this

((And not my cup of tea. At all. It sounds like something out of a horror movie, not a comedy.))

((The main character's an invincible harem protagonist.)) by Voyd on 2015-05-21 23:41:00 UTC Link to this

((Don't worry too much about Kimihito. The girls do sober up/freak out when they think they've killed Kimihito... except he stands up and it turns out he'd fallen on a ketchup bottle. We're not sure what happens next, since it cuts to outside the house, but Kimihito's completely bandaged up the next morning. Misplaced anger for making them think they'd killed him?))

*tearing up* Gaspard? Is it alright if I hug you? by Iximaz on 2015-05-21 03:33:00 UTC Link to this

Something really similar happened to me in sixth grade. It sucks, but it gets better, I promise.

((No hugs for him.)) by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-21 03:39:00 UTC Link to this

((And it won't get better for him: this is Gaspard we're talking about, remember?

He is Charlie Brown, the boy who frowns more than he smiles. He'll never win-- or if he does it will go forever unnoticed.))

Guardsman! A question for you! by Technician Shui-Hua Liu, DoSAT, T&A on 2015-05-20 22:06:00 UTC Link to this

Do you know how can I get a Sonic Screwdriver? I need it for research purposes. What? I'm serious about that!

Pay no heed for her question Emiranlanoamar. by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-20 22:11:00 UTC Link to this

She pesters every Time Lord she meets with that question, this is the third time in fact. It is nothing but a bless that she has no gone to the Notary with it.

Nah, it's okay. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-20 23:06:00 UTC Link to this

If I recall correctly, Sonics are available by special request at the Armoury. Since they're a class 2 restricted item, you need the Quartermaster's approval to obtain one.

Personally, I don't bother with the Sonics. Lasers are more powerful-- better computer, better capabilities, better everything. Er, except the battery. The Lasers drew an incredible amount of power from their batteries: while Sonics can last forever without a charge Lasers are practically plugged in all the times. But the things you can do with a Laser... worth it. So worth it.

No worry, a Sonic one is enough for my needs. by Technician Shui-Hua Liu, DoSAT, T&A on 2015-05-21 02:40:00 UTC Link to this

So, what forms must I fill out and which proceedings and tests must I undertake to get one?

Nurse Chan: *sighs* I certainly hope you know what you are doing, Emiranlanoamar, Guardsman of Gallifrey...

Just ask the clerk at the Armoury. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-21 03:31:00 UTC Link to this

They'll fetch the necessary paperwork and have you fill it out. Once that's done you'll have to explain to the Quartermaster why you want restricted materials and why your current gear isn't doing the job. "Q" will make a decision based on that.

And of course I know what I'm doing, Nurse Chan. Rest assured that DoSAT will keep a close eye on that tech to make sure it isn't abused.

Well, considering that the required tools and parts... by Technician Shui-Hua Liu, DoSAT, T&A on 2015-05-21 04:31:00 UTC Link to this

... for the maintenance of the Danger Room, are really hard to come by... I could say that, yeah, my current gear is insufficient for my current assignation.

Nurse Chan: I certainly hope so. I am growing weary of her repeated attemps to break in to take mine from my T-- Skit! Spoke too much...

Nurse Chan. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-21 20:40:00 UTC Link to this

I'm going to ask you two questions and I want "yes" or "no" answers for each one.

Firstly: do you have a TARDIS?

Secondly: are you Gallifreyan?

*sighs* Guess there is no point on hiding it longer... by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-22 02:47:00 UTC Link to this

But let me answer first your second question: Yes. I am a Time Lord from the Cerulean Chapter, though I say it without pride, long ago has passed the time when I was proud of being counted among them.

And yes I do have one. But, I do not dare use her. Is damaged to an extent unknown to me, and she may bring me to a random place on time and space of the multiverse, from which I might not be able to return.

Oh yes! Before you ask, yes, I do have a Sonic Screwdriver, but it has not seen use for about a century, so I am unsure if still works.

First of all... by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-22 20:19:00 UTC Link to this

...how many other Time Lords are there in HQ? If this keeps up we're going to find half the planet's population here.

Secondly: my god. Since when were you in HQ? Personnel hasn't logged the arrival of a Time Lord since Agent Dives' metamorphosis.

Thirdly: just give the Sonic a good whack on the table and it will sort itself out. Those things are nigh indestructible and last forever.

Nine Gallifreyan, four transformed... by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-23 04:45:00 UTC Link to this

... if it would ease your mind, the population of the Eldar here, nearly doubles our.

That last word stings me; you see I do not like being counted as one. In fact, Personnel has not registered me as a Time Lord at my own request, since my arrival almost two years ago.

And I... have to confess something else: I lost my Screwdriver. Do not worry though, I know is somewhere inside The Box --my TARDIS--, Ijust do not know where. Much like the Armory Room... I have meaning to donate all of my weapons to the Armory, but I have yet to find that room again.

You arrived here two years ago? by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-23 15:16:00 UTC Link to this

That's when I came through! How the heck did you get here? By TARDIS? And why in the name of the Homeworld didn't you register as Time Lord? Not only does Medical kinda need to know this but... how can you be ashamed of being Gallifreyan? Were you in the War or something? 'Cause I can assure you that former Lady President Romana's faction never really stopped campaigning against Rassilon's little power trip.

Not all of us were in favour of the Ultimate Sanction and the deployment of the Omega Arsenal.

Yes and yes. I arrived near the Armory in fact... by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-23 17:18:00 UTC Link to this

...the centaur is a fine lad. *sigh* No, my refusal to be aknowledged as Gallifreyan has nothing to do with a war I just saw the first shots of. No, it was because of what happened after one of those shots reached my TARDIS, damaging it and sending me to a random part of the multiverse, and the multiversal travel that followed, that ultimately brought me here. I saw things that shaked my beliefs to the core and beings whose power dwarfs the power of the Time Lords. It was... a humbling experience, that shamed me of belonging to such arrogant race.

But now... I... Wait. Let me sit and think... *sits down and closes her eyes in meditation for a while, then opens her eyes again* Now, your words shame me, Emiranlanoamar. I... was unaware of the existence of opposition agansit Rassilon, and... Dear Aedra... I knew he was mad, but... Deploy the Omega Arsenal? Execute the Ultimate Sanction? I am speechless...

*sighs after a long pause* Also, there are other reasons I hid myself: My genetic makeup was contaminated at least three times during my travels, I am not fully Time Lord now; I did not wish to be entangled with the petty squabbles of the Continuity Council, and then there are my legal reasons, I have done multiple transgressions to the Laws of Time, and I fear that what would happen if it is known. I think that will sumarize my reasons to forget my own original name and become a renegade. But if youn believe it is for the best, I will go to Personnel to get my personal information modified and then present myself to the Citrine Theorist and Onyx Monitor Reader of he Continuity Council of Gallifrey-in-Exile, for proper registration.

Before you speak, do not think for a moment that I attempted to flee Gallifrey. I was trying to get to there before the Daleks to warn the Guardsmen, after all I was just a civilian with nothing but a Sonic Screwdriver with me, but my TARDIS was shot and malfunctioned before I reached Gallifrey.

You were caught up in the Blitz? by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-23 18:36:00 UTC Link to this

Good grief, you were really unlucky. Doubly so because Third and Sixth Fleet intercepted the Dalek Armada literally the minute it entered Gallifreyan space. You barely missed being rescued. It's too bad you weren't there to lend us a hand for the rest of the War, though. We needed every Time Lord we could get to repel the Daleks.

Multidimensional travel, eh? The Daleks must've hit your TARDIS right in the primary navigational computer without damaging the chrono-capacitor. There's no other way you can punch a TT capsule clean out of the universe without destroying it. Fascinating. If you'll let me, I'd like to have a look at the damage myself. I could write a paper on that and get famous at the Academy when I return! We could team up and search for your Sonic too. It can't possibly be that far.

And what manner of creatures are able to scare the Gallifreyan from you? How does that even work? Yeah, Daleks scare the crap out of me but I'm not gonna stop calling myself Time Lord because of that. It's our species name, y'know. Speaking of which... you're what now? "Not fully Time Lord"? What exactly happened to you? Regeneration usually kicks in if there's severe genetic contamination. And would you care to explain to me how you violated the Laws of Time? Come on: we're both adults and keeping secrets for the sake of being mysterious just leads to more problems in the long run.

Last point: the CCoGiE doesn't include all of us Time Lords in HQ. Case in point: me. Morgan's weird little club is more trouble than it's worth. By all means, go and update your status-- your genetic makeup might prove to be something interesting-- but I'd advise against actually joining the ranks of the Council. Just... no.

No, no, no, you misunderstand me Emiranlanoamar. by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-23 20:35:00 UTC Link to this

I do not desire to join the Council and their eternal squabbles, The Reader is the one resposible of surveilling the actions of Time Lords within this organization, so I must register with her.

And yes, you may look at the damage of my TARDIS, I was never very good in that subject at the Academy. If I knew how to reapir, uhm, that and the Chameleon Circuit, I would have done it decades ago. While we are at that, you could also help me with the finding of the TARDIS' Armory Room, so I can get rid of all my weapons finally. If you need to know, 'The Box' is a Type 47 TARDIS with the Mark IX Console refit.

How my did I became less Time Lord? By absorbing external bio-data while regenerating of course. And there was the time I received modifications from some sort of nanotechnology, that somehow did not set off regeneration; do not ask me how that works, I am as stumped as you are. And there was... *shudders* the time that one those beings that manipulate reality with a flick of their fingers manipulated my bio-data. Not sure how much I have been changed in total, but considering I regenerated twice after the last one, probably is not much. *realization kicks in* I have been overly dramatic, have I not?

Wait. Mysterious? You insult me Guardsman. I do not seek to be 'mysterious', I am just concerned for my personal safety. Case in point, while I do not really care that those bureaucreats know that I interfered with the History of Time Unaware Species, I am quite concerned of them learning that... *clears throat and pauses* I got... *pauses uneasily again* My first regeneration was a Sex Change Regeneration...

So? by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-24 01:11:00 UTC Link to this

You're a Time Lord. Changing sex after regeneration is rather uncommon but not unheard of. Why would you be ashamed of a normal body function? On the other hand... why, oh why did you mess with a T.U.S? When we get back home you're gonna have to hide that fact real well: the Second Doctor was put on trial and executed for that same reason!

And you didn't even answer my question: what is the species that could bend reality like that? The Q from Star Trek? Those guys play hardball.

...but putting all that aside, let's talk about fun things. Type 47, eh? My god, that's ancient. It's a good thing that you had the Mark IX refit on board: Type 47s had this rather embarrassing design flaw where waste from the TARDIS' fusion plant wouldn't properly be evacuated from the core. As a result there would be this massive buildup of iron particles around the main turbocharger. Now, this would cause the entire engine to seize up, thus triggering the emergency venting system and causing a spectacular blowout by venting plasma directly into the Heart of the TARDIS. Of course, the chono-buffers would clamp down on the fusion core and freeze it in time and allow the TARDIS to safely eject the entire thing into space. It's just that without the fusion core your time machine would be crippled but hey, it's better than blowing up. You'd just suddenly be plunged into darkness with only the rumbling of the engine and the ventilation for company until you find a flashlight or plug the backup grid to the Eye of Harmony. The Mark IX Console refit came with a much-needed fix to the engine design so you're good there.

If you want me to take a look at it, get your TARDIS moved to the New Caledonia TARDIS docks and gimme a call. Once I'm done with the Reader's TARDIS I'll take a look at yours.

And I must point out that ... by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-24 02:25:00 UTC Link to this

...in an alternate ocurrence of those events were he escaped Gallifrey, that same Doctor was locked in her TARDIS for having a Sex Change Regeneration --by suicide jumping from a pylon--, which forced her to use the de-materialization switch, erasing herself from history and becoming a neverperson. Which in turn, caused the events you know of. But, who said anything of returning to Gallifrey anyway.

Regardless, I am from the Cerulean Chapter, my family was not rich by any extent. That is why a Type 47 was the best thing they could get. I will get someone from DoSAT to help with the transportation, and if you find any weapons inside 'The Box', keep them as a form of payment.

*takes a look at the Guardsman face*
You are not dropping that subject, are you? *sigh* Let me ask you one thing first, are you familiar with the term 'Eldritch Abomination'?

Eldritch Abominations, you say? by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-24 02:53:00 UTC Link to this

Of course I know what they are. I killed them during the War. ~~They also killed me multiple times but that technically never happened because I'm still alive~~

So yeah, tell me about these guys. What 'verse? Powers? Physical description? Does the PPC know about them? I'm not going to let this go, you know. This might be a threat the PPC has to face-- maybe not Internal Affairs but External Security would certainly like to know.

*laughs* You jest, do you? by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-24 04:45:00 UTC Link to this

*pause* Dear Talos... You are serious. I can see you are familiar with the term itself, but not with its meaning.

What universe? All of them have them. Powers? Omnipotence. Physical description? Mortal minds cannot grasp their true form. Does the PPC know about them? Of course they do, and if one ever becomes a threat, the only option is to fall down on your knees and pray.

I speak of beings like Cthulhu, Aslan and Eru Ilúvatar, Odin from Rune-Midgard, The Aedra and Daedric Princes from Nirn, and Arceus and the Creation Trio from the Pokémon-verse.
So let me ask you this one thing Guardsman of Gallifrey, what will you do against the might of Hermaeus Mora?

"Guardsman of Gallifrey?" by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-24 15:54:00 UTC Link to this

Ooh, I like the sound of that: it makes me sound important. Go on.

Joking aside, what would I do against... hang on a second while I check the database for this Hermaeus Mora fellow.

...right. Well, he seems to be a very reasonable god-entity. We just need to talk to him: he's intelligent, we're intelligent. We can work something out. If you're asking what we would do to fight Hermaeus Mora then we can always try using a Umta-Psionic trap on the Daedric Prince and jettison him from reality using a Battle TARDIS. It's worth a shot. If that doesn't work, use a De-mat gun on it. It's going to leave a big damn hole in the countryside but hey, you want me to annihilate him from reality? Because this is how you annihilate things from reality.

It's totally reprehensible and constitutes a crime against the universe but this is what Rassilon did to fight the Daleks.

No wonder people hate us.

You have a fine hypothesis there... by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-24 16:47:00 UTC Link to this

...but sadly, that does not mean it will work. Usually these beings exist outside of reality, and reality is nothing but a toy for them. The form we see is just a mirage they use to interact with ephemerals like us.

Regardless, the point of this conversation was how they interacted with me...
Well, firstly, I suspect Odin from Rune-Midgarts had a hand in my "suicide", because I do not remember performing it. My next memory after crashing in that world, is me holding a bloodied sword, with a mortal wound in my gut, while I'm covered in the blood of a female Knight, and then regenerating.
My next meeting was the God-Dragon Akatosh, who I met in a dream and forced his 'gifts' on me. *shudders* I still feel so... *shudders again*
Anyway, while in that universe I made various dealings with some of the Daedric Princes. *chuckles* I bet they are still fighting over who gets my soul, despite me being outside their reach now.
When I was mortally wounded the God-Dragon presented himself to me again and send me to another universe where I regenerated again...
And that brings with my last meeting with one of these beings, after many years in that world, the Lord of of it, Arceus brought me to the place they call Mount Coronet, accused me of being a genocidal lunatic for killing thousands of his children, forced me to feel all the suffering I had caused, and then forced me to regenerate... in such painful way that I would not desire to my worst enemy. Fortunately, it allowed me to keep my current companions. And after this... happening, I decided to relinquish my weapons, and do not kill again.

And if you are planing to ask: I have regenerated a total of five times.

My, my. You've been places. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-24 22:49:00 UTC Link to this

You've met Gods-- capital "g"-- talked to them, received favours from them, have them fighting over your soul, and it sounds like you killed a bunch of innocent Pokémon.

Aren't you a special something.

Tell me: when you blow your nose, does your tissue paper come out all sparkly? Forgive my rudeness but you're starting to sound mighty suspicious to me.

Your rudeness, does not surprise nor bothers me. by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-24 23:05:00 UTC Link to this

Look Emiranlanoamar, I do not feel proud of what I have done, nor I like my dealing with those beings, that is why I decided to dedicate the rest of my days to the mental health of children. But if you think that it would be better for the multiverse if I died, shoot me and let us be done with it.

Okay, slow down. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-24 23:31:00 UTC Link to this

Nobody is shooting anyone here. Let's be very clear on that. Okay? Good. We're going to talk and nobody is going to do anything they're going to regret.

I have another yes/no question for you.

Are you Suvian?

*sighs and sits down again* Honestly... by Edhelistar on 2015-05-25 00:21:00 UTC Link to this

... I am not sure... By all accounts I should have been vaporized by the Daleks, but something, or someone took me out of there along my TARDIS, probably an Eternal. Then set me in those various universes, always manipulating and controlling my actions, in ways I would never had done... Like I was some sort of puppet.

Jävla fan! --Pardon my language.-- It was... it... Det var som att leva i helvetet. Sorry again, 'like living in hell'. For reasons unknown, the thing, whatever it was, left me here, four lives less and enough trauma for the next eight.

Once here, I learned of Nurse Robinson's story and the resemblance to mine was uncanny... --that is why I decided to follow on her footsteps, and work for the children.-- The events I passed through were just so overkligt, that I barely believe them myself. That is why I ask you, if you think that those events somehow turned me in some sort of menace, end all my lives now.

((In less words, she was a Player Character.))

It's not up to me to judge. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-25 02:01:00 UTC Link to this

I'm just a policeman, not the judge, jury, and executioner.

Come with me to Medical. They'll scan you and we'll see about their diagnosis. If you're Suvian, then you're not a really bad case: you're cooperating and you haven't tried to subvert the entire PPC yet. That's better than literally 99% of the cases I meet.

Why would I want to subvert the organization? by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-25 02:24:00 UTC Link to this

I just want to finally from all the skit that I dragged through by that thing. I left someone I cared for behind in each universe I was dragged in, a pet in the first one, friends in the second one and a family in the third. Cared ones I will never able to see again. I was fortunate to be allowed to bring my companions from the fourth one. So, if the decision if I die and leave this life back, or I live to see the pending appointment with Lapis Lazuli, rests on this trip to Medical, let us lose no more time.

Quit being so melodramatic. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-25 02:33:00 UTC Link to this

It's not like there's never been an ex-Suvian agent in the history of the PPC. We're just going in to make sure that you're not some weird sleeper agent or anything.

- - -

((It's weird because I imagined the entire conversation unfolding over a chat room and not face-to-face.

"End all my lives now."

"Hang on, lemme open a portal first..."))

Well, the Reader did mention something along those lines... by Nurse Chan, FicPsych, Paidopsychiatry Division on 2015-05-25 02:50:00 UTC Link to this

...regarding Time Lords, did not she not? Now, before we leave, I -- Where has Shui-Hua gone to?

~~~

((Apparently we were in different channels, 'cuz I was imagining everything happening face to face. Xd

Anyhow, did you forget about Shui-Hua? Because I didn't...))

Er, who? by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-26 02:46:00 UTC Link to this

Sorry-- I don't know who that is. Can describe her to me? I can have Terabyte search for her via the DIA security cams.

((Gosh dang it! Is the second time it happens!)) by Edhelistar on 2015-05-25 00:26:00 UTC Link to this

((I put my username instead of the character's name again. =P))

*surreptitiously taking notes* (nm) by Rina Dives on 2015-05-20 23:13:00 UTC Link to this

Question for the Guardsman by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-20 21:45:00 UTC Link to this

Since the Notary did not answer this question, I'll pose it to you next. How exactly did your feud with the Notary begin? Because it kind of seems like belligerent and unresolved tension of the intimate variety.

Okay, long story short. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-20 23:40:00 UTC Link to this

She tripped, a picture fell out of her dress, I commented on it, she's waged a campaign of terror against me ever since for reasons unknown.

Look, read into it all you want but the fact of the matter is that she's exacting some childish revenge on me for reasons unknown.

Question for the Guardsman! by Voyd on 2015-05-19 21:02:00 UTC Link to this

Is an overinflated ego a common trait to Time Lords? The Librarian and the Notary seem very assured in their superiority, and don't even seem to consider the possibility that someone might be better than them.

Honestly, that's asking for an invitation to prove them wrong.

Look at it this way. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-19 21:48:00 UTC Link to this

You are part of the most ancient and advanced civilization the world has ever known. Your scientists play with spacetime like putty, build machines and AIs so advanced they become sentient, and create marvels that are legend among other species. One word from the High Council can rewrite history itself and affect the universe as a whole.

How can you not feel powerful?

I can't speak for the Librarian or the Notary but I think the Time War changed us Time Lords. I learnt something in the trenches: it doesn't matter how big you think you are or how great you think your species is. When you could die at any moment at the hands of a refraction bomb, a sudden tau-gamma burst, a Dalek temporal raiding party, or even history rearranging yourself and deciding that the building you're in is actually a radioactive pile of rubble... well, your outlook on life changes. You don't talk so loud or act all proud. You start focusing on the basic things: are your squadmates okay? Is your family safe? Will you make it to see another day?

When you realize that your species' goddamn superiority complex is to blame for the bad decisions that led to your situation you realize that a) the High Council are bastards and b) you have to grow up.

Questions for Emiran by Desdendelle on 2015-05-19 19:36:00 UTC Link to this

-What's your favourite food?
-If you'd go native, in which continuum would that be? (Your home one doesn't count, obviously.)

Food? by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-19 20:02:00 UTC Link to this

Listen man, did you ever eat Korean food? It. Is. The. Best. Thing. Ever. My favourite dish is this hot pot with egg, vegetables, and meat over rice. Mix well and eat. Delicious. There's also this great spicy cabbage thing they've got going on-- kimchi. You ever heard of it?

Whaddya mean, I can't choose the Homeworld? It's the only place I belong. I fought and died for my planet and there's no other place I'd rather be.

...but if I had to choose, I'd pack up my things and move to Rannoch, in the Mass Effect universe. There's no insects there so I'd actually be able to sit outside and fall asleep without being eaten alive by a friggin' cloud of mosquitoes. Plus, it's my partners' home planet so they'd get to come along.

Another food question! by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 21:26:00 UTC Link to this

Alright, you ever have angel hair pasta with an herbed olive oil sauce with diced tomatoes? That's my favorite.

Pasta dishes, huh? by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-19 21:58:00 UTC Link to this

I can't say I've had that exact recipe in my plate but it sure sounds pretty good. Tell you what: I'll make it myself and tell you how it is. I have to admit that it's a bit bland, though. I could maybe add some pancetta or something... it needs a kick. Pasta and diced tomatoes won't cut it.

You ever hear of less is more? by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 22:04:00 UTC Link to this

I get you've been on diet pills or whatever for most of your life and probably can't get enough of the heavier foods, but you'll learn to appreciate lighter fare eventually.

Your little pasta dish is supposed to be a meal. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-19 22:08:00 UTC Link to this

Not a snack.

Give it some heft! Add some meat! Add some vegetables! Add some sauce!

Hm, well, if you want heavier stuff... by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 22:25:00 UTC Link to this

(Though seriously, you should give light dishes a try.)

Go for stuffed pastas like tortellini and ravioli. I prefer cheese-stuffed, but mushroom-stuffed is good as well. You might like meat-stuffed, since you're all about that, it seems.

And another question! Does your time sense get messed up in HQ?

Like you wouldn't believe. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-19 22:42:00 UTC Link to this

It's like having the weather forecast get 70% of its predictions wrong. It's absolutely infuriating but you get used to expecting the unexpected.

Questions for the Guardsman! by Iximaz on 2015-05-19 18:31:00 UTC Link to this

If it's not too personal, how many times have you regenerated? And what was your time at the Academy like?

You got questions? I have answers. by Emiranlanoamar on 2015-05-19 19:10:00 UTC Link to this

Officially? I've regenerated only two times: the first during the War and the second during the Final Day. The first one happened when I was crushed to death by a bit of falling Dalek that was shot down by our AA guns. The second happened when I fell into a plothole during my unit's last stand on Gallifrey. I fell through the Time Vortex and burned. I somehow found my way to HQ, met my future partners, and regenerated explosively at their feet. Not bad for an entrance, right?

Unofficially, in separate timelines during the War, I regenerated over a million times. All of these timelines ultimately ended with my death and a complicated troop maneuver through time to save the 442^nd from annihilation. Rinse, lather, repeat.

The Academy? Oh, that takes me way back. I studied in TARDIS engineering: everything you needed to know to design, build, and maintain a TT capsule. Lots of lectures, tests, note taking, and a surprising amount of hands-on experience. I remember this one professor who would bring in a circuit to class and assemble it in front of everyone while lecturing. It was a nightmare trying to focus on both her words and what she was doing on the circuit board. Nevertheless, she was probably the best teacher we'd ever had. The time rotor homework incident still haunts me to this day, though. We never found out what happened to Kevonozar's arm: the professors were quick to cover that up.

TDid anyone know there's an LOTR Musical?! by Anonymous on 2015-05-20 03:04:00 UTC Link to this

It's true! It closed in 2008, but it was announced that it just revived, and its taking a World Tour, starting in new Zealand. it takes most of its songs from the books. Only a few characters resemble the movie versions, so most are imagined. There's Elvish in the songs - Quenyen (I don't know how to spell it), because the producers thought it would fit the characters better. It's three hours, one hour for each book.

The songs of the Original London Cast:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZLGC9NJQcA

And a picture of some major characters:

LOTR musical by Steely on 2015-05-22 00:34:00 UTC Link to this

I'd love to see it, but it's just one of those things that never come to my home town (I live in an uncultured Southern town that'd rather watch football).

But it's cool that the soundtrack is available online.

9:17, "The Cat and the Moon," based on Frodo's song in Bree, by Silenthunder on 2015-05-20 03:12:00 UTC Link to this

..is my favorite.

So, anyone familiar with The Witcher? by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-20 10:41:00 UTC Link to this

Two days ago The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt game was released, but I wonder how many people know about the books that started it all; "The Witcher" saga by Polish author, Andrzej Sapkowski.

Aside my humble self, is anyone else into this particular fandom? For those who need explanation: The series' main character - Geralt of Rivia - is a witcher: a professional monster slayer, working for the coin to protect the common folk from vampires, ghouls and strigas. It's a typical fantasy setting: fictional kingdoms, the Middle Ages, monsters and magic.

Sounds interesting. by Neshomeh on 2015-05-21 15:23:00 UTC Link to this

Are the books available in English?

~Neshomeh could just go look it up for herself, but wanted to show interest and make conversation.

And Matt is always happy to reply by Matt Cipher on 2015-05-21 16:52:00 UTC Link to this

Not all of them are, but I am willing to provide my own translation for anyone that's interested.

The entire saga consists of two collections of stories:
- The Sword of Destiny (1992; English: 2015)
- The Last Wish (1993; English: 2008)

(The stories contained in The Last Wish take place first chronologically, and many of the individual stories were published before The Sword of Destiny.)

After that, we have the Witcher Saga itself:

- Blood of Elves (1994; English: 2008)
- Time of Contempt (1995; English: 2015)
- Baptism of Fire (1996; English: 2014)
- The Swallow's Tower (1997)
- Lady of the Lake (1999)

Also, in 2013, Sapkowski released a prequel to Blood of Elves called Season of Storms.

As I said, I only read the Last Wish by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-21 19:56:00 UTC Link to this

It was pretty enjoyable. If you like Game of Thrones and similar tone stories, then I would recommend The Last Wish.

I'm a bit familiar by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-20 18:40:00 UTC Link to this

I played parts of the first game, still haven't quite gotten into it, but I did read The Last Wish. It was a while ago, but I did enjoy it.

((Do you mind if I join this discussion?)) by Voyd on 2015-05-20 14:06:00 UTC Link to this

((Chakkik would probably try to restore order. He can cast Gem Missile: All, and there are few things more attention-grabbing than a hunk of diamond the size of a coconut pelting you in the head. Because it'd be spread to so many targets, it wouldn't really do any damage, but it'd certainly knock everyone down a peg.))

(( Nah, Nume's only there under duress. )) by Neshomeh on 2015-05-20 15:16:00 UTC Link to this

Possibly handcuffed to the chair so he can't escape, which he otherwise would at the first opportunity. Such as a bunch of bickering ~~two-year-olds~~ Time Lords drawing everyone's attention.

Actually, Phobos and I had a conversation about Nume and Brightbeard being off in the corner somewhere drinking and complaining to each other about said Time Lords. That could be a thing. (Brightbeard is someone Nume actually respects just a little bit. The good Dwarf doesn't pry, you see.)

~Neshomeh

"Oh she has definitely crossed the line." by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 20:18:00 UTC Link to this

"We're just waiting for Personnel to investigate. It's... just taking a long time. The Notary must be running interference like mad to cover her tracks," said the Guardsman.

"If you're interested in Emiranlanoamar's casing, I have the schematics on hand," said Terabyte. "It's only the schematics and instructions to build the casing, not the actual 'guts' of the screwdriver," it elaborated. "Emiranlanoamar will have to redesign the insides for DoSAT use. I have a feeling that you don't need electronic warfare software loaded into the computer banks or a high-power plasma torch function that can tear apart Dalekanium."

"You know..." by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 20:34:00 UTC Link to this

"I can probably take a peek into her console when I go on my maintenance rounds," Alex said. "Shouldn't be too hard for me to check out what's going on." He looked at Terabyte and grinned. "I probably won't need it, but what's the fun in only having stuff you need?"

Terabyte turned towards Alex. by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-20 21:02:00 UTC Link to this

"Firstly: we do not go around and illegally download information from other agents' consoles. PPC Code of Conduct, Section XXII, Paragraph V, 'On the Privacy of Agents'. Punishable by a hefty fine and temporary assignment to Cafeteria Duty. Are you going to stoop so low just to get back at her? This is how situations escalate. I..." The geth tried to put his best stern face on despite it being made of a glowing camera-eye and a semicircular metal shroud. "I forbid you to do so." It raised the eyebrow-like metal sheets around the shroud.

The Guardsman chuckled. "Aww, you got TB all riled up. Calm down buddy, I'm sure Dives junior won't do anything to attract the wrath of the Notary, right? It's not like she can bully him to hell or anything. Right?"

- - -

((TB, stop scowling, please.))

Alex held his hands up in surrender. by Iximaz on 2015-05-20 21:10:00 UTC Link to this

"Fine, fine, I'm sorry, I won't go snooping." Alex grinned at the Guardsman. "And nah, I'm not scared of the Notary, unlike R-" He cut himself off, looking guilty. "Oops."

"She doesn't scare me," Rina muttered, stepping on her brother's toes.

"Really? She scares me." by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-21 00:14:00 UTC Link to this

Terabyte turned towards the Guardsman. "Are you joking?"

"No. She wages this little bullying campaign of hers for no reason other than the fact that I know that she was not completely a horrible person in the past. She doesn't want to talk-- she just does these things. She has no demands. She has no goal other than antagonizing me. She can and will do anything to get to me-- she knows what my screwdriver means to me. What's next? Full-on destroying it? Taking my rifle? Trying to get me fired? What? What is her victory condition? You don't fight this long unless you have a end goal in mind. What does she want from me?" he stuck his hands in his pockets, thinking.

Rina was silent for a long moment. by Iximaz on 2015-05-21 01:39:00 UTC Link to this

Hearing that the Guardsman was afraid of the Notary... it made her suddenly feel a lot better. She wasn't the only one.

"Hey, I don't know. Turns out I barely know the lady, so I'mm useless to you," Alex said, shrugging. He pocketed his urple laser spanner with another shrug.

"I don't know either," Rina said, "and I've had the displeasure of seeing I to her head."

"Well, we gotta live with her." by SeaTurtle on 2015-05-21 03:21:00 UTC Link to this

The Guardsman shrugged. "Poop happens, I guess. Well..." He looked from Rina to Alex. "Sorry for disturbing your work but I really needed that screwdriver back. I'll get working on your screwdriver schematics-- and no extras for you. You're getting what DoSAT needs, not a military-grade tool."

"I have taken the liberty to upload the casing schematics and assembly instructions to your workstation computer," said Terabyte to Alex. "Please allow Emiranlanoamar a few days to work on his end of the project." To his partner, he said: "Are you sure that handing out Gallifreyan technology like free candy is the best thing to do?"

The Guardsman shrugged. "I don't care. I like designing things in my spare time-- might as well put my skills to use." He motioned towards the lab's exit. "Shall we, TB? See you later, guys."

A new order to watch the Star Wars films in by Silenthunder on 2015-05-20 23:33:00 UTC Link to this

This is called the Machete Order, and I'm gonna try it sometime. This article explains the film-number-order and why it works as opposed to watching by release/chronological order or by episode order.

http://www.nomachetejuggling.com/2011/11/11/the-star-wars-saga-suggested-viewing-order/

Thoughts?

I don't really hate any of them. by Voyd on 2015-05-21 15:53:00 UTC Link to this

Then again, I'm a tasteless moron who enjoys the Inheritance Cycle, Maximum Ride, and Mega man X6, so, uh, what do I know?

I don't really hate any of the six either by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-21 19:54:00 UTC Link to this

I just really think that the contrived love story in AOTC made what could have been a good film mediocre, and frankly if it weren't for Jar Jar, Episode I would have been pretty good. It also is not tasteless to enjoy any one thing. I do not consider myself tasteless and I used to enjoy the Inheritance Cycle and I still do not think it is bad, just kind of mediocre.

Uh, whoops, I think I made a mini-Mettaur. (nm) by Voyd on 2015-05-21 15:54:00 UTC Link to this

I can't bring myself to hate Episode 1 by Tira on 2015-05-21 14:32:00 UTC Link to this

I was pretty young when it was released, and it was the movie that really got me into Star Wars as a franchise, as embarrassing as that is to admit. Plus, I kind of had a crush on the kid who played Anakin in the first movie.

I understand it...But I disagree with it by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-21 00:01:00 UTC Link to this

The base order of IV, V, II, III, VI is not so bad, but the loss of I is my problem. I understand it is not the best quality film, and I understand that Jar Jar is a very annoying character, but with a saga like this, I think you really need to take the good with the bad. The problem is the prequels being made at all. As prequels they are supposed to be viewed before the main films. But the problem then is certain early spoilers. But I still think the best way is really IV, V, VI, I, II, III.

This seems like an order that makes sense. by ratbrainbasher on 2015-05-20 23:59:00 UTC Link to this

It'll just be like watching a Tarantino film. A really, really, long one. Episode one really isn't very good, so cutting it out does make sense. It is the second worst Star Wars film, and I think you all know what the worst is(I don't even consider the worst film part of the franchise). I would like to point out that the fight with Darth Maul might be worth watching, but only that part, really.

Which is the worst? Episode Two? (nm) by Silenthunder on 2015-05-21 02:14:00 UTC Link to this

The worst film is... by ratbrainbasher on 2015-05-21 04:13:00 UTC Link to this

Dare I say it? The Holiday Special. It is only a Star Wars film in the sense that it is a "film" that takes place in Star Wars. I tried to watch it, and I couldn't finish it. By the way, I read about 80% of the legendary badfic list, and thought it wasn't that bad. The Holiday Special is even worse than that entire list put together, and it does it while being about 0.05% as messed up as ONE of those items. I do not recommend watching it.

It isn't even considered canon by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-21 05:24:00 UTC Link to this

But that is the worst. But of the main six, I personally think II is the weakest.

In terms of the main films, I hate 1 more than 2. by ratbrainbasher on 2015-05-21 06:02:00 UTC Link to this

But that's just because of Jar-Jar Binks. That... thing just ruined the whole movie for me, and I'm pretty forgiving. I would say that 2 is the weakest movie, but it's not as annoying as 1, plus it has more cool action. I usually watch 2 when I want an action movie, not a Star Wars movie. When I want a Star Wars movie, I load up 5. And if you want to make 3 funny, just watch Backstroke of The West. Preferably the dubbed version.

Empire is absolutely the best by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-21 06:22:00 UTC Link to this

Jar Jar is annoying, but he does not force me to hate the entire thing. The really forced romance plot in II is just unbearable for me. It really makes it hard for me to watch it.

Empire was simply epic. by ratbrainbasher on 2015-05-21 07:07:00 UTC Link to this

The fake romance in 2 never really bothered me. It does look fake, but I just laugh whenever I see it. So I enjoy the movie, but likely not as intended.

Speaking of Episode Two... by Silenthunder on 2015-05-21 12:51:00 UTC Link to this

Here's a very interesting video of an in-depth talk about how the plot of Episode Two could have changed and brought in a new depth to characters and plot. It suggests something of a different storyline, but it could work.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3Rkm9is1KDY

Frankly I think AOTC is worse by [EvilAI]UBEROverlord on 2015-05-21 00:03:00 UTC Link to this

But if you are doing a series, I think you have to take the good with the bad.