Feb 2015 Archive, part b

If you want me to look it over before you post it for betaing reasons, my email is poorcynic(at)me(dot)com.

And I'd be happy to check over the draft as well.

I'm glad you were able to write something for her. I'd never have thought of a scene with the Marquis to be able to be that funny, haha. Admittedly I'm not very knowledgeable on the lore of the elves, but I still found it plenty funny, so that's a plus! It's good to see that not all bits and OC's end up too obscure to use.

That was so great! I knew I could never do justice to her character, and I hate seeing recruits forgotten about completely. Thank you for taking over her character.

I also love scenes with the Marquis. I think he's my favorite Flower.

...and making me backtrack some of my decisions in the name of The Rule of Funny. XD

You sure you're not some kind of sorcerer? :P

Have a Bleepolate cake.

...unless you're planning to ingest alcohol. Exploding would be bad. ;)

Any suggestions for what to watch on Netflix? The movies I'm trying to find aren't there.

And your birthday present is a "Nimbus 2000"!!!

As usual, enjoy your Iximaz Birthday Song!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
HOPE NOBODY MAKES YOU BLUE
AND YOUR CAKE DOESN'T EXPLODE IN GOO!

*blows noisemakers*

I'm old enough to legally drink now.

I still don't plan on ever doing it. I've tasted several different kind of alcohol, but the only one I even came close to liking was sake.

Have some delicious chocolate chip cookies! Oh, and a T-shirt with your favorite pony :)

Happy Birthday, I hope it's lovely take this Wilver sword. Enjoy!

Many happy returns!
Here, take this packet of tea as a gift. No, it's not predatory, why are you asking?

Because it's a Sue drug, so... hmm, maybe it makes sentient horses speak in abysmal SPaG.

...Ugh, dangit, why does this keep happening?!

Anyway, since you gladly reviewed my previous mission, I might as well review yours. Before we begin, I apologize for being unable to comment on it during the beta-reading process, once again due to my graduate paper hogging my schedule.

Looking at the badfic, I can see why you wanted to do this mission. I can understand the bad grammar and stuff, but the constant use of centered formatting is just... blech. I like how you used it for whenever the badfic characters were talking, though, because it helps differentiate which characters are speaking. The part with the agents' argument spilling over into the badfic was also pretty interesting - it's a reminder that if you aren't too careful, you may end up getting involved, and nobody wants that. Or was that the fic spilling over into the argument? I couldn't tell, and that really creeped me out - as it should've.

The training montage was pretty interesting, especially the way you made Randa screw with Marvin. It really showcases the relationships among both agent pairs. The part where Marvin blamed Printworthy and the latter didn't rat out Randa for it made me lol. If only they'd realized the truth. The transition to the next scene was a bit abrupt for my taste, though given the nature of badfic, I wouldn't have been surprised at all.

Marvin chewing out one of the Sues for her misguided cutie mark was a bit unexpected, but I liked it regardless. It not only demonstrates his knowledge of this continuum, but also that he and Rina behave differently when it comes to spazzing out in the face of an incorrect badfic detail. I half-expected the mission to just end off right then and there but when they mentioned the Stu, well, I suddenly understood why they left the Sue to her own devices after that. It's an interesting plot twist that kept me hooked.

The biggest surprise, though, was the stinger - I didn't know missions even had stingers! Mine don't... Anyway, Mr. Baker realizing that Lightning was an alicorn, his frantic demand for answers, the Matrix-like recruitment scene (Was that agent from the Matrix continuum? It would've been even better if he was!), all of it was just the icing on the cake, no puns intended. I'd have been tempted to put Mr. Baker in the Kitchen staff just because of his role in the world of the badfic, but I'll concede that it's really your call as to where he ends up.

All in all, congrats to both of you for finally completing this mission! *tosses Spikes again* ARCEUS-D@MN IT, WHYYYY?!

One such pony gave her gave her a bouquet of flowers and a heart shape chocolate,
"gave her gave her" is not quoted from the badfic, right? Or your tags may be off.

Apparently it happens again in the recruiting of Mr. Baker.
He could not think of any of any guard’s uniform that looked quite like this.
"of any of any"?

And then there is this:
He pulled out the spear, smacking the Stu’s head with the haft.
Did you intend to write "shaft"? My preferred online translator may mislead me here, but apparently “haft” is only used for short things like a sword or a hammer.

Anyway, this was a lot of fun to read.

HG

Why is there a holographic horse in my bathroom?

Oh, I beg your pardon, you're a 'pony'. Because that's so different. Can we focus on the bathroom-related aspects of the situation?

... right, usually these reports get pushed under my door, not hand-delivered by alarming levels of technology. But fine. Message received. I'll read it after my shower.

... fine, before. Now get lost.

Mission: The Lost Land
Agents: Rina Dives, Randa Roan, Marvin Jones, Printworthy
Continuum: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

I'll say one thing right out the door: these agents do an exceptional job of 'introducing' themselves to the readers. Marvin's assumptions about 'the Assassins' strike precisely the right note; it makes me almost nostalgic for the old days, when everyone assumed that the other departments were a bunch of psychopaths. The fact that his preconception survives his initial encounter with Rina and Randa only makes it more effective - his world-weary defence of his fandom being broken by the discovery that both Assassins are also MLP fans (I refuse to write the word... well, you know the word) is a perfect moment of characterisation. I hope he learnt as much from it as he seems to have.

Then the agents entered their fic, and in a storytelling moment that is perhaps too good to be entirely accurate, the roles are reversed: Rina and Randa are caught literally wrong-footed by their disguises, while Marvin plays the consummate expert. It's only Printworthy bringing him back down to earth that suggests there might be some factual reporting involved.

And... the report proceeds at a good clip, with the agents recording both relevant parts of the badfic (though they do sometimes go a little overboard with the multi-paragraph sections) and their own actions; I have to congratulate them there, since so many agents leave out one or (more usually) the other. The break for the magic and flying lessons comes in precisely the right place - suspiciously so; I suspect the hoof of Printworthy lies heavily on the pacing here - and the lessons themselves are both believable and revealing of the agents' characters.

And then, of course, things start to go wrong; this wouldn't be the PPC if they didn't. Marvin's interruption, sudden grimdark, the argument spilling over; it all acts as a perfect setup for the final showdowns. And yes, the Duty is suitably dramatic, without being overwrought.

It's very rare that I write one of these reviews without finding something to complain about, but for once, I'm forced to do exactly that. Except for that ridiculous holographic pony. If whoever is behind this tries something like that again, I swear I'll track you down and papercut you to death.

Now I'm going for my shower.

(Yes, it's on the blog)

I'm afraid to ask where you found that monstrosity. As always, you both did a great job. It's a shame crossovers are so difficult to pull off, since they're so much fun to read.

Now, here are two coupons for a free bottle of Bleeprin, one for Agent Marvin and one for Agent Printworthy. May they be of use for your... ahem... endeavours.

I'm pretty convinced the author was trolling us, too. Seriously, "Midnight Moon"? "Lightning Flare"? All those commas? Totally a troll.

Anyway, I noticed some things.
"...one more suitor. waiting inside the throne room for some reason."
The period after "waiting" should be a comma. Unless it is and my phone isn't showing it right.

"...large double doors that lead into the throne room."
Led, not lead.

"...and lobbing it at the her."
Use "her" or "the Sue".

There are probably more, but I dislike typing on my phone. :P

But srsleh, why wud u talk about spain? spain isnt in equestryer. ur dum. =]

((I couldn't resist and I am not even a little bit sorry.))

That was magnificent, simply astonishing! I have to say, this fic seemed to have given everypony a drug problem. I laughed most of the way through, and I especially loved the methods of execution. Fantastic work, agents.

Wow. Even the excerpts are enough to show how ridiculous this fic was! I honestly had the urge to headwall; the badfic was so stupid.

Good work sporking it.


But there are still errors:

1) The most recent series arcs were actually pretty helpful in terms of character development.

You're missing an apostrophe: The most recent series' arcs...

2)watching the students and Team Rocket apply Potions to the Pokémons’ wounds

"Pokémon" is the same in the singular and the plural. Move the apostrophe: "Pokémon's wounds"

3)Another mini-Missingno, Houen, flew over to join the others, this one looking like a little black ghost.

This one is not as much an error as it is an FYI. "Houen" is the correct transliteration of the Japanese name for the region, even though the English version spells it "Hoenn." But this mission is yours and Iximaz's, so I'll leave it up to you whether you want to keep the Houen-mini or not.

4) I’m not to keen on owning one, anyway.

Missing an O: not too keen

5)and you never found someone trying to steal your horde

Homophone error. The correct word is horde.
You hoard stuff. A big enough horde might be able to take your stuff away by force.

6)“It was nice to see you, too,” the Armored Bird Pokémon replied

Skarmory, you've forgotten your own species name? It's Armor Bird; no -ed.

But Since eatpraylove is still doing homework:

and a moment later, the it had launched itself at him,

Mini alert: Terrodactyl should be “Terrordactyl"

Potential pronoun problem: He looked at him and shrugged.
The paragraph break may be sufficient to imply that this is Ripper looking at and then answering to Falchion, who spoke in the last paragraph, but it is not very clear.

And good Whirlwind or two would redirect them if anything went wrong, anyway.
Apparently an "a" is missing between "And" and "good".

HG

I honestly wasn't expecting Ripper to ever show up again. Good to know he got a bit of redemption.

Anyway, a couple things I noticed:
...that he he had been squatting upon.
Stray "he."

"Cori Falls? I must dare say, brother..."
That's not how you use "dare say," and adding "must" just sounds silly. Replace with "I must say" or "I must admit".

...Pokémon trainer versions of themselves with an aesthetic akin to the newer games.
So are Rina and Randa disguised as main-character lookalikes or an NPC trainer class or what? Be specific, please.

Rescued minis: pokemon (pixels)
Didn't we establish here that no two minis have the same misspelled name? Missingno are weird, so the rule might not apply to them, but as I recall, pokemon is shaped like an Aerodactyl skeleton.

I'd add more, but I have some homework to do.

The triceratops' name is Marsha, not Martha.

Main reason I remember is because it's a homophone for my late grandmother's name.

I haven't finished reading, but so far the mission's pretty good! I'm just waiting for someone to sing Walk the Dinosaur near Ripper.

My main feeling from this mission is one of being kept constantly off-balance - mostly by Ripper. Zombie raptor Deinonychus, Archeops, character motivation... he just kept throwing out new stuff to absorb. (And you'll be glad to hear, I hope, that not reading the mission he first appeared in doesn't stop me understanding what's going on)

Also. Smaug in a Poke Ball. :O Perfect.

hS

(There would've been a response ficlet from the DMSE&R here, except that I'd misremembered which of my adopted agents were in that department. Sorry!)

Let me congratulate you both for the hard work!!! Well since Miss Dives did two jobs, but already took a "Nimbus 2000", it seems fair that only receives one gift for her hard work. *Takes out a weird golden disc* Here, have a Gen-IV TM-25, I'm sure you'll have a use for it. *winks*

And you my dear metallic friend, have a Gen-IV TM-91, even if you don't like it, I think you could get something for it in a exchange with someone. *disappears into the shadows*

I'll take care of my agents' pages tomorrow, but I've been kicked off the desktop for the evening and will be unable to do any editing until then.

Honestly, I think it's been becoming less and less interesting since gen 3... A good part of the fun was in the fandom, and there was way less popular following after Crystal.
Though this song is still being referenced in French web videos. But that's because France has the most awesome youtubers, and there's nothing you can say to change my mind. (Unless we get the AVGN and Doug Walker to make a dramatic reading of a slashfic about them, I guess)

...I DO know a lot about it thanks to Tumblr.

So all I have to say about this is...

What's a profiterole? It sounds fancy and vaguely delicious.

Anyway, have a banana! It's good for you :)

-Takes a nest of rats, puts them in a row-
-They dance the conga-
There are your conga rats, Elcalion.

And that amount of time merites a truly epic gift! Here you can have Deputy Green Lantern Corps Power Ring. It comes with a full charge, but by its very nature it has no Power Battery, so it only has one charge, use it wisely; shuts down if the user tries to go Flamethrower Crazy and crumbles into dust when the charge is used up. May be of use for the endeavors of the ESAS!

Now for characters reactions!

*In Medical*
Cookie Chan: *Connected to the Glitter Dialysis Machine* Party!? Where? I wanna go!! *Gets restrained by the medical staff* NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I WANNAA GOOOOO!!! *Cries loudly*

Random nurse: Sorry, you can't. Besides you've an appointment with FicPsych later.

Cookie Chan: *Sobs some more*

*Meanwhile at the OFUM Library*
Erynloth: Party? Is some kind of feast? *Sighs* Sorry, my "research" about this "pop culture" thing requires my full attention. *Takes her attention back to the library's PC*

*At DoSAT, T&A Division*
Technician Liu: A party? Great! *Something explodes in the background* I will bring some jasmine tea!

Wow, ten years, congratulations. Do I count as having five years service when I've not actually posted anything in the past three years? First day back and there's a part, I remember why I liked the PVP. Have this copy of Revenge of the South, released in 2005!

Oh, and be sure to keep the alcohol away from the Ewoks!

2005... Wow, that was almost two thirds of my life away, but it still feels like yesterday. That's weird.
So, uh, as a gift... Hang on, something 2005-related... *searches through the Bag*
Here, have this bird cage with a plastic dove inside. It's completely relevant, I swear.

Sadly, I don't have any agents yet, so, I don't think I'll be able to--
"Hey, what about me?"
You don't even exist yet, sorry.
"Yeah, but that means I've got nothing to do! I'm getting bored here! And those things look tasty!"
Listen... What's even your name?
"I'm pretty sure we've agreed on Harry..."
No, you came up with it a few days ago and just assumed I was okay with it. Besides, this pun is both horribly stupid and confusing.
Anyway. You can't go to a PPC party. You're not even supposed to know about it yet. And people will definitely notice you. It's not like you can... Please tell me this isn't a DORKS.
"Uh... This isn't a DORKS? Except it is. I'll put it back inside that Agent's pocket as soon as I'm done, though."

*sigh*

Fine... You can go to the party. Just behave correctly, don't get noticed... And don't steal anything else.

Wish I'd been around since 2005. Where was I back then? Third grade

Anyway, wow! Special occasions like this call for special presents, so take this urple Niffler-proofed crate! It contains all the trappings to make your new pet chirping Niffler feel at home. (Feel free to repaint the crate.) Aside from being excellent treasure finders, Nifflers are also very cuddly! Just make sure to remove all shinies before petting.


Rina: *reaches for a drink*

Zeb: *sniffing* I wouldn't drink that if I were you. It's alcoholic and contains Bleep.

Rina: *disappointed* Well, what about those chocolate things? Are those safe?

Zeb: I think so—

Rina: Sweet! *loads up a plate and starts chowing* Mm, these are good! Want one?

Zeb: I would, thank you. *nibbles daintily*

Agent Kaitlyn: WOOOOOOO! PARTY! Why is there a party?

Agent Selene: I understand it's because-

Agent Kaitlyn: Wait, nevermind, don'tcare, chocolate! WOOOOO! CHOCOLATE!

Man, it's been a long time, hasn't it? Good to (still!) have you here.

hS

For the book, I mean. It's homemade, so not of the best quality, but still it's more thorough than just plain holy water. It should serve you well if you ever come by Fifty Shades in a setting where it's legal for you to destroy it utterly.

Be warned, though, it's nigh on impossible to get the residue off concrete. I've still got a blotch on my front walk from when I last used it.

That said, I think the whole thing is hilarious! Not the book, never read it, but the whole idea that there will be a mainstream movie about it, with thousands of people watching not-so-softcore porn in theaters is ridiculous! Especially with the corniness of the book it's based off of.
I guarantee you, when the Rifftrax folks get their hands on it, I will be watching them ripping it to hell and back.

Now, to help calm yourselves, and make all things in the world better, have Team Four Star and the Nostalgia Critic himself read it in various voices. NSFW, obviously.

(and doubtless above, by this time tomorrow), it was actually showing up in TV adverts over Christmas. Not, like, for itself, or handcuffs or whatever - there was an advert for a supermarket or TV channel or somesuch which featured Dear Old Granny reading it in the corner.

Which, um. Yeah.

(You'll be glad to hear that - according to a certain Huinesoron - Acacia doesn't think it's very good)

hS

Keep in mind that this is a high school class, but that didn't seem to concern anyone when at least eight girls said they couldn't wait to see the movie. Apparently they're going for Valentine's Day, to which I say: Bleargh.

But no, it's not just the kids! Even my teacher says she enjoyed the book. Normally I'd start crying about this, but... I constantly have to correct her grammar (she can't seem to keep your/you're straight) and she didn't know the meaning of apathetic. "A hatred for something".

Um, no.

So the book was bad enough, but the fact that everyone seems so excited for a movie just scares me.

If you need me, I'll be in my bunker.

I tend to agree with you, and for the same reason I don't like Twilight--it pretty much turns a woman into a passive object.

I've read a little about the kinky whips-and-chains thing some people like (hey, I'm asexual and I was curious), and the one thing I see all the time is people saying that the point of it is for everyone involved to enjoy it. It's pretend. No one's actually enslaved, or forced, or whatever. I don't want to go further than that because let's keep it PG-13, yeah? But this is a voluntary thing that people do because they like it.

But Fifty Shades of Gray seems to ignore all that in favor of... uh... basically romanticizing stockholm syndrome. Or near to it--at least, implying that it's romantic to actually be powerless, as opposed to pretending while you get it on with your partner. It's the same thing as Twilight.

If it were PWP, I don't think people would be so disgusted by it, but it apparently makes an attempt at characterization and story--and fails badly at both.

I haven't read it, but there's this very thorough MST of it by Astral Void, and if half of what I read is true... ew. Just, ew.

"Lux studied the Dalek dubiously. 'I'm really not sure how this is supposed to work,' she said."

It's kinda hard to believe Luxury wouldn't know something about that. With or without Daleks. ;)

'You have unlocked: Luxurious Agent. Agent Luxury is now available. /So/ available.'

I had a great laugh at this line.

'Selene Windflower, Kaitlyn Jackson & Kaitlyn Jackson'

A 3some with 2 people. Interesting, haha!

Quests Completed: -- 28 --
Unlock: Luxurious Agent
Unlock: Triple Combinations
Unlock: New Recruit
Unlock: Romance Novels
Unlock: MA-STERS OF RO-MANCE

B) This is the farthest I've made it so far. I had a lot of fun with this, thank you for making it! I laughed a lot, especially on the land two unlockables. I found myself narrating the Novels with glee! While my dream of 3 MA-STERS OF RO-MANCE in the same novel never came true, I'm sure it would have been GLO-RIOUS.

A nice fun time for Valentine's day. Once again, thank you!

I've yet to score over three, but I'm not going to stop trying until I beat the game.

Now I'm off to mess around some more. :D

Mine was yesterday, and here I thought close to today was special! I guess Friday the 13th is still good? Haha! Hopefully your day goes great!

Have the Iximaz Birthday Song!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
HOPE NOBODY MAKES YOU BLUE
AND YOUR CAKE DOESN'T EXPLODE IN GOO!

*blows noisemakers*

I'm at a wedding right now, so, have a piece of the cake, it's delicious!

Oh, for Arceus' sake... Ah well, here's a dustpan and a Cleansweep 11 to collect the Spikes with. You can keep 'em, too - they're great for setting up entry hazards!

Have a set of flower bookmarks and a can of compressed air (for cleaning out keyboards and suchlike)!

Have this bowl of home-made chicken soup. It's the best there is.

I'll give ya a +2 Muramasa, a katana from the Ragnarök continuum that gives you +30% Critical Hit Rate, +8% Attack Speed and has a 10% of giving you the "Curse" status on hit.

Have the best magic shovel I can give you: a +1 holy keen vorpal shovel.

It has double the normal crit rate, and automatically beheads on a successful crit! Also does extra damage to evil creatures, and bypasses their damage reduction!

Eat cake, drink soda, and be merry! *Blows party horn*

So, what video games are you gonna get?

I'd suggest Pokémon XY or ORAS because I'm currently obsessing over them right now

I’ve never heard a word about Kid Icarus, so I cannot say much. Anyway, I liked your agents’ interaction.

According to the Wiky, there is no Impetus miserablis. It should be Impetus miserabilis.

Not one of the characters they had met today had deserved what had they had witnessed or felt.
Aren’t there to many hads?

I would never have expected that such good use could be made of Sarah’s tickling fetish.

HG

Interesting mission, though you may have to clear up what's going on with Carmine.

Let me see if I'm understanding this correctly: Canon Pit was possessed by a Sue-wraith. The agents exorcised it. But given that the AU could have been plausible, Palutena basically removed the badfic portions of the wraith (e.g., the emo and wangst aspects), thus converting it into an AU doppelganger of Pit for you to recruit.

Am I correct?

A different query: Why is Sarah swearing by Steve Rogers? IIRC, Captain America is not part of the Incredibles universe.

That aside, the mission itself was pretty interesting, and the "dark reprise" was pretty creative.

There are some errors that I caught:

1) Rashida’s glare could have burned through the Omnidroid. “…Or not,” Sarah said meekly.

This line should be two separate paragraphs, since there are two "speakers," Rashida and Sarah.


2) The two of them watched the scene with Pit confronting the group of gods replay from Viridi’s point of view.

This sentence is grammatically correct, and I could figure out what you were trying to say—on a second reading of the sentence. It's awkwardly worded. Please consider rewording it. How about this instead: "The two of them watched a replay of the scene with Pit confronting the group of gods, thid time from Viridi’s point of view."


3) "Two people were beckoning her to come and talk to them from behind a tree."

Dangling modifier. (Are the two people behind a tree, or are they telling her to talk to them from behind a tree?). Rephrase to clarify what you intend to convey. Consider this: "From behind a tree, two people were beckoning her to come and talk to them."

Or perhaps this: "Two people were beckoning her from behind a tree to come and talk to them."

Though in hindsight, it seems like my first suggestion is better.


3) And that’s exactly what it wants too.
You need a comma before "too".


4) PSTD
You got the letters mixed up. It's "PTSD"

I've never played a single Kid Icarus-related game, but it was a pretty fun read. I also liked, ahem, certain post-mission shenanigans with Carmine. Yes indeed.

Now, since I can't provide a canon gift, I shall instead provide a small droid for you. Its name is Sab Qassi, and shall function as an intelligent, highly mobile quiver so you don't have to wear it - there's a bandolier with a charging station, but the hoverpad ought to be good for a good few days' constant use. Little guy's not quite a knife missile, but then what is? =]

First off, a possible typo - on pg. 16, Sarah calls Rashida a loin (and Rashida refers to it on pg. 18, using the same spelling). I think you meant lion?

If you did mean loin, I don't think it really works there. It doesn't make much sense as a sanitized swearword, given the f-bombs that are dropped in the same scene, and as a reference (to Iximaz's Loin!Sue?) it's a little too obscure. Even if it's not meant to be a typo, given Rashida's leonine nature, it feels like one. If it's intentional, I'd have the characters explain it in-text.

Also, the link to the badfic doesn't work and I can't find it on the author's page. I don't know if it's been deleted or if I just don't understand Wattpad, but I figured you might want to know.

As for more general feedback, I really liked the conflict between Sarah and Rashida. It felt like it developed naturally, and did a good job representing the tipping point between "quarrelsome partners" and "negative relationship." I would have liked to see a little more resolution to that argument, although it may be that that's coming at some point in the future.

Personally, though, I felt like you tried a little too hard to force the badfic into being something it wasn't in order to justify your treatment of it, if that makes sense. I'm probably not in the best position to comment on this, since I don't know the fandom and can't find the fic, but I didn't really understand why you felt V.R. was salvageable based on what you showed in your mission. Especially based on the first passage you quote from the fic, she comes off like a very blatant Sue. Even more, she's one of my least favorite variations, the Grimdark!Sue who turns canonically good characters into villains just so she can look badass by opposing them. Within the mission, you try to excuse her by saying she genuinely wants to help Pit, but I don't buy it. Lots of Sues claim that they want to help their targets. Here, the fact that we learn of Pit's issues through Violet's PoV reinforces the idea that she's the one responsible for their existence. And given her relationship with Pit, it feels like she's trying to reshape him from his canon characterization into the angsty rebel that she really lusts after.

I'm not saying that that's the only valid interpretation of the story. However, I think it would make the mission as a whole seem stronger if you focused it a little more on V.R.'s recruitment. I know that the whole issue with Pit is fairly complicated and needs to be explored, but her recruitment is kind of just thrown in there, and it feels like an afterthought.

Ironically, it also muddies the issue of Cupid's recruitment - by making him more responsible for the fic's flaws, it makes his suitability as a recruit seem more questionable. If you'd just made her the main perpetrator, I don't think I would have any issues with his recruitment. In that sense, I think killing Violet and recruiting Cupid would have been the "cleaner" option, though maybe I'm just being overly bloodthirsty, or prejudiced because I really dislike needlessly grimdark fics.

Sorry for focusing so much on the aspects of your mission that I didn't care for! Overall, I though there was a lot of really good stuff in there, but I wanted to make sure you understood where I was coming from. I also think that expanding on some of the stuff, such as through an intermission, would make a big difference. There are some really interesting possibilities with your decisions, and it may be that I just need to wait for them to be explored.

You picked a heck of a seventh mission, I'll say that much. Parts of it were painful to read even when we were still writing it! (But that might just be my sensitive stomach talking.)

The only thing that slightly bothers me is Angela/Panacea's recruitment. I get why you did it (she didn't do much wrong and the fic didn't need her anyway), but wouldn't it have been a little easier to let her assimilate back into canon? Skyworld having a nurse of some description is very plausible; after all, the ones from the first game would've had to go somewhere.

Great to see how you tweaked the "look through canon to check for Sue-wraiths" idea to fit a 3DS! I hope more people pick up on that idea, cause it's a keeper.

Also, obligatory nitpicking:
"And that," Rashida snarled. "is why we are here."
The period after "snarled" should be a comma.

Rashida had seen the look on her partner’s face only once before, and that was just after the latter..."
The "and that was just" is unnecessary, delete it.

“When Pit destroyed the Mirror of Truth, it created a copy that represented his true feelings,” said Rashida. “Usually, if a character is warped so completely, he or she splits off into a canon and a replacement. But what if the real Pit is acting so OOC because his AU ‘replacement’… is still inside him?”
Rashida's third line sounds like it should come from Sarah. But that's just me.

There might be more, but again, I have homework :(

Although I certainly don't apreciate much all that tickling, I felt that it was much better handled than in Sarah's homefic; also I like the way you solved the problems for this fic and how you handled the clashing personalities of Rashida and Sarah.

So, have here a Maximum Tomato for the Kirby Continuum, I'm sure Agent Cupid will appreciate it!

(Because I have someone there!)

"Well, now, Mary, what's this? Is it new friends? It is!" Mary Wentway stared blankly at her mother, her eyes seeming much too big for her face. Elanor chuckled and pushed her hair out of her eyes. "Don't worry, ma chérie, you'll get it eventually. I suppose two weeks is a bit early to expect comprehension."

Since Mary wasn't actively crying (the ceiling had distracted her), Elanor turned her attention to the newcomers. "Arman and Lucy," she murmured, looking down into their side-by-side bassinets. Lucy met her gaze with that same wide-eyed stare that all newborns seem to perfect: not so much disbelief as simple incomprehension of everything in front of her face. Arman, on the other hand, had fallen asleep.

"Well, there have been worse names," Elanor mused, then snorted. "Like the ones your author wanted you to have, for instance. Oh, no, hush now..."

Elanor's snort had broken through Lucy's confusion. The newborn's face seemed to crumple instantly, and she burst out with a high-pitched wailing. Elanor grabbed for her, but it was too late: Mary had taken up the strain, and between them the girls had women Arman as well.

Shaking her head, Elanor put Lucy back in the bassinet - there was no point even trying to rock her quiet, not with the other two pitching their own synchronised fits - and wandered over to the rack of bottles. "Life in the Nursery," she murmured to herself. "Still... at least it's not a badfic."

~

Newborns are a pain in the neck when there's only one of them. I can't imagine what it'd be like to have two or three in the same room.

hS

Carry emerged from the bathroom four minutes later, ...
...
...
...
“You seem to bring a good omen with you, partner. Let me see what we have here.” Carry said as he stepped out of the bathroom.
Still-not-an-agent Hieronymus rubbed his eyes. "Did Carry just step out of the bathroom twice?" he wondered aloud. "Also, I’m used to see a comma with the quotation mark when it’s followed by something like ‘Carry said’,” he continued. "Although I admit that it would look weird with Carry saying two full sentences. Maybe this should be reworded?"
Not-an-agent-yet Androia Avatar hit him over the head. "PPCing the PPC is a bad idea," she scolded. "We should restrict these shenanigans to the badfic games."

Carry opened the portal and stepped through into a classroom that was filled with beige outlines of generic people in a barely described classroom.
Hieronymus silently paged the Redundant Department of Redundancy while Androia looked the other way. Then he stared unblinkingly into the void that was revealed beyond the classroom’s walls when the upper part of said walls became invisible to make them match the height of the waist high shelves without crashing the ceiling on the generic people’s heads.

Gloom looked at him oddly and looked over to the corner, and blinked when she saw portable screen had appeared in the corner.
Androia caught the stray word that had left its intended position between "saw" and "portable" and threw it at Hieronymus to get him out of the stupor.

“Are all flashbacks like this?” Gloom asked, looking around the room, and how she was now a sickly blend of blue and yellow.
"There may be another word for you to catch," grumbled Hieronymus, rubbing his head where the first word had hit him, "but I don’t see where it is."

Time passed. Androia wondered briefly whether Madam Pomphrey might be a Mini from the badfic. Hieronymus frowned when Carry finally looked over and Gloom and gave her a tired smile ("Don’t know what to do with this.") and when Gloom stuttered ordering the canon characters to to go back where you were when Deathly Hallows started. Then he had to page the Repetitive Department of Repetition because Carry handed out wands before fumbling the RA out and opening a portal before shooing the canons through.

Arriving at the Nursery, Androia had to chase another word gone astray from The wall that been behind the portal, but in the end she said, "I am glad that this became so much better after the bad start. Otherwise, our author would still be typing next week. He is so terribly slow."

HG, being terribly sorry for this.

(Pun retroactively intended.)
... But I have only just figured out where where Doom/Gloom is from and wow that is actually rather obvious in retrospect. She's already shaping up to be one of my more favorite agents. I am fascinated by the concept of friendly ghosts *cough*I blame Casper.*cough* and I am absolutely loving her punny sense of humor (see: title).

I rather enjoyed the mission and very much look forward to seeing more of this pair.

That's a nice mission, but I think you accidentally a few words here:
"The DORKS is our disguise generator, but this mission is one we’re going to have to depend on the Somebody Else’s Problem field in our flashpatches, since it is mostly in their bedroom."

-Takes the conga rats from earlier, puts them in a line-
Anyway, I spotted some mechanical errors in the mission:
1) There's HTML markup in the disclaimer.
2) "Beta Credit Goes to roseveare11, " - either you're missing someone, or that should be a full stop.
3) "“Cause it looks like you enjoyed it more then you cleaned yourself~”" - than, not then.
4) "Since this is Harry Potter. I am going to need a Muggle Use Wand" - full stop should be a comma.
5) "“Ah.. yeah, we are.”" - I guess that's supposed to be an ellipsis?
6) "“This fic is making my head ache.There is no way, " - missing space between 'ache.' and 'There'.
7) "“That’s in the canon? Dear Eru”" - missing full stop.
8) "Ever! And Voldemort would never just apparate away for anyone else to get to kill Harry!" - 'Apparate' should be capitalised.
9) "That’s...that is good." - missing space after the ellipsis.
10) "but still...impressive.”" - ditto.
11) "The worlds’ clearing up!" 'world's' not 'worlds''.
12) "What if Yoshi-...." - extra period in the ellipsis.
13) "“Please, forgive me. That is common in your continuum, I take it. " - missing quotation mark.
14) "“Augh ugh. I did not remember my medication”" - missing full stop.
15) "“Oooooo....." - extra periods.
16) "Gloom/doom" - mini-Agent?
17) "He waved the neurolyzer wildly." - what is MiB's mini, anyway
18) "you were killed by voldemort, so…you’re all going" - Capital missing and space missing after the ellipsis.
19) "Little English Harry Potter babies...Arman" - missing space again.

You spelt "neurolyzer" instead of "neuralyzer" at the beginning of the mission.

But aside for that, I found the your mission a very fun read!

Your birthday was yesterday?

*throws cakefetti* Happy Birthday, then! I'll read the mission later; I'm a bit busy at the moment. Looking forward to it!

Have a +2 dancing shovel. Speak the command word (Halestorm), and it'll fight on its own!

Here, have this cup of tea. No, the leaves are not predatory and will most definitely not try to eat you. Why are you asking?

So, an MLP fan and a Phoenix Wright fan? Have you ever seen the YouTube series Turnabout Storm? It features both continuua, and it's what piqued my interest in the brony fandom.

I already mentioned my Steam handle elsewhere in this thread, so here's your newbie gift:

*gives Poké Ball*
Have a Rapidash, already nicknamed "Twilight" ("Twilight Sparkle" is too many letters).

And since 2011, all plovers have been from Fluttershy.

And video games? Have a Linking Book to the Town in New Caledonia. Do not lose it.

(A Steam person? Cool! My handle is 95VocaFan, but I won't be on much because college) Glad you've done a bit of pre-reading. Your newbie gifts are some green sticky notes, a plastic keychain depicting the Buddha, and some popcorn to eat while you read the Original Series!

Have you seen the Original Series yet? If not, you should!

Have a glass Twilight Sparkle sculpture and a ninja kitten!

Have a Magic Ring that allows you cast Expelliarmus, and only Expelliarmus!!!!

(Note: You still have to do the proper hand movements and say the proper casting words.)

Please don't mind the big lizard currently searching through your pockets with his tail. I'm trying to avoid character-developing him until I've got the chance to actually, you know, write him.

I'll give you back anything he has stolen from you, but aside from that, here, take some urple-flavoured meringues! (Made with real Cute Animal Friend eggs!)
They taste oddly good, really.

Have one of my own shed feathers, and a Lyra plushie (now 100% free of suggestive holes!)!

Take this plate of freshly-made SPaGhetti, and this whistling puppy! If the urple bow around its neck becomes too much, feel free to remove it.

Another brony, eh? /)*(\ Brohoof! What about Harry Potter? You like that? It's my favorite. :D

No, really. According to Ekwy, Milano, and Nea, at least.

~Neshomeh

Actually, clockworks and steam engines and such technology work quite well at Hogwarts. Electricity and electronics are supposed to not work due to magical interference, but this may depend on whether you believe Hermione Granger. After all she is only mostly right. Anyway, PPC technology is probably powered by plot holes and applied phlebotinum and thus not affected by magical interference.

Saxo Cruore was recruited because Mittens and the Radioactive Moss Creature needed a wizard to obliviate everybody at Hogwarts. I assume their neuralyzer didn’t work because the Ironic Overpower could proactively take advantage of RMC remembering that something ripped off Man in Black should be powered by electricity. Like others already suggested, I assume that Rina and Randa’s neuralyzer worked because they never thought about it.

Basically, PPC technology works at Hogwarts as long as the agents don’t know how to change or recharge the battery.

HG

And since this is PPC technology we're talking about, there could be several answers:


- Maybe DoSAT's Sufficiently Advanced Technology really is indistinguishable from magic, even to magic itself.

- Maybe PPC tech uses a little bit of magic. Would enchanted technology work at Hogwarts? There was the flying Ford Anglia, but I'm not sure if it counts.

- Maybe it has some kind of shielding against magical interferences, specifically made for continua where magic and technology can't work together.

- Maybe it really isn't supposed to work, and the badfic warps the continuum so badly that technology can (barely) work at Hogwarts. That theory would probably be disproved by trying to use a CAD or RA in a goodfic or the original continuum, though. Has anyone done this yet?

- Maybe it's some other stuff I didn't think of.


By the way, it raises another interesting question. Would PPC technology work in the "Orthogonal" continuum, where normal electronics can't work due to a change in the laws of physics? I mean, I don't think there's Orthogonal badfic, but it's still interesting to think about...

More seriouly though, that's a very interesting question, that just now started to wonder myself.

I could venture an answer, but I'm not that familiar with that continuum, so will venture a question:

Is there way to create magical items with those very same funtions in the Harry Potter continuum?

Introducing Athreiens: Guardians of the Gods and the associated prequel fic He Who Has 1000 Names. Why have I cast Summon Greater Iximaz? Well, it's a crossover fic between, primarily, the Percy Jackson series and Doctor Who, specifically 12th and Clara. Characterisation is almost non-existent, the Stu shows up and is bestest at everything, I was able to point out canon flubs for a series I've only read the first damned book of (which itself was like nine years ago Jesus I am twenty-two I should not feel old), and then the cast of sodding DragonBall Whatever shows up and it contrives to get even worse. The Stu is atrocious, his girlfriend's a Sue as well, and the needless author's notes are hurled about with such abandon I fear for the agents' skulls. Oh, and Percy Jackson is kicked repeatedly in the genitals (sorry, "happy sacks") because comedy.

Riiiiiiinaaaaa, I've got you a preeeeeeesent~ >=oD

Harry Gamer, by zed019 (rated T).
Harry goes otaku and plays Elder Tales.

Silly reason why Harry's suddenly living in the muggle world again, bad SPaG, a mishmash of canons without any reasons (seriously: Harry Potter, Log Horizon, Fate/stay night, Teen Titans, Pokemon, Warcraft, Naruto, Hunter x Hunter and Spongebob, possibly more), Sturry upstaging Log Horizon's protag and stealing his lines, Sturry being OP, etc.
-Rolls his eyes-

I need your thoughts on this: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8857346/1/Witch-Heroine

I want to know how badly mangles the Harry Potter canon and see if it's worth the effort

http://archiveofourown.org/works/3372653

A LotR fic centered around Faramir. A very good story from a very good author. She has a real talent for approaching a story sideways from the main characters/plot in a way that enhances them. Seriously, I don't think I've any of her stuff that is bad and several of them are on my all-time favorites list.

Good luck with your eventual mission. I couldn't even get past the first paragraph or two.

-Or, rather, tries to-
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Never watched Frozen, nor have I read Green Lantern, but this fic is full of NOPE.
-Offers Bleeptea-

The first chapter made my eyes bleed with its practically script formatting. Crookshanks lookalike, please to sum up my feelings for me?

If there's one thing I like, it's bickering agents, and if there's one thing I like more, it's fanatical devotion to the Pope bickering agents who get into situations they can't handle. This was a fantastic start and I look forward to reading more! =]

Insert praise here. I’m really bad at positive feedback, you better get used to this :-)

"Look at this, Hieronymus:"
Ginger squeezed into the room and squinted, then began fumbling for her wand.

Alloy poked her head into the room and squinted.
"Don’t you want to page the Repetitive Department of Repetition again?" asked Still-not-an-agent Androia Avatar.

"Naah," answered Not-an-agent-yet Hieronymus. "Doing it twice a day is a bit repetitive, wouldn’t you say? And there’s nothing else to nitpick upon. I’m so disappointed," he added sulkily.

HG, not disappointed at all.

-Offers celebratory tea-
Some mechanical suggestions:
- Single line breaks between paragraphs are sufficient. Double line breaks are too much.
- "Alloy flicked the switch and sat down in the room's singular chair" - 'single' works better here, IMO.
- "Alloy checked the shoulders- she'd been told that she needed to have a patch there-" - Nesh would probably correct me, but I think those should be em dashes and have spaces before and after them. This is all over the text, so probably find-and-replace is your best friend, here.
-Inserting a fic quote in the middle of a sentence probably breaks some sort of rule, but even if doesn't, it does ruin the flow.
-It would seem that capitalisation minis are frowned upon?
- "“oh okay” Ruby said." -is the badfic affecting her? Otherwise, you're missing a comma there.

That said, I liked the mission. It's funny, the fight scene at the end is good, and the book ends are nice. Well-written, very well-written indeed!

Oh, also, a question: did you have the services of a beta? I can guess Iximaz at least took a look because one of her agents appears in the mission, but was there anybody else? If so, it should be noted - betas deserve their credit! - and if not, you most definitely get one for your next missions. They catch the mistakes you don't and generally serve as another pair of eyes, as well as a general advisor.

Two ways, actually:

1/ Ist is a viable contraction of 'is it'. I'd normally stylise it as is't myself, but with something so idiomatic, I think Jay (I assume it's Jay) would be able to make a case.

2/ Ist is also a German word (meaning, appropriately enough, 'is' - 'Er ist grun', 'he is green'). Remembering how much Jay likes German music and random European references, I think that's a pretty plausible idiom for her all by itself.

hS

She hosts The Lost Tales, which I'm guessing is where you were when you noticed the error? It won't do any good trying to contact Jay, Acacia, or Miss Cam, they're all retired.

I've just started reading the 'fic (inspired to do so by reading the mission), and... well, words fail me. Rose Potter is just the worst.
I did notice while reading that Neville was momentarily turned spherical ('the round boy'), which the Agents didn't pick up on. I guess there's enough chargeworthy stuff that a little thing like that doesn't matter.
And another thing... does Zeb have Intimidate? Because I think that might help lessen the impact of Rose's Sueper-strength. (Ugh, that portmanteau seemed like a better idea before I typed it...)
Anyway, I salute your determination in taking on this awful travesty, and I'm looking forward to the next part.

...and just you wait; the "Druids" use portals, there are mellyrn in Potterverse now, the big reveals occur halfway through the stories, and Rose Potter makes Tom Riddle look empathetic and compassionate by comparison! She deserves to have logic set in in her despite when Hedwig perches on her shoulder!

I trust you have five different demises planned for the other fics?

...and I, for one, am glad that I've never actually taken the time to read the original. Arceus's majestic hat hair, those excerpts are just horrible.

I'd be happy to have my DMS team volunteer to help (I know Rayner would love to take a bite out of Rose Potter, and E.V.L. would be happy to revisit one of the continua she invaded when she was still a badfic character), but I'm sorry to say that I myself literally cannot be of any use at this time. After my next mission with these two and the next interlude for my Floaters team, I'll have to drop out of writing PPC stuff until Spring Break, for two big reasons: a guest lecture in Indianapolis at the end of February, and my final dissertation defense in early March. I've been working my tail off almost nonstop to prepare for both of them, and I don't think I'll be getting any breaks anytime soon.

If it's any comfort, I could take a raincheck for a future collab between your DMS team and mine. Anyway, good luck with the rest of these, and Falchion wants you to know that he's keeping his talons crossed that Rina will turn out okay. *virtual hug*

I'd volunteer my agents to help, if needed, but I'm afraid Nume's having none of it. He's preparing to board up the RC door as we speak, Ilraen's protests and the likelihood of injuring himself in the process be damned. {= P

I suppose there's Derik and Gall, but I don't think you'd really want them along. They'd probably create more problems than they solved.

Still, FicPsych stands ready to provide your agents with the psychiatric care they'll undoubtedly need. Emergency in-fic intervention is also doable.

In honor of those about to spork, we salute thee!

~Neshomeh

Did I mention you were mad? Because you are absolutely stark staring flibble. I wouldn't want to take even the first Rose Potter fic on with my agents in a month of Mondays, let alone all six. You are a machine.

Agent Rina, please accept this elegant and finely-crafted designer briefcase. Don't be surprised at the weight, it has first edition hardbacks of all seven Harry Potter books inside and they get quite weighty, as I'm sure you're aware. Agent Zeb... well, what to get for the Luxray who has everything? I've got some Rectangles Of Dubious Legality And Origin if you want more variety in your moveset, but I wanted to give you the full set and I haven't finished it yet. Lessee... ooh! I know!

Zeb used Substitute!

That was... uh. Yeah, that's a badfic I'm really glad I've never read.

(You'll be glad to know the Canon Librarian screeched in actual pain inside my head when Inheritance got destroyed; I had to go back and confirm that it's described as Zeb's copy, not a borrowed one)

I liked the relatively low-key kill at the end of this one; it's both appropriate (countering Miss Overpowered with simple blunt-force trauma), and sets up for harder and harder kills as the series goes on.

(Have you read Kippur's missions into the Marrissa Picard series? It's one of the few instances of repeat-kills I'm aware of, so it might be interesting for you. Oh, and I guess technically my Al and Death mission/s count; the two halves were written separately, but the second piece was only very short, and is now tacked onto the end)

hS

You will do all six parts? I’m looking forward to this.

Some nitpicks though:

Rose answered all of Snape’s answers perfectly.
Who asked all the questions then?

the scrambled to find empty seats
You probably meant they.

promptly and expertly redressed the wound the wound on Snape’s leg
and
even all the the way across the pitch
and
a portal to the Room of Requirement room
Somebody call the Repititive Department of Repetition, please.

Rose was trying to decide if she wanted to let Hermione swear on her druidic amulet so she could see Rose naked all the time.
I’m confused. Does the amulet, after Hermione swore on it, allow Hermione to see through Rose’s clothes? This doesn’t match what I concluded from the scene where McGonagall explained the Travelling Aid amulet. Apparently it allows Rose to travel without much luggage, enabling her to summon or conjure all the clothes she wants to wear in a weird druidic ritual that requires undressing before the new clothes can be summoned? Did an attempt to avoid giving us too much information result in not giving us enough information about what this amulet really does? You should keep in mind that, although the badfic is legendary, somebody may read this unspoiled.

HG

I don't see it as very problematic for Neville to have a learning disability, actually.

A lot of his trouble definitely comes from lack of confidence, but that isn't incompatible with a learning disability.

Neville's got the typical jagged skill profile of someone with a specific learning disability--he's way better at some subjects than others, as you can see when you see Neville in Herbology vs. Charms, for example. That kind of skill gap is common for real-life people with things like dyslexia or dyscalculia.

Neville definitely blossoms by the end of his schooling, especially since he learns to concentrate on his strengths. It becomes obvious that he's not universally a slow learner; he has weaknesses that he has to work around, like his lack of confidence and the trouble he has with paying attention to details and keeping track of complex things in his mind. I don't think he would have a learning disability in a Muggle school; maybe he'd lean toward inattentive-type ADHD, but that'd be about it.

Anyways, that doesn't really justify the way this fic treats Neville. The writer gives Neville this old magical injury, an old curse that suppressed his magic and gave him this learning disability. And then, once Rose Potter is in the picture, she essentially cured him all at once, just like that. There's no personal growth for Neville learning how to cope with his problems and his lack of confidence. There's no working around weaknesses. They're just taken away. Neville with a disability is unacceptable to Rose Potter, so Rose Potter takes the disability away. Shy, clumsy Neville just isn't good enough for her, even though he was plenty good enough for Harry Potter. Unfortunate implications much?

Really now, this is just awful. The fic that is, the mission is top notch. Rina steadily losing her sanity has been a fun trip. Question though: why kill her multiple times instead of throwing her to the Department of Repeat Offenders?

She DELIBERATELY offs Quirrel!? And of COURSE she's a hitherto unheard-of form of Metamorphmagus with Speshul abilities

I trust the amulet will be completely destroyed in the end? I mean, this is one sick story!!!!!

Brain.exe rebooting now.

Just... WTF?!?!?

Did the Suethor even think about what is actually plausible?! WHY did she decide to shoehorn ninja skills in; isn't being a wizard Speshul enough?!
And riddle me this, Suethor:
How could Rose possibly have learned ninja skills; the Dursleys would not have let her!
If Rose is a ninja, then why is she staying with the Dursleys? She could, for example, survive in the forest! (And that would only serve to increase how formidable of a person she is.)
And why does Dudley even bully her, since bullies only pick on those who cannot fight back!

And that's just the first few paragraphs!

*breathes hard*

Iximaz, I salute your high tolerance for BS.

Ugh, what could possess someone to even write this?!
*headwall*

Query, though: Am I misreading, or am I to assume that Rose goes everywhere in the buff?

Good luck with the rest of the series. Let's hope that Agent Rina, unable as she is to indulge in any Bleep, doesn't become indisposed soon after!

*offers Full Restore for Zeb and Butterbeer for Rina.*
Here. You'll need it.

A few errors:
1) Zeb’s keen ears still caught what she said.

“Damn rookie…”

You should replace that period after "she said" with a colon.

2) Polkiesses
Mini-Aragog. Remove that first E; it should be "Polkisses".

3) reigning in the electricity
Homophone error. Remove the G; it should be "reining in".

4) It’s to show how calm and collected she in in the face of danger!
I believe you meant to say "how calm and collected she is in the face of danger"?

5) Zeb, his eyes watering and wishing desperately he could burn his nose off to be rid of the smell, just nodded.
Zeb's eyes were wishing? Some rewording might be needed here. Consider this: "Zeb just nodded as his eyes watered; he was desperately wishing that he could burn his nose off to be rid of the smell."

6) mass neutralization
I believe you meant to say "mass neuralyzation"?

Kark me sideways, I never thought someone would tackle a badfic this long.
-Bow-
You have my respect, Milady Iximaz!

That said, there's a small case of Dog Latin in the mission: in Nudatio is not Latin. The correct (ablative) form is in nudos, and even that is highly irregular (and, since Latin is a Classical language, frowned upon).

(He totally had one.) I noticed a lot of places with one more blank line than usual, you might want to get rid of those. Not where it means a scene break, though, there it's good.

You're right, it is less interesting to read the book in first person. Especially with a stupid ninja-druid-whatever-the-f*ck Sue as the main character. Excellent work! *gently tosses Sugar Quills*

Here, it's a jar of paralytic girtablilu venom. A few milliliters of this will leave the subject on the floor and twitching for about five minutes. Three centiliters will induce permanent paralysis. A deciliter will interfere with the heart and lungs, causing death by either asphyxiation or cardiac arrest.

You have half a liter. Make it count.

That was... What do you mean, I've not read it yet? Eh, I bet it'll be awesome. I mean, the mission, not the fic.

Besides the 'yes, there is', I'm actually one of the coauthors.

One of the main reasons it hasn't been updated since then is because while my coauthor and I do have an outline and most of the next chapter written, with more thorough treatments of the next few, we also (especially me) have wound up exceptionally busy.

Would a raincheck there work?

Well, while I wait for Permission, I've decided to claim AuroraDawn's Pegasus device ( http://www.fimfiction.net/story/68356/pegasus-device ).

Although I can't seem to delete it from the Unclaimed list. It won't let me edit.

It can be found here.

We just discussed the subject of dialogue in my Creative Writing class yesterday. We're reading "The Making Of A Story" and the author's advice is almost literally the exact same as this author's. That parallelism is pretty cool.

I've attended numerous writing panels at conventions and read many articles in which writers are told not to use adverbs with dialogue tags, and to keep dialogue tags simply 'said'. I have always resented that advice, because I used to think it made some dialogue seem flat. But your comment about making the dialogue do the work gave me a small epiphany. It's the dialogue's job to convey the emotion, not the job of the dialogue tags. If the dialogue is flat without adverbial tags, then that's the fault of the writer for not writing more colorful dialogue.

That, right there. I... don't think I even need to add anything. Except that I'm still working on that myself.

hS

That's exactly what I tried to do in Maethorwen's recruitment, and probably on other occasions too: literally tell the story through the dialogue. It can be quite challenging, though (but that's fun!).

What's weird about that article is that it takes so long to hit what I think is the key way to remove extraneous saids: use the narrative as your dialogue tags. Which is exactly what you've done with your post, of course. ;)

"If you have to break them, could you at least do so a little less... explosively?" Makes-Things took the bundle of CAD parts and dropped them onto his desk. Is there any way that would've improved by running "... explosively?" said Makes-Things, taking...?

(Ans: probably in some contexts, yes. But not a whole lot)

(Now I've got a plot-Nuzgul nagging me to write a worksheet for PPC schoolkids to learn proper writing. 'Complete this sentence: Jay has stabbed the Mary-Sue, and the Mary-Sue...

-... dies.
-... is dying.
-... died.
-... did die.
-... is done doing being dead.')

hS

That's ridiculously gorgeous. There's some more pictures on this page, but not enough. Nowhere near enough.

That is... seriously amazing. As a long-time fan of illustrated manuscripts in general, I adore it - and, of course, it's Tolkien.

Did he say what he's doing with it? No, doesn't look like it; bother. I was hoping it'd be on display somewhere I could go and ogle it...

hS

I've been known to watch Let's Plays from time to time. I'm mostly interested in the personalities of the players as opposed to the games (although having a game I love definitely helps). A selection of some of my favorites is as follows:

The Achievement Hunters: These are a bunch of guys from Rooster Teeth, aka the guys behind Red vs. Blue and RWBY. They're probably most known on the Internet for their Minecraft and GTA videos, but they cover plenty of other titles. Their Rainbow Six videos are particularly amusing.

BurningDogFace: He covers a lot of videos, has a nice laid-back attitude, and doesn't get nearly enough views. He also gets a special mention as being the first LPer I ever watched, back when I was just a wee sprog.

Jesse Cox: What I like most about Jesse is his attitude. He's got a good laugh and he clearly loves games. His meltdowns can also be fun to watch at times.

Super Best Friends: Formerly Two Best Friends. It's all about the interplay between the four members. I'm not a fan of several of the big titles they've covered, but their banter is so good I don't care.

I feel I should also plug myself here. While I do primarily iOS game and application reviews, I also have a few LPs in the works. I've fallen a bit behind on them due to technical issues and Real Life demands, but I'm still working on them.

Well, let's see. I like:

- Markiplier (one of the few "screaming" let's players I like. You know the type. He is just so sincere with his fans, I have to admire him for that.)

- Gopher (One of the best role-playing personalities I have seen. He also has an amazing accent. I would recomend his Lets Play Skyrim Again or his Fallout New Vegas videos. Warning, however. He is a modder, he makes and uses a lot of mods for most of his games. If you like vanilla content, he is not for you.)

- Jesse Cox (Dude is close to the screaming type, but is more the super-freaking-silly type. Plus, he's on the Co Optional Podcast. I have to like him for that at least!)

- The Sw1tcher, otherwise known as Two Best Friends Play! (Like Game Grumps, but funnier, and usually more interesting.)

- Yogscast, specifically Duncan, Sips and Sjin.

Outside of Let's Play, I also follow TotalBiscut and Angry Joe for reviews and opinions. Boggie2988 is also good, though I have not been watching him as much recently.

Guys I used to watch:

- Tobuscus (I, too, was once 14.)

- Yogscast, Lewis and Simon (I don't hate them, but I don't love them as much as I used to. I would much rather watch Sips then the main two.)

- Game Grumps (No, not because Jon left. I just found myself overall bored while watching. Do I watch highlights of them? Yes. But I don't really watch all too much of them outside.)

-PewDie-- Nope, stopping right there. Only playthrough I liked with this guy was Last of Us, and that is because he shut up and played the freaking game. He was not screaming as much, not being near as abnoxious as usual. If you like Pewds, fine. But I can't sit through almost anything he does.

I love Helloween4545 (seriously some of the funniest horror-survival based Let's Plays I've ever come across), not to mention the Yogscast (Hannah and Rythian especially) and the guys over at Achievement Hunter.

I watch a lot of Scykoh, both his Let's Plays and stuff like Glichfest

It's not technically a lets play but it is very similar to one. Does anyone else watch the Mindcrack UHC? I always enjoy watching Sethbling and Docm77.

I don't watch that many, to be honest, but I really like Marbozir. His Long War LP was fantastic, but his Civ V content is just wonderful - and he plays as modded Civs too! He's even got CL's Australia in his current game as the Cree, which boosted my ego a bit. =]

I know PinkKittyRose! I'm subscribed to her! I don't watch her videos very often, but still counts, yeah?
I found Kitty through Raocow, whose videos I watch almost every day. I watch Nerd³ and Cry about that much too. Dan is hilarious and Cry gets so immersed in the games he plays that it's hard not to enjoy watching him.

Markiplier: I'm fairly certain he's the reason for the explosive popularity of Five Nights at Freddy's.

PinkKittyRose: A somewhat unique Let's Player, her commentary is usually given through subtitles, as she prefers to let the game's audio speak for itself. She mostly does challenge runs of classic or classic-style games.

RoahmMythril: Also does challenge runs. His main attraction is the Perfect Run series, where he plays through the classic Mega Man series, while taking no damage and using only the basic weapon. Uniquely for a challenge runner, he shows his failed runs to give you an actual idea of the game's difficulty.

I like Chuggaaconroy (and TRG, of course) and The LobsCast best :)

I watch Etho and Cubulous for their Minecraft stuff, WarOwl for some good ol' CS:GO casting, and Husky for anything StarCraft related.

Never heard of those guys. I watch The Mighty Jingles' videos from time to time. They amuse me.

I haven't heard of any of those, but I'm a fan of TheSilverKetchup's Let's Play Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone for the PC. Tetrus with the Flipendo blocks? Calling CPS to get rid of the gnomes? Catching the Snitch in less than two seconds? Yes please!

Well, my brother would be in a better position to make that statement, since he was born in a Goat year (I'm a Rooster myself). Oh well. In Mandarin, Gong Xi Fa Cai, and in Cantonese, Gong Hey Fat Choy! (Or is it the other way around? I hope it's not the other way around...)

Well not entirely. I'm a Metal Sheep/Goat, so I have to wait until 2051 before that comes around again, but still!

"Now repeat after me: Xin nian kuai le."

Aiden screwed up his face in effort as he tried to parse the unfamiliar sounds. "Shin..."

"Xin," Gremlin repeated.

"Xin. Xin nian... kuai le?"

"Very good! Your reward." Gremlin handed the three-year-old a red envelope. "Don't open it yet, okay? You need to keep that under your pillow for seven nights first. Do you remember how much seven is?"

The smile on Aiden's face slightly faded. He had not been expecting the preschool equivalent of algebra when this began. "Uh..."

"That is five plus another two, Aiden," a new voice interjected.

Aiden looked up in gratitude towards Xericka, who was standing off to the side watching the exchange. "Thank you, mom."

"Right," Gremlin continued. "That'll bring you good luck throughout the year. Okay?"

"Okay," Aiden replied. He gave the envelope a brief envious glance before turning his gaze back to Gremlin. "Thank you, Aunt Gremlin."

Gremlin tousled his hair before standing back up. "Run into the bedroom and look in the closet. There's a present there you can open right now."

Aiden let out a gleeful noise as he ran towards the doorway. Gremlin watched him disappear into the other room before turning and fixing Xericka with a grin. "Am I a good aunt or what?"

Xericka rolled her eyes. "What exactly did you put in the envelope?" she asked as she walked over to Gremlin's side. "I know it is traditionally supposed to be money, but that does not exactly work in the context of the PPC. Not to mention the fact that he is only three and thus has no concept of currency."

"Ah, it was just little fun things. Stickers, chocolate coins, that sort of thing."

"I see. In that case..." Xericka leaned over and gave Gremlin a very quick peck on the cheek. "You are indeed a very good aunt."

Gremlin smiled as Xericka walked away to check on the status of her son. "It's gonna be a good year," she murmured to herself.

~~~~~

Just a little fun thing. I apologize to any Chinese speakers if that phrase is totally incorrect.

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THE TIME OF THE BRAVE COMPANIONS HAS COME!

I'M SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER!

Golden Goat? Is a Golden year an extra-lucky year or something? (Also, yes, it is the year of the goat/sheep)

Does that mean that we should all go over to Livejournal and say hi to Frank?

hS

Since I think that I've already given you the traditional Delibird, it looks like I've gotta be a bit more creative in my gift-giving...

*rummages through bag of holding*

Here, have a Smeargle! Now you can have some illustrations to accompany your missions!

Holy balls, I had no idea you were two years younger than I was. Anyway, here, have a complimentary kit of Spikes! *tosses them like confetti... again*

Congrats on another 2π radians around the Sun. I hope you cash in those frequent-flier space miles!

This is a RP set in Rudi's pub. You can find the thread on the other board here. Please, read all of the rules thoroughly before starting. Otherwise, head in, and have fun!

Have some air from my lungs. I know you said you didn't want this to be about gifts but you should still get many things for your birthday. I'm looking forward to the RP later.

And since I have no active agents, and the only character that I use is a Technician from DoSAT anyway; here have a "Z-6 rotary blaster cannon" from the Star Wars continuum as a birthday gift!

And what birthday would be complete without a silly song?

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
HOPE NOBODY MAKES YOU BLUE
AND YOUR CAKE DOESN'T EXPLODE IN GOO!

*blows noisemakers*

Happy birthday to you! Though I'm definitely not singing that song.

Sadly, I think I won't be able to participate in that RP. I have my first agent pair already kinda planned -though I don't plan on trying to get Permission any time soon-, one of them could probably already be in the PPC, and pretty easy to write since he's pretty much a self-insert... But I think I'll be either sleeping or busy by the time the RP starts. Eh, we'll see then, I guess.

Will this RP be on the Other Board?

I look forward to the RP session. Is it going to be another Rudi's RP? Cause I like Rudi's.

(Also, your birthday gift is a Demoman-style black wool cap. Hope you're staying warm, wherever you are!)

Have this miniature Thunderbird 2. No, it's not a concept for a Thunderbirds mini, why are you asking?

Here, have a Delibird! Beware: its presents have an 80% chance of exploding!

Congratulations to your continued survival for an additional revolution around the sun! For this accomplishment, you receive a very special gift! It's time for another FANON PINKIE PIE PARTY!

What is a Fanon Pinkie Pie Party you may ask? What makes it any different from a regular Pinkie Pie Party? Well, I'll tell you!

As you probably know, the My Little Pony brand is made primarily for little girls. Unfortunately, this means Hasbro forces canon to restrain Pinkie's parties to those suitable for a five year old little girl. While this is all well and good for said five year olds, those much older then that can only find so much enjoyment from them that is not based on pure nostalgia.

Enter the Fanon Package, where we use a dash of Fanon and a drop of OOC to break the shackles enforced by corporate onto our favorite Party Pony. Now she can be the Super Duper Party Pony she was meant to be, and throw you the BEST PARTY EVER! Music, lights, snacks, party games, and quite simply the most delicious cake you will ever taste!

BUT WAIT, there's more! Pinkie Pie uses a mixture of her fourth-wall breaking abilities and a Remote Activator we managed to acquire to bring in ANY CANONS YOU WANT! Just choose you location, provide a list of your favorite fandoms, and we provide the rest! Dance with the Doctor, shoot pinatas with Katniss Everdeen, even get to glomp without consequence!

By the end of the party, specially programed robots with Neuralyzers will sort out all of the canon mess left behind, so don't worry your little head over any damage to the continua. They will even neuralyze you, making the party seem like it never happened and that all you were doing was reading about this fantastic party! The robots even have time travel abilities, due to being based off of the T-1000, so you won't even notice the time difference! This is quite simply the best party you will never remember!

The next time you have a special event to celebrate, just remember: There Ain't No Party Like a Pinkie Pie Party!

[Man, this copy-pasta is working out brilliantly for me!]

I could've sworn I e-mailed you a complimentary kit of Spikes a while ago... Ah well. If not, here you go! :D

(Seriously, though - I think I did send you something by G-mail, so it would be worth checking there. You know, just in case.)

Since I used all my allowance on the last gift... Uh, here have a container of Litmus Strips.

Have a... Uh... I think I'm out of Sue-color-flavoured things. I'll be right back.



Here, have some wilver-flavoured pancakes!

I was planning to announce my intention to adopt you as a little sib! And then you had to go forgetting your own birthday and sccrew it up.

:P

So. Yeah. Little sib. You like?

Happy belated birthday!

Have this bowl of chicken soup. It goes well with the winter-y weather outside!

"But, Ginger," Alloy is saying, "you are not old enough!"

Ginger laughs. "And *I'm* the Hermione replacement? 'Sides, I'm old enough for a witch!"

"You are?" Alloy asks. She looks around. "Oh, my. We seem to be in a bar."

"Nice observation," Ginger says dryly. "Oh, hey! That girl over with all those people might have strawberries for hair, but she's pretty cute!"

"Ginger!" Alloy blushes -- she is, after all, from an anime continuumn -- and lightly smacks Ginger's shoulder. "Do not be rude!"

"It's not like I'm going up to her and saying 'Hi, I think you're cute!' She's already surrounded by people, anyway."

"That is no reason to be rude, Ginger."

Ginger shrugs. "Fine. Be all proper if you want. I'm gonna go introduce myself." She walks up to Rina's table and eyes the crowd. "Seems like half the bar is here." Eventually, she finds an opening. "Hey!" she shouts over the noise of the bar. "My name's Ginger! Who're you?"

Alloy starts towards the table herself, fearing what sort of trouble her more social partner might get into.

The older ghoul was obviously not happy with his sheepishly-grinning partner, who was wearing a tea cozy on his head...for some reason.

Gurgan rubbed his one good eye tiredly and desperately wished that he hadn't left his cigarettes back in the RC.

Sure, they hadn't done many - or any - missions for a while, but still Derwin managed to grey what little hair he had left.

Derwin took off his tea cozy and sat down at a booth. "Um...where are we, boss?" he asked, looking around.

Gurgan growled at his partner curtly and propped his boot-clad feet up onto the table, finally relaxing a bit. "Bar. You got off your pills and started up the Mini Poker Tournament again. I shoved your pills down your throat and dragged you here."

Derwin nodded cheerfully. "Oh!...How much did I win?" he asked before starting to pick his very large, very shiny sharp teeth with a switchblade he takes out from his pockets. "...And why is there a feather in my teeth?"

Gurgan sighed. "Trust me, you're better off not knowing." He turned his head to yell at the bartender. "Hey, smoothskin!" he barked. "Scotch. And lots of it. For him, decaff coffee." He jerked his thumb at Derwin, who was still pulling feathers out of his razor-sharp, solid-steel dentures.

"You know Shawn, most Agents go on a mission before getting drunk, not the other way around," Jack said as he pushed his way up to his partner at the bar.

"Wondered when you'd show up. Get tired of sitting at home all alone?" Shawn asked, downing a shot of he-didn't-know-what.

"What are you doing here? We're bound to get a mission any minute," Jack said.

"Relax kid, it's a party. Try socializing for once," Shawn said, turning to face his partner.

"I'm not a kid, Shawn. And do you even know why they're having a party?" Jack said, glaring at his partner.

"Somebody nearly died, didn't, and killed the nut responsible. Reminds me of Gotham," Shawn said, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye.

"That somebody also took out Rose Potter, one of the biggest, meanest legendary badfics out there. And if we don't get back, they might assign us something just as bad," Jack said, grabbing one of the many copies of the Multiverse Monitor that had been left on the bar.

"Neat. Whoever it is, we ought to send them a thank you card. Why don't I sit here, and think about what to write in it?" Shawn said, turning back to the bar.

"You're not leaving, are you?" Jack asked, sitting down next to Shawn.

"To deal with whatever nasty thing they throw our way first? Not a chance," Shawn said, scavenging for an unattended drink.

"Fine. I'm going to need to be drunk to deal with whatever this brings on our heads," Jack said.

"That's the spirit! Speaking of spirits, I'm going to find the barkeep. Poor guy must be up to his shoulders in drunken fools at this point.