Oct 2014 Archive, part c

Getting to the top of the list is really impressive. The amount of praise the wiki got was also pretty impressive too.

P.S.: reading the blog post while listening to "Dream of Butterfly" was just awesome

But this begs the question:if we get too much publicity, how will the internet communities that write badfic react?

That's awesome. ^_^

Glad to see some publicity! I always find it hard to explain exactly what the PPC is whenever someone asks, so perhaps just saying "Look up the Wiki for it" might be a good idea.

I guess that sort of reaction explains the huge number of people who show up here saying 'I found the wiki, and months later I found the Board...'. I've not really noticed the just-one-more-click effect myself... huh.

Also: hey, we come in above the TARDIS wikia. That's... that's really impressive. Heck, even being mentioned in the same article as the TARDIS wiki is impressive.

Hang on, I've got it around here somewhere... [Digs through his heap of junk and pulls out Morale Officer bjam's placard] Go PPC!

hS

Halt moved silently through the portal. By the time Randa stepped through behind them and got the portal closed, he had already bound and gagged the possessed Rangers.
Behind Halt and who else? This should be "him".

I see that doctorlit already mentioned the continuity problem, so I’m not sure whether you tried to fix it, but it’s still there. I’d sugest to split this one paragraph, like:

"And the Bleeprin is like a job-required vaccination," Randa added. "You wouldn't send relief workers into Africa without making sure that they were safe from malaria or whatever, would you? Rina just had an allergic reaction to it –"

"So I'll use Suebuprofen instead," interjected Rina.

Randa shot Rina a glance and shook her head almost imperceptibly. Rina frowned, wondering what her friend was trying to say.

Thus Randa doesn’t contradict herself when she explains that Rina cannot use Suebuprofen either.

Other than that, it’s a really good mission. I like the ongoing effects of the melted trees and how you brought Rina’s family in.

HG

I'm really liking your missions. They're extremely character-driven, without going into crazy, complex back-stories: it's just two gals talking to each other, doing their job and suffering together.

Another thing you're really good at is keeping track of details, instead of forgetting them down a plothole like the author did to that poor wolf. I was actually hoping you feed the Sue to wolves at the beginning, because of that whole, "my mom got eaten by wolves but I'm totally okay with this one" thing. I'm especially glad you let the actual CAF wolf be the one to do it, poor thing! It must have been so hungry! Uh, but I was saying, you did a great job not forgetting the melted tree gunk and the pain in Rina's fist from hitting another tree, but making them continue to affect the characters and their equipment over an appropriate time. (Super empathy with the punching thing, 'cause I've done my share of smacking hard, inanimate things when I get frustrated.)

Also, on behalf of some of my coworkers, thank you for that moment of rage at leaving a horse saddled overnight. People don't realize how INCREDIBLY painful and sore it is for horses to be left saddled for extended periods. Between the wolf and the horse, Alis was treating every animal she came across like a tool. Ugh.

The scene with Rina's family at the end is interesting. Different for sure, since we only see interaction with an agent's family once in a blue moon. I admit, I found Mr. Dives' reaction to be unrealistically mellow about the situation. I know it's not his initial reaction, since he's been in HQ a while before we see him in Medical, but it still seems like he would be more defensive of his daughter. (If Mr. Dives is based on a real personality, then I apologize for, uh. Being completely wrong about the unrealistic thing.) I do like the reactions of Mrs. Dives and Alex, though, and I love that the whole family seems to have some level of active fandom. I'm totally calling Alex becoming an agent eventually!

The one major error I noticed is that Randa is the one who initially suggests Rina can use Suebuprofen in lieu of Bleeprin, but for the rest of the story, they act like Rina is the one who said it, and Randa is the one to later say Rina can't use Suebuprofen due to her allergy.

And a little typo:
"'. . . the horse is named Nudge . . . and the wolf if Max?'"

You reveal that Rina has a bleach allergy - in a story which has bleach in it - and you didn't make use of that fact? Tsk, tsk. ;)

But no, that was fun. I'm not a big fan of the 'quote all the things!' style of missions, but it was fun anyway. I think I could ignore it more because I don't know the first thing about the canon, so the badfic quotes served as an introduction of sorts (at least, once R&R had corrected them ^-^). I particularly liked the part where Randa had to muddle through by herself after Rina was invalided out; always fun to see agents in a fix.

And the ending -- eek. I'm glad none of my agents have ever let their families come through to HQ. I thought the scene was well done, and definitely agree with Mrs. Dives' hallucination theory - though I would have liked to see her ranting at the Sunflower Official.

I guess that sequence was a bit like the New Who habit of letting companions go home occasionally... okay, now I'm imagining the SO as a Time Lord (Thyme Lord?) complaining about 'domestics - in my TARDIS HQ!'. And now I'm imagining The Time Lord AU PPC - the Multiversal Intervention Agency? Oh dear. Look what you did.

hS

("Continua" is a plural noun, "continuum" is the singular. Just FYI)

Well done, Iximaz! That sequence with Rina's family at the end was very emotional. I'm not sure how I should feel about her mom's epic freakout; it's totally justified, of course, but the fact that it's just her mom freaking out while her dad and brother are calmer about this...yeah, that has some weird implications. (At least if you're like me and overthink these things.) Also, unless I'm missing some detail, she would more than likely have been in the room for Randa's infodump.

Another little detail I noticed was Rina and Randa's evaporating CAD. I liked that! Usually they BSOD, overheat and melt, or explode; somehow, the idea of a machine evaporating is funnier. (Good luck to whichever DoSAT guy/girl/starfish has to clean the tree goo off the RA, though...) Their banter/snark was good, too; relevant and witty without dissolving (too often) into CAPSLOCK OF RAGE.

This was an enjoyable read, even for someone who doesn't know Ranger's Apprentice (yet). *gives box of chocolate Klondike bars* Keep up the good work!

As the intro to every DragonBall Z Abridged episode helpfully explains, it and all the abridged series are fan-based parodies. The personalities of the characters are deliberately exaggerated to highlight their idiosyncrasies, flaws, plotholes in their canon, etc. Because that's what parodies do. For humor. (Close kin to what PPC missions do to badfics, in fact.) Calling them out for creating character replacements seems to be massively missing the point, IMO.

That doesn't mean they're all done as well as Team Four Star's stuff—the PPC has a Department of Bad Parody for a reason—but I'd advise against tossing out the entire concept based on how you feel about just one or two of 'em.

~Neshomeh

They're all right, I guess. I haven't seen too many, and they strike me more as gag dubs than actual abridgements.

(Also, hi again!)

Kinda. *thows cakefetti*

Anyway, I'm a big fan of Avatar: The Abridged Series. I think it's mostly because the characters are so wildly OOC that I find them funny, because it's not meant to be a serious representation of canon. To be fair, not all of them are good. Ones that rely on jokes involving male genitalia are usually the bad ones.

Thanks for the Bleeptea! Is it safe to add honey?

Aww, no chocolate at all? Darn. And I'm gonna have to pass on the Bleeptea. ;)

So how was London? Is 'fun' really all we get to hear? (And this is bizarre; from what I can tell, your blurry picture looks just like the one Rats did in the thread further down the page.)

I took a look at the badfic, and maybe I missed something, but I did not see how you came to the conclusion that the "You" character was Arwen. It seemed like "You" was some random half-Elf that dated Elrond. Could you please clarify?

So, we finally have a Men in Black mission! And I am immemsely amused that neuralyzers got to play a starring role in it, considering they're the one aspect of MiB that the PPC has featured for so long.

This mission is cool just because of how different it is. A Finance mission, holey moley! I love Sambar. He's just soooo focused on his job, he can't see anything else; he reminds me of me! And he was perfect to throw at Agent Huinesoron right after he started trying to be less rude, because anyone would feel like being rude to Sambar.

The mission was a great choice as an acquisition mission, because of all the pointless crossover stuff thrown in. The main focus of the badfic was so surreal and random, I also like that you did something more creative than assassinate replacement!Arwen, because for once, I don't think it would have felt like it fit the crime as well.

You did a great job of keeping Agent K in character throughout, as well. His completely nonplussed confidence fits perfectly with his portrayal in the movie. (Man, can you imagine how clunky the narration would get if the old DAVD agents with the letters at the end of their names had an MiB mission?

"Quick, K!" whispered K. "Go get K, we need to follow K now!

"I'm just going home," said Delta V.)

Time and Motion Study
An EXAMINATION of the current state of MULTIVERSE THEORY and related topics,
by the Division of Applied-and-theoretical Multiversal Physics

Yes, it's that same document I've thrown about a few times before, now with even more bizarre diagrams and opaque text! But, at last, it's finished. The three sections cover three different aspects of time-and-space:

*Space And is Multiverse Theory; it discusses the nature of a single multiverse, then goes on to describe the history of theories regarding the multiple multiverses out there.

*Relative Dimensions is a discussion of how PPC HQ fits into the Prime Multiverse. It also includes a lengthy aside on disguises, canon cloaking, and SEP fields.

*In Time is entirely new, and is basically a description of the formation of alternate timelines of the PPC. These exist in the Prime Multiverse - they have the same origin as the PPC, and the same World One - but are different timelines.

*Multiversal Atlas is the last section, and lists all the multiverses and alternate timelines I could remember being discussed. 'Attested' means they've actually interacted with the Prime PPC; 'rumoured' is other things people have written which haven't (yet) had that interaction. A bit cheeky, I know, but I wanted to make the list both in-universe and complete.

An important note: this is an in-universe document. It's not necessarily right. In fact, in one place, it's dead wrong: it makes no mention of our world. In fact, to be truly complete, you need an extra layer in between: our world creates various 'Real Worlds' containing fictionalised versions of us - such as the people behind the TCDA Board, or those people Narto met, which each create their own 'World One', which forms the heart of a multiverse. It's complicated by the fact that our world stands both as the creator of a bunch of 'real world's, and as the direct creator of the PPC's World One - but anyway, they don't know any of that, so they won't discuss it. ;)

One final note: the Division of Applied-and-theoretical Multiversal Physics has never been mentioned before; I'll be introducing it properly in a story I have vaguely planned. It's basically HQ's physical sciences department (since DoSAT is more engineering); whether it's a division of DoSAT or DMSE&R is an open question. ;)

hS

PS: Yes, it's a horribly-dense pseudo-scientific dissertation. That's sort of the point. ^-^ ~hS

SPOILERS

The end part especially, when Agent hS accidentally wiped all of Arwen... replacement... thing. (Seriously, she was sleeping with Elrond? 'Scuse me, gonna go jump in the Fountain of Bleepka.)

The storage room full of other canon materials and whatnot was especially interesting; I'll have to go check out that abandoned TARDIS sometime! :P

Why do I get the feeling Agent Cold is going to become a running joke sometime in the near future?

Anywho, all in all, this was an awesome read, excellent mission, and you should write more of these- I mean, well done!

Your design worked perfectly! I managed to print it onto a 3D printed plastic box. I've programmed it to shout "welcome to medical" when someone goes in front of it and chase them. Also, which program are you using to make models with? Also, are you using an inkline model printer (places molten material in lines) or a laser (shers of bits from a cube with a laser)?

That... that's pretty awesome. I'm always jealous of people who get to use 3D printers... still waiting for the day when they become actually affordable.

And I like the design; very neat and tidy (though I think that's more a daisy than a sunflower...). And, uh, smaller than it looks - that must only be a couple of inches! Impressive. (And I see from the render that the spork is a folding spork; nice)

So, do we get a picture of it in use? ^_~

hS

And I... can't remember if I had anything to say about it. Ehm... trollfics can be fun to spork, but don't do too many of them - it's more fun, I think, to see the stories which are pointed in vaguely the right direction (and missing terribly) than to just read an essentially random series of events while the agents say 'This makes no sense! This really makes no sense!' etc.

And, ehm... oh yes: mini-Boulders. Cute. Though I'm seriously shocked that you didn't go down the Geodude route.

hS

I don't really have anything to add in terms of concrit. I'll be looking forward to you next mission.

I just had to laugh- the rolling boulder is so iconic, it's very fitting!

I absolutely loved this mission, though I do have to say Rashida seems a little too fond of greatly injuring her partner... even if her desire to do so is totally justified.

And, uh, if you ever wanted to do a mission with me, I'd be totally up for it! *hint, hint*

Falchion muttered to himself, still held in the Troll’s huge arm as he wondered whether he had any tissues to pick the up the new mini with.
There is one "the" too much.

but neither of the World One figures the people you ate correspond to have any Speshul abilities to begin with.
This looks weird to me, although I cannot exactly say what’s wrong with it. I suspect that the sentence was rephrased, but words which are no longer necessary were not removed.

Great mission again. I liked how you used Sarah’s impatience to make Falchion ignore Rashida’s advice and go into the badfic unprepared.

HG

A great second mission, though a bit short. Oh, and catchy title.

You've admirably handled that trollfic. Are you planning on having all three of your characters working together on a mission sometime in the future?

A few nitpicks, though:
so if you think I’ll let you Weavile your way out of this mess
Did you consider having Falchion say "Sneasel your way out" instead? IMO, that would make the pun easier to grasp.

doing unspeakable things in full view him
I believe you want to say "in full view of him"?

flapping his arms in a crude butterfly-stroke like a sea eagle with its wings.
This clause could use a bit more clarification. Personally, I think that the sentence should have ended at "butterfly-stroke," since the image was clear enough at that point; IMO, the rest muddied up the picture.
Alternatively, consider adding a verb: "like a sea eagle does with its wings". As presently written, I had trouble piecing the sentence together.

“i am goin to END YO!!!” The Troll roared in fury before charging at Sarah.
Did the Troll roar that line, or did he say that line, then roar? As written, it must be interpreted in the latter fashion. Otherwise, the word "the" needs to have a lowercase T.

Nice work! You don't have to worry about finding time to collaborate with me just yet, by the way; I haven't quite finished my prompts yet (yes, I prewrote my permission prompts, don't judge me), and am super busy with college stuff to boot.

Anyway, concrit time! Your narration and dialogue are a little long-winded in places, but that might be because I had no idea how to change some parts and so left them alone. Take this from the first paragraph of Act Two, for example:

"She had just finished her appointment with the Kudzu some ten minutes ago, during which she’d also had a run-in with Violet. The canon’s leg had been regenerated completely, and any memories of her disastrous vacation to Isla Sorna were long gone by now. Rashida hadn’t stuck around for long, but Violet had at least asked her how Sarah was doing. She was told that her friend was fine, but that she’d be staying with her until further notice, though correspondence with the canon was not out of the question. While Violet was led off to be returned to her family, the Sphinx agent decided to make use of her time by picking up her prescription sedative from Medical, where she struck up a talk with Dr. Appleday about the previous mission."

Yeah. Those are some very involved sentences right there. I found a website some time ago that has advice on being laconic, among other writing tips you probably knew already.

Another thing I noticed is your penchant for referring to Falchion as "the (disguised) Skarmory Agent" and Rashida as "the Sphinx Agent". Leaving off the "Agent" is fine if you need to distinguish them from other characters or something; in paragraphs where they're the only two present, it comes across as weird and overly formal.

Speaking of Falchion, does he really need to refer to Rashida as "Mean Old Rosie" so often? It comes across as juvenile even for him. Just "Rosie" or "Rose" (and "Rashida" in really serious parts) would do just as well.

Thank you again for letting me beta-read your mission. I enjoyed working on it! *hugs*

Darn it, now I've got to revise my mission because I had mini-Snakes.

... that those files, which consist of a copy of the RP from the Board (organised by... theme, maybe?), are owned by JulyFlame. They've been unavailable for some time; I believe Neshomeh knows a bit more than I do.

As far as actual 'vital parts' go: in the aftermath of the Macrovirus Epidemic, the League of Mary-Sue Factories sent an army into HQ. The agents fought them off, culminating in a Last Stand in the Tomb of the Unknown PPC Agent. There's not a lot more to tell, except with regards to who exactly was there.

hS

I'm also getting a "you need permission" message when I open those docs.

Happy Birthday! YAY!

Let's see.... I suppose I should give your agents a care package!

I suppose Agent!Sergio can have a Beretta 96FS

I'll give Corolla a year's supply of sue Souffle'

and Nikki gets a stock of 9-bangs!

Again, happy birthday!

Here's wishing you another year of fun and craziness!

Happy birthday and stuff!
-Sets a table with tea, scones and jam-

Have an Iximaz-special birthday song!

HAPPY HAPPY BRITHDAY TO YOU
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
HOPE NOBODY MAKES YOU BLUE
AND YOUR CAKE DOESN'T EXPLODE IN GOO!

Hooray!

*tosses you a Generic Gift*

*showers you in confetti*

He will be missed. Wherever he is.

I mean, okay, good for you I guess that you can read horrifying things without being horrified, but... basically, you're saying you can write missions into stories people don't want to read. Only... people don't want to read those stories. So how would it help for you to write a mission into them? Either the mission quotes the story, in which case people don't want to read them, or the mission doesn't quote the story, in which case, what's the point in going into a horrifying story?

So yeah - not sure how 'I can survive toxic gas, so follow me into the chlorine tank!' is an asset, really.

hS

If you really want to get in to the style and feel of the PPC, then please stop casually mentioning sexual violence all the time. Seriously, being cavalier about that sort of thing comes off really, REALLY creepy.

And if you absolutely must mention it, then label your post NSFW. I know you've been told that before.

-Phobos

They're plenty of ways. You could MST something (squick tolerance is helpful there) , you could write a history of the PPC that goes into great detail about the events (we really need that), you could Beta for people. Oh, and I recommend you go into the GAFF boards and MST stuff there due to your high squick tolerance.

I like your Soul Collector story, you've got some really nice ideas for the setting in there. I particularly the image of a bunch of Collectors all trying to pick the lock to get at a guy that's sealed himself up.

Good choice of music to go with it too - I saw the document title as the youtube page was loading and instantly knew what song I'd pick.

There's a few grammar issues, mostly sentences that seem to go on for far too long - the last sentence of the first paragraph is over half the length of the paragraph, and could easily be broken up into 2 or 3 sentences. He's supposed to be talking to the reader, and doubt I could talk for that long without having to stop for breath. There are a few others sentences like that too.

While not technically incorrect, there are a couple of points where it feels like you're missing emphasis. For example, 'You see I’m a Soul Collector, not the Soul Collector' - I don't know much about this guy's character, so maybe he wouldn't put any inflection on those words, but if it had been me saying it I would have stressed them.

Also, near the beginning he says 'you see I made a deal with the devil, yes there’s a devil and yes I made a deal with one', then toward the end he refers to 'this guy we call Lucifer, whether he’s the devil himself or not we don’t care'. That seems contradictory - first he's telling us that the devil is definitely real, and that he made a deal with him, and then he's telling us that he's unsure if Lucifer is the devil or not. Surely he'd know whether or not the guy he made the deal with was Lucifer or someone else?

It's a cool idea, and I'd certainly read more of it. If you do decide to write any more, and want a beta, let me know.

What the heck did I just read? >.>

Both of them.

All in all, an excellent mission! I loved the unorthodox exorcism, and the confrontation between Kaitlyn and Selene was very well-written. It's probably a good thing Selene didn't nom any bits- there might be traces of glitter in them. You never know.

I liked the way you handled that mission. The mirror idea was excellent. It was a creative and different way of handling an exorcism for characters who weren't quite . . . traditionally? Out of character. It was also nice to read a mission where the main problem was just faulty characterization on a fairly mundane level, rather than some big, magical, universe-ending thing.

Also, I like the scenes with Selene's hunger getting stronger. You wrote her in a way that made me sorry and sympathetic for her, even though what she was wanting to do was, at face value, awful. But I also appreciate that you had Agent Kaitlyn call her on it, then offer to help enact a solution.

I've been looking real hard for a Dark Tower badfic to offer up. But . . . Stephen King fans are just too high-caliber; I can never find any bad ones. I found a cute little goodfic, though, so have that!

Are you familiar with The Legend of Zelda? Cause I found a fic that's setting off all kinds of alarm bells.

Fic: The Mysteries of Hyrule (https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10720410/1/The-Mysteries-of-Hyrule)
Continua: Legend of Zelda (Toon Link timeline except Phantom Hourglass, Ocarina of Time, Four Swords, Skyward Sword, and Hyrule Warriors. Not kidding.)
Description: As far as I can tell, the author's/submitted OCs run around in time-squiggled Hyrule and aid/replace various versions of Link.
Type of Badfic: Mary Sue/Improbable AU
Plot holes/biggest offenses: Besides the mentioned time-squiggle, there's a fairy created by Hylia herself (the creator goddess) to aid the main Sue--who explicitly says that only Kokiri get fairies, mind you--characters are shoved in willy-nilly, and...just, bleh. If you won't kill it, I will after I get permission.

Sorry for being a day late!

I think that this is the first time that I've ever wished you a happy birthday, isn't it? If so, then allow me to give my usual birthday present: a Pokemon that loves to give Presents, namely, Delibird!

The standard warning applies: its presents have an 80% chance of exploding!

Have my unorthodox birthday song!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
DON'T LET ANYONE MAKE YOU BLUE
AND HOPE YOUR CAKE DOESN'T EXPLODE IN GOO!

Yeah, the last two lines I can't seem to keep consistent. Oh, well!

*showers you with golden sparkles* *tosses you a Generic Gift*

I don't know you too well, so have some chocolate cake! (You can never go wrong with chocolate, in my experience.)

Happy Halloween!

I went as a brightlady from the Stormlight Archive. It was great fun!

-Aila

They don't celebrate Halloween in Korea.

I really wish I was back home.

Happy yet-another-holiday-they-don't-celebrate here, everybody.

I plan to... sit at home, do nothing, and hand out sweets to the children who will doubtless come knocking. Adulthood is, uh, 'fun'...?

hS

We've just had our first snow of the season. >.
'Course, in my experience, Halloween night is almost always freezing no matter what. Thanks, Ironic Overpower!

~Neshomeh

I loved the tone and the pacing. It conjured images in my mind of an old New England campus under a dull leaden sky. There is only one way that I think it could have been improved: it could have been longer.

A longer story could have meant more mystery and suspense. You brought both of those to the table in satisfactory amounts, but I'm a bit of a glutton and would have enjoyed a larger feast.

All-in-all, very well done.

-Phobos

That's supposed to be an extended sibilant - 'nisssse' seemed wrong, somehow.

Nice. I was genuinely tense, waiting to find out how it would end - and the journal framing is very Lovecraft. As is not showing us the 'monster' much at all - very good.

'course, now I have to add the Canonical Preservation League to the Multiverse Atlas... I think they can be listed as 'the Unspeakable Verse'.

hS

Probably not the best idea to read this just before bedtime. :/

But I loved it. All the details (like 'De Plaughtoules') were just spot-on and it worked both as a PPC story and a Lovecraft homage.

Thank you for the very lovely treat!

An issue that a lot of creepy stories have is pacing, and you definitely nailed that. Well done!
I also love the way you incorporated PPC-related terminology in a manner that was Lovecraftian, such as C'l'br'n and Ehnobei and the other badfics. Very cool.

There goes my ability to sleep tonight. Bravo, well done!

A fitting Halloween story.

There are, however, two small issues, both found in the following sentence:
Her surroundings looked no better in the flickering flame then they had illuminated by the lights in the hall.

First off, there's a then/than error: no better in the flickering flame then they had...

Secondly, this sentence could be made more readable with the addition of a word or two:
Her surroundings looked no better in the flickering flame than they had been when illuminated by the lights in the hall.
I highly recommend adding the second word; adding the first word as well is optional.

Those issues aside, an excellent story.

The last part, especially, with the fountain pen... *shivers* Thanks in advance for the nightmares.

Seriously, though, this was excellent!