Oct 2014 Archive, part a

I pretty much agree with what doctorlit said. My favorite stuff was the dialogue between the agents, seeing how their relationship is beginning to form. Seems like they're going to work well together.

Just... try not to make out like writing slowly/not being amazingly prolific is a bad thing? At least one person I can recall quit the PPC because they felt bad about not writing enough (that was Inkling), and some of us can't churn out a gazillion words in a go like you can, whether it's due to time constraints or just because our brains don't work that fast.

~Neshomeh, who will probably never win at NaNo.

Very fun! You definitely delivered the feeling of the Original Series, with the mission being to-the-point, but still long enough to allow the agents time to let their personalities show through their actions and reactions. I . . . don't really have anything negative to say! doctorlit will shut up sooner for once!

Just to share my two cents on the topic of mission length: I get what you're wanting to show, that not every mission needs to be long and complex, but to be honest, I prefer reading longer missions. I literally read both the introduction and "Winterwood" in the time it took to clean my teeth before going to bed. (Which takes about an hour, because I inherited terrible teeth genes, just to be clear.) And there's nothing wrong with that, but it's also not as immersive for me. When I read a story, I want to feel like I'm there, in that world, and spend a long time getting to know it. But I guess that's just my brain's legacy as a longtime novel reader, it's just my preference. (And I'm enough of a glutton for reading to take whatever I can get.)

—doctorlit lied about shutting up sooner!

(Man, the first Frozen mission took way longer to appear than I expected.

♪Do you want to spork a badfiiiiiic?
And find the problems with the plooooooot♪)

That was fantastic! I love what you're doing here, and I love the concept, and all the interactions! It's really lovely. I especially liked the fact that it was short, honestly--I really need to go to sleep.

-Aila

(Wow, I really went into lurk-mode for a couple of weeks there, didn't I?)

Didn't the Pit prohibit posting missions, MSTings and the like to the site or something?

Fic: The Smarty Complex
Description: This one is actually only bad because of technical issues. But there are so many of those. Bad SPaG, walls of text, run-ons, overly long description and bad pacing.

Plot Holes: Not much actually. Maybe how the animation spell
works in this story though.

Problem Passages:
1) "Twilight awoke in a soft cot, soft sheets enveloping her. She [bad error, Twilight is a she!] sighed, relaxing as she sank into the bed. It was lovely, she was worn out, after all, creating a new life form in its entirety. However, her mind was clouded with worry as she facehoofed for being so careless. She needed to take Smarty Pants to a doctor’s appointment. But, she’ll only be there for a few days before I turn her back. Twilight cringed again, arguing with herself. There’s something about her though, something that drew her to me, some kind of bond. She knew there was a part of her that wanted to keep Smarty Pants. Something about her coat, something about her eyes, even her odd hair. Everything about her seemed, She didn’t know what it seemed like, whatever this feeling was, she couldn’t put her hoof on it Twilight soon however was overcome by the logic in her mind. She isn’t meant to be alive, she isn’t meant to be a foal. She’s a toy, that’s what she always would be. But, then again, it’ll probably take me a week or so to build my energy again, and it might be worth it just to see. She resolved it [‘Resolved it’? maybe she decided she would take Smarty to the Doctor, or something similar. Resolved isn’t usually the term for thoughts.], she was going to take Smarty for a doctor’s appointment. She bolted up from the cot, shaking herself awake. She was determined to help the foal for as long as she had to while she built up her arcana [Arcana? Well, it is your decision. However there are a few more common terms. ‘Strength’ ‘Energy’ ‘Focus’ or even ‘Mana’, but still your choice on this one.] once again."

Huge wall of text plus what are apparently editor's notes were left in.


2) "No, she was an inanimate object. But what if, all the times we had spoken to Smarty all those years ago, some part of her was wishing she could speak back, letting all of her emotions out? She was a doll, she had no emotions. She’s like francium suddenly becoming bromine, one thing becoming something completely different. Yet, how would it feel to have a taste of the most beautiful food ever tasted, and have it snatched away from you by some torturer. Was she killing Smarty Pants, or restoring her. She was ending the life of a foal. No, she knew there was something about the new, living Smarty Pants that had moved somewhere in her heart, well, in her brain, there are no emotions in the heart, it only pumps blood. Never mind. Twilight gazed at Smarty, who was cooing at her, smiling as she embraced her Mother. Twilight sighed, she knew she couldn’t turn Smarty into a doll, how could she do that to an adorable little foal. She smiled again, and faced Smarty Pants."

Smaller,internal dialogue wall of text. Pacing problems regarding Twilight deciding things too quickly, making it already pretty clear what decision she is going to make in the ending.

Offenses Against Canon: [Broad categories of charges]

Additional Comments: I am mostly sending you this because of the whole concrit at the end of the mission angle you are going with this series. This story actually has a potentially good premise, but that is currently obscured under the technical errors, specially the troublematic pacing that is basically killing any suspense over Twilight's decision regarding turning Smarty Pants back or not.

Aaanyway... Here you are!

Fic: No Safe Place
http://www.quotev.com/story/2838998/No-Safe-Place-Legolas-Love-Story/
Description: this is actually pretty bad. I found Arogorn, Ring Wraths, and this OC looks like a definite Mary Sue. Summary excerpted from the story:
Erillin is the younger sister of Arwen, Princess of Rivendale. Lord Elrond has hidden her true identity from her and keeps her hidden within the Elven Realm of Rivendale. She can do things no other elf can do... [+tenth walker Legomance]
Problem Passages
Example 1: I started shooting my arrows with perfect aim, swinging my sword with amazing precision, and slicing my twin daggers with marvelous power. [Amazing precision... Perfect aim... What a 'Sue!]
Example 2: The man stood and walk over to Frodo. I guess It was my turn. "You have my daggers and my shoulder to cry on if you need it." [The author has a strange habit of capitalizing random Things.]
OC: Erillin
Type: Elf-Sue, Elrond's daughter
Offences Against Canon: Tenth Walker, grammar issues, lots of characters OOC, tense shifting (It seems), etc..
Addition Comments: if you don't take this on, believe me, I will. :)

trying to revive the frequency of the Original Series. And I really liked the concrit bit at the end of the mission; it helps to show that we aren't a bunch of spoilsports out to ruin others' fun. More missions should have that, IMHO, though I admit that some people are better able at spotting errors than at correcting them.

tl;dr: Good concept. Loved the concrit at the end; more missions should have it, but I know it's not for everyone.

I think... I think the reason why you were able to write it so quickly is because you didn't include too many direct quotes from the badfic. The Original Series was very similar in that regard. Maybe that's the key to faster missions...?

Anyway, new mission for Kaitlyn and Selene!


Title: And So The Journey Begins

Description: A modern girl uses wall-of-text urple prose to describe how heartbroken she is over her ex-fiancée before finding a portal that takes her to Middle Earth.

Problem Passage 1: "Her stubborn heart had prevailed over her will of succumb to sleep. The world kept turning and it was only her little world that had ceased. That bliss that was no longer what she came home to. She couldn't deny that it was pathetic, wallowing in her own misery whilst across the globe there was surely someone rejoicing at the mere essence of life. She once believed in fairytales and happily ever afters but now, reality had taken hold and slapped her over the face like a scorned being." ALL THE URPLE PROSE. And this continues through the whole fic, from what I've seen...

Problem Passage 2: "Lord Elrond nodded reservedly, "I had not realised that orcs have spread to the north as well or have you come from Gondor?" He inquired, looking distastefully at her attire." I have... no words...

Main OC: Guinevere Archer (because Legolas is an archer, of course)

OC Type: Modern fan of Tolkien's who falls into Middle Earth and falls in love with Prince Legolas.

Charges: Overly-flowery descriptions of just about everything, apparently there are orcs taking human slaves at an establishment near Rivendell, Lord Elrond is a condescending jerk to the Sue but warms up to her wit...

Additional notes: the author says Guinevere isn't meant to be a Mary Sue. They never are.

I will, however I can't at the moment as I currently don't have internet at home, seeing as I've just moved in and everything. I'll send you an email when it's all sorted out, which should be in the next couple of days.

The dialogue in this piece feels a bit odd what with everyone going on these long, uninterrupted tangents. I presume that’s just an artifact of the original message-based RP, but it still reads strangely to me.

I was also not a fan of how it felt like Des and the Guardsman were just swapping backstories and character-building facts with each other. While all that’s very nice to know, at the same time it feels very artificial. It goes get a bit better on when they actually start swapping stories.

One minor nitpick: ”[...]Don't mind if I do, Agent Des,” beamed the Time Lord as he allowed himself to crash into the seat opposite Des. One cannot “beam” dialogue unless one is some sort of robot communicating via electronic signals. “Said with a wide smile” or something similar would be more accurate.

Overall, this was pretty enjoyable. I think it could be edited to be a lot tighter in terms of dialogue and pacing, but that might be taking it too far from the original RP. Kudos and well done to the both of you!

There is a small problem with your Permission settings on the G doc... it keeps allowing me to comment. I suggest that you fix this, or someone may accidentally damage it.

...I got a real kick out of the part where you bought up my own Agents, including that one disastrous mission that led to Rashida transferring to Floaters in the first place (and yes, I would like to revisit that particular incident soon. I have plans for it...). I have to second Huinesoron in that you might want to edit the "something something Giza" part, though - it's Rashida Mafdetiti now, actually.

In light of this, I'd actually like to have my own Agents meet up with yours. Maybe either via another interlude or, preferably, on an actual mission?

... "Oh God, not another Time Lord!"

Sorry - Morgan insisted. ^_~

Anyway. This is... difficult to read. It's not so much the swapping around of viewpoints and writing styles - you and SeaTurtle are close enough in style (or did you rework things?) that that slips by, and you carefully didn't spend much time in Deep Thoughts that would make the viewpoint swapping obvious. No, my main problem is that the Guardsman, in particular, breaks his speech over multiple paragraphs.

I can see why. SeaTurtle's dialogue tends towards long speeches - that's not a problem, it's just one way of doing things - and those should be broken up. But because it started life as an RP, not every paragraph immediately identifies the speaker. Single example: 'He thought for a few seconds and cocked his head.' That starts a new paragraph, so is 'he' the previous speaker, or the person who could be replying to him? It makes the reading tricky, is what I'm trying to get across.

Once you get past that - and it becomes a lot easier when there's four participants, since they tend to cut in on each other more frequently - it's an interesting story. It's always fun to see agents from different canons interact in a casual setting, and ask the questions they normally don't get to. Fun.

(Oh, minor point: since Rashida has a new name, you might want to edit the 'something something Giza' section.)

hS

...this Wiki page?

PC

I'll definitely have to give it a look-see at some point.

Definitely looks interesting. May very well have to post something there. Once, you know, I have something worth posting.

Oooooh...!
This sounds/looks really interesting - deffiantly gonna poke around!

"Ah. You are FicPsych then. I thought I heard you call yourself a nurse just now. And since you mentioned giving bit characters personalities, I figured you probably meant FicPsych."

Doc faced forward again and walked on in silence for a few seconds. Up ahead, Vania had her hands on the back of her head, fingers linked and elbows sticking out to the sides. It was sort of weird for her to be keeping her distance like this, but Doc was too deep in thought to worry about it.

Finally, he turned to Jenni and answered her. "I don't know. I . . . I kind of feel like I just want to go on reading and doing regular missions again, and try to forget HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ever happened. And— well, you got me to talk a lot, today, but most of the time, I'm not much for going out and socializing. Um. No offense. Against you, or your job, it's just . . ." Doc trailed off, avoiding Jenni's gaze.

((Come to think of it, I unconsciously dropped another hint in this very RP, in the meal Vania ordered! >.> But that's all I'll say.))

Not all missions need to be DTE-esque SPaG trainwrecks. Badfics can have decent SPaG and still be badfics.

... How many Charges are needed at minimum?

I have a problem. You're asking for prompts, but I usually think of a prompt as being as short as possible: witness the Monthlyish Challenge, where the prompt is two whole words. They're an idea which people can read wildly differently.

Given the four-sentence-minimum requirement, I'd class what you're asking for here as outlines - a fully-fledged story idea, basically just needing fleshing out and writing. In other words, it's 'I've got a great idea for a story, but I don't have the time/energy/skill/knowledge to write it'.

And, uh... my problem is that I can't think of those. Or rather, if I can come up with a four-sentence outline, I can also come up with a two-page outline, and plan to write the story. I don't particularly have stories of the 'want to write but can't (be bothered)' variety in my head, or not in any detail.

What I'm saying is, I'd love to participate - but I can't think of anything. If I come up with something, I'll add it.

(And how many words did I use to say that? Shh, that's how many. Here's an extra .023: .)

hS

Do prompts have to be related to christmas?

Now I just have to think of a good prompt! Haha. . .
Does the prompt have to include specific characters and happenstance, or can it just be something like "Space western with cool aliens and a planet"? Because I don't really have anything specific in mind, though I suppose I could come up with one if need be. Is general okay?

I need to start training my writing skills again. I haven't written anything for years. So I hope this will be a good start. I will be looking forward to it!

I need to write more, and I've been gradually going into lurker-mode here, what better way to get more involved with the community? I can't wait!

-Aila

Unfortunately, I don't think I'll have time to participate in this on top of holiday-season craziness and all the other stuff I'm trying to write, but I look forward to seeing what everyone else does. Maybe next year!

~Neshomeh

When you say original do you mean original using PPC characters or original using any OC's of yours whatsoever?

Otherwise looking forward to it.

I have a suggestion. November is also NaNoWriMo. Would it be possible to tweak the dates so everyone gets their prompts, say, a week before November 1. so people doing NaNo can finish them before the madness starts?
If not, it's no big deal. 20 days of December is still time enough to write a story. I just think it would be a great pre-NaNo warm-up.

Title says I'm nervous, I am, but I'm willing too give it a go.

Whelp, here I go~ //rolls over too Google Drive thingy~//

Because it made me laugh. Very brilliantly parodied!

Quite amusing. It reads like a song, too. I don't think the late Mr Eliot would mind.

I loved Cats.
How about...

Sparkly Sues, come out tonight,
Sparklees come to the HP Yule Ball!

...no? Oh, fine.

~Kitty

*throws computer on floor* Another!

Put simply: do not make your agents Suvians.

The world of the PPC is one where agents - moderately regular folk, just out to get their job done, wipe out evil, and hopefully avoid going flamethrower-crazy - struggle through badfics, and ultimately perform The Duty with some difficulty. They're at a disadvantage - basically everyone they have to face down is in some way more powerful than them, whether it be a canon character they have to keep from getting killed by while their partner sets up an exorcism, or a Suvian they have to fight or even just catch.

If your agent has an easy time of their missions, you're doing it wrong. If you find yourself giving them powers or weapons because you 'need' them to take down the misplaced flora and fauna you're planning to send them against, you're doing it wrong. If, in fact, you're planning on giving them a power without consequences, a bonus without a downside, a plus without a minus - you're probably doing it wrong.

hS

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3662190/1/Pirates-of-the-Caribbean-Into-the-Past

Not enough for this badficcer to create a Sue sister for Elizabeth who is, of course, also a pirate, but they had to jump into InuYasha as well. Prophecies, people turning out to be dragons--and by "people" I mean the Sue and her buddies...

Hey, troll fics are fine by me. They allow me to sharpen my "epic skilz" (misspelling intended).

If so, I'd like to take the time to bring up this ugly thing.

The reason I know of this... ABOMINATION is because it's got its own TV Tropes entry, which is how I stumbled upon it a few years ago. Here's the summary of said entry, which really speaks for itself:

"After venturing into a cave and getting a gold tube that grants him the power of flight, Indiana Jones finds his dad Dr. Jones and takes him flying... but then Dr. Jones has a shocking admission: He was sent from the future to kill Indy. Needless to say, Indy doesn't handle this too well, and Dr. Jones sends him into the future... first to the World Trade Center on September 11 (yes, THAT September 11), and then to the year 2008. Indy is distraught by the fact that his "history is now history", but then he meets a "really cool kid" named Andy who offers to help him get back to his time period. Meanwhile, Dr. Jones is plotting to take over the world, and he does so by running for "overlord of the world" by eating Barack Obama and John McCain.
And that's just the beginning of the sheer insanity on display.
Quite possibly the most insane and surreal Indiana Jones fanfiction ever written, the story is full of spelling errors, characters acting out of character, and generally makes no sense whatsoever."

You know, I wonder if I can claim this one. Not to sound masochistic and all, but I've... got some plans for it ;)

I might be wrong, but I found two fics on FF.net that might qualify.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7775173/1/Empty-Cradles

this one involves SasuIta paedoincest. bear in mind that Itachi is 13 at the time of this and Sasuke is 8.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8349097/1/Burn

if you thought the above was disgusting, what about SasuIta necro-incest gayporn? yeah, I get it.

You can't claim an RC number until you get Permission. Also, what counts as a messy RC varies with the person, in my opinion; for example, Eamon and Barid's doesn't rank high in my list (as opposed to Iximaz).

...since you'll be working with just one pair of agents for some time.

And technically, I don't think you can 'officially' claim RC numbers until you get Permission, but requests are usually honored from what I've seen.

As for 'messiest'... what exactly do you mean? I'm sure there are plenty of agents whose RCs look like a tornado hit, but there are varying degrees of messiness. (Phobos' pairing of Barid and Eamon comes to mind since the room is half pigsty and half orderly.)

I can't see this thread being anything more than a way to bash badfic authors. That's not what the PPC is about. At all. Period. Let me point out this snippet from the Mission Writing Guide:

Sporking is NEVER about the fic's AUTHOR. This point cannot be emphasised enough. Authors of a badfic are not equal to the badfic. Moaning and complaining about the badfic should never turn into insulting the author. It's rude, it's cruel, and it's created far too many dramas already. Leave authors out of it.

PC

Like Iximaz said, we've been getting a fair amount of newbies lately: June Blue Knight, Combat of Giants, Lunar Dusk...Another newbie, SkarmorySilver, got Permission, and Desdendelle and I have been beta reading his first mission. (Quite fun.) There's a Rudi's RP thread on the Other Board that's probably still open, we kicked out a troll back in May (long story), somebody started a camping trip thread, and way more cool things happened than I can shake a ten-foot pole at. (LOL, mixed metaphor.)

You're working on a campaign? That sounds pretty stressful, but also exciting. Who's Mark Begich and why is his campaign super-duper important?

Iximaz, mind spreading out the confetti for us? Mr World-Jumper, please walk to my left. I'm holding up a bunga manggar.

Now all we need are another bunga manggar holder, some people to play the kompangs or any drum-type instruments, and a few dancers to dance.

WELCOME BACK, LONG-TRAVELLING FRIEND!

Also, the are a some prompts, badfic threads, and some warnings given to juniors of the Board. Business as usual, although I think you should go back a few pages and read the picnic that PPC held. Although I am not a prat of it, It's still an engaging read.

OHMIGOSH OHMIGOSH OHMIGOSH OHMIGOSH OHMIGOSH OHMIGOSH I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE BAAAAAAACK!

Lessee, there was the annual badfic festival, hS started a new series on FFN called PPC: Driftwood, there were a couple of newbies, Skarmory Silver got part of his/her (sorry, Skarm, I can't remember which one you prefer) first mission out, and I think that's about it.

I'm glad to hear you're doing well- I was getting worried, but if I sent one email I'd start sending hundreds and I know you wouldn't appreciate that. ;) And ooh goody, November is just getting better by the minute!

RC 1953 had been quite for a too long time, so it was no surprise when a blue portal popped into existence and a pair of black-robed figures stumbled out of it. One of them was a young woman with very long, very pointy ears. Her arms were clutched around the elder male's shoulders in an attempt to hold him upright in front of her. But it did not do much good. She could barely keep her balance when he fell to his knees and bent over, his hands pressed on his belly.

The front of the man's cloak was soaked in glitter, and purple stains were all over his face and beard. He coughed and heaved, like he would vomit, but his already empty stomach had nothing to give up anymore. He cringed. A wilver knife fell to the floor.

“On your knees again, Hieronymus?” asked the night elf in a mislead attempt to joke. “You know this is not necessary in front of me.” The man coughed and heaved even more. “Get up on your feet,” commanded the woman, “and out of this robes. Then wash your face and you will feel better, I promise.” Hieronymus shook his head. “Oh, well then. Let me get some facecloths and towels.”

When she returned, her partner was still on his knees, his head bent and his gaze fixated on the stained knife. “Don't look at this thing!“ shouted Androia, carefully averting her eyes as she kicked the wilver knife into the space under the console. “I told you we should not keep it. Look at me!” But when she had dropped the towels onto the console, she had to grip the male's hair and pull his head back before she could start to clean his face with a wet flannel. Hieronymus appeared to be in a catatonic state.

“You know,” said Androia, “this would be much easier if your face were less furry. Maybe I should get some scissors.” Hieronymus did not react at all. Androia looked really worried now. Deciding that, even if he did not object, removing the beard he was so proud of should only be a last resort, she continued to wipe and rub. “Next time you cut somebody's throat,” she scolded, “remember that you should not be in front of them. Although I must admit that approaching the Sue like you intended to confess your unending love was a brilliant move.”

“Don't,” croaked Hieronymus.

This was at least something. “Don't what?” asked Androia. But Hieronymus had fallen back into silence and shivering. His skin felt cold as ice, while his forehead, which she had just rubbed dry, covered with small drops of sweat. Get rid of the glitter, thought Androia, and keep him warm. She looked around frantically. Three steps to the bedroom's door behind Hieronymus' back. But the door was closed and she would not have a free hand to open it. Then there was the other possibility. Androia made a decision that appeared to be rational, shoved her hands under his axles, and pulled him up and forwards to the pile of blankets in the far corner of the RC. Having arrived, she unbuttoned his robes and, without further ado, pulled it down, just in time before she could not longer stand his weight.

Hieronymus eyes widened in alarm when he was dropped on the blankets. “But – that's your bed,” he stammered.

“There is no need to worry. It is okay for now.” Androia knelt down, pulled the topmost blanket over her partner and tried to wrap him in. “Look, we got you out of this glittering robes, and now we have to keep you warm, then you will soon feel better, I am sure. – Oh, no!” Looking down, she had suddenly realized that it would have been much better to remove Hieronymus' robes before she had dragged him to her chest. The glitter was all over her robes now as well.

Hieronymus eyes widened even more when his partner wriggled out of her robes and threw it across the room.

“There,” she said, “it is all gone. Now let us keep you warm and comfortable.” Androia laid down on the blankets, shoved one arm under her partners neck and started to caress his face with the other hand. “Now, now,” she soothed. “It will get better soon.”

“It wasn't the glitter,” moaned Hieronymus. “Nor the wilver.” And then it broke out of him. “Androia! I just murdered a girl!”

Androia sat up and looked down at the man. “This is not what happened,” she said sternly. “Mary Sue is not a person. It is a concept that needs to be eradicated. I learned this from you. Do you remember? And you did not murder it. You saved my life when it held me at wand point and was about to use the killing curse on me.”

“I know all this. But if it looks like a person, moves like a person, talks like a person –“

“If it looks too good to be real, moves faster than a whirlwind and talks everybody into oblivion – come on, Hieronymus, you have read all the reports, and you have been there. It never bothered you when you watched me doing the Duty.”

“That's true, but I still wasn't prepared for how it would feel to do it myself.” Hieronymus shuddered, but then he shoved the blankets aside and sat up. “We should clean up,” he said boldly.

Androia glanced over the heaps of glittering clothes. “No need to hurry,” she said. “Any attempt to wash this stuff would be futile. It can all go directly into the garbage chute. She looked back at Hieronymus. “Do you feel better now?”

Hieronymus nodded, standing up. “I'm okay.”

He was quite obviously lying.

“There is one thing I do not understand,” said Androia. “Why are you even here when you cannot stand the killing?”

Because you are here, and I would do everything to be with you, would have been the honest answer. “I can't tell you,” said Hieronymus instead, on his way to the console.

“Why not?”

“There's no time,” answered Hieronymus, starting to program a portal. “We'll be sooo in trouble if I don't clean up the mess I made, puking all over the Slytherin common room.”

Androia wanted to hug him. But apparently he did not want to be comforted anymore. And considering their current state, it would probably be inappropriate. “It may already be too late,” she said. “And don't you think that we should get dressed first?”

-------------

I should probably have set the precedences first, before I break them.

But you may have guessed that usually Androia does the killing.

You may also have noticed that Androia sleeps on the floor because she doesn't want to share a bedroom, let alone a bed, with her (strictly professional) partner.

I'm not sure, but don't these hurt/comfort scenes always end with sex, or at least a confession of love?

In case you wonder why Androia didn't take her partner to Medical: this is a precedent not broken yet. Androia Avatar was designed to be a one-woman-army able to go wherever she is sent to on her own. She doesn't call for help.

(The miraculous sudden healing may not be understandable without the back-story that is always hinted at, but never spelled out. In short, at this time Androia may or may still not be aware that Hieronymus is her creator and tried to snatch her out of the game for the sole purpose of seducing her. I keep this ambiguous, because I don't know when it will happen, it depends on when I find a mission where it fits. So Androia's shock therapy may be deliberate or totally innocent. Anyway, seeing his dreams come true in this unexpected and unwanted way is a greater shock for Hieronymus then whatever may have happened during the mission. Being aware that Androia would be horrified if she realized the unfortunate implications – supposing that she doesn't know exactly what she is doing there – Hieronymus just cannot let this continue. Because he cares for his partner as much as she cares for him.)

The provisional claim of RC 1953 is still pending (me asking for) Permission.

HG

Taking my Agents Kitty and Kay out for a spin. They're brother and sister, and Kay's the calm and logical one. Kitty... doesn't have much regard for rules.
Phoebe is a OC that is just popping up for fun!
---
DAY TRIP
---
“-and this,” said Kitty, throwing open the elaborately decorated door with a flourish. “is our response center. Hi, Kay!”
“Hey, Kitty,” her brother greeted, without looking up from the copy of Harry Potter he was focused on. “How many rules did you break today?”
She fidgeted a bit. “Ah, just one. Or two. Maybe. Come on in, Phoebe.”
The other girl looked strangely reluctant to enter the room. Maybe it was the odd splotches of Urple and Wilver that streaked the walls. Or maybe it was the Sue head nailed to the wall.
Kay banged his head against the page of the book. “Don’t tell me that you brought one of your friends into HQ for a tour.”
She shrugged. “Okay. I didn’t bring one of my friends into HQ for a tour. Come on, Phoebe,” she tugged at her friend’s arm. “The minis don’t bite. Much.”
“But that’s Phoebe!” Kay objected, jabbing a finger in the other girl’s direction. “I remember her! She came to your 12th birthday party! She was the one with the ice cream-”
“We don’t mention the ice cream,” Phoebe snapped, finding her voice at last, and sliding into the room. “Nice place. Apart from, you know, the body parts nailed to the wall-”
“It adds to the decor,” Kitty grinned.
There was a loud siren from outside. Everyone inside the room jumped simultaneously.
“...did you actually tell anyone you let Phoebe into the building?” Kay asked.
“I may have forgotten to mention that small fact,” Kitty admitted.
“What’s that noise?” Phoebe poked her head out the door.
“Internal Affairs,” Kitty told her, and motioned out into the hallway. “We should probably... you know, run.”
“Internal Affairs?” Phoebe screeched, allowing herself to be tugged along. “What sort of staffing do you have in this place?”
Kitty broke into a quick sprint, and Phoebe let go so she could run at a normal pace beside her. “Let me put it this way. IA usually deals with the agents who are a little too trigger happy.”
Phoebe snorted. “What sort of people do they hire here? Homicidal assassins?”
“Yes!”
They rounded a corner, and passed the open door of a Flower’s office. Phoebe stopped and stared for a moment. “Was that a flower in a business suit?”
“Flower,” corrected Kitty. “Capital ‘F’. And yes! They’re our bosses!”
“Where are we even going?”
“Don’t think about it!”
Kitty closed her eyes, and hastily slapped a hand across her friend’s forehead. She yelped in surprise.
“Recite the 12 times tables backwards!” the junior Agent ordered. “12 times 12 is 144... 12 times 11 is 132...”
Phoebe, being slightly in front, was the first of them to slam face-first into the Cafeteria door. Kitty opened her eyes and grinned. “Welcome to the Cafeteria, my dear friend!”
“That sounds weird,” Phoebe decided. “Don’t call me that. You have a Cafeteria?”
“Yeah, you don’t expect us to starve, do you?”
“Well, from what you’ve told me... hey, what’s in that fountain? It doesn’t look like water.”
Kitty pushed the doors open and dragged Phoebe through them. “Bleepka. Don’t drink it unless you want to get utterly high.”
“What’s-?”
“Bleepka? It’s bleach, mixed with aspirin, mixed with vodka.”
Phoebe frowned, remembering her chemistry classes. “But, that’s realistically impossible.”
Kitty spun around, and pointed a finger at her. “YES, I KNOW. Everyone knows that, and they don’t care. But it works. And don’t remind them that it doesn’t, ‘cause they may start trying to kill you. And we are very creative here.”
So saying, she continued her stalk down to a table, where she waved at a couple of elfin agents, and greeted a Time Lord in Old High Gallifreyan.
“Right,” she decided. “Try a hamburger. They’re wicked good. But avoid the Sue Souffles.”
She herself walked over to the counter and ordered three Canon Cookies, before swooping back to the table, and peering intently over at Phoebe. “So what do you think?”
“Of this place?”
“Yeah.”
She wrinkled her nose. “I think... it’s utterly insane.”
Kitty wiggled her toes under the table. “I know! Isn’t it great?”
Phoebe looked slightly unsure. “Uh...”
Behind Kitty, a cat-woman spat up a giant hairball, then walked away, leaving the clump of hair on a table.
“And the best thing is,” Kitty continued, oblivious. “We can do whatever we want! Basically.”
“Kitty,” Phoebe said quietly. “Can I go home now?”
“Why?”
“Because I think Internal Affairs is here now.”
A crash from the doors signified the arrival of the aforementioned Action Department. Phoebe backed away slightly, but Kitty was unconcerned.
“Hello!” she waved cheerfully. “If you wanted a Canon Cookie, sorry, but you’re out of luck. Now, if you had arrived about five seconds after the cookies got to our table, then maybe you could’ve got one, but...”
Phoebe dropped her head onto the table and sighed. She was most definitely not going to join the PPC at any point in her life.

You've (probably) read missions that spork songfics. Well, here's a mission that is, itself, a songfic!
* * *
BEEEEEEEEP!

Agent Josie groaned and hugged the blankets tighter over her head. Her partner had already shut off the alarm, but the RC was now filling with guitar riffs, rising in volume. Here we go again, she thought.

Franklin ripped off her blankets in one easy motion. "♪Back in black♪" he sang, and Josie found herself already fully dressed in PPC uniform.

"♪I hit the sack♪" she tried to complain, but it came out song against her will.

"♪I've been too long; I'm glad to be back♪" Franklin began gathering equipment, so quickly he blurred a bit as he moved around the room. "♪Yes, I'm let loose♪" He found a tied coil of rope from somewhere, shrugged, and added to the rest of the weapons. "♪From the noose♪"

"♪That keeps me hanging around♪" added Josie, with a longing look at the rope.

Suddenly, they were jumping through the portal into the Word World. Looking at the clouds over Barnett College, Franklin continued the song. "♪I been looking at the sky 'cause it's getting me high♪"

Josie muttered, "♪Forget the hearse, because I'll never die. I've got nine lives—♪"

"♪Cat's eyes♪" Franklin interrupted, pointing to a woman with slit pupils and clothing that definitely did not exist in the 1930s. A crowd of students and faculty was following her wake, entranced.

The two agents sang in unison, "♪Abusing every one of them and running wild♪
* * *
Once the Sue tracked down her target in Hamilton Hall, he was awestruck by the cat-eyed woman.

In a weird, falsetto voice that didn't sound like Indiana Jones at all, he sang, "♪I can tell that you are the most beautiful girl in the—♪"

"♪Room♪" finished Franklin. The agents were listening from outside the door to Jones' office, which contained exactly two humans.

Josie snickered. "♪In the whole wide room♪" she added, earning a grin from Franklin.

Inside, the Sue glowered towards the doorway. Jones hadn't noticed anything, and continued to sing. "♪And when you're on the street♪"

"♪Depending on the street♪"

"♪I bet you are definitely♪"

"♪In the top three♪" Another round of snickering.

"♪'Cause you're so beautiful, like a . . . tree♪" The Sue raised an eyebrow at Jones.

The agents in the hallway had to cover their mouths to stop from laughing aloud at this. Jones was either fighting the Suefluence or really, really addled by it.

Franklin started to add, "♪Or a high-class prosti—♪" but Josie smacked him in the nose.

The Sue knew she heard something that time. She got up in a rage and walked to the doorway. But there was nothing there, except for a nasal voice floating down from some distant hallway: "♪You could be a . . . part . . . time . . . model♪"
* * *
Over a map of the world, a simple drawing of an airplane traveled from New York over the Atlantic Ocean to Egypt.

"Man, I love this canon's scene transitions."
* * *
The Agents followed the archaeologist and the . . . whatever the Sue was supposed to be from the Cairo International Airport to an unspecified pyramid. A hidden passage had led the two characters into and endless stream of battles with an army of mummies. (Ironically the mummies were actually canon for the continuum, but the airport shouldn't have existed prior to World War II.)

It was, perhaps, the least interesting fight scene against armies of monsters that had ever appeared in fiction. Despite the tight quarters of the passageway, endless numbers of enemies and nearly total darkness (Jones had at least brought a torch), the Sue and Jones were meeting little more effort than they would have strolling through a country park on a quiet day.

The Sue turned a corner, knocking a mummy away with one hand and pulverizing it into dust. The agents trailed behind just outside the range of Indy's torch light.

The Sue killed another five mummies with three bullets, barely looking to aim as she continued towards her destination with no map. She proclaimed, "♪We call them fools, who have to dance within the flames. Who chance the sorrow and the shame that always comes with getting burned♪"

"♪Standing outside the fire?♪" Josie questioned.

"♪Standing outside the fire♪" Franklin confirmed. Then, both agents sang together. "♪Life is not tried, it is merely survived if you stand outside the fire♪"

The Sue smiled at Indy, who followed along beside her, but smirked after she looked forward again. "♪We call them strong, those who can face this world alone, who seem to get by on their own. Those who will never take the fall♪"

Franklin shaped his hands into a vague airplane shape and raised is arms towards the ceiling. "♪Wanting to glide higher and higher♪"

"♪I can't abide standing outside the fire♪" Josie flipped open the chamber of her pistol and checked that it was loaded.
* * *
The Sue and her tag-along canon had found a . . . thing. It was in a large chamber hidden inside of a fake sarcophagus. The Sue seemed to think it was very valuable, although the agents thought it would be difficult to sell something that tried to be about seven different colors at once while its edges continuously wavered, and that may or may not have been hovering in mid-air. The agents wound up missing most of that scene due to the headaches brought on by looking at the questionable artifact for too long.

Franklin downed another smiling mouthful of Bleeprin. "♪All I know is working on drugs feels better when they're prescription! All I know is the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful♪" He started rocking back and forth.

Josie was taking one tablet at a time, raising it to her mouth slowly, putting it inside just after swallowing the previous one. Then, she started chewing while reaching for the next one. She quietly sang, "♪Daydream. I fell asleep beneath the Flowers for a couple of hours on a beautiful dream♪"

Suddenly, their demeanors reversed. Franklin slouched against the wall and drawled out, "♪Sometimes I'd liked to slow things down. Enjoy the moment. But when I look, the moment's gone♪"

Josie jerked up and smashed a fist into the stone wall. Glancing about wildly, she sang forcefully, "♪As I spy from behind my giant robot's eyes, I keep him happy cause I might fall out if he cries. Scared of heights so I might pass out if he flies. Keep him on auto-pilot cause I can't drive♪"

But the moment passed; Josie settled back down and put her head in her hands, while Franklin began to get jittery again. "♪All I know is work is easy when you don't stress out about deadlines. All I know is to take my medicine; I always take my medicine♪"

Through her hands, Josie mumbled, "♪Daydream. I dream of you amid the Flowers for a couple of hours. Such a beautiful day.♪"
* * *
The Sue had left Jones trapped in the treasure room, and was absconding with the torch and the unnameable something, unaware that Indy had already been neuralyzed and portalled back to Barnett. She wasn't yet halfway back to the entrance when a male voice, accompanied by guitar chords, echoed out of the darkness.

"♪You got your war on science and your dusty roads. Reverse logic tricks and shadows♪"

The Sue picked up the pace, running through the hidden passage.

"♪Morbid fascination with other people's souls. Like watching cars crash, your false bravado♪"

Her running speed put out the torch, and she dropped it to clatter on the tunnel floor. It didn't matter; she had made these tunnels.

"♪You try to rewrite history, add a little mystery. You're still waiting for your time to come♪"

Left. Left. Right. Up. Down. She would be out soon. Left. Right. Wrong?

"♪You're still waiting? Oh the moment's gone.
Yeah, it's gone♪" The last line's echo faded into the background as the Sue found herself in a strange section of tunnel. The walls were all grey, and there didn't seem to be a way out, except for the shimmering blue doorway she had just run through.

Suddenly, the treasure in her hand seemed to lurch on its own. It settled down into one color, and the edges became defined—it had settled down into a simple gold coin. Still valuable, but significantly less special.

"No!" the Sue started to shriek, but her voice changed timber halfway through, sounding more like an animal's wail. She felt herself shrink down, suddenly very near the floor. If she could see her reflection in a mirror, however, she would find solace upon discovering that her eyes were still the same.

A figure appeared through the portal, a woman. She gave a simle— not a nice one. "Sorry about all the singing," she said. "My partner can't help it; he comes from Glee. As you can see, he's far enough away now that it's no longer affecting us."

She raised a pistol from behind her back. The Sue flattened her ears against her head and hissed.

"That doesn't mean I can't quote a song, of course. So how about this? 'You may hate me, but it ain't no lie. Kitty, bye, bye, bye.'"
* * *
Precedents broken:
*Missions are not songfics. (Yes, I know about Ekwy's musical, but that wasn't a mission proper.)
*doctorlit can't write a decent mission in under a year? >> Maybe?

I seriously would like feedback, not just on the story here, but on the idea itself. I don't think I've ever heard a single positive thing said in this community about songfics, not even the "rare but possible to do well" that Mary Sues get. I have a Sound of Music mission in the (long distant, eventual) works, that would be treated very similarly to this. (Though probably with more filking of lyrics, for plot reasons.)

All the songs I used here appear on the <a href="http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/PPCSoundtrack">PPC Soundtrack. I have changed and rearranged lyrics a bit to make them work in some places.

I was going to link to YouTube videos of all the songs, but I have company over now, so look them up yourselves.

PPC Precedent: The console always goes off in moments of idle contemplation and relaxation. Always. . . unless something worse could possibly happen.
Because even agents need some rest and consoles can be downright mean.

Possible relevant things to note beforehand: Lance is from the Chronicles of Amber continuum, and there's this magic thing there. It's mentioned briefly. That's it, basically.
There's likely to be some wonky sentences in here, so bewaaaaare.

----------------------------

Sentience

It was too quiet in the room, though no one seemed to notice. Its inhabitants had just arrived from a particularly nasty and ugly fic and both needed a little alone time.

The top bunk, Shri decided, was super duper excellent. She had an excellent bird's-eye view of the entire room (and of Lance sort of absently wandering around), and she was just short enough that she wouldn't bash her head against the flat, grey ceiling if she were to suddenly sit up.
So she shut her eyes and relaxed- or, at least, tried to. Something felt. . . tense. There was a sort of nigh imperceivable static in the air, the feeling of a storm roiling and coiling into range, and in this moment of nothing she was able to sense it.

Sighing, she opened her eyes and stared at the blank ceiling above her. I'll have to put up a poster or something, she thought, as she called out, "Lance?"
He grunted in response.
"Does something feel wrong to you?" She sat up to look down at him.
He paused in his pacing to glance around, dark eyes narrowed. "Yeah, actually, it does. It's been bothering me for a while. I'm glad you noticed, I thought it was just in my head, or something."

Shri slid down the ladder and put her hands on her hips, surveying the room critically. "It's almost like. . . it reminds me of the caves, everything's just kind of. . ." She made a vague sweeping gesture with her hands and Lance nodded in agreement.

"It's too quiet," he said.

Shri hummed under her breath. "That could very possibly be it." They both paused and listened. "What would we normally be hearing?" Shri murmured.
Their gaze settled on the console in the corner of the room.

It was too quiet.

"Oh no," Shri said. "Oh no oh no oh no."
Lance looked unperturbed. "I'm sure it's fine-" he began, but Shri had already strode over to it and was tapping away at the keyboard. She gave Lance a stricken sort of look, as if she'd just witnessed a traumatized puppy.
"Lance, I think it's broken."
"Shri, c'mon, it can't be broken, it's probably magic, or something, I dunno-"
"When was the last time we got back from a mission and it didn't make an exceedingly loud noise while we were relaxing? No, there's definitely something wrong with it. . . come look at it using the tendril Logrus thing or whatever, will you?"

Lance sighed heavily. He stepped over to the console and placed a hand on the screen, cautiously, as if it might bite him, before shutting his eyes and carefully feeling outwards, deep into the machine.
". . .I have no idea how that thing works," he admitted, stepping back from the console and shaking out his hand. It had pins and needles, which was slightly odd. "So I can't fix it, if it's even broken."
"Then what are we supposed to do?!" Shri said, her eyes wide and worried. "I mean, this place probably has maintenance or something, right? I think there was a section in the handbook about that, or something-"
"Shri, relax," Lance instructed, taking her by the shoulder. She fell silent. "Worse comes to worse, we just won't have missions for a bit while we figure out what's going on, right?" He grinned. "Like vacation."

She bit her lip. "Wouldn't that be dishonest?"
"Never bothered me before." Lance shrugged. Shri looked bothered.
"Well, I'm going to do something about it," she declared, turning back to the machine. He sighed.
"Suit yourself." He settled himself on the bottom bunk (he'd had enough run-ins with the ceiling and had reluctantly given up the higher bed for the sake of his skull), pulled the pillow over his eyes, and slipped into a deep doze. This wasn't difficult, considering the amount of work they'd been doing. Fixing fic will do that to a person, or demonic creature, as it may be.

Shri, meanwhile, tapped fervently on the keyboard. Her touch-typing skills, thankfully, were still up to par, as was her rudimentary coding knowledge. . . though it took ages just to locate the programming itself, and even then the programs were nothing like she'd ever seen before. It wasn't long before she rested her face in her arms (just for a second to rest her eyes, naturally) and found herself nodding off.

The room was silent a little longer. The agents rested soundly.

The approximate amount of time for an acceptable and healthy cap-nap is about twenty minutes. Twenty minutes later, an ear-rending BEEEEEEP sliced through the air.
Shri made a noise that she hoped was a yelp but was really more of a short scream and Lance jerked upwards into a sitting position, promptly smacking his forehead against a beam under the upper bunk of the bed.
Amidst the stream of cursing in many different languages, Shri picked herself up from off the floor where she had fallen and stumbled forward, squinting at the console.

A bolded "HA HA HA HA HA" was prominently displayed at the top of the screen, followed by new mission information.
And Shri found herself wondering, not for the first time, if they actually had a third sentience residing in the room with them.

------------------
A lot of dialogue and not a lot of description, so. . . I guess really short paragraphs? Whoops.

"Are you sure this is actually allowed?" Kelly asked looking at Apollo from their current position, hiding behind some of the trees at the edge of the Forbidden Forest.
"No" Apollo answered bluntly as he carefully attached the Howler to his arrow. "But that's why we're both doing this, so one of us can't shift the blame entirely onto the other."
"I could of sworn the reason you gave originally was that the Charge list was too long to be read out loud and for just one howler." Kelly asked, as she too attached a howler to an arrow before carefully nocking it into her bow.
"That too." Apollo said, raising his bow up and aiming it at where the Sue would be walking along soon as she 'waited for her moonlight walk with Draco' that, as the Words on the edge of Apollo's vision said, would end up as a lot more than just a walk.
"OK," Kelly agreed, aiming her bow. "You've got the first bit of the Charge list right?"
"Mhm." Apollo affirmed, as he continued to wait for the 'Sue to appear in his sights.

It was a few minutes later that the Sue appeared in Apollo's sight, letting out a sigh he fired his arrow, a couple of seconds later hearing a similar sound as Kelly loosed her arrow towards the Sue. Thankfully the attack worked as planned, surprising the Sue before she had time to activate the 'magical elemental powars' that she supposedly had. Staying until the first Howler started screaming at the Sues body the two agents as the sound resonated throughout the Hogwarts grounds.
"That went well don't you think." Apollo said as they landed back into RC 9.81
"Not as badly as the other one we've done in Harry Potter." Kelly agreed, jumping back onto her bed for a quick nap. Not a moment later she jumped back up as the console gave off a slight tune, that the two agents now recognized as it receiving a message rather than a mission.
"What is it?" Apollo asked from his bed where he was putting a couple of new arrows into his quiver.
"It's a message from the SO." Kelly replied, "it wants to see us about the quote 'unusual ending to our last mission'"

---

Precedents:
Obviously not charging the Sue whilst it's still alive. Also (I think) using a weapon to dispose of the Sue that wouldn't canonically have been used.

Short little thing I came up with regarding a variation on an idea I've wanted to use for a while

Storme Hawk

Sandra ducked back under the tree branch and paused for a moment, letting her eyes adjust to the gloom. Her partners (if that was the word) were still where she'd left them, waiting for her report.

"The Fellowship are heading this way," she said, gesturing back towards the river. "They've finished building their pointless bridge - held together by the Sue's bra strap, if you can believe it - and they're finally ready to head up the mountain."

Excellent work, the Sunflower Official told her. And how do you intend to excise the infestation?

Sandra shrugged. "Normally, with a Tenth Walker in Hollin, I'd get Freckles to distract the canons while I read the charge list out. That's not really going to be possible here."

Correct me if I'm wrong, the Coriander said, and please don't allow me to continue in error, but surely it is the case that your partner, Alison, who you also refer to as 'Blemishes', is in fact and in truth currently residing in Medical precisely because of, and indeed due to, the plan you have just outlined, wherein she distracts the characters and keeps them from-

"Yes," Sandra said, then swallowed. "Ma'am. But the point is, I can't exactly send you out there to-"

Whyever not? the SO asked. I'm quite certain I could provide an adequate distraction.

Sandra resisted the urge to scream, Because the whole reason you're following me around is because you don't know what it's like out here anymore! Instead, she took a deep breath, met the Sunflower's gaze - insofar as that were possible - and said, "Because if I get you killed, I would be out of a job. Sir."

Not at all, the Sunflower demurred, waving a leaf. The Queen Anne's Lace would be delighted to have you back, I'm sure.

Sandra gritted her teeth. The Flower had been antagonising her ever since he and the Coriander showed up in her RC, claiming that they needed to 'observe agent operating methods in the field, to determine what, if anything, need be changed'. She wasn't entirely sure it was deliberate, but on the other hand, she wasn't inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt.

If I might interject with an interruption, the Coriander said, her tone thoughtful, would I be correct in thinking, and voicing my conclusion, that this chapter is the final, ultimate, or last chapter of the story in which we are currently situated?

"... currently situated," Sandra mumbled, trying to parse the question. "Uh... yes, ma'am, it's the last chapter."

As I deduced, or perhaps recalled. The Coriander spread out her leaves, angling them towards the Words. And would it be both accurate and correct if I were to state my belief that the current time, being the portion of the story or badfic in which we are waiting, is in fact close to the final line and end of both chapter and scene, which could be said to be imminent, or indeed upon us?

"... come again?"

The Coriander shook herself irritably. To the Hole with this, she growled. Agent Cassandra: the story is almost over. Do you have time to do the Duty?

Sandra frowned and looked up at the Words. Her eyes widened. "You could have said something!"

I did, in fact-

"No time!" Grabbing her bow from where it lay, Sandra ran back through the trees, not heeding the branches that snagged at her hair and jacket. "Not gonna have time to charge her," she panted, leaping over a rock. "Come on, come on..."

She reached the bluff overlooking the old road and skidded to a halt, already nocking an arrow to her bow. She took a crucial second to aim at the distant Sue, loosed-

Laurel smiled as she watched Aragorn stride ahead of the Fellowship. This was going to be a grand adventure.

-and the arrow splintered in mid-air as if striking an invisible wall. Sandra let out an inarticulate cry and fired a second shot, with no better result.

I did try to warn you.

Sandra whirled on the Coriander, tears running down her face. "You could have said something sooner!" she yelled. "You could have stopped using that stupid redundancy!"

Some of us have reputations to maintain, the Flower said, and waved a leaf towards the departing Fellowship. This is only one story out of millions, child. The true Fellowship will barely notice your miserable failure.

Sandra glared at her. "And what about me? Will I barely notice?"

You will probably become exceptionally depressed and have to be admitted to FicPsych, the Sunflower Official said, emerging from the forest. I will, of course, find this course of events extremely troubling. Shall we return to HQ so you can get started?

How about this? His little girl

This probably might on the way too short to mission side, since it is only one chapter long and certifiably dead.

So, we have a potion gone wrong that is still nevertherless strong enought to drain Hermione of her intelligience and give it to Ron, which obviously would have turn them really OOC if this ever continued. Said intelligence draining turns Hermione mentally into a toddler, which in turn leads to her being literally turn into a toddler via another uncanonical potion.

Her parents abandon her, she gets adopted by Harry which convulutely turns into a legal adult and there is the unexplicable mention of "magical adoption" making the child look like their parents...

And then there is this lovely bit of badly done fourth-wall breaking " Up to now, this narrative has dwealt on Hermione's plight. The effects of the potion on her. Now, let's switch to Ron's. You may remember, and hopefully you do, or you've got short term memory loss issues, that the potion was meant to give Ron all the intelligence that Hermione lost. You might have assumed, since Ron's name was mentioned, literally, only ten times in the last chapter, compared to Hermione's twenty-four, that maybe since the potion was made so badly, Ron had escaped all its effects. "

So, what do you think? is this thing missionable?

I like that Selene got to show off her emotions more this mission. I didn't realize she liked Boromir so much, so it was nice to see the scary thunder-pire acting like the typical PPC agent more. (Full disclosure: I haven't read most of your past missions yet, so I don't know what she acted like much before I joined. I'll get around to them eventually, but you're kind of a low archival priority, since I doubt you're leaving anytime soon. (: )

Anyway, that emotional response to Boromir made the ending scene where he dies all the better. You can really hear from both agents' dialogue that they care about Boromir, but also that they respect him too much to interfere with his life, in the way any given Sue might.

I also like the extremely subtle bit of envy going on regarding the cloak. One thing that I think would have been improved would be seeing the action of Selene grabbing the cloak as it happened, rather than getting it as narration to Agent Kaitlyn afterwards. I get why you did from Kaitlyn's point of view, since it reinforces Kaityln's desire to get the cloak, but it would have been more exciting from Selene's pov.

The charge scene is especially excellent. I love that Kaitlyn delivers the charges in a way that Guinevere doesn't realize she's on the chopping block. It's a nice gesture to a less offensively bad character, but more importantly, it allows the agent and the Sue to have a more real conversation, because the Sue isn't instantly set on guard by antagonistic words.

All in all, a fun mission, you had some entertaining little moments, and did a few things new and different.

—doctorlit, who realizes his reviews more resemble flat discussions sometimes, but hopes they are still of some value, or at least interesting to read.

Is it bad that I was crying with the agents when they had to let Boromir die?

And wow, an abuse report already? I saw the review, but either I missed seeing them saying they would report you or it happened after the fact.


Anyway, I have another suggestion! This one's a oneshot, so hopefully it meets the length criteria this time... ^_^'

Fic Name: Bella Black (https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10730297/1/Bella-Black)
Description: Bellatrix Lestrange/Hermione Granger. I'm not kidding.

There are some bizarre scene breaks consisting of the characters' initials, like BBBBBBBBBBBBBB, HGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG, or BBHGBBHGBBHGBBHGBBHG. The POV changes all the time, from first person Bellatrix to first person Hermione to third person.

I can't figure out when in canon it's supposed to take place. I guess sometime during book seven, but there wasn't any mention of the Battle of Hogwarts from what I could understand and yet Hermione just happened to stumble across Bellatrix sobbing by the black lake. And instead of jinxing a Death Eater on sight? She goes up to her and asks why she's crying. *headdesk*

It's also rated K but there's at least one F-bomb and an extremely casual mention of Bellatrix being raped that made me mad.

My brain doesn't work right now, so I'll dispense with the formalities: Kelly The Roman Warrior by King Aurthr2 (Rated T). It goes a teeny bit over 6k words - 6,155, to be exact. It's bad because, well... it's basically "My Immortal" complete with a silly Sue and SPaG errors, except purportedly as a Lord of the Rings x Twilight crossover. Also has (bad) Roman antiquity stuff thrown in. To be honest... not sure whether it's trollfic or not.

You shall forever be remembered, O great Anonymouse. Depart with the knowledge that we shall always hope that you will be succesful in your endeavors against the problems that besiege you. Farewell, Anonymouse. As a farewell gift, what do you wish for? Nothing is to precious to mourn your passing with. *Removes hat in respect*

That's...fairly disturbing information, to be honest. We need to reboot the Royal Fanfiction Academy of Equestria pretty soon, I'm thinking, if badfic can have that kind of impact even after the PPC kills it.

Good luck with those problems you mentioned. I hope I see you again someday, cause you seem pretty interesting. *hugs* *gives brownies*

The set of fanfic that has its own fanfic, or other fanart (or fansongs, in this case) has to be pretty small. Obviously there's the PPC and OFUM - and a lot of the other members of the broader Canon Protection Initiative - but we're weird. People write parodies of 'My Immortal' all the time, but that's different - it's not serious fanfic, it's, well, parody.

There's always Girls Next Door, the fancomic of Roommates... the theme here seems definitely to be 'megacrossovers'.

But as far as I'm aware, your MLP examples don't fit that theme (though I suppose 'Fallout: Equestria' comes close - it definitely has its own fandom, whether you call it good or bad). You're right - they're definitely different to the classic style of badfic.

I wonder if this might be down to the general structure of the fandoms in question? LotR fandom, for instance, has always been (well, since the movies) primarily teenaged girls who have a crush on one of the characters. ;) The writer of 'Clbr__n' wasn't one of those - and that's not the sort of fic they tend to write - and so it hasn't gone 'mainstream'.

MLP, from my understanding, has an older fanbase, and fans are typically male. I dunno... it seems like there's a key difference in there somewhere, but I don't know enough to spot it. Something to do with what brings people to like MLP, in contrast to something like Harry Potter? Perhaps either the nature of the show or the makeup of the fandom makes them more inclined to focus on dark-themed stuff (even if hideously overdone), whereas other hosts of LBs - LotR, HP, Redwall - have enough dark themes of their own that uber!dark!gruesome fanfics are just over the top and generally ignored.

Honestly, I'm just rambling here.

hS

But I can understand how Real Life can get in the way sometimes. Good luck in your other endeavors, and I hope to see you return!

But going back to the main point of your post, I've heard that Rainbow Factory was based off a song, but for some reason, I haven't been able to find the song when I actually tried looking for it quite a while ago. Am I just looking in the wrong places, or is it more obscure than we've been led to believe?

Sorry to see you go, but if real life is giving you problems, then focus on those first. If you want to return to the PPC someday (and I hope you do), then I'll be waiting here on the Board.

Until then, best of luck with your future endeavors! :)

I hope your other problems and duties turn out well! Have fun!

-Aila

And this is why I'm determined to enjoy my last year as a kid.

*offers cake and hugs* You take care, okay? :')

I may not have been here for a long time either and may not know you very well, so I gueess I am sad because I won't get the chance to know you better, if that makes sense.

But, still, I get that you have preceding matters in your life, but even if you can't write a spin-off, you could just hang out occasionally.

So, MLP Legendary Badfics. I guess that based on fame, you could probably add Pattycakes to that list. It also hasn't reached canon break status yet, but it is pretty bad and fairly notorious.

I'm tolerable with 3d modeling. However, my experience is almost entirely limited to characters. I've only made a couple of inanimate objects.

It really depends a lot on what you want and what program it's to be done in. I use Autodesk Maya. If you're interested, here's the last 3d thing I did:

Is this the sort of thing I could put on a resume?

Also, just a heads up, I don't really have time for much these days, so you might be best advised to look elsewhere if you're in a hurry.

Details? What would it be for, how complicated, etc. etc.?
I feel like this may have been posted prematurely.

Thanks so much to everyone who requested, and also thanks for any compliments!! I'm probably gonna cap it off here, though if you happen to see this thread tomorrow and reeeaaaally want one, it's no big deal.
Woohoo!

I am a sucker for fanart. I'm gonna have to put a gallery on my website at some point...

Anyway, my requests:

1. Human!Ilraen. I've only done one picture of him myself, and it's not very accurate. Also, I haven't managed to cobble together a decent description of his face in one place yet, which doesn't help. Lemme see... He should look like a combination of Jenni(1) (2), Nume(1) (2), and Ginger. Details I've bothered to mention in text: androgynous, large green eyes, fluffy ginger hair, thin mouth, willowy, but with filled-out chest and shoulders.

2. Henry Robinson. He's five and is the Mpreg baby of Harry Potter by Severus Snape. He's not the best-looking kid—I imagine he's got kind of a long, thin face even at this age, and I dunno what age the nose will really come in, but that's something he has to look forward to. He's fairly happy, though, which helps. He also has green eyes, which has nothing to do with genetics. His hair is black, and I don't have a solid idea of the style, just that it's thin and therefore difficult to control and prone to static.

Thank you!

~Neshomeh

...wait, what?

If it's not too late, I'd like to request a mugshot of Harris Frost and Tomoko Kogi of the DoI. Since neither of them have a proper wiki page to themselves (though Harris has a TekTek avatar on the Wiki), I'll just post a description of them here.

Harris Frost

Caucasian male, blond hair, mop-top haircut (think Beatles). Brown eyes, button nose. Normal build. He's got a baby-face, thus making him look like a young teenager when he actually is 19. Usually wears white dress shirts with a black vest, black necktie, and black trousers.


Tomoko Kogi

Japanese female, shoulder-length black hair with straight bangs, usually worn in a ponytail. 20 years old. Brown eyes, normal nose. Athletic build and quite tall to boot: 1.8 metres (about 6'). Her face almost always has a grin plastered onto it. Exclusively wears black t-shirts and black jeans/sweatpants (depending if she's going to hit the gym or not).


Thanks in advance!

(I hope SOMEONE gets that reference!)

Well, I hope it's not too late for me to give a request, being that it's October 10 as I type this.

Either way, allow me to break the pattern of PPC-Agent requests; I would like a drawing of one of the characters from my Pokemon/Bakugan crossover, please.

Here is a description:
Princess Regent Xenia looked younger than her forty-three years. She was fair-skinned, with blue eyes and flowing cyan hair that reached halfway down her back. A pair of rope braids went around the sides of her head. She was five-foot-nine and currently wore an elegant cyan dress over a golden bodice. The dress had flecks of silver in it that sparkled in the sunlight, matching the silver tiara on her head.

To give some points of reference, she is supposed to be the sister of King Zenoheld, (the figure in the center of this picture and the aunt of Prince Hydron (the figure on the left).

I'm putting in a request for Rina and future partner Zeb! Rina's description is on the Wiki (http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Rina_Dives), but Zeb is not. Obviously. Aaand I'm rambling. Shut up, me.

Okay! Zeb, in human form, is about a head taller than Rina, though he looks even taller because his dark blue hair is so spiked up. Think like a Luxray from Pokémon. He wears a black leather jacket, unzipped over a yellow t-shirt, with the DMS flash patch on the jacket's right shoulder. He's very slender and gangly. His skin resembles that of an Asian/Caucasian mix and his eyes are an orangeish-yellow.

*sits back with a silly grin to wait*

(What? All the cool kids were saying it)

I may be fairly predictable, but... can you do Kaitlyn and Selene? They both have pictures on their bios, but here's a few extra notes:

-Kaitlyn is based on the same person as Constance, (ie, Boarder!Kaitlyn), so you can use the Constance picture as an extra reference. She's rather more cheerful, though. And shorter, though I doubt that'll get into headshots... and her hair tends to curl. Actually, this might be the best 'Kaitlyn' reference (other than her bio picture).

-Selene is... basically that image, except that image is rubbish. So's her other picture. Um. The picture of Serenity on there is pretty good, though Selene tends more towards 'black leather coat' than corsetry.

Basically, she's a tall, thin Chinese woman with long, straight black hair. Since she's a vampire, she has mildly pointed canines, and a red hint to her eyes (which can just be plain red if you like, and if you're colouring). She currently has a steampunk device on the left side of her face, described as 'a tangle of copper pipes and brass cogs', that makes her look kind of like a Steampunk Borg.

Did that make any sense? I really need to make Sel a proper bio image one of these days...

And: I like your style. It's giving me a definite Art Nouveau feel, with the curves and naturalistic shapes - the agents' hair, the framing on the colour image. Nice stuff.

hS

Could you draw Kitty and Kay?

There's a picture for each of them at the beginning of their profiles...

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qnQtt78iOx7X4LzvF-jP9HQJgAyWsiMRJtZbo-56ioQ/edit?usp=sharing

Very nice. I'm resisting the urge to use too many smilies right now.
Can you please draw Agent!Des and the Librarian?
You can find a description of the Librarian at the beginning of this mission and a description and a sketch of him here in the wiki; Des is described in his page. He's also described thus (from an elf's point of view):
That someone was human, male, and slightly shorter than the 1.8-metres tall elf. He sported a messy, if short, reddish-brown goatee and moustache and short brown hair, and was currently wearing black pants with lots of pockets and a green shirt. He had some weird thing on his face – a thin frame that held two pieces of glass near his eyes.