Sep 2014 Archive, part b

Name her Something al-Rashid - Something of Rosetta - and give her a semi-mystical connection to the town. Maybe she's some form of destined guardian, or maybe it's just that she was born there and after so long, she's fond enough of it that she wants to keep it safe. Then grant her 'Rosetta' as a nickname - somewhat like referring to Arthur Wellesley as 'Wellington', the name of his duchy.

Alternately, keep the nickname as above, but give her... any other name you like. The Arabic name of the Sphinx literally means 'Father of Dread', so per Desdendelle, 'Um al-Haul' would be 'Mother of Dread'. But it's not a very nice name.

Aha. Per Anonymouse, you could have a surname 'sat Mafdet', 'daughter of Mafdet'. And for a brilliant punny first name... 'Khititi', 'Khito (= Rosetta) has come'.

Khititi Samafdet? That at least looks like a name. Since I'm not sure Egypt used surnames, Samafdet would be a descriptive title (a la 'Son of Horus' - so actually, this might be 'Samafdet Khititi'), and she could have adopted an Arabic 'al-Rashid' to go with it. If she's literally using that as pure convention, it would be entirely natural for her to give her name as 'Samafdet Khititi of Rosetta'... which would give you the 'Rose' nickname.

Or perhaps something even simpler: Rasheeda Khititi. Modern name, ancient name, massive redundancy, Rosetta reference, terrible cat pun. What's not to like?

hS

I've also set up a PPC Wiki account, along with articles on the Wiki for both agents of mine.

I'm still open to opinions on potential names for Rasheeda, though, so I can update her Wiki article with a fresh name!

It should be "Euromaidan" and not "Euromadian".

PC

On Returning
This is a pleaasant little interlude, although there was one things about it that I do admit to being confused about even after several read-throughs. Are the members of the angry mob supposed to be other PPC agents? It seems to be taking place in the PPC judging from all the references to impossible achitecture and various departments, but the mob members are just a generic formless mass. It might have been nice to detail them up at least a little with phrases like "a sea of furious black-clad figures" or "she narrowly avoided the grasps of several [department] agents" or what have you.

On Boorman
The Boorman script was not something I was previously familiar with, so it was interesting to get a bit of insight into it. I also really like how Kyaris was called into the mission for a consult. That's something I'd actually like to see a bit more, the pop-in consultation/assist. It's something that could potentially lend itself to good bits.

On End of the Beginning: Euromadian
I liked this piece, although I will say I can see how some people (like Ekyl did down below) would not given the current events angle on it. The PPC is (typically) somewhat light and humorous, whereas the conflict in Ukraine is anything but. I personally enjoyed the look into Nyx's backstory and I liked the interaction between her and Tango. I don't believe the internal monologue would have worked in this case. Plus, as you said in your reply to Ekyl, a story where an agent's partner helps them heal and carry on from their issues is far more interesting (both plot and character-wise) than just a struggle inside a person's own head.

On Getting Some Exorcise
This was probably my favorite, and I'm not just saying that because of the little nod to Xericka (although it certainly didn't hurt). This was just plain fun. Each exorcism scene was interesting and had some good humorous bits in them. I liked seeing your agents being basically corralled into become test subjects for the DBS. I think my only major complaint was that it wasn't quite clear what was going on in the Pokemon-themed scene. It took me couple of read-throughs to understand what Sandra and Freckles had actually done.

All in all, some kudos-worthy additions to PPC lore.

I just got up and gave these a read-through, so a lot of these might just be initial impressions that I'll either not entirely agree with upon further reflection or find I wish to elaborate on, but hey, I need to get my critic muscles moving again somehow, and people've been saying there needs to be more concrit around here, so here we go. Starting bottom up because a) I feel like it and b) the new stuff is at the end of the plug:

I might be biased against the Bad Slash one because now I have to completely start from scratch on one of my missions. I can't even keep one of the main agents' names or use LOTR. Grrrr. ;) But seriously, I like the use of nonconventional exorcism methods/ones more tied to the actual canon, it's an interesting touch and I'm a little tired of all exorcisms consisting of nothing but hitting things with books and screaming "Avaunt" over and over. It's nice to see other ways of doing things, even if I'm beaten to writing them. :P

Expelling a wraith from Arda through music and dance is an especially nice touch. The QAL pointing out Freckles is an odd nickname is pretty neat too - I'm not sure I like them being established as "among the SO’s most notorious Assassins" right out the gate though. I've certainly never seen these agents before, but I could be wrong (the wiki doesn't say anything about them...), and either way that feels like a title that needs to be earned, not simply slapped on the second somebody shows up - especially with the market so competitive on that ground. It turns out to have nothing to do with the rest of the mission so I'm not sure there's a point to having it - you could do with just going right to the QAL being surprised they want Bad Slash, specifically. Hieronymus went into the whole Patronus thing so I won't bother commenting on that, though I'm curious about why these all seem to be crossovers. I do sort of wish these had been established as a way to do it as opposed to the way, as well, if nothing else because it's kind of constraining to future authors.

I'm of two minds about the Nyx one, though part of that might be me being preoccupied by the fact we're looking at the start of WW3. It's hard to be amused by a story around something that's going to end with us all being blown back to the Bronze Age at best. I like the idea of agents actually reacting to stuff going on back home, though, it's something that doesn't come up a lot and really helps HQ feel more alive - these agents came from somewhere after all. I also think this piece could've been better served as just Nyx on her own - maybe that's personal preference but I didn't really feel like Tango added much except her own commentary, a lot of which felt like repeating things Nyx and the reader already know. If this were Nyx alone with her thoughts it might've been more effective. In spirit of full disclosure, though, I've never particularly liked Nyx and thus my enjoyment of this was a little limited between that and the whole World War Three thing.

Boorman is interesting and I don't have much to pick at. While it feels like a bit of a needless jab at a project that ended up never happening, I do like the idea of accidentally crossing from a fic written around Boorman's script to Boorman's script itself, as well as stuff like the recurring DAVD flashpatch problem (though in places it seems to imply DAVD simply doesn't have one). I also find Rile X getting dragged along to serve as Mortic's partner amusing. Mortic's felt kind of inconsistently written in some past things he's been in, but here he works well enough.

"I need a partner," Mortic said bluntly.
Returning... I'm pretty neutral on, I must admit. Not a lot earth shaking here, but also nothing I'd say is super bad, though I think prequel jokes are a little passé by now - next year even ROTS will have been a decade ago. And just because it's unclear, which lobby is being referred to re: potted plants?

Your description of the Patronus charm is not exactly how the books describe it. Did you get it from the movies? Relevant quotes:

“But the Dementor didn't move, so Lupin muttered something, and a silvery thing shot out of his wand at it ...” (PA 5)

“... and then a huge, silver shadow came bursting out of the end of Harry's wand, to hover between him and the Dementor ...” (PA 12)

“Something silver white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wand.” (PA 13)

"A thin wisp of silver escaped his wand and hovered like mist before him." (PA 20)

"And out of the end of his wand burst, not a shapeless cloud of mist, but a blinding, dazzling silver animal." (PA 21)

"He raised his wand into the air and pointed it into the direction of Hagrid's cabin. Harry saw something silvery dart out of it and streak away through the trees like a ghostly bird." (GF 28, Dumbledore sends a message)

"A silver stag erupted from the end of Harry's wand and galloped towards the Dementor ..." (GF 31)

"An enormous silver stag erupted from the tip of Harry's wand ..." (OP 1)

"His silver stag erupted from the end of his wand and cantered the length of the Hall." (OP 31)

"The silver stag soared from the tip of Harry's wand and leapt towards the Dementors ..." (DH 13)

"The silver stag burst from his wand and charged ..." (DH 28)

"There was a silver spark, then a wavering light, and then, with the greatest effort it had ever cost him, the stag burst from the end of Harry's wand." (DH 32)

"From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe ..." (DH 33)

HG

That was where I first heard of the "pin-headed" azdarchid model, and it's got a few informative articles about azdarchids in general (the one about speculative terrestrial flightless clades was my favorite). And my guess is the azdarchid could've come from the Land Before Time continuum, since flyers there are usually friendly.

...Dammit, now I feel pedantic about pteranodontid taxonomy, anatomy, etc. I was going to express that in the first part of my first mission, but the second part is probably a better opportunity for that. There's a scene from the badfic I'm sporking in the mission involving the Pteranodon attack from Jurassic Park III, except with different characters involved.

I don't remember meeting you before, which is why the "back" is in parentheses. Anyway, I offer as my returnbie gift...movie-theater popcorn with extra butter! (It makes a lovely newbie gift, too.)

-Sets up a table with tea, scones and jam-
Don't let the leaves eat you.

And speaking of the devil... People were actually talking about you and Agent!Ella Darcy in a threat a few ago.

It's a pleasure to meet you! I heard quite a bit about you in that threat and read a few of your writings. Quite impressive stuff and even more so considering you were the youngest to write for PPC.

I can see from your missions that you were a LoTR fan and the time and I think it would be safe to assume that you still are. What other fandoms do you keep these days?

As a returning Oldbie Gift, have a Rorschach Book (Changes according to your current reading interests.)

I hope you do hang around us at least a bit. I would love to get to know you.

Funnily enough, we were just talking about you (or technically about Agent Ella Darcy); the Board must have sensed it and invited you back. And it's always good to see people pop back in, whether they stay or not. Welcome back!

hS

I've heard quite a bit about you...all good things, all good things!
No, seriously, my reaction to seeing your post was, "Wait, the Ella Darcy?"

As a way of re-welcoming, have this gift of fuzzy Pink-and-Urple Bunny Slippers!

~Kitty

Feel free to stick around! We'd love the company! :)

I've heard of you, or your agent at least, and, well, hi!

-Aila

Wow, it's always great to see people come back to visit. I dunno what happened in your browser, but I'm glad it did. {= )

Six years ago, hmmm... so, I'm guessing you haven't seen Agent!Ella Darcy's wiki page? Apparently it was created in 2010. Maybe you could help us flesh it out, if you've got the time and inclination. {= )

Welcome back!

~Neshomeh

Clearly there was a ghost in the machine involved.

I remember you, definitely! Good to have you pop back in and chat with us, for however long you decide. I've gone a-lurking myself many a time in the past decade or so, but have solemnly sworn to finish up the Department of Technical Errors one of these days.

What fandoms do you frequent these days? I kind of bop all over the place now, but I still check in with the LOTR/Hobbit fandom regularly, and have discovered a new favorite in Avatar: The Last Airbender.

~Araeph

Your assumption is correct. Welcome to the crazy world of the PPC. Take all the chocolate-you'll need it.

Have a snowglobe with a replica of your favorite fictional locale in it!

Take this Frozen gown. The glitter is amazing.

Here, have a virtual terang bulan. I hope you aren't lactose intolerant. Also, some virtual coffee to wash it down.

Have you watched Legend of Korra? The three season are action-packed, which is a very good and somewhat bad thing.

Oh, i forgot to tell you this: my ff.net acount name is Wakah-Chan(a minor location in SotINF).

So what are your fandoms? You mentioned C***b***n, so I'm assuming you like Lord of the Rings/Tolkien in general. (Also, while I appreciate your mental fortitude, we don't generally make people read Legendary Badfics before joining.) Do you have a favorite spinoff yet? Mine are Caddy-shack's and Herr Wozzeck's.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing more from you. Enjoy your complementary peanut butter cookies! (I tend to give out food for this sort of thing.)

I was quite a bit of lurker too. Glad to know you read plenty of the material in the wiki. It is always good when people do their research.

I think Kitty has already bombarded you with enough questions,
so here, have my trademark Rorschach Book ( Changes according to your current reading interests.)

Assuming that you know of My Little Pony, I was unfortunate enough to read part of Cupcakes once. As bad as it was, though, I've heard of worse. Like Sweet Apple Massacre...

Here, have a Lyra plushie (now 100% free of suggestive holes!), plus one of my own shed feathers (careful, it's pretty sharp!) and a complimentary set of Spikes!

Yes, yes you are. :) I actually read Celebrian.... But... Yeah, don't :)
Have an agent plushie! It's cuddly and dangerous!

Relax! Sit back! Have fun! We don't bite. (Much.)
Be our guest! Be our guest! Put our service to the test.
Seriously, there isn't any specific procedure on being a PPCer. As far as we're concerned, you're part of the gang, now. Unless you're mean. But you should be fine.
But! You really haven't told us much! So, are you male or female or robot or starfish? Which fandoms are you in? Do you enjoy pina colidas and long walks on the beach? How many boards could the Mongols hoard if the Mongol Hoardes got bored?
Have a scoop of frozen blueberries in cold mango juice! It's delicious. In RL too, so you should try it!

~Kitty

Yep, the Board seems to be the place to get to know everybody. Were you reading the original Legendary Badfics or the PPC'ed ones. If the former, have some Bleeprin, and I feel your pain. I was foolish enough to read both versions of Agony in Pink unsporked. Got any particular fandoms or agents you really like?

It's fun hanging around. There's always something going on...
As a newbie gift I give you this cup of delicious Lady Grey tea. Just don't let the leaves eat you.

Hello and welcome!

I give to you now a lined Infinite Notebook, complete with urple covers and wilver bindings. Beware your eyes!

-Aila

What's the fandom?

-ing.

Funny, I check in here every few months or few years to see if this place is still going (obviously it is, I mean who am I kidding, and may the PPC live on forever) - just so happened to see this post tonight.

I also have wondered about Boz over the years. I still think about her and wonder what happened to this day. She disappeared very suddenly. There was no indication, from what I recall, that she was leaving or that anything was wrong. Maybe she just decided to leave the fandom and make a clean break. Whatever the case, I hope she and her family are well. :\

I was a-Gathering this weekend, or I would've said something sooner. I'm afraid I can't help, and I don't know if you'd remember my name, but I do remember yours. It's nice to see you back. {= )

I hope Boz is all right. I didn't know her well, but she was a Board celebrity when I joined, and still is.

~Neshomeh

Dann, VixenMage, Elcalion! Hi, you guys! You have long memories. :D

Wait, did we call you Fondy? I don't actually remember doing so, but it's such an obvious nickname...

Anyway, hi! Yay, I'm remembered. ^-^ Unfortunately, I can't help with Boz, though VixenMage is right that LJ was all sort of fading at that time. Question: did she stop posting at exactly the same time everywhere, or just fade out over time? Checking the Board archives, it seems she posted surprisingly little (that survives), and her last recorded post is waaay back in May 2006 (on a Fill the Plotholes thread, of all things). LJ is 2009... but her Friends Only banner says the following:

Please be advised that my online time is seriously limited if not all but non-existent these days, though.

That was in March; she stopped posting in July. Anyone remember how old Bozling was?

And yeah, it looks like she just faded out over time. She stopped writing fanfic on ffn and Open Scrolls ca. Sept 08; she last posted on Goodreads in Dec 08; she last posted on Yuki Jan 09; deviantArt in 07; everything indicates someone with just less and less time to be online, not someone who was deeply involved and then suddenly died.

Ehm... she was based in London, apparently, so if she managed to die of swine flu, she'd've been ridiculously unlucky: there were less than 300 deaths in England total. My best guess is that she just... ran out of time to Internet.

Final note: she was already posting irregularly before she stopped. End of May she did a 'last few weeks' update, which suggests she wasn't regularly saying anything much. Her LJ looks like mine - random posts which suddenly stop.

And... hmm. Her second-to-last post was on Jul 9th, but her replies to comments were all on either the 12th or 19th. Nothing in between. That just happens to be two consecutive Sundays - the day when even people with no time at all can find half an hour here and there. No, I'm definitely going to say 'no internet time', followed by 'couldn't be bothered to go back'. Though that doesn't explain no emails...

hS

(Bet there's enough personal information in her LJ that we could track her down. For starters - there was a funfair in a park four blocks from her on June 22nd 2009. Who wants to hunt up the details? :D)

I haven't seen her online since round about then either. She's not posted on another board that we both frequented either.

Also, welcome back, however briefly!

Elcalion

Sadly, I have not heard from Boz - the last I crossed paths with her was here.

I've tried contacting her a few times since she disappeared, all to no avail. I remember her LJ being normal right up until it stopped, but I'd been drifting away from LJ myself at that point.

I do miss her, though; good luck. If you do manage to contact her, please let her know I've been thinking of her.

(Also, hi! I remember you! Welcome back!)

I really think it is just a trollfic since the author has Luna Lovegood kind of appear out of nowhere (she is essentially a hippie in this if you must know.) Not to mention the only one in their house, or as the author calls them sorting hats, is Harry himself. Also apparently the Weasleys have multiplied while I wasn't looking since the author describes the table as being packed full of Ron's family. Which leads into a very funny mental image since they are in SLytherin and I am imagining the canonical Snapes reaction to such an event.

I'm a Christian... but I'm appalled at this. Voldemort... pushing something in Congress?
"Hi, I'm Voldemort, and this is Nagini. I want you to ban freedom of religion!"

Family friendly? Try toddler friendly.

Just to be absolutely sure, but would giving this fic the MST treatment require permission. Since I read the fourth chapter and while I was debating whether or not to spork it a particular line pretty much made me decide to mock it.

Because as terrible as they are in canon, they are much rounder and more interesting characters in canon than the flat creatures in this fic.

(All that spouting off about Darwin. What would the neighbors think?)

Also, can we file this under "why fundamentalists shouldn't be allowed on the internet"? (Or "should actually read the thing they want to criticize?")

There has been one notable badfic of the same type, and it seems similar to the D&D scares, so it may not be trollfic. May you send me the link so i can see it?

It's hilarious. I am dead certain that it is a parody fic.

This provided us much entertainment! And weeping an wailing and facepalming. Our DM both loves and loathes you, and her roommate is threatening you, the author, and me. (We've got a Christopagan, a former-Baptist-turned pagan, a former-Mormon, a witch, and an Episcopalian.)

...honestly, I think the offense to the English language is at least as bad as the assault on both Potterverse and Christianity.

Religious extremism now permeates fanfic?! Dear God(pun intended) I've seen enough fundie bat**** to bring about a crusade, and that's just on some of the saner sites.

I would love to spork this, but alas, I can't make my writing coherent with the PPC universe.

so anyone who does spork this has my thanks.

... that this is a parody. It's like someone used a checklist. It might be Poe's Law in action, but I actually find this fic pretty funny.

Seriously, I haven't read the whole of the first chapter but it comes off as very Chick Tracty. Although there is something that just really bugs me. Why do people who think like the author of this mess think that if someone read anything that so much as disagrees with their world view that if a child reads it will cause them to convert?

Yeah, definitely not everyone's cup of tea. Whole bunch of stereotyping there. Calling evolution a religion, shaming girls at public schools for wanting to have careers " like the women in Sex and the City", making the infamous reference to the Proverbs 31 woman... The whole thing feels closer to endorsement of fundamentalist Christianity like the Christian Patriarchy or the Quiverfull Movement. I would be surprised if Hermione there doesn't become a housewife and mother of upwards of 10 kids... I am a Christian but this thing... *shudders*

If you guys want to read a Goodfic that involves Hogwarts (regular Hogwarts) and Christians that is interestig and pretty much is never preaching, ranting or condemning anyone, you should check out
Thou Shalt Not Suffer.

The main character, Michelle, is the daughter of a fundamentalist Christian couple, and of course, turns out to be a Muggle-born witch. This also of course a whole lot of conflict, not only with her parents but within herself as well, as she tries to navigate the conflicting desires of being a devout Christian and not commit the sin of witchcraft, and at the same time the one of wanting to learn her talent and about the simultaneously wondrous and terrifying world that has been reaveled to her.

Michelle is a great OC, both deeply flawed and extremely likable and also a refreshingly honest narrator. The fic also includes what is perhaps the most balanced and best portrayal of Slytherin to date. Such fairness also extends to the main two groups as well, as it purports to portray that neither all Christians are extremist nor does it condemn all wizards as inherently bad.

NO. Just NO. Two sentences in and I was already offended - Please make it stop.

These religious "fixes" of Harry Potter really offend me. Either you read it or you don't, you don't make yourself a middle ground. That's just stupid. Also - no wonder a lot of people think religious people are stupid. DX

The characters feel butchered enough that this could be missioned...

but seeing how complicated things can be, I decided to slightly rewrite the scene.

However, I'm glad that you were willing to step up to the challenge.

Rule 1 of this battle: Write what is funny or otherwise advances your story

But for a scientific background:

As hS has mentioned, waves in a solid medium can be of three types (well actually more than three but for real earthquakes there's the three he's mentioned), all of which can exhibit interference. Technically, none of these is a true shock wave (which is basically a near-instantaneous change in the properties of a fluid and is non-linear). A linear wave, such as most we encounter in daily life, can be modelled using the principle of superposition- ie the effect of mixing the two waves is the (vector) summation of the two waves, with the magnitude, frequency and phase of the wave determining the sum.

I'm not up to speed with Pokemon, so unsure whether these powers are a single pulse of energy or whether it's something more persistent.

If it's pulses, their frequency content is broadband (they don't have a characteristic frequency) and only the magnitude and length of pulse matters. Depending on where you are on the waveform you'd get firstly reinforcement where the positive parts add, then (if the pulses are different duration) destructive interference, then finally (negative) reinforcement. In general terms where the pulses meet you end up with the two powers most likely combining unless one power is a slower, more spread-out burst of energy in which case the magnitude would be lower.

If they're waves (ie repeating waveforms) they will interfere, either constructively (171%) or destructively (29%) depending on where within the cycle the waves are when they meet. The effect will be a spatially-varying waveform so the damage will range from 29-171 if the combatants move slightly.

All this assumes that the waves are pure waveforms in coherent phase so that interference can occur. This is actually pretty rare in real life - more often "real" waves are in random phase relationships and add incoherently, which is just adding the energy of the waveforms together (energy is proportional to the amplitude squared so any positive or negative amplitude differences don't cancel when adding energy. Adding energetically results in the combined waveform being (on average) 122%.

Tl;dr version: you're most likely to get spatial/temporal variations in the damage from 29% to 171% as the combatants move and fire their powers at different times. As a story mechanic this could be interesting by basically including a randomised "critical hit" variability to the damage. It would be difficult/impossible to time the powers so that damage I'd always minimised/maximised.

Elcalion, acoustic engineer by day

in a shockwave, one particle is thrown forward by the force and hits another particle, which is also thrown forwards. when two particles hit each other, they will push each other in different directions, like a reverse tug of war. cancel out, I think. in real earthquakes, when two earthquakes collide, this is what happens: one cancels out the other. however, where they meet, the land is jolted about more than usual.

I’m not sure whether this should be a physics question. Isn’t what it canonically looks like in-game more important than how it would work in real life?

Unfortunately I never paid much attention when my daughter played Pokémon, so I don’t know whether an attack may be partially canceled out by a similar attack.

(More unfortunately, I’ve once been a nuclear physicist, but I have no clue to this geophysical question, so I’m just trying to avoid an answer.)

HG

The way I'm arriving at that answer is by considering the other two options. 'Earth-waves' are like sound waves, in that they're longitudinal - at least, I hope so! I suppose they could be transverse... anyway. That means they can interfere either constructively or destructively - a 171% outcome or a 29% outcome.

Now, in the pass-through option, either makes sense. You either get a massive peak in the middle, or a deceptive low zone. No problem there.

But what about the other option? If they destructively interfere, you'd get zero Magnitude and 29% Earthquake. But if they constructively interfere? Your description would have the Earthquake coming out at 171%, and the Magnitude vanishing. In effect, you'd be asking the Earthquake to reflect the Magnitude, which... doesn't seem plausible.

Another way of looking at it: if they are longitudinal waves, then they are sound waves - just through a solid, not a liquid.

~

Further checking reveals that earthquakes actually feature three sorts of waves: longitudinal P-waves, transverse S-waves, and surface waves, ie ripples. The P-waves travel roughly twice as fast as the S-waves, but those are still km/s measurements - for your purposes, they're instantaneous. Still, as far as I'm aware, transverse waves exhibit the same interference patterns as longitudinal. If you're really interested in showing minutae, you could have one set cancel, the other magnify, so the earth stops trembling but suddenly jolts massively up and down.

And of course, as I said, this is instantaneous. So they 'meet' everywhere between the two Pokemon, and indeed all around them. This does suggest you could use a well-tuned Magnitude to protect you from the effects of Earthquake... or maybe the waves just propagate slower there. Though they shouldn't.

hS

...a particularly nasty Apritello one I stumbled across. Thank God there were warnings in the summary, but still... ick.

I don't think it is humanly or phisically possible to get more
vile in squicky matters than.... Chibiusa's seventh birthday (NSFW, NSFB, Not Safe For Soul for that matter,) don't worry, the link doesn't take you directly to the atrocious abomination.

That leads to a Sailor Moon Badfic archive page. The author of that page can probably explain better than I currently can why the Glauring thing is so revulsing. If you want a relatively (a term used veeery loosely here) safer version, a heavely edited, sporked version is provided here
, but for the love of Olivie, check the former link first and tread cautiously...

At one point I was looking up Homestuck badfics in an effort to find out which ones were the worst and most prevalent. So I find this fic on AO3 that's got all the weirdest tags; mpreg, eggpreg, egg laying, etcetera, etcetera, and so forth. So, in a fit of absolute brilliance, I decided I was going to read it.

Yeah, no.

I've never wished so hard that bleeprin was real, and about two thirds of the way through I had to take a break to go get some vinegar because my stomach was revolting so hard. But I read it all the way to the end, and I know that I will never ever forget that Homestuck is a thing, if only because of that fic, because it was seared into my memory with a branding iron fresh from a fire the temperature of a dying sun. Eerghu.

afahvhobna.

And then there's Thirty Hs, but I'm not sure anyone even needs to mention that one. I made my friend almost cry just by summarizing the first three chapters to him. (I was trying to prove that badfic really is "that bad." Did I hit him too hard?) I really did cry when I got to chapter eight.

Mostly involving that nasty corner where sex and violence intersect, and not in the way most people would consider to be kinky.
And then there's that other corner, dealing with different bodily functions.

I've grown used to a lot, though, and learned to frown, close the tab, delete my history and move on.

A SotINF fic titled 'josh rapes sophie'. rape, incest and paedophilia, in 3 letters.

Violation of the Evenstar. though I've read the sporking, and that's funny.

Very brief, I have about ten minutes... (which is why no Terri this time; also because you've said to Nesh that it's not complete)

Unfortunately, the negatives that Terri highlighted in Arrow are still here - in fact, they're magnified. One reason I've always disliked missions taking place in TARDISes is because they completely separate the agents from the action. And, uh... okay, it turns out that they weren't in their TARDIS? Then why are all the quotes in [square brackets] like they're coming from a computer screen? And, more importantly, why don't the agents interact, like, at all? Yes, Ceka goes and pesters the Doctor, but other than that, this reads like an MST, not a mission.

You've tried to paraphrase parts of the action, but you've run into two stumbling blocks: you've still got way too much direct quoting, and you're not really being selective about either. Yes, every direct quote got a reply, but... how many times do you need to say 'No respectable Time Lord would say that'?

I think I can probably stop here. My main issue is that the agents don't interact with the world around them, um, pretty much at all, except when you write little set pieces (Ceka talks to the Doctor, the agents sneak into the gym). I also have no idea why Ceka is a Time Lord - or why she's even there. Two agents would have been plenty, and would have let you flesh out Silver and Anna's characters further.

Oh, and something I go on about a lot: no-one's going to read a half-page block-paragraph charge list. Break it up with interruptions by other characters, or trim it down to bare essentials, but that sort of thing is too long. (And yes, I have a few of my own floating around).

If you'd like me to go through and dissect TLT in more detail, I can try, but right now, my time's up.

hS

The story was very good. please write another one.

Um. I don't have time for a full beta reading, either, but there were some things I want to bring up about the mission's current form that need to be worked on. (I couldn't do a proper beta anyway, as I've only seen a few Ninth Doctor episodes. Hey, Slitheen! Nice to see you guys again. Nice to actually recognize something out of a Doctor Who mission for once.)

The one big issue right now is this extremely forced animosity between Silver and Ceka. It's completely distracting throughout the entire mission, and there doesn't seem to be any reason for it, except to have conflict for conflict's sake. I'm fine with agents not getting along well all the time, as the PPC isn't a children's TV show. But Silver's . . . Time Lord racism? I don't know what to call it. Silver's racism gets thrown at us out of nowhere in the beginning—nothing in the previous mission suggested Silver had anything against Gallifreyans. She doesn't display the same level of distaste towards the Doctor later, or even to the Sues. Heck, she even goes along with recruiting the Flier at the end without a word of complaint, so what is it that makes her dislike Ceka specifically? And there's no resolution to it, either; we're just told at the end that "her prejudice [is] finally gone." But this just makes it more illogical, because we never knew why that prejudice existed in the first place, or why it has suddenly disappeared. The agents' collective actions during the mission also contradict that there is any conflict between them, as on two occasions (neuralyzing the gym and returning the Doctor to the TARDIS) Anna leaves Silver and Ceka alone together, with no sign of enmity between them during those periods. If Silver disliked Ceka so, wouldn't she volunteer to do those things, to get away from Ceka?

Perhaps the answer there lies with the suspicion in the beginning that Ceka might have been trying to help the Sues. But that leads to another contradiction, because if Ceka, an established, if newbie, agent was untrustworthy, why would Silver (again) go along with recruiting the Flier, an actual Sue? At the end of the day, it feels like you've written Silver to be mean to a new character for the sake of giving the agents something to do during the mission, then magically removed that conflict at the end when it was no longer convenient. Honestly, it doesn't work; take away the Time Lord hate, and all the agents have left in their part of the story is commenting on what the badfic does and performing the motions of observe-neuralyze-assassinate. The actual badfic sequences are far more entertaining than what the agents are doing.

I realize this all sounds extremely negative, but that's partly because I'm reacting to an unfinished product that got posted too early. My goal here is only to point out a major narrative error so you can retool it in the next draft. Give your agents personalities: not just contextless, baseline traits like "hates Gallifreyans" (though again, I'm still not clear that is Silver's problem), but full viewpoints and opinions that can play off of each other and whatever's happening around them. That will lead to much better dialogue and a much better reading experience overall.

Review here

(I know it's the older mission; I was going to do both, but ran out of time)

And I'm a little unclear on this: are you saying Time Lord Twins is finished, or that it needs betaing? If the former, then you should absolutely post it on the Board as well as the Wiki - most people don't look at the Wiki for new missions!

hS

If you haven't got your plans set in stone, would you mind if I sent a few critiques for your Suethor to take the wrong way?

Thank you all.

1. Remember that writing is first and foremost something that you do because you want to. It's very, very nice if it ends up pleasing others, but if that's the only reason you're doing it, 90% of the process is not going to be much fun. Writing is hard work and takes a lot of time, so make sure you're doing it because you enjoy it. If that's not the case, then yeah, you might want to give it up and find a hobby that actually makes you happy.
   
   2. Assuming that you're writing this story because you love the idea and you're excited to create something with it: You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can never please all the people all the time. There will always be someone who disagrees with you or doesn't like what you're doing, but don't let them make you forget about the people who like it—including yourself.
   
   3. Getting negative reviews sucks, but it never hurts to think earnestly about what they have to say. In this case, can you make your story more original and more funny going forward? If so, do it! Always push to make your work better than it was before, and remember that you can't make that happen by quitting.
   
   ~Neshomeh

I'd say you have one reader who thinks spamming you will make you take the story down. Have you, by any chance, recently given any negative reviews to other stories? Most of the flames I've gotten in the past have been attempts at revenge-reviewing.

My thoughts- firstly, formatting. I suggest having an extra line between paragraphs. Even though you indented, you still ended up forming a but of a text wall.

Secondly, Rashida. I love how you included so much insight into her thought process and yet still left her past unclear. Makes things more exciting, it does. ;)

Thirdly, the Pokémon battle. I was laughing my stomach sore the whole time I was reading it, especially the bits involving the battle narration.

All in all, a very good start, and I will leave more thoughts as I read!

Very Nice!

I noticed a few grammar/word choice mishaps you forgot to fix on the original file; I'll get to those if/when you open these parts to comments/suggestions :) (Your pre-mission does not need my help.)

It's unusual for a PPCer to tackle such a huge fic for his first mission, but I must admit that you've done so quite admirably. This mission could easily have been penned by a more experienced Boarder. You've gotten me interested in the story, and you demonstrate Rashida's and Falchion's personalities quite well.

A few things, though:
1) The mini "Mr. Incrediebell": I do not think that this counts as a mini. In context, it is clear that in-fic!Megamind got the name wrong but did not care to find out if he was indeed amiss. In other words, the authors meant for it to be misspelled.

Of course, I would welcome it if an Oldbie would give his or her two cents on this.

2) Ominous Red: I do not think that this should be a Sue color. Though a comma would have been useful, I think that the sentence is perfectly grammatical as is: it's pretty clear that in the phrase "glowed with an ominous red aura," both "ominous" and "red" modify "aura." I know that we at the PPC love to find humor wherever we can is, but this seems like creating an issue where there is none in my opinion.

3)“Called it,” I grinned smugly as I watched Donkey Kong introduce himself…

That comma should be a period, or else the verb should change; one cannot "grin" a quote. If you want a facial expression tied to the quote, consider something like this: "Called it," I said with a smug grin on my face as I watched Donkey Kong introduce himself…"

Either way, good work so far, and I'll be looking forward to the rest of the mission.

I'll get to betaing everything I haven't done so far either tonight or tomorrow (actually make that tomorrow, I may be a bit too tipsy now to do much)

It's brilliant, and it shows not one but two aspects of Middle-earth that we never see. And, there's no elves in it. ;)

I also like the fact that it has documentary historians as the main characters, because I've spent far too many years watching Time Team. :D

hS

Hi, and welcome to the Board! Don't worry about the grammar thing- I assume, since you mentioned it, that means you want to learn? No problem! ;)

For your present, have a trumpeting fish. I have to warn you, though- his scales and trumpet are urple.

Here take this scouts badge from Attack on Titan.(I'm almost finshed the anime so I'm kinda obsessed.

To celebrate your arrival, please accept this Awake, a creature that thrives on caffeine and espresso. Just make sure to feed it regularly!

Hello, hello! I hope you are enjoying the craziness that is the PPC/

I know that this question's been asked already, but you did not answer it yet: What are your fandoms?

As for your newbie gift, have a snowglobe with a replica of your favorite fictional locale inside!

So what are your fandoms? I know LonelyStar gave you a bunch of things from various continua, but that doesn't tell me what you actually like. Also, I like learning about people.

Anyway! Your newbie gift is a small case containing a pack of yellow sticky notes as well as five of those skinny ones you mark pages in textbooks with. I'd give you a pen as well, but I can't find any that still have a cap/ink. :)

Hello!

Also, chocolate (in case of dementors), a blanket, silver bullets, various and sundry religious symbols, a bell, a Sonic Screwdriver, random articles of clothing from Legolas and Draco Malfoy, a big stash of Bleeprin, and several Canon sources of your choice.

You'll need them.

Don't worry about the bad grammar stuff. It gets better the more you write.

Hello and welcome!

You are now the proud owner of a lined Infinite Notebook, complete with urple covers and wilver bindings. Don't look at it straight on!

-Aila

I take you read The Original Series, The Constitution and at least the Faqs on the Wiki?

You don't need to be scared. This just about one of the nicest
communities I have ever been in. People here are really welcoming.

Speaking of welcomings, let me present you with your very own Rorschach Book(Changes according to your current reading interests!)

We don't bite. Not other Boarders, anyway. Sues don't count--though of course the taste is really hard to get out of your mouth.

Seems like most of the relevant questions have been asked already, so welcome! You're probably going to get a bunch of gifts from the other Boarders, so here's a bottomless bag to carry them in.

Ooh, I love new Boarders. They're so much fun!
Now! *voice drops to a whisper* Do you live in Australia? I'm only asking because I'm getting desperate. I'm one of two Aussie PPC-ians, would you believe that? It's enough to make a girl attempt suicide-by-penguin. Not the nicest way to go.
Enough about me. What about you? Which fandoms are you in? On a scale of 1-10, how crazy are you? What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

As a welcome gift, please accept this 99.07% legit diploma from the University of Gallifrey, certifying that you passed Jiggery Pokery (having already mastered Hullabaloo). You are now qualified to fiddle about with other people's mobile phones.

|Kitty

Yeah, filters tend to be pretty random about what they do or don't block. The Board often slips by due to not being one of the obvious social networks or forums, but it's impossible to predict.

So, what brings you to these parts? I guess you've read some PPC stories - who did you start with? And because it's been a long time since I wandered in, where did you find them?

There's no need to be scared by us... probably. ;) Unless you're a Mary-Sue. Tell me, do you find everyone around you bending to your will, and that even 'bad' things that happen tend to leave you in a better situation than you started? Or maybe you're Bad Slash or Het - do people throw themselves at you despite the fact that they nominally hate you? Do strong people tend to break down around you?

Ooh! You could be Misplaced Fauna! Do you have pointed ears? Iridescent eyes? Do you, secretly, have wings?

hS

PS: Once a time upon, we had a tradition of poking the newbies. I hereby claim first poke: [Pokepokepoke] ~hS

Hi COG, have some fudge!

How did you find us?

4/ The Morning Star

During the war of the ring, the woodland realm lives troubled times. Between war and fear appears a child that might change the course of what would seem like a predictable tale.

-

The gathered elves all hushed their conversation as Elrond re-entered the room, carrying a swaddled bundle. Then the room filled with questions, harshly whispered.

"Is it true?"

"Does she have the mark?"

"Is she the chosen one?"

"What am I doing here?" asked Legolas. "I don't usually live in the same city as Elrond. I'm confused as to which forest realm this is."

"I'm reasonably certain I shouldn't be here, either," said Aegnor.

"Quit complaining," said a Narnian centaur.

"Silence!" Elrond called. "This child bears the foretold mark! She is the chosen one! The one to end the conflict!"

In a flash of light, the child transformed into a fully grown (and clothed) woman. "It is I," she spoke.

"And how will you stop this war?" demanded a Smurf.

"Simple. There can be no war where there is no setting for one." The Chosen One lowered herself to hands and knees.

She dropped her face the the grass.

And began to eat the planet.

The crowd cried out louder and louder in alarm. Legolas grabbed Elrond's arm. "Lord Elrond! What can we do to stop this?"

"We cannot stop this." Elrond slowly turned to the younger elf. He was now wearing sunglasses. "It is inevitable."

-

12/ Zoo Tales

Posibly the beginning of a new cycle set in the City Zoo. No sex except for the animals and not much swearing. Though watch where you stand...

-

All around him, there were tortoises humping, and chickens humping, and ducks humping, and goats humping (though this was really just a dominance display between females). The prairie dogs were probably humping, though they had the decency to do so underground.

"Why, this isn't Discworld," said doctorlit. "This is just work."

9/ Worth It (if you stick around)

It's possible to be such a critic that you lose sight of what could possibly keep you. It's a good thing his heart is made of brave scarlet, or he would never go searching for clarity. A story in which life just happens.

There was a painting at Hogwarts that never moved, no matter how long the students might stare at it. There didn't appear to be anything remarkable about it aside from how it hung on the wall. Though it was a depiction of a heavily forested landscape, it had been placed on the wall as if it were a portrait. Altered as it was, the trees took on the appearance of scraggly green bristles on a massive brush, the rolling knolls became green pustules, and the clouded sky became a sloppy imitation of a waterfall. It was appalling.

It was no wonder that few wasted the time to observe it; however, it retained a certain amount of intrigue for the students with more artistic leanings. Dean Thomas was no exception.

"Why would there be a Muggle painting at Hogwarts?" he asked, pausing in front of the painting, as well as nearly causing Seamus to crash into him in the process.

"Probably for the same reason you're still lolling around looking at it," Seamus snipped, irritated by his near miss. "It's weird. Weird things tend to stick around Hogwarts."

"Fair enough, I guess." Dean continued to watch the painting, waiting for any sign that it might spring to life. He did not look as if he planned to move any time soon, much to Seamus's dismay.

"I reckon that Potions will start in a few minutes," Seamus prodded.

"Yes, I think so," Dean answered absently.

"Don't you think we should, I don't know, actually go? I don't much like the idea of losing twenty house points."

That got Dean's attention. He snorted, turning away from the painting at last. "You'd lose them the first time you blew up your draught anyway," he said.

"Oh yeah? I bet you a Galleon that I don't blow up a single thing today."

Laughing, Dean started walking to class once more. "I'll take that bet. I hope you're not saving up for Hogsmeade, Finnigan. You won't have two knuts to rub together by the trip if you keep throwing your money away like this."

"Very funny. I'll have you know that I have great odds today. Hermione told me that we aren't working with anything that reacts violently in Potions this week, modifying Cheering Charms isn't going to make anyone spontaneously combust, and I can't exactly set a transfigured mirror on fire, now can I?" Seamus grinned. "Just watch, I'll be flush by the end of the day."

Seamus proceeded to set a record for himself in producing four explosions in one day, only one of which was magical in nature.

[Time skip of doom and subsequent abrupt transitions because this is already longer than intended and I regret everything]

Later, Dean returned to the motionless painting. Down the hallway he could hear the clamour of students returning to their common rooms from the Great Hall. Sometimes he stayed as late as he could when it was a mealtime, but he left as quickly as possible just as often. There weren't many times when the hallways were free of students, save for the dead of night, and breaking curfew had long since lost its air of rebellion. It just felt nice to be alone sometimes.

Unaccompanied as he was, Dean had all the time he needed to observe the painting. He spent most of it tilting his head to the side. The first thing he had concluded was that it was beautiful from the correct perspective, but the way it was placed would prompt tears from its creator. He had entertained the notion of it being a sort of modern art, but had ascertained that it was much too old.

The second thing he ascertained was that it was hiding a door.

Dean had spent years living with a mother who was extremely fond of daytime telly, so he felt he was something of an aficionado regarding hidden passages and forbidden affairs. Knowing that the two were almost always intertwined, Dean found himself unwilling to open the painting door. He had no desire to see people snogging behind the painting, especially considering he was just as guilty of liaisons behind tapestries and in passages of all sorts as any unfortunate couple he might spy.

Considering these factors, he very slowly and deliberately knocked on the wall to the left of the landscape. When no answer was forthcoming, and there was a definite absence of students rushing out of the painting, he decided to take a chance. He took one deep breath and opened the door.

"Well, that's anticlimactic."

Before him lay a round, nearly bare room. The only thing adorning its walls was a single scarlet cape, embroidered with a heart, and a piece of parchment pinned to it. Upon further examination, the paper read, "Thif is to fay that Gregory shalle ne'er lay eye on his cloak if he e'er again mocks the artes. - Professor Claerty Hathorne"

[Surprise. I wrote this monstrosity to lead up to passive aggressive 16th century professor shenanigans.]

1/ Struck by an Arrow

WARNING: Legomance, but no tenth-walker and all that jazz... Story of a girl who's struck by lightning and transferred to Mirkwood, stumbling upon some of the most fearsome elves in all of Middle Earth. How will she explain what happened to the Elvenking? Or to herself? Sorry, the summary isn't great, but PLEASE give my story a try! Thank you! :)


"Your king--he is a king?--well, he's probably still wrapped in vines. You shouldn't startle people, you know. Especially mages." Trisana Chandler plunked her fists on her hips and glared up at the tall man (one of many) in front of her. "And speaking of mages--I'm a mage. So you'd better put me back where I came from."

No one moved. In fact, everyone stared.

"Do I have something on my face?"

This got them to exchange glances, at least, but she might as well have been talking to...to...to snakes. Only these people wouldn't even hiss at her.

"Listen," Tris said, doing her best to keep the desperation out of her voice, "if you don't send me back, I'll get angry. Really angry. You won't like what happens when I'm angry."

The leader blinked at her. "Do you mean to threaten us?" He raised his bow until the nocked arrow pointed at her heart.

Tris' voice raised in annoyance. "I don't mean to threaten you. I don't need to. I just want you to know what you're up against." The arrow stayed where it was; the man's eyes narrowed. At least he'd spoken? "Stop that," Tris added, jabbing a finger at the weapon. "Just put me back. Now. Before I really get angry."

Today had been a bad day. The lightning had definitely been fun--strong and wild and rippling hot, tasting faintly of rain--but the richly dressed man stumbling out of nowhere and proclaiming loudly that there were no tenth-walkers or jazz had been a complete surprise. He hadn't gotten himself wrapped in vines until he managed to startle Briar into ruining an entire pot of burn salve. The plant mage had wrapped him in progressively more vines in a growing attempt to keep him silent and still.

(This stand-off continued for rather a while, really. No one quite knew how to set things right. No one quite knew how to bring up Tris' hair, either, which stood straight up where it wasn't braided, and crawled with seed lightning besides.)

*

Lightning suggested Tris to me. Very strongly, in fact. I'm not sure this really came out the way I wanted it to, but it's also my first time writing Tris, so that probably affected it. Hope you enjoyed nonetheless...and sorry for the general lack of Legomance, I couldn't make it fit with the length. Feel free to picture it somehow working out eventually, if you'd like.

-----

5/ Side by side with his dwarf

Legolas and Gimli are great friends but Aragorn knows that they are more than that he just needs to make them realise it.


"I do not understand this," Legolas said once they had attained privacy. "Has he taken leave of his wits? What could cause him to say such things?"

"Perhaps 'tis the stress of ruling," suggested Gimli. "It weighs on him, we have seen this--"

"But to suggest that--!" Legolas' hands waved about in unusual frustration. "It is not only absurd but physically impossible!"

"Peace, Legolas." The Dwarf waited until his friend was more collected before he spoke again. "Perhaps he means it as a joke."

"A joke."

"Aye." Gimli warmed to this theme, gesticulating broadly. "Grown weary with the formality of royal audiences, he has turned his mind to play. And what better way to relax than to play at convincing his friends--"

"I see no humor in this," Legolas protested, but Gimli shook his head.

"Perhaps you need not, friend Legolas. After all, it is his own amusement that Aragorn seeks."

"If this is indeed a joke," Legolas put in.

Gimli nodded reluctantly. "If it is indeed a joke, and not a failing in his sanity."

For some time there was silence. At length, Legolas spoke.

"We should alert the Queen, if nothing else."

Gimli's eyebrows shot upwards. "And how do you propose to explain this to her, Master Elf?"

"We tell her what he said," Legolas replied firmly. "We tell her, and we explain that we suspect a break in his sanity. Should it indeed be a joke, he will laugh all the harder; and should it be the stress of ruling, Arwen will see it and take measures to correct it. This shall be our course of action--if you agree."

Gimli thought it over, and then nodded. "It seems a sensible idea. Very well--I am agreed. When shall we approach her?"

"At once." Legolas straightened his already-straight clothing, and turned toward the door. "There is no time to lose."

Gimli nodded his agreement once more, and they left the room side by side.

What Arwen Undómiel would say to their claims of Aragorn's attempts to convince them that a Dwarf and an Elf were in fact blood brothers, neither preferred to imagine. Their only hope was that she would believe them.

*

Hey, it doesn't spell out what this 'more than that' is. I'm perfectly justified in claiming that Aragorn's trying to convince them that they're directly related biologically.

Your choice whether he's insane, playing a joke, or something else entirely. It's all up in the air.

-----
As a final note--please excuse or point out any OOCness. Tris was kind of hard to write, and I tried to base Gimli and Legolas mainly on the books rather than the movies.

Man, it has been awhile. Let's see what I've got.

11. "Twisted In Every Way"

12-year-old Victoria and her twin brother James are orphaned because of a freak "accident". But what will "dear little Victoria" do to get into the guild that wants her brother as a member? Be warned, it is rather disturbing at the beginning. Please Review!

Victoria made the final adjustment, and her foot popped into place behind her head. She was twisted into a perfect human pretzel.

"There! See?" she said, looking up at the guild members with a strained grin. "This proves I have what it takes, doesn't it? Who could resist dear, deformed little Victoria?"

"Bugrit," said one of them. "Bugrit. I told 'em."

"I believe what Ron is trying to say," said the Duck Man, "is that while your brother is a classic Mumbler, the Beggars' Guild really has no place for a young lady of your... er... talents. Have you tried the Fools?"

- - -

Yes, I know they aren't members anymore, but it was funnier this way. At least in my head.

~Neshomeh

8/ Elemental Girls at Hogwarts

When 4 new students going by the names of; Summer Flame, Rosely Forest, Sky Thundercloud and Icey Tsunami enter Hogwarts as 2nd years. They have to defeat old Villains and deal with Love. Will their secret be found out and who will fall for who?

"So, what's the agenda?" Summer Flame asks over breakfast in the Great Hall.

"Love is being a whiny little child again, so we're going to have to deal with her," replies Rosely Forest, pressing a kiss to Sky Thundercloud's head as the other girl takes her place next to her at the Hufflepuff table. The four girls had decided to sit there together even though they were all sorted into different Houses based on their elemental-sounding names (someone's gotta be laughing about it, somewhere); after all, not many people paid too much attention to the Hufflepuff table.

"Okay, and Villains?" asks Summer.

"Still demanding their fee," reports Icey Tsunami as she heaps eggs onto her plate.

Sky shudders. "What a creep."

"What choice do we have? They've got information on us. If the Ministry finds out --" Rosely begins, but Sky squeezes her hand and shakes her head.

"Don't. We're going to find some way to make sure old Villains doesn't get that information to the Ministry."

Rosely briefly smiles at her girlfriend before turning back to the others. "Who's going to deal with Love then?"

"I'll do it," grumbles Summer.

3/ The Daughter of Elrond

The Ring has been stolen and a daughter of Elrond is missing. Rated T for possible language.

"Celebrían?"

"Yes, my heart?"

"Would you care to help me solve a riddle?"

Celebrían laid aside her embroidery, folded her hands on her lap, and looked up at her husband. "Of a surety," she said. "Come, sit."

Elrond settled himself on the bench beside her, draping one arm across her shoulders. He leant back and gazed up at the ceiling, and Celebrían drew herself in against him.

"A certain... article of mine has gone missing," he said. "A thing of no little value, though few would mark it such."

Celebrían narrowed her eyes. "I presume, Lord of Imladris, that you do not refer to the keys to our wine cellar."

Elrond chuckled. "No, my love, they are safe with Erestor - though how 'safe' that truly is when Galion is visiting from Eryn Galen, I dare not contemplate. No, it is... rather a smaller thing than that." He swallowed, and added hesitantly, "Coloured blue."

Celebrían pulled away and turned to stare at him. "You have lost Vilya?" she exclaimed.

"Not lost," Elrond reassured her, squeezing her shoulder, "merely misplaced. I had removed it to change Lindir's dressings - and remind him yet again that he is not fit to return to the hunt, nor should he be so eager after being so wounded last time - and when I turned away..." He shrugged, letting the remainder go unsaid.

"We must organise the household," Celebrían declared, getting to her feet. "Each must be questioned in turn, and if none will reveal the Ring of Air's location, we shall search their-"

"You are most certainly your mother's daughter," Elrond interrupted, smiling, "but there is no need. My assistant in my labours was a certain dark-haired beauty of Tinúviel's line, but for reasons entirely unknown, she departed ere my task was complete."

Celebrían raised a delicate eyebrow, and her tone lightened to match his. "Did she, indeed? That is a mystery. Do you think she might be able to hear us now?"

Elrond tilted his head, listening, and caught a whisper of breath, the faintest of giggles. "Do you know," he said, "I rather suspect she can."

I be off to try and write a mystery now, me hearties.

Because they Arrrr!

Yarr, 'tis a fine day to be a pirate. Let me share with ye two links for those of ye who are true sailors of the seven seas.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZsgNHquM for ye true pirates
and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kY82-gOAr6M for those of ye who are more like Captain Jack Sparrow.

Wind in your back lad, wherev'r ye go

Storme Hawk

Let ye all have some Glog, ye bunch of bilge rats! But be warn, it just crawl out of the bung hole mateys!

This be a glorious day to rouse this hearty crew! Let's not forget that our duties be first priority on this glorious day!

Arrr, I was hopin' me speech was good enough for ye, but to the plank with that. A toast of rum te ye all! Drink up me hearties, yo ho!

-Cabin Boy SkarmorySilver

And the Meek Shall Inherit the Galaxy - Mass Effect

What would have happened if Humanity's first contact was with
the Quarians instead of with the Turians? This the question this Mass Effect AU fic asks. And the answering is, differently from other AU fics (cough Alternative Realities cough), that things are profoundly changed. What alliances are formed, how Humanity comes to see the Galactic Council and whether or not they decided to join them as a Council Space race. We get to see different perspectives, such as
Hannah Shepard's, Rael'Zorah'a and Garrus's father's.though a large number of characters are written so as have been born several years earlier than in Canon, so that for example, Shepard and Tali can be at the center of the Human-Quarian contact.

Mass Effect 2 - DLC: The Equestrian Equation - Mass Effect/My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

One of the most interesting aspect of this story is that
it was sucessful and good example of an interactive fanfic.
At the end of each chapter the author would provide two or
three choices for Shepard to make in the next one. The outcome was decided by the majority of votes in the comment section.

Curses! - Psychonauts

This story features psychic powers, Psychonaut items and Mental Worlds that would right at home in the game.

Yu-gi-oh Forever - A great next generation fic. This one is really long, with upwards of 300 chapters at completion, but all that lenght allowed it to really develop the plot and characters, in particular the story of Yugo as the son crushed under the shadow of the King of Games. The duels are also really well developed, using only cards that existed in the CCG or the anime at the time.

Wolf General wrote a lot of Yugioh fanfics. They are primarily in the Demon Duelist Legacy series and its sequel series Legends of the Demon Duelist Series. They tend to diverge a lot from canon, from the kind of supernatural beings that drive the conflict of the stories to the ample usage of author created cards.

Rising Star to the Heavens This tends to follow the mold of the new student in the Duel Academy and Shadow Games, but most characters are interesting, most part of the plot is not cliched and it has really threatening villians later on. Sadly discontinued since 2007.

Year One The Trial of Shadows - Mostly follows the manga version of Yugioh GX but attempts to fix the problems the series generally has. It develops characters like Asuka, Misawa, Junko and Momoko so that Judai doesn't end saving the day all by himself. It also substitute the Seven Star duelist for much more threatening antagonists. Its two sequel do the same for the other two seasons.

Yugioh Battle Zone - Breaks the mold for Yugioh GX fics by starting with its three protagonists graduating the Duel Academy and entering into the world of professional duel tournaments. The writing is spot on, specially in the dialogues and when describing duels.

Yugioh Destiny's Horizon - A separate series by same author of Battle Zone, set in a distant future. The same reccomendations on the writing apply here

Following the Footsteps of Destiny - The same caveats as Yugioh Foverer apply here. Really long but really great next generation fic, this for Digimon 02.

Next Generation and So It Begins Again - Another Digimon 02 next gen fic. This one has maybe too many main characters, there is at least one child for each original Digidestined from the first two seasons, totalling 14 in all, but it's still well written and a good deal shorter.

Canadian Digidestined - Takes advantage of the international Digidestined of 02 to tell the story of another Digidestined team in a whole another https://www.fanfiction.net/s/302058/1/Next-Generation-And-So-It-Begins-Again. It has its own general plot and antagonists, though of it overlaps with the Canon material since it is still occuring at the same time the same universe.

Most of them. . .are by paraTactician. They're just that good a writer, I guess.

One of Our Submarines - Really cool Helmsman things.

Scarlet and Bible Black - Grimdark stuff! Really well characterized Rose and Sollux.

Strider's Edge - Oh my god, okay, if you are a Homestuck fan you need to set aside, say, a few hours to read this in its entirety. It's close to 70,000 words- a novel in its own right, basically- and it's just so incredible. It's basically an Oxford AU, but it incorporates some bits from some other novel that I forgot? Yeah. So good.

Hemostuck - It hasn't updated in ages, but it's a heirarchy swap; maroon is the highest and fuschia is the lowest. Also, the kids are godheads. Pretty cool.

A Sailorman's Hymn - Psiionic and Sufferer afterlife things. Ouch.

. . .addendum: not just paraTactician, but vastderp as well. Welp.
I hope someone enjoys!

Well, okay, rereading one and then rereading another. And because they're both incredibly fantastic, I'ma rec them here! (As though that course of action wasn't so predictable a mongoose could have guessed it.)

First, The Journals of Karkat Vantas, Nerevarine:
(http://archiveofourown.org/series/48699)
It's, well, exactly what it sounds like: Karkat the Dunmer as the Morrowind player character, with all the ranting about everyone and everything and creative insults addressed to all and sundry implied by that description. It's really, really hilarious, and also incredibly well written and in-character. I suggest if you like either Homestuck or the Elder Scrolls to go check it out because it's pretty accessible even if you don't have both fandoms. I literally reread the while thing today, and it was just as amazing as I remembered. And Karkat getting annoyed at game mechanics like his inexplicable ability to swim in armour and the complete insanity of everyone who isn't a player character will never not be funny.

Aaand second! is One of Our Submarines:
(http://archiveofourown.org/series/23579)
This...is so fantastic. I literally just found it today, and...wow. It's written entirely in chatlogs and dialoglogs, which is really, really impressive, because all the characters, even the OCs (especially the OCs) feel so real, and I spent much of the story feeling incredibly distressed, but in a good way. It's a rebellion AU, which is, admittedly, pretty common, but it focuses mostly on the Helmsmen and Sollux and the Psiioniic, and Karkat's revolution only really comes into play about halfway through. Also, I never thought I would respect Eridan, or really have any other emotions towards him other than apathy and murderous intent, but the way he's written in this fic... And let me remind you that there's not narration, only dialogue. Wow.
Also, if you read it, there's occasional dialogue hidden in code, thanks to distressed Helmsmen, so have this translator thingie always on hand! (http://paulschou.com/tools/xlate/)

-Aila

Another one: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10482676/1/A-Very-Immortal-Christmas.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9696824/1/Godzilla-vs-Cthulhu-Lords-of-Darkness

answers the unknown question: who would win in a fight.

Anything by this guy: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1947478/Chris_Myers (He like...GETS it, man. Marvel. He gets it.)


This is just hilarious: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7469479/1/Forever

And this novelization is so awesome it should really be published: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6615342/1/Breath-Of-Fire-II-War-Of-The-Demons

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10130558/1/Attack-of-the-Deranged-Mutant-Killer-Monster-Dark-Lord

Most hilarious thing I've read all year. It's perfectly in tune with the workings of the PPC.
Harry Potter/Calvin and Hobbes crossover, but you don't need to know much about Calvin and Hobbes.

There is a tie for what I consider my favorite fanfic.

Alas, I don't know how to make links on the board, so I guess you'll just have to search them on ff.net

My first is the Tamers forever series, a Digimon fanfic. It is known for featuring a very prominent Rika/Takato ship, but that's not the reason I like it. I like it because of the action, the characters, the inner conflicts, and the basic premise of the last two fics in the series(namely Takato has to struggle against a literal personification of the digital hazard that takes the form of a split personality,which was a really good way to integrate the already cool ChaosGallantmon into the story. the second is a crossover with 02, and features TK and all the original DigiDestined fighting Daemon, Who now seeks to destroy the tamers dimension. it was sad and epic at the same time.)

My second is the Pokemon-based Alphabet soup, which is a novelization of Black/White. it features some of the most believable characters I've ever seen in a fic, some of the most excellent writing, and one of the best plot twists ever. even though it does get a little violent at the end.

So? have you ever seen or read any of these fics? Well, I consider them to be the best fics ever written.

Darkness and Dreams: An excellent and sort-of steampunk Homestuck AU. I actually think I originally opened it because I thought it would be stupid, but I got hooked right away. The characters, especially the Alpha kids, are portrayed almost perfectly and the writing is really good for the most part. Also, the AU world itself is very well-established. Currently in-progress, but updated regularly.

Jake English's Mysterious Theatre of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000: This just cracks me up. It's Homestuck characters reviewing bad fanfiction. The writing isn't the best ever and sometimes the characters, especially Jake and Karkat, get a bit out of character, but it's pretty good. The catch is, just like Jake canonically likes all movies, here Jake likes all fanfiction, including such masterpieces as "Dave Stdider Pokemon Traner" and "Thirty Hs."

Home with the Fairies: A well-thought-out and well-written deconstruction of the clichéd girl in Middle-earth plot. Maddie is a believable heroine who wakes up in Middle-earth one day in the middle of nowhere, doesn't speak the language, isn't instantly buddies with all the mains (the first several chapters are very OC-heavy, and several OCs remain in the plot up to the current point, but they're really good OCs), and has a believable and subtle character arc. Unfortunately it hasn't been updated in a while, but it's still well worth the read.

(probably? *shrug* Seems to me Miah was just plugging the one thing.)

Right, here are some of my favorites:

Follow Me, by SakuraMota. The writing is excellent, the characters have great interactions with each other, and I happen to share the writer's OTP (Lyra/Silver).

Pokemon Online, by totaldile. The plot of SAO mixed with a Pokemon Emerald Nuzlocke. Fun, right?

This guy's fanfiction. He has two, "Windfall" and "Earth and Sky", and they are both works of art. Windfall is short and cute, while Earth and Sky is longer (much) and action-packed.

Here, have a virtual door. If you are bored of the wall, use the door to pass through it. I can't guarantee if you will step foot into the right direction though, I bought the door at a thrift shop.

Do you watch The Legend of Korra?

I'm also a fan of MLP, Doctor Who, and Pokémon! Have a special shiny. Pokémon of your choice- but be warned, its shiny color is urple. ;)

You can have bannana bread, a handful of useful iron nails, and an abacus! Welcome to the board!

Hi, have some fudge!

Are you more of a New Who or Classic Who fan?

Je suis heureux de voir un autre francophone ici dans le PPC! Bienvenue, et je te souhaite que tu t'amuses bien!

Un fanatique de Pokémon et un brony? Donc, permets-moi de te donner mon cadeau préféré pour les bronies: Voici, un Rapidash, autrement connu comme "Twilight Sparkle fâché."

Et avant que tu me le demandes, non, je ne suis pas canadien; je suis américain d'origine haïtienne. Mais j'ai quelques membres de ma famille qui habitent en Québec.

But don't worry, you will be driven at least partly insane like the rest of us fairly soon enough.

Anyway, let me gift you with a Rorschach book (changes according to your current reading interests), a MLP plushie of your choice and as a fellow Brony who has suffered through Cupcakes, a courtesy link to The Light in The Darkness - http://www.fimfiction.net/story/16531/the-light-in-the-darkness

Welcome a-board. Here, have a sentient adjective for your troubles. This handy-dandy Awake will be sure to keep you going. Just be sure to feed it lots of caffeine on a regular basis.

Have a Lyra Plushie (now 100% free of suggestive holes!) and one of my shed feathers (careful, it's a bit sharp)!

And I take it you've actually read that fic yourself at least once? Gosh, I hope for Arceus's sake that isn't the case... D:

Have some candid pictures of Twilight Sparkle, a scrapbook of the Doctor's adventures, a bell, a selection of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes products, some Pokeballs, chocolate, a baseball bat, and Canon sources of your choice.

It's always good to be prepared.

Ooh! A fellow diagrammer!

Yo dawg
I herd u liek shineh newbiehs
//shot

Haha! Hey there, I'm a newbie also, and I am here too give you a bag that can fit just about anything in it! Trust me, you're gonna need it!

Have fun!

I also have an inexplicable love of making charts. Also a tendency to get my family into various series and then stop watching them myself--which is where I am with Doctor Who and MLP at the moment. Have you read any PPC stuff yet? Got any favorite agents or missions?

Here, have a bottomless bag to keep all your other gifts in. It has a lot of pockets.

Y'en a pas beaucoup dans ce petit coin du web, alors je vous souhaite la bienvenue! Vous êtes québécois, franco-ontarien/manitobain ou quoi?

Puisque vous êtes nouveau, permettez-moi de vous offrir une portion de ma fameuse eau hydrophobe. Buvez prudemment.

Finalement, question obligatoire: personnage favori dans MLP?







Les réponses autres que Luna ou Twilight Sparkle ne sont pas permises

Dude, there is no such thing as normal, especially not here. Anyway, YAY I share all three of your fandoms! *double high-five* Have a Doctor Whooves T-shirt! (It's one of the ones with him and Derpy.)

Welcome and all that. You should read the Constitution and Original Series as well as take a look at the wiki (there are links on top of the Board).
Also, have this cup of tea. Just don't let the leaves eat you.

Hello and welcome!

You are now the proud new owner of a lined Infinite Notebook, complete with urple covers and wilver binding. Don't look at it straight on!

-Aila