Aug 2014 Archive, part c

I've added a flag for Borrd, based pretty heavily on the flag of the old Protectorate, to Volume 1. I've also taken the opportunity to upgrade Kaitlyn's and my heraldry, because the art made me cringe.

The only other thing I'll be doing - and might have already done, by the time you read this - is sneaking in 'heraldry-of-use' for the barons who don't have it yet. They'll be simple, a single charge on a plain field, and exist in-universe as Baron Huinesoron's efforts to fill out his map without having to actually ask anyone what their devices are (since that would involve going closer to Iric, which, no).

Oh, and trying to build Konti-Nyuum in Minecraft. Because I'm a lunatic. Did you know the latest version has banners...?

hS

... Volume 4 of the Cyclopaedia has been updated with a complete map of Weab, though obviously with lots of empty spaces for future countries. The Are-Pea Alliance is now in existence, as is the Wechi-Ah, Blawg, and the So Shall Medea movement (at war with Blawg, naturally). And, of course, the Marizu League is represented...

As far as I can tell, all journeys describes in people's stories still work. The history of Are-Pea might need revising - it looks like there may once have been a nation by that name, but it long ago became an Alliance.

hS

[[Note: I am redoing this so I can give more detail on An'onere and completely redo his coat of arms.]]

An'onere Morysse began his journey in the land of Vidya Gaym, where he was a resident of Sonikh de'Hedgehog. When he found the dark road of Creipipastar Wichen, he followed it, leading him to the land of Pokhemmon. Here, he obtained a large blank spellbook, Cheesy, and began to fill it with spells borne of the ancient arts of Pro'gramman (which he taught himself) and Eich-Tee-Ehm-Ehl (which was taught to him by a master). He continued to follow the road, but was attacked by the Marizu leader Pinkamena.

Luckily, a group of nomads known as the Bronee saved him, and led him through the land of Yu'Tub to the land of Tivit. During this journey, he became one of them, familiar with thier ways, and obtained a gray stallion from them, which he named Mental Haze. He also became obsessed in his travels with the Marizu, trying to make sense of thier dark magic, trying to figure out why one would commit acts so foul, and how they could be stopped.

It was in Tivit that he first found a glimmer of an answer, while looking in thier great libraries for information on the Marizu leader that had first attacked him on the dark road. There, he found a note telling of the defeat of Pinkamena, by the great nation of Plort. Barely skimming through thier selection of books on Plort (and a good thing, it turns out, for they were filled with lies), An'onere the Mage left his band of Bronees and bought passage to the island of Konti-Nyuum on board a trading ship.

When he landed in Wechi, he spoke to nobody, simply browsing thier great libraries for information on the Marizu- and soon, the Knights of Plort. Eventually, he made himself known, but behind a mask. He called himself Po'kere Trikense, and brandished a bow, Shocker, and a quiver of arrows, its name lost to history- both having been recently bought.

He soon decided that he was not ready to fight, and discarded his bow and arrows, noting to himself that either way, he was unskilled in thier use. He rejoined his Bronee friends, and became skilled in the art of Arpying when they led him to a nation known as Chatt-zei, filled with many upstart towns, some merely temporary collections of huts, others great and regal cities, all of them built in mere moments with ancient magic. After a stay in one such great city, he left, bringing with him many of his Bronee friends, and built a new town with the magic of the land of Chatt-zei, with himself as leader. There, he and his friends practiced the ancient martial art of Arpying.

However, he found that one of his closest friends had succumbed to the ancient arts of the Marizu, and using dark rituals, had begun to create his own. He fought valiantly, but to no avail, and finally, he left his city as it succumbed to the pla'tool magic of the Marizu.

After this, he journeyed back to Konti-Nyuum, reintroducing himself under his true identity, and preparing himself to begin the trial of Permission.

His true coat of arms is Argent, between a crescent sable and pentacle sable, a bend sable with the roman numeral XIII bendwise vert.
His motto, "Astra cum luna tredecim," "Thirteen stars rise with the moon."

I've thought and thought, and I think I've finally come up with an idea I like enough to keep. I'm not 100% sure I can describe it properly, but I'll do my best.

First, I'd like a shield shape, but with the top shaped like a { character, point upward. This seems uniquely appropriate for me, given... well. {= )

For the blazon:

Vert (specifically #007700), between (in the chief-dexter) a steaming teacup Argent with elanor flower Proper and (in the base-sinister) a cat ready to jump, facing inward with nose raised Argent, a bend Argent with three scrolls of parchment Proper being marked each by a quill with feathers White, shaft and nib Vert.

I'm going for an actual very-light-gray/silver color with Argent here. #EEEEEE or #DDDDDD, probably, as long as it doesn't clash with the parchment.

~Neshomeh

Hopefully I'll actually get around to writing the tale of the Swordsman before this thread drops off the front of the Board, but until then I have at least managed to come up with some heraldry (I hope I got this description right):

Per bend, sable, between a quill bendwise Or and a sword bendwise Argent, a bend Gules

I know, I know, I don't go there - but no-one made one, so I did.



And why are the colours so alarmingly bright? Well, for one, there's a tradition of that in Plort. But for another... if you take a 24-letter alphabet (dropping J and Z), and render each 8-letter block as one of the RGB streams - but reversed, so A is 256 bright red, while H is the dimmest red you can get - ... these are the colours for I, R, and C. (Only in the order CIR, for thematic reasons) So yeah - hidden pun!

hS

In the Protectorate of Borrd, I've finally decided to name those rivers. Phobos established something of a theme, with Grammar + Punctuation = Good Writing; I've tried to continue that. From the mountains to the sea, we have:

Karaktar (Character) + Chekin ('checking' - ie, research) => Plaht (plot); Plaht + Lhawjeck (Logic; this one wasn't mine) => Staurilyn (story line); Staurilyn + Gudryting => Gotfik (goodfic)

It's not a perfect map of 'how to write goodfic' - but it's pretty decent for what it is, I think.

The map also shows the Pass of the Five, the main (or only) pass from Borrd to Ozerbord. I might write the epic tale of the Quest of the Five someday; suffice to say that, though only two reached the Font of Bulapka, three of them became barons, and a fourth is a Duchess-in-Exile. Apparently it was character-building. ;)

And finally, new developments in Barony Huinesoron - the town of Critta' has been joined with the village of Kalthin to become the port town Critta-Kalthin ('critical thinking'). We're hoping to start some new trade routes out of there, to reinvigorate the economy; possibly we'll be contacting the northern lands such as Ydyff.

~Baron Huinesoron (in mapmaking mode)

(PS: The maps in the Cyclopaedia have been updated to show all the roads now; I should have done this earlier, but, um, didn't)

A mage from the lands of Bronee, An'onere heard of the Protectorate of Plort during his travels in Tivit, and has come to Konti-Nyuum with his steed, Mental Haze, and a tome of magic he had compiled in his travels, Cheesy, in the hopes of paasing the test of Permission and joining the ranks of the Knights of Plort.

His coat of arms is vert, a chevron inverted sable, above, a single open book argent, below, a horizontal fountain pen sable, with tip Or, pointing sinister.

(Did I do it right? Also I apologize for the delay)

Ydyff, Kingdom of – Nation, island. Under constant martial law due to the threat of otherworldly beings called Te-roreest. The Ydyffan army and population are one and the same, as every man and woman constantly fight the Te-roreest threat. Ydyff lies in the cold north, where the sky and land are close, and its warrior-poets are renowned there. The land itself, while small and cold, is surprisingly fertile, and inhabitants gather three times each year to celebrate their ancestral holidays: of the Huts, of the Sacrifice, and of the Harvest.
Curiously, its language is written from the other side, causing some confusion.
Arms: azure, between two olive branches argent, a Menorah argent.
Agog, Monastery of – one of Tivit's oldest surviving monasteries. Founded by the mystical Lokomn – who has, in a similar fashion to Plort, ceded his authority to a triumvirate – it is home to one of Tivit's most respected schools of Arpying. A surprisingly-large community sprang around its walls, thanks in part to the fact that its current rulers – the Flanking One, the Troy-knight and the Stratofar – have, aside from the support of one of Edward the Swift's more agreeable mages, a considerable degree of autonomy, and they conduct their business as they please.
Arms: ner black, rena yellow; canta nastar alta tera, interwoven gold, red and green lines tapering to a point; indil in fore, a white, four-petalled flower.

It really is. I'll probably make my heraldry soon.
Although, many of the sites are confusing - I get some references, but others? Not so much.
What would be nice is a separate page that has the equivalents of real world sites on the weab web. It would be helpful to us confused people and to writers, who may want to expand upon this universe.
Also, can anyone participate in this?

(Author’s note: Eagle-eyed readers will noticed that some details have changed since my first entry into this particular universe. Well, okay, one major change. I’m not sure what I was thinking when I named my knight persona PC. That it was mysterious or something? I don’t know. I’ve tried to make the retcons as seamless as possible. Many apologies to Huinesoron for doing so.)

THE RETURN
There had been rumors floating around that he had sailed into Mei’n Payj one cold and misty morning. The ship was bound from Yu’Tub, people would murmur to their fellows in the taverns and shops, and was festooned with unfamiliar banners celebrating a “Tyrant of Tablets.” The man in black robes was the only person standing on the deck, but it still sailed under some unseen power. And when he stepped off the boat and vanished into the alleyways of the city? It vanished into thin air.

Others swore to Kanun that they had seen him wandering the backroads of Borrd (or Iric, or Wechi – the location seemed to change with every new telling). They told of how he would walk with travellers for a while, sharing the ancient secrets of Beytah and telling tales of battles against the Marizu with them before turning away down some new twist in the path. Attempts to follow him always failed for one reason or another.

Their description was always the same. He was tall, with heavy boots that somehow managed not to leave prints in the dirt. Any details of his face or body were hidden by his black hooded robes. An empty scabbard hung from the belt cinched around his waist.

Nobody really thought too much of the stories until one day, when the man in black robes appeared in Manyuel, in the very heart of Wechi. An archivist found him standing before a collection of old weapons from knights long past.

“Can I help you, good sir?” the archivist asked.

The man did not reply at first. It was only when the archivist asked again did he slightly turn his head. “The sword and shield of Sir PC, the Poor Cynick,” he said. “The ones he discarded upon his departure. I trust you have them?”

“Of course! Was there a specific reason you wanted to see them?”

The man pushed back his hood, revealing a familar face.

“To reclaim them,” the Poor Cynick said.

And fie upon those who dare take her land.

*quietly sends out spies to assess the holdings of her fellow barons, as well as the state of her own*

Once upon a time, in the Grand Republic of Deeay, a young woman called eatpraylove drew pictures of strange and wondrous animals for anyone who cared to look (which wasn't too many). After a while, she found she could draw larger crowds by showing them stories she wrote. The stories were imperfect and often a warped type of "songfic", but people smiled and nodded as they read. Some of them shared their own pictures or excerpts of tales, of which her favorites went into her magic scrapbook. The scrapbook, given to all artisans in Deeay, allowed readers to view all of a certain story as long as at least one chapter remained in the book. Same for pictures; if one was in the scrapbook, you could view all the rest by that artisan. ((Favoriting something on dA does kind of work like that.))

Eatpraylove enjoyed sharing and receiving stories and pictures, but she enjoyed traveling Weab as well. Among other destinations, she set up a small temporary home in the famous Fanvik-Neht. Like Deeay, the people there were kind to her stories, and she found many enjoyable works free from the Marizu influence.

Or so she thought. As she matured, eatpraylove realized that some of the tales in her scrapbook were much poorer than she'd thought at first. The character choices didn't make sense, the plots were unoriginal, and in at least two cases, the author wrote her character specifically to be a celebrity's love interest; all hallmarks of the Marizu. She'd heard of them in her frequent visits to Tivit, and was alarmed to discover their taint in her beloved scrapbook. (Fortunately, her favorite tales from Fanvik-Neht and its equestrian twin, Fimvik-Neht, stood the test of maturity.)

By pure chance, possibly when researching memory potions, she found mention of the Protectorate of Plort (as it was then called). The tome contained many references to various knights and their exploits, which intrigued her as often as the passages' lack of context confused her.

Even better, the book spoke of Plort's early history; the tales of Jay, Acacia, and other legendary knights fighting off all variety of Marizu in Lotor were inspiring. And so she made her second great journey, to Borrd and Wechi. After traveling across the country to hear tales of various knights and barons in battle, she settled near the border of Wechi and Borrd. Even today, she continues to share her stories and artwork in Deeay, as well as visit Fanvik-Neht to hear new tales (or identify Marizu for the knights of Borrd).

Eatpraylove is a fairly simple woman, and her shield reflects this; an olive-green field with a blue party per chevron. The green part bears a light gray cat, stretching. While originally she hoped to join the wizard's guild or the castle spies, she has set her eyes on knighthood. Of the various toys and pets she had in Deeay, only her horse, Ami, actually accompanied her to Plort. The first time she unpacked, she found in one silver bag a long dagger from her childhood. It was rusty and dull from disuse, and eatpraylove herself did not remember exactly how her make-believe adventures had happened. But it was a weapon still, and she had it reforged and re-baptized "Chris".

Some years ago, a lone merchant discreetly landed on the island of Konti-Nyuum with nothing more than an empty purse, a well-worn travelling cloak, a horse, and a small brass spyglass. While fleeing to the lands of Tivit, the farmer heard of the valiant deeds of a group of knights originating from an island to the east and their fight against the Marizu.

Prior to his visit to Tivit, the merchant owned a tiny speck of land in the nation of Vidya Gaym, a sprawling nation that contained bustling cities such as Lozz, Emmytoo, and Lamb-daa. Unfortunately, Vidya Gaym was often the prey of Marizu raids-- probably because the land was fertile and the mineral deposits bountiful. One day, Turtle woke to the sounds of a Marizu war band-- the nearby town of Lozz was being raided. Not knowing how to fight, the merchant quickly fled the area on foot after collecting his most precious belongings and stuffing them in a bag.

Cut off from his land, the merchant resolved to start anew elsewhere. He followed the highway northeast to the nation of Bronee, where he did business for a while and bought a skinny skittish stallion named Gaspard. Now much more mobile, he pressed north, through the lands of Are-Pea and Yu'Tub before arriving in Tivit. From there, he learned of the Union of Plort and spent the last of his gold on a boat that would take him to Konti-Nyuum. Once there, he hoped to support the knights by selling food and equipment to them.

Everything went better than expected for the merchant: he set up shop in the town of Borrd and made enough profits to make a living. He picked up some new skills over time-- smithing, Eich-Tee-Ehm-Ehl, and Arpying for example. After proving his worth in the Trial of Permission, Merchant Turtle was granted a knighthood by Baron Phobos.

Always looking for ways to assist the Knights of Plort, the newly minted Sir Turtle of the Sea used his modest wealth to finance the repairs for one of Plort's most neglected sailing vessels. In less than a month Captain Soo-Lah Rose's ship, the Deoh Eye, was made seaworthy again. Sir Turtle participated in three of the Deoh Eye's reconnaissance expeditions before buying a ranch outside Borrd to raise horses for all knights riding on the Deoh Eye. From his ranch Sir Turtle now applied his smithing skills to bring new equipment to the knights of Plort. His projects-- with various code-names-- will soon to be put on the market: "Taldaris", a cuirass made of the finest and lightest metals, "Fire Flash", steel-toed leather boots with incredible durability, "Naya", a crossbow of unparalleled power firing TB-type quarrels, and "Guardsman", a collection of rugged multipurpose knifes.



Sir Turtle of the Sea's heraldry:

Sable, a chicken trussed Argent.

Motto: "Fugite et non respicite" ("Flee and don't look back.")

[Neshomeh alerted me to this thread, and I had to post. Though I don't do much PPCing these days, I still lurk and follow PPC news, so I figure this little tale would be in the right spirit of things.

Regarding the heraldic device--I think I got it right, but I'm not sure. Basically a white/silver field with a black wolf and a black ram facing each other.]

Arms of the Tungsten Monk: Argent, a wolf sable and ram sable combatant.

Many years ago, the Tungsten Monk came to Konti-Nyuum as a wandering novice. Trained since a child in the Way of Uf, the school of thought which seeks for dark creatures hidden in the corners of the world, she found Konti-Nyuum much to her liking. Yet her skills were crude and unpolished, and she wandered from barony to barony seeking guidance and experience. The people of the Union of Plort were kind to her when she had little to offer, and she learned much from them.

After many adventures she settled in the Barony of Neshomeh. But when all was well and she thought to have many happy years defending Plort, her life was uprooted again.

As a devotee of the Way of Uf, the Tungsten Monk could not give up the seeking after monsters. Fighting the Marizu was a worthy cause, but she feared her divided loyalties would keep her from being a true warrior of Plort. So, seeking another way, she used what she had learned from her travels on Konti-Nyuum and founded a small settlement on one of the many uninhabited islands of Airi-junal, halfway between Konti-Nyuum and Autor. This island, Airi-junal Uf Buk, did not have many resources, but the settlement did well enough. The Tungsten Monk was pleased.

Yet now, her loyalties were divided more than before. No knight can serve two masters, and Airi-junal Uf Buk required her presence more than Plort did. In the end she exiled herself to the wilds of the Airi-junal Islands, leaving her great boar-spear Suicide and shield Diocletian to the care of Baroness Neshomeh.

Her settlements in Airi-junal have flourished, which makes the Tungsten Monk happy. Yet she cannot forget Plort and what its people did for her. Were she to truly move to Autor she would smile upon them, but that is not her place now and she is still only a knight. And so she lives in Airi-junal yet sometimes, with the connivance of the noble Baroness her patron, makes secret haste across the ocean to Konti-Nyuum and takes up her arms for one battle more.

I know I'm still a newcomer who's only been on the actual Board for a month, but this looks like too much fun not to jump in.

Skaer'morys, or Skaer for short, is a Beastmaster, a type of mage who summons and controls wild beasts. Once a commoner who spent his time in the wilderness rather than in towns or cities, he has travelled to many places throughout his life and, being still quite young, Skaer has plans to visit many more. However, his previous attempts to settle down were hampered by his egotism and lack of initiative, and he was thus humbled and shunned by several peoples he met in the past. He found himself in Konti-Nyuum only a month prior to the current time, and given the welcoming community, he has decided to stay.

Skaer has brought two of his creatures with him to Konti-Nyuum: Falchion, a strange bird from an Eastern land with feathers of silver and wings of crimson, and Rasheeda, a white lioness from a desert kingdom he once visited. Neither of them have been tested on the battlefield, especially because he has yet to gain Knight status, but he is more than willing to unleash the wrath of the sand and sky against the Marizu invasion.

For Skaer's heraldry colors, I'm thinking argent with a sable double-headed eagle displayed, armed with langued gules, holding a white sword with blade up in one talon and a blue feather quill with shaft down in the other.

As a healer and mage, Neshomeh favors her tome of ancient runes, the Supernumeraricon, and her staff, Ilraen, which is topped by a device in the shape of a blue sickle moon.

She did train as a knight, however, so she also bears a shield: Derik, Defender of Order; and a sword: Gall, Worrier of the Speshul.

[[I thought about Ilraen as a mount, but Phobos suggested a magic staff, and I liked the idea of a sickle-moon topper. So stereotypically magic-y. And of course, Nume would be a spellbook with too many syllables. {X D

~Neshomeh ]]

(Why did I pick that name? That is a stupid name. Sounds like the dullest Time Lord that ever was.)

Per fess, azure and vert, between two enclosing brackets, argent, a crown, Or, above a goat, proper.

To be clear, that's a blue-over-green background, with white [brackets] on either end. A (preferably) black-and-brown goat on the green field, and a gold crown over the blue. (Specifically, a crown shaped like this, if possible:



Also, I would like one of the oval, lady-shields to be contrary and difficult forward-thinking and stereotype-breaking.

And now, a short story (I just kind of throw these down at the drop of a hat, anymore, don't I?):

The Book Repairman walked stealthily and warily down the corridors of the castle, the smell of goats following ever after as he passed another scrawling of "CANT" upon the walls. He had spent many weeks in this castle, near a port in El-Jheycom, seeking the fragmented stories of Kippur, called the Bird.

Long ago, the Bird had been a knight of Plort, wielding many weapons against the Marizu: Verra, a mighty launcher of enchanted flame; Lorac, the magic wand; and a mysterious weapon marked "C." But best known of Kippur's weapons was a strange siege engine, the Alexander. The Alexander carried strange cloaking magics, which Kippur used to infiltrate many lands, both in Weab and in the Scholar's Empire. Mostly, these were missions of observation, and exploration, but the Bird had not been afraid to wage war on many of the more slovenly states, whether dominated by Marizu or not: most famously, the Inherited Cities.

Many of Kippur's campaigns against the Marizu had departed from this castle; indeed, the Repairman had entered through the storage region for the weapons from thos long-ago sieges. They had been largely abandoned, with the remains of the flame-launcher Verra long ago left destroyed, and beyond use. Still, records lived on in small pieces, and the search led the archaeologist into the still-thriving section of the Bird's castle. Here, where the Bird's heraldry of cat, Or, and budgie, vert, still lined the walls, bright and tended, the Book Repairman continued with much caution, for signs of fresh preparation lay everywhere. Kippur was readying his possessions for travel into the lands of the Scholar's Empire permanently, with a newer and more robust version of the Alexander, ready to form a nation of his own.

The Repairman had no desire to intrude, only pausing to find more mentions of the Bird's days as a knight. Even here, where the time of Plort seemed long forgotten, some small signs of Kippur's knighthood yet lingered. And these signs led to yet another wing of the castle, unknown previously, where small memoirs of the knight and his weapons yet lingered. Those these were not the tales of campaigns the Book Repairman had set out to find, he rejoiced! for the statue of the Bird in Wechi could soon be added to, and made larger, that all the denizens of Plort would know more of the tales of Kippur the Knight!

So, uh, yeah. This has been my "journey" through Kippur's LJs, still ongoing. I know this is a little weird, buuuuuut I was working on Kippur's stuff just before I started designing my herald, so it was quite on my mind. I intended this to be more about my character at the start, but it evolved more into being about Kippur. But that's fine, I think; he's not here to write it himself, after all.

Some references that may not be obvious:
*Kippur had three LJs, hence the three wings to his El-Jheycom castle. (His personal one, his writing one, and the IC-Alec one. Actually he had IC journals for a ton of other characters, too, but let's not go nuts, here.)
*The flamethrower (did I make that sound fantasy enough?) Verra is destroyed because Agent Verra is, actually, dead. It happened outside the PPC, in an RP with another community, but it seems to have applied to our Verra, too. So sad face there.
*The herald contains two of Kippur's pets, a cat and a budgie. (The bird was a present to his mother for Yom Kippur, hence "Kippurbird." What? No, I wasn't reading the personal entries! Intentionally. >> It was about animals! I couldn't help it!) He also had a fish he was quite fond of, but I felt the sentence was getting way too long.
*"CANT" stands for "Cure All Neuro-Typicals." Kippur used to sell merchandise with this saying to counter the well-meaning-but-ultimately-insulting CAN: Cure Autism Now. Sadly, the store he sold that stuff through seems to be down now. :(
*And, of course, as the wiki has said for years, Alec and Lorac (but no longer Verra) are set appear in their own series of novels, which Kippur will hopefully publish. Which I can't wait for, because I feel like I've already read half of it from the writing samples he wrote over the years. Incidentally, Kippur already has a non-fiction book available for pre-order (coming out mid-December), which I plug here, that we may send monies to our esteemed colleague: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Tropes-Fantasy-Fiction-Gabrielle-Lissauer/dp/0786478586/ref=sr11?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408682053&sr=1-1">http://www.amazon.com/Tropes-Fantasy-Fiction-Gabrielle-Lissauer/dp/0786478586/ref=sr1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408682053&sr=1-1

Also and finally, sharing a video I saw today about fandom shipping. Not safe for brain: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIXBuoFF4Ns

[[OOC: Why do I have so many agents...]]
When Karrin the Blue first began her excursions to the Marizu lands, she carried with her four weapons: Lana, a crossbow of great power which could strike from afar; Narav a furred cloak to ward against harm; Tera, a pair of gauntlets and boots, in appearance alike to an insectile carapace, each piece engraved with spells of battle-magic, fleet-footedness, and protection; and Ari , a shining blade which held in its heart the fires of its creation, which could be seen in the red glow of its fuller. With these in hand, Karrin set out to battle.

One day, while out routing a Marizu incursion lead by Alyxx Heart alongside the Fast Seneschal, Karrin found two artifacts on the battlefield that could be salvaged and purified of their Marizu origins. And so she took Alicia, the shadowed axe, and Lumina, the brilliant tome, and conquered their powers and remade them into Fiorano, the obsidian halberd, and Theia, the magical book.

When the battle had concluded, she set about creating a trio of artifacts, which would never see combat but aid in preparation. First, she traveled to the lands of the Bronee, and spent twelve days gathering herbs and weaving the magics of the land. On the dawn of the thirteenth day, she held the product of her labors, a rose-colored pouch containing as many healer's potions and herbs as she knew, and the pouch was named Kindheart. She then ventured to the ports of the armies, where she spent twenty-four days studying the ways of the scryers and diviners. On the dawn of the twenty-fifth day, she held the products of her labors; a pair of white spectacles, which could examine the inner workings of an artifact, which was named Caroline, and a spyglass that could see into any familiar land, no matter how far it might be, which was named Anne. With these tools in hand, she returned home.

One day, while looking through her spyglass, the Fire-Mage glimpsed a collection of Marizu encampments, and though each one was small their numbers suggested a quick spread. Karrin set off on a ship, and while she sailed she forged a new weapon - a curved blade, with a dark sea-green blade and the hilt fashioned after the clever tentacles of the octopi, with a shining green gem in the center. The blade, she judged, would serve well against the magi of the Marizu, for it had been made to channel magic as well as any wand, and she named it Cepha.

Though the blade was well-made, upon her landing Karrin found no use for it, for the encampments had been abandoned and all marks of the Marizu wiped away. In the dusty remains she found a forgotten weapon, a red Marizu's knife, made as a copy of a Konti-Nyuum relic. She took it with her, and in the fires of her hearth she remade it into the dagger-wand Amara.

For a time, she rested in the vale with her two companions. She discovered an old tome recounting the rarely-heard tale of the land Dhirotailehs, and from the knowledge within she wove a long rope, which split into three weighted ends, and spun magic into each strand to keep it strong, and it was named Riaa'lzhor.

Upon one fall day, a scant time before the festival of Nahn-Oh Wry-Moh, Karrin the Blue received a vision, foretelling the Marizu warleader Nova, who spread ruin in her wake across. She and Thanasius Ampelius left as soon as they were able, arriving on the Marizu lands as swiftly as they could. They followed the trail of destroyed land, aided by a wandering knight, until they caught up with her. In a great duel, Karrin the Blue battled Nova, until at last she struck the fiend's heart with such force that Ari shattered.

Karrin and Thanalius returned home, exhausted by their efforts. Nevertheless, in her forge, Karrin worked day and night to repair her first sword. Finally, she held aloft a new sword, thinner than the old, but with a ember-red blade as sharp as a flame. Her magic sapped, she rested, honing her skills with each weapon and each magical school she could find. And so she remained, until recently, when she began to walk through the cities of Borrd again...

Argent, a pretzel proper above a quill azure with shaft vert.

((I think that's right? I'm not entirely sure, to be honest.))

When Thanasius Ampelius first arrived at Borrd, he rented a room in an inn so nondescript no-one even remembered its name; its inhabitants and owner were insignificant in the large scheme of things. Well, save for one that arrived at its door one humid night. His appearance matched that of Thanasius exactly, save for one detail: he sported a horrid goatee while Thanasius was clean-shaven. Wearily, the monk approached him. The man seemed amiable, and they sat down and ate their dinner together. Thanasius learned that the man was named Death Dendle, that he hailed from the nation of Dunastuvaryorz, and, most curiously, his profession: Death Dendle was a Kagemusha, a shadow warrior trained to impersonate the master who had his contract.
Even though Thanasius was poor, deep in his bones he felt that he had to get the Kagemusha's contract. So played a game of cards, which Thanasius barely won, and Death Dendle declared his loyalty to him.
Time passed; he moved to Iric, was exiled to Ydyff, and returned, settling in Baron Huinesoron's lands. One day he chanced upon an axe lodged in a tree. It was beautifully made; white, long of handle and of blade and gleaming in the sunlight. Curious, he dislodged it and inspected it. Runes were written on the blade, and after a few hours of deciphering, he understood what they said: Anebrin, blade of evil's bane by evil shattered. He looked around. There was noone in sight; finding the axe's owner seemed like an impossible task. Rising to his feet, he swung Anebrin experimentally. The axe's blade seemed to cut the air itself, electricity crackled across the blade, and Thanasius felt a great feeling of “Right”, tampered by the slightest speck of fear. Taking one last look around, he made a loop in his belt and took Anebrin for himself.
Yet more time passed. He encountered the Fast Seneschal and Karrin the Blue and settled in their monastery; he and Karrin fought the great Marizu Nova and lived to tell the tale. Three months later, he received reports of a Marizu leader named Auniira that was raiding the Scholars' Empire land of Feir-oon. Taking his Ydyffan ship, he set sail to Feir-oon. There he battled Auniira and bested her, but not without a price; as he struck the killing blow, a shard of her malice lodged itself within Anebrin's blade, and the axe shattered shortly after Thanasius returned to the monastery.
Devoid of a weapon, for a while he laid low, seeking a replacement, until one day he found a peculiar tome in the monastery's library.
Sneezing from the dust – for that section of the library was not disturbed for many a year – Thanasius gingerly removed the tome from its resting place and put it on his reading desk. It was large, old and bound in brown leather; on its binding the words “The Librarian” were beautifully written in golden ink. He opened it, and wiping the tears from his eyes (he was sneezing again), began to read. After a while, it became clear that it was a tome of spells, and the monk decided to replace his axe with it.

Because I never did do this last time 'round. (Citizens do get heraldry, don't they?)

oval, per bend, sable and argent, between lotus argent and book sable, bend vert

Did I do that right?

-Aila

(Wherein I add some more to this tale of July's wanderings via a cultural lesson.)

One of the many places July wandered, once she built a vessel worthy of traveling to sea was the land of Dedubya- a place that had taken up much of El-Jhey's domain after a combined mass rebellion and emigration.

Dedubya was a strange place, where the culture shared much with Are-Pea, but had changed it to suit themselves. The collection of masks- called Aikawns- were of great import, with a large focus on collecting as many Aikawns as one could through either creating them or purchasing them from others. Aikawn thievery, however, in Dedubya, makes up much of its black market. In Dedubya, performances were contingent on the quality and variety of masks

Those willing to fund the rulers of Dedubya- called Dreemeers and led by the sorceress Danees- were allowed to collect more Aikawns, but only through a constant support of the Dreemeers were they allowed to keep them.

It was in Dedubya that she also discovered the small island of Plerk- a name that gave her surprise, given its similarity to the land she had left some time ago.

Plerk was colonized by Dedubbers, many of whom made a regular travel between Plerk and Dedubya.

And so, in her curiosity, she traveled to Plerk.

The island itself was small, but busy and bustling- she found that there, compared to Dedubya, Plerkians widened their circles to more discussion. The emphasis on presentation was still important, with each new thing catching eyes and appearances being prized, but here Aikawns were not a major cultural event.

One thing that Plerkians did emphasize, however, was spreading news- by repeating exactly what had been said by the original person while adding their own opinions or input. 'Re'plerking was important, and status determined often by how much someone responded to someone's news or replerked their original words.

As strange as it was, it was not En-Sain-Jawno, which was rumored to be even stranger, and cultlike at times, and the wanderer found it enjoyable enough to stay for some time and create a circle of friends from locals.

Ahem, here's my coat of arms.

Gules, a indented bend sinister or, a sword argent bendwise over a mace sable bendwise sinister.

Also, I don't have the time now for a story, but the Fast Seneschal in Karrin The Blue's history is supposed to be me.

Oh, and considering I was "knighted" by Neshomeh I choose the Commonwealth of Wechi as my abode.

...of Lady Iximaz, wanderer of Weab, protector of Plort, and champion of Jaikaiar.

For many years, Lady Iximaz was but a simple citizen of Fanvik-Neht, unconcerned with the rumors of the growing threat of the Marizu. She was content to pass her days listening to tales of exotic lands, and though she often wondered what it would be like to travel, she had no need to leave.

One day, however, it came to pass that a raid of Marizu forced her to flee Fanvik-Neht, leaving behind her home. Forced into the wild and unforgiving lands of Weab, Iximaz learned to fight for her survival. She traveled the continent, occasionally finding refuge among the people of Bronee or the Potters' Moore.

After many months, Iximaz found herself in the land of Tivit. Here, she first heard the tales of the land of Plort and the brave knights who fought the Marizu. Inspired by these stories, she traveled to the island, where she was welcomed like a long-lost friend. She made a new home in the shining city of Borrd and made an effort to learn their laws and customs.

As she became familiar with the city, she found herself going to the knights and asking to hear more tales of their triumphs, and her desire to join their ranks grew ever stronger. At last, she steeled her courage and went to the Barons of Plort and asked to train as another warrior.

Baron Huinesoron pondered her request. "Though it is still too early to be certain," he said, "from what I can tell, you show promise. I shall grant you permission to train as a knight." And this, he bestowed upon her the title of Lady.

From then on, Lady Iximaz rode forth, her banner* held high, spreading the teachings of Jaikaiar and driving away the menaces of the Marizu.

Quod scribio, libero.


*Vert, per chevron Or, below scroll Argent

I'll probably put up more things in future posts, I just wanted to jot some stuff down quickly.

The arms of Sir Ekyl are simple - sanguine, bull head cabossed sable, chief crown proper. Notable weapons include the longsword Zod's Fang, a trophy from his first battle against the Marizu, the war lance Einarr, and the war hammer Kyran; when he rides into battle or tournament, he does so astride the destrier Valec or the courser Marcus.

Cyclopedia entries from the tale of Sir Ekyl that have yet to make it in (I hope I'm still allowed to make up things like the road; I feel like I maybe got a bit carried away so feel free to chop this stuff up however much is needed):

Godreve - Town, Protectorate of Borrd. Located near the centre of Cassie's baronial lands, equidistant from Iric, Wechi and the rest of Borrd. This town, a portion of the surrounding countryside and the castle by the same name were awarded to Sir Ekyl when the new baron chose to grant him a fief, in recognition of their friendship. The town is decently sized, defended by a well-trained militia and Ekyl's retinue of men-at-arms, and the castle it grew around is an imposing hilltop structure known for stout defences and a vast library said to contain tomes on all subjects. Sir Ekyl prefers to do most of his governing within his keep and spends much time reading or writing in the library when he isn't away travelling, but he can still be found in town for festivities or occasions such as oversight of civic projects, like the road which now connects Godreve with the port town of Tumblar, or defending his fief from outlaws, rebels or the occasional troll raiders. As these lands are often restless, Ekyl's men can at times be found patrolling the barony outside of his actual territory.

Nihilo, King - Noble, King of Wugwha. Formerly a knight of Gaf, when a queen rose from the ashes of its fall to unite much of the Diaspora under her rule he swore his sword and served loyally for some time. However, when this queen was revealed to be the troll Lolita, an ally of the Marizu, he declared rebellion, rallying many former lords of old Gaf to his banner. With this army, as well as aid from paladins of Somath-Aful and the powerful mage known as the Weaver of Inks, he was able to win the civil war, felling Lolita in single combat at the Battle of Hobaf and forming a new kingdom. He has ruled well in the years since, but of late it is said he has withdrawn into himself, leaving more and more of the tasks of governance to his trusted advisers. Sir Ekyl rode in the van of his battles for the throne, and fought alongside him for years afterwards, but serves him no longer.

Edward "the Swift", King - Noble, King of Tivit. Once a capable ruler, with age he has fallen into tyranny and sloth, ruling entirely based upon arbitrary whims. When delegates from Plort came informing him of misinformation his realm was spreading about their lands and asking him to make a change, he branded them liars and invaders, sending soldiers to prevent any modifications from being made. He fears and hates Somath-Aful, seeing their influence behind every shadow since Tivit's fleets were defeated by the empire in five great battles; any criticism of his reign is treated as an attempt to betray the kingdom to Somath-Aful, resulting in banishment or execution.

Eyepi - An ancient school of magic whose spells, rightly applied, can defeat most wards of banishment.

Per bend sinister sable and azure, between bendwise daggers argent points inward, on a bend sinister argent a bendwise sinister line of four dice gules each depicting six pips argent.

I hope that will suffice.

-Baron Phobos

The heraldry of Storme of Hauk can be described as.

"Per saltire, sable, gules, sable and vert. An arrow argent above an arrow or."

See now, Konti-Nyuum,
What wonders the dawn brings,
All the light touches
Is yours now to own,
For our fallen heroes,
Whom our hearts avenge still,
Took this sacred country
And made it their own

Rise, commoners and nobles!
Rise up against the speshul!
For only through union
Shall our hearts fly free!

Welcome, one and all, to the Baronial Council of the Union of Plort! Here the Barons of Borrd, Iric, Wechi, and Ozerbord will meet to discuss and (theoretically) decide on matters of concern to the Union. The Barons are invited to present their position statements on the following matters:

-The continued absence of Baron Makari, and the disposition of her barony.
-The frequent absences of Baron Araeph, and the disposition of her barony.
-The state of relations between the Republic of Iric and the rest of the Union.
-The disposition of the so-called ‘tax havens’ in the Borrd regions of Barony Huinesoron.
-Any other matters which they feel ought to be drawn to the Council’s attention.

Debate of any and all position statements is encouraged; all Citizens and Knights of the Union are invited to visit the Council and contribute their questions and thoughts, though the ultimate decisions lie with the Barons.

May the blessings of Kanun and Spelin be with the Council, and the blessings of all the deities of Weab which remain free of the Marizu scourge.

Since we have a national anthem for the Union of Plort (“See Now, Konti-Nyuum"), it seemed appropriate to write one for Ozerbord as well. It’s quite an unusual anthem, in that it’s actually two songs… sort of.

The population of Ozerbord varies dramatically. For most of the year, it is very low, but during the Games of Batveg, and other games and festivities across the year, it swells to ten or a hundred times its normal size.

During the low-population times of the year, Ozerbord’s anthem Oh Ozerbord - originally penned, no doubt, by Baron BeautyID - goes like this:

Oh lonely land
Oh quiet streets
Oh mighty Wattufs
Oh Ozerbord, we sing to thee

It is slow, with the final syllable of every line except the last being drawn out extensively. This is because those final syllables take the place of the second halves of the lines, which are sung only during festivals. They are sung much faster - think of the split in the opening lines of Jerusalem. The above is similar to ‘And did those feet…. in ancient times...’; the second halves are more in the style of ‘... walk upon England’s mountains green?’.

Oh lonely land - ring with a thousand voices clear!
Oh quiet streets - be filled with faces new and friends so dear!
Oh mighty Wattufs - we scale your heights and gaze on distant sea!
Oh Ozerbord - with a thousand tongues we sing to thee!

hS

I'll work on getting them updated on the Archives page. Thank you very much!

I assume by 'Board order' you mean the most recent posts in a thread are at the top, as opposed to their previous bottom- position? Does that also include the threads being sorted by reverse time-stamp, so the newer threads are at the top?

Either way, I agree that's a big improvement... though it's going to wreak merry havoc on our comment-based interlinking. I might have to preserve the old versions for the links that are already in them, and have new ones go into the current version...

hS

(PS: Haha, yep, there it is:

Date --- Unique IPs --- Pageviews --- Pages per IP
2014-08-17 --- 394 --- 7043 --- 17.9
2014-08-18 --- 340 --- 6576 --- 19.3
2014-08-19 --- 520 --- 12314 --- 23.7
2014-08-20 --- 384 --- 43078 --- 112.2

I wonder who the extra 150 IPs which visited on the 19th were, though... how very odd. ~hS)

Obviously you'd need to ask permission (lowercase) from the specific Boarders you wanted to use - or ask for volunteers - and probably, since it's RPF, let them read it before you publish. But in principle, I don't know why it wouldn't be.

Alternately, you could borrow the Hypothetical Boarders; they have about enough personality to be used as characters now, and one of them even has a real name(!). Again, though, I'd prefer if you asked if you're going to do that (partly because I have information which isn't up on that page yet).

hS

It's good to be financially stable. ^_^

It's also good to see you around again. I hope you pop back in again now and then. Please let us know when the book is officially released, at least. {= )

~Neshomeh

This pushes all my buttons- humor, genre savvy, magic, and overly detailed analysis!

Ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh! Hi! I've been a huge fan of your Eragon sporkings for a while now, but wow! You've come back! (Albeit maybe briefly).

My birthday already happened, but I'll put this on my Christmas wishlist! Congratulations on gettin published!

*is dragged off, still SQUEEING happily*

Do Amazon.co.uk pre-orders (right here for anyone this side of the Pond) count...?

Also: how big is this book? Or is that another question it'd take a book to answer?

And: hi! Always nice to see someone wander back in.

hS

It was indeed a lovely birthday - I spent the morning chatting to friends, the afternoon in some of my favourite shops with Lycaenion (who I am still keeping for now :P ), and finished up with a delicious dinner and then Mythbusters. :D

Because what would the world be if I wasn't late...?

Hope it was a good one! And here's to many more. (If wishing that someone hang around on an internet fantasy wish-fulfilment forum for lots more years isn't a bad thing...?)

hS

Your sixth birthday with the Board, eh? Wow, time really has flown!

I'm highly willing to bet that I've already given my customary Delibird, so here, have a Vivillon of your choice!

*showers Cassie in packing peanuts and blue streamers*

Have a Generic Gift!

-Aila

Have a bundt cake!

Have some cake and cookies!

HAPPY HAPPY BURTHDAY TO YOU
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE
DON'T LET ANYONE MAKE YOU BLUE
AND HOPE YOUR CAKE DOESN'T EXPLODE IN GOO!

*throws cakefetti at the old lady* :P

Many happy returns and stuff!
-Sets up a table with tea, tea-flavoured ice-cream and a cake-
Don't eat the cake, it's a lie. Drink tea. Tea is good.

You must be pretty busy out there in the real world, so you can have a $20 Starbucks gift card. Because coffee.

*hands a bag of clotted cream fudge*

It took me all the way through the chapter to realize that, and I'm pretty sure I've read this monstrosity before. Guess I must have repressed the memory. Your MST-style version's a lot easier to get through; can't wait for the rest!

Try not to lose any brain cells - I'm surprised that it hasn't been done already.
Anyway, I saw chapter one, and it looks good! You might inspire me to actually read the real one.
Also, have you seen TehPogo's reading of my immortal? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdv6Q68EutU) It's a read aloud - good for when you just can't read any further. Not to mention it's funny.
Good luck, and kudos for going up against this monster of a fic!

What there is of it...

Seriously though, good luck. That thing is so long.* You'll be going at it for a while. It's funny though, so I look forward to the rest.

*Fun fact: Whoever was writing the chapter pages on the My Immortal wiki gave up after chapter 32.

Props to you for taking on such a legendary failure, by the way. Is there any way I can be remotely useful in your quest?

I got to watch it at 6:00 though my time... It was freaking awesome! I actually thought of that episode while watching Deep Breath -- I made no connection though... :(

The scene at the end when 11 called Clara from the past made me cry so hard... It was amazing.

Also, I loved it when Clara was being chewed out about not liking the Doctor anymore because he looked old. It felt like a dig at the fanbrats who only watched the show because of the HAWTT Doctors. :3

The scene at the end when 11 called Clara from the past made me cry so hard... It was amazing.

Also, I loved it when Clara was string chewed out about not liking the Doctor anymore because he looked old. It felt like a dig at the fanbrats who only watched the show because of the HAWTT Doctors. :3

The way I see it, this is less "30 days" and more "enough time to see what sort of person you are/you can interact meaningfully with the community/etc".

1. Yes, we want to see one of each. Just one in the suggested length range wouldn't be much to go on.
   
   As for posting for public review, I'd advise against it. People often chime in on Permission threads, so you'll get feedback then. Posting a story twice could be a little attention-grabby.
   
   2. You can have one in mind, but no, you can't actually claim one until you have Permission.
   
   3. I can only speak for myself here, but I feel like I've seen you around enough to have an idea of who you are, so I wouldn't turn you down for asking too soon. However, you should do whatever makes you feel more comfortable and confident. The stronger you feel about your request when you ask, the better. {= )
   
   ~Neshomeh

But here is the wiki's official word on 2:

"To claim a response center, you need Permission first. Once you have it, you may add your RC to this list provided it isn't already in use by someone else."

Also, generic response of frustration that the Cafeteria doesn't get recorded in Infrastructure. But eh.

Oh, and the genre descriptions? Hilarious :D

And done (several days later, shhh). Love the added notes and explanations!

~DF

I did it, whoo! And now I'll dive back into Elisabeth das Musical. (No I haven't found Suefics in there yet, but I imagine a lot of Sues would want to hook up with der Tod. Why would they want to do that, I'll never know.)

Just got back from holiday (it was awesome, the week away from internet not so much). saw this and completed it.

It seems I have a knack for returning just in time for something good. Like, say, a survey. :)

Obviously the pie charts (helpfully linked by Miah below) show a lot of the data - and, frankly, it's not very useful data, though interesting. But the essay questions are less easy to read.

Enter me! I've taken the 'what can be improved' questions and turned them into handy tallies.

How do you think the PPC can improve as a community?

No suggestions --- 13
Community activities and interaction --- 7
Goodfic threads --- 3
React quicker to problems --- 3
Be more lenient --- 2
Improve writing skills --- 2
More people --- 1
Mods --- 1
New Board --- 1
More swearing --- 1
More obscure fandoms --- 1

It's quite gratifying to see that half of the responders either think the community is fine, or can't actually think of anything to say... good! The comment about community interaction is already being responded to, but bears emphasising. As for that strange dichotomy between people who think we're too hard on offenders, and people who think we're not harsh enough... and that strange response which says 'We didn't react quickly enough! And also we reacted too quickly!'... well, I'm just presenting the data.

How do you think the PPC as a universe can improve?

Interaction between spinoffs --- 10
No suggestions --- 6
More world-building --- 3
More stories --- 3
Take it less seriously/have more fun --- 3
More/more obscure fandoms --- 2
Less gadgets --- 1
More Sues-as-villains --- 1
Fanart --- 1
More prep time for new writers --- 1
Take it more seriously --- 1

Psst - guys - I think people want to see more intertextuality. And more stories. It's just a guess, though.

Obviously these summaries lose a lot of the details - but that's why the original results are still there!

hS

I always did have a penchant for knives... :P

* Accuracy not guaranteed

[Now I feel a bit guilty about how my mission has been gathering dust for years now.]

... I'm not actually sure about my average page count. I know there are a couple over 40 pages, but my earlier ones are all much less, so yeah.

I didn't include my Fill the Plothole stories this time. I think I might've in the past, so that might screw things up. I dunno. Sorry. ^_^;

I also make no promise that my answers for "Favorite X" will be at all consistent over time.

~Neshomeh

I had to guesstimate on some of the answers- is that okay?

Some of the questions were a bit of a tough choice but it was fun overall!

Signed, answered, and done. w00t.

... for some reason it makes me immensely pleased that two others also have Nikola Tesla from Sanctuary on their lists of lust objects.

Can I get a link to the charts and whatnot? I don't know how to get back to them since I closed the window.

-Phobos

It looks like lots of people want to see more interactions/cameos/crossovers between spinoffs. In fact, I remember that you've suggested something similar in the past...?
-Dives into the Wiki-
Here we go.

PS: I wonder who's the brave soul that mentioned reading erotic stories.

some of the choices don’t really fit. Like:

Do you write original stories? Actually I did, forty-five years ago. Currently it’s "No", but I may start to do it again.

Do you write fanfiction? I assume that my writing exercises for PoorCynics workshops don’t count as PPC fanfiction, so it’s "No" again.

When did you discover fandom? So far back in the twentieth century that I don’t remember the year, but I wasn’t really involved and forgot about it for decades. The given answer "2007" is when I rediscovered fandom and actually began to participate in something.

How many books do you read on average? The most honest answer would be: I rarely read books nowadays, because I’m too busy reading online, mostly PPC stuff. "One book a month" is a minimum I would like to achieve.

Do you read fanfiction? "Yes", but only when it is recommended to me by people I trust, or when it is necessary for beta reading duty.

How often do you read fanfiction? I don’t know. It depends (see answer to previous question). "Nearly never" doesn’t count PPC missions/interludes and beta reading.

When did you start reading fanfiction? I may have read fanfiction before I even knew what fanfiction is, long before 2000. The given answer "2008" is when I, after rediscovering fandom, began to think of reading fanfiction as "reading fanfiction".

Concerning the results, I cannot see the graphics for "What genres do you write" and "What genres do you read":
Error 400
Your client has issued a malformed or illegal request.
The parameter 'chs=345x960' specifies a chart with 331200 pixels, which exceeds the maximum size of 300000 pixels.


HG

For the 'countries' bit, you don't have Australia listed. I find that slightly offensive, thank you. Australia is perfectly normal, apart from our poisonous animals. Ahem.

~Kitty

When Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas used to storm the playground and hunt orcs across the soccer field, when Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker dueled late into the night to the sound of "Duel of the Fates." Yeah, my mom and brother don't role-play with me anymore. 😔

One of my Real Life friends who's read Homestuck is up for a little joking role-play sometimes though. We went to a study group together that had annual performances and the last one, I went wearing black and purple, carrying a pair of knitting needles, and of course it helped that I naturally look quite a lot like Rose Lalonde anyway. Of course, he hadn't been expecting it, so he just doubled over laughing for about five minutes. Everyone else was just sort of staring at us in confusion, and finally someone asked me why I was holding knitting needles. He said, "They aren't just knitting needles. They're the Thorns of Oglogoth." And then I started laughing too and everyone was confused.

My brother and I also used to spar in our front yard (our back yard was too small). It's the most effective thing to keep the trespassers out, having two people standing there heaving big pieces of sharp-looking metal at each other. Sometimes I still use the front to practice archery. I'm very lucky to live in a place where stuff like that's legal. 😄

It reminds me of a game that my brother and mom and I used to play where my brother and I got to be ourselves and mom had to be every canon character. Ever. I remember one instance where mom was playing The Golden Trio, Lupin, Pettigrew, Sirius, AND Snape all at the same time.

Looking back, I was always quite the Sue... *hides*

I wouldn't have minded hanging out with you guys! :P

My little brother and I did something like that up until a few years ago, but we weren't trying to confuse anyone. I suppose it helped that most of our games took place in original canons.

And I love the way your brains work. :)

I have no such stories of my own. Well, maybe one, but it didn't work out . . .

My mom was picking up a friend and me from school one day. We approached her car and leaned into the window.

Me: "One of us tells only lies!"

Friend: "And one of us tells only truths!"

Mom: "Are you my son?"

Both of us: . . .

Friend: "I told you she was too smart." (Which he had.)

This sentence only exists to make sure I don't screw up the whole Board with html!

I like the idea of minis being created as something for the Word World to refer to when the canon name is not correct- in my headcanon, this means that minis will actually perform the action or description that the misspelling is involved in (if such action exceeds the mini's regular capabilities, i.e. a character kisses Rtas Vadummy or Tail'zora pilots a shuttle, it will either demonstrate new powers or do the best it can, then revert to normal immediately afterward).

In terms of where they exist before they're "invoked", probably the same non-place as characters who have yet to be introduced. I usually refer to creating something new in a story as "pulling from the possibility foam".

As for what they eat, they can likely survive on anything that would feed their original creature (or nothing if said creature does not need to eat), but all can also consume a variety of literary materials including punctuation, physical media containing their canon (or other written materials?), and glitter- this last is likely most interesting, as they are uniquely immune to its corrupting properties and will actively eat Sues if given the opportunity.

Okay, so in a Badfic, when a name comes up it refers to something. When the name is misspelled, it doesn't refer to the same thing, so the badfic generates something to recieve the action- a Mini.

Also, Poké-minis are Missingno..

First: Pokemon minis are mini-Missingno, which is a glitch Pokemon from the Generation I games. The page should specify whether a continuum has more than one mini type and what those types are.

Second: I would assume they're a form of energy, too, but you can't safely convert mass into energy (or vice versa) unless you're in Star Trek. Then again, Word Worlds are definitely weird enough to ignore the laws of thermodynamics and physics (temporarily). (The other dimension idea sounds cool)

Third: Technically, as inorganic beings, they don't need to eat. I think they respond to human food, though; I specifically remember that Thomas Greenwall adopted Witmol the mini-Telescreen by using a chocolate bar as a bribe. *shrug*

Pokemon has mini-Missingno.s and mini-Deoxyi (I think that's how you spell that?). Yu-Gi-Oh! minis, for example, take shape of the ace monster of the misspelled character - for example, Yugy Mutou is a mini-Dark Magician, Jooy Wheeler is a mini-Red-Eyes B. Dragon, Yuma Tsukamo is a mini-No. 39: Utopia, etc.
The big rule is: whoever writes the OFU for the particular verse gets to decide about the mini. If there's no OFU around, whoever finds the first mini gets to decide what it's like - for example, I was the first person to find Teletubbies minis, so I decided they're mini-Noo-Noos.
As to where they come from... they come from the same place punctuation showers come from. What they live on depends on the breed. I'm pretty sure mini-Reapers eat temporal paradoxes, and it's known that mini-Balrogs like bacon and eggs. Mm, bacon...

is that minis eat words that are misspelled. That's just my headcannon, though.

Gaah, router problems. Had enough of those to hate 'em. Two things I can think about are:
a) The router overheats. If it's hot to the touch and/or in a cramped space, it might be the cause of your problem - more probable if the router is a few years old.
b) As you've said, the router's settings are Glauronged. I'd do two things to check that: first, ping both the router, a random website, and that website's IP via cmd. If the router pings but the others don't, the problem is probably in the router. If nothing pings the problem is in the router - it probably means it's either screwed up setting-wise or it's a physical problem. If the IP and the router ping but the site itself doesn't you probably have a DNS problem; resetting your computer's network adapter sometimes helps, but otherwise the problem is on the ISP's side and you should talk to them.
Second, you can check the router's settings directly. To do that, you need to use ipconfig to find your default gateway (which is your router's IP, basically). Once you have that, input that into any browser and you'll probably get a settings page; you also usually get a connection indicator of sorts.

Without more info about your router - namely, its model and some config info - I can't really help, and that's not exactly info you want to post on the Net.

Other than that, I got nothin'.

However, what I've looked up seems to go back and forth - some seem to think it's impossible without a voltmeter, others that you just need a ammeter and ohm resistor. Most of what I'm finding is just about battery testing, but I'll let you know what I track down.

:-)

But sorry. I got nothin'.

~Kitty

Pony Sues are necromancers now? Yes, definitely charge them for that. Canon itself helped you guys kill that damn thing, and it should stay that way!

In the Cyclopaedia (yes, the same one from the Protectorate of Plort, Konti-Nyuum), it has this entry under "Kings, Lords, and Knaves":

Pinkamena - Marizu leader. Sworn enemy of the knight Jumper.

This implies that Pinkamena!Pinkie Pie is not only alive, but leading other Sues, in the Protectorate of Plort-verse.
This leads me to the idea that Pinkamena cannot attack canon on her own anymore, as her own impact on canon is nil- so instead, she leads other Sues into attacking MLP, instructing them to bring her along for the ride.

Another idea is that she wants the "quick death" prescribed to her in the sporking but keeps being brought back into badfics by other Sues, and after said sporking has a healthy fear of them.

However, personally, I prefer the zombie idea (for when Cupcakes is actually referred to or even reenacted in a fanfic that had no need for Cupcakes to even be brought up in order to function) or the imitator idea (for when Cupcakes is not referred to as happening in the badfic, we just have a replacement!Pinkie Pie that happens to kill ponies and may or may not be referred to as Pinkamena)

Which is to say, if Cupcakes dies (which it already has), all the fan stuff around Cupcakes, including any reincarnations of Pinkamena, die as well.

Could I be paired with a Big Sib from House Grave Energy Initiative please?

Have this ME amour and flutter shy toy

It seems that we only have Mass Effect in common. So...here's a replica of the Normandy from ME3!

Welcome aBoard!

Another Potterhead and Brony? I think you'll fit in just fine here. ;)

For your present, I give thee a barking owl. She has an urple bow tied around her neck, but if it starts to make your eyes water, feel free to remove it.

Welcome aBoard!

Good to know you've done your research. I like Sailor Moon too! Have you been watching Sailor Moon Crystal? It looks SO COOL! (I should probably get back around to watching the original anime; lots of fond memories there)

Do you play Super Smash Bros? You referred to yourself as a new challenger, so that made me think of that game. (I'm kind of bad at it, so I mostly watch and cheer.)

Anyway, your newbie gifts are popcorn, a Kero-chan plushie, and a classy black suit. Enjoy, welcome a'Board, and may you keep your sanity as long as possible!

Those books used to be my favorite when I was a wee lad, and I'm glad to see another who thinks the same way. Welcome, and enjoy my complementary gifts of a Golden Snitch with a Pokéball engraving and a crimsun Fwooper!

Nice to meet you, and I'm glad you liked things I wrote!

Here, have some Schrodinger's Cookies - do and do not contain chocolate simultaneously until they are being eaten.

Ooh, another Nanoha fan! There aren't lots of us here - in fact, if memory serves you're the fourth. In fact, this occasion is so special I'll deviate from my usual habit of giving predatory tea as a newbie gift and give you a Friedrich plushy instead.
-Snatches All Done With This Niceness and Negotiation Stuff the mini-GOU away-
Its name is All Through With This Niceness and Negotiation Stuff.

Oops, I gave the shtick away.

Mass Effect seems to be the only major fandom I have in common with a lot of the people here, so you're especially welcome. Have a Carafe of Continuous Caffeine. It doesn't break any major laws of physics... much...

And please tell me there isn't badfic of Anne of Green Gables.... *shudder*

Can't have too many of those. :)

Welcome on Board! Have a space hamster and some popcorn as a welcoming gift.

Hello and welcome!

I give to you now a lined Infinite Notebook, complete with urple covers and wilver binding. Don't look at it straight on!

-Aila

As your newbie gift, I bequeath to thee a blello rocket launcher with unlimited ammo. It also plays dubstep when you fire it.

Welcome aboard! As my Newbie Gift to you, here's a completely normal cardboard box! There's nothing special about it, so ignore anything it tries to tell you.

It looks like you tried to hyperlink "this" but it. . .didn't work, I guess? Whoops.

((Thought about joining the fun again. Also thought about testing an idea I had long ago.))

Captain Navare – he kept his rank as a reminder of his origin, even if nothing but a title – stepped through a portal into his RC. His partner, the Culture-verse Drone Amlis (whose Full Name was a bit too long for Navare to remember despite having been partnered with it for three months or so), floated in after him and used his Effector to close the portal.

“Another mission accomplished,” the Drone said in its deep voice, its Aura Fields red with pleasure.
“Quite,” Navare replied, letting go of his rifle-shaped Device; the AI transformed into its standby mode and settled as a small pistol into Navare's side-holster.

The Game Theory-verse Mage sighed, feeling very tired all of a sudden. “Amlis,” he said, “let's do something else this time. I don't think I can stand a post-mission simulation right now.”

The Drone bobbed in the air – its version of a shrug. “If so you wish,” it said, gunmetal – which signified puzzlement – seeping into its Aura Field slowly. “Why, though?”

“I feel tired, all of a sudden,” Navare replied. “My scars ache, too.” It was true; he felt a throbbing pain in his right hand, which, while he was still a bit character in a badfic, was shot off. His expression became morose as the memories of the story resurfaced. None of them were pleasant, and he was thankful that most of the time he didn't have to remember them.

Amlis monitored Navare's vitals and decided a change of pace was in order. “Alright,” it said, its Aura Fields turning yellow (approachability), “tell you what: let's take a table at Rudi's. The company will do you good.”

Navare shrugged, but followed the Drone as it remotely opened the RC's door and floated to the generically grey corridors outside.

---

The duo arrived at Rudi's just as a certain axe-wielding agent left the pub. Amlis led his partner to a table that was already set for one person, watched as the human sat down and put his head in his arms, then settled down itself on the table; its ellipsoidal body took no more than half of its surface area. It made a show of rotating its casing hither and to, as though looking for someone or something...

((So, here are the two most likely Agents I’ll be submitting someday in the distant future. It’s possible that if/when I get to Permissions this will become an Interlude, I’m not totally sure. Eric’s an old RP character whose game died, and Helen is actually the surviving Sue from this mission: http://uncommon-comma.livejournal.com/992.html))

Eric caught his partner’s arm, hauling her back around as she tried to go back down the hall. She resisted, but despite being shorter, the teenage boy was able to keep her from retreating. The scarred blonde glared at him.
"I changed my mind!"
"Helen, they’re not going to tackle you to the floor or sic Minis on you or anything. Some of them are Ex-Sues too, remember? Maybe you’ll see some of the people in your old support group."
"That’s not it—let go of me, you’re acting like a child." Helen twisted her arm around, trying to force her partner to let go, but he clung to her like a limpet.
"Helen, all you’ve done is hide in the RC unless we’re on missions. If you want to be part of the PPC, you kind of need to be part of the PPC, you know?"
Helen sighed and stopped fighting. "Fine. You’re right. Let’s get this over with."
Eric gave her a 'gentle' punch to the arm. “Come on, worst case scenario you get a free meal.”
"Free?" Helen quirked an eyebrow at him.
"I said it was my treat, didn’t I?"
"I believe you called it a bribe." Helen walked past him and pushed the door open, entering Rudi’s.
"Same difference."

((The following is probable-canon for Agents Chris and Ami, meaning that once I get Permission and slay my first Sue, I may turn this post and its follow-up (if any) into an actual interlude. Also, you all have my permission to involve Chris and/or Ami in your post. =D Also, late post is late and I apologize))

In a booth near the entrance to Rudi's Pub, Agent Chris of the Department of Floaters ran a hand through his black hair absently. I should thank Rina for telling me about this place, he thought. I feel a little relaxed already. "Do they have anything you can eat, Ami?" he asked the dark green unicorn next to him. "I know there's a lot of human-style food in your show, but..."

Ami shrugged. "The menu says it's 'generally canon-compatible'. I think we'll be OK. Oh, look! They have fresh daisy sandwiches and hayburgers!"

"Hayburgers? Seriously?"

"Do I mock your canon's puns?" she retorted.

Chris had no answer to that, and so opened his menu again. The variety of food was astounding; normal, (extra) spicy, "gluten-free", vegan, vegetarian, low-sodium, even "Fan-created and/or Glittery." (He didn't want to think about that one too hard.) A familiar name in the "extra spicy" column caught his eye: "New from the Johto region--Cinnabar Volcano Burger. Sesame seed bun, grilled Tauros meat (yes, really), lettuce, tomato, onions, and a secret spice blend. Cheese and extra ketchup/mustard available by request."

The boy-at-heart smiled fondly. One of his few clear Johto memories was of his mother making that burger for him whenever he'd had a bad day or just because she could. True, the spice-infused meat burned like wasabi going down, but she used to say that if he could handle that, he could handle anything people threw at him.

Their waitress, a woman named "Lysa" with shiny brown hair and green eyes, approached with a drink tray. "OK, here's your lemonade..." She handed Chris a glass full of the sweet, bubbly drink. "...and your black tea with sugar." Ami's horn lit up, and the cup, saucer, and milk pitcher levitated off the tray, to land on the table with three soft "clink"s. "Are you two ready to order?"

"I'll have two daisy sandwiches, please," Ami smiled.

"Yeah, could I get a Cinnabar Volcano Burger without the onions?" asked Chris.

Lysa looked momentarily confused, but wrote it down. "That one sounds pretty spicy. Do you want a glass of water with that?"

"Since you ask, yes, please." When she left, he slumped over the table slightly, resting his head on his left hand. "I cannot believe we got a freaking godplayer Sue for our first mission," he grumbled. "Seriously, who the hell did she think she was? You don't just usurp a legendary Pokémon's role and identity like that! And if you do, you don't get basic information wrong while you're at it!"

Ami rolled her eyes. "I know, Chris. You only complained about that like fifteen times during the mission."

"Because she didn't follow the mother-clucking rules! Even in a canon as weird as mine, no trainer in his or her right mind would ever claim to have even a common Pokémon's powers!" He took a big gulp of lemonade before continuing. "The sad thing is that it wouldn't have been a half-bad AU if the little cow had at least bothered to stick to her own rules. But no, she and her friends just had to be a bunch of sooper speshul snoflaiks."

"They weren't all like that," Ami pointed out. "If they had been, we wouldn't have left the parents and her totally-not-boyfriend to live out normal human lives."

Chris took another drink of lemonade. "OK, I'll give you that one," he conceded. "Still, you can't deny that having two newbie agents kill a godplaying Sue is unfair even by this place's standards. Even though we did it, it wasn't fair."

A Death Eater, a devil, an anthropomorphic fox and a Radioactive Moss Creature walked into a bar. It sounded like the beginning of a joke, the RMC thought, but if so, the punchline eluded it.
Saxo stopped right inside the door and looked around. His face showed clear disapproval of everything, the clientèle, the decor, the music. Currently the song playing was 'Come and get your love'; an indication the Rudi's had also also fallen under the sway of the Awesome Mix soundtrack from Guardians of the Galaxy. Still, he didn't make any comment and after a moment of glancing around he followed the rest of them up to the bar.

"Evening," said Rudi, who was polishing a glass with a tea towel in the time-honoured ritual of bartenders everywhere. "New recruits? Haven't seen you around before."
"Oh, no, we've been here ..." Mittens began, then trailed off and frowned. "I have no idea really."
Rudi shrugged. "Time can be odd here in HQ. But what can I get you gents," he eyed the RMC with interest, "and plant-based life form?"
"A beer," said Mittens. "Nothing particular," he added hastily. "Just whatever you think is good."
"Water," the RMC said.
"Do you have firewhiskey?" asked Saxo.
"Sure do," answered Rudi and looked at the last person, the fox, who was too busy looking at everything around him to notice anything.
Mittens gave him a gentle push. "James, what do you want to drink?"
"Oh! A glass of your finest wine, if I may."
Rudi nodded and started lining up glasses on the bar.
"Can we sit here?" asked Saxo, with a suspiciously innocent look on his face.
Mittens eyed him for a moment, then he looked at the bar stools and then at James, who was actually short enough to stand under them and - even though he was a good climber - would still have a hard time getting onto one of them. "No," Mittens replied in a voice that brooked no argument.
Saxo looked annoyed for a moment, but then his eye was caught by the label on the whiskey bottle and he actually started to smile, before he remembered himself and took on a look of cool indifference.

A few moments later, everyone were making their way over to an empty table, carrying their chosen beverages, except for the RMC, whose glass was being carried by Mittens.
They all sat down. Saxo sniffed his glass of firewhiskey, which brought tears to his eyes of either appreciating or nostalgia. Or maybe it was just the whiskey fumes. Mittens lifter his beer glass and was about to take a sip, when James grabbed his wrist.
"Wait," said the fox. "We should make a toast."
Saxo cocked an eyebrow and smiled sardonically, but didn't actually start drinking.
"A good idea," said the RMC. "But for who or what?"
James didn't need to think about the answer. "For absent friends."
"Absent friends," repeated both Mittens and the RMC and they all sipped their glasses.
"Those absent friends," said Saxo, "you do realize that they are not actually your friends, but the friends of the real ..."
"Stop it," interrupted the RMC. "I don't want you to start a fight and have me embarrassed by having one or both of you thrown out."
"Have no fear, Sir," said James and sipped his wine. "While I am not a coward and would gladly fight anyone, anywhere, anytime ..." He checked himself and continued. "I shall not rise to his taunts. I know that he is no better than me; his situation no more enviable. We are both constructs with no place in what we thought was our home. We are much the same."
When James stopped talking and went back to calmly sipping his wine, both Mittens and the RMC looked at Saxo. He looked absolutely livid and was gripping his glass so hard that his knuckles were white and it looked like it might break. But it didn't and, apparently, neither did he. Finally his lifted the glass. "To absent friends," he muttered and downed the whiskey in one gulp.

His book was open, but Vania had hardly seen him turn any pages during the walk here. For Doc, that was a bad sign. She steered him into a seat at a table near the door.

"Doc. Listen."

He lowered the book a bit, but stared at the table's surface rather than look at Vania. His mouth had a weird shape to it, like he was trying to smile, but didn't have the energy to make it go up all the way.

"Doc, let's put the book down for a while. No fandom stuff tonight. Let's just have dinner and talk a bit, okay?"

"It's not . . . it's nonfiction," he protested, stammering. He still didn't look up, even as Vania gently took the book from his grip and closed it. (She made sure to pluck the bookmark out of his glasses and place it inside, first. The idea was to traumatize him less.)

"I don't care," Vania said firmly. "Tonight is not a reading or writing night. Tonight is a talking night!" She put the book under her armpit. "I'm going to go get us some food, Doc. You just wait here and--and don't think. About fics. Just try to talk to someone."

She started to turn away, but turned back when Doc mumbled something. "What's that, Doc?"

"Just . . . no chumpits."

Vania shuddered. "No, Doc. No chumpits. I promise." She finally left for the counter, leaving Doc alone, slightly bent forward and staring blankly at the table again.

After a long day of putting up with his partner for 5 minutes, Eamon Brightbeard needed a drink. He changed out of his normal silver armor and into something more comfortable: sturdy leathers with some decorative steel panels riveted on. That done, he headed down to Rudi's for something strong.

He walked into the pub and straight up to the bar. Once he had gotten settled on a stool he flagged down the bartender. "Evening, Rudi. If you please, I'll take the strongest thing you've got, as long as it comes in a flagon."

Drink in hand, he sat back and let the sounds of the pub wash over him.

-Phobos