May 2014 Archive, part b

Just don't mess Seyche and Murder Up to badly. Also please send me the link.

Iodin is Chiss and Alagos is Noldo as far as interesting non-human reactions go. Depending on your PoV character, it's conceivable that Logan might know them (he does know Nume thanks to the Cafeteria incident in 2006).
Elcalion

You can use Nerys and Lisa from the Cafeteria, and Nurse Hearth if you need Medical personnel.

In terms of non-human agents, Eledhwen is also up for this. Well she isn't, but I'm putting her up kicking and screaming anyway.

While my agents have a replicator in their RC, I can picture Briggs meeting someone in the Cafeteria and getting something to eat while he's there.

If you need a spare pair of hands to deal with poisoned agents, I'm working up a free-to-use character in Medical -- long story short, he's a paramedic stranded between worlds when his home continuum got a massive rewrite, who found his way to the PPC HQ.

What's really frustrating is I saw this last night right before my mom made me put my phone up, so I couldn't respond. :(

I've not written any Infrastructure agents yet, but if you want to add some more Action ones into the mix you can use Skeet and Amy.

Specifically Wobbles. She's an ex-bit, and I have some ideas about what the intensive care side of things in FicPsych consists of, particularly with DoA involvement. It makes sense for her to be there.

The Notary would also probably despise coming, because it's not all about her, so that's why Wobbles is dragging her along. Spoilers: passive aggressive behaviour is not cool, kids.

It'll give them a chance to actually get involved with things instead of being stuck in pre-Permission limbo.

Unfortunately I'm afraid I don't have anybody to bring her in (unless this is set before December 2012 HST), but the little crazy Unison Device (mail incoming for effects on her) should be infamous enough that someone from DoSAT meeting her in the corridors would bring het to FicPsych ASAP .

Or I might use one of the "prototype" Agents I never used.

Kelok and Unger are in an Action Department, but regularly eat at the Cafeteria (their favorites are the meatloaf that crawls off your plate and the blue pudding-like substance).

Kelok as a Wraith normally wouldn't be able to be poisoned, because the Wraith healing factor is so incredibly high, but his badfic origins and the Nigel he takes to activate his digestive system both lower that factor a lot.

Still, the better bet for getting sick is Unger. He's a D&D 3.5 half-elf, which means he's half-human, and the half-elfs seemed to have generally inherited all of the weaknesses and few of the benefits of each species as far game play went. Also, if physical assistance will be required Unger is half the size of Kelok (though stronger than he looks).

Anyway, they aren't currently doing much of anything, so whatever you want to use them for. They both should know a lot of people in FicPsych since they started out there before getting to work as agents. They were last at the Purim party throwing food (Unger) and getting drunk and singing Irish folk songs with minis(Kelok).

I kind of don't want Doc and Vania doing too much in the present right now, since I need them to catch up with a bunch of past events. You're welcome to use Yoof and Séverine if you please, though. It might seem weird for a cafeteria worker to eat any cafeteria food, but Yoof is half-dog, after all. (And that's the entirety of his alienness. I doubt we need to discuss any fanciness involving the poison there.)

The pair's only appearances so far are in the Purim role play earlier this year:

http://disc.yourwebapps.com/discussion.cgi?disc=199610;article=255926;title=PPC%20Posting%20Board

and in this story:

http://doctorlit.dreamwidth.org/3452.html

(Which also features Fr'sst the kitchen cat, who is free for everyone to use! Yes, I stole the idea from Hawkelf, but it was a good idea, darn it, and I wanted us to have a kitchen cat again!)

If you do have any use for them, you can absolutely use Shawn and Jack. In fact, since you said infrastructure was preferable, you could probably take Jack alone and say the story takes place before he transferred out of DIA's non-action division.

Lee, Ian, Orion, Agents Mal, Grace, and Alex are all up for you to play with. On the note of alien physiology, Agents Mal (Maeryn/Kaliel) are Tok'ra, so are more hardy than a normal human, but you can treat everyone else as a garden-variety human save for Alex, who tends to have... odd ...responses to things. Nothing that would cause severe anaphylactic reactions, but I'd recommend dosing Grace rather than Alex, unless you're going for rule of funny here, which in that case, go with Alex.

This sounds very interesting. Unfortunately, my characters need work done on them, so I don't think it would work if I submitted mine.

I will be looking forward to reading about this, though. Sounds like it will be great!

Zerenze is at your disposal for this. 'Sides, watching Eusabius escort them back might be fun. Or Florestan...

Consider Gaspard, Harris, Penny, and Yakov at your disposal.

This is a third-person sample from Self-Insert-Authoress-Tripe. Basically the Legacy of Kain cast know that they are in a bad copy of their world and that it's run by the Author avatar.

-HR-

The Chess Museum was a humble building that felt more like a public library than a gallery. Rows of shelves held glass display boxes of chesspieces and boards instead of books, though there also was a small collection of books about chess near the entrance.

Some chess sets were normal except for the artistic quality of their pieces. Others had oddly­ shaped boards or were designed for more than two players. There were even chesslike game sets like Shogi and Chaturanga in the rear shelves.

Multiple tables were scattered in the main area. Kain and Vorador often met at this place. It was completely neutral and open to all, but quiet because few knew that it existed.

Kain and Vorador had chosen the most generic example of a normal chess set to play with, and were playing with the standard rules.

“What possessed you to raise my sire's murderer as your child?” Vorador asked.

“That detail had been lost to legend,” Kain admitted. “I had merely found the tomb of their most revered warriors and defiled them.”

“I hope you are satisfied,” Vorador grumbled.

“It was magnificent,” Kain grinned. Then he sobered. “I shall miss them.”

Vorador frowned, but did not press for details. For most, it was impolite to inquire about dead fledglings. In Kain's case, Vorador was afraid of the answers. He hadn't minded when he learned the fates of the traitors he had mistakenly sired, but was still sore that Umah had been lumped in with them.

“And now we have to suffer Malek's presence,” Vorador scowled, changing the subject.

“I never understood the value of simply humiliating an enemy,” Kain admitted.

Vorador was about to make his move, but he let his talon fall to the arm of his chair instead. “I wish that he had found me sooner so that I could have killed him outright. Rage had blinded me, and I was afraid of the damage I had already done.”

“Why did you help me, then?” Kain asked.

“I had a small shred of hope that you were our savior, but for the most part, I no longer cared.” Vorador finally reached across the board and placed his knight with a firm tap.

Kain stood. “How dare you keep me ignorant of my role?”

“Those prophesies destroyed far greater vampires than you, Kain,” Vorador answered, also standing. “Either you would save us or you wouldn't, and I was not going to burden you with incomplete scraps that could be misinterpreted so easily.”

Both froze in dread at the palpable sensation of being watched. Every shadow seemed to stare accusingly for the simple crime of speaking too loudly. Vorador and Kain both took their seats again and tried to concentrate on the game until those inscrutable presences once again gave them the barest of notice.

“The only thing that is protecting Malek now is that we have been told not to kill him,” Kain said, pointedly ignoring their argument and the forces that had stopped them.

“As if you have ever paid attention when told not to do something,” Vorador complained. “Though I do believe that she phrased it as a request.”

Kain frowned. He had faced impossible odds, a mad god, and defied fate itself. It wasn't that he was afraid of a capricious girl who could control all of existence and bend his very thoughts to her whim. Kain was simply aware that some scenarios were preferable to others.

“Tread carefully, Vorador. She has given you very little attention, but that may change,” Kain warned. “Ignoring Malek is a small indignity, one that he may suffer for without our interference.”

“Malek did say that he suffered a fate worse than death after I had left him defeated,” Vorador conceded. “I can only hope that allowing him to live now will bring him nothing but misery.”

When their game was finished, Kain and Vorador simply left the set sitting on the table, knowing that the mysterious caretakers would return it to its place.

I already want to bring Elizabeth from Selfishness in. Her story is pretty close to being a Pepe Le-pew.

Would it be wrong to blame her crazy on brain-effecting food sensitivity? Unlike the correlation between autism and gluten, Elizabeth has something else. It was discovered when she had to go on a severe diet during training, and suddenly she stopped wanting to be in an action department. I'm thinking janitorial or paperwork-related.

Basically I want her to be just about unshockable because everything is either new-weird, completely normal, or she's seen it before while she was in cukooland.

I have one or two fics in mind for this team, and then I'd be turning them over to free-for-use.

One is a bit-character librarian that was recruited from a Ghostbusters fic. I'll think about a name for her later. She's pretty jaded about weird things and a snarker.

The other is a sprite from the Rainbow Brite universe. He was the servant of a Mary-Sue that wanted "to make Dagobah as colorful and beautiful as Earth." His name is Chroma and his fur "is a completely new color that no one has ever seen before," so he's required to keep it dyed black. He sounds like a squeak toy.

Rather, you're asking for concrit and comments on your agent idea? Obviously that's also fine, I'm just getting a nice obvious subject line into the thread clarifying that. ;)

hS

Is this the main character from that fic you put up to be sporked a while back? (I actually don't know anything about either of the continua crossed over, unfortunately.) The part about Samantha being sucked into Nosgoth reminded me of that.

What kind of powers does she have besides the standard vampire immortality? You didn't specify in her bio, which is why I'm asking. Also, if she hasn't been a vampire for a full day, which is the impression I got, then how the heck is she over 500 years old?

Do they have cloaking technology or summat? Anyways, hello there! I'm 99Hedgehog but just call me 99. Here, have an English Longbow, made of yew wood, along with a quiver of 15 arrows.

The Emperor Protects!

Oh. My. Glob. You like Artemis Fowl?! I welcome you with one coupon for a FREE custom Gunblade of YOUR choice! Also, have this random package of NM & NM's I have laying around. Nimona... Never heard of it. Could you tell me more? One last thing, and then some advice: You said the first few? Which ones? And my advice... Don't trust the tea leaves, OK?

...

Just don't. ... (<. ...>.>) ...

Have an elemental time squirrel as a welcoming gift! (Hey- stop dropping rocks on my head in the future, you!) How are you?

If you like webcomics, then I must ask if you enjoy Archipelago and Paranatural. They are the best. Do you read any manga? Ever heard of Fullmetal Alchemist?

Please accept these offerings of an X-men jacket and Nightcrawler plushies

Glad you decided to join the crazy! Can you tell me about Nimona? I've never heard of it. What other webcomics do you read? I like the Ensign Sue series (started as a parody webcomic set in the new Star Trek movie but has since expanded greatly), The Order of the Stick (long-running fantasy with meta humor throughout), and Scandinavia and the World (like Hetalia but focusing on the Nordic countries).

Anyway! Your welcome gift is a pair of Men in Black-issue sunglasses to make sure you don't accidentally flashy-thing yourself. :)

I would be correct in assuming that you've read the Constitution and Original Series, yes? How did you run across the PPC?

Either way, your newbie gift: Have a snowglobe with a replica of your favorite fictional locale!

A fellow Zelazny fan? That's awesome. Have you read Lord of Light?

Welcome. And have a throw-rug woven from shimmering Sue hair. (Just make sure you throw it a very long way!)

And if you like Tolkien and webcomics, have you seen The History of Middle-earth (chibi version)?

Welcome to the PPC! We love newbies of all shapes and sizes, so take your shoes off, leave your sanity at the door, and come on in!

As a welcome gift, I will gift you some music by one Luciano Berio: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsgbqmXL-8s

Welcome. Have a pair of Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses.

And don't worry; I used to pretend I was Artemis' twin sister when I was little. *coughSUEcough* Foaley is best centaur! ^_-

Anyway, as for welcome presents: in honor of your awesome name, you get a giant rat with a saddle! Rodents of Unusual Size really do exist!

So let me guess... You're in High School or College? :D
For your gift... Have an urple cover! It'll attracf Sues who see it, be careful.

Hello and welcome!

I give to you now a lined Infinite Notebook, complete with urple covers and wilver bindings. Don't look at it straight on!

-Aila

What prompted you to stop lurking and dive in? Also, since this is a welcome post, have a swiss army tooth brush. All the fun of a swiss army knife with none of the hassle at an airport! Okay, well some hassle, but it's an airport, so that's a given.

How was your day? I hope you had lots of fun!

Have an Eevee in a Ranger cloak! Why is she wearing the cloak, you ask? Why, how else would she carry around the shards of Moss Rock or Ice Rock in case you want an evolution into Leafeon or Glaceon? She's your birthday present, so you should get the full selection of evolution choices for her! I suppose I could've just given the shards to you separately, but the cloak is cuter and crosses over fandoms, so it was the preferable choice.

Also, feel free to take something from the big bin of assorted energy weapons! I don't think you actually took anything when I offered one to you last time, and even if you did, it's always nice to have a backup.

Here's a birthday cake flavored ice cream birthday cake!

For your gift, you get a replica of one characters weapon, any weapon! Even Fanfic weapons!

You turned eighteen as of… nine hours ago! Sorry I got here late… But anyways, hooray! Birthdays!

Where's the cake?

. . .that you previously couldn't!! Like cars. And helicopters. And tractors. Also you can sign up as an organ donor in the event that driving any of these things go horribly, horribly wrong!
Also, commit any crimes you need to before you're officially 17.
Happy birthday! :))

Don't forget to make a wish!

You get a model Triforce like the one from Animal Crossing: New Leaf! If you touch it, it spins apart and comes back together while playing the harp in the opening of "A Link to the Past."

*Sings various birthday songs*

Here, have a Delibird! Since you're a Pokemon fan, I shouldn't have to warn you about the ... *ahem* ... unpredictable nature of its presents.

Here, have some cake! :D

*showers Iximaz in packing peanuts*

-Aila

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S75gYhODS0M

How does the PPC work? We know that each fanfic doesn't - can't - actually alter the original canon, since multiple missions take place simultaneously. However, we also know that they can affect the canon in some way: LotR canon has been weakened by the onslaught of badfic. We know that plotholes destabilise the world around them; if each fanfic is a pocket universe version of the canon, then destabilising the pocket verse will feed back into the original. The more badfics, the more unstable the canon.

Equally, since we're not just trying to wipe out fanfic entirely, goodfic must have a stabilising effect. In some cases, it can even act to partially fill in plotholes in the canon, thus improving the stability above the baseline. So (assuming F:E to be goodfic), F:E itself should be encouraged - ie, left alone.

But what about spinoffs? If F:E is a pocket universe off MLP, then F:E fanfic must be pocket universes off F:E itself. And that means they must have the same stabilising/destabilising effect on it. And that means that, while they are lower priority (because further separated from the 'real' world - remember, the Flowers are able to travel directly to Word Worlds; they have a genuine existence), they can still be PPC'd as F:E fanfic.

As to when it 'separates' itself from its source world - it doesn't. F:E is still MLP fanfic. In-universe, we'd protect it because destabilising it would destabilise MLP. But any fanfic-of-a-fanfic can be PPC'd based on its differences from the original. If you desperately wanted to PPC Diary of a Pancake Fangirl, you'd have to do so as a fanfic of Pancakes! - if something is 'canon' to Pancakes! or F:E, it must be treated as canon for spinoffs.

It's sort of the same as the PPC. We don't concrit new missions by saying 'well, there's no such thing as portals between dimensions, and that navigation around 'headquarters' is ridiculous'; we concrit it based on the PPC 'canon'. Of course, I don't think that argument would get much traction in-universe - they know they're real, after all. ;)

hS

There might be a precedent for calling Fallout:Equestria a non-malignant world. It would certainly be a heat-sink for evil-infused sugar-bowls.

I imagine it wouldn't fall under the rules of the original canon. Look for the discussion on Star Wars, I think it mentions book!universe versus movie!universe.

All fanfics are, if you want to get technical, AUs of the original continuum (or continua if it's a crossover), with varying levels of divergence from the original; some are canon-friendly enough that their separate continuum could be assumed to merge harmlessly with the original, others have a stable coexistence, and the continua created by the badfic the PPC kills warp and feed off the original continuum, eventually trying to replace it.

It's... debatable which of those latter two (harmless coexistence or malignant warping) FE falls into, and because of (no offence) the fandom's tendency to shoehorn ponies into everything the main continuum has a tonne of crossover subcontinua at any given point, but when you have a fanfic-generated continuum that itself gets fanfic, yeah, things get complicated. My stance is that, because it's still derived off two canon sources, it doesn't become a full continuum of its own, but it is a very large sub-continuum of its source materials; what you have is a fanfic world that has stabilised enough to become a whole setting of its own, but the PPC would be under no obligation to defend it as an "actual" canon because it's inherently tied to Fallout and MLP. Under this view, yes, something like Fallout Equestria could be sporked, and the way I view it is killing the main fic would, in-universe, destroy all the ficworlds that spun off from it; imagine walking into a house and suddenly blowing up all the support beams.

It's an off-the-cuff attempt to answer the question of 'exactly how nasty can you make the PPC sound - without changing what they actually do?'. It's more inspired by my own comments than wobbles' post, but it seemed better to put it at the top of the thread.

---

The elf settled at the table and looked around at his companions. Tall and dark, with a fierce light flickering in his eyes, he was one of the most infamous Deep Elves of all time, and a Kinslayer three times over. Those who crossed him rarely survived the experience.

“I thought that went rather well,” he said, stretching his arms and leaning back in a show of lazy indulgance.

To his left, the ancient vampire grinned, baring her cruel fangs. She may have looked young, but those dark eyes had seen hundreds of years roll by. “Yes,” she agreed, a hiss in her voice. “And the girl certainly deserved what she got – or is that the other way round?”

The third member of the quartet didn’t bother to turn towards her. What use would it be, when his eyes had been torn from their sockets weeks before, leaving only gaping wounds? “I was impressed by how skillfully you brought her down,” he said to the elf.

The dark one smiled, reliving the moment his arrow had pinned Aragorn’s new bride to the tree. The first shot had not killed her instantly, and he had watched as the light slowly faded from her eyes, her life draining out with her dripping blood. “Thank you,” he said. “I was rather more taken with your partner’s efforts.”

Again, the blind man didn’t turn – but what need was there, when he could hear his ragged-haired partner’s quiet giggling, that constant background to their concentration? “She has her moments,” he allowed. “And she is very good at exorcisms.”

“She needed to be,” the bloodsucker recalled. “The things Legolas was trying to do to Gimli…” She shuddered as she recalled the filth that had permeated the elf’s heart – the violations he had planned to inflict on his friend, the horrors of his unbridled lust for his fellow man. “It was almost as bad as that village.”

The fell elf chuckled, a sound that seemed to rise up from subterranian caverns, not from any pair of lungs. “I’m glad that’s gone,” he said, smirking at the memory of flames licking over thatched roofs, the cries of children and mothers as they burned within their homes. “It was a blight on the world, it truly was.”

“Well, it’s been fun,” the vampire said, and her colleagues nodded as they recalled the long hunt: how they had watched their prey from the shadows, recording their most intimate moments, gathering everything they could. Then the denument, when they had exposed each character’s weaknesses, baring their secret deeds for all to see – and, while they stood confused, had struck, murdering the girl and tearing the lovers apart, barring them forever from their twisted passions.

“Yes,” the eyeless man stated. “It certainly has.”

---

Or, in the non-creepy version:

---

Dafydd sat down and stretched his arms. “I thought that went rather well,” he said, glancing at his companions.

Selene grinned. “Yes,” she agreed. “And the girl certainly deserved what she got – or is that the other way round?”

Salamander, the blind Slasher, smiled. “I was impressed by how skillfully you brought her down,” he said to Dafydd.

The elf grinned. “Thank you,” he said. “I was rather more taken with your partner’s efforts.”

Kayleigh, sitting next to Salamander, was off in her own world (as usually), giggling at some remembered joke. “She has her moments,” Sal allowed. “And she is very good at exorcisms.”

“She needed to be,” Selene pointed out “The things Legolas was trying to do to Gimli…” She shuddered, thinking of the way the elf had practically thrown himself at his friend in a display about as far from their canonical relationship as it was possible to get. “It was almost as bad as that village.”

Dafydd chuckled. “I’m glad that’s gone,” he said, picturing the glittery cottages Aragorn’s ‘new queen’ had created to be her origin. “It was a blight on the world, it truly was.”

“Well, it’s been fun,” Selene said, standing up and looking for the exit.

Salamander reflected on their joint mission and shrugged. “Yes,” he agreed, “it certainly has.”

---

That was actually alarmingly fun. (And not canonical, since Sal was only blinded-and-back-in-HQ after Dafydd had retired - but apart from that, it's close enough) It also demonstrates the points I've tried to make: that anything can sound bad if you phrase it right.

hS

...I'm sorry, I haven't a clue.

(Well, someone had to do it!)

... we can do the same 'render the department down to its basics and make it sound creepy, horrible, and downright immoral' to any department in the PPC.

The DMS: kill people's girlfriends and then make them forget about it (because it doesn't count if they never know it happened)

The DBS: drive out the gayness! Only straight people are allowed in our fandoms!

DOGA: Firebomb entire countries because we don't like one of their former inhabitants.

&c &c. The fundamental difference in all these cases is that the thing that's being removed is uncanonical. It was never meant to be there, so getting rid of it by what would otherwise be morally suspect (or downright morally hideous) methods is acceptable. Sort of like:

The police: pulling people off the street or out of their houses and putting them in chains.

The fire brigade: spraying high-pressure water over people's belongings.

Ambulances: kidnapping unconscious people and taking them to massive complexes full of others like them in order to inject them with strange substances and cut their skin with knives.

hS

The two others addressed this a bit, but it seems to me your reservations might be more in how the DoA's purpose is worded than what they actually do. Their job isn't "force unhappy people to be happy" unless you strip it right down to its barest bones minus any context. If my friend is massively, uncharacteristically depressed, am I a bad person if I try to cheer him up?


...Aaaaaaaand Neshomeh basically said what I was going to while I typed this (except the "ignore it if you want" because selective continuity bugs me), so I'll just leave you with that rhetorical until I think of a new thing to contribute.

Dear Mrs. Trellis,

I think "forcing them to be happy" is inaccurate. They're not leaving the characters in a state of uncanonical happiness, merely driving out an uncanonical force of angst long enough for the canon to take over. It's not significantly different from neuralyzing them or exorcizing them to induce a canon snapback; they're just doing it with anti-depressants, balloon animals, and puppies.

That said, I am a little dubious about using something like Prozac in a world where it doesn't belong, like Middle-earth, but presumably that's heavily discouraged, just like non-canonical weapons are discouraged.

Bottom line, though: This is the PPC. It's meant to be played for laughs, so putting a "so vile you shouldn't even look this up" spin on it is way off. If it rubs you the wrong way regardless, the recommended response is to simply carry on with your own spin-off like it doesn't exist. For instance, I will never mention Bleep-Blaps, Bleepnerds, or half the other Bleep-things in my spin-offs, because I personally think Bleeprin derivatives have reached the point of absurdity (and not the good kind). That doesn't mean other people can't have fun with them, though; it's just that I'm old and crotchety and prefer the classics. {= )

~Neshomeh

P.S. I hear North Wales is lovely this time of year.

Well, I'm no expert either, but it seems to me using their methods on stories with lots of angst is like watching a classic cartoon after a rotten day; the act of laughing at the characters gets your mental state/bodily chemicals back to normal, so making the fic's characters laugh will cancel out the angst. Also, they're new according to the Wiki; I'm sure they'll work out a proper way to do things.

You raise a good point about the "don't force people to be happy" thing. It never works and usually looks creepy.

It might be interesting to see what happens if they get an angst alert for someone who is about 20% OOC but just a little over-the-top.

Sofar I'm seeing that they saved someone from alcohol poisoning and exorcised a character.

What would happen if they ran into Batman?

Hijack the thread to alert you to several Legacy of Kain fics. (You said you were looking for them, right?) https://www.fanfiction.net/u/179403/Time-Jumper I haven't read them, but this author does have a story on the Unclaimed Badfic list, so I figured the others were of similar quality. (Forgive me any accidental author-bashing.)

I've just read it, and it doesn't seem... too bad. I have read worse.

Speaking of which, check out this trollfic.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8706167/1/The-gratest-pokemon-master

I went poking around and found out that there is a spinoff that involves an Animaniacs crossover... I need to create someone who got bored with madness, or some sort of tech to dull the effects of fics like this on the semi-sane psyche.

I'm not saying it isn't - nor am I agreeing that it is - just asking.

hS

Google his name. There are a ton of websites he hacked...

This is bad. I was looking around for badfics for the last twelve hours, and I was really hoping for some LoTR Suefics. The original series had so many, I had plans for at least one.

I don't know what to do, honestly. I never dealt with anything like that before.

... the most obvious way for a mission to fail is for something bad to happen to one or both agents, and that's something most writers don't want to do to, y'know, the characters they plan on using again. Heck, I have two missions of my own which resulted in serious injury or worse, plus one which knocked two agents unconscious partway through. But none of those failed, because PPC agents finish the job.

Heck, take a look at the ending of this one. The Sue put herself way out of reasonable reach - and we brought half the PPC in and exorcised an entire planet to be sure of getting her. Agents of the PPC don't give up on a mission. They do get their target.

hS

I don't think there are much any. The only failed mission I've heard of was Subjugation, and I think I heard on the board that that failed because one of the authors doing it had to abandon the project in the middle, and agreed to represent that in universe by saying that the mission failed, ending where they had last gotten to.

Here! Have these shotgun-axes, some ammo, a vial of each type of Dust, and some bleeprin-infused Bertie Botts' every flavour beans!

Here you can have these X-men minis. Since I don't know what X-men minis look like I made them Mini-Nightcrawlers. Take good care of Breast, Angle, Icemann, Spott Summers, and Jaen Gey.

Of course, no birthday is complete without a Delibird from me! It should go without saying by now that the standard warnings apply.

Enjoy!

Happy birthday!! :D It's nice to know I'm not the only 15-year-old here.
I hope there was substantial amounts of cake and presents happening!

*noms on a snickerdoodle* so what are you going to do to celebrate? :D

Happy birthday, Ailavyn Siniyash! I've been working on repairing one of those Ancient Robots from Skyward Sword, and I've finally gotten it working! You're going to need an assistant to help you keep track of all of your future birthday gifts! I've not named it, so you can decide what to call it yourself!

*Omnomnomnomnom-* Oh, wait.

Happy fifteenth birthday, Ayl… Ailyvv… I can't spell that. Sorry. Happy birthday. Have a fluffy velociraptor!

*Omnomnom…*

I will gladly take those snickerdoodles. *nom* Anyway, because your name sounds Elvish (Elfish? Elven? Pick your adjective), your gift is a maple-wood bow and twenty arrows trimmed with hawk feathers. May they never miss their mark!

Good for you! Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday! We can be birthday buddies!

Let's see... Presents...

You get a working wand from Harry Potter! (Don't go casting in front of Muggles, though!)

Lily Winterwood, and almost certainly others, publish their missions on Tumblr.

-Aila

If you're just reading invasion stuff... need I explain why this is concerning to me at this point? Lemme skip that and get straight to my recommendations for missions to read that should give you a real idea of the PPC:

* Jay and Acacia - Duh. If you haven't finished the Original Series yet, make it a priority!

* Caitlin and Sidh - This is just a one-off, but I think it introduces the PPC really well, has excellent characterization, and is overall high quality writing. I wish they'd written more.

* Architeuthis - The original Department of Intelligence series. Her definition of a Mary Sue is out of date now, but this is still an important foundational series.

* Nenya and Rosie - The Jay and Acacia Kooky Spin-Off Nerd Society. Of particular inspiration to me is the FicPsych chapter.

* Mara and Isaiah - The Department of Technical Errors. Excellent and foundational. Araeph is a real-life editor, so you can't go wrong taking cues from her.

* Trojanhorse and Paddlebrains - Department of Bad Slash. Absolutely hilarious. Takes an under-appreciated department and owns it in a way few others have managed before or since.

* Dafydd and Selene (and Constance) - Department of Geographical Aberrations. This is how you start if you want to work your way up to tackling Legendary Badfics and big, sweeping plots.

* Suicide, Diocletian, and Ithalond - Tungsten Monk is quite simply one of the funniest people I know. Also, she's a real-life published author now.

I could go on at length with this (and include some more recent writers), but those are, in my opinion, some of the most historically important spin-offs as well as the best-written. If you read nothing else, you could do a lot worse and no better than reading those.

~Neshomeh

P.S. I'm obviously rather partial to my own work, too. Supernumerary even had a real fangirl for a while. (She got better. ^_~ )

-n sense.

We're just doing it in the older threads, rather than making new ones. You might want to try joining in some of the conversations yourself, if you see something that interests you - this is a community, after all, not just a place to ask questions.

hS

When the DIA is arresting a PPC agent, that's basically two (or more) canon characters interacting in their regular world.

When fighting invasive Sues, even though the Sues are invading another world, they're not doing so through a fanfiction story. Hence, there aren't crimes against the PPC setting, just the more mundane crime of attacking, and therefore no charges to officially read.

Saturday August 16th would be an ideal date for us, since we can get my parents to babysit. What does any/everyone else think? And if we extended backwards to Friday 15th, who would be able to come?

If these dates don't work, go ahead and suggest more.

Location deliberately left vague, but let's be honest, it's looking like London.

hS

We have five people - hS, Kaitlyn, Irish Samurai, Storme Hawk, wobblestheclown - in the general region of London, and one possible out-of-country visitor. Kaitlyn and I can do any day in the week (though there will be some weeks we can't do - I just don't know when yet ;)). wobbles can't do weekends.

Irish, Storme Hawk - what's your week/weekend availability? And what are everyone's thoughts about the Bank Holiday Monday (25th August)? I understand people occasionally do things with the mythical species known as 'other people' - possibly even the mysterious 'fami ly' - but I'm throwing it in there as a Date To Ponder.

And anyone else - keep on signing up! There's nowt better than coordinating a dozen people with wildly different availabilities.

(And if that happens - we've occasionally had two-day Gatherings before, with different people on different days. A Friday/Saturday pair isn't out of the question if we have significant can't-do-weekends attendees)

hS

I'm from Ramsgate. If I was any further east I'd either be swimming or French.

Also, the High Tech Solution is refusing to be a solution - I'm getting a 404 error with it.

This all said... if it's on a weekend, I definitely won't be able to go. I work weekends. Specifically, I will be working in the visitor's centre and vintage arcade at Dreamland. Which should be good. =]

I'm definitely interested, however I have quite a bit on during the summer normally so my free days may be a bit limited.

The map isn't working for me, but London or anywhere down south would be fine.

Have meetups only been in the UK previously? Because I'm sure that there's at least a few PPC-ers in the NYC-metro area (it's a pretty decently sized and populated area) and it would be pretty interesting to organize one, methinks.

Unless one already exists and has been done in the past? In which case it would be cool to implement that again.

Thoughts?

That said, I've been wanting to make a trip to Britain anyway, so I can probably make some attempt at seeing what I can do depending on when we decide this is going down.

Also, that map isn't letting me place a marker. :(

Sounds fun.

I never really plan anything that far in advance, so pretty much any Saturday in 'summer' should be good for me. The only Saturday I know I can't do is the 7th of June (but I'm assuming it'll probably be later than that anyway).

The only possible problem with my attendance is that my job frequently sends me away on fairly short notice (for example, today I found out that I'll be in Finland 3-12th June), but if I'm around I'll definitely attend.

This is the backstory to the Sue-slaying drama, and the characters therein.

So, several years ago, a prince of the human nation (not the crown prince, though) was riding in an elven forest, and was supposedly killed by the xenophobic elves. In his grief, the human king declared war.

Of course, that isn't what really happened. The prince had gotten hurt when he fell off his horse, and had been taken in by the elves and nursed back to health. He was now in a gay relationship with the captain of the elf guard (Yeah, the DM was a yaoi fangirl. How'd you guess?).

Throughout all of this, the elven nation has been portrayed as somewhat utopian, with the elves being unmaterialistic (the DM harped on endlessly about this, and how elves don't Raise their dead, as they want them to rest in peace), egalitarian, tolerant of homosexuality, and with almost no crime.

The Human nation had been portrayed as hidebound, traditionalistic, homophobic, bigoted, overly-patriotic, greedy, and warmongering.

Dramatis Personae:

The Derailing Side:

The Derailing Player, who will be referred to as OP: A human illusionist wizard, although he concealed this fact, pretending to be just a warmage. He was in the party because he was apprentice of the royal wizard, and performing well would result in a promotion. Quite patriotic, and role-played as going with the philosophy the human culture (yes, the Humans are Bastards themed one).

OP's second in command: A half-orc Ranger, fairly gold-obsessed and mercenary.

The dwarven twins: A Fighter and a Bard who brofisted all the time, had a theme song, kept making up bits of dwarven culture, and quite frankly were people that I'd like to have in one of my campaigns.

And a human Artificer, who didn't really do much during the whole thing.

On the DM's side:

The DM: An elf-obsessed Yaoi fangirl who pretty much turned the campaign into her Suefic. In her favor, though, is that she never called DM Fiat when OP derailed the campaign, instead keeping her attempts within the confines of the system.

A Tiefling Swordmage who also loved elves, and based his character after several anime characters (to the point of yelling out his attack names). He didn't role-play all too well, using knowledge of the metagame in character and outright threatening OP in character.

This is the backstory to the Sue-slaying drama, and the characters therein.

So, several years ago, a prince of the human nation (not the crown prince, though) was riding in an elven forest, and was supposedly killed by the xenophobic elves. In his grief, the human king declared war.

Of course, that isn't what really happened. The prince had gotten hurt when he fell off his horse, and had been taken in by the elves and nursed back to health. He was now in a gay relationship with the captain of the elf guard (Yeah, the DM was a yaoi fangirl. How'd you guess?).

Throughout all of this, the elven nation has been portrayed as somewhat utopian, with the elves being unmaterialistic (the DM harped on endlessly about this, and how elves don't Raise their dead, as they want them to rest in peace), egalitarian, tolerant of homosexuality, and with almost no crime.

The Human nation had been portrayed as hidebound, traditionalistic, homophobic, bigoted, overly-patriotic, greedy, and warmongering.

Dramatis Personae:

The Derailing Side:

The Derailing Player, who will be referred to as OP: A human illusionist wizard, although he concealed this fact, pretending to be just a warmage. He was in the party because he was apprentice of the royal wizard, and performing well would result in a promotion. Quite patriotic, and role-played as going with the philosophy the human culture (yes, the Humans are Bastards themed one).

OP's second in command: A half-orc Ranger, fairly gold-obsessed and mercenary.

The dwarven twins: A Fighter and a Bard who brofisted all the time, had a theme song, kept making up bits of dwarven culture, and quite frankly were people that I'd like to have in one of my campaigns.

And a human Artificer, who didn't really do much during the whole thing.

On the DM's side:

The DM: An elf-obsessed Yaoi fangirl who pretty much turned the campaign into her Suefic. In her favor, though, is that she never called DM Fiat when OP derailed the campaign, instead keeping her attempts within the confines of the system.

A Tiefling Swordmage who also loved elves, and based his character after several anime characters (to the point of yelling out his attack names). He didn't role-play all too well, using knowledge of the metagame in character and outright threatening OP in character.

We love linkage, pluggery, and other such things. Usually. If there are already linkage threads, do try to reply to them instead of starting new ones.

But seriously, link away!

I'd read it. I used to really like D&D, and a good Parody Sue is always enjoyable. :)

I, think i k now how you feel. I am only eighteen and I have stiff joints. Is that normal?

By the way, I don't know if this is the best place to ask, but I have a question about the Department of Operations.

I notice that there is no Newspaper or anything similar in the PPC. Would that job be taken by archivists? If not, would the newspaper, or whatever, fall under the Department of Operations?

As a birthday gift, have this cup of Lapsang Souchong tea. Just don't let the leaves eat you, they don't mind if you're old. Or young. Or in-between.

CAKE FOR EVERYONE!

Three is a lucky number for some, and you've got two of them today.
I hope you had a lucky birthday!

I will be 31 in a few weeks, but I still feel 19. :)

Though for me "I am growing up" moment was when I realized that my dreams started to become realistic and achievable. :)

But hey, happy birthday! You get a miniature TARDIS with flashing lights and sound effects! It's remote-controlled, but all you can make it do is vanish and reappear in different places.

Many happy returns!

*tosses chocolate cake with caramel whipped cream*

*showers with packing peanuts*

-Aila

*showers with cake and cookies*

you're just getting on in years. Old is a state of mind, not a number!

But enough Serious Business; off to the presents. In lieu of the usual Delibird, have a Present. I made sure that this one was of the non-explosive variety.

*You open the Present. A wave of healing energy washes over you, filling you with renewed vigor.*

I don't recall meeting you, so your present--a replica of Link's iconic hat--doubles as a "Hi, nice to meet you!" gift! Hope you like Legend of Zelda!

Nice to see I'm not the only adult on this board. Anyway, you'll never be old as long as you have a portrait in your attic or a ring in your possession...

And don’t feel old. Six years ago, I was twice the age you were then. (Now somebody may want to do the maths.) As long as we can still become angry about bad fiction, we aren’t (un)dead yet.

HG

I didn't know we allowed the undead on this Board (which you must be, since you're so old, and also I can't actually say that without pointing out that Undeadgoat, PureDeadThingy, and Pippa's Ghost have all been members, so yeah, that was a wildly incorrect statement).

Er... where was I? Oh, yes: blue elf is old(er than me). Happy birthday!

hS

...and I barely feel like it, so I'm right there with you. Heck, I think I was, what, eighteen or so when I joined the PPC? Somewhere around 2008, anyways. It doesn't feel that long.

Also, happy birthday!

Congratulations on the permission request. Now I need to get mine, eventually.

Oh...you were waiting for another PG? Sorry about that, I've been in tech since Thursday. So, let's have a look.

I like the characters. You seem to have put a lot of thought into them, which is always a plus.

Now the prompts, yes?

The control prompt is good. I would like to point out that Bad Het is a division of Bad Slash, but that is a smallish thing. The rest is pretty good, though somewhat lacking in description, as others have pointed out.

The random prompt is definitely a different tone from the control, which is good. I like the solution they come up with in the end. Totally against regulation, I'm sure, but that's what makes it fun.

All in all, I like it. You don't have a badfic yet, but I'm not too worried about it since the writing is strong.

So, Permission Granted!

Congratulations.

-Phobos *Crawls back into a dark theatre*

Here's the Random Prompt re-done with extra added narration.

* * *

“I still don’t believe it,” grumbled Sean, as the two agents stepped through the portal back into their RC. “Upstairs gave us an Observer/Bobo PWP.”

“Well, they were Replacement Sues, after all,” said Hild. “The Sorting Room probably thought assassins would deal with them better than badslashers. It’s like that Hunger Games/Crying Game crossover we had a couple of weeks ago. The one where she couldn’t’ve been the real Katniss because she had a —”

“No, it’s not that.” Sean slumped into his chair. “It’s just that fic. I mean, how could someone call herself an MST3K fan and still write that?”

Hild had never seen Sean like that before. Normally after a particularly bad fic, he would take out his frustration on the punch bag hanging in the corner of the RC. But this, this was different.

She walked over to the fridge and took out a couple of Bleepbeers. “Want to tell me about it?”

“MST3K means a lot to me.” Sean accepted the proffered drink. “When I had that dead-end job with the publishers, sometime the only thing that got me through the day was imagining Mike and the Bots riffing the manuscripts.” He took a long drink of his Bleepbeer, then continued. “I still do it on missions sometimes, but I don’t think I can manage that after this.”

“Why not? You coped after that fic where the Sue tried to save Frank from Torgo.”

“This was worse. Much worse. Now every time I think of MST, I’ll imagine Bobo with that big heart shaved into his hairy back, and the words ‘Brain’ and ‘Guy’ tattooed on his bright red buttocks. No amount of Bleeprin’s gonna get an image like that out of my mind.”

“Could FicPsych help?”

“I’m not letting them mess around in my head! I had enough of that back on World One.”

“Well, is there anything I can do?”

Sean managed a little smile. “No, but thanks for offering anyway.” There was a brief, awkward pause, then Sean continued, “You’ll understand when it happens to you. Not the shrinks. Losing your love for your favourite canon after too much badfic.”

Hild thought about this for a moment. “Maybe one day. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve got a favourite yet,” she said. “I mean, I know quite a few canons from basic training, of course. But that’s about all. ”

“What about Middle-earth?”

“That’s different. That was my home. You don’t stop loving the land where you were born because of stuff that happened after you left.”

“Guess not.”

Another pause; the two agents continued drinking their Bleepbeers lost in thought. Sean was staring down at the floor. Hild wanted to go over to him and give him a big hug, but she knew that wouldn't help much. Sean was not a touchy-feely person.

She turned her glance away from him, and found herself looking over towards the console. It's ridiculous, she thought. With all this magical technology at our disposal, there must be something we can do to change things. What if...

“Hey, I have an idea.” Hild broke the silence and leaned forward in her chair, a grin spreading wide across her face. “Could we reopen the portal back into the beginning of the fic?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think anyone’s ever tried it before. But why go back there?”

“We get whatshisname, Cambot, on our side, get him to record everything, and play it back for Mike and friends to riff on afterwards. That should help, right? Now when think of it, you’ll think of their riffs instead.”

Sean paused for a moment or two then said, “It’s probably impossible, and even if it isn’t, it probably won’t work, and even if it does, it’ll probably be against every rule in the book. But what have we got to lose? Let’s give it a go.”

He sprang from his chair and dashed over to the console, with something of his old determination in his face again.

He seems funny 8)
Solid, well-rounded agents, in my opinion; I like them a lot!

To tackle those in reverse order: I'm not making a decision because I'm the resident Tolkien geek - as you've probably sussed - and I don't think I can objectively judge Hild. She's just way too far into my 'that's awesome' band. If I were in a decision-making frame of mind, I'd probably say yes - but I'll abdicate that responsibility to someone else.

And the comment: Kaitlyn's pointed out to me that your dialogue is superb, but your narration is virtually non-existent. And she made a suggestion:

Have you considered script format? You're practically writing in it anyway ('Another pause; the two agents continued drinking their Bleepbeers lost in thought' could be stuck into the present tense and square brackets or whatever and need no change at all), and it seems to be suited to your strengths while avoiding your confessed weaknesses/dislikes. And we've never had script-format missions before - the Playscriptes take place entirely in HQ.

There's also the fact that it's the most common format for MSTs and actual MST3K fanfic, which you're very much into - so it could be something of a homage.

And just to demonstrate how close you are to it already, the opening of your Control Prompt:

---

[A CORRIDOR in PPC HQ. Sean Bellman and Hild are walking towards the Cafeteria. Sean is engaging in his favourite method of distracting himself while navigating HQ - talking to his companion]

Sean: So, you’ve never told me, how did you come to join the PPC?

Hild: Oh, the usual way. I fell through a plothole and landed in one of the corridors.

[Sean grins]

Sean: Only in this place could that be considered ‘the usual way’.

Hild: Well, my plothole was larger than most, if you want something unusual. My author had never actually written my story, and very little was fixed. I didn’t know at the time, of course, but she actually thought she was doing me a favour by keeping it unwritten and flexible.

[Somehow Hild manages to giggle and sigh at the same time]

Hild: Have you ever heard anything so silly?

---

I didn't have to invent or delete anything; that's how close it is to your existing style. (Of course, the exact formatting of the script would be your decision - this is just an example. But since you're not actually writing a screenplay, it could be as simple as this)

We think it's worth considering. And note how I'm claiming partial ownership of an idea that was entirely my wife's. That's how good an idea I think it is.

hS

I think this is great! Hild came up with a really clever idea at the end of the second prompt, and the first one was pretty funny. You've clearly been perfecting these two for a while now. Nice work, Pippa! (Also, Sean and Hild play off each other very well. I find that important, that kind of banter between leads.)

Is the fic Hild came from one of your own or did you just make up something plausible? Either way, I might like to read that particular story. It sounds pretty good. =)

Here's the Random Prompt re-done with extra added narration.

* * *

“I still don’t believe it,” grumbled Sean, as the two agents stepped through the portal back into their RC. “Upstairs gave us an Observer/Bobo PWP.”

“Well, they were Replacement Sues, after all,” said Hild. “The Sorting Room probably thought assassins would deal with them better than badslashers. It’s like that Hunger Games/Crying Game crossover we had a couple of weeks ago. The one where she couldn’t’ve been the real Katniss because she had a —”

“No, it’s not that.” Sean slumped into his chair. “It’s just that fic. I mean, how could someone call herself an MST3K fan and still write that?”

Hild had never seen Sean like that before. Normally after a particularly bad fic, he would take out his frustration on the punch bag hanging in the corner of the RC. But this, this was different.

She walked over to the fridge and took out a couple of Bleepbeers. “Want to tell me about it?”

“MST3K means a lot to me.” Sean accepted the proffered drink. “When I had that dead-end job with the publishers, sometime the only thing that got me through the day was imagining Mike and the Bots riffing the manuscripts.” He took a long drink of his Bleepbeer, then continued. “I still do it on missions sometimes, but I don’t think I can manage that after this.”

“Why not? You coped after that fic where the Sue tried to save Frank from Torgo.”

“This was worse. Much worse. Now every time I think of MST, I’ll imagine Bobo with that big heart shaved into his hairy back, and the words ‘Brain’ and ‘Guy’ tattooed on his bright red buttocks. No amount of Bleeprin’s gonna get an image like that out of my mind.”

“Could FicPsych help?”

“I’m not letting them mess around in my head! I had enough of that back on World One.”

“Well, is there anything I can do?”

Sean managed a little smile. “No, but thanks for offering anyway.” There was a brief, awkward pause, then Sean continued, “You’ll understand when it happens to you. Not the shrinks. Losing your love for your favourite canon after too much badfic.”

Hild thought about this for a moment. “Maybe one day. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve got a favourite yet,” she said. “I mean, I know quite a few canons from basic training, of course. But that’s about all. ”

“What about Middle-earth?”

“That’s different. That was my home. You don’t stop loving the land where you were born because of stuff that happened after you left.”

“Guess not.”

Another pause; the two agents continued drinking their Bleepbeers lost in thought. Sean was staring down at the floor. Hild wanted to go over to him and give him a big hug, but she knew that wouldn't help much. Sean was not a touchy-feely person.

She turned her glance away from him, and found herself looking over towards the console. It's ridiculous, she thought. With all this magical technology at our disposal, there must be something we can do to change things. What if...

“Hey, I have an idea.” Hild broke the silence and leaned forward in her chair, a grin spreading wide across her face. “Could we reopen the portal back into the beginning of the fic?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think anyone’s ever tried it before. But why go back there?”

“We get whatshisname, Cambot, on our side, get him to record everything, and play it back for Mike and friends to riff on afterwards. That should help, right? Now when think of it, you’ll think of their riffs instead.”

Sean paused for a moment or two then said, “It’s probably impossible, and even if it isn’t, it probably won’t work, and even if it does, it’ll probably be against every rule in the book. But what have we got to lose? Let’s give it a go.”

He sprang from his chair and dashed over to the console, with something of his old determination in his face again.

Ahem.

Skitter (Worm)-X-Robin (DC Comics)
Now, I love me some lesbian pairings, but in canon Taylor's straight as an arrow, alas, alas. I used to ship her with Cyborg, but after some thought, I realised he'd be too reminiscent of Grue for her, considering [SPOILERS].

Black Widow (MCU Edition)-X-Captain Scarlet (Captain Scarlet)
I've always seen Black Widow as someone who doesn't really date because people die on her; it's a fairly common trope for hardened badass female protagonists in any media, but particularly comics. What does she need? Someone equally badass and LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO KILL. Enter the good Captain, a SPECTRUM agent par excellence who can and will survive anything the universe can throw at him. Hell, SPECTRUM even has a friggin' helicarrier! It's home from home! =]

Clint can have Destiny Angel.

I don't read many crossovers. Elsa from Frozen and Jack Frost from Legend of the Guardians is contrived but accessible.

There is a video (Golden Blonde and Jet Black) that is somewhat cute and probably has some matching fanfic.

That I'd ship NanoFate x MadoHomu in a big messy ball of animé cuddliness. If I were into yaoi I'd also ship Drizzt x Bora Horza Gobochul.