Mar 2014 Archive, part b

Having thought about it some more, I think the idea of transgressing fanbrats getting mobbed by fragmented data and possibly fossils is funnier than fanbrats being easily overpowered by a dragon-god-thing. Also, I like hS's logic that it's something that actually happens if a designation is messed up in-game, making it almost a natural mini, and I like Heironymus' logic that minis are things that should not exist and Missingnos. are that in spades.

~Neshomeh

P.S. What I actually said down-Board was "I concur that OFUs trump PPC missions." The implication there is all the time, not just sometimes. {= )

One:
Well-chosen Minis should not be disputable. The expected reaction on First Encounter should be like:
“Uh, what? Of course! What else would it be?”

Checking with Minis I remember from the top of my head and know more than nothing about their canon background:
Mini-Aragog – yes.
Mini-Balrog – yes.
Mini-Decker – yes.
Mini-hell-hound – yes.
Mini-Hound of the Baskervilles – yes.
Mini-Luggage – yes (note: everything I know about Discworld I learned from the PPC, but the books are on my reading list).
Misspelled Monkey – yes.
Mini-Rayquaza – Uh, what? Why isn’t it Deoxy? Or Mewtwo? Or (insert outstanding, preferably Legendary Pokemon)? To somebody who knows Pokemon only from looking over his daughter’s shoulder several years ago, and followed the linked discussion, the arguments for any of them seem quite interchangeable. This probably also happens for other continua with a diversity of monsters, so we should be glad that with Missingno we have something unique in the Pokeverse.

Two:
Since misspellings shouldn’t exist in good writing, Minis shouldn’t exist as well, and “But – this doesn’t exist!” or “This shouldn’t exist!” would also be a good reaction to encountering a Mini.

Mini-Aragog – at least should not live in Scotland of all places.
Mini-Balrog – shouldn’t exist, evil creator.
Mini-Decker – I don’t say that a human being shouldn’t exist, but he shouldn’t have a role in The A-Team because him being a recurring antagonist is totally based on false accusations and injustice.
Mini-hell-hound – shouldn’t exist, evil creator.
Mini-Hound of the Baskervilles – shouldn’t exist, evil “creator”.
Mini-Luggage – No, not this kind of luggage!
Misspelled Monkey – May be an exception.
Mini-Rayquaza – Don’t know, why shouldn’t it exist? Why should Deoxy not exist? Mewtwo may get a point there, but Missingno still wins.

Conclusion: If there is a way to retcon mini-Missingnos to have been mistaken for something else, it should be used.

HG

Mini-Deoxys are from OFUK only, and since that appears to be defunct, I think we can drop /that/ idea. Mini-Missigno, as I mentioned in the thread proper, would make very good OFU guards in all their forms because of their glitch powers. Perhaps they could take either form depending on which canon the mission takes place in? (Mini-Rayquaza for anime-verse fics, mini-Missingno for game-verse.)

Or we could do the easier thing and have them be mini-Rayquaza unless spawned at/taken to the OFU, in which case they'll be(come) mini-Missingno. *shrug*

Oh HTML errors, will I ever stop making you?

Here is the correct link:
http://disc.yourwebapps.com/discussion.cgi?disc=199610;article=254913;title=PPC%20Posting%20Board

Another comic-strip fic from ToonDoo:

http://www.toondoo.com/ViewBook.toon?bookid=299953

This one's a Pokémon fic. Unfortunately, I don't know enough about Pokémon to know how badly it damages the continuum, but it's still a pretty bad fic by any standards.

Special highlights include pages 12 and 13, where all the dialogue suddenly repeats for no reason; pages 48-54 inclusive, where everyone slowly takes turns to jump across a chasm one at a time, Terry Nation-style; and pages 93 onwards, where a couple of characters are revealed to have Sue-style Deus-ex-Machina powers.

(Oh, grammar pedants should note the opening disclaimer says, "I do not not not not own Pokemon!!!!!!!!!!!" A quadruple negative technically means she does own it.)

Hello. Sorry that I can't help you, but feel free to create a profile on the Wikia and add the badfic to our List of Unclaimed Badfic. Someone might come around and claim it.

As for your newbie gift, have some plushies of High King Peter and his siblings!

Have a piece of cherry pie, a pen made out of a fork, and a bucket of unidentified wires!

If you don’t intend to vanish again after pointing us to this comic strip (you didn’t make this clear), we would like to know more about you. Frequently asked questions are:
What are your fandoms? (Some of as like to give fandom-related welcome gifts.)
How did you find us?
Did you read TOS? The Constitution? Which spin-offs? OFUs?
Do you write?

Since I don’t know what would be appropriate for you, have an arbitrary gift from the stack of random welcome gifts.

Concerning your question, I seem to remember that the possibility to do a mission in comic strips or other media has been discussed, but as far as I know nothing ever came from this.

HG

Please accept this Bleeprin-laced custard pie. Judging by that fic you linked to, you need it. =]

Welcome to the PPC! We love newbies here, so take your shoes off, leave your sanity at the door, and come on in!

As a welcome gift, I'll do something a bit different. I'll gift you the gift of the music of Jean-Baptiste Lully: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uE230evv3w

Nice to meet you. Please accept my gifts of a potato cannon, a basket of russet potatoes and an Official Fanfiction University of Doctor Who sweatshirt.

Hello and welcome!

I hereby give to you a lined Infinite Notebook, complete with urple covers and wilver binding. Don't look at it straight on.

-Aila

That comic is so bad, it's hilarious.

Anyway, welcome to the board and have a safely packed writer's block. I still need to figure out how to make it stable enough to use as a building material, so I wouldn't suggest opening it if you're inclined to write.

Welcome to the boards. My gift to you is some Bleepka and a small note that reads "It's important to read the constitution and also post fics in fic threads that are still on the front page." I don't know if mediums other than text are covered.

But I have another suggestion for you. There is a limit to the number of threads that are visible on the board’s main page, but no limit to the number of replies to these threads. Before starting a new thread, and thus pushing a thread that may still be relevant off the first page, so that nobody ever looks at it again, it’s recommended to check whether there is already an ongoing discussion. There are currently three threads discussing badfic on the upper half of the first page, and your question could have been added to any of them. Please keep this in mind for future requests.

HG

Hmm...I don't think I'd be a stalker, but you never know. I'd try to befriend Lady Eowyn cause she's cool, and Legolas because Eru knows the poor elf needs a break from his army of lusters.

Of course I'd do the homework; can't risk Elf-lords or whoever getting mad at me. (ESPECIALLY not Lord Elrond...hoo boy...) No mini-Balrog here, thanks.

It'd probably be for writing a 'Stu or something. Romance and stuff along those lines never interested me. I don't think I'd be glomping or stalking anybody.

I would actually try to do the homework, and try to befriend some of the Dwarves. (Although since I don't have a very hard head, it probably wouldn't go that well…) And Mini-Balrog? I have no idea. Possibly one of Thorin's (or whatever his mini is) party.

:)

I have a mini-Balrog Khazad-Dym, but I'd attend the OFUM to finally get through the Silmarillion. I've started it several times, and I even like all of it that I have read, but I always end up putting it down and forgetting about it for months, until I have to start over again.

I feel terribly uneducated whenever one of these Tolkien threads pops up, because it is clearly fascinating to get into the details and history.

I am very interested in early blackpowder weaponry, especially the weirder examples. I'm also very interested in applying that sort of thing to Middle-Earth and seeing what happens. Logically, this'd mean a great deal of time spent carving wood, forging thin metal tubes, and blowing m'self up as part of the testing process. It'd also likely mean I repeatedly fell foul of the OFU's administration because Guns Don't Belong In Middle-Earth, but I'm also familiar with the fates of early Christian martyrs.

There is nothing the staff of an OFU could do to me that is worse than what happened to early Christian martyrs.

Trust me on this.

=]

... and what would happen to you there?

Personally, I'd probably end up at OFAS. Luckily for the staff, lusting isn't in my nature, but they would have to cope instead with a veritable artillary of questions (and possible intellectual sparring in the form of debates). The brunt of it would probably be directed at the Borg Queen about her technology - if possible from just out of reach, but more likely I'd just get caught off guard and assimilated anyway.

In any case, I would give my all to the homework, because I like top grades.

I love OFUM - it's what led me to the PPC in the first place, and I'd really just want to try to learn. A chance to be tutored by all the characters, and therefore get it done properly (especially Elrond)? YES PLEASE.

Learn. Honestly, I'm kind of embarrassed by my lack of Tolkien knowledge compared to the rest of this community. I've read The Silmarillion, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, but it's just too much to get my head around . . .

So yeah. I would put myself into the school work and learn as much as I could about the world, so that I might actually be able to write a PPC mission in it someday . . .

As for minis, I would prefer a more obscure character's misspelling, like Tom Bombadil or Radagast. Or maybe a location mini.

I'm the walking Tolkien encyclopaedia amongst my friends, so I imagine I'd actually do the homework. I'd take this as a unique opportunity to learn Sindarin and Quenya, and I would probably stalk Lindir/Figwit and Arwen.

I joke about majoring in Elvish Studies at OFUM with a minor in Hobbit and Dwarvish Studies, but truth be told I would probably pursue this at OFUM because I'm insane like that.

Also, I would adopt one of the Frodo minis.

I WAS at OFUM. I went back for a second year too; different major.

Can you find me? I made two cameos!

~AW~

I guess I would attempt to adopt a Gandalf food creature, actually do homework. Maybe the mini Frooodo would adopt me.

Would there ever be a continuation of OFUM because of the recent Hobbit movies?

Also I would try to find someone to teach me at least one of the languages, because I've been wanting to learn for awhile.

-Aila

Afterwards I would do homework.

Arasgorn. Adopted from Miss Cam via the old OFUM mailing list, no less, though I was too late to the party to actually participate in OFUM or OFUM2. Alas.

As I recall, I wanted to join the Society of Not-As-Obvious Lusters as the next-best thing to a group of people who admire platonically without lusting at all. I was (and am) a huge Aragorn fan, but I never wanted to jump his bones, because ew, he looks like he's old enough to be my father and is old enough to be my grandfather. Do Not Want. >.
No, what I wanted was to be his apprentice or something. I wanted to go on the most awesome camping trips through the most awesome country and ride horses and learn wilderness survival and herbal remedies. I wanted to be a Ranger.

In practice, however, I would probably avoid the hell out of anyone I recognize, because I have a tendency to be reduced to a gibbering idiot if forced to actually talk to people I admire. I would be such an attentive student, though. Like whoa.

What would I do first, though? Stop panicking, pick my jaw up from the floor, figure out where all the important rooms are and how to keep track of time, and go exploring. Wait for me, hS! I'm coming, too!

~Neshomeh

And help him blow the entire complex to kingdom come. Then do much the same to every other OFU I could find before people started to notice a pattern.

I'm not a fan of the ethos of an OFU. They just feel like internment camps for people who aren't as au fait with a novel as someone else. Attendance is a punishment for liking a series while not being a good author, and that appalls me.

Well, I'd definitely (try to) do the homework: Netilardo showcases my attempt to do something of the sort (I might try my hand at the essays handed out in OFUM sometime... hmm). I'd probably sign up for classes with as many Noldor as I could find, and would definitely spend a lot of time in the library.

Apart from that, I'd probably mostly stay as quiet as possible. Well... other than keeping a lookout for any First Age staff members (who aren't Morgoth). And constantly trying to sneak out and look around the world in general - I mean, who wouldn't?

I rather suspect there's going to be a little huddle of PPC Boarders in the Library, planning our next move... that might actually be worth writing. I'll see who else chimes in. Muaha.

hS

It seems we are two people short and way too for down the page.

I've never played the game before, but having seen the rules, I'm willing to try my hand.

It's been a while since I've tried to take over Europe.

and I'd be interested in playing. Two-day turns should be enough for me as well.

Though, don't expect me to last very long. I tend to not be very good at such games.

Good, long turns would be perfect for me and my work schedule.

July's story kinda caused me to write something for the Protectorate of Plort, too, though I fear it is nowhere near as good as her story... but whatever. Here it is:

Once upon a time, in the distant land of Tivit, lived a foreign monk. First raised in the island nation of West-north, he quietly practised the martial art of Arpying — whose practitioners assumed the visage of others — in the monastery of Agog. Yet he yearned for something more.
Hearing rumours about the Protectorate of Plort and its fabled knights, one day he simply left the monastery. The great wars have moved elsewhere, and the Great Incident and Storm of Fury were things of the future; for a while peace reigned in the land of Tivit, and his journey was peaceful.
He arrived at Borrd on a clear night when the stars shone brightly and the Sirocco was blowing. For a while he settled there, but he did not find the satisfaction he sought, so he packed his belongings again and moved to Iric.
However, it was a time of unrest. Whispered conversations in the inns of La Wunj accused the reigning baron of cruelty, of greedy ambition. At first he did not believe the rumours, for he was naturally trusting. Soon, though, he clashed with the baron. It was not a matter of great import; a disagreement concerning a metaphysical statement, no more, but to the monk it seemed like the whole world hinged on the answer.
For a while he seethed quietly, but a time came when he could stand it no longer. Rejecting the revolutionaries that now plagued the region as the dangerous men they were, he instead went into exile, leaving Konty-nyuum for the island kingdom of Ydyff, where he fought in their wars for a time.
But the desire that drove him to seek Plort in the first place was still strong in his heart, so after a while he returned. The ship that brought him back was small but well-maintained, a parting gift from his commanding officer; he arrived at Borrd once again when the Sirocco was blowing and the stars were bright. Making his way through the streets, he quickly left the city.
Living for a time in the wildernesses of Baron Huinesoron’s domain, he chanced one day upon a queer sight. A knight was hard at work at a forge, whose fire was provided by a young woman. He approached them, and they soon became friends, bringing him to their abode in a hidden vale not far from where he encountered them.
For a while he was content to learn, working with the knight, who dubbed himself the Fast Seneschal, at his forge and with the woman — Karrin the Blue — at her library; but tragedy struck after but a short while. One day the monk returned to the library only to find Karrin tearing her hair out in agony, for she has seen a vision of a great Marizu leader raising an army for an attack on their abode. As the smith-knight was absent, they stowed away on a ship bound toward the Marizu lands.
Their battle with the Marizu leader, Nova, was long and hard; fortunately they had secured the help of a wandering knight, else they would have surely perished. At the end they triumphed, and, weary and wounded, they made their way back home.
Ever since then the monk is quietly toiling at the secret abode, practicing the dual arts of Beytah and Arpying with his friends. From time to time he ventures forth to slay the Marizu, and once every few months Ydyff’s king requests his services yet again, but for the most part he quietly sits in his library, learning.

A veritable blast from the past!

Great to see you back, however temporarily, and best of luck with your ongoing Navy career. My brothers in the (Australian) navy, so have more than a passing interest in matters nautical.

Elcalion

Welcome Back, July! \o/ to an infinite degree!

As a pretty-much total newbie, I've no idea who you are. But I loved your post anyway.

Glad to see you back!

You should write a book about it! Without the Internet puns, of course ;) (And if you haven't done so already, could you please provide a handy guide to your terms? I get some of the puns, but things like Bie and Tivit...not so much.)

Nice to see you again! It's always nice to see a familiar face come 'round again.

Truly, this is the time of the returnbies. AW is back, VM poked her head in a few weeks ago (I think), and various others have rejoined the fold.

--Obligatory reference to your profession--

Surprising indeed. (I was back then? I was back then.)
That said... immigrants from Tivit sounds awfully familiar to me. I hope I became less... irritating than I was back then.

Let joy be unconfined, for July has returned! Cue the confetti and fireworks! Roll out the barrels! Do other celebratory things!

In all seriousness, though, it's good to see you again. I got a kick out of your Konti-Nyuum return story.

*glomps* My liege-lady! Oh man I am so happy to see you again on here =3

..wait should I do the bowing to she who bestowed upon me a title? Or does the title mean bowing is no longer necessary?

Ah well. *bowage*

I'll keep it up and going for a few hours, on the off chance anyone wants to play.

Game is here and the password is "ppc".

Given the game is Cards Against Humanity, I would suggest not joining if you're somewhere where NSFW things are unappreciated, and to bring some brain bleach with you if you do decide to join in.

Also it's fairly unrepentedly awful because it is truly playing against humanity. Worst person wins.

I'm glad to have you back, if just for a little while. {= )

~Neshomeh

That was very impressive tale, and will be added to the Cyclopaedia forthwith. (Though there may be questions about some of the names - there's a lot of new stuff in there).

It was also good to find out exactly who was responsible for my first barony being overtaken by republican (as in, supporting a republic - no connection to the US political party) rabble. Good grief, with that and the El-Jheycom loyalists, it's shocking the whole island didn't collapse into civil war. (In-universe, that is - the real world is slightly different. ;))

So. Welcome back. I hope you have a good month-and-a-half, and (in case I forget later) good luck with the Navy!

hS

I am so glad to hear from you again! :D I haven't seen you online in forever and I was worried.

I'm glad things are finally happening on the military front, after all the delays they out you through. I still wish you had more time to hang out, too, though.

Um, also, I noticed you locked some of your PPC GDocs. Were you planning to reopen those? 'Cause I still hadn't finished reading all of your missions. <_>

That was a beautifully done re-intro. Absolutely amazing.

I think I recognise your name, if only from your stories!

Anyways, welcome back!

*showers July with packing peanuts*

(And your Plort story was wonderfully done, and the last sentence reminded me of Night Vale, and I use way to many exclamation points on returnbie posts. Hi!)

-Aila

It's great to see you again, July!

*Dumps Potatoes on you* Have twenty potato batteries and a rusty spork!

Welcome to the PPC! A Zoids fan, eh? Chaotic Century or New Generation?

Either way, have your choice of Liger figurine!

So far I've had a lot of pretty nice welcomes and the such.
However, as for creating an agent, I might work on one and in about a week have a link up to a "profile" of sorts-- because I tend to code entire websites for my characters because it's fun to me, and then after getting that done and being around for awhile (About six months?) i'll request permission. (But i'm a bit hyped to get a character done specifically for this, which says a lot given how i'm NEVER excited about writing anything unless I know enough people, even thought I've been writing for about fourteen years now, and on top of that never enjoyed the concept of writing a fanfiction.)

Usually I point newbies toward the Constitution, the Original Series and the wiki, but you seem to have made your homework, so I'll just offer you this cup of Sencha tea. Just don't let the leaves eat you.

Glad to hear you're interested in us. I hope you warm up to the concept eventually. In the meantime, have a bag of jelly beans to munch on as you read. :)

Hey there, welcome to the PPC. Have a pair of earmuffs.

Hello from one Newbie to another. Maybe we can help each other make sense of things.

And have these special polarized glasses that make urple things appear wilver, or vice versa. (No-one has ever dared test them to find out.)

Hello and greetings!

I give to you now a lined Infinite Notebook, featuring urple covers and wilver binding. Avert your eyes!

-Aila

... are you saying you don't like the idea of the PPC? Because that's what I'm getting, and it makes me wonder why you're joining a fan community for it...

Either way, hello! Welcome a'Board.

hS

Which is actually an extraordinarily good thing for the PPC, actually, considering how rarely some continua are represented here.

Anyway, welcome to the PPC! We love newbies here, so take your shoes off, leave your sanity at the door, and come on in!

As a welcome gift, I'll gift you some music by Berio: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NW30g2tPmDA

Have some chocolate, some Bleepka, and a scale model of a Console complete with a small button that makes the signature [BEEP!].

Have a slice of pizza and a gin & tonic (if you don't drink, it can be exchanged for a tonic & tonic)!

I have several points of concern:

- Your introduction post is still on the front page. We generally prefer people to have been active in the community longer than one week before we give them the keys to the playground.

- The Konami Code is not even trying to be anything resembling number. Also, IMO, it's kind of an eyesore when it crops up in the midst of a narrative.

- I think Billy's backstory of chasing after an underage girl to show her that stalking is wrong is part of his badfic, but that's still exceptionally creepy. I'm not really seeing what redeeming qualities caused the agents on the mission to have recruited him. That coupled with his tendency to relapse into Suedom really worries me.

- In the first writing sample, there's a statement that the agents can't go to the Canon Library because they might get a mission and would have no way to contact each other. This is a bit silly, since if it were true, no one would ever leave their RCs. Most agents tend to settle for the low-tech method of "tracking the other one down on foot," but there are cell phones and even more futuristic communications devices to be had in HQ, too—and Bob has a Pidgey. I'm thinking carrier pigeon, maybe? Plus, what with the Laws of Narrative Irony, actively waiting for a mission would tend to make it not happen.

- In the second writing sample... that's AU, right? I mean, if Billy does enjoy badfic sincerely, and not in the sense that mocking it is fun, I really have to insist you find another partner for Bob. {= / (Note to PGs: This prompt is maybe not great? How many ways can we think of to write it in a way that shows us something good instead of worrisome?)

- Did you use a beta for your writing samples? I caught several SPaG errors, including:

-- "Man, I’m so bored!" exclaimed Billy - Missing quotation mark.

-- The hedgehog lashed out at this remark. “Are you kidding me?!" - Missing period.

-- “If you mean the fact that" - "man" should be "mean."

-- Billy was about to continue his argument when the console, in what was presumably a show of kindness - "wat" should be "was."

-- “Seriously?! My Little Pony?!” - Titles of long works, such as TV series, are italicized.

-- Too many missing or misplaced commas to account for here.

So, for those reasons, I must say Permission Denied for the time being. Hang around a good while longer, work on your agents, keep reading the Original Series and other spinoffs, and try again another time. {= )

~Neshomeh

As the title thing says, I could also use some opinions on my fanfiction stuff. These will be the basis on which I do my own series, Imaginations Collide, which I have mentioned on here before. I have five (though one of them is my first Imaginations Collide episode, which I posted before I learned that the sort of thing wasn’t allowed), so here is the link to my profile. https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4238396/Dark-Brother-16

Constructive criticism is begged for, and if you read my Star Wars the Clone Wars - Irad's Adventures story, please give as much as possible. Especially on that one. They are all being rewritten. That's why I need the help.

I don't know the continuum at all, but I can help with the SPaG. Either send me the link to the GDoc (if you have one) or e-mail me at sonofheaven176[at]gmail.com

Sorry I didn't welcome you earlier; I kind of got grounded. ^_^'

Anyway, have a mooing kitty!

As has been mentioned before, you really should take the time to go over the Constitution and read the Original Series, as well as take a look at the Wiki. The links to those three sites are at the top of the Board's main page.

So, how did you run across the PPC, anyway?

As for your newbie gift: have a snowglobe with a duplicate of your favorite fictional locate in it!

Welcome to the PPC! Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object. :)

Please find enclosed one trio of purple socks, a lemon square, and the solar chip from a solar calculator.

Nice to meet you! Please accept my gifts of a potato cannon, a basket of golden potatoes, and an Official Fanfiction University of Doctor Who sweatshirt.

I see you like BBC Sherlock. Have you seen Season/Series 3?

Hi! Please accept the gifts of a Bleeprin-laced custard pie and a collapsible unicycle! It's a thing we do round here, much like scream incessant rage at an uncaring void. But we have fun doing it so that's A-okay!

In regards to showing you the ropes, I'd recommend looking through the Original Series and, shortly thereafter, some of the fiction we wrote that came afterwards. Anything by Nesh is good for that. Also, if you want a beta for your fanfic, just ask around the board. =]

I realise this may have been answered by other Boarders in the time I was asleep, but I don't feel like deleting the contents of this post. Welcome!

-Points silently to the holy trinity of Constitution, Original Series and Wiki-
-Offers a cup of tea-
-A note is attached to the cup-
Read note? y/N

Hello and welcome!

I give to you a lined Infinite Notebook, complete with urple covers and wilver binding.

Greetings!

-Aila

Always love newbies. Let's see here. For your newbie gift, I give you a mug if infinite (insert your drink of choice here).

What fandoms do you enjoy?

Sonofheaven176, Esq., at your service. Wow, we've been up to some trouble over this past year. Shipping, voting on how to deal with a discrepancy in PPC canon, a wildly popular AU thread ... and I've been working on a crossover fic! What's been going on with you?

I'm not sure I was around this time last year: I was working on Thesis.

What has happened to me this year: I made a Thesis. Yup. That's it. :D

*showers Mister Shoebox with packing peanuts*

...And... there's been, well, the usual, or what passes for usual here. So, wonderful-beautiful insanity.

-Aila

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Also, welcome back! =oD

Random things, cards against humanity games, shipfic threads, the occasional murder, newbies, a high historical/fantasy thread about the board... Nothing much.

Sorry I didn't welcome you earlier; I'm kind of grounded from the internet.

Anyway, welcome to the Board! Have a mouse that roars like a tiger! It has a little urple bow tied around its neck. ;)

And that research paper sounds really freaking awesome! My final paper was a rhetorical analysis of The Great Gatsby. Fuuuuuun.

Nice to meet a fellow newbie! What are you a fan of? How'd you find out about us? Also, have some popcorn to munch on and throw at Sues :)

Why, exactly are you researching badfic? And what types of sources are you looking for?

As for your newbie gift...here, have a Metagross! No better accompaniment to a researcher than a living supercomputer!

Here, have a bristle-brush for cleaning the inter-tubes, a bar of bleepolate, and some gel pencils. Yes, gel pencils. They aren't the sharpest, but they come in pretty colors!

Have a replica sized console complete with a button that triggers the signature [BEEP!]

Nice to meet you. Please accept my gifts of a potato cannon, a basket of russet potatoes, and an Official Fanfiction University of Doctor Who sweatshirt.

So, do you have any fandoms?

Greetings and hello!

I hereby give to you a lined Infinite Notebook, complete with urple covers and wilver binding. Don't look at it straight on!

-Aila

Welcome to the PPC! Enjoy this Unidentified Electronic Device. We don't know what it does.

We've known about the Hyparlink Road for some time, and L'Urque is known to be on a major road, too. There at at least four ports on Konti-Nyuum - Borrd, Mei'n Payj, Tumblar and La Wunj - and, presumably, stuff gets from them to the other cities somehow

Here's how:



As you can see, the big loser on the road network front is Iric (and eastern Borrd) - while there are large passes into Wechi and Ozerbord, the former Kingdom of Chaett is solidly walled off by the Larninkurvs - and, where La Wunj itself is concerned, another set of mountains and a river (seriously, is no-one going to give Iric's geography appropriate names?).

On the other hand, the east is the clear winner when it comes to sea traffic. The Western Arc allows shipping from Borrd to Tumblar, much of which then takes the Pankae Road inland and through to La Wunj. The Eastern Arc, passing through the recently-discovered Tumblar Gap in the reefs, forms the near end of the Tumblar Route, which reaches all the way to the distant Scholars' Empire and Federation of Academia. La Wunj, with the massive Chaett Break in the reef, is even better off - ships sail in from all the lands to the east, but primarily vast Somath-Aful and wealthy Autor.

The rest of Konti-Nyuum is limited to only two trade routes - or perhaps even one. The northern Hyparlink, heading to Tivit, is well-travelled, but the southern extension heads into waters roamed by troll pirates, and then to Marizu-controlled shores.

Borrd, Wechi, and Ozerbord are tied together by a well-developed network of roads. The north-south Hyparlink and the west-east Great Western Highway are the most prominent, and their intersection has made Vaekew a significant trade hub - particularly since the Iron Highway also terminates there, bringing ore from the western mines. Of course, officially there is no Iron Highway - just the El-Jheycom Road from Vaekew to Andboc - but the barons Neshomeh and Araeph show surprisingly little concern about the masses of smuggling over the Obrefs from Risersh.

The Wattuf Mountains were in Plort's early days considered impassable, until the Quest of the Five discovered the pass now named after them. The proximity of the Pass to the headwaters of the river Wep have spurred development in the area, and much of the output of the mines now takes the Copperway through a bored-out tunnel, north to Ozerbord, and then follows the O-Road and Coast Road to Borrd.

One of the less-travelled, but most important, roads is the Knights' Road, an offshoot of the GWH. It is this road that prospective knights take on their pilgrimages to the Purmeshun Range, and the sides of the road are littered with shrines and monuments.

---

That was surprisingly fun. Now I have to figure out how to fit it into the Cyclopaedia... :(

hS

Neshomeh said last time round that Wechi is basically Scotland - independent, mountainous, self-sufficient. So that got me thinking: what are the other nations of our little Union?

Borrd - England. Oldest (though technically Scotland is sort of older - it depends how you think of the union with England), largest, most populous. It probably holds the most political power, too - and under the baronial system, Borrd has always had the most barons, and thus the greatest influence on the Council.

Ozerbord - Wales. The least populous, Ozerbord is generally content to be run by a Borrd baron - though it does harbour some thoughts of full independence. It's also mountainous, and hosts a song-and-story contest.

Iric - Ireland, the Republic Of. Fiercely independent from Borrd, Iric is only grudgingly in the Union at all (much like Ireland only grudgingly shares the British Isles). It also has a significant history as an independent nation, what with the existence of Chaett. Which of course means...

The Barony of Cassie - Northern Ireland. Cassie's barony lies in Borrd now, but it was once part of Chaett. I imagine there were long debates over where it should be assigned when Iric was formed - and possibly even actual fighting. It's an uneasy part of Borrd, at best.

The former El-Jheycom - Cornwall. Part of Borrd, but with a long-past independent history, El-Jheycom is trying quietly to reestablish itself as a full member of the Union. It also has strong ties with Ozerbord, much as Cornwall does with Wales.

L'Urque - Berwick-upon-Tweed. A little border town between Borrd and Wechi, it's a perpetual debate as to which country it's actually in. Much like Berwick, which changed hands between England and Scotland repeatedly for 400 years.

hS

I don't quite have the wherewithal to come up with detailed descriptions, but I have some ideas. For the Elvish device, something using kudzu leaves and flowers with vines woven in the middle would look nice, and maybe some spikes and points reminiscent of exclamation marks. White background, silver border.

I'll have to think more about a shield, but my motto is "Preview twice, publish once."

~Neshomeh

but I wanted to get your attention. I've sent you an e-mail; please keep an eye out for it.

I really like your Elvish device, most excellent.

Knight Ælcalen's device (Elvish, of course) would be:
Ner royal blue; rena silver; canta nastar alta tera, brown curved violin neck ending in scrolls; cantar nastar nica, rays of silver star; canta miri, linden leaf; canta miri, linden leaf.

The ship Ysæs's device would be:
Ner black; canta nastar alta tera, rayed star beams; canta nastar nica tera waterlily flowers; canta miri waterlily leaves; canta miri waterlily leaves.
(If I got that right, essentially the ESAS flashpatch translated into Elvish heraldry?).

Can I make claim to the town of L'Urque, lying in the mountain glades of the Lhawgin Heights beside one of the main roads between the former nation of El-Jheycom and Wechi?

L'Urque grew up around the mead-hall of Ælcalen, being a convenient place for travellers between Borrd and Wechi to stay their journey and take refreshment of song and drink by the hearth.

The arms of L'Urque are:

On vert, a bend argent, below a harp or and above a tankard argent.

Elcalion, armigerous

Heraldic: Shield Vert, above a stalk of kangkung proper and under a stack of coins argent, a quill bendwise Or with shaft argent, on a stalk of paddy vert with seeds Or bend sinister.

Formal English: Green Field Shield. On it, on the topmost part of the shield, a stalk of kangkung, a creeping plant, coloured green with white roots. Huinesoron's quill placed diagonally from left to right. It is placed overlapping a stalk of rice with green stem and golden seeds. Under this, there is a stack of silver coins, three pieces in total.

Could anyone draw this for me? If it's not what I had in mind, I will comment further. If how I write it is wrong, I'll correct it. And I take Huniesoron's pen on my device, as I have to emphasise that my town is under him somehow. And I'm not good at quartering. Maybe I'll try to snap a pic on my desired shield and paste it as reply here tomorrow.

Feel free to ask me for any translations. Or at the very least use a dictionary that can actually translate into Latin, such as Whitaker's WORDS (though you will need a fair bit of knowledge of Latin in order to make use of the program's output).

As I've mentioned in a different thread, please do not use Google Translate to translate something into Latin (unless you are deliberately going for bad Latin for the sake of comedy); Google Translate sucks at translating into Latin!

Once upon a time, in the land of Tivit, lived a mage by the name of Karrin the Blue. In the earlier years of her life, she dwelt in the calmer outlands of Fanvik-Neht, but all records of work in that time have been lost. She then left those lands and walked with a tribe of Bronee before finding the land of Tivit, where she studied the art of Arpying.

From the libraries of Tivit she learned the ways by which the nations of the Scholars Empire had been founded and learned of their shared traits. And in time she learnt to recognize the traits of the Marizu, whose ways had been nigh-unheard of to her as they rarely ventured to the outlands where she had lived.

One day, in her studies she heard tell of the land of Plort, and set off with her books of magic and gods. Though she was inexperienced in the ways of fighting the Marizu, it was not long before she began to make raids into the familiar outlands to cull the rare incursions she discovered. In these battles she found aid in the Fast Seneschal and later a monk, and often she used her knowledge of the magic of Beytah to aid them.

She continued in this way until one day she saw a vision of the Marizu war-leader, Nova, and the desolation she had brought to the lands of Fanvik-Neht where Karrin had once roamed. She and the monk travelled to defeat her, and though the battle was long and hard, Karrin the Blue dealt the death-blow herself.

Though the battle against the scourge Nova had been won, it was not without cost - during their campaign the mage had been observing the festival of Nahn-Oh Wry-Moh, and she found herself exhausted. She returned to her home, retreating from the societies of Plort to meditate and regathering her strength, making frequent pilgrimages to the lands of Tivit and Aohtree, and seeking new knowledge in the port town of Tumblar. Having since honed her skills in Arpying, Beytah, Vew'zorse, and Eich-Tee-Ehm-Ehl, she now undertakes scouting missions into the Marizu lands, though the results are kept hidden until she believes that she has gathered enough information to be of use.

-------------
Her motto is "Spes est scintilla magna et dura facie domuit indifferentia non universi," which is google translate Latin for "Hope is the spark that is not subdued in the face of the vast and callous indifference of the universe," which itself is a paraphrase from this: "Hope? Hope is not the absence of tragedy, my friend. It is the conviction that tragedy can be endured. Hope is the spark in you that is not subdued in the face of the vast and callous indifference of the universe. Hope is that which is not shattered by hardship. Hope is the urge to fight what is wrong even when you know it will destroy you. Hope is the decision to love and need someone knowing that they will one day die. For me to promise that there are no obstacles would be the cruelest lie I could possibly tell. That lie is not hope. Hope is the will which needs no lies," which is a quote from http://travisbeacham.tumblr.com/post/59911992881/ochinkun-there-is-a-thing-about-the-pacific-rim

Since I've already posted my story down there in July's thread, I'll just link to the monk Thanasius Ampelius' English heraldic device: argent, a raven volant azure.
(The Elvish way is a bit too confusing for me.)
As to his motto... since we're in the business of pretentiousness, I'll just put this piece of Latin beauty here: Errare humanum est, perseverare autem diabolicum, et tertia non datur. (Trans.: To err is human, to persevere in error is diabolical, and a third option does not exist.)

(Roughly to the tune of the Red March)
---
See now, Konti-Nyuum,
What wonders the dawn brings,
All the light touches
Is yours now to own,
For our fallen heroes,
Whom our hearts avenge still,
Took this sacred country
And made it their own

=CHORUS=
Rise, commoners and nobles!
Rise up against the speshul!
For only through union
Shall our hearts fly free!
=CHORUS=
---
It continues in similarly overblown vein for about nine years, much like the best national anthems.

Very well done, Cynic. *salute* Somebody out there should start/write a Complete PPC (Filk) Songbook. I actually wrote the first verse and chorus of an "I'm a Believer" parody, if anyone cares about Smash*Mouth...

Seriously, can we please do that big songbook thing? Please?

Antigone68104 beat me to The Dubliners link below, so here's a version by The High Kings.

That was a great one! I could hear it in Ronnie Drew's voice while reading it. Excellent filk. I loved the line about 'Never mind I said the same thing last year." Perfect lyrics for a PPC agent.

Would it be okay to have Agent Cali mention this song at some point? He's a Dubliners fan. I know they aren't the only ones that have recorded this song, but they have my favorite version.

Very nice picture, too.

Bravo! Bravissimo!

And that picture was gorgeous ;3

I'm not very good with filk, so I'll just leave this Irish drinking song here.

Lekhaim!

The filk is great. Could you post a link to an appropriate version of the tune? I'm having trouble placing it.

The picture is fun, too. Good colors—would I be right that they're drinking Guinness? Shading is a touch subtle, but nice. They all have some very long schnozes on them, though, especially apparent on the two women in profile. It's not as obvious on Danny, since men tend to have larger heads with longer faces than women, but still a factor. Are you going for a sort of anime-ish look? (If not, I really love Majnouna's tutorials. They're drawn simply and very easy to adapt to your own style, whether more cartoony or more realistic.)

Sláinte!

~Neshomeh

(I can't help it; I know so many Irish drinking songs, I just had to)

To the tune of 'If You're Irish':

If you're an agent, come into the RC,
There's a welcome here for you!
And if your name is Jay or Acacia,
As long as you're an Assassin, there's a welcome on the mat
Oh if you come from the DBS, or the DIC's good too
Just give us some Bleeprin, we'll make a fuss
Whoever you are, you're one of us,
If you're insane, this is the place for you!

(And so on.)

~DF

Good filk!

Quarantined means you can't get in or out, period. You can look at the continuum--but try to portal there, and it will fail, probably in an amusing and embarrassing fashion, if the Ironic Overpower has anything to say about it.

Crossover between a quarantined and non-quarantined continuum means that the quarantined characters are replacements, automatically, because the badfic writer can't get to the originals. (And I'm assuming badfic here, because anyone who writes fanfic and posts it against the express wishes of the author of the original story is just being bratty.)

Consider the author of the non-quarantined continuum, though. Most authors respect an author's authority over their work, and that respect is infused into the continua they create. When a badfic tries to invade, bringing with it cheap copies of characters from a quarantined continuum, most non-quarantined continua will reject the attempt to cross over, and the badfic author is forced to create replacements for both continua.

When a continuum is opened to fanfic and the PPC gets at it for the first time, then, it's likely to be untouched. But that doesn't mean there's not some clean-up left to do.

The intentions of the author govern a story. When there's a crossover between a quarantined and non-quarantined continuum, there are three authors involved--the author who imposed the quarantine, the author of the other continuum, and the author of the fic. When the quarantine is lifted, a fic that once existed as a replacement copy that couldn't touch the originals may, obeying the badfic author's desires, drift toward one or both continua.

Now that the original authors' wishes no longer completely close the continuum, such floating badfic may--if they are bad enough--attempt to latch on to one or both continua, resulting in a random mix of OOC, replacement characters, and even replacement objects and locations. The PPC may have to step in to clear these badfics out.

It would be a lot like any other mission. Replacements which are close enough to in-character might just merge with their originals, without too much damage. But there's an increased chance of getting "clones" of canon characters, locations, objects, and other bits of canon that didn't quite mesh properly when the badfic latched on to its new host continuum. The more OOC they are from their originals, the more likely that the new continuum can't match the replacements to who they were supposed to be.

the point of our Creativity Shield explanation is to respect the authors' wishes and not include elements of those stories in our missions. There may not be an obvious in-universe explanation for why the PPC doesn't do that sort of crossover, but in the real world, we can't write missions like that simply because we are not allowed.

The Wiki claims the crossover'd elements count as original fiction, but I don't like that; it leaves open the chance for PPC writers to argue that, since it's not really a crossover any more, they can mission it and kill all the quarantined canon characters as OCs who don't fit the setting.

I'm also not sure it stands up to precedent, specifically the Anne McCaffrey precedent. Brown DragonRider of Pern was PPC'd as Pern fanfic after the quarantine was lifted - but it was written beforehand. So did lifting the quarantine suddenly turn OCs into canon characters?

It looks like the 'author generates a Creativity Shield' explanation is generally accepted (sigh... I remember when Fanfic Land actually impacted the real PPC... those were the days. Given that it's canonically known to have happened, I guess we set a CS up in around '06. Wonder where we got it?). So what would a fanfic become when it hit a creativity shield?

Well, we claim that 'The PPC itself is a semi-quarantined continuum, with prospective authors requiring Permission and no unauthorized spinoffs allowed.' So what status does an unauthorised PPC story have? We certainly wouldn't claim it was 'just' plagiarised original fiction - we'd claim it was, well, unauthorised PPC fiction. It doesn't impact the real PPC because its effect bounces off the shield. There's never been any hint that you can actually go into those stories (unlike actually plagiarised change-all-the-names stories).

So my guess is, attempts to breach quarantine actually fail to resolve. If you point a portal at one, it simply fails. There's no destination: fanfiction relies on pulling the canons (or the essence of the canons, or something from the canons) across to reify its world; with a creativity shield in place, it has nothing to draw on, and is just words on a page.

So what happens if you have a story that will 'load' half its canons, but not the others? Sounds like a recipe for a total system crash to me. One minute an agent is listening to Legolas expound on the beauty of trees, the next minute they're shunted out of existence as the story becomes straight text for a quarantined character's lines. And scenes where they interact would be even worse. I'm pretty sure it would be unwritable, at any rate, even if it weren't forbidden.

hS

that since quarantined continuum fanfiction basically produces a plagiarized copy of said continuum, what the agents would need to do would be kill all the characters from the quarantined continuum. They aren't actually those characters- just doppelgängers. And those doppelgängers would be contaminating the non-quarantined continuum.

At least, that's what I think. Does that make sense?

According to the wiki, due to A Song of Ice and Fire being quarantined, it's impossible for PPC agents to go into the series. Therefore, the same holds true for any other quarantined canon, even if it's been crossed over with something else.

So, the short answer is no.

Hello there. Here's a second shelf for you, in case you ever need to get more Tolkien goodies.

Please find enclosed some baker's chocolate, a wooden spoon, and a very shiny space pen!

I totally forgot. My first fandom was Starwars

Have a statue of movie!Smaug. I'm glad you're excited to have found us! (Introduce your agent later, when you're asking for Permission. Have you read the wiki page about it?) Yes, cowrites have happened before.

I'd very much like to read your fanfiction. What fandom is it in? (And yes, you can be a culinary arts major (chef/baker) at certain schools. I just don't know which ones.)

Please drop a link to your fanfic in the thread. I'd be only too glad to give a bit of good old-fashioned concrit. On the other subject, er...

Basically, it's like this. People write crossovers all the time. Like, I'mma get one in the works with m'colleague Iximaz after my next two missions are done, she's doing one with World-Jumper, it's one big happy family. However, it's generally considered bad form to use a co-written fic as a means of bypassing the permissions process. You'll still need to get permission in order to write anything yourself, which is the best part of writing for the PPC IMO, so whatever happens you'll still have a bit of time to wait.

If you want, pop a link to a document containing your agent's details on the Board and I'll give them a once-over. It's that or staring over the chalk cliffs of my home and watching the last light of day drift gently onto cool blue water. Or Boggle. =]

Have a replica sized console complete with a button that triggers the signature [BEEP!]

Like Iximaz said, it's definitely a good idea to wait on permission. I tried getting it around one week after making my introduction and that didn't go so well.

Always nice to see new people! Did I already give you a present? Um... Oh well! If I did, I don't care. Have a hellspawn chinchilla!

So, a few things- I see you've read the Constitution, which is always awesome, but I will say it again: watch your spelling, punctuation, and grammar. I've noticed a couple of typos in your post and while mistakes do happen, you should still take the time to double check your post. ;) Paragraphs also help, since it can be a little eye straining to read a big block of text.

And as a matter of fact, yes, people do cowrite with others. A friend of mine and I are currently working as a team (I write, she keeps me sane), and another Boarder, World-Jumper, and I are taking on an MLP badfic right now. And, of course, we can't forget the Original Series itself!

I don't see why you couldn't go ahead and describe your agent, since getting concrit before asking pemission is always helpful. But you won't get permission just because you get positive feedback. It takes time. So just have fun, and wait on permission for a while. Get to know everyone!

Welcome aBoard!

Upon hearing the loud knock at his RC door, Copernicus almost involuntarily looked up to focus on it. The golem briefly weighed the benefits of ignoring the sound and continuing to fine-tune the charge port for his new mini-Colossus with the cons that might result if whoever was on the other side tried to force the door open. Opting for the path that would at least allow him more prep time for interaction, he stood up, taking a brief moment to untangle a wire from his cogs.

"Excuse me, Anersin," he said to the mini perched on the couch. "I have to answer this." Anersin beeped in acknowledgement as Copernicus walked toward the special-sized RC door, and watched as he opened it with a massive clockwork hand.

Upon doing so, however, the golem was confronted with the sight of a short Dersite with his hands in the pockets of an enormous, garishly-colored coat. No two patches were alike in color or texture, the lapels in particular contrasting brightly with its more-or-less red theme, and seemingly as an afterthought, the being's normally-bald head was adorned with a floppy blond wig.

"Hey, Nick!" the Dersite greeted him familiarly as he squeezed around his partner's mechanical bulk into the RC. "Still here, huh? I thought you'd either be down looking for a costume or up in the Observatory hiding again."

The golem only spared a moment to be baffled before remembering who he was dealing with. He sighed, the noise producing a grinding hum deep in his vocal vents. He would need to use simple, direct questions. "Hiding from what, Lonny? And why exactly are you dressed like that?"

"What, like this?" Lonny performed a theatrical half-twirl. "I'm Colin Baker! I got this costume for a steal down at the general store. Well, the coat, mostly. Kelemen said he'd been having a hard time selling it."

Copernicus shifted the position of his feet to get a better look at the coat, and quickly realized that he still found it hideous, even at the new angle. "Well, then, it was very good of you to take it off of his hands, especially if there are other people searching for costumes at this time, as you implied. I know how difficult it is having to unload surplus commodities after their value as a craze item has ended."

Lonny groaned and rolled his eyes. "No, no, no. That was a perfect setup for something like 'I can't imagine why' or 'You know, there might've been a good reason for that'. You'll never learn if you don't take opportunities like this, man!"

Copernicus briefly considered pursuing this, but wrote it off as a lost cause. It would be better to ask more direct questions. "Lonny," he asked, "Why, precisely, are people buying so many costumes?"

"Oh, right!" Lonny fished around in one of the internal pockets of his new outfit and pulled out a message decorated in almost as many colors as the coat. "There's a party today! It's Purim's birthday, or anniversary, or baby shower, or something, and she wants us all to dress up! I didn't really read too far into it, honestly, because the shifting colors started to give me a headache, but hey, anyplace with free food and an opportunity to dress up like the Doctor is a place I can get behind! And you're coming with me."

"And why would that be?"

Lonny grinned, showing that his dedication to the costume hadn't included covering up his sharp Dersite teeth. "Twofold: because it'd be an opportunity to do some more of that 'meeting new people' and 'expanding cultural knowledge' you're always yakking about but never actually getting down to doing, and because without you there, there'd be no first line of defense if I decide to do something you'd regret answering questions about later. And I know you don't want that."

Copernicus thought about this for a moment, musing mostly over how non-specific his partner's second point was and weighing the possibilities for both mentioned opportunities. After a few seconds, he relented. Shuffling to the nearby closet, he carefully opened the door and lifted out several items, stacking them one by one into two piles on the floor until he pulled out a sombrero and a large blue domino mask.

"This will do." he remarked to no one in particular, and managed to loop the mask's string around his head with much less effort than one would have expected with a head as large and smooth as his.

Lonny snickered. "You know, I hadn't even considered this before, but those masks really don't have the same effect when the guy wearing them doesn't have a mouth."

"It was not my decision. They were leftovers from the Christmas party."

"Aaand another opportunity gone. 'Says the guy with the patchwork coat', maybe?" Lonny shrugged. "Whatever." His eyes brightened. "Hey, wait, the Christmas party? Do I get to hear a story from this mysterious escapade on the way to Purim's room?"

"I will never discuss the Christmas party."

"I don't think you've quite managed to capture the essence of that costume, Cali" Miah said looking up and down Cali's Men in Black suit.

"What? No way! I've got this!" Cali adjusted his grip on Helen's hand. The four-year-old was dressed as Deadpool in a princess tutu. It was Miah's idea.

"It's the blue hair that looks like it might be alive, dude."

"Better than your costume. A psychopath? Really?"

"Hey, they look just like everyone else, but underneath..."

"That has never been anything but a lame excuse for not dressing up and you know--Kyle, Kevin! No! No, slime pistols at the party!" Cali left Helen with Miah and chased after the two boys, who were dressed as generic marines.

Hannah, who was on break from junior agent training, was dressed as Zoe from Firefly. "Does he realize that those are just the decoys?"

Miah shook her head and made shushing noises as Cali came back holding the water pistols. "Seriously, where do they keep getting these things?"

Miah put her most innocent look on her face. It didn't help that Ronan was on her shoulder looking supremely smug.

"Oh. Of course."

"Hey, toots, we're here," Dinozo said before he and Magee disappeared into the crowd. They could be tracked by the loudly off-key singing of Irish pub music.

Miah shook her head. "I don't want to think about the trouble those two can get into when drunk."

"Hey, I see Florestan and Eusabius!" He darted off to join them.

Miah handed new slime guns to the boys and reminded them to take defensible positions before sliming anyone. She left Ronan near the chocolate section of the buffet. Hannah drifted into the crowd leading Helen toward the nearest gathering of children.

Hauk Tauri, Lt Colonel Samantha Cater, and their hatchling mini-Unas trailed in behind.

"Hey Unger," she said when she spotted the half-elf near the meat section of the buffet. She looked around, but didn't spot Kelok.

"Get off of me, already!" Cali shouted. Miah glanced at him. He was under a pile of minis. She shook her head. He couldn't go anywhere near a creature based mini without it glomping him.

Unger pointed to a gathering of agents in a corner. The sound of Magee and Dinozo singing "Seven Drunken Nights" could be heard from that direction. Miah rolled her eyes. A new sound stopped her mid-eyeroll. A baritone voice had joined them on the chorus. She looked at Unger who nodded. he was laughing so hard that he was holding his ribs.

"You know he's going to kill you tomorrow, right?"

Unger nodded, laughing too hard to speak.

"Come on Kelok. There'll be food. Real food," Unger said. He was joined in the puppy dog eyes department by Homles, the mini-Hound of the Baskervilles, and Khazad Dym, the mini-Balrog.

"I like the food in the cafeteria," Kelok growled.

"Hey, no fair using your Wraith growl at me! We haven't done anything in what feels like years! Besides, I want to see you drunk when it isn't a problem with your nigel."

Kelok gave him a Look. "I'll go, but I am not getting drunk."

Sometime later the baying of the mini-Hound preceded the arrival of a Stargate Atlantis Wraith dressed as Sherlock Holmes, and a D & D 3.5 half-elf dressed as Jamie McCrimmon from Dr. Who.

The minis ran off to politely greet and/or cover with glowing drool unsuspecting party goers, and Kelok and Unger settled in near the food. They didn't see anyone they knew, but then, they didn't get away from Sherlock Holmes much.

Unger began surreptitiously filling Kelok's glass with alcohol.

"Hm... Florestan, mayhaps this could be rather interesting."

Eusabius held the slip of paper that had been posted to the door.

"Oh dear, it's Purim again," Florestan said. He sighed.

"Purim?" Wave Crest asked. "I... I'm sorry, I'm not sure what that is..."

"It's a Jewish holiday," Florestan replied. "I remember the last time I went to one of those. I got really hammered..." He nursed his head. "I still get nightmares about the headaches."

"Oh, I'm sure it's not that bad," Wave Crest replied.

"Indeed," Eusabius said. He offered a smile. "Perhaps I can even see if Zerenze is willing to come..."

Florestan chuckled. "That's not gonna end well," he said immediately. "Well, unless you're the kind who loves to see what drunk aliens do."

"Hey," said Wave Crest. "It'll be awfully sweet, I think. What's the worst that could--?"

"Don't finish that sentence," Florestan replied. "You know how the Ironic Overpower is."

"Hm... I believe I shall ask him to come along, then," Eusabius said. With this, he walked over to the console. "You two should prepare yourselves as well."

"Okay," said Wave Crest. "I think this'll be fun!"

"Ugh, I hope so..." said Florestan. "I just better not be nursing a hangover when we're done here..."

Dark Lord Aakmal has just finished sweeping the floor of his textile shop when a old, fat orcwoman enters the shop.

"Ah, Bilza, how's the food at Cafeteria?"

"Horrible, my lord." Her burp however suggests otherwise. She seems to be holding a decorated basket of goodies. And its contents are triangular-shaped pastries which Aakmal has never seen in his whole life.

"And what's that you're holding?"

"Ah yes, my lord. This basket I found in our pantry. It's an invitation to celebrate... Purim, according to this card."

She walks in through the back door, thought Aakmal. "Call everyone in the shop, Bilza. Let's share the treats. Let's head back to the pantry, my throat is itching for coffee anyways."

***

Aakmal, Gashnag, Bilza, and a few other orcs are seated around the table, the basket on it, and empty of the pastries, which are now being eaten slowly by everyone.

"This biscuit is awesome, Thuglan."

"I think it's a cake, Bilza."

"Thuglan, Look at it! It's so crunchy. Cakes are never crunchy!"

"Well, mine is chewy."

"Is it, Gashnag? Let me some!"

And soon all the orcs are entangled in a quarrel over whether the pastry is a cake or biscuit. Aakmal quickly takes the basket before they ruin it, and let them quarrel for a few minutes before he blows a whistle.

"Now, that I got your attention, it's time to answer the penultimate question: Are we going there?"

Everyone nods and comments in agreement.

"And now, the ultimate question: What we are going to wear?"

Evry orcs mutters in chorus, "Eh?"

Aakmal sighs. "(Costumes encouraged), the cards say."

"I'm dressing as the prettiest princess!" shouts the male orc Gashnag.

"You're too pretty for that." comments Tughlan, to the laughter of everyone.

"Alright, I don't know when the party is going to end, and where the room actually is. Let's meet back here in 15 minutes, with or without costumes, but preferably not naked. We'll close shop for today."

***

Everyone is dressed and ready for a party. Gashnag is rocking the Lady Gaga's Rita Repulsa dress, Bilza is sporting a British Safari costume, Tughlan decides to go minimalist and employs the Indian servant dress, holding an umbrella for his wife, Larslan is wearing the Batman costume, and Daughrad is trying to look like Justin Bieber.

Dark Lord Aakmal, the claimant of Arda, the Lord of Orcs under Bukit Kepayan, the nominal servant of Morgoth... is wearing a green Baju Melayu shirt with green-and-blue checkered sarong with a cheap belt. All the orcs are looking at their lord with disbelief.

"What? I'm a simple Dark Lord, with a simple Dark needs."

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!"

"Wait, let's lock the shop first."

***

"Where's the party, my lord?"

"I have no idea."

"We've been circling the whole PPC HQ for weeks!"

"You mean we just walked for a few minutes, Daughrad."

And suddenly they found a wide-open door with a large hole in the wall right beside it. A small crowd have gathered inside the room, chatting and wondering at the hole in the wall.

"I guess here's the party."

Séverine peeked around the corner of the door--the actual doorway, not the blown-in one. After the large plant stuck in the top of the Kanak chieftain's headdress flopped down over her eyes, she adjusted the hat's flat, round part (mindful of the animal teeth ringing it) back to the top of her head. "Oui, here is this party, Yoof," she said. She edged into the room, with her Mog partner following behind.

"Ha!" Yoof barked, his voice muffled by a full-face Phantom of the Opera mask. "I smell them! Tasty treats from that letter!"

"I wish you had left one for me to taste," she replied, edging around dancing and chatting agents. "But no matter; party food is always decent. Better than anything we have found for la cantine all week, I am sure. Now, where are they--these cookie things you claim taste so good?"

Yoof sniffed the air--it soundly exaggeratedly loud from inside the Erik mask. "Mmmmm . . . everywhere! Find tables!"

Séverine tried to look over the heads around her, but she was too short. "They must be along the edges, Yoof. Come, to the wall!" She took her partner by the hand and started leading him through the crowd. Yoof continued sniffing, the sound drawing a few quizzical glances from the agents they passed.

"All different things in the centers, ha!" Yoof barked. "Cherries and chocolate and cheese and . . . and . . . and . . ."

Séverine waited for him to finish, then hesitantly filled in, "Chicken?"

"Prunes!" Yoof finished. "Ha!"

"Oh. That does sound more reasonable. Oui."

The partners finally reached a table, covered in large platters that were themselves covered in triangular pastries folded over various colors of filling.

"Ha! Ha!" Yoof barked as he grabbed one and tried to jam it into the closed mouth of his mask.

"Not so loud, Yoof! Do not draw attention." Séverine reached for one of the pastries with a dark-colored middle. She placed one in her mouth and began chewing--then moaned even louder than Yoof had barked.

"Oh, la saveur . . . what are these delicious things?"

((Seems like a perfect time to test out some new agents I've been playing around with, particularly since it's non-canon.))

"No, no, you don't understand, any reason to get drunk is great. This just happens to be a religious one."

"Neither of us are Jewish, though."

A shrug. "And? Since when have you known any PPC agent to turn up free food and booze, my dear guide?"

There was a pause, and then the shorter of the two Floaters shrugged. "Eh, you're right. The food'll be better than the Cafeteria, at any rate, if these cake-things are any indication."

"Literally anything is better than the cafeteria."

"True. So, what should we wear?"

~/~

Not long after that, a stocky redhead in the robes of a Jedi walked in, accompanied by a slightly shorter woman of indeterminate Asian descent who was wearing a set of dark green scrubs and a white lab-coat. She was fiddling with a clip-on badge that refused to hang straight, muttering under her breath. Finally, her companion pulled her to one side and adjusted it for her.

"There," he said, making sure it was hanging straight. "Better?"

"Much. Thanks, Alex."

"You're more than welcome, Grace." He absently smoothed out her lab-coat at the shoulders and then kissed her on the forehead. "Let's go see is we know any... There's a hole. In the wall."

Grace turned. "So there is. Weird."

Caroline frowned as she scanned the invitation. "Costumes encouraged..." She turned to Anne. "Anne, do you -" She stopped speaking as she saw Anne pulling on a glassy mask. "When did you get that?"

Anne blinked in surprise. "This? Oh, it's a side-project I've been working on. See?" She tapped the side of the mask, activating a thin holographic layer over the top of the mask.

Caroline's neck joints whirred as she tilted her head. "In any case. I believe that some of those extra drones we've been working on should work for a costume."

Anne shrugged. "I don't see why not!"

Also, this is another reason why the PPC is so cool- I never would have known Purim even existed if I wasn't a Boarder. American Education System FAIL.

Maybe I'll post something more if I get an idea, but right now I'm just kind of wiped. :/

Printworthy read over the strange multicolored note again, finaly able to translate the words written in the lighter shades. "Interesting... Marvin, do you know what the term 'Purim' refers to?"

Marvin shook his head, reading the note over his partner's shoulder. "No, I don't. I mean, I think I've heard it used before, but I can't remember when or why." He scratched his forehead, his eyes clamped shut, in an attempt to look into the past. "It was... Um..." The man started to nod his head slightly, a slight memory peaking over the imposing walls of time. "I think Barry mentioned it once. It was some sort of Jewish holiday his family celebrated. Can't remember anything else, though."

Printworthy smiled, setting the note down lightly. "Ah, a traditional holiday. Well, that would be cause for celebration. I am, regrettably, dreadfully ignorant on human culture, beyond some limited exposure through fan creations and yourself. Is there any information you could give me on the customs of these Jewish peoples that you mentioned?"

Marvin thought back once more, diving back into the recesses of his mind. "Um...They are a religious group. They have a special language they traditionally speak and write in. They follow the Old Testament, as well as some other texts..." Marvin's eyes opened reluctantly, finally accepting defeat. "That's bout it. I never learned much about the Jews. Sorry."

Printworthy batted his partner's apology away, his smile growing ever wider. "No matter, no matter. We are all ignorant on a great many things. However, this does provide a marvelous opportunity to learn more about this culture. Besides, the missions have been wearing down on us. Some festivities would do us both well. Now," he said, turning towards the closet in the corner. "what costumes shall we wear?"

"And on that day, the PPC gathered, little knowing what--"

"No."

The young man in red robes frowned at his companion, and then continued. "Little knowing what would--"

"Stop it."

Abaddon scowled. "Look, it's a costume party! Villains are allowed!"

Bookworm, a blond boy with a fearsome (and constant) scowl who looked to be about thirteen years old, glared at him. "Dressing up as Rassilon doesn't give you the right to narrate like he did!"

Abaddon threw up his arms. As he bore a strong resemblance to Matt Smith, this had rather the effect of making him look like the Eleventh Doctor playing dress-up--which was, of course, what he was doing. "Yes, it does! Look, if it bothers you that much, go find someone else to talk to! You can, I don't know, er--" He paused. When he went on, it was in a quieter voice. "Er, what did you dress up as, exactly?"

Bookworm's scowl intensified. "I'm a Hetalia character."

Abaddon raised both eyebrows. "Are you sure? Because you don't look any different--"

"Shut up, My Lord President," Bookworm snapped. "I'm off. Just do me a favor and find some Time Lords to startle, will you?" And with that, he disappeared into the crowd.

Considering this, Abaddon began to grin. "Startling Time Lords. Sounds like fun." He straightened his back, raised the staff in his hand, and assumed a serious expression. "This day, Gallifrey falls--or Gallifrey rises!"

Seconds later, the serious expression broke and ran for cover as he started to chuckle.

"Right," he murmured, still laughing. "Time Lords, Time Lords...I wonder what they're dressed as?"

I'd rather wait until I've formally introduced my Agent to send him to a Jewish holiday bash in the PPC. Plus, his brainwa- orientation isn't complete yet.

Two space marines could be seen sitting on the floor, eating with a red-feathered velociraptor, who had a distressing habit of spearing the appetizers with his long toeclaws. Although the sight of their saurian partner attacking his food with enthusiasm (and his feet) didn't bother Vid and Nemedra much, it certainly cleared some space around them. Plus, there were few even amongst the PPC who wanted to get between a hungry velociraptor, no matter how fluffy he was, and the snacks.

(Someday I swear I will properly write Vid, Nemedra, and Trask... I might just graduate first, though.)