Jan 2014 Archive, part a

And a belated 'Merry Christmas' to you all :)

שנה אזרחית שמחה לכולם

Happy New Year!

~Autumn

Mine are as follows in order of importance:

-Keep to the strict vegetarian thing this year. Getting a job at McDonald's has resulted in me cheating once or twice out of hunger and the fact that I get it free. Before that, I had been a vegetarian for about six or seven years. Other than that, the stuff's just terrible for you anyways.

-Following that, I'd like to keep to an overall healthier diet and work out at least once every other day. Not for weight reasons so much as health ones.

-Try to keep my house clean. At the very least, my bedroom. It makes my allergies miserable to live with otherwise.

-Get approved for writing PPC missions. I've been a lurker for far too long, and its time to stop being so shy.

• Write more for the PPC (which includes posting a mission that I've had very-nearly-almost finished for about 3 months now).
  
  - Start up writing some original fiction again.
  
  - Get a website set up so that I have somewhere other than just Google Docs to post stuff.
  
  - Get fitter / lose weight.

... because everyone rarely ever keep them. Things I would like to do this year include getting an awesome job, or at least one I think I can handle, get an apartment, finally get my driver's license (if all goes well, I should have it by next week... aie).

~AW~

• Get a job
  - Become an agent
  - Finish writing my book
  - Improve my writing
  - Conquer at least seven more star systems
  - Recruit more allies
  - Spend time with my friends
  - Discover three new life forms
  - Recreate several scenes from the Old Testament with a warship and a nation full of my enemies

Learn Python, Learn how to use Ableton, Make $$$, Stop failing at school, Art moar.

Which are as follows:

* Step 1: Take the suck out.
* Step 2: Do more things.
* Step 3: Be more awesome.

Because I'm a grownup and I can.

~Neshomeh, who has so many things to do once the holiday craziness is over and she gets caught up on sleep.

1) survive the next term
2) Start writing my book
3) Write missions
4) Find a decent house for next year at uni (fitting 6 people into a normal size townhouse is not fun)

1) Stop bothering with resolutions. They never last beyond about mid-February.

2) Er... that's it.

On a less facetious note, I think I need to get back into therapy; I have quite a lot wrong with me and the strain's beginning to show. Cracks in the wall and all that. =]

1) Write missions.

2) Stop being lazy.

3) Survive the oncoming semester.

4) Pray to all the known gods that the Half Life 2: Episode 3 dev team work on their blasted game already.

4.5) Even the fictional ones. We need all the divine interventions we can get.

1) Graduate and get a Job.

2) This year, I try to actually finish writing a book... wish me luck!

Study hard, pass me exams, pick up new friends while getting reacquainted with old ones, at the same time keep myself from being distracted from them. The usual. ;)

~Autumn

Short answer: Yes. Yes, they do.

Long answer: Through some unknown mechanism, the neuralyzer forcibly rearranges neural pathways, at once erasing whatever memories were there before and making the pathways plastic and receptive to new memories for a short period of time. It's specifically used to erase big, worldview-shattering things (i.e. alien encounters) that even normal, forgetting-prone brains would clamp onto like an alligator doing a death roll. However the subject's brain would naturally process and store the memories in question is irrelevant.

Also, Nume has actually been neuralyzed before, repeatedly, by his first partner, who was Not Nice and liked to use it to get her way. I think this is only referenced once in a very early Fill the Plothole story of mine, though, and the event is written so vaguely that it's probably easy to miss, so it's not surprising that it's not common knowledge.

~Neshomeh, who should get back to writing that prequel story she started this summer.

And it's kind of a long story since it involves a species that canonically has perfect memory but is still affected by a neuralyzer. That's about as simply as I can explain it, though, so... yes. Yes it can.

In the original canon they come from, neuralyzers work on anybody with the usual human eyes, or something similar. Insectile eyes apparently don't transmit the neuralyzer flash to the brain.

My guess is that somebody with a photographic memory would be affected like anyone else, but they would probably be able to detect that something had been changed. The quality of replaced memories might be more vague than they are used to; or they might remember a "time skip", a gap in memories where the neuralyzer erased them.

Photographic memory is a strange enough concept in real life. Having an extremely good memory is rare, but useful; being actually unable to forget is almost a handicap. Fictional versions of photographic memory are often in-between those two concepts--someone with such a good memory that they could memorize a page of text with a five-second glance, but not so overwhelming that they are distracted by thoughts of what they had for breakfast seven years ago.

To determine how the neuralyzer affects someone with a very good memory, or someone with a photographic memory, or someone who is totally unable to forget any experiences they have had, you would probably have to determine why that person has an unusual memory system to begin with, and how it works differently from the usual sort, and work from there.

It shouldn't matter at all. The human mind is an incredibly complicated bit of kit; rewriting someone's memories with a flash of light is completely impossible with our technology, so I'd just call it magitech and assume it does whatever you want it to.

This fic is short (which always scores points with me) and extremely funny.
In it, the world of BBC's Sherlock gets overrun with zombies. Sherlock brings one home as a test subject. Watson really should have put his foot down about the head in the freezer and prevented escalation.
The whole story is told though writings such as texts, emails, blog posts and notes from the different characters and everyone are very recognisable and very British.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6253167/1/A_Brief_Account_Of_Life_With_Zombies

These two were written quite some time ago, but I can recommend Those Lacking Spines by Organization VI and Unoriginality 1: An Original Trainer Story by Farla.

Those Lacking Spines is about the three least popular members of Organization XIII (Xaldin, Vexen, and Lexaeus) going on an adventure through a bizarre place known as Fandom Hearts to save their fellow members, who have been attacked by beings known as the "Gutless" and turned into Ukes (Except for Larxene. The reason why is explained in the story.) (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2903858/1/Those-Lacking-Spines)

The second is a series of short stories that deconstruct various cliches that pop up in Pokemon fanfiction. Examples include Trainer-Sues who get speshul Pokemon for arriving late to Oak's lab, the unfortunate tendency for trainers who outright despise each other to travel together, and writers who butcher Ralts' Pokedex entry to show how "pure" their trainer's heart is. (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2362023/1/Unoriginality-1-An-Original-Trainer-Story)

Warning! The first link below are rated M on fanfiction, mainly for language.

One of my favorite pieces from ff.net https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2829366/1/Dimension-Hopping-for-Beginners . Dimension Hopping for Beginners deals with a world jumping Harry Potter who solves the problems (i.e. Voldemort) for various Harry Potters that appear a lot in fanfiction, and a few that don't really as well.

Two more, both funny.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5390452/1/Harry-Potters-Anonymous .
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8937860/1/Hiding-in-Plain-Sight .
Enjoy

Storme Hawk

I give you two plus one hilarious fics.

The Horror! The Horror! is a fantastically well-crafted fic. Instead of Manipulative!Dumbledore, we have a Manipulative!McGonagall.
www.fanfiction.net/s/4145459/1

Rebellion, by TatraMegami, will leave you rolling on the floor. It is my firm favorite fanfiction.

Finally, in Artemis fowl and Maximum Ride, the Sue Slayers. By EpitomeOfRandomness. It's... well, it has swearing. But it's very good.

~Kitty

There's the Endor Holocaust Theory, which basically states that all life on the moon of Endor would cease to exist after the events of Return of the Jedi.

Then there's a rebuttal to that theory. That article doesn't appear to exist online anymore, but a pdf download can be found by clicking on the appropriate link on this webcomic page.

I haven't read either one for a while, so I can't remember how 'scholarly' they actually are, but thought that they might be of interest.

All that time and I'm only one paragraph in...

I Lúrë Endoressë

Sintë Quettar

Hyalin sinessë, tanan ar quetin pa handë emma i lúrëo Endoressello; Quendi, Casari, ar Periandi (ar á enyalië Istari ve ni!) marë tás. Haris nóressë pan tanan yando emmar i lúrëo Vinya Endoressë i Firyiva, ar Yára Endoressë, írë ulundor turner Endor andanéya.

Fun stuff.

hS

Umberto Eco's latest book, The Book Of Legendary Lands, is intimately concerned with the geography of the fantastic and the fictional. I'd say it was worth a read whatever your opinion on its relevance to the topic at hand was. =]

Could one of the more Middle-Earth-savvy members tell me if elves have a particular style of making cakes (you know, other than absolutely perfectly in every way because elfy elfy elf elf bleargh)? Someone knows.

Someone always knows.

That Calvin & Hobbes one... While I think that was meant to be a joke, it's still.. uhg. I don't even know how to describe Calvin x Hobbes stuff. I mean, isn't Calvin a bit young in this to be wanting to mate with his friend/ sentient stuffed tiger anyway? Or is that just me?

Aren't Calvin and Hobbes supposed to be best friends? Also, considering that Hobbes is essentially a sapient stuffed toy and Calvin is barely in his teens in this fic... ugh.

This author has a thing about werewolves--including a series involving The Hobbit. Never heard of Carcharoth, I guess.

doctorlit already claimed 30 Hs, back in 2012.

Thirty H's is a terrible crackfic, yes. It's the Harry Potter equivalent of the final few episodes of Gurren Lagann but without any of the charm, wit, or brainpower.

However, Calvin&Hobbes... well, it's atrociously written slash, that's not in dispute, but I don't think an organization whose members fixate on elves can complain about interspecies romance. Hell, Arwen and Aragorn's is an interspecies romance. Sort of. Ish.

Okay, I've actually had charge lists where potential Mary Sues/Gary Stus didn't have enough charges to be charged as such. But that's not really what you're asking. What you're asking is "can we adopt this guy considering where we stop at".

Well, consider for a second that, when you first meet the Stu, your agents are thinking of wrapping up that mission. Whenever I get to the point that I want to start wrapping up the mission, you basically tend to disregard anything that comes after that point (unless the main Sue/Stu of it is so epic that the stuff that follows epically fails at everything, but those cases are very, very rare). So at that time, he might be savable on the charge list.

Again, like bit characters, it depends on author preference.

Nice to meet you. Please accept my gifts of a potato cannon, a basket of russet potatoes and an Official Fanfiction University of Doctor Who sweatshirt.

But why did you introduce yourself as a troll? So far, you haven't done anything trollish...I hope.

Either way, a fellow Pokémon fan, eh? Do you have X and Y by any chance?

*rummages through Vinyl Messenger Bag of Holding*
For your newbie gift, have a your choice of bag of holding, straight from the Kalos region, to go with the multitude of Poke Balls that Beekeeper Klein gave you.

BTW, is Bakugan Battle Brawlers among your fandoms? Because if it is, I would like your input on a crossover that I am working on. Here is the URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9697398/1/The-Vexos-Chronicles-Part-I-Lost-Luster

Welcome to the PPC! We love newbies here, so take your shoes off, leave your sanity at the door, and come on in!

As a welcome gift, I'd like to gift you some music by George Benjamin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7h4XVaMOHo

Welcome to the PPC!

Have a taco.

Greetings and hello!

I give to you a lined Infinite Notebook, featuring (as always) urple covers and wilver bindings. Don't look at it straight on!

-Aila

The unclaimed badfics for Cubix made me decide to watch the show. Apparently, it's about an alternate timeline in which Oprah gave everyone a robot instead of a car.

Hi, have some fudge!

Have a good ol'-fashioned welcome of a custard pie heavily laced with Bleeprin! Also this collapsible unicycle, because you never know when you'll need one.

Sorry, you know you'll never need one. My grammar's all over the place today... =]

--parp

Here, have a bar of Bleepolate, and a torch that shines ultra-urple light. (Whatever that is.) The Bleepolate is for badfics, and the torch to blind Suvians. Now, don't shine the light into your face. Don't! I do not want to be responsible for anyone's face getting burned up.

Anyway, once again, welcome! Enjoy the PPC!

~Autumn

Hello. Have a jar of urple paint. And a Pokeball too. You know what, make that a dozen Pokeballs. I'll even add in a Premiere Ball just for the hell of it. *shrugs*

Anyways, which Generation is your favorite? I like Gen III the most, because kung-fu fighting fire chicken. :D

I'm 99Hedgehog but call me 99. I too have a morbid obsession with badfic. Anyways, have an Eldritch Lance!

http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Eldritch_Lance

The Emperor Protects!

Good to meet you. Have this set of polyhedral random number generators.

It is good to have another Warcraft fan in the building. There are so few of us around. When you get around to reading some spin-offs, you might want to check out Barid and Brightbeard, who specialize in Warcraft fics.

Enjoy your stay among us.

-Phobos

My, I havn't introduced a newie for a while now. Huh. Well, let's see if there's any paperwork you forgot to bring in...

Nope, looks all in order. Oh, except one thing. My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing? That thing is MINE, buddy, and don't you DARE forget it! I know I have been 'writing' a mission for almost a year now, but dagnabbit, I'm gonna be the one to mount the Grand Ruler's head on a pike, not anyone else! Rhymey is gonna be pecked apart by ravens all named Quoth or Nevermore, and Buddy Rose is gonna have a rose shoved up his bloody plothole! And don't get me started on Brain, who is... going to be recruited and placed in the Department of Sufficiently Advanced Technology. But still! The fic is mine to spork! Do you hear me!?! Mine!!!

Oh, and you need permission first before spoking any badfic. Sorry. The other is all yours though.

...I'm sorry, was I rude there? My apologies, that was meant to be over-reaction humor, and I may have gone a little too far. But seriously, my fic.

Anyway, for gifts! Seeing as you are a fan of WoW, and seem to know KittyNoodles (by the way, if you do know her, where has she been? I kinda miss her. She is the reason I joined this madhouse.) I will give you a plushie of Kel'Thuzad in a speedo.

Have fun!

I would think of something along the lines of XCOM. Controling the PPC in its entirety, reciveing missions, developing tech, customizable agents with there own skills, and of course, strategy elements for missions.

For a small aspect of it, I picture you'd have two agents you create, and you get your Response Center which you can decorate to your liking. You'd have the freedom to pick up whatever from missions, and you could place them in and around your Center.

For the graphics, I'm picturing a 32-bit or 16-bit RPG look to it. That, or something to the looks of Dragon Quest IX. Which I want to edit now into this...

If everyone finalized a design and structure for it, I'd love to help make it! I have a bit of experience with game-making, though I'm not exactly a pro.

((I wasn't really sure how to reply this correctly, if I've put it in the wrong place, I'm sorry.))

As a writer of a partial OFU, I'm not sure if Sue attacks are like tower defense games. I can see the whole waves of Suvian attackers, but the students aren't completely defenseless. What would the Sues try to achieve? Total control? Complete annihilation?
Oh, that sounds like something I'm going to write. Oops.
Spoilers...

I'm not too sure about the strategy-RPG aspect of it - maybe as an overworld thing, but not entirely integral. The game I think most closely resembles PPC activity, on the other hand, is X-COM. A load of small strike forces operating out of a much larger base, different missions, but with - as you rightly point out - more of an emphasis on stealth and intelligence-gathering, with the latter maybe working a la the puzzles in Phoenix Wright games. If you combine the stealth aspects with a really in-depth item system and the passive skill setup from Path Of Exile, there's potential for a truly fantastic game here. Hell, there could even be online co-op for crossovers and stuff. This sounds more and more awesome by the minute!

--parp

I might have missed a few things, especially since I don't know much in the way of the context, but since this was the Board's first introduction to the Sue Slayers as such, I'll just look at it as it stands.

The narration seems to be, to use a term, all over the place. Especially during the first part, in which it seems as though the narrator is just constantly getting distracted, which really isn't helping set the tone. The exposition is often spat out in short bursts that seem unfinished, since they usually just generate a confused question or two before the story switches back to something else, save that section right before the team enters Indeterminate High School Fandom when the exposition begins describing the team as though it doesn't want to do so and would rather be somewhere else. That's really the only reaction I get from that scene. When character introductions are that brief, that cut off from the actual flow of the story, and ended using phrases such as "so, yeah" and "It's weird.", it looks as though the narrator realized there was more to exposit, didn't want to insert anything into the later or earlier action, groaned theatrically, and just dumped all of the character establishment between two sections of the plot so that it could get on with its day. That was the first time most of those people had been mentioned. It should not feel like that, especially if these are central protagonists as the story seemed to indicate.

Oh, and related to the character establishment: when delivering traits such as "[] enjoys guns", "[] can be annoyingly sarcastic", etcetera, it's usually best to show an instance of the character behaving in that way and then reinforce it through dialogue and narration rather than having the narrator's telling us about the trait come first and the showing not ever going into play. It's better to let people form impressions on their own rather than telling the reader what they should be noticing.

The alternate universe Sue Slayers just seemed to come out of nowhere and vanish without affecting the story at all. They were around for, translated roughly into real time, about thirty seconds, and the only things they do are mention a "Canon Rebellion" and seem significantly less affected by meeting their alternate-dimensional selves than one would typically expect. Was this intended to foreshadow something? Are there meetings between multiple universes all the time in Sue Slayers? How is meeting an alternate self "cosmic irony"? What was the alternate-universe team even doing there?

This is going to sound a bit out of place, given the PPC context, but why did the team immediately go after and kill the Sue they found? She wasn't doing anything aggressive until they charged her with weapons drawn for no reason, there was no indication that she was breaking canon or that she would potentially cause of future problems for the team, and not even any confirmation that she was really a Sue and not just some sparkly but ultimately benign OC written into being by a naïve preteen. All we got was "Type 3 Mary Sue", which is apparently enough ground for sudden abandonment of the Squee-tracking mission until the offender was a hole in the dirt. What is Type 3? Is it a rank on a scale, or a recorded species, or a strata of Sue behavioral ranks? Are Type 3 Sues the "oh, sweet merciful heavens, they'll tear the world asunder unless we kill them right this instant" sub-type?

Actually, a lot of mentions were not explained or elaborated upon at all, which might make sense if we were expected to have read another story beforehand, but as an introduction, it just creates confusion. What's the distinction between the Squee colors? How exactly do the fangirls hop worlds in organized groups when they are "mindless, shrieking beasts"? How significant is promotion to X15a to X14b? What did that throwaway line about growing extra limbs by passing through a portal mean? Does the substance allowing the Sue Slayers to cross through space-time boundaries occasionally cause spontaneous mutation, or is it tied into that other throwaway line about people drowning when they walk through the portals? What exactly is the effect of the music? Does it disable the Sues, or give the assailants strength, or something of the sort? And if it does, why is the example given here a Katy Perry song? One would think that pop music would energize a Sue, not benefit her opponents. Can different genres of music produce different effects?

Basically, this was kind of a mess. Not an irredeemable mess, since many of its problems could be severely alleviated with a decent enough rewrite, but it leaves too many questions unanswered, has too-abrupt or unexplained introductions to almost everything that happens, tells rather than shows, and ends without the majority of its characters having done much of anything. I had honestly forgotten a few members of the team existed by the time they were brought up in the NAMES ARE CAPS-LOCKED paragraph, and they had only last been mentioned a page before. That might in part be due to my headache, but the storytelling doesn't help.

I started this last year (2012) and didn't think I'd get to finish it this year (2013), but it finally started to come together. Since I'm taking late submissions, I figure I can add one of my own. It's about time I wrote something about FicPsych, don't you think?

FicPsych Song
To the tune of "Dreidel Song" arr. Trey Parker and Matt Stone

*Jennifer Robinson, a nurse, and Alex Bjørnsen, an intern, enter the Department of Fictional Psychology's foyer together from Unit C*

Jenni: Okay, Alex, you're new, so I have to teach you how things are done around here. That way's Unit A, where all the canon characters, recruits, and agents stay when badfic makes them lose their minds. You do your rounds and try to keep them from being more insane than they're supposed to be. Repeat after me...

|| I am a nurse in FicPsych, I work both night and day
|| And if you ask me why, then this is what I'll say:
|| Oh, FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, for when they lose their way,
|| FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, in FicPsych they all stay.

Now you try it!

*Alex mumbles something incoherent to the tune*

Head Nurse Suzine: *enters from Unit B* What the heck is this? Did some idiot summon that musical demon from the Buffyverse again?

Jenni: Relax, Suzine. I'm just teaching our young Alex about FicPsych. You should help!

Suzine: All right, learn this:

|| I'm Head Nurse in FicPsych
|| I work both night and day
|| And we're not in a musical,
|| So put your songs away!

Jenni: Oh, come on, killjoy!

Suzine:
|| Work, no time for games
|| Work, or down in flames.

|| J: FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, for when they lose their way,
||    FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, in FicPsych they all stay.
|| S: Work, no time for games
||    Work, or down in flames.

Nurse Elms: *enters from Unit A* Hey, what's going on? Are you guys singing? *snerk*

Suzine: Yes, and it's sooo productive. We should stand around and do this all day.

Elms: *guffaw* Sure, why not?

|| I'll try to make them sane
|| Then to the pub again.

|| J: Oh, FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, for when they lose their way,
||    FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, in FicPsych they all stay.
|| E: I'll try to make them sane
||    Then to the pub again.

*dramatic key-change!*

|| J: Oh, FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, for when they lose their way,
||    FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, in FicPsych they all stay.
|| E: I'll try to make them sane
||    Then to the pub again.
|| S: Work, no time for games
||    Work, or down in flames.

|| J: Oh, FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, for when they lose their way,
||    FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, in FicPsych they all stay.
|| E: I'll try to make them sane
||    Then to the pub again.
|| S: Work, no time for games
||    Work, or down in flames!

Nurse Nathonea Dewstan: *enters from Unit C* Hi, everyone!

J & E: Hi, Nath!

Nathonea: I think it's great that you're all singing together. You know a good ensemble piece can really propel a theme to new heights!

Suzine: Yes, we know, random musical numbers are just the best possible use of our time...

Nathonea:
|| Now when you learn to treat them with Bleeprin
|| You'll know, the nurses always win!

|| N: (Keep singing!) learn to treat them with Bleeprin
||    You'll know, the nurses always win!
|| S: Work, no time for games
||    Work, or down in flames!

*Nurse Loquacious Immac bounces in from Unit B, festooned with kittens*

Jenni: Oh, hey, Immie! Er...

Immac: *seemingly unaware of the odd looks she's getting* Hi, everyone! Can I sing, too?!

Jenni: *shrugs* Sure!

|| I am a nurse in FicPsych, I work both night and day
|| And if you ask me why, then this is what I'll—

Everybody!

|| J: FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, for when they lose their way,
||    FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, in FicPsych they all stay.
|| E: I'll try to make them sane
||    Then to the pub again.
|| S: Work, no time for games
||    Work, or down in flames.
|| N: Now when you learn to treat them with Bleeprin
||    You'll know, the nurses always win!
|| I: Kitty-cats, they're so cute!
||    Soft and sweet, I love them!

|| J: FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, for when they lose their way,
||    FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, in FicPsych they all stay.
|| E: I'll try to make them sane
||    Then to the pub again.
|| S: Work, no time for games
||    Work, or down in flames!
|| N: 'Cos when you learn to treat them with Bleeprin
||    You'll know, the nurses always win!
|| I: Kitty-cats, they're so cute!
||    Soft and sweet, I love them!

*all but Immac stop, not quite sure what they're hearing*

Immac:
|| Kitty-cats, they're so cute!
|| Soft and sweet, I love them!
|| Kitty-cats, they're...

Hey, why'd everybody stop?

Jenni: Immie, we're singing about the department, for Alex.

Alex: *looks utterly bewildered*

Elms: And that doesn't even rhyme!

Immac: Oh, sorry. But we should totally have therapy kittens!

Suzine: We'll talk about this later, Nurse Immac!

|| J: Oh, FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, for when they lose their way,
||    FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, in FicPsych they all stay.
|| E: I'll try to make them sane
||    Then to the pub again.
|| S: Work, no time for games
||    Work, or down in flames.
|| N: Now when you learn to treat them with Bleeprin
||    You'll know, the nurses always win!
|| I: Kitty-cats, they're so cute!
||    Soft and sweet, I love them!

*another dramatic key-change!*

|| J: Oh, FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, for when they lose their way,
||    FicPsych, FicPsych, FicPsych, in Fic-Psych-they-all-staaay!
|| E: I'll try to make them sane
||    Then to, to-the-pub-a-gaaain!
|| S: Work, no time for games
||    Work, or-we're-down-in-flaaames!
|| N: 'Cos when you learn to treat them with Bleeprin
||    You'll know, the nur-ses-al-ways-wiiin!
|| I: Kitty-cats, they're so cute!
||    Soft and sweet, kit-tens-I-love-youuu!

~Neshomeh

Oh, goodness, I forgot to post my filk in time. I would have sworn I did but... Well, apparently not. Not your fault, you work with what you got. I just slipped up. If it's OK, I'll add my filk as a response to this post. From there, it is up to you if you want to add it or not. Man, I'm sorry about that.

On another note, we got some interesting filks this year. I think my favorite would have to be Patner, a Sue's Out There, though all of them are verry good. Perhaps, when I get some beter recording equipment, I can record some of these. O corse, that means I would have to sing well first...

Ah well. Good filking, everyone! I'll see you next year!

Yes it can. If a Tenth Walker isnt a Mary Sue, actually contrubutes something outside of romantic involement, and adds some interesting elements to the story, then congats! You have created a good Tenth Walker!

I think that this thread is seriously awesome and filled with great advice for anyone who would want to do a Tenth Walker. Would anyone mind terribly, if I took it upon myself to compile all the thoughts and advice (giving proper credit, of course) into a 'Tenth Walker in goodfic' section on the Tenth Walker wiki page?

And it's a regrettably common one: the Fifth Hobbit.

The problems with this character - for the sake of this post, let's assume she's a female named Calanthe (it's a type of orchid) - are... well, several:

1/ She has no special skills, knowledge, or hangups, or at least no plausible backstory to give her them. Like the four canonical hobbits, she's... well, she's a hobbit! They don't have useful skills. Yes, she can learn things - but they're the same things the canon ones do. This means that, unlike, say, Snaga, she can't alter the course of the story when the Fellowship are all together. Like Merry and Pippin, she's just a tagalong at that point.

2/ She actually can change the story - but only by making things go wrong. Yes, she could get stabbed by a Nazgul, kidnapped by Moria Orcs, trapped by a Balrog - but how much do we hate a character who exists only to be clumsy and force everyone to pay attention to her? Very. Very much.

3/ After the Breaking of the Fellowship, she has three possible directions to go: she could tag along with Frodo, get captured with M&P, or stay behind with the Three Hunters. But...

3a/ The Three Hunters would never be able to catch the orcs if they had to drag a hobbit along with them, and anyway, we know that the hobbits all ran off to look for Frodo without waiting to plan. If you make Calanthe 'the only sensible hobbit', well, that's pushing her towards Suedom.

3b/ If she goes with Frodo (presumably by following Sam), then... well, again she could make things go wrong (Nazgul sees her, orcs capture her, Gollum sees her and doesn't get caught), but like I said, we hate that. After that... the only point I can see where she could make a difference other than doing something stupid is in helping Sam save Frodo from Shelob. And the result of that? Er... they either finish the Quest a day or so earlier, or they wander out into the massive orc encampment on Gorgoroth. Yes, you could write a story around that - but it's a lot of setup that you could skip over just by having Sam not get lost in the tunnel/turned back by Gollum.

3c/ She could go with M&P. There is one possible story here: one where Grishnákh takes her from Uglúk and manages to get her over the River. But the only way I can see that going is 'Calanthe is taken to Barad-dûr; Calanthe is tortured; Calanthe reveals that they're trying to destroy the Ring; Sauron kills everyone'.

3d/ But if that doesn't happen? When's the next time M&P do anything to affect the plot? They persuade Treebeard to call an Entmoot (as a team, and Calanthe wouldn't add anything to that), and then... hmm. Well, Pippin eventually helps save Faramir from Denethor's madness, and Merry even more eventually helps kill the Witch-King.

The problem is, M&P serve a specific role in the story, and it's not to drive the plot: they're there to give us a viewpoint. We know about the city of Minas Tirith because we follow Pippin on his tour. We know about Eowyn's bravery because Merry tags along with her. But... Gondor and Rohan are the two kingdoms we need to see. What observer role can Calanthe take that would shed new light on the War of the Ring? I can't come up with one that she could actually get to.

In fact, the only possibility I can think of for captured Calanthe is (apart from the torture scenario) for her to try and sneak into Orthanc after the Ents attack. We know Saruman still had ways to communicate to the outside, so there must be a secret tunnel somewhere. But I can't come up with a reason for her to do so - except to look in the Palantir earlier, and thereby call down a Nazgul on the Ents' heads. I can't find a story there, either.

So, a challenge to everyone, from the person who's been proving it can be done: find a story which relies on the presence of a Fifth Hobbit Tenth Walker. You can use Calanthe, or make your own Shire, Buckland or Bree hobbit for the purpose, with appropriate skills. Just please - find something. It's bugging me.

hS

Can 'Girl Falls into Middle-Earth' be done well?

The Emperor Protects!

Or at least, my words where my... other words are.

Tenth Walkers is my new 'fanfic'. In each chapter I will demonstrate a Tenth Walker concept done well. I'll be starting with the ones that come up in this thread (which are mostly the ones I've suggested, so far) and continuing on to anything else that occurs to me.

Read? Enjoy? And dare I say it... review?

hS

Merry and Pippin are already extra enough. Though they end up pushing the plot in other ways, it is not made obvious during the Council. They are more like 'fodder' to the Fellowship, only to fill the same number of people as the Ring-Wraiths.

But Tenth Walker would be possible if they have their own purpose after the Breaking of the Fellowship, such as dealing with a village raided by Orcs, or raiding Orc patrols, a la Turin Turambar, or even a chance meeting with Radagast, making sure he sends messages to the rest of the Fellowship or to ask Eagles for help.

In the Movieverse, I'd say yes: the Fellowship is formed in that version of 'anyone who was there and volunteered'. At that point, your question becomes 'is it possible to write a good OC?' - which we certainly hope is true!

In the Bookverse, I'd say no, because that Fellowship was specifically formed by Elrond to have a certain number. In that case, I think it would be more interesting to write a Ninth Walker story - one where Elrond sends your character instead of Legolas (representing the Elves), or instead of Boromir (perhaps he brings a Rider of Rohan as a companion, and they decide Boromir will head straight home while the Rider goes with the Fellowship), or even instead of Pippin, who Elrond wanted to send home anyway. And that's your Tenth Walker plot-hook - the Fellowship of Nine sets out, and three days later, Pippin manages to catch them up, making ten again...

And, again, you're just left with 'Can you slot an OC into canon events well?', which is basically the same question as 'Can you write good fanfic?'.

hS

I would venture to say that anything can be done well, if there is some skill behind it. Tenth walker is no different. I don't even think it would be difficult to do it well for this particular thing.

-Phobos

The world would be a lot less awsome (and weird) without Japan.

Mountain Dew Cheetos? Seriously? I've seen some weird food, but this takes the bacon-flavored cake. I… I'm at a loss for what to say.

Huh.

Like yogurt or watermelon flavoured Pepsi. No, really.

Morbidly curious as to how they taste. My curiosity will be the death of me, I'm sure.


I feel they'd kill me if I tried them.

I need to get some of that stuff.

Sounds tasty.

You have to capitalise the .HTM to get it to work.

This is the hyperlinked version.

Anyhow, that is a... very long and detailed essay. ;) I don't have a lot to say about it, though I did like this line:

We seem to write her naturally -- and to kill her off just as naturally.

It's talking about the astounding frequency with which Mary-Sue dies twagically... but yeah, we kind of do, here at the PPC.

hS

A quick search tells me that "absquatulated" is synonymous with the more common words "fled" and "absconded", which means that the essay has apparently noticed us coming and has escaped to the misty back hills of the Internet. I'd ride in pursuit, but I don't have anything to ride on. Well, any animals or animal-like machines, anyway. I suppose I could track down a Ypur if I really needed to, but even if I did, I have no idea where an essay would most likely hide.

Remember that the key defining characteristic of a true Sue/Stu is that the entire universe/narrative revolves around them, that everyone pretty much exists for them. They stay firmly planted in the spotlight and even when they stray from it, everyone else can't stop talking about them or doing things in relation to them. Their strengths can vary, but their flaws will usually be brushed off even if, realistically, the other characters would not be so permissive. Hell, the flaws just serve to make them cooler/cuter/HAWTter/etc.

Not sure if it helps much, but maybe that can help you in analyzing your friend's character.

I'm afraid I can't help you there, since I don't know the fandom, but hopefully putting that up in a post title where it's visible will attract some folks who can help. Good luck! {= )

~Neshomeh

And what better way to give a friendly welcome than with man's best friend? Here, have a Stoutland!

I used to be a Total Drama fan, but I've stopped watching not too long after the original Total Drama Island. I am also writing a fanfic; I can give you the URL if you're interested. It's a Pokemon/Bakugan Battle Brawlers crossover, and I'm really aiming for it to be a success.

Either way, welcome to the PPC!

P.S.: Have you read the Original Series?

Have a friendly welcome! What are your favorite canons? Any manga or something like that?

Here, have a a bar of Bleepolate(for badfic-migraines) and ultra-urple light(for blinding Suvians).

Enjoy the PPC!

~Autumn

Welcome to the PPC! We love newbies here, so take your shoes off, leave your sanity at the door, and come on in!

As a welcome gift, I would like to gift you some music by one Harrison Birtwistle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKeGaONXkhM

Nice tk meet you. Please accept my gift of a potato cannon, a basket of potatoes, and an Official University of Doctor Who sweatshirt.
I know a lot of people who like Total Drama, I have read some lf the fanfics. Some are very wince-inducing.

Lovely to meet you. Let me gift to you a Sonic Screwdriver, this katana, and a bird of paradise.

I've never seen Doctor Who but I hope to soon, so what's the best season to start with? Season 1?

...Then we may have a bit of a problem. This town ain't big enough for both of us to do that story... or is it?

Just kidding. Hell, I'd probably deserve to lose that fanfic to you if I became too neglectful of my forum activity. Anyway, welcome to the jungle- I mean, the forum. I too am a knub... who may or may not become part of the PPC. Here, have an invisible hover-limo!

Here's some virtual gula melaka for you.

Hello and greetings!

I give to you a lined Infinite Notebook, featuring urple covers and wilver binding. Don't look at it straight on!

-Aila

And let me give you a wilver notebook, a roll of electrical tape, three spoons and a rubber band ball! I'm sure we shall get on famously, though I don't know any of your fandoms very well.

Hi, have some fudge!

Are you a Classic Who fan or NewWho?

Have a custard pie laced with enough Bleeprin to kill several bears! Eventually, you'll need it. You will. Trust me.

--parp

I'm 99Hedgehog but call me 99. Friendly welcomes are in no short supply 'round here. But I forget myself. Here, have a cloak woven of Cameleoline!

http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Cameleoline

The Emperor Protects!

...only one of my agents is actually from World One, and he doesn't swear a lot unless necessary and/or under great stress, and even then, it's usually more like 'damn' or similar mild curses. Lee, on the other hand, tends to call on the gods from her home continuum; Orion is from the Harry Potter 'verse, and uses curses appropriate to there, and Agents Mal are from the Stargate SG-1 'verse, and tend to swear in Goa'uld, as they're Tok'ra.

Personally, I tend to avoid naming a specific curse all together and just say 'he swore sharply' or, 'she swore under her breath'. It's easier and, while it's not as bombastic, tends to make my writing flow easier.

Speaking of writing... I really need to finish my next mission. It's been, oh, almost two years since my last one? I should get better about that...

(Hi people, I was the beta who liked actual swearing being used. :P)

Swearing seems to be a no-no in the PPC in general; strong language gets you automatically kicked from the IRC, and the Constitution has this to say:

"...[N]o cursing, no graphic violence, sex or whatever.""

It's noted that this is to keep the community worksafe and family-friendly, and to be fair the Constitution goes on to note that if a story has such content there should be a fair warning (as opposed to, say, a flat-out ban on any such content), but I think it illustrates why we take the approach we do, with fandom-based cursing (though as pointed out by other posters, if a character's actually from that continuum it makes a lot more sense they'd use those words, then you have cultural factors, etc. etc. :P) and Creative Curses and the like.

I'm of two minds about this - much like excessively gory violence or explicit smut a) isn't really something most in the PPC want to write and b) sure as heck isn't something a reader wants flung at them without any kind of warning or way to know it's coming, gratuitous language comes off as childish and tiresome, and I'm sure nobody here's interested in the extreme approach, where f-bombs, s-strikes and various slurs are tossed around seemingly every other word. On the other hand, when people talk, swearing is a thing that happens, and there's not much use acting like that's not the case - and in particular, I've honestly never liked our "Creative Curses". Not only do they come off as overly cutesy, convoluted and euphemistic, not one of them (except "Flaming Denethor" maybe, but who really wouldn't just say something more conventional in that kind of context? Also, it sounds more like a drink, one I'm pretty sure is actually served in one of HQ's bars...) strike me as something anybody would ever actually say - sure, a lot of dialogue writing doesn't perfectly match how people talk in reality, but trying to picture someone blurting out "Jadis in a block of ice!" or "Reinforce Eins (?) in a sweater!" every time they're surprised by something takes me right out of the story. I mean, try it out - try saying "Glaurung!" or "Flaming Denethor!" or one of the others right now like you're angry or startled, I bet you sound foolish (no offence) and don't have as much impact as using something stronger.

Okay, that was a big paragraph about fictional cursing, I swear it doesn't actually get me that worked up. :P Obviously it's all down to character and how they would talk, I think we'd all kinda eyebrow if the SO started talking like a drunken sailor for example, but I kinda feel like if it's a situation where the writer feels language would be warranted from the person swearing they should at least not shy away from it - of course, if silly and euphemistic is what you're going for, go nuts, and like I said it should fit who they are and where they're from, but still.

As for the last part of the question... I'm actually gonna have to think on that, I have so many agents and concepts drawn up I'm sorta losing track. Most of mine are from various periods in World One and use the according language, though from mine in other continua they stick mostly with the vernacular from their homeworlds of course (one big Star Wars fan in my bunch likes to use swearing from the GFFA though - mostly nondescript Mando'a or Huttese or stuff like "kriff", and I'm writing a Firefly mission with people who might stick with the tradition of censor-dodging via Chinese). Most of them don't swear particularly often though, either due to being too formal, not being easily moved to cursing, or just a sorta general affable and not-easily-roused demeanour, though in my last mission (Jeez, that was three years ago now...) Miriam did cut loose a good bit and called the Sue a bitch a few times; a lot of that was freaking out over how the continuum had been twisted around so much it literally began tearing itself apart under the strain put on by the Sue, though. I might have to get back to that part of the post with something more concrete.

Put me down as another one who doesn't swear much in RL, so doesn't use swearwords in her writing.

Maybe it's because I've worked many years in customer service, so I've had every swear word that isn't male-specific aimed at me.

I've used some of the creative curses because they're a good way to get across the idea that "this agent is really upset about X", and don't feel as awkward as an f-bomb.

My agents, when I was younger, didn't swear as much as they do now, because I didn't have the potty mouth that I have now. Since they were doing missions in the Battlestar Galactica fandom, they (mostly Christianne) used 'frak' a lot.

Christianne has since then fallen into using the f-word instead, along with lots of blasphemy, a couple fecal-related swears, and a couple creative PPC-esque curses as well. Sometimes her cursing varies between the fandoms she's missioning for, other times it's indiscriminate. However, I believe she's dropped plenty of f-bombs in her recent missions.

Eledhwen on the other hand uses Middle-earth-inspired swears, which I'm assuming she got from OFUM, because Elves don't swear, and definitely don't use the Valar's names in vain. Eledhwen has quite blatantly done that several times ("Elbereth's stars", "Nienna's tears", "Yavanna's fruits", etc). Logically she should be using the Sindarin names, but I slip up often because I'm silly and forget to do my research, but yeah.

Both of my agents seem to curse when they're frustrated or angry, so they're not exactly sailors, though Christianne is definitely more on the sailor side of things when it comes to the frequency of swears.

And on an somewhat-related note, Sherlock Holmes in Consulting Sue Slayer uses curses derived from scientists ("Darwin on a beagle", "oh for the love of Rosalind Franklin", etc), and Yuki Sulu in my Star Trek writer!AU substitutes 'science' for 'god' ("oh for the love of science", "I swear to science", etc). I think you can tell what they do for a living.

I don't swear a whole lot in real life, and that does tend to carry into my writing. Swearing isn't the way I communicate, or even think to myself, so swear words aren't really in my immediate conscious thesaurus when I write. I'll use the really PG stuff--crap, damn and hell--when I feel swearing is called for, because it still gets the point across to the reader, I think. In real life, I do say, "Nine hells," sometimes, which I picked up from reading Magic: the Gathering novels, but that's a pretty Dominaria-specific phrase, so it wouldn't make sense for my current agents to use it.

I do like using and reading the continuum-specific oaths, as well as our creative curses. After all, one of the major aspects of the PPC is the multiversal travel. Using language from the various "fictional" worlds is practically part of the setting. We have a majorly polyglot set of characters, and it would be odd and dull if all the dwarves and trolls and wizards and aliens and ninjas and pirates and anthropomorphic animals swore in the exact same language as the Earthish humans.

Eusabius doesn't swear because he is generally a rather mellow guy that can be fazed by almost nothing. Florestan, on the other hand, has no such inhibitions. Wave Crest... I've decided that's a no for him, owing to his nature as a Technicolor pony.

For my now-DMS response center... Xanthus occasionally curses, Anneli uses the type of curse that a high school cheerleader might, and Cindy doesn't really swear, and when she does it's not "words you can't say on TV" swearing. But generally, they don't swear as much.

Anything alliterative is good in my books so long as it doesn't contain cuss words (although euphemisms are all right with me). I would also like to see exclamations from various canons (i.e., kriff, mangatsika, some of Captain Haddock's phrases might be good too).

Personally, I think mild language would be fine on the PPC, such as damn, hell, or suck. But any massive swears such as the f bomb should be censored if they are going to be used.

Interesting questions! I agree with you that dialogue is a very important part of characterization, and when/how my characters swear (or don't) is something I put some thought into. How My Agents Swear:

1. Nume is both the most likely to swear and the most likely to use real-life curses. He's from World One (or perhaps a close relative where things like eidetic memories are both real and not utterly crippling), and he has an unwanted religious background, so most of the time he's happy blaspheming (Jesus Christ, god dammit, oh hell, etc.). He's also been known to say "frell," especially in my earlier missions, but nowadays I feel like substitutes like that are too coy for him. He escalates to s**t and f**k when things get serious.

2. Ilraen doesn't swear. He has a much less excitable, more pleasant demeanor than his partner, and he's extremely literal-minded. He understands idioms and figurative language most of the time now, and he can use them if he works at it, but they're never the first thing that comes to his mind.

3. Derik is from Pern, so he swears like a Pernese person. They don't have religion, and they're not bothered about sex, so most of their curses revolve around Thread and dragons. The most popular curse is either "shards" or "shells," both of which refer to damaged dragon eggs. There's also "scorch it," "by the First Egg / my dragon's egg," "crackdust," "shaffit," and, if you're being mild and don't mind sounding a bit silly, "fardles."

4. Gall is more likely to sling insults than to swear (she prefers to blame anything bad that happens to her on someone she can hit), and being from a family film based on kids' books, her language is probably rated PG-13 at worst, but she does use familiar swearwords. The HtTYD Vikings occasionally swear by the Norse gods in the film ("by Odin's beard" IIRC), so there's that, too.

5. Jenni's use of swearwords is the most eclectic. She doesn't use four-letter words much, if ever, but being a multiverse-traveler, she has picked up expressions from various continua. She's fond of the Pernese set and "frell" and its relatives, and it wouldn't be out of the question for her to drop a "Flaming Denethor!" She avoids religious language, but I think a generic "oh, god" or "what the hell" slips in every so often, and she does swear by the Powers That Be ("by the Powers," "sweet Powers," etc.). Whether she's referring to a particular set or simply any that might be listening probably depends on the circumstances. She might also use "son of a bitch!" and such, but it would have to be pretty serious for her to get insulting. The worst curse I can think of for her to say would be "a plague on it / plague it," and I don't think it's ever actually happened.

On a general note, one thing that drives me nuts about "creative" curses is when people just switch out "god" and switch in the local deity or equivalent, because it's not all that clever and it rarely makes sense. Nobody in Middle-earth would ever say "Oh my Eru," for instance; in Narnia they say "by the Lion's mane," not "Oh my Aslan." I can give it a pass if it's a fan doing it to show their fandom, but never a native of the continuum. Aside from such curses being non-canon, they bug me because they involve an assumption that other cultures would develop the exact same formula for cursing as us. Maybe in some cases they would, but there's no reason they should. It's something that should be considered carefully, not tossed in just because you think you need someone to swear.

~Neshomeh

Anebrin had some generic Wesnoth!elf euphemisms, such as "by all that is green", "by Lintanir" and the like. However, it's rather unlike him to actually swear.
Des swears a lot. However, most of the swears are sorta self-censored - he mostly swears in Hebrew because of obvious reasons. IIRC, there's also an instance of "Reinforce Zwei in a box" (a variation on "Reinforce Eins in a sweater") somewhere in what I wrote, due to him being really influenced by Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha.
And the Librarian... does not swear. At all. It is beneath his lofty majesty to be so crude.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_osQvkeNRM

My Agents usually use rather mild language, so there isn't much need for curses.

They do use some of the "creative curses", though - however, that's mainly to replace religion-related ones with ones actually fitting with them: Nikki and Corolla are Madokaists (AKA worshippers of Madoka Kaname from Puella Magi Madoka Magica), while Sergio is more of an atheist (he does respect Madoka and all, but thinks that worshipping her is a bit excessive. Also because she is more of a concept than a proper goddess).

As a result, we see a lot of "for Madoka's sake" or, due to Corolla being from Lyrical Nanoha, "holy Reinforce Eins in a sweater". About "regular" ones, they don't get more swearish that "what the hell".

You might see some heavier swearing in Blank Sprite, but if it happens that's because the situation calls for it.