Sep 2013 Archive, part a

I've played around with the level of 'hardness' in magic myself; my own preferred magic system has a limited number of spells, each of which is accessed by tactile sensation. In simple terms, if you (ie, anybody) feels the right pattern of ridges, you cast the spell.

That's a science, even if no-one knows how it works. For plot reasons, though, I've had to shift it into something entirely magical: there are a limited number of spells, each of which is cast in an entirely random way, and only by people who are capable of casting magic. Of course, since the beings working with the magic still verge toward the science end of the spectrum, they find it incredibly frustrating that there's no pattern to how it works.

And another distinction... you mention 'Objects Vs. People', but there's also the matter of belief. A fair number of magic systems (not all, but lots) require the caster to believe the spell will work, or at least to put some indefined form of willpower into it. Technology, on the other hand, will work whether you think it will or not.

hS

Also, just to better bring your point home, I'll make an example of a continuum where magic and technology are deeply intertwined: Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha.

Here, magic is cast with the help of portable advanced computers (called Devices) and is no more and no less than a science, to the point that spells are cast through mathematic calculations and magical constructs are referred as "programs". Mana is basically just a form of energy as any else.

So many names, such a blast from the past. Thanks for putting this together hS!

Wow, it's interesting how much this sort of thing is put into perspective by something like this. I mean, Jeez... it's almost difficult to believe that this place has been around for 10 years and it's doing all this stuff with that...

Now I feel kinda honored...

That had to have taken a lot of effort to put together. Great job!

Seeing the names of people from when I first joined brings back so many memories. :D

Again, I'm amazed by the work you put into the PPC. These are really intriguing, and I especially like the line graphs at the end. Seems like 2008 was the golden age of the PPC...

Most fascinating. I'm still amazed when I see that the PPC has been around since the early 2000s...

are mad.

Keep it up.

Also what's going on with OFU-Squared.

I could swear I was around in 2009. I remember the discussion on Fair Trade Chocolate. Maybe I just wasn't posting yet. It is a whole lot of fun to see how much I remembered of what was going on while I've been here.

Also, the graphs at the end show me something interesting. It seems that we have fewer conversations than they did at the beginning of the group, but our conversations are longer , on average. I wonder why that is.

Also...Neshomeh and Phobos' wedding made the list! Drinks for everyone!

-Phobos

I mean, I liked the Harry Potter and LotR/Hobbit movies significantly more than the books. And these are book series I read multiple times as a child.

On the other hand, World War Z was awful. It would have been cheaper, easier, and more accurate to make a mockumentary about life after the zombie apocalypse.

One thing I think we can all agree on though is that 90% of videogame adaptations are awful,

First off, let me say that I agree with your major points. Cutting for time, Peter Jackson being bad at this, etc. All of your points are well made. We could argue about the merits of some of the changes, but that is not what I want to talk about.

What I would like to point out is that there is an element missing in this discussion. And that is Medium. We see a fairly large number of Book to Movie adaptations, and those are usually the big names. However, we also have Graphic Novels, Television shows, and the occasional Musical Theatre adaptation. Each of these mediums have their strengths and their weaknesses.

Books: You want information and detail? Books have that in spades. You want a story that you can experience in less than 4 hours? Not so much. A book can be as long as the author wants because you can put it down if you need to go to work or something.

Movies: Want to experience an epic story in less than 4 hours? Done and done. Want to know what your characters are thinking? Not so good for that. Movies are great for a condensed story, and for being allowing you to see the action. However, they come with a time limit, so something is going to have to go.

TV Show: Want a half-way point between movies at books? This is the medium for you. TV shows, whether full or mini series, can have greater length than movies, while still keeping many of the benefits. They also allow for more detail, though not as much as books.

Graphic Novels: Allow for the length that books enjoy, though somewhat less detail, while still allowing you to see what is going on.

Musicals: I don't even know.



So, the big problem, I feel, is that people do not consider the medium when adapting a book. If you go from a book to a movie, you are going from the least compressed medium to the most compressed. The change is not likely to be smooth unless you really know what you are doing. Book to TV, however, is going from the least compressed to a moderately compressed medium. The transition is likely to be more forgiving.

If they decide to go straight from book to video, then some big changes might be called for. For example, I have a friend who absolutely hated the recent adaptation of World War Z, because it was nothing like the book. When I read the book, I couldn't understand her hatred. It was unreasonable to expect that the movie would be a guy interviewing 30-ish people after the Zombie War. There wasn't the time, and there wasn't any good way to do it. An adaptation would have been terrible. So they didn't make one. They made a movie inspired by the book. In order to make a true adaptation, they would have had to make it into a mini-series style mockumentary.

There is something to be said for just not making something, though. I have several books/series that I think would make terrible movies.

-Phobos

There are two sides to this, which I'm not sure you're acknowledging (if you are, sorry for assuming).

The first side:

I agree with everything you said about Percy Jackson. I was so mad about that movie. Sea of Monsters was marginally better, but still pretty bad. I really think in this case, they let money dictate creative decisions and now it's screwing them, because they alienated all the fans.

And I have to say, the more I think about it, the more I don't like the Star Trek reboot. Too many lens flares, too sexist, too much action. Also, comparing it to DS9, which I'm about halfway through at the moment, is no contest. And DS9's the one with less fans. *shakes head*

And sequels can be very bad, especially when the movie was meant as a stand alone. So I too am wary of them.

However...

The other side:

I think a lot of these examples are actually really good adaptations. LOTR changed things and added things, yes, but those things were (for the most part) good. Arwen gets character development. The Ring tempts everyone. The long hobbit birthday party gets trimmed down. People actually talk like people talk. I was annoyed at some of the overly long fight scenes in ROTK, though, and would have liked to see more Faramir/Eowyn and the "hands of a king are the hands of a healer" scene. But overall, I think they're quite good.

Voyage of the Dawn Treader was a very episodic book. It would have worked better as perhaps a miniseries. To adapt it to a movie, they had to give it an overarching plotline. It's been a while since I've seen it, but I remember it working.

The Hobbit - well, three parts is a bit much, but the book is, on the whole, unimpressive cinematically. I was rereading it in preparation for the movie and was actually craving eggs and bacon because Bilbo mentioned them so much. That's not the tone you want for a movie that's set in the same 'verse as LOTR. So I understand why they did a lot of what they did. They went a bit far (like I said, three parts), but they had to do something.

And also, some sequels are good. The Wrath of Khan is better that The Motion Picture. Everyone I've talked to loves Iron Man 3. TNG, DS9, and Voyager are excellent series.

And we can all agree that the Harry Potter and Hunger Games adaptations are (at least so far with Hunger Games) really good? They have their flaws, but so do everything.


I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I don't see a trend towards making bad adaptations and sequels. There are lots of bad sequels and adaptations, but there are also good ones, and I really can't say that there are more or less, or that the trend swings one way or another.

...it's becausthey think it won't be exciting enough.
I was unhappy with PJ too. Annabeth's supposed to be BLOND, for crying out loud!
Don't get me started on Mr Popper's Penguins...

... That goes along the lines of "If you wanted to watch an accurate adaption of a book, go read the book!". Personally though, its a flimsy excuse, but somehow a passable one at that.

As much as I want to expand on my argument, I can't seem to find a movie that had to make changes for the sake of making changes. I would've used Coraline as a point, but Wybie was made so that the movie doesn't turn into Monologue: The Movie.

(I'll try and cram these into some kind of structure, so be warned: Here Be Lists)

1/ Mary-Sues are of course not defined by their appearance. There are almost certainly millions of blonde/blue characters who aren't 'Sues - and equally many 'Sues who don't have blonde hair! For that matter, what self-respecting 'Sue would have an eye colour as boring as 'blue'? Now, if 'Aryan' meant 'and I mean like with these really vivid purple orbs only when she gets angry they glow red'...

2/ I know you weren't, but let's be careful not to compare 'Sues - or, especially, Suethors - to Nazis.

3/ Hitler, of course, doesn't pre-date fanfiction. Fanfic is ancient. To pick a random (and if you can believe it, relatively modern) example, the Aeneid, by Virgil, is fanfiction of the Iliad - and is over two thousand years old! I'll leave it to someone who's read the thing to decide whether Aeneas is a Gary-Stu...

4/ Coming round eventually to your original idea... what if Mary-Sues existed before they were a common feature in fanfic? What if, indeed, a society on Earth (or a canon world) dedicated itself to breeding them?

A few thoughts:

-The League of Mary-Sue Factories, along with a number of other groups in the Multiverse (there's a city somewhere named Sparklee...), are doing just that: producing 'Sues, one way or another, and sending them into fanfic. The League have used them to attack the PPC on occasion. Sparklee, actually, goes even further - it's set up as a city-state populated entirely by 'Sues and 'Stus, pretty much exactly like you're thinking of.

-For that matter, the Mirror Multiverse Enforcers of the Plot Continuum (EPC) are doing much the same thing - building a society of 'Sues, and attempting to conquer everything else. They're a dictatorship with no regards for morality or ethics, so I'm sure Nazi parallels have been drawn...

-What I'm not sure anyone has written is a society of normal people which - by choice or by external/dictatorial force - turns itself into a nation of 'Sues. It could be an interesting story, indeed - but I wonder how hard it would be? After all, Mary-Sues, by occasional definition, aren't exactly well-rounded characters - and aren't (usually!) intentional villains. Writing a story about 'Sues taking over, while ensuring the 'Sues can keep their own worldview (how they are the best thing ever to happen to everything) intact... it would be a big challenge.

hS

While that might be true, a lot of people would find that demeaning or offending. Here there be dragons, methinks, and it's best not to tread there.

At least, that's what I like to tell myself. *lays wreath*

A wreath at his grave indeed, and may he ever rest in peace.

Ever shall it lie on the grave where JRR and Edith lie asleep together. Beren and Luthien together at last...

Thanks for creating such a wonderful world, Professor!

Elcalion, pensive

Rest in peace, Professor - wherever Iluvatar's grace has taken you.

hS

I blame you entirely for this:



The day before yesterday we had brilliant sunshine. This is all your fault.

hS

I will be glad to see the back of it. I don't do well in the heat, you see. Now, Fall I can work with.

-Phobos

And I am so glad to be back in the school year already. Man, I had a great summer, but I'll be damned if I wasn't ready to just sit there and lounge around doing nothing after playing opera pit for a month and a half...

Seriously, it has gotten way, way too hot this year. Kind of glad for any end to the season, unofficial or otherwise.

Oh yes, I will enjoy the cooler weather. Thank you, sir, and a happy Labor Day to you too.

...without fear of burning to death, that is, then I most certainly will enjoy it. ^^

Does...not...compute.

Though, of course, I don't really see a problem with enjoying any day, so I will wish you the same.

And for my usual birthday gift:

In honor of your birthday, I have a special present for you! Or to be more precise, a special something that has a special present for you!

Now where did I put it?
*rummages through bag of holding*
*Pulls out Poké Ball*
Here you go! Inside is a Delibird, the Delivery Pokemon. But you accept its deliveries at your own risk; its presents have a chance to either heal your wounds or explode! A very...interesting companion to have around!

I bestow upon you the gift of air from my lungs. I'm still working out how to transfer that over the internet.

Happy Birthday! Here, have an Official Fanfiction University of Doctor Who sweatshirt (Sorry if it isn't one of your fandoms) and have a sonic pen. Useful for sonicy stuff.
Hope you have and or are having a great day!

I have for you a top hat kitten, strange biological anomalies and all. As I recall, you have thought about how it fits together, so I need not give you the warning associate with using feline eldritch abominations as gifts.

Happy Birthday!

Drinks for everyone!

Have a baker's dozen of chocolate chip cookies. They're not a lie I swear.

*wraps Random Generic Gift in purple paper*

*hands to DemonFiren*

*runs away*

-Aila

Have a sack of pebbles and your very own sling to throw them with! Also cake!

Dear all,

Following the recent disappearence of former DOGA Agent Selene [...] Windflower from her padded room in FicPsych, we have naturally been keeping an eye out for her across the multiverse. Recently, one of DOGA's other agents claimed to have encountered her on a mission:

"I almost tripped over her in the woods. She didn't look happy to see me. I mean, really unhappy - glowing red eyes and everything."

When questioned further as to how he was able to identify former agent Selene, the agent responded:

"Well, I recognised her, you know? Like you do with people you... recognise?"

This agent's lack of cooperation has been noted.

To aid in identification of this potentially distressed, possibly dangerous escapee, we have compiled an artist's impression from our informant's description.



~Agent Irvine

Isn't Internet a lovely thing to have?

I honestly have never seen the Mysterious Benedict Society listed as a fandom. I loved those books! Anyway, have a bottomless barrel of sushi as your housewarming gift, and I look forward to chattering with you. :D

-- Len

So, a LoTR fan, eh? You're in VERY good company here in the PPC! Now what should a Pokemon fan like myself give to a LoTR fan?

*rummages through bag of holding*
How'd I get ahold of this? Well...
Here, have some lembas bread!

'Cause that one is awesome.

Welcome to the PPC Board, have a fluffy velociraptor and all that. Have fun!

Have some virtual fire crackers! Instead of an explosive device for celebrations, they are crackers that you may crack into two, and will catch fire. Useful for hunting trips, I say.

You read Asimov? Quite interesting tales he had written.

Greetings, new friend! Have an egg!

What kind of egg, you ask? Well, I don't know! We'll just have to wait and find out!







(While I hide behind this steel door!)

Would you mind if I called you Wendy? It's easier to remember.

What fantasy/sci-fi books do you enjoy? Any movies, TV series, games you like?

Hi, have some fudge!

Thank you for all of the gifts! I shall find uses for them all, though I think I'll run away from the pokes. I've heard that lint makes an excellent fire starter, anyway.

I used to have a lot more fandoms I was interested, but I then outgrew the books/they got worse when more books came out/I realized how bad they are. I also enjoy the Secret Series and… most children/young teen fantasy books!

Hi Wendy, I'm Kitty. Welcome to the PPC! Here's a bled pen pack and notebook set!
Join the irc channel, we always welcome new people. I'm one myself.

Welcome to the PPC, we like new people! Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object.

Hurray, fellow Tolkienite! It's good to meet more of my people. :P What other books are you into?

[Pokepokepoke]

It is of course traditional to poke newbies. It's rather an old tradition, though - most people give presents these days instead. But what sort of welcome is that? I mean, really, what would you prefer - people throwing gifts at you, or a proper bewildered poking to try and figure out what you are?

Don't answer that.

Anyway, hello! Welcome a'Board! We hope you have fun, and please remember to leave your sanity at the door - it makes such a mess when it explodes.

hS

Greetings! I'm one of the old farts from literally ten years ago that vanished off the board and then just recently came back myself, so I'm quite out of the loop as to what all has been going on in the past seven years or so.

I'd give you a present, but I tend not to give out free things. MSTers, like myself, aren't paid very well, and we're very clingy about the things that we do have. I have some laundry lint I don't think I'm using if you feel so inclined. I... also have some mixed nuts... and a 2012 calender. Take your pick.

I'm sure you'll like it here.

Hello and greetings!

I hereby grant you a lined Infinite Notebook with urple covers and wilver binding for your very own. Just make sure you don't hurt your eyes looking at it. Please.

-Aila

I think I shall just call you something different something every time, Quihi. If that is okay.

Welcome to the PPC, where shoes and sanity have no home. We're surprisingly friendly for a group that made its name on the internet by assassinating people's power fantasies.

Here, have a top hat kitten! It is a wondrous beast, combining the best features of snazzy headwear and feline. Just don't look at it too much, or think about how it's supposed to work or fit together. That leads to headaches, nosebleeds, and an obsession with geometry that leads you to repainting every room you enter, muttering "the organs, the organs, the organs" until your voice wears out while you diagram the vivisection of worlds.

So don't do that. Please?

Many greetings. I am AdmiralSakai, aspiring mad scientist and compulsive overthinker. Please feel free to take your shoes off, have a nice can of Purple Stuff (now available in World One!) and make yourself comfortable. Oh, and leave your sanity at the door- you won't be needing that here.


You seem to have covered all of the main bases introductions-wise, although we would of course always be happy to hear more about you. I'm fairly new here myself, but I've had little trouble fitting in, so I'm sure you'll do fine. As an accountwarming gift, I present you with a Carafe of Continuous Caffeine- I promise no fundamental physical laws were harmed in its creation.

in the number five catch-all.

(Darn, I waited too long for the missions bit! :( )

The species counted so far all seem to fit the more-or-less-a-human-with-pointy-ears model of elf, even if they, like the Vulcans or the Hylians, aren't elves by name, but there are other species referred to as elves that don't look the same as the standard elf does and don't behave in the standard elven manner.

What about the not-so-human elves, like the ones in Discworld or Harry Potter? I know those were based on the folkloric fey and the brownie repectively, and not the Tolkien elves, but that might mean they're even closer to the root of elfdom, since the Tolkien elves were originally based on the Norse folkloric "light elves", or the "Ljósálfar", according to Wikipedia. I'm just going to trust its spelling there.

As for the human-style elves, do they need to be follow the traditional fantasy elf body structure, or does Ispace cover any humanoid elf in their definition? Because if they do, there are still all of the elves in the Christmas specials of the world to be considered, some of which have been very, very abused and are in need of protection. I'm looking at you, vampire elves from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. Mrs. Claus had no right to turn you into her vampiric thralls.

I would definitely read that. I'd love to offer up my in-progress agents for humiliation, but unfortunately I lack Permission, and I'm still not ready to go about obtaining it.... It seems like you have plenty of volunteers anyway. Be sure to plug the finished product, because now you've got me intrigued!

-- Len :)

Feel free to borrow anyone from my stable. I've actually been looking for excuses to give Ilraen some battle-scars, so if you want to injure him a bit, that's fine with me. However, I reserve particularly symbolic areas such as the head and chest to damage for myself. {; ) I wouldn't mind Gall and Derik getting banged up a bit, either. Nume will avoid any situation likely to result in a physical confrontation unless there's no other choice.

Do Andalites count as Space Elves, do you think? Also, Nume is Noldo-colored and occasionally compared to Vulcans and Hugo Weaving's Elrond (it's the Eyebrows o' Doom), so if you wanted to play with that, it might work...?

I like the [wait] banners, by the way. {= )

~Neshomeh, finally starting to catch up with the week.

You can borrow my agents for a cameo if you wish.

Oh, and there are elves in the Eragon continuum, of course...

(Ducks behind desk.)

...But I don't actually have an agent in the PPC yet, so I'm afraid I can't participate. Too bad.

All I can say about the elves is that after LoTR, dozens of games and stories popped up sporting elves almost blatantly based off of the Eldar. Prominent examples would be Eragon and Dungeons and Dragons.

I hope that at least helps. Boonzayah!

Nice spam block picture there.

Other than LOTR, most fantasy genres have elves in them.
But then again, some are pointy-eared, and some are pointy-eared and not considered elves (don't ask me why). Do those count?

Specifically for the missions... okay, let's see what we've got:

-A 'maybe' from Desdendelle
-A 'yes' from Irish Samurai (accepted)
-The humiliation from Elcalion
-A 'yes' from Phobos
-A 'yes' from Cassie
-A 'possibly' from Lily
-And a 'possible' from hermione

Well, that's definitely enough volunteers! And I guess that means I have to make a decision...

... decisions are boring. I'll wait to hear from Desdendelle. But at this point, I don't think I'll need any more volunteers for Requests 2 & 4. Cameos at the end are still wide open, of course!

hS

This... Could be interesting.

For cannons that have elves in them, let me suggest the Elder Scrolls seres. Oh lord above, do they have elves. You have Altmer, the high elves, who think themselves greater then all other races. The Bosmer, who live in the forests of Tamriel, and are masters of archery and sneaking through the undergrowth undetected. The Dunmer, dark elves who live in the volcanic wastelands of Morrowind. They worship the Daedra and are masters of summoning and have a special resistance to fire. Then the Osmer, the orcs, strong and stout, they stand among the strongest races in Tamriel. Then there's the Falmer, the Snow Elves, oh I could go on and on. Here, just look at these articles from the Elder Scrolls wiki, and you will see why it is important the Ispace visit this world:
http://elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Mer
http://elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Third_Aldmeri_Dominion - These guys are a group of elves that are trying to commit the genocide of all the races of man and beast, then later find a way to destroy the world so they can re-claim their supposed lost divinity. Yeah. Not good people.

Next, if there is a multi-dimentional group I have created that would be involved with these guys. The answer is... Not really, but I do have Jumper, my namesake and character that can travel to fictional universes. His section of the multiverse acts differently from the PPC's multiverse, so he would be really invested in keeping them out of his sector. He will be/is a PPC agent, and may well run across the Ispase on his travels outside of the PPC. I would be honored if he gets to participate in this semi-event. If you want me to write out what he does or further discuss what his role may be in this, I would be happy to do so. Just be warned, I have a rather tight school schedule right now, so I may not be able to get his bits done for a while. Just a heads up.

If you're looking for any canon that contains Elves, and especially since you've got a group there that is all for the protection of said Elves... you might look into using the Anime/Manga series "Those who hunt Elves" which is a thoroughly ridiculous series.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Those_Who_Hunt_Elves

I WILL TAKE IT! I WILL TAKE THE RING TO -- oops.

Anyway, as of now I'm not entirely sure if there are Elves/Vulcans/pointy-eared little bastards at IAHF or MBSFA because I don't have the registration forms on hand at the moment, but I know that Agent Eledhwen, who is an Elf, happens to correspond with both institutions. Make of that what you will.

I also volunteer the Consulting Sue Slayer verse (which can be found primarily through consultingsueslayer.tumblr.com and the Study in Rose RP that Dawn and I have on her and my Time Lord!Spock blog (long story)), which is known to have Vulcans in it somewhere, so there's some Elves for ya.

I may not have time to write a mission, but if I do around the time you ask I will probably say a very enthusiastic yes because I'd major in Elvish studies here if I could.

Finally I'd say yes to public humiliation for my Agents if they didn't already know who Dafydd was. So yeah.

(also OH MY GOD KARL URBAN. /discreetly wipes drool off laptop)

I'll go for writing a mission for you as per Request #2. If it's Tolkienverse that would be best, as I have a couple of Agents in mind who can take the job and really deserve an outing of their own.

I also have vast swathes of Agents willing to take on Request #5 whenever required.

It looks like you've got volunteers already for Requests 2 and 4, but if anything falls through I'll toss Arthur Briggs and Lynn Gillies into the pot. Neither is particularly paranoid, but given Briggs' military background he would be interested in reports of organized opposition to PPC missions.

And of course, they're both available for Request 5.

Warcraft has no fewer than 3 types of Elves (Night, High, and Blood Elves); more if you count the mutations (Naga, Harpies, Satyrs, Darkfallen). Some people believe Elves to be an offshoot of Trolls, so I wonder if the Ispace protections go all the way back to them.

Anyway, here is a wiki.

If you are willing to write a suefic for the Warcraft Universe, I have a pair of agents (Barid and Brightbeard) who are willing and able to take it down.

My orginization, the Sue Slayers is a Multiversal concept that l''d let you use.

Ill have a crack at writing one of the missions (ESAS being an elf-specialising division after all), and volunteering Logan and either Kern or Riboflavin for humiliation (because I'm evil to my agents) - depends whether you think having a Jedi or a HP wizard being humiliated would be funnier as to which of Kern/Riboflavin I'll use to partner Logan.

Riboflavin joined after Dafydd retired. Logan and Kern probably haven't met/seen Dafydd but would certainly have heard of him.

Elcalion

Q1) Other than the obvious (OFUM), I dunno, so I'm not much help on this one :)

Q2) Well, Warhammer 40,000 has Space Elves (in Good and Evil flavours), and Warhammer Fantsay offers three different flavours. I've also seen the Navi be referred to as Elves in Space!, presumably because they have pointy ears and that whole 'living in harmony with nature' thing. I'm sure I read/watch plenty of other stuff with elves of some kind in, but I'm stuck at work at the minute, so can't check my bookshelves. I'll get back to you if I can think of any other particularly good ones.

R2) Yeah, I'd be up for writing a mission in a specifically created badfic, if you think my agents will work for what you want to achieve.

R3) Yes I do have my own Trans-Dimensional Organisation (or rather, I have ideas for them - one of these days I'll actually have to get around to writing about them), but then you knew that already. I can send you more details on them if you need it.

R4) I don't think my agents quite fit the bill here - while they wouldn't recognise Dafydd, I can't see them getting too worked about the rumours. After all, there are rumours floating round about an HQ Pool, and that's clearly nonsense!

R5) Sure, Skeet and Amy volunteer.

Question #1) From the top of my head, I know that OFU of Azeroth has elves, OFUM has Elves (but of course), and the Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy has the House Elves (as you've mentioned).
Request #1) I don't run an OFU.
Question #2) I won't bother with the more common fandoms, but here are wikis for Forgotten Realms and Dragonlance. The Battle for Wesnoth has no (up-to-date) wiki per se, but its site and fora are more than enough.
Request #2) Um... not sure. More details would be welcome. (Though if I'll accept it might force me to get off my lazy ass and actually write something longer than a post in a play-by-post RP...)
Request #3) Nope, don't have one.
Request #4) I'll pass on this one. Neither Agent!Des nor Anebrin are particularly paranoid.
Request #5) They're more than up for a cameo, however.

But no fanfare. No-one ever gives me a fanfare.

Anyway, hi! Welcome back. The Badfic Game is planned for this month, but probably closer to the end than the beginning. I'd like to give fanficWorld a makeover before I start it, and get familiar with the coding again - but unfortunately, my work computer refuses to show the Javascript it runs on. That means I can only muck about with it from home, so it takes longer than I'd like (particularly since we're in the middle of moving - home is a busy place right now).

But fear not - it is on its way. You haven't missed it.

hS

Holy Christ crackers, I think I was close to the area! It's the Wellesley near Boston, right?

Anyways, welcome back! Does this mean we can look forward to more Multiverse Monitor Redux?

Good to have you back for however long you happen to be back for. Repetition aside, exactly are the badfic games.

Having fun with your first taste of college life?

College tends to make people drop off the face of the internet for a while. Glad to see you back, though.

As for the Badfic Game, you haven't missed it, though I have no idea when it is going to be. I'm looking forward to it, as well. It's one of my favorites.

-Phobos

I did a Coursera course in fantastic litterature. It was a very good experience, although I ended up not completing it. The amount of text I had to read each week ended up being too much, what with me having a full time job and also wanting to sleep every now and then.
But it did teach me a lot about looking for underlying themes in litterature. The 'thesis' that every work is putting forth and defending.

I'm taking a programming languages class this fall - it starts next month, and it is going to be fun.

It's not interactive like what you've described, but there are a whole bunch of MIT lectures (and possibly stuff from other places too, I dunno, I didn't really look any further than the MIT stuff) that you can watch online.

They've got videos of the full lecture courses for a range of topics available.

I watched the courses on Vibrations and Waves and Electricity and Magnetism to help me understand electromagnetism well enough to do some electromagnetic simulation work for my previous company, despite my background being purely mechanical engineering.

This sounds pretty interesting. But I will admit to some skepticism, mostly on the basis that 1. The classes are free and 2. There is no such thing as a "free hug."

What you've said sounds awesome, don't get me wrong, and I am tempted to look into these classes. But in my experience, there's always a catch...so what is it? The fact that you typically can't get recognition from the university that "hosted" the class is a drawback, but for someone who just wants to learn things, it isn't much of one.

I've finished two courses on Coursea -- one about contraception (very light and fluffy), one on human physiology (kicked my butt). I'm taking -- hold on, counting on my fingers -- three at the moment?

Two are very quick to race through every week, one's a bit more time-consuming (global health). And actually the Vaccines course, which is supposed to be just a couple of hours a week, is taking a *lot* more time than that just to keep up with all the smallpox-eradication deniers in the discussion forums. People are crazy in the most unexpected directions these days.

I'm also taking a course from edX, which is similar to Coursera. I find that Coursera is a lot easier to navigate, though.

And it may well be something I'll look into if I'm ever not massively consumed with things. It used to be that I didn't think I could make myself do an online course, but I manage to do my online job, so maybe it's a possibility. How involved were the assignments in the courses you took? Homework has always been my big stumbling block.

~Neshomeh

Or at least something similar. It was on the Colbert Report not too long ago.

This is really awesome. I am going to have to check out what they have to offer. I could always use some more knowledge.

-Phobos

Machine Learning with Stanford's wonderful Andrew Ng. I have literally studied with one of the world's leading experts in artificial intelligence... and it was AWESOME!

Roughly how many people are active here?

I believe it's about 2 or 3 dozen people at a time. I'm not being active lately, just greetings newbies at most. Huinesoron did published a few charts a few threads down, you best refer to there.

What are the main fandoms?

Tolkienverse and MLP seems to be the mainstream here, but everyone have their own tastes. It seems that Tolkienverse is more important, as Jay and Acacia original missions are mostly centered there.

And, has anyone seen my pants?

Are you a nerdfighter?

Has anyone poked you yet? No? I can't see one. In that case, first poke! [Pokepokepoke]

And here's an interesting fact for you: did you know you're the second Artemis we've had on the Board? The original left many years ago, and was the author of (I'm reasonably sure) Aerilyn and Zera, as well as the creator of the Department of Internal Affairs (specifically Agents Black and Irvine, though their stories are not lost :().

hS

How d'you feel about Avatar: The Last Airbender? Just asking.

Anyways, welcome to the PPC, Arty! Try reading the Original Series and stuff like that. Have a fluffy velociraptor while you think on whether or not you like A:TLA!

Greetings, new friend! Have a potted Poison Joke!

Welcome aBoard! So you listen to Cecil, eh? What do you think of the latest developments between him and Carlos?

Then, to answer your questions:

1. No idea
2. We don't have any, we just all fool around. An argument could be made for LotR as our main fandom, since it was the founding fandom, but I think we can say with certainty we're all just putzing around the multiverse without focusing on any one fandom.
3. Pants are forbidden on the Board unless you have special permission.

Hi there! Nice to see that you've started to get acquainted with the craziness that is the PPC. As has been said already, there are no "main fandoms" around here--though because the Original Series was based off of Lord of the Rings badfic, it's usually good to have a good LoTR background. (But, of course, it's by no means required--I, for one, am mainly a Pokemon fan, and I remember actually falling asleep when I last tried to read The Two Towers!)

Speaking of the Original Series, have you read it? That is pretty much required reading around here, since all else is based off of it.

Oh yeah, your newbie gift...
*rummages through bag of holding*
Aha!
From the Jimmy Neutron continuum, have a self-folding pair of pants!

Hi, have some fudge!

It's good to meet you. Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object; they are good for dealing with Sues. :D

Also I may have just requested permission by accident.
... Oops.

Have this tiny plastic Marquise De Sod as a gift on your arrival.

I am also a Homestuck and Portal fan. It doesn't matter if a fandom is not very big here, by the way. Many of the big ones now were not big historically. Things change over time. So bring your love of your chosen fandoms and they may become bigger as others catch on to what makes them great.

As to your pants, I'm afraid I haven't seen them, which is odd. I am a notorious pants thief, in real life.

-Phobos

Welcome to the PPC. Sit down, relax, and make yourself at home: we love newbies here! Just remember to leave your sanity at the door, and all will be amazing and awesome and hilarious.

And main fandoms? Well, there are no main fandoms here. Mission authors can make their missions in whatever fandoms they want. So there's no rule.

Anyway... Have some music by Helmut Lachenmann for the road: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYKkZrPz13s

Hi Artemis! I'm Wendy, fellow newbie to the boards. (I started actively lurking a couple days ago, so I don't know much, nor have I seen your pants.)

Here's some pants I virtually made out of virtual duct tape; they might be a bit stiff, though.

Greetings and welcome!

A Portal fan! I've been waiting for one so that I could pass on some of the extra combustible lemons my brother gave me. Here they are! *gives*

Oh, and also take a lined Infinite Notebook with urple covers and wilver binding. Beware your eyes!

-Aila

Have you tried looking up? I often find shoes and other assorted garments dangling from rafters and power lines. In that spirit, have a giant hook fused to a ten-foot steel rod as your housewarming gift! Ya know, in case you ever need to retrieve some trousers from a telephone pole.

I honestly have no clue how many people are active on the Board. I'd ask Huinesoron about that. He has all sorts of funky charts and nifty statistics in his arsenal.

As for fandoms, the first replier named some pretty good ones. I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't like Harry Potter, and The Hunger Games and PJO are popular. There's a pretty wide variety, though. Anything goes fandom-wise.

So, welcome to the PPC! I'd wish you good luck and intact sanity, but what fun would that be? My efforts would probably be futile, anyway. :D

-- Len

Hello there Artemis! Please accept my gift of a potato cannon and a sack of golden potatoes-great for dispatching Suvians. Okay, while not necessarily that lethal, it is tremendously satisfying to peg a Suvian with a bit of potato traveling at high speeds. Oh, and have an Official Fanfiction University of Doctor Who hoodie.

As for the amount of fandoms...well there are a lot of them. I don't think there are any main ones, but I suppose examples of various fandoms would be Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Doctor Who, Mass Effect, Sherlock...That's a sad list, but all I've got so far.

As of the beginning of 2013 to about August 12th, there has been about 54 people active. Not including the people who join after that, of course.

As for your pants, I don't know where they are. That's not my division. I could get you a pair of jeans though, there should be a plothole around here somewhere...

I liked this when I beta'd it, and I still like it now. I particularly like some of the lines which weren't there when I read it before - 'It was sort of like having a very nicely dressed falcon stare you down.' And in general, it was fun to read - and it's fun to see the timeline folding and refolding itself.

The question is, if the PPC community still exists in the 2030s, will we be able to resolve these timelines? And how?

And if we don't, do I get to write another History dealing with the Sundering That Didn't Sunder, and explaining exactly how everything ended up going on as usual? 2030... yeah, that should be enough time for me to want to go through that again.

hS

Hundreds had died and so had most of Flowers - shouldn’t this be most of the Flowers?

Is that grammatically and temporally correct enough, or I need to go on? - shouldn’t this be or do I need to go on?

I’m quite confused now. I may need to re-read Huinesoron and Samurai’s stories.

Because there's just not enough of that around HQ :P

I really like this piece, I think you've got a very interesting concept for the storyline (and I'm not just saying that because it's based on mine!). I look forward to seeing how things go for Gaspard with all his future knowledge.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again - the interaction between Skeet and Amy was brilliant (particularly Skeet's line about the 'emergency flare').

Nicely done.

Time lines, that is. As I see it, you have the Paladin-line (which only occurs if the Paladins don't come back in time), the Tick-tock-line (started by the flowers vetoing the DoE) and now this new time line, which is new and different because of all the information that Gaspard has at his disposal.

I can't wait to see how it gets more complicated down the line. How many branching time lines can one series of stories create? I don't know, but I want to find out.

Well done, all around.

-Phobos, lover of tangled time

My questions were answered in the sequel! Since the original Door From the Future RP/Trousers of Time world didn't have someone neuralyzing the agents, this timeline proceeded with less knowledge of the DoE.
The Flowers found out through the agents that retained their knowledge, or possibly just because they're the Flowers, so seeing all and knowing all is part of their job, but the agents not retaining their memories set off a temporal domino effect, In Want Of A Nailing the entire timeline to a different course!
Not only does this remove my previous "how is it an Alternate Universe story for all but a few people when the few people exist in the same universe as those who it is an Alternate Universe story for" by revealing that the timelines were in fact distinct all along, just imagine how Amy is going to react when she realizes that she was unintentionally responsible for the timeline containing the Tick-Tock Men and the DTOM to come into being! I mean, judging by Skeet's dialogue, the two would have known at least at some point that their arrival into the past was the cause of the timelines differentiating each other, so it's not going to be an "I did what?" sort of reaction, but it's probably still going to be a huge emotional hit.

I wish you hadn't used the term "fixed point in time", though. It may have been unintentional, but it's giving me unpleasant flashbacks to when I tried to puzzle out how Steven Moffat's time travel rules work. Uuggghh. Logic and Moffat do not combine.

By the way, before Skeet's watch beeps, there's a [SI3] in the text. What does that mean? Does it represent a sound?

Er, I wrote the first part of this on a rock in the middle of a river, before reading Phobos' plug down-page. And now I'm looking at the whole thing twice, but anyway. If you haven't read it yet, you should.

---

The sink gurgled as the drain swallowed the last of the suds. Mohan watched them disappear, ran the tap one more time to clear it, and glanced up quickly as the door closed. Lyn clicked the latch home and shook her head. He sighed and turned back to the counter, where several cubic metres of turnip stood.

"I keep saying we should get some kind of a partition set up," Lyn said, behind him. He heard the clunk as she pulled the case down from the cabinet.

"It wouldn't do any good," he told her, retrieving his own knife from the block.

He hefted the long blade once, swing it straight across for the whistle, and brought it down hard on the massive root vegetable. The counter shook slightly with the noise. He grinned nastily at the slice, pulled the knife out, and reached back up to swing again. The knives they used for these were long, and kept sharp. They'd learned to be a bit more careful while chopping vegetables, these days.

Behind him, the chainsaw revved to life, and there was no conversation for a while as Lyn worked on the other half of the recipe.

"I know," she said, as she killed the engine. "But we've got to do something! He won't wear gloves, and I don't blame him - Cafeteria bylaws have a lot of words about that."

"I still think somebody should have told them why gloves were such an important part of World One foodhandling tradition," Mohan said, bringing the knife down to take another two-inch slice of the turnip. "You never know, it might not be the worst idea."

"No, the worst idea was importing ice wraiths for the walk-in freezers."

Mohan shook his head. "What, and not that time someone decided what we really needed was a Durian Casserole?"

"Okay, that was--"

"--or when someone thought the best place to get carrots was in the middle of a Looney Tunes firefight?"

"Whoa, but that--"

"--or that time with the Wreck-it Ralph badfic--"

"--Okay! I get it!" His partner glared at him from the other side of the kitchen. He did not bother to grant the glare the dignity of turning around; Lyn could glare holes in asbestos.

"If we changed the bylaws specifically to allow gloves for hazards to workers, what would that do?"

"Probably nothing," Lyn said, pushing the bowl of sawdust up on the counter. "He wouldn't wear them anyway, and he'd be upset if we tried to change the rules for him. Watch out, that's got to go here."

He stepped out of the way as she slid the stack of sliced turnips into the mixing bowl, and carried it over to the sink to blend.

"How many batches are we making, anyway?"

She shrugged. "I figure we might as well use all of it. He should be back pretty soon. We've just got to talk to DoSAT, or maybe Medical, about a way to fix all this."

Mohan nodded, and returned to cleaving the turnips. He'd nearly finished the row when there was a knock on the door; he and Lyn nearly knocked each other over opening it.

Igor raised an eyebrow at them. "He ith yourth, yeth?"

Behind him was the tall, slightly sheepish figure of an Enderman in Cafeteria uniform. He disappeared from view immediately, leaving only a trail of purple sparks past the Igor and into the kitchen. Lyn followed him; Mohan sighed.

"Yes, he is. Thank you, Igor. Is he alright?"

"He ith fine. The burnth will heal in a few dayth. He theemth quite eager to return, tho Doctor Fitthgerald athked me to ethcort him here."

The short medic reached into his lab pocket and pulled out a small box. "He altho athked me to return thith to your Department."

Mohan frowned. "Oh - thank you. He didn't say what it was...?"

But the Igor had already disappeared. Mohan sighed, closed the door, and opened the box.

"...Oh, damn it." He followed the trail of purple sparks through the kitchen, to where Lyn and Jof were lounging outside of the freezers, eating sandwiches. "Jof, Igor brought this back, too." He handed the little device to his partner, who frowned.

"Ah," he said, after a moment. "That would explain it."

Mohan and Lyn waited a few minutes. Mohan sighed.

"That would explain...?"

The Enderman looked up. "The hydrophobic device. I left it behind while visiting last week." He slid the thing into the front pocket of his uniform and took another bite out of his sandwich.

Lyn shrugged, took another bite out of her own sandwich, and grinned happily. Mohan thought of saying something like "...and you didn't mention this?" or "...and you still decided to make chicken soup?" or "can we weld that to your neck?" sighed, thought better of it, and sat down, snagging the remains of sandwich-making-supplies for himself.

It wasn't until that night at about two o'clock in the morning (the Ironic Overpower Approved time for sudden revelations) when the image of an Igor and a hydrophobic device clicked in his head. He sat bolt upright.

"Lyn?"

"nghwha?"

"How toxic to an Enderman do you think the waters of the Ankh would be?"

"I was asleep, you--" she stopped. "I don't know, let's find out."

"Tomorrow."

---

(I only realized partway that the whole "stretching mashed turnips by mixing in sawdust" thing might not be universal, in which case this probably looks random as hell. But yes, that is what they are doing, and no, I probably could not tell you exactly why, besides that my grandpa had some very interesting stories about his childhood.)

(And yes, I think I'm going to say this is canon, and now I think there needs to be a story about what happens when the Cafeteria decides that they are now doing all their prep and cooking with either Ankh "water" or at least a mixture involving Ankh "water" in some ratio..)

Note: The opinions expressed here are the opinions of the characters, not necessarily of the author. Also, I have no idea if this is any good.

Tish dropped the Lord of the Rings trilogy (plus The Hobbit) on Sebak's bunk. They bounced, and the top book skittered off the stack and bumped into Sebak's leg. "I'm done!" she said. "Finally."

Sebak looked up and carefully restacked The Fellowship of the Ring. "Did you enjoy them?"

Tish nodded. "Yeah. I liked The Hobbit the best because Bilbo's character development is cool. I think the riddles were a really creative way to deal with something scary. And I liked trying to guess the answers. It's so funny, too, Bilbo being all like 'I want my hobbit-hole'!"

The Vulcan tilted his head. "I found that one the least enjoyable."

Tish nodded. "You probably like The Silmarillion the best," she guessed.

"Did you read it?" Sebak asked, looking almost hopeful.

Tish snorted. "I tried. But you didn't say it was required, and it's really boring! I'd read it if it was told like a story, but ugh."

"Tolkien's prose is considered quite beautiful," Sebak said.

"Yeah, it is," Tish said. "And that's the problem. It's like 'hey look I'm a linguistics professor!' rather than 'hey I'm going to tell you a cool story'!"

"I thought you said you liked the series."

She sighed. "First of all, they’re not as bad as The Silmarillion. And there's still a cool story there. But I kept stopping and starting because I kept losing interest. If I hadn't promised you, I probably wouldn't have finished them."

Sebak raised his eyebrows. "Why did you read them for me? When you worked in the Lord of the Rings division you would have likely had a partner that would have tried to make you read them."

"Yeah, but she kept trying to convince me to like them and well, you won't. You're just like 'it's logical to read them because there is a lot of badfic for them'. I like things to make sense."

"Really."

"Yeah," Tish said.

"Hm. Considering what I have learned about you, that is most - "

"Fascinating, I know," Tish said, sighing. "Could you not be stereotypical? Anyhow, I read them for you. Happy? Right, stupid question," she added as Sebak arched an eyebrow.

"I am disappointed that you did not enjoy them," he replied. "However, as you said, they are necessary."

"Well, we can agree to disagree on that. Most fic is movieverse. And I didn't say I didn't like them!"

"You explained your problems with them quite thoroughly," Sebak pointed out.

She shrugged. "It's just kind of overrated, that's all."

"That is your opinion."

"Right," she said.

Sebak nodded.

Tish grinned. "So, will you read Percy Jackson?"

(This may be a cursed thread... I meant to post this yesterday, but have been too busy/ill to do so until now...)

There was a very hesitant knock at the door to RC #583. No sound came from within, but the door opened anyway, revealing a darkened room lit only by a projection lamp that was currently displaying a pattern of stars. The person who had been knocking entered; it was a small, young woman with a mass of curly red hair and a very anxious expression.

"Kelvin?"

"I'm busy, Lyra."

She sighed, peering at the tall figure sprawled on his bed at the far side of the room. "No, you're not. I can see you, even with the light off."

"I'm thinking, and not in the mood for an argument." The dark-haired elf's tone was brittle with anger and unhappiness.

Lyra Mackenzie rolled her eyes and switched the light on, giving her partner a stern look. "At least try to be nice? I'm not looking for an argument either, you know."

The only response was something that sounded like Sindarin, but the tone made it clear that the actual comment was rather vulgar; she knew bits of the language after four years of working with him, but she'd never heard that phrase before, and her translator had clearly decided it wasn't about to help.

"Sod you too," she said mildly. She knew why he was upset, after all, so she was doing her best not to be offended, even if it did mean controlling her temper much more tightly than usual. "Look, I found -"

He sat up and fixed her with a glare. "I really do not want to talk right now."

"Well, tough, because I do." She pulled a little jewellery box out of her bag and offered it to him. "Like I was saying, I found this at one of the jewellery shops."

"...What is it?" Now Kelvin was giving her a dubious look. It was wholly out of character for her to give him anything.

The small girl couldn't help a rather self-satisfied grin. "Take a look and find out."

Rather hesitantly, he did as bidden... and for once, she had the satisfaction of seeing him look truly stunned as he held up the box's contents. "Where did you find this? We thought it was lost for good!"

"At one of the jewellery shops, like I said. Someone came in and sold it to them, I don't think they knew what it was really worth -"

She was cut off as Kelvin unexpectedly hugged her tightly, laughing with relief. "Stars above, Lyra, thank you," he managed hoarsely after a moment. "I never thought we'd see it again, Cassie's going to be so glad..."

She hugged back, a bit awkwardly, before escaping and smoothing down her trousers. It felt rather nice, she noted absently, to see him looking that happy. "Well, just tell her to keep a better eye on it in future," she said, nodding to the necklace - an oval-cut blue-tinged diamond pendant set in truesilver - and shrugging a little. "If she's going to keep a wedding present that valuable..."

"I know." He smiled broadly, his former mood quite vanished. "I'll see if Mazarun has any ideas - a spell or something. But I'd best go and give this to her now."

"...Okay." Lyra's smile dropped a little at the mention of the drow who'd become Kelvin's closest friend; Mazarun had always creeped her out. "See you later. Get cracking before the console goes off."

He chuckled, tucked the box into his tunic, and slipped out with another murmured thanks.

...on the wall of my seventh grade humanities classroom --

"Let's eat, Grandpa!"

could become

"Let's eat Grandpa!"

if the comma is left out.

-Aila

In case anyone's not aware, the Oxford comma (or serial comma) is the one that goes before the final "and" in a list, such as "Spam, eggs, sausage, and spam." It's preferred in most (though not all) American usage because it can prevent the kind of ambiguity under discussion in this thread. For instance, there's a huge difference in meaning between the following lines:

* This book is dedicated to my roommates, Nicole Kidman, and God.

* This book is dedicated to my roommates, Nicole Kidman and God.

Without the Oxford comma, it seems this author had some very interesting roommates!


Here's a MILDLY NSFW illustrated example I've seen floating around:


[Save yourself if you're somewhere you could be embarrassed!]


[Are you sure you want to scroll down?]


[Really really sure?]


[Okay, go on then.]




So basically, my feeling is this: if you're making a list, using the Oxford comma can't damage your meaning, but leaving it out can. The Oxford comma: better safe than sorry!

~Neshomeh

Sophie walked on her head a little higher than usual.
Beware teachers when parking.

I remember a story about punctuation that I saw when I was in Law Review:

A teacher wrote these words on the board

Woman without her man is nothing

and asked her class to punctuate the sentence.

All the males punctuated it thus: Woman, without her man, is nothing.

All the females punctuated it thus: Woman: without her, man is nothing.

Punctuation matters!

I've heard of a rather amusing one where a panda walks into a restaurant, gets dinner, pulls out a gun and shoots the ceiling, then walks out. He returns the next day and the waitress asks him why he did it.
He holds up a book about pandas and says: "Well, this book says we eat, shoots, and leaves."

Thor, beyond a shadow of a doubt. However, I am getting way, way ahead of myself. Before we get too far into 'who would win in a death battle,' we have to know what each one brings to the table as far as combat goes.

While I have seen Thor, I have not seen much of g1 Transformers (not even a full episode), so most of my Starscream knowledge has to come from somebody else. It just so happens that the information I am using comes from Death Battle, the episode where g1 Starscream fought against g4 Rainbow Dash, from My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic. and got crushed like a tin can He fought well, and provided the data I need for my argument. It also happens that Thor was also involved in a Death Battle, this time against Raiden from Mortal Combat. For the sake of being fair, I will use most of the points they raised in that battle for support, including his weaknesses, though most of my argument comes from the movies.

Let's start with Starscream, and run down his armor, weapons, and skill.
Starscream comes in two forms: F-15 Eagle fighter jet, and giant-frickin-robot. In his land based form, Starscream comes with an assortment of weapons, including:
Cluster bombs
Missiles
Machine guns
Some laser guns
Null-Ray: The Null-Ray focuses energy into a contained blast to shut down anything that runs on electricity. (How he did not manage to take over the Decepticons with this thing alone baffles me, but that's unimportant)
As a jet, his weaponry includes:
AIM homing missiles
-7F/M Sparrows
-120 AMRAAM Slammers
-9L/M Sidewinders
M61A1 Vulcan gatling gun
I have little idea of what these truly are, but from what I have gleamed, the three missiles are basically different ranges. In order as presented above: Mid-range, long-range, short-range. The gatling gun shoots really, really fast. It's rather good. Not much else to say on it.

Starscream can fly, either over short distances in his robot form, or long-ranges in his jet form. As a jet, he can fly at top speeds of Mach 2.5+ or 1,650+ mph.

Starscream likes to think of himself as a strategist, though several of his plans fail. Miserably. Despite this, he does have a way with words, and manages to be just competent enough to stay as one of the higher-ranking officials. He is fond of stabbing people in the back and utilizing the element of surprise. That said, he is also headstrong, so his idea of 'surprise' is often "charge in front of the enemy, fein damage and inhabitation, then shoot them when they least expect it." This makes his Null-Ray more effective, as it seems to work best at close distances. This may be because Starscream is a horrid shot. There is a reason his missiles are tracking.

Now let's cover Thor.
Thor is the Norse god of thunder, giving him mastery over storms and lightning. His weaponry includes:
Lightning bolts
Thunder blasts
Vortexes
Storms
Mjolnir

Mjolnir is Thor's signature weapon. This one handed hammer, forged by the dwarves as an ultimate gift, can perform a variety of attacks. When the dwarves gave the hammer to Thor, they described it as such: "Thor might smite as hard as he desired, whatsoever might be before him, and the hammer would not fail; and if he threw it at anything, it would never miss, and never fly so far as not to return to his hand; and if be desired, he might keep it in his sark, it was so small; but indeed it was a flaw in the hammer that the fore-haft was somewhat short." Beyond these powers, it seems to be a conduit for Thor's energy. He can send lightning bolts out of the head, call forth his armor, and even fly after spinning the hammer in his hand really fast. It has also been known in the comics to control electro-magnetic fields, though this ability has not been shown in the movies yet.

Thor is a mountain of a man, as well as a god. His skin is neigh invulnerable, though he can be damaged if enough force is applied. Thor has had numerous fights with the Hulk, one of the strongest and hardest hitting things in the universe, and has escaped with only a few bruises. Even though his hammer carries most of his strength inside of it, Thor is no weakling himself. He among the strongest of the Asgardians, and as stated before, has traded blows with the Hulk, one of the few beings that can be stronger then him.

So, now it comes down to this. Who would win? As I said in the beginning, Thor would not only win, but annihilate Starscream.

Starscream's best weapon, the Null-Ray, is completely useless against organic beings, which Thor is. The rest of his arsenal, while it may be able to damage Thor if he concentrated almost all of his firepower onto the god at once, but even then it seems unlikely. Starscream's best chance is to grab Thor in a bear hug and transform into a jet as soon as he could, crushing Thor in the process. Of corse, that would probably only allow the god to rip him apart from the inside.

Thor on the other hand has a much greater offensive capability. All electrical systems can be overpowered, and several bolts of lightning should overcharge any robot, no matter how advanced their technology is. Should Starscream attempt to fly away, Thor could easily catch up to him, using his hammer to fly up to the jet. Once close enough to Starscream to hit, Mjolnir would be more then strong enough to tear right through him. In fact, Thor does not even need to be close to hit, as he has shown remarkable throwing capabilities with his hammer. Finaly, should Starscream manage to fly far enough away that Thor could not catch him, the god of thunder could call in a vortex to rip Starscream's body apart with lightning and extraordinarily heavy wind.

The winner is Thor.

BAM. 'A special thank you to arty97, thanks for the tips.' It looks a lot better. Not up to standards, but at least you can understand it now. Semi- success is better than nothing.

Smells funny. You sure it's not a troll?

Artemis Fowl pretty much singlehandedly set me on the path to mad science. I still have every book in readable condition save the first, which I have been pursuing for literally YEARS. I feel like this 'fic would have sent me into a blind rage if I could just figure out what any of it meant!

I mean, I get the broad strokes, that there's this OC brother and Juliet is involved in some kind of angst and Geovanni Zito is somehow evil and trying to drill down into the core, but other than that...

Wow, that story (the first one, I mean) is awful.
However, does anyone else think that the summary is surprisingly good, at least compared to the story?

Time is your Friend, Dont you believe me?[sic], by strikeIWSP, rated T. Artemis Fowl x Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha.
what if Artemis knew more about the fairy's then he was supposed to, long before he actually had any plans to kidnap one. crossover,Nanoha-s. Some swearing so T just in case. on hold may continue sooner if their are comments.

Well... first of all, it's script!fic. Second, bad SPaG. Third, OOC characters all over the place. Fourth, Artemis gets a stupid Device for no reason. Bah. Also, it's beiger than sepia.
(PS: I've found this ages ago and it's already in the Unclaimed Badfic page, in case you're wondering.)

And you killed off Corolla.

Now, both Sergio and Nikki aren't in the PPC anymore by then, but I guess they would discover what happened anyway (If Sues didn't attack where they are, that is) but ooh, boy. They're gonna to be pissed off.

The fact is...

SPOILERS

Sergio is a Stu who more or less reformed on his own... and suffered the loss of several friends already. Suffering some more at the hands of Sues, especially after he retired... it's snapping time, especially if the Sues somehow manage to get Nikki too.

And if he snaps, it will be something along the lines to wear a black cloak, a Crysis-verse nanosuit and a Just Cause-verse grappling hook, dual wield a lightsaber and a Patriot from Metal Gear-verse, and allow a Sueness relapse... in order to fight the Sues with their very own methods. 'Cause by then he would be enough insane to make such a thing work.

"If only a Sue is strong enough to kill another Sue... Then I will become one to kill them all."

, so I just wanted to say that this was great.

Oh, you thought we wouldn't find out, didn't you? You thought your secret plagiarism was safe? But no! We see all! Behold!

Time Compression

Yes, you, Phobos, have been filthily plagiarising from the writing genius known as 'Patron PPC Demi-Goddess', one of the most famous writers of FanficLand! The ideas are all there for everyone to see: a character in the future of the PPC, HQ wrecked, the Sues taking over, someone being sent back in time... oh yes, your secret is will and truly out.

hS

(Yes, I'm joking. ;) It's an entry to the Badfic Game from back in 2006, I don't really think you've plagiarised it. Although if the, uh, 'Sunclover' shows up in your story... ~hS)

I thoroughly enjoyed that. All these future timelines at the moment are so fun!

I think most of the best points have already been mentioned, but I think it is very interesting to see the PPC actually lose - it shows they are just as vulnerable as any other character (and hence are not 'Sues). I also find it interesting about the 'Sues being able to forcibly convert non-'Sues - always a nasty tactic. I am thoroughly looking forward to part 2.

One little thing - Eagrus' full name is Eagrus Khan, so this Eagrus Kahn must be mini-Agent...

This was good. Really, really good. You set the tone very well - things just feel desperate, very nearly hopeless, in a realistic and not-overdone way. Even if the POV characters aren't quite at the end of their ropes, knowing how far down this is from the PPC 'present' sets the reader in a very dark place. It's hard to fully express - the imagery and thought of HQ being so utterly destroyed, unsafe on a permanent level/timeframe is very, very unsettling. Somehow this managed to be more deeply devastating than Emergencies, or even the Crashing Down stories (though it might be that I haven't read those in too long). It's like having a dream of your childhood home (or some comparable safe space) eating you alive, or something. Especially the thing where - I don't quite know if this was intentional, though I assume it was - the hallways aren't the whimsical "don't think about your destination" sort of way they usually are. It's... bleak. And it does that job very, very well.

Less bleakly, I look forward to a continuation! If you're doing one? Which I assume you are. Hope you are, anyway.

I'd also managed to completely forget that you were using Jof here, but I'm glad he worked with the story, and thank you for the use and characterization and such.

Super exciting! I love seeing a super dark and deadly What-If; I especially love seeing one that can be prevented. This will give Oopart some serious work to do back in the present timeline. (Back in the present? What?)

The thing that really makes the Department of Resistance feel unified and cohesive is the huge amount of cameos you threw in. It really makes this story feel like a (possible future) culmination of the last few years' worth of PPC writing.

Also, I need to take a moment to be disproportionately egotistical. When I saw Doc's name in the list of dead, I was like, "Yeah, he would get pwned pretty hard." Then, when you mentioned the Sueified characters, I felt like Vania would wind up in that group, and figured that would be the end of my cameos. AND THEN I got to the Council at the end and was like HOLY CRAP one of my dudes IS LIKE MAJOR and then I spent about two hours trying to imagine how Vania wound up there.

. . . Uh, so yeah. Thank you for that! It really made my day. I think I'd like to explore what happened to my agents in this timeline eventually, once you have your main parts finalized. Lots to do in the present in the mean-time, though.

I especially liked the building up of the setting. That's some masterfully paced dread-stuffs there. I certainly wouldn't want to be caught there, and the fact that there's a sense of ever-present danger helped a lot. Yeah, masterfully done dread-stuffs is always awesome.

I also like Oopard as a character: he's wracked by guilt, he's in a life of danger, and he's being selected for a mission that he doesn't really know even the half of. His lot is kind of sorry, and I do hope he succeeds in his mission since he seems like a nice enough guy. I'd especially love to see his reaction to meeting agents he knows from the future well before he ever met them, but... y'know.

Sorry, I'm probably not saying anything particularly helpful about this writing, but I loved it! So... Yeah. It was great.

(P.S. I'd be kind of interested to know how Eusabius got that scar, IMO.)

I've read this several times now, and I think it's brilliant.

It was very interesting to read about a situation where the Sues actually won. The occupation of HQ would be a major triumph for them, even if they couldn't achieve total victory. I thought you did a very good job of protraying just what it would be like for the agents living through the occupation, there were a load of nice little touches like the food getting even worse, as well as the dangers that they faced - particularly that one section of the Lists.

I'm looking forward to seeing what Oopart gets up to next (and of course, hoping to find out if the Potted Fern Official ever finds true love - although that does seem somewhat unlikely now...)

Alas, poor Amy. I knew her well.

(Oh yeah, and thanks for making Skeet such a badass - that was cool)

The future sure ain't what it used to be.

You are much better at writing a defeat/resistance scenario than I've ever been (which is why I've tried to avoid it in my own Histories on either side). You manage to evoke both fear and determination in Oopart's movements in the first part, and then follow it up with an extremely realistic (if I can use the term) portrayal of how the Department of Resistance might work. Jof's contribution is ingenious, and I was genuinely moved by the Tomb and the Lists.

I noticed a whole heap of both explicit references ('Why we sing it we don't know/We can't make the words rhyme properly!') and what appear to be 'inspired by' sections. Two in particular caught my eye. First, Oopart's reading of the List was similar to Vimes' Disorganiser in Jingo, with its final list of 'death of [Name]... death of [Name]'. Actually I think you missed a trick here - the impact of that list would have been greater if you put Lux's name right at the end, as a sort of climax (if you'll pardon the pun). I think if it ran as it does, but ended with 'Zim. Otik Horak. Luxury.', it would drive home the emotional point (that no-one is safe just by being a long-term character) even better. (I'm not sure this actually was an 'inspired by', but it evokes the same feel)

The other reference I picked up on particularly was the Hippie Sequoia's sacrifice/defence. Okay, he quotes Gandalf, but that's not what I mean. I'm thinking of the actions of Jedi Master Ood Bnar during the fall of Ossus, in the Star Wars Expanded Universe. He, too, turns himself into a rooted tree with the knowledge that it will kill him, in order to save something of greater value to him than his life.

And... well, if you are referencing/inspired by that, it might be a good idea to note something of the sort in your disclaimer. We recently read the account of the Cassandra Claire Plagiarism Debacle, and not noting that she'd taken whole heaps of quotes from other sources was one of the catalysts for that. Kaitlyn says that she had a whole file of Cassie Claire quotes saved - with no knowledge at the time that most of them weren't hers.

You're no Cassie Claire (thank the stars!), and the Sequoia's scene is very powerful in its own right, even without knowing the (possible) inspiration. But if you've done a similar thing in other places, it would be nice to know about it.

Okay, enough twitchy!hS. I liked 'Don't like, don't eat'! I also thought you did very well with the attack, but also with the little things: lines like 'She was not one of the lucky ones.' are very powerful, because you're evoking the common idea that 'The ones who died were the lucky ones' without actually saying it - because it doesn't need saying, because your audience already knows that.

And that ending... very well-paced, very suitably disastrous. Like I said - I'm impressed! And the little details (such as the perpetual watermill) keep on coming, even when the plot speeds up. So all in all - well done, and I can't wait to see the next part.

hS

(PS: Once The Trousers of Time, Triple Prime and Catastrophe Theory have more written about them, I think we definitely need a non-canonical collision of all the different time-travellers and their associates... ~hS)

Between Archiving All The Things and Basically Running the Wiki, I'm pretty sure we should have some kind of PPC-Super-Librarian hat to bestow, or something. You do all kindsa really awesome stuff and keep things running, and just so you know, we really appreciate it. You rock.

At first I thought I'd just offer up some cookies, but then I realized that - true to Dean Winchester's opinion - pie is indeed better. But I can't just cut out the cookies, so I made cookie pie. *offers* Enough for everyone. I made fifty.

Oh. That. Wow, okay. Thanks. That definitely came right out of nowhere, but thanks. ^_^;

And, hey, let's not forget you've done some preservation work yourself, hS. Pretty much everything that used to be hosted on OddLots is on your site now, right? Sure made my job a lot easier, especially when I set about archiving the Original Series. If you hadn't saved the OddLots main page, I never would've figured out something was missing and found "The Dark Elf." {= )

... Also, visiting that page again, I can now pin a date on the founding of SIELU, which will be handy for the timeline of the Department of Floaters I've been working on in anticipation of sprucing up its wiki page. And there are several other dates recorded, too, which is awesome—we can know for certain when some of the last TOS missions were released, for instance. So, thanks for saving such valuable historical data!

~Neshomeh

The PPC wouldn't be what it is today if we let ancient writings be forgotten, and Neshomeh's our star archivist. :D Hurrah for Neshomeh!

My offer to beta still stands - just send it through whenever you've got it ready.

Good luck with your new uni, the first couple of weeks are always a little hectic.

Did anyone get the licence plate of that drive-by Hi-ing?

And I got you beat for leaving people hanging on writings; can you beat eight years? Heh.

The air conditioning system was broken at my university today. There was a heat wave. It got up to about 95 degrees and with the humidex it felt like 115. The workers who would fix the AC system... are on strike.

And also the worst, at times. But mostly the best.

Phobos and I both went to a really small college in the middle of Michigan, so it wasn't exactly the most exciting territory, but the people more than made up for it. The entire campus is no more than a fifteen-minute walk from one end to the other, and that's only if you stretch to the really out of the way student housing, so your friends and any cool activities going on are right there when you want them.

That's the thing I miss most. Chicago is great and there's plenty of stuff going on at any given time, but it's rarely on my doorstep, and my friends are scattered thirty minutes apart or more. Plus, I can't just turn up to something new and trust that most of the people present are friendly or have anything in common with me outside X thing, which makes it really nerve-wracking to make the effort to find the ones that are and do.

One particularly cool thing about my college, though, is that our gaming and anime club hosts an annual con in February, and this year Doug Walker (the Nostalgia Critic) is one of our guests. Check it out if you think you might like to go. Phobos and I will be there, and we'd love to see you. {= )

As for my job, I work from home, so not much to add there. I have a cat, though. He sleeps next to me on the couch while I work, and that's nice.

~Neshomeh

... but you did add a parenthetical (& workplaces), so maybe I can throw out some horror stories from my job at an industrial chemical company?

Like the part where we have a brand new plant for making bleach from chlorine gas, and people keep doing clever things like cutting into active pipes 'because it's quicker'?

Or the part where, for no reason whatsoever, one of our storage tanks decided to snap in half, fall over, knock over a second tank full of hydrochloric acid, and blow HCl fumes all over the nearby main road?

Ooh! Or the time we thought a test reaction would only heat the tank up to 60C (er, 140F, apparently), only we hadn't taken into account the fact that all the chemicals were going in through one small pipe, and accidentally set a 25 tonne tank rocking and rolling as the water boiled inside?

^_^ Chemistry is fun!

hS

I actually started at this university in the Spring quarter, so I've been cooling my heels here since the Summer quarter ended... and Fall quarter's at the end of the month. But my favorite thing about campus is the crows. They're everywhere and wicked smart and becoming quite friendly to me.

Really there are cool things all over though, and since I moved here from about 2800 miles East-Southeast, everything about the valley and town is new. Mostly the most awesome thing so far is the church, actually, which also hits "workplace" in a roundabout way - I started tentatively attending, then got informally adopted en masse by about 1/3 of the congregation, and then because I was having trouble finding a job and had nothing to do, I started working on the grounds.

And then, despite repeated warning to not work too hard/take it easy, I proceeded to get really intense about working the grounds, and started spending pretty much all day pulling weeds and wrestling bushes and fallen limbs. An awesome way to spend the summer... and also sort of an awesome way of eating all my time. Which is why I've not been around here as often. Still reading! Just a lot less energy to respond.

My favorite part of the university, though, is the newspaper. It's awesome and the folks are awesome and even though I'd rather be a reporter I'm gonna be assistant news editor starting Fall. It's all very exciting!

I've started my first year of grad school a few weeks ago. My school is in a very large city that attracts a lot of famous people, so there's always a lot going on. I think there's an X Factor audition today because I heard some people talking about it.

Peter S Beagle stopped by my school during the tour for The Last Unicorn movie. I've met him before and he is just the nicest person. If you like his work, definitely try to meet him if you can. He makes a lot of time for his fans and has some great stories!

Hmm. What else is interesting about my school?

There are a couple of bars on campus. I went to a small institution for my undergrad, so it's still amazing that this campus has so many food places. I spend most of my time in one building, so I don't really experience everything.

Does anyone else's school bookstores sell Hello Kitty plushes with your school's logo on a little shirt? I think they're adorable and I've bought them from my undergrad and grad schools. XD

It's a really crazy place, I'll just say that. It's not surrounded by much except a bigger university, but that just makes the area pretty nice and healthy by comparison, so I'll just leave that be.

As for my favorite part... I have two. The one is my current composition teacher (who's frickin' amazing at what he does), and the other is the electronic music room (which has a bunch of synthesizers plus a computer, keyboard, and hard drive full of all these awesome virtual instruments). So yeah...

...is really kinda boring. Except for the group of people that get together for medieval dancing and heavy fighting and what. They're pretty fun. :3

My last Uni was in the home of Rugby League (you can guess which sport we specialized in), and we had the Sir Patrick Stewart (AKA Jean Luc Picard, Charles Xavier etc etc.) as our chancellor, even better? I got to speak to him once (I then joked with my friends "Right that's it, that's all I came here for I'm leaving" and lo and behold I'm not there anymore.) We also had our own Games Studio that released games onto the Xbox Arcade and have a Canal running right through our campus (complete with a lock and the occasional barge).

That's just about it for my University besides the notorious bad weather, but that's England for you.

I feel really childlike compared to y'all. I'm in High School.

Anything cool? Well, We celebrated our school's 50 year anniversary. Oh, and it's located in a forest. No joke, for track, we used to go running on the trails in the forest...that our school is located in. It's also next to a power station. And there's a graveyard nearby...I feel a bit scared because GRAVEYARD.
Oh and one year during our recess, we swung on vines. Like Tarzan. I'm not kidding. We also got to explore the forest and trails for P.E and recess and fun. And we see deer a lot.
But I think the best part about my school is the teachers.I've known them for a while due to going to a small private school and the fact that some of them taught me in middle school. They are really dedicated to their jobs and a lot of them have talents/hobbies/occupations/etc. we wouldn't expect; my former Math teacher was a ballet dancer and choreographs the school's musicals, my Biology teacher was a Nurse and a Cheer leading coach. I had two teachers that loved Star Trek and many fandoms in general.
I guess that's all I've got. Kinda plain, but I like it.

I'm currently on my second week of my first year of high school, and so far, it's actually quite good!

For one, there is free (well, included in tuition) lunches that are good for you and very, very delicious, and also tea and bagels in the morning if you want. (It's a small school; about 400 including the teachers.)

Also the location's really pretty; it's in the Presidio, a forest-park-thing right near the Bay (I live in San Francisco) and everyone's very nice, including the teachers.

Lastly, it seems like half the school, at least, knows what fandom is, so that made me happy.

I rather like it.

-Aila

Damn kids! Get off my lawn!

Back in the 1880s, my university ran an experiment that became one of the foundations of relativity theory. They literally will not shut up about it- there's I think six or seven different plaques around campus, two named buildings, a small museum of the thing in the department of physics, and a fountain.

We also have one of the largest LARP games of "Humans versus zombies" in the word.

I still insist that the two are connected.

So I feel I should warn you-in-the-past about a few upcoming major disasters, including a terrible earthquake in Haiti that'll show up sometime in 2009, a tsunami and subsequent nuclear meltdown in Japan on some Friday (I think?) of March 2011, the election of Tony Abbott as Australia's Prime Minister in fall 2013...

(Although I will point out that 'Jay and Acacia started a series' is where it all began; the stories begat the community, not the other way round!)

The PPC has always been a shared universe where things changed. New agents come in and out, and put their own spin on things. New concepts show up - like the recent advent of four separate 'fall of the future PPC' timelines - and either work or get forgotten. New chunks of the community appear - I was here before the Wiki - and disappear - I remember the Livejournal agent journals. And occasionally something pops up like the city in New Caledonia that changes the whole shape of things.

But for all that, actually, a lot of things are static. Agents are still using the same technology that was established in the first few years of writing - the last major innovation was TARDISes back in 2008. The list of departments is largely static, having come to a stable state with (roughly) the Departments of Temporal Offenses, Angst, and WhatThe. The proceedure for carrying out a mission has been standardised (back in the day, Bad Slash didn't have charge lists!). While people keep coming up with new bleeproducts and Suvian colours, they don't actually get used all that much - the defaults are still bleeprin, bleepka, urple and wilver.

In fact, the PPC is basically the same now as it was five years ago. But five years before that, practically none of it existed (and Despatch was a major department!). So what'll happen in another five years?

No answers from me! But Tia Hyrax will be 14 years old and in training to join the Department of Bad Slash - back when I joined in 2003, she was still a year away from being born! Now that's what I call an achievement.

hS

Bios

Stories

And specifically, there is a new story starring the Pathologist (Kaitlyn, who has so far refused to post), the Archivist (Neshomeh), the Supporter (Storme Hawk) and the Samurai (the Irish Samurai). I'll paste it in for those having trouble with the docs:

I think I'll be the Analyzer. And doing regenerations sounds fun.

General Traits:
The thing that always stays the same about the Analyzer is her ability to think deeply about things. She tries to come at problems from new angles and enjoys exploring the complexities of the universe.

The First Analyzer:

This incarnation is very happy. She likes bright colors and smiles a lot (when not thinking). However, she's only happy as long as no one questions her thinking. She's convinced she's right about everything, and tends to disrespect authority. This alienates people, so she values the friends she makes and clings to them, not trying to make more. She died in an accident that claimed the lives of her only friends.

The Second Analyzer

This incarnation reaps the consequences from her last self's arrogance, and has difficulty making friends, retreating into her thoughts and reading most of the time. She's shy and reclusive, but still resents being ordered to do anything. She died in an accident involving an earthquake and poorly-constructed bookshelves.

The Third Analyzer (current regeneration)

This incarnation is much more friendly than her last two, though she dislikes small talk and formalities and can come off a bit brusque at times. She's decided to apply her way of thinking to solving the problems of the universe, getting involved in multiple causes for equality. On multiple planets. She can get overwhelmed easily, but at the same time sees the universe in a very rich, detailed way.

I'd be the most irresponsible, destructive Time Lord ever.

'Cause of that, I'd probably be known as the Weirdo.

Welcome back! *dodges toast*

I'd say if I were a Time Lord I would be either the Engineer (which makes it sound waaaaay too much like Miss Saigon) or perhaps The Scholar. (The Acoustician, while technically accurate for my day job, perhaps doesn't have quite the ring to it).

Elcalion, having to think up of regenerations now

Scary thought, very scary thought.

The best title for me would probably be something like The Supporter. It's what I do, generally I'll support an idea one of my friends has, if we're playing games I'm generally the support for the team, and so on and so on.

The Mechanic stuck his head out from behind a hatch and pushed his goggles up onto his forehead. "All fixed," he said. "Well, moderately fixed."

"You're making me twitchy," the Librarian muttered, not glancing up from his book. "Would it hurt you to at least look at the manual?"

"Where's the fun in that?" the Mechanic sniffed. "I mean, really - doing things by the book? That's so dull."

"That's right!" the Artisan piped up, scrambling down a ladder from the upper gallery. "Running a TARDIS is an art, not some complicated science! You have to feel your way through it. If you don't love your TARDIS, you-"

"Oh, spare me." The Alchemist walked into the console room, white coat billowing behind him. "All this 'art and science are totally separate' business - the trick is to synthesise them. Logic and emotion aren't antithetical, no matter what Doctor Spock says."

"That's Mister Spock," the Librarian pointed out, "or if you want to get technical, Science Officer Spock. At least until he became Ambassador Spock, and-"

"Yes, yes." The Alchemist tapped a button on the console and peered at the screen. "The stabilisers are still reading as down..."

"Really? Let me see." The Mechanic frowned at the data printout, then pulled a large rubber mallet from his toolbelt and tapped the screen sharply. "That should do it."

"Great!" exclaimed the Bluejay from where she perched on the railing. "So are we ready to go?"

"Not until the Betrayer gets here," the Librarian pointed out.

"You really shouldn't call him that," the Speaker chided him, standing up at last from his position by the main doors. "It's exceptionally rude to refuse to use the name someone has chosen in favour of an insulting epithet."

"Well, if he didn't betray people all the time..." the Artisan put in, but trailed off in the face of the Speaker's gaze.

"I ask you," the Speaker went on, "each of you - how would you feel if you were known by invented nicknames? If people kept calling you 'the Flighty'," he nodded at the Bluejay, "or 'the Erratic'," to the Mechanic, "or 'the Explosive'," to the Alchemist.

"Well, speaking for myself, I wouldn't mind-" the Alchemist began. Then one of the doors swung open, and the Strategist strode in. He was, as usual, dressed all in black, and already scowling.

"Well?" he asked in the sudden silence. "What are we waiting for?"

"A TARDIS requires a crew of six," the Librarian pointed out. "You were absent."

"I was planning," the Strategist corrected, "and you already have six crew members here."

"Oh, I'm just along for the ride," the Bluejay called chirpily. "Don't mind me."

"Hm." The Strategist crossed to the console and took his place in front of one of the six segments, standing next to the Alchemist and the Mechanic. "But I am here now," he pointed out. "So, I ask again - what are we waiting for?"