Aug 2013 Archive, part a

Dan Brown
The items on this list look quite interesting at first glance and it seems its author knows a lot about cooking - then you notice all of his lists follow the same format, half of the ingredients don't actually taste like he wrote they would, and the other half is just plain uncookable or not even edible.

My own - yes, I am like that.
You see pages upon pages of scribblings detailing meals ranging from simple to elaborate, but no actual grocery list. There are no ingredients nor instructions on the papers you have.
You also notice most of these meals are variations on each other, with either one method of preparation or key ingredient changed in each iteration.
Some of it appears to be strange modifications of other authors' dishes - odd attributes, food items that must certainly be toxic and are sometimes noted as such, the mention of a substance rendering the entire dish completely inedible, and so on.

(Specifically, the Dragonriders of Pern series.)

The list is arranged in several parts, and the ingredients are rather exotic. Dragonfruit, descaled for easy handling, features heavily throughout. As you think about it, you realize some of the ingredients may be more exotic than they really need to be, and they drive up the price a bit. However, the meal itself is amazingly rich and colorful, and you can't help but go back for seconds.

Oh, and there are some extra pages tacked on the end in different handwriting, but after reading through the first couple (which make for dishes that are respectively moderately tasty and cliched yet bewildering), you decide to give the rest a miss.

~Neshomeh

Here's one (or possibly some) of mine:

Gerald Morris
The items contain everything you need to make a possibly mythological, possibly almost historically accurate feast. You learn more than you expected to, and laugh and cry all the way through. At the end of the list is a note providing even more details, and an explanation of where most things on the list originally came from. You come away smiling and full of good food.

And someone needs to write Terry Pratchett's list.

~DF

Techno-Dann's Tolkien and hermione of vulcan's Susanne Collins are great. Just so spot-on. :D
Um... I'm not very good at this stuff, but I'll give it a go.
SHANNON HALE: Enthralling, filled with charismatic and unusual items and, interestingly enough, emitting luminous green sparkles. It's written in epically spidery handwriting. Every time you get to the end, you realize you've forgotten everything that was on it and you have to read it again.
MY OWN GROCERY LIST: The writing tends to wander on and off the lines, and it uses a disproportional number of adverbs. It gets as far as "superbly creamy milk... painfully sweet sugar... flawlessly smooth eggs..." and then is left to fester on the kitchen table for all eternity.

Iain M. Banks:
The list is full of invented words. punny names and weird capitalisation. Part of it is written from the future to the past. You need to read it at least three times to understand it.

H.P. Lovecraft
The list starts off innocuously enough. However, as you get the ingredients, you start to notice something is horribly wrong with the list, as the ingredients are all weird items that seem to point at something sinister that is lurking beneath the surface. Eventually, you get to the end of the grocery list, and are confronted with a horror that then ends up becoming some variation on "indescribable".

William Shakespeare
The list uses language so archaic you need to reference a different page just to know what the hell the first page is referring to.

Robert Jordan:
The list has three pages, with pretty standard ingredients for the kind of meal you are shopping for. Two hours later, when you inexplicably find yourself on the 8th page you are wondering if all these ingredients are really necessary. There are many sub-lists built around various recipes that seem to have varying levels of relevance to the larger meal. After spending the afternoon reading, you make it to the 12th page and find that the handwriting is different. The good news is that the last three pages are full of spices that work really well with the ingredients from the previous pages. In the end, you will have one massive feast featuring every ingredient on the list, no matter how irrelevant it seemed at the time. That is...if you can even make it through the list.

I would add to Rowling that everyone wants to borrow her list.

And my version of Rick Riordan:

Nothing is simply what it is - everything on the list has some connection to ancient mythology, and it's enthralling to see how much of our culture is based on ancient traditions. It's written from the point of view of a snarky teenager, which makes it so entertaining that you remember the list even after you're done shopping.

Suzanne Collins:

You start the list, and everything's in perfect sequence, right next to each other in the store so you're racing through. Through it all, you learn about unethical food practices. Then the list starts to become less clear- though it's still moving quickly, you find yourself squinting at the items, not sure whether you're getting the right thing. You might have repeated something. Then the list becomes nigh-incomprehensible, and you feel like giving up on trying to understand. Depending on who you are, you either stick it through or give up. Maybe after you're done shopping you go try to rewrite the end, so you can use that instead. You feel disappointed, because it was so good at first.

Stephenie Meyer:

She feels the need to describe everything in unnecessary detail, and you feel like there are things missing, despite the list being incredibly long. You get the sense that there are some unethical food practices she supports and promotes.

(whoever wrote Fifty Shades of Grey, can't remember at the moment):

She borrowed Stephenie Meyer's list, but changed some of the names of things and the unethical practices take up even more space, if possible.

All I've got for now.

Douglas Adams-
has completely ridiculous items that you probably shouldn't buy, but somehow is sill worthwhile.

JK Rowlings-
Promises to be a good buy, Is a good buy, but then you suddenly realise you've forgotten something.

Rick Riordan-
Keeps going on and on, but you need to get it all.

Joseph Heller
You may only use the shopping list if you're hungry. However, if you can read it, that only shows you're not too distracted by hunger to concentrate on reading, which means you aren't hungry at all and you may not use the shopping list.

Herman Melville
The shopping list is a long description of the history of grocery stores, and how people conducted shopping during the nineteenth century. The food only shows up at the very end.

Thomas Mann
The list is so long that you wind up strangling most of the early food items because you can't bear to hear them talk anymore about how hard life is outside the grocery store.

Stephen King
Each shopping list contains subtle nods to all the others, until eventually, the readership understands that all the lists are really taking place during a single, massive shopping trip. The Man in Black flees across the bakery section, and the Gunslinger follows.

J. Robert King
Leaves so many unfinished shopping instructions on the first list that Wizards of the Coast asks him to write an extra shopping list that explains all the inconsistencies and fills in the missing information.

Anthony Burgess
Instead of putting groceries in your cart, you smash them on the ground or throw them at other shoppers. The speaker system only plays classical.

Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins
For some reason, you're shopping on an airplane. Most food items have been crossed off and replaced with phone numbers. The children all go missing, but no one seems to notice or care. You start to shop from the Antichrist's shopping list instead because it has better food.

From what I've seen you don't normally need too much - a few lines each on appearance, personality and history / where they've come from should be enough.

If you use the search bar at the top of the main page to search for 'permission request' you should be able to check out what sort of information people have included in requests before, and whether they were successful with that or not.

One to three paragraphs sounds about right to me. I'd say lean toward the longer side if your writing sample isn't about your agents. Like the page says, we just need enough to tell that they aren't overpowered, trajeck, or otherwise speshul. How much that takes can vary.

More questions is fine. Try to ask them in this thread as long as you can, though.

~Neshomeh

2001, Wagner and...either coughing or toothpaste.

Yes, the name is actually that of an ancient prophet, who's name (and most derivatives) mean something along the lines of 'He who herds camels.'

Not nearly as fantastical as what most people think of when they hear the name. Anyways, this has helped with decisions upon one of my characters, who will be revealed when I one day ask for Permission.

Thanks!

Anyway, the word made me think of zombies.

Not even anything zombie-related in particular, just a sort of general zombie-ness, which doesn't really make any sense.

After a couple minutes, I started thinking about Zoroastrianism, which then led to several badly-written lines of scribbled dialogue about a crossover between those two concepts.

To say the least, it was strange.

I'd say it sounds like the sort of name someone would bestow on themselves after they rise to a position of power, and felt that they no longer would should be tied to their previous one, which would probably have been something mundane, with only one or two syllables.
It's an overblown sort of name, like the being who created it and expected it to be said alongside a few grandiose titles. So, it gives the preface for arrogance and ego in the character. Of course, whether he acknowledges that the name is overblown or whether he thinks it's fitting for him would be important bits of reference for further analysis.

"Thus Spake Zarathustra", a.k.a. the opening music to "2001: A Space Odyssey".

I'll stay quiet about the other meaning.

It makes me think of Zathura, first of all, and secondly it makes me think of the name my brother gave to his foam scythe one Halloween. It also causes me to get the Time Warp stuck in my head because I read it incorrectly and thought it said Zarathrustra. Now that I have read it properly, the first two points are all that come to mind.

I actually rather like it, though; I have a thing for long and complicated names. A warrior, maybe? Perhaps something to do with horses?

-Aila

My first thought was that it sounded like the name of a country in a fantasy setting, probably a 'swords and sorcery' type RPG or something.

It seems interesting, a bit fantastical. Honestly, my first thoughts were "overkill" and "What if you have fans who want to rave about him/her who can't spell it?" I suppose you could have a catchy nickname, like Zara or Rathy, and if it does have a fitting meaning that will be explained in the story, then I think it would be fine. Overall, it's a bit elaborate for my taste, but it could work, especially if it was indeed significant to the plot or char-dev.

-- Len

My sister and I both think it comes from an ancient culture, possibly Sumerian or Persian. Something to do with Zoroastrianism? It seems mystical and religious.

I have the music to Strauss' Also Sprach Zarathustra in my head now (aka theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey).

I actually know what the name means, so I'll stay quiet otherwise.

Elcalion, Classical music nerd.

As I know what the name means, I'll tell you the second thing I think about: Nietzsche.

I know it's part of the title of a book by a certain author whose last name starts with N, but I always think of Zathura when I see it.

Latin derived, scholar or high ranking official. If not in historical context, I would suspect a cat-on-the-keyboard name.

I... can't say it because I know what Zarathustra actually is?

...

Ah, screw it, I think Frederic Delius, if only for the Mass of Life.

...I think of a star system, millions of light-years away from Earth.

I think of the song too.

Also sprach Zarathustra. That song thing that goes:
Dun.... Dun... Dun..... DUN DUUUNNNN!
That's what I think of, you can blame my identity as a band kid.

I just read the first chapter. There's some undoubtedly-bad writing there (the sentence fragments, they burn!) and a few breaks with canon (Vroengard etc) but my overall impression (admittedly from one chapter) is that it's perhaps not bad enough to be PPC-worthy.

Remember that we aim to only spork fics that are undisputedly-bad, and that when picking a fic to be sporked you should be thinking "will this be funny if I spork it?".

This is especially timely with the discussion down the Board sparked by Polite Dissent - the fact that a fic has some inaccuracies or deviates from canon does not automatically mean the PPC comes in and smacks it down. We take on fics that are undisputedly bad, and which will be amusing when sporked.

Just having bad SPaG, or a few breaks of canon, or being a girl-falls-into-Alagaesia story is not really enough to justify going to the effort of sporking it, IMHO - a mediocre fic that is just generally bad but not amusingly bad is unlikely to be an entertaining PPC mission.

Elcalion, kinda-ashamed to admit he's read the entire Inheritance Cycle.

I'm not saying, specifically, that this is a Suefic; just that it's okay, in general, to like them. Personally, I do consider this protagonist to be somewhat of a Sue - definitely not worthy of sporking, and not completely a Sue, but possesses some Sueish traits. That doesn't necessarily mean that the fic itself is bad, however; the SPaG seems to be fine, as does the characterization (mostly). So, overall, I think the story itself is decent, but that the main character is a bit of a Sue.

I admit, I'm not far in, but while she does slightly come off as a bit 'sueish' it's hardly a crime (so far as I've seen). And if you still enjoy the fics, more power to you.

Though this personal opinion might change later as I continue reading; the way I see it, if you like it, then you like it. And should you decide that yes the character is a Sue, BUT, you still enjoy it? I say keep on enjoying it.

When people say Malcom Tucker, I keep thinking of Malcom Reed and Charles Tucker from Star Trek Enterprise.

I'm so confused right now. I don't know who this guy is, so I looked up his IMDB page and I saw that he haven't been in anything I've seen, except for Torchwood, where he can't have made a big impression since I don't remember him at all.

And then my higher brain functions come back from coffee break and kick me. He was in Torchwood? But that's the same canon as Doctor Who! Aren't they the same? Mostly separate but definitely the same? So how can someone who have already played a role in the canon (and it was across multiple episodes, so it can't have been a small one) play the Doctor?

Do you think they'll reference it somehow? Or will they just never mention it?

WARNING WARNING LINKING 4CHAN NSFW FOR POTENTIALLY EVERYTHING

www.boards.4chan.org/tg

Agent!Sergio is off, as he simply has a lot of "baggage" he just doesn''t want to share. After Blank Sprite he might with Nikki or spoilercharacterherealert!, but the reasons are spoiler and so I'm not going to talk any further.

Nikki and Corolla might be capable of pulling it off right away, if the Jaeger accept nonhumans as drivers too. However, Corolla's mind and apparent biology as a Nanohaverse Unison Device should be close enough to do the trick.
The chances of it working are increased if Nikki has become a full Nanohaverse mage by the time she drifts, as the Unison mechanism from Nanoha has some parallelism to it and she is capable of Unisoning with Corolla with a good enough sinchronization level.

I dunno! Probably Ari and Fio would be, since they're Character Replacements of the same girl. Cepha and Amara could probably pull it off. I don't even know about Tera, Narav, or Riaa, since they're not human.

I don't think Pacific Rim suits as inspiration. It goes better with Neon Genesis Evangelion, only less angsty and the usual anmount of mindr***.

Of course, the backstory of the 'mechas' may not be acceptable by The Flowers.

Or at least, not right now. I think they're probably a little too argumentative/antagonistic (in a friendly sort of way) to each other to be able to sustain a drift. Once they've been together a bit longer they could probably manage a yin-yang style 'opposite but complementary' relationship that might make for them being suitable drift partners.

Skeet would certainly love the chance to pilot a Jaeger, although he would probably want to do it solo despite the risk.

And the Jaegers of the Plot Continuum (or whatever that AU would end up being called) is possibly the only one that could be cooler than the TCDA :)

I mean, is it? At what point does the pilot actually need to connect his mind with the machine?

I think of controlling giant machines more like with the CGI suits, where the program (or in this case, monstrously large machine) mimics your movements. It just seems... safer in so many ways.

So please, why is drifting even needed?

My two agents complement each other well, so I assume they might be able to drift together.

And make tons of references.

but yes, I believe they would be.

Mine totally would, once I actually get around to putting them into something.

Considering that in all but one of my potential agent-to-be sets, one member is part-machine or all machine, I'm not sure whether the Drift would even work.

Oh, another thing. When I was looking up what "drift-compatible" meant (I haven't seen the movie yet, even though I want to so much), I found a fanfic that might interest you. It's a short Pacific Rim AU piece starring the BBC Sherlock iterations of John Watson and Sherlock Holmes. Have fun.

I like it. But, honestly, if I had come to this article trying to find out why the PPC killed my wonderful original character calling him a Mary Sue, I would have stopped reading after “We of the PPC are attempting a fairly unique thing in that we're seeking to define "Mary Sue" not in terms of what it does...” For Eru’s sake, I just came from the mission report, where the agents rant about what my OC did to the poor canon. I would never see the sixth paragraph of your chapter “Flat vs. Dynamic”.

Maybe it would help to say, somewhere near the top, where everybody can see it, something like “For most practical purposes of the PPC's agents, Mary Sues and Gary Stus are original characters in fan fiction, who, rather than fitting into the world where their story is assumed to happen, warp this world until it fulfills their needs”, and then give the more detailed explanations.

I seconde what Huinesoron said concerning Primary and Secondary Traits, specifically “What I think we need is a section that specifically debunks the idea that these traits are anything other than common characteristics of Sues.”

Your use of the word “Stus” (already pointed out by doctorlit) stood out to me because you never mentioned that a male “Mary Sue” is sometimes called “Gary Stu”, so readers may not understand what you are talking about.

May speaking about “Sues and Stus” in plural help to avoid the he/she/it-problem?

I spotted a mistake: we're only shown that the she is more powerful than weaklings and fools. “The” shouldn’t be there.

It emphasises the main points of Sue and really hammers out why we see them as anti-feminist, amongst other things. Also, will the final be using the meme drawing I posted months ago? Or shall I draw you something else?

I was thinking instead of saying "characters serve the plot but Sues have the plot serve them" you could potentially say that "Instead of changing and developing to suit the plot, the Sue makes the plot change to suit them". I can see some people getting confused about serving the plot versus plot serving them, so this might... explain it a bit better? And it also shows how Sues like to bend Canon for their own whims a bit better.

I very much like this. I think it's comprehensive enough to alleviate outside readers' concerns about us specifically hating on female characters.

That said, in the sentence: "Other Sues, and Stus in particular, may be described as being unnaturally buff . . ." I think maybe "Stus" should be changed to "male Sues" to match up with the use of "female Sues" in the previous sentence. As it is, it feels a bit contradictory of the earlier statement that the PPC uses "Mary Sue" as a blanket term for all Suvians.

Also, the reference link to "A Trekkie's Tale" is broken. Which is unfortunate, because I totally wanted to read that. (Looks to me like the whole domain got sold.)

First of all, I think it's really, really good. I like all the examples, because they really do the show, not tell. That, I think, is where the "awful lot of words" come from. I don't think it needs to be trimmed, because more explanation helps to cover more complexities.

A few things, though:

It's bugging me to keep seeing "it". I know there's no good gender-neutral pronoun, but well, "it" is dehumanizing. While Mary Sues can be labeled as "it", I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I think of good characters as if they are humans (or whatever living species), not as objects. Maybe "they"? Or, since it's specified at the beginning that female pronouns are used as blanket nouns, maybe use those?

In conclusion, the English language needs a gender-neutral pronoun.

2. About the "I'm expecting this to rule out some enjoyable, well-constructed characters that might have been considered Sues under previous definitions", I think overall this succeeded. I love the sentence "The traits discussed here are symptoms, though, not the disease, and any individual one can be written in a way that works." However, that sentence is on top of primary traits. I'm a bit confused - how can writing characters OOC be done well, except in parody? (And I don't count, for example, a situation where Spock shows his emotions as OOC unless it's badly explained, which it usually is.) Perhaps that sentence should be moved to the top of secondary traits.

Also, I feel like labeling good characters as Sues for superficial traits is something very common, so it might be good to make the sentence more forceful. Something like "It's very important to remember that the traits discussed here are symptoms, not the disease, and any individual one can be written in a way that works." Possibly bolded.

Then again, that could be just me hating that Seven of Nine gets called a Mary Sue because she's hot and has a tragic past (written well).

So yeah, those are my thoughts for now.

It seems like you got the traits of a Sue mainly correct over the course of the article. However, I disagree somewhat with the definition: "an unintentionally flat fictional character."

I think that your usage of "unintentionally" is in order to separate Sues from trollfic characters. If so, my opinion is that that distinction needs to be fleshed out in the article, but not necessarily mentioned in the definition.

Also, since you distinguished between Sues and bits ("It's perfectly fine to intentionally design a one-note character to enter, play their part, and exit, but if the main character—the one who has to engage the readers and carry them through the story—never develops, that's a sign of poor characterization and story-telling.") then maybe your definition should say "an unintentionally flat fictional main character."

However, I have been quite a fan of the formulation that you made quite a while ago: a Sue "A. does not behave like a believable-for-the-context person, B. does not get believable-for-the-context treatment from others, and C. is successful just because the plot says so." So let me suggest this to the Board: perhaps that should be the definition, since I believe we all agree that that is the essence of what a Sue is and does.

Numquam Translatorem Googlem consule ut aliquid latinat!
In other words: Never use Google Translate to translate anything into Latin. (Google Translate sucks. Believe me, I took Latin.)

The idea of having an exorcism ritual is a good one, but you've been beaten to it a long time ago; the PPC already has a ritual for exorcising Sue-wraiths.

But for your edification (and in case someone does feel like using Latin), your text, correctly translated, would read something like this:

Spiritus Mariae Susannae abominatus, fablula quae habitas abito, et fugito in extumum infernum. Purus es, canon, liber es.

As you can tell, quite a mouthful--especially given how unruly Sue-wraiths can be!

Hi! Have a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster and some fourth-dimensional pretzels.

I don't generally post on the board, but I'm on the IRC pretty often at the moment, so feel free to bother me if you spot me online.

Welcome, welcome!
For your gift, I hereby give you a lined Infinite Notebook (complete with urple covers and wilver binding) for you very own. Don't look at it straight on.

-Aila

Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object.

You wouldn't happen to be the person Lily (Winterwood) was talking to on Tumblr by any chance, would you? Either way, it's great to see you here! Have some Swiss Bleepolate and Gummyblee...hm, what do I have...ah, here we go! Gummyblee IDICs and a tribble, I'm kind of overrun with them still. Remember to feed it carefully and responsibly!

~DF

Welcome to the PPC. We love newbies here! Take your shoes off, leave your sanity at the door, and come on in!

Here, as a welcome gift I'll give you some music by the one and only Henri Dutilleux: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRmIV8efTyQ

And exciting it certainly is. Sometimes too exciting, in fact! It's times like that that make me glad to have an HUD that shoots lazers. In case you don't have one yourself, incidentally, here! *gives lazer HUD* :)

Here, have some nano-gel, and an upload kit! You can now build a sentient robot patterned after your own neural architecure!

Hello! You mentioned that you're going through the Original Series. Have you read any other agents' missions yet?

As for your gift...
*rummages through bag of holding*
Here, have a wilver replica of the TOS Enterprise!

Welcome to the Board! Have some of this newbie cake!
Now have some more!
Eat some more, there's plenty.
The Bleepolate frosting is a new recipe. How did it turn out?

(Also, have fun discerning all the different cats on the Board. I'm starting to lose track of these feline people.)

I've seen you on Tumblr, haven't I?

Have a tribble. Don't worry, it's been spayed/neutered. :)

Welcome, welcome, latest member of the Board!

Have a feathered boa constrictor to commemorate the event! Also, what are your preferred canons?

Greetings, new friend!

Have a jeep! It don't have any doors. It's built like a cat; it lands on all fours.

Hey

Here have this urple colored pencil as a present and welcome to the board.
Never realized there was a big fandom for Red vs Blue, I may have to check it out.

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my world-famous hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Reverses entropy! Keep refrigerated.

If you haven't done so already, you should read our Original Series. It's the base on which the entire mission-writing community build on.

Now with all of that out of the way, what are your fandoms?

/hands over stuffed panda and lemming repellent

Welcome to our Board! Since you told me you already read the FAQs and Constitution I guess that's slightly redundant to link you to it.

So yeah hiiiiii.

Linking this in because I don't want to create another thread. The PPC Agent I'm creating for my Permission Request is coming from an old original story I created a year or so ago that I've stopped working on (and scrapped) for several reasons, in this story the Character has a super power (well power) of perfect vision (ie being able to see in the dark, through a smokescreen etc.) is that considered too OP for an Agent? considering otherwise he's a pretty standard human being (with a fondness for ranged weaponry)

Valon is fine, I've determined that much from a) other criticism, and b) working with Lielac.

However, there is one loose end that I'm not sure if I can tie up without just getting rid of it and starting over.

Yorick.

Is he a Stu? Do keep in mind that he's actually significantly nerfed compared to actual Pathfinder bloody skeletons. They regenerate in one hour. He takes a whole day. They can also only be permanently destroyed by positive energy, which isn't a thing in most continua.

Wait, wait, wait, to be precise.

A furry Halo badfic...this sounds like something to get me to write [something certain].

I do hope that that link is recovered...whether this makes me a sadist or masochist [expletive] is up to you.

This has happened befor, plenty of times. All we can do is remove them from the list. There'll always be more badfic.

Generally speaking, I'm pretty sure we just remove them from the list and either breathe a sigh of relief or pout at the lost opportunity. I think if they were in Claimed Badfic we might try to track them down, but given that they're in Unclaimed...well, thanks for the list; I'll go get rid of them :) (And if I've somehow missed something and that's not actually how we do things, the edits can always be reversed!)

Pity about Amy Virtue, that was an interesting one. I definitely won't miss Elaine of Tortall, though.

Thanks for the heads-up! Did you find another fic to eventually use?

~DF

I've actually got two - the main one, which is mostly fandom oriented, with occasional frequent constant interruptions for various activism leanings, is VMtheCoyote, and the other, which is a more text-heavy proper blog, deals with birds generally, crows specifically, and life in a small town 2800 miles west-northwest of where I was born, is TalkingtoCrows. I follow a bunch of people and shall add you to the list (though I have occasionally unfollowed because my dashboard has become six-pages-long every time I leave it alone for an hour, and I honestly just don't have that kind of time - so don't think it's anything personal if I unfollow).

I'm on tumblr, as mid-childan-puella-magi

I just don't use my tumblr that much.

I think it's either my username or scthecreator or something.

(Which goes to show how infrequently I use my tumblr, that I don't even remember it anymore.)

Shoot me most of your Tumblr stuff; I could probably tell you how to deal.

I'm evil-bones-mccoy.tumblr.com, but I've also got lilywinterwood.tumblr.com as an art/missions blog, and I run consultingsueslayer.tumblr.com, glaurungitcircleoflemmings.tumblr.com, and the RP blogs live-long-and-bite-me.tumblr.com and itsonlychronological.tumblr.com.

Yes, I am in a lot of places.

I'm hmeras.tumblr.com. I'll gladly take some followers and reciprocate your follows. (Plates of cookies to anyone who spots the reference. Hint: it's a flastname from a somewhat obscure sci-fi series)

We can be Tumblr newbs together...I got mine a little over a week ago.

As your gift, I bestow upon you a toaster, complete with polka-dots in Suvian colors and the ability to shoot pastries at high velocity. Don't try cinnamon rolls, though - trust me, they don't fit.

Here, have a self-aware adjective. Your very own Awake requires lots of caffeine, so be careful!

Thanks for all your gifts! I'm familiar with the popular fandoms like Harry Potter, Pirates of the Carribean, etc. Alright, I take that back, my only fandoms are Harry Potter, Pirates of the Carribean and The Lord of the Rings. My favourite's The Lord of the Rings, as no words can really express how awesome it is. Same goes with the PPC. :) I am also familiar with The Matrix, but that's about it. Once again, thank you for your warm welcome.

Hey, I'm the Time Engineer.
I'm (relatively) new here as well, and You might not see to much of me.

As a welcome, I present you with a portable Hobbit Hole.
Use it in good health and Roleplaying!

~TE

Hi there! Here, have an infinite-ammo bandana! (Metal Gear Solid reference)

I'm The Mind Tool. You won't really see much of me on the board, as I'm mostly on the IRC, but it's good to have new members.

Hallo there! I'm somewhat new myself. Here have a potato, it's great for throwing, eating and you can use it to make a potato clock!

Hello. As for getting familiar with the Board, the first step, of course, is telling us a bit more about yourself. For starters (as you've been asked twice now), what are your fandoms?

For example, mine include Pokemon, Artemis Fowl, Star Trek: Voyager, Final Fantasy VII, X, XIII, and XIII-2, and (just recently) the 39 Clues series.

Welcome, welcome!
For your gift, I hereby grant you a lined Infinite Notebook (complete with urple covers and wilver binding) for you very own. Don't look at it straight on.

-Aila

Welcome to the PPC! We love newbies here! Leave your sanity at the door, and come on in!

As a welcome gift, have some music by the one, the only, Henri Dutilleux: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ci5E-BCxSQ

Since today is AidilFitri, have some virtual kuih bahulu. Enjoy your stay, and be mindful to read the required readings in case of questions. Have any fandom of interest in particular?

Nice to meet you! Have a diurnal owl - perfect if you happen to exist in the Harry Potter universe, but a little difficult to work with if you don't.

Greetings, new friend! Have a horse of a different color!

Hey welcome, here have an urple colored pencil you never know when you may need it.

What fandoms are you into?

Hi! I'm Aya, and I'm pretty new, too... well, I joined yesterday. So very new.

I understand I am supposed to shower you with some form of gift for your joining -an Orcrist replica alright?

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my world-famous hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Spawns rectangular squids in its spare time.

If you want to know more about the PPC's universe, I suggest heading on over to our finely crafted wiki and reading about pretty much anything that catches your eye. If you want to get started on the lore, The Original Series is exactly the thing to read. Don't forget to take a look at our house rules, conveniently stored in our Constitution.

As for me, I'm SeaTurtle: low-key contributor, annoying voice in the background, and completely unsolicited expert on most things related to the PPC's equivalent to Hufflepuff House Department of Intelligence. Pleased to meet you!

If you don't mind me asking a few questions: what fandoms are you into? What brought you here? Read any good books recently?

Thank you for your information. I have already marked out fanfictions that I want to report.

We have badfic report threads, where one person will start off and everyone else will jump in with recently found badfic. After the thread winds down, someone might add everything reported to the Unclaimed badfic list. But sometimes not. It's not very official - usually it's just a way for people to commiserate about badfic.

So, report the badfic on this thread, and we'll all jump in. I know I found a couple.

Reporting them is good, I'd check with the board before putting them on the Unclaimed Badfic list, especially as there's a discussion on how we're defining Mary Sues going on further down the page.

To report a badfic, I think you have to add it to this list here: http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Unclaimed_Badfic

That's what I got from the FAQ, anyway. I think you can report one immediately, but I'm not entirely sure.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5747205/1/Somebody-To-Love

I found this one while looking for Data/Geordi fic. And then the first scene ends with the line "Kylie Ramirez was falling in love with Geordi La Forge!" The fic seems to be set post-Nemesis when Data is captain of the Enterprise, however it places Geordi as his first officer, which is uncanonical but should support slash (the TOS quote "at his side as if you've always been there and always will" seems appropriate). I'm especially irritated since the rest of the results for filtering through "romance" and "Data and Geordi" is mediocre slash. Not "Department of Bad Slash" bad, but not good either. I could keep complaining, but I'll stop.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8553399/1/I-am-the-daughter-of-chaos

I can't even read it since the author forgot that the enter key existed. All I'm getting is severe OOC on the part of Anubis. Poor Anubis.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8599234/1/Black-Magic

The first chapter's...okay. The Sue's running through a rough part of New York City and talks about how people go through hard things, and it's decently written, which makes it meaningful enough. It's not great, but not bad.

And then the second chapter happens.

She ends up at Brooklyn House, acts completely disrespectful to Carter, teasing him worse than Sadie does, and she doesn't have the excuse of being his sister who actually cares about him. She calls him Cat. Cat. She also has to explain Hathor and Sekhmet to him. He was there! He defeated Sekhmet with salsa! And the Sue starts mouthing off to Sadie about dying her hair. Then she punches Anubis in the "family jewels". Yes, we're all going to love you when you insult our favorite characters!

Also, she seems to be hosting the female form of Anubis, Anput. She seems to have done her mythological research but not her "actually read the books research" which clearly states that Walt is the first person to follow the Path of Anubis, which I would assume includes the same powers. Also, people don't have to host a god that's the same gender as them.

I'm done complaining about these fics now.

Give me one good reason outside of schoolwork that anyone would write a story in a language they aren't completely fluent in. One reason. Ugh.

Midell Earth must be the largest, most cantankerous mini-Balrog ever to roam the Word Worlds.

Is the elven gene pool really so shallow that every OC in the fandom has to be the exiled daughter of Elrond?

Is the fangirl gene pool really so shallow that every author must mutilate the elven languages beyond recognition?

Okay, you know what? I'm going to stop asking rhetorical questions and go find some Bleeprin...

Middle Earth Training Academy
This Sue is taken to Middle Earth because the characters like her fanfiction and think she's talented enough to attend their special academy. She becomes a "Teleri sea-elf", accidentally hypnotizes Legolas with her hypnotic singing (which all Teleri elves are know for), hooks up with Legolas, etc.

I'd like to say that the author was inspired by OFUM but that would be an insult to Miss Cam.

Legomance #2
This Sue is an "Awaya", a made-up species with human bodies, cat ears, and fox tails, and comes with two Cute Animal Friends. She ages just like an elf and, unsurprisingly, is stronger/faster/more talented than an elf. Elves apparently like to kill the Awaya can't say I blame them. The author also mangles Sindarin, making "milock" the word for friend.

favorite quote: "That is rubies Asoon." Pretty sure the author meant to write "rubbish" but ... rubies it is!

Found a bad one for PMMM. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9439488/1/Puella-Magi-Kaen-Magica

Shows a lack of understanding of the world of PMMM and how magic works there, various tragic pasts, an abuse of 'BTW', an obvious budding relationship between a Puella Magi and a non-canonical demon and, for some reason, despite the witches and location appearing to be exactly the same, she got the town's name wrong and there's no canon characters around. Not sure if I should whine too much about the rampant grammar and spelling errors, seeing as English may not be her first language (going off her location).

Because I found the page for that guy who did the Star Wars incest fic from before, and oh dear god he did a ton more stuff uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

Really not sure about this one, besides the fact that capital letters seem to be optional on names and places.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9506809/1/SHADOW-OF-LIGHT

*gasp* I found another one! Boy, it was traumatizing. But when you're being told to read poorly-written One Direction fanfiction once a week, you take it better. The truth is, I didn't have to venture so deep for this, alright, here it is: http://www.quotev.com/story/3548638/Menelwen-of-Rivendell-A-Legolas-Love-Story-also-posted-on-Wattpad-by-me/1

Thank you for all your concern. Well, I'm used to it because I tolerate my fangirl best friend almost everyday. She makes me go on Quotev to read the "like, sooooooo awesome fanfics!!1!!" and well, the only reason why I'm hanging out with her is because she's really nice. Oh yes, Huinesoron, thank you very much for your advice. I actually created some of the threads on accident due to my lack of experience on forums and things like that. I can assure you now that I will not go around creating a lot of new threads. :)

Wow, is quotev really so terrifying? Good luck, then! I hope you retain your, uh... well, not sanity entirely but... ability to function.

If you meet a Sue, it will be hacked. If you meet a grammar mistake, it will be parsed.

From the files of Agent Kyaris, Department of Intelligence:

---

Allow me once again to express my pleasure in the existence of disguise generators. "But Kyaris," you say, "surely you prefer to be in your natural form!" Well, in some ways, yes - but a miniature hydra is hardly a suitable body to be wandering around the Word Worlds in.

For this story, I'm in human form, following a girl named Evelyn. Apparently she's 1800 years old, and living in a 'parralell reality', having been sent there by Galadriel to keep her safe. Why Galadriel would do this for her and not for, you know, anyone else in the history of Middle-earth (sorry, 'Midell Earth'), goes unexplained. My guess is she wanted to get rid of her.

The story is a fairly generic girl-falls-into-Arda tale, with the (again, common) quirk that Evelyn is the child of a canon character, specifically Elrond. As is usual, she's been transformed into a human for her stay on Earth - I'm sorry, I have to ask, why did Galadriel think the Earth of CE 1000 was safer than Third Age Arda? Given that she calls her supposed granddaughter back when the Ring is uncovered, I think my 'get rid of her' theory is looking more and more likely.

I duck out of the way as Evelyn sees a familiar face - Haldir of Lorien. Yes, the Haldir who canonically had never left the Golden Wood. Here he's Evelyn's guard and only visitor. Quirkily, he's transformed into a human for his visit to Earth, although this is barely mentioned.

Haldir explains the backstory to Evelyn, and she demonstrates spooky levels of 'empathic' abilities. They're actually fairly well presented - she reads emotions, not thoughts. Unfortunately, they're in such detail that it pretty much counts as telepathy; she can read 'joy, joy to see me, and joy that I could return home'.

A portal opens all by itself - because Galadriel apparently has portal technology now - and Evelyn and Haldir step through, followed closely by 'Gabriell', Evelyn's friend. As Evelyn points out, 'What kind of an idiot jumps in an unknown portal?'.

We walk to Rivendell, which is now a city or town in a forest - it's funny how the 'riven' part never seems to register, isn't it? As the chapter rolls over, I read ahead to see parenthetically translated Grelvish, Elvish servants, Celtic designs, and a bizarre statement that seemed to imply the author thought Galadriel and Elrond were of the Valar, or rather Valor. That was followed with Designated Mysoginist Boromir, 'she elf', and ultimately an 'Eleven companions' line.

I've seen enough. The main character is a Mary-Sue - she hits all the regular cliches, and she has absolutely no narrative depth. Her reactions to traumatic and joyous events are equally nonexistent, and she's quite happy to remake the entire world to allow her story to exist. I take a portal home, grateful for once to be back in my own body.

---

PPC Intelligence Report

Fic: The mistakes we made

Description: A Mary-Sue daughter of Elrond, having lived a thousand years on Earth, is brought back to Middle-earth in order to join the Fellowship. She drags a random human woman with her, who may turn out to be a secondary Sue.

Plotholes: Galadriel can create portals. Evelyn is special for reasons not very well defined. She also seems to grasp a thousand years of missed history very quickly.

Problem Passages:

1) But most of all I remembered my grandmother, who had me hidden here, to protect and prepare me of a prophercy she herself made. A prophercy that fortold the wakening of a great evil. I was kept safe, but my home, my Rivendell, my family and the entire Midell Earth wasn't. I was safe in this parralell reality, where my gradmother sent me, but I had to return one day , to destroy a great king, destroy or be destroyed.

2) " It has been forseen by both me and your grandmother " my fahter started, " that great things will happen tomorrow, every race has sent their representatives, and after a brief discussion with your grandmother it has been decided that you will represent Rivndell." I noded my head in understanding. This could be expected, I was in fact a lady of Rivendell, and by birthright had, as any of my sibilings, the right to represent my home. I briefly wondered why the Valor would have it that I was the one to represent it, but quickly dismissed the thought. The will of Valor was not to be questioned.

Primary OC: Evelyn (daughter of Elrond)

Type: Mary-Sue. Half-elven, though I don't think she knows that. Absolutely no emotional depth.

Secondary OC: Gabriell (human female)

Offenses Against Canon: The aforementioned portals, Haldir wandering the world, Rivendell is a forest, Boromir is a Designated Mysoginist, most other characters OOC, the Mary-Sue exists as a 'special' daughter of Elrond, two extra members of the Fellowship, vast numbers of mini-Balrogs.

Additional Comments: It should be noted clearly that the author is a non-native English speaker. The generally strange and often incorrect English spelling and grammar should be excused - for the circumstances, it's actually quite good. However, the same doesn't apply to the proliferation of mini-Balrogs, or the use of Grelvish - especially since it is translated in-line, which has never been a good idea. Lack of familiarity with the language doesn't excuse the rather feeble 'look what I can do now!' plot, either...

~|/~ Kyaris, DoI ~|/~

---

From Kyaris, who was doing things in the Department of Intelligence before SeaTurtle made that cool.

Also, while I'm here: Autumn, the front page of the Board holds 25 threads. We try to avoid adding too many new ones when the content can go into an old one instead. This post, for instance, would have worked just fine as a reply to your previous thread (which is immediately below it), or (if there had been one, which there doesn't seem to be) another thread on badfics near the top of the Board. And if you find anything interesting on Quotev, that should probably go as replies to this thread, rather than as a new one, too.

hS

Here, take this -gives lemming repellent and a poncho- and this -gives tiny Samwise the Brave and the phial of Earendil- with you!

Autumn, no!

It's too dangerous to go alone!!!

Quotev is terrifying place.

I do that a lot -mostly with jokes and witty remarks that come from my story, but only work within the exact context of that story. I am left to either awkwardly shrug it off or awkwardly explain several world and character building details of whatever story I'm writing.

This also happens to me with stories I read/watch and my friends don't.

I HAVE been guilty of that several times - mostly, it involves my referring to events that take place in yet-to-be-published fanfics of mine, and people usually respond with, "Huh? Whaddya talking about?" So...yeah. It's kind of a relief to know that I'm not the only one who does this.

I've made references on here, or aloud to IRL friends, to Starships & Sorcery, a 'verse* I've been working on semi-quietly since February. It's sort of grown to the point where it leaks into almost every short story I've written since then, and most of my plotbunnies wind up there. But in the meanwhile, I find myself mentioning in-universe threads and ideas and theories in casual conversation, and then remembering, too late, that such starships are not, in fact, real. Whoops.

More problematic, though, is the way the slang and oaths from that 'verse like to crop up in other writings. I have to remind myself that most people don't say "Frozen hell" as a mild expletive, nor swear by/on "dead gods," nor cuss out someone by shouting "Stars rot your eyes/guts/soul," because it's... just a bit of a breach of canon.

*It actually turned out too big to write alone, so I've opened it up to folks who're interested in the premise. If you'll allow a minor plug... thus far I've only really opened it up on the IRC and to interested friends, but the general background is here, and there's a couple samples on Tumblr and Dreamwidth - so feel free to poke through and see if anything strikes your fancy. If you do decide you'd like to read more and/or contribute your own stuff, let me know (my email's attached) and I'll send you an invite to the Dropbox folder.

Especially since I'm not writing my missions in the actual, chronological order in which they should be read...

Which means that in one mission, I not only have to avoid writing stuff that is going to be introduced in later ones... but I also have to remember myself that there are things that, despite being already published, didn't happen yet for that particular mission!

It's really, really confusing.

I thought that only happened to me! I often find myself referencing events that I haven't published and or written to my beta. I get a lot of questions about that...

For me, the timing is utterly perfect. I just spent the last few months getting into Doctor Who, and now someone's starting an OFU for it? I can't even believe my luck. I'm most certainly joining.

*goes off to send email*

-Aila

Logic Water and the Crystals seem like pretty cool substances. They could be interesting tools for PPC missions, too. I'd be happy to join, except I don't know the fandom. Sorry! :L

So, would the teachers of this OFU be from all Doctor Who series, or just Classic or New Who? I would love to see who teaches what... Donna or Nine could teach a lesson on Witty and Sarcastic Dialogue.

Also, uh, unfortunate newbie question... what's SOCS?

Whether they ever transition into the PPC will be up to individual PPC writers.

Mmm, sounds good. What are the Minis then? Mini-Angels? Or Mini-Daleks?

I like it.

That is amazing!

...but these were still absolutely hilarious.

Ah, Princess Bride, why do you have to be so funny?

I cannot believe I never found this online before. It's funny enough on its own but I made the mistake of reading it while watching the Fellowship of the Ring.

I'm never going to take the Council of Elrond seriously again.

Thanks so much for sharing!

This made me feel all warm-fuzzy and nostalgic. My favorite bit:

The Inn of the Prancing Pony:
STRIDER: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have a Ring of Power on your right hand?
FRODO: Do you always begin conversations this way?
[...]
HOBBITS: Who are you?
STRIDER: No one of consequence.
HOBBITS: We must know.
STRIDER: Get used to disappointment.
HOBBITS: Okay.

Thanks for sharing! ^_^

~Neshomeh

This made me feel all warm-fuzzy and nostalgic. My favorite bit:

The Inn of the Prancing Pony:
STRIDER: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have a Ring of Power on your right hand?
FRODO: Do you always begin conversations this way?
[...]
HOBBITS: Who are you?
STRIDER: No one of consequence.
HOBBITS: We must know.
STRIDER: Get used to disappointment.
HOBBITS: Okay.

Thanks for sharing! ^_^

~Neshomeh

Thank you for posting! That is absurdly clever. XD