May 2013 Archive, part b

Nice to see Rooney again! Like the others before me said, I really like how his personality shines through his writing. That's also a very interesting fic you chose to survey. I'll definitely take a look at it later on...

Can we expect to see more Rooney (or Jeeves) in the future?





*SeaTurtle parties hard, since his favourite department gets another story*

Also, Lily, I love the writing :) And Rooney is a nice character to read--sort of steady, and a bit less quirky than the average PPC agent, and quite likable. I enjoyed seeing more of him.

~DF

Although, my reaction would have been the same (flailing and excitement), so yeah.

(For more details--Tumblr.)

I've followed this story for so long, and it's wonderful to see it get a favorable report from the DoI...

~DF

Enjoyed this!

I like the sound of that story. Realistic Tenth Walker and Legomancing?

It's good to see a DoI mission dealing with not-so-badfic. It's the one Department that would go through everything, goodfic and bad, but thus far I've not seen it cover anything that isn't mission-quality badfic already. That trend seems a bit against its potential, in my opinion.

I liked how Rooney's personality came through in the report. There were several spots where I could easily picture his reactions to fic events and his subsequent attempts to put them into words, which was good because just about any mental image of an Eldar muttering to himself and crossing things out on a notepad is a good mental image.

I have one notable typo to report, though: in "(or un-reubttaled, if that’s a word)", "un-reubttaled" should be "un-rebuttaled", even though that isn't actually a real word. Approximations deserve proper spelling, too!

Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object.

Another multi-fandom Boarder, eh? Nice! Are Pokemon and Start Trek among the several others you didn't have time to name?

Either way, your newbie gift!
*rummages through bag of holding*
Aha! Have a snowglobe, with a replica of your favorite fictional city inside!

Oh, hey there!
I hope you will stick around and enjoy every minute of your stay.
As a gift, here are some seeds that I do not have where to plant: some sunflower seeds, a couple of castor beans, some moss-rose seeds and a handful of cabbage seeds. That's a lot of potential cabbages...
And have a cowplant sapling. Feed it some ham on regular basis and it shouldn't eat anyone... And don't forget, cake is a lie. A very deadly lie.

Welcome to the PPC! We love newbies here, so leave your shoes at the door and abandon all sanity!

As a welcome gift, have some music by Harrison Birtwistle! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVLjXTlN07w

Greetings, new friend! Have a Null Rod! they say it doesn't do anything, but actually, it does nothing.

Have some homemade bleepolate ice cream as your welcome-to-the-board gift. Welcome to the board, by the way!

Welcome, welcome! :D

Ooo, looks like we share several fandoms. Lord of the Ring, of course, but also Fablehaven, though I've not been able to lay hands on any but the first two books so far. I also have a fair knowledge of several Anime/Manga series and love everything by Hayao Miyazaki/Studio Ghibli. Your dad sounds fun, there are people I'd love to sit him down with and just listen to the discussion, as well as having questions of my own I wouldn't mind starting someone like talking with. ^^

Now welcome gifts! I've got a couple Calico loaves and some Walrus Butter for you and, I think they're in here somewhere, *digs through stuff* Ah yes, some candy stars and acorns for luring out all the little forest critters!

Have some lemming repellent and welcome!

Hey! Hi! How are you? Welcome to the PPC! Have a shiny thing...oh, and a cookie!

Admittedly, nobody ever uses the nicknames I give including me sometimes, so don't worry about the reasoning behind the name. It's more just something I do, haha.

But anyway, welcome! Have a Tiny Talking Gandalf. It's like having your own little Gandalf, except only about half as cool, because he only speaks in quotes. And you can put him on your keyring, hehe.

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my world-famous hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Not made from concentrate!

As to your question regarding a username change, just type in whatever you want your penname to be in the Author box way up there. You don't need to fill in the email box. Login doesn't really work either, so... yup.

Enjoy your stay and don't let the mini-Slorps bite!

Ahh... to Karen: I enjoy LoTR, Phineas and Ferb, Fablehaven (to name an obscure one) and several others I don't have the time to name here. I don't have any LO's (thank God). I found the PPC by way of older sister, and I like freshly baked home made chocolate chip cookies.
I know of Doctor Who because my older brother is a forever going on about it, and I know almost everything there is to know about LoTR. My dad is practically a scholar on the subject. (If you're ever unsure about something, just ask him and belt yourself down for a lecture.) ...And to finish the list, I do enjoy Anime/Manga, especially Naruto and everything by Studio Ghibli.

To Ailavyn Siniyash: Neat! I like infinite notebooks! (The one I have is running out of room.) And an Urple gel pen? Maybe for doodling...

To KittTheCat: Thanks for the NMs, and (seeing as I answered one of your questions to Karen) I'm an easy-going fellow who decided to join the PPC out of hatred of Sues, and a love of all things funny. I also have two older siblings who aided in introducing me to the PPC and hooking me on it *very* well.

To Desdendelle: I've gone over the Constitution twice, the (very!) shiny Wikia dozens of times, read a good number of the Original Series... and NOT yet dropped by the IRC chat.

Now for a question of my own- how do I change my user name from... what it currently is?

Welcome, welcome!

As a gift, you shall receive... and Infinitely-long Notebook! (It also comes with an Urple Gel Pen, but I wouldn't recommend opening that package.)

-Aila

What're your favorite fandoms? Which fictional characters do you find attractive? How'd you find the PPC? What kind of cookie is your favorite? Do you know Doctor Who? Lord of the Rings? You like anime/manga?

Welcome, newbie! Have some NM and NMs. (nm) (nm)

You should probably tell us a bit about yourself, and some of your fandoms.

Welcome: by posting here you've made yourself a member!
First and most important, please read The Constitution, which is something everybody needs to do. The PPC also has a handy Wiki, and it is recommended that you browse it, as well as read The Original Series. We also have an IRC chat, and you're welcome to drop by and say hi. Or just natter. Most newbies also post their fandoms.
Last but not least, I give you this cup of tea. It's good, tasty and healthy... but, mind you, the leaves have a tendency to eat people. So handle it with care, eheheheh.

I wait for your next story with great anticipation.

Great story! I think you captured the character of GLaDOS very well, and i can't wait to see what comes out of the Circle of Lemmings!

Newbie-name Alan here, saying Hi!

And Time Lords can be scary if they want to.

I love it so bloody much.

Also, I really think the Blackout needs to get its own masterpost page thing for all the interludes that get posted because wow

And that teaser looks so epic oh my gosh. It's good to see DMSE&R getting some love again!

This is so marvelous!

...thanks to Outhra once again for beta-reading! ^_^

Hi, I'm Pauline. Just ignore me sometimes, I tend to do awkward things (hehe, though now that I think about it, doesn't everyone.....)
May I present you with bleepolate ice cream, to help you deal with the craziness that is badfic?

Although I wish I could answer you, I have no clue, haha.

Anyway, welcome, your newbie nickname which will never be used is Red and you can have this little koala keyring because of Australia.

Greetings, new friend! Have a boomerang!
*throws a boomerang away*

So, a jackalope, then? Can you outlope an antelope? Can you jack the trades from a jack-of-all-trades? Would you elope with an antelope who was a jack-of-all-trades?

Also, duck.

...not sure, really. I'd blame humans for anything that happens to nature though.

And with that, welcome to the Board! Have some of my world-famous hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. May or may not be linked to a 50000 year old galactic extinction cycle.

Have some lemming repellent, and welcome!

Dear Sir (I'm going to assume you're a sir, correct me if I'm wrong but I have a sixth sense for these things,)

Upon quick research into the matter of Procoptodon Goliah, (I wikipedia'd it, okay?) I submit that human activity, while probably part of the equation, may not have been the sole reason for the kangaroo's unfortunate demise. Geologic changes associated with the end of the Pleistocene epoch, such as the sudden lack of glacial and interglacial periods, are often stated to be a factor in the demise of other interesting species, such as the giant ground sloth, saber-toothed cat, and other such wonderful megafauna whose scientific names I can't be bothered to spell. Though short-faced kangaroos are hardly megafauna, I think that a relative decline in grasslands as large regions of Austrailia warmed and dried out decreased their available habitat, and that their demise culminated in their apperent status as a hopping barbecue for the locals.

I'm actually an Environmental Science Major, so I'm going to summarize this as "if climate change + humans, then extinction."

But that's a very interesting introductory post (although I could have sworn I'd seen your name before...) Hi! Welcome to the Board! Here, have some Swiss Bleepolate. It's very good for erasing details of horrific badfic (or brain-breakingly nonsensical hypotheses, to whit: maybe these kangaroos went extinct because the Doctor traveled back in time, only he was actually the Valeyard, and then the dinosaurs attacked him, but his companion at the time--a short-faced kangaroo--sacrificed herself so that he could live. And then the Doctor flew into another universe and became Darth Vader, who then decreed that short-faced kangaroos should all be eaten, and so they went extinct before they could really get started. But in a different universe, Rose Tyler refused to eat kangaroo, and started a rebellion against the Gelth, which wanted to take over the penguins. However, the penguins had been cross-bred with Daleks, and so the Gelth ended up destroyed, but Merlin felt sorry for the penguin-Daleks and adopted them and convinced King Arthur to raise one as his heir. And so it was that Camelot fell to Mordred the penguin-Dalek, and England was left in ruins. And then Mordred the penguin-Dalek's great-great-great-uncle married a short-faced kangaroo--the last one in existence--and the short-faced kangaroos were made extinct but survived in the short-faced kanga-pengui-leks. So there you go, that's my hypothesis. Did I give you enough Swiss Bleepolate? Here, have some more just in case.)

...I claim no responsibility for any brain-damage caused by the above hypothesis.

~DF

I cannot say I have a hypothesis, as I did not know what "short faced kangaroos" were until you made this post and I googled the scientific name. They do seem like fascinating creatures, though, so might you tell me a bit more about them?

Also hello. Cookie?

You have inspired me to figure out something else to do with them.

Ok, I could only find a commentary of this.....thank goodness. Otherwise I would be literally downing a whole bottle of bleeprin.
Is this a badfic on one of the legendary/bleepfic lists and I just didn't notice? I can't find any mention of this until the commentary, and I'm just......
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8002590/1/Imma-Wizerd-Commentary

But the backstory of one of my agents involves a stay in FicPsych due to an incredibly squicky badfic and a Suvian partner. Actully, said Suvian artner would be there too, undergoing severe Glitter reduction - or would that be Medical?

Then again, I've already written the beginning of the first mission, and I'd have to rewrite it if I included them in the Blackout. But come to think of it, I'm not particularly pleased with what I've written so far, so, yes, take them. I'll post bios when I have a chance. Also, they might have brought Data, but I'll see.

So, yeah, if you want them.

Agent Agen_t of the DIC is having a long stint in Medical, and has mandatory sessions at FicPsych. Does that count?

If so, Agent is a former bit character SHIELD agent from an Avengers Suefic. Due to lack of description, ze has yet to choose a gender or an eye color, although ze wears colored contacts for the eyes. Ze was injured on a mission (ze's spending so long in Medical that I think ze's probably doing PT) and is unwillingly continuing zir sessions in FicPsych, where they discuss zir opinions and suchlike in order to help zir form a personality faster. Agent would prefer to do this on her own, and avoids FicPsych when possible...however, this time, it's not possible, so ze's probably in a perpetually bad mood.

Of course, it's quite possible I'm replying too late anyhow, but I thought I'd mention that Agen_t's there.

In terms of canon characters...well, Tony Stark tends to be in for a lot of badfic, unfortunately. You might also consider some of the Hunger Games characters--Finnick in particular seems to be a popular choice in fanfics, as are Peeta and Gale. And I'd say Sherlock and John from the BBC show, but they're also in my interlude :) You could have Bilbo and Smaug, though--the amount of badfic with them...ugh. The Master could also be in there; judging by some of the stuff on Quotev, he's not going unscathed.

~DF

...who are being treated for Sweet Apple Massacre.

But I think you already knew that...

Tony Stark should be getting smacked around in fanfiction quite soon, given that Iron Man 3 has been around for more than a week now, and there will probably be idiot plot bunnies multiplying out there somewhere.

Also, Quotev seems to have gotten ahold of Castiel, (from Supernatural) and going to Quotev will break anyone's brain.

Twiight Sparkle is probably in FicPsych after all the...controversy over her newly acquired wings.

Legolas always

Q just because it started on April 1st.

I don't have any suggestions for patients, but I am currently working on an Interlude involving some of the mini-Moggets that my agents have responsiblity for being transferred/seconded to FicPsych - I think you might have been the one to suggest that idea, or at the very least remind me of it?

If you're interested in having the minis there for your Blackout piece, I can have the adoption piece be set before the Blackout (seeing as I don't think the exact timing effects my plotline at all), and send you notes for what I'm working on.

Hm... Doc Kindheart, perhaps? She's in Medical most of the time but it's plausible she could be doing something down there for a bit - organizing patient medications or visiting one of hers or something? I dunno.

Right now, Agent!Des is still in FicPsych after facing a particularly nasty badfic.

But last time he was mentioned, Abelardo Nevrakis worked as an intern/errand-runner there. His ability to enter dream/feel emotions could come in handy.

... Selene is probably still in a padded cell somewhere. Unless FicPsych outsource the permanent cases.

hS

Night of the zombies, featuring the Nightstalkers, Takua and Jareth.

This is another deliberately short mission - and also stands apart from most of my others in that there isn't actually a Mary-Sue in there. There isn't enough characterisation to call any of the main characters a Sue...

hS

I've read "Diary of an Undercover Sue" before. It was quite interesting. Nice to know it's being continued!

Also. Like the others.

(in reference to the Patrex Chapter reference)

Actually, I think DawnFire might want to use that open end. Just sayin'. ;)

Just a tiny nitpick, though - Morgan says she's been in the PPC for a decade in HST, wouldn't that've put her here in 2003? But she recruited Ontic if I remember.

(It's finals week, so more on everything else as I get a chance to get it all down. :P)

Although, it would appear that some other DTE Boarders have snapped this up already.

Punitive action is required. Gentlemen*, start your sporks!










* And, ladies. Also, any variation of those.

Come heeeere, little badfic...we're waiting...

...Is how can she mispell A/N?!

Sorry. I should have it ready in time. Will not procrastinate this time…

So many apologies! So many promises! ;) I look forward to seeing what everyone's got in mind.

Specific responses to posts and emails, including an attempt to divvy up the various readings, will come when I get an hour or so to do them in. This is just to reassure you all that I am still paying attention.

hS

*scrambles to get stuff done* What the *beep* happened to that microphone?!

I'm trying to get my 'Everyone Questions' contribution recorded now, but I'm currently having some quality issues with the audio. If I can get that sorted, you should have it later today or tomorrow - if not, I'm sure I'll be able to borrow a computer at the weekend.

If I can get my own one working properly, then I should also be able to do some reading out if that's still needed.

The last few weeks have been consumed with moving house and all that entails, plus trying to hold down my voluntary position. I've had pretty much no privacy/time to do recordings. You will have what I said I'd do by the deadline, though. I can only apologise, hS.

I should have checked in a bit more frequently -- sorry, hS! I should have either some recordings or videos emailed to you by the end of this week, if my computer behaves itself for me.

Yes, I'm still interested. I'm sorry, hS - things have exploded a bit on the IRL side. I have an early deadline this week - today, actually - so I should have a little free time later this week; let me see if I can get you at least an update/cleaned outline/timeline tomorrow. If not, maybe I can hand it off to someone else. I know there are people on the IRC with good logs and memories and maybe a bit of emotional detachment or perspective.

So - tomorrow part one, other times this week part two, and I shall poke Dann* about getting a recording together in the immediate-near future.


*unless he's reading this now, in which case consider yourself poked!

Yes, I am still interested, and have some of the recordings just about ready. I will absolutely have them to you by Saturday, if not sooner.

And those are over. I'll revise the text I sent you, with your suggestions, and then I'll record something.

Well now I kinda don't feel as bad squeaking by the deadline by the skin of my teeth. ^^;

I will volunteer to read anything that still needs someone to read it, though to be a little more specific for you, I can take on;
What Is This Mission Thing Anyway? - Neshomeh [TEXT]
Writing OFUs and their effect on the PPC - hermione of vulcan [TEXT]
2009 - PPC: The Lost Tales launched - Neshomeh [TEXT]
Apr-10 - So Sue Me - Neshomeh [TEXT]

I'd also be willing to try to think up something for 2004 - The Oxford Gathering - [VACANT] on PPC Gatherings, though it would be better if someone that was actually there could do that probably. I've read most of the gathering reports, so it's not a completely unfamiliar subject. ^^; So if no one else is willing to claim it, I can write something up.

My only excuse is that I started "What Is a Mission?", realized it was turning into a full essay, and got spooked by the prospect of doing that much work. Did you know that the PPC mission is a very complex and unique thing when you stop to analyze it (and presumably even when you don't)?

Anyway... sorry. I should be able to get my act together by June 15. It's a good deadline, since I'll be heading off for a week-long vacation about then. And I will try to ignore my high school conditioning education and not turn everything into five paragraphs with three supporting points each, etc. >.>;

~Neshomeh

I've got several things to say, so I'm abandoning cohesiveness and jumping right in.

First, something to add would be something on the reboot of the Multiverse Monitor. I'd suggest Lily Winterwood for it (if she wants to) or anyone else involved heavily in the process, preferably from the very beginning of the reboot. The differences between the old MM and the new version could be mentioned, as well as some of what's been published so far.

Second, I'm still down for the PPC and young writers article, as well as the everyone questions--funnily enough, I read this post, got inspired, and actually started writing. I don't know when it'll be done, but at least it's started...and timelines are really annoying for it, especially as I've lost potential information due to a hard drive crash. There goes ever being sure of when I discovered the PPC. Oh well. So that's happening. I'm also happy to give writing about the Blackout a go, although, actually, I haven't read all of the Interludes yet, so possibly someone else should do it. If no one else takes it, I'm willing to, though.

So yes. I shall work on things...but I'm still in.

~DF

I think...

E-mail, address, please?

If you're going to be posting them. :)

Yay! Thank you, looking forward to reading these.

What if it's a very obvious Sue--so obvious that the summary says 'this is a Mary-Sue--if you don't like Sues, don't read'? And it's a pretty bad Sue, who would make excellent sporking material? Are those fair game?

Because I have one. She's some sort of magic user and tags along with the Fellowship, something like that. I just wasn't sure if I should take it, since it literally has a Mary-Sue warning in the summary.

~DF

If the Sue dies in the actual fic itself, is there still need to Mission it?

Generally AO3 has a lower rate of badfic than other places, mostly due to its invite only nature (although I'm not sure whether that has changed or not).

Sorry I can't list any off the top of my head right now, since I'm not that much of an Eleven/River shipper, but...

Two of my DIC missions were in the Saw continuum. Yeah, I watched all seven movies just about back to back, to the point where I saw Saw VII in theaters. So my thoughts?

Well, let's get started!

[SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!]

Saw: This is a horror classic. Great tension, compelling story, and the twists were awesome and unexpected. So yeah, love this movie.

Saw II: A pretty good follow-up. Not as good as the first one, but still quite cool in its own right. Loved the twists that it took, too.

Saw III: Not a bad movie, but not great. Personally, I think this one suffered the most from executive meddling, as I would've liked it better if they had gone with the original ideas that the writers had gone with--which would've been a major deconstruction of Jigsaw. But of course, since Lionsgate wanted sequels... Still, the movie we got isn't that bad, so I don't complain too much.

Saw IV: This is where it started getting a bit too torture-porny for me, and it started going downhill from here. The twist at the end was kinda dumb, honestly, and came too out of nowhere in a way that just didn't work at all. It's not really a good movie, so I wouldn't watch it again. Also, it's got my least favorite trap in the franchise. Hey, Tapp, here's a suggestion: CUT HER ...ING HAIR WITH SOMETHING!

Saw V: It sucks. Hard. In my opinion, this is the worst movie in the entire franchise. Unfortunately, I think a big problem is that it has the unenviable task of having to cover up Saw IV's plotholes. I wouldn't have minded so much, except that the other main part of the movie was basically a poorly executed rehash of Saw II, with the most unlikable characters of the whole franchise.

Saw VI: The only Saw movie after III that is worth watching in any capacity. Seriously, this one is actually quite good. It also helps that it contains my favorite trap of the whole franchise: the carousel trap, which embodies everything Jigsaw is about.

Saw VII: The only reason to see this movie is for all the callbacks to the first movie that occur within the last ten minutes of the whole thing (and because Cary Elwes is a freaking god). Otherwise, it's a mess. The traps are kinda cool, but they're a little on the torture porny side, and it doesn't help that one of the franchise's most horrifying deaths is reserved for a character who is COMPLETELY INNOCENT. (Granted, it's a Hoffman trap, but still!) And the complexity of the canon gets so out of hand that the denoumont doesn't really add up. Still, the last ten minutes make it a pretty good conclusion, so I can't complain.

So yeah...

I have one:

Since a canon knowing about the PPC is related to that canon's ability to break the fourth wall, do all first person narrators know about the PPC? Or is it just the ones who specifically address the audience, like Percy Jackson at the beginning of The Lightning Thief?

Makes-Things does, in fact, make all sorts of things. He is a builder, inventor, tinkerer, hider under desks, and the kind of guy you would want around if you ever needed your starship/time machine/console/hover board/video game fixed.

As to your second question, yes, CADs can be built into any number of things. I seem to recall someone wanting to have one built into an original Gameboy case, though I don't remember who or when. As long as it has some means of reading out the information (a screen or speakers would work) and buttons (which an accordion has lots of) and enough space for the hardware (I wouldn't recommend trying to build it into a silver dollar), then it should be fine.

-Phobos

Makes-Things mostly makes plothole technology, but he does have knowledge of tech from a wide variety of continua. I've seen stories where he works on Star Trek tech and TARDISes, for example. Standard equipment is most of what he deals with personally, but it's hardly all he can do.
There are other DoSAT techs that will be more helpful with technology from individual continua, but Makes-Things is still good for general knowledge and damaged equipment in most cases.

CADs can be modified to go into basically whatever would fit them without breaking. Heck, I've seen an agent who had installed one in her body. She was a synthetic life form from an anime continuum, but the precedent is out there. I don't know who you'd be bribing to install one into an accordion, but as long as there was some way that the CAD could actually still be used(it's hard to point an accordion at something, for example), it could potentially still work.

Of course, the problem of the CAD overheating, exploding, and/or having its parts fused together would come up, so you'd better have a really good reason why your Agent has to have it embedded in a musical instrument, especially one that will be basically unplayable if the CAD melts inside it.

Ooh, I would come, but I live way up there in the US... so, not really going to work for me. Oh, well. Have a blast...uh, people-who-can-actually-come! :)

I may or may not be dropping by in Europe in late July, but you lot seem to have it scheduled for August. Oop.

I cannot speak to what things will be like for me in August - that's around the time when classes will start up for me again and I'll either be looking for a new apartment or looking to get a new lease on the one I've got now - but if a date can be set, I could certainly investigate the possibility of popping over. How much are tickets to London anyways?

... any thoughts on a date? We traditionally go for Saturdays, since more things are closed on Sundays. In August, that gives us the 3rd, 10th, 17th, 24th and 31st. I'd be tempted to go for one of the middle three, myself - anyone have any thoughts at all?

hS

I mean, I'm pessimistic about my chances of making it across the Atlantic in time - lack of money, a passport, etc. - or getting everything I need by August, but I could give it a shot if people're doing this. Also I'm glad it's in August because I have classes until July. :P

I would totally be up for it! It'd depend on my finances and/or free time, but I would really love to come along. It's been far too long since I came to a Gathering.

I'd be up for that.

And London's dead easy for me to get to, so no objections there. August should be fine too, I rarely bother to plan anything that far in advance, so at the moment I could do any day at all - I assume you're thinking of doing it one weekend so that people won't have to take time off work for it?

As far as I'm aware, complete OOC immunity is reserved for deities such as Eru and Aslan. Being God in their universe basically makes them more powerful than even the most overpowered Sue, so that's why they get it. Merely being telepathic and non-corporeal does not begin to approach that level of power.

Also, funny thing about neuralyzation: it's not actually necessary to make the canon characters forget things 100% of the time. You may notice that Jay and Acacia didn't resort to it much, if at all. The reason for this is that the canon resets itself once the majority of badfic influences are removed. Do the PPC exist in canon? No? Then, barring any convincing and preferably funny extenuating circumstances, a canon character can't remember what doesn't exist.

Neuralyzation is actually meant to be used when the memories themselves are strong enough to keep canon bent out of shape until they're gone—particularly traumatic events may need neuralyzation (and/or FicPsych); a story predicated on an angsty backstory that never happened might need neuralyzation. And yeah, it doesn't hurt to use the neuralyzer even if it isn't strictly necessary. But, if you can remove enough uncanon without it, the snapback will do the rest. Don't forget that restoring the canon is the goal of every PPC mission.

Also, speaking of FicPsych, they do have more resources than the average field agent when it comes to modifying unusual minds, so that's always an option if your tale demands complications.

~Neshomeh

I know a little about Epic Mickey, and I do have a fair bit of general Disney knowledge, so I'm confident that I'll be able to follow what's going on.

My e-mail is samurai_ireland@hotmail.com

...nice mission! That badfic made me want to puke, and I don't even know Doctor Who!

-Aila

A few paragraphs into your mission:

"[A] purple briefcase appeared in the middle of the RC. There was a rattling of the clasps, and the briefcase opened itself to reveal a hole descending into a brightly-lit control room.

Perched at the top of the ladder was a young blonde woman with a set of pencils in her hair and a grin."

If the ladder was descending, shouldn't the blonde be at the bottom of the ladder?

Wonderful, Lily (you already know my opinions, I've been giving them to you throughout...)

What happened to the mini-Reapers? Did someone adopt them? You've only mentioned the mini-Aragog here.

~DF

But, to be fair, I did look at it and did not find any errors. So yeah.

Now, as for the mission. This was really, really good. Outside of killing an awful fic that simply hearing about made me sick, the massive amount of character development was handled very well. It was very smooth in the revelation of Christianne's past relationship, and the banter of the two Tile Lords was brilliant. May I say, I am a huge fan of the Disentangler. She is very funny, and wonderfully snarky.

Now, did I notice a reference to a Blackout story that I have not written yet? next thing you know GLaDOS is going to show up and try to take over the place or something. That was exactly what I was planning to do. Man, now I have to get on with writing the darn thing. Or pass it on to someone else.

Now, if I may, I would love to acquire the Amulet of Gryffindor. It may be a Horcrux, but I can still do something with it. Look at it probably.

I am looking forward to reading more missions from you, especially from the Time Lords. Their relationship is fascinating, and really fun to read.

I think DawnFire showed me a section of this you didn't cover, where they had a maaaaaagical~ circle and were doing a ritual and it didn't seem very Harry Potter-y.

Good to know it's been sporked.

I'm also up for being asked questions, if you need another person.

~DF

Bit of a newbie here, but willing to do anything I can. I won't be able to send video/sound recording over the computer, as it's acting up right now, but anything that can be typed/written I will gladly do.
Happy PPCing!

I used to be so bad at writing emotions, really. Of course, I was pretty young, so, I'm inclined to just sweep everything under the rug.

Interestingly, though, a lot of the stuff from the Random Crap Dump has mutated, grown new legs, and crawled into the current group of stories. One universe that I'm working on right now is in mach six, and I'm fairly certain that one of the characters in it has been with me for the past ten years, though a bit different now than she used to be. (For that matter, her husband's been around since I was at least thirteen, but considering that he is no longer the stereotypically sexy elven hunter and he got a name and a back-story that aren't stupid and actually exist, respectively, he's changed quite a bit.)

I had some fun with the springhole Mary Sue litmus test the other day - something I wrote in the fifth grade, which involved the young heroine defeating laser-weilding baddies with a suit made out of tinfoil. Believe me, I swear I didn't know anything about how lasers worked at the time. I think the final score (before they updated the test, so not the other day) was somewhere north of 100. And do you know what? "Redwing" still scored less than Bella Swan. I went from being mortified that I still had that computer file to retroactively proud of my middle-school self. I have proof now that even at the age of eleven, I could write a less sueish and more feminist character than Stephanie Meyer. :)

The realization that, of the five pieces I'd written so long ago, three were irredeemably awful honestly motivated me to challenge myself to do better than... that.

Oh, certainly- the fanfics I used to write back when I was a hyperactive lad of thirteen...

A good deal of my nervous tissue contemplates suicide as I remember it. *Shudders*

My typical offenses result from thinking I'm being clever when I'm really, really not: baffling leaps of logic, overwrought metaphors and similes, bizarre sentence structure, etc. I don't always see it right away, because at the time I know what I mean, but then months later, I'll re-read a particular passage, cringe, and wonder what the hell was wrong with me.

It doesn't help that I occasionally like to hint at things without overtly saying them, like planting Easter eggs for anyone paying enough attention. It does not always work. >.> Hints that are subtle and blend in with the regular narrative are good. Hints that stick out from the regular narrative and are confusing are not.

My writing mantra these days: tell it like it is; say what you mean; either tell the audience or don't; keep it simple, stupid.

~Neshomeh

I've recently stumbled upon my old scrapbook. Did it give me a shock... There were some nice pieces of writing, though, but if remember correctly, those paragraphs were written and rewritten dozen of times before I was satisfied with them enough.

As for other stuff... first try at serious writing - it was supposed to have twenty main characters and I just kept adding and adding every single idea that crossed my mind. Then came the Big Crash (aka, my computer got fried) and that piece of WTF was gone.

Next thing? A story about werewolves, with total lack of understanding about characterization and trivialization of slavery. Yeah... I scrapped it.

There were some more jewels in the various scrapbooks over the time, but I can't think of them right now. Not like they are important, anyway.

My usual trick is writing characters into situations that they'd need a deus ex machina to get out of, and only realising that too late. Then I have to try and pick apart the story to see where I have to take it back to, before I can continue writing again.

Like that Hetalia/HP fanfic I wrote. It was good for a fourteen year old, maybe. But it kinda makes me cringe now.

The only good thing in there is that the Nations mostly blend in with the Potter canon...? Mostly???

It usually happens during late-night writing sessions. The next morning, I look at my stuff and say:

"Since when can flight-rocks be used as personal flotation devices?"

That's why a good writer does several drafts before publishing anything to make sure that they've got their work all polished up.

No sweat, it happens to all of us.

EXCEPT ME BAHAHAHAHA - I am such a bad liar.

Because I really don't think 'why do you believe you have the rights to notify a unsuspecting author about the PPC's existence and "PPCing" of this fanfiction' is a good thing to have said. It gives the impression of The Secretive PPC, Sneaking Around - along with The Fandom Police Will Stop You Talking To Each Other. It smacks of several gallons of elitism.

Guys. People are allowed to talk about us. 'Many members have agreed that what you just did is a Bad Idea'? This sounds like it's verging on a threat. I know it isn't, but - can you see how it sounds?

That said, generally not much comes from these things. If anything happens, we can deal with it.

First the writer of the Winnie Breccan fic found out about the mission, now someone's gone and notified Kestrel's writer, too? Oh, not to mention I think Alexis Gilmore's writer found out about her page on the Wiki.

Has anyone else ever heard from the creators of the fics that they mission? Or am I just the most loudmouthed of the lot?

Well...if I could, I would, but as I can't, I won't. I'd say someone needs to PPC this... or just ignore it.
Ya know, maybe that wasn't as helpful as it sounded.

Now, what's the reckoning that this is a list of all the things that the captains are now going to have to put up with? Hee hee!

I also like the fact that Janeway is using bad food in getting her revenge on the students for making her OOC in their fics...

I like the Slorp reference... although that makes the timelines a little bent for my agents' visit. Hmmm, tricky... Then again, who's to say when Trekverse time was at during that mission (relative to HQ time, particularly a de-shielded, blackout HQ)?

New chapter...and that one fic...yessssss...

I hadn't finished making my fan-student's profile yet, and now there's a new chapter, so it's too late. Drat.

Man, everyone is referencing Slorp the meatloaf monster now. Eventually I'm going to be seeing it so much that it's going to start leaking into real life, and I'm going to see a meatloaf somewhere and say "oh, look, a Slorp".

...that is an outcome, yes. I've seen some PPC missions where they change the format so they look at the action to avoid being temporally disfigured. Still, I think it's actually more fun if the PPCer goes with the script format for the mission--particularly if the author can't make up his/her mind.

While it's probably up to the mission writer, I would love to see some script-formatted missions. T'would surely make for some interesting jokes!

There is actually a page on the Wiki talking about scriptfic. And here are two missions where the agents' missions end up (at least partly) in script format due to the badfic's formatting.

I'd say... do it! Gives lots of opportunity for agent irritation/jokes, and sounds like it would be fun to write.

So yeah, what's stopping you? Go for it.

Jay once did a mission where the author had written the fic in present tense, and so Jay was stuck in present tense as well.

In other words: sure, what's stopping you?

I concur with DawnFire that you've described it pretty well. You actually got me interested in the series. (BTW, did you know that someone posted the entire series on YouTube?)

Either way, what made you decide to write the interlude in the Knightmare continuum? And what, pray tell, were those monsters that Agent Cyba was so apprehensive about?

I mean, wow, it's like nostalgia central... excellent choice of canon to play in.

My one problem may not actually be a problem: the dialogue of your three agents sometimes sounds a little stilted. On the other hand, it seems mostly to be the Borg, so it may well be intentional.

hS

The idea of canon characters getting bored, watching television and becoming genre savvy after their show is cancelled is glorious. Good on you!

I don't know that continuum at all, but you described it so well I didn't need to. Also, it's absolutely perfect for DTE agents, and I love the lines about that that slipped in. Also, the ending. I love the ending.

Amazing interlude! I'm glad you wrote it. Have you linked to it on the wiki page yet?

~DF

A way for ********************************* (Sorry! Spoilers.) That sounds awesome.

Oh dear goodness. I barely got past the first chapter...
I hope the situation can be helped.

Because Eledhwen needs a nymph punching bag.

Also because once upon a time I once wrote a LotR parody where the first known appearance of Eledhwen had a friend named Raina and the two of them (along with another elf named Cristiel) tormented a bunch of Sues. It'd be interesting to see Eledhwen's reaction to this Sue.

Right, this is... well, yeah, badfic. But the age of the author from writing analysis alone appears to be both painfully obvious and painfully young. *Does mental calculation* I'd assume that the author is younger than fifteen, and I'm pretty certain that this is them trying.

... Sweet Eru, what is this fascination ficthors have with Nymphs in Arda? The only thing I can think of that would give them the impression that they existed is Goldberry, and Goldberry's an oddity.

And Glaurung it, if you need to put "Flashback" and "End of Flashback," I'm sending you back to remedial formatting school!

Dagorlad, but no Morgoth. Stupidly trusting hobbits. A non-elvish name. Purple descriptions, an angsty past, and, once again, nymphs. Ugh. And that's only a few of the problems. For instance, why is she swearing by Aule? How has she failed to Fade, be really traumatized, or sail to Valinor? And why does the entire thing read like 'I read LotR and the Silm, and I didn't understand either one!'

At least Elrond's not a king again. She got that bit right. And at least she can't add the Doom of Mandos to her angsty past (I hope).

But if she starts mangling elvish languages as well...let's just say Ive got a pair of agents who would be happy to take on this mission. Actually, I'd be happy to take it on anyway, but I do have rather a lot of missions planned right now, so I'll let someone else take it, if they want it. And I may MST it for the Library; I think I can yell at and analyse it humorously enough.

Ick. Bad Suefic. I've seen worse, but still...ugh.

~DF

I think the part that really gets me is that there was a first version, which must've been worse than the current one. x.x

I'll only pay attention if people link to YouTube videos of Eurovision with Graham Norton's commentary on it. America has its own reality issues to work out, y'know?

Yo Yo 'sup! Have some Mysteriously Glowing And Possibly Radioactive Chocolate!

Welcome, welcome! Unfortunately, it seems that we don't share any fandoms. But if you like Tolkien, you'll find yourself in good company here at the PPC.

Now about your newbie gift:
*rummages through bag of holding*
Aha!
*pulls out a Pokeball*
Here you go: a Ditto, the perfect companion for a multi-fandom Boarder like yourself. I don't know if the Flowers allow Pokemon on missions (they don't allow minis), but if they do, Ditto will fit in verynicely.

Hello hello, and welcome!

Looks like we share a couple of fandoms, Tolkien and The Hunger Games to be exact. I'm a little confused why were ranting about the tahr though. Did someone dishonor it? Did they insult its heritage? Are they trying to say there are more adorable mountain goat, lion hybrids out there? Did someone claim it's a figment of imagination?

Let's see, welcome gifts. Hmm... *digs through closet with suspicious TARDIS like abilities* Ah, here we go, a book on fishing, three strawberries and a packet of my limited edition Atlantian sponge capsules. Just add water and they'll grow into a full-sized building of the architectural style(s) of your choosing!

Nice to meet you! Have pair of glittery sequined urple work boots. Perhaps you'll find a decent use for them. And some cookies. You can never go wrong with cookies.

Welcome to the PPC and stuff! Have some lemming repellent!

Hope you'll stick around a while (although I promise you'll see a lot of badfic). So, in honor, how about some bleepolate ice cream? Homemade and sooo good, I swear!

Awesome! Within my first week at the Board, somebody else joins up! I hope you stick around, Ms. Snow! Aand... I hear it's the tradition around here to give gifts to new people...

I have this nifty rebrella from Un Lun Dun (try reading it sometime). Enjoy!

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my world-famous hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. The preferred drink of the Zz'gash dune runners!

Have some Swiss Chocolate and some Bleepka. You'll need them both soon.

Have one CD case, two double A batteries, a tube of red tempera paint, a pair of chopsticks, and a bag of NM&M's. Welcome to the board!

Nice to meet you, Ms. Snow! Welcome to the PPC! I wouldn't mind that rant about the tahr, if you would? They're so adorable!
Ah, but to business! What fandoms do you enjoy? Are you a book gal, or do you prefer movies? Any interest in Japanese manga and anime?

Here: as a welcome gift, have some cookies, made with real Bleepolate chips!

Welcome to this little alcove of Cyberspace!

Ooh, Himalayan tahr are cool. They remind me of Ibex (
Ibexes? Ibexene?)

As a welcome gift I present you with a barrel full of Chamomile tea, for staving off school insanity.<br>
Enjoy!
~TE

It gets smaller... or, well, cozier at least. Here, have a carpet (heavily embroidered with ducks), five wall-hangings (showing the deaths of particularly bad Sues), and a rather threadbare spotted couch or two to furnish your corner of this gigantic warehouse.

And I took your advice down there and looked up pictures of tahr. So very epic indeed.

-Aila

Welcome, welcome! No relation to the other Len, I trust? Probably not, but we'd need to know beforehand whether or not you'd be able to handle the sight of Fred Rogers. For neurological experiments social purposes.

Let's see, what do I have for a newbie gift? We don't share any fandoms, unless Warriors referred to those books about the sapient cats, but I know enough about the Hunger Games to give you... this briefcase full of tracker-jackers! Don't ask me how they get enough to eat in there, but the loud buzzing tells me they're all alive and as angry as ever.
Only open it when there's a situation that can be solved by the addition of hundreds of stinging wasp-mutants, because if you open it prematurely, you're probably not going to get all of them back.

Greetings, new friend! Help yourself to a pair of snow shoes! They're Sasquatch-sized, unfortunately.

And what on Earth is a tahr? If it's even from Earth. Is it a snuggle-able animal of some kind?

This is an automated message from the 3D System, V 1.0. (Kidding. That's just my sense of humour speaking.)

Welcome: by posting here you've made yourself a member!
First and most important, please read The Constitution, which is something everybody needs to do. The PPC also has a handy Wiki, and it is recommended that you browse it, as well as read The Original Series. We also have an IRC chat, and you're welcome to drop by and say hi. Or just natter. Most newbies also post their fandoms.
Last but not least, I give you this cup of tea. It's good, tasty and healthy... but, mind you, the leaves have a tendency to eat people. So handle it with care, eheheheh.

First off, try to lay off writing missions until a few months of active discussing. You can write your own fanfictions though, and try to get betas or concrits from a few people here. Not me, I hadn't been writing for a while due to my writer's mess.

Ift is traditional to offer virtual gifts here to newbies. Therefore I present you with an virtual anvil. Very useful if you're a roadrunner with a particularly obsessive predator.

First off, try to lay off writing missions until a few months of active discussing. You can write your own fanfictions though, and try to get betas or concrits from a few people here. Not me, I hadn't been writing for a while due to my writer's mess.

Ift is traditional to offer virtual gifts here to newbies. Therefore I present you with an virtual anvil. Very useful if you're a roadrunner with a particularly obsessive predator.

http://www.tthfanfic.org/Story-22459-13/joshlamont+Obliviate+Is+Never+Enough.htm

Name: Obliviate is Never Enough

Category: BtVSxHP

Thoughts: It's very fast paced, so be prepared to have to read some areas over a couple of times in order to get it.
However.....
I think I died laughing.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8335211/1/Death-Note-Time-Gone-By
This fan-fiction will continue Death Note's story line, with N acting as the new great detective, and Ryuk as the main shinigami, again.
However, this time, a different character picks up the notebook, whose intentions shy away from Light's own ideas.
She won't use it for her own deeds, so what will be the drive to use the ominous notebook this time? Please read & review...

To be honest, after reading it a few times, it doesn't seem that bad (maybe I'm desensitized), but it just bugs me.
There's irritating narration, stupid names, contrivances, implausibility, MC singing 'Rolling in the Deep' to allude to her trajeck past, and just general stupidity.

An example of the last thing on the list is a man using the name Niseno Namae (fake name in Japanese) as an alias... and he was using it while he was in Japan. There wasn't any comment about the alias itself, so I'm guessing the stupidity of it was unintentional. (BTW, his real name is Chimei Sutoka, which translates to either Well-known Stalker or Fatal Stalker.)

And there's also the things that have been done with the Death Note that made it seem like the author either ignored how the rules worked or misunderstand them.

Thoughts?

I apologize if this isn't the correct thread to post this.

Pharaoh Love, by PiecesBurnUp. So far, seems T but might contain lemon. It's a Yu-Gi-Oh! badfic written by someone who seems to be rather... smitten with Yami Yugi.
Where to begin...
1) This fic apparently gives Tea Gardener cancer and kills her off offscreen so the Sue will be able to pair with the Pharaoh.
2) The fic's SPaG is consistently bad and has tense shifts.
3) The Sue cries a Single Tear.
4) The Sue has an uncanon Millennium Item called, I kid you not, 'millennium belt', which is also a capitalisation-created Mini.
5) The Sue is a five-time duelling champion while still being in school. (Remember: this is a continuum where duelling is as important as the economy and politics. It's like have a highschooler for president multiple times.)
6) The Sue invents a card, gives it a cat-on-keyboard name, makes it Forbidden (which means it's probably OP) and her Spirit Partner for no reason whatsoever.
7) Said Spirit is also quite a jerk, his response to people saying that she can't beat Yugi being calling them idiots.
8) The Sue fails forever at being a Tsundere toward Yami Yugi.
9) The fic contains dumb metaphors and purple writing in general.
10) The fic has a confusing, non-linear episode order.
11) The fic separates Yami Yugi from Yugi's body for no reason.
12) There's also a possible second Sue.
And all of that? From the first three chapters. This needs to die in a fire. Badly.

1. Son of the Abyss » by OfTheHuntandMoon reviews
   Years before the sons of Adam and daughters of Eve discovered Narnia, Jadis had a child. The boy born of fire and ice, the boy carved into a lethal weapon, the boy meant to deceive. Leon. Sent on an epic quest to manipulate the children of Adam and Eve, he deals with more than what he trained for. Lucy/OC/Susan (Love Triangle!) Please read and review!
   Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,247 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 5-19-13 - Published: 5-5-13 - Lucy Pevensie Susan Pevensie
   
   My comment: Suethor asks which of the two we'd prefer Leon with? I'd say neither.
   
   2. Wizards and Werewolves Don't Mix by NINJA-RENKA reviews - Mildly NSFW
   When Fenrir Greyback spends a night with Harry Potter, the last thing he's expecting is to start a relationship with the young wizard. But when Harry turns up pregnant, what is a werewolf to do? MPREG
   Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,941 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 45 - Published: 5-17-13 - Harry P. Fenrir G.
   
   My comment: Minis, OOC, and general WTFery.
   
   3. Kiramir » by Victoriane reviews
   Tenth Walker - Gandalf convinces a former Haradrim assassin to join the Fellowship, but the path of blood and gold calls to her again in the form of the Ring. Will an elf prince help her find the strength to defeat her nature, or will she fall, as so many have? Legomance, obviously.
   Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 60,048 - Reviews: 315 - Favs: 150 - Follows: 217 - Updated: 5-17-13 - Published: 1-19-13 - Legolas Human
   
   My comment: Nine shall be the number of the counting, and the number of the counting shall be nine. Ten shalt thou not count; neither shalt thou count eight (excepting, of course, that thou proceedest to nine). Eleven is right out.
   
   4. Just Give Me a Reason » by Enelya Arcamenel reviews
   Six friends end up in a car crash they die, or do they? For some reason thay end up in middle earth as elves (only one of them) stay as human (only 2) or even as hobbits! (do the math). Aragorn/oc Boromir/oc Legolas/oc Merry/oc Pippin/oc and Frodo/oc
   Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,581 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 5-16-13 - Published: 4-7-13 - Aragorn Legolas
   
   My comment: Ridete Arwen, Asphodel, e Diamond, sul vostri amori infranti...

This...story...hurts...

Noooo... make it go away. This hurts....
Vampires and shampoo and OOC characters... actually, Petunia acting like that might be a complete Character Replacement.
For those who made it to the 2nd chapter: Braking the fourth wall?

Oh glods, when mini-Aragogs appear in the summary you know you're in for something awful.

Also, to save space on the Board could you just hijack the previous badfic reporting thread next time? It'd keep all the badfics in one place. :'D

They had me foaming at the mouth, that is. Use your freaking eyes and read your own work before posting!

Right, this has made my brain hurt so much that I decided to actually study for my finals. Thanks, Pauline.

I've only read the first chapter, and I already want to puke.

Just no. No. IT NEEDS TO DIE!

-Aila

Knowing the series and its fairly whimsical tendencies, Ollivander probably has it accounted for. Or maybe they could have an über-epic two-handed wand that they could spin around like a double lightsaber. Or they could use one with a straight handle, although it would be rather anticlimactic.

I had to look at the comments to really get it >.>

As for an ambidextrous wizard, I don't think which hand you hold the wand in matters. The wand chooses the wizard, and while you have to reverse a scissor to grip it comfortably in the hand opposite the one it's meant for, that doesn't mean you have to get a totally different one.

...Why did I just use scissors in a wand analogy?

I imagine he would be delighted by an unusual and therefore "tricky" customer. ^^ I'm not sure about wand lore in general, but with Harry Potter wands, they seem to be based more on personality of the witch or wizard rather than things like being right or left handed, or ambidextrous. So firemagic is probably right that the question is simply to help start with a smaller selection.

The Harry Potter wiki has some interesting information about wands. Wand Lore and more specifics on the "laws" of wands. This guy actually makes wands, so his lore is probably more general than specific to a fandom, he even has a book about it!

And this forum is for Harry Potter wands, it has a lot of interesting information about wand woods, cores, etc.
*grumbles at my wand woods and their characteristics*

On another note, and apologies if this has been answered, or come up in a mission, I haven't read many Harry Potter missions. I was thinking as I went to answer the question, "If I ever do a Harry Potter mission that ends up in Diagon Ally, I'm going to have my agent go get their own wand." And that left me wondering if that was allowable. So if one's agents were in a Harry Potter mission could they go purchase their own wands? I know several agents have Sue wands they've nicked from defeated Sue's but could an agent buy their own, or for that matter anything else out of wizarding shops, if they had some downtime in Diagon Ally? If so, would they have to be a witch or wizard agent to pull it off, or would it be enough that they were in disguise as a student, and therefore a witch or wizard in world? As to the lack of pay that cause most agents to just pick up free stuff from a Sue over buying it, they could either nick it from the Sue, or if they had a small reserve of their own, we know Gringotts changes money, so it would purely be a problem of whether the world recognized them as magical and therefore Ollivander wouldn't be thrown for a loop when muggles come looking for wands, or if it were possible, but only for witch or wizard agents.

First of all, nobody is truely ambidextrous. There is one hand that is ever so slightly dominant, but for ambidextrous folk, the difference is so slim they hardly notice it. So, perhaps, Ollivander knows a spell that determines the dominant hand.

Another answer is that it truly does not matter which hand you use, but he asks for the comfort of the user. If you could use both hands equally, and are comfortable using either hand, then just grab some wands and we shall find the one for you! Or something like that.

The third is that there are no ambi wizards, and you are doomed to go wandless forever, becoming the Harry Potter equivalent of Rincewind. This is the least likely option of them, but there you go.

Okay, I just got an image of Rambo Potter with dual tommy wands, and it is awesome.

But, all joking aside, I think he would just find a wand that could be used in both hands. I'm certain, being a wand crafter, that he could pull it off - it's never said in-verse that it isn't possible, or that it is possible, leaving the readers to infer what they will.

Well, in the first place 'the wand chooses the wizard'. It always seemed to me like the whole measuring thing was to narrow down the choices. So there are probably sets for right and left handed people, and sets for ambidextrous, and whatnot.

It's not like he just goes 'oh, wait, you use both hands? Get the f*ck out of my store.'

Or maybe he just goes with whichever one you favor? Even with ambidextrous people I'd expect them to have one hand that they use a bit more over the other.