Apr 2013 Archive, part b

I like this idea. But what I would do is sort the pictures by continuum

but I'll share my opinion again, just for posterity's sake.

I don't feel that there's any problem with having lots of Sue pages as long as they're well-written and informative. I found the one that I made fun to write, and actually offered me some new insights into the mission itself.

Also, with needing a certain number of members voting in favor of giving a particular Sue a page, I suspect very few will ever meet that requirement. But I guess that's partly the intention anyway.

I think we'd nearly settled on some kind of nomination process. If I remember right, the plan was that slain Sues could be nominated to have pages by anyone other than the mission's author(s), starting at least a couple of months after the mission's release. I don't think a time frame was decided. Also, a nomination would probably need to be confirmed by some number of other people agreeing with it. I don't know what number would be appropriate, but probably more than a handful, since the idea is that Sues getting pages should be ones that stand out and stick in the community's consciousness, and/or have relevance beyond just one or two people.

~Neshomeh

Welcome back!

As a returning gift have this custom made sword, designed to be wielded by a sheep (don't ask me how, or why).

Nice to see you're back.

Still like sheep?

Have some lemming repellent! Were you there when we discovered the Circle? Well, now you know that a circle of lemmings exists on the internet; it's a cesspool of Suvian scum, and... stuff.

Don't sweat it! You were plenty memorable!

Also! You should come hang out in the chat, the conversation tends to flow more naturally there. It's fun!

Welcommmme baaaaaaack.

Welcome back! :D If you don't want presents, can I at least interest you in some cookies? They're NM&NM. ^_^

WB, Himu, WB.

Another one of us has appeared.

Did you ever get around to writing any stories? If so, post a link so I can read them!

Presents, you say? Well, I certainly don't mind giving gifts! Have a tiny Spinosaurus in a jar! Due to state-of-the-art dimensional sealing and stasis technology, it'll stay dormant and sealed in its small size until the jar's inner casing cracks. Then it grows to its former size, full of as much prehistoric vigor as the day it was packaged! I'd suggest not breaking the jar until you either have enough space to keep the full-sized version fed and active or an enemy shows up that you simply have to throw a dinosaur at.

Hey, welcome back. Here's a top-off for your hydrophobic water canteen.

Don't mind the mess below, there's been a power outage and some nasties have been popping up in HQ while the shields were down. Don't worry though: the Doctor is working on it.

Realistically speaking, the 10kg ball could not transfer all of its momentum to the 1 kg ball: the mass ratio is far too big. Instead, the 10 kg ball will keep on rolling forward at something just under its initial velocity and the 1 kg ball will be sent forward at about 2*v₁.

Source: Hyperphysics website. It's essentially everything you need to know about high school/introductory university physics. Bookmark it!

Here is the information relevant to the question.

CoM says that (duh) momentum is conserved - it doesn't say that a 1kg ball can stop a 10kg ball dead in its tracks. Balls of equal mass exchange velocities in that way; unequal masses don't.

Running via wiki, I find a pair of equations (under 'Elastic collisions') allowing you to determine the final velocity, v(1,2), from the initial velocities u(1,2) and the masses m(1,2). For your 10kg mass, the equation reads:

v1 = ((m1-m2)/(m1+m2))*u1 + ((2*m2)/(m1+m2))*u2

Given that u2 (initial velocity of the smaller ball) = 0, and inputting the other figures, that gives:

v1 = (9/11) * 1 = ~0.82 m/s.
k.e. = 1/2 m1*v1^2 = 3.35 J.

The equation for m2 is the same, except with the subscripts flipped. Running the numbers gives us:

v2 = (20/11) * 1 = ~ 1.82 m/s
k.e. = 1.65 J.

And, of course,

3.35 + 1.65 = 5 J.

Does that answer your question?

(Short version: a bowling ball rolled at a ping-pong ball won't fire the ping-pong ball off into orbit)

hS

Without reading the foot-long thread by people who know more about this than me, I would tentatively say that no, I don't think they are. This Board has sentimental value, and so on...

Last summer, I coded a Board-replacement attempt.
The new software supports browsing both in a "subforum view" , for those who want to do that, and in the usual sort-by-date-posted mode.
It's also got some useful features, like protection from the dialog-box injection style shenanigans that were demonstrated downthread.
The code is located here at GitHub if you want to look at it or try to run it yourself.
Here is a draft release announcement written a while ago that goes into some detail about the new Board's features.

Dann used to have a server up for everyone to play with, but that computer was having some issues last I heard. Dann, if the test Board is up, please post a link.

And finally, here's some screenshots.

If you have any questions, feel free to reply or send me an email.

Last time this topic came up, the majority of people agreed moving was a good idea. And then Dann and Tomash started working on a new board. As far as I can tell, at this point we're basically waiting for that board to be done. Which could possibly take a year or more.

(Also, just about every time this comes up, the majority favors moving. hS even ran a PPC survey thing where one of the questions was about if people would prefer a new board, and the majority said yes.)

And would like to add two more exhibits:

Exhibit 4: A returning oldbie. Unless we came up with some sort of redirect, how would people find us again? Maybe they wouldn't think to check the wiki. We wouldn't want to miss out on a Jay or Acacia return just because we wanted a shinier board.

Exhibit 5: We all know how to work this board, and it's easy for new people to learn how to use. It works well for mobile without having a specific mobile version. Its format is simple and clear.

Basically, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

I offer two pieces of evidence.

Exhibit One: At one point, we actually had a forum-type board: this one. It didn't get used (and appears to be taken over by spambots). The only reason I remember it at all is that it's where the A/V Division stories were posted.

Exhibit Two: Not so very long ago, we tried turning the thread-bumping function of the Board on (since that's the thing people most often complain about). It was... pretty much a disaster, with one gigantic thread of badfic posts dominating the Board until people started telling other people not to link to badfics on the PPC Board. I don't think something which utterly removes the point of this place is a good idea, myself.

What we put in place instead is the current highlighting of 'new replies to old threads', which is actually incredibly useful.

So that's my evidence. Oh, And One More Thing:

Exhibit Three: People who spend all their time on the Board already don't know people who spend all their time in the IRC. I don't think that divide is a good thing, since we're actually trying to maintain a single social space here. Regardless of the intentions of the creators, breaking the Board into sub-forums would, does and will lead to people who only visit certain ones. I don't want the PPC fracturing even more.

... andonemorething:

Exhibit Four: What's the point? The Board is currently moving as fast as I've seen it in a long time, and we've still got nearly two weeks worth of threads on the front page. And no, still-visited threads aren't dropping off (you have to scroll halfway up the page to find a recent reply - KittTheCat's newbie thread), and on the extremely rare occasions where that's actually happened, such as the Badfic Contests, we just start another thread. Splitting into sub-forums would just give us a skein of ultra-low-traffic forums.

On a more personal, non-exhibit note: I like to be able to see what the PPC is thinking just by scrolling down a single page. If I had to click ten times just to see all the post titles (five sub forums, one click in, one click back out), I probably wouldn't do it. And this is me.

hS

Tomash built a prototype a while back that had multiple options - threads were divided into categories, and then it was up to the users if they wanted to see the different categories as different forums, different tags on topics on a single big page, or what have you. It would provide an interface that's a lot like the current Board for people who like it as it sits now, and a forum-like Board for people who prefer that view, along with inbetween options for people who want something between the two.

It would also get us off yourwebapps, which is basically running the Model T of discussion technology.

Subdivisions make everything nice and tidy! If it's one of those boards that require a login, then that's even better because that's a really good spammer deterrent.

Who is going to make one?

I think I prefer the more forum-y board set up, it makes it easier, for me at least, to keep track of new replies. Though I must say, having hung around here for a couple months, it's not as daunting as it first looks like, so I won't be overly disappointed if the board stays here either. :)

Well, I'm not absolutely sure, but since Neshomeh just said it all, I suppose I'll go with her answer... (Bad Neshomeh, stealing my answer :P)

It was decided a while back that we wouldn't spork RPF any more, mostly because it is rather difficult to know if certain actions would be in character for our beloved actors/ writers/ etc. I don't recall exactly when the decision was made, but I think it would've been arould 2010-ish.When I joined in 2008 one of my Agents was in RPF work, and Trojie and Pads were producing quite a few RPF missions themselves.

...and as far as I can figure, the PPC no longer sporks RPF, at least according to the Real World page. (It's mentioned under Missions in this Continuum.)

Then again I'm not exactly a reliable source of information.

Thank you for this!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4870581/1/Crowley-s-Baby

Sadly unfinished, and looks like a deadfic, but nonetheless good for a laugh. Aziraphale finds a baby Cthulhu in Crowley's bathtub. Crowley succumbs to Cuteness Proximity. Hilarity ensues.

Did you read Gaiman's I, Cthulhu story? It's another foray into the Lovecraft universe, and it's just as great a read. It's aiming more for comedy than A Study in Emerald was, so there's not any Sherlock Holmes... oh, I'll just let you read it.
It mistakes Iä! for part of Shub-Niggurath's name and implies that the planet Yuggoth is an eldritch entity, but that's just my Cthulhuverse fandom talking, so don't take that as me disparaging the story itself.

(gasps) A mini-Greater Eldritch! Can I keep him? I've already taken custody of a few minis, but Cthulu just looks so adorable! Or, wait, do you want him? As his creator, you decide who he goes to.

There are OFUs for Doctor Who, yes, but they're all on hiatuses (OFUs are so tricky to write; I should know).

And logistically it's extremely hard to write an OFU for that fandom because there's eleven Doctors, six Masters, countless companions and monsters, and extreme amounts of timey-wimey stuff that tend to contradict each other. If anything, I'd suggest doing what I've done with Sherlock Holmes, and have a Classic Who campus and a New Who campus so we can focus specifically on various areas. The OFU for Doctor Who that I read had separate campuses for Torchwood and Sarah Jane Adventures as well.

One may have been attempted, but if it was, it didn't get far enough to have a mention on the PPC Wikia site, which means it was never very Official at all.
I played with the idea of writing one myself, but I discarded the idea because it would be way too time-intensive and would force me to write six different Masters. No thank you,

We don't really do this anymore. Minis have to come from either a misspelling in a mission to a badfic or from an OFU coordinator. No more random finds from the internet. Or whatever.

I thought you couldn't adopt minis without a mission and/or board post and/or IRC and/or OFU sourcing?

I want Corn Horn!

I think I might have to take Lobdang

Is Han Soto a Zen Buddhist monk?

Have you been making missions that we don't know about? Because, if you are, I'd really like to see what fic creates "Lane Sleazebaggano". That seems far too deliberate to be a mini-creation typo.

This says it's fanfiction for Phineas and Ferb. There is no Phineas and Ferb element in there. None whatsoever. The only fic that I can think of that displaces its supposedly assumed canon more is Wabloo Swabloo, and Wabloo Swabloo is a stain on the entire Internet.

(In case it wasn't clear, don't click on that link unless you are ready to confront what may potentially be what falls out of the English language's nose when it sneezes. No, wait, that's still far too elegant a term to describe Wabloo Swabloo.)

...What did I just read, now?

Okay..... WTF

De flaming heck?

I did go and watch the comedy skit it's apparently based off of, and I guess it's somewhat funny. That doesn't make this funny. I guess it's trying to ask the age-old philosophical question that nobody has ever asked: what if Dave Chapelle wrote Star Trek? Except it's masquerading as a peice of Phineas and Ferb fanfiction. And it fails to answer the question particularily well.

...the author has a thing for panty shots and pulling down panty-hiding clothing. And that this Yar character is his self insert.

Have some sentient scones. I seem to be surrounded by sentient food these days, sorry.

Happy birthday!

I'd like to present you with a special edition of my Atlantian sponge capsules, it's a "Party Tree" set that comes complete with party! (including fireworks by Gandalf)

Wow, two birthdays on the Board! Double portions of virtual cake for everyone!

Have a sack of pebbles and a basket of Bleeprin-berries! :D

Have seventeen cookies and a Portal gun to celebrate! Yay birthday!

Time for the Billy and Mandy Birthday song!

Happy, happy birthday,
It's your happy day!
Happy, happy birthday,
Let's celebrate today!
YAY!

There, now two people have sung you birthday songs!

Have some cake! I messed up on a few quantum shenanigans during the recipe; I tried to make it a cake that became whatever flavor you wanted, but now it's a cake that becomes a random flavor you aren't thinking about when you first open it. Just focus on not getting a duplicate cake and it should be fine.

You and I seem to share a birthday, it would seem.

How about that, huh?

*Passes Marbles*

Have a cake with Bleep'n'ms on it!

Also... wait, you're only seventeen now? That means you're younger than me! My whole worldview has imploded, I thought you were in your early 20s or something!

Here, have a Mystery Crate. It may or may not contain any or all of the following: fireworks, Bleeprin, Bleepka, cake, cookies, Watcher-not-currently-in-the-Water.

Happy birthday, dear Tomash, happy birthday to you!

*confetti explodes. So do Gandalf's fireworks*

Hurrah! It's a party!

Happy birthday, Tomash! Besides the party, I gift you with a fancy chocolate cake that actually tastes good (and can turn into a different cake of your choice if you don't actually like chocolate cake), many presents (that is, a gentle shower of them--wouldn't do to bruise the birthday Boarder!), and a year's supply of Swiss Bleepolate! Enjoy your birthday!

(Also, I feel like you're one of the newbies I never greeted. So...hi, Tomash! Welcome to the Board! My usual gift is Swiss Bleepolate, which I've already given you, so...I'll give you a tribble instead. If you don't know Star Trek, it's a cute, little, purring ball of fluff. Literally. They're very nice, and have a soothing effect on most humanoids. Just don't feed them too much, or you'll end up with a lot of tribble babies!)

~DawnFire

Merry Brandybuck: It's my birthday already?

Queen Mary I of England: Actually, young sir, I believe it is our birthday which is referred to.

Merry Brandybuck: Actually, Lady, I think I'm older than you are. I'm a-

Queen Mary I of England: How darest thou to address us so?! Dost thou not know to whom thou speakest?

Merry Brandybuck: Well, obviously not! You haven't introduced yourself.

Queen Mary I of England: ...

Merry Brandybuck: ...

Queen Mary I of England: We bet thou art a Protestant.

Merry Brandybuck: A whatestant?

Queen Mary I of England: To the gallows with thee! Nay, better - the stake!

Merry Brandybuck: Eep.

[Exit Merry pursued by Mary]

hS

I hope you have a fantastic day of celebrating your birth! For a gift, I give you one official Fanon Pinkie Pie Party. Trust me, it does not matter what fandom you are in, no party beats a Fanon Pinkie Pie Party, as Pinkie is removed from the restrictions of being in a show for little girls and is alowed to just go all out! Don't worry, there will be plenty of cake. And streamers. And whatever else you can think of actually!

Have some cake. Unfortunately, it tastes almost, but not quite, entirely unlike real cake, but it's the thought that counts, right?

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, then. Since I'm not sure what kind of cake you like, have some stuff.

That was detailed. But all good points, I agree that in their attempt to expand Faramir, they only made him worse. It's honestly impossible for me to talk about movies to anyone not directly in front of my face, though. I could go on for hours.
Relating more to the PPC itself, what has the first part of The Hobbit done to the badfic community?Judging from what the three LotR movies did, I can't expect anything good. I suppose it's harder to lust over dwarves, but I worry for Fili and Kili's safety... On top of all the other very scary varities of fanfiction that just shouldn't happen.

It'll be basically an entire day of Middle-earth. My inner fangirl is squealing.

I personally can understand what they were doing with Arwen's inclusion and all the other additions of female characters into the films aside from the canon roles - most of the books are, after all, predominantly a sausagefest, and in modern times inclusiveness is in (or you get Tumblr crazies shouting "THE HOBBIT IS A SEXIST PILE OF ORC-DUNG BECAUSE THERE AREN'T ANY LADIES IN IT" because really, I don't think I saw a single female with lines in the pages of that book).

And as for other changes - well, Peter Jackson seems to function on the rule of Why Not. Stone giants did exist in the Hobbit, but Peter took it and ran away with it and made the Misty Mountains far more dangerous than it should be (falling off a stone giant in your sleep, much? And if the giants were part of the mountain, does that mean orcs live inside them like parasitic maggots? What happens if the giants relocate?). That's just one example, though.

I enjoyed the films as films in their own right, having seen them long after the DVDs came out and such. I suppose now that PJ has the money to really get down to the details in the Hobbit, he's just really... ran off with the story. I look forward to future installments, but I will admit some parts of the Hobbit were just horribly paced and I wonder why they didn't keep it to two films. Three seems a bit overkill.

I like McCoy as Radagast. The bunny sled sounds like something the Doctor would do.

...but have owned the special extended editions of the LotR movies ever since they came out. The Ride of the Rohirrim is possibly my favorite piece of music in a movie ever. Stuff like Evil!Faramir and giving Treebeard some of Tom Bombadil's lines (yes, really) still annoys the heck out of me though. Oh, and leaving out the Scouring of the Shire and killing Saruman off in Isengard (just before Pippin picks up the Palantir) was VERY BAD. The only thing worse I can imagine is making a Silmarillion movie (which is probably never going to happen) and leaving out the Oath. *knocks on wood*

I think we're pretty much in lock-step about the LotR trilogy. The first one had some unexpected changes, but overall was pretty awesome and had me looking forward to the next... which crushed my soul. I, too, am still angry about Faramir—though at one point I read a very convincing essay stating that it was actually Frodo they messed up the most, and that Faramir acted the way he did because Frodo lied to him and was acting all cagey about why he was there, which was not the case in the books.

Also, the episode on the steps of Cirith Ungol bears out that theory. The real Frodo would never have done that to poor Sam. I actually cried at that, not because it was sad, but because it was so, so very wrong. {= (

That happened in RotK if I'm not horribly mistaken, so... while it's better than TTT because it has all the awesome stuff you mentioned (and I love the lighting of the beacons, too), I'd still rank it below FotR. There was too much implausible!Legolas and comic relief!Gimli, among other things that made it feel not quite right.

All in all, the bad things about the films rankle so much because they got the atmosphere mostly right. The music is awesome, the scenery is awesome, the costumes are awesome, the casting is awesome... but they had to go and mess with the characters and the story. *headdesk*

I haven't seen the fan films. Will have to investigate. I second the jealousy about you having castle ruins to play in, though. {; P

As for The Hobbit, as you know, we diverge somewhat. >.>

Having learned my lesson since LotR, I went into it more inclined to judge it as a film for its own sake than as an adaptation, since people seem to have a better time that way. Unfortunately, "as a film" is where I have some big problems with it.

It was nice to see some of the familiar things again, and I did get a warm fuzzy feeling when they played the Shire theme, and the Fellowship theme. It wore off somewhat when they didn't stop using those themes, though. I can't recall any original music apart from the Lonely Mountain song, which is awesome, and I liked it every time they used it again (including the end credits), but I really wanted more original scoring, less variation on the themes we'd heard before.

As for the rest, I thought the pacing was a mess, which prevented me from being able to enjoy the ride consistently. A lot of scenes dragged on too long and got boring, even some of the chase scenes. The one getting into Rivendell comes to mind—it felt too much like the one in Rohan for me, so it wasn't fresh or interesting, plus the problem with orcs/goblins/whatever running around in daylight, and Radagast on a bunny-sled. (I'm just glad no one fell into the river for a silly dream sequence this time.) Also the ones getting out of and away from the Misty Mountains. The chase under the mountains felt like one of those amusement park rides where you're in a theater and the seats are supposed to move to simulate an actual ride, and you get sprayed with water and stuff, only without all that, so it wasn't actually thrilling. Then, I felt like I was waiting forever for the Eagles to show up, and I know that's metagaming, but still, how long did they spend up those trees, while their leader was getting beaten up?

I also felt like they couldn't make up their mind whether the movie was supposed to be a comedy for kids, or a more-serious telling of the story that would fit nicely with the LotR trilogy. The quality, number, and choice of CG effects contributes to this. They also made it harder for me to suspend my disbelief and enjoy the story.

None of that is going to keep me from seeing the next ones, though. I'm still a Tolkien fan, even if a very disappointed and not particularly hopeful one at this point. At the very least, I think seeing the movies in the theater gives them the best possible chance of inspiring awe and wonder and other good things, which I would love to get from them. I just don't know if that's going to happen.

~Neshomeh

...because I watched the first two over the weekend and am in the process of watching Return of the King now. I've not read the books, despite having them, but after I've finished watching this and The Hobbit, I'll go back and read them all to see how they're different.

But while I'm here, I've fallen in love with this series. I usually can't stand long things, but after more than seven hours (why did I watch the extended editions?), I'm still not bored, somehow. The scenery is pretty, the soundtrack is pretty, Gandalf is pretty, the Balrog was pretty... Gimli is just plain adorable.

Anyway, I need to get back to the films. Gandalf just took Pippin to Minas Tirith. *munches on popcorn*

I'm rather excited for the next two Hobbit movies. The fact that the book was made into three movies seems to be a positive thing to me, since it means there's going to be enough time for everything.

The original trilogy was a bit of a disappointment in terms of loyalty to the original story, yes, but I can understand why they made things the way they were. Making a movie, even a three-hour-long movie, requires some cutting of content. Working with a different medium, one visual in nature, also requires some changes to the story. With Hobbit Part 1, they had to give the movie some sort of conflict other than Smaug, since Smaug wouldn't be showing up until the next movie ((and I keep wanting to spell Smaug as "Smaugh" and I don't know why :C)).

I'm trying to say that I think the movies are amazing on their own, and could stand alone if needed, and I am totally up for the 8-movie marathon. I'll bring the cookies.

I have little to say on the overall topic other than intertwined squeeing and grumbling. I will nitpick the films till the cows come home, no doubt about it, but the overall story and the sheer beauty of the films have endeared them to me deeply. (My family knows what I'll be wanting for my birthday/Christmas whenever the DVDs are released.)

Regarding The Hunt for Gollum and Born of Hope, I have seen both and was extremely impressed with the quality given they are low-budget, fan-made films. Born of Hope, especially, has almost the same kind of quality that we came to see on Peter Jackson's own films (minus the bits of CGI, which weren't quite so good). The costumes (and prosthetics, the orcs were awesome!), the acting, the combat scenes, the consideration given to the storyline... it was very, very moving. And it shows Elladan and Elrohir! *squee!* They were very good. (Yes, okay, the film wedged in a bit of unrequited love, but I have to admit I sort of liked that.)

The Hunt for Gollum wasn't quite as good, in my opinion, mostly because Aragorn was too well-groomed. it's an odd thing to pick up on, I know, but he just wasn't quite scruffy enough to be convincing.

I'd still recommend them both to anyone who hasn't seen them.

My immediate thought is lucky you, getting to play hide-and-seek in the ruins of a castle. Not that I didn't have a few cool places to play hide-and-seek as a kid, but the principle remains the same.

I've also been trying to pretend that the oozing goblin king never existed, with varying degrees of success. But overall, there were only two points at which my family had to threaten to take me out of the theater during the Hobbit.

1)When I had a conniption fit about Orcs chasing Thorin and co. IN DAYLIGHT even before they got to Rivendell, when that undermines lines that they actually left IN the trilogy movies about west of Rivendell being mostly safe, and completely undermining the subtlety of the point about the Trolls, also rendering the escape from the goblins' mountain annoyingly stupid (they got as far as they did because the goblins didn't want to go out in the sun...)

2)The Gandalf/Galadriel shipping. You know the stuff. In the middle of the council scene. Yeah, it was nice to see her again, nice to see the council operating (though, they could have been less blatantly obvious about Saruman being evil: someday somebody might actually want to watch this series in chronological order, and they threw away a good chance for people to actually feel shocked and betrayed which just wasn't there in the books,) but her and Gandalf? Leaving aside the fact that she's a married elf and that the Maiar just... don't? Honestly, the introduction of Thorin's pretty dwarf girl of the past should have been enough shipping for one movie. (Dear Peter Jackson: you already have an enormous female fanbase for Lord of the Rings, and adding in random romances is not the only way to make a primarily action movie appeal to women.)

I used to be somewhat afraid of the Rankin Bass one. (Don't blame me, the anatomy-fail is fairly obvious...)

Did you know...that this part is nearly twice the length of the last one? Which, in its turn, was nearly twice the length of the first one? If these keep doubling, we'll end up with a novella.

Not that that's a bad thing...

So, without further ado: Part 3!

Actually I'm going to ado just a little bit more, in a disclaimer. I don't own any of these canon characters. I also don't own any of the canon species. Furthermore, I don't even own the PPC! (Much less the various canons and fanfics referenced here). But, lovely people that you are, you probably knew this already, so...I shall stop adoing now and let you read on. Enjoy!

--

Part 3: “We need to find that meatloaf!”

Dawn scowled at her ragtag band of two Hunters, a supernatural creature, a teenaged witch, and a metafictional writer. She was not at all happy about DawnFire’s summary of the events taking place in HQ right now: the meatloaf was bad enough when it wasn’t a giant, people-eating monster. There was a reason she tended to avoid it (besides being vegetarian, that is). And, of course, she was stuck trying to lead a group that had Dean Winchester in it; and of course he insisted on leaving the safety (relative) of RC 18 and going to find the monster—because, apparently, an angel was an angel, and therefore Castiel was at risk. Dawn was a little more worried about how to send all the cats back home, and couldn’t even be bothered to add the moment to her list of moments that could be Destiel in nature.

And even worse, Hermione had regained her voice and her confidence, and was staying busy asking questions of DawnFire, who was doing her best to answer and not just stare at the Polyjuiced canon character. In between answers, however, she glanced around nervously. Dawn might have sympathized, or made some gesture of comfort or solidarity, if she had been less angry with the situation and less stressed by Dean’s demands.

Several corridors later, Sam had joined Hermione in questioning DawnFire, who was now fighting a losing battle with the staring, even in the dim light. After several minutes of conversation—during which Sam’s expression turned from politely curious to slightly uncomfortable and then shifted through the spectrum to confused—he lengthened his stride and caught up to Dean, frowning.

“Dean. Dean, this place…”

“Sam unless it’s a death trap, I don’t want to hear it. We’ve got to focus on finding Cas before the meatloaf does.”

“Dean, DawnFire says this is a story she was writing.”

This caught Dean’s attention. “What, you mean she’s a prophet? Dude, we don’t have time for this.”

“She’s not a prophet,” Dawn cut in. She glanced nervously around a corner, and decided it looked safe enough; the Laws of Narrative Comedy took note, and snickered. “She’s just a Boarder. It’s very meta, but she sort of created me and a bunch of other agents, only we’re sentient and she chronicles us more than she controls us, really, but—” she stopped in the middle of ‘it’s still the creepiest idea ever’, and blinked several times.

“Er,” said the chubby, blond man in the tartan suit. He had a pronounced English accent, and had just rounded a different corner. He was also apparently talking to himself. “Oh dear. It’s so dreadfully grey in here, isn’t it?” He spotted Dawn, and smiled. “Oh, hello! Are you also lost?”

Dawn stared. “Um,” she said. “Uh, these are not the droids you are looking for?”

“What?” Sam gave her an odd look, and smiled tentatively at the newcomer. “Hi. Uh, sorry about her, she can be a bit strange. I don’t think we’re lost…”

“Wonderful!” The blond man beamed at them. “Then perhaps you could direct me to the way out? I should really be getting back to my bookshop.”

“Wait, bookshop?” DawnFire stared more closely at the unidentified man, who looked back innocently. “You’re—wow, you’re actually Aziraphale, aren’t you? How did you get here? Was it another plothole?”

Aziraphale stared at her. “Plothole? My dear, are you feeling quite well?” He paused, frowning. “And how is it you know my name? I don’t believe we’ve met…”

“Smite you, in the face?” Dawn offered, then shook herself out of it. “Sorry. Seriously, Aziraphale? How many angels do we have to deal with?”

“Wait, he’s an angel?” Dean demanded. He pointed at the British bookseller. “Seriously? Him?”

“Oh, just because he’s not from your home canon,” Dawn snapped.

“Aziraphale is a fictional angel,” Hermione pointed out. “He’s from a book called Good Omens. Now, I understand that the Protectors of the Plot Continuum protect canons, but he shouldn’t be here, should he?”

“The Protectors of the Plot Continuum?” Aziraphale repeated. “Good heavens, is that where I am?”

Dawn stared at him. “Please tell me you don’t know who we are.”

“Well, no,” the angel admitted. “The name does sound rather familiar, though.” He was about to continue, when a man in a black suit and snakeskin books ran around a third corner and barrelled into him.

“Good Lord!” Aziraphale exclaimed. He untangled himself from the small heap that had accidentally been formed, and stared. “My dear, wherever have you been?”

“Meatloaf,” babbled the newcomer. He accepted Aziraphale’s hand, and let the angel pull him to his feet. “Giant. Growling. Couldn’t stop it.”

Aziraphale frowned. “Crowley, are you feeling quite all right?”

“Wait, Crowley?” Dean said. “That’s not Crowley.”

The newest addition to the group turned, presumably glaring at Dean through his sunglasses. “I’ve been A. J. Crowley for six thousand years, thank you very much.”

“Since when does Crowley have initials?” Sam muttered to Dean. “Or wear sunglasses?”

“Wait,” DawnFire said. To her credit, she barely stuttered; of course, it was possible she had simply gone into a mild case of shock. “Did you—you ran into the meatloaf monster?” She shuddered.

“Yeah.” Crowley straightened his suit jacket and tie, looking rather haunted. “It wouldn’t listen when I tried to talk to it, and blowing it up didn’t work either, so I ran. Look, I’m not suicidal,” he added defensively. “Who knows how long being discorporated would last here? Wherever here even is?”

“Not too long,” Dawn said, “Medical could probably patch you up. Say, you didn’t happen to notice any working lights, did you?”

Crowley just stared at her. “Is that a trick question?”

“Oh, do you normally have better lighting?” Aziraphale asked. He looked at Crowley, and sighed. “My dear, you’ve forgotten your hair.”

“What?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Are you—you’re kidding me, right? Come on, we’ve got an angel to find.” He stalked past the Good Omens characters, scowling. Sam followed him with a somewhat awkward smile that tried to convey ‘What can I do? He’s my brother. And he’s right.’

“Are you mad?” Hermione exclaimed. She hurried after the departing Winchesters. “We can’t split up! There’s a monster on the loose!”

“Yeah, and it eats angels,” Dean retorted. “So if I can find it—”

“It doesn’t eat all sorts of angels, DawnFire said—”

Sam coughed. “Actually, DawnFire said it eats everything.”

“Ok, can we not talk about Prophet Girl right now?” Dean snapped. “We need to find that meatloaf!”

DawnFire sighed. Dawn rolled her eyes, and started walking, trailing the Boarder, two demons, and an angel. It was one of the oddest processions she’d ever been part of.

“If it helps,” DawnFire said quietly, mostly to herself, “the meatloaf’s name is Slorp.”

Judging by Crowley’s face, the only thing she had helped was his building case for proving her insanity. “It’s a meatloaf.”

“It’s a sentient meatloaf made out of Sues,” DawnFire corrected. She then considered this, and grimaced in disgust.

“I really do think you’re overreacting,” Aziraphale interjected. “I mean, it’s a bit silly, really, isn’t it? A giant meatloaf monster?”

Dawn grinned at him. “Welcome to the PPC.”

DawnFire laughed half-heartedly, glancing into the numerous shadows. Meg rolled her eyes, and quickened her pace to catch up with the Winchesters and Hermione.

“If it helps,” Dawn told her writer, “we know what places to avoid, and we’re a team of two Hunters, two demons, a witch, an angel, and an Assassin. I’d say we’re pretty well prepared.”

“Hermione’s twelve years old, Polyjuiced, and lacking a wand,” DawnFire retorted. “And the Winchesters think I’m a prophet. I get the feeling we’re going to need Cas to set them straight.” She shook her head. “Seriously, this day…well, it’s not going the way I planned.”

“At least you didn’t run into a giant meatloaf,” Crowley muttered, and was patted sympathetically on the back by Aziraphale.

“There, there,” the angel said soothingly. Crowley glared.

“You don’t believe me.”

“I’m sure it was very frightening,” the angel said.

“It was,” the demon replied.

“Even if it does sound rather silly,” Aziraphale continued.

“Exact—” Crowley stopped talking, and eyed the angel suspiciously. “It was enormous!”

“I’m sure it was,” Aziraphale replied calmly.

“And it stank!”

“I’m sure it did.”

“Angel, it tried to eat me!”

Aziraphale gave him a stern look. “My dear, don’t you think you might be exaggerating a little?”

“Ssso you don’t believe me?” Crowley demanded. “It wasss real, angel.”

DawnFire surreptitiously moved closer to Dawn; the hissing was a good deal more unnerving to hear than it was to read. Aziraphale just sighed. “Crowley, think about what you said. A giant meatloaf monster?”

“Named Slorp,” Dawn put in. DawnFire noted that she seemed almost to be enjoying herself now.

“Meatloafssss don’t have namessss!” Crowley shouted. DawnFire flinched, suddenly hoping that the demon’s sunglasses stayed where they were: she didn’t think she could take golden snake eyes in a human face on top of the hissing and the canon characters and the danger of Slorp roaming the halls. “They’re ssssupossssed to be food! Bad food, but ssstill food! Not giant monssterssssss!”

“Crowley, calm down,” Aziraphale said firmly. “You’re scaring the poor girl.”

“I’m ssscaring her?” Crowley spun around to glare at the angel, ignoring the looks he was getting from the faster-walking group. “Angel, she knowsss about the meatloaf! What if she’sss controlling it?”

“Now, I’m sure she’s not—” Aziraphale began, but was cut off by a new, also English-accented, voice.

“Not to be rude,” it said, “but why, exactly, are you shouting about meatloaf?”

The four beings turned around.

“Actually,” the man in the jumper continued, “I suppose a better question would by ‘why are you shouting about someone controlling a meatloaf’, but, well. Um.”

DawnFire stared, and clutched at Dawn’s arm. She tried to say something, but couldn’t quite find the words.

“If you had listened better, John,” said the man who had just followed man in the jumper around the corner, “you would know that he was shouting about a ‘giant meatloaf monster’ named ‘Slorp’.” He considered this. “That does sound rather silly, doesn’t it? Also, if you had paid more attention, you might have noticed the inconsistent scorch marks on the walls, most likely caused by a flamethrower. Wherever we are, time and space don’t seem to be nailed down.” He came to a halt next to John, and surveyed the quartet. “Now. Who are all of you, and why do you not care that your companions have disappeared?”

“Wha—buh—Sherlock,” DawnFire finally managed to squeak. Dawn sighed. “And, and—and John.”

“What?” Aziraphale eyed the newcomers with sudden interest. “From Conan Doyle’s books? Surely not.”

John glanced up at his friend. “You see, Sherlock? Even here, wherever here is, people read my blog.”

“Oh, shut up,” Sherlock retorted.

“Can we maybe go back to avoiding the meatloaf?” Crowley snapped. Sherlock frowned slightly at him.

“You’ve stopped hissing,” he observed.

“Wait, our companions have disappeared?” Dawn frantically looked at where the Winchesters, Hermione, and Meg had been, and started to swear…PPC-style. “Flaming Denethor! They could be anywhere!”

“Wouldn’t they just be around the corner?” John pointed out.

“Not in HQ!” Dawn set off at a fast walk. “This is awful! The SO’s going to kill me when we get the power back, isn’t he. How have we managed to lose so many canon characters?”

“It wasn’t really your fault,” DawnFire offered. Behind them, Aziraphale and Crowley sighed, and followed. Behind them, Sherlock Holmes and John Watson exchanged glances.

“Follow them?”

Sherlock shrugged. “We might as well.” The two started walking, and quickly caught up. “You,” the consulting detective said. “Crowley, was it?”

“What’s it to you?” the demon snapped.

“Your hair has slime in it. I thought you might want to know. Unless you decided it would make a good fashion change from your usual slimeless look?”

Crowley blessed, and miracled the slime away.

“Neat trick,” John commented. “Don’t suppose you could teach me how to do that? Might help with cleaning out the teapot after this one’s been at it.”

Crowley glared at the ex-soldier. “Are you a demon?”

John blinked. “Not that I’m aware of, no.”

“Then no, I can’t.”

John stared at him, decided he wasn’t joking, and coughed nervously. “Right. I’ll just…” He made some sort of gesture with his right hand, and edged away. Crowley stalked on, glaring into the shadows as though any of them might conceal carnivorous meatloaf.

Aziraphale smiled awkwardly at the Sherlock characters, thought better of making excuses for Crowley, and instead hurried to catch up with Dawn and DawnFire.

*

In another part of HQ, a Klingon was examining a note.

“‘Tonight will be a night of terror’,” he read, and frowned. “PPC HQ has no nights.”

“If I remember correctly, it’s a quote,” his partner said. She was a young brunette who stood almost a full foot shorter than the smooth-faced Klingon. She scanned the note again, and then started to look around.

“What are you looking for?”

The woman turned to give him a small smile. “It’s going to sound silly, but…a lamppost.”

“A lamppost?” The Klingon followed her, folding the note and placing it in a pocket as he went. “Reader, I have never seen a lamppost in HQ.”

“Well, one would be useful right around now,” the Reader replied. “What with the Blackout, and all, I mean. Kosar, distract me.”

The Klingon sighed. “I was once assigned to a mission in Narnia where killing the Sue was not enough to release the canon. Susan had been possessed by a secondary Sue-wraith, and I was forced to hit her head against the lamppost in order to force it out.”

“You…” The Reader turned and stared at him. “You slammed Susan’s head against the lamppost? Really?”

Kosar shrugged. “I was alone, and lacked a canon source. The lamppost was the closest thing.”

“But—” The Reader winced. “The lamppost. Really. Why wasn’t your partner with you?”

“I had no partner. This occurred some time before we met.”

“Yes, but you had a partner before that, didn’t you?”

Now it was Kosar’s turn to wince. “I did, yes, but this was after I left her.”

“Oh, right, the tribble problem.” The Reader turned a corner, trailing an annoyed Klingon.

“You mock me again. Those—creatures—are parasites, Reader. They—” He stopped.

“Well, what do you know,” the Reader said softly. “A pair of Assassins, hanging upside-down from a lamppost.”

“You were expecting to find this.”

“Well, it does fit with the quote,” the Reader replied. She examined the agents, head tilted to one side. “The question is, who has decided to imitate Holy Musical B@man? And why are they doing it in HQ?”

To be continued!

--

End notes: Good Omens was published in 1990, hence Hermione's knowledge of it. I also seem to be utterly insane; I'm writing for the first time in the following fandoms: Supernatural, Good Omens, Sherlock, and I don't even know what else, but that's already a lot. Hope everyone's in character, let me know if something seems off...

And yes. This is now SuperWhoLockOmens+all the cats' canons and the Potterverse. How crazy-awesome is that?

~DawnFire

Deleted Scenes. Featuring a game of Cluedo and a Time Lord Academy Reunion. Sorta.

Wow, this thing really is writing itself. XD

And Rumbleroar. RUMBLEROAR. YOU BROUGHT IN RUMBLEROAR. And Catmione. Yessss.

Someone really should bring in Sherlock for the Superwholock.

And then I found it here! This makes it more convenient, at any rate.

Wait, Castiel has meta-knowledge, too? Is he going to be reading the Slorp interlude while everyone else is running around HQ, so that he knows exactly when the lights are going to go back on? And perhaps more importantly, is he going to end up playing Cluedo with the Doctor and Omicron?
That would be the best board game ever played.

So, a symptom of plot hole imminence is inability to stop posting to the Board? Any of us could be next!

If Sherlock Holmes finds his way in we'll have SuperWhoLock!

I agree with hS that some parts were slightly confusing, especially with the author avatar confusion, but it was overall extremely enjoyable. Will they try to get rid of Slorp before the Doctor does? The monster did rampage through various bits of HQ, after all.

Agent Mmrrowl says... well, actually he says 'Pprt?', but I think he means 'Hey, why wasn't I... actually, I think I'm quite happy not to have been there'.

I enjoyed this... although I was very confused in places, and the fast pace didn't let that go away. And, oh yeah: former-Agent Lou has something to say.

{Hi. Didn't we talk before? Anyway - that got pretty meta, didn't it? Your avatar-agent ends up talking to your avatar-avatar... but then, avatar-DawnFire has a tribble, which isn't normal in the Real World, which means... DawnFire, have you been triple nesting your avatars?

You know what this means, of course. It's:

TIME FOR AV
________>
_____┤
_____>
ИOI┴dᴲϽɺ

Hope you brought your totem... ~Lou}

Also also wik - the most hilarious thing to me is that the original blackout - the Board turning black for a day - was just a spur-of-the-moment April Fool's joke on my part. Given how much has come out of it, I clearly need to spur moments more often...

hS