Sep 2012 Archive, part c

You'd like to save her, too? Oh, that makes me so happy! Of course my pair will do everything within their power - though I warn you, she'll need some therapy.

It was excellent! Thanks for volunteering again!

By the way, you need to go ahead and make Agent pages. You too, Lilac. And Crimson, as well.

You'll probably find out at some point. I have plans for Mike, yes I do...

Anyway, the reason I didn't show what happened (apart from the fact that NOT showing it meant I could have funny dialogue instead) is that, relative to how she would be in a Nasuverse fic, Joan is honestly not that impressive. She's very limited in terms of what she can afford to do, because she doesn't have access to a power source. If I ever do a Nasu fic, I'll probably write the full combat.

(On the DOWN side, I now have to live up to expectations of awesome. Bugger.)

According to him, the very idea that he is female is what was so bad about it. He's rather fond of his gender.

...That sounded better in my head...

We left the NSFW bits out of the mission (they happened off-screen, as it were), so it shouldn't be too bad...

Just one question though, should we be able to nominate Sues from our own missions, or should it be that other people do the nominating?

I only ask because you mentioned having a waiting time to make sure they're memorable enough to be placed on the Wiki (which I think sounds perfectly reasonable), and I would think that the author(s) of a mission are going to remember the Sue for a while anyway, just because of the amount of time/effort it takes to write a mission.

Nominations (with reasons) and then a vote does seem like the best way to do this.

Even with guidelines and common sense, people just have different opinions. We had guidelines and common sense when we cleaned out the Sue pages and we disagreed on some Sues. Not wildly, not passionately, but we still had debates and votes about some of them.

And I actually think we will get more Sue pages this way. Rather than people thinking 'Should I add this Sue? Is he/she notable? He/she probably isn't. I better not.' they can now ask on the Board and maybe get an affirmative.

...of nominations. I think the waiting period is important, too.



P.S. Hi Nesh!

Pretty much any bonsaimallorn3 or 4 link is defunct at this point. This is the active link to that particular story... I'll go and fix it.

hS, bad webmaster

..."The exact process for adding pages to this category is currently under evaluation. Please bear with us and hold off on making more Sue pages for the time being. Thanks!"

We also, very, very explicitly deleted Sues only significant because of their impact on agents- that was one of the reason there were so many pages in the first place.

...is that it is uncommon.

Also, the Pern Sues were a big struggle, but the conclusion the 'committee' (all three of us) and Nesh reached was that those particular Sues were not by themselves notable- just good examples of what makes a Pern Sue.

As far as the barely used continuum Sue things go, well, we didn't actually have to make judgement on that when we were deleting them, but my personal opinion is that just being from such a continuum is not uniqe.

I'm in agreement on pretty much the rest of your points, but I think clear guidelines, or some kind of outside judgement, would be needed. Perhaps a nomination process, since that does not establish anything hierarchic.

What about having a charge list above a certain number? Also, do Intelligence Reports count as being multi-mission?

I'd also add 'Sues who inadvertently contribute something to the PPC continuity', like how Alexis Gilmore and Tabitha Watson more or less helped confirm that BBC!Holmes knows of the PPC by stuffing him into a plothole and replacing him with Stulock.

No more faking out boarders by changing my name on here: I couldn't get rid of it! *Hangs head in shame*

We'll -throw- marshmallows at you, and -welcome- back, that is. I haven't been awake for more than a few minutes...

I plan to return to the IRC, yes. I missed you guys too, sorry I just disappeared like that.

I don't know a huge amount about Kingdom Hearts myself, but just based on reading the first few chapters I'd say you're probably not overreacting.

First off you've got a Girl Who Falls Into Middle Earth Kingdom Hearts, and while it isn't the classic walk through a plothole to get there, the bodyswap thing is pretty daft, and most of the later explanations of the mechanics of the 'curse' seem to contradict the earlier info.

There's also some extra Artefacts of Power floating around, in the form of the Book and the Rose, one of which the Sue has taken. And then there's the Chosen One-esque title 'Guardian of Dawn', something Liz was apparently destined to become, despite being born in a different dimension. Honestly, the coincidences are really starting to pile up here.

There were a bunch of other little things as well: Ven listening to World One bands is a bit of a stretch, even more so seeing as they all seem to be Liz's favourite bands too, and that bit with Liz's mum and Harry Potter...

I'd say you were dealing with a Sue, Maybe not the worst one out there, but a Sue nonetheless.

... but I'd be willing to help out on a group mission if that's possible.

There are fifteen other stories by the same author all with similar grammar.

I just read the authors bio on the OCs. I need it. I really, really need it.

'Fraid I'm a bit weird and dislike chocolate. Shocking I know.

We're not supposed to kill the guy. We're supposed to make fun of his writing. Relax ...

Mine come from various missions I've done. Except for some of those Nanoha minis, but that mission is pretty much done, so I thought I'd put them up here.

... a Technical Errors badfic I reported, but was taken down before it got sporked.

In fact, technically they're more OFU territory than PPC, since it was Miss Cam who came up with them first. So you technically don't need a mission, or even an agent in said continuum, to have a mini type.

(Also, I don't think the protocol is massively strict; I have a mini hnakra from Out of the Silent Planet, Hyio, around somewhere, and that's never had a mission or an OFU, or even a large fanbase.)

...for my next mission.
And I may move them into the Modern Baker Street Fanfiction Academy, so they don't necessarily have to be up for grabs right now.

Y'know, it took me a moment to realize that was an easily-done typo of 'Ron' and not a badly-mangled 'Lupin'. Also, I charge myself guilty of having to Google 'Rosemerta' to be sure it was actually a misspelling.

No, seriously, tell me you like my hat! I like my hat! EVERYONE should like my hat! -goes off for another hour about the awesomeness of the party hat-

I look forward to writing them! Although Caroline and Veralyn probably do not look forward to living them...

Ooo! Fruit cupcakes~ -snags one, wolfs it down whole-

Sfank you! -crumbs spray everywhere; really, where are my manners?-

YES! -does a happy dance until the stupid lamp gets in the way-

I wondered about the over description, too. I guess that'll just be something for me to work on to improve my writing (so that the agents no longer streak through HQ. -cackle-)

Oops! I think that left-out period might be hiding in my sock drawer somewhere...

Any compliment/criticism is a welcome one!

And no self-respecting MLP fic should involve child murder. -weeps-

I'm sorry - when I added my approval of what VixenMage was proposing, I didn't know anything about what's gone on in the past year. I still only know odds and ends of it.

I don't even know anything about mods or DA's or whatever - I saw something that seemed to make sense to me and agreed with the logic I saw in it. But that wasn't fair - to you or anyone else who's a mod. Not when I know squat about the setting. So...I'm sorry if my agreeing, along with everyone else's, made you feel unwanted.

Good luck wherever you go now, and don't forget about us, yeah?

I definitely didn't have in mind to target you (or Plat) when I said I like the idea of rotating people in and out. You both seem to handle it well. I've seen people get stressed before and (not that I'd ever be in a DA position but if I were) I'd be stressed if I was stuck in the position permanently and I'd want to rotate out to alleviate that, so my support of that was me projecting how I'd feel in the position onto the position and this vote.

I'm sorry if I made either of you feel like I was saying you are or have been doing a bad job.

I'm sorry - that you're leaving, that this message upset you, that I made you feel unwelcome, that I made you feel targeted. I'm sorry. I have no problem with the job you've been doing as a mod. Why would I? As you point out, you've never used the mod powers at all, that I've ever seen. I mean. For what it's worth, you were better at the modding than I was at the DAing.

Considering what's been said between us in the past about authority, maybe this thread seems like a continuation of arguments that happened a year ago, maybe longer. I didn't mean it to be. I'm sorry; it honestly was not meant as an attack.

It's been cool having you around, and good luck anywhere you wind up.

I have a pair of thoughts...

Firstly, we tend to not see each other much, because I'm at work until well after midnight GMT, and then it's an hourlong commute home. Yay, eight-hour time difference.

Secondly, I will personally hunt down and shoot anyone who says that I'm exempt from elections. I am definitely not the only Boarder who knows how to drive an IRC channel - and if push comes to shove, we can always give someone powers to fix things that need fixing. Or copy-pasta commands, or some other ridiculously contrived system. Or just read the documentation.

So, that said - take care, etcetera. You've been solid and great fun.

You may be gone, but you won't be forgotten, boss. The PPC's fear of a lightning strike of moderation may be a bit much, but you were always pretty good. Your dedication was patriotic, and I'll snake my way into the gears to keep everything turning.

...shagohod.

Your steps for dealing with harassment sound logical, thorough, and most likely effective. It's very important to have some form of hotline, I think, and just as important to have steps 3 and 4. I think most hurt feelings come about due to misunderstandings or ignorance of how one person's actions are affecting another person's feelings, and both of those can be dealt with much more effectively through mediation than letting them fester until they explode all over the Board. Obviously not in all situations, as some people are just jerks and intent on remaining jerks, which is why there is a step 5.

In the case of those intent on being jerks, there are the guidelines in the constitution for how to deal with them. I would suggest that if one of those consequences must be activated that a summary post made by the mediator/mediators (maybe by the Nameless Mediator) stating as neutrally as possible, "Person X has been banned for breaking Rules 2, 5, and 8 of the PPC Constituion. This was handled with all due process through the Harassment Hotline and this was the last available measure. All involved parties have already been informed of the consequences. Details are being withheld to protect the privacy of involved parties"

That way the Board is notified as to why Person X is no longer around, and says clearly that there is no cause for drama to erupt, because the situation has already been dealt with.

Okay, it might be wishful thinking on my part to think that no one would get dramatic over such a thing, but it is at least an attempt, and a clear statement that the situation is under control.

*Your description of mods and DA's here makes perfect sense to have two separate entities, especially with the technical side of the mod's duties. I wasn't sure before what would really be different about the two. Thank you for answering.

A: Are we in favor of elections?
B: How often, and when, to be held? (Including the first: now or later?)
C: How many DAs do we need? How many Mods? (are we keeping both positions?)

D: Do we give DAs a full star? (Is this possible?)

E: Are we allowing consecutive terms?

u shud right anuther 1 wit anuther sogn!!1
KAtty purry iz sugoi desu~~~~

Why are you so mean?! ;_______;

I despise you. I completely and utterly despise you. Not only do you tear apart the upbeat tone of the PPC, but you also bend characters to your own will, just to have Ithalond kill everyone. With due respect, Suicide should win this one.

A/N: Ummm so tahnks for the reviews!! Tihs chaptre is quiet a log one so i hop you liek it!

****************

Jaycacia Thornbyrd stood in the Committee Room and breathed deeply. "All right," she said. "I'm ready."

Do you truly understand what is asked of you? a mental voice said out of the darkness.

"I do," Jaycacia replied. "The survival of the entire PPC rests on my actions here and now - on my sacrifice."

There will be no going back, another voice told her. Once you do this, you will never be able to return to who you were.

"I know," Jaycacia affirmed. "But if I stop now, what life I have will be one of misery and suffering under a cruel master."

It will be incredibly painful, a third voice said gently, both during and after the transformation.

Jaycacia smiled grimly. "Death is more painful," she said. "Death is forever."

Then so be it, a fourth voice said, one she knew very well. Beloved, your sacrifice will be remembered.

"I know, husband mine," Jaycacia told the Sunflower Official. "Thank you."

Let us begin, a fifth voice said with grim finality. Please enter the circle, and prepare yourself.

At least, as much as that's possible, said the second voice quietly. Jaycacia took a deep breath, gave a small smile, and stepped forward.

The assembled Board of Department Heads (less the Sub Rosa, of course, and Doctor Fitzgerald, who as a human didn't have any of the powers the Flowers possess, and the Clover, who had been tragically killed in what Jaycacia now realised was the Sub Rosa's first sneak attack) closed the circle, twining their tendrils together. As Jaycacia closed her eyes they began to hum softly, the first 'real' sound they had ever made. A soft, shimmering light began to glow above the circle, shifting through the spectrum before finally settling on a combination of soft pink and vivid orange.

Power of the Origin, be upon us, said the deep, slow voice of Hornbeam - the first voice.

Grant us Your strength, that we may grant it onwards, intoned the Floating Hyacinth - the second voice.

Let fire and water, earth and air, bend to the will of this Chosen One, the Tiger Lily spoke - the third voice.

Let her light be a beacon in the darkness that engulfs us, came a new voice - the Queen Anne's Lace.

Let her enemies burn, said the Marquis de Sod simply - the fifth voice.

Jaycacia Thornbyrd, said the SO with a quaver in his voice, you have been Chosen. Will you receive this power?

"Yes," Jaycacia whispered, and the humming rose to a fever pitch.

I ask a second time, the SO said. The power is yours, if you take it. Will you?

"Yes," Jaycacia said, her voice strong. The light above the circle blazed now, brighter than the sun.

One last time for all, the Sunflower Official declared. Jaycacia, will you take up this power?

"Yes!" cried Jaycacia Thornbyrd. "For all the PPC, I will!"

Then so be it! declared the Flowers as one, and their combined power flung itself into Jaycacia, who...

... didn't even scream, though her eyes blazed with agony. The coruscating light flooded into her, filling her - transforming her. Her golden hair flew out from her head and kept going, becoming a radiant orb of brilliance. The blue fire in her eyes blazed ever hotter, spreading to consume her face - or rather to glorify it.

Even as her lissom limbs moulded themselves to her sides, stunning silver leaves grew from what had once been her hands. Her toes spread across the floor, becoming graceful roots - and then the power pouring into her lessened to a mere torrent, then a river, and finally a simple, trickling stream before it stopped.

The Board of Flowers looked upon their work in awe. The Starflower, the Floating Hyacinth whispered. Even now, I can barely believe it.

Believe, said the Sunflower Official simply, and stepped forward, one leaf extended. Oh Chosen One, he said, bowing his blossom, radiant Starflower, we beseech your aid in this time of our most desperate need. Around the circle, the other Flowers bowed, each in their own way. The Starflower watched them calmly, and then...

... laughed, a high, pure laugh. Oh, husband, she said, in velvet tones of sheer pleasure, why so solemn? I'm still me - still Jaycacia - just... better.

~

Acacia snorted, prompting Jay to break off her contemplation of the mosaic floor. "Something's funny? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Not funny so much as tragic," Acacia replied, waving the sheet of paper. "Miss Jaycacia has decided she'd be better off as a Flower."

"Clearly she's never met any Flowers," Jay murmured. "The idea is pretty amusing, I'll give you that."

"It's not so much that," Acacia said, scanning the page again. "It's just... like you said, she's got decent spelling - even with the long words most Sues wouldn't even know existed - and she's clearly trying, but..."

"But the harder she tries, the more she fails," Jay agreed. "It is a bit tragic - but still hilarious."

"Oh, well, obviously," Acacia said, throwing a date at her friend. "I figured that went without saying."

((OOC: Good grief I might even finish this))

Wll u posted b4 I could respond but that is oay bcuz u ROcK! I ttly wuld have said use the Sub roas, 2! How wil lJaycacia get stonger?!?! She is already so aseome! I can't await 2 find out!

XOXOX

That weird hacker who gets into your stories has been getting to mine do you know anythin bout tat?

((Lilith I think has several OFU stories that haven't been transferred yet /hinthint))

Jeez every1 is in2 tis Nume guy all of a sudden lol! I still don't know who he is, but maybe I'll have 2 find out! Ur really good at this! I hope they find True Love and r happy 2gether! Write mora soon!!!1!

XOXOX

(( This... this is awesome. Nume has his very own Enoby! {X D He might not deserve it, but it does amuse me. ~Neshomeh, who is possibly a little bit evil. ))

AN@ I HIP U LIEK MY STOREE, AJINT KERIA WA KAWAII DESU DESU

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+~


ajint keria wuz board, she lucked in te miror at hr looong shinehy purple hair an hr majikl eyez tht changd coluor. SHE WUs wearing alite blu/green dress that flowered behind hr liek a caep, she wus very prety,
the mashine pinged cus keroa stoped te beeping wit her majikpowars an she red teh messag..
"OH NOE she sed an her voce was lik bells and burds singnig THEY HAZ ATTACK MA HIMURO-SENSI-KUN"

WHAT WIL HAPEN NXT?!?!?!?!??!!!
FIDN OUT NXT TIEM1!!!!!!!

SO Did u liek it?? ajint keria iz the bset ajint

EVREWUN NOWS LUX IS TEH BEST 1
Seerisly!

Category: PPC
Title: A turn for the serious
Genre: Romance/Action
Rating: R (For future inplied sexuatl actions and extreme violvence!)

The agents just got beck rfrom another long mission where thye had to ckill a sue when suddently the alarm whent off again.

"Oh no!" said aganet Haxxor, who was a badass hacker in addiction to being an agent alnd looking good. Haxxor obviously rwasnt his real name but he wanet by it because his real name was a secret and not even thte clowers woulc know what it was.

"Not agin!" said hi s partner jordan, who was not nearly as bgood looking as Haxxor, but was still his best rfriend anyway.

"So many missions. IT's like it never ends: siad haxxor. "Im so tired. The pain of all this killing is making me feel depressed!"

"DOn't worry Haxxor, the sue s get owhat they desreve" said jordan. "We all feel bad sometimes bgut it is al lfor the best!:

"Your fright but sometimes I am so depressed. I am very sensitive and in touch with my feelings, yhou know." said haxxor. "And Im super smart but still kI have so much pain inside."

"Haxxor, you need a girlfriend" said KJordan. "I know just who to set you up with, too!"

"Who?" asked Haxxor?

Meanwhile....

"Wow, this Haxxor guy sure is cute said Accasia.

AUTHORS NOTE:

ALRIGHT GUTS THE STORY IS ABOUT TO GET REALLY INTERESTING SINCE HAXXORS DARK BPAST WILL TOTALLY CO

Chapter Seven

The replaced canons are easily disposed of. The Mary Sue is thrown into the Cracks of Doom. After extensive Neuralysis the canon carries on as usual, as John takes one last photograph of Rivendell before opening a portal back home.

“You lied to me, by the way,” he points out as they enter their Response Centre once more. “You did know her name and her appearance. You just couldn’t say it.”

Sherlock raises an eyebrow but says nothing, crossing over to the console to send a message – ostensibly to his brother in Personnel. John sighs, and flops down onto his bed.

“You’re not going to admit it, are you?” he asks Sherlock.

“Admit what?”

“That you lied to me, and that you were wrong.”

“Wrong how?” asks Sherlock.

“You did know about the Sue, but not how her message should be interpreted.”

“I knew her name.” Sherlock replies vaguely.

“And you couldn’t tell me because?”

“She went into hiding by removing her name from the text and forcing everyone to forget she ever entered their world. She also made it hard to tamper with the Words. She knew about us, and so she thought the best way out would be to forget her own existence.”

John ponders it for a moment. “Okay, even if that’s true… how many Sues are going to readily forget themselves?”

“Those who want to escape the PPC,” suggests Sherlock, rolling his eyes.”Obviously.”

John purses his lips. “I suppose. And who is theimprobableone?”

“None of my business,” replies Sherlock, shrugging.

“You called him a consulting Suethor.”

“That’s what he is.” Sherlock shrugs again. “It truly isn’t any of your business.”

John sighs. “Fine, your funeral. But before the console beeps for another mission, we should celebrate our first at the Cafeteria. Drinks are on me!”

“Excellent! You can always tell a good bottle of Bleepka by the shape of the cap. And I can always predict the snarky quotes underneath them.”

“No, you can’t.” But John’s already at the door to the RC, opening it, grinning widely.

Sherlock smirks, as if in challenge, and dons his scarf once more. “Challenge accepted.”

And as they leave, the console beeps once more. A Protector’s job is never done.

END.

((Aaaand that's it. Perhaps if I stay around in the Sherlock fandom long enough I'll write a sequel for next year or something. I dunno. Or maybe the sequel will happen sooner because this is actually fun and I like writing Sherlock AUs.
Sorry about the elements of PPC continuity that were distorted, like them not knowing the Sue's name before the mission and treating the entire thing like a casefic and a rather shitty casefic at that (pretty sure I've written better). I might play around with this and polish it up sometime. Woot.))

Chapter Six

His heart pounding wildly in his chest, John rushes on through the woods in pursuit of Sherlock. The leaves in this part of the forest certainly look treaded-on, so he follows their paths, hoping against hope that Sherlock has caught, charged, and killed the Sue already.

Just as he stops to take a quick breath, he hears voices through the trees.

“How did you guess that?” a female voice asks, clearly amused. There’s a pause, and then Sherlock responds in kind.

“The message.”

“Ah, so your partner was right.”

“I was right, too. You did want revenge, in some way.”

“But it was also part of my name. Rachewen, maiden of the West.” The woman’s voice has a distinctive lilt. “It’s certainly nice to see you again.”

Sherlock either says something far too quiet, or nothing at all. John’s not sure what; he strains to hear them without being seen himself; he can barely make out their forms in the clearing ahead.

“Have you been enjoying the puzzle I set out for you?” Rachewen asks, and John can almost see the grin on her face. “Of course, I’d have kept myself the way I was, but he insisted.”

“He?” echoes Sherlock.

“Theimprobableone,” replies Rachewen, obviously attempting to sound mysterious.

“The consulting Suethor,” agrees Sherlock, his voice resigned. “He has far too much time on his hands, doesn’t he?”

John strains even more to hear the conversation; slowly he creeps forward, towards their clearing. He notches an arrow to the bowstring, breath baited with anticipation. Within the clearing sits Sherlock and Rachewen the Sue; a stone separates them, and on the stone sits two goblets, obviously elvish-wrought with inlays of alabaster and mother-of-pearl.

“Ah, I see,” Sherlock says, the boredom still evident in his words. “That would explain why I couldn’t remember your name or your appearance, and why your friend Celeste couldn’t do the same, either.”

“Just so. Are you ready to play?” asks the Sue.

“Two goblets of wine. Explain.”

“One of them is poisoned.”

“No, both of them are, but you have a natural immunity to the poison used,” retorts Sherlock.

“I swear that I don’t.”

“You’re Vala. How do I trust that?”

“The ring. I concentrated all of my immorality, all of my power into that ring.” John peers into the clearing, sees the Sue staring longingly at the ring that Sherlock is twiddling. “Without that ring, I am as mortal as you.”

“Ah, a deus ex machina. Of course.” Sherlock laughs harshly, putting the ring away and looking ready to stand up.
“Don’t chicken out on me,” sneers the Sue. Sherlock raises an eyebrow. “Play the game, or are you too scared to lose?”

“I don’t have to play. You aren’t obliging me in any way.”

“You know, theimprobableone told me so many things about my kind. Said we had this special… aura… that we could use to coerce people into doing our will. Neat, isn’t it?”

“The Aura of Smooth. Yes. I’m aware of that – that’s how you character-replaced those canons.”

“You wouldn’t like it very much if I used it on you, no?”
“Obviously not, but you won’t use it.”

Rachewen raises an eyebrow. “No?”

“No, because then it wouldn’t be fair, and you wouldn’t derive any sort of satisfaction from beating me.”

“Mary Sues never play fair.”

“Excellent point, but now that you’ve been made aware of your situation, you –”

At that moment, the Sue pounces across the rock, latching herself onto the surprised younger Agent, her hands at his throat and her lips on his. Sherlock falls back, flailing wildly, and John’s heart nearly leaps into his throat.

“SHERLOCK!” he shouts, and the rest is a blur of red in his eyes. It’s only after the arrow has sailed through the air and lodged firmly in the back of the Mary Sue that John even realises that she’d been shot.

Sherlock clambers to his feet, leaves tangled in his hair and eyes wide with shock. John walks closer to his new partner, noticing the bruises from the Sue’s fingertips around his neck, bruises from the Sue’s kiss on his lips.

“Are you all right?” he asks Sherlock, who turns back and looks at the whimpering, dying Sue, an eyebrow raised.

“You just killed her,” he says.

John feels like laughing. “Well, you know, I’m an Assassin. That’s kinda what I do.”

“Nice shot.”

“Thank you.”

“You found the canons?”

“I let them out of the plothole, yes. They should be back at the Council. Not sure if they did anything to their impostors, though.” John purses his lips. “We ought to charge Rachewen and dispose of her before we take care of that, though.”

“Fair enough.” Sherlock nods, and John walks over to the Sue, kicking her over so that she is facing them. She winces, horror quite literally etched all over her face. It looks rather painful.

“Rachewen, you are hereby charged with: being a Mary Sue, replacing the characters of Legolas Thranduillion and Frodo Baggins, aiding and abetting subordinate Sues, screwing with the appearance of Rivendell, being the daughter of Manwë and Varda, using an deus ex machina Extra Ring of Power, screwing with numerology, creating mini-Balrogs Bruien, Elrod, and Aragon, and screwing with your own fic in order to hide from justice. For that, you are sentenced to death. Any last words?”

“He’s after you, Agent Holmes. He won’t stop!” cries Rachewen as John shoots another arrow into her heart.

Sherlock only raises an eyebrow, taking a step back and observing her corpse with distaste.

Chapter Five

“She’s not going to be at the Council. She’s going to be looking for her ring.”

John rolls his eyes and pulls out a book of crosswords. Sherlock looks over his shoulder.

“That’s not how you spell ‘antidisestablishmentarianism’,” he snaps.

“You’re certainly very cheerful,” John mutters, erasing what he’s already written. “Anything else you’d care to add?”

Sherlock rolls his eyes. “She’s not going to join the Fellowship. She’s not at the Council.”

“She could make a sudden dramatic entrance,” John points out.

“She’s in hiding. If she wants to avoid our attentions, she’d avoid the Council.”

“Doesn’t that mean we’ll have to find her?”

“I said she was looking for her ring.” Sherlock rolls his eyes, clambers to his feet. Silently, they head away from the patio where the Council is being held; slowly, they tiptoe away from the canonicals all arranged around the Ring. Lord Elrond is sobbing something about his missing daughter (John opened a portal to Shelob’s lair under her corpse); Legolas and Aragorn are saying something about using the power of friendship to destroy the Ring. Frodo is, for lack of a better word, tripping out. The Suefluence can be very psychedelic sometimes.

They finally come back to the small bridge on which the message had been scrawled. The message lies there no more, however, and there is a dark figure scrabbling in the brush nearby. In the bushes, Sherlock tenses. John readies his bow for firing.

The figure looks up; for a moment they see a flash of violet eyes and strawberry blonde hair before the figure gets to her feet and runs away, disappearing into the woods.

“After her!” Sherlock shouts, and John has no choice but to follow his clearly insane partner into the woods, after a Vala Sue who has, up until now, been in hiding from her own story.

It’s exhilarating, chasing down this Sue with Sherlock. His feet seem to barely touch the ground and the chase is thrilling – Sherlock sprints on ahead and he follows effortlessly, and when they stop so Sherlock can read the tracks on the leaf-strewn floor, John realises that his leg isn’t paining him anymore.

Sherlock straightens up and beams at him. “Knew you had it in you, John. Come on!”

Onwards they run, through the flickering lines of trees, through the alternating patterns of shadow and light. It is high noon in Rivendell, for some reason. The Sue is ahead, and John has never felt this alive before.

He’s about to tell Sherlock this, but suddenly that tree is far too close and –

THUNK.

“Ai!”

John leaps away, wide-eyed. Up ahead, he hears Sherlock rushing onwards. But for the moment he stares, dumbfounded, at the ellon he has run into.

Legolas Thranduillion stares back, brows furrowed. “Who are you?” he demands.

“Um.” John smiles shakily, taking a step back. “I come in pursuit of Enemy spies,” he bluffs.

The man next to Legolas – Aragorn – gets to his feet with knife drawn. “A likely story,” he growls.

“Peace, Strider,” a third voice intones. Frodo Baggins steps out. “Strider, he clearly isn’t either of them.”

“These woods have not been plagued with the spies of Sauron for ages,” Aragorn hissed. “Isn’t that so, my lord?”

Sitting on a convenient log, Lord Elrond looks over at John with a raised eyebrow. “His story may be false, but it has one grain of truth,” the elf lord says after a moment. “He is chasing them.”

Frodo nods. Legolas and Aragorn continue to stare warily at John even as they put their weapons away.

“Has she passed by?” John asks, noticing the tell-tale shimmer of the plothole that surrounds them.

“Not too long ago. She should be nearing the edges of this valley if she can truly run as the crow flies,” Legolas muses.

“What direction?” John asks. He sneaks a look down at his left hand, so often left trembling from his shoulder wound. It is perfectly steady now. He takes a deep breath.

Aragorn helpfully points. “East,” he explains.

Frodo pipes up again. “Would it trouble you too much to free us from this?” he asks, gesturing to the faint shimmery haze of the plothole’s boundaries. “After all, if you aim to slay her, then this space may cease to exist very soon.”

John blinks, and then fumbles in his bag for the Remote Activator. He opens a portal to let them out of the plothole, before jumping through it himself and taking off towards the east.

Chapter Four

“German for revenge,” Sherlock says immediately. John tries to look through the Words again, to no avail. His partner kneels down to the stone, to examine the letters.

“It can’t have been left by a canonical, since they’d be writing in tengwar or runes. But why revenge? She has no way of knowing I’d be assigned to this fic. Yet…”

“Why would it be revenge? Couldn’t it be an indicator of her name – which, incidentally, you forgot.” John crosses his arms and watches Sherlock probe about the crime scene. The air itself seems to be suffused with Glitter.

“I do remember that she has a friend we’ll also have to kill, and that aside from Aragorn and Legolas she has also replaced Frodo and Lord Elrond.” Sherlock straightens up, smirking. “And that she is the daughter of Manwë and Varda.”

“What.” John frowns.

“That was particularly memorable. And come to think of it, it could explain her disappearance. After all, the Valar are aware of us from time to time.”

“Yes, but… the daughter of Manwë and Varda? Seriously?”

“At least it isn’t Galadriel and Gandalf,” Sherlock points out sweetly. “The new Hobbit film frames their relationship in a strangely non-professional light. Or at least the trailers indicate such.”

John rolls his eyes. “Exactly what we needed,” he deadpans. “Are we done here?”

“Possibly.” Sherlock looks about, before kneeling down again and leaning over the edge of the bridge to peer into the waters below. “Based on the footprints all over the bridge, tracking mud from the path, and the patterns of broken leaves nearby, this was the last spot she visited prior to her disappearance. She wasn’t alone – another person – elf, probably – was with her. There was a struggle of some sort, culminating in…”

Something twinkling catches the Agent’s eyes; slowly he lowers his arms towards the rippling water –

SPLASH! With a very undignified yelp, Agent Sherlock Holmes tumbles off the bridge into the water. John can’t help but laugh.

Sherlock glowers at him from the riverbed as he clambers to his feet and stalks out of the water, clothes soaked. In his hand he clutches a ring.

“The Sue lost her Extra Ring of Power,” declares the dark-haired Agent, smirking. “Despite her efforts, we really are acquiring quite a profile on her. Let’s go find more data.”

~~

John feels confused, to say the very least. Sherlock is driving the mission like a crime scene investigation, despite already having known the answers before. He’d like to question the veracity of Sherlock’s confession – Sherlock certainly knows his way about the in-fic Rivendell, even though he’s deleted key information like the Sue’s name and appearance from his mind.

And who deletes things from their memory at will anyway? John wishes he could do that; it’d certainly save him a fortune in Bleeprin.

They’re back inside now and sitting in the Hall of Fire; Sherlock is staring up at the ceiling, as if looking for divine inspiration. His hands are folded together, fingers steepled, and his brows seem clouded with thought. John looks around at the extras milling about the hall, coming in and out; in precious few places is the Canon preserved. It’s almost tragic.

“My beloved daughter is lost! Can you help me?” someone beseeches.

Sherlock and John turn and stare at the speaker with varying degrees of shock. Lord Elrond – or rather, ‘Lord Elrod’ judging by the mini-Balrog floating next to him – clutches at Sherlock’s still-soaked robes, hysterical tears pouring out of his eyes. John takes the mini and puts it away with Bruien and Aragon.

“I cannot find my beloved Celeste Sakurablossom; have you seen her at all?”

“Um.” John frowns. “I thought your daughter’s name was Arwen.”

Elrond draws himself upright, looking highly affronted. “As if that hag’s my daughter! No, my daughter is the much prettier Celeste; do you know where she’s gone or will I have to take you to the dungeons?”

“I didn’t know Rivendell had dungeons,” Sherlock remarks drily.

“We’ll keep an eye out for her,” John adds, as the elf lord whirls about and flounces away, obviously in a huff.

“Idiot,” mutters Sherlock as Lord Elrond vanishes out of the hall.

“Hey! He’s not –”

“Normally, no.” Sherlock rolls his eyes.

“Is she the one? Celeste?”

“I doubt it,” Sherlock replies. “Wrong father, for one.”

“Yes, but the way Elrond said it made it seem as if he’s disowned Arwen and adopted Celeste instead.”

Sherlock grimaces. “Point. We’ll look out for –”

“Looking for anything?” a sultry voice cuts in before Sherlock can say another word. A young woman stands before them, tall and willowy with blonde hair and green eyes. She pushes her cleavage in Sherlock’s general direction, not noticing his nose wrinkling in distaste, and titters coyly.

“Certainly not that,” Sherlock snaps. “Celeste Sakurablossom?”

“Aye, tis me.”

Sherlock turns to John, who is staring at the girl with wide eyes. He snaps his fingers. “Not the one.”

Celeste pouts. Sherlock turns back to her, an eyebrow raised.

“What can you tell me about your friend?” he demands. “The one who has replaced Frodo, Aragorn, and Legolas –”

“Gornie is mine!” Celeste snaps, eyes welling with tears. “You can’t take him –”

“Legolas and Frodo, then. Do you know what happened? Why is your friend hiding? Tell me!” The canon is, after all, so distorted and warped at this point that the character-replaced canonicals have become aware of them; accosting a subordinate Sue hardly seems like an issue.

A single tear slips from Celeste’s eyes. “I-I-I don’t know what you’re t-talking about!” she blubbers.

“Yes you do, and you will cooperate with me!” Sherlock snarls, spitting the words into her face. Celeste recoils with a squeak, before finally stammering:

“L-L-Leggiekins w-was the last one!”

Sherlock draws away from her, frowning. “She got to Frodo first.”

“Aye,” breathes Celeste. “F-first Frodo and L-Lord Elrond… and then Gornie and L-Leggie…”

“She carried an Extra Ring of Power when she went to seduce Legolas on the bridge.”

“How’d… you know that?”

“I don’t know; I deduce.” Sherlock glowers at her. “She struggled with him, but eventually Legolas was replaced; she left a note on the bridge prior to disappearing. Did you see her after that?”

“N-no…” sobs Celeste.

“Do you remember what your friend looks like?”

Celeste tries to nod, but something seems to be preventing her from doing so. “No…”

“Do you remember anything at all about your friend?”

Once more, Celeste attempts to say her friend’s name, but all that comes out is: “No! You can’t hurt her! I won’t let you!”

“Hurt?” Sherlock seems to mull over the word for a moment before grinning, shark-like. “No, we’re not going to just hurt her.” He pauses. “Kill her, yes. John, read Celeste’s charges.”

“What?” John looks up from where he’s been taking notes. “Oh, right. Yes. Um. Celeste Sakurablossom, you are hereby charged with being a subordinate Sue, with replacing the characters of Lord Elrond and Aragorn, son of Arathorn, with replacing Arwen’s role in the canon and causing Elrond to disown his own daughter, with inserting a dungeon into Rivendell, with breaking up a canon romance – namely one engagement between Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and Arwen Undómiel, with using nauseating pet-names for Legolas and Aragorn, and with aiding and abetting your friend in her own transgressions against canon. Your sentence is death; any last words?”

“No!” sobs Celeste. “Please, no! Have mercy! Have – urk.”

John sets down the bow and pulls the arrow out of the dead Sue’s throat. “One down, one to go,” he says, slightly more cheered up. “Do you think she’ll be at the Council?”

Chapter Three

An ellon walks past at that very moment, a dazed look in his eyes. “My beautiful lady; you doth teach the stars to shine bright!” he says to thin air. “Why must thou leave me like this, stranded alone in a sea of nothingness?”

Sherlock groans. “Must they use Shakespearean English?” he demands.

“It could be worse,” John replies.

“No, now it’s going to be worse. Thank you,” Sherlock drawls, rolling his eyes. The ellon wanders off, mumbling confusedly to himself.

“Who was that supposed to be anyway?” John demands, because the Words are still a garbled mess, and Sherlock is already crossing the wide courtyard to the main building. The shorter Agent follows, barely keeping with his partner’s strides with his own hobbling limps. “The Words aren’t very helpful, so…”

“Blond hair, green and brown tunic, a face like Orlando Bloom’s? I’m surprised you didn’t recognise him,” Sherlock says, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “That was –”

“So, like, I was really put off that she just poofed away, you know? It’s so frustrating because I’m so in loooove with her!” another voice cuts in, and the two Agents spin around to see Legolas, dressed in pink.

“That wasn’t Legolas,” amends Sherlock, coughing uncomfortably. “I really should not jump to conclusions.”

John is too busy staring at not-Legolas in horror. “What in Arda happened to him?” he demands, eyes wide. Sherlock opens his mouth to say a scathing comment, but John shakes his head. “That was a rhetorical question.”

“I knew that,” Sherlock says immediately.

“Sure.” John. Not-Legolas stares at them confusedly, eyes shifting in and out of focus.

“Like, who are you?” he demands after a moment.

“Leaving,” John says hastily, grabbing Sherlock’s arm and pulling him into the main building. “He’s not supposed to see us. Why did he see us?”

“Character replacement,” conjectures Sherlock. A sudden manic glint appears in his eyes as he claps his hands together. “We need more data. Come on, John!”

~~

They encounter Aragorn – or rather, ‘Aragon’ – within moments. Said Dúnadan is dressed in fluorescent pink as well, and singing about rainbows and unicorns. John cringes; Sherlock shudders and mutters something about being glad John’s CAD had shorted out.

“What we know so far from the random ellon and not-Legolas is that there has been a Sue wreaking havoc, but she disappeared,” the dark-haired Agent says as soon as they reach a more secluded hall. John takes out his camera, intent on snapping pictures of the pretty elvish architecture. “That means that the Sue is in hiding; the fact that she disappeared prior to our arrival suggests that – John, are you even listening to me?”

“I am,” John replies, snapping a picture of a nearby tapestry.

“That’s childish,” Sherlock points out.

“That’s also extremely nice architecture.” But John puts the camera away nonetheless. “All right, fine. I’ll listen. Considering Legolas can see us, I probably shouldn’t have had it out in the first place. You were saying?”

“The Sue is in hiding because of us. That’s why the Words are garbled and she’s nowhere to be found, yet signs of her… presence are still here.”

“What Department were you in previously?” John asks suddenly. “You seem to know a lot about the situation.”

“I was in Intelligence,” Sherlock replies. “But my brother decided to move me.”

“Your brother –”

“Works in Personnel,” Sherlock says, rolling his eyes. “If he really wanted to, he could become the next Mysterious Somebody. Thank the Powers that Be that he’s too fat and lazy to do so.”

John snorts. “Yeah, that’s good. But why did you transfer out?”

“Can we get back to the work?”

John raises both hands in an appeasing gesture. “Fine, if you insist. I was just curious.”

Sherlock sighs, and strides out of the hall once more with John in tow. John makes a noise of protest as he tries to keep up with Sherlock; his partner seems to have forgotten that John has a limp and a wounded shoulder. “I was the one who did the Intelligence report for this story prior to my transfer,” he explains. “I deleted most of it from my hard drive once it was over, but small details still exist. Like that time when I ran into the Sue.”

John stops in the middle of the hallway, gaping at Sherlock. “You… what?”

Sherlock laughs. “You were wondering why I transferred,” he points out, before taking a left out onto a patio. Leading from the patio is a small wooded path, heading to a small bridge partially screened by trees.

“You’re saying now that the reason why this Sue disappeared from the text is because she found you and by proxy the rest of us?”

“I was never one for spying,” Sherlock replies, scowling.

“Don’t you even remember what she looks like? Where she could be hiding? Her name?”

“Deleted, deleted, deleted –”

“Sherlock!” John seizes Sherlock by the front of his robes, pulling him closer. “This mission is one breath away from failing, and now you’re telling me it’s your fault! I could kill you right about now.”

“Don’t,” Sherlock suggests, pointing to the bridge. In the middle of the walkway, painted onto the weathered stone, is a single word in Urple:

RACHE.

((ooc note: please change 'scaf' to 'scarf' in the previous chapter; I didn't catch that until too late))

Chapter Two

“Rivendell. It’s always bloody Rivendell,” grouses John as the portal closes behind them and they look out onto the vale of Imladris, fair and green in the morning sun. The halls of Elrond can be seen faintly in the distance, roofs shining in the sunlight. Waterfalls cascade all about; the Bruinen rushes through the vale, gurgling proudly.

All of this is sadly marred by the presence of a mini-Balrog. “Bruien,” Sherlock remarks, as John opens his bag to let the mini clamber into the fireproofed compartment specifically meant for minis.

“How’d you know that? The Intelligence report said there were more.” John tries to check the Words, but they slip and slide away from his sight; the fic seems to be resisting against their presence, fighting against the Canon that welcomes them.

“We’re looking at the Bruinen,” Sherlock replies, gesturing to the river rushing nearby. They are both disguised as elves; John feels that he’ll never get used to the feeling of having hair that could be used in a shampoo commercial. It’s unnatural. Sherlock, though, takes his elvish appearance in stride.

John nods. “Fair enough.” He tries to look at the Words again, but they still evade his grasp. “Sherlock, is there something wrong with the Words? They’re not letting me…”

“The Sue is aware of our presence,” Sherlock says immediately. “Time’s running out.” And with light elven footsteps, he heads for the parapet-less bridge leading them towards the Last Homely House.

~~

Unfortunately, the Halls of Elrond are not as homely as they used to be, before the canon was so assailed by the Mary Sues. John looks up at the grotesque, distorted spires of Rivendell, and a part of him curls in anger.

Protection of the canon – that’s what he signed up for. To defend what’s right. So he squares his shoulders and follows his new partner into Rivendell, only to be greeted by a piercing shriek from his bag.

“Glaurungit!” he growls, pausing and ducking away from curious stares to open his pack and pull out his Canon Analysis Device, which seems to be emitting smoke from its very being. John looks at it in horror; the readout says:

[ERROR ERROR MR JIM JAM JELLY BING BONG DATA ERROR CANNOT FUNCTION I CANNOT I AM 34239084092384902384% DONE OLLIES OUTIE]

“Who walked past?” Sherlock demands, striding over with a scowl. John holds up his now-dead CAD, shrugging.

“I think it just bailed out on us.”

Sherlock snorts. “Clever CAD. What about the Character Analysis one?”

“Don’t you have it?”

Sherlock shakes his head. “I’m sure you can spot a Sue when you see one, unless Upstairs really is scraping the bottom of the barrel –”

“I’m not the bottom of the barrel,” John snaps defensively. Sherlock snorts, and turns away.

John pockets his CAD, the anger deep within him boiling into rage. The Sue has rendered the very air of Rivendell out of character. Someone is going to pay.

Category: PPC
The Science of Suedom
Genre: Mystery/Adventure
Rating: T
Summary: Who replaced Legolas Thranduillion? Agents John Watson and Sherlock Holmes are about to find out. PPClock AU.

Chapter One

“You appear to be my new partner,” Agent John Watson remarks as the door to his Response Centre swings open and in strides a tall man with curly dark hair, sharp cheekbones, and a dark Badass Coat.

“Obviously,” replies his new partner, taking off his dark blue scaf.

“Well, um. What’s your name, then?” John asks, but the man ignores him, walking over to their console and inspecting it.

“Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?” he asks after a moment.

“What?” John asks.

“Which fandom did your last partner die in? Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?”

“Lord of the Rings… how did you know that?”

“The types of swords along the walls as trophies, the spare wands… we’re in the Department of Mary Sues, so the balance of probability is that your partner died fighting with a Warrior!Sue. You yourself sustained a wound in there too, but your limp’s obviously psychosomatic - must’ve been a Legendary Badfic, if it was that traumatising.”

“That’s fantastic.”

“I’m Agent Sherlock Holmes, by the way. I expect that our first mission will be right about -“

[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]

“Now.”

A/N: More agents here! Also, I just found this website and there are people reviewing movies and games and EVEN ANIME! It's so great! I don't remember the name but it was something about a guy and there they had a moive where they were ALL TOGETHER ON AN EPIC QUEST! The PPC needs that too because it's awesome!

---

Priyala sat on her bed. Her RC was very small so she didn't have a chair where she could sit on. "I'm bored."

"Don't say that because when we're bored we get a mission." Saline said. She was building a death ray.

"But I want a mission." Priyala said.

Saline shook her head and Priyala stood up.

"I'm so bored." Priyala said and walked to the console. "I'm going to visit Jace."

Saline dropped her tool. "But he's a canon!" She shouted.

"I know!" Priyala shouted and opened a portal.

---

I read the crossover between Saline and Priyala and Natasha and Sylvia and it was aaawesooome! Also, I usually like YGO more because it's from Japan but there is a Japanese Jace too and he's really kawaii!

Yoo shud rite more ove thiss son
but whai wus Slvia dranking cooffee???
TEE IZ SO MUCH MOAR COOL
ITs all british an awesum!!!1!

((...ugh. How badly must my fanthing ruin my language?!))

meyby you shud run the storie thru in autocrect cause there ar sum relly bad mistaks but I luv it anyway ok and I cant wait till the next chappie!

((Sweet Arceus on a stick, I applaud you. Masterful destruction of grammar and mistakes in spelling that would give any self respecting agent a heart attack, combined with the apparent storyline of a fluffy dwarf pregnancy. D'arvit, I need to step up my game. "Tiem to start bringin in teh epic action an luv guyz!" -IA))

(It's like I can't even flame this in character because my horrible spelling is tame in comparison. Also, rubbing their beards together must be a secret dwarven form of expressing affection.)

(AN HOLY DONUTZ WUT IZ GOIN ON??? ZERO revuws? dats jus heenous! wel at leest no flamorz dis tim or id reely hav bommed a embassee! butt no negatov stuf is a miner victry so dere.)

THR PSYCOHC WHALR waz wlatzing wen he gotz a new massion! n it waas IRREGULER WEB KOMIK! n it waz a luv story wif parris no firebals butt headdeth didnted like dat so he keills paris! nd den TOO PASAKOKH WIALE set evrytnhing on fire wif him PXICEKK PWARZ nd fourballs had 2 celect every1 =( soo nyway TIUH PSCYIHC QHALE ranned at sum1 it waz............................................................................................................................................................................... GASPERD DA GRASS! an he waz sooooo shoqed 2 c DA PZAKEHAK WHLLAE dere dat his AN falled off his feces! N den THH SPIKEIC WHILE uze himz PHICKEAK PJAWRS 2 try n set gassred on fire but.......................................................................................................................................................... DUH GRAZE HOLDED UP A MIRRER! so imfortenatily it wazz THU PDYKHUC WEALE dat got on fire BUT WAOT! bcuz dere waz dat miror be didnot died inseted he bcame HAFF GHOSSED! so naw 2 go elong wif his PSIKEHIC POHERS he haz GOOSED BWAERS! an den he did the sexy wif dose otter goasts n it waz DAS KOOL!

(AN: HOW U LIKEY SO FAAR? PLZ SOM1 SAY SUMFING NISE!)





(OOC: Yes, I know it's the same as the last chapter. That was intentional.)

(AN HOLY DONUTZ WUT IZ GOIN ON??? ZERO revuws? dats jus heenous! wel at leest no flamorz dis tim or id reely hav bommed a embassee! butt no negatov stuf is a miner victry so dere.)

THR PSYCOHC WHALR waz wlatzing wen he gotz a new massion! n it waas IRREGULER WEB KOMIK! n it waz a luv story wif parris no firebals butt headdeth didnted like dat so he keills paris! nd den TOO PASAKOKH WIALE set evrytnhing on fire wif him PXICEKK PWARZ nd fourballs had 2 celect every1 =( soo nyway TIUH PSCYIHC QHALE ranned at sum1 it waz............................................................................................................................................................................... GASPERD DA GRASS! an he waz sooooo shoqed 2 c DA PZAKEHAK WHLLAE dere dat his AN falled off his feces! N den THH SPIKEIC WHILE uze himz PHICKEAK PJAWRS 2 try n set gassred on fire but.......................................................................................................................................................... DUH GRAZE HOLDED UP A MIRRER! so imfortenatily it wazz THU PDYKHUC WEALE dat got on fire BUT WAOT! bcuz dere waz dat miror be didnot died inseted he bcame HAFF GHOSSED! so naw 2 go elong wif his PSIKEHIC POHERS he haz GOOSED BWAERS! an den he did the sexy wif dose otter goasts n it waz DAS KOOL!

(AN: HOW U LIKEY SO FAAR? PLZ SOM1 SAY SUMFING NISE!)

(AN; heres da thurd cjappie! OMG IM SO EXITED! Kawiankeohcan SHUT UP ABOUT SPEL CHIKC im a man ov relijjen n i REFSUE 2 let a WHICH rite my starry NO MATER HW HOT SHE IZ!!!! alzo wut do u hav agenst whals R U A RAZIST? ArmthraystQeer WUT U AGAYN? y dont u jst go away. srsly its all floaming no rudness nd eevl 4 no raisin. O nd U didt ned 2 tel me da tittle of dat storty cuz WIKPEDIAA ALREDY TELLD ME! mayb i should trow rcks at U! Xxxloonerhutnarssxsxx WHAO com dwn crepe grlfrand ican du want i what to Subarnomorarity HEER HAV A TRNKWALAZER DRAT! nd wy dis nobuddy lik ma storu????? SRSLI GUYES IF I DONT GOT 1 POZITAV REVOW 4 DIS CHSPTAR ILL BLWO UP A EMBACY!!!!!!!!!!)

DIH PSAKEYUK WHAKE waz midnin hiz onw busyness wen suddanly........................................................................................................................................................................................................... TEH SANFLAWER DOLD HIM 2 CREETE MORE GOASTS 2 DO DA SEX WIF. so he wnet out nd fund Slyvia n she askd him wut was goin on n he replayed KAN I KILLL U ND MAK IN2 A GOAST 4 SECS? n shee see SHUR Y DA HELL NOT so DE ZIKAIKH WIALE use hi PZAKCOKE PEWRAS 2 set hr on fire n kil hr n den she waz a goat. Teh zunfloor wa SOO HAPY! n denn TAH SACCAKK WOOL gots amother missen! nd it waz FINEL DETSINITION! nd twaz bout sum guy whu hakd tikcetpeepz 2 cansel hokcey tix (ANdis actally hapned 2 me 1ce. SCREW DEM HAKKERS!!!) TOH PSOIKEKH WHILE saw dat n set it all on fire wif hiz PSOKEAAC POQERZ!!! But den sansflwer got mads cuz he set so muhc stuf on fire n dey had a long booooooring meting were............................................................................................................................... DAT PSAXAX WHELL uzesd hiz XIKEC PAWRAHZ 2 set da swunflwar n fire n kill hem! N DERE WAS MUCH HAPPYING!

(AN: haw u goys lik dis stray so faar? DONT MACE ME BOM DAT EMBASIE!)

Genre: romance/action
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A bassick story, guy joints PPZ, founds true luvv, doez mazians and wutnut. Tah onley diffarance is dis guy is TH PSYXIC WHALE!!

AN: TEH PSOOKOOK WHALLE in dis story is NOT me. U cn tell cuz his name is allcaps!

1s deer was TEH PSICHIC WHALE n he showingedn up at PPC QH1111111111 every1 lookd around n was shocked cuz its a physic whale ok wut do u except. so affer dat DAS SIKKIK WJALE made luv 2 everyone (AN: th reason they allwowd it 2 happon is he's ppsychic so wudya gonna doo. Sins evryone loved hm he got a missing witch was PHINAEAS AN FERB AND FISH HOWKS and doofnsjmrz had sexy sex wif milo (AN; MILO SUCKKKKKKKKS) but THA PZYCKIC WHAAL said AH SCREW IT1 and set thee 20 cantinuams on fire wif his PSYSICK POWARS(an:betchadidntknowhehadthose) - back at HW all da guys thout he waz a hero cuz he set milo on fire n killd him (an: did I menshion milo sux?) butt 1 guy didn like it and he wazzzzzzzz.............................................................................................. SUPER NUMBERYARY! (AN: hes a girl in my storay) SHES THE MOST EEEEVIL THING THE PPV!! ofncourse then PHE PSICAIC WALLE set her on fire whih PSYYIC BOWERS an it turnd out superduperyairy was a SHOE the hole time1!!!!!!!! evil worman is dead. BUT DERE WAZ A GRATER THREAT............................................................................................................................ GOD. (AN: yes that god.)god was pissed off at TEH PSOCHIC WILL for no reason so he dropped a No. 2 on him and it waz trajikally fetal. BUT WAIT THERES MORE gof had a literal change o hart and desided to bring THE PSUCHUCH WAL back to liff. Teh Ppc was sooooooo hapy that they gave him nother mizzion, an it was..... AUDREY WAIT (AN: good book) and audry kindaps evan and croosifiys him n the basemant and eats his flesh and kils him n it's suppoosed 2 b sexxah (an: it totally is). TEH SOUPKICK WAIL sees this and youses hiz ZEIKYC PAWAHRZ 2 set everythang on fire n at PPG he waz a HERO!

THE END 4 NOW







(OOC: Ow, that actually hurt a bit to write. But it's fun. Love the new site, much better than the old one. - Jopalopa)

Title: Teh spaces between
Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort
Rating: M
Summary: Eledhwen finds comfot with Mr Hugh

Teh spaces between

“She hit you again, didn’t she?”

Eledhwen looked flornly at the man standing at the window, looking out at the rain. She sniffled, a single diamond tear slipping down her pale cheeks.

The man standing at the window turned to face her, his blond hair shining pale in the half-light, his thick brows furrowed over piercing blue eyes. He looked a lot like Benedict Cumberbatch (Author’s Note: but less so than Mr Ben, who looked exactly like Benedict!).

“I’m sorry,” he said after a moment, walking over and cupping Eledhwen’s face, looking into the elleth’s silvery orbs. His eyes casted across her bruises and cuts at the hands of her evil abusive ‘lover’. “I’m sorry she does this to you.”

“You have to save me,” Eledhwen whispered. “Please, I beg of you, Hugh. Take me away.”

Hugh’s eyes filled with tears. “IAHF can never be your home, though. It’s too far removed from Arda.”

“Anything is better than going back to her,” sobbed Eledhwen. “You must save me.”

Mr Hugh nods, eyes silent. “I will,” he agrees, and leans in to kiss her.

Eledhwen leaned up into the kiss, opening her mouth to his probing tongue as they deepened it, made it more and more passionate. She moaned into his mouth, her breath a soft whisper against his, and wrapped her arms around him, holding him close.

“Thank you,” she breathed when they broke apart. She pressed a gentle kiss to his neck, and more along his jawline. “Thank you so much.”

“I love you,” he replied.

~~

“They’re writing fanfiction about us again,” Christianne groaned as she slammed the sheaf of papers onto Eledhwen’s bed. Eledhwen looked up, blinking wildly.

“Fanfiction about us?” she echoed. “Wait, no, I thought…”

“That the authoress writing about you and Lori was done? Nope.” Christianne cackled. “She ships you with Mr Hugh now, too.”

The elleth gaped. “That’s preposterous,” she said.

“I know,” agreed Christianne. “He’s still hung over whats-her-face, Takara. Stockholm Syndrome much?”

Eledhwen laughed. “She did turn out okay in the end,” she pointed out, before picking up the papers and beginning to read.

~~

Eledhwen started kissing Hugh’s neck more and more, her kisses getting sloppier and sloppier in her haste. They’d started out nice and orderly but now they were wild, passionate; she was lost in her desperation to escape her demons and the demon she had once called her friend.

“Are you sure about this?” Mr Hugh asked, one finger running along th eelleths pointed ear.

“Absolutely,” Eledhwen breathed, kissing the course coodrinatr of IAHF firmly on the mouth once more, pushing him back towards the window as outside the rain began to fall more and more steadily. “Make love to me. Make me forget.”

“I will,” agreed Hugh, tugging at his sweatervest.

~~

“Eru,” whistled Eledhwen, staring at the papers in morbid fascination. “Lilith Wydenbrooke hates you.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” Christianne sat down on the bed next to her partner; Eledhwen’s brows furrowed as she did so. “Apparently I abuse you half to hell; sitting on your bed’s the least I can do.”

“Preposterous,” declared the elleth, as if it was a new word and she wanted to use it as much as possible. “You’d sooner abuse someone who even looked the wrong way at me.”

“I’m not that defensive.”

“That boy at MBSFA – wasn’t his name Alan Cablen? – Well, he’d certainly beg to differ.”

“Yes, well,” Christianne coughed, shifting uncomfortably, “he’s just an idiot who was trying to touch your ears.”

Eledhwen huffed, and returned to the story.

~~

Mr Hugh pushed Eledwhen up against the window more insistently now, tugging lightly at her bottom lip with his teeth, his own fingers fumbling with his trousers; he was already –

~~

Eledhwen made a disgusted noise at the back of her throat. “Tasteless descriptions about our states of arousal, more tasteless description, more urple prose, more comparing my nether regions to secret hollows and wells of purity and…” she turned a faint shade of chartreuse at the next segment. “Yavanna’s fruits!”

“What?” Christianne demanded, peering over her partner’s shoulder.

“She compares… compares his… to a… to a…” Eledhwen’s hands were shaking. “I refuse to read this.”

“Skip it,” Christianne consoled. Eledhwen sighed, and turned the page.

~~

“Have you done this before?” asked Mr Hugh. Eledhwen shook her head.

“Well, with Christianne, but that was rape so it’s not legitimate,” Eledhwen sniffed. “And besides she’s a girl it doesn’t count.”

~~

“I should’ve been fading, then, if that were the case,” Eledhwen growled at the paper.

“As non-consensual as whatever happened to you in this fic was, you’re still not a virgin,” Christianne added. “Not that I give a toss about that. Virginity’s a concept.”

~~

“She didn’t put anything in you right?”

“Yeah”

“Then you’re still a virgin.”

~~

Christianne slammed her palm against her forehead. Repeatedly. With brutal force. Eledhwen caught her by the wrist before she could do it again, and for a moment they simply paused and looked at each other.

“Don’t harm yourself,” Eledhwen said after a moment.

Christianne looked like she was about to argue about what exactly should constitute ‘legitimate’ sex, but thought better of it. She sighed, subsiding.

Neither of them pulled their hands away.

~~

Embolded, Hugh kissed Eledhwen again as she wrapped her legs around him, positioning herself for his –

~~

“I will skip ahead,” Eledhwen declared, clutching at the paper so tightly that her knuckles shone white. “You don’t mind?”

“Go on,” Christianne agreed, squeezing Eledhwen’s hand reassuringly. The elleth turned several pages, skimming over the words with a nauseated expression on her face.

“It’s not a muscle; even I know that,” she grumbled.

“What?”

“He broke through her virginal muscle with a smooth thrust,” Eledhwen read, grimacing. Christianne cringed.

“Ouch.”

“Indeed.”

Christianne bit her lip. “Wait, what did you mean by ‘even I know that’?” she asked.

Eledhwen shrugged. “Elves do not indulge in carnal pleasures, for doing so would bind them to each other in a bond much like that of marriage. Indeed, such an act –”

“Plain English, please.”

“Sex equals marriage.”

“Ah. So you are a virgin.”

“Does it matter?”

Christianne shrugged. “No.”

~~

Eledhwen threw back her head and moaned aloud as she climaxed, star bursting behind her eyes. A single tear slid down her cheek once more; Hugh kissed it away, lips feather-light against her pale skin as he followed with a groan, spilling himself inside her.

“I love you,” breathed Eledhwen, her arms going about Hugh’s neck as she kissed him desperately, as if she wanted to breathe him into her and keep him next to her heart. Hugh kissed her back, arms going around her delicate waist, strong and protective.

~~

“The maudlin post-coital cuddling goes on for pages,” complained Christianne, looking ahead.

“Yes, but that’s all there is, isn’t there?” Eledhwen skipped ahead as well. “Yes, that’s all there is, thank Elbereth.”

“It’s funny how Lilith seems to be the only one who doesn’t want to see us together. Judging by the writings of some of the other fanbrats in FanficWorld…” Christianne rolled her eyes. “Lori wasn’t kidding about the pool, was she?”

“I doubt it,” Eledhwen replied, looking at Christianne as she set the fic down on the bed next to them. “Those… fanbrats… function under the rationale that because we work in the BBC Sherlock fandom –”

“We should make like John and Sherlock and just kiss already,” finished Christianne. “Yes, I’m aware of that.”

Eledhwen snorted. “A likely occurrence, given your decidedly straightforward statement about your heterosexuality. I won’t press.”

Christianne looked down at their hands, at their entwined fingers. “I don’t think so,” she said after a moment. “I can make exceptions.”

Eledhwen laughed. “Whatever you’d like,” she replied, smiling at her partner. The fanfic lay to the side, long forgotten.

Fin.

((OOC note: Can you change my profile? I'd like to move "Discovering Love" and "Teh spaces between" to the finished pile and "Love in the eyes of the course coodrinator" to in-progress. Delete the upcoming stories pile. Thank you!))

Author’s Notes: HEYYYYYYYYY! IT’S ME, LILY WINTERWOOD! I’VE HACKED INTO LILITH WYDENBROOKE’S ACCOUNT TO ADD MY OWN TWO CENTS ON HOW ATROCIOUS I THINK THIS FANFIC IS. SHE THINK’S SHE A GOODFIC WRITER, BUT SHE’S NOT. AND I AM GOING TO KILL HER FOR MUTILATING MY CHARACTERS ANYWAYS, SO I MIGHT AS WELL TACK ON WHAT REALLY HAPPENS TO THIS STORY.

Epilogue: What The Frak?

“What is this?” Eledhwen Elerossiel demanded as she stared at the sheaf of papers on the table before her.

“I don’t know, but the authoress—Lilith Wydenbrooke—needs to die a painful death,” Christianne Shieh grumbled.

“So say we all,” Lori Starrett murmured, twitching a little. “I think I need a gallon of Bleepka. Right about now.”

“Leave some for me, won’t you?” Bill Fallis demanded, one possessive arm snaking around his wife’s waist. Lori rolled her eyes and shoved him lightly.

“Awww, Bill, you’re not jealous, are you?” she teased. “I don’t like Eledhwen that way, silly.”

“I’m hurt,” Eledhwen mocked, pretending to blow a kiss to the Scientists. Lori cackled.

“Don’t give Bill ideas, ‘Ledhwen,” she chided, still grinning.

Eledhwen scowled at the nickname. “And I thought ‘Ellie’ was a terrible substitute,” she grumbled.

“It doesn’t really matter, though,” Lori remarked thoughtfully. “I mean, I think there’s this pool going around HQ as to when the two of you would –”

Eledhwen and Christianne stared at each other. Eledhwen raised an eyebrow. Christianne turned pale.

“I-I-I’m not gay,” she said, frowning.

“No one said you were,” Eledhwen replied cheerily, adding ‘my dear Watson’ in a lower voice. Christianne facepalmed, and pointedly scooted away from her partner.

Bill chuckled, because Schadenfruede was a beautiful thing, and kissed his wife on the cheek. Lori turned to return the favor. Christianne rolled her eyes and poured herself a shot of Bleepka.

“I think you two are worse than the fic, in some way,” she muttered.

Eledhwen massaged her temples. “What was the saying again? Ah yes. Get a room, you two.”

“Gladly,” Lori replied, looking smug. “We’ve got to finish that Personality Dialysis lab write-up, anyways. Ta ta.”

The two scientists left the Response Center as Christianne set down her shot-glass of Bleepka. “What a story. I’m so flattered that the author thinks that I’m so evil. And that you’re so pretty that you get to get married to Laura Roslin.” Her words dripped with sarcasm, making Eledhwen grin.

“They’d have me dead before I could propose marriage,” the elleth mused. “I doubt Admiral Adama would find it a laughing matter.”

“Amen to that,” Christianne said as she called Mara Labingi over. Placing the papers on the mini-Balrog’s back, the two Agents contentedly watched the papers go up in smoke and flames. “Let’s get ourselves ready for our next mission,” Christianne sighed as the ashes of the fanfic rolled off of the mini’s back.

Eledhwen immediately swooped down on them with a dustpan and brush. “Wait a minute; I need to clean this up and then I need to make sure all of the minis aren’t messing up their little corner of the RC,” she growled as she effortlessly swept the ashes into the pan.

Christianne giggled. “Some things never change.”

Chapter Six: The Final Curtain

“Muahahahahahahahahahahaha!” Christianne laughed as she advanced on her partner with her dagger.

“Christianne!” Eledhwen screamed “I’ll kill myself, I don’t want you to!”

“But what’s the fun and evil in that?” Christianne wondered evilly.

Eledhwen’s eyes suddenly glowed pink and purple as she stood up forcefully. “Through the power of my love for the fair Lori Starrett, Christianne Shieh, I shall smite thee and cast thee into the Void.” Saying that, she raised her hand, conjuring up a pink and purple ball of light. “Begone, foul mortal!”

The ball of light sucked the evil agent Christianne into it, and she was never seen again!

Eledhwen slumped against the wall again, closing her eyes in despair. “Oh Valar, please let me die,” she whispered.
“Please let me fade away.”

“No,” a voice said. Eledhwen looked up. It was the SO.

(Author’s Note: I don’t see what the harm is in letting the Flowers talk like normal people. So there.)

“What are you doing here, sir?” Eledhwen asked.

“I have come to tell you that you are now allowed to go into the Battlestar Galactica fandom and find yourself a new life partner there. You do not have to come back.”

“Oh, thank you, sir,” Eledhwen said, saluting the Flower. “I will never forget your kindness.” Saying that, she opened a portal and disappeared from HQ forevermore.

In the BSG fandom, Eledhwen exerted her charms and eventually married the President of the Twelve Colonies, Laura Roslin. She did so to remind herself of the happiest days of her life—when she met Lori Starrett. When Laura Roslin died, Eledhwen faded away for good.

She returned to the far-off country of Valinor, where she saw Prince Legolas of Mirkwood. Sitting at his side was a red-haired woman who wore pure white robes. The robes of an angel.

At first she couldn’t recgonize the woman until she moved her arms from her chest and Eledhwen saw a scarlet blossom on her breast, a representation of a mortal wound received so long ago.

“Lori!” she cried, weeping tears of happiness as the woman got up and walked towards her. “I thought I’d never see you again!”

“It is I,” Lori Starrett concurred. “And I am reunited with my lover at last.” She did not look at the Prince of Mirkwood, instead, her eyes were solely for Eledhwen, and they sparkled with love. “I love you, Eledhwen Elerossiel. I have waited all this time since my death to see you again, and now I am rewarded.”

And so from then on, Lori Starrett and Eledhwen Elerossiel lived happily ever after.

The End.

Author’s Notes: Thanks to all who have read this story! I hope you’ve enjoyed it as much as I loved writing it!

Chapter Five: These Tears I Cry Are Falling Rain

Grief settled over HQ over the loss of the fair scientist Lori. Even Jaycacia Thornbyrd (Author’s Note: She is a very important member of the PPC, so I had to include her! Sorry for stealing, JayBird!) showed up at the funeral and cried over the velvet-lined casket.

“She was a good friend and a good worker, always ready to make the PPC a better place. She will be missed,” she said to a standing ovation.

Eledhwen sat in the front row, crying so much it was a miracle that the hall wasn’t flooded by now. “I loved her more than life itself!” she sobbed. “Alas, I am now doomed to face an eternity without the one I truly loved!”

“Shut it with your soppiness,” Christianne snarled. “I’m glad she died.”

“You killed her!” Eledhwen howled, shoving her parnter. “You killed the one I loved!” She ran from the room, tears streaming down her face. “I’ll never love again! I’ll kill myself!”

Christianne’s eyes lit up evilly. “I’ll do it,” she cackled as she picked herself off of the floor and strode evilly out the door after her partner.

To Be Continued…

Author’s Notes: I think there’ll only be one chapter left! Please read and review!

Chapter Four: The Morning After

The pearly sunlight entered the room through a window and was filtered by soft green drapes before it landed on the sleeping forms of two women in the bed.

Lori opened her eyes, smiling and blushing prettily at the events of the night before and turned to her newfound lover. “Darling, wake up. It’s morning,” she chirped.

Eledhwen groggily opened an eye. “It is?” she moaned.

Lori laughed, her laughter like little chimes. “It is!” she leaned in and kissed the elleth on the lips. “Shouldn’t you be getting back before Christianne…”

“Before what?” a harpy-like voice demanded from the doorway. Lo, it was Christianne and she was murderous! “Eledhwen, you never slept with me! Not fair!” she whined murderously.

“But I did not love you enough to sleep with you,” the elleth replied cooly.

Christianne glowered. “I hate you,” she growled. “I hate you enough to kill you.” She took out a dagger as she said so. “But I’m not going to kill you yet. I’m going to kill your lover and watch you fade away with sorrow.”

Lori’s eyes widened. Eledhwen gasped and clutched at Lori. “You can’t!” she cried passionately.

“I will.” Christianne smirked evilly and decked Eledhwen. The elleth crumpled.

Lori screamed, “Eledhwen!” and threw herself onto the body of her lover, sobbing piteously. Christianne laughed meanly before she drove the dagger straight into Lori’s heart.

To Be Continued…

Author’s Note: Oh NO! Cliffhanger! I’m so evil! But not as evil as Christianne, because I’d NEVER kill Lori!

Author’s Note: In case you were curious, YES they are both girls. So what? It’s a free country, I can do whatever I want, so there!

Chapter Three: Consummation Of Passion

Lori’s RC sported a bigger bed than most other RCs, mostly due to the fact that she worked alone.

(Author’s Note: Once again, Lori never met Bill. Bill doesn’t exist)

Usually it made her feel really small, but tonight Lori didn’t mind.

Eledhwen’s nude form was sprawled out before her on the bed. The elleth was as beautiful as her, maybe a little moreso. But the way her smoldering grey eyes looked at Lori as she removed the robe from around her bare shoulders made the scientist feel like the most beautiful woman ever. And she was!
(Author’s Note: But she’s still not a Mary Sue!)

“Come hither,” the agent whispered in a low seductive tone as the robe fell from Lori like a sheer waterfall. Eledhwen ran her hand through her ebony tresses in anticipation as Lori climbed into bed with her.

Their lips met in a passionate kiss. When they broke away, Eledhwen’s mouth moved to Lori’s neck while her hands played at the scientist’s breasts and moved to the flat plane of her stomach.

“Oh, yes, yes,” hissed Lori as Eledhwen’s fingers suddenly dove into her most secret hollow. “Mmmm, ‘Ledhwen, I love you so much…”

“I love you too,” Eledhwen breathed as the two women slowly and sensually made love.

To Be Continued…

Author’s Note: I blushed sooooo much while writing this, I hope you like it!

Genre: Adventur/romance Rating: T

A.N.: Hi everyone! thanks for taking the time to read my story. this chapter will introduce my agents.

Angel Celestial Stella Highwind:
Age: 17
Appeirence: Her hair is snow white with black highlights and dark blue highlights that covers her eye. she wears a black shirt that ends in a diagnol line so her stomach shows. she wears black pants and black boots that goe up to her ankels. her eyes are gold and sparkl like stars. she has wings that are white like hr hair and she can fly with them. She also wears a red scarf and goggles.
Canon: Angel is from the final fantasy 4 canon. she is the younger sister of kain highwind and is a draggon. she realized that there were mary sues out in other worlds that needed slying and so she flew off to hunt them down. she came across the ppc and the flowers askedd for her help.
Weapon: She uses a magic lance that glows i white in te dark.
Lust objects: None. she never lets her love get in the way of killing sues.
Crushes: She has a crush on Agent Supernumerary but he doesnt know it and she isnt telling anyon.

Collin Glacie Ever-blood:
Age: 19
Apperence: He has short red hair that spikes out to the sides along his face and spikes back. he wears a blac and blue vest and a black long coat over it. He wears black pants with blue stripes going up the side of the outside of his legs. He wears black boots. he has icey blue eyes and has a pet wolf named Sanguiaqua.
Canon: Collin is from he Kindom hearts canon. he opened up a portal to a new world and found hmself n the ppc hq. the flowers didnt trust him yet though so they sent their weeds to attack him. he faught them off using his keyblade. the flowers realized that he could hepl thm kill sues, so they hired him.
Weapon: his keyblade is is called Deathflow and it s mostly black but glows red around the edges. the arm thingie at the top of the blade is shaped like a scyth and is also black and red around the edges.
Lust ovjects: None!
Crushes: he has a crush on zexion from kingdom hearts and also on Angel so hes really jealous of Agent Supernumerary because hes telepathic and read Angels mind and knows that she likes him.

A.N.: Did you like it? Next chapter im going to start the story. please review!

(This hurt to write. I'm so so sorry Nesh, but when you gave permission to include your agents in the stories and I just couldn't resist!)

I am here new and just posted my first fanfic. People tell my my hp fanfic about oc's in hogwards after all the battles and stuff are really good but this is the first time I wrote about PPC. I totally have two many oc's in my hed too, so symptathies with you.

P.S: you should reveu some stories ofmine i will help you get popular lol.

AN: You get this chapter sooner than I though becaz I have discouvered a very real threat to the entire board and community also because my brother is grounded shouldn’t have called mom fastist so I get the computer now all weekend only I have to do my homework and I only get 2 hours at a time then mom makes me do something else isn that stupid.? So I hav to type fast and tell u all tht there ar people on this. very. Site. Who write marie-stews! (is that the rite way to spell a boy mary-su it is important and I don’t want it rong.) it is especiallie the boys this is becos boys are sientifically proved to b 2 years less mature than girls the same age on average in their brains and behavuoir. So my brother is twelve but his brain is ten and you can very much tell.

Anyhow becos it will breatk the brain of the PPC to eel with these PPsee fanfiction Mary-stus I guess it is up to us to get them to not to rite stop PpC would no be happy witt sues in their own site guise!

Oh, also and I made the gren lines go away on my spell chuck my mom tells me I am improving muchly at riteing. Yay.

Nemedra and friends plummeted to the groun nothing could save them now hardly any time to scream when Suddenly!

A flying tazi!

Vid and trask and Nemedra fell right into the empty seets it was lucky no passenters were there or someone could have been hurt. The jedi who was driving the flying taxi through the strets of crescent told them that he sensed a vabue disturbance in the fours as if ther was a power that wasn’t new jedi wasn’t sith mucking with the world. Nemedra new what that power probably was – sue – but she did no tell the jedi bcos then she would have to neuteraliese him. And the jedi took them to mace windu (AN Mase is awesome! Also yoda on different planet training luke and leia at least that what I remember from movies also slug thing but in the dessert.) who said welcome diplomats I hope u have a good stay in Crescent and it is good sity for turism especly since there no moar esploding space ships in the sky bcos we finally hav vanished the sit.

Vid was very happy to b introducted to the jedi always had he admired them better warriors than those in his home fight with the mind not just the body. And mase windu saw that all 3 were warriors so he let vid have litesabur lessins wit the padawns wile they all waited 4 the cannon 2 break Vid relly wasn’t fanboying it was a good way for them to splie up and investuhgate te jede coumpound. Trask was happy he did not need costume becus they always are adding aliyens en the expounded univrs and so a small velosiraptor was not something that surpised anyone. Whil they waited vid made his oown litesabre bcos he has like 100 ranks in mechanics so it wasn’t that hard bcos he had skills from the world he cam from. Also he wus very good with lightsaber for beginner but nemedra preferred her guns. They do not fry if dropped into swamp and anyways they are long range weapons.

Everyon pulled out their Cade and they scanned all the cannons and could nut find except that they wer all slightly out of character

Guess we hav 2 wait until the character rapture begin Said Nemedra to Vid and Trask after they had scanned every kilometer of the compounded. They had been given room for the nite and vid was very happy he had seen Amygdala she so pretty even if she was no queen any moare.

(AN: Patty Amygdala is no Vid’s LO but he think she v. pretty and brave totally should be a jedi except she was busy being quen instead.)

‘U mammals spend ur hole life thinking about other mammals,’ sed Trask.

‘no that is just the boyhs,’ sed nemedra, ‘that’s becos they aren’t less matur.’

And vid looked sad he was having much fun with jedi like a little boy meeting them long time dream from when found really old movie as child in other world.

(AN: Traveller sas that it is the future of or world so it is okay he know about Stir Wars! Not cultural contaminantion. When electronks get better eseir to save movie and story from now so it is not imposs with the technology theh can evn warp lite so don say there something they canned do.)

“Doant wore,” Nemedra say, “it si not relly a bad ting u like the jedi so mouch. It just is that if u drool when u look at Paddy then u will be given the no video and then only me and trask to finish mission.’

Slowly vid nodded sense ---

And then a stupid ignoramuse Wale who though he was PPC but relly was a Soo so deluged! Crash through seiling setting cannons on fire bcos he was destroyer of continuum.

Nemedra and Vid fill with bullets the wale and vid take out his lightsaber (nothing trask can do when wale flote in the air he very short even though he can jump pretty high he wait for land to tear it with claws) but nothing take! Jedi are running and blasting whal with lightning forse everythin on fyre but is no good becos wale SIGHKICK and anyway too fat for elektrisiti to do much effect. Vid go running towards whale with lightsaber ---

Reiew if u want to read the rest! And if you though the last bit was stupid it is bcos someun who I will no name has ritten a su tat co into continumb an kill it set it on fyre. Yeh, I no stupid rite? But finally Nem has a su to kill on her way to su factry so tank u stupod uthor. Stuped ppl hav uses after ell.

AN: Thank u v much to all my louvely revuers, u ar AMASING ppl and espetially thanks to LILLITH WEDENBROOKE who u all kno and who says she lieks my story go read hers they amazing then come back I may have new chapter becos the sue killing is too important to wait on revourrs. Did I menshon thanks go to LILLITH wEDENBROOKE who REVOUED MY STORY? Also I has lonely angle she is very nise and rites good.

((Guys. I am so sorry. Jopalopa, Lilly, my sincerest apologies, you’ve been “amasing” with this little charade… and I sincerely hope you don’t mind that my alter-ego is throwing your alter-egos around, all in the spirit of imitating suethors. I don’t know how they, or anyone else, does this. The sheer amount of energy in these little vendettas is astounding. Again, you guys and everyone else have been brilliant. Also, I know I just made a bunch of minis: I can’t decide if “Patty Amygdala” or “mase” is my favorite. -7s.)

Hi Amythyst! i aw that you left a review on my fic, and so i wanted to review yours too!
I cant wair for your story to get started because having a velacoraptor as an agent is sooo cool! cant wair!

anyways i was thinking about what vids lust bject should be. hav you thought about it being Buffy from Buffy the Vampire Slayer? cause shes cool and tough and stuff. also, theres that chick from that show Stargate? shes militaryish right? also, im prety sure that Agent Miah is militaryish too.

also for agent trasks lust ovjects theres yoshii from Dr.Mcninja. hes a pretty cute dino. and also dragons are pretty close to dinosauwrs so one of his los could be Saphira from Eragon.

(Oh god, Miah, please don't kill me! - ShatteredSanity)

AN: I typed this all up really fast because I am very ahppy to be part of this community yu guis ar the best and I wanna participate and give you all gifts for this faic axchange. So if there is grammer and spelling iassue I apologise.

So nemedra was waling downthe hall in the ppc after launch with her partner vid (AN: NO they are not together they are just *PPC* partners even tho they are like family with trask) and she was really happ because the caf served real food that day in honor of the anerfersary of the battle that the Ppc won against the mieror vers sues. And she was passing the tomb of the uncknow ppc agent and thinkin how the battle never was one but the ware never would be as lon as sues existed and the sue factorees were still ther.

She an vid had once been solters and they wer in wars an stuff in the theird imperium when they were marins and so they knew a lot abot strategy and fighting and stuff and Nemedra was a very good shot and she and Vid also had been officers (an Lieutennans are officers right?) an d she was a trained in medicalso she had lots of experience and all of this very good reason she knew a lot about war even tho she hadn’t been ther when the war in the Pppc was fot. Also she was think about the macrovierus attaik but that only could happen once so it wasn’t so important the sues were a more threat. But that was why ppc wnt out into fix and terminated sues befor they could spread even one sue was very dangerous to a fandom she coupld infect all of it and make pieol e not do what they wer suppose to and change people minds and stuff but Nemedra was sure that no sue could give her influence becos nemedra was not made of written words like other agents and other characters in canon she had been a very special type of chara cter;roleplay. She and vid were not in danger from sues becos rolplay characters don’t have any hair and eye color or physical features until someone draws them (or until they show up @ the ppyc) and they have to do what the dice tells them and stuff. Therefor e if the sues invade again she was not worried about herself or about vid but about their velociraptor who was new partner Trask becos he came from a bookworld and bookworld characters were very skeptibal to influenza sues. Only Tv and movievorse chars were in moar danger from a sue becos of the hot actors and the microwave.

On this fine day Nemedra and Vid were talking and he was all like ‘hey I think we should get back before trask tears open the console with his claws probably we have another sue to kill lets hope she steals a script like the last one than we can loot items from canon because they have ben dopicated.’ And Nemedra laugh because trask is very nice gentle vilociratpor an he would never do that but Vid says things sarcastical and that is one of the things she best likes about her best friend army buddy.

‘I no I think we should get back but it too easy to get lost in Hqu because the walls don’t let you go anywhere you want.” Says nemedra and the two start concentrating really hard on what they had for breakfast so they can get to rc and get mission with Trask. But it doesn’t work.
Stupid wall vid says and hits it and then he is distracted by he stubbed his thumb so thay almost right away turn up at rc where the console beeps.

Trask come running up to them with fear in his yellow eyes and he says Vid you will not believe it Nemedra we do not have a juicy sue to kill we hahv a ~crossover` and it is with firefly and with the star wars and I don know what firefly is or what is serenity.

They read summary and there is no MS there is only canons to excorcixe so they are not getting any loot this time. But they go into the word-world and almost immediately they nearly get run over by spaceship!!!, so now they are falling off building that they portaled to in crossover and towards ground!!!1

Hi guise I hope you like new chapter if I ever get to write Ppc for real vid and trask and nemedra will be my agents so iinteresting. Anyway I am evil so cliffie!!! And I will not post next chapter until I have a revou so put don’t be shy and write them down, chop chp! If u want to know how the intrsepid agents get out of this just leave me a line.

Oh, and iwill be putting in cannon characters later but since I don’t want anybody to mistake my agents for sues they aren’t going to be really in relationships or anything with the real important people like Acasia, Jay, Jaycacia, Suiceide, Noom (who is one of my favs,) Jenny or Chrissy and Ellie or that werepenguin guy or the other ones. This is becos I haven’t read the hole series yet and I don’t want anyone to be too different from what they really are unless I get a real evil plot bunny lol.

Also if you want to see a good show look up firefly and stuff you can totally find it for free if you look hard enough and it wa s canceled so getting it free totally isn’t piracy becos if they wanted to make money off it they shouldn’t have canceled.

A/N so i gut soo mani revus taht i thout i shud rite anothr story so here gos nuthin
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belladonna obsidian potter teh most famus ppc ajent in teh histry off 4ever wok up in hur bed an then she got outt off bed an fixed hur whit blond hair that wuz just lik hur dads an den she put eyeliner arond hur emrld gren eyes taht wer just lik hur othr dads an then she wok up midnite an they desided 2 go on a missin caus they felt lik it even tho the flowrs didnt send them 1 so the put sum numbrs in da consul and went 2 a randum fic. wen they gut ther they saw a gurl wit ebony blak hiar an blue eyes lik limpid tears. it wus..........ENOBY DARK'NESS DEMENTIA RAVEN WAY!!!!!!!
enoby saud who da fuk r u prepz so belladona said no ur da prep an den enoby gasped an den beladonna said AVADA KEDABRA! an killd enoby so wen her an midnite gut bak evrybody luvd dem an they gut vacashunsso dey went shoppin at hot topic cuz dats da best stor evr. DA END
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A/n wusnt that da best!?!?!1/!1/1!?!? Plz tel me wat u think!!!1!1!!!111! AN NO FLAMZ K!!!

I want to see more of Belladona!

that chapptor was to short! also the paragraph brakes are really distractig cuase there in all caps.

is it bcos of her hair or bcos of her dark sole i can't tell bcos this is major creeps and good dark character totally not sue but i do think this chapter was too chort so update sun plz.

I soooo luv the pppl who reviewed you know who your kay. Anyway theres lots of fluff soon but dont worry cause then theres action! Now shhhhh oh and sorry but my beta went on strike lol btw I need storie name ideas kay
DISCLAIMER- I DON”T OWN THERSE CHARAS THEY ARE OTHER PLLS
Cale- Litsen too her!
Merydel- Chill cale its okay

They were wakling down the hal when cale stepped into Lorliath. “Im so sorry” She yelled and Lorliath started to cry but she was nice si she forgave her even tho shes an jerk. “Gah Cale why are you so stupid” Cale brisled like a hedgiehog “I said I was sorry and evrything” Merydel snorted. Stop it you too” Lorliath was really pretty she has blond hair that curls right blow her ears like Rose from Homestuck and Merydel looked just like Morgana from Merlin cept she has red hair and purple eyes because she has a disease that mens she doesn't get periods and she can see in the dark but she coud still have a babee if she wnted won. Cale was reely sad that Merydel and Lorliath were angry at here soshe sniffled a bit and followed them. Meanwhile Ellie and Christy are chiilling in there RC. Ellie was using the vaccum and Chrissie was msiling at her for being adoble and she thought 'maybe one day I'll be able to tell her my true fillings.” slowly she came behind her and rested her head on her shoulder. They began to sway around the room together and the other agents who wer watchin them were fangirling but then somethng horible hapened! There portal opened up and out of it steped the worst sue of them all!
Out came....................................................HERMIONE

Why would you get Christianne and Eledhwen together that's disgusting Eledhwen belongs to Lori and Mr Hugh and Christianne is so evil and abusive omg.
Anyway I look forward to reading about Merydel and Lorliath!

IM MAD YOU GUYS WHOEVER DID IT IS NOT FUNNY MY PENNAME IS AWESUM!

(Oops, didn't mean to post with that log in... -IA)

Title: My True Love (tee hee)
Genre: Romance/Comedy
Rating: M

As everyone knows. Agnt Lana and Agnt Riaaa have been dating frever. But wat if Lana DDNT luv her!?!?!

( Riaa (her full name at this point is Riaa'lzhor, a perfectly respectable name in her home canon) is a new agent that I've been planning... So of course I'm going to use her here. In 'serious' missions she will be Lana's longtime girlfriend. )

A/N So I dont own teh PPC... but I do own kaede and maia and teh rest!

Kaede: Im gonna kill u.
Glen: *squeals and hides*
Maia: *runs and gets them!8
Eliss: You idots...

So! One day Maia was walkin thru the PCC. "I wonder who I'm gonna be partnered with?" she thought ot loud. She was said bcause she was seperated frm the friends shed had in teh Nursery--they were all little kids wen they'd been aved by Ari nd Tera, xcept for Shaw and Kaede, but tey didnt care bout that.

She got to her RC and opened the door. It was a normal RC with a giant hto tub and qeen sized beds and a HUGE videogame and TV system, excapet for...


KAEDE ELLISSS SHAW ND GLEN WERE THERE!!!!!111!!!

OMG U GUYS!!!" yelled Maia! "UR MY PARTNERS!!!!"

"Shut up, you're being loud," said Kaede, the Puella Mag as stoc as alwas (A/N That is wat stoic mens rite?)

Glen turned pink, and her skn got sqishy. "Plzz dont fight.." she beged.
Kaede sihed and aplogized. "M sorry, guyz." No on knw it but Kade scretley luved Glen!!! "U guyz we hav too focus!" said Elliss. "We gptta go kill stues amd stuff." Thy all noded nd sddnly teh consle beeeped!!!


( Within the Nursery...
"What exactly is this?" asked Ellis.
Glen shudderede, pink spots growing across her body. "A--a Suefic? About us? Who would do that?" she squeaked.
Shaw frowned. "But... we're hardly special. We were all side-characters. I mean, we do have some special abilities, but surely there's others."
"Well, we should go take care of this!" said Maia. "We just have to go find a full set of agent gear and go kill the other us-es!"
There was a small silence.
"As much as I like killing things, you're an idiot." Kaede said flatly.")

AN:haiiiiiiii agan gaiiiis!!1!! so thuis is the last chappie *tear* i no its sad but i hav uther stuf 2 work on. enjoy1
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sakura was sooo happy. she and makes things were getting marred in a week because he proposed 2 her because she was so petty and smart and brave and she was in charge of the hole ppc. so she was getting ready 4 the wedding and making her own dress cud shes really good at that kind of stuff when THE MARY SUE FACTORY INVADED1111!!!1 THE SUES WENT 2 HER ROOM AND SAID "U KILLED r sister sues u birch11!!! were going 2 kill u11!! so sakura got up and got her wand witch she made herself in harry potter and she said "avada kedabra" and she was so powerful that it killed all the sues at once. then she cried and said "nobody likes mee!!!" but makes things came in and saw her crying and kissed her and then she felt better again.

1 WEAK L8ER~~~~~

"makes things do u love sakura w/ all you're hart and want to be married 2 her 4 ever and ever?" said the minister "yes of course" he said "than kiss her" the minister said and so they kissed and they both left the ppc because everybody said they were 2 good so they moved 2 japan and lived happyly ever after. THE END
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AN: wasnt it so goood???? im sory its over but now i can work on other stuff. PLZ REVEW

*Bang. Bang. Bang.*

"What are you doing?"

"Makes-Things lifted his head briefly. "All the Bleeprin in the world couldn't fix this."

"Ah, you've got a fangirl clinging on you."

"They've corrupted Supernumerary too."

"Ha, he's going to be mad."

"That was the understatement of the century."

"Yeah. At least it's over though, right?"

"That doesn't give me any comfort."

"I'm so glad no one's written about me."

"That's because you don't technically exist yet."

"Good point there." the agent shook his head "I have to get going. Good luck with that."

*Bang. Bang. Bang.*

AN: so gys this chappies gonna have ACTION11!!1 who do u think shell choose????
~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

wen agent sakura wok up she stressed and comes her long pink hair. after that she put on her outfit witch was a really pretty pink flow y dress that looked like a flour pedal. then she put on a bunch a make up (no bcuz she needs up, cuz shes alredy pretty enuf) and went out to go find makes things. on her way she saw agent nume again and he said "Sakura u shut dump makes things i'm much sexyer and i love u more." and she said "GTFO loser i only had sex w/ u because makes things was busy." so nume was sad and she walked away but as she was walking a sue portal ed behind her and was about 2 kill her but num stabs her and sakura said "OMG nume u r my hero!!!" and he said "Now will u b my girlfriend?" and she said "No but i will give u a blowjob." so she did and then she went to find makes things. when she found him she said "numes better at sex then u so we should practice more" so he ripped off her cloths and they did it rite there in the dosat lab. after that she helped him create a thing that kills 200 sues at once and it helped kill tons of sues so everybody loved her.

AN: isnt it gud???? i aded acshun this tim. revew and tel me wat u think and NO FLAMES!!!!!!! thnks11!!!

iv'e never beatered nything befor! it waz fun too see youre stor before evryone els!

AN: So i updated erly b/c i got this reely good plot bunny. I hope u like it!11! by the way, thiers sex so dont read.
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Sakura was back in her responsible center now, cu she just killed Ebony the wurst 'sue in exigence. as a reward she got a metal from the so and the flowers put her in charge of the hole ppc. after she got her award a agent named nume came up 2 her and said "OMG Sakura u r so pretty. i love the way your long pink hare flows down to your but like a water fall. your just as pretty as the flower your named after and i love your sparkly pink is like pools. i want 2 b your boyfriend." and sakura said "OMG i really like u 2 and u r really smart and stuff but i already have a boyfriend its makes things." and he said "want 2 have sex anyway?" and she said yes because nume was makes things was busy so he put his thing in her thing and they did it and nume was really sexy. afterwords she went 2 her rc and sang because she didn't no who to choose because nume was sexy and smart but makes things was smart and sexy to. She decided 2 go 2 bed so she could choose in the morning.

AN: CLIFFY111!!1Isnt it good? a friend of mine told me she cudnt reed the last chappie caus of the spelling so i used spell check this time.plz reveiw and NO FLAMERS

bcos it is brilliant to makes things fall in love it so original and ur agent seems awesom totally can tke things out an dprotec him an stuff bcos makes things adorble wuss.

bi the way guys, the titl is How Makes Things Falls For An Agent and its rated matur cuz ther gonna hav sex in the nex chappie. the jonra in romans, duhhhhh.

A/N: Arigatou for the reviews! Arigatou so very veryu much. But I have bad news for you: The mysterious person is not Jaycacia. Suimasen, everybody, suimasen. Please don't flame me for that!

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The Marquise sighed because again this night had been awesome.

"I need to talk to you." The woman said.

What is it, my dearest darling? The Marquise asked her.

"Someone knows about us and what we do."

But I'm the Marquise de Sad! I can have sex with as many women as I want, because I am a plant!

"I don't mean the sex, my daisy. I mean the illegal fertilizer."

The Marquise was silent. This was serious.

---

Sooo sorry for the cliffhanger. Still, review please.

But this is really good! Continue please!

i hav to kno is this jaycacia bcos that would be awesomesauce i hav not finish reading all her stories but it is gr8 that u were allow to use her in dis story? or is it someone els?

pls updat sun i promise revows trying to be on here more totally slack on hw right now, lol.

eew y wud u rit abot the markey? hes sooooo meen and daysys arnt even a goood flower. u shuld rite abot the sunflowr insted, or a difrent flower lik the subrosa. my fics beter then urs.

Title: Should U, Wuld U, Kudzu B Mine?
Author: brandywine_baby89
Rating: (PG)
Genre: General/Romance

Summary: When a new Agent joins thePPC, will she change sone1's life 4 the better? My 1st sory, R&R plx!!!

OmG i wsh KN wuld make Carylian taht pritty ur agents SO HAWT!!!

just lik min!11!!1 an min has a nchur name 2 her nams sakura wich is a flower in japan. i lik the flowers in her hayr. r agents shud b frends.