Jul 2012 Archive, part c

In the few missions I did, I found that sometimes the Canon is desperate enough to rid itself of Sues that it will alter some things to make it easier for the Agents, such as opening a plothole that a certain character slipped into a few chapters before and dumping them back in the story. Literary convenience, you know. I would imagine this would only occur in heavily strained Canons though, such as Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Pokémon, etc.

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Simulation_Generator

Though it tends to gain sentience and the simulations get mad about being killed.

There was a travelbug called Puddles the Duck. He was a rubber duck that wanted to go to places with water. He started his journey in New Jersey. He ended up drowning in the Netherlands because the cache he was in was at the bottom of the river and it got swept away in a storm. They never seem to survive.

Anyway, my family's really big into geocaching but I hadn't hear of geohashing until now. There are some really creative ones out there; I've found one that looked like a rock in a pile of other rocks and another that was dangling from a tree limb over a river. The only restriction is that you can't bury them.

I've been Geocaching since 2001, which is around when it started, and I have to say, I really like it. I'm an avid hiker, so Geocaching kinda gives my walking around a purpose. I've seen people get really creative with the caches too; there was one hidden under a fake sprinkler, and I helped my dad make one that looks like a pretty convincing beehive. People have said that they were afraid to go near it.

But I really like letterboxing, which is a similar idea. People hide little boxes with stamps and a notepad, then other people follow clues (posted at letterboxing.org) to find the boxes. They can range from simple directions to devilishly complex puzzles. Each letterboxer carries their own unique stamp, and when you find the letterbox, you stamp your stamp in the box's notebook and the box's stamp in your notebook.

I have to say, I like it. There were lots of funny scenes and you two definitely know how to write action scenes.

Also...
“Hey! I’m here as a spare!” Under shouted,

Most excellent! I especially like the contrast shown between the two teams; FicPsych's tight-knit group against the bunch of people who met in a bar. :p Both had some real personality going, which makes it even funnier that members of Physical Therapy's group kept getting into individual fistfights with the Hardcheesers.

I do hope the members of BH get a little more into playing as the season goes on. Right now, most of them are too busy acting tough to be having any fun!

Poor Aragorn! At least he got to taste Gatorade for once, even if he won't remember it.

Multi fandom peeve:
-When someone seems to be in love with a character, that character suddenly mirrors their lovey doveyness. It turns many roleplays and fics into one person, parrot-like, making kissy faces in a mirror.

Latest fandom peeve:
When people assign traits of the actor to the character they play, and people assign traits of the character to the actor that plays them.

I am sorry, Loki fangirls. Tom Hiddleston is not Loki. It is also creepy to kidnap him in fanfic and expect him to become Loki so you can make out with him. It is also creepy when Loki suddenly develops a love for 'pudding' and begins acting like Tom Hiddleston.

Fandom

Fandom no

Animu actions that are being described in words like sweat drops, nosebleeds, and many more annoying stuff that are not supposed to be seen in a written medium. The intolerable harem routes where the MC is the ultimate ladies man. The insta-WAFF crap that I find in many fanfics where romance is found in ten seconds. Overused cliches and trope using.

Sherlock Holmes: Dr. Watson being treated as a dunce. He may not stand up to Holmes in canon, but no one can, minus Mycroft. It's partly due to frequent movie portrayals of Watson as an idiot, but fanfic sometimes takes this to extremes. It should be remembered that Watson is an experienced surgeon, and he served as such in the army prior to A Study in Scarlet.

Kingdom Hearts: Kairi-bashing. While I'm not a fan of slash, I can't deny that the close friendship between Sora and Riku makes a relationship between them actually not unlikely. But too many Sora/Riku fics have to get Kairi out of the boys' way in the most obnoxious way possible. She'll either be killed off by Heartless, made out as a rare female Designated Misogynistic Bastard, or just turned into a stupid and clueless shell of a character that makes a bit look fleshed out. I haven't seen it as much recently (possibly just because of Kairi's absence from a lot of recent titles), but early on after KH's introduction, a lot of authors seemed to see Kairi as a Purity Sue. But despite being kidnapped throughout most of Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts 2, Kairi is far from a dainty perfect princess. Her love of Sora allowed her to retain her memory of him during his forced sleep, when nearly everyone else in the multiverse forgot he existed. In KH2, she risked running away from Axel and a small army of Dusks rather than be taken prisoner; she stood up to Saïx, ready to fight him off despite the impossible odds; finally, she helped Riku fight off a group of Heartless in the Castle That Never Was.

This last point applies more to fanart than fanfic, but I see it in fics sometimes, too. The Heartless tend to have very simplified, almost cute, designs, usually mimicking people or an object found in their current surroundings. They want to blend in, after all, to make heart theft all the easier. So a Heartless is unlikely to walk around as a huge glowing armored wolf with horns and faerie wings and a dragon tail ending in a giant sword. That wouldn't blend in anywhere. Heartless in human form (as Villain Sues) show up way too often, as well. Only a single character produced a Heartless that retained his human form, and he was (arguably) a combination of two hearts, both steeped in the powers of darkness, one of whom had been manipulating darkness for decades, since young adulthood. Not many should be able to imitate that feat.

Halo: Cortana having sex with the Master Chief. Or anyone.

Cortana is a hologram.

That is all.

How many things can I list here hmm... let's just start with the general ones.

1) Misquoting
In this case I mean a comment or dialogue being attributed to the wrong character but really, copying dialogue from canon is just as bad. Actually, make that anything being attributed to the wrong character. An example that I see way too often is Prussia saying anything about "invading vital regions". It was Austria who said that in canon and there is no evidence that Prussia has even heard about it yet.

2) Getting facts from canon incorrect
If the fic is not specified as a full AU, every rule from the canon MUST apply. You cannot just ignore a character or an established event. In Hetalia this becomes bad history. Any facts that are common knowledge or you can check on Wikipedia should not be skewed in the fic.

3) Predictable plot-line.
Character A has a crush on Character B but won't/is too shy to admit it. Character B feels the same and Character C helps get them together. How many fics can you name with this plot? Way too many.

Now on to particular fanon irritations.

Hetalia:
People PLEASE stop rewriting events that were already portrayed in canon with OOC characters. I can't tell you how many fics I've seen with England and chibi!America where England is some sort of pedophile and/or abusive father. America was not in any way oppressed during his childhood AS WAS SHOWN IN THE ANIME/MANGA. He fought for freedom like a teenager who wants to move out and be an independent person not because England was being a horrible father/older brother figure.

Another thing, as was mentioned before, none of the characters are really evil. France is somewhat perverted but he isn't a rapist with no morals. Russia can sometimes be violent but he's not trying to be mean, he just wants to make friends and can't understand why people are so scared of him. Each of these characters has depth to them that explains their actions and none of them would be a jerk without a reason.

Hunger Games
Every single fic out there is of an OC who is chosen as tribute. Every. Single. One. It doesn't matter if it's in the past or an alternate future but they're all the same. Have some originality people.

Harry Potter
Uncanon pairings. Most series I either don't bother shipping people or there are no established pairings but in HP canon is gold. I realizes not everyone feels this way but I really dislike pairings like Harry/Hermione and Draco/Harry. Even the Neville/Luna in the 8th movie irked me because Rowling said herself that Neville married Hannah Abbot. Again, this is just my opinion.

That's it for my overly long rant. The gist of it would probably be that canon and creativity are precious gifts that should never be forsaken. Done ranting now.

This one crops in a lot of my favorite fandoms. Bad Medicine (and not the Bon Jovi kind). NCIS: Ducky is not going to see someone in urgent need of emergency medical care and decide to treat them at Gibbs' house because they, in an lowered state of consciousness, say they don't like hospitals!

Stargate Atlantis: Carson Beckett is not an idiot! He's not going to miss the fact that someone is starving to death in front of him, and Sheppard is NOT anorexic! The guy has a slim build. That doesn't mean he doesn't eat. Him being somewhat of a self-sacrificing idiot when it comes to his own health is a kind of justified by canon, but only in extreme cases of danger to others--not because he just doesn't like doctors.

Stargate SG-1: I know there isn't that much fanfic out there that involves Jonas, but there are some horribly bad, nearly universal trends in what does exist. Firstly, Jack's character gets run through the moral shredder in these fics. Yeah, he didn't really like Jonas, especially at first. He didn't trust him because Jonas had switched sides, and he was pissed that Daniel died because Jonas was too scared to go in the room full of deadly radiation. This does not translate to Jack attempting to murder Jonas, Jack beating Jonas up, Jack knowing about other Random Military Types hazing or otherwise hurting Jonas, and it especially doesn't mean that Jack is going to do something sexual to Jonas. I mean, these authors really don't seem to get it that not only are they destroying all canon characteristics of Jonas, they are also destroying Jack's character.

Then you've got Daniel. He's not an uke. He's not a wimp. He's not girly. He most definitely does not walk around crying every five minutes. If anything the guy should be a ticking time bomb for going postal, because the canon puts him through enough stuff to make ten people go off the deep-end, and he rarely expresses any of it. He does occasionally, but even then it is almost always a direct "Aliens Made Them Do It" case where something was influencing his behavior.

Psych: Canon!Henry is frequently obnoxious, and anyone that raises their kid like that is at least a bit twisted, but he's not a mindless screaming machine. The things he gripes about on the show make sense, at least under Henry Spencer logic, and they should therefore make sense in fanfic. He doesn't just come up with completely random stuff. It has a theme every time (and usually an underlying, "I want to see my kid, but can't just tell him I want to see him, and therefore must make an excuse of wanting the garage cleaned out." or "My kid is terrifying me that he is going to get himself hurt or killed, and I am going to yell at him because of my terror.")

Let's see--

Madoka:

Fanfics that screw up Kyubey. Yes, he is probably the most hated character on the show, and for good reason--he does trick teenage girls into selling their souls and becoming monsters. BUT, the thing that fanfic writers don't seem to get is that in his mind, he is the good guy. He's not doing it for the evulz, but because he thinks it helps the universe. Amoral and manipulative? Yes. Stupid or blatantly sadistic? Well... No, since sadism implies it's for your own pleasure. It's his job, and he doesn't even have the emotions to feel pleasure with. I think the best Kyubey I've read is from the goodfic 'A History of Magic' since it really doesn't make him pure evil, and goes into depth with his character--sorta, unlike other plagiarising authors I could mention... Anyways, moving on.

Avengers:
Loki. He does not mope, he does not whine, he is not a wimp. He, unlike Kyubey,actually takes pleasure from tearing people apart psychologically (related note: it is not freaking fair that he can have a puppy-dog face when doing the psyche-destroying stuff. Curse you, Hiddlestone...) But! He is not boyfriend material. He is a mass-murderer. The twain should not overlap.

Makeover fics: Just... any fandom. Usually the characters are plenty pretty already, and giving them makeup or goth clothing is... unnecessary.

Neville/Luna. I've just never liked this pairing, but before the seventh book came out, I was certain it was inevitable canon. After the seventh book came out, I felt slightly justified. Then the eighth movie came out and promptly went to the very bottom of my list of the books and movies in order of preference.
Neville and Luna are awesome, I just think they can be awesome and not a couple. I always saw Neville as slightly intimidated by Luna, but becoming close friends after Deathly Hallows. However, I'm really not sure why I hate this pairing so much, I'm sure it can be written well, maybe I'm just missing something.

How about alphabetically?

AVENGERS

--Yes, Thor is a little goofy sometimes. He doesn't understand much of our world, and he comes from a realm that's basically Magical Techno-Viking. And he cares about his brother beyond the point of rationality.

However, this does NOT mean that Thor is:

1) Stupid;
2) Very stupid;
3) Naive;
4) Very very mind-meltingly stupid;
or 5) all of the above.

I get that he's almost the God of Golden Retrievers in some ways. When he's mugging for Darcy's camera or telling people how tiny they are, you kind of want to tousle his hair and feed him Pop Tarts. But he's also the God of Thunder, and wields a weapon that nobody else--not even the Hulk--can lift. He walked right up to the king of Jotunheim with only a half-dozen people as backup, because he wanted to pick a fight. He went mano-a-mano with the aforementioned Hulk. Not knowing how Midgard works does not make him stupid. Seriously, guys. Viking god. 'Nuff said.

BATMAN

Fanwriters never seem to know the difference between riddles and jokes. Sure, there's some overlap, but I have seen maybe . . . oh . . . two competently-written Riddlers in my four-plus years in the fandom. The rest of the time, he's a prancing ninny who tells jokes. Fandom, I am disappoint.

GI JOE

--My pet peeves can be summed up with the phrase "elite military unit." Let's break it down.

--"Elite." The original '80s Joes were in their thirties, Vietnam veterans, and handpicked from the very best that the army and associated branches and specialties had to offer. You don't get to be a Joe unless you have high-level specialized training, or have an unusual skillset that makes you invaluable (IE, ninja). They don't just pick anyone who manages to vaguely impress one of their members. Sues, I'm looking at you.

--"Military." Yes, they're a mixed group, but they still live the military life and under military regulations. That means: communal bunkrooms, keeping personal possessions to a minimum, up at the crack of dawn for PT, no talking back to someone of higher rank or else, do as you're told, lots of hard work, and pulling nightshifts on CQ or guard duty. A lot of those things suck, but it's the job. An OC cannot just mouth off to anyone she likes, and she can't decide she doesn't want to do something--especially not when ordered by a superior officer.

--"Unit." They are a team, dang it. They have to work together. There's always going to be interpersonal drama, but not at the high-school level that fics seem to like. They're grownups, guys! War veterans! Give them a teensy bit of credit.

Hetalia:

Poland:
I've seen a ton of people make Poland into a selfish girl obsessed with what he looks like, ponies, pink, and all that stuff. Yes he does like that, but no, he is not incapable of taking care of himself. Look at history. He's known as the phoenix, and he's earned that nickname. Look at how many times he's been dissolved. Russia, Prussia, and Austria in 1795. By Germany and the USSR in 1939. I think that all of his quirks are just a coping mechanism. He's a strong country on his own.

Canada:
Please note that Canada is my favorite character, so I may be a little biased when it comes to him.

In a lot of stories I've seen, Canada is portrayed as a character who is just there, is meek and afraid to make himself known. Look at Canadian history, particularly during World War Two, where the majority of Hetalia Canon takes place, and it tells a different story. On D-Day, the Canadians had gotten the farthest into France of the three attacking nations. A quote from Winston Churchill states that in the army needed to take over the world, the soldiers would be Canadian. I don't think Canada would let Russia sit on him.

Kingdom Hearts. What is it about "Nobodies not having hearts and therefore have no real feelings" does most of the fandom not understand? They cannot feel love. They cannot feel angst. So stop shipping them! Please! I know they're pretty, but seriously!

'Scuse me, let me finish packing this crate with these individually wrapped bars of something about right to hold in the palm of your hand...

... Okay, done. -stands on it-

I am so utterly sick of stories where Matoran Universe inhabitants date and marry and have babies like humans do without even a cursory note that the author is disregarding that particular piece of canon. I am so utterly sick of this assumption that of course they need to kiss and date and marry and have sex and court like humans do when that disregards a fundamental difference which is that they don't.

They're asexual -- not agender, much as I am liable to grumble about how that doesn't make sense except as something the Great Beings couldn't imagine their creations not having -- and don't even have the bits for sex, just the mental construct of female/male and slightly different bodies with their different elements (hello Ga-Matoran, how ya doing with those useless lumps on your chests?). They're still entirely capable of forging deep and abiding friendships, especially without the whole issue wherein a hetero- or bisexual male and a hetero- or bisexual female form a deep and abiding friendship and the world and his wife expects them to hop into bed together.

Co-opting the words "brother" and "sister" for what Toa call their teammates, I feel, sums this sort of relationship up neatly. It's entirely platonic, it's entirely non-erotic, and the participants will go through hell and high water for each other and rib their siblings about it the whole way, and they chose their family on top. They love each other, and I really wish English didn't have sex all tangled up in that word because in canon Bionicle they don't and it's kind of beautiful. They make sure those they love are safe and happy and healthy and will lay down their lives to do it (See: Jaller that one time to save Takua, Matoro for freaking EVERYBODY) and they don't need the whole sex thing tangled up in their love. Physical closeness? Hell yeah, hugging is all up in this joint, cuddling for comfort after or before a big battle eff yes, just don't get your sexual-being baggage into their asexual-being love.

... Okay, and Greg Farshtey didn't want to answer questions about the sex lives of plastic toys. That too. I just took the whole thing and ran with it, though I'm poking at the idea of romantic as opposed to erotic love and seeing if it's disentanglable from the whole 'kissing' thing because I think it's applicable to my questionably-canon-compliant headcanon AKA that meandering rant. And I really, really find this sort of thing, this difference in mentality, interesting, and I want to see what I think makes sense...

Still got one more, related to the above: Oi! Enough with the unmarked giving of human forms for the sole reason of teh sexhay. I'm annoyed about the proliferation of these period because there's often no real reason beyond the author seemingly unable to properly imagine not being human, but if they're marked I can avoid them or in the case of Metru Uni love them, though that one's A, marked, and B, not for teh sexhay anyway and it's actually more like humans getting these weird powers and masks and stuff, it's awesome. And also horrendously AU even beyond that but the timeline changes are the funnest.

A-hm, where was I? Oh yes. It's not that hard to write these guys as the bodies they are in canon, really! Really! Just get your minds out of the gutter for two darn sexonds* and you'll see they don't even need to be human because canon did just fine, and anyway you can always turn to the natives of Spherus Magna if you really wanna, they've got the equipment... or mark your dang AUs at least so I can avoid them just off the summary, ff.net's summary limit is 384 character now instead of 255, you have space! At the very least put it in an initial author's note.

*Typo. But I'm keeping it, because, despite what that rant extolling asexuality might lead people to believe, I'm as horny a teenager as the majority of sixteen-year-olds. I just... don't think giving that particular trait to these characters adds anything, and that they have so many more ways to show love that won't even need to go over G unless you're the kind of person who thinks guys cuddling needs an R rating and then screw you Takua/Jaller cuddlebuddies for life! No, no, Nixie/Takua/Jaller/Hahli OT4 cuddlepairing! And add Macku and Hewkii to Hahli's end of the couch in that order, and get Hafu in there! Maybe get Pohatu to give Kopaka and Tahu a hug wherein they're stuck next to each other, see how much the pair grumbles! CUDDLES FOR EVERYONE

HUGS FOR THE HUG THRONE CUDDLES FOR THE CUDDLE GOD ahem I'll be going now -steps down off soapbox-

On the point of England, there's also his punk and pirate years. People also seem to handwave those in the favour of "teh sexeh yaoi ukez".

My pet peeves are also Hetalia.
My first is the already mentioned England, but my other two are about France and Russia.

France

Lot's of fans don't like France, because they see him as nothing more than a pervert. Some people even think he's as bad as being a paedophile and a rapist, although I can't think of anything in canon that would support this.
There are a lot of parts in Hetalia that show how he's more than a pervert, such as the Jeanne D'Arc strips, but lots of fans ignore this all in favour of having him sexual harrass their characters.

Russia

Russia is another character who has most of his traits ignored. Lots of fans see him as a violent psychopath, when in actuality, he's not really. He doesn't do nothing but try to torture and kill people. He is yandere, but people seem to forget the 'dere' part of that.


The main problem with things like this is that many fans will write the characters as how they're shown in fanon, instead of how they actually act. Sometimes fanon is needed if there is no canon, like with the 2P!characters, but ignoring actual characterisation in favour of fanon just... agh!

...
TL;DR: France doesn't do nothing but molest people. Russia has a childlike innocence as well as being kind of sadistic.

1. Agent Undis Closed of the aforementioned Radio Nutmeg strongly implies that his station is illicit (I think his introduction starts with 'Somewhere in the mountains of New Caledonia'). I've always imagined him and Gilty Cin (I think that's right - can't get to the Wiki right now) hacking their way into a network they're probably not meant to be on. By this theory, unless it had been modified, a console probably /wouldn't/ pick up Radio Caroline or whatever. As to whether a normal radio would pick anything up in HQ... that would depend on the radio-transparency of generic surface, and the universe the radio was in at the time (assuming the HQ-is-built-into-caves-via-invisible-portals theory is correct, I don't think it's ever been properly tested).
   
   3. Switching tracks, I would say this depends entirely on what works in the story. If you'd literally just have to write 'Agents Carbuncle and Vermillion portalled into Bitticus Karaktor's room. Vermillion stabbed him. They portalled out', it's probably not worth bothering. If, however, the off-screen character is the President of the United States of Valinor, with armies at his disposal, it might be hilarious to watch, and so worth doing.
   
   (United States of Valinor... oh dear. That's almost as bad as 'and then the Noldor invaded Modern Earth and totally won')
   
   hS

As far as I know, there are no Primeval Minis, but I think Mini Future Predators would probably be the best choice. Just in my opinion.

[Snort] Vëon... 'Manly Man'? Oh, very good. The primary problem with this name is that it's very good Quenya - but most elves outside Valinor would have a Sindarin name.

Q. Vëa doesn't seem to have an attested S. form, but by analogy with Q. Valar > S. Balan, I'd say it's likely to be S. Bea. So you could have Beon (the umlauts on the 'e' aren't used in Sindarin writing). This is supported by the fact that Q. Ve, 'as, like' > S. Be. I can't find anything else that would clash with it, so Beon would work - both (probably) by meaning, and as the closest Sindarin phonology will allow to Veon (and as a bonus, with a definite article he would become i Veon, 'the Beon' - this also works for many prepositions, so 'with Beon' would be na Veon).

hS, knows too much

The Wiki is your friend!

We have the PPC Radio:
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/PPC_Radio
run by Agent Gilty Cin.

There's also Radio Nutmeg:
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Radio_Nutmeg
which has actual real broadcasts that can be listened to! This one is run by Agent Undis Closed, who, entirely through coincidence, sounds exactly like Huinesoron.

Let's see, what else. I would say a character only needs to be neuralyzed if they observed part of the badfic happening, but I'm sure there are exceptions. An example would be nice, here.

A missing comma? I'm thinking no. That wouldn't be affecting the name. A missing apostrophe, like in "Aragorns sword?" Definitely a mini. (and maybe duplicate Aragorns, too!) A random extra comma, like in "walking to the door ,Aragorn saw . . . ?" Also a mini, though I'm not sure how to pronounce the comma in ,Aragorn. Maybe start with a pause?

Minis are created from mis-spelt names. If there's a missing comma... I think we'd need an example just to be sure.

I'm not sure about the rest though, hehe...

A most excellent mission! This is one of those missions where I really feel no sympathy for the Sue at all; she was treating her pet with more attention and care than her own brother! I'm glad Nathan is under the Nursery's care, now.

I liked the scene at the end. Letting real dragons take care of the imposter was an excellent choice. Having the Sue Wraith take over her dead pet's body to attack was, frankly, awesome.

Now, my traditional and obnoxious Pointing Out Of Errors.

Narav began to swallow Bleeprin as the Sue somehow pulled on the tiny costume, but as her limbs and body warped in order to fit it. Something's missing in that second clause.

As the two agents watched, he changed from a toddler to about a thirteen. Thirteen-year-old. (I don't think you intended to turn him into one of those number Muppets from Sesame Street.)

Your asterisked note of noodle advertisements: It's a good joke, but I think it would be better either at the end of whole story, or as a parenthetical right in the same paragraph. It reads really out of place where it is, and I was trying to figure out why an ad had spawned in the middle of a GoogleDoc.

The two OCs had some a few lines of dialogue, before Lexi ran upstairs to dress. Either some or a few. Not both.

She had barely noticed the fact that a sentence had ben inserted into the narrative, she was so happy they were almost done. Pleased to meet Mr. Ben Inserted!

She looked at where he’d been standing, and wsa shocked. "was"

After we get those, I think that that random alcohol in that bar to set the house on fire.” Missing a verb, methinks.

I especially liked how you managed to convey the information necessary to understand the 'verse though the agents' conversations. My only nitpick would be the use of an internet connection to check the rules of pro-bending. Where's the reception coming from? I remember a Pocket Fictionary being used in a situation like this once. I can't find any mention of it on the wiki (aside from the Claimed badfic page), but I think it appeared in one of Suicide and Diocletian's missions...

Loving that reference to the PPC Card Game. I also liked the snarking with the making-pancakes-in-a-house-scene:

"I think that’s it, unless you want to go more in-depth on the pancakes."

Priceless. Keep 'em coming!

In the disclaimer, there's a missing space between 'it.' and 'Many thanks', and it should be 'mission', not 'missions'.

Can I have the hungry wine, it is not already taken. I have some Ideas for that.

Sorry about the shop floor, it's a little messy at the moment but hey, it's home. As a welcome present, here's a copy of the latest issue of Scryer for Hire Magazine, our in-house ISR (Intelligence, Surveillance, and Reconaissance) periodical. In this year's issue, New Innovations in Crystal Scrying. Also, Remote Viewing and You: Psychic Powers and the (Im)Practical Agent.

Here, have some of my Schrodinger's Cookies (may or may not contain chocolate.) You really don't need to look far for badfic--just search the word 'alicorn' on the Pit.

In any case, welcome! And sporking is definitely not required for anyone here--just talk with us, make friends, and have fun! Though sporking things is sometimes a part of that last one.

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my world-famous hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Isolate from hydrophilic substances.

Hi, have some fudge!

I remember being a lurker once... good times. Not really though because I barely knew what was going on and I was terrified that the Boarders were going to eat me. Not that they would; it's hard to eat someone over the internet.

Enough about me; how about you and your brand new action figures! There's so many things to talk about in that category, like how there are seventeen of them and each of them is a MLP pony with a star symbol thingy (what are they called?)and how they com in all different color combinations. Have fun!

I'm pretty sure that everyone else has already said everything that needs to be said, so I'll just go straight the the gift. You are now the proud owner of a wizard hat*! It is very sparkly and conveniently labled "Wizzard".
*Warning: this hat does not give you the ability to preform magic. Don't go jumping off of cilffs and expecting to levitate.

Hi! Have a... um... radioactive cat. That is walking down the street.

Greetings, new friend! Have a jockey horse! (This is a horse that rides jockeys.)

You definitely sound like you'd fit well in the Department of Intelligence!

Hmmm, let me see... *digs around in her bag of various useful things* ...ah! Have this spyglass - I can imagine they're very handy for investigators.

(No that wasn't a misspelling of ilk.)
You probably won't have to look very hard for badfic, but just in case you get lost or need to travel long distances, have a handy elk. Hardly bites at all.

If you're planning on digging through the depths of ff.net, have some handy spelunking gear! Also, some Bleeprin for when you just need to get some horrible image out of your head.

:)

~Puck

I'm Araeph, and I manage the Department of Technical Errors. My agents, Mara and Isaiah, would like to give you a complimentary red pen! *tosses*

Feel free to ask any questions you'd like...I've been around here a while, so I can fudge an answer if I need to. :) Nice to have you here!

To quote Professor Umbridge in Harry Potter (with much more sincerity), thank you, everyone, for those kind words of welcome. And also, thank you for your gifts, I doubt I'll be able to get far in the realm of badfic without using them. It's wonderful to see that everyone's so friendly on the PPC Board.

It's nice for more lurkers to join us! Leave your sanity at the door, though; you won't be needing it here.

I'm wondering, though, what are your fandoms? Can I assume by your name that you're part of the MLP fanbase?

Either way, here, have this link to one of my favourite songs!
(I ran out of Boxes of Infinity to give to the newbies)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pdw27j_usP0
It's We Could Be the Same, by maNga, otherwise known as Turkey's song from Eurovision 2010.

/Himu, your neighbourhood pirate\

The Constitution is, as others have said, an absolute must to read, and the other recommended piece is The Original Series by Jay and Acacia, so you can get an idea of where the whole idea began.

I hope you enjoy yourself here. Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object. They're useful and fun! :D

Welcome to the PPC. I wish I could give you something normal but I don't have any of those, so have a broadsword that I found lying around on the ground.

I can take it that as a lurker you've read the Constitution as well, then, so I won't need to mention that the link is at the top of the Board.

Welcome! We can always use more Intel officers, whether those in the goodfic-badfic sorter room or those whose real-life writers send them in to describe in detail how awful a 'fic is. Have fun, here's a couple bottles of Bleeprin, use them sparingly.

Reading the Board's Constitution is a good idea (read: a must). Also, here, have a cup of tea. Just make sure the leaves won't eat you – they're omnivorous.

Because if you could you could take some scans of the really bad pages and draw the agents on the page fixing things or poking fun at it. Just an idea, but I have seen some bad fanart out there and as someone learning how to draw I feel like that could be something that I could work on. I haven't applied for Permission yet though, so it wouldn't be anytime soon.

Some fics just need killing.

What you could do is insert links (for whole scenes) or crops of the page (for the most notable art errors) into a normal text mission. Misspellings and the like could just be copied like quotes normally are.

Personally, I think there is value to sporking it even if you do only use text. That thing is a stinking pile of frass and deserves to die a million fiery deaths. I don't have Permission yet either, and I'm sure you can handle it on your own, but if you want a collaborator, I am more than up for the job.

We have a Bad Roleplay Department, with a Division of Bad Quizzes - while still text-based, they're not exactly the same as badfic. I don't believe either of those have ever been used.

There have also been discussions about how to potentially PPC a comic, but no-one's ever come up with a good method. Do you do it in text-only form, in which case why bother? Do you paste your agents into their bad comic, in which case it's pretty plagiaristic? Or do you draw your own versions of bits of their comic, in which case how do you have the time for that? Thus far, no-one's found a decent method of PPCing them.

To take other types of bad-...

I've posted (not /too/ long ago) a probably-AU snippet set in the Wrecked Music Department, where they PPC dodgy covers, remakes and remixes of songs. That was mostly a technical exercise in how surreal a PPCing could be - and was not done as a song. So there's that.

hS

Somehow, these drawings strike me as uncanny. I can't pinpoint it, but I think it's the fact that the faces are so large. The facial features seem kinda lost in them.

Also, the varying degree of realism. You're trying really hard with the eyes while having barely any shading or dynamics. I don't think a tutorial for facial expression helps that much before you've got the face itself down. Start slowly.

(If I have been a tactless pillock and/or made dumb blanket statements at any point in this, please inform me. Concrit the concrit, so to speak.)

As an amateur artist myself, and as an artist who specializes in drawing face both from the front and in profile, I say this: Look at people's faces. For eye placement, look at people's faces. Look at tutorials for how to draw the human face written by people who show knowledge of how the body is put together in real life. Eyes are, approximately, in the middle of the head. The 'upside-down egg' way of drawing the head from the front is one I've found works, as well as drawing a circle and then the jaw. I draw guidelines through the horizontal and vertical middles and it helps keeps things in place. I look at tutorials, I watch tutorials, and I practice imitating what I see.

Specific crit: you draw eyes too high. Nearly everything else looks about right, but the misplaced eyes are the center of focus and they make the whole image look off. The eyebrows do look right, they're at about the height of the top of the ears, but the eyes are squeezed in under them.

You also draw mouths too wide to be quite right; the general rule of thumb I've picked up is that the very edges of the mouth fall squarely under the middle of the pupil when the eyes are facing straight forward, they actually look a bit smaller, and in more stylized styles mouths are often smaller still.

I say again, look at people and draw them, look at tutorials and imitate the general principles, and do what you're already doing and practice.

Did someone say that the rule "Don't tell other people their opinions are wrong" is a shield for bullies?

I don't think it is. Can't you tell a bully to not bully without addressing the rightness of either his/her or the victim's opinion? Can't you just say, "Nobody's going to win; let's just stop now; this subject is off the Board; please keep it there"?

Just because someone's opinion makes someone else feel bad doesn't mean we can't have them, for fear that we make others unhappy.

Yes. Bigot is an insult. Even if it's true. I don't know if it is. I'm just pointing out the connotation.

Yeah, it seems good.

I realize the wording is still being tweaked a bit but the gist of it is still there. The PPC should be a fun place, not a place of arguments and discrimination.

Also, I like the Discworld reference.

First off, we would like to say that we approve of the proposed amendments. We think that the changes are needed.

However, that is not what we want to talk about right now. We are concerned about some of the discourse taking place around the amendments. We have seen a pattern of behavior that disturbs us, in this thread and its predecessor. People's concerns about the amendment have been met with hostility, excuses, avoidance, and minimization. Let us give some examples.

1) Tungsten Monk raised legitimate concerns about the very open-ended language being used in the original post of the first thread. Her point was met with several responses which ranged from "We aren't mature adults" (excuses) and "You would rather see people leave than change the rules a little?" (avoidance) to "We've already set a terrible precedent" (excuses). None of these actually addressed her concerns about the language.

2) Kaitlyn voiced a concern about potential vigilante-ism and was told "That won't be a problem, because we already have the opposite problem" (minimization).

3) VM says she assumed that StarShadow was worried that homophobia wouldn't be tolerated, despite him clearly saying, in his original post to this thread, that he thinks the amendment "Seems good". This is not the only time, in the recent past, that people have been accused of supporting/opposing something, when they had already stated that they hold the opposite view (hostility).

What all of this boils down to, in our opinion, is an automatic assumption of bad faith. It looks like an assumption that any concerns that are brought up are supporting the bad guys, so the concerns are being shouted down or not treated seriously. We are worried that this will continue into the future.

We believe that this is important. We would like to have a discussion about why this is happening and how we can fix it.

-Phobos and Neshomeh

No worries about putting this back up top, ma'am. This issue needs to be resolved ASAP.

I approve of the wording for the amendment but I'd just like to stress one point. One very, very important point. To do this, I'd like to quote what doctorlit said in the first thread:

"[W]e shouldn't need a Constitution--any Constitution--to give us basic moral guidelines. [...] So yes, let's edit the Constitution. But let's not forget that the Constitution is only a piece of "paper." We are living, breathing, thinking, feeling human beings. We have minds. We have consciences. Sometimes, we need to use those first and the Constitution second."

I agreed with this, but what with mimes? I have never heard of that expression before now.

I could not agree more.

Seems good, but (takes deep breath)

I am not sure if the sections of part one clear with Article 12. The problem I see is that anyone who doesn’t support gay rights, and all their opinion on said topic, are labeled as homophobic. The problem I see with this is that this effect, combined with the proposed amendment, would stop serious, two sided, discussion on that matter.

People have suggested a few tweaks to the wording, which are good tweaks, but overall I think the amendment is a good one. Let us accept it as part of Da Rules.

I wholeheartedly agree with 1 through 4 - just having seen some of the flame threads - and the arguments about discrimination and second chances - makes me see this as closing many loopholes and preventing discrimination much more effectively.
I agree that the last part of 2 deserves at very least to have a 2.5 made for it, if not a whole new number. The amendments to 6 and 7 are also very welcome to me.

Also, nice Diskworld reference.

I like this version, but I have a slight change in mind:

2. Do not flame. There is a distinct difference between 'I don't agree with your opinion and I think that your theory is factually wrong' and 'You're an idiot and your opinion is built on lies and stupidity'. If you find that you're hurling insults around, just stop.

3: We don't tolerate anyone making jokes about topics like rape, murder, abuse, bigotry and mental health issues. Such jokes are not wanted here, so don't make them.

I feel like point 3 is important enough that it needs its own point and shouldn't be tacked on to the end of another point. Your thoughts?

Based on either things that have vanished from the original (I'm assuming this is meant to replace articles 1-6 in their entirety, and leave everything else as it stands), or on inter-linking... or on errata:

1/ You say 'who intentionally oppress, persecute, other, use or otherwise...' Is that meant to be 'otherwise abuse'? Or simply 'abuse'?

2/ Obviously the wikilink to Flame will go back in... you've also lost the 'to PPCers or anyone else' part in there, which means we no longer explicitly forbid attacking badfic authors. Suggest: '...you're hurling insults around - at fellow PPCers or anyone else - just stop'.

3/ 'in any violation of the Constitution, particularly Articles 1 & 2', rather than 'any of the above'.

4/ No problems here.

5/ Agreed.

6/ You've accidentally made a Board-centred Article. Suggest: 'do not end outside PPC community spaces' and 'while in communication with other PPCers'.

7/ For '(politely, though)', suggest: '(politely - and remember Article 5!)', and for 'take a step back and' suggest: 'take a step back - Article 4! - and'. Oh, and for 'leave the Board' suggest: 'leave.'

8/ Suggest this be moved up to immediately after Article 4, to tie into 'all respectful opinions', and get the 'newbies are allowed to comment too' point across sooner. Additionally, a comment: is the difference between 'does not warrant respect' and 'be polite' clear enough here? I understand it to mean that even if someone is causing grief, that's no reason for /you/ to turn the Board into a flamefest - but is that clear enough?

9/ I have a serious problem with this rule. Don't you UNDERSTAND that this silliness is not welcome in our VERY SERIOUS Constitution? This is an outrage and--

-- what's that? This is the PPC? Oh, sorry, I thought I was somewhere else. Never mind, carry on.

hS

I'm one of those people who felt they should be morally against any and all patriotism, yet somehow the ceremony didn't offend me. Confuse, yes, but not offend.
On that note it was actually a famousish (can't remember the name) tor (hill) as opposed to a hobbit house ... I think.

filled with cringe-worthy celebrations of Australian "culture" such as corrugated iron, lawnmowers, clotheslines and sheep shearing.

Honest, world, there's more to the Land Down Under than that...

Elcalion, Antipodean

(We haven't quite finished this - we're somewhere in the late 'U's - but near enough)

-I really like the fact that there are four Independant Olympic Athletes - one from South Sudan, three from, um, somewhere else. It's just nice.

-I'm not entirely positive why Hong Kong has its own team; I thought it was now just a part of China, but apparently not.

-'Chinese Taipei' seems to be a very roundabout way of naming Taiwan. I suppose that's politics for you?

-I approve of the Israeli flag-bearer - but mostly because he has his flag shaved onto the side of his head.

-The BBC commentary tended to follow a predictable pattern: one fact about the country, then comments on either an athlete among them, their costume, or something else happening in the stadium. A lot of the ex-colonies got their only fact as when we deigned to let them run themselves (:P).

--With that in mind, I really wanted the USA commentary to go like this:

"So here we have the United States of America, which gained independance from Great Britain in 1776. And over at the hill the Sudanese flag is just being planted, and..."

But it didn't. Humbug.

hS

I thought that the opening ceremony was amazing, though I do agree that the Digital age bit was a bit crowded. I think that they were trying to cram as much pop culture into it as possible. The only thing that could have made it better would be if David Tennant had run with the torch, but if that had happened my inner fangirl would have probably been overwhelmed and died. As for the games themselves, the only sports I'm really paying attention to are archery and fencing.

I will be watching the gymnastics, as it happens. I like gymnastics. And also ice skating.

-- Kaitlyn, feeling weirdly girly today

This person on tumblr pretty much summed it up.

http://dontletyourteagocold.tumblr.com/post/28159324740/beijing-we-want-lights-and-precision-and-a-good

...but the news channels here ditched the opening ceremony coverage in favour of other stuff.

*Rages*

I did manage to see some of the aforementioned things on the web though- including a Doctor Who reference during Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody (listen well at the seven-second mark).

Also, do we have a video of that Voldemort thing? I'd like to have a look at that one...

*Mixes pink and blue cotton candy* I have purple cotton candy! *Waves around, then eats.*

Cass, can I have another hug? It hasn't been a good day.

Yum! I don't think I've ever mentioned this, but you're probably the most amazing person on this board. (Apart from the one who started the sharks. vs bears argument...)

To the end of making everyone feel better, I have a song and a never-ending box of sparklers in random colors. Take one or a handful and enjoy.

*ducks out of sight to enjoy the fairy floss*

I can't remember the last time I had some. *Pulls a piece off and eats it*

Cyba Zero does a tour of all the roller coasters, thoroughly enjoying a legitimate excuse to whoop, scream and generally be noisy (unlike usual). She is now extremely hyper.

She dashes over to Cassie's hug booth, hugs her in thanks for such a wonderful funfair, and dashes off for round two.

A/N: yes, this is true - my sister recently informed me that roller coasters make me more hyper than coffee (which takes some doing).

What funfair would be complete without a kissing booth? And who wouldn't want a kiss from a roguishly charming young man, right?

I'll let you know if I find any guys like that. In the mean time, I spot a rollercoaster with my name on it.

Yeah, let's hug.

You do have a helter skelter!

[Slides again and again and again...]

hS

It'll have to be a cautious one though. Wouldn't want to squash the foetus, she hasn't done anything to deserve it apart from making my life an unrelenting misery since January. But you know, apart from that.

Can someone point me to the doughnut stand? There must be a doughnut stand here somewhere.

*Skuttles away from lurking in the corners of the Drama Treads, and up to the Hugging booth.*

Hugs are awesome. And fairs are awesome.

*wanders over to an unclaimed space, sets up a chair, takes off his hat, lays it carefully on the ground, chains himself to the chair, and starts picking the locks with his toes*

"Escapism, seeee it heeeeree!"

*over the fair tannoy system* It's great to see you guys having fun here. This evening, we will be having a firework display by the ferris wheel! We've laid in a great exclusive stock from that fantastic canonical shop Weasley's Wizard Wheezes! Rude sparklers for everyone!

-Sets up a booth-
-Hangs a sign. It reads 'Tea House'-
Hear ye hear ye! Today only! Non-carnivorous tea!

Maybe if I say... I'd really rather-- no bother that's argumenting too!

Oh, well, I guess I'll just have some candyfloss.

(I think we're doing pretty well over there on the stopping fighting - but like I'm going to pass up the offer of free sugar)

hS

I hereby claim the Waltzers as my own personal property! *stands on ride and waves plastic cutlass* If any of ye scurvy dogs prefer another ride, then ye'll be walkin' the plank!

~

The Waltzers Pirates - Now hiring!

*eats some fairy floss, hugs Cassie and heads to the ferris wheel* Wow, that's a great view.

*runs to the Dungeons and Dragon ride*

*gets sucked into another world*

*is now a scantily clad acrobat*

I really should have seen this coming ...

*makes a break for the bumper cars* I got dibs on the red one!

Because a nurse shark would be toast. And so would a sun-bear. Unless it was in with the nurse shark, in which case I think they'd ignore each other. Oh, and the size of the tank, because if it were polar bear vs. tiger shark, if the water were too shallow or the tank too narrow, the shark would be unable to keep swimming and breathing and the bear would be having shark cutlets.

... And now I'm having the unpleasant thought of what shark cutlets might taste like. Not that I think they'd be disgusting, but because a lot of sharks are protected species, which makes thinking of them as food kind of disgusting for me.

a number of factors, I put it forth the shark would win. I, of course, am biased towards the shark, because they pop up in movies too much, and the local aquarium has some pretty damn cool sharks.

Of course, if they were using some bear other than a polar bear, I'd put my money on the bear. All the polar bears I've seen are lazy, even during the winter when it's a heckuva lot colder.

In conclusion: Shark wins. :D

I think the bear would win. As pointed out, polar bears are very large and very strong, and can swim very well. A shark's only attack is to ram into a thing and bite it; a bear's hit with its front paws, with claws, could do serious damage to any animal, even a shark, without putting its head right in its opponent's line of fire.

Besides, polar bears eat fish.

...that the polar bear will win.

I don't think the bear needs to rear up on its hind legs to attack though: I think it can just take a swipe at the shark from the all-fours position.

An adult polar bear can take on a walrus and win if it really wants to. They are ridiculously strong, very persistent, and are able to swim.

A shark is essentially a big fish with teeth.

Does the shark have a frickin' laser beam attached to its head?

I think that the shark would win. Bears normal position are on all fours, so it would have to lean against the wall to stay up on it's hind legs. Plus, whenever it lashes out at the shark, it would fall down to it's normal position, and would waste time getting back up and leaning up against the wall. During that time, the shark would charge at it. The shark would be faster, and the bear's strikes would be slower in water.

I think the real question is how did they get into the same tank to begin with?

Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-iPCTu61Z4

Seems it's a bit late for me now.

... from my 14-day NaNo last year! I've been trying to edit my NaNo from 2010 in between, and have got... maybe a third of the way through? In 8 months. Oh dear... no, no camping for me.

hS

("to help you write the rough draft of your novel in a month… other than November!" [Snorts])

But have trouble finishing half a page before deciding my entire premise doesn't make sense.
I have shelves full of notebooks, full of worldbuilding that I never wrote the stories for.