Jun 2012 Archive, part c

Hi, have some fudge!

Hello and Welcome to the PPC Posting Board! Here, have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

Whoops, how could I have missed an intro post right at the top of the Board for so long?

Anyways, welcome to the Board! Have some hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Ask your doctor if this product is right for you.

Welcome to the random insanity that is the PPC Posting Board. Here have some chocolate.
*Ducks blello paint filled balloon*
Anyway see you around.
*Runs off into the water fight*

Hi there newcomer! Welcome to the PPC! Have this Internet cookie I found in a jar somewhere, and enjoy your stay here!

*glomps*

Ahem. I'm a calm person. Really.

Anyways, a Star Wars fan? Here's a lightsaber for your gift, then! Sorry, but I can only spare my magenta one, so that's what you get! xD

Anyways, have fun, and don't forget to check out some of the other PPC stories besides the original series! Trust me, you won't regret it, even as they keep you up into the wee hours in the morning. :3

Don't be daunted, those walls-o-text are only there to make sure that nothing gets out of hand and so that everyone can enjoy this board. In fact, it's great that you even read it. Some newbies seem to miss it entirely. Anyway, since you said that you like anime, I now present you with a pair of 2-D glasses. Guaranteed to compress that pesky extra dimension or your money back!

Greetings, new friend!

Glad to see you've already found the Wiki! Just as a note, the month-long thing is for us get a feel for what you're like. So, rather than "getting that over with," you should just focus on getting to know folks here! Get in conversations, play in RPs (like the one below, for example) and just generally hang out! We do a whole lot more than just look at badfics!

The Original Series? Arduous? Not the word I would have used. I hope you still enjoyed them! (They are kind of important for us. After all, we're technically writing fan fiction of the world Jay and Acacia created!)

So! Good to have you a-Board! Welcome to the PPC!

I was so focused on doing this right I completely forgot mentioning the basics. ^^'

I'm a fan of Star Wars/Trek/Gate (I know that grouping them like this will make some fan-boys shudder, I AM doing it to tease you guys), a vast number of anime series, LOTR and many many things. I'm also a huge fan of fan-bases in general, so if you ask me if I ever heard about (insert series here) you can be sure that if the answer is no I will have researched it and watched a good dose of its material by the next day. For the sake of making this easier to remember; assume I know about everything.

I have dwelled in fan-fic and have also occasionally role-played in series-based universes, I have no particular preferences when it comes to the fan-fics I read, as if someone writes well enough I could even enjoy a story involving the disco-ball vampires of Twilight.

I currently study in psychology and while I am generally a well-behaved person I think I am legally obligated to tell everyone present I anger easily. This is supposed to be a friendly board however, and I take constructive criticism very well, so unless you're actively seeking trouble this should not be an issue.

Welcome to the PPC oh lethargic goo brained one. I'm guessing from your complaints you've already read the Constitution and found the wiki, so we can skip those formalities. We are re-establishing the Big Sib/Little Sib program, so please tell us about yourself and we can place you in a house or something. For example, what are your fandoms?

Also, we seem to be in the middle of a water war at the moment so for your present I'll give you a water balloon. It's filled with urple paint. Feel free to join the fun and throw at anyone but me.

-sob- I just finished reading the Bionicle fanfic currently on the Unclaimed Badfic page (A new world, capitalization theirs entirely) through sheer force of will, a lot of snarky comments, and promises of Sue-death in a Notepad document interspersed between a rudimentary charge list. I had Googled the Sue's name at one point because I hadn't seen the author's username then and found the author's ff.net profile via that Google. Three fanfics: my eventual prey, and the... things... I'm presenting now.

Thing one:
New Team Member, a Stargate SG-1 fanfic set at the beginning of season 2 according to the author.
Quoth the summary:
A young girl enters the SGC claiming to be from the species who built the Stargates.

Fifteen year old girl described as having perfect white skin. The prose is less beige than the Bionicle thing... but not by much. At all. According to the summary she's an Ancient, and I'm side-eying her already just from that and her perfect skin. Also she's in Pompeii and had moved there 'a few days ago before the volcano had erupted', quoth the fic. Has a probably-a-jumper-but-too-vague-to-be-sure. Goes to the SGC, OOCs everyone into just taking her to the Stargate instead of pointing guns at this nut. 1,324 words over two chapters and a chapter/author's-note. Author's abandoned it.

Charges, you ask? This Sophie's a Mary Sue, of course. Being described as perfect. Causing beige prose. Causing Glodforsaken abuse of the English language: to whit, dialogue by a new speaker not being put on a new line and other wanton cruelty to the common nearly everything punctuation related. Having ill-described and seemingly omniscient tech: to whit, that ship of hers, which showed her 'all the history I've missed since I was asleep' and also told her about the SGC and made her modern clothing. Going to Cheyenne Mountain and asking about the Stargate and not getting looked at horrifically suspiciously. More abuse of the English language: to whit, your/you're confusion, put into the mouth of Daniel ******* Jackson of all people er um yes where was I. Being an Ancient without good reason for being on Earth and in a body. Causing godawful sudden shifts in the story's current location in space-time without even a horizontal rule to warn us, though it is on fanfiction.net so it could be that the site ate those. Causing OOC in the form of blithe introductions to main cast members with only token suspicion from Jack O'Neill and I'm pretty sure that was only put in so he could have seen the error of his ways though, again, abandoned. Causing mental injury to an Intelligence agent: to whit, ME. Ow.


Thing Two:
AllSpark Reborn, a Transformers fanfic.
Quoth the summary:
The Decepticons kidnap Sam and Mikaela's baby until eighteen years later...

I don't know much about Transformers, but this is certainly confusing with what I do know. Why do the Decepticons care about a little sprog? What is even going on in the second chapter? Oh right, beige fog of DOOM. I have nigh-on no idea what's going on but it smells like badfic. The dialogue is at least readable due to proper conventions being followed, but the prose is bland as the other two and seriously, seriously what is even. But there's this one Transformer that the Sue is friends with or something who was pretending to be a Decepticon but then took off a disguise creator and his coloring changed and he had an Autobot logo... yeah I give up I'll just put this in the capable hands of someone who knows the fandom, it is utterly incomprehensible to me.

Just...WHAT. I'll have to keep that one in mind for sporking...

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8233230/1/Dreams_and_Love
Name: Dreams and Love
Canon: Harry Potter
Author: DoctorTARDIS12
Rating: T
Summary: Alice Potter is the little sister of the James Potter we all know and love. Something dark is following Alice. Can she handle falling in love? Can Remus figure out what's going on? Why is Remus avoiding Alice? I suck as these summery things. :l NOTE: MY LAPTOP BROKE, I DO NOT KNOW HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE ME TO FIX IT. STORY WILL BE UPDATED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. :l

I'm too tired to think completely well, but this was in my favourites to be reported, so here it is.
I'm guessing 'Alice' is a 'Sue, but I could probably do with someone checking it to make sure.


http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8233232/1/One_reason_inuyasha
Name: One reason inuyasha
Canon: Inuyasha
Author: Breeluv
Rating: T
Summary: "inuyasha give me one reason ONE! Why I should stay here!" Disclaimer:I don't own anything!

This is either a troll or... well, I don't want to think about the other possibility, really.
Bad SPaG, a random POV change in the middle, and I have troublr working out what's really happening. Although that might be because I'm sleepy.
But really, bad SPaG is bad


And finally...
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8227379/1/Code_Vixen
Name: Code Vixen
Canon: Code Lyoko
Author: Shamira the Guardian
Rating: K
Summary: A new girl comes to kadic Academy and she already knows Odd. What does she know of Lyoko and when all hope is lost will she save the day.

I'm just going to say ''Sue' and leave it at that, really... I'm not sure if we have many/any people who know Code Lyoko anyway, ahaha... ^^' But still, a 'Sue is a 'Sue.
There's no reason for the 'Sue to even know about XANA and everything, but she does. For some reason. And they let her into Lyoko when they don't know her well. -_-


...yeah, just trying a new way of reporting badfics. Although the 'Name' part is obviously from the #Department of Redundancy Department.
And yeah, I've been busy lately so I thought I'd get reporting badfics to make up for it. ^^'

But I've been looking at the author's page on FF.net, and... I don't know what to think. I enjoy My Immortal because it's a) so ridiculously biased and niche that I can laugh at it, and b) it could be a troll, but it could be real, and that adds mystery and also humour. I enjoy the works of Sue Mary because she's a) so ridiculously over-the-top that it's hilarious, and b) obviously a troll, but quite possibly doing it to mock other trolls, which makes it a million times more enjoyable. The guy behind THIS (dave-carpenter123) seems, if he's a troll, to be aiming for the best of both worlds, and hitting all over the place. The other interesting thing about him is that he's produced nine fanfics so far, all of them dated June 21st. Nine in one day. ONE DAY. None of them are good (at all), but none of them are particularily funny, either (with the possible exception of his Tom and Jerry fic - my reaction was essentially "That's it?!") Truly, this is a remarkable human being. Maybe. I'm probably about to be alerted to a dozen authors just like him, but in my mind, he's an impressive troll. Unless, of course, he isn't a troll at all, in which case all bets are off.

I'd say yeah, he is almost certainly a troll.

(For example, in his Portal fic, this is a complete log of every time the name "Chell" appears:
Chell
Chel
chell
cellch
chelehe
CEHELCHE
cheleoele
chreselelsslleelwechelele
cheheheelehelehxhcaa

I have to believe that this is impossible to do genuinely.)

(On the other hand, mini-frankenturrets for everyone!)

that it tacks another line on after "the end". THREE TIMES.

Welcome to the Board! Have some chocolate, won't you? That's a long intro you got there, lemme see if I can put my two cents in...

Bionicle- Oh WOW do I miss this series! My favorite arcs were the original... and the Hordika arc... the latter for my own reasons. (And yes, Michael Dorn has a great voice, doesn't he?)

Hero Factory- It's okay... but not as good as Bionicle, in my opinion. Though I did buy the bad guy toys, mainly because I thought they looked cooler than the hero ones...)

Harry Potter/Young Wizards/Discworld/Lord of the Rings/Chronicles of Narnia/Artemis Fowl- Good books, 'nuff said.

Star Wars/Star Trek/Doctor Who/Firefly- Good shows/films... even if they have their flaws (I still can't forgive Joss Wheadon for what he did to some of my favorite characters...)

Twilight/Eragon- I think what bugs me the most about these books is that they COULD have been good, but as they are, they're just... Meh.

Marvel/DC and comics in general- I love comics, even if I'm indifferent to the recent Marvel and DC titles... (also, AT4W for the win!)

Homestuck- I like the series... but it's so long that I prefer to read/watch the comic in short bursts.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic- What else is there to say, but great show (crazy fans not withstanding)?

Avatar: The Last Airbender/Legend of Korra- Loved the first series, haven't watched much of the second (I should really get on that...)

Neopets- I like the concepts they have, though the guilt-causing measure it implements is a real pain...

Anyway, you have some good taste in fandoms, I hope to see you around more!

Also, can we be friends now? I approve of nearly everything you've said, and the things I don't approve of it is only because I am ignorant of them.

Also, you have read Luminosity and that alone makes me be very excited about you.

So yes! Welcome to the boards! I'm mostly a lurker myself these days, but I'll unlurk on occasion to say hello or comment on things that are relevant to my interests.

~Mystia

We love newbies! Please, make yourself at home!

Here, have some good ol' Benjamin Britten for the road! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dg3nfZvm59Y

Greetings, new friend! Clearly, you are not afraid to weild the power of words. Have an unwritten novel!

That was easily the longest newbie intro I have ever read. Granted I haven't been here very long (A month or two, I think) but it very much surpassed the word count on mine and I thought mine was long. It's alright though 'cause now I don't have to ask you any questions like if you've read the constitution or found the wiki. Looking at your list of fandoms, I see a lot that I've read or heard about. I just watched my first episode of MLP when I was babysitting my neighbor's kid a couple days ago and I finally see why people are so obsessed. The characters seem really well developed. Also, as many people have said before, it's really worth it to read the rest of Discworld, even though there are a ton of books. I still haven't finished them all but my favorite so far is Night Watch.
Wow, your wordiness has rubbed off on me. I must be moving along now. As a gift, take this Generic Writing Tool, because it seems you would make good use of it. With a little imagination and some programming it can become any writing implement you like! I personally prefer the crayon option.

Well hello there wordy newbie! I'm amazed that people still play Runescape; I stopped playing once everything got 3-D. Funnily enough, my name was also a misspelled flower. But anyway, have a Hat of Holding! It's good for making quick getaways, or for just holding your lunch!

Welcome, bienvenidos, willkommen and kalosórisma! Have some Newbie Cake (don't worry, it's not made out of newbies... usually...)

And man, looks like you hit nearly all of the major canons! You'll find lots of friends here :)

Also, like has been said, what are you waiting for? You should read ALL of the Discworlds and watch ALL of the Star Treks (or, er... well, many of the Star Treks, anyway.)

Also also, I could give a 1413-word rant about why I like Equius way more than I probably should. Ah, Homestuck feels...

Anyway. Welcome! I'm sure you'll have fun here!

Hi, have some fudge!

Hello there and welcome!

Have an extendable barge pole! Warning, it works for metric measures only. It also may or may not be of any use against Weeping Angels.

On second thoughts, take this cauldron of lava as well. With any luck that should melt any troublesome statuary you might encounter. That is, of course, if the lava doesn't melt the cauldron first.

Welcome to the PPC! Have some of my hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Like trinitrotoluene, but better!

Discworld recommendations, eh? Well, for starters you should definitely pick up Guards! Guards! It's the first in the City Watch arc and gives you a good introduction to the sprawling mess glorious city that is Ankh-Morpork. Night Watch is my all-time favourite and features Vimes and young!Vetinari. Feet of Clay is also worth your time.

Pottermore placed you in Gryffindor? I was placed in Hufflepuff, that house with the most members and the lowest number of House Points. Not that I care really: ironically enough, it actually echoes canon...

Inheritance Cycle? I've read that and actually enjoy the over-the-top-ness and overall idiocy of the protagonist and Roran. Have you ever read Kippur's sporkings of the books? They're absolutely hilarious and make you see the novels in a new light. I can toss you a link if you want.

I see we got another MLP fan! You'll fit right in: we've got a lot of those on the Board, myself included. Who's your favourite character(s)?

Generic Welcome Message
You really should read Discworld books and it's good to see another RuneScape fan. Have you ever noticed that RuneScape can be split to say Run Escape?
Anyway have some orange goblin armour, it's a little small, but I'm sure you'll shrink into it.

It's nice to finally meet you, Lilac Lielac, after all that alleged stalking. :P Words are good, too! Especially if you use them correctly, which you do. If you want Permission, you've probably seen the guide but I'll reiterate it here: hang around and participate long enough for us to get to know you fairly well (a month is about the usual length of time), and develop your ideas for agents in the meantime. Then, when you've been here a while, post with your Permission request, your agent ideas (with description and backstory) and a sample of your writing.

You have an impressive list of fandoms. I am with you on the Harry Potter front: Pottermore declared me a Gryffindor, but I still have lots of love for the other houses. And it's rare for me to meet another player of RuneScape; howdy, buddy! :D Totally agreed with you re: the Stone Angels, too - those things have been a source of terror for me since Blink.

And yay, a LOTR fan, too! Read more Discworld, and you will have completed my Holy Trinity (LOTR, Harry Potter, and Discworld). XD

I think you're going to fit in pretty well here; you've read the Constitution, you know how to use the wiki, and you're clearly a fan of fandoms. I am rather with you on the headcanoning/worldbuilding aspects of writing in canon, too. I think I like you. :P

I might point out, though, that Twilight and The Inheritance Cycle aren't generally very popular around here, so maybe don't expect too much enthusisasm for them. But we won't look down on you for liking them. :)

Oh, I knew there was something I was forgetting. *rummage* As a gift of welcome, please accept this bag of pebbles and Random Shiny Object. They are very good at being distracting, both for yourself and for fanfic creations you want to deal with.

So, uh... I never do know how to finish these things. :P Glad to have you on Board!

...But have a triple chocolate (chocolate with chocolate chips and chocolate icing) cupcake anyway!

*hugs Wozzy* Happy birthday, mate. Have a spanner, for throwing in the works of things.

I think you deserve the lyrics to this lovely song. Cue the thuds!

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Doom and gloom and dark despair
People dying everywhere!
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
May the candles on your cake
Burn like cities in your wake.
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
Your children plot to murder you
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Burn the castle and storm the keep
Kill the women, but save the sheep
For your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Now you've aged another year
Now you know that Death is near
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Now that you're the age you are
Your demise cannot be far
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Black Death has just struck your town
You yourself feel quite run-down
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Burn, then rape by firelight
Add romance to life tonight
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
We love children, yes we do
Baked or broiled or in a stew
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
May your deeds with sword and axe
Equal those with sheep and yaks
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
This one lesson you must learn
First you pillage, then you burn
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
While you eat your birthday stew
We will loot the town for you,
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
We brought linen, white as cloud
The women sit and sew your shroud
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Just be glad the friends you've got
Haven't found out you-know-what
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
I'm a leper, can't you see
Have a birthday kiss from me
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
It's your birthday never fear
You'll be dead this time next year
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
So far Death you have bypassed
Don't look back, he's gaining fast
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
You must marry very soon
Baby's due by next full moon
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
When you've reached this age you know
That the mind is first to go
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
It's your Birthday (thud!) Happy Birthday (thud!)
You are very, very old
Soon you will be dead and cold
It's your Birthday (thud!) Happy Birthday (thud!)

Obligatory birthday song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztoSUhbNntQ

And inclement weather is the prettiest weather! Thunder and lightning and rain, oh my!

Have a basket of Bleeprin-berries and a sack of pebbles!

*Unveils a most-definitely-not-duplicated-in-the-middle-of-the-night Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness*

Let there be cake!

*Throws various Bleep Products at HerrWozzeck, then runs away.*

A birthday is an excellent thing. :D Congratulations on turning 22, good sir!

Mine's tomorrow! 20! :D

I sent you an email, so there ya go.

When you put up chapter three, I felt inspired and rambled about it a bit. Seems like I foresaw how it would play out.

I just binged through all the new chapters, and wow, you should rename it to Fifty Shades of Wrong. Seriously, if this wasn't written from Ana's perspective and played totally straight, it would work as some kind of psychological thriller.

Also, ligaments: I'm currently sitting out my second ligament injury. The first was at the ankle. I was basically announcing myself by giving off a variation of "ow" at every second step. The splint helped, though. Dang, I can't even remember which ankle it was any more.

The second, more recent one's at my right knee. I'm not sure if it's permanent, since, if it's been overstretched, it most likely won't shrink down again, but it got better to a certain degree. I was able to walk home (very carefully), but I did take some wrong steps and ended up on my rear end once. I wrapped my knee up, which helped a lot. Again, I could walk, I just had problems with sharp corners. While I still feel it, I can walk around normally and run. Let's see what the MRI says.

Bottom line: Nobody had to nurse me back to health. In both cases I was able to walk back home (down a mountain/up a hill, respectively). In both cases I was almost free of pain as soon as the injuries had been taken care of. Hell, for the second one (which was worse, in my opinion), I went to work. Two days after it happened.

He should have broken his leg or something. That would have been a reason for mom to stay at home.

How about 50 Shades of Grey as read by Gilbert Gottfried?

It doesn't get better than this, folks!

~Mys

About the book: I've seen worse. The worst I've seen would be Corruption of Champions.

I found the fanfic 50 Shades is based on a few weeks back. Anyone who wants to give reading it a crack can: http://www.wattpad.com/1114636-master-of-the-universe-by-snowqueensicedragon

I will warn you that it's exactly as stupid, plot-wise, as the book, only the formatting is ever worse, and there aren't many quotation marks.

Also? Universal has apparently picked up 50 Shades for a movie deal. I can't really wrap my head around how they're going to get less than an NC-17 rating, and keep a runtime longer than 30 minutes.

I believe my age means I am legally encouraged to avoid this book like it's got a particularly virulent and infectious disease. Nonetheless, I am as intrigued by it as I am intrigued by police sirens and mangled heaps of metal in the center of intersections. Will you be going into 18+ detail on the sex scenes, or will your sporking be 'merely' NSFW?

(Enclosure talons included to acknowledge NSFW as no mere thing, and to note that this book is almost definitely NSFB as well. Need some Bleeprin?)

John Green of Nerdfighters fame did complain about this, but not the novel itself. He claims that Amazon.com business plan of cutting out the editor hurts novels' quality. He thinks that bookwriters need editors, and the traditional business model of writer-editor-writer-editor-publisher chain works really well for 500 years. The Miracle of Swinden Town commentary, check it out. Don't remember the number though.

That sounds... horrible. Thank the Goddess I don't have to read it myself.
...
Although the slightly masochistic side of me suddenly wants to read it. But I won't.

Eitehr way, good luck to you for sporking this... thing. *throws you some bleeprin*

I found an article about it in our local newspaper. It was praised for being so taboo and edgy because it dared to talk about BDSM. Oh, and it called Ana an educated woman. Does that show in the book? Like, in any way?

The "critique" (and by that I mean "plot summary plus praise for talking about BDSM in detail") awarded it 4 of 6 stars, while also calling it the Twilight saga for grown-ups.

Oh, and the main article called it soft porn for women. They do realize that they're saying that they're glorifying porn, right? Right?

I tried reading my mother's copy after my attempts at convincing her to burn it failed and it burned my eyes. I hadn't even gotten to the really bad sections (a.k.a. the rest of the book). The luck of whatever deity you worship be with you.

I really commend you for this. I tried reading my mother's copy and got about a page in before I had to stop due to an overabundance of whining by a supposedly mature character. Good luck on your quest.

This sounds like some monstrously bad writing, here. It reads like the author got so focused on moving the characters to the eventual endpoint that they overlooked all the little details leading up there. And also the way real, living people behave and think and talk.

Thank you for reading that so the rest of us don't have to.

...Ughhhh. Worse than it SOUNDS means it's pretty suckitudinous.

THIS right here is... an act of bravery, akin to the sporking of C*l*br**n. I salute you.

I would have liked to have done more math, but I date back to when teachers could get away with telling all the female students that we were genetically incapable of learning it (instead of, you know, actually explaining things). This wasn't exactly an incentive to take more than the minimum requirements. If I had bothered to remember the names of all my junior high and high school math teachers, I might be tempted to photocopy my math-check credits in a few Hero System books and send the copies off to them.

I couldn't get into "Physics For Poets" in college, that course always filled up fast. And yes, that was the real course name, in the catalog and everything. It was a 100-level physics course meant for non-science majors. I did get into the equivalent chemistry course and a 100-level astronomy course, both of those were fun.

I've also enjoyed history since grade school.

Congratulations on getting your Maths course! It always feels good to get the subject you most wanted...especially after having to go through bureaucracy beforehand.

I hope it works out well for you!

Art. Art. I really like art courses. Screw accounting (my major; bleh, but it'll pay the bills later), I want freakin' art!

I'm not in the same boat as you as far as classes are going, but I can't take any practical application art courses until next year. It annoys me. *sighs*

Have some cake. It has sprinkles. :)

It's always good to get news like that. :D

I remember back when I was doing my A-levels, I had to go through a bit of an annoying wait to find out what courses I could do.

In my first year at college, I'd wanted to study German as an AS level. Sadly, due to my high school teacher being an utter incompetent, I didn't have the required grade and was instead told to try a fast-track Spanish GCSE and do a fast-track Spanish AS/A level the next year instead so I'd still have two languages on my record (I was taking French too, and was rather better at that). I was kinda gutted, but agreed.

For various reasons, that year of college was rather a disaster. I pretty much failed all my AS courses (French, Sociology and Business Studies) but got a pass on the Spanish GCSE. I ended up requesting to re-sit my first year of college and swap Business Studies (which I loathed and had taken only because I thought I should) for Drama and Theatre Studies. They weren't too keen on me doing either - in England resitting an entire year isn't something that's done very often - and tried pointing out that I had no previous Drama qualifications.

I had a bit of a tussle with them over it, but eventually they relented and allowed me to re-register as a first-year, on the proviso that I'd only get into the subjects I wanted if there was room after all the "legitimate" first-years had got what they wanted.

The phone call saying I'd got into all four of the AS levels I wanted was awesome. I think I deafened my mum and her friends when I got off the phone.

I've had a love for drama activities since I was in my teens and my friends gently bullied my extremely shy and withdrawn self into taking part in the annual school musical. (I say bullied, they just dragged me along to auditions, got me to practice the songs with them - no hard thing given I love singing - and then poked me through the door when it came time to actually audition.) It did a lot for me, and it was fun, so I rather fell in love with the idea.

Mathematics has always been my favourite subject, along with physics and chemistry. This might explain why I'm enrolled in physics at the University this year...

So, grade 10 math, eh? I think you're going to take on trigonometry this year. A word of advice: SOHCAHTOA. Let it be burned into your soul. If you've got that down, then most trig problems aren't going to pose any problems... unless you've set your calculator to radian mode, which one of my friends did for an exam. Answers come out very differently if you enter things in radians.

Oh, that reminds me... if you're considering taking physics in the future take calculus first. Seriously, I took IB physics without the power of calculus, and realized one year later that I could have simply differentiated and integrated my way though 70% of the problems (darn you, simple harmonic motion!).

In England I've just finished my first year of AS Levels. I'm going to be seventeen by the end of the year aka four days and did my GCSEs last year.
The subjects I took were English Literature, Drama and Theatre Studies, Film Studies and History. Next year I'll drop Drama and Theatre and if I don't get good enough grades to continue the other three as A Level, do an AS in something like Media.
The first year of A Levels is known as AS and three or four subjects is typical. The second year is known as A and three subjects is typical. You have to do a subject at AS to continue it at A.

It's so frustrating when bureaucratic nonsense gets in the way of school like that. I definitely had a bit of that in college.

Let's see, courses I liked to take. Once I had the backbone of requirements-for-my-major set up each year, I would usually grab an extra life science course and a literature course for fun. Then, for a few extra course credits, I would grab an elective that felt interesting to me, like Anthropology or Psychology.

At NAU, I also volunteered to help reorganize the jarred animals in the Invertebrate Zoology specimen collection, which netted me three credits over three semesters! (It also taught me that it was possible to talk to girls like normal people.)

Well, I've just finished school – in fact, I had my last final today. Now, the system here in Israel works this way: You have to take some mandatory subjects (other words: English, Math, PE, History, Bible AKA Reading Comprehension, Literature AKA Mostly Horrible Poetry, Civics, and Grammar), as well as at least two optionals.
English and Math you get to choose the level – three points is the easiest, five the hardest. I took five English (though it's still, like all other levels, three finals and a project, which I wrote on JS Bach) and four Math.
My optionals were Cinema – three points theoretical, which is pretty fun (if the movie is good) and laughably easy (100s with no preparation at all, ho!), and two points practical, which is really hard (especially if, like me, you've an incompetent editor and a lazy cameraman. Oh, and irresponsible actors) but fun and satisfying; and Philosophy, which is really fun, but hard – I think the philosophy tests were the hardest I had ever. Sad thing is, I wrote eight pages for each of the last two tests (the semi-final and the final) and probably I was the most laconic person in the classroom.
Also, instead of doing a test in Grammar, I decided to do a project in Linguistics (it ended being Discourse Analysis, which is slotted between Linguistics and Sociology, but eh). It was supposed to be large, but not university-large, highschool-large. It ballooned to the 25-page area (with the appendices, it is a whopping 61 pages) and is large enough (and has enough material, original research etc), AFAIK (and so my mom tells me), to be a BA project. It's in its closing stages; I've just some small fixes to make. Hopefully I'll make it to the deadline (it's a long story, but the project's belatedness can be chalked down to three major factors: the Ministry of Education's bureaucracy – other words, the Grammar department head taking weeks to read a page-and-a-half-long research proposal, communication problems between my advisor and me and her accursed perfectionism).

PS: I live in Israel. Here is a link to a Wikipedia article that gives some background info.

However, I know that I claimed a few badfic off of that thread, so it's probably a good idea to keep an eye on the Claimed list, too.


Good luck editing, though!

If you're interested, I've got a job for you. See, badfics are only supposed to stay on the Unclaimed list for so long, the theory being that if it sits there that long without being claimed, it's unlikely anyone is going to take it at all, and it's past time to go pruning. I've already got a big wiki project, plus other stuff, so I don't really have time for it myself. However, since you're going to be working on that page anyway, would you like to give it a shot?

~Neshomeh, not at all looking for wiki-minions. Nope, not a bit. >.>

I didn't see anyone talking about all the fics. Since just because something is bad, it doesn't mean that it's sporkable.

...You did a good job. Poor Gaspard, stuck in brain-breaking worlds... he needs a raise.

...Y'know, it's fics like this that make me wonder what the holy hell is *wrong* with some people! And did anyone else but me notice that one of the OCs that got killed has the same name as the author? ...Not sure what that says about them... Uh, anyway, if this is an intelligence report, does that mean the fic itself is up for grabs? 'Cause I'd like a crack at it... eventually...

This was really well-written. I'm not an MLP fan myself, but I know enough about the fandom (tons of Brony friends will do that to a person) to see where that fic went off the rails.

I hope the OCs you mentioned do get rescued and made into Agents. :D

~Mys

As someone who tried and horribly failed to spork Sweet Apple Massacre, I think you managed to take this grim-dark thing and point out what's wrong with it while being funny. That is pretty hard, lemme tell you.

And Gaspard... yes, Gaspard's personality is beginning to shine through. So everything is all fine and good.

So yeah. Good mission!

This is much improved from your older reports! Gaspard's personality and feelings come across much more strongly than they have in the past. His dialogue/narration helped bring me along through the badfic and the awful revelations it produces, rather than just responding to the badfic itself. (I like how you did this using very minimal badfic excerpts, too.) Gaspard's emotional change, from the initial denial of the fic's nature, to the final moment of shock at Orion's murder, also has an excellent progression as the report goes on.

I also like that your actual post above feels like something that slipped out of an HQ computer, fitting in with other recent events. I only just caught Gaspard's one-week leave below, which would have been some frightening foreshadowing if I had caught it in advance, considering how hard vacation time is to secure in the PPC.

Couple of issues. Early on, Gaspard describes the Rainbow Factory as a "factory-like building" quite a bit. This feels a little generic for me, since factories can be all kinds of different shapes and sizes. As it is, I'm imagining a Generic Factory, and I imagine even the badfic gave it more description than that.

Also, in the sentence, "Now there’s a speech being given to the crowd by the some of the factory officials to the traumatized crowd," you've got a "to the crowd" phrase in there twice.

Okay... first of all, I have no idea how that ended up here. It was supposed to go right to Intelligence. That's a severe security leak here. And I doubt anyone but me has discovered how to connect to this board from HQ.

Anyways, I congratulate you on dealing with this mess. I'm glad I wasn't there firsthand, and I think I'll do you a favor and reset your Bleeprin counter for the week. I respect your ability to stay focused on the task at hand, even when faced with things as terrible as this. You're analyzing the 'fic well, pointing out what is wrong with it even to those who're not familiar with this fandom. I could see your struggle to rescue these poor creatures, which is a good thing, since it shows that you're still human and relatively sane. I understand you wanted to go on a rampage, though.
With that said, heads up for the future.

Anonymous

PS: Don't even bother with trying to track me.

Why. Why why why why whyyyyy. -sob-

The second paragraph looks a bit long. I think it'd work better split around halfway through, at the sentence end in "[...]sandwich from underneath him. Gaspard sat down at the table[...]".

The rest of it's pretty good, I like how you kept in mind that the intelligence report was audio, made it obvious Gaspard was holding something in his mouth those couple of times, and got the sounds for such an occurence right. And when Gaspard got Dr. Atmosphere to go bash his head against a wall, ehehehe.

I think Replacement!Dash is a Sue creating all the grimdark. Offing her just might snap the Canon back into place...

Now, the obligatory reference...

Spectra is PEOPLE!!

Hello, and greetings! Have a Holy Hand Grenade!

If you want a role-model of what NOT to do, look at posts involving me!
Good luck in the PPC wiki!

Hi Jack! Do you now how many things the name/word jack can mean? It could be an object used for raising things short distances, or a playing card, or a connecting device in an electrical circuit, or a name, or it could be short for jackdaw, which is a type of bird. Or jackrabbit. I'm going on a tangent aren't I? Oh well, the PPC isn't really known for sanity.

So, back on topic. Welcome to the PPC! Please check out the links above, they contain helpful things like our rules and guides. One doesn't actually become an agent but after a certain amount of time you can apply for Permission and write stories about agents. If/when you get it you can get rid of all those awful Sues that marry everyone.

So as traditional, I shall give to you a gift to welcome you to the PPC. Drum roll please.

*ratatatatatatatat*

SPaG candy! Everybody likes candy, but no one likes spelling /punctuation/grammar mistakes so it's a win/win situation. It'll clear up the redundancy and capitalization errors instantaneously. Ta ta for now!

Hi, have some fudge!

Welcome to the PPC new newbie! I should report you to the Department of Redundancy Department, but I'll let it slide because this is your first infraction. As a welcome gift, have a propeller cap; it'll take you wherever you need to go, as long as it's not in a building or underground.

Welcome. Always good to have another Wheel of Time fan in the group, though I disagree with your assessment of the amount of badfic in the fandom. There is quite a lot of it.

Anyway, we recently resurrected a program that allows Newbies, that's you, access to a guide and mentor. This gives them a specific source of information, as well as a link to a more experienced PPCer.

So, head on over to this page, pick a house, and let us know (a reply to this comment will work) which one you choose. After that, your Big Sib should be along shortly.

-Phobos

Hello Newbie. I was wondering, have you read Warbreaker? I was considering a Lifeless agent, then remembered I'd given a character a fear of zombies, which she wouldn't let me take away.
The thing about the Mistborn is that they are going to win if there is metal about. It might be interesting to have your character only be able to burn one metal or have limited supplies. That way the agent can't simply rely on one skill.

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Totally not related to our other fine K-Blooee Industries product, Instant Explodium.

Have you read the Original Series yet? If not, go and check it out at: http://www.misssandman.com/PPC/story.html

It's awesome, I can guarantee it.

It's nice to meetcha! I'd say more, but I'm too ill to spend ages staring at this screen. Ow my head.

So yeah, welcome! Have a cake that's not cooked properly!

Hello and welcome to the PPC!

Hmmm...let me see...ah! Have a random, small, gold key. Don't ask me what it opens, though - but you never know when it might come in useful.

Good luck!

Eugh, it really does get annoying when the Mary Sues try to marry their lust objects. Especially when said lust objects are... say... Aragorn. Say it with me... Ar-wen E-ven-star! (Or if they're Faramir. Eowyn* exists, thank you!)

The general advice for newbies who want to write missions is stick around for a month or so, join in on conversations, make yourself a face people recognize so the Permission Givers know who you are. Use the time to create an agent or two and make a writing sample, it's what I'm doing. The sneakily applied link should have all the information one could need on the whys and hows of Permission.

Anyway, newbie gift time. -fumbles through bag- Here, have a spork I filched from the Cafeteria.

*What's the alt code for a capital é?

Greetings, new friend!

Oho, the Eclectic Subdivision of Advanced Species? They don't get much screen time anymore! It's good to see some new attention on that front. What about the ESAS interested you?

Sounds like you're an Airbender fan. What are some of your other fandoms, for reading about or writing? And what sorts of stories do you like best?

Marry Sues? That would be annoying! Just ask Legolas. :)

Yeah, hi, welcome. What are your fandoms? Also, as Tira advised, it's a good idea to read the wiki. Not to mention pretty entertaining sometimes.
Last but not least, your newbie gift: a cup of tea. Just mind the leaves, they might try to eat you.

Hi, Jack! I'm not exactly what you would call an experienced member, but I think I can answer some of your questions. Generally, you can't start writing missions right away. You have to hang around for a while, so that you know how everything works here. I'd check out the "Getting Permission" page on the wiki.

Random question: is the Avatar OFU for A:TLA, or the James Cameron movie?

First: Please don't double-post.

Second: I don't think giving you ideas for Sanderson's stories would make Stormlight 2 come out any sooner. :P

Third: I actually just posted something which has some advice on this as well as the discussion of Mistborn and Radiants. The bottom line that these are your agents. The spark should come from your mind, from what you want to see. If you're relying on what a groupthink wants to see--which will be full of scattered and frequently directly oppositional concepts--then by definition you're not ready to come up with your own.

Fourth, as I say there: you just joined today. You don't need to be ready to write tomorrow. You won't be writing missions for a while. This isn't a time-critical, world-shifting event. This isn't a paying job or school assignment with a deadline. Don't get sucked in by nonexistent urgency.

Missions aren't the only thing TO the PPC. You don't NEED to have an agent right away. Relax. Read people's missions. Get to know the people here.