How do I expand those?

Yay, I can find out more about the crazy boarders, myself included!
Hurrah!

...and there are other asexuals out there~! I'm happy about that, especially considering the amount of people I know who just don't get asexuality.

But only five Brits? Ah well, minorities rule~

~Himu~

I was simply trying to be honest.

And now I see that this was not a good thing.

The link to the survey results themselves, in their spreadsheet.

For starters, while you might have been hanging around, you haven't been really taking part that much, from what I've seen looking over the last few pages of the board. We like to know who you are and what you are like and see that you've participated- beyond just saying 'hi' to newbies- before we grant permission.

For two, I have some questions about your agents.

Why is Neo annoyed that his apparent age matches that of a much younger human? Why purpose does that serve? Why would he be annoyed by that? He's not a human, after all.

As for Sara, why did she join the military for "lack of anything better to do"? This doesn't really give me confidence in her. That's the dismissive sort of attitude we see in Sueish characters. You don't join and stay in the military for kicks in giggles.

Additionally, she wouldn't get kicked out after a year due to what she was doing. For one, a lot of military people do craftwork and hobbies while living in the barracks- even selling what they make. For two, she'd not get kicked out for disrespecting a superior officer. Instead, it'd get her in a great deal of trouble, and she'd find life very hard for her while she was still in service. She would receive punishments for it, not get dismissed after a year.

Also, why would she break out from pretending she is a spy person after only an hour? Her behavior and what you've ascribed to her background-wise simply does not add up.

Beyond that, I see a few capitalization and punctuation errors dabbled throughout this request- Floaters would be capitalized, since it is referring to the department, and it would be CAFs, not "CAF's". I would suggest not taking punctuation advice from pesky grocer's in the future.

I really hope they bring out a Firefly line sometime. All you Browncoats out there check out this Serenity model:

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/117127-Browncoats-Drive-New-Firefly-Lego-Set-Toward-Production

Because that means a NEW LEGO VIDEO GAME! And I LOVE those.

I'm still a big fan of Lego, and think that they've done some good stuff with the other movie-verses that they've done (particulalry some of the Star Wars sets). Although the ones that I like tend to be vehicles, which obviously there is far less potential for in LotR.

Would very much like to see a nice large scale Lego rendition of Helm's Deep though.

They make Legos of everything. Pirates of the Caribbean... Avatar: the Last Airbender... The Avengers... If they think they can make money off it, they will make it. Then children will pester their parents into buying it, and leave sharp little Legos scattered around the house where I will step on them with my bare feet.

I found out via BZPower. One of the staff had one of dem minifigs as his forum avatar.

My reaction to this? Well the sets seem rather good.

This is a very entertaining read. The interplay between the two agents lends a lot of energy to it, especially because the contrast between their reactions is so stark. It's clear that Xericka goes out on a limb to try and resolve the situation, so it's nice to see that it works. The progression from argument to explanations to resolution seems natural and ends up being satisfying.

There's also a lot of humor. I particularly liked the bit about the Adoptive Parent's Handbook—the little Marquis de Sod doodle on the corner did me in. It's an awesome mental image. Also, "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." ^_^

I just have one question: if Makes-Things coming back is the result of the universe pulling him out of its ass, then what was his death? O.o;

~Neshomeh

Once again, excellent work with Xericka's lack-of-emotions. I like that she's still able to show concern for her partner, and move out of her comfort zone in order to make Gremlin feel better, while still remaining a believable Nobody (and, I think, acting much like a true Organization XIII member in that regard).

I loved the line, "Mother or not, I will slap you so hard that Tetsuya Nomura will feel it."

Also, I would love to read that non-human edition of the adoptive handbook. I imagine it's very unintentionally funny for humans to read (especially if the author is actually the Marquis, though probably not).

Errors!
"For all your foibles, you are a relative center of stability and reliability in the middle of a unpredictable badfic tempest."
"a" should be "an"

"Gremlin was only able to managed a few noncommittal syllables."
"managed" should be "manage"

It was a really good insight on your Agent pair.

Xericka's emotionless behaviour was used very well, I think. It was really funny... and as I already said previously, I think that that girl is starting to have some basic form of emotions. Which is good, expecially since after watching Madoka any kind of being incapable of feeling emotions creeps me out.

Damn you, Kyubey. Damn you. I can't even watch knight Rider again without comparing you and KITT.

Oh, this was interesting to read. The agents came off like real people (well, as much as they should, anyways) and nothing felt forced.


One thing: I looked over 'The one with Zuko's baby' and it doesn't have Azula shooting fireballs at Gremlin's head--is this supposed to take place after that mission, or after another, offscreen one?

This is awesome. I always love your stuff, you write so well. Poor Gremlin, though- losing hair always does suck.

(If you want, she can borrow Agent Grace's hair-changing machine- she may end up with anything from pink dreadlocks to a silver mohawk, but if she's willing to risk it, go ahead.)

This was a very enjoyable read. Well done.

The personalities of your agents really came through, here. I liked getting to know them in a situation that was not normal for them.

I loved the line about Makes-Things.

I'm not familiar with Nobodies, but I don't think I suffer due to that lack of familiarity. I got a very good idea of what Xericka is all about.

Her voice had slowed down a bit, as if she were examining each word twice over in her mind before sending them down to her tongue. Great description here. I could picture exactly what that was like.

As for the suggestive scenes... Very well executed. You have a good handle on how to write an intimately sensual scene to great effect, without it getting into overtly sexual territory. Five stars.

Overall, the pacing was excellent, the characters were well written, and the situation was relateable. An excellent piece of fiction.

-Phobos

First things first: This was really good. I enjoyed reading this, and I can't think of anything I disliked about it.

Second: Thank you. Thank you so so SO much for you're portrayal of Nobodies. Something so many people don't get is that they don't have any emotions. When I saw the warning in the post, I got a bit worried. After reading this however, my fears were alleviated. So thank you.

Third: Have I mentioned that this is really good? Because it is.

You seem to have settled on the idea of your agent having a plushie, rather than a pet, which is totally cool; but I do still expect to see at least an interlude where said plushie gets turned into a real sheep and runs amok in HQ (maybe it could be hit by a rogue made-up spell from a Harry Potter Sue or something).

The thought of the Flowers' reactions to a herbivore wandering through the halls of HQ is currently entertaining me.

The real purpose of a CAF is to be a plot device to make the Sue seem better, whether it be a small furry animal to make the Sue seem gentle and kind, or some sort of large, vicious animal to show that the Sue is a warrior. I think that a sheep would be okay if it were just a pet. My only question is: where would your agent keep it? I don't think that there's enough room in an RC to keep a sheep.

It is not so much a matter of being too new, though that is sometimes the language we use*. What you really should ask yourself is "Have I been actively participating in the community?" I would like to know how you would answer that question for yourself, before I give you my thoughts.


*We use that language most often with people who ask for permission within a few days of joining the Board. However, it has been known to come up with people who have been around up to a month, especially if they haven't posted anything.

-Phobos

As I understand it there's a big difference between a pet and a CAF; pets are animals and have to be looked after, played with, fed, cleaned up after, etc., whereas CAFs are essentially inert blobs that happen to have the form of an animal. If it can go for weeks on end treking after the Fellowship along with the Tenth Walker that owns it, without being fed, and only being brought up for someone to squee over it, or to show how 'caring' the Sue is when she takes a thorn out of its paw, then it's a CAF. If, as an agent, you have to deal with feeding it and find time between missions to care for it etc. (I'm not really sure how you'd look after a sheep; would they play fetch?), then you're dealing with an actual living being, so it's a pet.

I'm not aware of the Flowers having a 'No Pets' policy, so I think a sheep would be fine. It might also be a good idea to keep it on a leash, as I believe that sheep eat vegetation, and that could lead to unfortunate things happening if it ever escaped.

As for the rest of your questions; I have absolutely no idea, being too new here myself to judge such things.

CAFs are, like Sues, speshul. Just ask yourself some questions.

If your agent had a sheep, what would it eat? Would they, perhaps, shear it? Where would it live? I mean, it's not a cat, or a hamster. It's a *bleat* sheep. It probably needs to be washed too, or combed, if it's not being sheared regularly. And where do you even get a pet sheep? It's not like they're being sold in pet stores.

I couldn't actually get on my email for quite a while *facedesk* I'll try to rewrite my part tonight-I think it might not have saved? My computer is really glitchy right now. If you don't feel like dealing with my technology issues and would like to try to do it solo, be my guest XD

Sorry, Scribe. I meant the Whofic. Though I couldn't do that one solo...

I am ALSO still up for sporking the VtM fic, solo.

Hetalia badfic...
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7949426/1/Love_or_Lust (Possibly NSFW, M Rated)

Summary: A young Japanese prostitute and a vicious blood thirsty pirate, who just happens to be the prostitute's childhood friend! What is in store for these two? Will their paths cross with happiness or grievance? Pirate!IggyxOC
Rating: M

Okay, set in the Edo period. Two OCs so far: Akira Yamamoto and... Neko-chan. Seriously.
Akira is a prostitute, but from what I can tell, she doesn't really have any reason to be. I mean, she apparently moved to England as a child and then back to Japan. If you can afford that, you don't need to prostitute yourself, and from what I can tell, prostitutes in Edo Japan were generally working off debts or quite poor.

She has one eye, because the other 'contracted a disease from over-exposure to rain'. Just... WTF.

She was also raped by England as a young girl, apparently. It's... just... no.

Apparently, despite being in Japan, they all speak mostly English. This isn't because the author is English, it's because the author has said that any Japanese will be written in Japanese and everything English is English. Which is also annoying. VERY annoying.

Oh, and one of the chapters is posted twice, with an author's note added to one copy, and there are a lot of flashbacks.

It's just... --' And note that I stopped reading at around chapter 5... There are now 8 chapters, including a chapter of random info-type stuff...
It just... NVDYUWNQROEBOQBN. With cheese.

~

Also, <a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7979870/1/ScreamingSilence">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7979870/1/Screaming_Silence (Not really NSFW (yet) but M Rated)
I'm just... not going to bother writing too much about this one.
I shouldn't be reporting badfics at 4 in the morning anyway, and I can't think straight.
Either way, there's Mary Sue Andorra-tan, who's (judging by the warnings) a victim of child abuse and is either mute or just doesn't speak...
There's OCs for Malta and San Marino too, but they haven't really been elaborated on...
...and some random countries are genderbent.
Oh, and it's a high school AU. Joy.
It's not as bad as the first, but...

Then I have a few to report

First, by the same Suethor from the Legendary Illogic mission:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7109377/1/Falling_into_a_New_World_Secrets
Sarah, my friend, and I get whisked away to another world as duelists. OCs in story. Chapter 12 up! I'll say this now: I DO NOT OWN MAGICAL GIRL LYRICAL NANOHA!
A fuzzy TV sends a pair of annoying teenagers into the world of YuGiOh. One of them gets an Egyptian-god-induced makeover, a shiny new Sue-name and a Millenium Item, and a her-themed card. The only thing this has to do with Nanoha is that there are cards themed after the characters there--it's not a crossover with the actual characters.


http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7914422/1/The_Dark_Heir_of_Lord_Voldemort
Kaitlin Serene Potter doesn't exist, at least that's what Lily and James Potter say. On Halloween though, a certain man takes her in and raises her. She soon gets discovered by James Potter. What will she do?

This one I reported a bit ago. It's about Harry's twin sister, who was abused as a servant in the Potter family's mansion by Lily and James. Then Voldemort attacks, and adopts the child of his worst enemy as his heir, makes HER his horcrux, and treats her like his oh-so-speshul daughter.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7357136/1/The_Puella_Magi_of_Middle_Earth
What if the Puella Magi were involved in Middle Earth? Join Madoka and her friends as they struggle to help Frodo after Kyubey sent them to Middle Earth. Frodo/Madoka

This screws up Madoka's ending, and basically inserts the Madoka characters in the Lord of the Rings. They don;t DO anything, even when facing the Balrog, all they can do is run. Well, Homura does stop time, but she only throws a flashbang at it, instead of, you know, one of her thousands of guns. Also, Magi!Madoka and Kyouko are there and do nothing except scream and run away. There's a few more problems, such as:
The Lord of the Rings exists as books in Madoka's world, yet it just recently started making multiple witches appear in Barriers, because of the One Ring (?)
Kyubey can teleport to Middle-Earth.
No one uses their knowledge of the books' events to help in any way.
FRODO AND MADOKA FALL IN LOVE. Now, I don't know much about LoTR, but Frodo (who I believe is an adult hobbit) doesn't freak out when a pink-haired human appears in the middle of his house, and then goes on to fall in love with her, enough so that he leaves Middle-Earth for her. Also, Madoka's fourteen and should be in a relationship with Homura. Will someone PLEASE co-write something on this with me?

...http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7260894/1/PrussiaxEngland_Loving_someone_for_the_first_time NSFW/B

It's a Hetalia fanfic in the wrong section (it's in the +Anima section), mkaing me think of a miniature Hetalia universe /inside/ the +Anima universe.
It contains a badly written sex scene... and I mean so bad they just... oh God it can be interpreted completely wrongly. In general.
It's just... *shivers* Ugh.

I read over that fic... It's not glaringly bad SPaG-wise, but there's some bad slash in there for sure. *grimaces*

And seeing as this is probably the latest badfic thread, I come bearing a Hetalia badfic.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7594959/1/Loyalist_An_OC_Story
It's just so... *shudders*

'Sue OC who's the daughter of England. The 'Sue's mother (also OC) is an overly stereotypical Christian (to the point where it offended my Christian friend). 'Sue ends up living with England after a complete BS court case, and Spain and the two Italies are both living with England.
Did I mention the half-journal, half-story writing style with author notes mixed in?

Although it does give us the amazingly sporkable line:
"May the power of Christ compell you, fowl demon that is overtaking my poor child's soul!"

But otherwise... BLARGLERGH!

A Serenity/Eragon crossover.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7516448/1/Interstellar_Riders

No. Just no.

I can't look at the story (as I'm in school), but I can say that yes, this is how you report a badfic, just to confirm.
Usually, it's best to check whether there's already a topic on the Board for badfic reporting, but considering the most recent was quite a way down the page, it's probably okay...

Hm, you're a newbie... I missed your introduction post! Wah!
Have a sheep, as both a welcome gift and an apology for not noticing~ *throws a sheep at you*

~Himu~

Pretty sure that this isn't real. Would be pretty horrible if it was, though.

... I don't think we have to worry about it; it looks like a joke, no I'm not sure that 'joke' is the right word in this case, but anyway, it looks like it's fake; I just tried looking the title up on amazon.co.uk (because I couldn't believe that it was real) and the only result was 'the Next Generation Companion'.

Of course, it is also possible that it did exist as badfic, but due to HQ timey-wimeyness has already been PPCed so thoroughly that only the vaguest rumours of it are now left...

Well, lucky for me, the site censored out the offensive word in the URL. Unfortunately, this means the link is broken.

If you're morbidly curious and want to see, it's the offensive term for carnal acts. >.>

Have this box of random objects; guaranteed to contain at least one shiny thing and a spork.

A Discworld fan? The twenty-fifth of May approaches. Here is a lilac bush for then.
Also, did you you find us through tvtropes?

Welcome to the Board. Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it here.

So you've been stalking us, eh? I knew it!
I told them I wasn't paranoid... ^^
Anyway, welcome to the Board! Insanity included!
Have a welcome gift, a sheep~ *throws the sheep at you* Fresh from the Welsh hillside~ Remember to feed him... or he'll eat you~ Ahaha~ ^^
And you're a Hetalia fan, eh? Favourite character? Or is that too hard to answer? Haha~ I know I'd have trouble answering that question, ehehe~ ^^'
So anyway, tl;dr, welcome to the board, you now own a sheep and good luck escaping the insanity~ Don't use flamethrowers!

~Himu~

I'm a fan of Hunger Games too-- in fact, I'm hoping to do my first Hunger Games missions soon. Here's hoping.

Welcome to the PPC. Leave your sanity at the door, please.

Also, have some Ligeti for the road: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqdliZZ6Dhk

Greetings, that one new friend! Help yourself to the sack of venomous arthropods. Don't worry; they don't bite!

So, I see your fandoms, but what sort of stories do you like to write in them?

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Now proven to be the true universal solvent!

Welcome! Have a blue cookie and a wiffle ball bat!

Hi, have some fudge!

I haven't handed those out in a while but haiiiiiiiiiii!

...Are you other!me? Seriously? That is too cool.

Have a lolcat. Guaranteed to take bad grammar and make it cute. Ish.

Since that's what it's already used for anyway.

Should we add these titles rules to one of our existing wiki help pages? Or even give them their own page, perhaps (not that everyone would be guaranteed to see it)?

'Tis the Sith version, or so I've been told.

In celebration, I bought my bestie a laser pointer shaped like Vader's lightsaber.

Suicide is going to celebrate by conducting shady deals and then shooting someone under a table.

Now I do. Celebrate this in a most appropriate manner, I shall.

My Geology teacher spent the whole of my first lesson talking about Star Wars because of this... it was a pretty cool lesson.
He is seriously awesome.

+EXTRACT FROM HELGHAN INTERCEPTED+
+ANALYSING...+

My people, sons and daughters of Helghan. This much, we avow: the history of these newly-weds are written in stone.

+FOLLOWING PASSAGE LOST+
+TRANSMISSION RECOVERED+

And if there are those who would deny them peace, refuse them their rightful place together, then there will be unleashed such terr.....

+TRANSMISSION OVERRIDDEN+
+NEW FRAGMENT FOUND+

Congratulations and best wishes from Helghan.
Agent S. Roth


Congratulations, you two. Good luck and all the best.
PPC Boarder "CDHammer"

Even though I've already said it elsewhere. :)

Clearly the Board is a good place for starting couples - who'd've thought?

hS, Kaitlyn & the little result

You two do seem to work pretty well together.

That's great news!

Although it's be weird explaining to a non-Boarder how you met... ^^'

That is awesome!

Drinks for everyone!

-Phobos

I will not lock Pinkie Pie and Eeyore in the same room, just to see whose personality influences the other

Duct-taping MREs to yourself and bluffing a suicide bombing is not an appropriate way to get a raise from the flowers. It won't work.
- Nor is it appropriate to use against a Sue.
- Or an Agent.
- Or a canon character.

-I will not market regular sunflower seeds as "Grow your own leader."

-I will not use Luxury as an excuse for why I was late for something if it isn't true. It only invites the possibility for it to happen.

-The SO's fronds and roots are not 'Combat Tentacles' and I will not try to prove this poor theory to my partner by portalling an angry Klingon into his office.

I will not introduce Agent Lux to Don Juan.

?- France from Hetalia and Lux must never meet. Their combined perversion would probably end badly for anyone in the area.

I've lost track of what numbers we should be on now, but I've got a couple to submit;

- I will treat this list as the warning it was intended as, not as a series of challenges.
Related to the above; I will not take carefully edited exerts from this list, and swap them with anyone else's Personal Challenge lists, or steps of any recovery program they may be on.

- may not use canon characters to transport loot back to your RC; you can only take what you can carry (this applies even if the characters are canonical slaves/servants and you neuralyze them afterwards).

-As far as we can tell, Princess Cadence is not a Sue...
...and you're not allowed to kill Canon characters anyway.

-I will not set up fights between Team Edward fans and Team Jacob fans, no matter how fun it might be.
...Nor fights between Twilight fans and Anti-Twilighters.
...Or, for that matter, obsessive Bronies and Anti-Bronies.

-I will not bring up "Cupcakes" around Pinkie Pie. If I do, I am to be held responsible for the consequences.

-Just because Kyuubey can come back from the dead doesn't give me the right to kill him repeatedly, no matter how much I hate the little bastard.

-I must remember that WWII is not as fun as Hetalia protrays it.

-I will stop griping about the end of Mass Effect 3, it's been run into the ground since then.

(Yeah, sorry if some of these are repeats, I've been trying to come up with these off the top of me head)

?. I will not assemble a team of the greatest fictional detectives of all time in an attempt to solve any real world mysteries.
-Or any other world's mysteries.

#?. I will not give Gollum a harmonica. If I do, I don't get to bother anyone in Medical about repairing my eardrums.

#?. I will not portal copious amounts of ketchup into different nations in the Pokémon universe to see how all the various species react to the color red.

#?. I will not use the portal generator to trick the cast and crew of Extreme Makeover into redesigning my RC for me.

#?. I will not attempt to sell high-SPF sunscreen to vampires in any continuum for an exorbitant price.
-Especially the ones in Twilight or on Zendikar, because that just doesn't make sense.

1. I will not give Mordin Solus coffee.
   -I will especially not give him coffee as an incentive to make him sing "Scientist Salarian".
   -I will especially not give him coffee if he is standing next to a female krogan.
   1461. I will not punch the salarian dalatrass in the face, even if she is something of a bitch.
   1462. I will not hit on "Eve".
   -I will especially not hit on her if she's holding a shotgun.
   -Hitting on her within Wrex's line of sight is right out.
   1463. I will not eat any food in the Capitol.
   1464. I will not intentionally sniff one of President Snow's roses.
   1465. I will not disturb a nest of tracker jackers.
   1466. I will not laugh at the fashion in the Capitol.
   1467. I will not interact with a Gamemaker in any way.
   -I will especially not mess with the Gamemakers' tools.
   -The only exceptions to this rule are Seneca Crane and Plutarch Heavensbee, in the unlikely event that they become part of a badfic and thus need to be neuralyzed.
   1468. I will not slap Conrad Verner in the face.
   -Nor will I shoot him in the knee.
   -Or point a gun at him.
   -Or tell him how stupid he is.
   1469. I will not attempt to reenact any part of Blasto the Hanar Spectre.
   1470. I will not adopt any kind of fashion fad that becomes big in the Capitol.

1. I am not allowed to teach Sherlock Holmes to count cards and let him loose on Vegas.
   - This also goes for Ender Wiggin.
   - And Granny Weatherwax.
   - And Lelouch Lamperouge.
   - I am also not allowed to teach any of the aforementioned characters how to play Cripple Mr. Onion (though Granny Weatherwax doesn't need teaching.)
   
   1461. I am not allowed to take Marik Ishtar- from EITHER Yu-Gi-Oh continuum- into the Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines universe.
   - Or Mel Gibson.
   
   

~I will not draw England's eyebrows on people as they sleep.
~~Especially not if the person happens to be America.
~~Or anyone from the Hetalia fandom, for that matter.
~~I will not draw England's eyebrows on people if they are awake, either.

1. "AMERICA!" is not an appropriate battle cry for an organization that spans multiple universes.
   - In that same vein, American is not the only language I know, and I will not insist that everyone speak it.
   
   1486. I will not Communist-Roll Ivan Braginski.
   
   1487. Ezio Auditore da Firenze must never meet Feliciano Vargas.
   
   1488. Glitterbombing is not an effective Assassination method. It will only make them stronger.
   
   1489. I will not switch the Finland from Scandinavia and the World with the one from Hetalia.
   
   1490. I will not give Shockolate to the children in the Nursery.
   
   1491. I will not make an abstract painting of our stupidity.
   - In all likelihood, it will mostly be my own.

"Yolo" is never an acceptable excuse for anything. Ever.

1. I will not treat DoI stakeout duty as a field trip.
   -Even if it is in my favourite 'verse.
   
   1479. I will not use Jarate to aggravate Sues during a mission.
   -If it is part of my loadout, I will make efforts to find myself a new debuffer.
   
   1480. I will not attempt to use Aperture Science Repulsion Gel for its original purpose.
   - Propulsion gel is right out.
   
   1481. I will not set my disguise generator to "Ultralisk" just to see what happens. Chances are I will no longer be able to handle the DORKS.
   
   1482. I will not build Minecraft-verse squid generators in my Response Centre.
   
   1483. I will stop trying to portal to the future of World One to see when Episode Three will be released.
   
   1484. I will not question where my limbs are supposed to be when wearing an anatomically impossible suit of armour.
   -Chances are it is the same answer as to why Bleeprin works.

14...74?. I am not allowed to introduce Agent Luxury to a White Court vampire "to see what would happen."

1475. I am not the Dragonborn. Consequently, shouting "Fus Ro Dah!" at a crowd in the cafeteria will just get me strange looks.

1476. "Kamina would have done it" is rarely a valid excuse.
- Ditto "Harry Dresden would have done it;" it makes the flowers uncomfortable.

1477. I am not to use a portal generator to put a window onto the Lesser Sea of Amorphia in my RC. No matter how pretty I think it is.

1449 Addendum: The last time someone did that, the fans went rabid
1457 Addendum: I am not allowed to have a flamethrower built into my body. If my body wasn't like that at recruitment, I don't get to make it that way later.
Addendum 2: No, I am not allowed to use time-travel to put a flamethrower in my body before I get recruited.
-Akemi Homura and the Doctor are not allowed to meet
-I am not allowed to call Kyubey out on his not-knowledge of entropy
-Throwing a Magi!Sue's Soul Gem down a pit, while satisfying, still does not kill her (unless it breaks.) Destroy it properly.
-In the event a Puella Magi Suefic involves a timeskip or coma scene, I am not allowed to steal the Sue's soul gem for a few days, let her body rot, and then watch as everyone fawns over a girl with half her face gone.
-Dumping a body in a Witch's barrier to dispose of it is fine. Dumping a body on top of Kyubey while he's in a barrier is not.
--Yes, he deserves it, but he's never in a barrier and not with the main cast.
-Introducing Sakura Kinomoto or Usagi Tsukino to any cast member of Madoka is Right Out.
-Queen Chrysalis is not swiss cheese and I should stop treating her as such.
-Telling Charlotte that Queen Chrysalis is in fact a rare black cheese is cruel... to Charlotte.
-I will not spam Mami with the message 'Mami Mogu Mogu'
--Or with the wide, wide variety of CharlotteXMami fanart.
-I will not feed Kyubey a bomb cleverly disguised as a Grief Seed.

I am not a consulting detective.
-People find it rude when I try to deduce their life stories with a single glance.

I will not bring up jam around Agents who work in the Sherlock fandom.
-Same goes for hedgehogs and otters.

John Watson is not a hedgehog.
-Sherlock Holmes is not an otter.
-Holmesian Agents really don't like it when I insist they are.

I will not run around trying to taste everyone's blood, insisting that I am a "rainbow drinker".

I will not install sBurb onto my console.

I will not bring Gamzee Makara into HQ.

I will not "do the windy thing".

I will not break a Pinkie Pie Promise.
-I will also not make a Pinkie Pie Promise in the first place if I can't keep it.

I will not attempt to make an agent sick by booby trapping their food with one of Fred and George Weasley's trick sweets.
-In fact, I am not allowed to play any of the Weasley Twins' pranks on anybody at all.
-Unless the target is a Sue.

...A *bit* rabid, but I can also be quite rabid towards Amy, Donna, and Sarah Jane...

sciencefair200NOSPAM@gmail.com

korora_pNOSPAMenguin@yahoo.com

Cut the NOSPAM out.

I can tell you that djinn are not mentioned in any of the Torah's books. Maybe they are mentioned in the haftarah, but I don't think so.

However, they are mentioned in the Qur'an, though I'm not sure how much. Actually, there is an entire website devoted to the concept of djinn in muslin culture here. It looks good to me, but you should probably confirm your information before taking it as fact. Still, it looks like a good place to start.

Hope this was helpful!

... is to make the whole thing a heavy-handed metaphor for how Christianity (of your precise preferred breed) is far far better than any other religion.

And then get a hammer.

And write 'CULTURAL SENSITIVITY' on the hammer.

(It has to be a big hammer)

(No, bigger than that)

And then hit everyone over the head with it if they object.

I think that is definitely the correct thing to do.

Also you should make every line of dialogue a line from one of the songs in Disney's version.

hS, culterarly senerteef! (and tired)

I'm not quite sure where my sister got her copy of the Qur'an (some religious studies class, I think), but I've seen English/Arabic language versions at Barnes and Noble.

And raise you Mark Reads! Also Mark Watches. Not an MST, nor even an attack (though it resembles such, in Mark Reads Twilight, at times), but a guy reading stuff and talking about it. It's awesome.

(He has done My Immortal, and it is hilarious.)

"Ensign Sue must die": http://www.interrobangstudios.com/potluck/index.php?strip_id=989

A parody Sue invades the Star Trek reboot movie. Just a heads-up: does contain some suggestive themes.

Doc: Sherlock Holmes. Holmes put his bookishness to good use keeping criminals from abusing England's citizens. But beyond being merely a brain, Holmes was also athletic and strong, capable of holding his own in a fight or performing feats of agility. Doc upholds Holmes as evidence that a small, skinny intellectual can do good for people, even while not being able to understand people well.

Vania: [CENSORED FOR SPOILERS]. Even after she discovers her [CENSORED FOR SPOILERS], she still maintains a positive and happy attitude and powers on through all the inherent danger of her situation in the name of helping her friends. Vania sees her as a role model becuase of their similar situations, and both wanting to protect their teams above their own personal mental wellness.

I 'm still working out my first mission, but here are my agents anyway:

Gijinka: Malcom Reynolds from Firefly- not exactly a nice guy, but still compelled to do the right thing.

Keats: Leroy Jethro Gibbs from NCIS (He can respect a man who always gets the job done), and Iroh from Avatar: The Last Airbender- and old, wise man who can still kick butt if needed.

The Fisherman: Probably The Doctor, being a handsome, successful* Time Lord who (sort of) solves the problem and nearly always has an attractive companion. If he found out what he did to Gallifrey however... well that's for another time.

Evie: Her 'progenitor' of sorts, the original GLaDOS - she gets things done in the name of SCIENCE! efficiently and effectively, and has no time for silly things like 'ethics' or 'laws'. She'd probably also like to have a word with HAL 9000.

Did you see the end of Game of Thrones before or after that conversation we had about Su? I has a curious. ^_^

As for my guys... uh...

Ilraen: Well, there's the obvious (the partner who trained him, the famous Andalites from his home 'verse), but that's too easy. I'd say someone like Lord Mhoram from The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever. The Lords are masters of staff and sword, and although in the time of the First Chronicles they're all sworn to the Oath of Peace (basically to not do violence for any reason, not even to save the world), Lord Mhoram manages to be particularly badass while keeping it. He's a model of control, wisdom, and kindness, all things that Ilraen strives for.

Nume: It's hard to say who Nume admires (I don't know if he's capable of it), but I bet he'd do a lot for the chance to sit down with the great literary masters whose work he's fighting to protect. To find out once and for all whether Balrogs have wings and if there was more than one Glorfindel, that would be something.

Jenni: Also hard to speak for, for different reasons. She's sort of already doing the thing where she gets to hang out with the people she admires, because that's people in general. She might like to give Q a piece of her mind or swap stories with the Doctor... well, no, wait. Scratch that. Jenni should never be allowed near the Doctor ever. She'd try to make him talk about his angst, and if it ever worked the whole continuum would probably implode, because I'm pretty sure it's built on a foundation of the Doctor's angst.

Derik: Masterharper Robinton and F'lar, Dragonriders of Pern. Between the two of them they're basically everyone's heroes, but they both embody a certain quality of being willing to break one's self to get the job done, and needing the job, that particularly speaks to Derik. He'd probably be at home in the Sam Vimes fanclub, too, but I don't think he's read the Discworld books yet. He wouldn't get most of the jokes, anyway.

He also desperately does not want to be like Erik, the Phantom of the Opera. He already had the displeasure of an encounter with a mostly-IC Erik once, and it was enough.

Gall: Gall thinks you should look up to her. Beowulf is probably on her list of BAMFs worthy of respect, though. That guy kills giant monsters with his bare hands—naked, even, depending on which version of the story you've got.

I'm probably forgetting a zillion people who would fit for all of these characters. {= P

~Neshomeh

Despite not being field agents, it's an interesting thought.

Lyn, being an alter-ego, is pretty easy-- Zoe, from Firefly. She's cool under pressure, commands the respect of her team, and is just generally awesome.

Mohan would probably give [pieces of] all five limbs to meet Dream of the Endless, or even Lucien. An eternity to study and create the dreams of sentient beings entire? He figures that would make for the most interesting conversation possible.

Jof: Arkady Bogdanov. We're not really sure how he managed to get a hold of the Mars Trilogy, but somewhere along the way he decided that he wanted to grow up to be Arkady.

Sylvia's idol is Arcade Gannon, from Fallout: New Vegas. Sylvia hails from the Capital Wasteland, which was a pretty grim place to say the least. When researching more about her home continuum, she didn't expect to find many good people, let alone an entire organization of people dedicated to making the world a better place. While the Regulators hunted down criminals, The Followers actually helped make people's lives better, and that's what Arcade tries to do as a member of the organization. Not only is he able to be recruited as a companion, but he is also snarky, a good guy, extremely skilled with energy weapons, and was born as a member of the Enclave. Despite this, he still tries to make the world a better place, which basically what the PPC does on a much larger scale.

Laura Dukes: Wil Wheaton and Felicia Day. Admittedly, Laura doesn't really "idolize" these two according to the technical definition of the word. She just thinks they'd both be fun to hang out with. You know, relax, eat some potato chips, play some video games, and shoot the shit about various nerdy subjects. Fun times!

Danny Richardson: Richard Castle, Castle. The man's a majorly successful mystery writer - who is friends with other mystery writers, let's not forget - and crime solver. Plus, he likes a lot of the same things that Danny does: fine alcohol, playing poker, and snarking. Danny would like to do nothing more then have drinks with Castle and talk into the wee hours of the morning.

Rachel Calendar: Magrat Garlick, the Discword series. Over the course of the Lancre Witches sub-series of books, Magrat evolved from the awkward but well-meaning junior coven member into the intelligent and often badass Queen of Lancre. Rachel is aware of her own failings (well, sometimes) and looks up to Magrat as an example of what heights she could possibly reach with enough perseverance.

Gremlin: Prince Zuko, Avatar: The Last Airbender. Again, this isn't a true case of idolization. Gremlin thinks that she Zuko would have a lot in common - coming from dysfunctional families, being reformed bad guys, having abilities outside of the norm - and thus a lot to talk about. Who knows? Gremlin even might get a few pointers on how to land her own deadpan emotionless girl.

Xericka: Data, Star Trek: The Next Generation. There are a number of intelligent, stoic, logic-driven individuals throughout the Star Trek universe. What makes Xericka respect Data, however, is in part his drive to become more humanlike. Xericka feels a similar force behind her own actions; like the rest of Organization XIII, she wants to be more than a heartless abomination.

That took a surprising long time for me to write. Having five entries probably didn't help.

Well, I don't know. But here are some people a few of my agents would probably idolize/like to chill out with:

Eusabius: Aveline, Dragon Age. Ah, Aveline, Aveline. You are always so serious, so moralistic, and so... well, good at what you do. I think it would be great for her and Eusabius to chill out, since Aveline and Eusabius would get on quite well. Aveline seems to be one of like two people who don't seem to have many issues the way the others do, and they'd make good conversation pals.

Xanthus Garkaran: Garrus Vakarian, Mass Effect. This one is kind of interesting for Xanthus: Garrus is exactly the kind of person Xanthus would have been afraid of in his days smuggling red sand around on the Citadel. And yet, now that he's in the PPC, he'd probably love to chill with Garrus and ask him some things on... *ahem*... interspecies relationships. Being a fellow bad turian does that to people, I guess. (Also, because he finally becomes an awesome character in ME3.)

Cinderella: Hermoine Grainger, Harry Potter. Despite the fact that she was regularly interacting with Grainger over the course of her fic of origin, she'd like to actually get to know Hermoine. She likes Hermoine for very obvious reasons, and then there's the fact that they'd just talk about spells and all that jazz. Well, that, and the fact that Hermoine is an independent lady who studies and doesn't really take excessive amounts of BS attracts Cindy to her, particularly after Cindy's encounter with Subject 23.

I couldn't really think of anything for Florestan and Anneli, so... we'll see what happens with that later. I'll update again if I think of anything for that.

Vernet: Surprisingly, NOT Canon!Holmes, he thinks he knows everything he could learn from Holmes. But he'd give his left leg to meet L Llawliet, from Death Note.
The kid's younger than him, while being just as clever, manipulative, and devious. He fought an enemy worthy of his steel, and, if he hadn't been attacked by a supernatural creature he knew nothing about, he would have won. So Vernet wants to meet him, bow at his feet, and learn JUST how he did it.

Mundar: The entire Nac Mac Feegle clan, for their mastery of Stealin', Drinkin', and Fightin'. Nuff said. If there was some way to dye himself blue and lose two feet of height, he would.

Lola: Jim Henson, hands down. She'd like to make millions of people happy when she 'grows up', by someday, writing original goodfic. That scene in the Muppet Movie with Kermit in the desert was what got her started. She'd give anything just to see him for a few minutes and thank him.

Skelter: Steve Rogers, Captain America. He's always inspired by the way the Cap never gets cynical, even when things look really, really dark. He has a massive crush on Wolverine, but he'd like to *be* Captain America. Of course, he'd want to 'talk' to the zombie version, because the alternative of accidentally eating one of your heroes... *shudder*

Adder: Dr. John Watson, Sherlock Holmes. Preferably the Martin Freeman version, but the Granada versions (either one) would work, too. Adder's partner and best friend is a pyromancer, and her circle of friends includes a vampire, a zombie, a wizard, and a warrior ferret, while she, by contrast, comes from humble beginnings and, besides the rare Bloodwrath attack, lacks the kind of special abilities and skills her friends have. She really looks up to Watson for his ability to keep up with Holmes and be of use to him despite being utterly normal in comparison. Plus MartinFreeman!Watson seems like a really fun conversationalist.

Deuce: Prince Zuko, Avatar: The Last Airbender. He's a fire-user with deep-rooted personal issues, a missing mother, and a father who leaves much to be desired, so Deuce can relate to him. Plus, both of them have managed to come out okay (after a period of being misguided), so Deuce sees Zuko as proof that he's still on the right track and not likely to revert to old habits.

Kestrel: Ferahgo the Assassin, Redwall. This goes without saying. He was her old chieftain from before she joined the PPC, and she was entirely devoted to him. Since joining the PPC and spending time with more good-aligned people, her perspective has changed a bit, but she's still quite fond of him and will not tolerate Sues messing with him.

Caleb: Germany, Hetalia and Leroy Jethro Gibbs, NCIS. The second one is kind of self-explanatory. It's Gibbs. Everyone who says they don't want to be like Gibbs is either lying or talking about the one from PotC (and even then, they're still probably lying). As for Germany, well, Caleb has a healthy respect for anyone who can maintain a healthy friendship with someone who's even more cheerfully obnoxious than Jack. 'Cause, you know, at least Jack's useful in a fight. I envision them debating whether Italy's obsession with gourmet food is more trouble than Jack's taste for dead rats and corpses.

Jack: Ellis, Left 4 Dead. This one's rather odd. Since joining the PPC, Jack has grown increasingly aware of the merits of conversation (or the closest his rather scattered mind can manage) over ripping someone to shreds. Because of this, he would like to try talking to some of the Survivors, just for fun, and he's decided that Ellis has the most interesting things to say. Also, of all the Survivors, Ellis comes the closest to operating on Jack's wavelength.

Corolla: Reinforce Zwei, Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS. She's her role model as an Unison Device, lighthearted but very capable on the field. Corolla didn't understand that "complete ditz" like she likes to be and "professional" can't be done simultaneously, though.

Nikki::Nanoha Takamachi, Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, and Madoka Kaname, Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Both are girls who were initially unsure about themselves, but manages to find the strenght within themselves and become heroes. (Well, in Madoka's case "god" would be more appropriate, but still.)
Nikki, due to being a clone of Sakura Kinomoto (Card Captor Sakura, is still trying to find a way to be truly herself while still being able to protect others.

Sergio: Solid Snake, Metal Gear Solid, and Homura Akemi, Puella Magi Madoka Magica. He admires their sheer determination and combat skills, not to mention the fact that the hardships Homura faced are very similar to his own before joining the PPC.
Snake and Homura also managed to finally come to terms with their inner demons, a thing Sergio still wasn't able to do.

OK, here goes:

Ally: Eliot Spencer, Leverage. Eliot's an amazing fighter (and it takes a hell of a lot to take him down) but at the same time, he's using his skills for good, and that's something Ally really wants to do. In addition, Eliot's incredibly intelligent and he has more skills than people imagine the team's hitter would have, so he stands out (at least in Ally's head) against all the other talented fighters out there.

Grace: Commander Shepard, Mass Effect. One of Shepard's classes is 'Infiltrator' (combat/tech) and that's pretty much what Grace wants to be. No matter the class, Shepard's a brilliant soldier, a good commander and incredibly charismatic, so Grace spends a lot of time wishing she could be like Shepard (preferably without the bit involving Reapers).

The Carver: Harry Dresden, The Dresden Files. Harry's an incredibly powerful wizard, a determinator who manages to come out best in nearly everything he goes into, and he manages to outwit the Fae on a regular basis- all things the Carver wishes she could be.

Fix: Ayla Goodkind/Phase, Whateley Academy. Ayla drastically changed appearance, was kicked out of his family and had to reinvent himself in order to survive, and then proceeded to managed to master his situation, beat anyone who went after him, never failed to think ahead and rapidly established himself as both incredibly smart and incredibly dangerous. As someone who has also had to reinvent himself, Fix has been really inspired by Ayla and everything he does.

Sorry, I really like explaining things... *blushes*

July's is simple. Sam Vimes is definitely her main one, since he tries to do his duty- even when everything is conspiring against him or is juuuust slightly beyond his kenning. Which is something she can definitely understand, given that's how the PPC is. She looks up to him because he manages it a helluva lot better than she does (though, given that the PPC is the PPC, that's understandable.)

Library on the other hand, admires the author H.G. Wells very much, due to the fact that he is one of the first prominent science fiction authors, and that his ideas are, for the time and world she is from, quite thrilling and inspirational.

JF, in comparison to July's, is... special. Since it is Excel. Who is also devoted to her duty. Just. Everything with regards to Excel is completely insane. And excitable. And did I mention insane?

(Also, most excellent timing, Tungsten, for I have this for tribute, since it is v. much a Suicide song, I think. P.F.F. NSFW language.)

Here you go, I've delved into the recesses of my mind to bring you the answers I'm sure you never wanted.

Brightbeard: Lord Eddard Stark, Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire. Ned Stark is a solid, no foolishness kind of guy, who does the honorable thing every time. Also, his best friend is an idiot. Brightbeard would love to just sit down at a table with Lord Stark and talk over a pint or two...or five.

For extra fun, make it Brightbeard sitting at a table with Lord Stark, Sam Vimes (Discworld) and Shepherd Book (Firefly). I think they would all get on well.

Barid: Warchief Thrall, Warcraft Universe. Barid was brought up on stories of the Warchief; emancipator and spiritual father to his own people as well as Barid's. He sees Thrall like some people see movie stars. Really, I don't think Barid would be able to speak if he came face to face with Thrall. He'd probably make a fool of himself and end up with an autograph.

Decima: Luxury, Protectors of the Plot Continuum. Decima has a lot of respect for Lux; who is, after all, a legend in the PPC. Whether that is in a positive or a negative way has yet to be definitively decided. Decima has learned a lot from Lux in her time in Bad Slash and still views her as a confidante.

Trojie and Pads are on the list of Decima's idols, but they retired just before her time so she never got to know them.

-Phobos

Military personnel in occupied areas most definitely do not hang around "being giant assholes to the locals". While there have been heavily publicised atrocities regarding that sort of situation, which July has helpfully linked to, the other side of the coin is that militaries do not generally look kindly on that sort of thing.

For an example, look at the Special Air Service, part of the UK military force. When they go into an occupied area they often carry out what are known as "hearts & minds" operations - giving medical assistance and other useful advice and help to the local population. Hardly assholish behaviour.

In short, Laburnum, please, please do more research before you even consider writing fics set in war zones of any kind.

For one, no, "being giant asshats to the locals" is not something "all military personnel in occupied areas tend to do". If you think that is the case, you are wrong. Do your research. The military is not like that. It has not been like that. Modern militaries are completely different from what you are suggesting with your statement, which is very offensive to those of us who have family in the military, or are intending to join the military. Any military. Because contrary to your "no offence" it is offensive, and no, you do not know, just because you are a Brit.

For two, describing the actions of the Japanese military in Asia as "being giant assholes to the locals" is appalling. It shows just how much you do not know about what went on during WWII in the areas under Japanese control. What the Japanese did included the Rape of Nanking. The Bataan Death March. Did you know that some parts of the Japanese military were eating their prisoners? In some cases, they cut flesh off of people who were still alive. There were also the comfort women.

So that we're clear, I am not telling you these things so you can use them in your Hetalia fic.

I'm telling you because you think that "being giant asshats to the locals" is a thing that happens, and because you want to use it as background for your fic. It does no justice to the vast majority of military personnel who follow their orders and treat local civilians well- sometimes beyond what their orders entail- and it does even less justice to those who rape, pillage, and murder without care for fellow human life.

If you don't understand how terrible the things done were, you should not be writing a fic involving the Japanese occupation of Asian countries and the Pacific Rim, if your initial viewpoint is "Well, most military personnel are assholes to the locals". You shouldn't be writing a fic involving it if you need to do all of this most basic research. Being a fan of Hetalia does not mean you are a fan of history, or even prepared to learn it. The two are antithetical in concept and theme. Being cutesy about a time period where so many people were killed horribly, and making the personifications of the countries that did these terrible things cutesy is horrific.

WWII Germany isn't handsome or sweet or whatever the hell it is. WWII Germany was an imperialistic and depraved monster that was killing whole swathes of people and performing terrible experiments on some of them- just for who they were.

WWII Russia is a famine monster, responsible for the deaths of millions, possibly beyond even the nightmareish excesses of Nazi Germany. Many of its soldiers were not prepared to even be able to survive a battle- sent in weaponless, without supplies, to fight for their motherland.

WWII Japan had people buried alive. People eaten alive. People turned into genetic experiments for the sake of "science". Prisoners culled and killed. Mass swathes of women raped, and raped, and raped, until the vast majority of them died.

Hetalia and the realities of that era do not match up. Don't write this fic, please. Read up on what you're actually wanting to use in this piece before you even begin considering actually writing it.

They could be looking for signs of rebellion, or checking up on reports of armed soldiers in the vicinity... maybe investigating the area for suspected enemies or weapons stashes?

(As a beforehand note, I had this written up before VM posted, I was just working on the extensive 'concrit' stuff.)


Okay....


A few comments, here and there.

For one, line breaks between paragraphs are your friends. On the internet, it is much easier to read when there are line breaks between paragraphs, because indents usually do not work. It made it difficult to read your agent profiles and follow your story at times.

That said, I rather like both of your agents. Skeet seems rather interesting, and in a mysterious-but-not-really way, between his temporary time in DIO, his time in the British Army, and whatever led to him not being allowed to use a Neuralyzer. (Is this a noodle incident, or is it going to be developed further in the future, I wonder?) I also wonder how he's able to successfully make a fried breakfast with the accutrements you described.

Why is he only authorized to work in smaller fandoms, however?

With Amelia, on the other hand, she's quite interesting. What sort of flavor of excitable fangirl is she? Does she deflate easily? Or does she manage to power on through sheerly on fangirl energy alone? What happens after it wears off? How will you manage to work with stories that have severe OOCness when she doesn't pay attention to it? Is this something that is going to change throughout the missions? Why or why not? You don't have to answer that right now, but it is something you need to consider if you have not yet.

The amount of LOs (and the variety) are interesting. I trust, going from what you said, these are going to change with time? That will be neat to watch.

Moving on to the story itself, I have a few comments.

How is it that Skeet is bad at navigating HQ? Does that mean he isn't able to not pay attention to wandering around? Getting lost should mean he just reaches where he's going quicker, if he has no idea where he is.

My comment about line breaks after paragraphs earlier still stands. Also, you have some strange spots where the sentence suddenly cuts and begins again on the next line, such as with the mission beep.

Beyond that:

“Sorry about that, here, let me help”. He said, as he walked over to his new partner and helped her pick everything up. “I'm Skeet by the way.”

Punctuation goes inside the lines. In this case, you shouldn't have a period, but a comma there instead, and 'He' would not be capitalized. 'He said', 'She said', 'It said'? These are not things that warrant capitalization after a line of dialogue.

“We should have time for a quick tour at least; that’s my room, that’ll be yours, you can put all your stuff in there, and through there is the kitchen and bathroom. “ He announced, indicating the appropriate doors.

Instead, it should be:

“We should have time for a quick tour at least; that’s my room, that’ll be yours, you can put all your stuff in there, and through there is the kitchen and bathroom,“ he announced, indicating the appropriate doors.

This sort of error is peppered through your story.

Skeet had been skimming through the DoI report for their mission fic, wincing occasionally, and had just finished when he became aware of the young girl standing behind him.

Is Amelia really a 'young girl' at sixteen? Remember, word choice and pairing is important. You're painting descriptions with your words here. Does 'young girl' put you, personally, in mind of a sixteen year old? Or does it put you in mind of someone younger? At twenty-five, Skeet is a good nine years older than her, but is he really so old that he'd consider a teenager a 'young girl'?

Also, did she truthfully go 'OMG' in a bit of ostensibly spoken dialogue?

Beyond that, 'ok' should be 'okay' when you use it in writing.

Amelia was now wearing the DMS flash patch (a potted cactus against a dark grey background) on an armband that Skeet had found, watching him search through the drawers built into the console desk.

It is black. If you are going based off of the image on the wiki, that is a vaguely shoddy replacement done by someone who showed up and promptly replaced all the flash patch art he could with things that were done to represent being on actual 'cloth'. So, it's not actually dark grey.

‘Yup, definitely a newbie’ Skeet thought to himself as he selected one for her. “Here, this’ll do for now.” He said, handing her a fairly normal looking kitchen knife. You would do well with some form of punctuation at the end of that thought.

That said, I rather enjoyed it.

You write well- aside from a few errors (but a beta can fix those; even a double glance on your part would be able to, with some of these).

The sense of humor was very, very light, but it was present, if subtle. Overall, it was rather enjoyable as an introduction to your agents.

I am not granting you permission because VM beat me to it.

Congratulations, because you certainly earned it. Please keep in mind that now that you have permission you are not allowed to wander away, and we now fully expect you to continue answering the questions of clueless newbies as you have already been doing a good job, and we are lazy and like it when others answer them (and correctly, to boot).

First, congratulations! Your agents sound like a ton of fun, and your writing sample is entertaining, except for a few mechanical issues. VM says July is going to have some detailed concrit for you, so I don't want to jump the gun by getting into all of it, but I do want to talk about semicolons.

Your writing sample is roughly six pages long. As a rule of thumb, that means you get to use about six semicolons, no more, preferably fewer. You used 23. It's excessive and it's distracting, especially since many of them are not used correctly. A lot of them would do perfectly well as commas, some of them properly ought to be colons, and the rest could probably be taken out in favor of a period and a new sentence. To give some examples:

1) "It’d been about three days since Agent Skeet had been on a mission; an unusual circumstance in the PPC."

- This one should be a comma. It makes just as much sense, and the end bit of the sentence is a fragment that can't stand on its own. A semicolon implies that you're connecting two thoughts that could stand alone but are closely related, but this isn't a separate thought, it's a continuation of the one at the beginning.

2) "The message flickered up on the screen;"

- You're introducing a quote here, so this 100% absolutely needs to be a colon. Never use a semicolon to introduce anything. That is the colon's one and only job.

3) "She clambered to her feet and began re-gathering everything from the floor around the doorway; Skeet recognised many of the typical newbie gifts; shiny things, sweets and assorted Bleep-products."

- The first semicolon there is sitting at what should be the end of a sentence, and I'd say even the end of a paragraph. The first bit is Amelia's action and should be part of her paragraph. The next bit is Skeet's action and should be part of his paragraph. Generally speaking, if you change doers, you should change paragraphs.

- The second semicolon there should be a colon, because you're introducing a list. The colon is a hard-working but highly specialized little guy who just wants to make a decent living introducing stuff so he can feed his family. Don't let that flashy up-jumped jackanapes, the semicolon, take that away from him.

The semicolon is a delicate and tricky little devil, tempting in its versatility, but like most temptations, it should be resisted except on special occasions. I went through a phase of overusing them myself, and have since read a lot about them and learned to feel where they work and where they really aren't necessary (read: most of the time). I'm happy to talk about it more if you have any questions. {= )

See also: http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Punctuation#On_Semicolons

~Neshomeh

Especially the "ambulatory pile" and repeated "concussing".

There is one grammar problem:

Skeet was so appalling bad at navigating HQ that he would likely starve before finding it unless someone took pity on him.

Should probably be:
Skeet was so appallingly bad at navigating HQ that he would likely starve before finding it unless someone took pity on him.

Just FYI. Appallingly describes bad which describes how adept Skeet is at navigating HQ.

Otherwise--congrats! And have a bag! It's black. Amelia's first black thing in the PPC.

Your agents are realistic and three-dimensional, and your writing is skillful and humorous. Granted!

I believe JulyFlame has some concrit for you, so I shall leave that end of it to her. Good luck!

A favourite of mine is the Loading Ready Run crew (http://loadingreadyrun.com/)

I particularly enjoyed this week's video, continuing their tradition of putting various household objects into microwaves, For Science!!!
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/loadingreadyrun/5683-Fun-With-Microwaves-3

I actually discovered it through a Homestuck remix, and it's very fun and very quotable.

Wow, this is actually really nice! Does this actually get sent anywhere when I hit "submit," or is it purely a mockup to help the applicant see the sort of things we're looking for?

Well, I don't actually consider myself ready to request Permission, mainly due to a lack of dedication. And I'm not sure how good my 'constructive criticism' was for the Royal Fanfiction Academy of Equestria since I didn't really get into characterizations or anything, but it was still there. And heck if I know how long I've been here, just vaguely around one year.

The test was a nice exercise, though. I just hope I didn't embarrass myself on the characterization question with the SO.

(insert self-criticizing rambling here)

Fun! I know I already have permission, but it was good to do this.

I believe you asked the same question twice on the page called "Community Spirit: Let's All Get Along". The question in question is "Have you provided constructive criticism to a PPCer?" which appears twice, consecutively.

Other than that, I think it looks quite nice and, more importantly, useful. I especially approve of the bonus questions.

To you and your team, well done.

-Phobos

Should you maybe put it on the Wiki, in some place that's easily accessible for people? And post it on multiple places?

Well, in addition to adding it wherever you're going to put it, of course.

The shipfest only lasts for so long, and the last story was posted on the twelfth. My reply right now is on the twenty-fifth. For those of you who cannot math, that is nearly two weeks since the last story was posted.

You have well and truly missed the boat for this year, please do not post in here just to say 'Ooh, me too!', especially this far out.

Our board is currently in bump mode, and when you post in here only to go 'ooh, me too! Write me!' you are bumping other threads down just to respond to something that no one is doing anything with anymore.

Another newbie here, but I'm up for grabs, I guess!

Pff! I'm new here and wasn't intending to post much... however, if this is still goin' and all, I'm a shipping maniac and I'd love to make a new friend or two, hehe!

A darkened stage. Suddenly, a spotlight illuminates a solitary figure - JULY, hands clasped in front of her. A soft, lilting melody begins from the orchestra, and JULY begins to sing.

JULY: Though you often seem quite strange and hyperactive
Deep down inside, I really must admit
That a part of me does find you - well, attractive
And I think that we'd be quite the perfect fit...

ANNABEE now enters, with a second spotlight on her. She sings:

ANNA: Though you often seem quite strict and overbearing
Deep down inside, I know it's for the best
Tough love is just another form of caring
And I know that if I try, I'll pass the test!

The two women turn to each other and burst into a duet.

BOTH: For now we both can see
That we're simply meant to be
ANNA: You're my burning JulyFlame
JULY: And you're my honey, AnnaBee!
BOTH: And though we couldn't be more different
It's you that I've adored!

They clasp hands. The music turns soft and gentle.

BOTH: For if this is what love is,
I'm glad we found it on the Board...

The music swells to a final climax.

BOTH: Yes, if this is what love is,
We're glad we found it on the Booooooard!

The audience cheers wildly and throws roses as the curtain descends.

"I don't understand," PitViper said, confused. "I think you're reading way too much into this."
"I'm not! Look, all I'm saying-"
"We collaborated a few times. That does not make sexual tension," PitViper rebutted.
"I never said it did! Can you let me finish?"
PitViper waited.
"All I'm saying," Laburnum said, "is that *some people*, not me, *some people* might, if they were ship-obsessed, think that there's sexual tension between us."
"So what? You've got a significant other!"
"Like that stopped the shippers," Laburnum snorted.
"What's your point?" PitViper asked.
"Wanna make out?"
There was a pause.
"Well... I don't have anything else better to do..."
"Good."
"You could have just asked me first, though..."
"Eh, it's more fun this way."

I'm in. Not feeling up to writing right now; dealing with sinus infections and a major headache. Feel free to use my persona, though. Could be fascinating.

[HimochiIsAwesome X JulyFlame. With apologies to both Boarders.]

The Nickname Department of the PPC Board is in a little-known, distant, dusty corner. Lady JulyFlame is its one and only agent. Its mission? To make sure the Laws of Nicknames are obeyed...
"You can't give yourself a nickname," JulyFlame said. "That's not how they *work*."
She looked askance at the girl sitting across the desk from her.
"Well, Himochi isn't me. I'm Himu." The Welshwoman stuck out her tongue.
"No, you're not. Nicknames you give yourself don't count."
"What are you going to do about it?" HimochiIsAwesome grinned.
"We could always give you a different nickname..." July leaned across the desk, eyes flashing.
"Oh?" Himu's lips quirked. "Like what?"
"How about..." July pretended to think. "'Sexy'?"
Himu laughed. "I think I like that name."
"Well... we have to make sure it fits..." July got up from behind her desk, and circled Himu's chair. She pulled the other girl close, pressing her into the desk, and kissed her passionately.
Himu, surprised, kissed back.
~~~
A few hours later, they lay beneath the desk, hot, disheveled, and happy.
"So..." Himu began.
"Mmm?" July ran her fingers through Himu's hair.
"Does it fit?" She kissed July on the cheek, and trailed her fingertips down her bare shoulders.
"Ohhhhh, yeah. In fact... I think that's what I'll call you from now on."
Himu grinned. "I'd like that."

A lone figure wearing a trench coat, desdendelle, walked slowly down a long corridor. He turned, then sniffed the air... once... twice...
Yes, he was sure of it. Someone was drinking Earl Grey.
He followed the smell, which eventually led him to a small, inconspicuous room. Opening the door, his eyes fell upon AnnaBee... drinking none other than his favourite drink. Earl Grey.
Ignoring the weird look he was getting at that moment, he sat down and helped himself to a cup.

#Not too long later...#

The two were talking endlessly, somehow managing to find a way to drink tea and talk at seemingly the same time.
"No way! You like The Bartimaeus Trilogy too?" AnnaBee said, quite hyperly.
"Yes, I do," des replied, smiling at her over a cup of Earl Grey.
"But you know what else I like?"
"What?"
"You."
And with that, he stood up and caught her lips with his own.


~~~
I have no clue! *laughs in a psychotic way* Either way, after noticing both Beebee and des liked The Bartimaeus Trilogy, I couldn't help myself!
*hides*

VixenMage was typing away at her computer, working on her latest fic, and was so absorbed in her work that she didn’t notice Phobos walk in until he spoke.

“Hi, Neshomeh said something about you wanting to give me a massage?”

“Huh? I said I had a message for you.” VM looked round, noticing that her guest seemed to have dressed up for her.

“Oh... well, that doesn't sound anywhere near as interesting,” Phobos said, looking disappointed. He was beginning to regret wearing his special break-away tuxedo.

“Wait, she got message and massage confused? That doesn’t sound like her at all.”

Phobos thought back to when he’d last seen Neshomeh. “Well, she was kind of ‘busy’ at the time, and her voice was sort of muffled... now that I think about it, it can’t be easy to talk and do that simultaneously.”

The two Boarders shared a mental image.

“Well, I really should finish my fic, but it’d be a shame to waste this opportunity,” VM reached out and grabbed some bottles of massage oil that were conveniently close by. “Would you prefer Orange and Lemongrass or Vanilla?”

“Your choice.” He said, casting off all of his clothing in one swift (and highly practised) motion.

-----------

Much later, and after a very thorough massage, the two of them lay on a bed, the scent of vanilla heavy in the air.

Phobos propped his head up, looking across at VM. In her enthusiasm, she had ended up with quite a lot of the oil on herself. “Wow, words cannot describe how good I feel right now.”

“Well, when it comes to thanking people, I hear that actions speak much louder than words...”

It had to be a dream

(it wasn’t a dream)

because the last thing she remembered, Neshomeh had been poring over the Wiki, trying once again to cut down the number of pointless pages. Then she was here, in darkness lit only by a faint blue glow.

“Hello?” Neshomeh called, on the principle that information gathering was a good thing (and right now she felt what almost amounted to a burning need for information, as if it was the entirety of her being). “Is anyone here?”

There was a long silence, and then a faint reply. “Um… not there exactly, I don’t think… where is here?”

“I have no idea,” Neshomeh called back, trying to walk towards the voice – but she couldn’t walk. Strangely, though, she was moving anyway; she felt as if she were being jerked from point to point, but at the same time as if she had been at her new position all along. Information gathered, information filed. There was a feeling of constriction in the air (was it air?), as if she’d entered a narrow tunnel, and then a widening, and a flickering blue light ahead, like some kind of sci-fi fairy.

(Hey, hey, come down here, you’ll want to see this.)

(I’m busy… but okay, just a minute.)

“… hello?” the voice said, and Neshomeh realized with a start that it was coming from the fairy-light. “Who’s there?”

“… er, my name’s Neshomeh,” Neshomeh replied. “Could you tell me-“

“Neshomeh!” the voice exclaimed. “No way! It’s JulyFlame – you know, from the Board.”

“July!” Neshomeh exclaimed in reply, watching the light ahead of her carefully. “Um, why are you a spark of electricity?”

“I was going to ask you the same question,” July replied wryly. “I only noticed a couple of minutes ago – it’s hard to look down, you know?”

“Er, yes, definitely,” Neshomeh agreed, although in truth she hadn’t noticed at all. “Where… are we?”

“Not a clue,” July said. “Last thing I know I was on the Wiki, looking for-“

“Me too,” Neshomeh cut in grimly. “That doesn’t bode well.”

“You can’t be thinking of a Wiki-related plot to kidnap us,” July said, “that’s just ridiculous… right?”

(Oh my Bohr! What are those?)

(I don’t know. Keep watching them.)

“Utterly ridiculous,” Neshomeh agreed – too quickly. “But… do you get the same feeling I do about this place? Like it’s… well, I don’t know. Disturbing.”

“I keep expecting to see blood when I look round,” July agreed. “It feels like a place where violence happens.”

(Don’t they know they’re on the DAVD page?)

(I get the feeling they don’t know much.)

“It’s disturbing,” Neshomeh said again, with a tone of finality. “I think we should try and, you know, disperse it.”

“Oh?” July said, in a tone of cautious agreement. “And how do you suggest we do that?”

“The same way one always gets rid of bad feelings,” Neshomeh said. “The power of Love!”

July’s spark flushed a vibrant pink. “Oh, Neshomeh,” she said, “I never knew you cared.”

“Neither did I,” Neshomeh admitted, “but let’s just go with it.”

(Okay, that’s kind of disgusting.)

(Yeah… hot, though.)

(Oh, well, obviously.)

I doubt I'd be used though. Would be fun to see though

Not entirely sure how involved I'll be, on either end of the event, but this looks like it could be fun.
Besides, I can't just hide out in the background forever, even if there are pastries there.

"Um... excuse me." said a quiet, squeaky voice over the auditorium PA system. "We've experienced a corset malfunction. Our trained professionals are working on the problem and the show will start shortly. Thank you."

In the auditorium, people went back to talking amongst themselves.

"Any idea what's going on?" asked Pieguy.

"No idea," replied Maslab. "But I think Fluttershy just said there was a corset malfunction. There's something not right about that."

Across the auditorium, in a shady corner, Data and Tray were killing time by taking turns making out with Caddy.

Doctorlit looked around the room. "This all seems very familiar, if entirely backward."

"No idea what you're talking about," said melancholicPoet.

Doctorlit was about to explain when the lights went out. A hush fell over the room, with an exception made for the sounds of making out coming from Data, Tray and Caddy. The darkness and silence dragged on to the point that everyone wondered if a fuse had blown.

A spotlight sprang to life, fixed center stage on a tall girl with short red hair. She wore a black mini-kilt, dark red tank-top, and thigh-high boots. "Thanks for your patience," she said in that same quiet squeak. "Now, without further ado..." Bryn's lips curled into a grin and her voice changed. Gone was the gentle shyness. It was replaced with throaty power. "We are the Department of Badass and we aren't here to sing sappy love songs! We're here to rock!"

Her last sentence was punctuated by the sound of drumsticks clicking together. After four clicks, every light on the stage flared to reveal the entire band.

The eye was drawn first to the drummer. Her hair was styled into liberty spikes; each spike dyed red, yellow, or orange. She wore a black leather vest with red and orange flames embossed on it. July's drumsticks flashed across the kit as the song began.

Near the drums was a pair of guitarists. They wore matching black jeans. Their black tee-shirts were tight; one displayed a bee holding up a lighter, while the other sported a sheep with a battleaxe. Annabee set up the melody, while Himochi played rhythm.

On the other side of the stage from them was the bassist. She was on the smallish side, but her red hair had been styled into a mohawk. She was decked out in, what appeared to be, a single black ribbon that had been wound strategically around her body. VM was laying down the bass line with a smile on her face.

Behind VM was a keyboard set-up. The Boarder behind the keys had all of her hair tucked under a pinstriped fedora, which matched her bikini top, suspenders, and pants. PitViperOfDoom's fingers glided across the keys.

When Bryn began to sing, she was joined by another woman. This one had her dark hair lightly spiked. Neshomeh was dressed in tight leather pants and a black corset with red trim. She added harmony and backup vocals to Bryn's lead.

The song was about killing Sues and the crowd was really getting into it. Nakkel was waving his shirt above his head. The Irish Samurai was holding up a sign (we're still not sure where he found it on such short notice) that proclaimed his desire to "have VM's babies!" TheScribe had stolen Data away from Tray and Caddy. The four of them were doing more than just making out in that back corner.

The song reached the bridge, which gave Annabee and Himochi a chance to play dueling guitars. They went back and forth, getting faster each time. It would have gone on, except that July broke in with a drum solo.

While all of that was going on, Nesh and Bryn engaged in a little fanservice by kissing and caressing center stage. They broke the kiss and grinned at the audience before launching back into the song.

As the song came to an end, the assembled Boarders went wild. Boxer shorts were thrown on stage, as was Araeph. She was immediately grabbed by VM and dragged offstage. A few minutes later, a long black ribbon floated down from the catwalk above the stage.

PitViper decided that being the keyboardist should be more exciting, so she went crowd surfing. When she made it back to the stage she was without her bikini top and pants, though she still had her hat and looked very happy. She put an arm around both Annabee and Himochi and walked them toward the dressing rooms while whispering in their ears.

Nakkel climbed on stage, still shirtless, and was hauled off by a grinning July for places unknown.

Neshomeh gave Bryn a wink and, as they disappeared together backstage, a corset and a tank top were tossed back onstage, to the delight of the crowd.

The audience, having no one else on stage to watch, turned on itself. Clothes were discarded as everyone followed the example of Data, Tray, Caddy, and TheScribe.

------

Meanwhile, in the sound and light booth.

"It was a good show," said Dann from the light board.

"Absolutely," agreed Phobos, who had worked the sound.

There was a sound behind them as Artell's phone rang. "Hello?" he said. "Oh, July. How'd the...you what? How much leather? Less and less all the time? I'll be right there." He hung up the phone. "Gotta go guys. July needs me for...well...you know." With that he ran for the door.

"Have fun, Princess!" called Phobos at the retreating Artell.

"Very good show," remarked Dann with a grin.

So, am I fashionably late, or just late?

Can't promise that I'll write anything, but I do intend on giving it a go.

I'm a 26 year old male, and am willing to be shipped with anyone/thing for the amusement of the Board. If I do end up getting genderbent, my only request is that my female counterpart be annoyed at having shorter hair than me (mine is just past shoulder length).

Enjoy, and hopefully I'll be contributing soon.

Should I write, I wonder?
Ah, maybe not... I don't know anyone well enough, aha~
On an unrelated note, the 'Himochi' in my username is not, in fact, myself, so it amuses me quite a bit to see 'Himochi' in these fics.

Because I have no shame.

"No." VM folded her arms.

"Pleeeeease?" Bryn begged. "You look so much like him, and I've always fantasised-"

"Not happening."

"All you'd have to do is-"

"I look nothing like the guy. Also, no."

Bryn looked downcast. "Oh... OK..."

"OH, no. No. You are not doing that kicked-puppy routine on me!" VM stood firm. "I know that trick!"

"I... I don't know what you mean..." Bryn stared at her feet.

"You act all sad to try and make me feel guilty. Not happening."

Bryn turned her large, sad eyes upwards to meet VM's, until they seemed to pierce the very depths of her soul. "I... just thought you might like to..."

VM ground her teeth. "Hey, Sarah Michelle Gellar," she finally said, in a passable imitation of Joss Whedon. "Your acting seems a bit off. Why don't you meet me in my trailer in five minutes for some... private lessons."

Bryn brightened immediately. "What should I wear, Joss?"

"Your cheerleader costume. No underwear."

As they headed off towards the bedroom, VM spoke. "Bryn, you have issues."

"Bryn? Who is this Bryn?"

A sigh. "SARAH... you have issues..."

The curtain parted willingly enough, as the flailing pair fell through it.

"Oof! Where are we?" Pieguy attempted to pull his head out of the tangle of Tray-Gnome's shirt.

"Aw, don't stop now!"

"I just want to... where did we fall into? These RCs all look the same from -- mmm, from this angle."

Tray reached up to grab Pieguy's shirt again. "Shhhh," he murmured. "It's July an' Artell's place, there's no mistaking the curtain, now hold still for a minute."

But Pieguy had gone all too still. "We're where?!"

"I jus' told you. 'S okay! They're out, somewhere. It's sexy, right? Dangerous. Hey, do that thing with your shoulders again."

They were once again thoroughly entangled when a pair of feet sashayed into Pieguy's field of vision.

"Well, hello there, boys."

Tray craned his neck around. "...Oh. Hi?"

July grinned like a wolf. "Oh, don't stop on my account. Artell's off with Phobos for the day, I have been looking for a way to... entertain myself."

Pieguy shivered. "How do you do that? With the ellipses?"

"Oh, a lady has to keep some of her mysterious allure," she told him, sliding free of her uniformed blouse. "Now... where did you boys leave off?"

"And I don't even see what's so great about Wales," Pieguy muttered as he treked across green, slightly wet, hills. "All it has is different accents and sheep. If I wanted that I would have taken a vacation to New Zealand."

Himochi quickly jogged up and joined Pieguy at the apex of the hill. She wrapped her arms around him from behind and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I think you know that there's a lot more here for you." She said teasingly. "There's a reason that you came, after all."

Pieguy leaned back into her warm arms and smiled. After a moment he turned around to kiss her, only to spot behind her at least a dozen sheep looking up at them expectantly.

"Goddammit."

"Wow," Caddy mumbled as he stared at the ceiling in a daze. "I think I lost all sensation in one of my legs there for a moment. Wait... no, it just got tangled up in the sheets. There we go, I got it."

There was no response from July, not even a winded "uh huh." Caddy turned his head towards the other Boarder and saw that she was scribbling something down on a piece of paper. The post-coital wooziness was still strong enough that Caddy couldn't quite make out what was on the paper from where he was laying.

"What are you doing?"

"Hang on a second," July replied. She paused, erased something, then rewrote something else. "And... done! Here you go."

July passed the paper over to Caddy, who gave it a cursory examination. His eyes grew wider the more he read. "Is this... are you giving me concrit?!"

"I felt there were some areas where you could have used a little improvement," July replied casually as she stretched out on the bed. "It's part of what the PPC is about."

Caddy was still staring, owl-eyed, at the paper. "For writing, not for what we just did!"

"What, you'd prefer I just stroke your ego?"

"...Amongst other things, yes." Caddy set down the paper, folded his arms across his bare chest, and pouted.

July rolled her eyes. "Tell you what," she purred as she shifted over next to Caddy. "How about you let me help you improve your skills? Give you some... hands-on instruction, as it were."

Caddy's pout almost immediately vanished. "Yes please."

"Excellent. I think we'll start with some basic exercises." A smile slowly spread across July's face. "First off: cunning linguistics."

...can't be any worse than the last one I was written into!

Sounds fun! I am totally up for being shipped. I think pretty much anything's fair game, we're adaptable.

“Maslab!” Tray yelled, running towards his fellow boarder.

“Aww, not again...” Maslab sighed, and braced for impact.

Tray tackled Maslab to the ground.

“Ow. Why do you always do that?” He asked, with a sigh.

“I’dunno. Maybe I just like touching you.” Tray wiggled his eyebrows.

“Oh really?” Maslab reached up and ran his hand on Tray’s shoulder. “Well, now that you mention it, I don’t mind touching you either. So long as I’m not getting hurt.”

Tray smirked. “Believe me, hurting you is the last thing I have on my mind right now.” He leaned down and the two began to kiss.

Desdendelle looked nervously at the Board. "I'm... not going to go even deeper into insanity if I'll read the shipfest thread, right? Right?"

Arms wrapped around him from behind. "Well, Des, you can go as deep into me as you like."

Desdendelle blinked at ShatteredSanity's voice. "Um... I said insanity."

"Yes, and you will be in Sanity tonight."

There was a pregnant pause.

"Pick you up at seven?"

"I'll be waiting."

Go ahead, ship me. It's going to be funny for sure. Here's my Troper page; most of my weird quirks are listed there.

Five rooms. Five beds.

Five...

"Oh, my darling."

"Oh, my darlingest darling..."

Pause.

Neshomeh sat up. "No, I'm sorry, you've ruined the mood completely."

Blinking, Phobos joined her. "You don't like endearments? You always have before..."

Neshomeh twitched. "Stop with the ellipses!" she protested. "First you mindlessly copy me, then you create a pointless superlative, and now you cap it all by using two ellipses in three sentences!" She flung herself back against the cushions with a dramatic hand to her forehead. "Oh, Phobos, why do you not love me any more?"

"Now, Neshomeh, you know that's hardly fair. If I didn't love you, would I do... this?"

Beat.

"That was another ellipsis!"

Four...

JulyFlame sat, arms folded, glowering at Artell. "That was rude, annoying, and quite simply unwelcome," she said flatly. Artell shrugged.

"Let it lie, July," he suggested. "I've got something far more interesting in mind."

"No," JulyFlame said firmly (which Artell thought a very apt adverb). "No sex until you take it back."

"... all right," Artell said with a sigh. "I'm sorry for suggesting that we might want to consider playing a game of-"

"You think that's an apology?" JulyFlame protested. "You're not listening to a word I say!"

Three...

"I think it could totally work!"

"Kit, it's physically impossible," Laburnum explained patiently. "Legs simply don't move like that."

"... oh." kitsune106 thought for a moment. "Well, what about if we set up a kind of rope rigging? Support it like that, and-"

"No, Kit, it would break," Laburnum said - less patiently now. "Can we just do something, I don't know, realistic?"

kitsune106 frowned, looking around the room, taking in the various items of what might best be termed paraphenalia. Most of them were covered in fur. "I don't think I know that word," he said worriedly.

Two...

"Oh Da-ann..."

"Mm?"

"I'm waiting for you, Dann..."

"That's nice, dear." Techno-Dann leant in closer to the computer, frowning at the tangle of code. "Did I forget to close something?" he murmured. "Or maybe...?"

"I'm not wearing any clothes and I'm waiting for you," Vixenmage went on from behind him. Techno-Dann nodded slightly.

"Lovely, dear," he said. Maybe if he ran it in debug mode... no, the problem was somewhere else. Perhaps up here.

"I'm ready and waiting for wild sexing, Dann," Vixenmage went on, her voice tinged with hopelessness. Techno-Dann frowned.

"I'll be right with you, dear," he mumbled. Okay, start from the top...

Behind him came an exasperated sigh, and then the sound of Vixenmage pulling on a silky robe, stepping down from the bed and walking over to put her arms around him. "All right, all right," she said, looking over his shoulder. "What've we got?"

One...

"Yes, and then she puts her hand there, and he pressed a finger to that..."

Kaitlyn sat up from her nap and raised an eyebrow. Huinesoron was standing in front of a blank wall, gesturing strangely with both hands. He was also naked, which was nice, but didn't make any more sense out of things.

"And then he moans, and she kisses him... yes, there."

"hS, what in all the worlds are you doing?" Kaitlyn asked, standing up and walking to stand next to him. He glanced over his shoulder at her, taking in her nude form with a glance.

"Oh, hello, lover. Nice nap?"

"Mm, yes it was," Kaitlyn agreed. "But you're avoiding the question."

Huinesoron frowned, realised his hands were still in the air, and dropped them rapidly to his sides. "Well, I was just... would you believe a 'nothing'?"

"No," Kaitlyn said flatly. "It looked like you were using magical powers to control people in what might be called intimate ways."

"... well, maybe I was."

"hS," Kaitlyn said, "you don't have magical powers."

"... yeah, but I might."

"You don't."

"Shurrup. It's fun anyway."

Five rooms. Five beds. And not one of them being used.

You will not ship them on the Board?
You will not ship them with a gourd?
You will not ship them on a boat?
You will not ship them with a groat?
You will not ship them on a thread, you will not ship them 'till you're dead?
You will not ship them on a train, you will not ship them in the rain?
You will not ship them in a fic?
You will not ship them with your trick?
I will not ship them, it makes me sick!
I will not ship them in this fest, I will not ship them just to test!
I will not ship them on a board, or with a gourd, on a boat, or with a groat!
I will not ship them on a thread, on a train, nor in the rain!
I will not ship them here or there! I will not ship them ANYWHERE!

Though I'm not sure how much actual writing I can get done this time round, since I'm currently neck-deep in markers and ink.

"Wow," Data remarked, leaning back in his seat. "This train is downright empty, this late at night."

"I know," Maslab replied, glancing away from the window. He immediately blushed. "Oh... er, Data, your... your kilt..."

He looked up from his comic hoard, twinkling innocently. "Hmm?"

Maslab coughed, and looked in the opposite direction. "Your kilt is... er, well, your legs are..."

Data grinned, and glanced down. "Oh, is it? Now, how did that happen? It certainly wasn't windy today."

Still blushing, Maslab shook his head. "No. No, it was not. I... I didn't know you went Scotsman..."

The train screeched to a halt, and Data stood up. "Now you do! And, better yet, you know why. But I still have pressing questions!"

Maslab followed him off the train, towards the hotel. "Such as?"

"What is under that trenchcoat of yours, hmmm?"

"You know, July," VM purred as she toyed with her wine glass. "You've seemed a little... tense lately."

July gave VM a suspicious glance over her couscous. "Why do I get the feeling this delicious candlelit vegetarian dinner in your private dining room with a variety of fine wines was not just about discussing fanfic?"

VM gave a low, throaty chuckle. "Oh, July, you know me so well." She moved around behind July and began massaging her shoulders.

July gave a soft whimper. "But... but won't Dann and Artell mind?"

Another chuckle from VM. "Oh, July, honey... who do you think is in the other bedroom right now?"

She gently helped July to her feet, and their eyes met with a frisson of passionate tension.

"Come, now," VM murmured huskily. "And I'll show you why they call me Vixen Mage..."

I'm going to go pray I don't regret this.

On the other hand, I don't think I know anyone well enough to write shipping. Oh well, maybe I'll figue something out.

I'm gonna regret this, quiaff?

I shall join as well. Hey, I'm a blank slate far as the PPC is concerned so you can portray me however you like. The only problem is I have little to no experience writing shipfics so I might not join in the actual writing.

ohgodI'mgoingtoregretthisverysoon

Although, due to the fact that I have no experience writing pairings, I'm not going to be writing.

*Drags self out of bed, signs up for shipping in post-wake up daze.*

I'm going to regret this, aren't I?

Neshomeh was being followed down the hallway by Annabee, who was talking a mile a minute.

"Nesh, please? I swear, I don't take up much room. I'll live in a closet and help with the cooking and cleaning. Please can I live with you and learn from your awesomeness, please?"

Nesh stopped and looked at her fangirl. "You can't live with me, sorry. There really isn't any room, and our cat sleeps in that closet. However, we can have sex, if you want. To... you know... relieve some pressure?"

Annabee looked a little hurt. "I have two hands, I can relieve my own pressure. I don't need your pity sex."

"And I don't need your hyperness living in my closet. But we can have sex, if you want." Nesh pressed herself close to Annabee and kissed her.

--------

Later, Neshomeh staggered out of a room, looking slightly disheveled, but very happy. "Frell me dead. That girl's got a tongue that never quits."

"Baa."

Himochi grunted and wiped the pearls of sweat from her forehead. "It's not like I have to do this, you know? It's not a compulsion!"

"Baa."

She caressed the wooly creature. "And sometimes I just get so lonely, you know? We all need company, right?"

"Baa."

Finished, she flopped beside the sheep on the bed and sighed, content. "Did I ever tell you about the time when -"

"Good god, woman! At least the Kiwis are quiet! Baa."

Pieguy and Maslab were walking down one of the many winding corridors

"So, Pieguy, what's it like in Australia?" Maslab asked.

"Preeeeetty dangerous," Pieguy said. "Especially in the cities."

"I thought it was the other way around?"

Pieguy shook his head, vehemently. "No, definitely not. See, while you have the kangaroos that can kick you to death..."

"Ahuh."

"And the spiders that are so poisonous that a bite will kill you within hours..."

"Ahuh?"

"And the teeny little jellyfish that send you into the most excruciating pain you've ever known to the point that you want to die..."

"Ahuh...?"

"The real danger," Pieguy concluded, "Is in the porn actors."

Maslab blinked. "Okay, now I'm lost. How are porn actors the real danger?"

Pieguy groped the front of Maslab's trousers, firmly. "Let's go to my place, and I'll show you why porn actors are the danger, down under. We're a people who are already long and tall, if you get what I mean, and porn actors are even more so- if you catch my drift- and I've been considering porn if the radio thing doesn't work out..." He waggled his eyebrows at Maslab.

"I am totally down for that."

...
...please no sheep jokes.
*awaits the sheep jokes*

What joyful material shall be produced, I wonder.

Annabee was sitting at her computer, furiously typing away at a mission. Her hands moving at speeds only accessible by Newbie Ranger Excitement Pink.

Her hands moved so fast, in fact, that they blurred. Then they moved faster and the blur became a double image. The double image became more and more distinct and grew to cover her whole body. Her speed increased further. Smoke started to rise from her poor keyboard. The double image sharpened even more, until finally it separated from her body entirely.

When the smoke cleared, there were two Annabees in the room. They looked at each other for a moment.

"Wow," said one. "I must need a break. I'm beginning to see things."

"Maybe," said the other. "But just because you're hallucinating doesn't mean we can't have some fun."

"I make a good point," said the first with a grin.

They started working on getting out of their clothes.

Within five minutes, the level of energy in that room grew to levels that, if harnessed, could power several large countries. This author thinks the Annabees put that energy to better use.

Techno-Dann was very much minding his own business, inspecting something, when Neshomeh slinked in, looking around.

He was still minding his own business when he heard a low, throaty voice purr into his ear, and a soft slim arm wrapped around his waist. "Hi, Dann." His name quivered in his ear, tensing every part of his body. "What are you doing?"

"I was trying to retrofit this pudding hatch," Dann murmured, cautiously.

"Oh?" Neshomeh's voice came out soft, and sultry. Her hand was working the clasp of his workbelt.

"Yes," Dann said, trying to gather his thoughts.

"Do you need any help?" With that, the buckle came undone, the ends splaying downwards.

"I think I could appreciate a bit of help," he said. "After all, those of us who turn into cats need to stick together." He considered. "Even though in my case it's because of Bryn's extremely inhuman and unethical science experiments."

A gentle hand promptly invaded his pants. "I'm sure I could help."

Dann paused for a moment, before he responded. "That is not helping."

"Are you sure? I can turn into a very special cat."

"And what sort is that?"

"A sex kitten."

"Are you ready?" asked Tray-Gnome to the pile of clothing in the corner.

"Yes~" squeaked the girl who was buried in the depths of the laundry. "But... can I ask why you have a skillet?"

Tray grinned. "That should be obvious. I'm pansexual."

(I don't apologize for how terrible that joke was. I regret nothing. -Phobos)

I wonder what the Board will come up with ...

"It is time we settled this; once and for all," said Neshomeh. She looked into July's eyes and began to disrobe.

"I agree," replied July, who followed suit. "This has gone on far too long."

They both removed their shirts, and took a moment to readjust their glasses.

"Let's be clear on the rules, then." Neshomeh was hopping on one foot while she removed a shoe. "Whoever begs for mercy first loses and the other person gets to use the spelling they think best."

July was shedding her trousers. She kept stopping to brush her hair out of her face. "Very well. I hope you're ready. On three, then?"

The two were now fully naked and faced each other from opposite ends of a large bed.

"One," said Neshomeh, as she put aside her glasses.

"Two," continued July. A wicked gleam in her eye.

"Three," they both called. There was a mad scrambling as they moved toward each other over the bed.

-----------

Meanwhile, in a sauna on the other side of a mirror.

"Okay, this really was a good idea," commented Phobos. Moans were heard from the adjacent room.

"Agreed," said Artell as he wiped condensation from the two way mirror. He didn't want to miss any of the show.

"This is probably the healthiest way for them to resolve this."

"Absolu-- Oh my. Where did Nesh learn to do that?"

Phobos gave a knowing smile and changed the subject. "So, I understand we are supposed to be doing something involving... sticks?"

Totally in.

...and this is the first thing I see!?

Awesome! :D :D

Ship away, and I'll try to get round to writing something later today.

Of course I'm in.

Although, I think me/Data is cheating.

Or yeowomen. Or yeononbinaryindividuals.

I'll go ask Kit if he's okay with joining in too.

Feel free to include me in the shenanigans; just no slash, thanks. ^^

My favourite pairing is now Crimson Flight x Crimson Flight.

though probably not writing, unless I get a really good idea for a pairing/grouping/etc. The contriblutions so far have been hilarious though.

Not sure if I'll be writing anything though. But you can ship me. :3

"This is supposed to be healthy?" Phobos asked. He exhaled, sending a puff of cool breath into the hot, humid room. Rivulets of sweat and condensed water were winding down his face, tracing clean lines down his neck, and from there following down his strong shoulders, and muscled chest, lacing down his arms and belly.

"Yes, it is," Artell replied. He tossed some water onto the heater, sending up a great plume of steam. "There's a saying, you know."

"There is?" Phobos asked, looking disconcerted for a moment.

"'Jos ei viina, terva tai sauna auta, tauti on kuolemaksi.' If alcohol, tar or sauna won't cure the disease, it will kill you." Artell said.

"I think I would've liked the alcohol more." Phobos looked around the planked room. "Is the nudity really necessary?"

"It's traditional," Artell explained.

"It is?" Phobos looked vaguely alarmed.

"It is."

Phobos looked down at the heater, up at the ceiling, and then finally at Artell. "Shouldn't you be seducing me or something?"

"Oh, no." Artell looked distraught at the very idea.

"That's a relief." Phobos wiped his brow.

"That's for later. You shouldn't be having sex in the sauna. The desexualization of the sauna is what has made sauna culture as it is possible!"

"That's perfectly fine with me."

"So, an hour or two from now good with you?"

"Sure. But what do we now?"

"We beat each other with sticks, of course."

Bronwyn sauntered up to the pile of clothes, as it sat there suggestively, taunting her, daring her to make the first move.

"I'm done with the mind games." She exclaimed, resolute in the descision she had made.

"We both know how you truly feel." The laundry pile started to sit motionless before it was interuppted.

"Sssh. No words now, only love." And with that last comment, she slowly began to climb inside it.

20 years old straight male. Ship away.

(Again, all apologies to Doctorlit, who was forewarned.)


Doctorlit looked around, most furtively.

He headed down a south corridor, then a west one, then a north one, then a east one, and then a north one once more and took five flights of stairs.

Finally, he was there.

The Room of Asexuality.

He checked around.

No one down the corridor, up the corridor, down the sides, or on the ceiling. (One must always check the ceilings, after all.)

He went inside.

It was utterly quiet, until it was not.

Outside, the vaguest hint of moaning could be heard, and "Oh, Mr. Booooooowwwwwwwwwiiiieeeeee....

Neshomeh groaned, her back stiff from hours at a computer, editing pages upon pages.

"What's wrong?" she heard someone ask behind her, in a voice that made her stomach flip flop.

"M-my back..." she replied in a quiet, hesitant voice.

"I think I can take care of that."

"I... I don't know..."

"Don't worry," doctorlit said as he places his hand upon her shoulders and massaged them slightly. "I'm a doctor after all."

Data walked in,wearing a nurses outfit and carrying a tray full of feathers, candles, and a pool noodle. "We're ready to operate, doctor."

BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!

Seriously, I'm stuck. First week of summer term + needing to get to know other people better on here = brain fart.

A fic will be coming, don't you fret...

Alright, I'm in.

"Aren't you a pretty bird?" Data said, admiringly.

"I guess?" Makari replied, bewildered.

"You know what I heard pretty birds really like?" Data said. His hips jutted out slightly, the most subtle pelvic thrust on this side of the Atlantic Ocean. (The most subtle pelvic thrust on the other side of the Atlantic, it must be said, belonged to Huinesoron, who put it to most excellent use, if the survey response was anything to go by.)

"What?" Makari giggled slightly.

"Bird seed." He waggled his eyebrow at her. "And, y'know, my name really is Raven, so I have a lot of seed to go around..."

Makari giggled even more. "I do feel a bit hungry," she admitted.

"My room or yours?"

Makari's giggles became even more, a blush painting across her delicate features. "I'm sure we could find a nice bench, somewhere. After all, that's the best place to be throwing bird seed near."

With that, they departed.

(A continuation of last years "A Fistful of Platnium" found here: http://disc.yourwebapps.com/discussion.cgi?disc=199610;article=208649;title=PPC%20Posting%20Board )

Plat strode through the halls of the PPC, for what felt like an age. Peering through the empty corridors, he felt a rushing a dread- and not just in his loins.

Suddenly, he heard it. A collective disappointed sigh and rolling over. Running like mad, he finally found it: The Cafeteria. Pushing the door open with the care of a raging rhino, and Plat gasped with horror.

What Plat saw, made him feel a deep lingering burst of sympathy. The Cafeteria was packed to the brim with naked boarders strewn left and right, and yet, they all sort of looked... mildly downtrodden.

They were staring at each other (and Plat) with a look of enthusiasm, but ultimately confusion and utter awkwardness about the whole copulating business. Orgies tend to lose steam when no one knows exactly what goes where, but knows vaguely that the things between legs are important in this copulating business.

The room was silent. Dead Silent as Plat entered.

A moment of self-conciousness washed over Plat with everyone staring at him and his perfectly muscled body. And then the self-conciousness was taken out back with a bazooka by his raging man hormones.

“WHO DID THIS TO YOU?” Plat roared, echoing fiercely in the large open space. “WHO DID THIS TO YOU, THIS... THIS SEXLEXIA.”

He waited for a moment in silence, before the door he just entered through, creaked open.

“Oh you~ Ever the hero, aren’t you~?” A low feminine voice crooned, the sound of remarkably high heels tapping out an impatient pattern on the floor. The boarders cowered, as Plat turned to look at the woman in the doorway.

July grinned wickedly, dressed in naught but a rather impressive black corset, black leather heeled boots, and a fabulous tophat. She tugged on the leash in her hand, pulling a group of cowed boarders into the room- Plat instantly recognizing Caddy, HerrWozzeck, and Makari on the line.

“YOU FIEND!” Plat shouted, and everyone, save July and Plat, cowered and pulled away from the pair. “How could you do this, July? This is madness!”

“No dear, this is politics~” She cracks the whip to her side, making the entire room flinch.

Plat adjusted his sombrero and scowled at the black vixen (not to be confused with the mage one).

To be... finished in "The Good, The Bad, and the Plat."

But still not writing. 'ships of the year:

The Obvious Ones
hS/Kaitlyn (CANONthiswillalwaysbein)
Neshomeh/Phobos (I guess they're canon too)
Techno-Dann/Vixenmage (Kaitlyn is their #1 shipper)
Laburnum/kit (man, little kit all grown up...)

The Semi-Obvious Ones
AnnaBee/Himochi (how long were those conversations?)
Aeidhryn/Araeph (all that 'smiting'...)
firemagic/Sergio (Madoka-idolisers!)

The Random Ones
Permission Givers/Hats (hats 4eva)
Vixenmage/Irish Samurai ('Permission' granted, huh?)
Tawaki/the TIANATDATPPC list (eternal love!)
Everyone who wrote for Write The Genre/Each other (it was all a ploy to get in each others'... 'cowrites')
Data Junkie/Bronwyn (first two posts in this thread!)
Vixenmage/JulyFlame (first two stories in this thread! Also, ehehehe)
SeaTurtle/an empty space (well, you wanted to be left out...)
Neshomeh/July/the Wiki (you know why)
Neshomeh/doctorlit (that Wiki thread down-Board)

... I think I'll stop there. Probably no stories from me (again), but hopefully these 'ships will warp everyone's fragile little minds.

hS

VM moaned. "Oooooooooh..." The bed swayed.

VM groaned. "Aaaaaaah!" She sent the bed rocking.

VM arched her back. "Aaaaaaaah! AnnaBee! AnnaBee! Yeeeeeees! More!" The bed moved heavily beneath her.

AnnaBee looked up from down from near VM's hips, the perfect picture of subservience. She licked her lips, sending her most adroit tongue in a wide circle. "Yes?"

VM panted, "When we switch, you better not call out Neshomeh's name again!"

"But I'm her most lustful fangirl!"

"Then you can stay down there!"