Apr 2012 Archive, part b

From the personal files of Terri Ryan, Department of Personnel

And so it continues. What is this, Implausible Crossovers? That's Narto's old department... oh, Nar.

Okay. Pull myself together. Bad Terri, no reminiscing. Review. If I keep this up, the R&R Division will give me a part-time job.

I am quite terrified at the prospect of agents being given three missions at once, even short ones such as these - think of the filing! But if it has to happen, these three were a good match for each other. I'm surprised Agents Florestan and Eusabius didn't protest more, but I note that their file shows them to have a rather antique origin, so perhaps they were simply too polite.

The presentation of the differing styles of the three fics - script, centred, parenthetical - was masterful; I truly felt the agents' pain as they found themselves in each new situation. Perhaps the least fleshed-out was the centred story - it is mentioned once, and is amusing, but seems to fade into the background. I'm sure they felt the pressure of that centring more than they let on - and perhaps they should have written more about it. For someone like me, stuck in the Archives all day, it would have been an interesting read.

I do wonder at the language the pair use - look, it's even affecting me. I'm inclined to wonder whether they're playing on some reputation they have in HQ (I wouldn't know) and exaggerating their formality somewhat in the retelling. My suspicions on this front are strengthened by the fact that they occasionally slip into colloquial speech - the final 'Let's do this!' is one example. On the other hand, who knows? We've had stranger folk in here.

One point I do take issue with is during the climax of their third mission: one of the agents, Florestan, gives a 'review' to an author-wraith (described as a Sue-wraith, which I believe is department policy - precision is vital in DIC, where Sue-wraiths and slash-wraiths are both common). Unfortunately, this 'review', while appropriate in tone, nevertheless blurs towards being a flame. An insulting term is used towards the writer of the story - which is frowned on in most departments (the proposal for a Department of Author Abuse never got off the ground). My only consolation is that I'm inclined to think this 'review' was never actually given - it reads like a 'brilliant retort I would have made'.

On the whole, though I admit to not having any knowledge of the canons involved, I found this suitably entertaining. A few flaws, but far better than those agents who refuse to release their reports at all. I'd much rather have something to read than nothing.

-Terri Ryan, Dept. of

-- oh yes, and I found a bizarre piece of overprinting in my copy. The 'fourth wall' line in the third mission, for some reason, has folded on top of itself. Strange.

-T. Ryan, Dept. of Personnel, DOGA Archivist

I was hoping to get to read a spork on Sweet Apple Massacre... Although it's nice to Eusabius flustered (or at least anxious about being late) for once. The badfics aren't as bad as that MLPxSaw (Mission #3, I believe?) badfic though, because I lterally couldn't even read the snippets without cringing. D:

Anyway, nice mission! I really like the dynamic between Florestan and Eusabius.

Ahh, I remember Banjo-Kazooie. That game was such a large part of my first steps as a gamer.

Anyways, the mission itself was an enjoyable read. It was interesting to see Eusabius rush around as to avoid missing his rendezvous with Zerenze.

Given Florestan's nature, I wonder how he'll react to the ME3 endings...

The three mini-fics thing is kind of fun. Each badfic was different enough from the others to make for an interesting sporking in its own right.

One thing didn't seem consistent though. At the end of the first badfic's section, Florestan seems to figure out that Eusabius is planning to go on a date with Zerenze. However, he should already know this, because Eusabius flat-out told him before they left on the mission, "I have a very important date today . . . I was going to take Zerenze to World One and a Half . . ."

Also, since this is the first appearance of the mini-Jinjos, it would have been nice of you to say more about them beyond that they were "colored strangely, and looked quite odd." Some of us never played any Banjo-Kazooies, and hence don't know what a Jinjo is.

I really enjoyed it. I think I remembered in one of the Floater's troll-fic missions that I lost track of the location (or maybe it was just my poor attention span),
but it's definitely improved here.

There are some things I want to point out:

It looked like you overdid it when attempting to mock their chatspeak since some of the words in one of the badfics were actually not in chatspeak.

“Eusabius, would you be so kind as to escort Grunty back to L.O.G.’s video game factory?["]

I thought they already were in L.O.G's video game factory, unless the place they were in was a fake.

“Don’t you push me, you fat man; walk through it myself, I certainly can!”

I thought they would still be hedgehogs by the time this was said, since I couldn't find any indication that they're disguises changed back.

There were a few "soon after"s and I think someone mentioned not to use that phrase again.

Other than that, it was fun to read! The imagery of Sonic's head spiking things cracked me up.

“[BEEEEEP!]-ing it, sir! You know, with a [BEEEEEEEP!] Oh for [BEEEP!]’s sake, may I have a pen and [BEEEEP!], sir?”

....

Why do I find this funny?

I'm enjoying seeing someone doing the Intel Reports the Agents rely on. As for the rest of my review, I'll hand that over to someone in need of a hobby (or, as her department mates put it, 'life').

From the personal files of Terri Ryan, Department of Personnel

I honestly have no idea what's going on any more. After that wodge of old reports I was sent, I assumed that was it - but now I'm receiving current Intelligence reports for some reason? Well, at least it's more interesting than Gen's latest origami-report (space-warping powers, yes; paper-folding, not so much).

I find Agent De Grasse's (Gaspard's?) depiction of life in Intel's Action Division endlessly fascinating. I didn't even know they had a cubicle farm, but Gaspard makes it not only a learning experience, but entertaining as well. His colleague Angus takes constructive console abuse to a new level, and my only complaint is that I find myself a little confused over the scale of the whole thing. The only number given is a cubicle address, 'Cubicle 5294, Stupidity Lane', which even by the most conservative estimates gives well over 10,000 Intel Action Agents. I think we would have noticed that - but then again, I suppose consecutive numbering never did catch on here.

I do have to query Gaspard's interpretation of his interaction with the DIA. From what I've seen, DIA operatives may be dismissive, but they never display the overt contempt Gaspard describes. Either a member of their team was having a seriously bad day (which I'm sure the Tiger Lily would never allow), or Gaspard is exaggerating somewhat (and in a less generous frame of mind I might say 'making it up'). Presumably what actually happened was that he told them his RA might be broken, and refused to explain further - or, of course, that earpiece of his (do Intel have those?) was a prank given to him by persons unknown. You never can tell with agents.

Nevertheless, I did reach the end of this report satisfied that my time had not been wasted. Gaspard's slow realisation of exactly what sort of predicament he was in is near-perfect - and I firmly approve of his decision to let certain quotes from the 'fic stand on their own. Those lines don't require narrative commentary, and I'm glad it wasn't offered.

-T. Ryan, Dept. of Personnel, DOGA Archivist

Fun! I had a lot of fun reading this mission. I love how Aperture Labs itself tries to fight off the Sue. It feels like the Original Series missions, where the canon would directly help Jay and Acacia stop the Sue. I also like all the description you give the Labs.

I might have liked to see Gaspard's encounter with the wayward console after he got back to HQ, but perhaps we'll learn of that in a later installment?

Also, in the "Description" section at the end, you have the word "better" doubled in the sentence about Twilight.

Finally, the Wiki does make brief mention of claiming protocol for intelligence reports:
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Department_of_Intelligence/Reports
"All stories should also be found on either the Unclaimed Badfic or Claimed Badfic pages."
Which I'm guessing means the link to the report should be attached under the badfic's entry, regardless of whether the badfic is currently claimed or unclaimed--and maybe on the killed list too? Anyone else have thoughts on this?

I read it yesterday. I must agree, "WHEATLEY...IZ...NOT...A...MORON" is the funniest line there.

I'm making a note here, huge success
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction
SeaTurtle Intel
He does what he must, because he can
For the good of all of us
Except the fics that are bad

Now there's no sense sporking every single bad fic
But this one just needs to be beaten with a stick
So the Intel gets done
And Agent De Grasse runs
To help fandoms that are still alive~

~~
In all earnestness, I love this intel mission. You manage to capture the... je ne sais quoi that makes it an UTTER BADFIC. xD

And now we have another Intelligence report from Gaspard. And this time, it takes us to a Portal fic.

It seems you've got a gift for writing intelligence reports, because they're funny. This time, I think I had a much better sense of how the fic works, and how Gaspard really didn't want to be there. So I think those are two really great things that have improved over the course of the last mission. Also, the part with what happened before Gaspard got mis-portalled over to the Portal continuum was quite funny.

So overall, it was an enjoyable read. Keep up the great work!

That is one glittery freaking fic. I like the changes that you made to the story, and in the end it came together very well. Honestly, I weep for the portal fandom, when there are fics like this still alive.

Happy birthday, Makari!

It also has Cinammon.

Ooh! A party!

Happy Birthday, Makari! Yay! A party!

Many hugs and warm wishes!

Have a sack of pebbles, a sling, and a basket of Bleeprin-berries. :D

Hope you have a great day!

*Hands you a Birthday Plover* It's made of chocolate. And bleepolate. :D

Already said it in IRC, but I'll say it again:

Happy birthday! =D

LET ME KNOW YOUR FANDOMS and maybe I will write you a drabble? (I say maybe because um I do not know if we overlap, sorry.)

Genfic is my game!

GOODLUCK ON YOUR TEST you are awesome \o/

Have some Bleepka (for emergencies only).

I'm good, how are you?

We've never met before, but I'm glad you're back all the same. My name is Mysterial, and I've been hanging around only for a little bit. Still, happy you've returned.

You make me feel like a newbie... whatever.
Here's a real, authentic, working Piecemaker replica! Oh... wait... that might not be such a good idea. Let me scavenge for more stuff.
Oh, there you go! Have a mattock instead! You can use one side to mine for precious minerals, and the other to chop down trees. Or kill anybody who challenges your mining for precious minerals, but that's besides the point.
Or, you could just give it to a dwarf as a birthday present and he (or she) will be utterly overjoyed.

Hi, have some fudge!

*bows before your majesty*
We n00bs welcome you back to your little kingdom...

Awaken!

Does this mean that OFUR will be starting back up again?

*huggles* Have a biscuit?

That was really funny. I suppose everything is more complicated when one is from the nighthunt, even something that's already as complicated as the talk.

If you want a second beta, you can send it to me at fairfieldgame@gmail.com

Although I haven't been around here for that long myself, so it probably is a good idea for someone else to check it out too.

If you want to send it through to me, my e-mail address is samurai_ireland@hotmail.com

Welcome, have some Bleeprin. I think you may need it for the Legendary Badfic challenge you've set yourself.

It works best to introduce y'self this way, yup~ ^^

So yeah, I'm the resident insane asexual newbie~ Have a sheep~ *hands you a fluffy sheep*
Just remember these important things:
Don't use flamethrowers.
Don't sink into oblivion.
Don't say anything bad about sheep around me.

So, see ya around, newbie~ ^^

Greetings, new friend!

Have a dragon's claw!

Have a hug and a puppy and a kitten and a spider.

Welcome to the glorious PPC! Here be some insanity and sentient chocolate.
Have a baby polar bear!

We love new people! Feel free to step in: we don't bite.

Here, have some Rachmaninoff for the road: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbbtmskCRUY

Have, uh... *rummages around for an appropriate gift* ...a chocolate fish! I found it at the grocery store in the Easter clearance section, for some reason.

Welcome to the board!
Have some Bleeprin!
Oh, and here's some rat pie! Hope you're a dwarf!
Oh, you're not? Here's some regular pie, then. I swear those are apples!

Welcome! Here's a basket to store your sanity in. It keeps it safe while you are here, so you will have it when you need it. Good luck!

Have some Swiss Chocolate and some Bleepka. You'll need them soon.

Have a Random Shiny Object!

I'm the resident talking M1 rifle. Also rather new here as I joined only a couple of weeks (at most) before you.

Here, have a clip of thirty-aught-six rounds. =x

Welcome to the PPC! If you have any questions feel free to ask, we don't bite. (Okay, maybe some of us do, but it's kind of hard to bite people over the internet.)Have a wizard's hat, magic not included.

Here, have some BLeepolate (nm) (nm)s, and some Bleepolate liquors with a Bleepka center, and some Bleepolate that looks like milk but is actually Bleepolate and tastes like it too.

As warning, avoid anything on this list:
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Legendary_Badfic

And feel free to go through this:
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Things_I_am_not_Allowed_to_Do_at_the_PPC

Welcome to ze Board. Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny object. They're useful. Also we like newbies. :D

Welcome to the PPC! Have some of my hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Guaranteed not to contain any highly volatile chemical ingredients, no sir.







*Cough*

*throws a bumper sticker at Crimson Flight *

Welcome aboard, and whatnot! Introductory posts are very much in fashion, as they give us a chance to squee over the newbie.

However, this post is in violation of PPC Statute 1138(ii).45, so you will be executed forthwith.

...

...

... no, all right, I'm kidding. Welcome a'Board. ;) Introductions are good - why not tell us who you are and why you're here - what your favourite fandoms are, whether you've read any PPC stories, that sort of thing. Also your current GPS coordinates, blood type, net worth and mother's maiden name. Purely for security purposes, you understand.

(I may be joking again. It's hard to tell)

Oh, and one piece of advice: they've seen you now. Duck.

hS

The introductory info you give is excellent stuff! It's a very thorough summary of the PPC's usual equipment and its uses for the agents.

I think there's a section missing around the entrance to the badfic itself, as the agents never actually enter it. Nikki is testing out the disguise generator in their RC, and then suddenly, an author's note is blaring through the air. Unless I missed something?

Also, right at the beginning, Sergio says, " . . . from another continua." This should be continuum, which the singular form of the plural continua.

Oh hey, this! I really liked this, and it turned out great! Just one little thing:

“Well, I never used fragmentation ones,” Nikki admitted, “I only used flashbangs and smoke grenades, but I know how to use fragmentation and plasma ones too.”
So, she never used them, but she knows how too? That seems a little weird.

It's a bit of a fiddly job, but it's probably the clearest way to do it. Now, to business!

From the personal files of Terri Ryan, Department of Personnel

Well, this is interesting. I'm pretty sure records of agents' training are supposed to be confidential... on the other hand, this is a mission report, so I suppose that doesn't apply. Still, it makes an interestingly different read. Let's see.

I find this report to be a very good introduction to PPC proceedures. Agent, er, Nikki fills the role of 'naive protagonist' perfectly - she's clever enough that things don't need to be beaten in the ground, but ignorant enough to make the introductions she gets purposeful. I may recommend to the Marquis that we give copies of this to new recruits, to teach them what we're about. I particularly like the fact that the training doesn't stop when they enter the fic - Sergio is clearly a natural at this.

On the other hand, I'm sorry to say he seems a little too fond of his own voice. The vast majority of his report is dialogue, often with no tags to indicate who is talking - although that isn't an issue, he shows us his personality and Nikki's very well, so I can tell who's who. Nevertheless, the constant speech is a little tiring - I'd appreciate a little description at times, not so much of the surroundings, but of Nikki's reactions. Body language is still language, and I'm sure she had some.

On the subject of reactions... I've never met Sergio or Nikki in person (I don't get out much), but they come across as very hard-hearted. Sergio admits that Sakura is his Lust Object, and yet has barely any response to watching her be raped. Perhaps he's a recent transfer from Bad Slash, but I wonder whether he's simply blocking the memory - to the unfortunate detriment of his report.

But perhaps I'm being too harsh. Certainly his reactions towards the end were genuine - both the attraction and the embarassment - so he clearly has a normal emotional range. Perhaps his purpose in this report was to present his training of Nikki in a clear, unadorned manner, and he decided to cut out his own reactions for clarity's sake. Either way, I think he is worth watching - not that I have any choice in what reports I receive. Still, I'd like to read more.

-T. Ryan, Dept. of Personnel, DOGA Archivist

Right there with you! *Readies Bleeprin*

'Ere we go!

Good luck, I guess. Hope you have lots of Bleepka on hand afterwards...

I must admit I did consider doing something like this myself, but I care too much for my remaining sanity to risk it at the moment.

Hopefully you won't melt your brain, but if you do, I'm sure the rest of us will visit the sanatorium of your choice as often as possible.

Nice to see I'm not the only masochistic newbie around, haha~
I think I got through Cupcakes, C*l*b*i*n, My Immortal, C*l*b*i*n a second and third time, and then realised my bedroom curtains were lavender... *shivers*
Anyway, have a 'I hope you don't get scarred to badly' sheep~

Well I've read Celebrian. It's ... just a story that involves objectification of women IN A FANTASY SETTING written by a person with really weird fetishes. I've seen worse.

Cupcakes, which I read before to see what the fuss was about, is just very descriptive gore. Very descriptive gore. And somewhat creepy. But it wasn't that bad.

My Immortal is just wish fulfilment. Badly written wish fulfilment. It also lacks characterisation.

legolas by laura is more wish fulfilment. I think most of the problems people have with it is the terrible plot, the terrible writing and the fact that 'laura' is ten years old and was tortured and raped by orcs. And that she gets into a relationship with her adopted brother. Other than that, it's just another average Mary Sue fic.

The summary alone will kill you.

*and starts painting this swath of the board lavender*

As we keep telling people, reading Legendary Badfics isn't recommended at all. In fact, we discourage it and we don't recognize it as "advancing from newbyedom".

Basically, to stop being a newbye all it takes is to stay in the community for a little while and stopping to consider yourself a newbye.

I haven't read all of them myself, but I have heard a dramatic reading of Celebrian and it was painful. Not the most painful thing, but definitely WTF material.

Hi Artic,

I started reading your fic during my lunchbreak today; I must say I was surprised to encounter E=mc^2 in a Pokémon piece, and that intrigued me enough to carry on reading. Didn't read all the chapters, because I ran out of time, but I enjoyed what I did read.

I'm only vaguely familiar with this continuum, but if you're still in need of a Beta then I'd be willing to help out. I'll certainly be able to check the story for internal consistency and SPaG (although from what I've read so far you don't seem to have problem with that), but may less useful when it comes to spotting OOCness etc.

So, yeah, I may not be able to do a full Beta of it, but I can volunteer my services as a 'Gamma' (a term I've possibly just invented to describe someone that can't necessarily fulfil all the duties of a Beta, but is willing to give it a shot anyway).

And there's always the chance that by bumping it to the top of the page again, it'll attract the attention of someone else that knows more about Pokémon than I do.

Lla eht sdrow ni siht ecnatnes era sdrawkcab.
Also, here is a somg about memes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mghhLqu31cQ

July mentioned that you'd hopped on the IRC the other night, looking for commentary on your Agents. I'm one of the local Dresdenophiles, so I'd love to offer some comments - here, via the IRC, or however you care to. (I'm also on gtalk most all the time - techno.dann@gmail.com )

I've got one!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=9JaG6oik628

And another, for the Whovians out there!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8oBG5aP__E&feature=fvst

That boy needs therapy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE&ob=av3e

Also, here's Darth Vader riding a roller coaster.
http://vadercoaster.ytmnd.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YcGJnc1xcY Best version of Beauty and the Beast ever.

I shall hereby share a funny badfic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6319755/1/One_night_of_the_drop_of_rain

I'm currently sitting in a corner, sipping tea and chuckling softly at all your antics.

Then I get hit with an exploding cow.

Here's one of my favorite Daily Show clips! http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-february-13-2012/the-vagina-ideologues---sean-hannity-s-holy-sausage-fest It's about Godwin's Law!

Oh, and this! http://davca.deviantart.com/gallery/33017456 It's the educational value of famous historical photographs, with the added comfort of ponies!

*runs around beating everyone over the head with an inflated carnival squeaky hammer*

I can offer some silly music courtesy of Weird Al;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6Zc9NyYH-k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKtlK7sn0JQ&feature=related

And also this little webcomic pondering the end of the world
http://www.gronkcomic.com/?p=345
So, PPC, an open question to you all: what is the scariest apocalypse scenario, and why?

Alternatively, to keep this more on topic of the original thread, what is the silliest apocalypse scenario you can think of?

*attempts to squawk like a lorikeet currently being hampered by not knowing what a lorikeet is, or what they sound like*

Everyone, I come from the magical land of Wales, bearing gifts of sheep and leeks!
Feel free to take a leek if you're hungry, if you want a makeshift weapon or if you're training a Farfetch'd!
The sheep aren't optional!

Also, I will take this opportunity to go:
PIGEONS!
They are currently tied with plovers and kiwi birds for the position of NUMBER 1 SEXIEST BIRDS!
Do not look down upon pigeon love, get playing Hatoful Boyfriend, kiddies~

Sorry. What are we doing?

I faithfully report a badfic called Tokyo Mew Mew No Hope Left.
I'm pretty sure it's a troll fic, but I swear that is nearly as entertainingly and brain-breakingly bad as My Immortal. It isn't that bad at first, but dear god, the places it goes in the later chapter.
I have never run across a sue as bad as this, I swear.
Preps were staring at me angrily. They were wearing bermuda shorts and leggings. A guy in a yellow polo shirt said, "NICE BOOTS STUPID GOTH GIRL. WANNA GO OUT!??" I killed him with a knife. -Chapter 12

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8055531/2/The_Hunger_Games_Every_Star_Every_Planet

Yes. You read that right. The Hunger Games crossed over with darn near every other popular fandom.

DRANG IT TO THE DEEPEST PITS OF HECK!

Has anyone read the "Baby Daddy" series?

Here's one of the worse ones:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5028158/1/Shikamaru_Nara_Baby_Daddy
And here's a link to her profile, she's written many of them, including one for Link (Legend of Zelda):
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1870084/Zall88

Yup.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7949201/1/bI_b_Will_bTry_b_To_bFix_b_bYou_b

Even if you haven't read The Hunger Games, you can tell that there's something seriously wrong with this fic.

... in this Evangelion fic:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7928183/1/EVANGELION_NEX_GEN

Capitalisation and punctuation are... haphazard at best. And the main OC is a thoroughly dislikeable [CENSORED], who attacks (and possibly kills) one of his colleagues without provocation, and is still working for NERV the next day. With no repercussions whatsoever.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8042636/1/Gravity

One step removed from a smutfic. What would it be called, a makeoutfic? :P

Cheap use of the sequence where the main characters are chained together to create Yaoi That Should Not Be. OOCness of just. About. Everyone. Especially Light and L.
(To ship them off, you have to explain why they're no longer mortal enemies... which is hard to do, at best. I ship them, but only when it's well-written.)

And an A/N which makes me want to spork my eyes out. Ughhhh.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7913186/1/The_World_Is_Mine
It's supposed to be a Twilight/ Hetalia cross-over. All it is is Twilight's plotline with an OC main character and Hetalia characters randomly inserted in. The thing that really got me was the nicknames: Henry for Heracles and Felix for Feliciano. Never mind that this series already has a Felix (Poland)

Or really, really stupid.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8037667/1/harry_Potter_Space_Marine

I don't know the Warhammer 40K continuum, but in the ONE Potterverse-Paragraph, they butchered things. >_>

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6373108/1/Organization_school_magic_club_EPISODE_1

Has anyone dealt with this... travesty yet? Is this even a Young Wizards fic? I get this nagging feeling that the author may have posted it in the wrong section...

'Ere We Go!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6199741/1/Rescue

Warhammer 40k. Completely fraks up canon, in sooo many ways. Terrible grammar, capitalization, punctuation, etc. Adds ranks to the Adeptus Astartes, Has Astartes praying to the Emperor (essentially their greatgreatgreatgreatgreat granddad), reorganized the Adeptus Astartes into regiments, and Annoying Me (don't ... with 40k. Not on my watch).

Can I have this one, when I've been around long enough?

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6736078/1/You_Belong_With_Me

This was my first ever Badfic. It was awe full! This was too much for me to handle!

...I guess I'll report my recent headdesk-inducing find here. I have no idea if anyone else here has played Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey, but if you have, behold this stupidity: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7763414/1/The_Logical_Conclusion

TL;DR: the author makes up two uncanonical gods (because apparently SMT didn't have enough already), screws the timeline up, misrepresents the goals of two of the three factions, and makes everyone unable to come up with rejoinders to his brilliant conclusion that all life on Earth should be annihilated. Also, the unnamed protagonist manages to hold off three of the most dangerous characters in the game at once (admittedly, he has the two of the highest-level demons available and a misspelled version of another, but once he's dodging Sinner's Song, Requiem, Charge+Adaptation, and Chaos Tack all at once, he's still gonna be having some freakin' trouble).

First, just do a quick check to see if there's already a thread for sharing badfics on the main page. If so, add your post with the new badfic links in a comment there.

If not, feel free to make a new thread!

I do believe you would~
Just make sure you add any required NSFW/NSFB warnings~ ^^

Why hello there, newbie~ I'm a newbie (sort of) who was brought here by TV Tropes too~ That website is very evil, and now I tend to hashtag tropes when I type. ^^' #TVTropesWillRuinYourLife

Oh, a word of warning: If you plan on reading C*l*b*i*n, remove any and all lavender items from your general vicinity. I learnt the hard way, as I was stupid enough to forget that my curtains, duvet covers and almost half of the things in my bedroom are coloured lavender.
Needless to say, I don't sleep anymore.
I read most of the badfics myself and I'm not that scarred... but then again, I did have mental scars beforehand, so it may just be that I was already too scarred... :|

Oops, I'm rambling again~ Hahaha~

Either way, shiny newbie, have a sheep~ *hands you the fluffy ball of cuteness that is a lamb*
Good luck, newbie, and watch out for the chukar partridges~ They have cleavers~

~Himu~

It won't actually hurt you that much. It will just make you wince a lot and maybe laugh. A nice beginner's piece.

I'm one of those people that could never bring themselves to progress past that level, though. So I can't think of anything tougher that I've actually read.

Hi, have some fudge!

...all I can say is "legolas by laura." Especially the dramatic readings. And especially especially "legolas by laura: The Motion Picture."

Oh, and My Immortal, but that one goes without saying.

We love newbies very much! =D

Have some Schoenberg for the road as a welcoming present: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzAFalLbXxg

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my world-famous* all-natural** and totally safe*** hydrophobic water.

What are your fandoms?





*Not really.
**Depends on the day.
***Are you kidding? This stuff explodes at the mere mention of reality.

And it's all yours.

Hi there. I'm new as well. Sort of. Have a brofist because I too am reading the Legendary Badfics. They're somewhat entertaining.

Greetings, new friend! Help yourself to the bag of venomous arthropods! Don't worry; they don't bite!

Yeah, the legendary badfics aren't really "related material." Obviously, you're still welcome to read them, but I don't know how enjoyable that would be for you!

Welcome. Have this bag of polyhedral random number generators as a sign of friendship.

Now on to your question. I would caution against reading the Legendary Badfic. It is all really terrible and there are other things to read that would be far more enjoyable. We are a community based on good writing, which may not have been clear from TvTropes. We don't like bad writing. We like turning bad writing into good writing.

Anyway, do as you will with the Legendaries. If you are interested in what we actually do around here, a lot of information can be found in the following places:

The Constitution - Ground rules for hanging out here.

The Wiki - Where we deposit all of our useful information for easy browsing. The FAQs that are linked on the main page are especially useful.

The Original Series - This is one of the things I mentioned that would be far more enjoyable than the Legendaries. It is the first series of PPC stories.

Phobos' Lair - Hey, I'm allowed to plug my own stories, right? Right? ... Anybody?

RC #999 - One of my favorite spin-offs. So what if it's my wife's? I am totally unbiased.

Totally unbiased.

-Phobos

Have a plover!

Warning: Stay away from C*l*br**n, and don't read the fic, just the mission. That's what I did.

Celebrian, Cupcakes, and quite a few others on the LB list are bad, but they're the sort that you won't quite grasp just how bad they are unless you have familiarity and love of the canon. For example, i'm only sort of familiar with LotR, so Celebrian is mostly just boring.

Eye of Argon is amusing because of the writing, but if odd choices of phrase, and purple writing don't amuse you, it won't be your cup of tea.

Honestly, for more general audience WTFery, I'd say look up Topless Robot's Fan Fiction Friday feature. The stuff found there tends to hurt on a different level, be it terrible biology, terrible spelling and grammar, or some combination of the three. And, if the story itself isn't enough for you, the commentary tends to make up the difference.

Honestly, I'm not sure what's up with the recent influx of newbies who have decided that immediately after finding us, they need to go read the Legendary Badfic. It's like you lot treat it like reading the legendary badfics is a test of manhood that seperates the newbie from the true boarder. Which it's really not. I mean, if you're looking for them because you're like me, and you enjoy reading badfic, go for it. But if you're doing it to prove something to yourself or the rest of the board, don't bother. They're just stories in the end. Stories that fundamentally Don't Get It, but still just stories.

It's nice to be able to bump things that might benefit from more exposure, but it's not so nice when it comes to spotting new things and watching old ones. I like to keep track of what's going on, and it's harder when the new things get buried under gigantic old things. It's easy enough to scroll down to find a thread you're already involved in if you know where it is in relation to other stuff; it's harder when the order changes all the time. For me, the benefits aren't outweighing the drawbacks.

Also, seconding Data and others: for as long as we're keeping bump mode, if a conversation you're in with just one or two others starts getting long and you want to keep talking, please take the conversation elsewhere out of courtesy for those not involved.

~Neshomeh

But people are right, IN THAT my and Himo's long convos were getting to be quite a pain.

I dunno, I'm used to thread-bumping. Survival of the Fittest, right?

I always prefer bumping threads to sinking threads. If a topic is still being talked about, then it should logically remain on the front page rather than being pushed further and further back by a ceaseless tide of new stuff.

I like the old way better. This way, the board seems to fill up with long conversations between only a few people that constantly top the board, and it's more confusing trying to find new things that you might want to post on.
I vote to change it back.

Well, I find it sort of annoying, but it's also kind of helpful...
...but mostly annoying.
It's helpful because of the seeing which topics are being posted on still, but it's bad that if someone just adds a small reply to an already-long topic, it fills up the top of the screen. :|

There are negatives and positives to having the board in bump mode, just like there are with having it in sink mode. It's far too early to give any feedback at this time since it has only been a week and a half.

Those of us who have been present and are used to the board being in sink mode still expect it to be like that; habits are hard things to break when one has been used to just looking by date order for a particular thread for months or years.

Additionally, the daily post count is really high for the 'average', insamuch as there is one.

I like not having to scroll down to find a post. I also like that this way, if a topic get's updated, you know right away and don't have to keep checking that topic to see.

I like the ability to have things bumped up. It seems like it is going to add a bit of requiring people to be considerate of others and not dredge up dramatic threads days after they were last posted on, or to continue those threads that result in huge stretches of white space.Long threads can go on and get long without making the Board stretch like that. If people would make a point to post in response to a higher order of the topic instead of endlessly replying to the response directly above, then the thread could get long and not drag the Board out of shape. Or it could go to another more chat-friendly place if it's really just folks chatting.

Anyway, my rambling response is that I like the idea of it bumping up. I know when I post missions, one of my worst dreads is having someone post three or four posts right on top of it, especially stuff that will get long like newbie intros. Then the missions get out of the main view within an hour or two of being posted, and they never, ever end up with many reviews in that case (And hey, I can't say that I don't love getting reviews ;)). I've already noticed a couple of times that the bumping has brought missions back up to the top. (I include myself in that doesn't always notice covered up missions category.)

This new thing is confusing, I never know where the new threads are, and old, really really long threads keep popping up. Can we go back to the old?

I too find it harder to keep track of new threads, and I didn't find it particularly difficult to keep track of old threads I was interested in when they were just being moved slowly down.

I've found myself wanting to refer back to several threads while I work on ideas for my agents and permission piece, which was easier when they stayed in the same relative position.

While I personally don't have any problem with some of the conversations streching out endlessly, it is a little annoying to have them do that on the front page for so long.

I've been raised on forums with thread bumping, so I'm naturally prefering this to the old mode. At least I don't have to scroll down x-pages just to see any response to my thread. =s

So, it autobumps, eh? That sounds like it could get annoying fast, especially with big, long conversations getting dredged up from the bowels of the Board.

It will take a bit of getting used to, but aside from that, I think this is a huge improvement.
Of course it is a bit annoying with the huuuuuuge threads taking up all the space, but sooner or later they will get buried and fall down to page two. It will just happen a bit later than we are used to.

The huge page-stretching conversations are annoying, when they get bumped up and then you have to scroll for days to find something of interest.

As a side note to anyone and everyone who has perpetuated said conversations: We have an IRC channel for a reason. Also, email and IM clients exist. There's also a second board that is hardly used, which doesn't bump, as far as I know. Use one of these other options, please. It's cool that you've made friends, but when your conversation hits the point where it takes up so much space that people have to scroll down the equivalent of two or three screens, and it's just two people talking, you should maybe switch to another medium to continue, for everyone else's sake.

I'm rather new here, so I don't actually put much thought into this 'bump mode'.

Easy to actually figure out who's been posting new -- the other recourse is fine-toothed comb every thread you're vaguely interested in for date/time, especially once they get largerish.

And I thought old threads sticking around was the point? So that the stuff that people have interest in floats to the top, rather than having to jump back several pages?

This way's easier for me -- did you see, I've actually been posting O_O -- though I do agree large monster-conversation stretching the Board is a problem in this way.

In addition, someone who is shy might have a hard time adding their two cents to something and knowing that it will be bumped up to the top and everyone will see it.

There's just no winning with this Board, is there? :P

A sage mode would be a great idea, for threads we don't want to bump. (Like those two huuuge monster endless conversations.)

It makes it a lot harder to keep track of what's new and what isn't. You can also miss new things that people posted because they get buried.

When new missions and other written things get posted, I don't always have time to read them immediately. When that happens, I'd like to find them sitting where I left them last, rather than having to scour the entire front page to discover where they got pushed to. Especially since missions frequently don't see new comments right away and have a tendency to drop down more quickly than an active, informal discussion.

I seriously didn't notice. I'm guessing Bump mode means that every time a thread is posted in it gets moved to the top?

I want to give my two coppers on the subject of Robert Vernet, while we are here. To be blunt, he is a blatant Stu.

I understand that you were going for a Paddlebrains type character here, but there are a few problems with that in this case:

1) Paddlebrains was fairly different from the character she replaced. She was her own character with some similarities to Sirius Black. Vernet, on the other hand, is Sherlock Holmes with a few superficial changes (his name, his modern habits, etc). One of the few major changes you did make was to take away his addictions, which makes him more of a Stu, not less.

2) Serius Black was not a Stu. Sherlock Holmes is a Historical Stu. He has qualities that make him way too powerful for any canon but his own, which you would like to take him out of.

To further my point, some of the descriptions of Vernet and his abilities in the writing sample point straight to Stu.

"If there was any organizational scheme at all, only a genius or a madman could have understood it.

Unfortunately for his former partners, Vernet was a little of both."

"It was his own little world, and he was at the center."

"Vernet sized him up in the blink of an eye, as he usually did. He could tell a lot about someone just from giving them a once-over, because he noticed small details that few other people caught."

I don't believe that Robert Vernet is a viable agent, as he stands. To help make him a viable character, because I think he does have potential, I would like to offer a suggestion.

Try making him Robert Vernet, instead of Not!Sherlock Holmes. Maybe he thinks he is Sherlock Holmes but, in reality, he is a guy with no more perceptiveness than most people, who believes he can see all sorts of details that other people miss. Maybe he is striving to become Holmes. These allow for a level of character growth that him already being Sherlock Holmes really doesn't.

If you want to discuss this further, I am willing to help you come up with some ideas to make this character work. My email address is on the wiki (Username: Phobos7) or you can sometimes find me in the chat.

Note for everybody:

I'm not going to lie, I am against the idea of Not!Canons as a general rule. We should be able to create our own characters by the time we are writing for the PPC, we shouldn't have to take a canon character and write them into a world of our own. That is called Transdimensional Snatching. We have a Department, in the organization, dedicated to stopping that sort of thing.

I'm not saying you can't do it. I am saying that, before you do it, you had better have an excellent reason. "I want to" and "Because it would be cool" are not excellent reasons.

-Phobos

While your agents seemed fairly interesting in their profile sections, and your story was entertaining, I have some bad news.

As per your story, I can unfortunately not give you permission, because one of your characters is a massive Stu and/or character replacement to the point of making CADs explode when activated.

This is generally a bad trait in PPC agents.

The Myst soundtracks are good. Enter Spire in particular is awesome.

I have yet to hear a John Williams soundtrack that wasn't superb. If you read a fic about Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armor, I'd recommend "Luke and Leia".
Oh, and the Lord of the Rings soundtrack is excellent, as are the Doctor Who soundtracks (classic and new).

Heather Dale, hands down. And anyone who knows me could have seen that coming a mile off - Crashing Down is named after one of her songs, after all. If you're at all interested in Celtic-Folk-whatever, Heather Dale is the person to go to. (And it doesn't hurt that she's a lovely person in person, either)

Other than Heather (I know, gaspshock, I have more than one taste in music), I've always been a big fan of Queen, and have sort of extended that into David Bowie by some sort of cosmic osmosis. ... oh, and Jonathan Coulton, of course, who seems to have perfected some art or other, but I'm not quite sure what... still, Skullcrusher Mountain is the first one of his I was introduced to (by a PPCer, no less), and remains a favourite.

See? Musics! Many musics! I am a rounded personality!

hS, with totally diverse interests honest

I'm not an agent yet, but here are a few recommendations. Lindsey Stirling has some really good techno/violin music, and journey and Kansas are good 80's music. Owl city, The civil wars, Simon and Garfunkel, Train, the script, survivor, foriener, evanessence, within temptation, Regina Spektor, and Kate Nash. Most of these are pretty common, but I like them. You should give them a try.

Ever hear of Two Steps from Hell? They do this great orchestral-type music, mainly for movies. Speaking of which, composers like Zach Hemesy and John Williams have some pretty good stuff too..

...some excellent French artists? I'd suggest listening to the band "Les Trois Accords" (try their Youri and Grand Champion International de Course. Just know that their music videos have absolutely nothing to do with what they're singing about), Edith Piaf (her Amants d'un jour is particularly beautiful), and anything by Alain Bashung.

Basically anything in which the characters die.

And recently I've got into Abney Park. Yay for steampunk!

Well, I'd recommend a lot of things. The Protomen, Powerglove, The Raconteurs, HammerFall, Neil Young, Iron Maiden, and Rush.

Here's some awesome to start off with: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQEgZNqa8jE&list=FLjy6_SNIx675ppG4oLX1nSA&index=15&feature=plpp_video

deadmau5, Maroon 5, Angelspit, Goldfrapp, Sneaker Pimps, IAMX, Garbage, Florence + the Machine, Skrillex, Apparat, Lady Gaga, Shiv-R, Yeah Yeah Yeahs... I have a lot of favourite bands.

However, I'll give you a few songs to get you started.

Angelspit- "Defibrillator"
deadmau5- "Strobe"
IAMX- "My Secret Friend"
Yeah Yeah Yeahs- "Zero"
Shiv-R- "Pharmaceutical Grade"

Give them a try.

I listen to video game soundtracks, like those from Super Robot Wars and/or Touhou Project.

Other than that, I like Queen and JAM Project.

Everything from Dvorak and Saint-Saens to Nightwish, Taylor Swift, and Owl City. Ooh! Beethoven, too. And sometimes just for fun I listen to the different versions of "Marukaite Chikyuu" and "Hatafutte Parade".

But movie music is pretty badass too. "Mind Heist" by Zack Hemsey and "Unstoppable" by E.S. Posthumus are so awesome that if you play them while watching/listening to anything, that anything will automatically become badass.

I tend to be all over the spectrum when listening to music. Recently I've been really into Vocaloid songs, but those don't stick to a single style or genre. Other than that my favorite bands would probably be The Fray, OneRepublic, and Five for Fighting.

I love power metal and symphonic metal (Nightwish, Kamelot, Sonata Arctica, Apocalyptica, Lordi, and the first half of the stuff Irish Samurai just mentioned), and have a strange addiction to metal remixes of Touhou music (e.g., http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8B4JfbnqSGw). I also like Celtic (like the aforementioned Blackmore's Night or, um, more Touhou remixes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Q9geGcGVBk) and a lot of game soundtracks (Castlevaniaaa... Umineko no Naku Koro Ni and anything written by Yoko Kanno or Yuki Kajiura.

I have fairly eclectic (read: random) tastes in music, although I do mostly consider myself a metalhead.

Stuff I'm enjoying at the minute includes; Metallica, Iron Maiden, Nightwish, Van Canto (deserving a special mention for inventing [to the best of my knowledge] the sub-genre of a cappella metal), Hammerfall, Lordi, Dragonforce, Led Zep, Meatloaf, Santana, Dire Straits, Queen, Pendulum, Turisas, and I have recently developed a fondness for 'nightcore' remixes thanks to youtube.

Actually, the music I listen to can be roughly divided into three categories: Celtic, Classic, and soundtracks.
So, um, a sample from each, I guess.
The Celtic sample is Darkness by Blackmore's Night.
The Classic sample is... {insert dramatic drums here} BWV 1052! (Yeah, there's a lot of Bach to choose from; this is my favourite concerto, together with BWV 1056)
The soundtrack sample is Yuuki no Imi (The Meaning of Courage, that is) from Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS's soundtrack. Which is pure awesome.
You can find all of them in YouTube.

Anyhow, just going to rattle off a crapton of stuff I like:

-The Birthday Massacre
-Sleater-Kinney
-Annie
-The "Nightmare Before Christmas" soundtrack (shut up)
-Ladyhawke (I highly reccomend her if you like Bloc Party)
-Pretty much anything dubstep/really good nightcore (surprisingly, this does exist, i.e. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eg3WlMhpdGk)

I'm mostly a ska, techno, and rap guy myself. Thus, my recommendations are Adam WarRock (who raps about comic books and Firefly), MicTheMicrophone (who raps about MLP), Reel Big Fish (Awesome ska band), Pain (Awesome geeky ska band. Think They Might Be Giants, only ska), and the entirety of this channel.

I also have a fondness for Rockleetist, who does awesome English dubs of Vocaloid songs.

Natually, all of this can be found on youtube.