Jan 2012 Archive, part b

Good mission. The only thing is, my sister is named Teagan. So whenever I read the Sue's name, I get horrible, horrible mental images...But your writing was good!

Incidentally, if you bring a child back from a fic, your characters don't have to adopt it, right? I ask because there's two ten-year-old versions of Canon characters, and there's no way they can integrate--at least, one of them can't.

In which a Sue burns in the sun, the agents have fun with each other, and crazy times are had all around.

I especially loved the back and forth between Miah and Cadmar in this mission, and how childlike it got. Reminds one that they're not so different as they claim, ya know? And the dialogue was really funny at several points.

There are a couple issues somewhere. I think you made a mini-Rono in Part 1, and there are a couple spelling issues you missed.

But otherwise, great mission!

The Diamond Dogs meet Angel by Sumofl reviews -- NSFW, NSFB!!!!!
Straight up gay sex in this one, folks. Written for a friend in real time over the span of 30 minutes, it's no masterpiece... but I believe it to be the first of it's kind. Diamond dogsXAngel, Yaoi, pwp
My Little Pony - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 658 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 9-8-11 - Angel

My comment: But... but... wtf... There's a reason it hasn't been done before.

VERY NSFW. I know about "your kink is not my kink", but this goes way past it. I don't think some of these things are even physically possible. Oodles and oodles of bad biology. Bad het. And more.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7727699/1/Captured
Peter and Edmund are captured by the white witch.They are subjected to various sexual tortures.Enjoy!
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: M - English - Horror/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,130 - Published: 1-10-12 - Edmund Pevensie & Peter Pevensie - Complete

Kill. KILL IT WITH FIRE. Maybe with Luxury.

Looks like it's gonna be fun. I've only got one journal for a character right now, but the others will doubtless follow soon . . . :D Should be pretty obvious which one's mine.

Other than that, I don't really have any experience with Dreamwidth. How does that work there?

And there's my bitchy computer again...gimme a minute...

*grabs sledgehammer*

Sorry it took so long to get to it! Greta mission, I really like all the wacky happenings made by the misspellings. the 'ford', Government Training, and the eyeballs! ^_^

It's so much more fun when you can play around with misspellings, isn't it?

For some reason, I'm getting a heavy "low man" vibe from this Sue. She dresses in garishly colored clothing, and her car is part of "the Black." She's a picture perfect member of the low men in yellow coats from the Stephen Kingverse.

Also, a note from the Department of Redundancy Department, concerning a particular sentence near the end of your mission:

"Even though it did not have arms to cross, the mini-Farnsworth did not have arms to cross, still gave the impression of haughty disdain . . ."

I did notice something odd near the end of the mission, though. The following sentence has a repetition in it:

"Even though it did not have arms to cross, the mini-Farnsworth did not have arms to cross, still gave the impression of haughty disdain for the idea of placing friends before chocolate."

Thank you! I've got a prospective Warehouse 13/Harry Potter crossover I want to tackle in the near future, and since it had minis I was hoping when you posted the mission that you'd make them Farnsworths!

Okay, aside from that...

This was a fun mission. You really got Pete incredibly IC there, the Sue was really bad, the typos produced hilarious results, and it was overall a very entertaining mission.

=D

I'm not actually sure if I was around when you were, but anyway ... have a hairy regex. Be sure to give it regular haircuts.

Here, have some chocolate, won't you?

Here, take this duck made out of aluminium foil. It moos from time to time, don't worry about that.

Here, have an awesome-laced cookie and a LURK MOAR shirt.

Have some Swiss chocolate. And here's a bottle of Bleepka. You're gonna need it sooner or later.

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my patented hydrophobic water! Fun to watch but not to eat.

Have a box of M&Ms!

Hah, I know that feeling so well. I'm exactly the same story.

(Except, well, trying to do a little more talking and a little less lurking.)

As you are just returning, here, have some of my Bleepka supply.

Have some Dove chocolate as a "Welcome Back" present!
Also, just curious, what fandoms are you interested in? I'm wondering if the trend of Pokemon and Doctor Who fans has ended or if it's still going on. XD

I now have an excuse to buy as many boxes of trefoils as I want! :D

*goes to find trefoil boxes*

I was never in Girl Scouts, partly due to the expense and partly because the Girl Scouts in my school weren't exactly shining examples of "what's good about Scouting".

But I think their willingness to allow MTF transgenders is worth an extra box of cookies in my budget.

...I'd still buy the cookies.

And I know, "everyone has a right to an opinion and all", but I have to draw a line somewhere.

Also, I love me some Peanut Butter Sandwiches. ^_^

I agree with you. While I was never a Scout of any kind, whether Beavers, Cubs or what have you- Canadian Cadet Movement is where I belong- I definitely like the general concept of scouts, because our organizations have a lot in common- uniforms, respect, serving the community, and the general goal of helping to create productive members of society.

It's good to know that this girl can stand up for what she believes. A lot of people would see something the precieve as wrong, and do nothing about it. She has my utmost respect. But...

This right here seems to be an example of people interpreting a phrase differently. I look at this in the psychological and emotional aspect- the transgender girlscouts feel that they are girls, not boys. She looks at it differently- they were meant, physically, to be male, and therefore they are trying to be something they're not. It's one of those arguments nobody will ever win, isn't it? Personal belief-based arguments like this are difficult to carry out and oftentimes leave a rift between the two sides, and burns previously sturdy bridges.

I'm a supporter of LGBT rights as well. It seems to me that love is love, and love is blind. It knows no gender, no age, and no bounds. So who is anyone to place them upon it? Similarly, who is anyone to tell another person their gender? Be what you want. You are you, and anyone who can't accept that was never your friend in the first place.

Please let me say I'm not trying to force my opinion on anyone, although I'd simply love it if people adopted it. I'm simply offering it, and I love to be offered other people's opinions as well- any issue should be seen from all sides. I'm glad someone brought this up here, and I wish everyone a pleasant day.

My younger cousin sells them-- I shall be putting in an extra order this year!

Why do people buy Girl Scout cookies? It's usually not because they care about funding the Girl Scouts; usually, people want to actually eat the cookies (go figure). If you want to protest the admission of transgenders into GSUSA, knock yourself out (I don't particularly approve of the decision myself). But if you like the cookies, why deprive yourself of them to make a point that you could make in a number of other ways? You could make a countervideo, for example.
Then again, this is coming from someone whose favorite cookie is the Thin Mint, so my opinion may be overly biased (albeit for a somewhat unusual reason).

Hai! ^_^

Here, take this computer keyboard. The keys rearrange themselves to spell out the thing's feelings. At the moment it's saying... 'I HATE HUMANS'. Well, that's nice to know I suppose. :P

I look forward of the return of your agents to active duty.

I look forward to it, as I may actually get to know that fandom after seeing the movie. :D

Even if I don't... here's a coupon for one random review, with no guarantees it will make any sense *hands over*

Have some of my hydrophobic water! Now comes in green, red or blue!

Have a mallet made out of vibranium as a welcome back gift!

*glomp*

It's good to see you again, man! We missed you here! :D

Have this (100% guaranteed domesticated) Pootis Bird as a welcome back gift.

Avengers badfic, you say? That'll be loads of fun to wade through, I'm sure. But, well, now at least you have plenty of fresh Sue meat to feed your new Pootis Bird, right?

Here, have a conical hat and a muffin!

The hat is made from tin foil and duct tape, so it'll keep the conspiracy theorists out and be indestructible!

The muffin is chocolate chip. And caramel.

Have some welcome-back fudge!

Avengers badfic already? I probably shouldn't be surprised.

...I got some chocolate, will that do?

Take this Nokia 3310 that I picked up on while I'm on my way to welcome you back. Some people say that this device is indestructible and can be used as a weapon.

From what I've seen around here, you don't label posts 'mission for X department' unless you're actually posting a mission. Since this isn't a mission posting, it's therefore more than a little misleading.

Just for future reference.

Anyway, I don't know Redwall all that well, but if there's someone else who knows Redwall, well, we've got plenty of that.

Whoops! I forgot to put my name on that! So, it's Sgt_Sporky! Happy sporking!

I didn't see any SPaG, but there is one thing that I shall nitpick about.

Corolla's a Mid-Childan Unison Device, right? I don't think Mid-Childa ever MADE Unison Devices--Nanoha Wiki says that it was Belka-only, and the two we see in Nanoha are both Belkan. I think that Zest mentioned that "[Agito] was a genuine device...", suggesting that Mid is trying to develop them, but...I don't know.

I'm doing the corrections right now.

Damn, my English is quite rusty. I basically couldn't get right the flow of the words.

Feel free to ask if something I've said seems wrong.

About the interlude as a whole: I dunno if what the flowers said to Sergio about gun pointing was necessarily strong enough, considering that he actually shot at someone. That's excessively dangerous, and seems like something they'd do more about than a sternly worded PS at the bottom of a message. If he had not shot at them, then maybe, but it still seems almost shrugged off.

Other than that, this seems fine, narrative wise.

Nitpicking, as requested! I left a few comments in the document where the phrasing was a little off. Please ask if anything I've suggested doesn't make sense!

Heya, Sergio. *grin* I'm not back just yet, but I will be soon.

We love new people here! And not even just to eat, either ;)

And greetings to fellow Homestucks - god, we seem to be everywhere nowadays.

...if you can call it "happy"...there's a lot of pain involved...

Hello! Welcome! Other greetings!

Hello Hatter and SalubiousFool! Have a butterfly! You can use it to get out of conversati-Ooooh Butterfly!

Have a pair of kitchen knives (it doesn't matter what continuum you're in, there's always kitchen knives) as a welcome gift!

Hi, have two plates of fudge (one for each of you)!

We love newcomers! Please, leave your sanity at the door and prepare for craziness.

Here, have some Shostakovich for the road: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aD196YkBYRs

Take this box of Bleeprin. You two will need it as you dive deeper into the land of the Sues.

Have a pirate hook and some red balloons!

Have some awesome-laced cookies.

Have some Swiss chocolate. And have some Bleepka. You'll need it soon.

Greetings, new friends! Have a Twinning Engine! You'll have to share . . .

Hope you both have a good time here - we love new people. :D

Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object each. They are very useful.

Welcome to the PPC!

Be sure to read our wiki, especially thispage on permission and our Newbie FAQ. If either you have any questions, feel free to add me on AIM, YIM, MSN, and Gtalk. For AIM and YIM I'm fairladypsyche, and on MSN I'm fairladypsyche at hotmail.com. My gtalk and primary email is linked with my name up top. I love talking to newbies, so feel free to say hi if you like.

What fandoms are the two of you interested in?

To celebrate, have some of my patented hydrophobic water. Gluten free!

I am the Fool in question. I heard about the site via Jack's request and became interested due to the strive to maintain canon. If it's anything I enjoy more than a good body of work, it's to see that the story in question gets its storyline followed. Frankly, Sues sicken me and it's nice to see that there's an online team of agents whose sole duty is to uphold the canon and eradicate the badfics of the internet and make it a better place overall.

Looking forward to some good times ahead!

damn, it was supposed to have my name as melancholicPoet, not sure why it changed at the last second.

I meant to say DOI. Or he'll just do internal work. Non-missiony shenanigans. *slaps self with a big tuna*

Also, inform me about bugs/SPaG/other issues.

I missed seeing you in the chat.

Ha! I remember your name!

So I'm not a dinosaur after all. Good.

We missed you!

Good to see you Flare, hope things are going good on your end.

It's good to have you back! Feel free to stop in anytime!

Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf, and a bag of jelly babies.

I'm glad you decided to return.

Have a boomerang as a return present! Such handy weapons...especially since it's from a continuum where returning boomerangs actually do decent damage. XD

Hey Flare, welcome back! Have some Bleepka.

*glomps* It's good to have you back! You were greatly missed.

Have some welcome-back fudge!

I hope this means things are going better for you in RL.

*glomp*

I was wondering where you were! I miss Ardo and Noir, and I missed hearing stuff about Germany in the IRC! :(

... to the all-new home of all most of my missions:

Here!

It's up there. ;)

hS

I wouldn't think Sues have souls. The way the PPC sees them, they aren't people - which is why it's okay to kill (and occasionally eat) them. In the case of continua with a canonical afterlife, even a really easily accessible one like in MSPA, I don't think a Sue would go there just because she was never really a person in that world to begin with.

Now, I'm wondering: if an agent dies on a mission in such a continuum, what would the results of that be?

It is my own personal view that Mary Sues/Marty Stus do not have souls if only because chasing them down in the afterlife to kill them again is needlessly tasteless (a view which others have reflected in previous comments.) Plus - from a purely structural viewpoint - the assassination of the Sue should be the climax of the mission. Doing it twice only hinders the overall story.

It should be taken into account that some Sues or Stus might be created as ghosts or spirits. *glares at the Danny Phantom continuum* Even in such a situation, one wouldn't need to go into the Underworld to hunt down the Sue. Just grab an unlicensed nuclear accelerator and remember not to cross the streams.

The idea of a team assigned to pursue their enemies into the afterlife is a truly horrifying one.

...I'd read it. I'd read it, shake my head in horror and possibly shame, and write a scene in which the Flowers discussed the moral issues inherent in the department, but I'd read it.

Mary Sues, not being real characters, don't have souls.

That doesn't stop Agent Barid from shrinking their heads to trap their souls. He comes from, and works in, a world with frequent resurrections, so it is more of a habitual precaution than anything else.

Hmm. Maria's inherent vampiric villainy is starting to show . . . I guess she's been more or less starving for the missing two weeks, since Mark won't let her feed on himself?

But speaking of those two weeks, I'm honestly a little lost here. I don't understand what caused Miah and Cadmar to miss two weeks of HQ time, or what that has to do with the plothole in Miah's RC (or why Dann was angry at Miah and Cali? It really doesn't seem like they did anything to cause it . . .) Did I miss something?

And I'm quite sure that a RC 40% actually exists in HQ...


The interlude was very funny, good job!

There's finally a gathering on my side of the pond, and it's too far away for me to get to. *pouts*

though it would depend on my getting those dates off from work. I'll see what I can do.

I, and probably my octopus if it's not raining, should be able to make it.

I mean, if I can afford it and all. But definitely interested!

...I don't trust myself on pony related things enough.

However, since my favorite ponyfic is in this genre, so I figured I'd share it here.

I'd love to beta your fic. In regards to the Don't Panic-style fic:

1) The hands-to-hooves transition might be made easier if he's a unicorn, thanks to the ability of magic to pick up things, but I'm sure that you could work it out via having the MC carefully observe other ponies using their hooves and experimenting with his own, if you don't want to go the unicorn route.

1b) I'm not sure if he'd have to learn any new language; the biggest change I've observed in the FiM 'Verse is the use of "-pony" instead of "-one"; "Somepony" instead of "Someone", etc, so it could take a while until that speech pattern is formed.

2) If you had him be anything other than an Earth pony, he'd have to deal with that race's (sub-species'?) inherent talents, namely the unicorns' magic and the pegasis' flight abilities. Granted, we've already seen that nopony thinks it odd that Fluttershy stays on the ground or that Sweetie Belle can't (or won't) do magic, but it could be a story arc worth exploring.

YES! Think on this for a second. Everyone, from Floaters, Badslashers, and Assassins to the Bean Counters, the Security Dandelions, and the Janitors needs to see this. Think about it for a minute. SOPA allows people to shut down any website for even the slightest copyright infringement, anywhere, in any way or context. So, potentially: Anything with user-generated content? Gone. Meaning: The Pit? Gone. LiveJournal? Gone. Fanfiction on the Web as a whole? Gone. Where does that leave the PPC? GONE! Oppose SOPA, people! It will kill the internet! If ever we must stand with Anonymous, this is the time! I may not be an American, but this will effect me just as much as any of you. Spread the word!

Either people around me know (the nerds) or they don't give a fudge.

Seriously, though, please spread the word!

Since I haven't seen you post on the board for over a month, for one, and for two, while I did consult someone who says you've been a recent regular in the chatroom, I haven't been in there for a few weeks and didn't notice you in there very much before I stopped. Due to this, I can't make any calls based on your activity, and I won't, though personally I'd suggest hanging around and posting on the board more often a well. Everyone can see who's been active on the board. Can't do the same with the chatroom.

To cut to the short, I won't be granting or not granting permission over this piece, since I don't know what your actual recent activity's been like.

That said, I'm going to be giving a bit of concrit on the characters as presented and the piece overall, so give me a moment.

Going over Percy, you say he's from a world you wrote which had genetic manipulation be the be-all end-all to the point of the species becoming post-human, with diseases coming from it, and this- a disease- is why Percy looks such an oddball. This is fine. However, his condition- whatever it is- is stabilized. We don't know what this means. Why is this being brought up? Do you intend for him to have some sort of flareup from the whatever-it-is in the future? If it is an actual concern for him, emotionally or mentally, we don't know. There's nothing that suggests its presence as an issue- we don't even know what the disease does or did in the past!- or as something beyond just 'Oh! He's these colors because of a disease.'

If it's for the sake of his unique appearance, and it would not have anything else, you already have a built-in thing right there with the genetic manipulation already present in his background. Adding on the detail of a disease does nothing if it has no effect on him otherwise.

Out of curiosity, the genetic manipulation present in this story, was it of the 'Designer baby' type, or the 'we can modify your genes and make you an entirely new you within a short period of time' sort?

That said, the fact that he is actually smart- rather than being dumb as a brick- and prefers to take life as it comes is a nice touch, because usually people put 'oblivious' and 'stupid' in the same grouping, or that the 'oblivious' act is to hide sheer cunning or other occasionally unsavory traits.

I'll touch on his relationship with Vorce in a bit.

As to Vorce, you're telling us he was created explicitly to be Percy's friend and a voice of reason- so this means he is from the same story/world, correct? If this is indeed the case, why is he being beaten up by a bunch of boys because they think his ears are 'girly'? The future in which this story is supposed to take place in is far from our own. If genetic manipulation is indeed such a craze, and one that's continued for a long period of time, they would not have the same values as far as appearance goes, for 'normal', 'masculine', 'feminine' and so on. If genetic manipulation can occur, those other boys could be just as varied in appearance as Vorce and Percy, and would be used to it in everyone around them. Vorce would be just another boy, not one that is unique enough to warrant being beat up.

Moving on, you say that his personality is based on being either grumpy or angry (and quick to rise to it). You've also mentioned once before in Percy's section that Vorce was a bit character and beginning to disappear when the whole story collapsed.

This contradicts a few other things you've said. If he was created explicitly to be Percy's friend and voice of reason, that is not a 'bit' role. That is a secondary role to the protagonist, and often enough is also considered a main character position, especially if his role in the story was being rescued by Percy and becoming his friend due to this- and one near enough to become the voice of reason. That sort of role isn't a minor one in a story, nor is it one that is assigned to a bit or distant character.

This ties into a rather large issue I see with the pair.

The dominant side of the relationship is, given the information you've told us here, entirely on Percy's side. Percy saved Vorce, Percy offered to be friends with the guy he just saved from being beaten up, Percy saved Vorce again, Percy kinda ignores things until he really has to actually pay attention.

Vorce's role is sidekick. Vorce is the voice of reason- to someone who usually ignores things to just enjoy what's coming, better or worse.

But they're best friends. Are they, really, or is this you just following through with the roles you gave them for that previous story? What do they have in common beyond being sole survivors of that story? Beyond Percy repeatedly saving Vorce's bacon? What does being the voice of reason really do in return for someone who is so easy going and generally acts oblivious? There is a huge power imbalance in their dynamic with what you've presented us with. In terms of 'give and take' this isn't equal. Vorce is completely dependant on Percy in this relationship. You even state that Vorce feels like he owes his life to Percy to the point that he's repaying it with loyalty.




On the subject of your story: Given the amount of beta readers you credited at the beginning of it, there are more than a few minor errors scattered throughout the story- I see tense shifts within the narration, and missing or wrong punctuation, and letters that shouldn't be capitalized but are.

For example, with the tense shifts:

'At this point some people may have begun to wonder why Percy had seemingly allowed his friend to be accosted by a horny, half-naked stranger. The answer is simple; he lived in his own world, of which was currently centered on getting something to eat. That and he felt that Vorce needed a little something to help him relax; he’s just that nice a friend(Read as misguided).'

You switch between past and present a few times with just this one portion.

You also have a very hapazard usage of commas throughout the story. When someone is being addressed, a comma is placed before or after their name in accordance to the sentence order. Two examples of this done properly: 'Sure thing, Marquis!', or 'July, what the heck are you doing?'

Additionally, you show no signs of them knowing who the Marquis de Sod is, or him introducing himself (or any indication that they would know what he is called), but you refer to the Marquis by name in the narration. You do the same with Luxury. Referring to characters by name when the characters you are following do not know them is confusing for the reader. As a general rule, you don't do that due to point of view. Which here, is mostly limited third person point of view, following one person at a time (with occasional interjections of omniscience).

Beyond that, it's clear you did do background reading to ensure you know what's the what, and your pacing is decent, as is your sense of humor and timing.

What's your ff.net name?

I will try to put it to good use now.

(I would have earlier, but then I got distracted with making an AMV for four hours. Windows Movie Maker, thou art a cruel mistress. At least I got it uploaded with only a few minor timing problems. That is considered an accomplishment when you have Windows anything.)

Again, thankies! *gives you all cookies*

I fall victim of that quite easily (that's why I tend to take a looong time writing missions)

The best thing I can tell you (as it works for me) is to concentrate on the one you are still writing with no troubles and leave the first mission aside. Then, when you feel you truly want to start working on the mission again, re-read what you have written, do some corrections if you find something that sounds off, and don't be afraid to rewrite half of it.

For me, it works. I hope it helps you...

You could just try writing any little thing that comes to mind until you get the flow going again.

Although, if it's for specific stories and not just in general, I would try going with the other suggestions here.

Sometimes when I get writers block I just start over. Like Phobos said, it's sometimes that a character has done something that doesn't fit, and if that happened at the very beginning, well, there sometimes isn't anything you can do to fix it. I'd like to emphasize that this is only on shorter stuff that I've done this, ie, everything I've ever written.

I'd also like to mention that one time, when I wrote myself into a corner in one of my missions (my agents got Sued,) and I was about to start over, I suddenly got a brilliant idea. Namely, I asked Caddy if he wanted to collab with me, and his agents swooped in and saved mine. Sometimes a sudden dramatic event can get a story going again. Dunno if that's relevant.

...that writers block is a sign that you have taken a wrong turn in your writing. They would suggest going back and reading over what you have to try and find out where you went wrong. Sometimes it is a small thing (a character reacts in a way that doesn't fit), but it can be a big thing (the main character goes to the warehouse, instead of the bank where he would meet character x).

So, take some time to let the writing sit. Go do something else for a bit. Then come back and go over what you have.

Since PPC missions are parodies, we're okay using their stuff so long as it's credited properly. Thanks for the help, guys! :D

I believe it falls under the category of parody, so as long as we quote the original source It's fine.

Most PPC agents ignore the whole thing entirely and simply write a little disclaimer (see warrior's comment), also taking care not to inform the author of the badfic. It works out...

well, it kind of works most of the time.

We're not supposed to tell other writers that we're PPCing their work (unless they request it, obviously). The idea is that we're not supposed to police the fandom--this is supposed to be fun, after all. Usually, people will say something along the lines of "[Suefic] belongs to [Suethor] and [witty line.]" in the disclaimer

I'm pretty sure that the needing-permission-thing is also why former Sues or Bits will change their name.

You should keep in mind that her agent wasn't actually part of DoI and was essentially doing it as part of a punishment detail (which she failed at doing), so that advice is invalid here.

Quite frankly, the fact of the matter is that you're going into uncharted territory in regards to what would happen because no one has written that sort of situation yet, so you are the one who decides what would happen. No one else has come up with anything, so you get to do so.

Aster Corbett started out being told to just survey the Sue, but over the course of the fic was persuaded to charge and kill the Sue like she normally would.

She faced no repercussions in the immediate mission, but later missions had her paying penalties for it, such as remedial assignments and probation.

That's how I did it, but other people can do it in different ways I guess.

I liked how you played with the changing fic formats and had them affect Florestan. That was definitely a unique problem to this fic, and it's good that you focused on that. (It might have been fun to have both the agents get sick from it, to underscore how bad the shifting was.)

But speaking of Florestan's reactions, you have him getting angry frequently here, and a lot of the time I don't really understand why. He keeps reacting to the fic quotes we see by calling them stupid, but it's better to show the audience why Florestan finds them stupid, rather than just labeling them as such. This is especially important in a chaotic crossover like this one, where it's pretty much guaranteed your audience won't understand at least one of the continua involved. You did do this well with Viper, explaining how her fic-given backstory completely contradicted her canon one. But something like Tails being an orphan with no family is something not everyone would know.

Also, you've made a mini-Darkside in your charge list: it's Organization XIII, not Organization 13. (Another fun thing you could have touched on: only Nobodies are part of the Organization. Is the replacement!Tails in this fic a Nobody?)

...Owch, talk about your bad fics. At least your agents took care of this one. (Seriously, how do all those different series go together?!)

First off, I really like how you handled the shifts from prose to script and back. Good job on that.

I have to say, however, that I did not really like the mission. There were several problems:

1) Almost everyone is a character replacement. While I agree that Tails definitely was a replacement, there was no evidence that Sephiroth was, except for the CAD saying it. Viper's altered backstory was also not enough to make her a replacement, in my opinion. I don't know about Shifu, as I am not familiar with the character, but I would guess that he was also not a replacement, just very out of character.

A replacement has to have more than just superficial changes. Like Tails. He had uncanonical powers, was out of his world, answered to his given name (which, I seem to recall, he hates) rather than his preferred nickname, and bore no resemblance to his original characterization. He was a replacement.

1.5) Why kill three replacements, but neuralyze the fourth? Whatever the method, keep it consistent.

2) Some of your grammar is off. For instance "When the shift ended, Florestan found himself leaning against a nearby house as he shook his head." That is a very awkward sentence. We don't need to be told that the house is nearby; it would have to be if he is leaning on it. How is it that he found himself doing these things? Did he not know that he had leaned against a house? It would be better written as "When the shift ended, Florestan leaned against a house and shook his head."

This is not the only example, it is just the one that came most readily to mind.

2.5) Never use the term "soon after" ever again, please. You are trying too hard to tell us the order of events, when the narrative already does that for you. "He opened the bottle and took a swig of the Bleepto-dismal soon after." That is a clear example. The order of events is clear from the sentence, making the "soon after" redundant.

Also, you used "soon after" eight times in thirteen pages. That includes where you used it twice in one sentence. "Both agents closed their eyes soon after, with Florestan activating the neuralyzer soon after."

3) The assassination was anti-climactic. It just kind of happened. Tails stood there while they read the charges, Eusabius pulls out the pikestaff, and then Tails is dead. Why didn't he fight back? He has shown that he is not afraid to kill people without a second thought. I think that this was a major missed opportunity.

4) That's it for my specific notes on problems.

Like I said earlier, the way you handled the shifts was excellent. I would also add that you did a good job of explaining why Viper's new backstory was so wrong. I don't know anything about Kung Fu Panda, so I had no way of knowing that they had completely reversed her backstory. I didn't feel lost at all in regards to what was happening in that continuum.

If you want to talk in-depth about anything that I've mentioned, you can feel free to email me at the address listed on my Wiki page.

-Phobos

How can someone even manage do that? As usual, the mission was a highly entertaining read :D Can't wait to read more on about your agents.

That was painful just to read snippets of. I'd hate to actually be there, living through all of that...shifting.

Have a chocolate cake, as congratulations for killing this abomination of formatting. It was spawned by Weaselcake himself, so it's naturally delicious.

Now, you say there's an even worse fic? Do you mean one with worse formatting or just worse in general?

Good job getting rid of that fic. I really like Kung Fu Panda and it was awful to see what it was doing to the story.
Also a good mission. Eusabius might want to look into getting one of those advanced CADs that can block tense shifts.

I enjoyed reading this. Good job!

Although, what about Axel? Was he actually in the fic? Or was he not because he was never shown?