Sep 2011 Archive, part c

How many times is this ground going to be retrodden?

I know, let's give Shinji a spine and turn him into your regular shounen protagonist (or just your own wish-fulfilment badass Stu), and go hack up the EVA canon like Unit-01 gone berserk.

Who in Celestia's name is this Kaylan person who seems to show up without warning? Oh, and it's Asuka not Auska. The pronunciation may be Aass-ka but that doesn't change the spelling.

*breathes out* Heh, sorry, got a bit carried away there... ^_^'

Don't forget to post this to your LJ and/or link it on the wiki.

Though I don't have much to say other than that Fritz and Silas need lots and lots and lots of hugs.

Oh, and write more missions and stuff with them, because I wanna see more. 'kay? :P

I like stories with FicPsych in them. ^_^ But really, I liked this overall. It was well set up, well executed, and satisfyingly concluded. My favorite line was "He stepped out from under the lights, moving for a new pair of gloves--and suddenly found himself staring at a death-struggle sliding along his countertop."

Does this mean we'll be seeing the continued adventures of Fritz and Silas in the near future? *g*

~Neshomeh

I already told you how much I liked it. I know you think action is your weakest point, but I think you articulated what was going on brilliantly without letting any of the tension slide.

Also, hoorah for the Postal Department.

*can't say anything further because she was the beta*

On the (hopefully) constructive criticism front: On the first page you use the word 'rather' four times in a very short time. I think at least half of those could be skipped.
My opinion (not claiming this as any kind of objective truth) is that words like 'rather', 'slightly', 'kind of' and so on, should be used very sparingly. Often, they don't add anything to the text other than a sense of fuzziness.

I read PoorCynics post and especially the part about the copy-pasting and would also like to say, that while I totally agree with what he says about wanting to see agents being funny and snarky and awesome rather than reading the fic, I didn't think that there was too much copy-paste in this mission, so maybe it is also a question of personal taste. I like large text-excerpts as long as they are relevant and as a reader they help me get involved in the mission and understand what the agents are dealing with. I also use them myself in my missions. So please don't cut back too much on the text excerpts.

I like your new agents and how they interact with each other. They make an interesting team with plenty of room for growth and I'm looking forward to seeing more of them. An interlude, perhaps? *makes puppy-eyes*

These three new agents you've created definitely have some good interplay here. I was especially tickled when Xanthus makes the obvious '1-2-3-4-5' joke and the girls just look at him as if he were an idiot. Xanthus in general, actually. He's got a good voice and an interesting personality.

I also liked the way you finished the mission. I won't go into spoiler territory, but seeing a clever reversal always makes me feel good. Kudos for that!

That being said, this mission needs more work. There are a few awkward lines here and there, including a particularly odd paragraph on page five where vague pronouns turn Xanthus into a 'she.' There are a few cases of unassigned pronouns throughout the mission that make it a little difficult to determine who's talking.

Another issue is with how underdeveloped Agent Anneli seems when compared with her two partners. Cindy and Xanthus both feel far more concrete as individuals. I know about their backgrounds and characterizations in fairly good detail. All I know about Anneli is that she's from contemporary Miami, she's kinda peppy, and she has a vague dudebro-type accent. She doesn't really do much and doesn't really add anything.

The big problem with this big mission is in regard to your use of direct quotes from the badfic. Huge blocks of copy-pasted text do not an interesting read make. Honestly, this felt like I was just reading the badfic rather than an actual mission. I don't want that. I want to read agents being funny and snarky and awesome. The audience does not need to see every line from the fic being sporked. They don't even need to see most of the lines. They just need enough to realize where the fic is going wrong.

Sorry if that seemed a harsh. My intention is not to be a jerk, but to offer constructive criticism. I think you've definitely got some potential with this group of agents, but they need some definite polishing for the future.

It's awesome that someone is interested in him! Sure, adopt away. The only thing I ask is that if you decide to not use him for whatever reason that you let everyone know that he is back up for adoption.

Nice to meet 'cha Rothy! I'll be looking forward to your future posts! And if you ever need any help making up Agents, you can ask /me/ . :)

Hi, have some fudge!

Have some Bleepka and your two cents.

Hai there!

Welcome to our little corner of madness! Have a slightly sentient toaster. You can toast just about anything with it! Except bread. Don't use it to toast bread. Trust me.

Welcome to the club-have a Holy Hand Grenade! (not to be used in the presence of Rabbits.)

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate and enjoy your stay!

Badfic finders are an important and valued part of the PPC. It will be much appreciated if you either post your findings in an existing badfic-thread on the front page or bundle them up in one thread rather than make several threads. That way, they don't push other post off the front-page.
Have a thought balloon and a slice of devil's food cake as welcomming gifts! ^^

Now kneel before me in worship. Oh, and have a free flower pot. Good for a hat in a pinch, but you should probably dump the plant out first.

We love new people! Come in, come in!

Here, have some Mahler for the road:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSI3EaRTKkw&feature=related

Well met, rookie! Please enjoy this internet flame-resistant coat as a welcoming present.

Nice to meet you! Have some Official PPC-Issue Fudge!

Here, have a conical hat and a muffin!

The hat is made out of tin foil, so it'll keep the conspiracy theorists out.

The muffin is a zucchini muffin.

Good to meet you. Don't worry, writing PPC stories is not required for you to be a PPCer. Just hang around and have fun with us. ^^

Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object. They're fun to play with and very good distractions.

Welcome, new friend! Help yourself to the bag of venomous invertebrates. Don't worry; they don't bite!

Welcome to the PPC! We have a wiki we'd like you to through through; there are some important articles on there, like the one on permission, and this FAQ which is directed at newbies like yourself, which'll answer a lot of your questions.

If you're interested in chatting on a one to one basis to ask any questions or thoughts or just to ramble and get to know someone here, my IM information is the following: fairladypsyche for AIM and YIM, fairladypsyche AT hotmail.com for MSN, and my email should be visible by clicking on my name. Feel free to contact me; I'm usually around.

So again, welcome around, and here's a starting question:

What do you like reading?

Welcome to the PPC! We have a permission, and this FAQ which is directed at newbies like yourself, which'll answer a lot of your questions.

If you're interested in chatting on a one to one basis to ask any questions or thoughts or just to ramble and get to know someone here, my IM information is the following: fairladypsyche for AIM and YIM, fairladypsyche AT hotmail.com for MSN, and my email should be visible by clicking on my name.

So again, welcome around, and here's a starting question:

What do you like reading?

Very nice! It gives good background into Drew and Lucius'... uh, background? Well, their background together, at any rate. They're getting to be one of my favorite teams; I really like the contrast in style. Well done, Tray!

So, uh, July was kind enough to offer to put a background on the pictures.

I added it on to the end of the story. In case anybody wants to see it.

I was surprised at how well this worked. When I was reading the explanation of the format in your author note, I was like, "Huh? Confused already." But in the story itself, the three portions flowed together very well. This is impressive, considering it's the kind of scene you would normally see in a visual medium, rather than written. So kudos on that!

Many happy returns, for many more decades!

We had a birthday party in eighth grade for her and Bilbo, because we were reading The Hobbit. I still have the "invitation." XD

*stand on a banquet table*

My Agents and Assassins!
My Writers and Reviewers!
Site Editors! Chatters!
Boarders!
Betas!
And Fan-trickers. ("Fan-FICTIONers!")

Today is the 100th or something-or-other birthday of Tolkien's greatest characters!

But alas, for all of these years, it's almost a shame that some still cannot fully appreciate the wonderful work Mr Tolkien has crafted into his mythos. Drawing on ancient works of old Man, he has taken fantasy writing in a new direction and left his mark on the literary world.

But I disgress. Should any of you be in Hobbiton, under the Party Tree this time of year, wish those two fictional characters all the best.

?)

Happy birthday to Frodo and Bilbo Baggins!

*sings* Bilbo (Bilbo), Bilbo Baggins! He's only three feet tall! Bilbo (Bilbo), Bilbo Baggins! The bravest little hobbit of them all!

I wish I'd known - I definitely would have had a party!

Lots of birthday parties today! I'd offer people some Portal Cake, but I can't imagine anyone would actually want to eat it.

Happy B-day. I love virtual parties. I don't have to move!

Yesterday was my dad's birthday, too. {= )

Have some Convenient Cake. It's convenient because it's whatever flavor you want it to be. ^_^

~Neshomeh

Or dayafter-day.

Have a bag of plastic, polyhedral random-number generators!

I realized this wasn't covered in the FAQ in the Permission article on the wiki, so I've updated it. {= )

~Neshomeh

Ray Chell cameoed in one of my missions before she even got on the board actively. She was the one who found the badfic I did and she asked me if she could kill it together with me.

Because I wrote the mission, she became interested in the PPC even more! :)

Writing without permission with someone who has permission is allowed, and has happened before; nothing new there. You just can't do anything on your own without permission.

(Since I don't strictly have any agents to write about, I figured writing the Flowers would be an interesting challenge...)

Everyone in HQ knew that the Marquis de Sod and the Kudzu didn’t like each other. That was fine - it was the PPC. If everyone got along, it would set warning bells ringing throughout the building (literally; Makes-Things had installed them himself on request from the SO). The occasional snide remark or petty bickering was barely remarked upon anymore.

But this... this was new.

No one was sure how it started; the most believable rumor held that it began as a disagreement over an agent recuperating in FicPsych. The Marquis de Sod had wanted her back in the field immediately, while the Kudzu insisted she needed more time to recover. Naturally the argument moved away from the well-being of the agent quickly, and became a gigantic blowout with each Flower accusing the other of infringing on their jurisdiction, undermining their authority, ignoring important demands, and having no respect for their work. The psychic bellowing could be heard throughout HQ, and stunned anyone within fifty paces. There were four people in FicPsych now with mental damage from being too close - which only added fuel to the escalating fire.

Now the two Flowers weren’t talking to each other, which was fairly normal, but when not sulking were directly and intentionally interfering the other’s work, which was not. The Marquis was refusing to send anyone to FicPsych, no matter how clearly and badly they needed it; the Kudzu was refusing to release anyone from FicPsych, as a direct response.

Everyone in HQ could feel the effects. An underlying current of malice pervaded the place. The other Flowers were making themselves scarce, and personnel found excuses for extended absences. The infrastructure departments were having an increasingly hard time holding everything together.

After about a week and a half, with hostilities not having faded in the least, the Sunflower Official resigned himself to having to do something.

He didn’t want to get involved in the least. If at all possible, he would have left it to the Marquis and Kudzu to work out between themselves. But agents going stir-crazy in their wards and flamethrower-crazy in the halls was detrimental to everyone, and besides, their pigheadedness was interfering with his job, as well.

He managed to wrangle them both into a meeting in an unused boardroom. The Marquis and Kudzu sat opposite each other at the table, deliberately and pointedly ignoring each other.

The SO glared at them both. Listen, he snapped. This idiocy must stop now. I don’t care what grievances you have against each other - this has gone on long enough.

If the Kudzu had eyes, she would have rolled them. This wouldn’t have happened at all if the daisy over there didn’t need such a drastic attitude adjustment.

The Marquis stiffened indignantly. Excuse me? I hardly think -

Will you stop it? The SO had lost his patience by now. You both are acting like seedlings - no, worse, like Agents.

That gave them both pause.

I don’t care whose fault it is, who has a bad attitude, or anything else you have to say to me, the SO continued. But you are disrupting my life and my work and I have had enough. You are not leaving this room until you have worked this out between yourselves. Whether you reconcile or kill each other, I don’t care. But this needs to be resolved right now.

With that, the SO turned and left, leaving the Kudzu and the Marquis alone in the room.

For the longest time, they just sat there, glaring sullenly at each other. After a time, the silence faded from hostile to uncomfortable, and then to just awkward.

It was the Marquis who gave in first. So... how is Agent... er... He couldn’t even remember the name of the agent that the whole thing had begun over.

The Kudzu knew who he meant. She flicked a tendril irritably. She says she’s ready to go back to work.

They met each other’s looks, both wanting to say I told you so.

Five or six other agents are also ready to be discharged, the Kudzu finally added.

The Marquis nodded. And I believe I have a few who need therapy and recuperation.

Ah. The Fountain of Bleepka explosion?

The ones involved who aren’t in Medical will certainly need the help, yes. As well as a few others.

Eventually, after a few hours of violence failing to break out, the SO deemed them ready to leave. The two disgruntled Flowers left with only one parting potshot (And also, your hat is stupid), leaving the Marquis and Kudzu back on the familiar grounds of tolerable if active dislike.

The agents who had been taking bets over which one would kill the other went away disappointed.

But peace was back in HQ - or, rather, the benign craziness that in the PPC passed for peace - and that was all anyone could ask for.

Got bored, wrote this. It probably isn't that good, but eh, it can't be that bad.

“I’m sorry! It wasn’t my fault!”
“I spent five hours tied to that bed!” Ally screamed at her partner.
“I tried! It wasn’t my fault he trapped me in that maze!” Grace screamed back.
“It wasn’t a pleasant experience, you know! I had him standing over me the entire time, gloating about how doomed I was!”
“Yeah, well, I had him telling me how I’d never defeat him even if I had everything the PPC could offer! I tried, Ally, I tried!”
“Yeah, and you screwed up again,” Ally retorted. “Can’t you get anything right? How incompetent are you?”
Grace drew back as though she’d been slapped, the colour draining out of her face. She turned away from her partner and walked through the bedroom door without speaking.
Ally sank onto the couch and rested her head in her hands. “Damn.”
“Well, wasn’t that a marvellous, scintillating conversation that enriched you both with friendship and mutual trust,” Gaius remarked.
“Shut up, Gaius.”


A couple of hours later, Grace was sitting at her computer when Ally emerged from the bedroom. “Um. Hi.”
Silence.
“Look, I’m really sorry about what I said.”
Silence.
“And I know it was hard for you to get past him to rescue me.”
Silence.
“And I was really ungrateful when you did, and I’m sorry for that too.”
Silence.
“And… forgive me? Please?”
There was a pause. Then Grace turned around, her face a mask of anguish. “That really hurt.”
“I know, and I’m really sorry,” Ally said honestly.
“She is, too,” Gaius put in.
After a second, Grace got up and embraced her partner. “I can’t stay mad at you.”
After a moment’s hesitation, Ally hugged her back. “Thanks.”
Grace pulled away abruptly. “Just don’t do it again.”
“I won’t,” Ally reassured her.
Grace hugged her even more tightly.
And once again, peace reigned in the RC without a number.

This was actually a fairly hard bit to write for me. It's perhaps the most serious thing I've written relating to the PPC (aside, perhaps, from the backstory bits).

It's got some mild profanity, and can be found here: http://rc43042.blogspot.com/2011/09/confrontation.html

Cubes, featuring Building Maintenance! This is the first story I've published featuring BM, but not the first I've planned. The last time they were seen for public consumption was all the way back in 2008, with the Macrovirus RP.

It's not quiiiite up to the specifications of the challenge, but I think it fits, since sometimes people need a budge to acknowledge they need to apologize. ;)

Also, I would love some concrit for this piece.

There was an uncomfortable silence in the Response Center, broken only by the quiet hum of the console.

Slumped in the room's battered red leather armchair, Dobbs was scowling at the Generic Surface floor as though it had told him that it thought Mary Sues weren't that bad. His dark mustache twitched in rhythm with his breathing.

Across the room, Miles stood in the doorway, fists balled at his sides as he stared at the older Agent. He was standing completely still, except for the odd twitch every minute or so.

The console kept humming to itself as the silence stretched on, relatively content in its electronic existence.

"I can't believe it." Miles said eventually, more to break the silence than anything else. His tone was oddly flat. "What were you thinking?"

Dobbs grunted, still not looking up. He quickly flipped through the pages of the book in his hands, looking elsewhere as he did so.

"Well?" Miles demanded, voice rising. "What'd you go and do that for?"

Dobbs muttered something vague that might have been a reply.

"Mei tou nao de sha gua!" Miles swore in accented Mandarin, kicking the closest thing in reach. This happened to be Dobb's golf bag. There was a muffled clunk, and the younger Agent started to hop around, holding his injured foot. "Gah!"

"Hey, kid!" Dobbs called, a note of concern in his voice as he suddenly leaned forwards. "Don't hurt yourself."

"I'm not a kid," Miles insisted through gritted teeth, still holding onto his foot as he wobbled in place. "And you weren't so worried about the Hyacinth!" The end of the Department Head's name came out as more of a hiss than anything else.

"It's a Flower." Dobbs snapped.

"She's our boss, and you attacked her!" Miles retorted, dropping his foot and gesturing wildly with both hands.

"I had to be sure!"

"Of what?"

Dobbs abruptly looked back down.

"We get called Upstairs, and what do you do, Agent?" Miles ranted. "Oh, only pull a gun on our boss, right after pointing a CAD at it!" The younger Agent was tugging at his own hair by this point, now only a few feet away from the chair. "Are you competely fung le or just stupid?"

"Neither, so drop it." Dobbs replied, glaring at his partner. The book dropped to the floor, forgotten.

"I'm surprised we're not both doped up and in Medical!"

"Drop. It." Dobbs snarled, suddenly on the edge of his seat

Miles automatically took a step back, surprised by the sheer vehemence in his partner's tone.

"Fine." he muttered.

There was a long period of silence. Dobbs slumped back, and Miles seemed to become very interested in the blank console screen.

"I'm sorry."
"Sorry."

Both Agents looked at each other in surprise. Dobbs was the first to speak.

"Hmph. Guess I could've done it better."

"Better," Miles echoed disbelievingly, then shook his head. "Right."

"Kid...Miles. I had a reason. I really did." Dobbs said earnestly. "I had to check it was really the Flower."

"Right." Miles repeated, staring at his partner before dropping onto the console's swivel chair. Behind him, the screen flickered to life.

"Just trust me on that. Alright?"

Miles scowled. He opened his mouth to speak, about to say something that'd send the room straight back into an awkward silence.

[BEEEP!]

Of course, if anything could break up an argument between Agents, it would be a object of mutual loathing. A Suefic would do nicely.

"What've we got?" Dobbs called, springing out of his chair, argument completely forgotten. There was a muffled clank as he picked up his golf bag from the doorway.

At the console, Miles was typing frantically, fingers scrambling over the keyboard. A faint grin was spreading across his face, and there was a tell-tale look in his eyes.

"We've got a mission. Let me bring it up..."

Milo scanned the report, then froze, his grin fading away. There was a moment of stunned silence at the keyboard.

"They did what?" Milo cried. "Zao gao. Really, really, Zao go. Agent Dobbs, you'll want to look at this."

"Move over." Dobbs told him, toting his golf bag as he stepped up to the console. His eyes darted from line to line, widening as he read. There was a clunk as he dropped the golf bag next to his feet, but he didn't seem to notice.

"This thing has to go." he finally growled. Milo didn't reply, simply nodding in agreement.

As the two Agents prepared, they talked, but only about their plan for the fic, what equipment they could take, and what to do to the luckless Sue who'd caused this mess. The argument was forgotten, and things were back to normal in the RC, at least for the moment.

Translations
Mei tou nao de sha gua- Mindless idiot
fung le- insane, mad
Zao gao- terrible, disastrous

“Look, that's not the way it works!” Diocletian shouted. Over on his hibachi, Thiranduil whimpered and covered his ears. They'd been going on like this for almost half an hour, and even a mini-Balrog has his limits. Diocletian, however, ignored the mini's obvious distress in favor of jabbing a finger into her partner's chest.“If you'd listen for five seconds, you'd know that!”<br><br> “It's a damn stupid way to do things,” Suicide retorted. “Telling all your problems to some useless old graybeard who makes his living telling other people why they're mad? That's not healthy, that's the kind of thing Athenians got off on!”<br><br>    “It <i>is</i> healthy, believe it or not. And if you hate psychology so much, why do you ask me for advice all the time?”<br><br>   “That's different. I actually respect you occasionally!”<br><br>    “Occasionally! Truer words never spoken. I still can't believe you're being so stubborn!”<br><br>   “Maybe you're the one who's being stubborn. Why the hell should I talk to one of these headshrinkers, anyway? They can't even really shrink heads!”<br><br> “Because that's why! You have this . . . “ Diocletian gripped the air as if trying to throttle her partner's less admirable traits. “This . . . <i>thing</i> about how violence is the only way to get stuff done! Like riding a horse is somehow better than reading a book!”<br><br>  “I'm in the PPC!” Suicide pointed out, throwing his arms wide. “Why the hell d'you think they recruited me?”<br><br>    “That doesn't change the fact that you're treating the DSM-IV like a to-do list. There are limits!” Thiranduil burrowed deeper into the hibachi, knowing that, like plagues and '80s fashion, the original topic of the fight was about to return yet again. “Limits that <i>don't</i> involve you trying to murder Agent Snafu just because I went to dinner with him!”<br><br>    “I told you, he's no good for you. He's practically a stick. A stick who wouldn't know how to be a man if you injected liquid John McClane into his veins!”<br><br> Diocletian facepalmed. “You'd probably try it, too. But that doesn't change the fact that you nearly frightened him to death, and for no good reason!”<br><br>  Suicide huffed. “I said I was sorry!”<br><br>   “You didn't mean it, and you know it.”<br><br>  “What the hell does that mean?”<br><br> “Exactly what it means.”<br><br>    “Stop being such a girl, Dio, and just spit it out!”<br><br>    Diocletian scowled, planting her hands on her hips as she aimed a venomous glare at her partner. “Stop being such a girl? Oh, smooth, very smooth! I feel so bad for Jenni Robinson, having you following her around like a horny charmless wolfman.”<br><br>   “All right, you caught me. I'm not sorry.” Suicide flexed his hands, with audible cracking noises from the oversized knuckles. “I'm not sorry that I did the sensible thing by trying to scare off a useless squish of a human being who shouldn't even be looking in your direction. I'm not sorry that your idea of a good time is trying to knacker me by hitting me over the head with how modern people handle their differences! How modern people behave, how 'civilized' people spend their time—-if I hear the words 'peaceable conflict resolution' again, I'm going to go out there and kick a puppy just for the hell of it! Dammit, Dio, I'm a Scythian, not a sociologist!”<br><br> Diocletian's scowl wavered. She fought valiantly to keep it in place, but the urge was too strong. With a snort, she burst out laughing, covering her mouth with both hands but unable to suppress the mad giggles. Suicide stared, not quite sure what had come over his partner.<br><br>  “A Scythian . . . not a . . .” She broke down again, choking. “Oh Eru, oh my Eru, you are, aren't you . . . ahahaha . . .”<br><br>  Suicide glanced at the door as Diocletian gasped for air. “I take it back. Maybe you do need one of those headshrinker things.” That sent Dio into another fit of laughter, and Suicide grinned uneasily, not sure what he'd said. As a rule, his partner was supposed to be the levelheaded one; barring the occasional spot of Bursar Disease, Diocletian was the one who acted calm(ish) and sane (in a manner of speaking). Maybe the pressure had finally gotten to her? Tentatively, he prodded one shaking shoulder with a fingertip, only making her laugh again.<br><br>   “No,” she managed. “You're not. You're really, really not.”<br><br> “Are you trying to start the argument again? Because I can do this all day.”<br><br>    “No, I'm not,” she said, taking a deep breath and trying (and failing) to wipe the smile off her face. “Look . . . Su . . . you're right.”<br><br>  He raised an eyebrow, surprised. This was a first. “I am?”<br><br>  “You are. Sort of. Maybe I've been too hard on you.” Suicide's other eyebrow joined the first, giving him an expression of either extreme surprise or recent Botox use, and Diocletian held up a qualifying finger. “<i>Maybe,</i> I said. I'm still mad at you. But I have been badgering you a lot lately.”<br><br>   “Honey-badgering, practically.” Diocletian's giggles started again, and Suicide could help grinning too. <br><br>   “You suck, Su.”<br><br> “I'm rubber, you're glue. You actually mean it?”<br><br>    “Yeah, yeah. I think I do.” She took another breath. “Look, Su. You wouldn't be half as much fun if you were . . . well . . . modern. Normal. But there's a time and a place, you know? Breaking into Snafu's RC and attacking him while he's asleep isn't one of them.”<br><br>    “I was trying to see how well he reacted to a dangerous situation. A man needs to be able to protect himself and his loved ones.” It's a testament to Suicide's acting ability that he said that perfectly straight-faced. <br><br> “Protecting himself and his loved ones, says the man who's named . . . look. I don't need protecting, okay?” Diocletian shook her head, even as Suicide opened his mouth to object. “Okay, there was the Shelob incident. But most of the time, when I want to have dinner with another agent, I don't need you biting his head off. Okay?”<br><br> “Okay,” Suicide said. Reluctantly. Biting peoples' heads off was practically a spectator sport in the PPC, after all.<br><br>   “And I'm sorry I called you a charmless horny wolfman.”<br><br> “Horny charmless wolfman, actually. And that one was actually accurate.”<br><br>    “You're a wolfman?”<br><br> “Ask Jenni.”<br><br>    “Oh, Su—-<i>ew!</i>”<br><br>  And once again, in RC #2771a, all was well. Because attempted murder is one thing, and badgering about what defines civilized tendencies is another, but a bond of humor shared by inadvertent science fiction references is in a class of its own.

Four years, eight months and sixteen days later, Terri Ryan awoke with a start. "But that didn't happen!" she exclaimed.

"It sort of did," a voice replied, and she looked around the dimly-lit room, startled. There was a woman standing by the door – a woman with strawberry-blonde hair.

"... I thought you didn't exist," she said accusingly. The other woman shrugged.

"I didn't. Then I did. Hello, Terri."

"Louise," Terri said with a slight nod. "So. Come to gloat?"

Lou shook her head. "I came to give you a present," she said. "It's... well, you know."

Terri frowned. "But that didn't happen," she said firmly. "I remember what happened the morning..." She stopped and took a deep breath. "The morning Narto vanished," she managed. "It... was terrifying. And it didn't involve-" She stopped. Lou went on, in a quiet tone.

"It didn't involve me coming by and explaining everything," she said. "It certainly didn't involve you offering to 'share'. But now, it did." She shook her head. "It's hard to explain without breaking the fourth wall."

Terri looked around. "But my bedroom only has three walls," she pointed out. Lou smiled slightly.

"Exactly. But... okay, basically I have an... an understanding with-"

"Louise," Terri cut her off, "I work for the PPC. I understand superpowers – you don't need to explain. Why are you here?"

Lou took a deep breath of her own. "To apologise," she said. Terri stared at her.

"This is your idea of an apology?" she finally said. "You can't just show up in my room and-"

"I know, I know." Lou frowned and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I'm not very good at this. Do you mind if I sit down?"

"Sure," Terri said, sitting up in bed and holding the sheets close around her. "Pull up a stack of papers." Lou did so, and looked at Terri thoughtfully.

"Okay," she said, "here goes. I'm... sorry I took your boyfriend. I know it upset you, and I do wish it hadn't."

"I still miss him, you know," Terri said quietly. "Even after all these years."

Lou winced. "I think he misses you, sometimes, too," she said. "That's... kind of why I'm here. I don't want to feel like a thief." She touched one hand to her stomach. "Especially not now."

Terri raised an eyebrow. "So you're apologising to make yourself feel better?" she asked. "Because that's really not helping your case."

Lou grimaced. "Someday I'll be good at this," she muttered, casting a glance at the ceiling. "Look, I... I am sorry. I know how much he meant to you-"

"I loved him," Terri said bluntly. "Sometimes I think I still do."

"I know," Lou whispered. "And... I love him too. That's why I did it."

Terri shook her head slowly. "I... okay, archives mode." She tugged her sheets up with one hand and reached for her glasses with the other. Putting them on, she straightened up slightly. "Okay. In an alternate universe, you were Narto's partner, apparently in order to train him up. When that was accomplished, you merged him with the Narto of my world, giving him two sets of memories and far more skills than he previously had. Is that broadly accurate?" Lou nodded slightly. "Approximately six months later, my Narto – my boyfriend Narto – disappeared overnight, leaving behind a note saying he was leaving with you – who we had all assumed was fictional." Lou nodded again, one hand over her eyes. Terri sighed and lowered her head. "In the final analysis," she said a moment later, "I think I've recovered from... what happened. I haven't gotten another boyfriend-"

Lou cringed. "I'm-"

"-but I have had several girlfriends," Terri went on without pause. "So... was that your doing?"

Lou looked startled. "No," she said emphatically. "Definitely not. I couldn't... well, I probably could, actually, but I wouldn't."

"Good." Terri thought for a moment, and then said, "Well, you knew him longer anyway. One question, then: while you were partners, did you sleep with him?"

Lou spluttered. "You said what now?"

"It's a simple question," Terri said calmly. "While working together in the PPC, did you and he-"

"No," Lou said firmly, "no we didn't."

"Not even in deleted scenes?" Terri asked pointedly. Lou shook her head emphatically. "Good. Then I still got that first. Okay... then for what it's worth, I forgive you."

Lou nodded her head slowly. "Thank you," she said. "I don't... I really am sorry, you know."

"I know," Terri said quietly. "I would be too. So... Louise?"

"Yes?"

"The offer to share is still open, you know."

Lou laughed startledly. "I don't think that'd be a good idea," she said. "For my good as well as yours – and his."

"That's what I thought," Terri said. "Okay. Say hi from me?"

Lou nodded. "I will."

"And tell him I was thinking of him while I was naked in my bedroom with his wife."

"Oh, we're not-" Lou stopped. "You're naked?"

"I'm in bed, Louise," Terri replied flatly. "Of course I am."

Lou rolled her eyes and looked up. "You're just malicious," she said accusingly. Terri blinked. "Not you," Lou added. "Okay... I'm going to go now before I embarrass myself any further."

"Sure," Terri said. "And... Louise?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Archives Mode infodump is because I just realised none of this is actually explained yet...

hS

...No, it's not Like That! I write characters for the Cafeteria, people!

Anyway, here it is?

The prequel, if you're interested, is here.

(Years ago, two of my best friends and I decided to make pad Thai together. One of them is a perfectionist; I have what I have called an aura of chaos. We wound up screaming at each other over an extra tablespoon of sesame oil, and after we'd both sort of come down from our respective pedestals of rage, made the joint decision to never, ever attempt to cook together again. Cooking oils are Srs Bsns.)

Okay, first things first. Writing prompts are always great to muck around with, and simultaneously reaffirming the bonds of the community after that recent rough patch is a very worthy goal. We need a good bit of healing. That being said:

For this month only, no concrit. Instead, choose another participant who you either don't know or have had differences with and tell them what's good about their story.

Part of the reason why I joined the PPC was because I felt confident that the community would not hold back when it came to constructive criticism. My reasoning was these were people who were passionate about encouraging good writing. These would be folks that would call me out when I wrote an overpowered character or strayed into the realm of cliche. In return, I would do my best to help them improve their writing in turn.

Saying only what you like about someone's story might be a nice ego booster, but it's not very useful in terms of improving one's writing. Personally, I try to do a mix of both in my peer reviews: starting out with the stuff I thought was great before moving on to the elements that need improvement.

Don't get me wrong. The prompt is great and the PPC community could use a bit of healing. But I don't like the idea of ignoring any negatives or downsides we might happen to run across just to make other people feel better. That's not why I joined.

Yeah, kinda messed up and hit the gorram Post Reply button while clicking and moving links around...

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

I liked it, a lot! Ally and Grace are fun to read, and Gaius was funny too. They play off of each other nicely. Your explanations of why the things the Sue did were good as well.

I can't wait to read more of them in the future! :D

I have decided to keep Gaius, who will continue to advise my agents in the future. :)

A) A NCIS:LA sporking. Goody!

B) Smart board, heh.

C) The name "Reagan" and the misspelling "tuff" go together. I've seen it before in the Blue Bloods fanfiction section.

D) Well, this is new-- a fan who has a Lust Object that doesn't just make a beeline for Deeks. I'm relieved.

E) Kensi's not afraid of any new ... mammal of the female persuasion... usurping her place because SHE CAN TAKE ... any mammal of any persuasion... ANY DAY.

F) Ah, a Densi shipper. *tries to look wise and fails*

G) Do you think Hetty's dead? Do you think they're trying to set up a Ship Tease for Callen/Lauren like they do with Deeks/Kensi?

D)

Does anyone else think I should make a page on the wiki for Gaius? He isn't an agent, but he could end up going on more missions in the future, depending on whether he gets adopted or not.

And 1 (1) Navy Seal, who will be kept and hugged repeatedly by Agent Ally.

Given that Kensi is definitely one of my favorite characters in this fandom, I can see why there was so much rage against the twisting of her personality. Good job with this, though at times it felt a little rushed. I was confused a bit at the reference to the character from the fandom with the genetic meddling, though, as I'm not sure I caught which fandom it was.

There were some great moments in here, from playing around with errors in the badfic, especially Gaius. He instantly made me think of Plank, from Ed, Edd n Eddy (even though Plank never spoke). And Plank was awesome. By the way, you forgot to include the navy seal in your "things acquired" list. And seals are adorable, even if they aren't as awesome as Gaius.

Also, when you have a mission that contains a lot of swearing like this one, it would be appreciated if you could warn for that, at least in the opening author note if not in the Board post. Thank you!

The balance of fic to mission was much better this time. I definitely found myself sympathizing with the agents and disliking the Sue, and I don't even follow this show. (The original NCIS, yes, but the LA one didn't manage to hook me the same way.) Given that one of my agents has her condition (though I've never referred to it by name), she really made me twitch on his behalf. There are downsides to remembering every little thing, dangnabbit. It's not just a free pass to awesomeness. Nume only gets to be semi-normal because of chemically impossible brain bleach on which he's become psychologically dependent. {= P

I might have handled Kensi differently. The way you describe it, I suspect she might have some OOC resistance. A regular character in the Sue's position might not actually be able to usurp her position, but a Sue definitely can and will, so I'd say her suspicion was quite perceptive and entirely justified if she did indeed have an inkling of what was really going on. If that's the case, she could be a useful ally sometimes, like Gimli and Eowyn. Not knowing the character, though, I can't make the case any better than that. On the other hand, I was hoping you'd use the Conflictus creatrix after you mentioned it. What mission did that come from, or is it your own idea?

Sort of related to this, do mind the level of animosity. It's good that it was commented on and disapproved of, but to paraphrase Acacia, be careful not to let these things turn your agent or yourself into a common flamer. If it gets too personal, it's a good idea to step back and calm down before continuing, because frankly it's hard to be funny when you're that angry. If you ever find it's not about the writing anymore, pass the fic to someone else to spork.

Gaius is awesome. I don't know if you're familiar with the Battlestar Galactica reboot, but with the British accent, I can't help but hear him in the voice of Gaius Baltar. And, if you've seen the special features, there's one where the actor is talking about his character and sitting at a keyboard, and he breaks into a song. It starts out sweet: "Gaius Baltar..." and then it breaks into something like thrasher metal: "HE'S THE MOTHAF***IN' S**T, HE'S THE MOTHAF***IN' S**T!" So, yes. Gaius Smart Board. He's the mothaf***in' s**t. *grin*

I spotted a couple of continuity mistakes:

1. "Grace returned half an hour later, accompanied by two minis. 'Hey, guys. I found a mini.'" —Just one mini, right?

2. They talk about what to do with Gaius twice. The first time, Gaius requests to be taken with the agents when they leave and suggests that he could be an adviser. The second time is at the end: Gaius asks what he might be able to do in the PPC, and Grace suggests that he could be an adviser, like it hadn't come up before.

So, keep working at it, use a beta if you can, and I'll look forward to the next one. {= )

~Neshomeh

Gaius The Smart Board is one of the best ideas I've ever seen in the PPC. Keep up the good work!

Admittedly, I'm more familiar with the original NCIS than the spin-off... but I still enjoy it all the same.

That being said, can I reserve a mini dragon (perhaps the green one) for when I get around to writing missions?

I think my only issue with it is that you could've summarized the stuff you skipped over in a more interesting way. But other than that, this was a fun mission, especially with how you handled the word mishaps.

Also, Gaius sounds awesome.

I think I'd actually like to adopt two of the mini dragons for my Floaters RC. So... yeah, I'll take 'em off your hands if you don't mind.

My favorites include:

-The Deadly Mantis
-Pumaman
-It Lives by Night
-Werewolf
-Laserblast
-Revenge of the Creature
-The Leech Woman
-Track of the Moon Beast
-The Brain That Would't Die
-Space Mutiny

Some of my favorites are "Puma Man", "Jack Frost", all of the Gamera episodes, "Pod People", "The Amazing Colossal Man" as well as its sequel episode "War of the Colossal Beast" (if only because of the "Mr. B Natural" short before it... my gods.), "Mitchell" and "Soultaker".

Of course, the list goes on and on... But I think those are a good start :D

You can get a lot of those by searching Youtube - but don't bet on finding any good official DVDs, because the episode selections for those are 1) completely out of context and b) pretty much butchered.

But there are always people who "keep circulating the tapes," if you catch my drift. :3

-- Giant Spider Invasion ("Packers, wooooo! Packers won the Super Bowl!")

-- Space Mutinty ("We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese.")

-- Boggy Creek II: And The Legend Continues ("...to be not heard about by anyone.")

-- The Final Sacrifice ("Rowsdower!")

All of these will probably be found on YouTube.

Ooh, I love MST3K... where to start...

"Teenagers From Outer Space" was hilarious. So were "Warrior of the Lost World" (annoying talking motorcycles, lush green postapocalyptic landscape, and MEGAWEAPON!) and "The Final Sacrifice" (Ninjas, maps of ancient civilizations, Canada, and Rowsdower!).

Those and a lot of others are instant streaming on Netflix, if you have that.

It's been uploaded to YouTube. There's always the one with the forklifts as well. (Alien Fugitive?)

...which is "Writing a fanfic without ever actually playing the game"!

I know, the author said he played the game; but somehow, I doubt it: I think he just watched this LP:

http://bd.baldurk.org/lp/84

It's a pretty good LP, and comments are made through subtitles. Referring to the intruders as "ninjas" comes from those subtitles (from part 9) and so does "Fish Tank" as the name of the bar (part 33).

So it's my theory that this guy watched this LP instead of playing the game, decided to write a fanfic anyway, and trashed the ending despite having access to it (through the LP).

All in all, very nice work, folks. The mission dragged a bit in the middle because, like you said, it was keeping to canon (and no I don't have any suggestions for preventing this because I couldn't have solved the problem myself); but by the end it was obvious just how much of a badfic this is.

This was a long mission, and it took me a while to get into it. Until I got towards the end, and sheer madness took over the universe. For what it's worth, I do think this author is a troll; the majority of the fic may just be a failure to understand the game's plot; but that ending chapter with the reveal is just utter, utter insanity. There's no way that was the result of thinking out the clues; I think the whole fic was setup for the nonsensical, pointless ending (hence why it omitted so much dialogue and condensed scenes down to a few sentences). Also, egsomelete. Egsomelete is the most beautiful misspelling I've ever come across, and we should totally start serving it in the Cafeteria now.

Anyway, that was all a long-winded way of saying that I can understand why this mission was so hard to get through, and I'm impressed that you kept at it long enough to get it posted.

If I may be so bold to point out a few typos:
He took in a deep breath. Oh, and the Origami Killer never kills babies...
You're missing the opening quotation before "Oh."
“A Gary Stu?” asked Xanthus. “But that doesn’t make any sense. He hasn’t really done that much to be breaking the canon so hard, so… This doesn’t make any sense.”
“I guess we’ll find out later,” replied Xanthus, shaking his head. “For now… I think this charge list might finally have a definite victim.”
You've got poor Xanthus replying to himself! Surely, his new partners are better company than that!
As Norman was not wearing ARI, he was not affected by the flash of light.
I don't know what ARI is, but since he does get successfully neuralyzed, I think you meant to say he was affected by the flash.

GDocs says I need permission to get in, which i don't have. Could you please open up the doc?

http://vimeo.com/28066212

But a good one.

I particularly like his breakdown of where Nice Guy Syndrome comes from.

The geek community is fractured-- there's parts of it, obviously, that are better than others. But the "Girls Are Bad At Math" is still pretty heavily touted, and a lot of other negative stereotypes get thrown out there.

For the comic book end of things, there's this, The Big Sexy Problem with Superheroines and Their "Liberated Sexuality", which may be NSFW, if only by dint of quoting the problems it addresses.

I've always thought of geek culture as more accepting than most of the rest of society - that among fellow geeks and nerds, race and gender and sexual identity and whatnot were less important and differences more embraced. I'm not sure why, but I supposed it has to do with geeks and nerds being outcasts along with more conventional Disenfranchised Persons, and the fact that so much of sci-fi, the geek's staple, involves looking towards the future, and reflecting the problems of society today. It still isn't perfect, but it's better and getting better all the time.

But it seems we've got even further to go than I thought.

I'm still not quite done with it, but it's one of the few articles that's actually held my attention like this. I was honestly not aware of the Dead Island coding thing, and now I'm pretty mad with myself for giving them my money for it.

On another note, and I mentioned this in the chatroom: This is why I like strong female characters like Kat (Halo: Reach, although any female Spartan outside Halo Legends is in the same boat) and female Shepard (Mass Effect). Female Shepard does seem to be "cuter" than she should be, but pull the looks aside and she and male Shepard are almost identical.

I can only hope everyone reading it takes it in the spirit that is meant. Thanks, July.

This is pretty much in response to being nominated in general.

About three and a half years ago, I was nominated to become a PG for the first time. I said no at the time, because I had been around barely half a year, if even at that point (the time I actually introduced myself was late September. I had tried asking for permission around then; Araeph told me no since I had been essentially quasilurking, posting in dark corners since the first time I posted in August). Quite honestly, the idea of having responsibility for something (nevermind that I was already running the wiki) was a bit terrifying, especially when I had only been around for such a short period of time.

Since then, I've basically played merry hell with avoiding getting nominated again, through various ways, ranging from noticing when the various PGs were becoming inactive and just very carefully disappearing from the public conscienceness as best as I could, to going out of my way and starting the nominations myself by starting them off with people who everyone else would probably choose in overwhelming numbers and make PGs (sorry, Trojie, Sedri, VM. And sort of to Makari as well; if you hadn't been chosen that time you would've been the next).

Being chosen this time was a bit of surprise, to be honest, considering recent events. By recent events I mean the whole thing with the IRC, and the main reason I brought it up last weekend with the PGs who I knew were active, and wrote that whole document- that reason being that I saw someone who appeared to be very deep with what had happened being nominated herself.

I can't help but feel that the reason I got nominated is probably because thanks to that, everyone is remembering that I exist, for whatever reasons they have. If I accepted being nominated, without acknowledging that, or saying anything, it'd be pretty much against a lot of what I try to stand for, personally.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is this.

I'm honored, really, really honored by being chosen, but as it is I cannot accept it without bringing that up.

That said, I'm not turning it down out of hand, but neither am I accepting this nomination entirely.

If the PPC wants me to be a Permission Giver, even with having read all this, then I'll accept.

I haven't met a non-PG yet who knows more about the canon than her, and she helped me with my own Permission post.

I nominate Cthulhu. There is a serious lack of primordial evil in these listings, as hS pointed out before.

Phobos.

Now, I know this might sound like we're plotting some kind of nepotic coup to take control of the Board and rule forever in infamy, but I promise that's not why I'm nominating him.

No, really. Really!

I'm nominating Phobos because I have every confidence that he'd do PG stuff: he's often the one reminding me to do it myself when I get distracted and forget. I trust his judgement of what's in the PPC spirit and what isn't, because I'm the one who dragged him here and got him involved in it in the first place. Plus, we have a built-in support system if one of us is busy or we need to talk something out, which we often do anyway, because his perspective is different from mine and can shed new light on things. It's almost guaranteed permission-giving awesomeness, much of which is already happening anyway.

Of course, if we're both busy, other people still have to do stuff. Other people should still do stuff anyway, since this isn't a nepotic takeover.

*stare*

So, yeah. Phobos for PG!

~Neshomeh

At the moment I've got time and energy to spare, and I'll do what I can to help out this community.

I am officially an airhead.

Flareshard is the very wonderful person who beta'd this story. She did a great job, and I'm sorry I forgot to say that in the first post.

Sorry Flareshard.

Definitely a concept that could have been awesome, unfortunately we got that instead. Nice job.

Also, what the hell is Maria doing?

Crazy times are had with a short mission that is nice and short.

Also, yeah, don't you hate it when the concept could've been interesting, but they dump all the interesting stuff to get characters to do the nasty? It's just... you know?

Crazy times are had. Good mission, and don't forget to update the Wiki with it.

Now I have to go back and read all the past ones since I've forgotten everything that's happened! :D

such a terrible fate, I may not survive


(Seriously, glad to see it back, Laburnum, and in as high quality as ever!)

Nice chapter, but I bet things are gonna pick up soon...

If that's the case, (and there's always a crisis at the OFs, my agents are happy to help.)

...Wait, when's it gonna show up on FanFiction.net?

Welcome to the madness!

Have a spork and a dimensionally-transcendental sheep. Don't ask how we found out that the sheep is bigger on the inside, you don't want to know...

Nice to meet 'cha!

Basque: Che! If only you were this pleasant to people in real life!

Shut up Basque, I am too nice to people!

Basque: No you aren't. Seriously, you're like friend-repelent.

Just-just SHUT. UP RIGHT. NOW. Why don't you go bother one of my other OCs?

That was one of my future Agents, Basque. He has a tendency to be a dick.

... A-And I really am nice to people, honest!

Welcome, new friend! Have a moth cocoon!

Welcome to the madhouse better known as the PPC. Here is an assortment of things with points, including, but not limited to: Spell checkers, elbows and spurs.

Hello, have some fudge!

Oh dear there's so much food here, and...dice made from unwanted bones. Hehe, I think you can have the dice back I don't want my writing to be tainted by their evil influence.

Also, what is this sanity you speak of?

Well met, rookie! Please enjoy this set of tabletop role-playing dice. They're sparkly because they've been hewn from the bones of Sues and Stus!

Welcome, and have a hat. (It's actually a flower pot, but you can pass it off as a fez or something.)

Here are your Official Two Cents. Also, have some Bleepka, you'll need it around here.

Have some cookies. Also, I ask you to dump your sanity in that bucket over there. Have fun here.

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, won't you?

We love new people here! *appearifies a pumpkin for you* Have a pumpkin!

We love new people! And especially people that can write really well, so there you go!

Glad to have you aboard. Don't be a stranger and stop by the IRC one of these days.

Also, here, have some Shostakovich for the road:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mlFaalSZm8

My goodness, Joe! That was a fantastic mission, one of the best I've seen in a while. Lots of originality, Word-World mechanics, novel resolution methods, mini-Discords (I can't help it, I love them). This is one mission I'll definitely re-read. And I will leave the original fic to its grimdark, authorbatted grave.

Well done you! This may have actually goaded me into finishing a mission every once in a while.

You did an amazing job on this. You really made the most out of the fic for a mission, that is for sure. Your agents reactions really set the tone for how horrible the fic is (Though I still have to read it sometime).

The switching to another version of the story was interesting too, it really shows how weird the entire thing is. While making the agents confused.

The bit with Monty was great too, really surreal. It was a cool way to use the horribleness of the fic for something interesting.

The bit where they snap and charge at Not!Pinky was brilliant, and perfectly done. And showing the canons all okay, and having them be a bit confused, but still okay, and in-character was a great touch too. I'm glad Not!Pinky got her just desserts.

The epilogue was good too, it's nice to see that the bit was okay. A pony agent will be interesting to read. All in all, it was a super job! :D

Excellent mission, even just the bits of the horridfic you included in the mission were enough to turn my stomach. MLP: FiM is definitely the *wrong* place to set a torture fic.

Also: I love the way you ended it. The way you had the ponies react to not remembering what appeared to have been one hell of a party was highly amusing. (And fits with what little I know of them, having only watched the first couple of episodes.)

On behalf of My Little Pony: Friendshi is Magic (Bronies and Pegasisters alike), thank you for killing this... abomination.

I look forward to seeing the continuing adventures of Fritz and Silas... not to mention the missions of Narain and Snapshot...

That was a great mission there. Absolutely hilarious, incredibly creative, and just all around great. Especially the temporal bit and everything snapping back.

Also, unicorn agent! Yay! :D

Fun times were had with this mission. I guess your next interlude will be the party? I can't wait to see what goes down with that. :D

Once again, great mission! =D

Most impressive sir, most impressive indeed. I have never read the badfic in question but if its half as bad as you hinted at then I never wish to so much as set eyes on the thing. Bravo to you sir on tackling such a horrendous creation.

Also, Silas...what kind of alien is he? All the Emperor references made me think Warhammer 40k, but the descriptive pieces just didn't fit with what I know of the aliens there.

I read Cupcakes, and a few of the alternate endings (don't ask why, I have no idea myself!). It made me feel... dirty for even having the images in my head, especially given how much I love MLP:FiM.

This mission was excellent, I especially liked the Word World trying to reject the fic and the ensuing temporal fluctuations. New mission-mechanics are always welcome in my opinion and this one worked really well.

Kudos to you for taking on such a horrid affront to Celestia.

P.S. Mini-Discords! Cuuute! I want one! ^_^

This was excellent! Or, dare I say, legen(wait for it)dary.

I'm relieved this horrid Not!Pinkie got what she had coming for her, and you really captured the spirit of the show well at the end - good thing nopony (except Snapshot) will ever remember this nightmare. Some parts of that fic really made me cringe and at the end of it, I just wanted to give poor Dash a good hug.

On the topic of Snapshot: I'm so excited to see what lies ahead of her! She sounds like she has great agent potential.

So great job handling this monster of a badfic, and take this pot of delicious Maultaschen as a reward! :D

I already told you this in private, but I think it needs to be reiterated, in this case.

You did a good job- an excellent one- with what you had to work with. Your pacing was spot on. The bits at the end where fantastic, and I loved the ending line.

Like I said, I knew you could do it.

Good job. This is definitely one of the best missions I've read for a long time, bar none.

I already claimed Thirty Hs several months ago. :(
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Claimed_Badfic#Harry_Potter

A Canon Bomb could work, a portal to Nothing (from the Redemption of Althalus- it's a giant void that consumes everything), a dragonkin (from RuneScape- they can take anything), or maybe try playing the guitar at them.

For it to be bad Harry Potter fanfiction, it would have to have some connection to the Harry Potter canon. It doesn't.

I argue that Thirty Hs is so far removed as to not be based on Harry Potter canon, and thus not a fanfiction of it.

I'll admit that I'm a bit unfamiliar with PPC policy on crackfic/trollfic.

Have some cookies, and your two cents!

Welcome! Have a complimentary dribble-glass, fun for gags!

Welcome, new friend! I do seem to remember a certain Mr. Guest dropping by. Have a two-headed dragon egg. It hatches into a regular, one-headed dragon, but in the meantime, the egg has two heads!

WElcome, welcome, pull up a seat and browse through this interesting assortment of things with points I have gathered for you. It includes, but is not limited to: Pencils, Pens and Proper Punctuation.

Well met, rookie! Please enjoy this set of razor-sharp throwing knives as a welcoming present.

Hello. Have a dented set of armor.

I managed to ah... clean it properly this time, at least.

You're going to need something to drink. Have some nice, cold milk! *gives a gallon of fortified whole milk*

^___^

I do remember seeing you in the chat once or twice. Welcome to the Board!

~Neshomeh

Have some super-duper-chocolaty-sugar-butter-cookie-fudge-cake!

We're not trying to fatten you up, honest!

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

Hi welcome to PPC! Here's a cookie!

Hi, have some fudge!

Rule of Funny, and always by the skin of their teeth. Everything else is pretty secondary.

Therefore: no, canon would be just fine with such devices, right up until the point where it's vital that canon not be disrupted. Then, KABOOM.

I could be mistaken, but I don't think so. Especially what with the disguise generators being able to cover up stuff like that.

Remember that the Disguise Generator built into the console morphs the entire physiology of the Agent using it (except the brain).

So, any kind of device needed to keep an Agent alive in "normal" conditions would be either disguised alongside the Agent himself or made redundant until the mission is over. Probably both.

Be sure of playing the fun out of it! Agent A forcefully removing the gas mask from Agent B in order to make him realize that thanks to the disguise he can breathe normally (and B panicking until that dawns on him) has a lot of comedy potential.

Beta reading is great and all, and we always do it here gladly.

But Permission is also kind of a test of your own skills, too. Proofread it like, as superdoubleplusbest you can before you hand it to a beta reader. I'm pretty sure PGs want to judge you on your writing, not the beta reader's editing.

But that aside, I submitted a total of three pieces. Which is way overkill. I think you'll be fine.

You can find a list of available beta readers (complete with their preferred subject matter and favorite continuums) at the PPC Beta Reader Directory (http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/PPC_Beta_Reader_Directory.)

I'm not a PG, but...

1. Depends. I think it shouldn't be a NaNoWriMo sized monster of epic proportions. The sample is there to judge your style and your ability to write for the PPC.

2. Beta readers are always a good idea. There's no reason you shouldn't ask.

1. "Long enough" I believe. I'm pretty sure you won't be penalized for length.
   
   2. Allowed, and yes. (Sorry for the spelling-Nazism, it's just a thing I do.)
   
   3. Yup, I'd be happy to. You can find my contact info on the beta list on the wiki.

I don't remember you, but then since there are days I have trouble remembering myself this isn't something to take personally.

Not sure if I gave you an assortment of pointy things, so here they are. Included are, among other things: Thumb tacks, safety pins, safety regulations and caltrops.

Hi, have some fudge!

Welcome! Here, have a conical hat and a muffin!

The hat is made of tin foil (to keep the conspiracy theorists out) and duct tape (so it's pretty much indestructible).

The muffin is a zucchini muffin.

Good to have you aboard, Ru! Here, take this Bleeprin .... you'll need it!

There used to be a Department of Cliched Humor and a Department of Stereotypes, as well, both of which would have fulfilled what you're asking about.

However, the first was shortlived -for whatever reason- and the second was closed down due to lack of purpose.

And I have to get that interlude completed soon, I think.

Bad thing I didn't have a lot of time in the last days.

I heard about the dreaded 3-ring binder of homemade porn. Nice MST; had me giggling childishly.

I have a question; are you going to do the King Arthur one? because if you aren't, I kind of had my eye on that one myself for an MST (I was thinking of using characters from BBC's Merlin), so I want to know whether or not it's already taken.

There was this one Animaniacs badfic I found back when I was just a wee little lad surfing fanfiction.net for stories to pass the time. I can't remember what it was called, but it involved the the entire cast being sent to an alien world where toon physics don't apply. The first couple of chapters were good because it kept everyone in character and were actually pretty funny.

Then came the self-insert/Marty Stu named after the author's username. Let me try my best to remember what he did; everyone was helpless without him (he tried to justify this by having the life on the planet being incredibly hostile and deadly, but that doesn't excuse him or his bit characters), making references to movies where the lines and quips were much better delivered, Minerva falling in love with him on sight, IMPREGNATING Minerva, having a nemesis less effective than the original cartoon Shredder, and being able to tear a monster's jaw apart WITH HIS BARE HANDS.

No matter how much I look, I can't find the fanfic, its sequal, or the author. Perhaps its for the best.

My first attempts at fanfic were kind of bad. I eventually realized this and destroyed them myself in hopes of saving myself from further embarrassment. This was a while ago.

More recently, I went to check on a badfic that I had been tracking to find out it was gone. However, the writer left a message saying she just wanted to fix some things. Luckily, it's not the fic I'm currently writing a mission on. :)

... were taken down a couple of days after I found them. Fortunately I'd already saved them for riffing purposes. (For the record, these were "Shadow Rapes Matthias" and its sequels, and I was sent Word file copies of them by a friend who already had a membership on the site they were on. When I saw that title, I assumed it was just his description of the fic. Nope, that was the title.)

Because the badfics were my own, back from when I was 12-13. And they were pretty bad. I'm talking 'The Yu Gi Oh cast goes to an alternate world and find a gender flipped Seto Kaiba who is a wizard who duels with a magical phoenix monster' bad.

Oh shaddup. I was 12. I didn't know any better.

But a lot of them never made it to the internet, and those have been killed by various hard drive failures over the years (12 year old me was also bad at computer maintenance). The ones that did make it I have purposefully PURGED out of existence as to remove them from the fictoverse and thus not contribute to canon damage. I wish I was smart enough now to have saved them, so I could spork my own ridiculousness.

There is still one existing on the internet, and you will never find it. I'm saving that one for a rainy day.

After I had joined the PPC, I found this incredibly silly Inception/Titanic crossover (yes, I am talking about the James Cameron movie) that I really wanted to make fun of. Unfortunately, it got deleted from FF.net for whatever reason. Should've made some copypasta out of it before that happened... :(

There was an Ace Combat/Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha crossover that needed immediate kill, but by the time I finished the mission I was writing back then it vanished.

Nearly was the same with that mission too, as the fic was deleted while I was at half of the mission, and I had to rely on memory for the rest.

It happened to me once. I had remembered a Kingdom Hearts badfic I really wanted to PPC, but not only was that gone, but the author as well! I would like to believe they changed their name and moved out of their state, but with that fic, they probably changed their names, changed their faces, and moved to Hell. The Norweigans are very unhappy about their arrival. ;P


** Hell is the name of a village in Norway.

for:

- gaining my interest for your Agents

- being generally awesome

- and earning your Permission!

I'm not a Permission giver, but I know Vixen has given yours so... (pops open bleepka bottle and confetti spurts out) Cheers! :D

Your agents are interesting-- I particularly like the idea that one might develop some kind of complex around Sues being 'inferior constructs' after some time. Your writing sample is very good - I don't know the canons, but your spelling, grammar, and style pass with flying colors. I'd assume with a PPC spin-off you'd be writing with more humor, but other than that it looks good.

Permission granted!

I'd like to sumbit an agent too! Though don't expect that I'm going to write stories about him since my writing skills are subpar.

Agent Sinclair
Age: 17
Sex: Male
Species: Anthropomorphic sheep (prefers the term sheep-boy)

Appearance: Sinclair is a Norfolk Horn sheep with brown eyes and black skin. This gives him the appearance of a bipedal sheep with hands and a human-like face while still retaining the hooves of his sheep half. His arms, head, and neck are the only parts of him that are covered in wool. His horns curl around into a lateral spiral.
Home continuum: World One and a half (was abandoned halfway into creation)

Department: Department of Floaters
Partner: Currently pending
Fandoms: Starfox, My Little Pony, Animaniacs, Cats Don’t Dance, Sailor Moon, Looney Tunes, and Digimon

Lust Objects: Cheetara (Thundercats 2011), Peter Cullen’s voice, and Renamon

Weapons: Sinclair has little to no understanding on how to fight. As such, he is usually on the sidelines writing charges down and will only use long ranged weapons such as guns and spears. Since he is a sheep and thus is covered in wool, he can use it to generate massive amounts of static electricity; however this only works if he has enough wool and can get close enough to a Sue to zap them.
Backstory: Agent Sinclair was initially the idea for a character for a furry webcomic right before his creator realized that making a dozen more unique characters like him would take too long, so he was abandoned alongside the comic halfway into creation. This left him alone in World One and a half before he was found and taken in. With nothing better to do, he decided to train to become an Agent, determined to make the life for himself that his creator couldn’t. Sinclair is just a nickname he made up during his time training.

Personality: Since he was abandoned halfway in to creation, only half of his personality actually exists, so he is currently making up the other half as he goes. His existing personality consists of recklessness, optimism, and a dislike of J-Pop. He has a bad habit of getting angry during a mission, and then revert to his cheerful self shortly afterwards in a matter of seconds.

I'm on their emailing list, too

I sign petitions there every day.

In fact, I'm currently on their mailing list, so whenever something major comes along, they send it off to the mailing list for that. I've signed a couple petitions myself, including one that actually helped a soldier from the Middle East return to his home--which was about to get foreclosed.

Seriously, great stuff there.

Haha! I loved that episode so much! The moment Ice King said "fanfiction" I was like "... the PPC should look into this."

His fanfiction was definitely IC and believeable (until the end, that is) though!

Miah and JulyFlame.

De-Lurking to vote for July and Phobos.

DML
Phobos

Miah and Phobos.

Tray-Gnome, Phobos, and Miah.

JulyFlame and Phobos,(mainly because they're the only ones that I'm familiar with xD)

DML, Phobos, and Tray.

DML and July. 'Nuff said.

DML, JulyFlame, Phobos

DML, Tray-Gnome, Phobos, Miah

Phobos (yeah, shocking, I know) and DML. These men would look great in hats.

~Neshomeh

JulyFlame and Phobos.

Tray and Phobos.

Julyflame, Phobos, and DML.

July, Miah, and DML.

I vote for July and Phobos

Elcalion, electorating

Phobos

DML and JulyFlame.

for July and Phobos.

I vote for DML and Phobos.

for July and Miah.

I vote for Miah and DML.

I vote for Miah and JulyFlame

I vote for DML, Tray-Gnome and Miah.

Tray-Gnome and Miah.

I vote for JulyFlame.

Man, it's really too bad you couldn't reach Cthulu...

DML

Tray-Gnome

Phobos

I vote for Phobos and Miah

I vote for JulyFlame and Miah.

I vote for DML and Phobos.

There've been a couple of efforts in this direction (er... mostly by me, see Generic Surface and The Children's Book), but you're thinking of something more mainstream...

There's an Australian children's series called Fairy Tale Police Department (FTPD) which is alarmingly close to being the PPC on TV. This one. I won't say it's brilliant (it was free on LoveFilm.com last I checked, so we watched a couple of episodes), but it is surreal watching, well, a pair of bickering people in uniform trying to fix stories which keep going wrong. Surreal as heck.

The main problem with the PPC-as-show is, er, two problems. First, the PPC itself still belongs (sorta) to Jay and Acacia. Otherwise, I'd be the first to try and sneak it into the real world. The second problem is that it consists virtually in its entirety of playing with other copyrighted works - which, yeah, doesn't go down too well. If we could overcome the first part (which... would pretty much consist of the Board agreeing to) we'd still have to make it all Sherlock Holmes, E. Nesbit and H.G. Wells. Or Dickens... well, it could work, I suppose.

On the /other/ hand... if we had several PPCers living near each other, they could probably get together regularly and make film versions of specially-written missions. Sure, they'd have to be set in whatever environments they could reach, but it could be done.

Any volunteers?

hS

Every new topic made pushes an old one off the edge of the page. And since most of us don't read past the first page for replies, that ends the discussions on them very quickly-- not to mention that our space here is finite, and eventually the topics past disappear forever. So we generally prefer that you keep the new threads to a slower pace-- you can reply to old threads all you want, but creating two new ones in a row, unless you have very good reason, is generally a bad idea. Likewise with badfic threads-- if you have a new badfic to report, first check to make sure there's not a thread already up to report/claim.

This is especially right now, since we really need people to see the Permission Givers topic. If you are interested in poking people at higher speeds, check out the link to our IRC channel up at the top of the page-- it's a fun place to hang out! Lots of fellow PPCers about.

(But yes, watching the PPC Cartoon Series would be awesome. We do have a webcomic in the form of LEGO, by hS somewhere, and there's a radio play.)

To: Sandra Lara [smlara.console145890as890903av89988.rc454.DOI]
From: Torini the Walrus Lord [derwin.console453234a45367av4453.rc5^7.DMS]
Subject: PUDDING!

The squirrels got all gnirxy. Beware the chizzblangs and swausages. I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout.

To: Phoenix Socorro [prelief.console559481a341vg19542.rc1963.DIA]
From: Sandra Lara [smlara.console145890as890903av89988.rc454.DOI]
Subject: Re:Thought you’d find this funny.

Ahaha. What the hell? You nearly got me caught; I just about fell over laughing from this. Figure out what it is yet?

-Sandra

Have a purloined copy of A Study in Scarlet and a bag of old imperial coins. Enjoy.

Happy Birthday! ^_^

Many happy returns, and an awesome year to you, starting with not being killed at your party, or anything. :P

*joins the throng of confetti-throwers*

Happy birthday, NotStarTrek!Data

Have some Portal Cake!

... what? The explosion last time wasn't that bad, I swear!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zghKqrjkaiY

Happy birthday! :D

Have a triple chocolate cupcake (chocolate with chocolate icing & chocolate chips)!

Even if I don't really know anyone here very well yet, it's still nice to give them some birthday greetings. And cake. Or maybe cake-flavored pie.

*blows up a balloon* Happy birthday, Data! *hugs*