Sep 2011 Archive, part b

Having just given the potential agents a look-over (no time to go over the writing sample), I have a couple of notes for you:

1) The Department of Floaters does not have a Mary-Sue Division. I think you are talking about the Department of Mary-Sues, Freelance Division. Not a big deal. Easy to fix.

2) This one is just my two cents, but I have a few questions about the characters. Why does the one turn into a rooster? Why is the other so off that he needs dried frog pills, licorice, and Bleeprin to put him right? But the biggest question that I have to ask is: Do these things make them better characters or are they just gimmicks?

Thank you for the warm welcomes!

Welcome, Ozzie! Have some edible ball bearings - Earth is the only planet that's got them, you know!

Hi! Have a holy hand grenade! (Warning: Do not use on rabbits)

Have some Bleepka, and your two cents!

Here, have a piece of cake! It's chocolate. :)

We love new people! Welcome!

Here, have some Shostakovich for the road:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZbJOE9zNjw

Welcome, new friend! Have a werewolf scratching post!

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

Have some soda water and babycakes!

Welcome to the mad house! (Seriously, I've come to the conclusion that the HQ building itself is crazy.)

Have an assortment of pointy things including, but not limited to: Pencils, spears, roofs and explanations.

Welcome to our crazy metafictional world!

I *think* I used that word right...

Anyway, have some NM&NMs! Chocolate-coated Bleeprin, what more can you want?

Welcome to the Board! Here's some Bleeprin - you'll need it!

Hi, have some fudge!

1) Rampant OOCness and canon breacking. Expecially on my favoutire characters. *Hugs Sakura from Card Captor Sakura*

2) Everything that falls under Bad Logic. You're not going to make a raped girl feel better by having sex with her. And if you're going to describe in detail how everything in an airbase works, please do a little reseach on how that REALLY works.

3) Not caring about grammar. I am Italian, I studied English very hand, and now I write in English good enough to pass for a native English speaker to the casual reader.
A true native English speaker has no excuses to write in an awful way and not doing anything about it. I can still excuse those who learned or are learning English at school, but if you canno write in a readable way you should either study English a little more or write in your own language.

Well, for one thing, I never really like OC/canon romances. OC/OC or canon/canon, yes, but there's just something about OC/canon that just feels sort of wrong. Still, that in and of itself isn't really bad - what I especially can't stand is when the OC is nothing but a jerk to the canon but they fall in love with her anyway. Especially if the canon changes character completely when doing so. Especially if said canon changes from a cool, collected, competent character to a lovestruck fool.

Actually, any severe OOC-ness will get me riled up. The characters are almost always my favorite part of a story - when someone takes these characters and changes their very personality, I get almost morally outraged. Even one really bad OOC moment can make me give up on an otherwise-good fic. (This is why I never got into The Methods of Rationality, despite the intriguing idea; Rationalist!Harry came off as a stuck-up, condescending, pretentious prick).

For me, it's blatant Character Ruptures/Character Replacements - or, to use more general terms, when characters don't act like themselves.

For instance, I was enjoying the Sonic story "Welcome Home, Welcome Doom" until Amy gave up being with Sonic so that the main OC could have him. Wait, what?!? Amy is madly in love with Sonic to the point of obsession - she's been known to get very violent with other girls who show much as a glimmer of romantic attraction towards him. So having her voluntarily stop chasing Sonic for the sake of someone else is an egregious violation of her character, and it completely turned me off from the story. Shame, because the villain was pulling some intense psychological warfare.

...breaking or simply ignoring the laws of physics will still make me want to shoot the screen, as will egregious continuity errors.

I mean sure, not knowing the finer points of orbital mechanics, fine, not too much of an issue. Cthulhu knows most sci-fi works get sound in space and the thing about 'ship's engines cut out != ship plummets toward planet' wrong. However, having a man shot by a .38 bullet fly through a window due to the impact force. No. Just no. :P

Also, ignoring a character's personality for the sake of shipping irritates me. Example if you're familiar with Neon Genesis Evangelion: the number of fics that have Shinji and Asuka fall in love and start a healthy relationship without dealing with both characters'... issues is immense.

((Irrelevant footnote: I'm back! RL got a bit crazy for a while and I had very little free time, but that's changed now and so I can enjoy the delights of fanfic again! Yay(?) :P))

I had to think about it because, well, when I read fanfic I often go in knowing or at least expecting badfic. And when I already expect the worst, nothing can really rile me. A shrug is what most of the stuff on this list gets from me: it's badfic, what was I expecting?

I'm not sure I've ever read a story that started good and then took a turn for the worst. The either start bad and stay bad, or start good and stay good. I guess I'm lucky that way.

But the thing that is currently annoying me most is lack of consequences. I'm sassing out a fic for a mission where an OC returns after having been missing for three years. Everyone though she was dead -- apparently they've seen the body -- but hurray, she's still alive. And everyone's happy.

My problem is that no one is in the least bit upset that the character didn't contact them in three years. I'd be upset if my loved one/best friend disappeared for three years and then came back. Happy, in part, but also upset and a little bit betrailed. I don't think we'd go back to the way things were immediately. And even if she gave a rational explanation of why she couldn't get in touch, I'd still be upset for a little while longer. I'd expect some of the canons to feel the same.

No such consequence in that story. The canons are only having the feelings the OC wants them to have. Love, and an unhealthy amount of forgiveness. (She stole the kid of one of the canons and he doesn't even mention it!)

That's making me go aargh. Every time I think about it. Should start that mission soon.

Medicine fail, definitely. Science fail in general, to an extent. It astounds, frightens, and enrages me that people don't bother to understand even the basics of how their own bodies work, and it definitely sets my fingers twitching for the clue-by-four.

Persistent grammar fail will do it, too. Mistakes here and there tend to be more funny than annoying to me—I look for funny mistakes as part of determining if a fic is mission-worthy—but I still cringe every time I see a construction that reminds me of "The Girl and Her Dragon." I can't use the word "as" anymore without being reminded. >.
And occasionally, things that are done for absolutely no good reason. I expect badfic to be nonsensical, but when someone's character is defamed through sheer incompetence, or just for the heck of it, or just to "prove a point," or what have you... ARGH. I'm primarily thinking of my favorite characters here, but it doesn't have to be one of them. For instance, making the Dursleys more abusive than they really were just so the Stu'd-up child version of Harry could angst more and spend more time being cuddled by various denizens of Middle-earth. Gag me with a spoon.

~Neshomeh

1. Bad spelling, grammar or punctuation. I can handle the occasional typo here and there, but repeated misspellings or misuses of grammar really annoy me.
   
   2. Characters using terms they shouldn't know about. This also applies to characters doing things that don't exist in their time, like wearing jeans or singing rock music.
   
   3. Purple prose. Enough said.
   
   4. Epic fails. Whether it's concerning rape, medicine, proper legal procedure, or whatever.

Specifically, where a canon character rejects/forgets her or his old friends and spends all their time with their new love interest.

Also, when a character talks about how love has made them a better person, or how they would be nothing without the love of their life. People have value outside of their relationships. And there are more types of relationships than just romantic ones.

One of my biggest bugbears is blatant breaching of canon personalities. For example: Elrond Half-elven being a Designated Misogynistic Bastard/ a rapist/ married to anyone except Celebrian, Hermione Granger being a fashion plate/ stupid/ timid and weepy and in need of a man to save her, Patrician Vetinari not being aware that his drink was spiked with a love potion and therefore PROPOSING TO A SUE, who then says no to him and gets off with no repercussions...

You get the idea. :P

One of the major problems that I've seen long-running goodfics run into from time to time is arc padding. A story will go on and on with more and more obstacles thrown into the path of the main characters until the audience essentially quits from exhaustion. One of my favorite stories (a monster of a fic, with 30+ chapters) lost me when the author killed off one of the two major villains only to introduce another, even worse villain! As the TV Tropes page on Darkness Induced Audience Apathy says, "MEANINGFUL conflict is the soul of drama."

Free-floating punctuation is also a major sticking point for me. It really chafes my cheeks every time I see characters talking like guards from a Metal Gear Solid game. "!" and "?" are not acceptable sentences. They are lazy substitutes for writing actual descriptions.

Worst of all in my mind is the free-floating ellipsis. Having someone say "..." might be the standard in comic books or manga or Japanese role-playing games, but it has no place in conventional writing. Describe the character's speechlessness: does her jaw waggle soundlessly? Do her eyes boggle out as she stares at the thing which has befuddled her? Is her head tilted to one side?

I've seen the free-floating ellipsis pop up in a few PPC missions. Tut tut, guys and gals. You disappoint Uncle PC.

Well, a lot of things annoy me, but I can soldier through a lot, but something that really makes me ARRRGGHH is...

Characters who get away with things free of consequences, moral of other wise. Especially violence in comedy Shows.

This really makes it hard to read a story, or watch a show. I know it is something that happens a lot in comedy shows, and I can tolerate it usually, because it is For Laughs. But sometimes it just gets way too far. a character pushing someone out of a treehouse, and then jumping on them, to a laugh track playing made me quit watching a show.

I have this 170K LotR fic, and the OCs in it and horrible. They don't have powers, or change races, or even wildly coloured hair or eyes. They do, however, do things so wildly stupid and on impulse. For example, jumping on Frodo repeatedly, kicking Boromir and Aragorn in the nuts to 'prove their worth'. They are NEVER called on ANYTHING.

So, to summarize, I hate it when people can do what ever they want with no consequences. Once it reaches 'Blatantly hurting someone and being allowed' I will mostly dump the fic.

I actually enjoy a good guro scene (though I'm fairly picky about them), but characters surviving things which would logically kill them with no magical or technological explanation makes me stabby in the bad way, hence why the infamous spear incident got me so riled. Not to mention the one where Guy 1 kicks Guy 2 in the back which somehow causes Guy 2 to fall on top of Guy 1.

Also, randomly gained superpowers. If there's some setup that's one thing, but when the guy literally gains a new power with every fight scene ... ack.

not being portrayed in the right way. Even some of the slightest traumas you see in H/C fics are not just going to go away after the injured party is rescued. Sometimes, even minor incidents can mentally impact someone for life. The Hurt doesn't end right after the people are healed from their physical injuries.
Especially Rape. I just can't stand it when a character in a fic only takes about 2 days to recover from rape. NO!
I know people who have been raped, and it's taken them years to recover. It has affected their whole lives, and changed, fundamentally, who they are. You can't just trivialize or shake off something like that, even in fic.
So I suppose, to summarize, my pet peeve for fic would be not showing the mental effects of physical trauma.

You see this most often in Self Insert sues. In fact, it's the reason why I mostly want to tackle those, with only a few exceptions. The exchange of identity is the rawest, most overt, form a Sue can take. Or so I feel.

But what do I mean by this?

It is easy to see that society sets standards for people that are nearly impossible to reach. For example: for women, it's often an image of physical beauty... a beauty that's unattainable by most of the population. Many people, absorbing this in culture, associate themselves with the negative. "Society sets THIS message forward... but I am not that. I am worse than it. I am bad. I need to change."

None of this is conscious, or it usually isn't. But the evidence can be seen so clearly in Mary Sues: Often they are idealized in beauty... THEY reached that unattainable standard. It's not real beauty. I just see the tears and frustration of the writer in stuff like that... that they don't realize they are promoting and desiring to be the very image that's hurting them.

What does this have to do with Self Inserts?

The Sue Transformation.

It doesn't happen in every bad/Mary Sue Self Insert story. But it's so common, it hurts. It's so common, it should have a wiki article.

The person enters the world with their normal appearance, or close to it. But as soon as they get involved in the fantasy world, they change their appearance, ability level... even species and personality. They throw away who they were, simply because they wish they were better. Because they think this thing that isn't them is better.

Whenever I see a poor girl that is transformed like that in a Suefic... I just see it as that girl burning out, dying... and a horrid vampire of ego and desire taking hold of the empty husk and puppeting it around. It horrifies me.

It's natural to want to be better than you are.

But to throw your whole self away for it, your entire identity, losing who you are at your very core...

It makes me sick.

I'm sick and tired of people just absolutely sucking at portraying disability and disabled characters.

Okay, first of all: Disabled characters come in as many variations as non-disabled ones. The fictional world is already clogged up with "plucky, inspirational Tiny Tim" and "depressed, self-pitying wreck". We do not need them. We don't like them. They suck. Write real people, not stereotypes.

Second: Magical healing? Not cool. Okay, I get that occasionally you will want to have somebody recover from an injury that should be permanent--maybe to show off a character's healing ability or a doctor's skill. But if you're going to write it as "Oh, noes, this guy is going to be disabled! The horror!" Like that's the worst possible fate for a person, worse than death.

And on that note, can we please stop automatically killing off the guy who just got an injury that will cause disability? If you've got a character who's just gone blind or deaf or lost a limb or broke his spine, that does NOT make it somehow okay to kill him off because "Oh, he wouldn't have had much of a life anyway; it's better this way." Again, it can be legitimate--the guy who's hurt and can't walk may stay behind to pull a You Shall Not Pass on the approaching enemy--but killing off a character because you're too much of a wimp to address the issue of a permanent disability is not cool.

And then there's the mental stuff--the people with the weird brains that work in weird ways. I'm especially sensitive to autism!fail, for the obvious reason that I'm autistic yourself (No, your Mary Sue is NOT going to pull Poor Little Autistic Kid out of his "shell" and turn him into a typical kid just through her magical caring!). But it's more than just that. Being mentally disabled in some way doesn't mean you're a little kid. It doesn't mean you're immature. Say you're 25 years old and have an IQ of 40. Guess what? You're an adult. An adult with a low IQ who is just barely able to learn to read and count--but an adult, not an overgrown kid. There's a difference.

Let's not even get into the psychology. You wanna read about my views on that, go to the "Bad Psychology" page on the wiki--I wrote most of it.

Yeah, so... disability stuff, mostly. But there's other stuff. You can get me pretty riled up if one character "cures" another characters asexuality through magical healing cock.

In my case, I tend to respond really negatively to how the author reacts. I hate it when:

1. The author talks about their thing like it's the greatest thing in the world. If I ever hear that come from any author's A/N, it's an instant turn-off for me, though it's less so if it's actually good.

2. If they start harassing other people. This is self-explanatory, and it'll turn me off to anything.

But yeah. As for things in stories themselves...

1. M-preg. I absolutely cannot stand M-preg. If it shows up in the story, I never read it again.

2. Things being rushed through. Especially dialogue. This is a little more personal, because having well-paced action is something I'm constantly grappling with as a fanfiction author. So if other people can't care about that thing, I don't care about what they do with the rest of it unless the plot is super, super intriguing.

There are a huge number of things that annoy me, but I think they all boil down to four:

1) Equating the actors with the characters.
2) Painfullly obvious vapid wish fulfillment.
3) Anachronism.
4) Stupid AU and original fic masquerading as AU.

1) You might think two actors look hot/good together. This does NOT translate to the characters. Go write RPF/S somewhere else, don't slap character names on the actors and write hot sex.

2) When the female OC obviously exists for the sole reason of falling in love with the author's lust object.

3) This includes prom dresses in medieval fandoms, modern swear words, modern characters revealing the future, modern language, modern viewpoints, etc. Peter Pevensie is not going to say "S**t, babe, you look hot."

4) When the author blatantly ignores any good reasons for things happening, or when it's a cookie cutter fic written for the purpose of getting two characters together. E.g. "Hermione is a water nymph who loves Prince Draco."

OOC is also extremely irritating.

1. Bad dialogue. I hate it, hate it, haaaaate it. So I'm reading a Sherlock fanfic, right? Would've been an okay read, but the dialogue was baaad. It reduced both main characters to whining dramatically about the situation, using phrases like "hook your talons into my friend," and actually crying in front of Moriarty. It made me physically cringe. I especially hate really long-winded dialogue in a situation that normally wouldn't allow for long-winded dialogue. Like when two characters hold an emotional, heartfelt, psyche-probing conversation while apparently ignoring the villain who is standing right in front of them and holding them at gunpoint. Drives me up the wall.
   
   2. Bad attitude in the Author's notes, or author's notes in the middle of the story. Need I say more?

Have some sediment-shaped sediment, a rutabaga (on fire), and an article entitled "How To Kill A Man With Your Bare Hands" - essential ingredients if you want to bake cake :)

Have some Bleekpa, and please place your sanity in the bin by the door.

Hai there!

Welcome to the madness. Here, have a spork and a towel. Remember, you never want to go anywhere without your towel. It's far too useful.

And if the towel doesn't work, you can always use the spork as plan B.

Ddin't see you there. Must be part ninja. Have a projector screen and some pocky and please don't sacrifice me to the ninja gods.

Hi, have some fudge!

We love new people! As a matter of course, we like to ask what continua you're into, just because we love to see what you're into.

Here, have some Scriabin for the road:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qj1luIOQHLw

Welcome to the Board! Here, please have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

Welcome, well come on in and take a seat! (I think a few of the chairs are beginning to develop into sentient life forms. So be careful of that.)

Here is an assortment of things with points. Including, but not limited to: Horns, fangs, noses and wizzard hats.

Welcome, new friend! Help yourself to the bag of venomous arthropods. Don't worry; they don't bite!

Greetings, stranger! You shall have this bag of marbles; be careful not to lose them.

So we have Cali, who likes Cadmar, who likes Maria, who likes Florestan, who likes her back.

Is that right? Am I missing anything?

What a tangle of knots.

Can I be the first to say D'aaawwwww! They are all so very sweet in this interlude.

...is that is can be both entertaining and enthralling to people who are unfamiliar with the canon involved. You've nailed that here. I know next to nothing about both Avatar and Nausicaä, but I still thoroughly enjoyed this mission. Your character interaction in particular was very good. Florestan and Eusabius have an excellent rapport, and throwing Zerenze into the mix was a nice choice.

My one issue is regarding how large the quotes from the original badfic can get. There are points, particularly closer to the end, where the sheer length of the excerpts was dragging down the pacing of the mission. Really long excerpts always smack a bit of 'telling' rather than 'showing.' I would suggest that you try to describe what is happening in the badfic rather than just resorting straight to direct quotes.

Looking forward to your next mission!

Nice Mission! Though I have no idea about Nausicaä of the Valley of Wind (Ha-ha copy.paste!) I am glad I know one of the settings.

One minor gripe (Read; inconsequential.) The Maquis de Sod saying/typing 'guys' just seems off to me. Dunno why, wasn't a deal breaker for me anyway. I am slightly put off by not knowing one of the canons, but it isn't that bad.

'a huge herd of gigantic land-based crustaceans' D; D; D; OH DEAR GOD CTHULHU WALKS THE EARTH! CTHULHU FHTAGN! CTHULHU FHTAGN!

...And un, I didn't realize that the only reason Jake got to meet the people was because he was paralyzed. I just thought they wanted to see him because of the he was playing with their multi-million/billion dollar toy. The more you know!

'Its tentacles came out and gently wrapped around Nausicaä's torso and drew her closer to the ohmu.'
And I love Zerenze pointing out the plot hole in the ohmu's fluid thing. Using logic like that is fun, and reading is is even better!

So, great mission, and Dun Dun Dun agents getting cozy!

Nice mission!

Personally, I prefer movies like "Nausicaä of the Valley of Wind" to "Avatar". At least Miyzaki can be //subtle//.

Not to mention the story is pretty cliche, and, Unobtanium? //Really?//

(Also, I think there already is a Mini for Avatar, but I could be wrong?)

I like a lot of stuff, mostly books. A few movies, a few computer games, but mostly books, lots of classics, sci-fi, fantasy. Dystopian fiction is a recurring theme. I'm a fan of musicals, too.

I guess with books, it's not like a TV show where you watch it every week and there's always something new--you read a book, and that's it, and you find another; I've accumulated a lot of favorites that way.

I stuck 'em on the wiki.
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/User:Chaoticidealism#Calista.27s_Fandoms

I'm happy to give you advice or help co-write, but first, what's your fandoms?

As everyone else has said so far, knowing your fandoms would be great. I'm pretty versatile in that regard, so long as it's not tremendously obscure. My DMS agents only handle stories based on video game continuums, but my DBS agents are freelance, so they have a bit more leeway in that regard. I also have a Implausible AU agent and an upcoming pair of agents in the Department of Bad Parody (they're a little bit down the road time-wise, however.)

I'm usually available any time after 7 or 9 PM MDT (Mountain Daylight Time,) which would be 9 or 10 Eastern Daylight Time. I think.

Like IndeMaat, I'd like to know your fandoms first. As you've seen, my DMS agents work mainl in sci-fi/fantasy fandoms, with the occasional foray into crime dramas. My DBSers are Freelance, so they're good for most fandoms. I must say, though, that I'm not that big on anime/foreign genres, so I wouldn't be much help there.

As for my time zones, I'm usually available before 2 PM PST or after 9 PM PST (midnight EST), so I hope that's all right with you.

Just out of curiosity and because I think it could be a little bit relevant.

Do you want to take your training mission in any of the stuff you have lined up? Or do you really just want your agents to follow to more seasoned agents around and take notes. (Images of Scrubs and the huddle of interns following dr. Cox flashing through my mind. One of my agents would hate that so much.)

I'm on GMT+2 myself (until the end of October, when Daylight Saving Time ends), and I don't mind working on stories between ten and midnight. I've never done a co-write.

I don't know the fandom, but this particular fic reminds of "legolas by laura".

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7124168/1/My_Pretty_Little_Lying_Ponies

A massive crossover by the same author, with better spelling and grammar, but from what little I know about the involved continua even more OOC. The summary makes it clear that the author is a troll.

Not counting the fact that Sakuya canonically wears a BLUE maid outfit, how can she both wear a dress and being naked? This makes no sense whatsoever.

I don't even know Touhou, and this is just like... Wow, just wow.

I don't even care how OOC everyone is or how far it strays from canon. Just... that first wall of text... God!

Yeah, I think this needs to be sporked. Though, I think it'll make for a hilarious mission.

Also, Satangod? I see what you did there, Suethor, I see what you did there...

(Funny thing, though: I also walked in here immediately with a badfic to show everyone.)

The concerned stories are not actually fanfiction. There is no canon to preserve and no canonicals to rescue. You could try writing a MST, I suppose, but I still really don't see the point. You'd basically be telling the same jokes over and over again.

I call Google Translate. He's not writing in English, he's writing in his own language and using Google Translate. I can't think of any other explanation. It's just the phrasing that GT gives you.

1) If they seem concerned that their story contains a Mary Sue, then perhaps they are open to some con-crit. Leave a review of the story where you tell them what they are doing right, and what needs work.

2) The Department of Technical Errors is an overlooked group, but they exist for fics like the one you describe. Check out the Wiki page to learn more.

3) Does the author show any improvement in their English? If not, it is probably a troll. Do with that what you will.

First of all, he says that he's writing to improve his English. Didn't quite work, as the language in the profile is so butchered that can only get worse by disabling spellcheck. (And I didn't even understand if he had a dream in which everything in Berlin was written in English or he seriously thinks that someday that could really happen).
To improve English there's only one realiable way: keep studying it, and then exercize writing. Writing alone won't do you any good.

But, as already said, how could you seriously think of writing a fanfiction for a fandom you DON'T know? Heck, I write missions only for fandoms I know really well, and they require a somewhat lesser degree of canon "manipulation" that writing a good fanfic!

Another idea for sporking could be MSTs, as the lenght of the fic is not an important factor as in missions.

1. For this one, I direct you to Spidey3000, a Super Smash Brothers Stu who was slain by the PPC. However, it turns out that his author had come around, and even makes an appearance in-mission. I suggest you ask Neshomeh about this first, but if they seem concerned about their character being a Mary Sue, it may be best to see what their thoughts on the story are then. I dunno how you'd go about asking that of course, but I'm sure there's a way.
   
   2. Well, it still has bad SPaG, formatting, characterization, and stupidity. That, my dear, is what the Department of Floaters is for. Also, if a character is super OOC, then chances are it's a special kind of Mary Sue called a "Character Replacement". So essentially, you go about the mission watching as word mishaps occur while gathering charges against the replacements and other things like that. Basically, you just make fun of the SPaG and the format while going through the rounds and killing off character replacements.
   
   3. My God, you /know/ it's bad when the freaking list of fandoms you're writing for is a wall of text! Miah actually recently did something where she sporked six short fanfictions in the span of a single mission, so you can probably do something like that.
   
   I'm sure someone else has better answers, but... that's my input on it.

Your story was a bit heavy on the exposition at first, but that's typical of first-time missions. Your agents definitely have a lot of potential, especially for some quality bantering. I'm definitely looking forward to whatever you have planned next for these two.

I liked how you described the aftermath of the OCs after the Mary Sue was killed! Great work and please write more soon!

But seriously, who would dare defile a Ray Bradbury masterpiece like Farenheit 451?!

...Sorry, it just that it's one of my favorite novels, and I don't like to see my favorites messed with...

That... was really terrible. Sporking was definitely warranted.

The good news is, it was funny, and I'd definitely read more of these if you write them. The bad news is that I think you're going overboard on the author-bashing. You can say the writing is idiotic all you want, and by all means call out the narrative voice, but if we insult the author, a human being, it makes us look like bullying jackasses, and we're not. {= )

~Neshomeh, who is still tempted occasionally, but finds that substituting "narrator" or "narrative" for "author" works like a charm and is, in fact, more to the point—writing talent does not necessarily correlate with overall intelligence.

I might be wrong, but Lord help me ... are there PPC agents involved?!

Sounds like an MSTing is in order.

What the f is this? I mean, there are PWP fics better than this.

The... THING was one of the worst things I've ever read. Good job sporking it!

I don't think any of your argumentative points were the least bit invalid - I agree completely. But you do have a rather confrontational tone at times; saying "Prove to me that having a uterus has a direct positive effect on intelligence and I'll consider withdrawing this point" (and quite a bit of what follows) could reasonably be taken as offensive. It seems this person was more irritated by your tone than any point you were trying to make.

Just my 2c.

I think you're dealing with somebody who doesn't like you, personally. This "Brihana", whoever s/he is, seems to think you have a track record of hating women, or trolling, or something. Who knows?

Your being annoyed at that fic is a legit complaint. Why in the world would a sex change affect your mental functioning? I guess maybe you could get side effects from the hormone treatments before your body could get used to them, but that's drug side effects, not a gender thing.

Re. male and female intelligence: You are right in that the average values are the same. However, males and females have very slightly different specialties (on the order of a percentage point or less)--which means very little for any particular man or woman, because the difference between genders totally vanishes compared to the difference between individuals.

Also, males tend to have a slightly larger standard deviation in their distribution--that is, they have more scores at the high and low extremes of the range. I think that's because men (usually) have XY chromosomes, which means that anything on their single X will express fully because there's not another X to provide another gene that can partly/fully cancel it. As a result, we end up with slightly more gifted and more cognitively disabled males than females--though not by much. But anyone who's XY will get that effect, whether they're male or female.

I betcha the person who's harassing you knows you write for the PPC. That's what happened to me a while ago on ffr, when I used my PPC LJ account to complain about OOC characters in bad slash and everybody apparently figured that made me a homophobe... somehow.

My grandmother was legally blind for the final few years of her life. In bright light, she could usually make out the color red. There is no way she could have done as much as Columbus did in this fic, even if we skip over the fact that she was too intelligent to continue driving once her eyesight started to go.

...You know, the descriptions of what Columbus can see are pretty close to what I see when I don't have my contacts in/glasses on. (Nearsighted, with a side order of astigmatism in one eye.) Trust me, there ain't no way I'm driving or shooting effectively without corrective lenses, but I'm also not helpless without a live-in caretaker.

And I was just ranting about disability fail, too. Yeah, blindness does not work that way. It's like they just used it as a random plot device and forgot about it the rest of the time.

Plus--"Caretaker"? Really? I mean, maybe you'd have somebody to drive you places, or something, but since when did blindness require a live-in caretaker?

Poor Cadmar! S/he's going to be even more paranoid about You!fics after this.

The things the author did to poor Wichita. Just... wow. *buries his head in his hands*

And yeah, blindness totally does not work like that. I was actually half expecting it to turn into a painting by Claude Monet by the time Cadmar mentioned The Blob.

Also, Lucius needs to see more things. Crazy, crazy times are had with that.

Good mission! =D

I always love the "happy, hyper, naive newbie" and "cynical, dark, serious dude" pair - so much opportunity for hilarity to ensue. Can't wait to read their missions!

That was amusing. This is what I got from there personalities:

Noir: "I am a serious and suspicious ninja-dude."
Ardo: "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!1!!11!" *bounce bounce flail bounce*

*gigglesnort*

My favorite line was the last one. "And there they went." Hee!

I like it. Short, simple, to the point, and funny. Go forth and PPC, young arthropod!

~Neshomeh

I'm no PG, but you've got a lot of humor in there, and it all works really well.

Also, for some reason I think Noir would be suitable for a Nippon Ichi canon. And hey, there's La Pucelle, where all the characters have French-sounding names, so it works out for everyone.

I think you'll do just fine with missions. :D

I came across this last night and thought I should post it in this thread. It's from Torchwood - Another Life and reads: 'It's a hobbit I find hard to break.' For me, it immediately conjured up mental images of poor Frodo being tortured, but still refusing to give up the information.

I remember a book series I read that half of the time had no commas for when somebody was talking.
e.g.: "Blah" x said.
Correct is "Blah," x said.

I managed to find a typo in a National Geographic issue where a four letter word was incorrect. Four letters! How hard can that be?

Then there's the Goblet of Fire teaser poster incident. The original was missing a comma! They had to release two!

While not in a published work, my school makes plenty of these. The attendance office managed to mess up the roll sheets enough that a friend of mine's last name was misspelled. Her last name is Oh. They spelled it Ho. How can you say fail?

Well, not typos to that magnitude, but I did once read a novel where a large chunk of time was jumped a few times, and the author must have missassessed how much. The narrator of the story was referring to his wife, son and baby of unknown gender, but the wife had gotten pregnant about 12 months earlier. Most parents know the gender of the baby by then.

In another novel there was a power cut and the character managed to reach her power company and scream at them about how much money's worth of meat she had in the freezer. The telephone operator replied to her she should check the company's website for compensation.

This is wrong for two reasons: 1) customer service of power companies aren't open at all hours. She could not have reached one at the time she was calling. 2) in the Netherlands there is a standard compensation for consumers in case of a power cut. Customer service would have told her about the standard compensation and that it is automatically deducted from her next bill.

And there are typos, of course, there are always typos.

So, yes, I do believe we should be hired for editing work (or at least I should be).

I have started marking out the errors I come across in novels and books. Not sure yet what to do with them. I don't know how well publishers will take it if you sent them a query mentioning a few of the spots one of their current editors has missed.

People need to start hiring us as editors. And paying us, even!

I find more typos in the Halo novels than anything else--including minis! It's not USNC.

I have an agent who can shapeshift into anything and probably is a demigod from original fiction... I know your problem.

The big thing to me is that powerful people are people too. And people make mistakes. Or are tripped up by outside forces. There's no such thing as a serious character, really. Circumstance can make anything funny.

Lore is a somewhat serious character, but one of his greatest flaws is that he prefers to stay in a more bestial, animal form... without thumbs. Whenever anything needs thumbs, hilarity ensues.

Eventually, I hope to get an ESAS team going consisting of a DBZ Sayian, a Dragon age Mage, and a My Little Pony (g4) unicorn. YES they all have various powers, and two of them are from somewhat serious setting (OK, DBZ isn't serious ALL the time...) but that's the beauty of it. It's more about putting a typically boy-targeted character and a grimdark-setting-character next to a character with a light and soft series... The potential for funny arguments is boundless.

Personally, I find 'serious-type character faced with absolutely ridiculous stuff' to be one of the funniest things the PPC has to offer.

Basically, I think it boils down to not being afraid to let your characters look silly sometimes. It sort of goes along with not being Sues. They can be serious, talented, badass, whatever—but the Narrative Laws are there to make them fall on their butts once in a while, and so they should, because they're not perfect. There are some situations that demand a pie in the face, for instance, even if the recipient is a member of the proud and ancient race of the Noldor.

I struggle with this myself, but my strategy has basically been "straight man and fall guy" partnerships. With Nume and Ilraen, we've got Nume as the straight-laced veteran agent and Ilraen the bumbling newbie—and yet, the joke is very often on Nume, since his seriousness sets him up to go down hard when he does take a fall, and Ilraen gets more savvy every mission, enough to be the cause of humor rather than the victim of it every once in a while. That's the idea, anyway. I don't know how well I pull any of it off.

Derik's partner has been a kender. Enough said on that score. In his case, though, I'm trying more to play up his mood swings and general unpredictability for laughs.

A lot of the humor of a PPC mission comes from the badfic, though. The thing is, bad writing is funny. Typos and the effects of clumsy wording and bad logic—the real effects, the ones the writers miss by not checking their work—can be hilarious. One of my favorites right now is Gandalf's "Very relieved am I to know you are very much undead mellon-nin," from "Ring Child." That mission was full of stuff like that. Made our job . . . not easier, really, but definitely worthwhile. *g*

I still struggle with spending too much time in my characters' heads, though. What I like about writing is getting in there and working out what makes them tick, which isn't necessarily interesting to anyone else. *shrug*

Anyway, I don't know how helpful that is, but at the very least you're not alone in tending to a serious writing voice. One good thing to keep in mind is a piece of advice Phobos and I got at our wedding: "Nothing is ever as serious as you think it is."

~Neshomeh

The Law of Narrative Comedy is not meant as a "real" law - it's more like a guideline in the sense of "don't take this stuff too seriously, write your missions and have fun doing so," and there's nothing worse than forced comedy for the sake of comedy, mind you.

So if you're feeling uncomfortable with making a serious character funny, just write them as serious. The fun will pretty much automatically come from putting this serious character into absurd situations they are not used to (i.e. missions), and playing out how this character would react to this nonsense.

And maybe you would like to do co-writes with other Boarders - most of the time, even the most serious character will be funny when partnered up with a total klutz.

And keep reciting the MST3k mantra: it's just a show, you should really just relax!

Good job, surviving life for an entire 23 years.


Have some chocolate?

I wasn't on yesterday - sorry! Have some cake anyway! It's made from fresh, organic ingredients, including:

1 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix.
1 can prepared coconut pecan frosting.
3/4 cup vegetable oil.
4 large eggs.
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips.
3/4 cups butter or margarine.
1&2/3 cups granulated sugar.
2 cups all purpose flour.
Don't forget garnishes such as:
Fish shaped crackers.
Fish shaped candies.
Fish shaped solid waste,
Fish shaped dirt.
Fish shaped ethyl benzene.
Pull and peel licorice..
Fish shaped volatile organic compounds
and sediment shaped sediment.
Candy coated peanut butter pieces, Shaped like fish.
1 cup lemon juice.
Alpha resins.
Unsaturated polyester resin.
Fiberglass surface resins.
And volatile malted milk impoundments.
9 large egg yolks.
12 medium geosynthetic membranes.
1 cup granulated sugar.
An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands'.
2 cups rhubarb, sliced.
2/3 cups granulated rhubarb.
1 tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb.
1 teaspoon grated orange rhubarb.
3 tablespoons rhubarb, on fire.
1 large rhubarb.
1 cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb.
2 tablespoons rhubarb juice.
Adjustable aluminum head positioner.
Slaughter electric needle injector.
Cordless electric needle injector.
Injector needle driver.
Injector needle gun.
Cranial caps.

Here's a link to my favourite birthday song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzXO_5e8oO0

Happy Birthday! ^_^

(That's better!)

*running in late, having just seen this*

Have a sack of pebbles, your very own customised sling, and a basket of Bleeprin-berries!

And may all your birthdays be good. *nod*

Here, have a tray of cupcakes!

Any one want to go laser tagging?

Happy twenty second birthday! :)

Oh my God, you turned twenty two the same day I moved into my college dorm! Awesome! High-fives all around!

I'm twenty-two! Right?!

Well, no. I'm not. Which means the answer must be....YOU!

Happy happy birthday, from all of us to you!
We wish it was our birthday so we could party too!
Happy happy birthday, may all your dreams come true!
Happy happy birthday, from all of us to you!

SO: Yes yes, congratulations, now GET BACK TO WORK.

You live in a zoo!
You look like monkey,
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND,
You smell like one too! ;)

Happy birthday indeed!

I love a party! Drinks all around!

Now where has the rum gone?

(obvious fandom hints are one me)

Ah! *Picks up a bottle of local, HFCS-free soda.

Not exactly rum, I know, but all that stuff tastes like jet-fuel to me. And there's enough for everyone!

Here, have an enchanted knife that only cuts what you want it to. No more worrying about slipping and poking yourself! And here's a Shiny Thing, too!

I don't have any cake-cooking skills, so I bought you a funnel cake instead. It has a metric ton of powdered sugar on top, so enjoy!

Whoo hoo! *blows into party squeaker* Here's a reinforced leather duster as a birthday present.

Have some conga rats!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday! Here, have a Triple Chocolate Birthday Cupcake- chocolate icing on a chocolate cupcake with chocolate chips on top!

And it's not made of lies.

*hands over a wrapped present and puts on a party hat*

That last bit was priceless. "You do realize that I have lungs?" Ha!

The Shrimp definitely comes across as the most intelligent of the spin-off.

Also, co-writing credit goes to EllipsisFlood who is awesome and I totally did not forget about.

Please don't kill me.

The question I have is this: When are we moving on to the voting stage? Or are we delaying due to current events?

I'm terrible at coming up with specific reasons for things, but I think he'd be good at it. Uh... yeah.

This is a pretty huge responsibility. Perhaps if this had come up about a month ago, I would have said something along the lines of "I generally do not mix well with responsibility. Regretfully, I must decline."

Since then, I've had to deal with 14 kids with ODD.

If I can handle them, I'm pretty sure I can handle being a PG.

With that said, I accept the nomination.

Everything I have to say on the matter has probably already been said, but here goes.

I was surprised to see FlareShard nominated so quickly - she only got permission two days ago - but, thinking about it, I think she'd be great for the job. She's clearly a good writer and able to tell good writing from bad, and she's quite active in the community, and always keeps in the spirit of the PPC. She'd have my vote.

Firstly, second for Tranum and Flareshard. They are both steady in chat and good writers. They both also get the spirit of the PPC.

I'd also like to nominate Callista. She has done a lot of work on the wiki in the past. While she has had reservations about getting started writing missions, I believe she does get the spirit of the PPC and she has excellent grammar and writing skills.

For Maslab, he has had a tendency to have bad timing on occasion, that much is true. He does have long experience with moderating a rather fractious video game group, though. He knows the IRC commands inside and out and has been very steady in enforcing the few consequences that our group has in IRC. He is also a daily fixture in IRC, and has been for a very long time, which says that he should continue to be a fixture if he is made a PG. For the I'd be able to vote for him.

For Joe, I am not sure I could second him. He has not been around much, and that is part of why we are wanting to nominate new PGs, so at the basic level it doesn't make much sense to vote in someone who already is not around much.

I am really surprised and flattered by the number of people willing to nominate me. I'm not sure I have as much confidence in me as everyone else seems to have, but I will accept the nomination and will do my best by the community. I really love the PPC, and want it to continue on.

Miah and Tranum(Tray-Gnome?) for me.

First things first. I second Tranum's nomination. He's done some good work and he's got a good grip on how the community works.

Now for the big rant. For some reason I can't really put my finger on, this whole PG selection process has got my dander up. I don't want the PPC to become a source of frustration for me, so I'm gonna vent a little bit. Sorry.

The following is what I'm looking for in a Permission Giver:

Demonstrated Presence on Both the Board and IRC
A Permission Giver that only shows up in the IRC is useless. The opposite - a Boarder who never sets foot in the IRC - is also true. Good PGs should not only be able to fuction in both settings, they should be a regular presence.

Substantive Constructive Criticism
Permission Givers must be harsh but fair judges of writing. There are too many one-line 'That was hilarious!' reviews in the PPC. I know, I've fallen into that trap before. One of the goals of Permission Givers, as the top dogs of our little internet kennel, should be to guide, promote, and improve the works of their peers. They probably should be beta readers, too.

Community Experience
The PPC is its own universe, with its own rules and quirks. I want a Permission Giver who knows those quirks first hand, who has a few missions under her or his belt already. I want to see that they know how to write a good mission.

I hope that didn't come off as too much. Just felt like I needed to get that out there for some outside consideration.

I second the nomination for FlareShard, and add a nomination for Tray-Gnome Tranum. He's quick to joke, slow to anger, and has done very well both on his own and with co-writers so far. And from what he's said in the chat, he's good at dealing with groups of people (reading kids Lovecraft totally counts!), so as long as he doesn't go into shock and/or kill me for nominating him...

(He's a zombie squirrel from Gunnerkrigg Court! What could possibly go wrong?)

I'd like to nominate WarriorJoe and Miah, since I trust them both to be good PGs, at least from what I have experienced from both in the little time I was here now.

----

To the people who are concerned about me as a PG, I can fully understand that - I am still new, and probably still have some emotional baggage and unnecessary defense mechanisms left from the old community I came from (as some in the IRC might have already heard), and I'm still working hard on getting rid of those, since you guys are worth it.

Now I'm not trying to make any excuses, I just want to explain why I'm the way I am now, and I want you to know that I have come to love this place enough to have decided not to leave it behind anytime soon.
This community and the people here got me back into accepting my work for what it's worth, even if I still have a long way to go ahead of me, and that already means a lot to me.

I would have never guessed that I would get Permission this fast, let alone people actually vouching for me to become a Permission Giver (to be honest, I almost fell out of my chair when Neshomeh asked me what I would think of her nominating me), so... wow. Holy carps.

Even people asking me whether I were interested in doing co-writes with them or joining their RPs is something I never expected to happen this fast, and... damn, I'm getting misty-eyed as I write this, it's almost embarrassing. You guys made me feel like a part of something great, and this makes me happy beyond words.

... Thank you. And sorry for that sappy rant.

We've sort of missed explaining how this works (or at least, how it has worked in the past), so before it goes on longer:

Phase one, which we're in, is nominations. Nominees need to at least be seconded to be candidates. This'll go on until there aren't any more new nominations.

Phase two: Nominees must accept or decline their nominations! We can't force the PG Hat on someone who doesn't want it!

Phase three: We vote on those who accept. Assuming we're definitely looking for two new PGs, if there are only two candidates, they've got a pretty good chance of being voted for. {; P Any more than that, everybody gets two votes, and the folks with the most become PGs. This will happen in a new thread to avoid confusion.

Hope that helps!

~Neshomeh

I think everything relevant about Miah's nomination has already been said.

While I can see why people have reservations about FS becoming a Permission Giver, I don't share them. In my opinion a PG needs to have a knowledge of what constitutes good writing (yup), good knowledge what the PPC is about (yup) and the trust of the community. I for one can't think of any reason why we shouldn't trust her.

I don't think the fact that she only recently got Permission should count against her, there's much more to the community than actually having Permission.

((Oh, and in case people wonder how I can say that having not been around much recently: I have been lurking, I just didn't have the time to actively participate! :P))

I would support Miah as a Permission Giver. FlareShard? Eh... no. New blood is all very well and good, but I would prefer someone with more experience within the community.

Seconding the vote for Miah. I can't really say about FlareShard, but I'm leery of giving the PG Hat to anyone who's only just got Permission themselves.

I can't say anything about FlareShard as I just haven't been aroung enough to know. And... how long has Flare been around? My knee-jerk reaction to giving PG status to someone who only just got Permission is negative, largely because lots of people tend to vanish shortly after getting, but if there's enough of an argument...

'cause they're both awesome.

Miah is a really good choice, and FlareShard too! I'll...second? Third? her nomination. Miah has been here a while and is very dependable. FlareShard is new and has a lot of spirit, already has a bunch of co-writes lined up. Good planner, that one. :P

I... fourth? the nomination for Miah.

I can't honestly vote for or against Flare Shard, what with me being gone the whole summer.

Another vote for Miah

My reasoning, since Flare just got Permission herself and is newer than PGs typically are: Well, that. A lot of PGs have faded away, and I'm hoping some fresher blood will last longer. ... God, that sounded creepy. But, yeah. We need some life in the ranks, and Flare is REALLY excited about being part of the community and having Permission. I think she gets what the community is about, and will keep it up for members present and future.

I like Miah for PG because she's active both on the Board and the IRC, she's been around a while, and she's a mom, which gives her a great skill set.

NOTE: Nominees have to accept their nomination before they can be voted in, so everyone knows.

~Neshomeh

... but since I post on here once every blue moon or less, I can't really say who else I'd suggest.

Seconding Miah, and nominating Maslab as well. Dude's proved he's fairly rational most of the time both on the IRC and as an admin in another community.

... I don't really have anything to add. This is weird for me. Um... read lots of different spin-offs?

Yes, that's good advice. Read lots of different spin-offs, including older ones. *nod*

Enjoy!

~Neshomeh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlwDeof1a_s

It is certainly... entertaining to behold.

I like the idea of telling a story in letter format. Have been toying with that idea myself.

I'm not familiar with the fandom and I guess familiarity would help me to place the letters in context. Now it seems all rather disconnected. The main thing that bothers me is that there's no introduction. No "hey Zelda, how've you been? Well, they week I've had..." One letter even starts with "He made a huge sword" and my first question was "he who?" Would Zelda have been reading these letters with such close attention that she would immediately know which he was meant? Would Link assume Zelda would read his letters with such close attention?

Other than that, I think this writing sample looks good (though an ellipses is never followed by a full stop), so good luck on getting permission.

Zach and Dr. Brennan from "Bones" are both Aspies, though only Zach actually has the diagnosis. There's been lots of talk (by the actors) about Dr. Brennan and how she would be diagnosed if the producers let her be--only they don't want to write a show that's about autism. (Somehow, if the main character has that diagnosis, then it's automatically a show about autism. Color me puzzled.) I've heard that Sheldon from "Big Bang Theory" is autistic, but I haven't seen that show.

There are a few books that specifically have an autistic character. "The Speed of Dark" is a near-future sci-fi book with an autistic main character; "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" has a main character who's got Asperger's (but a pretty stereotypical case). Neither one is half-bad (though "The Speed of Dark" will really depress you).

Dean Koontz's "By the Light of the Moon" has an autistic character in it; like the other two main characters, the guy ends up with superpowers. The author handles it in a generally indifferent way, though Koontz has a bad habit of turning his disabled characters "inspirational" through the assumption that disability=bad.

Then there's the bad stuff. "The Secret of Susan", from Baby-Sitters Club, has an autistic savant character who is pretty badly miswritten until she goes to an institution because that's somehow better for her. And Diane Duane's "A Wizard Alone" has a supposedly autistic Darryl McAllister, but the actual disorder is really more of a dissociative disorder, having little in common with autism; and the magic cure doesn't help. Makes me sad, because she usually does her research really well.

...that Parker from the tv series Leverage has at least a mild form of autism, and I know that there's at least one possibly autistic person on the show Alphas. I can't fully verify the latter, as I don't watch the show, but from what I've seen of the character, it makes sense.

Namely that it's so hard to figure out how to write them well, given the huge variety in people suffering with it (though it's certainly not hard to identify when they're being written WRONG).

If you've got some time to read, I remember Diane Duane doing autism fairly well in one of her Young Wizard's series, "A Wizard Alone".

(And if you need some personal accounts of what it's like to have very mild autism/AS, I'm more than willing to offer some, Lab.)

Can I have a link, please? What fandom was it in? Might be interesting.

Anyway, I don't really know. I know there are some canons that have definite mental disability.

If you need something to work with, I suggest you start with a Bioware continuum, because they both do a great job of writing disabled characters. I mean, there's Sandal from Dragon Age, who is really charming in his own way while being massively disabled, and then there's also David Archer from Mass Effect 2's Overlord DLC, a savant who... let's just say that the end of the DLC is really sad because he's involved in something. Oh, and the ME continuum also has Gillian Grayson, though she only appears in the novels for some reason.

...Since in fiction, it's... somewhat ambiguous.

There's a page on TVTtropes about it (but be warned, this site has a tendency to pull you in): http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AmbiguousDisorder?from=Main.AmbiguouslyAutistic

I also believe it's Legendary Badfic. If you do end up sporking it, I'd love to co-write it with you.

Comparing a new Legendary Badfic to arguably the worst Legendary Badfic of them all (or at least tied for the worst) is probably too high a standard. What about comparing it to legolas by laura or My Immortal? By that standard, it fits into the Legendary category very easily.

Cupcakes is uncanon and squick, but it's not all-round unacceptable in the way that My Immortal and C*l*br**n are...

First off, welcome back!

As for "Cupcakes", I read it... and how I wish I hadn't. Sweet Holy Celestia is it ever disturbing!

It's infamous enough t get sequels/spinoffs/alternate endings, too. Some of them aren't too bad... and others continue the horror. (Especially the one where Pinkie Pie looses her remaining marbles. *shudder*)

I saw the FanFic Critic's episode on Cupcakes. All I remember was sitting there whimpering for half the review at all the stuff that was being done out there. It's certainly reprihensible enough, and it's certainly famous enough that I think it does warrant Legendary Badfic status.

In other words, hi there! I don't know who you are, but that's fine, so yeah. Welcome back to the PPC! =D

Here, have some three-part Paul Dukas for the road:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXJxHXe9FeQ&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnt0Va5DLKg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjL0hhx_TU4&feature=related

Hi, have some welcome-back fudge!

I hope you'll have some more time to spend now! See you around!

I brought this up last time this wonderfully horrible topic came up, and think I'll do so again, but louder: I think we could use some rules and responsibilities on the IRC.

Here's what I'd suggest.

Please discuss, and think long and hard about if it's true to the spirit of the PPC. I'll also be bringing this up in the IRC.

Short answer, no. Now obviously, on to the very long answer.


From July's post. Miah, for whatever reason, actively lied about what happened. This wasn't colored or biased perspective. This was an outright lie. She wasn't even saying anything when it actually happened. She wasn't involved. VM was. Artell was asleep. Maslab was going at it just as much as I was.

Miah was also involved with the second chatroom incident- she's the one who, along with Data, created it. To me, this brings up the question of, if she lied here, where else has she lied? This is the sort of person who was just nominated to become a Permission Giver, and I have a huge problem with it.

As anyone who has chatted with me for very long knows, I am very scatterbrained. I have three kids. At the point of this chat, I had an additional five to six neighbor kids that were in my house all the time. I know I was talking to Maslab in another window, attempting to work out with him if there was a way he'd apologize. I don't remember specifically, but I was probably in the main room, secondary room, and other private chats at the same time.


When I was talking about the not leaving off, this is what I was talking about. Short version and if you want more info, Long version . This happened two days prior to the quitting.

As soon as I saw the log that Joe presented here (after it had been posted on the Board), I knew I had been talking about two separate incidents. I also saw (after calming down enough to read the log sensibly) that I was exactly as clear as mud as to that point in that chat. For the not being clear, you have my excuses, and I am sorry that I made that mistake.

However, this part of my involvement could have been resolved long before this was posted on the Board, by showing me this log and asking me about it.

I find that incredibly disappointing.

I thought this community was better than that.

Firstly, I'd like to say why I love the IRC.

To explain this, I have to share one of my most painful formative experiences. When I was about fifteen, I read somewhere that if you were in a group of people, and you started a story, then the natural flow of conversation went away from your story and no one asked you to continue then you were talking too much--butting in on group dynamics. Basically that your contribution at the time was not a valued and wanted thing. You should stop right there and try again later.

I started paying attention. I stopped going on when no one asked me to continue. No one asked me to continue. For the rest of high school, not even my parents, sister, and other family members. I went to college and got the same thing. On into work life. More of the same. Nothing I have to say has ever been important enough to matter enough to anyone for them to make a point of going back in the conversation and ask me to continue.

I love the IRC, because people actually ask me to go on. They say they like my stories. People like the PPC stories I write. Before this debacle, there were more than a dozen people that thought highly enough of me to nominate me as being in what passes as authority in the PPC. When I said I was surprised and flattered, that was absolutely genuine. I am not used to being anything other than a barely tolerated hanger-on.



From July's post: This clique includes- but is not limited to- Maslab, Miah, HerrWozzeck, Aster, and Data.

Miah and Data set up the private secondary chatroom. Maslab regularly flouts the spirit of the PPC’s rules and will, when it’s brought up, ask what rules he has broken and continue being a berk with the insistence that he has done nothing wrong.

Miah set up the chatroom, and did that lying thing. She isn’t actively engaged in starting drama, but she has helped it by encouraging the cliquish behavior that’s made it turn into a ‘Boo July’ fest with a lot of people.

Read this. Really read it. Read the logs from #PPC2. Not just the relevant bits. All of them. Make your own decision about my having turned anything into a 'Boo July' fest.



I have people within the PPC that I am more friendly with than others. My best friend in the PPC is Caddy-shack (who isn't even on the clique list). EllipsisFlood, Flareshard, Data, Maslab, Tray-Gnome, Doctorlit, Pretzel, DML, VM, Dann, and HerrWozzeck are all pretty high on the list. Aster, PoorCynic, DigitalSocrates, Pieguy, Gaijinguy, Hawkelf, Blayze, RosieAzRael, MaxInsanity, WikiMaster, NordRonnoc, Phobos, Neshomeh, Makari, and anyone else who comes to chat, but I haven't had quite as much interaction with are a bit lower on the list, but still higher than people I've never directly talked to.

This place means a lot to me. Probably a lot more than an Internet group should mean. Yes, I am friends with some people to the point that I consider them more than just a fellow sporker. I think it is great when people make connections with others.

Do we really want to start calling anyone who is friendly within the PPC a clique?

To my knowledge, I never said in #PPC2 that the purpose was to exclude July, because I didn't like her. I have read through all of the logs presented here nothing I said in these contradicts my reasons for starting #PPC2. I repeatedly stated that it was to escape drama. The worst day, as far as my comments go, was during the cursing conversation, and it is noted in the log that I did eventually speak up over the things being said in #PPC2 in the main room.

Here are the relevant bits from the presented logs of #PPC2. Things I said in #PPC2 If you think I am leaving things out of this post, please read the entirety of the logs that were presented. I am not trying to hide anything by pulling these relevant bits out.

Here is a record of what I had to say about the creation of #PPC2, back when it was first brought up. original apology

If anyone does find anything offensive in other logs that surface that I said in snide comment mode, then I am sorry.

There is an apology that I need to make. But first, a confession. I have a side of me that I normally keep under strict wraps. Lately, I haven't been doing that. I got too comfortable and forgot that not everyone (or anyone, really) likes to hear these things.

I am a snide comment-maker. It's not something I am particularly proud of. I do it in RL, too. For instance, if I saw this, then I'd definitely be thinking something rude (did style go right over his head?). If someone was with me, then as soon as I was out of earshot, I'd be saying it. In certain settings, this kind of behavior is acceptable. For instance, in mocking badfic.

What is not acceptable is that I have been taking my bad days and thinking (and sometimes saying) snide things about people that I think of as friends. I will be doing my best to not give voice to these things again, but if anyone does see me doing it anywhere--main room, second room, private chat--give me a smack and remind me that that is not okay.

So to anyone that I have made listen to me make snide comments, and to anyone that I have said anything about, I am sorry. At this point all I can do is humbly beg your forgiveness and make every effort to not let it happen again.

So, two things. Part the Beginning, as long as we're all coming clean here, I've apologies to make as well.

To everyone who's ever been in the IRC quietly going "...is she done yet?" while I rant on, and on, and on, about Fair Trade, or sexism, or politics, or international issues, or religious strife, or whatever else I happen to be going on about. I know I come off really strong sometimes, and I know there's little that's more obnoxious than listening to someone soapbox on and on about an issue when you came somewhere to relax. I really will try to work on that; you guys shouldn't have to invent another channel just to get away from Srs Bsns Rants.

Aaaand to everyone who's feelings I hurt, toes I stepped on, explanations I didn't listen to, arguments I shouted down, issues I shrugged off, questions I ignored, and llamas I shaved. The PPC should never be an absolutist place, it should never have a hierarchy, and no one should ever have to keep their mouth shut because they're afraid of getting kicked for voicing an opinion. We're supposed to be a gleeful anarchy, and that only works if we all respect each other's voices. Saying that LotR sucks may get you an argument, but it should never get you a kick - that's in the Constitution too, I believe. Saying that you disagree with the level of swearing permitted in the room should also not be a reason to fear; everyone has a right to voice concerns, as long as they're voiced civilly and respectfully. That's what we're about here, and I do sincerely apologize for the part I played in harming that spirit and environment.

So. I'm very sorry for the issues I've caused and been a part of, and I will try to work on that in the future. That said-- if I slip back into old habits, if I step on your toes or hurt your feelings or shave your llama, please, please tell me. If I'm not listening, kick me or something. Or pm me with a reminder of this post, or anything like that. I'd so much rather know what I'm doing wrong than go on being a jerk, really.

Part the Second!

It seems like everyone here's sort of in agreement that more self-moderation and respect and thoughtfulness and humor is a good thing. So... with that agreed on, with all of us responsible people and friendlyish as well, can we agree to bury the hatchet over this, and go on about our daily business of writing silly things and poking at the stupid in the world, both serious and silly, and leave the drama all behind us?

I'll shake hands if you will.

And by 'Some people' I mean everybody. I've been constantly saying that nothing is wrong, that July was the root of all of our problems in the IRC, etc. because I didn't know any better. Yeah, I'm probably in the IRC more often than anyone else (or was before I got a job), but I'm rarely actually paying attention, and due to my sleep schedule I have periods where I sleep for an entire day. Usually that's when the Bad Things happen, meaning I'm rarely there and only hear about it second or third hand.

What I'm getting at here is that, until July posted her report and the logs, I had no idea just how bad certain things were. So, I would really like to apologize, because I feel terrible about potentially misleading people, or even seeming like I was trying to mislead people, through my own ignorance.

I would also like to apologize to July for all the times I was an ass to her. Especially that time I called her a bitch (even though no one, including her, seemed to disapprove of that, it was out of proportion for what she'd done). I have, for a while, been working under the assumption that she was intentionally starting the arguments I saw, an idea that was only furthered by the fact that the only times I ever saw arguments when she wasn't around, they were about her. Even so, I never meant to offend or exclude anybody with the back-up channel. Though I never said it explicitly until after things had blown up, the reason I hadn't mentioned #PPC2 at the time was that I was waiting until me and Miah had set up some actual rules. I'm not sure if any of the others actually wanted to make the channel public, but I'm going to avoid making any assumptions about the motives of others if I can now.

I'm sure there's more that I need to say, but I figure that can be saved for the IRC. I'm probably not going to show my face around the board for a while until it stops resembling a beet.

I'm not sure what to say, beyond hoping that this ends with minimal drama and the goodwill of board members towards each other intact. I was thinking about coming back, because of my memories of the community, but now I'm not so sure.

I hope this is resolved as quickly and as well as it can.

This post is to explain the context of Huinesoron's post.

I am linking this with the support of most of the current active Permission Givers. This is twelve pages long, six thousand words, and does not include the word count of the various chat logs within.

The second is a zip of logs from the second chatroom.

I don't know if I can phrase this so that it comes across the way I want it to, but I'm going to try.

This post really blindsided me. Not just me, a lot of people from the chat. I was afraid to log in and find out what had happened now.


The chat has been peaceful lately. The few times I have heard someone say 'this is offending me' and someone tried to continue it, the group leaned on the person and they quit. To me, this is the consequence system outlined earlier in the year working the way it should work. This is a large group. People naturally get touchy at times over topics that they are particularly sensitive to. The IRC moves very, very fast. This entire conversation wouldn't amount to maybe twenty minutes of IRC posts. When things move that fast it is very easy to get misunderstandings, say things that others take the wrong way, etc. It is easy to be typing up a response, hit enter to send and then realize that seven other posts have been made and now your's is out of context or is late and continuing something. I am not trying to justify meanness, but I really haven't seen any intentional meanness lately. I have seen the leaning system stop things before they blow up.

I haven't been on IRC quite as much the last few weeks since school started, but I did check with the regulars, and they confirmed that nothing major has happened. I'm just not sure what bringing this up so forcefully, if it is indeed based mostly on what was happening a few months ago, really means. I suspect most, if not all, of the people involved in (or present for )making the IRC a drama filled pit of torture feel badly about it. The IRC has only recently begun to have the same kind of feel of comraderie that it had this time last year. Everyone has been tiptoeing around everyone else to the point that people have been afraid to have any discussions that don't somehow involve kittens for a long time.

Somehow, rightly or not, I seem to have become a person that people often ask to help resolve conflicts. I really do love the PPC--the fun, goof-off, impromptu role-play, Arrgggh! this fic annoys me!, lookit at what I wrote!, Please, tell me about your day--I actually want to know, grammar guru, story guiding, accepting or differences, fun (again for emphasis) place that it typically is.

If there is a major problem still brewing under the surface, I'd really like to know. Before I can intelligently address this issue, whether on the Board or in my own mind, then I need more information. Generalizing is good for avoiding naming names, but I am confused on identifying the causes from the symptoms with this list.

Uh... looks like a lot happened while I was gone.

*heads off to read constitution*

Why don't we just axe the IRC entirely? It seems to do us absolutely no good. All we really get out of it is drama like this and people being at each other's throats.

I completely agree, and I'm sorry you were dragged away from your wife and child to deal with this crap.

That said, I want to address something Aster said down the thread:

I just see this thread happening, people being like 'OK, we're sorry...' and then months later, the exact same thing happens again because really nothing has changed...

You don't even need to speculate to know that the people who are doing this are going to apologize and then go back to doing exactly what they have been doing. Just look at the history. It happened last time. And it happened a whole lot faster than months. Last time it was weeks, if not days.

But a fair portion of the blame for this falls to the community as a whole. We aren't speaking up and telling these people to stop being dicks. On the rare occasion that someone does speak up, they are essentially told that they are making something out of nothing and that they need to stop.

Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm sick and tired of people with legitimate concerns being told to go sit in the corner while people continue to disrespect each other. I am calling for everyone to stand up when people are being disrespectful and not back down when the people responsible for the problem push back.

I'm going to start putting my money where my mouth is. I invite you all to join me.

... but seriously, people, don't be jerks.

You mean 'Be nice! Treat everyone with respect! Respect other people's opinions' is actually meant to be read literally?

Darn. I was really thinking it was sort of, you know, symbolic and metaphorical. I just don't know where to go from here. :(

Seriously, y'all. The PPC community is kind by design, not by weakness. If you want to be petty and mean, and you don't care if you offend other people, feel free to express those urges . . . elsewhere. No-one can stop you from rolling around in the mud, but you aren't welcome to drag the name of the PPC with you.

- Kaitlyn, wearing a turnip in lieu of a hat

I sort of came late to the party, it seems. Despite being possibly the only person that spends approximately 99% of his time online in the IRC, since July left I've only noticed maybe two spots of drama about two or three weeks after that, both related to the circumstances of her departure from the PPC, but after that? Nothing. Pretty much everyone gets along, and those that don't are at least civil, as far as I've seen. For me, at least, the IRC has a sense of camaraderie that the Board doesn't.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not entirely certain where this is coming from, unless it's referring to July leaving, which happened a while back, so if that's it I'm sort of confused as to why it's coming up now.

I'm on a weekend vacation and I come back to see report that the IRC is being a hive of scum and villainy just when I thought a huge debacle was just settling as over and done with... what happened?

What has the IRC done now to get aggro from hS, who is a cool and intelligent person (as much as I have met the guy... wish I could see him around more...) and not at all easily made mad? What have I missed?

Maybe I could take a crack at one. Or some.

...also, I'm pretty sure The Swan Princess *technically* isn't a Disney movie...

Blatant mischaracterization of the canonical characters, copy-pasted scenes and lines (and songs!) from the original film, plus a talking Neoshadow? *makes a noise partway between disgust and rage* Yeah, I'd argue that this would probably qualify as badfic.

What exactly is the IRC?
Can I have a link to it?

Could you please post under hS's post instead? If I'm not mistaken, this falls under the category of "things that might help the IRC become a better place". It would be good to have all these suggestions in one location so they don't get lost.

Data, maybe you could start a sub-thread of suggestions?

Thanks!

Araeph

P.S. Official recognition would be nice. :)

Yep, I was one of the people who was talking about it. And I think it'd be a cool idea. I like the idea of being able to go to another channel when one was overstuffed or people were talking about something heavy when you had just had a hard day and wanted to relax.

WELP, I just threw up in my mouth a little. Yes, this fic is disgusting.

As antidote.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7336700/1/The_Kitten_in_the_Cap

'Cause I thought it was hilarious. Definitely badfic, mind you—the canon shatters when Elrond admits to having multiple partners and cheating on Celebrian—but the writing is just so over the top and ridiculous. It's the best kind of badfic.

~Neshomeh

I have some *ahem* fetishes myself... but I also believe in these types of things making //sense//.

If it's open to sporking, maybe I could take a crack at it.

What? What is this madness? What? I ... What?

I ... I'm speechless.

*Kneels* Sweet God-Emperor, forgive me of my sins and remember that I am just...

Oh, what the heck, someone analyse and call down Exterminatus on this ... I'm not sure what to call this.

My brain just made a funny little "fert" noise. Good Gods.

I've seen that one before. /shudder/. I'm sorry you had to witness such horror.

The fanfic disappeared. I don;t know if I should be happy for not having to look at that again or sad because I didn't spork it. Oh well.

It can be argued that they already made Illidan act like a moron in canon, if one plays Burning Crusade after beating Warcraft III... >n>

I can imagine the horde and alliance leaders not killing each other on sight (though now that Garrosh is there, he may like, need to be muzzled or something) but the Scourge and the burning legion leaders... ASDFGHJK... DX

*PPCers break into laughter*

Well, tellin' ye the truth, I am not the honourable William Turner. Ne'ertheless, I see rocky shoals ahead! Hard to starboard, ye bonny lads!

Talking like pirates is all right with me!

Why is it that I be uninformed o' this? Sounds right up me ally. Me mateys'll be right stressed now. I pride me self on spinnin' many a phrase as a sea dog.

Fifteen men on a dead man's chest, yo ho ho and a bottle o' rum...

That's all I know. Where's google translate when you need it?

Nahar, I can't believe this completely slipped me mind! I be a terrible excuse fer a pirate.

I better do somthin' about that!

*breaks out the Bleeprum and a parrot*

♪Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We pillage and plunder, we rifle and loot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We extort and pilfer, we filch and sack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
Maraud and embezzle and even highjack.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
We burn up the city, we're really a fright!
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villians and knaves.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.

We're beggars and blighters and ne'er-do-well cads,
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.
Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads!
Drink up me hearties, yo ho.♪

Thanks for permission! I'll get to work soon.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you!
*Gives hugs and cookies and chocolate and stuff like that to show his appriciation

Why? Because he's awesome. He's definitely half insane (at minimum) and he has a really funny way of doing stuff.

Because I like the cut of his jib!

I'm surprised Architeuthis hasn't been Agent of the Week before.

Why I'm nominating her: Architeuthis is the quintessential Intelligence agent. In her heyday, she boldly went into uncharted fanfic, where no agent had gone before, and brought back fair reports, whether the results were good or bad. She also had a conversation about Sues with the Witch-King and lived to tell the tale.

~Neshomeh

I know it's supposed to be a dysfunctional love song, but to me, this song represents the fact that the Word Worlds need to really on the most dysfunctional guardians of all time. There's also a fair amount of our wild, fun partying spirit in there, as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cih0btgJw8s&feature=related

Friday night I crashed your party
Saturday I said I'm sorry
Sunday came and trashed me out again
I was only having fun
Wasn't hurting anyone
And we all enjoyed the weekend for a change

I've been stranded in the combat zone
I walked through Bedford Stuy alone
Even rode my motorcycle in the rain
And you told me not to drive
But I made it home alive
So you said that only proves that I'm insane

You may be right
I may be crazy
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for
Turn out the light
Don't try to save me
You may be wrong for all I know
But you may be right

Remember how I found you there
Alone in your electric chair
I told you dirty jokes until you smiled
You were lonely for a man
I said take me as I am
'Cause you might enjoy some madness for awhile

Now think of all the years you tried to
Find someone to satisfy you
I might be as crazy as you say
If I'm crazy then it's true
That it's all because of you
And you wouldn't want me any other way

You may be right
I may be crazy
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for
It's too late to fight
It's too late to change me
You may be wrong for all I know
But you may be right

You may be right
I may be crazy
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for
Turn out the light
Don't try to save me
You may be wrong for all I know
But you may be right
You may be wrong but you may be right

"Rich Fantasy Lives" by Tom Smith and Rob Balder has always reminded me of all the people I know in the community.

For those curious, the lyrics:
That waitress at Pete's who took so long to seat you,
And left you to stand in the doorway,
With her stringy red hair and her thousand-yard stare,
In her mind, she's the Princess of Norway.

As she takes down your order, she's crossing the fjord, her
White stallion spits foam like a madman.
Many Vikings have died trying to take her as bride,
But her heart is reserved for a bad man.

Rich fantasy lives.
Somehow she survives in a world she contrives.
Inhibited husbands and frustrated wives
Lead rich fantasy lives.

That guy from IT ressurects your PC
With a boredom he barely suppresses.
Though he rarely converses, he has more universes
In his head than you've got addresses.

He wargames through weekends, leads armies and legions.
He doesn't care how well you putted.
He's browsing reality's infinite palette, he's
Seen yours, and yours doesn't cut it.

Rich fantasy lives.
He quietly thrives in a world he contrives.
Techno-drone insects in cubicle hives
Lead rich fantasy lives.

We're piling up fears, but we're out of frontiers.
Some need to escape, but there's nowhere.
Can't go to the Moon, at least any time soon,
But an inner-space trip costs you no fare.

So don't be unkind to a wandering mind,
Just say it again if we missed it.
Some whispering poem was calling us home
To a place we know never existed.

Rich fantasy lives.
Our peace-bonded knives and our hyperspace drives.
Until that steam engine to Hogwarts arrives,
We have rich fantasy lives.

Rich fantasy lives.
Our quests and our tribes and our Babylon Fives.
Until something better than this world arrives,
We'll lead rich fantasy lives.
Rich fantasy lives.

Just because it's awesome... Also, because the PPC has a knack for getting itself into battles against nigh-impossible odds. (Hey, some of those Mary Sues are absurdly overpowered...)

"Without A Fight"

Lyrics:

[Music begins]
WHOOOOOOOOO!

Wake up, our life is calling!
We're smoke, but not a fire!
Give us a sign that we're alive!

Snap out of indecision!
Have we been hypnotized
To think that everything's alright?

(The clock is counting down)
The clock is counting down…
(The seconds tick away)
The seconds tick away!!!

This is our time,
Without a doubt!
Time to ignite!
We're not going down
(Without a fight)
This is our time,
Get up off the ground!
Take what is mine!
We're not going down
Without a fight!

Let's go, the curtain's opened!
Get this show on the road!
I want to feel my heart explode!

No more procrastination,
Dragging my feet below!
Now I want everyone to know!

(The clock is counting down)
The clock is counting down…
(The seconds tick away)
The seconds tick away!!!

This is our time
Without a doubt
Time to ignite
We're not going down
(Without a fight)
This is our time
Get up off the ground
Take what is mine
We're not going down
Without a fight

YEAH
COME ON
COME ON
COME ON

COME ON
COME ON
COME ON

We must pick up the pace!
No time to play it safe!
Before you know it's much too late!

This is our time,
Without a doubt!
Time to ignite!
We're not going down
(Without a fight)
This is our time,
Get up off the ground!
Take what is mine!
We're not going down
Without a fight

FIGHT (16x)
WOO HOO!

Kinda weird, but I think Chameleon Circuit's "Exterminate, Regenerate," though quite clearly a Doctor Who song, shows much the same idea between the PPC and Sues as between the Doctor and the Daleks. (I also love, love love the song. Yes I'm a total geek.)

It's been such a long time since I met you back on Skaro
And I'm pretty sure that you know
That not much has changed since then
It doesn't matter how hard you try to remove me
I think you will agree
That if one of us dies, then the other will too
I am locked in war with you

Exterminate, Regenerate
I thought you always knew our fate
To just keep fighting on and on
While time keeps turning
Regenerate, Exterminate
And even though we are the same
Why don't you hop into your ship
And leave me burning

Even though, as men, we have our contrasts
We're of exactly the same class
And our constant companion is death
Look at you, fashioning people into weapons
How can you say that you're better than me?
We both carry the fire, that is set to devour life

We both carry the fire, that has the power to end life
But what I do with that flame is what separates our types
If it takes till the end of reality to beat you
Then I'll be sure to meet you, at the exit of the world

Exterminate, Regenerate
You know that it isn't too late
To end what seems impossible
And leave time turning
Regenerate, Exterminate
And even though we aren't the same
Why don't you hop into my ship
And we can settle this
And we can settle this

And we can settle this, forever
Yeah we can travel time, together
We can settle this, forever

For some reason, the Kids Next Door opening theme. Here's the link, if you're curious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UpRm8_P_gU

I recall a comment on deviantART that compared the PPC to the KND, for various reasons, such as bizzare things going on, explainations that really don't make sense in real life, etc.

Ain't No Rest for the Wicked by Cage the Elephant. It just seems to fit. Plus, it sounds like the kind of song one would kick a** to!

would be this: The Bard's Song - In The Forest by Blind Guardian.

It basically says that as long as there are people to sing the songs of heroic deeds the deeds will never be forgotten, in the same way that we who sing (or rather, write missions) about the Agents' battle against badfic. It's a little bit melancholy, but it's got a good note of hope in it too, and it's pretty darn beautiful to listen to.

I personally like Working Man, by Rush.

The subject of the song is pretty much about people working so hard they have no free time. So it seems pretty appropriate to me.

Well I get up at seven, yeah
And I go to work at nine
I got no time for livin' yeah
I'm workin all the time.

It seems to me
I could live my life
A lot better than I think I am
I guess that's why they call me,
They call me the working man.

They call me the working man
I guess that's what I am

I get home at five o'clock
And I take myself out a nice cold beer
Always seem to be wonderin
Why there's nothin' goin' down here.

It seems to me
I could live my life
A lot better than I think I am
I guess that's why they call me,
The workin' man

Well, there's a couple I associate with characters, but one I've always felt would go really well for some kind of PPC music video was "Face Down" by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. The song itself is about spousal abuse (and the implied consequences that follow against the abuser), but it's not that big of a leap of imagination for it to be about canon abuse (...and, the implied consequences).

Here's a few that never fail to put me in mind of the PPC.

My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson

Hold off on the knee-jerk 'modern pop music sucks' reaction, at least for a moment. I personally think that the lyrics are very telling of a typical PPC partner relationship.

I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too
Either way I found out
I'm nothing without you

'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You've got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you

Still Alive - Lisa Miskovsky

No, NOT the GLADoS one! This is a completely different song (although it did come from a video game.) It's hard to describe what makes this feel like the PPC to me. I just always picture that brief moment of calm every agent has in between missions when I listen to it.

You have changed
I have changed
Just like you
Just like you

For how long
For how long
Must I wait
I know there's something wrong[...]

No shadows
Just red lights
Now I'm here to rescue you

Oh I'm still alive
I'm still alive and
I can't apologise, no

Raise Your Glass - P!nk

Whatever reputation I had here, I must be torpedoing it right now with all these fairly mainstream pop songs. Still, I can't let this opportunity go by without mentioning Raise Your Glass.

The PPC is never going to truly 'win.' As long as there are fantastic fictional worlds, there will be badfic. Agents are typically outnumbered, outgunned, and in danger of completely losing their minds. They are the eternal longshots, and this song is perfect for that.

Slam, slam, oh hot d*mn
What part of party don't you understand
Wish you'd just freak out
(Freak out already)

Can't stop, coming in hot
I should be locked up right on the spot
It's so on right now
(It's so f*cking on right now)[...]

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs
We will never be, never be
Anything but loud and nitty gritty
Dirty little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass

Sam and Max: The Office - scored by Jared Emerson-Johnson

My final song is an instrumental piece from the Sam and Max series by Telltale Games. It's a noir-ish jazz piece that puts in mind of a pair of beleaguered agents returning back to their RC after a long stretch of missions. You can listen to it at this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOLjrZCGPrg

The title pretty much says it all, doesn't it? The lyrics are not linear at all, but the bits I can make sense of struck a chord with me the first time I heard it, and it became the centerpiece of my Nume and Ilraen soundtrack:

Mission - Dispatch

Let it be known, to all your misbelievin'
What you've been seein'
That we will not stand
Will not be mistaken
We will go there leave this weakness
Can't take this from me
We will go there leave this weakness
I have been waiting

Lo we are not so we're on a mission
Lo we are not so we're on a mission
Lo we are not so we're on a mission
Lo we are not so we're on a mission
To be so well
Oh well
The way I see

Said he goes
He goes down missin'
Down, down
There'll be no talk of turnin' back yeah
Damn this, damn that
There'll be no talk
That we will fly sometimes
We will find our own way
We will fly sometimes
We will find our own

chorus

We are not so
We are not given
We are not sold on what we have seen
We are not so
We are not given
We are not sold on what we have seen

We're gone we're gone
Good-bye we ain't never comin' back now
We're gone we're gone
The list is long we are many strong
The ceilings are coming down

Lo we are not so we're on a mission
Lo we are not so we're on a mission
Lo we are not so we're on a mission
Lo we are not so we're on a mission

What does it mean? It means we're not impressed with the BS out there, we're not alone, we've got a job to do, and so help us, we'll do it together. At least, that's what I think.

Dispatch rocks, by the way. You've probably heard of another of their songs, The General. That one doesn't work for the PPC, but it's a great message for the real world.

~Neshomeh

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mr49qtnGYfw

The feel of "Fish Custard" just seems right for the PPC.