May 2011 Archive, part c

I've made the page! Of course, being rather new (and it being 11:30 at night) it'll probably need some revision. It's under the article title of "Hetalia", but should that be changed to one of the full titles (like Axis Powers Hetalia)? Also, any added information/improvements, especially in the area of bad fanfiction (which right now has no designated area) would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

-Kitty's Muse

I didn't find any Knight Rider badfic yet, but in case this happens, how are we supposed to neuralyze KITT?

Being an AI, he is immune to neuralyzers. Are we supposed to wipe his memory banks with an hacking program or something?

The consensus as I understood it was "not all anthropomorphic personifications are created equal," so some can be neuralyzed. In the case of countries, they can be said to forget, so therefore their personifications can, too.

Also, back in they day they didn't use neuralyzers all that much anyway, so there's always "the canon just snaps everything back to normal" to fall back on.

As for the wiki, please see this section of the front page for information about how to help out.

~Neshomeh

I sure hope we can. I have a few Hetalia badfics on my extermination list I'd really like to get to...

Well, "No one knoweth the day or the hour..." and people in the past have stuffed this '20-whatever prediction' up before, so why would we be sucked into this without hard proof ... again?

*Sigh* I do wonder...

One of my brother's friends claims that this guy's predicted the end of the world twice before this, and he was wrong(obviously), so he doesn't seem very credible.

Only a silly person would say such nonsense.

I think the Rapture's nonsense. So is 2012. Whenever someone says "Oh the world is going to end on/in such-and-such," I just say "No man knows the day or the hour" and sleep in peace.

Given that I'm a syncretistic abomination and a heretic to boot, though, I doubt that means much.

:P

That's my opinion, anyway.
Everyone- who doesn't believe in the Rapture, anyway- keeps going on about how the Mayan Calender ends in 2012 and that's when the world will end.
No one seems to realize that, well, the Mayans had to stop their calender SOMETIME, to just keep going on forever would take...well, forever. They probably came to that conclusion and thought, "Screw this, I'm not spending the rest of my life making a calender that will never end."
They couldn't have just kept going, the Mayan Calender isn't like the Gregorian one with specific months and specific days in a month.
Anyway, about the Rapture- Pfft. No offense to any possible religious boarders, but I find this so ridiculous that it's hilarious. The radio station that I listen to cracked a joke on how they were planning to go fishing today, and with their luck, they'd start floating away JUST as they were about to catch a huge fish. On the same station, one caller said "Ooh, we can offer meals! 'Last meal on Earth, you'll never get another chance like it! $100 for a burger and some fries!'"
This is almost so funny that it's sad, though. There was an article in the paper about a nurse who quit her well-paying job and sold her house so that there'd be nothing to chain her down to earth when the Rapture occurred. I mean, you have to feel bad for those people. Come Monday- Sunday, even- they'll look around and say to themselves, "Well, I didn't go to heaven. What the heck do I do now?"

Anyways, I'm going pre-Rapture looting now, anyone want to join me?

<sub>Joking, joking. Heh.

You should hope so, anyway. /steals your food</sub>

Well, at least the posts on the fan community on Livejournal that I tend to visit a good deal. They were posting some stuff with the added "since the world is ending tomorrow". I thought they had just pulled it out of thin air. Now I know they pulled it from Harold Camping. XD

Along with the whole "No one actually knows when it'll happen" I'd like to add that it doesn't say who will be raised into Heaven and who will be left on Earth. For all we know all the evil people could be risen and the rest would be Left Behind (aren't I so clever?). Besides, I don't think being risen up at the beginning has anything to do with the judgement at the end of the world's end, so that could indeed be the case.

Americans can be so silly/easily fooled. Perhaps it's because (in this case at least) they fear not knowing what's going to happen in their futures?

I'm paranoid enough as it is, I DON'T NEED THIS.

Besides, only GOD is supposed to know when the end happens, right? What the hell makes people think they can do His job?!?

(Sorry for ranting, I'm just SO sick and tired of this, I mean, 2012 being referred to as the end is bad enough...)

Though if the day passes and nothing hapens... is it wrong for me to want to point and laugh at the idiots? I sure hope this guy looses all credibility afterwards...

when the big serpent Jörmungandr raises to kill Thor :D. But I think this prophecy was about the beginning of the end, with exactly the same meaning of the white buffalo that was born in 1994, for a tribe in North America which I can't recall the name.

Well, the world will end sometime, but I don't expect it to be now. December 2012 makes much more sense, since the US presidential elections, which is promising to be the craziest in a very long time, if not ever, will just have taken place. What I don't get is why these people think that they're going to be right this time when prophecies like this have such a terrible track record. And no, America isn't to blame, since people have been predicting the end of times just about since the beginning of our existence.

Anyway, in case the Christians get taken to heaven tonight and the rest of us are left on the Earth, immersed in despair, I'll say right now that you guys are awesome, and I'm going to post my first mission today so I can be sure I did it before the end of the world. No use taking chances. ;)

He first predicted the world would end in 1994, but that (obviously) didn't happen, and so here we are again, listening to His Holy Nonsense.

There are plenty of people proclaiming 'the end of the world is nigh' et cetera. It's only because this guy has some money to pay for advertising that we're all subjected to his predictions.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but all the Christians I know share my opinions, as I feel do most!

...is that there are so damn many of them it's almost virtually guaranteed that the next big one isn't actually going to happen. There was a whole Penn and Teller's "Bullshit" episode about end of the world prophecies, and I remember this one part where Teller was tossing all these index cards detailing all the predictions of the end of the world. There were a LOT of 'em, and you'd be shocked how many of them came before this century.

Now, if only I could actually FIND that clip, that would make my life easier.

It's why I really don't buy into the whole "Rapture" thing.

But hey, it's good for people who want to set up ridiculously sappy (and contradictory when you stop to think about it) stuff like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OySl4D7S4U&amp;feature=player_embedded

Also, it's good for the mass media to distract us all from the debt ceiling. Hell, the Boston Phoenix's edition right now is going on and on about Rapture, but from the captions on the cover, I think they're grilling it alive in the actual issue. I wouldn't know because I've never actually read Boston Phoenix, but given their history I wouldn't be surprised if they did grill Rapture and this Harold Camping schmuck alive. (One issue I remember from the mid-term elections had a cover of Tea Party darlings Sarah Palin and Christine O'Donnell in a soft-core drawing of them engaging in lesbian bondage sex while performing some kind of witchcraft ritual. No, I kid you not.)

So yeah, I don't buy into it.

and raise Garrison Keilor, 2004.

http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/programs/2004/05/01/scripts/mystery.shtml

So, as I said on Facebook, if I don't see you guys after tonight, so long and thanks for all the fish. ^_~

~Neshomeh

All those minis, and completely changing the whole story just to keep Anakin good and Padmé alive...Like Elena said, sometimes bad things need to happen to characters we like in order for the story to progress.

You know a fic is bad when their prologues are shorter than the length of the post needed to talk about your first mission.

But yeah, this was a hilarious sporking. I love the dynamic between Elena and Kath in this first mission, because it's so much fun. Also, Kath seems to be getting really, really angry all the time. So I expect you to use that!

Fun times are had all around.

I still like how you include advice on how to avoid the mistakes made in the story at the end of your missions.

I saw a couple of typos.

much better off in the save (safe) and strong arms of Sheppard."

McKay and the Sue were rescued and during a scene brak (break)

Otherwise, I liked their banter this time around.

I liked the dialogue at the end, with the Sue responding to her accusations, and the agents rebutting. It was a good way to add more details about the problems in the abuse backstory, and also to make the Sue unwittingly admit to being an outsider to the 'verse. It wouldn't work in every mission, but I liked it here.

Well met, rookie! Please enjoy this tasty health-granting sandvich as a welcoming gift.

You hungry? Because I got some food and water for you!

Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it here.

Enjoy this weird-colored sculp!

And another hello. I'm even newer than you are, but here's a red earthenware teapot and a miniature sewing kit!

Don't feed it Sues or Stus.

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

Welcome to the board. Have an awesome-laced cookie.

Here, have a Dramatic Longcoat. It will flutter dramatically when you need it to, even if there is no wind!

Welcome to the Board! Here have some chocolaste, and please enjoy your stay!

By the way, what fandoms are you into?

Welcome, new friend! Have a set of giant punctuation marks! Excellent for use in giant sentences. Or just knocking over Sues.

It's great to have a new guy here, so welcome to the PPC!

Here, have some Boulez for the road:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhcZM7cFy_c

Hi, newbie! Have a pet platypus.

Welcome to the Board! It's been far too long since I welcomed a newbie! Glad to have you here.

I hereby present you with a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object. Very good for distracting Sues. :D

Ooh, and what fandoms do you cover?

Hai! ^_^

Have an Oracle Pigeon and this spork.

One is an incredibly powerful entity, capable of altering reality in unpredictable ways... and the other is a bird with a silly name.

Thank you for the warm welcomes ^^ I'm sure I'll fit right in.

One question, do you have to go through the entire Permission routine for every mission you do, or not?

Hello fellow new(ish) person! Here's a pair of socks useful for any situation, whether it's just that you need something to wear or a projectile weapon for surprise situations. They make great hand puppets too!

Allow me to bestow upon you a Frying Pan of Doom^TM and a plushie Companion Cube as your first newbie gifts

Hi, have some fudge!

Hi New, I'm Meta! Sorry, couldn't resist. Welcome to the board, have a leather bound copy of the missions of Jay and Acacia.

Well met, rookie! Please enjoy this bulletproof clipboard as a welcoming gift.

Welcome over here! Snacks and water for you!

Welcome, new friend! Have a hitchhiking ghost! It will haunt you until you return.

You're all awesome. I forgot some fandoms on my earlier post (and will probably forget some here), but I'm into Garth Nix, Tamora Pierce's Tortall books, and Star Trek as well as all of the fandoms listed earlier.

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

BTW, What fandoms are you into?

Have a pair of socks, useful whether you need a clean pair to wear or an improvised weapon!

Have a bottle of Bleepka. You'll need it soon. Oh, and have some Swiss chocolate. It will also come in handy for you.

Don't feed it Sueish meat.

Here you have a Badass Jacket. Use it with wisdom.

Take a little Delerium for whenever you're in the field:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBOpRyR2ewk

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

Have an awesome-laced cookie.

Hai! ^_^

Firefly and Doctor Who, I see we're going to get along just great!

Here, have an Oracle Pigeon and a spork. One is an incredibly powerful entity capable of manipulating reality, and the other is a bird with a silly name.

Two new guys in the same day? This must be a lucky day or somethin'!

Anyway, welcome to the PPC!

Here, have some Gideon Klein for the road:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2nfwY1wjeA

Have some generic pointy objects for killing and/or torturing Sues with. What are your fandoms?

Apologies to Sylibane for accidentally copying his/her/its subject from a different thread.

There's a rather good sporking of it here:

http://szaleniec1000.livejournal.com/tag/badfic%3Adeserving

I have to say that this would be a horrendously awful story to PPC. It is a canon raping abomination, yet it is very well written (other than this weird inability to know when to double a consonant), and has a fairly tight, compelling plot.

Yes.

I am insane.

Yes, I just spent hours reading the entire thing.

Anyway, like I said the offenses to canon are huge, but they are consistent. The things that have been altered have been explored to their logical, if still canon defiling, ends. I'm not saying this is goodfic. The canon changes are too far for me to think of it as a good AU, and there is a definite Sue in later chapters.

You know this story is still being written, right?

The Sue has not yet had time to come completely into her own, so that would complicate charging her. There are a few places where the author's inability to properly double or not double consonants in the 'ing' forms of words would be good for a few laughs, but this is a loooooooong fic. Those places are too far apart to make writing a mission easy.

Basically, there are three options that I can see.
1. Go in and kill it in the first couple of awful chapters and ignore the next 50+ and the Sue
2. Wait to see if the Sue's presence breaks the continuity the story had built up (she is threatening to)
3. Admit that not all fics that don't line up with canon are good candidates for missions.

I think I know that one. Yet I keep reading. Help me. *curls up and drinks diet bleepcoke*

There's possibly 51 chapters instead, unless there's something I don't know. Doesn't make the fic any better, though.

I skimmed the first chapter and... dear god. It's a monster! Has the PPC ever done a relay style mission? Where a pair of agents handles some of the fic then passes it and the charges collected off to another pair, and so on and so forth? This might warrant such a mission for everyone's sanity. I know I couldn't handle it alone... I'm going to go purge my memory.

With fire, preferably. Anyone want to be scarred for life perform their Duty to Canon? :P

If no-one else claims it for a while, I might have a shot once I get Permission. Although this might be best left to an HP-verse specialist... o_0

I think we might have another Legendary Badfic on our hands. X.X BLEEPTEA NOW PLEASE!

Some of the contributors on the site have non-human companions (i.e. Pollo, Beary, Burton) which could be minis for them. Maybe there could also be mini-Ask That Guys? *Shudder*

It wouldn't surprise me that much, actually. >.>

Anyway, the minis are up to whoever writes an OFU or mission there first, but I'd think mini-Angry Video Game Nerd (mini-AVGN for short) would be a contender.

... No, wait. There's something more long-running and more irritating: mini-Douchey McNitpick. Imagine the terror they would wreak if there was a TGwtG OFU. O.o;

~Neshomeh

A mini big-lipped alligator. :|

What about all the TGwtG minis turn into miniature versions of 8-bit Mickey? He's usually the butt of jokes in the anniversary crossovers, so it would be a nice nod to those.

...strikes me as a good idea.

Sadly, he's a troll writer. An awesome troll, but still a troll.

We all make mistakes. Heck, I did some pretty bad/subpar stuff myself when I was first starting out.

But I was young! Inexperienced!

Looking back at it now, I admit that I could have done better, which is why I'm working to improve myself and my writing.

To sum it all up:

“There's no reason to be ashamed by past works because the only person who should be ashamed is the person you were when you made them, and that person no longer exists. It's said that every artist/writer/whatever creative type has 10,000 bad paintings/stories/projects in them, and it's just a matter of getting through them all. Chzo was part of that. So I don't regret anything about them. I can't make people forget about the rougher bits. But I can criticise them along with everyone else.” -Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw, on the “Chzo Mythos”

I don't know the canons, but there's people around here who do, and could either kill it, beta it, or give concrit :)

You should've seen some of my early writing. I created the sparkliest 'Sue ever... Seriously, I'm still sneezing glitter today!

The spell of the moon...Draco Malfoy was having a good day when Longbottom did IT.Now,all they have to do is find Draco's true love.The problem is everybody wish to get inside his pants but no one inside his heart...or do they?slashHD

[This story available in HD in certain areas.]

Draco Malfoy had been walking around the back of the stands to reach the Quidditch pitch when he heard someone whispering to him from underneath the seats. He stopped and listened; a short figure moved forward out of the shadows. Malfoy couldn’t have expected the face that revealed itself.
The face was covered in white makeup, with bright red on the lips. The nose was obscured in a big red ball. The face was surrounded by an orange wig of frizzy hair above, and a frilly white collar below. “Hiya, Malfoy!” the figure said in a raspy voice. “Aren’t you going to say, ‘Hello?’”
Malfoy was dumbfounded. “…Longbottom?”
Neville tossed an unfolded balloon animal at Malfoy’s feet. “A snake certainly does have a long bottom! Aha! Aha!” Neville squeaked the clown nose in time to his laughter.
Malfoy looked around. He didn’t see anyone else. Had someone jinxed the Gryffindor? Malfoy had certainly never seen Longbottom smile for so long.
“Has your pitiful life finally driven you completely mad, Longbottom?”
“My name is Pennywise, the dancing clown!”
“Yes, fascinating. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some Quidditch to practice.”
“But don’t you want a balloon?” Longbottom was now inexplicably holding a bundle of ballons by their strings. “Look! They FLOAT!”
“Where are you getting these?” Malfoy shouted, growing furious.
“We all FLOAT down here!” Longbottom shook the balloons desperately.
Malfoy turned to go, but as he started to walk away, he felt the sensation of something being pulled out of his pants pockets. He glared and spun around, coming face to face with the Weasley twins.
“Well, it was a fine plan,” said George. “Just didn’t quite work out.”
“You did great, Neville,” added Fred.
Malfoy was looking back and forth from twin to twin. “Do you mean to tell me,” he seethed, “that this was all just a plot to steal my wallet?”
“Well, you are rich,” said Neville, blushing through the clown paint.

When Clary and Isla Kennedy are taken aboard the Dawn Treader, they find something more amazing than they could've ever imagined. A mirror that shows what you want the most. But the girls didn't even know that love was what they wanted... AU

The sisters had been wandering around the Dawn Treader since their arrival on the ship. To their utter disappointment, the majority of the ship’s cabins were either empty, or worse, filled with equipment or supplies. They were just giving up on finding anything amazing and magical when they opened the door to one room in particular.
“Like, whoa! Check it out, Clary! A magic mirror!”
“Totally, Isla! Like, mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the hottest one of all?”
“What’s that writing at the top? Mirror of…Erised?”
“Dude, it’s an Italian mirror. So chic.”
“No way, Clary! That’s so totally French.”
As the girls walked closer to the mirror, however, each saw something a little different in the reflection.
Isla cried, “Oh, it’s that total hunk from school!”
Clary sighed, “It’s that dreamy stud that runs the Cinnabon register at the mall!”
The sound of the door opening behind them broke both girls out of their reverie.
“Terribly sorry to intrude,” said Professor Dumbledore, “but I seem to have—Ah! Yes, there it is.” With a flick of his wand, the mirror levitated off the floor and headed for the door.
Dumbledore followed after it, but turned back in the door frame. “Incidentally, you young ladies ought to go home. Before you…as they say, mess something up?” He smiled politely, raising his eyebrows. Then he left.

a 21st century girl winds up in Middle Earth and finds herself befriending the last person she expected. I own nothing. Forgot to type this at the beginning, but I don't own anything at all! Complete!

Caroline awoke on the apex of a rolling grassy knoll. Still too hazy to register the growing plume of smoke in the distance, or the muted sounds of warfare, she knew only that she was not at her house or the 21st Century insurance office where she worked as a sales clerk.

Before she could fully get her bearings, her attention was stolen to a nearby individual who found her lying on the ground. His voice was charmingly uplifting, with slight hints of exploitation and folksiness that seemed out of place.

"Damn, girl, watchoo doing all the way out here?"

She sat up and looked at the strange man, wearing a bright green football jersey and baseball cap.

"Martin Lawrence, playing Jamal from the 2001 Hollywood movie Black Knight?" she asked incredulously. "You are the last person I would have expected!"

"We don't got time for this!" he chided her with embarrassingly white-washed Ebonics. "There's a whole mess of orcs coming this way."

"Are we going to start as an ill-matched pair, but during the course of our adventures you'll teach me the down-to-earth practicality of life in the hood, and I'll teach you the values of middle class liberal privilege, and we'll eventually emerge through the conflict as life long friends?"

"B**ch, we don't have time to deal with your crazy sh*t - those orcs are -"

But it was too late, a host of Uruk-hai arrived before he finished his sentence. They were captured and brought before the band leader who recognized them as a genre-savvy pair of upstarts and ordered them to be immediately executed.

"The spell of the moon...Draco Malfoy was having a good day when Longbottom did IT.Now,all they have to do is find Draco's true love.The problem is everybody wish to get inside his pants but no one inside his heart...or do they?slashHD"

In which Draco Malfoy wakes up and smells the coffee.

Draco Malfoy woke up to the sound of a thud close by. Also, he had a pounding headache.

He blinked, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to figure out what the hell had just happened. He vaguely remembered Nevillle Longbottom casting some kind of spell on him, and that was literally the last thing he could remember. Now, he had just woken up, and for some reason he was staring at the ceiling of the Slytherin common room.

Why he was there instead of the infirmary was beyond him. But he decided it was better not to think about it. Goyle and Crabbe had probably dragged him back to the Slytherin common room, but… didn’t that seem… kind of odd of them to do, really? Everyone went to the infirmary first, and everyone in Hogwarts knew that.

So why was he--?

…

When Draco turned his head, the sight that met his eyes was so confusing he couldn’t even muster up the vocalization to betray how weirded out he was. And given that it was Draco Malfoy who was confused, that said a lot.

But then, even the nastiest of bullies would be confused at the sight their arch nemesis lying on his face in the most literal sense. The fact that Harry Potter of all people was in the Slytherin common room was not questioned, probably because of the possibly even more important fact that there was a rather small, but extremely important detail that had really made him much more than a little uneasy.

“Why is Harry Potter in my pants?”

Upon closer inspection, he had this to add:

“And why are my pants made of leather?”

"Chloe Bowerbank has died, and been transported to Lothlorien. Here she tries her best to piss off the elves and be annoying. 10th walker. No romance. Quite a bit of swearing. R&R. Please?"

"Instead of a Dark Lord, you shall have a queen!" Galadriel cried, her voice booming through the trees. A wind had picked up, stirring her hair and gown as she stood by the mirror. Frodo cowered, clutching the Ring, unnerved by the sight. "Not dark, but beautiful and--"

A portal opened up in the air between them, through which the limp body of an oddly-dressed girl dropped, flopping unceremoniously to the ground like a puppet with cut strings.

The wind and light died down. Hobbit an elf queen were left staring awkwardly at the corpse, neither quite sure what the appropriate reaction to this sort of thing was supposed to be.

"Holy shit," said Frodo.

---

Because nothing's more annoying than being interrupted by a falling corpse when you're in the middle of a dramatic proclamation.

I am going to do the "my little angel, Amelia" one. This is going to be so much fun, 'specially since I already have a good idea for it. ;]

I'll have a go at writing one later, but for now, here are some more summaries. ^_^

Firefly
1) Need by stillhere16
They didn't make any sense. River/Jayne oneshot.

2) A Storm Is Coming by Libquedation
Alexa Jane Cobb is not your ordinary girl. For one, she is the daughter of a Reader, and she can read emotions. She is also a vital asset in the war against the hated Alliance, so vital that they go to any lengths to get her

3) Reavers Vs Zombies a movie night by SaillorMoonFan
Okay so the crew of Serenity decide to have a movie night, one where the watch a couple of zombie movies and they make some connections to the revers. Okay so this is pre Miranda and there is the full crew, with Book and everything.I own nothing so review

The Fifth Element
4) The fifth and a half element by Bubbaliciousgurl
Leloo and Korbon have a child, and after that child's birth their worlds get turned upside down...

Portal
5) The Precipice of Sound by Roxal
Chell and GLaDOS go to a night club. Dirty dancing is involved. Warnings: Sexual content. Status: Complete. ChellGLaDOS
What?!

6) The Puppy by mynameisedward
ATLAS and P-Body decide to get a puppy. Fluffiness and hilarity ensues.

7) Rescue Me by Arbiterai Knight
Everyone needs Rescued, some more than others. Wheatley from the past; Chell from a sickness; GLaDOS from terrible pain. When horrors descend upon the Facility, nobody will be Rescued, but they will be left closer to each other than ever before.

Oh, this is gonna be FUN! *evil smirk*

I call SLEEPING BLONDE BEAUTY. Because I've got something evil in mind planned for Harry...

I believe the correct term might be "guffaw."

A bottle of shampoo that owns my little sister. No discernible brand or product name, a shooting-star-shaped bottle (yeah), and the content was a blue liquid with a very high percentage of glitter.

Yeah, that's with no doubt Mary Sue Shampoo. Good thing she doesn't use it. (She received it as a gift.)

If this doesn't become a PPC joke, I'm going to be very disappointed in everyone here.

Do you think they taste like glitter? Are they dangerous because of the possibility of sue-ifying agents? Are they MADE of Mary Sues?

This has so many possibilities!

...It's making me think of other strangely named candies out there.

So... does anybody else know any strangely-named chocolates? Could be interesting to see what we've got.

So to kick us off...

Do you know that there's a Mozart chocolate?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mozartkugel

That's hilarious! I wonder what Mary Sue candy tastes like. Unnaturally perfect? Maybe it's not such a bad name after all. ^_^

Does that mean there's a PPC Candy out there too?

The crazy part is that the company is apparently 63 years old. How this flew under the radar while Mary Sue was becoming a wide-spread internet term is beyond me.

Still, this is absolutely hilairous. Anyone wanna leave one on the bed for new agents in new RC's? ;)

It is also Towel Day, don't forget!

...brings back memories.

I wore a lilac for about 5 hours, but unfortunately it's really hot where I am and it wilted quickly.

If I had a lilac towel, I'd get it printed with a picture of a Star Destroyer and hang it out of my window.

Unfortunately I do not, and therefore must be content with my imagination :P

(PS. Maybe the Vogon Constructor Fleet was what Camping was really thinking of when he predicted the end-times in 2011...)

I shall celebrate by...

Staying indoors and hiding from the thunderstorm. Lame. >.
The real lilacs didn't last long enough here, either, even if I wouldn't get soaked going after one, but at least I have a lilac-printed box of tissue to gaze fondly at in remembrance. And I know exactly where my towel is.

~Neshomeh

It's a geek holiday, and I'm spending it on a teleconference with a copyright lawyer that I've been in contact with about trying to get the rights to set some Federico Garcia Lorca. Yay me. *waves flag disinterestedly*

Fortunately, though, it shouldn't be that long. So hopefully, I'll celebrate it by slacking off and doing nothing.

I am spending it celebrating my birthday.

Because my birthday is today.

If I can find a lilac bush that's still in bloom, I shall don lilac. The US East Coast is a few months off Ankh Morpork calendar, apparently...

I would wear the lilac today, but unfortunately, I work at a restaurant. I'll wear it mentally, though.

I'm . . . not sure how to incorporate New Hope. Uhm . . . happy lilac towel with a forcefield day!

Happy Geek Pride Day!

I would wear the lilac, but there's none available. *mourns this fact*

And you do make a good point. It's easy to get emotionally vested in a tv show or novel or whatever, especially in working with the PPC...

...Er, that said (and sincerely), I've a handful of grammary nitpicks.

After they toss the dummy: The two agents gave it a few seconds, and them followed it. Should probably be 'and then followed' there.

When discussing Moist, you have He talks in a monotone and gets everything disgustingly wet. He is very bland” There should be a period after the last bland.

In the charge list, there's a space missing between ex-girlfriend and creating, and a comma afterwards.

[/Grammar Nazi]

Rather liked it! The interactions between Thomas and Orken are quite amusing-- especially his getting so upset about... getting slightly upset about the 1984 reference. It makes an excellent contrast with his partner-- they're good foils.

Nicely done! I know a bit aboout Dr. Horrible's Insane Blog, but haven't seen much of the musical myself.

(NOTE TO SELF: Watch the whole thing as soon as possible)

Like Thomas, I'm a big fan of Neil Patrick Harris, for both his acting talents and good looks.

(And yes, I am aware he is gay, but there's no rule saying I can't look, right?)

Another great mission Guv, keep 'em coming.

Billy/Penny being one of the few pairings that tugs at even my heartstrings, this Sue was rather displeasing to me. Glad to see her gone. I'm also glad we've now got a Dr. Horrible mission under our collective belt!

I didn't really follow what Thomas was doing to the Sue's body at the end. I don't remember a device that turned things into smoothies in the canon (although it has been a while since I've watched it, so maybe I've just forgotten). I also don't see why Thomas was able to figure out how to work it.

Also, while Thomas and Orken are discussing the television in the beginning, you have an extra "if" in Orken's sentence: "Honestly Agent Thomas, this does not strike me as a large canon violation, but if you can charge for it if you want."

If you haven't already seen it, it's only 30 minutes long and freely available on Youtube!

As a beta for this mission, I approve :P

I really like the bit at the end where Orken reports himself to the SO. It was so ... unexpected, and therefore really funny!

What is this nonsense. You'd think people who've actually read the Silmarillion would know better.

Whatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhat?

*facepalm* I shiver in fear as to what would have been going through the authors' minds when they wrote these.

I do not want to read Reassuring Galadriel. No, I do not.
But I'm curious. Maybe I do...
No.
But how bad can it be?

Four minutes later: No, I did not want to read that.
Why do people write these things?

Some of your phrasing seems a bit odd, so I'd suggest you continue to work with beta readers (not that anyone shouldn't), but you're definitely up to spec.

Any interesting stories/characters behind the names, out of curiosity?

Another fun mission. Now where can I get me one of those Homofobs?

Great mission. :) That thing definitely needed to die, so good on you for killing it. Now have some bleeprin...

While I don't traditionally read slash, or bad slash missions, I'm trying to broaden my horizons.

I liked this mission. In particular, I enjoyed Abe.

Of course, it wouldn't be a bad idea to get a beta or two. I found this: "With trepidation she pulled out her CAD out of her pocket" but I'm not the best at catching stuff, so there could very well be more. There were some other instances that could probably have been phrased better or used less repetition, but these are nit-picks. It was a good mission, overall.

Here, have a big fluffy cushion and a pack of ultra absorbent towels (good for cleaning up blood and random spills, though it's hard to get Sue-blood glitter out).

Have some burn cream and a teakettle!

Hai there! ^_^
Welcome!

Have an Oracle Pigeon and a spork. One is an incredibly powerful entity capable of warping reality, and the other is a bird with a silly name.

(PS. Doctor Who, yay!!)

Have a hat. It is knitted from the spun fleece of only the softest and most nauseating Cute Animal Friends. Sure to keep you warm in the cold, crushing depths of badfic.

Hi, have some fudge!

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, and please enjoy your stay!

BTW: What fandoms are you into?

Welcome abord! Here's some Sue repellent - you'll need it.

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

Thank you for all the insane... um... insanely warm welcome! And for all the Mary Sue candy. *Stuffs pieces in her mouth, then tries to rub of the glitter on her hands*

Welcome to the board. Have a leather bound copy of the complete works of Jay nd Acacia.

Be wary of the Mary Sue candies; they may taste of glitter!

Since you've already received socks have some hair ribbons! They look pretty and they can be used to tie various things together in a pinch.

Here you have a made-in-China bobblehead doll of Mr. Spock. If you find the hidden button, it says: "It would be extremely heroic." Just a warning: the hidden button is really well hidden.

Bleeprin and chocolate, with a candy coating! The best of both worlds!

Well met, rookie! Please enjoy these fireproof waders as a welcoming present.

Have some Mary Sue candies!

Have some brightly colored socks.

Here, have a conical hat and a bass.

The conical hat is made of tin foil and duct tape, so it's waterproof, and keeps the conspiracy theorists out!

The bass is actually a tea biscuit. It's not got cheese in it.

Welcome, new friend! Have an α-wolf! Just make sure to feed it things that start with the letter "A". Anything else will make it sick!

It's great having a new person here! =D

Here, have some Ravel for the road:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv5g4C1JNg8&amp;feature=feedu

Don't feed it Sues or Stus.

I can do makeup (I am crazy-good at gore and wounds and zombie-rot), but don't have any of my supplies (they froze over the winter and are now unusable), so if you have them, I would be glad to help out...

Also, should I bring my octopus?!

I'm not on Facebook, so I can't read the link directly. However, assuming this isn't happening right away, I can crosspost to some costuming lists I'm on if that would help.

I can sometimes beta if the piece isn't too long (and sometimes even if it is). It's good to have more than one beta though, especially if you have me beta because I have some blind spots and I'm unreliable.

1) Google Docs is arguably the best choice.
2) It quite depends on personal chiuce. As long as it isreliable, it's fine.
3) It kinda varies. As the Wiki article states, it can be anything between a single, nearly empty room with a basic restroom attached (the original type of RC as in the TOS) to a full multi-room apartment. Do whatever suits you. I, for example, gave to my Agents an RC not too big but with enough furniture to make it a decent home, since they live in it.

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

Hi, have some fudge!

Have a squeeth and some cookies!

Have some Mary Sue candy.

Have an awesome-laced cookie.

Welcome back. Have a box full of white plastic sporks.

Don't feed it Sues or Stus.

Who were you before, BTW?

This peeve is not mission specific - I see this in most PPC missions. Few mission authors take the time to actually describe their characters. The PPC has so many characters that it takes a huge page on the wiki to list them - I don't think it would be too much to ask for a single line of description when a character shows up.

Having agents-in-training sporking a badfic MST-style is a different and interesting way to review a badfic. I also found the subplot with the other two students amusing, and I love the idea of an Ewok agent, even though it would make dialogue a little difficult on an actual mission. Plus, using one of the Original Series missions as educational material is brilliant.

I do want to point out there are a few spelling mistakes in here, though. In particular, you've got a "Mines of Moira" mini-Balrog in there. It's a great story, but reading all those misspellings kind of breaks the mood. It's probably worth your time to read through it again and get those mistakes fixed.

A very novel idea to show agents what they can expect, rather than just throwing them into their first badfic and letting them fend for themselves.

Here's some water and food.

Don't feed it Sues or Stus.

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

Or close facsimile to one, at any rate. Have some poisoned apple pie. :3 Also a slice of non-poisoned apple pie.

Hi, have some fudge!

Surprisingly laid on thick. Hard to reply to any singular message, so thanks, everybody. I'm still lookin' to get through the original works, as I mentioned, but once that's done, I'll be hangin' about for the prerequisite month, probably. Already got some thoughts for Agents, be lookin' to get in on that as possible.

Thanks once again, and I intend to lurk moar in this particular little board.

Hello there!

Have an Oracle Pigeon and a spork. One is an incredibly powerful reality-bending entity, and the other is a bird with a silly name.

I present you with a baggie of NM&NMs. Bleeprin and chocolate with a candy coating, what more could you want?

Welcome to the party. Have a leather bound copy of the mission logs of Jay and Acacia.

It's just as aggressive and temperamental as a real koala, so be careful.

Have an Absurdly Cute Kitten!

Have some Mary Sue candies!

What are your fandoms?

Have a giant pillow for use as a bed during missions.

Welcome, new friend! Have some Dream Powder!

It's great to have a new guy here.

Here, have some Peter Maxwell-Davies for the road:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmHkFLRHYJc

Have some popcorn and a creepy voodoo doll.

Here's a plushie Companion Cube and a plate of cookies of your choice of flavor.

If you still need agents you could use Cali and Agent!Miah. They are in DMS Floaters.

Kelok and Unger are in the All-Purpose Division, but they have seen a large amount of really bad Bad Slash, so if you end up short on DBS agents, you could use them.

My agents haven't appeared yet because I'm still working on my first mission, but if you need them you can use them.
Agent Joan Ford is a Noldorin elf. She has waist-long black hair which she wears in a braid, covering her ears, and she also has a silly amount of glitter in blood that allows her to have some completely useless Speshul Skillz, like being cheerful most of the time. Her bersek bottom is family, and she talks about her family all the time. She was also raised in World One.
Agent Bob Nothing is a biped Komodo dragon with a funny accent. When he speakks he ttendts tto be almostt inkomprehensible. He's a newbie and thinks that tempting the Laws just to see how they work is funny. He also has an issue with completely naked people. A towel is fine, though.

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Sergio_Turbo and http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Corolla

They're Floaters, so they know to counter all the three "steps".
Also, should the need arise, they're currently (actually, they're going, since their last mission isn't up yet) the only two PPC Agents with the clearance to pilot fighter jets. Should LMSF employ dragons or other flying things during step one, they are quite handy handy.

Although the students are still too young, agent Biggins is available to pitch in too.

For Bad Slash, here are Chalk and Jenka. Neither of them are familiar with Hetalia but still willing to help.


For the others, I have a couple of Agents I haven't posted anything about yet. Is that okay?

DMS: Frag and Norion. Agent Frag is a Krogan, recruited from a Mass Effect Suefic. He is easily eight feet tall, and has a large scar running across his face. Otherwise, he looks like the generic Krogan Battlemaster enemy sprite due to lack of description in his home fic. He is loud and eager for a good fight, but very dutiful. He uses a Hurricane V shotgun and biotics when fighting. Alone, his preferred technique is to biotic throw the enemy into a wall and finish them with the shotgun. When working with Norion, he only uses biotics during the cooldown period of each of their weapons and especially whenever his partner's pistol overheats.

Norion is a Alternian troll also recruited from a badfic. Because of the little description she was given, she has very generic, slightly curved horns and Generic Grey blood. The latter bugs her to no end. She is small because of her age (6 solar sweeps or 13 years old). Norion is also loud and eager for a good fight, and very reckless. She is worried that she is less of a troll and more of a human with horns and grey skin. She uses a Striker V pistol, but prefers hand-to-hand combat. She especially likes headbutting people. When using the pistol, she frequently overheats it.

Norion and Frag fight all the time, but during the invasion this will be limited to verbal bickering. None of them know the Hetalia canon. Expect arguments over which of them a kill belongs to.

I have a crazy number of Agents, but my only official DICer is William Marshall.

However, you're welcome to use any of my Action Agents - a full list can be found on my wiki page.

Good luck!

I gotta get around to getting permission for my agents...

*slaps on helmet* Reporting for duty!

Would a Department of Improbable AU agent work for bad crossovers? If so, you're welcome to use Agent Cornelius (http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Cornelius) in that regard.

Otherwise, here are the pages for my other agents:
Bad Slash: Agents Gremlin (http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Gremlin) and Xericka (http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Xericka)
Mary Sues: Agents Danny (http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Danny_Richardson) and Laura (http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Laura_Dukes)

Xericka and Danny would have at least a working knowledge of Hetalia. Laura and Gremlin would basically follow their partner's leads.

... but my guys are going to be part of the Department of Implausible Crossovers once someone gets around to granting me Permission. If you want info on my guys, scroll down the message board: my Permission request should still be there somewheres.

They'll know even less about APH than I do, but hey, that'll only make things fun! =D

Since I'm one of maybe three people with active DIC agents, I guess I'd better volunteer them. {= ) They'll know even less about the continuum than I do, but if somebody can point out who belongs and who doesn't and/or they recognize the crossed 'verse(s), they should be fine.

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Supernumerary

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Ilraen-Aroline-Fothergill

Let me know if you have questions.

~Neshomeh

but in case FF.net decides to derp up my links, here they are again:

DMS: Ian and Lee

DBS: Kaliel/Maeryn and Orion

That badfic is...wow. Just wow. Poor canons, namely Sora, Tidus and Cloud (my favorites out of the ones listed).
As for the Sue...what do you call it? It's not even a being with a form- it's a Formless!Sue. It's a new type of Sue! The description is so bland that it has no form whatsoever and is just an amorphous blob! This may be our most dangerous foe yet!
Also, I hope I'm not nitpicking, but I noticed that in this sentence-

Also...might not be safe for work, even though the writing does not at all merit the M rating at all.

-you put "at all" twice. Just wanted to point that out. Don't want to be doing things the Suethors might do.

I too, like cameos. They're always fun to see.

I'm not terribly familiar with the canon, but that did not prove to be much of an issue with this story. So good job on that.

I have two things I'd like to point out, however.


"Even MORE point objects?" Perhaps should be "pointy" or "pointed"

"If the rest of the fanfiction prove toxic" Should be "proved"

Of course, that's less than people find in my missions with three beta readers. So no real complaint there. Just thought I'd point them out.

Yay! It is nice to see new stuff from you. Also, thanks for the cameo-- I kind of wish other people would do cameos more often from others. Sometimes I think each RC is a little island. :U

Yuck... I'm working on a mission and a half at the moment, but yuck. Fic like this is more pointless than anything. I'd take it if I was free.

It was still funny. Poor Shinra, she kinda looked like a ball in a pinball machine with all those portals...

And, judjing by both her Wiki page and this mission, I think that she must never meet Corolla. Or the little Floater would get hugged, kidnapped and adopted. Material for a new Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In HQ, perhaps?

Disclaimer: I am not a PG but here's my two cents anyway.

On Alastraine:
How did she join the PPC? This isn't that important, I suppose, with how many World One agents there are, but it'd be nice to know. The 'acts dumb but is actually really sharp' is overdone in my opinion but nothing is objectively wrong with it. (FYI, it's not uncommon practice for asian women to bleach their skin and completely block it out from the sun - it's less common with modern americanized asian women, but it's still one of those idealized standards of beauty back in China, especially among older women.)

On Gloria:
She has no personality.
I mean, seriously, there's nothing there at all. She's not bothered by the small rooms (which makes me wonder why it's mentioned at all) but because she's impatient, except she's not being impatient about anything in particular. The 'damnit' at the end seems to indicate she's not waiting for a mission, but you don't say what she is waiting for - I guess she's waiting for nothing. She standing still in a small room waiting impatiently for nothing. She apparently has no hobbies, or other relationships with people, and when Alastraine finally comes in, she just is in general short and a little bitchy. Honestly I don't know why she even talks to Alastraine at all - it would be more consistent with her character to just tell her where her room is then give her the cold shoulder. Gloria also seems decidely unplussed that Alaistraine pulled the 'dumb' trick on her.
Another thing - why does Gloria have to be ashamed of being a Twilight vampire? There are good aspects to the series - Gloria should have some patriotism about her own canon (someone needs to), especially if you plan to be doing missions in it.

On the Story:
It's too uneventful. Introductions are important, but you don't need to shove everything into the beginning. Gloria seems the type that will avoid interaction unless it's absolutely necessary - the pair seems very incompatible, so Gloria should be trying to either get Alastraine to go away, or to go away herself. Alastraine should have to either chase Gloria to get her to answer these questions, or else ask her in a circumstance where Gloria can't run - like during a mission. Obviously you can't start writing the mission until you get permission, which just means you have to characterize in ways besides pure dialogue.

In summary: you have an interesting dynamic with your two characters that you aren't really using to it's potential. What's the point of having an angsty reticent character if she gives out major details of her life without prompting? Why have a silly upbeat character if she doesn't have to be annoyingly persistent to be successful? And finally, have stuff happen.

The text on your LJ is so tiny I can't read it without being really close to the screen. Maybe a different LJ theme would be better?

Digimon, eh? Nifty. Here's a heavily-annotated copy of V. Propp's "Morphology of the Folktale" and a small stuffed moose.

Have some food!

Have some colored pencils and two generic keys.

'Ere, 'ave a conical hat and a pie.

The conical hat is made from tin foil and duct tape, so it keeps the conspiracy theorists out.

The pie is just this pie, y'know?

Here you have a really small gomamon. Watch out, he bites.

Have some Mary Sue candy!

Thanks for the virtual stuff. I'm hoping you'll see it again soon.
I have a couple of questions. First of all, do both of your agents have to be human (I saw one that was a small lizard man)? Also, where can I post completed missions? I'm pretty sure the Pit of Voles wouldn't like me running around on their site going "Die, Sue, die- oh, shiny!". Are any of these places free, like the Pit? Lastly, if I target a fic, can I tell the charges to the author of the fic to help them fix the fic or write better in the future (except, obviously, annoying the agents)?

Have a thought balloon and some astronaut ice-cream!

It's always nice to see new people here.

Here, have some Debussy for the road:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LviYYTK6Apw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmD6jYW1_pc&amp;feature=related

Well met, rookie! Enjoy this Big Shiny Distracting Thing as a welcoming gift.

Hi! Have some fudge!

Have a Dramatic Longcoat. Great for posing, as they'll flutter dramatically regardless of if there's wind or not.

Welcome to the board. Have a leather bound copy of the missions of Jay and Acacia.

Don't feed it Sue meat.

Have a pair of socks, useful for when you need another pair to wear or as an improvised weapon!

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

Welcome, new friend! Help yourself to the sack of venomous arthropods. Don't worry, they don't bite!

Someone should send the two Suethors links to the other's story, just to see them get into a flame war of "I did it first!" "But I did it best!"

But then on the other hand, they might decide to join forces. *shudders* So perhaps it's best not.

I can only imagine how tricky this was to write. The two badfics were both dripping with stupidity and boredom, and the similarities between the two OCs are a good example of how uninteresting Mary Sues can be. The mission went on pretty long, but I think it paid off. Well done!

I wrote a little scenelet of Miah and Cali retrieving Abbey from Tasmin and Allison.


BIP. BIP. BIP.

"Why is the console making that sound?" Cali asked as he edged away in case of an explosion.

"It's a message," Miah said. She pushed the button and read the message. "Agents Allison and Tasmin have found Abbey. They have her in RC 80."

"Oh thank goodness! I've--I mean Magee has been so worried about her."

Magee threw a spare microchip at Cali. Castor gave him a disapproving "Mrrw!" and fluttered over to retrieve it.

"Uh, yeah," Miah said watching the exchange. "Let's go get her before they manage to blow up the RC."

The two agents readied their distractions and left the RC. After several wrong turns, an encounter with Unger and the mini-Hound of the Baskervilles, Homles, and finding the cafeteria three times, they finally made it RC 80.

"We need better distractions," Miah said knocking on the door.

"Agreed."

Agent Tasmin opened the door. "You finally received the message, I see."

She stepped aside, and an ecstatic Abbey ran to Cali and latched onto his leg. He offered her chocolate, and she immediately let go to take the candy. He picked her up and set her on his shoulder where she grabbed a handful of his unruly hair to balance herself.

"I didn't know you could make her de-glomp with chocolate," Allison said from behind Tasmin in the RC.

"She loves the stuff--can't handle pure caffeine as well as the canon, though."

Dinozzo and Director Sheppard peaked around the corner, eying the chocolate.

"Please can they come with us?" Abbey whispered into Cali's ear.

Cali pointed at them and gave Miah his best impression of puppy dog eyes.

Miah sighed loudly. "Do they have homes?"

"They do not," Tasmin said.

"Well, we do seem to be running an NCIS mini adoption center. I suppose we could take them, at least until someone else wants them. They surely won't be lonely." Miah glared at Cali. "You are taking the blame with DoSAT for anything that gets destroyed."

She reached out to pick up Dinozzo. He apparently hadn't learned anything from being dropped on his head, because he tried for copping a feel. Miah didn't drop him. She threatened him. "I'm the only one in our RC that can cook bacon," she said seriously.

Dinozzo thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I apologize sincerely, Miss."

He scrambled up to her shoulder and sat quietly. Director Sheppard apparently also took the threat to heart, because she made no fuss about being placed on Cali's other shoulder.

"Thank you, and I suppose that if you ever can't find a home for NCIS minis you can always give us a page," said Miah.

"We'll keep that in mind," said Tasmin before she shut the door.

"Let's go pick up the supplies for these two, and head back home," said Cali.

*0*0*0*



I think I'll open an NCIS Adoption Center in Miah and Cali's RC.




I found a couple of typos in the mission:


Ziva and the Sue took the sheets off the bed and put them in evidence backs.

Her wet her was dripping on her shoulders.




I really liked smart alec commentary in this mission. The opening with a movie reference, which was fandom appropriate and then the head slap that was also fandom appropriate. I found a few lines things that I really liked:


Gibbs came walking down with his usual coffee in his hand.
"How stale would that coffee be?" Allison asked.


Tasmin took a deep breath. "You're still gonna do that, right? Even if I say no."


"If Gibbs didn't kill her for stealing his coffee, I don't think a random guy with a knife is going to be any more successful."



"Yeah, that would be something." Tasmin opened another portal. "Let's go back to the office and see whether the cat has returned his tongue."



"...and find these minis some responsible agents to take care of them."

Allison raised her eye brows.

"Or, you know, agents."

I don't particularly like NCIS (I prefer Criminal Minds personally) but from what I do know about it and crime shows in general I could tell that you did a great job with pointing out the things wrong with the two fics. Plus that double sparking was pretty cool. ;]

It was a really good mission. A little hard to follow, but I really enjoyed it.