Dec 2010 Archive, part c

I recommend this author: ReaperRain. In particular, her 'TESIV: Oblivion' stories

Gold, Black, Red (rated M),

Unfortunately Enthralled (rated T), and

Anathema (rated T).

This author is good. She is really good. She's the kind of slash writer who can (and, in 'Unfortunately Enthralled', does) take ten chapters to get to a first kiss, and yet keep you glued to the screen the whole time.

Characterisation, tension, drama, comedy, it's all there. She also has the gift of not focusing solely on the main romantic couple, making the romance part of a bigger picture. You know, interesting.

Hope it helps your friend develop her skills.

Does the fic really get better? It starts out so stupidly.

I would say more but I need to go drink my Bleeprin to forget the story (yeah, I was stupid enough to go and read it on the Pit) Poor me!

Your professional pride is most admirable :) Thank you. I've read through your first two chapters, and they look just fine to me; I certainly don't see anything that looks distinctly PPCish. My only critical comment is a proofreader's one, that you seem to be lacking a number of commas, usually in dialogue just before someone's name is said; that makes it a bit fast-paced while reading.

Thanks for the heads-up!

"What's happening?" she asks, wandering around in the rubble of what appears to be a gigantic gingerbread house.

PEPPERMINT BARK ALL AROUND! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Have some peppermint bark spiked with Bleeprin!

For everyone, I'd liek to give you this:
http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/bt/the-sage/fanfic-theatre

It's badfic read for humorous intent, though I have no idea if anyone else has seen it... (I also recommend the rest of the site for your viewing pleasure)

Once again, Happy Holidays, and an equally Happy New Year!

(In whihc I will get around to making some good agents-to-be..)

Christmas Specials! Get your Old-Timey Christmas Specials right here!

Muppet Family Christmas
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtgYDpvRCMI

Christmas eve on Sesame Street
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YQ8KdBEhz8

And the rest!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tC_sj3CHf0Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neyvXmz-ec0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cd39Fnas8Ro&feature=fvw

And may the new year be prosperous!

Elemarth is bringing... herself. Which seems like enough at the moment, considering how long she's been away from the board and her life during that time.
Hooray for holidays! :D

I just love the winter chaos. *Starts throwing handfulls of popcorn around*

"Merry Christmas! Where are my presents?" while entering the door. After that she starts looking for them, putting some tables upside down meanwhile. When she finds nothing, she mourns aloud and directs to the goose Aster brought. "Remember when I said I'd eat you the last? I lied" she tells the goose, trying to sound funny. But as nobody notices even she spoke, she gets depressed and eats the goose alone in a corner.

...and busied herself around the Large Auditorium singing out-of-tune Christmas Carols and throwing holly at people.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you!

...which, of course, translates to "Merry Christmas".

Happy holidays, y'all! I'm off to Nagoya (in Japan) to hike the Nakasendo. Will be back before next year (hopefully).

Cheers!
~Xani B.

...that is to say, she brought herself and a karaoke machine to sing all kinds of crazy holiday-ish tunes. With PPC lyrics. Because she can get away with that. Oh, the horror. She would gladly take any requests so as long as nobody asked her to do the Twelve Days of Bad Slash, ever. The last time she attempted that awfully long-winded song she suffered from a sore throat that refuse to quit for a month.

But anything else is fine. Like Console Yells!

"Dashing through the snow, our uarry sprints away..."

Guvnor of Space doesn't mind the chaos that is a Christmas Party. After all, he loves chaos. It's like his thing. He does his best to stay out of everyone else's way, and takes it all in. Beautiful, beautiful chaos.

Caddy-shack walks in yawning, having just had a nap. He brings in a several trays of chocolate mice on Oreo cookies.

"Hope everyone enjoys them" He says to himself.

He places them on a convenient adn walks over to say hello to Aster.

(Have a great holiday everyone!)

There was a thoughtful humming sound from one corner of the room. The sound in question came from PoorCynic, who was examining a punch bowl full of eggnog. He had a bottle of rum in one hand and a measuring cup in the other.

Aster Corbett walks in with a huge platter with a whole roast goose on it.

I wonder how fast it will go...?

Ah, holidays. Always fun! Cheers, Cassie :)

Enjoy whatever it is you happen to celebrate. :]
...And I encourage Christmas pranks. Why not?
Well, as long as the pranks are directed at someone else.

*Khroma positions himself by the food, safely away from the mistletoe. Also, he is holding a riot shield.*

PitViperOfDoom balanced precariously on a tall stepladder, giggling as she thumbtacked the end of a string to the ceiling. On the other end of the string, now dangling over their heads, was a sprig of mistletoe. She carefully climbed down, moved the stepladder to another strategic location, and produced another sprig from the basket on her arm. Once more she ascended the ladder, singing to herself.

"Ole Saint Nick has bourbon breath, it's so cold you could catch your death, a cop sold me some crystal meth, it's a merry $@ing Christmas..."

*hands out Generic Holiday Crackers*

... bringing food for everyone. It's Christmas, so there will be no pranks. Unless someone else starts it.

You're welcome to use Agents Mal, as they're the only ones of my agents who would've been around at that time.

I especially liked the last part with Laburnum and Foxglove, walking in on a truly bizarre scene and reacting accordingly.

I volunteer Caleb, since he's the only one of my agents who was around at the time.

The Canons (plus the babies?) are rescued, the Sue/Stus (whatever the correct tern is) are slain, and the person respnsible is about to get their just deserts...

But I still have a question: do you have to have actual agents to watch the exceution? 'cause I'd like to get a piece of that action...

It's an icky mission, but at least your're ploughing through. :)

*checks the date* I volunteer Cara Fielding and Jessie Lancaster of the DMS, Emma Kaylan of SIELU, and Hollian Tannis of the DIA to witness the execution. Their wiki pages should give more details.

I thoroughly enjoyed it despite knowing next to nothing about Naruto. Bravo!

This story is taking place in late 2007 or thereabouts, right? If so, you're welcome to use Laura (she would've been a rookie in Intelligence back then.)

You have the rhythm down and everything. As many thumbs up as are allowed by your imagination!

I'll link to these from the Songbook. You rock. ^_^

~Neshomeh

Keily. You are the very best that there ever was.

Yes.

You've got a rather sweet voice, Keily. It's cute. ^^ And the songs are wintastic with extra win. I hereby give you a cookie for the effort.

Hi! Here's some peppermint bark! And some C4! Have fun.
Can't believe you stuck with the thing for a whole year...

"I feel like I've been in here for a year, already. Maybe longer."

Muahaha. Indeed, indeed. ^_~

FYI, technically you didn't need my permission to use Nathonea. I appreciate the credit, but I don't want to confuse anyone. Only my characters need permission from me. {= )

I enjoyed the crazy physical manifestations of bad writing in this mission. It's something I need to include more in my own, because it's such a good way to show what's wrong in a way that's hilarious. Good work!

~Neshomeh

Nice to have you back!

Especially after this piece-of-crap fic... *shudders*

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

Hmmm... a flamethrower for you, hold it by THIS end, not THAT one... nice to meetcha.

I'm a bit late to this, but oh well. Have a generic book!

Welcome, new friend who I technically already met in the chat, but only just noticed the introductory post of!

Have a songbook of sheet music from mildly moronic musicals! The notes should work with any instrument, including glockenspiel, esophagus and armpits.

I'm not sure exactly what to give to you, so I think a toaster would do fine. It's a normal one, but it has a USB port that allow you to listen to music while you toast some bread. Bread not included. Results may vary.

*feeds the bomb to the cheetah, distracts the cat with the sparkly stones, duct tapes over the camera's lens, eats the cheese, wears the scarf, saves the chocolate, and touches everything but the lamp.*

While I am also a newbie, I still feel that I have a right to greet you. Right?

Either way, welcome. Don't stare into my eyes, and touch nothing but the lamp. Oh, and have this commemorative ticking bomb. It totally isn't armed.

Well met, rookie! Please enjoy this bucket of sparkly stones as a welcoming present.

Hmm, slashy lemons. I approve of this.
Have a pet cat and a lot of cheese. The cheese is festive. The cat is not.

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

Have a folding car. It becomes a rather heavy case when not in use. Careful, it has a tendency to unfold itself when nobody is looking. Do not put it near fragile things.

About the mixture of American and British English, don't worry. I am not even able to tell if something is written in one way or another. Maybe because I am Italian.

Don't feed it Sues or Stus.

Just what I wanted for Christmas, a newbie!

In any case. Have this hand-knitted scarf fashioned from the downy pelts of Cute Animal Friends. It is sure to keep you warm while you yiff in hell!

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

The somber colours of the tires are easily recognised...

It's traditional to give newbies a gift, so here's mine. *clears throat*

Have a Paranoiac's Friend (tm) Mark VII camera! It runs for over three weeks without recharging and has a complicated shut-off sequence so people can't turn it off*! Now with thumbtack attachment for bugging places, people, and other nouns! Paranoiac's Friend: for the paranoiac in all of us!

(*Including, probably, you. Good luck with that.)

Oh, and Merry Christmas if applicable! Otherwise, let's see...happy belated Solstice, happy very belated Hanukkah, happy early New Year...

oh, and it's all slashy with offscreen mpreg, just so you know.

I don't write myself into a corner very often, but when I do, it's usually fixed by finding a loophole in a very obscure area or exploiting a Shrödinger's Gun scenario.

When I get myself into that kind of fix, the first thing I do is re-read what I've written up to that point (or at least the last few chapters). Often this is enough to get my brain working again.
The second thing to do is think about where you want to end up. What's keeping you from getting there? How can you fix it?
If none of this works, I'll often switch to writing something different but similar for awhile and just let the problem roll around in the back of my mind for a week or so. Usually after a few days the creative juces start flowing again.

depends on what makes you feel more comfortable. I usually leave the story for a while (a month, more or less) then re-read it and try to find the problem in order to fix it. In my experience, corners appear when you haven't led your characters the way they wanted to go, so you just have to walk back and take a new path. More or less what everyone else said.

The thing about corners is that usually there's a reason or another why you can't get out, and you were forced into the corner because of loose ends being tied up.

I usually cut off the corner and start again where I began to get railroaded into the corner and try and take it in another direction.

Kind of like knitting. Make a mistake? foot of your sock too short? Rip the sock out and go back to the problem. Redo it the right way.

This is what drafts are for! :D

Or rather, sit muttering solutions to myself and drawing mind maps until I find a way out of the problem.

I usually start with a good idea, and end up at 1/3 (or 2/3 if I am lucky) stuck usually with "and now what I do?". However, I leave the story alone for a bit, and resume hen I get a good idea. It's time-consuming (a Knight Rider-Card Captor Sakura crossover was very close to be considered dead fic since it once took six months to write a chapter, but I also had a dead computer in the meanwhile. If you are wondering, i's in Italian, so I don't think linking it would be useful at all), but it works.

For me, writer's block is a sign that I did something wrong somewhere. It can be anything, really--someone said something they wouldn't have, or didn't do something they should have, or maybe I just didn't understand their motivations properly, or whatever. I go over the piece until I figure out what it is, fix it, re-write whatever needs it, and go from there.

~Neshomeh

I put the story aside and pray I find a way out. In the meantime, I move on to other stuff. It's worked once. Meanwhile, I'm sitting on a 20+ unfinished page story that is still unfinished.

I title things much too pretentiously sometimes.

Have a generic book.

Have a pet cat and a toy car. And a fez. Fezzes are cool.

Don't feed it Sues or Stus.

Please anjoy your stay! Here you have a Pokeball which is useful to catch Sues. Also, here you have a box I found in the woods. I don't really know what it contains, so be careful.

Well met, rookie! Please enjoy this plush Cthulhu doll as a welcoming gift.

Welcome, new friend! Have a tarantula! It's colored like military fatigues, so it can join you in crawling through the underbrush undetected.

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

We usually ask people to hang around on the 'Board for a while (about a month) before asking permission to write a spin-off, so we can get to know you and your style a bit. We also ask that when you do request permission, that you include a writing sample, and a brief bio of your agents. Caddy-Shack's request below is pretty standard, if you'd like an example.

We'd love to have another PPC spin-off! It's just, we don't quite know you well enough yet. I'll be happy to look over your request later on.

Have you taken a look at the permission requirements of the wiki? Because I'm pretty sure you're not meeting several of them here.

I know nothing about Deltora Quest, but I take it the story is meant to be something along the lines of Darths & Droids? Sounds like fun. Your writing is entertaining, though you could use a refresher on how to punctuate around dialogue. I'd be glad to explain things, if you like, or you can look it up. There are all kinds of helpful guides around the internet.

I'll be interested in reading a three-agent team. It's rare, and the interplay between three people works differently than with just two.

Mark Sienna is similar to a character of mine--same basic power of being able to cure someone else at the expense of himself, though my character is able to heal faster than normal, since he has little to no control over it and would ended up dead many times over if he couldn't recover after picking up random injuries and diseases every time he went out. ^_^; It's a fun thing, and I'll look forward to seeing what you do with Mark.

Go forth and PPC!

~Neshomeh

Well done everyone who wrote bits of this.

I found a typo or two, but it's very nicely done. Very funny!

Don't worry, you don't ALWAYS have to duck-and-cover... and with this handy-dandy Flameproof Vest, you should be fine unless you say something QUITE thoughtless or controversial ... of course, we're not supposed to flame here, so everything should be fine. :D

Sister-son? Yeah, Tolkein was a professor of European Medieval history, if I'm not mistaken.

Have an adamantium knife! It is the same weight and height as a regular knife, and won't break easy.

Have a box of your favorite kind of candy.

Well met, rookie! Please enjoy this waterproof fedora as a welcoming gift!

Here you have a glittering skull which belonged to a Sue. I'm sure she won't ask it back.

Welcome to the Board!

Here, have some chocolate, and please enjoy your stay!

Welcome, new friend! Have a bag of throwing knives! If you want more, you'll have to pickpocket them from thugs.

Have a generic book. Are there any other less common canons that you like?

awwwwww.....*Cuddles cheetah,pet kitty and scooter then climbs aboard ship to get a better view of things. Suspiciously pokes the very heavy case, decides its safe, then it unfolds. After untangling herself from under the car she regards the package and it's curious metronome-like beat. After heavy contemplation she slaps a label on it," Happy birthday to Sue" and walks to the closest post office whistling cheerfully, if not a little maniacally, the happy birthday song.*

I've got to find a TARDIS to put this all in.

Have a pet cat and a scooter. Not quite sure why, but they'll probably be useful. Somehow.

Do not feed it Sues or Stus.

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

Have a folding car. It becomes a rather heavy case when not in use. Careful, it has a tendency to unfold itself in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Greetings! Have this suspiciously ticking package that is definitely not a bomb!

Well, I'm glad that silly Voldemort is out of the way, what was the point of him anyway? On to the crappy romantic drama! Yay!
I... sort of understand the logic of removing the canon conflict: to clear the stage for the fanfic conflict and make it easier to focus on that. However, I'm not sure why these authors do things like making it an AU where that conflict doesn't exist. If Voldemort had never existed, the Harry Potter universe would be completely different, and (based admittedly on approximately a paragraph of actual story) the author seems blissfully unaware of that fact.
*sigh*

Department of WTF, anyone? Anyone? O.o

All of that author's stories seem to be in a similar vein. Methinks someone has had a hard life, if I'm being generous. It's either that or they have a weird obsession with illness and injury and yet lack the conviction to research any of it, which is doubly weird.

~Neshomeh, trying to imagine what kind of mission could come of it. It would be very, very short, for one thing....

I realize this is a little late, since this is off the front page of the Board now, but I still wanted to comment.

It was so awesome that Agent Aster puked on the Sue!

When the Sue was waking up in the desert you wrote that "When both Azelynn..." Anyway, I thought you meant that both Azelynn and Aster had woke up, but only Azelynn's name was in the sentence.


I am finding Lore to be quite interesting. He can change into something with thumbs, but chooses not to, even when it would be more convenient. That is actually sort of cool.

You've done a good mission.

One minor point:
Link looked away immediately, only to get an eye-full of a neuralizer's flash and a trip to FicPsyche.
It would in fact be 'FicPsych.' No 'e'. Other than that, I've no quibbles.
Well done!

Beemos, that would be an interesting trap, though very scary. I like Agent Aster chalenging her to a duel, would have been fun to read, though her just up-chucking on the sue was hilarious! Another exciting mission completed!

I loved the interactions between your agents. They've got good banter potential.

Did she really give that little description to everything but herself? And how do you get the the character of someone who gives go much leeway for fan writers wrong? All you need to keep to is brave, loyal to Zelda and in Ocarina cares about his fairy.

Wow...that was bad. The 'Beemos' and the 'witches' made up for that awful character bashing, though.
(Stupid Mary Sue, complaining about getting a cool name...I'd be fine with my name meaning 'untrustworthy'!)

“Go to hell, Danny.”

“What happened? You run into Lux or something? Did she have a thing for greasy red-headed nerdy boys?”

“I’m carrying weapons, you know.”

ROFL

I don't always understand the missions to video game worlds as much as someone who actually plays the games would, but I do like your characters. They have great interaction.

I especially liked all three's reactions to the singing.

I really like both your agents and missions. Keep going this way!

I honestly don't understand how people come up with stuff like this. Can't they just write their own names in instead of canon names? Or do they just like the appearance of the fandom characters and so want to use them instead of creating their own?

It baffles me. I'm not surprised the Fem!Axel!Sue got snuffed when she did.

It's sorta sad to be (possibly) seeing the end of Cornelius, but as you said, we might be surprised. I enjoyed reading Cornelius's actions, his voice of reason to Dany and Laura's attitudes was a fun contrast.

laconic new guy! here you have a DVD pack, featuring all the seasons of Friends. You can watch them or throw them at Sues, whatever works better for you.

Reading list:

Original Series
Lord of the Rings
Discworld

In that order, for minimum confusion. Although, really, all that is required is the Original Series by Jay & Acacia.

How'd you find us? Have some chocolate!

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, won't you?

I don't know how much you know about the PPC, but feel free to ask about anything you don't understand. Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object.

Have a pet cat, a funny hat, and a rabid bat.
So, what are your fandoms, delicious friend?

Don't feed it Sues or Stus.

Welcome, new friend! Have some AAAAAA batteries. I have no idea what they're meant to power, but if nothing else, you can toss them in a campfire and see what happens.

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

Hey there! Have an alarm clock plushie and a Happy New Year. :)

~X.B.

Have a monocle.

Welcome! Have a hat, knit from the spun pelts of only the softest of Cute Animal Friends. Sure to keep you warm in the most coldly hostile Suvian environments!

well, i think that ur friend is absolute shit. she should be totes ashamed of herself and she must be mentally retarded. u should stop being friends with her and tell her that if she ever says smthing bad about the ppc ill hunt her down and kill her.

ps. i bet shes ugly and fat.

Here I was, thinking this is supposed to be the purpose of the FAQ:For Other People - shooting these arguments down. From what I can gather, there's really no case she's made which the FAQ hasn't already sent to crash and burn.

In my frank opinion, if she hasn't the maturity to stop denying that simple fact, this petty argument isn't worth your time.

This was not written by me, but it may be useful to you.
https://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AZG7OSPQ2kfBZGM0MnF0ZGJfMmM0cm5tcmM2&hl=en

Looking at her favorites... reasoning with her may be quite difficult.

The point is to A) have fun B) spork. We make goodfic out of badfic by writing about the badfic in a way that is (hopefully) instructive, funny, and good. So what's so bad about that?

If she brings up the 4/5 thing, definitely bring up her M rated Twilight lemons. Seriously. People.

ULTIMATELY, if she is your friend, try to find a way around the subject so you can still enjoy her company without ending up frustrated and upset. But if you still feel like trying to explain it to her, there are many other well-explained and pretty simple/easy to understand arguments in the FAQ and in your replies. Buena suerte! (good luck)

A point that will never be stated enough is that we are in pursuit of badfics. Bad fics. And bad is very often an understatement. We do not mock everybody's fics, but only the ones so badly done, they deserve to.

For example, there is a list of what I sporked:
Mission 1: A badly written fic in which canon characters and plot are in basckground. It talks about the love story of two OCs. Nothing else. Sorry, that's not what a fanfiction is supposed to be.
Mission 2 (currently in beta status): A rapefic with horrible writing and wildly OOC characters. It's what we can call a canon rape. You're not a fan if you try to destroy the canon. At all.
Mission 3 (currently in the works): My own badly-written unreleased earlier stories. Well, I'm actually mocking myself!
MST 1: A very badly written crossover with mashed grammar and no plot at all. If you want to write something, please put a little effort in it.

As everybody can see, the bad writing is a constant. We do not mock things we don't like. We mock things that deserve it.

If Suethors and badfic writers don't demonstrate a genuine love and respect for the canon stories, we won't demonstrate love and respect for their stories. Respect goes both ways, people. They just don't like it when we do the same kind of thing to their fics that they do to stories they claim to be fans of.

At least we never claim to be fans of their fics!

If they do love the canon, it will show in their writing. If it doesn't show, they either lack the skill necessary to post a story for the world to read, or they are not genuine fans and really shouldn't be writing fanfiction in a public place.

That's what fanfiction.net is, after all--a public place. It's not remedial writing. It's not a workshop. It's not a self-esteem class. It's not a friends-only livejournal. What isn't fair is for fanfiction.net's worst writers to attempt to make that public place more comfortable for them--and them only--by attacking the right of a reader to leave negative feedback. This is especially true because it is explicitly stated in the Terms of Service that any author who posts to fanfiction.net should be able to accept criticism.

Speaking of rule-breaking, the "four or five year old" scenario was the most ridiculous part of your classmate's argument. "Their parents might have helped these kids break the rules, so why don't you go easy on them?" Um...so we're supposed to reward people for breaking rules made for the benefit of the fanfiction community as a whole? And you think that THAT would help these kids?

No. One of the most important lessons young children need to learn is that rules are in place for a reason. If their parents are enabling them to break the rules, the least we can do is demonstrate to them why those rules are in place. Better they learn from a Sue-mocking community than from an obscene troll or an explicit story wrongly rated.

As to, "What gives you the right to insult the writers?" I answer, "The same thing that gives the writers the right to create fanfiction in the first place."

~Araeph

Don't apologise, hon - this is why we're a community, after all; we help each other. No better way to start the new year than to reaffirm what we're all here for.
(That said, reading all the other comments, I think it's safe to say that no one here is going to be able to intervene - give advice, yes, but you're going to have to work this out with her yourself. We can't literally step in, or she's likely to accuse us of bullying or somewhat.)

So, let me see...

Well, first of all, insults are not a hard science. Someone could be insulted if you describe their shirt as purple rather than blue, and some writers will be insulted by comments, criticism or parodies that others laugh at. Just because she would be insulted by something does not mean that everyone would, so she can't make a universal claim there.

Second, and probably my most important rebutta: Parodies exist. They are part of life and no one has the right to tell anyone they can't make a parody. Everything from parody movies to teenagers laughing about something as they come out of a cinema can be considered parody. As her if it's possible that there's absolutely nothing in the world that she has ever, in her life, made fun of. I doubt it. If we were all to go through life carefully tip-toeing around anything that might possibly offend someone, we'd never say anything at all.

On the same lines, following what IndeMaat said - there's a quote I have which I think sums up the matter nicely (though I'm afraid I've lost the citation): "It's amazing how many people think the right to freedom of speech means the right to be free of criticism for that speech, which would deny others the same right they claim for themselves." Unless she wants to argue that people should never write anything deconstructing another person's fictional work - which would make the entire notion of fanfic immoral and to be banned - then she can't use this point as more than a mild supporting paragraph.

Also, as Cassie said, she might be getting defensive of her own work, if only subconsciously. Someone who resorts to mocking you certainly doesn't sound like someone who has enough self-confidence to take things calmly without feeling the need to lash out at percieved attackers. It might help to reassure her that the PPC only goes after the absolute worst stories out there (presuming, of course, that hers don't qualify. And if they do, I suggest you pretend they don't - that won't do anyone any good).

I won't even go into the whole child-writers angle, because the others have covered that already. FFN and LJ and all them have rules for a reason; it's not our fault if someone chooses to break them. If they want to be treated as adults (well, teenagers, at least), then they have to be willing to take the bad with the good, and that means public posting = public criticism. The world can be harsh. Live with it. This isn't school, where children/teens are pampered and parents pay to let them pass classes.

Sorry for making this a laundry list of support points, but Aster Corbett's right, too; if someone were to write a PPC mission that was truly cruel, we'd step in. We're not a sniggering group of bullies who will support each other blindly.

On the humiliation point - yes, true, it's very likely that anyone who finds their work has been PPCd will be humiliated. I'm sure I would. First of all, we don't actively go up to writers and say "We've made fun of your dreadful writing!" We keep it low-key and post in places that really only other PPCers are likely to find it; we're a very closed community in that sense. Second, such things happen. It's life. We all get humiliated sometimes, and anyone who gets to the age of twenty without at least one absolutely dreadful shameful episode hasn't experienced enough of life to be properly living it. Tough though it is, it's good for us - even the people who take it in the worst way possible and wail, "I'll never write again!" They might think that now and change their minds later, or maybe it's true, in which case they'll undoubtedly find something else to make themselves happy. We are not their parents, teachers, or friends - we are not obliged to make their lives turn out perfectly. They have to do that themselves, and that means putting in effort rather than expecting the world to coddle them. Certainly, fanfic and fandom are fun, a hobby - I consider it such - but fun and effort are not mutually exclusive.


On a slightly different note, I'd advise you to be very careful about how you present your argument, because I expect that even if every point you make is perfect and you punch holes in every one of her arguments, she's not going to take it well - no one likes to be so thoroughly proven wrong. Most I've seen will respond with more and more feeble (or angry) protests; how many times do you really see someone meekly bwo their heads and say "You're totally right, I was wrong, please forgive me, I feel so bad..." ? Not many, and she doesn't sound like the type. A heafty dose of "I think" and "well, to me..." phrases should help. Use the plural if you need to ("we don't think of ourselves as mean..."), but try avoiding stating it like fact, because that will probably just make her deaf to your actual words.

Last, though I hate to say it, you may not be able to convince her. It happens. I hope she's not someone you consider too close a friend, or whose opinion you value too much. I hope you'll be able to at least work out a "each to their own" agreement. Good luck.

First, it's none of her business if you joined PPC, so she should stop mocking about that. Some people choose worse things than sporking badfics.
Second, as many have said, we "insult" the fics, not the writers. There's a long way from one to another, and if someone can't tell the difference they should give up. I'm sure Stephanie Meyer doesn't mind when many of us say we don't like Twilight.
Third, if a four or five year old writes something, I bet his/her parents saying "hey, this is the fic my four/five year old child wrote, hope you like it". But in fact I see them more likely to tell their children "Nice story, but we're not putting it on the web"
Fourth, that "could someone please think of the kids?" thing makes me remember of The Simpsons' Mrs Lovejoy, when she shouts it even though it had nothing to do with the matter they were talking about.
Fifth, nobody who tries his/her best would write an almighty-out-of-canon character, that's common sense. So if there's a Sue, there's little effort.

If a writer wants to get in contact with us, they can. If they want us to explain what they did wrong, we will (and missions are, in effect, fictionalised explanations to that effect). That way they can learn to make things they can be genuinely proud of, and that they will get honestly rewarding reviews on.
The internet is not prone to babying people. A four-year-old should not know how to make a Sue have cringeworthy sex with Legolas or similar; such an argument is patently absurd. A parent 'helping' a child write and post such a thing would be firstly exposing their child to inappropriate content, and secondly doing the equivalent of lobbing their kid into a shark pool. In which case we come off looking pretty kind by comparison...

We're the reasonable critics on the internet. We can be rational and speak civilly. There are much, much harsher groups out there.

Side note: is she your friend, not just your classmate? That should govern whether you mock her until she stops using specious 'think of the children' arguments when her own profile has faved fics no child should ever read, or just tell her "I'm not going to discuss this with you, because our opinions differ too greatly on this."

Essentially, it's the same thing as laughing at the blooper reels on movies. What gives us the right to laugh at those actors? They worked so hard, and they really enjoy what they do! ... Well, it's funny when they mess up, and after all, they DID put those bloopers there for everyone to see. I think that gives us every right to laugh.

In a similar vein, there's the famous stage analogy. When you get up in front of people, we expect that you've washed your hair, maybe used a little bit of tasteful makeup, and are dressed appropriately for the performance. What badfic writers do by posting unedited, stream-of-consciousness, I-wrote-this-at-one-am-lol, or this-is-based-on-a-dream-lol, drivel, is get up on stage naked, having not bathed for a week, wearing rancid mayonnaise and fish heads and scream "LOOK AT ME! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF ME! PLZ REED N REVUU!" ... Why is it wrong to say the performance stinks?

Like others have said, the fics we PPC don't show any evidence of really trying their best or thinking it through. We look for the stories that haven't been spell-checked, or that include completely false information about canon or real life (bad science is a particular annoyance for me)--especially when those errors are funny. If they really cared and tried their best, we wouldn't go after them, because they wouldn't be so chock-full of funny errors.

I think the main argument is that putting your work up in a public place, like ff.net, is an implicit consent to all forms of review--it says so in the Terms of Service, as I recall. Not all those reviews are going to be pleasant. If you can't handle that, no matter what your age, then you shouldn't post. As it is your privilege to post, it is our right to respond to it how we will.

~Neshomeh

I also point out that the PPC doesn't usually approach fic in which the author actually tries. In fact, excuses like 'I WROTE THIS WHILE HIGH' or "LOL SUGAR RUSH' are our tip offs TO MAKE FUN OF THEM. Usually the errors we catch are really, really bad spelling and grammar errors that even a kid in grade school knows is wrong and posts anyway, and things that happen in writing when the person *doesn't* care. The fics we spork are born of somebody not caring one saturday night and writing about Usagi Naruto LeLonde the Third smooching up Serverus Snape and somehow growing sparkly pink wings and becoming Jesus. That is not something somebody writes when they intend to write a story for others. They do it for their own entertainment, and then post it... perhaps they think it's good? When I got a constructive crit I felt bad for a second, but then I learned from it.

If a single PPC mission goes out of its way to be mean to the writer or to be really and honestly cruel, then somebody here will catch it. It's uncool among us to be evil, I feel. The gagging and the gasping for air in the sporking is meant as a satire, as a comedy. Killing the Mary Sue is often comical (Nobody cries when an anvil falls on Wile E Coyote) or after a well-established string of offenses so it makes SENSE to do so. Any Suethor, if they read a sporking fully, would see this.

Flamers are harsher than us and crush more small children every day. But the kids won't stop writing-- some just want attention? I did when I was little. The 'lol i luved it' comments may make them feel better, but they'll never score the 'You are an amazingly good writer, I especially liked the part when...' comments with what they have got.

I WISH somebody PPCed my oldfic.

I point out that on her profile page she has a kitschy 'things my mother taught me' list and then ends it with "If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven."

Nothing against the religion. But the 'do it or else' mentality posted without thinking hints to me the sort of person she is. Not one filled with bad intentions-- I am sure she thought the kitschy list was cute. But one that doesn't think of all of the insinuations of what she says, or what her opinions really mean to others.

I am loathe to call her stupid, because she is your friend and I doubt she is unintelligent. But her argument and her general attitudes upon skimming her fics smell somewhat of somebody who doesn't take the time to try and understand others fully...

As Indemaat said, mocking story =/= mocking author, but some authors can't tell the difference. It seems to me that your friend is trying "attack is the best form of defence" and is worried about her own stories being PPCed now that someone she knows is in a position to draw them to our attention. She might not consciously think of it in those terms, but it is the sort of reaction one might expect from a paticularly protective ficwriter who's found out about us.

My response would be along the lines of, "If they are trying their best, why are they making such a mockery of the worlds they claim to love? If you care about [insert fandom here], you don't write things that warp it so badly. And if they can't handle criticism, they shouldn't be putting their writing up where people can criticise it." Possibly along with some reassurance that we don't really go after mediocre fics, only actually bad ones.

*hugs for a Xanthia* It's not an easy situation, but stick by your principles. We're not here to coddle writers, but we don't bully them either. Good luck!

PPC is not about insulting the author, if anything, it is about insulting the story the author wrote. If the author can't separate their own ego from their story, that for the most part is their problem.

And though I am not a fan of this particular defense: What gives you the right to insult writers? The part of your country's constitution/laws that insure you freedom of speech. The same articles that give badfic authors the right to insult/rape the canon source material.

That bit about parents helping their five-year-olds post fic on the interwebs. Seriously? I'm sure there are parents how think the internet is just like their refrigerator at home when it comes to showcasing their kids projects, but then the parents would post the story on an account of their own, to show how proud their are and receive compliments.

On the other hand, you could decide to put a little effort into trying to find out more about the author. For instance, I decided that I should only PPC stories written by people 16 and older. They are old enough to know better than to write badfic. And can't use the "but I'm just a little kid" argument.

One, four or five year olds should not be writing fanfiction, even if their parents consent. There's an age limit on ff.net for a reason.
Two, even if someone is at the younger end of the spectrum, that doesn't really change anything. I joined ff.net at thirteen, wrote some crap, found Pottersues and the PPC and was not ultimately scarred for life. Admittedly I have never had a fic PPCed, but other people have with no lasting effects.
Three, we don't insult writers. We insult their stories. They could get better, and then we shall praise them.

Hope that helps. =D

checked her profile and wow...that's a lot of twilight fics. I don't think you'll be able to reason with her, but I really think what the PPC does is just tough love. All you're doing is pointing out flaws in the stories the have chosen to share with the world. If they want to humiliate themselves by throwing a fit over it then it's not your problem, though it is kind of funny.

If she thinks that's a valid argument, tell her about some of the ones with perfect grammar and spelling but horrifically squicky content. (Warn her in advance before actually showing her C*l*br**n or similar.)

senseless, but parody in the end. Like this, I don't know if you've seen it

"How Hogwarts became a nudist colony" by Slinky-and-the-BloodyWands
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2179136/1/

Looks like a parody of badly-written smutfic to me. It's not very well done, but it's more a parody of all those mind-scarring porn fic between asexuated characters than a smut-parody of Pacman.

I like the dynamics between your characters, especially when the differences between sensory sensitivity come into play.

Also, that was a very short fic. There didn't seem to be any plot to it at all. Kinda makes you wonder what the author was thinking.