Nov 2010 Archive, part b

Some mediocre-leaning-bad fics do improve as they go and/or the author rewrites earlier chapters, but this is leaning so far it seems unlikely.

Ellipsis already quoted the 'charge list' so I won't repeat it, but I agree with most of it (and I'm especially peeved by the insistence on putting apostrophe's where they don't belong!)

Quote: Warnings: Swearing, smart!Harry, Sorta-Slytherin!Harry, ?Dark!Harry? (not sure-at least a Grey!Harry), past Abused!Harry (slightly), Manipulative!Dumbledore, Not-so-bad!Voldemort, Major OOCness, there may be more, but I can't remember so...I may add to this list...

So many prefix!Characters, especially dark!Harry and not-so-bad!Voldemort... and oh lord the "Issues List" in the middle could double as a charge list.

I'd wait for a while if there was a second chapter, but otherwise it looks like a yes.

The world needed a website like that: a place to gather all the good fan-fictions. Thank you, WEI.

That was funny. You did a good job of diluting the awfulness of the fic. I laughed a lot. Frodo is a gay vampire!! I love it.

Awesome riffing. And thanks for the limb-dropping reference, I appreciate that :) (Don't know if you saw mine and PitViper's latest, but the motif continues in that one. It's surprisingly easy to find riffs on that, isn't it? Can't blame Raketooth the Amazing Three-Armed Fox for picking up a spare.)

*eye twitch*

Putting aside my dislike for crossovers, it still is... what's the word I'm looking for? Jarring. Gah!

I quote: ""Arius, please don't kill anyone. We can kill Insatiate, but I don't want any blood in this.""

That's just one of the lines that breaks my train of thought. Don't kill anyone, you can kill someone, please no blood... *head pop*

I don't consider myself a good judge of fan-fiction quality, but that fic needs an agent over there.

There's no such creature anywhere in Kingdom Hearts canon. Based on the few chapters I read, I'd be willing to argue that this is badfic.

No, no, that definitely looks like a badfic.

Woah, there's rumours about a Lies movie in the tubes? I'm not entirely sure how I missed that. The only rumours I've heard that the next book is going to come out next February-ish, but I have not heard anything at all about a movie.

Sorry. If it's any consolation, the rumours about the new book being out next February aren't actually rumours.

While I am in the process of developing a pair of Assassins and would love to take on the second fic, I've only really played one of the games (and have so far failed to complete it because of how hard it is).

Do you think I could manage it with a lot of research?


Also, what do you think would be a good counterpart to a krogan Agent? I do have a werewolf character, but he might be too cheery to handle a krogan warrior well.

According to the descriptions, both are badfic.

Being some thousand years old is not an heavy offense in the Touhou canon, since a lot of people is much older. (Eirin was probably around 6000-7000 years ago. Yes.) However, if the Stu is an human, it cannot be: humans age just as Real World ones in Touhou. However, most Touhou characters look very young, and most of the girls look like lolis.

I know Touhou a bit, but not enough to claim them. And I've got enough mission to write, anyways.

I don't know the fandoms, but according to what you've listed here, those all sound like solid charges, even if not enough to send agent screaming in terror. Just because they have decent grammar and spelling certainly doesn't make them goodfic. What makes you think they wouldn't qualify?

I love this. That's all I can say. I was giggling like an idiot throughout the entire thing, and I have to say that drunk Caleb is the funniest thing I've read in a while.

Glad you had fun messing around with these guys.

I think that's hilarious. Then again, cracky interludes like this generally are. :D

Generally, if no one replies to such requests around here, it's because no one has the time or the background knowledge to help you out. Your first post hasn't even fallen off the first page yet; it won't have died from being unnoticed. Chances are, I'm afraid, that no one is able or ready to help you at this point.

Also, if I may be blunt, this is a community, and as such, we tend to be more inclined to do favours for each other when we have some familiarity with said people; given that the only threads you've taken part in are related to your request, that makes it a little hard for people to get to know you. In fact, I'm still not clear on whether you want to join our community and enjoy the PPC for what it is, whether or not you write missions, or whether you're just here because you heard that we're good beta readers. If the former, I would suggest actually taking part in more discussions. If the latter... you're not likely to get much of a response. Solidarity and all that.

All that said, I'm afraid I can't help beta read for you - I've never even heard of the fandom, and I'm very busy just now. Sorry.

I'll skip the explanations and move right ahead to the presents... chocolate, Canadian maple syrup, and some C4. Use the latter sparingly. Thank you, and leave your sanity in the bucket at the door marked 'orc fodder'

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, and please enjoy your stay!

Hai there,

Welcome!

Please accept this radioactive fish and this strange beeping shoe. I don't know why the shoe beeps, and I don't think I want to know. What I do know is that you should never let a cat get near it...

You're not the only non-native English speaker here. I'm Italian, but I still managed to get Permission, so don't worry. We are a caring community, so if you need help, there will surely be someone willing to give an hand.

And, have a folding car! It becomes a rather heavy case when not in use. Do not keep it near fragile objects, however. It has a nasty habit of unfolding when it shouldn't.

Do not feed it Sues.

Here, have a weapon of your choice (anything up to and NOT including flamethrowers) and this five-pound bag of assorted candy.

Don't worry about English not being your first language. Loads of people on here are willing to beta-read stuff, and they can help you fix most errors.

Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it here.

Here, have this conical hat. It's made from tin foil to keep out the whatever.

Welcome, new friend!

Have a venomous arthropod! Don't worry, they bite.

As to your query about 'how it all works,' we just like to get to know the folks who hang around. So yeah, join discussions, comment on things other members write, join in when we're playing games...just generally have fun and be yourself, so we know who you are! I hope this was helpful...

Hi! Have a Pie of Rassilon and a pet cat. The pie is yummy. The cat is a calico. Do not eat the cat.

As to the grammar/spelling/punctuation thing, don't worry. Anything that you've written, you can ask for beta-readers to help you with, and most of the time someone will.

Hello fellow new person. Maybe I'll be able to help with the spelling/grammar/punctuation/whatnot you need help with. If you write something for the Board and want it reviewed, I can beta-read it.

Apparently PPC wants you to hang around for a month or so before you can be granted permission, so it's a good idea to participate in some of the other topics. It would be good language partice.

About your question: "Could anyone tell me how it all works?", could you be a bit more specific?

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

After talking this over with Makari, I'm going to have to say no.

Your writing sample seemed lacking; it wasn't emotionally engaging, and seemed very focused on the logistics of the game, instead of character development. Your character showed potential at first, but I found a lot of her actions towards the Piplup very illogical-- it seemed like you were trying too hard to set up the Pokemon-as-Tools archetypal character, without giving in-story reasoning. With your Agents' descriptions being so vague, it's hard to approve Permission without knowing that your writing style has improved since that sample to the point where you won't fall into the same traps with them.

Don't take this as a final ending-- feel free to work on your agents and writing sample, and re-apply! Plenty of people do, and I'd hate to see you give up entirely just because of this. I would recommend adding an introduction to your Agents with your next application-- it makes things much easier for PGs to see what you're planning to do with them.

(As an aside: please try to avoid re-posting a topic before it's fallen off the first page of the 'Board. Every new topic does push an old one off the edge.)

Gremlin leapt over the back of the loveseat and landed next to her partner, who was glaring at her laptop. "What's up, Xerry? You're looking a bit more grim than usual."

"I appear to have taken some sort of misstep in regards to my email," the Nobody replied. "Take a look for yourself."

Gremlin hissed through her teeth as she skimmed the laptop screen. "That's some nasty spam you picked up. Inadvertantly hilarious, sure - I mean, who ships their documents with their expensive African artwork? - but still nasty. Want me to take care of it?"

"If you can make any progress where I have failed, I would be most appreciative." Xericka passed the computer over to Gremlin.

The dark-haired girl scanned the screen again for around a minute before closing her eyes and pressing her fingers against the laptop shell. The lights in the room flickered for a split second. There was a hint of ozone in the hair.

Gremlin's eyes snapped open. "Done. Problem solved," she said as she handed the computer back.

"What exactly did you do?"

"Nothing big. I just used my powers to trace the spammer back through the system then erased his hard drive."

Xericka raised an eyebrow. "You have the ability to do that?"

"Ehh..." Gremlin waved her hand non-committally. "It only works about 20 percent of the time."

"I see. Thank you for trying anyway. The effort is gratifying." Xericka paused before giving her partner a blink-and-you'd-miss-it hug.

Gremlin smiled as she propped her feet up on the coffee table. "Here to help, that's me."

WHACK!
I got the bludgeoning lessons from JulyFlame. *chuckle*

How did this end up here, anyway? Don't these usually go to email and get junked? And this is a really stupid one; I've seen much scarrier.

Lovely spam, wonderful spam!

Maybe if you're a Viking, but we don't want it here. Oh, and if you're paying $18K for international shipping then there's obviously more than one crook out there!

*noms the spam* Yuk! That tastes disgusing! Purge it, quick.

Die, die, DIE, you evil spam!

(Is spam evil in and of itself, or just a collection of wobbly meats? Ah well. *stabbity*

What would an obvious hoax involving shipping money that would under normal circumstances be private be doing on a public message board of fanfiction writers?
(Other than to entertain said fanfiction writers, of course)

ADDRESS: EARTH
STATE: LAKE WOBEGON
DATE: 6-21-3-11-15-6-6

Dear Mr. Barry Philip,

In regards to the shipment document, I assure you that there is no need for you to go to all this trouble. I have received the crate without incident or hassle, and I applaud you in your efficiency in spite of any obstacles you may have been met with in your efforts.

Also, there is no need for you to bother yourself with coming over to the country. I have no more need of your services, and at approximately 1300 hours this afternoon, I dispatched a pair of my associates to find you and terminate you immediately. You see, I now that you have fulfilled your purpose, it is quite necessary for me to tie up loose ends, one of which is yourself, regrettably. I'm sure you'll understand.

You have approximately 10 minutes to get your affairs in order, hug your children, and watch anything you might have Tivo'd lately. Give my regards to your wife, and I'll see you in hell.

Sincerely,
Your Grateful Associate.

*thwacks with a frying pan*

Really, do you think ANYONE is stupid enough to actually fall for this?

At least my pan is getting a good workout. CLANG!

OH MY GOD! we might be accomplices! I WILL NOT GO TO JAIL AGAIN!

It is perfectly clear. This is secret code, posted where it can be accessed without anyone become suspicious of the recipient! A perfect cover! It is all utterly obvious!

Now if we can just crack the code, we can figure it out and either blackmail them or join their forces, depending on the quality of plot. Who's up for it?

Why are you sending that money to America, you fool? Thought you could skip town without me noticing, eh? You'd better get your butt right back here, "friend," unless you want the full attentions of the Nigerian mafia to ruin your little English vacation.

You've got a lot of gall trying to hide our money in America! If the Customs Department figures out what's in that crate, we'll never see it again. I am NOT going to lose my royal fortune just because I was stupid enough to risk using some bumbling American nitwit to try and secure it!

See you--and my money--REAL soon,

Prince Mekembo of Nigeria

"The same cannot be said for other stuff the Cafeteria offers."

"Spam? Edible?" asked Wanda, a Centaur in DAVD.

"As faute de mieux," replied the cat-underperson.

Fair winds!
Now you can throw BBQ parties!

Here's a Pip-Boy 3000. Wrist mounted computer used by Vault Dwellers. Good for inventory, maps, and comes with a fancy Heads Up Display interface.

Have some chocolate. What fandoms are you interested in?

I remember you! You were around when I joined, all thoes months ago. Yeah, I don't post that much either. =(

Anyway, welcome back! And stop blushing. It attracts the Nargles.

I wouldn't feel embarrassed. I only post here... once every now and again.

I remember you - only faintly, but I do remember. The month-long wait for Permission is there so that we can get to know you and so you can participate in the community for a while first, so I suggest that you wait another month - this time interacting with the community - before asking.

Nice to see you again. :)

...because I'm a Potter fanatic, but I loved it. Of course it had its plot holes and things from the book that were conspicuous in their absence, but overall I reckon it was quite well done.
SPOILER ALERT BELOW.
And I cried when Dobby died. Because I'm a sap.

First, the release of Book 7 was way more exciting than this. Fans had been guessing about it for months, wacky theories were everywhere, and everyone was really jazzed. Now it's mostly everyone saying "Gee, I wonder what they screwed up."
Second, there's probably going to be flood of badfic. There's plenty of H/H Ship Tease in the first part, which will delight H/H fangirls who have not read the books and will have their bubbles burst by Part 2. Besides, Movie!Hermione's getting really pretty, and she's already intelligent, which is just asking for a flood of Sueage...poor girl.
(I hope I didn't offend any Harmonians with that last bit)

I'll probably wait for the DVD, I don't go to the movies much any more.

I'm still annoyed that they had to cut into two parts (even if it *is* really long, mainly because my favorite part of the last book will be in part two.

As for what it is... well, I can't say it without spoiling anything so... if anyone asks, then I'll tell you.

I've been a Harry Potter fan(atic) since before I can actually remember; however, I always prefered the books to the movies(My parents got so annoyed during the first movie: "Hagrid doesn't act like that!" "Harry never did that!" "They skipped my favorite part!"), so I wasn't one of the "legions of fans" last night. I'll probably be watching it in a week or so with my family.

The Harry Potter thing I'm really looking forward to is the family trip to Harry Potter Land at Universal Studios in a few weeks. I will get one of those wands, or pass out in exhaustion trying.

I wanted to go to see it yesterday (in my country it's already released) but there was so much queue to see it that it was a bad idea (something like "I'm queuing four hours to see it?" I like HP but not that much).
Probably I'll go watch it next week; it may be worth, I bet they can't do anything worse than the last film, I mean there were so big plotholes I feared Harry would fall in one.

A special showing was being held as a fundraiser thing for some high school...but my little brother lost the paper he brought home from school that had the phone number to call for tickets. Ah well.

I'm not seeing it until next Sunday, the 28th. I'm going to see it in IMAX with my best friend-who-is-a-dude-and-is-not-my-boyfriend-stop-asking-dagnabit.

Personally, I'm glad it's not coming out in 3D. To many movies are coming out in 3D, it's just not fun anymore.

Time difference and a different release date, you see.

No spoilers (unless some strange person around here has not read the book), but I liked it very much! The only - and I mean ONLY things I would change are trading off a little of the epic landscape shots and character interaction during the Never Ending Camping Trip (which felt even more like so in the book than here) for a little more time with the Dursleys - who had a grand total of thirty seconds' screen time, and we didn't even see Dudley's face - or maybe a little more of Tonks and Nevill (we actually saw more of Hermione's parents than both of them together, which is a shame).

I think the spark has faded a little for me personally, just because time has passed and I'm more invested in new fandoms right now. The choice of where to split the two parts was just fine and I have no issue with it. They added several very funny moments and smoothed over the sections that had to be patched quite well. Dobby and Mad-Eye Moody got at least five amusing/endearing lines each, for pretty transparant reasons. They certainly made it darker, too - when they're in Malfoy Manor and Bellatrix has Hermione upstairs, she screams in such a way that made me shudder; like she really is being heinously tortured.

And... that's all the random things I can think about. Sadly, I think it will indeed herald a new flood of badfic, because new movie releases always do. It may be lesser than previous ones, though. I suspect the vast majority of it will be about the Harry-Ron-Hermione interrelationships - all shippers will easily find something to support their chosen pairings. Brace yourselves, mates.

See, in the fic I'm trying to spork, our heroes inject the Mary Sue with deadly nightshade in an attempt to cure a gunshot wound, and for reasons which are never explained it instantly heals up the wound and brings her out of her coma. Even though it was, I repeat, deadly nightshade. However, we're talking about a continuum in which head injuries make your hair turn blue and it's possible to live through having most of your internal organs removed and someone else's put in their place with rusty cutlery for surgical tools and absinthe as anaesthetic. So, you can see, I was unsure whether this counted as a charge. I still think it does, because the canon weirdness seems to run on the Rule of Funny, whereas the nightshade thing was apparently pulled out of nowhere purely for the convenience of the author.

In the way that you deal with them. I.e. in a musical, you never question why or how all these punks suddenly know how to dance together and sing in the same key, and all that. You just sit back, relax, and enjoy.

There is a point where this goes too far, hence the necessity of sporking. But sometimes, if you can read without it constantly bothering you, it's fine. And, like Araeph has demonstrated, sometimes there's a logical explanation.

That any "extra" children in the "Giver" universe were euthanized shortly after birth, e.g. the twin baby who weighed less. So if not enough families apply...down the chute. *shudder*

~Araeph

I have similar problems with Inception - it's fascinating, but there are some internal contradictions that (Trojie and) I have basically decided to handwave becuase there's no reasonable way to fix them. In terms of how they affect the continua and PPC missions, I like your ideas. They could certainly be used for fun and for interest, or even just as warnings or explanations. :)

The second and last ones seem more likely to be badfics plotholes to me, but when I wrote that I was thinking about plotholes in filmverses (I barely remember Hermione giving Harry Regulus'reliquary -I don't know if it's the right word- in a weird way, I think Dumbledore left it for them or something like that, my memory isn't serving me right)
But natural plotholes may cause Agent insanity increase, like a collateral damage or something like that

Well, have fun killing this abomination. 0P

Okay, I admit, I'm not that familiar with the Death Note canon and I didn't know BB, but this seems ridiculous. Is he really that obsessed about jam? He sounds like a mere lunatic in this fic.

Basically, if you want to write something that will be part of PPC canon - a mission or interlude featuring Agents/Flowers/etc. - you will need permission for that. MSTs and artwork you don't need permission for, as they aren't really part of PPC canon (unless you're drawing other people's creations, in which case I'd ask their specific permission first).

Ooh, a snowball fight. This looks fun.

*signals to something behind her. She is somehow now clad in a black skin-tight one-piece outfit, with a red cloak billowing behind her, a bulky pistol holstered on one hip and a sword sheathed on the other*

Snow!Men of Tanith! Do you want to live forever?

*there is the suggestion of movement behind her and suddenly the air is filled with snowballs*

"Sandworm Group A, Crash against the gates to allow Ground Battalion L to storm the first circle. Sandworm Group B, attack from the left flank to distract the troops on the walls. Sandworm Group C will do the same."

Snow!Muad'dib, on the other hand, began flying to the citadel with Snow!Fedaykin, his elite warriors.

(insert Infernal Trio throwing snowballs by every single method thought of in sentient multiverse)

*Grabs large bucket to fill with snow for ammo*

*starts building snow!Trolls and snow!Grond*

"Alright, those walls are obviously too strong, I'll need to batter down the front gates."


*Begins rolling a giant snowball*


(singing) "All the kings horses and all the kings men, surely cant put the gates back together again!"

I'll go get a catapault and a show shovel! (Runs off)

Airhead didn't need a Snow!Minas Tirith. Why would she need a Snow!Minas Tirith with her Invincible!FULL-BODY-SNOWSUIT? Who cares about style, anyway?

44 snowballs, 6 pratfalls and 17 ice-shoved-down-shirt maneuvers later, she was less certain...

Take that! And that! And this! And some of this!

Man, I love snow.

I'm under enemy fire! Need backup!

*is hit by a snowball*

Screw that. LEEEEEEEEEEROYYYYYY JEEEEEENKIIIIIINS!

*starts throwing snowballs at everyone in sight*

...Snow!Sandworms.*

The legions of Snow!Muad'dib have come! Fall before his legions!

*Builds Snow!Aterides Keep.*

It hasn't snowed here, but I shall enjoy this anyway! *sets off into the snowy landscape to build Snow!Helm's Deep and an army to fill it*

*tosses snowballs with abandon and rather poor aim, hitting at least three people she wasn't aiming at*

I'll show you! *turning arms like windmill to throw snowballs* Revenge is a pleasure for gods! Hahahahahah! *two guys in white coats come in and drag her*

Gah! Cold cold cold cold cold! *flails arms and flees indoors*

Some got inside my jacket, gah!

*Starts building a barricade of snow in front of a broom closet*
Can you use brooms as a weapon in a snowball fight? Or is that cheating?

YEAH! Let's make killer monster snow goons!
*gets snowballed*

This is going to be interesting.

*pelts snowball at first person she sees*

*Wanders off, sidestepping the odd snowball, to find a source of fire*

Worked on Helm's Deep...

*Dodges a snowball*

Ha!

*Gets hit by another one*

D'oh!

*Builds herself a fort*

*pops out from under the snow and nails nearest victims* This'll be just like on Tom and Jerry! *starts building snowman army*