Would love to attend! Entropy would still have been around then (he, too, died in the Macrovirus/Invasion schemozzle), and Riboflavin was not yet recruited, but all the rest (Logan, Aegis, Iodin and Alagos) are available for the taking.

Elcalion

...except that my agents weren't around until late 2007. :(

Sadly, neither of my currently active Agents were around at that time. I've got one in the works who would've been, but she's not due to show up in my canon for about two more missions.

That'll have a small effect on which of my many characters would be available for this piece. Get back to me at kyle.garrett41@gmail.com and I'll see which would be available, and give you any information required.

I don't actually have any agents.(insert sadface) If you're not finished before the middle of September, I'd love to let you use them!

Assuming the wedding takes place before the 2008 Sue Invasion, since you said the groom dies then...

Nurse Jenni would definitely turn up for a wedding. If it's 2007, she'd probably drag Ilraen along so he can see what it's like, and between the two of them they could probably get Nume to show up. You could also grab any of my FicPsych people. And Agent!Neshomeh.

~Neshomeh

Neshomeh summed up my feelings on this mission pretty well when she said "I didn't really get a sense of what was so wrong with the fic (other than turning someone into a naga)." Speaking as someone who's read Naga Eyes without the benefit of the 'Saltines and Sprite' MST treatment, I can say with authority that is not a problem you should have with this text. You needed to make it more clear why this fic is so bad, be that through quotes or agent reactions.

Explaining what vore was right off the bat could have helped. The story you used was okay, but for something like vore you need to be blunt.

I enjoyed the first few paragraphs, don't get me wrong. But this could have really been improved had you just set it aside until you had the time to really flesh it out.

Also, there are no centaurs in Kingdom Hearts.

Congrats on sitting through that story! I couldn't make it very far...This is a short mission, but there was only so much you could really quote without making the mission an equally disgusting read.

May I be so bold as to point out some typos?
-"The two of them had spent a lot of together..." is missing "time."
-"Tadkeeta's business-like tone had soften a bit..." should say "softened a bit."
-"Maybe she was more emotional around people she more familiar with," should be "...she was more..."

It seemed like the banter between the agents was good, as was the content of the story itself, but I do think that you could have made it a bit longer - even if you were rushing. On the other hand, I snickered when Caroline lobbed a ray gun at Tadkeeta, and again when they took down Nagariku. X3 One thing I was curious about was Caroline's whole horse thing; at first I thought Caroline might have had a horse phobia when she was a kid, as the word 'pang' usually comes with a negative stigma, but later on she was actually happy to go hopping on Tadkeeta. You may want to reword that.

I could read for pacing and character development. You know my grammar, so someone else will have to read for that.

"All right, let's see if we can find him. He really needs a deputy of some sort, but I don't really know anyone well enough to suggest someone who might be capable."

Edward was in the middle of directing some newcomers to set up camp off the chalk roads, so Galenfea and SttQ waited until he'd finished. At length, he turned to them. Galenfea thought that he really did look tired, and a little wobbly on the AK47 he was still using as a crutch, but she didn't mention it.

"We were wondering, given that we're really short on first aid supplies, if it would be a good idea for me to go and retrieve my first aid kit from my house. It's much better stocked than the one I've been using, but I didn't have time to grab it on the way out." Or sense, she mentally added. "I got here without running into any bots, and I'm pretty sure I can find the way back there. If it's going to be a while before the Ypurs arrive, we may need it."

I was going to wait for later tonight just to be sure, but it would seem that the bot has given up for this year. It usually posts between 10 and 11 PM, my time, and did not do anything last night that I could see.

I'm curious to know whether they've stopped on their own or whether an end has been put to them. Or if the messages are just being deleted still.

~Neshomeh

I'll be glad not to have to make that sortie :)
To SttQ: Sorry I sort of vanished there - I was waiting for Edward and then got jumped by a load of homework. Do you want to carry on over there?

Elemarth looked around. "I don't see any more..." She jumped off her ypur and turned back to pat its nose. "Hopefully, we'll meet again, but not to fight spambots. Hey, Kyoki, here's the left-over explosives and cameras, and the pole. Now, back to relative sanity..."

*Brings back Cat to her customary habitat*

But I'm keeping my supply of explosives handy just in case...

*I will celebrate properly once I get a good night's sleep.*

Remember to duck and cover if they come back!

I couldn't find the way out, so I just hid.

*releases jars of earwigs, spiders and lizards*

Hooray!

Hopefully we can hold off the terrible beast... >:c
LET'S GO OLD BOARD!

Looks safe... but just to be sure, I'm keeping my chainsaw out.

*aims his pistol to dark spots* Clear. Or it seeems. However, if there are some bots still around, theiy'll take a 9mm bullet between the eyes.

I'm sure we're all still sufficiently revved-up to deal with them. *cha-click*

However, that's more a function of me not knowing where to go.. so I took refuge elsewhere.

Just got finished on the first leg of my next big fan-fic project.

Looks like it.

I like it so far, but I can't tell exactly how different it is. My toddler decided to sing loudly through large chunks of this movie when we watched it, and we never got around to re-watching it before we had to return it.

I saw a few typos.

trying again everything not to cry again.

showing a band blue gold identical to the one she wore.

by offering to pay of the surgery when you get back.

I think that the introduction showed more insight than the original introduction; but, you can always stuff more into all 200 pages of a very good book than you can a very good movie. The bit about Susan was good, in my humble opinion. Although, I'm not sure if Avatar was a very good movie.

Judging by some of Aristotle's Elements of Drama:
PLOT: Well, I could compare it to Pocahontas extensively, but I'll just be lazy and post this: http://www.whatsgoodblog.com/2010/02/disneys-pocahontas-james-camerons-avatar/

CHARACTER: Rather stereotypical

SPECTACLE: Simply amazing. The 3d and realistic computer effects blow my (easily impressed) mind and the wonderfully created creatures, plants, and geography is astounding.

I'll give it a look. I'm pretty neutral about the original movie, and think it could have been done better, so pretty much any good interpetation is fine by me.

Having seen the movie since the previous discussion and now, I definitely appreciate what you've written a good bit more. It's rather good - provides a lot more context than the original, even if it has yet to diverge very much.

Two questions.

1.Is this an average day in HQ?

2. Is Conspiracy-Girl your personal possession, or can other PPCers use her too?

HOwever, who is that mad girl?

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQs.

You know, you're at least the second person I've shepherded over from dA. It's an interesting thing.

Anyhow, since you're here, this is your honorary first poke. *pokes*

I assume you've read the Original Series as well as Da Rules, but just the same, do check out any of the links you may not have seen yet in the See Also section of this page.

Incidentally, that is the most interesting introduction I've seen in a long time. It's too bad you missed the PPC Badfic Game; Agent Argent would have been awesome on Fanfic Land. Well, there's always next year. ^_~

Welcome!

~Neshomeh

Good timing -- just after the Board opened again. Have a model ypur and a mithril-silver dagger.

Are those...actual flashpatches? As in real-life, physically existing, sew-on flash patches for the departments?

...

AND an idea that, if fully fleshed out well enough, could be worthy of confirming you as a true Boarder once your month is up?

...

Damn. I mean, seriously, damn. I just find that so cool that I've completely forgotten what I was going to give you. I mean...damn.

Okay, I've definitly overused the word damn. Ne'er mind.

Have a pet cat. You may name him whatever you wish.

Have a sonic screwdriver and a bag of jelly babies. Please use responsibly.

Also, though you have read the rules, have you seen The Links?

Nice to meet you.

Please enjoy this bottle of Maison de Manque de Mémoire '72 as a welcoming gift. It's like Bleepka but older and with a fancy name!

Have some exotic matter. It has negative mass, and is handy for holding wormholes open. Just don't get it anywhere near a Reality Room!

I think I recall a PPC department that might have something to do with the events you mention...

*flash*

...what was I just saying?

Oh, yeah! Welcome to the PPC! Have some exotic matter. It has negative mass, and is handy for holding wormholes open. Just don't get it anywhere near a Reality Room!

Welcome, new friend!

Have a butterfly and a turtle! Just don't mix them up--the turtle goes in the wet terrarium, and the butterfly goes in the box full of flowers.

Welcome and stuff! Apparently it is tradition to give newbies random weird items in their introduction thread, so, umm... have a shiny quill pen! The better to write up charges with. Or notes.

Like so!

(I did not make the pretty pens. I wish I did. I make other things with feathers though!)

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly.

So...what are your fandoms?

Including, but not limited to, daggers,l toothpicks, sewing needles, hypodermic needles and religious tracts.

Just convince a sue to sit on it and retreat to a safe distance.

Amiti notes that the older Boarders gave her miscellaneous gifts upon joining. What should she give this new recruit? She rummages through her belongings, throwing a plover this way and a Bengal tiger that. Wait, you're asking how she managed this feat? Shush now, or that Bengal Tiger may be coming in your direction.

Deeper and deeper Amiti digs, but to no avail. She allows herself a pause for disgruntled mumbling, but her eyes never stop scanning the piles for that perfect gift, that one gift to-- The girl's jaw snaps shut with a startling crack. She seizes an ovoid object by its tapered leaves and takes a few minutes to gaze with awe at the soon-to-be-gift.

"Here," she finally says, handing the newbie a prickly fruit. "Have a pineapple."

Haha, thank you for giving me the opportunity to write something like that, no matter how nonsensical. I hope you enjoy your time here. =D

Rose wanders in, looks around, and jumps at the sight of a Newbie. Stopping, she takes off her Backpack of Doom, and pulls out a leathery, black bird, handing it to said Newbie.

"Here, have a Pidgin!" she cries, giving him the best, least maniacal smile she can come up with, which, incidentally, isn't very nonmaniacal.

"hay, wud u say?" asked the bird, looking back to glare at Rose with a single red-rimmed eye.

"Well, er, got to go!" says Rose, her smile becoming rather frantic as she backs away. "Hope you have a good time here! See you around!" with that, she runs out, leaving the startled Newbie holding a Pidgin, and not knowing what to do with it.

Have a gun. Better that crossbow and arrows to get rid of Sues.

Feel free to use it on Sues.

I don't think the author's very good at figures of speech. It should be "put (her country/his desire for immortality) before all", I'm pretty sure.

Also, was Evangelia a common Greek and/or Trojan name? Somehow I'm slightly doubtful on that score.

The movie was okay. Either way, that fic sounds awful. Someone kill it dead, please.

I am not a very big and this still scares me.

This is just a list of things I spotted that bug me:

1) It's Peninsula of Haemus or Chersónēsos tou Haímou if you want to stay in Greek, not Balkan Peninsula. That term was first used in the late 1400s and was not common until the 1800s.

2) Andromache was not a daughter of Zuse, the old thunderbolt normally did not favor his mortal offspring, and he would never give them or their decedents immortality.

3) Evangelia is a rare variant Evangeline. Evangeline is an old Greek name, but not that old.

4) Can't prove it, but fairly sure Damien is a modern name. it does have French/Greek origins, but I cannot find a reference connecting it to Troy.

And this was just in the first 300 words.

Then again I cannot talk much considering I like a Harry Potter Firefly crossover. In my defense it is well written and, as impossible as that may sound, stays loyal to both source materials.

Forewarning: I know absolutely nothing about the canon. You'll need a second beta for that. But I will help you out with grammar, spelling where you're speaking English (and possibly Spanish!), and syntax in general.

Example:

I need somebody to help with my Agent's character sheet and intro. Help, and I will reward you by writing missions.

Just let me know what exactly you're looking for. Do you want me to go over it with a basic red pen and fix extra/missing commas, add capitals where necessary, etc? Or would you like me to actually dive in and edit the thing? Because I can do both, but it's good to know what you're looking for, first.

I'm sorry that I can't help you with this, but I am no good at grammar and punctuation issues. My own commas need to be herded to safety before I can post stories. I hope you find someone soon.

I like your take on dealing with a scriptfic, and how exorcising the canon removed all the script elements and theater. It's funny how your agents start the mission out with the promise of a vacation, but in the end earn punishment missions for themselves...

Also, I'd like to thank you for making such a detailed header. :D

(...Sadly, though, I don't know Mass Effect at all. I'll give it a go, but I may not be able to comment on anything. :( )

Four mini-Colossi (quadruped robotic walkers) were acquired on this mission and are available for adoption:
Commander Shepherd
Kaiden
Nihlis
Matriach

put it up on the Unclaimed. That's just...

*sigh*

To whomsoever kills this: Gods' speed.

This fic is just creepy. Babyverse-and-beyond creepy. Beware.

shouted Kyoki as she chased fleeing spambots while riding a ypur. "Eat explosives spambot!" Moments later, there was a shower of spam metal and the air reverberated with the sound of detonating high explosives.

I'll take on the minis at the Agency, if nobody wants them.

Well, Rose/Ross are at least passable in Hary potter, and while they might not really know anything about NIN's music, I can see that as being the basis for a lot of amusement, actually. Along the lines of "Wait, I was selected for this mission based on one album that my ex loaded onto my computer years ago and I listened to enough to decide it wasn't worth my time?" quickly followed by "Wait, this doesn't even sound like the same band! Can't believe I never listened to any of their earlier stuff..."

So yeah, if you don't find anyone else, I'll do it.

Sadly, no - if it were just Harry Potter, my Agent Sedri could help, but she's Freelance DMS and about to be thrown into the DIC, and she can't stomach bad slash. I also don't know a thing about Nine Inch Nails. Sorry.

But I love that mini's name - Bradyduck? Seriously? :D

I'm not an artist, but this intrigues me. Skinny people *do* get all the art, don't they?

Ah, so you're DawnBlueWings. I was a bit confused. Thanks for the devwatch, though--I shall return it forthwith.

I like the idea of your challenge. I don't know if I'll be able to participate right now, but I'm sure I can manage eventually!

Cheers,

~Neshomeh

One of the main characters in my webcomic fits this description, so I believe I will go do that sometime soon. /nods

Agent Laburnum herself is quite big, but I'm not sure my drawings get that across properly:
http://chelonianmobile.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d1kck6z
I think I need practice. (Excuse crappy artwork, it's really old.)

Here we go. *shrug*

I've done some drawings like that myself - sketched my own body accurately from photographs. I heartily agree with you - it's so silly that every figure drawn is tiny. This Must Change.

So I'll do my best, Rosie. Good challenge :)

I need to ask, how did you post a pic on the board?

Is it just me, or fangirls writing mary-sue fics where they dream up their fantasies about Real-Life people creepy to you?

They're admitting that they want to sex Orlando Bloom, rather than pretending they just want to sex Legolas.
I thought RPF was banned on the Pit...

-troying. As for the fics themselves, I'd claim one, but I'm not sure how much there'd be to work with considering the (lack of) length. Good luck to whoever decides to kill them, though.

Oh No! Another Lord of the Rings Parody? by kitt_otter PG
Summary: ‘Fraid so. Frodo’s a stinker and Bilbo’s worse. Sauron’s beard is pointy and his minions wield chainsaws. Aragorn couldn't find his nose in the dark. And the worst of it…? Gandalf owes me money.

It does, I suppose, follow the basic plot, but most of the humour seems to centre on making the canon characters either stupid or mean, regardless of their actual canon personalities, plus the entirely unecessary addition of modern technology.

For example, this? Isn't funny, it's stupid:

“I think you’ve had it long enough – magic rings should be shared, not hoarded for two thousand years. Let it go.”
“Oho! Oho! I see; you want it all for yourself, don’t you, Gandalf?
“Well – I – well – no – I -- ”
The Eye of the Monkey crackled as dangerously as the eyes of its holder. “Then take this – Kreeahh!” Bilbo flipped overhead; Gandalf stumbled back, and they met staff-to-staff, thus beginning a very messy duel. In the end, they called it a draw, having hit Bilbo’s stuff more than each other.
“Alright then, here’s the Thing.” Bilbo carelessly tossed a small shiny ring onto the oliphaunt-skin rug. He met Flópi outside with an over-packed wagon. “No hard feelings,” he said, shaking Gandalf’s hand. There was a buzz of electricity, and Gandalf’s beard sizzled outward from every angle. “So long, schmo. And watch out for Frodo!”
Gandalf watched the old crackpot hop down the hill and the eerie blue flames that rose from Hobbiton afterward.

Bad parody is what you have when you don't have good parody.

What would you expect to see in a good parody? Probably the characters in character acting out the fandom cliches. I once read a parody where the characters seemed to be more or less aware of the cliches. Or at least, they asked each other about them. "Why do you always sing that song?" "We don't know any other songs."

Humor is subjective. And there will always be people that think a bad parody is the funniest thing ever, and a good parody dull.

I find cheap shots at characters and plot put me off. Plainly insulting the continuum or the original author also shows little effort.

I can say that a good parody tells the reader something about the original piece in a way that criticism might. Then I suppose a bad parody would not take the author's intent into account and, as I noted above, just take cheap shots of everything. It needs to get to the heart of the original piece, and then dissect it for better or worse. And if it doesn't do that...then in my opinion, it's a bad parody.

Mind, this is the opinion of one who hasn't read much parody at all.

There will always be room for argument depending on a person's particular sense of humour, so I'd say the DBP would be restricted to the sort of thing that no one (in their right mind) would find funny - cheap jokes about death (or murder), OOCness for no reason other than to be the butt of jokes, and inane plot devices would all be flashing warnign signs in my book.

Regardless, this is why I stay away from parody fic in general. It's just too hard to judge "good" or "bad" without involving "what I like" and "what I hate".

"For a long time, there has been a debate at Headquarters concerning the effects of humor on the continuum. Said debate questions whether humor fics have any effect on the continuum at all, and if so, how much? Most people believe that a fic's impact depends on two things: 1) its subject matter, and 2) its genuine humor content. A well-handled comedy that is genuinely funny is thought to cause little damage to the continuum, regardless of the plot. Some kinds of comedies also do little damage, even if they aren't all that funny. Stuff like bogus diaries by unlikely individuals, e.g. Bill the Pony, and fics set in chatrooms have little impact on the continuum. List fics also don't harm the continuum, no matter how inane they are.

The comedy fics that do the most harm are the ones that try to tell an actual story, have serious elements, and aren't as funny as their creator thinks they are. They also tend to rehash the same jokes that other people have used. (If I have to read one more "comic" account of the Council of Elrond, I swear I'll scream....)"

Don't know how helpful this is, but it might give you an idea of what would make a good mission for Bad Parody, which isn't always the same as what IS a bad parody - some fics, however awful they are to read, just aren't easily sporkable.

If the jokes made at the expense of the subject being parodied come off less as funny or clever and more as petty or cruel, that might very well be indicative of a bad parody. A good parody will not outright attack its source material, or if it does it will at least temper itself with some self-referential humor.

Stupid or obvious jokes are another major concern, as is overusing well-known memes. Sheer randomness posing as humor is also something to be concerned about.

Here's what I can think of.

Stale, tasteless jokes;
good portrayal of characters the author likes and generally worse portrayal of those he doesn't';
not even attempting to put together a plot (or, if there is one, it's obviously half-baked and done as an excuse to make characters do "funny" things);
relying on Internet memes and in-jokes to get their laughs across;
tastelessly turning characters who are normally straight-laced (or immature or whatever) into snark machines...

and so on and so forth. Some of these may connect to "general badfic characteristics"...

Not that I am an expert in this, but one of my agents has a backstory that isn't dependent on his coming from Not World One, although that is where he's from and it helps him a bit during his interview with the Marquis de Sod.

...my agents just got recruited on a "Yeah, you'll do." basis.
Seriously, the PPC is always understaffed. There doesn't really need to be a reason.

I've got two agents, and they were recruited each in a different way. The first one, Sergio Turbo, was intended to be the main character of an original fiction that got cancelled, and so he joined PPC in order to have something to do and avoid to disapppar. Corolla, instead, got recruited by Sergio, that officially found her in a badfinc still alive when she was supposed to have died with some other background characters. Officially, because in fact that badfic does not exist (however, if I find a suitable one, I can use it as a sort of flashback)

Well, the others have mostly covered it, so I'll just add that you don't always have to specify - my Agent Sedri, for example, definitely came from World One at some point, but has been a PPC agent for so long that her pre-PPC life is all but irrelevant. On the other hand, I'm getting quite bored with that storyline, so I may well go and flesh out her background a bit more - as you say, it helps a great deal to know that sort of thing.

My Agent Miah followed Allison and Tasmin to HQ when they did a mission on the fic she was reading. (Actually, Miah is the avatar that I have used for years, and was originally a near Sue character in a story that I almost wrote. I read a mission by Indemaat, and followed her links back to the PPC.)

Agent Cali fell through a plot hole, and the story of his arrival is detailed in the first story I wrote for the PPC. Miah shot him with a tranquilizer dart, and dragged him through the halls of HQ wrapped in a sheet trying to get rid of him. :D

Agent Kelok was rescued from the first mission Miah and Cali did, when they decided that his only real crime was existing.

Agent Unger was another plot hole traveler. Kelok and Unger met as roommates in FicPsych.

They're recruited because their authors say they are.

There are two possible perspectives on who an Author is in the PPC. First possibility: Authors are people who can tap into parallel universes and write about them. That would mean the characters have free will, but their Author is basically spying on them through the power of imagination. Second possibility: An Author can actually create parallel universes. In that case, a character is like a sub-program running inside the mind of the Author...

In any event, most PPC agents from World One drop into HQ through plot holes. World One is special precisely because of its numerous plot holes and the many Authors who take advantage of them, writing anything from legendary epics like "Lord of the Rings" to legendary badfic.

So, yeah. They drop in through plot holes. A few have somewhat more elaborate recruitments; my agent, Jason, answered a classified ad for a custodial worker and found himself working at HQ Janitorial, but like most World One agents, he walked into HQ through a plot hole.

As the others have said, there are plenty of methods used to recruit new Agents. Some of the more common are:

- rescuing abused or ignored bit-characters.
- people stumbling into the PPC through plotholes, most often from World One but not infrequently from canon worlds.
- people outright applying for jobs at the PPC, and being brought in for interviews and inevitable hiring.

A less common, but still viable, method of recruitment is to have active Agents going home and recruiting friends or family.

I find that developing my Agents' backstories and personalities can help a lot with writing them. This questionnaire in particular has proven itself very handy, and I've used it for a good number of mine.

Hope all that helps.

Agents have come here from being outright offered a job, stumbling into HQ through plotholes, and all sorts of other methods. Generally, it's pretty safe to play around with.

... Laburnum was an OFU student turned teenage runaway, as detailed roughly here: http://rc88.dreamwidth.org/7017.html

I'm going to work on a bit of backstory for Foxglove which I don't really want to spoil too much, but she was also an OFU student who decided that PPC life looked more fun than Real World life and joined up. Her parents and siblings know where she is, and tell anyone who asks that she got a scholarship to an overseas boarding school.

But my Agent(s), as well as that of my little sister, were recommended to check out the PPC as a potential career opportunity by a teacher at our highschool, whom we currently suspect might be a former Agent himself. Especially given his tendency to talk about having tutored Julius Caesar.

Why must badfic writers spoil good music? (In my own opinion, at least)

Granted, I've made this sort of mistake myself in the past... but I'm over that.

Which, actually, isn't that bad of a song, but it's... Whiny and emo and pretty at the same time, and the band seems to be hugely popular among the more "Artistic" and "Sensitive" strain of thirteen year old girls. Which category, I'm afraid, I used to fall into, though I never actually wrote fanfic, and was far more fond of "Tourniquet" on the same album...

In any case, my caffeine-fuelled rambling will end.

Chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing! Thanks!

*Om nom nom nom...*

Bittersweet chocolate coconut, please! Yum...

I love cupcakes!

Thank you!

*eats* Sugar? Didthathavesugarinit? Nowimhigh!

I'll takt the bittersweet chocolate buttercream icing.

Is it okay if I have one, even though everybody barely knows me?

That is absolutely delicious. Just reading the description made my mouth water. XD;

*devours cupcake* thanks. In response I offer you some of my homemade chocolate marshmallows, made with bleeprum and coconut.

And yes I do have a home made chocolate marshmallow with rum and coconut. Admittedly it took a few tries and some tweaking of the recipe to keep them from catching on fire.

Those sound delicious /and/ healthy. Truly you are a... something amazing among women.

I would totally track you down for those if I hadn't just gone back to Canada.

/takes random cupcake and noms
Why thank you. :D

Yum! *nomnomnom*

I'm afraid I don't recognise your name. Are you new here? If so, it's generally considered polite to introduce yourself in a post before recommending fics, particularly if you don't include links. It makes you look like a troll and, since we've been harrassed by quite a few trolls and spambots lately, that makes us somewhat less than friendly about it. It would be much appreciated if you would please introduce yourself properly.

(Please don't be a troll, please don't be a troll, please don't be a troll...)

Have a sonic screwdriver and a bag of jelly babies, please use responsibly.

Welcome, new friend!

Have a moist towelette and a strategy guide to the end guy of the internet (it's hard)!

Have an assortment of pointy objects. Including, but not limited to, toothpicks, lectures, stiletto shoes and Vampire fangs.

Welcome, and have a pineapple. Keep it for emergency rations in that one badfic, or use it as a blunt weapon for massive damage!

This is probably the most useful newbie-welcoming-gift I have ever given. How odd.

Also, although you've apparently seen the wiki already, here is our pre-prepared list of Links which we throw at bestow upon all new members. We hope they're useful.

In relative order of sensible-reading-ness, they are:

* The Original PPC Series, which we assume you've already read.
* The List of Killed Badfic, which will direct you to a large number of non-Original PPC Missions.

The Board:
* The Board Constitution
* The FAQ: For the Board

The Wiki:
* We have our very own PPC Wiki
* The very-important-to-read-before-requesting-Permission Permission article
* Our Guide To The PPC
* The Mission Writing Guide
* The Slash-Sporking Guide
* The FAQ: For Newbies.
When you are ready to edit the wiki, make sure to read Neshomeh's excellent editing tutorial.

And finally, but very usefully,
* The List of Everything PPC

I would like to join this when I get permission, but due to certain things, I might need to wait, so yeah. If I could, though, then I would like to go looking for some badfic on this here internet, and expand on some concepts such as these Anthropomorphic Personification stuff such as Discworld's Death.
Even then, I'm not too good at writing in-character in fanfiction: However, I do know that Hermione isn't a whore, Ron isn't a Complete Monster, Draco isn't an almighty sex-god that can do no wrong, and obvious OOC stuff like that (at least, without good reason). However though, I have some trouble trying to mimic their speech patterns and similar stuff involving words coming out of their mouths.
Anyway, enough blabbing about this, so thank you all.

Nice to meet you. Have a leash-and-harness set; it's flame-retardant, and perfectly sized for most brains.

Is there perchance something shorter we could call you?

Welcome to the Board! Have some chocolate, won't you?

Seriously you can get them anywhere, now the Dominion have gone.

Please enjoy this bucket full of Canadian coins as a welcoming gift.

This is Prostetnic Vogon Ventz, from the Galactic Fanfic Regulation Council. It is my pleasure to inform you that your planet is sceduled for demolit. . . sorry, habit. Have some goodfic, it's great to have you here! http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Legendary_Goodfic>

Have a water staff!

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Fair winds!

You can throw BBQs now!

Have a supply of Bleeprin for your next journey into fangirl world.

Have a pet cat. You may name him whatever you wish.

You here a sound. It was faint at first, just at the edge of one's hearing, but as the wind kicked up, the sound came in clearer, louder: a screeching, grinding wail, rhythmically pulsing like the beat of a human heart. A light appeared, shimmering in time, and with every pulse grew brighter. Then, with a clunk and a whir, a large blur police box solidified, the wail petering off into a gentle sub-sonic hum. The Door on the side of the police box opens and a tall thin man pops out.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor." To the uneducated observer, the tall thin man looked like some kind of crazed old-fashioned professor, with his tweed jacket and suspenders and bow-tie, but he was too young to be a professor, his hair hair coiffed in some kind of pompadour. His eyes gave away what he was. Eyes that had seen empires rise and fall, galaxies come into being, stars being born. Eyes that had seen everything, eyes that were looking confused.

"Oh, I am terribly sorry sir, I seem to have wandered into here by mistake. Here, have a bag of jelly beans and I'll be going." And with those words the man popped back into his box and, in a method similar to its arrival only reversed, the police box vanishes. And as the last waves of sound fade a blond man in a black duster comes around a corner an walks up to you with a black backpack in hand.

"Here, catch." He says, tossing you the bag. "It's a bag of holding containing two generic guns, two generic swords, 4 generic knives, and 13 shuriken. Have fun and try not to maim anyone." and with that he walks off.

Have a gun. Useful for killing Sues, persistant Author-Wraiths, and threatening mad people here at the PPC.

Don't feed it Sues. Gneric Meat would do.

*hands a cupcake and a Pidgin*

Here, have a cupcake! They're gluten-free, low-glycemic, corn-free, highly caffeinated, chocolaty, and come with either buttercreme or german chocolate shredded coconut frosting! I made them this morning and have pleanty to go around!

*looks dubiously at the Pidgin in the other hand*

And that's a Pidgin. They're really really useful if you want to translate something a Sue/Fanbrat has said into something that you might be able to understand... And they can learn that language... And... Please take one, they're reproducing in my RC and I don't know what to do with them all...




Please?

I have been wondering whatever happened to Trent. His rescue mission is one of the only A-Team missions I have read. It is cool that he is now going to get some screen time.

It definitely seems like Allison and Tasmin needed a break from each other. I loved their last one, but they were heading for a big fight, I think. I had never thought about disguising as a canon character. That was a good idea.

Good job getting rid of that sue: I thought that the agents had to fight that mary sue.
By the way, what time does that second fic take place in?

Those were some, er, interesting fics. Especially the second one. Nice job.
I have to ask about Tasmin. Is there an interlude-type thing somewhere I'm missing, or is that yet to come?

Ok you broke PPC rules but hey who doen't get into trouble now and again. As for the Sue, she was one of the most blatent I've seen.

I was wondering when you'd end up doing missions to filmverse A-Team. What an odd Sue that was, though. I don't think I've ever seen one that blatantly going the superhero route, either. O.o

I like Trent. He seems a much more upbeat sort of person than Allison, which is good for contrast. I'm not entirely clear on why he talked like that when he tackled the Sue, though. I figure it's Suefluence of some sort, but why?

I also like the previous one, but don't get too set on disguising as canon characters. From TOS #14:

"Let's be Ents... or, or, or... or Maiar. Or Melkor! I can be Melkor, and you can be mini-Melkor. Or you can be Melkor and I can be Sauron. Or Ungoliant and Shelob!"

"I don't think we can be specific, named characters, Jay."

"Phoo." Jay slumped.

For some reason, the story 'Elementary Biology' and the main page of 'Bad Fanfic, No Biscuit!' have the same address. To find the story, click the link I provided, and when the page is loaded, click on 'The Stories', then on 'Elementary Biology'.

Sorry!

I see you resolved the name thing with Felaben. At first glance it seems odd that he would call his sibling by their last name, but on closer inspection it works well enough, I think--and who can blame her for not wanting to go by her given name? All in all, you seem to know what you're doing.

I want to know what happens next in "Gifts and Bargains." {; p

~Neshomeh

Thanks, dudes. Dann, and commentors, I mean.

*takes Hat*

Er... insert speech or other frippery here! I will try and lurk less often and whatnot.

Here have £50. *nod nod wink wink*

Use your new permission-giving power wisely, you two!

VM's reaction to this reminds me of the saying, "whoever wants to be a politician is automatically unqualified for the job."

You lost me at "disguises are for losers." If it was meant to be a joke, you missed the mark.

To be frank, I wasn't terribly enchanted with the agents to begin with. I grant you that "humorless" can be funny, but I'm not seeing it in the writing sample; also, even the possible humor value of trying to get a large man into Stormtrooper getup was circumvented in a boring and deus-ex-machina-esque way. Anyway, how is a sixty-year-old man going to keep up with sixteen-year-old super-powered Sues and cope with the systemically taxing effects of badfic? Him having the mental age of a ten-year-old does not make it better; rather, it's kind of offensive. A special needs person does not a good agent make.

I just don't see their stories being very fun to read as it is, nor in keeping with the spirit of the PPC. Please give it some extensive thought and try again later.

~Neshomeh

They're from the department of Floaters. Their first mission will be Every Fangirl's Dream by WickedSweet123, a regular case of Trans-Dimensional Snatching.

Well met, newbie! Please enjoy this 1-up as a welcoming gift.

To aid you in killing Sues.

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, won't you?

*I am jealous*

Have a Skör bar. And some plastique. And don't ask me where either came from.
*Everyone has stashes, you know*

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQs.

Perfect for painting over burns, arrow-holes, and ominous stains on RC walls!

Just made a short visit to your profile on Ffnet. Like your statement on Steven Moffat. Gave me the giggles. Still does. First time I read it, it was posted by someone who didn't agree. That gave me even more giggles.

Other statements like that that made me laugh are those by fans who after CoE said they wanted Steven Moffat to have written the third series of Torchwood. I've been saying Moffat should write Torchwood since series one of Torchwood. Because I wanted a story like CoE. I doubt Moffat would have not killed Ianto. These fans believe he would have kept Ianto alive. I think they are not very familiar with Moffats other work.

As for protocol: I'd written a few PPC missions before I found the board. I don't think it has been held against me.

Do not feed it Sues. Generic Meat would do.

That's "hail" as in the greeting, not as in the frozen precipitation.

Welcome to the Board! Fun, there be another Cassie here (with different spellingses, precious). :D

I hereby present you with a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object, which I hope will serve you well.

Have a pet cat. You may name her whatever you wish.

So, are you into old Who or new?

Great for writing up charges.



(I did not make the above-pictured quill pen, sadly. I make other stuff with feathers though...)

I suspect I'm at least partially to blame for linking you here, although you should probably blame Miah as well. Regardless, welcome to our little corner of the internet!

*gives Kassy a PPC bumper sticker*

I'm an IRL nerd as well - Lord of the Rings is awesome, as are the works of Neal Stephenson.

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

I am so glad you are still interested in the PPC, and came to hang out with us.

Here, have a cupcake! *hands you one*

While you're at it, have a Pidgin! they're terribly useful! They can speak a simplified linguistic mashup, which is amazingly useful when you want to... um... annoy someone?

.... Please take one, they're reproducing in my RC and even my partner's seventeen cats and my German Shepherd haven't gotten rid of them. I'd offer you two, but then you might have the same problem I am...

Welcome, new friend!

Have a purebred Shih Tzu! It doesn't speak Chinese, but it does like to play video games.

Welcome to the board! Have a sonic screwdriver and a bag of jelly babies, please use responsibly!

Yes, that is my strange and useless newbie gift. Treasure it.

Nice to meet you :) As the others have said, no worries at all about taking on Sues yourself! We don't have a monopoly on that; the only thing we're protective of is the shared world of the PPC - our methods and gadgets and history and so on, which is why we have people ask Permission before they write for us, but by no means are we the only ones. So don't worry. :)

And of course, as Baird has said, we don't just kill Sues - that's how it started, but we've branched out. Anyway, here are The Links, are a collection of articles and other useful URLs that we politely ask every newbie to read, as they really do contain Useful Information. It's a lot of information, but it should explain everything you need to know about the PPC.

In relative order of sensible-reading-ness, they are:

* The Original PPC Series, which we assume you've already read.
* The List of Killed Badfic, which will direct you to a large number of non-Original PPC Missions.

The Board:
* The Board Constitution
* The FAQ: For the Board

The Wiki:
* We have our very own PPC Wiki
* The very-important-to-read-before-requesting-Permission Permission article
* Our Guide To The PPC
* The Mission Writing Guide
* The Slash-Sporking Guide
* The FAQ: For Newbies.
When you are ready to edit the wiki, make sure to read Neshomeh's excellent editing tutorial.

And finally, but very usefully,
* The List of Everything PPC


Hope you're not feeling overwhelmed. Again, lovely to meet you :)

Hello I'm Silver and welcome to the party. Here, have a shotgun loaded with rock salt rounds, good for taking out ghosts, wraiths, and author-wraiths. And now I leave you with a blessing.

Syo ouin cfunt cdyo crynb, syo ouin yes cdyo dnia, yht syo ouin vuac cdyo tayt.

I'm supposing you were contacted because of the discussion we had on the IRC last night. We (then again, I didn't add much to the conversation...) concluded that PPC-style fics are fanfiction like any other, so we can't go shooting all non-Boarder, PPC fic writers in the face. However, the outliers should be linked to the Boards since many might not know of them. So you're not in trouble...yet. *evil laugh*

Enjoy your stay, and have a multi-purpose pineapple. Good for emergency rations when sliced or diced, and it makes a great blunt weapon when cornered.

Hey there, fellow newbie! It's good to know that I'm no longer the newest newbie over here! Hope you have a good time exploring PPC!

No one is going to jump down your throat for writing a PPC-style fic. There are plenty of other organizations out there doing much the same thing. What we do care about is your total geekiness, which we love.

Also, the PPC is about more than just killing Sues. We handle all manner of badfic. You can find more information on these pages: The Department of Bad Slash, The Department of Implausible Crossovers, The Department of Technical Errors, and The Department of Geographical Aberrations just to name a few.

Enjoy your stay, sanity free.
-Barid

Here is an assortment of pointy objects. They include, but are not limited to, pencils, wizzzard hats, scissors and fables.

Lots of info for newbies linked to the bottom of this wiki page--
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/PPC

Also, if you want to read more spinoffs:
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/The_Complete_List_of_PPC_Fiction

Total geek? You'll fit right in!

I know that anyone's sanity will probably be challenged by this nsfw fic, but still, with all the blood, unneeded sexism, and the craziness of the author, I don't want to say that it isn't badfic, especially if Real-Life people are involved like this...

The story can be found here:

http://web.archive.org/web/20080123082322/http://www.asstr.org/~Kristen/putrid/girlsscream.htm

... try adding a couple lines about Bad Slash or modifying line 2 and 3. Or generalising it to badfic.

But a good idea nonetheless.

I think that maybe you should change it up a bit to include all of the groups dealing with badfic.
Other than that, not bad.

for this type of thing?

To fight any and all character distortion in fanfiction.
To get rid of any and all uncanonical distortions in space and time.

binservices@gmail.com

...however, I would say that it should be more about all badfic, rather than just Sues. This is something that we have had a lot of discussion about recently.

Also, as far as I am aware, we do not fight or oppose the authors. We fight bad writing.

I would probably replace the mentions of Sues with badfic in general; after all, bad slash can tear up a continuum just as badly as sparkly second daughters of Elrond.

I think this may be your best mission yet, Miah! I especially enjoyed reading the canons after they were rescued from the Suefluence: when Lestrade and Mrs. Hudson were together; and later when they were planning to escape with Holmes, and Lestrade's behavior gave them away. I thought the characterizations in those scenes were spot-on.

I also liked that Unger is beginning to be more assertive and confident in this mission, telling jokes and acting a bit more like Kelok's partner, rather than sidekick. It's a shame they didn't get to fight any zombies on this mission, but I guess it's long enough as it is. They were boring zombies anyway. (And speaking of zombies, I can't believe Holmes discovers Watson might have been exposed to the zombie virus, and then proceeds to make out with him! If a scratch can spread the virus, surely a kiss like that would, too!)

One section that confused me was when the Agents were rescuing Lestrade and Mrs. Hudson. I had trouble understanding where the portals were leading, and who was on which side of them. But like I said, an awesome mission overall, and you're amazing for being able to sit through that monster!

But seriously, how can someone make ZOMBIES that boring?

*was curious, took a peek at the original fic* *shudders*

Well done in slogging through that one. I sort of love the idea of nesting flashbacks hatching baby flashbacks.

I know I was there when you were talking about this one in the chat, Miah, but I'm just starting to grasp the full impact of the horror of this badfic. And I'm not talking about the zombies.

*shudder*

Poor Mary Watson...

They were lucky that the badfic's zombies were boring and played second-fiddle to "tru wuv", otherwise they would've been killing zombies left and right.

Sherlock Holmes meets John Romero? That's just... weird.

Anyhow, nice mission. Kelok and Unger do not have it easy. And Unger... hee hee... doesn't even know where babies come from! :D

And I do love the concept of baby flashbacks.

Try to keep this place clean from it's spam, please! The spambot's very annoying and it's making posts unreadable.

Thanks and much extra chocolate to you, oh Great One. You protect us all.

Still, I'm curious - any idea why it's being so persistant this time?

Though something funny would be nice, too. It doesn't have to be the joke that Sedri suggested. It could be a line that says something along the lines of "To never take ourselves too seriously" (written in an extremely serious tone, of course, because I think irony is funny).

We, The Protectors of the Plot Continuum, do hereby, in the name of all free beings in this multiverse, solemnly publish and declare our intentions:

To fight and oppose the distortion of the worlds in this multiverse.

To oppose and rectify the distortion of any free being in this multiverse.

To bring about the destruction of any and all unnatural beings that exist in this and any other multiverse.

To maintain the boundaries between worlds in this multiverse and any other multiverse that exists.

To make all beings in this multiverse forever free of all unjustified torment, distortion, defilement, and death.

To these ends, we pledge our property, our honor, our sanity, and our lives so that we may carry out these tasks by any and all means at our disposal. So mote it be.

You should have done this as a reply to your original post. Every new post pushes an old post off the front page, and an even older post off of the board entirely. So, if you have something that is closely related to a recent topic, you should post it there.

That aside, this is a much better creed. I think, however, that the repeated "by any and all means at our disposal" needs work. It only needs to be said once, probably at the beginning or the end.

-Barid

I've got some questions: What are Griffin and Charlie/Georgie's personalities like? What do they like/love, and do they not like/hate? Since you shared their talents, then what are the things that they are not too good at?

PS: Sorry if I seem too demanding to you: I just want to help you flesh the characters out with these questions. Just trying to be helpful...

From the Suefic: The man offered her his hand and she placed hers in his. He gently pulled her onto the dance floor as a simple waltz was beginning to play. Our fingers laced, Bianca rested a hand on his shoulder, and the man one on her hip.

Looks like someone got a little too deep into her own fantasy, there.

Permission Granted. One thing, though...does your female agent have to be named Charlie? It's going to be confusing, especially since once your PPC is on the Complete List of PPC Fiction, it will be titled after its starring agents. Just a suggestion.

Or maybe I'm just having unpleasant flashbacks.

~Araeph

Most of us know how to scroll down the board and catch posts we haven't seen yet.

Don't know about anyone else, but in my browser posts I've read show up in a different colour than posts I haven't read.

PPC agent's goal #1: Restore continuum to original status.
PPC agent's goal #2: Get back at the badfic for the insanity suffered.

Luckily, the two goals fit together nicely because irony, like any law of narrative comedy, tends to play itself out very often in PPC missions; and one very classic kind of irony is when a bad guy is killed in an ironic fashion--in this case, killed by the continuum he was trying to distort. We're talking Sues here, for the most part (some other phenomena may also be subject to this, such as mini-Sues, author-wraiths, badfic authors at OFUs, uncanonical locations, and misbehaving PPC agents).

It's generally thought that the more canonical and "fitting" the punishment is, the better the canon can recover from the Sue's damage. For example, a witch!Sue in a Harry Potter fic often ends up burned with the Incendio charm--doubly ironic, because she's being targeted by Potterverse magic (a canonical method of demise--highly preferred) and is being "burned as a witch"!

But that's not the only thing that has to be taken into account. Not only does an execution have to be fittingly ironic; it also can't get too old. The less cliched an execution strategy is, the better it seems to work. Witch-burning, in this case, has unfortunately been used quite a few times. Other examples include feeding Sues to the Balrog or the Watcher in the Water. The more unusual, the less often an execution method can be repeated and retain its efficacy. The businesslike executions favored by assassins who prefer to just "get the job done" without any extra frills (bullets, arrows, knives, etc.) don't seem to suffer at all from the problem of being cliched, no matter how often they are used.

I should, however, note that it's important not to be *too* elaborate with executions. Canonical and ironic, or else businesslike and quick, tend to be the best ways to go about the execution. Torture is absolutely forbidden, though it has happened in the past, because it's generally a bad idea to generate any kind of sympathy for the Sue, and torture often has that result. (It's also ethically a bad idea; the Sue may have no more sentience than the average insect, but just as it's distasteful to pull the wings off flies, it's distasteful to torture a Sue, and probably worse in the long run because Sues often mimic humans to such a high degree.) Forced retirement or even decommissioning usually happen, eventually, to assassins who lose perspective and begin to operate under the assumption that they are there to punish Sues rather than protect the multiverse.

I am not a mod or anything, but as someone who's been on here a while (though I lurk for most of that while), it is usually best to wait a while before posting a new thread. I know it's been a day, but there's barely anything between this thread and the last thread being posted.

That being said, 'cool and unusual' would be whatever you make of it. It usually entails something along the lines of the punishment fitting the crime. That's how it is for me. It is generally up to yourself.

Vague, I know. Hope that helped a bit, though.

~Keily

Seeing as the voting is stuck at three (and I never officially cast my vote), I am going to break the tie and make the Rubin vase the flash patch design of the Department of Improbable AUs.*

If anyone has any questions or concerns, feel free to let me know.

*Because that's my idea and I'm awful like that.

Reduced to three:
-- A rubin vase
-- Twin lighting bolts striking the same spot
-- A mirror (presumably an image of a mirror and not an actual mirror)

Because my agents are going to be in Improbable AU (whenever I actually get to write about them... things are getting in the way), I was going to ask just this question! Also, how the missions work. I read a bit of despatch and thought it sounded similar: the canon has to be neuralized and portalled back to wherever he/she belongs.

I like the question mark a lot, second the mirror (not sure how you'd put it on, though), but not the other three. I guess maybe the coin. I don't have ideas myself.

Please make sure I don't get left out of this, because whenever I can write (soon I hope), this will be my department!

If you want a simple image, two lightning bolts--for the phrase "lightning strikes twice in the same place", meaning an extremely unlikely event. Of course, lightning does strike some places repeatedly (depending on elevation and location)--but improbable AUs are actually highly probable because there are so many badfic writers! I think it kinda fits.

A little like your balanced-on-edge coin, but doesn't take a 3-d image. And not so continuum-specific as the whale/petunias idea.

I also like the mirror for its more direct symbolism, but it would be a rather hard thing to embroider on a flash patch - unless you want agents to actually have small mirrors on their shoulders, which may or may not be a Good Idea.

I also like the sperm whale and bowl of petunias ;) (Though in all fairness, maybe that should be just for DIAU agents that work in Hitchhiker's fics, as it's rather fandom-specific, and no other flash patch that I know of has something from a particular fandom on it.)

Sounds nice and easy to me, then again I have been making flash patches so I am a tad bit bias towards simple symbols.

A cracked mirror, perhaps? It's bad luck, and it portrays the crudiness of improbable crossovers! *is then shot for explaining the joke*

...but there is a definite breaking point for my characters - causing them to miss the 2008 Invasion - and so I'm trying to do missions from before then so I can at least have a history for them before all hell breaks loose. I am tempted to go out of order and do other stuff, though.

tl;dr I try and do it sequentially? But HQ allows for time anomalies.

I appreciate the input. And yeah, that's more or less what I expected, which is lovely, as it means I really can do whatever I like, which in this case means that my unfortunate Agent has been working on her own for an indeterminable while. This suits me very well.

Cassie, if you're reading this, I'll probably have my answer to your challenge ready by late next week. ;)

Pads and I tended to write missions in chronological order :) It's easier to develop character that way, I find. Although that's not to say we never skipped ahead for various reasons, usually because a badfic was really tempting or because some event was happening that we wanted to participate in, in say, March, but our Agent timeline wasn't yet past January.

I write mission mostly in chronological order (however, if I find a suitable badfic I'll write about when Sergio found Corolla), but not one right behind another. In some cases, as the one I am writing now, it would be cruel even by Flowers' standards.

That is, I have never mentioned at what time a mission took place or related it to invasions and other big events that took place at HQ. I don't write missions in chronological order. Sometimes an earlier mission comes after a later written one. I pretend that the order in which I post missions on lj is chronological.

If you were to look at original posting dates of missions. you'd find that in 2006 Trent was 10 and now, in 2010, he is 16. I was actually rather surprised to find that time in HQ is linear. The floor plan isn't. In my head, it's as difficult to get from one point in time to another at HQ, as it is to get from one place in the building to another.

It depends for me. Miah and Cali missions tend to have unspecified time between them, but so far Kelok and Unger have been nearly continuous, with the beginning of one story beginning from them stepping through the portal from their last mission, or at least with it being specified that no missions happened in the missing time. Now that I have their introductory story arc done, I might space them out more.

Since it's been agreed on that missions are generally close together, it'd be kind of impossibly to write out each and every one of them. If that was the case, then it would take a year to write the missions they do in a week. If I do make references to these unwritten missions, I'll do it in the form of a Noodle Incident.

Well, for me (at the moment anyways), I basically started out my missions in late 2009 HST, but beyond that, the timeline's a bit up in the air. Of course, with current events (Lee lost somewhere between 'Verses and Ian back at HQ), I've got to stick with a somewhat strict sequence of events.

And yes, I do plan on getting a mission or two out soon; a combo of writer's block and RL have ganged up on me, but I'm trying to get at least one mission out before school starts back up again on the 21st.

My first few missions were written before we started keeping track of the actual passage of time, so they flow together without bothering much about any time or lack thereof in-between. That changed when I caught up to the events of 2008: it pinpointed my agents on a specific timeline, and I had to take that into account when I paired them up with Barid's agents. Therefore, over a year passed for them between the end of Ilraen's journal-interlude and that double-mission.

So basically, unless something specifically relative to something else happens in a story, I'm not too worried about how much time passes between one and the next. It IS Headquarters, after all. It can always be fudged if need be. {= )

~Neshomeh

...there are usually long intervals between my missions, unless one obviously picks up right/soon after another. For example, a few hours elapse between Weapon of Atlantis and The Joker's Destini, while six months elapse between TJD and The Legacy of Rust.

I know I only have two missions out at the moment, but I like to have them one right after the other. It helps me to keep the narrative flow of the characters' stories. I don't particularly care when things get finished in the real world, as long as the stories I am telling fit together in a good way.

I think so. If you had a Sue that was entirely in another part of the world, not interacting with the canon, it would be possible. For instance, a Harry Potter Sue who was in a school in, say, South America who was perfect, talented, angsty, beautiful, and had all the boys falling over her, but didn't break any established rules of how wizardry works, would still be a Sue but not touch canon.

Why a Suethor would come up with this I can't imagine.

A Canon Sue is a sue that doesn't damage the continuum. She's integrated into the story, and the canon is in a sort of symbiosis with her, so she doesn't tear the continuum to bits but also can't take over more than what she's written to take over.

Yes, a Tenth Walker could fall in love with Legolas without being a Sue; but it would probably take more writing skill than the vast majority of writers have--including the published ones.

If a non-Sue changes canon, the story is simply an AU.

I don't really think it's situation that makes the Sue, it's attitude. So, as long as the Tenth Walker is mildly low-key and believable, and non-Sueish, they wouldn't really be a Sue.

I don't think these are n00bish questions. I think it is important to ask questions like these.

I think you will find that, even among our community, what it takes to call a character a Sue varies. Some believe that if the character has Sue-ish traits then, whether they warp Canon or not, they are Sues. Others believe that Sue-ish traits are not as important as the Canon warping.

I personally believe that If it looks like a duck (Rainbow-colored duck in this case), sounds like a duck (musical quacking?), and smells like a duck (cookies...maybe)then it is a duck. This is why I believe the terms like Canon-Sue are not a bad thing. It is simply defining a character by the characteristics that they share with a specific group.

We don't mind ducks, usually. The issue comes when you find a duck in the desert (a canon where it does not belong). A duck in a desert is out of place, where a duck in a pond is right where it should be so we don't mind that it is a duck.

Your second question is also interesting. To use the same metaphor, if you are looking at an animal that doesn't have feathers, a bill, or webbed feet, it probably isn't a duck. That does not meant that if you put it in a desert (or even a pond) it isn't going to be out of place. It is possible for even non-Sues to warp canon.

So, if that made any sense then I am glad. If not, I will try to clarify it.

-Barid

To the former, I think not, mostly on a matter of definition - if an original character meets the criteria to be called a Sue, they pretty much have to affect the canon (and, the spelling is "affect" in this situation; just so you know). On the other hand, an original character who has a few potentially Sueish traits but isn't an actual Sue themselves wouldn't necessarily affect the canon - well, technically, any OC affects canon because they're not supposed to be there, but they could have an extremely minimal presence.

To the latter: If so, I would love to see it.
I highly doubt it. However, there are some exceptionally good OCs around, and even the most Sueish storyline could, possibly (in some cases extremely remotely), be wrangled into a good story by a writer who very, very, very skilled. Actually, I did once read a fic about a human girl - whom the author deliberately made as her avatar - who fell into Middle-earth, fell in love with Frodo, and married him, and it was well written. She wasn't a Tenth Walker, but she did manage to evade most of the cliche pitfalls. So yes, I'd say it's possible, but the chances of finding or being able to write one are probably something like two million to one.

All questions are good questions :)

Note: this qualifies as part of the 'nattering on'

If you have any insults or curses in Quenya, German, Chinese, Ancient Hebrew, whatever, please donate some to my collection! It's completely free. So far I've gotten Sindarin, Japanese, Shakespearan English, and some Greek is pending. If you need one, ask.

I didn't post this as a new thread because I have a specific quota so I don't post too frequently and outrage people like I did first time.