Aug 2010 Archive, part a

to mission five.

From what (little) I know, I'd say Elemarth is bang on the money. It helps to go the small-press route; plenty of independent publishers put out anthologies all the time, and they're always looking for contributors. A few publication credits in small journals will help build up her cred a little, and make an agent more likely to look at her query letter. Best to make sure they don't get exclusive printing rights for X years, though, and make sure she retains the right to anthologize them.

And for the love of God, tell her to avoid vanity publishers. Self-publishing is one thing, if she wants to just have a few printed for her friends and family, but outfits like PublishAmerica are absolute poison.

I don't think she'll be able to publish an anthology her first time. But short stories are easier to publish than novels. She should look around to see who is trying to create a collection of stories and then which ones she could submit one of her stories to. My guess is that publishing a whole anthology would be like publishing a novel, but in all my searches of agent queries lately, I haven't seen one query or one bit of advice about this.

1. You can borrow Khazad Dym if you like. He belongs to Kelok and Unger
   
   2. She should check out this community. It has many published authors and others that are willing to help out new writers.
   Forward Motion for Writers
   
   3. PPC stories are routinely kicked off of FF.net. It is a tradition going back to Jay and Acacia. :D

I remember venturing into that fandom. And then backing out at high speed. Jesus, how many lost sisters/lovers of Jax does SAMCRO need?

I would be tempted to vote for Clan of the Cactus too, but I'm not sure that would fly in SAMCRO land. So my money's on a Pratchett reference--the Silver Horde. There's already a real MC called the Mongols, and that's not so far off.

At any rate, I do think you could have some fun with the patches. Not just the main colors, but the upper and lower rocker and the other patches that tend to turn up on the colors--like how normal MCs may have the skull patch to show a member who's killed for the club, the PPC patches could start normal and get increasingly bizarre. Maybe a syringe for surviving FicPsych? XD

One of the spin-offs was called that, but it has been used more than once to refer to agents in the DMS. So, assuming that's where your agents work, it seems fitting. Also, seconding what Calista said about flash patch logo as back patch. {= )

~Neshomeh

http://techno-dann.livejournal.com/53839.html

With many pictures and a more complete description. A great time was had by all.

I didn't have internet yesterday, so I didn't see this. Dunno if anyone will be on to read this, but I will have on a jean jacket. I've also got a braid and glasses. See you all soon!

My cell phone number (on the off chance it's needed) is (206) 437, the RC number for the Dept. of Angst minus 10, and then the RC number for Agent Chryse plus 1. Please don't post the number in its entirety here, I don't want to get telemarketed to death. A few minutes on the Wiki should give it to you.

I'll be the tall chick with an octopus on her back. I don't think anyone can really miss me... >.>

I might be a little late. I have a tendency to get really terribly lost, even in places I know well. But, come wrong turns or misjudged distances, I will be there.

My RL name is Helen and i have very curly brown hair and red glasses. Look forward to seeing you all!

Wrong side of the Atlantic sadly. I look forwards to seeing the photos.

I'll probably be early, but who knows. I'll be the girl with the large lime green purse and manic grin. :D I look forward to meeting you all.

I'll be either wearing a plain black T-shirt, or a PPC Uniformish Black T-Shirt, depending on whether I get around to stenciling it before the departure.

Anyway, yeah! See you all there! Looking forward to it!

--VM

(Patience is my RL name, just so y'all know. I'll answer to VM, but I'll answer much quicker to the RL-- and no, there's no way of shortening it non-awkwardly. Believe me, I've tried.)

Not sure what I'll be wearing, but I'll probably be the first one there, as well as carrying a sign. I'm bringing a friend, but don't worry, he knows what's going on and is perfectly fine with geeking out with us. ^^

1. Yes sometimes they do. There was one posted in June about an agent that went home for a visit.
   
   4. An arm band. My agent that wears only a kilt with no shirt uses an armband flash patch. Or a panda could use a collar style necklace flash patch, I suppose.

1. If we're talking about the game system, and by "big enough reputation" you mean the game stat that deals with notoriety, it's no issue. It's not actually canon unless it gets published in a source book or an officially affiliated novel, comic, etc.; everything that happens in people's games (or fanfic, by extension) can be considered AU. (Perfectly valid AU, in fact--but still not canon.) So, essentially, you can do what you like provided you have a decent explanation for it.
   
   On the other hand, if your fanfic is just so popular that you're worried real people will recognize the character, that's different, and you'll have to decide for yourself whether you want to go there or not.
   
   2. As others have mentioned, it does happen sometimes, but usually the sheer amount of paperwork required is prohibitive. This applies to vacations in general. An agent has to be really bloody persistent, and possibly carrying a flamethrower, to make it happen.
   
   3. Calista mentioned Vemi and Penny as a particularly clever example. They had the force of canon behind them; my memory is that the others had something to bargain with, too. Not everyone can find bargaining chips of sufficient worth, though.
   
   4. Doesn't he have a hat? He could attach it to the hat, maybe by means of a hatband.
   
   ~Neshomeh

1. Your canon, your decision, right? But if you want to dissociate yourself as the canon's author from yourself as the author of the PPC missions, you could always have some kind of tech malfunction that duplicated the canon, or recruit him from an alternate universe. One possibility is to recruit him from a badfic where the author has consistently spelled the possessive without an apostrophe, effectively turning a singular into a plural so repeatedly as to duplicate the canon. The extra canon could be recruited (and would probably have a species of "Living Typo".)Canons have been also been recruited to the PPC post-mortem; Team Phoenix is made up entirely of supposedly-dead canons.
   
   2. Yes, occasionally, especially if they're so stressed out that Medical (or FicPsych) says that one more mission will snap them entirely. Other occasions I remember have been honeymoons, graduations, and family illness; and a few agents have taken time off to attend an OFU or a World One university. Younger agents are more likely to get permission to visit home, and often discover that very little time has passed since they left. (OFU time works similarly.)
   
   3. Yes. One pair of assassins I remember became Discworld assassins (as in, the Assassins' Guild), and hired themselves out to the PPC to do their old jobs. Very clever of them, too, I think.
   
   4. You could try a jacket like the one worn by service dogs. Google it if you don't know what I'm talking about; they're quite rugged and will stay on reliably.

1)Don't really know.

2)If they take a while off and leave all equipment behind then yes.

3) Some people, on rare occasions have.

4) Some kind of collar or an armband.

At first glance:

On one hand I am instantly leery of all Transdimensional Hopping if only that I know (and have perpetrated) the worst of it.

On the other hand the absurdity might be acceptable, because a person from an alternate universe sounds pretty old-hat for the cartoon series itself. We're speaking for a tv show that has a mad scientist lament how he was forced to stand as a Garden Gnome all his childhood and find rivalry in a super-spy platypus. In this same cartoon is displayed frequently acts such as as painting an entire continent, and somehow producing a sizable coastline in one's backyard-- I don't know if interdimensional hopping is all too out of place. This might be a rare case where tv show characters somehow ending up in an alternate dimension where they're... a tv show... might be NORMAL for the universe.

But, on yet another hand it all comes down to the execution. One thing that makes me instantly skeptical of this fic is that the girl is already obsessed with P and H from the get-go-- that usually never ends well and is codename for Author Surrogate rather than just a passing original character.

Gonna need more hands to be on.

I find that this kind of okay-written Transdimensional Hopping or Self Insertion story is very typical of late-stage Suethors who have written a fair bit and realized they might be writing Mary Sues. Usually around 16 or so, possibly 17, they deliberately write a fairly normal, average character in the beginning... but if they can sustain that character remains to be seen.

I don't know about this story though-- I need to read it when I'm not at work. If the girl exists solely to have fun random wacky lulzfest hijinks, not to make a story, then she'll go the way of Mary Sue pretty fast.

But then again, the show itself is mostly fun wacky lulz pulled off well, so... I don't really know. :|

Maybe I sort of jumped the gun on this one. It is Transdimensional Hopping, but it's not as bad as I tought. What do you think?

I'm rather far south, and I'm already arranging for a trip early next year; I doubt I'll be able to get up there twice in such a short stretch of time. Sorry. I'll try - there might be a friend heading north around then - but it's not likely. :(

... is in Wellington, and would love to have a meetup with you!

Let me know your dates and stuff sometime, and we'll plan :D

...as they will currently be asleep. I don't think we've got anyone in Christchurch. Trojie is in Wellington, however. Sedri is way down on the south island though, so you may be out of luck there. I'll point Trojie at this post when she appears this evening.

I do NOT like it. Bleeprin, bleeprin. I didn't even look at the fiiiiiiic...

That's just sad.

Well, I didn't actually, but I couldn't help myself. I like the Inheritance Cycle. But that doesn't mean I can't laugh it.

The first one sounds like an interesting concept, it Canonically can't happen, but I'd still like to see it done right.

With a closer review of the books, I find there are dragons; that should suffice, unless someone has a better idea.

Lleu

Have a wardrobe and an anti-glomping shield. You'll need it, with all the gifts...

40K? Tut tut. I'll be over here with my lovely square based models.
AND a D&D player! :D My Wilden is going to end up being one of my agents when I get round to rewriting by Permission piece.

Agh, I'm being buried alive! Wow, you guys are either really bored or really like newbies, or hate them considering I was almost buried alive in gifts. As for the D&D question I usually play a fighter, but I am very fond of the monk and the new fourth edition class the Warlord.

AS for attacking, don't worry you are neither random passerby, enemies, or allies...yet.

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

Fair winds! And watch out for Krisprolls.

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, and enjoy you stay!

Have a pet cat. You may name him whatever you wish. Please do not attack me! *cowers*

*pokes*

Also, have a bumper sticker! *sticks one on you* *it reads "Honk if you love hyphens!"*

Welcome!

~Neshomeh

Boy, I missed doing this. *hands Chrys an armadillo* His name is Jason. There's an incredibly fail Greek mythology pun in there, I'm afraid.

Welcome a'Board!

Sounds like you'll fit right in. I'm a newbie myself.

*gives a hat knit out of the spun down of Cute Animal Friends*

Please enjoy this bag of mixed sugary treats as a welcoming gift.

Nice to meet you :)

Welcome aboard! Have a Frying Pan of Doom and a bulk-sized bag of Mini treats.

Welcome to the wackiness that is the PPC. Anyone with diverse-yet-geeky interests such as yours should fit in nicely around here.
Here, have a pet mongoose, available from the PPC Mongoose Shelter in RC 2816. It attacks Sues and CAFs (and snakes, for that matter). Name it what you will!

Elcalion, welcoming

*Vulcan salute* Welcome to the Board. Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object, and may they aid you in your defence of Canon!

Have a seat, eat some poisoned apple pie and here...have yourself a transdimensional pillar and a Class A neurolyzer thermal detonator. =D

I offer you a share in some home-made redcurrant jelly!

That's... a lot of attacking you do there. Please don't attack me, even if we are allied, both being PPC-members and all.

D&D, eh? What sort of character?

Give it to an enemy, or to yourself if you want an excuse to miss chores or work! I doubt the Flowers will take a measly cold as a good reason, though, so be careful.

Mmm...chicken...
Uh, I mean, welcome to the Board! We hope you enjoy your stay as much as you would some delicious, fried chicken...mmmmm...

Anyway, have a bark scorpion, which can be used as an effective door guard or simply...to feed chickens...fatten them up...Uh, also, have this educational video I found titled, "Poultra, God of Wrath."

*crunch*

I've only been here a few days, I look forwards to seeing more of you. Have a Reman disruptor pistol and be careful only to use in Star Trek fics.

You are most welcome! Have some House Roac hot chocolate — it's delicious. I don't have whipped cream to offer you, I'm afraid, but enjoy!

Useful Links, taken from Pretzel, taken from Tawaki

*The Original Series
*A partial list of killed badfics

The Board:
*the Board Constitution
*Board FAQ

Other wiki pages of note:
*A must-read article on Permission
*A basic guide to the PPC itself
*Mission-Writing Guide
*Slash-Sporking Guide
*FAQ for Newbies
*I don't know how much experience you have with editing wikis, but just in case...

And one more, very general link.

Hope you enjoy your stay!

Welcome and regards,
Lleu Llaw Gyffes

Do not feed it sues. You can feed it the chicken if you want.

I've only started on Lovecraft, but I rather like the inescapable OH MY GOD WTF IS THAT brain-breaking horror style.

...Basically, most horror is about something freaky, okay, yeah, but we can kill it. Vampires, werewolves, zombies, serial killers. Lovecraft horror very different: There are things out there that are much, much, MUCH bigger than we are. They can and will eat our souls for breakfast. Just learning of their existence is enough to drive logical, sane humans to madness and suicide--sometimes en masse. The only thing we can hope for is that these things never wake up, because they're sure never going to die, and our chances of survival if they ever do come back to take over the world are virtually nil. Anyone who does survive will do so entirely at the whim of these greater powers, who are stronger, older, and more terrifying than we could ever hope to comprehend.

That's what I like: it's not apocalyptic where a few people survive (The move 2012 is a prime example of this), and there's hope. It's also not removable-terror horror (Friday the 13th, Saw, every vampire horror novel since time began, etc.) where whatever it is is scary but defeatable. It's pre-apocalyptic horror with absolutely no hope whatsoever. There is no escape, and there is no hero to save the day; there is no way to hide until the horror ends. If these things come back, we. are. screwed.

Lovecraft is a smack upside the head to the human ego; one that's badly needed.

It's closer to a shared universe, similar to PPC. Various authors borrow and add bits as they will, sometimes it even works. I'm looking at you Lumley. Cthulhu's laser beam shooting brother indeed.

>> Lovecraft without everyone going nuts in the face of the ancient mysteries.

This is no Lovecraft story. Madness in the face of ancient horror is a core message of the Mythos.

Right, on to the story.

This man knows about Shoggoths. As does science in general I've read a lot of maddening fiction of the Mythos. But this one makes me mad in the more usual PPC way.

A counterarguement to the Entry got posted, then a Moderator deleted it. Was it one of us that did it (the counterarguement, not the deletion)?

As I recall, she spends a lot of the series screwing up royally and watching plans go horribly wrong - wasn't she pretty impotent until the end of the last book? I'd call that non-Sueish.

I vote for deletion and linking to this thread, or just writing up what we've discussed.

Kitty's not a minor character by any means, but the story really revolves around

People accuse characters of being Mary Sues all the time. Sometimes they're right; sometimes they're wrong; and sometimes it's hard to tell. It can be hard, but don't take it as a personal insult to a story you like.

The idea is ingenious, yes. But if I were searching for The Dark Is Rising fic, and I stumbled across that, I would - not knowing Klingon - be exceedingly annoyed. And probably report you as a bot. Can I suggest posting it on LJ or somewhere, with Klingon-related tags rather than, or in addition to, His Dark Materials tags, and with perhaps a note of explanation?

Please, don't get me wrong; I do think it's a really cool idea. Just not the place to post it.

Thanks for doing that :) It will certainly help.

I'm makari.crow@gmail.com -- drop me a line if you'd like.

Better off asking someone else about the TVT stuff though. ^^

I do recall that unfinished business. I believe my email address(es) are floating around, if you wanted to get in contact that way. An' feel free to just call me Cassie, most people do. :P

Hope the break was interesting!

It's been a long time since I gave these away.

There's no need to give me the whole song and dance.

...

Not that I'm saying you shouldn't, you just don't need to.

Have some House Roac hot chocolate. I'm afraid I don't have any whipped cream to go with it, but it's delicious nonetheless.

Here, have a chocolate bar, won't you?

Fair winds!
Watch out, this one is allergic to my Agents.

I haven't heard about Cassie either, and we also have something to finish.

The doggerel?  It's Adams'.  In fact, it's from the original work.

It translates, roughly and euphemistically, to "dirty predators!  We even run into them when we stop for bathroom breaks."

That was really good. The clips worked together nicely, and your narration was interesting and informative.

Good luck on your thesis process.

I never saw Pearl Harbor, but movies like that are usually pretty "meh" anyway. Nice work sneaking a sporking into a school assignment.

It just that most of them don't involve Bella and Edward, or their love story/triangle. Try these:

Tie Me Down to this World by Struck Upon a Star: An AU story about Alice and Jasper. Very well written, and what they call "all human" - no vampires, just the characters. It's unfinished, but really worth it. Despite the melodramatic-sounding summary.

Cowboys & Indians by Minisinoo: A completely non-romantic road-trip fic. Discusses heavy subjects like racism, but no angst at all - instead, there's a very funny bar brawl.

Pilgrim by Eowyn77 (a very good author): A one-shot about the long-lived Carlisle meeting a famous historical figure.

Brotherhood by blondie AKA robin and LindaRoo: Side-splittingly hillarious fic about the three brothers on a hunting trip and having a laugh by talking almost exclusively in quotes from Shakespeare, The Princess Bride and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. A short bit of angst, but ignorable.

And there are more, but I have no time to dig them out just now.

I haven't had time to look at them properly, but I've skim read the first paragraph of each, and they do actually look quite good. (Is that possible?) Paper Doll Kindergarten in particular looks...interesting.

I've actually recced The Paper Doll Kindergarten here before. I didn't previously know the rest of them, but they seem interesting.

(Oh, and I recommend Friday's Child , which is a bit of...not a must-read, but definitely a must-read-after-the-aforementioned-if-you-intend-to-sleep-tonight.

Neshomeh and I agree that "Vampires Suck" looks entertaining. We will likely not see it until it hits dvd, but we do want to see it.

SQUEE!!!
"Airhead... you're blue, not cherry anymore."
"I know, I love it!" *smack*
"Oy... I'm not taking that from you, little miz Lego-"
*smack*
"Shut up and-"
*smack*
"I did, you-"
*smack*
"Is this even food?"
*smack smack*

BUT I'LL SETTLE FOR A CHUNK OF FROZEN DUMPLINGS INSTEAD! YARRGH!!!

"What the hell was that?" Agent Silikat sighed, looking across the Cafeteria. Everything had been quiet until rougly a minute ago, when chaos had broken out for no good reason.

Silikat sighed again. That was just great.

Nevertheless, she attempted to carry on eating (some sort of cat food. She didn't know where it came from, and she didn't particularly want to ask) until a shower of what looked like green mashed potato fell onto her table, splattering her and her partner, Toon.

Without any further delay, Toon picked up whatever she was eating and threw it in the general direction of the brawling Agents, wooping with delight. Silikat rolled her eyes, but still couldn't resist chucking her meal at the nearest humanoid.

Who looked like they wanted to kill her. Oops.

Cali dodged the blue glop Miah flung at him, and launched himself across the room, dodging sticky orange rice balls, split pea soup columns, and more blue glop. He dodged our the doors into the hallway.

He ran down the corridors on his way to the Nursery shouting, "Food fight in the cafeteria! Food fight in the cafeteria!"

Miah, meanwhile, pulled a cream corn rocket launcher from her backpack of holding. She aimed right for the troll on the table top, and fired her first volley.

The Noldo known as Ithalond was not very comfortable on the subject of food. His wife Mithiriel was an excellent cook, but unfortunately, Ithalond had once been traumatized by a Dibbler pie and still had flashbacks whenever too much meat was in the vicinity. It was his bad luck to be in the cafeteria, refilling a coffee pot, when the food fight began.

He yelped like a startled deer, dropped the coffee pot, dived over the nearest table (knocking over several dishes in the process and sending soup spraying everywhere), hit the deck, tucked and rolled like a master martial artist, and wound up cowering under a random agent's table with his artificial hands firmly jammed in his own mouth. Ever heard a high, proud, ancient, and wise Elf whimper like a kicked puppy? You have now.

Krisprolls sends the contents of his plate on the fighters, and it lands on South's head. South retaliates and Whatever receives it. It soons degenerates into a... well... food fight. Between the Infernal Trio. With real insults inside.
"Dwarf!" says South.
"Midget!" says Krisprolls.
"Dwarf!"
"Midget!"
"Would you please stop, young men."
"Holy ..., What', you don't have anything more? Like 'cocksucking mother...ers', for instance?"
"Krisprolls!"
"I knew that. You didn't. Never mind."
And so on...

Thank goodness for out-of-continuity food fights. ^^

--

The blue pudding hit Ian on the back of the head, making a particularly fine splatting noise as it came in contact with his dreadlocks. His partner, who had been just about to put a forkful of her Sue-loaf (meatloaf made with leftover Suvian remains)into her mouth, raised an eyebrow at the mess.

'Are you going to let that troll insult your honor like that?' Lee asked, nodding at Barid.

Ian grinned brightly, scooped up a large helping of mashed potatoes, and turned in his seat. He aimed and let fly, sending the potatoes straight for Barid.

This. Just this. Seriously--I got the link for it two years ago, after wrapping up a really long multi-author story (called the Mary-Sue Experiments; it's where my main agent came from).
Anywho, the video is called "The Life of a Mary Sue" and it's basically the summary of every Harry Potter sue!bad!fic out there on the web. It's also humorous, and the funniest line is: "God, stick to CANON, please!"

Seriously, if you hate sues in HP canon, it's worth checking out.

-Honu_Wahine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3RWk34GYZQ&feature=related

I got a ting for ya. Since dey won't let me back in da cafeteria, I gotta do all my cookin' by myself. So here be one'a my favorite recipes.

Agent Barid's Voodoo Chicken Pizza

1-2 chicken breasts (preferably from an Ancona chicken dat has been sacrificed in an appropriate Voodoo ritual)
1 prepared Dwarven flat-bread (World 1 pizza crust will do in a pinch)
2 strips'a caribou bacon (World 1 pork bacon works)
1/2 cup'a pineapple (chunks if ya can get it, crushed if ya can't
2 cups of shredded Mozzerella cheese
Barbecue sauce to taste

1) Cook ya chicken in any way ya like. I prefer ta boil it in a pot wit' herbs and spices.
2) cut up da bacon inta small pieces and fry it in a pan
3) Put ya sauce on da Dwarf flat-bread, leavin' an inch 'round da outside so ya can hold it. Make it as t'ick as ya like.
4) Shred ya chicken and put it down on top'a da sauce.
5) Put all da cheese on top'a da chicken
6) Put da bacon and da pineapple down on da cheese.
7) Stick da flat-bread on a flat stone and put it over da fire for 8-10 minutes (Cookie sheet and an oven at 450 degrees will work instead of a rock and a fire)
8) Slice up and consume

This is a wonderful idea. Even if Aster kind of is not yet an agent, she, too, can be comical and dish out a recipie or two.

Aster Corbett's Ragin' Renagade Salmon Croquettes

Things you need to assemble:

1) A can of salmon. That's right. Canned. Not fresh. Canned salmon can be found on World One, but I suppose you can substitute similar canned fish. Just don't pick something too fatty or weird or full of people it ate. And make sure there are no dolphins or other wildlife harmed in the production of the canned seameat.
2)Breadcrumbs. Panko breadcrumbs are best, so go hit someone and take their panko or something. If not, well, I guess you could use something else. But you're a wimp.
3) A small onion.
4) Oil for your pan, for pete's sake.
5) One Egg (avian periods courtesy of a World 1 chicken are preferable, but any bird egg of similar size will do)
6) Anything you want to flavor the salmon with, optional. (Code for: salt plus whatever is lying around)
7) Appropriate utensils. Frying pan, spatula, cutting board, can opener, knife, chopping bowl. Etc.

Directions:

1) Open can of salmon. Inside should be an articulated chunk of salmon, already cooked. Yes, that's right-- it's pre-cooked with the head and fins cut off. But not de-boned. Empty the can, with ALL of the juice, into your cutting bowl. I use a wooden bowl that looks silly as a hat. Go through the salmon with a fork and pick out all of the biggest bones: the vertebra, the big ribs. There will always be little stringy things in the meat. That is just how salmon works and they vanish when chopped. Also, there might be a skin with scales. It's not important to eliminate all of the skin (actually, it has tasty fat in it) but if this is the case, DO get rid of the scales. They'll be small and transluscent.

2) The small onion should be peeled and chopped, geez. Little shreds the size of what you get when you punch holes in paper with a hole punch, maybe a little shredder. Maybe like, what you get when you feed a Mary Sue into a jet intake...

3) Mix the chopped onions with the dissected canned salmon. Then, crack the egg into the bowl-- this will help your little nuggets stick together. Finally, add some breadcrumbs to help hold the egg and the delicious salmon juice, but not too much. Then, I use a nifty ulu knife I stole from an eskimo to chop everything together in the bowl until it's mixed. I guess you can take two normal knives and cross-chop them that way, too. If you haven't mugged an eskimo lately.

4) Add whatever you want to flavor the little fish nuggets with now. I usually just add some salt, but if you have any leftover herbs or seasonings you like on salmon, feel free to mix them in.

5) You should already have your frying pan hot and oiled. Dummy.

6) Time to get dirty. Use your (CLEAN!) hands to take scoops of fish a little smaller than a (non '80s) cell-phone and press and roll your fish goop into little oblong nuggets-- they should be a bit smaller than an egg each. If the fish goop is too sticky or gloppy to hold, mix in more breadcrumbs. Roll these little nuggets in yet more breadcrumbs and then toss them as you finish forming them into your sizzlin' frying pan.

7) Multitask! You agent types should be good at that! Keep making your little nuggets and shuffle the ones around in the pan with a fork or something to make sure they get all crisp and delicious golden-brown on all sides. Keep an eye on them. When one is done, put it on a plate covered with paper towel to sit. Eventually, all of them will be cooked and there will be no more fish glop to make into nuggets.

8) Eat them! You can serve them as a side for spaghetti instead of italian sausages or something if you want I guess. Just eat some salad or vegtables too-- as quick and easy as these are... they're still fried! You fatso!

The original recipe calls for World 1 watershrimp, but other small crustaceans can be easily substituted.

Agent Riddick's Shrimp Sauce

1 lb fresh watershrimp
1/4 lb butter
1 tsp flour
1 glass water
Splash of milk
Pepper and salt (to taste)

1. Peel and dice the watershrimp and boil until they turn pink.

2. Meanwhile, mix the other ingredients in a saucepan and simmer until the mixture thickens.

3. Drain off the watershrimp and add them to the sauce.

This recipe is excellent on fish and most other meats. Local herbs and spices can be added as available.

I'll have a go at the "etc." category. {= )

Agent Derik's Ersatz Klah

If you're unfamiliar, klah is a beverage brewed from the bark of the Pernese klah tree, and is the best drink ever invented. However, if you can't get the real thing, this is a decent substitute.

You'll need:

Your favorite mug.

Enough boiling water to fill it 1/2- to 3/4-full, depending on your preference.
Enough milk to fill it the rest of the way.

1 heaping tablespoon of Ghirardelli's Sweet Ground Chocolate and Cocoa mix. Substitute lesser chocolate powders at your own risk.
1/2 tsp. instant coffee granules. Adjust per strength of your instant coffee and your preference.
A generous dash of cinnamon.
A pinch of nutmeg.

Load dry ingredients into your mug. Add boiling water and stir. When everything is dissolved, add milk. Imagine you're back in the Weyr and enjoy.

If you prefer, you can substitute the milk for soy milk, rice milk, etc., or skip it entirely. You can also spike it with your favorite alcoholic beverage for a little extra kick on really tough days.

Agent Ross's Miso Remedy

Because agents get sick, too. And this one has the bonus of being able to be cooked on the heat-exhaust port of ones console! Or, you know, the Microwave if on vacation to World 1. Or over a stove if you happen to have one and a pot to cook in....

2 tablespoons Miso Paste (Preferably organic, if you can manage it, because non-organic soy really should be avoided)

1.5 cups water

4 large garlic cloves, squidged. (Technical term. Yup.)

Bonito flakes, optional.

~~~~

Place all ingredients into your favourite mug, or a small saucepan if working on a stove, and heat until hot enough. This varies from individual to individual. Stir until all the miso is dissolved. Drink. Smile.

Agent Keaton's Chocolate-Peanut Butter-Oatmeal Cookies

Ingredients

1/4 cup applesauce
1 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp vanilla (Mexican vanilla is preferred, but do not, under any circumstances, use that fake vanilla stuff)
1/4 cup oats
1/4 cup sugar (Sugar substitutes may be, erm, substituted if desired. Splenda is recommended)
3 Tbsp baking cocoa powder
Dash of Kosher Salt (If desired)

Steps

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (180 degrees C).
2. Combine ingredients and drop by tablespoons on cookie sheet.
3. Bake for 8 minutes.
4. Sprinkle Kosher Salt over top if desired for added taste and pretty-looking cookies
5. Let cool.
6. Enjoy.

Makes 1 dozen cookies

Notes: These cookies are cakey and stay that way. They also tend to crumble after cooling, so be warned. You might want to experiment with the amount of peanut butter you put in, as it tends to be kind of overwhelming. If you do decrease the peanut butter, make sure to increase the amount of oats or add your favorite honey in order to keep the cookies together.

This is a very simple recipe which can be made out of stuff off the shelf--exactly the kind of thing this agent would be able to do. XD

Agent Suicide's Lemon-Pepper Chicken

App. 1 1/4 pounds frozen boneless chicken (four thick breast pieces)
1 bottle randomly-chosen lemon-pepper marinade (or if you wanna get fancy, use the recipe at http://southernfood.about.com/od/bbqsaucemarinade/r/blbb288.htm .)
Few tablespoons olive oil (to taste)


1. Thaw the chicken. Set it, still wrapped in plastic, in a bowl of cold water for about the length of one standard Spartan shield drill. (That's three to six hours for you civilians.)
2. Slice each chicken breast in half lengthwise, creating thinner fillets. Agent Suicide recommends using a small machete or a WW2-era trench knife, but any good chef's knife will do if you really must.
3. Put the fillets in a bowl and cover with the marinade. Leave to set in the fridge overnight, preferably under guard to prevent delicious chicken theft. (Spartan gentleman-rankers or devoted squires only for the guard. Achaean and Thessalonian mercenaries are too prone to leftovers theft.)
4. Relieve the guards from their posts and remove the bowl from the refrigerator.
5. Prepare a skillet by greasing it with a few spoonfuls of olive oil. Any skillet may be used, but Agent Suicide is a firm believer in good old-fashioned, just-like-grandma-used-to-break-heads cast iron.
6. Be careful not to heat the skillet too quickly, or your chicken will start spitting fat and smoke all over the place. Suicide recommends a good "medium" heat and a little Scotch to liven up your next half-hour of standing at the stove.
7. Place two or three fillets in the pan, turning with a fork when they begin to brown. Slicing them down the middle is also helpful to make sure the chicken cooks thoroughly. Do not pour any of the used marinade into the pan, unless you like cleaning little bits of sticky brown crust out of everything. (If you do, Agent Suicide is not judging you. After living with Spartans, nothing surprises him.)
8. Cook until well-done, or however you like it.
9. Caution! Pan will be extremely hot, greasy, and possibly smoky when you finish it. Residual grease may be poured down the throat of any captured Sues--or, if you're boring, you can pour it into a tin can and put it in the freezer. (This makes it much easier to collect and dispose of a great deal of residual grease, but has no added advantage of shrieking and flailing.)
10. Enjoy your chicken.
11. Glare at the console, which goes off approximately 30 seconds into step 10.
12. Promise yourself you'll get another job tomorrow.

Although, I may be very soon be lured away by shiny school related things... or grade marks...

You have excellent taste in fandoms. Which Discworld book is your favourite? And what do you think of the Eleventh Doctor?

Have a pack of shiny pencils. Good for school.

Fair winds!

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate and enjoy your stay!

Hail and welcome (back)!

Have some House Roac hot chocolate (picture here, whipped cream and cinnamon not included). It's delicious!

Also this nice rock I found when I was out walking. I'm sure it's useful for something.

Lleu Llaw Gyffes

How now, old boarder?!

Have a hand-knit hat, crafted from the downy spun fibers shaven from the backs of Cute Animal Friends.

*Vulcan salute* Welcome back to the Board! Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny object as a welcome-back gift, and use them well!

Question - old, new, or both?
Have a pet cat. You may name her whatever you wish.

Do not feed it Sues.

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly

(Yay for someone likely to get this reference!)

Help yourself to your favorite venomous arthropod! Glad to have you a-Board.

It's a magical turnip. Shhhhhh!

;p

Nice to meet you, and welcome back!

Please enjoy this flame-proof hat as a welcoming present.

Whip out your punctuation correction set from that and start correcting the punctuation.

Don't wait for an invitation. These guys didn't.

1. I will not allow Agent Chliever into the Lounge.
   -Or the Pool (if it exists).
   -The only reason he's allowed in the Cafeteria is that he couldn't possibly make the food any worse.
   1109. I will not scream "THE BALROG HAS NO WINGS!" at a large crowd of Agents "just to see what would happen."
   1110. I will not recruit a Crossed.
   1111. I will not insult a swarm of Ssamb.
   

1. I will trust neither Calvin nor Hobbes with a flamethrower. No matter how much they give me the Bambi Eyes.

1. Before antagonizing Agent Kimmie, I will remember that she is a bar-brawl veteran and regularly wears high heels. And she's probably drunk.
   1106. We understand the temptation to spontaneously propose to Agent Caitlyn in order to see how many different colors her face turns. However, it will cause her to overdose on Logicillin, and nobody wants to know what happens to a knurd agent in PPC HQ.
   - (Besides, it's 27, mostly various shades of purple.)

I will not assume merely having the title of agent means I can dodge bullets in Matrix badfic

**** Molly Rath does not belong in Hinamizawa. Even if the Cotton-Drifting Festival isn't happening at the time, she should be kept far away from Rena Ryugu.

**** If I want a non-Mini pet, I will not purchase one from Count D.

1. I will not spike Agent Kelok's Nigel pill bottle with triple strength pills. While it may be amusing to watch a Wraith hallucinate an army of highly improbable attack turtles, he is quite good at defending himself, and it's no fun getting caught in the cross fire.
   
   1102. I will not attempt to find out what Agent Unger wears under his kilt.
   
   1103. Even though Agent Cali has bright blue hair and cool shades, he is not a Sue, and henceforth should not be shot on sight.
   
   1104. I will not steal Agent Miah's anti-lustin inhaler and send her to a glitterfic. Even if I could sell tickets, it isn't worth the risk of her deciding to chase me through the halls of HQ, thinking I am her LO, instead of her targeting Agent Cali.
   
   1105. I will not attempt to convince DoSAT agents that a winged kitten was the one to tamper with my console. If I do make such an attempt, I will not complain about whatever the disguise generator generates on my next mission.
   
   1106. I will not make messes in front of Agent Cali, just to see how long he can resist cleaning them. If I do, I will arrange the betting pool ahead of time. If he knows about it, it will skew my results.
   
   1107. I will not feed Castor, the mad scientist in winged kitten form, too many pumpkin guts. If I do, I will not blame the resulting drunken mad science on Agents Miah and Cali. Agent Miah likes to shoot people with her dart gun, and act out the lyrics of the "What do you do with a Drunken Sailor" song, and having your belly shaved with a rusty razor is not pleasant.
   
   1108. I will not put the latest movie versions of Tony Stark, Sherlock Holmes, and Charlie Chaplin in a room to "see what happens".
   

1. Singing "Another One Bites the Dust" as you kill the Sue makes you a hypocrite.
   - This is a bad thing.
   - I don't care what cover of it you're singing.
   1093. Glee and High School Musical shall never be allowed near each other.
   - Nor shall characters from such.
   - Especially not Rachel Berry and Sharpay What's-Her-Face.
   1094. Do not place flamethrowers in agents' rooms while they are sent out on Bleepfics.

1. I will not try to teach Agent Luxury to be more subtle. It wouldn't work, and would probably only end badly for me.
   1098. I will not put Lt. Commander Worf and Kalibak in a cage match to see who would win.

1095: I will not teleport other agents into the Realm of Darkness and leave them there.
-Even if they really deserve it.
1096: The PPC does not have a 'no shirt, no shoes, no service' policy.

1. I will not set fire to the HQ Lounge--once was enough.

1. Portaling Agent Ithalond to the Sweeney Todd universe is not funny. That Elf has . . . issues with meat pies.

1. I will not portal Lady Gaga into the reality room to "see what happens."

1. I will not lock Murdoc Niccals and Agent Luxury in the same room. We all know what will happen, anyway.

One word:

Wow. :O

What... just ...what!? And this is a young girl writing this crap?! Guh...

But it's still bad, especially the whole "'Let's party!' and everyone partyed" bit. And to be fair, "Neotoma" is the genus for the dusky-footed woodrat.

Two chapters and it's already kill-worthy!