May 2010 Archive, part b

They would send someone from the Department of Internal Affairs.

That aside, ho damn, that's an unfortunate scenario. The Holy Hangover Cure would probably be overkill, though--in fact, unless your agent is a deity, it might even be kill.

As for how long it would take her to become functional again, that depends entirely on her mental fortitude and what would be the most hilarious to do to her. {= )

~Neshomeh

I'm not sure about the Bleepulan Ale bit, but I'm pretty sure if an agent went rogue in the manner you described (being seduced by a Replacement!Stu, I guess) the Flowers would send her back in immediately no drinking and no waiting. You can't lose a story with a Stu that bad pus a brainwashed agent.

Your agents seem to be fun. You might want to think about doing a mission in the Myst continuum, if you know anything about it. Seems like the kind of game Danny would love, and it would give your agents a bit more friction.

Oh, wait. Yes I am. Permission granted! {= D

~Neshomeh

But I also enjoyed that a lot, and hope to hear more from your agents in future.

I'm no Permission Giver, but I like your Agents, and the interlude had me laughing all the way through. I like it, and I think you've captured the spirit of the PPC very well indeed. Good luck!

I'm never gonna be able to unread that. Great Hades. That was horrible, and I've read some pretty awful stuff. Wow. Just, wow.
On another note, I'm reserving judgment on whether or not this is a bad fic: Hero, Villain, Saviour, Conqueror . Any thoughts, people?
confuzzled and bewildered
-Honu_Wahine,

[a href="link here"]Text here![/a]

With s instead of [ ]s.

Like this!

I'm working on what is shaping up to be a three-part mission (unless the stupid author adds another chapter to the gorram thing), and I'm almost finished with the first part. Before I expose it to the world, I'd love for someone to go over it to check for basic mispellings, gramatical issues, PPCishness, etc. (A permantent beta would also be lovely, if anyone is interested/has the time.)

I can be found via AIM at anamia8742, or by email at thirteenskater(@)gmail(.)com. AIM is probably the better option, as I don't check my email nearly as often as I should.

Oh, and since I suspect you'll want to know: the fandom is Harry Potter, the Department is DBS, and the fic in question is NSFB. Not that that matters too much for the mission, but I thought I'd warn you.

Thanks!
--anamia

I'd be happy to give you a hand with it; might be best if we talk it over in private, though, instead of discussing it all over the Board. You can contact me on cassie.dramateacherATgooglemail.com, if you'd like to discuss it. Betas aren't that scary, we're really not. :P

Just me I guess. It's working for me now.

I never read Black Stallion myself, but I can tell it's one of those childhood things that was never meant to be subjected to the bad fan fiction treatment. Also, that was some nasty, nasty grammer, so I'm impressed you put yourself through that.

I like your agents a lot. And, while I have no knowledge of the Black Stallion continuum, it did indeed sound like a most painful 'fic. Congratulations on killing it.

--anamia

I don't know anything about either of those fandoms, but I'm looking forward to seeing what you write. In the tradition of the PPC Welcome, take this bladed yo-yo. You might want to keep it away from Mariposa, though. By the way, that's a great name for a cat. I hope it finds its way into your RC!

*Glomps!*

You have now received training in the fangirl glomp. Go ye therefore and root out badfic. Welcome to the Boards! :D

Have a lovely bar of foo! They're good for you, and will raise you to class level 6... if you get that far.

Hello and welcome! I give you a granite pillow; they're excellent for pillowfights at sleepovers and actually fairly comfortable (provided you've just been exhausted by a particularly mission or are comatose to some degree).

I've noticed, however, that although you were told you would recieve The Links, it seems no one yet has given you The Links, and therefore, I cannot in good conscience leave without giving you The Links that Link us to Linkworthy Links of Linking quality. (Silliness is contageous, I'm afraid.)

So, in relative order of sensible-reading-ness, there is...
* The Original PPC Series, which we assume you've already read

The Board:
* The Board Constitution
* The FAQ: For the Board

The Wiki:
* The PPC Wiki (which you've already seen)
* The very-important-to-read-before-requesting-Permission Permission article)
* Our (my!) Guide To The PPC
* The Mission Writing Guide
* The Slash-Sporking Guide
* The FAQ: For Newbies.

And finally, but very usefully,
* The List of Everything PPC

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

Another SGA fan?! Yay!! There aren't nearly enough of us around here.

I gift you with a mutated strawberry; if you don't want to eat it, it should work fine as a paperweight. Well, provided it doesn't grow legs and wander off, anyway.

Have a panda that eats, shoots and leaves!

Have a complimentary brother.

Welcome! Have a Magical Infinite Carpetbag to hold all of this, cages for Mariposa, the first and only plover, and anything else living, and some chocolate.

Good to have another potential sporker! Have this genuine Civil War era cannon as a welcoming gift.

Hello! Welcome! Please accept this sparkly rock (pickaxe not included) as token of my welcoming spirit. Use it well, as either a paperweight or as a projectile weapon, though, I must warn you, if you choose the latter option you'll have to go and find it yourself. It isn't yet equiped with boomerang technology.

--anamia

P.S. I apologize profusely for any spelling errors in this post. IE has no spell-check, and my limitted natural abilities in this field have been drained due to intensive exams over the past few weeks.
--a

Fair winds!

A fellow SGA fan, YAY! Who's your favorite character? Mine is Rodney McKay.

You never know when you might need one!

Good morning/afternoon/evening, and welcome to the PPC board! Have a pet cat. You may name her whatever you want.

Have an unpublished novel and a bowl of buttered salt.

Welcome.

Some agents have freelanced in SGA so far, but I believe they all have their main priorities elsewhere. I don't know Leverage, but what I've read about it said to me it had good potential for a lot of bad Sues. So, you have your work cut out for you.

Welcome, my fellow food-named Agent! I gift to you...a coxcomb! It's a sort of silly hat with Shakespearean lineage.

Hello and Welcome to the PPC Posting Board! Have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay here.

Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it here. Also, here's a stick-on mustache.

Pleased to meet you. Have a couple of nicely sharpened pencils, good for writing or fighting.

Welcome to the Board. Don't worry, although we're crazy, we're mostly harmless (just watch out for the flamethrower-wielding agents).

Someone will doubtless be along shortly to bestow upon you the Newbie Links, although since you've already found the wiki, you may be ahead of the game there.

Finally, may I offer you a platter of chocolate-covered profiteroles, a pet mongoose (available from the PPC Mongoose Shelter in RC 2816) and my hearty welcome to the insanity that is the PPC.

Elcalion, welcoming

Somariel is going to make an interesting agent. This may be difficult, but I hope you find lots of ways to play up the health issues for humor. There's actually a lot of potential there, aside from it being something we've never seen in an agent before. (Interestingly enough, Asperger Syndrome is not uncommon around here.) So, happy PPCing!

~Neshomeh, hoping other PGs will be around next week, 'cause she'll be busy.

...it's spelled "Asperger Syndrome".

But I am no permission giver. You might want to be careful with Mira's name, though. We already have an Agent Mara. That doesn't mean that you can't use it (I think), it just means that you really do not want to hit an "a" when you want an "i".

I'm too late to throw in my two cents again? Does this mean I'm not allowed to overcomplicate things with my personal, ridiculously scientific take on everything? *sad eyes*

Your comments and ideas helped a lot. Thank y'all!

A mix between a cat and a wolf? That must look all kinds of oddness when it's transformed. Why not just simply be a full werecat? *shakes head at the logic!fail of 'Sues*

As for the bite vs. scratch debate, as Neshomeh said, cats do hold a lot of various bacterial organisms behind their claws. There's even a thing called "Cat-Scratch Disease", which affects the lymph nodes. (More information here) I think it's entirely possible, since as we all know, the rules of the Disc are not always the rules of the 'Verse we're used to...

I can't help you with figuring out if it would be canonical, but, even if you decide to infect your agent, I got in ahead of you. Randall's a werewolf, even if he currently has not shown many clues, beyond the heavy-handed trail-sniffing (look here if you have no idea what I'm talking about—it's probably about two thirds of the way down the story). Tell me if you guys decide to turn her into a werewolf. Our agents might get along.

Discworld canon has Angua, a very responsible and vegetarian werewolf, wandering around Ankh-Morpork and having a job involving a lot of contact with the public, never wearing gloves. It doesn't seem she's at all worried about the consequences of accidental scratching. So I'd guess scratches aren't really going to do it on the Disc.

Well, if you wanted to give your agent a new and potentially comical trait, you certainly could, but otherwise...

I'm quite sure Medical could deal with any infection, and regardless of whether it's sure to transmit the curse, any sensible agent would probably go there for some sort of disinfecting agent anyway... Not that many agents are sensible, but still. ;p

We've been hit by a spambot, and the Board's been temporarily shut down. We've retreated here for the time being. Nothing's wrong with your computer, its the PPC and we're fixing it. We're staying here until T-D gives us the word that we can go back. We cool?

It still does, actually. Maybe the problem is with your computer. Or browser.

Don't worry, I don't think it's going anywhere any time soon.

I'm also rather new, so I've never met you before, but have some nicely sharpened pencils, good for writing or fighting. I promise they won't break in battle.

How about a green and blue tail feather from an unknown flying creature? I found it outside. :)

I don't know you, as I'm relatively new, but Welcome Back anyway!
Have a pet cat. You may name him whatever you wish.

Hope your “real life concerns” had a satisfactory ending. Here, take a bladed yo-yo. Feel free to use it on Mary Sues.

Welcome back! I'm new, so I didn't know you before, but oh well. I offer you this sparkly rock (pickax not included). It can be used as a paperweight, or thrown at offending 'Sues. (Or, in the case of DTE, used as emergency punctuation).

--anamia

Hello! (from a newbie) Have a seventeen foot long multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

Yep, we exist. I'd even say thriving. Have a Mary Poppins Carbetbag to hold all this!

Feed them only generic meat.

Welcome back. :)

Fair winds!

We're busier than usual, in fact--there's been quite the influx of newbies.

Welcome back! Have a welcome-back cookie.

Are you using the same screenname that you used before? Because if there was another person joining the DTE, I'd be thrilled, but I don't remember seeing missions from anyone else on there. Are you Nenya or Rosie?

We do, indeed, still exist. Look! Lots of shiny links and a brand-new wiki. Even I am still puttering around. I wrote my 13th mission not too long ago. Welcome back!

~Araeph

It still exists, and I'd know, because I joined it in that period of apparent non-existence.

I think it'd be a good idea to link a list from the wiki, if one could be found. I don't know there's an official PPC policy; but either way, there are probably people here who'd prefer not to go against authors' wishes whatever the official ruling happened to be.

...we usually PPC those fandoms at all. Since the PPCing, after all, is a fanfic in itself.

I know there weren't any Dragonriders of Pern missions until after Anne McCaffrey lifted her ban. And I seem to recall a Pern mission specifically mentioning that fact. (Anyone remember what mission that was? I read it when I first joined up.)

Sounds like something the Legal Department would have to cope with. I suspect they would find it worse to go against an author's wishes than to allow a Mary Sue to roam free, but it's a tough choice. -sighs-

--anamia

If you used that charge, you'd be admitting to knowingly writing a fic set in a world made by an author who doesn't like fan fiction. Sure, it's a PPC fic, and you're making fun of bad fanfiction; but the setting's still the author's.

I don't think we should bring that up, really. It feels like we would, by writing a mission into that same fandom, be committing that same offense, as it were.

As an odd sidenote, when I attended NAU, I stayed in the dormitory named after Diana Gabaldon...

... is mercifully short. That's something I can say that's good about it.

Unbearably so, in fact. And so out of character...now I'm sad.

Ah, very nice sporking job, and glad to see a Nobody agent. I'd like to see more of her.

That story took the "Nobodies can't feel" rule and dragged it straight through the dirt. I may never be free of the mental imagery of motherly!Larxene.

I got the feeling the author was a little bit of a misandrist, what with making Axel a pervert, Demyx a bumbling flirt, and Xaldin completely effeminate, not to mention motherly!Larxene again.

I also couldn't figure out what the sisters' pre-Organization names were supposed to be. Most combinations of letters seemed to make nonsense sounds.

Oh well. Glad to see we've got a Nobody agent, now.

...I'm not really coming up with a lot. I know of several canons where eyes, magical or not, can be transplanted from one person to another, and I know of at least one dimension-hopping character who should be capable of creating artificial eyes (seeing as she at one point creates a fake arm that can bleed and, for some odd reason, grab ghosts), but I can't really think of any where there's a standardized magical eye replacement.

The fun thing about the PPC, though, is how easy it is to justify whatever type of plot device you want. Not only are there millions of canons Medical can steal from, but HQ isn't exactly lacking in the mad scientist department. Making up some sort of magically powered replacement is not out of the question.

In terms of technological-based replacements, though, my favorites are still the prosthetics used in Ghost in the Shell (specifically in the character Batou). They look sort of like camera lenses embedded in the eye socket and function the same way, identifying, isolating and zooming in on points of interest (such as weapons or writing) in a scene as the user observes them. Of course, they also might require having a computer installed in the user's brain to work properly...

Would, say, something along the lines of Moody's magical eyeball work outside the HP continuum? I ask because Foxglove's primary fandoms are magic-based, not tech-based, so it makes sense to explore magical options as well, if that's possible.

One of the sarcophagus in Stargate SG-1 should do the trick to heal the existing eye. Someone mentioned another method causing addiction problems, and the sarcophagus does also, but only over long time exposure-like daily for a few weeks. Initial personality changes after perhaps a week.

http://stargate.wikia.com/wiki/Sarcophagus

Anyway, the character is placed inside, the lid is closed and it heals everything, even the recently deceased. It would be on the safe side to have the damaged eyeball in the socket before placing the character in the sarcophagus.

The safest place to get access to one would be Season 1 episode 14, or one of the hundreds of fanfics based on that episode--it is one of the more popular ones to be written about. There is a sarcophagus in Stargate Command--Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado, Earth. It is unguarded and unused for hours during the episode. Just open a portal into the room, use it, and leave.

http://stargate.wikia.com/wiki/Hathor_%28episode%29

If you sneak into either the episode or a fanfic of the episode, do not take any males with you. If you accidentally encountered Hathor, they would be immediately under her spell, possibly even Stormsong. Her control is based on pheromones of a sort. I don't know how human pheromones affect Redwall creatures.

They're nifty, too - UV and IR vision included as part of the package, and zoom ability. The only downside is occasional headaches.

In the Cowboy Bebop anime, I believe the character Spike has a replacement eyeball. Other than an ever-so-slight difference in eye color, it's barely noticeable. And it apparently improves his aim.

Not that I know jack about Cowboy Bebop; I just came across that little tidbit when I was trying to find a possible eye-replacement idea for Jack. ('Course, then I decided to screw the idea and let Hilarity Ensue).

Though, Foxglove does strike me as the type who'd enjoy having a cybernetic eye. Like John Silver from Treasure Planet.

The most sure-fire way would be to let Foxglove use the morphing cube from Animorphs, turn into an animal, then turn back. This would "reset" her body to whatever her DNA coded for, including fully-functioning eyes. However, I suspect you don't want to turn your agent into an Animorph...

The other thing I thought of is the mana infusion chamber from Magic: the Gathering. One particular character used the chamber to patch up his body whenever he got injured, but it carried the side-effect of addicting him to black mana. That wouldn't be a problem for Foxglove if she only used it once, of course.

I guess the problem with these ideas is that Foxglove would get her ownn eye back, rather than a fancy sci-fi one!

G'Kar gets a replacement eye (which he can take out of his socket and still see out of--sort of a high-tech version of Moody's eye) in either the end of Season 4 or the beginning of Season 5, I can't remember.

...but it might not be too easy to get, because most stories set there would have only a very few characters capable of 7th level Cleric spells. It's pretty doubtful that you'd be able to find someone at HQ who can learn something of that level.

Your best bet is probably Cadderly Bonaduce, if you want to go that route; but make sure to catch him after he becomes a Chosen and before the Spellplague. Stay away from Danica, though; she's likely enough to be resistant to the neuralyzer.

The Star Wars novel Vision of the Future mentions replacement eyes briefly, so I'd imagine Medical could get their hands on whatever is used in the Star Wars continuum. The book is rather vague as to the exact process, so you could probably write it however you want. One of the characters has an eyepatch and when he's asked about it, he says, "Our medical replacement facilities are limited, and I opted to forgo a new eye in favor of others of my pilots who might need the operation."

Maybe I should send it to him.

At first I thought, "How can the plots of smutty romance fics be stolen from Thomas the Tank Engine?"

Then I thought, "I don't want to KNOW how the plots of smutty romance fics can be stolen from Thomas the Tank Engine."

Then I started reading them, and I thought, "The world really is going to end in 2012."

This person's writing... It makes me want to DESTROY EVERYTHING WITH GOD'S FIST ! I've seen his type before, to tell you the truth. Dime a dozen scumbags.

What makes me so irked at this is that I have a DA account myself. Luckily, nothing's on it yet... I'd hate to see what would happen if... ERK!

Better not think about it...

Right down to the Sonic smut. He believes pro wrestling is real.

I'm not even sure what name the mini-Cyclops is supposed to be...

I think it's best not to have anything to do with Sonichu at all. Between itself and its swarm of trolls, it has an unholy life of its own, and I think it's best not to get involved with that lot. They're not nice people.

Also, I thought we purged all mention of it from the wiki recently due to incessant nastiness about it. I'll have to double-check.

~Neshomeh

I don't think the question has ever come up before. Is it a fancomic of an existing, 'published' story, or is it essentially original, no matter how bad? If the former, you could probably PPC it, though the 'how' might be tricky, but if the latter, and it's just a rubbish story, no.

I would advise against it, though, unless you plan to write your PPC mission as a comic itself; changing medium is rather difficult for such a complex parody as this.

How I Became Yours, is it?

My guess is that the PPC probably handles badfic in any format, but because most fics are written in prose story form, most missions are to normal fanfic. In addition, written stories are (obviously) not the only media the PPC protects; there are also TV shows, movies, musicals/plays, and anime/manga.

(In case you've never had the pleasure, Sonichu is a very, very bad fan comic. That it's listed means it's probably up for PPCing if someone is brave or stupid enough. Or maybe someone's already claimed it, I don't know; point being, though, it's up there and it's a fan comic.)

Might be an interesting challenge to PPC a comic; a lot of the usual missions deal with messed-up wording and how it expresses itself, but with a fancomic, you'd have bad art to worry about too. Disguising the agents might be interesting; with particularly bad art you might end up seriously deformed or even outright two-dimensional. Ever read "Flatland"?

Anyway, sounds interesting. I don't have too much experience to tell, but I think it'd be possible.

I just found out what a mock-Uzi is; an Uzi that shoots rubber bands instead of bullets. When I first read it, I thought that it was an Uzi that shot bullets of pure mockery at 'Sues or something like that (although you have to admit that would be cool).

Alright, now I have a different question...Is there a weapon that restricted to the PPC (but widely available to Agents) and would NOT be canon in the Potterverse?

Well, it ain't the greatest thing the Pit has churned out, but...it isn't nearly as bad as the reviewers are insisting. Actually, most of them think it's pretty good, except for AJW, who doesn't have an account and who therefore should be distrusted instinctively, and hitherehi62, who is the same person as AJW and only joined so they could flame people without getting deleted. And the author is being very polite and good-natured about the whole thing, suprisingly enough, and though they admit they wrote it in a rush, they don't use it to excuse their mistakes.

Okay okay okay. Long story short: in my opinion, not badfic. Not exactly goodfic either, but this author needs a beta, not a spork to the eye or trollflames up the nose.

I thought every PPC'er took what they learned here and applied it to their old works. After all, with our own stories, we HAVE the power to change them, unlike with the Suethors. With them, all we can do is hint. Strongly. Several times, and with sporks.

You most certainly can. :)

Yes, it most certainly is allowed. Several PPCers have taken on their own old fics. It shows other people that we're just as willing to mock our own mistakes.

I'm pretty sure that people have PPC'd their own stories before, so yes, it is allowed.

It's the second one from the bottom if you don't put any filters on it--it's got an annoying tone of voice (haven't seen the cartoon [no t.v.], but it smells OOC), there's a *coughcoughhackwheeze*'mysterious' new girl there who's joined the EVO team as Rex's partner, and everyone seems to have an issue with that, aside from, (dramatic eyeroll) Rex, of course. Oh, and her name is Jun, she's fifteen, and she was found in Osaka, Japan. This despite the fanthor knowing diddly about Japanese, Osaka, the proper use of punctuation, or, apparently, Japanese naming customs. Merciful Hades, what a nightmare!

On another note:
[BEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!](Sound of an agent smashing a console in the background) There's a badfic on Merlin--the summary alone will make you retch.
The Daughter will make you gouge your eyes out with a dull , slightly melted plastic spork. First off, there's the whole "mystereereeous" backstory (yes, that spelling was intentional--I saw it in a Mary-Sue parody once); badly written prose; no concept of characterization; and numerous other things to make you bleed from your eyes (and did I mention that Gewn suddenly hates Merlin/Merlin's SuePer daugher? The girl's a bit of a stupid cow, and she's only seven.) Might there be hope of recruiting or deSueifying the little brat, *ahem*, angel, from the story, or is it better just to feed her to the nearest hungry dragon?(unless that would give said dragon indigestion, of course...? *Vaugue and thoughtful grin*)
-Honu_Wahine

That's a flame. From my perspective, it's all to do with the attitude of the message and how it's meant to make you feel. True, some writers are oversensitive and will see flames where they don't exist, but experience is usually enough to work out what the review writer's intention was.

But indeed, a personal attack is a dead giveaway, and when reviews consist of unhelpful comments or focus on the author's talent rather than the story's content, I find they're almost always flames anyway.

Especially if you only link to a help site instead of listing the specific flaws with those particular characters. "You can't write" is harsh but isn't enough to (in my opinion) make something a flame, as long as you say "All your characters are Sues because of [blah blah blah blah that is reasonable]. "You deserve to die" is a) inaccurate based on simple bad writing, b) never okay ever, and c) would always make anything a flame.

There's a difference between saying "you suck" and "that story sucks".

There's also a difference between saying "that story sucks" and saying, "that story sucks; here's how you make it better."

Politeness is generally preferable, but it's not politeness that makes something not a flame. It's the general attitude. If you're trying to communicate or inform, then it's not a flame. If you're trying to insult someone or make them feel stupid, then it is.

So, for me, your example would be a flame. Yes, it links to a help site, but its main purpose is to hurt the author. When I give concrit, I do my best to leave the author out of it as much as I can, much like when I PPC stories, and just focus on the writing.

So, instead of saying, "You can't write, etc." I'd go more for something like, "All the characters read like Mary Sues, which isn't something that attracts readers," and then link to the help site.

Then again, I also think that I can be a bit too nice in my critiques. -shrugs- As you say, it's a matter of balance.

--anamia

The gift in a form of an idea.

If the mary sue or gary stu visit the beauty salon or a barber shop, it is a perfect opportunity to list the charges and go for the kill. The agent can disguise themselves as hairstylists or barbers.

-For Mary Sues: Give them hair treatments such as rearranging their hair style. If you want, you can do something really bad to the hair such as cutting of their hair while listing the charges for better effect, total humiliation for the sue. If the humiliation is so deep, the sue begs to die so use any method to kill her. The alternative is giving them the shampoo treatment. You can use restraints to prevent the sue from escaping. List the charges. Flood the sink so she can drown or electrocute them to death.
-For Gary Stus: Give them a haircut or something depending on the Stu's request. You can choke them with anything in the shop and list the charges before they die from strangulation. Another is the giving the dude a shave. First use the headlock, next is to list the charges, and finally, slit the throat with the razor.(*Pretty Women song not recommended, Bond One Liner optional.)

Welcome! Terribly sorry that I could not pop in and greet you earlier. I have been sucked into the vortex of Goodfic and have only recently managed to extract myself.

Anywho, please accept this gift of a sparkly rock (pickax not included). It works quite well as a paperweight, and may also be thrown at offending 'Sues. An agent working for DTE may also find it useful as a piece of emergency punctuation.

--anamia
p.s. The month goes by quickly, no worries!

It's about vehicles. Aside from the TARDIS and the Sun Crusher, does the PPC has any kind of mecha such as AMP Suits, Knightmare Frames, or Mobile Suits?

Welcome, New Friend! Have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay here!

Have some nicely sharpened pencils, good for writing or fighting. I promise they won't break.

Before I could do my duties, I need some opinion and criticisms on my agents.

Agent Joseph Trevor
Age: 19
Home Continuum: World One
Species: Human
Height: 5’ 6”
Hair: Black
Eyes: Green
Weapon Preference: Wrenches, Sentries (Turrets), Traps
About: Joseph is a calm and collected person with a passion for engineering but due to a paperwork blunder, he's in the Department of Floaters instead of the Department of Sufficiently Advanced Technology so he stuck as an agent to assassinate Sues. With trigger happy Centurio, he has to keep him under control. Mpregs, rape, or any illegal sexual activities snaps his calm demeanor, especially if they involve his lust objects. His attire consists of a worker shirt, goggles (*usually on his hat), a plumber's cap, a jacket, overalls, a tool belt, and boots. His loves anime and video games with a dash of certain movies.

Agent Centurio
Age: 3
Home Continuum: Superior Defender Gundam Force (Neotopia to be precise)
Species: Robot (Combat Mobile Citizen to be precise)
Height: 4' 9"
Hair: N/A
Eyes: Red
Weapon Preference: Guns, Lightsabers
About: A Combat Mobile Citizen from Neotopia as an early byproduct of the Zeta Project. His rather shoot first, ask questions later. A gung-ho robot who loves to collect guns. Much to chagrin to his superiors, he causes a lot of collateral damage at various continua when he's taking on a sue head on. As a result, he's not allowed to do missions until he gets a partner, Joseph. He doesn't like Joseph for being a "wuss" and a "moral restraint" but he secret depended on him to fix him. After all, his body is sturdy but he often broke into body parts and spares are hard to replace. He looks a lot like a short and stubby Hyaku Shiki from Zeta Gundam. Because he can't wear clothing, his body painted black with thin red strips on his arms and legs. The only clothing he wears is an army beret with the DF Flashpatch on it. Also, since he can't eat nor drink, he has to use special gadgetry to remove scarring mental images so Bleeperin and related medications are out of the question.

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

Can two Agents from two different departmants or divisions work together?

I give you the sack of Edible Lemon-Blueberry Muffins!

What are the "a few others" that you mention? And as for video games, PLEASE tell me you'll go after TF2 Suethors.

WelcomeWelcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it here. Also, here's a bottle of diet Coke and some Mentos.

...here's the details of what kind of fandoms I'm gonna specialize on.

-Video Games in general.
-Harry Potter
-Some Cartoons
-Star Wars
-Obscure stuff I liked during my entire lifetime.

Here, have a pet cat. You may name her whatever you wish.

The agent in incognito suggest to a couple, usually a canon character and a sue, to a big restaurant. Alternatively, they might already go there in the fic. Once they are in their seats and dine on some food. The agent then switch their disguise as the staff, usually as waiters/waitresses and serve them. Here's some methods.

1)Poison the sue's drink, or a spike it with wierd liquid from the same Continuum for the best results.
2)Poisoing the food also works or put something extremely spicy in the dish.
3)Dropping a chandelier on the sue. (Note: Don't do this if there's civilians or canon character are under it to so check before doing this, I don't think the Flowers tolerate collateral damage to civilians or canon characters.)
4)Pretend you trip while serving food and 'accidentally' hit the sue in the face. The food should contain a knife, an explosive, or anything that is concealable.
5)Give the sue a fake check that sum up the total, make it so high. It shocks the sue, thus inducing a fatal heart attack. (Note: Don't give it to the canon character.)
6) If all else fails, use a pushcart with mundane sharp objects and impale the sue.

The rock may be more useful ;)

Lovely to meet you. I see you've already been given The Links and the more important points on Permission, so I will just wave merrily and direct you towards the Secret Chocolate Stash ;p

Again, welcome!

Wow, I have wait for around a whole month to join this, that's a long tine. What should I do in the meantime?

Good to see you, and your (future) agents! Take a bladed yo-yo!

By the way, Tomato, links are <a href="Web address">Text to display</a>

Before I could deliver the hurt to the Sues, I need to know a few things.

Aside from going into various Continua, what happens when the HQ is attacked such as the Black Cats or try to destroy the Mary Sue Factories?

Have a free Killer Rabbit!

Hi, and welcome to insanity the PPC. Here, have a telemarketer guard, and a tank of piranhas! (the links are just so you know what I'm talking about). Anyways, don't worry about what shreds of sanity you may have left--they'll go quickly enough here.
-Honu_Wahine

You wind it up, you let it go, the 'Sue goes SQEEE and the Chibi goes KABOOOM!

TVIA: Typical Video Game Invisible Arsenal, if you were wondering.

Welcome! Here's your shiny new Frying Pan of DOOM^tm, as well as a few Very Important Links you need to look over (List snerched from my own elcome post) :

So, in relative order of sensible-reading-ness, there is...

* The Original PPC Series (A MUST read, and one I'm assuming you've already done, since you've gotten this far)

The Board:

* The Board Constitution
* The FAQ: For the Board

The Wiki:

* The PPC Wiki (which you've hopefully already seen)
* The very-important-to-read-before-requesting-Permission Permission article
* The Guide To The PPC
* The Mission Writing Guide
* The Slash-Sporking Guide
* The FAQ: For Newbies.

And finally, but very usefully,
* The List of Everything PPC

Enjoy!

Welcome, newbie! I give you a coxcomb. It's a sort of silly hat, with Shakespearean lineage.

Are you related to a certain dwarf?

Anyway, someone will be along the bag o' important links soon. In the meantime, enjoy this mecha-tarantula, which doubles as a wireless controller (just be careful not to grab the end with the mandibles).

Fair winds!

But judging from what others are saying, I don't think that I really want to read it that badly...

Judging from the premise, I'd agree with July.

I'm not going to bother to be nice.


1) Severely, and I mean severely out of character on the parts of multiple characters.

2) Spell-check and grammar-check and look at all the punctuation missing there and just what?

3) "Frodo said, being completely queer." This is not okay, and this is not cool. Homophobic insults are not funny. This shit doesn't fly even if you put wings and a propeller on it.

4) This is not what parody is. You could have very easily used the same idea and make something actually funny out of it or something. This is along the lines of Disaster Movie in terms of the thought and intelligence and care put into it.

5) This is counter to what the PPC is here for. We can't be 'oh, we concrit when we do this because we want to improve others and ourselves as writers' when we show the world that we do not give a damn for the writing process ourselves.

6) That fic would generally be called a trollfic. Trollfics are not funny or amusing or even hilarious. They're right around the same level of 'HEY WANT FREE PROZAC?' in your email box when people are trying to find something they're actually interested in finding something.

7) You had the choice and knowledge that you didn't have to put that up for public viewing, but you did anyways, and the fact that you acknowledge it sucks means that you know full well know better. :|

When it says .com, it's supposed to say mordor.com. It looks alright in the word dcument so I don't know why it disappeared when I sent it over.

Welcome aboard! You seem to fit it quite well here. -grins-

I offer you this sparkly rock (pickax not included). It works well as a paperweight, should you have any paper which needs weighting, or it may be thrown at offending 'Sues. You may also find it useful as an emergency punctuation mark.

Again, welcome!
--anamia

...Sorry, I couldn't resist. Anyway, welcome to the PPC Posting Board! Have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

So what are your fandoms?

Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it here. Also, here's a gloopy sort of purple blob. May it serve you well.

Have a pet cat. She won't be much use on ship, but you can name her whatever you wish.

Pleased to meet you. As no one seems to have done it yet, I present you with... (drumroll, please!) ....

THE LINKS
(In relative order of sensible-reading-ness:)
* The Original PPC Series, which you've already read.

The Board:
* The Board Constitution
* The FAQ: For the Board

The Wiki:
* Our PPC Wiki, which you've also already seen.
* The very-important-to-read-before-requesting-Permission Permission article
* Our (my!) Guide To The PPC
* The associated Mission Writing Guide
* The Slash-Sporking Guide
* The FAQ: For Newbies.

And finally, but very usefully,
* The List of Everything PPC


As for Trojie and Pads' missions, WideEyed below has the dreamwidth link; they haven't updated all the other links yet, unfortunately (but as they have almost fifty, I think, that's quite understandable!).


Again, pleased to meet you. :)

Here, have this beam carbine with a Sue Eater gernade launcher, I heard warrior sues are nasty.

Does that mean I've been waltzing around in a tri-cornered hat this entire time for NAUGHT?!

Pity...Ah, well, spilt milk and all. Have a scarf.

Link (I'm not going to be fancy, I don't need to increase the risk of screwing it up)

http://rc45.dreamwidth.org/profile

That aside, hello hello hello! Have a pair of pants with infinite-capacity pockets.

Welcome, newbie! I gift you with a coxcomb. It's a sort of silly hat with Shakespearean lineage.

I think Trojie and Pads have marked their missions as adult content on LJ. If you have an LJ account, are you registered as under 18?

Welcome! Here's your very own Frying Pan of Doom^tm, useful for clocking 'Sues and 'Stus over the head, as well as cooking. Alton Brown would approve.

I figure someone'll fix it sooner or later. Meanwhile there's a lot of other stuff to read.

You already know the wiki, so you'll want to read the stuff on the left menu bar under "PPC Intro Pages". Includes general information, including board rules and such.

Have a geode! (It's a normal looking round gray rock, except that when you break it open there are quartz crystals inside.)

Help yourself to a venomous arthropod!

Those links don't work for me either, but unfortunately, I'm not sure if they're available anywhere else...

Fair winds! You'll get an occasion to practice!

I needed something like this - I was going to make pages for my agents, but I wasn't quite sure how to. Thanks!

I managed to thrash out a large portion of that through trial and error, but there were things I didn't know before (how to insert images, for one), and it's nice to have it all in one tidy place.

A few things, yes. First, I'll second July about the British vs American point; just to make it worse, in NZ (and Australia) we use aspects of both, so I'd rather not have people tell me I'm wrong or inconsistant when I am neither.

Also, you call this "#" the "pound" sign. As far as I know, that's called a "hash", and the pound sign looks like this "£". This may be country-specific terminology, though, in which case a mention that "#" has different names would be appreciated.

I only wish I had been able to refer to this back when I started editing Wikis, instead of having to look at the coding on other pages to learn how to do things. I still didn't know how to use images, or that the title of a page was supposed to be bolded in its first line of text. I will absolutely be using this tutorial in the future, possibly for other Wikis as well. Thank you so much for making this!

While we're on the subject of the Wiki, I noticed a couple of months ago that we have two Legend of Zelda pages:

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Legend_of_Zelda
and
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/The_Legend_of_Zelda

I wasn't really sure how to fix this, and nobody ever responded to my comment on the discussion page. But maybe someone more in-the-know than I can take care of this now?

My only complaint is the thing against certain Capitalizations Which Had Been Standard, but that's more of my personal preference going against general grammar stuff than anything else.

I'd also say something against "correcting" when it has to do with American vs British English spelling and why we shouldn't do that in favor of either side, because I personally find it damned annoying when people do that in order for one version to be the 'preferred' one. Because then it ends with people on the talk page going "oh look I corrected how the article's name was spelled in the main page so now you have to change it to conform even though it was spelled right in the first place just not how I like it".

Yeah, I heard of that, and all I can say is: WHAT.

Seriously, WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA FOR A FIC?!?!

There are very few words to describe a SHEER ABOMINATION such as this, so I'm going with what I just wrote.

...well, not my canon, but the one that got me started on fanfic. Poor baby.

(Whoever sporks this, is taking the replacements to the real Holocaust considered in bad taste all things considered? Even if it gets serious for a bit to point out what the real problem is?)

It's actually been posted on the Unclaimed Badfic page for a while. Three from the bottom of the Kingdom Hearts topic under the title 'If I Were A Nazi.'

Having read it before, I share your pain. So much canon violation...

I keep laughing whenever I think about it, due to both the excellent sporking and the sheer ridiculousness of the concept. There comes a point where it's just so damn audacious it's funny, but for all the wrong reasons. I think it has reached that point. Twice.

Not that I'd be averse to missioning it. Hell, I don't know a whole lot about KH canon, and I can see most of what's wrong with it!

NO.

I hope whoever wrote that... that THING is a troll... but it probably isn't, and that's the scary part...

+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot. +++

If you want my opinion and reaction, it's more on the terms of pissed off, offended, and facepalming. We should classified some of these fics like this one, In Name Only Fics or INOFs.

...have english names like Yorkshire Avenue and Stonewall Boulevard, trains can go make the trip from Germany to Poland in a few hours, and Hitler's bunker has poor security to the point where some men with guns can just take Nazi!Organization XIII members hostage in the middle of an assasination attempt. Not that it lasts.

If you're going to think of new weapon ideas, I think the best direction to go isn't in terms of power, but in terms of uniqueness. For example, I'm thinking of having one of my agents use a set of throwing axes. I haven't seen that done before, and it'd be kind of a trademark. (Plus, some of the sue types would really look better with an axe through their foreheads, don'tcha think?)

In terms of weapons, interesting is a hundred times better than powerful. Agents aren't supposed to be particularly powerful, because any kind of power overload puts them in danger of turning into mary sues themselves, which has happened, and which generally ends with the agent in question either having to be assassinated himself, or having to undergo intense treatment to get his non-sue/stu self back. If they do something crazy awesome, it's either because they've botched things badly and had to scramble to survive, or because the sue in question is just that bad and they got cornered. So it's more a question of creativity and caution than guns-blazing overly powerful characters.

They're also not supposed to use weapons that don't fit into the canon they're policing (this is why blades of some sort are popular--they'll fit into just about anything). Using uncanonical weapons tends to defeat the purpose of removing uncanonical things in fics, after all. So your BFG would fit into some video games and a few comic books, but not most other continua.

The point is not to be powerful, but to be interesting. Missions can get repetitive after a while because badfic itself is often quite repetitive; so your agents have to get their own style in order to be interesting.

I definitely think getting creative with weapons would be a great idea; but you'd have to think of which world you're going into, and whether your weapon would fit in; also what your agent's personality is and why s/he favors that weapon. You could use an improvised weapon, for example, like a big heavy cooking pan; or you could have someone use a trademark poison (got to be a canon substance, remember--and research its effects first). Some agents use depowered Sue weapons, often fancy swords with the powers taken out of them to avoid Sue-ifying the agent.

A non-human agent could use physical or mental powers that are natural to him; similarly, an agent in a disguise with various sorts of powers could use those powers (ex. an Uruk-Hai disguise is strong enough to snap a mary-sue's neck, or to handle a longbow that requires a lot of strength to pull). Once again, power levels that are too high are really risky.

Anyway, point being: Be creative, but watch your power levels, or you might find your agents being hauled off for having too high a blood glitter level...

....hammer + Nunchucks? Gitter-draining ball? Spring loaded Sheild? Explosive Slash Harkens? Taser-glove? Or Power Feet to kick Gary Stus in the bishie makers?

Otherwise, I think this is a good idea.

Personally, I'm actually quite fond of them, especially for anime continuua (that is the proper plural of continuum, isn't it? If not, I apologize). Depending on the story, the characters might still retain whatever superpowers/odd physical traits they had in canon, or still have part of them, or have nothing but the name. These last make me sad, but oh well. Moving on.

Killing them is both easy and not, I would imagine. (All of this is hypothetical, mind, since my agents a) aren't assassins, and b) have never worked in an AU before. Actually, for that matter, they've never worked anywhere, officially. I've been slacking on the writing of their missions. But that's completely off topic.) Most AUs are set in what can be assumed to be World 1, so you have access to all of the World 1 weapons. On the other hand, getting guns etc. into High School isn't terribly easy, and they tend to be chock-full of OCs who would notice. I'd say if you had something subtle like a curare-tipped blow dart, it might be the most effective. Killing someone in math class is surely fun, though charging them in class might be a bit disrespectful to the teacher.

--anamia

Every new thread you make pushes another off the front page, and another at the very back off into oblivion. With your three threads you've already shoved another three off in a short period of time.

If you have any more questions or ideas, mind keeping them to one of these threads that you've already made for now?

Otherwise you're crowding others off of the first page, and hardly anyone goes back farther than this one.

If you're dealing with a continuum that has mecha as very commonplace, you may be able to use a disguise that will be able to deal with your sue or possessed canons. If not, you'll have to use a disguise that's normal for that continuum, and get creative. It's almost always preferable to disable powerful Sues by stealth and trickery rather than trying to fight them outright. Sometimes you can wait for a part of the fic where they're hurt or unconscious and capture them then.

I don't like High school AUs, but they're a well known fanfic genre, and good ones (presumably) exist. They are written with three basic rules in mind:
1. The characters have grown up in a modern world.
2. The characters are all the same age--namely, teenagers.
3. The characters are all attending high school.

Like any AU, the issues aren't with the changes that make it AU, but with not fully exploring the results of those changes, with general bad writing, and with creating unrealistic, implausible situations that are meant to do no more than set up a favorite pairing.

Pulling the characters out of character in any way that couldn't be justified by having them grow up as, and be, modern high school students is still bad writing. You will often find that a Mary sue is at the center of the plot, either a sue version of a canon character or an OC.