Apr 2010 Archive, part a

sure, but why not subvert/invert this by having a story about a suicidal protagonist who goes back in time to keep his own parents from getting together so that he never exists?

Well, I've never seen one myself, so I guess i can't prove or disprove that.

But ninjas use disguises as often as creeping along in shadows (if not more often) to hide, so there's no reason not to put on a disguise, even if you plan on not being seen.

From the PPC Manual, Volume 4, Chapter 2, emphasis added:

"The reason for the Disguise Generator is simple. It is against PPC policy to interfere with the Canon worlds more than necessary -- to do so would only cause more work for us. Thus, Agents disguise themselves as races from the Canon -- as elves, orcs, generic human wizards, and so forth. If possible, it is recommended that the disguise chosen is of something that would reasonably perform the actions the Agent is undertaking -- for example, killing a member of the Fellowship of the Ring -- but it is appreciated that this is not always viable, and violations of this rule are usually overlooked."

That is the original reason for disguises, and why Jay and Acacia usually went as orcs. So, unless you plan to stick exclusively to continua full of humans from your character's era/style of dress, the answer is yes, even a ninja has to go in disguise, even if it's just clothes.

~Neshomeh

I think that Agents in bad slash don't use disguises much, because they usually only have canon characters to dealt with. The canon characters won't see or hear an Agent unless the Agent does something really loud/noticeable. The Somebody Else's Problem field generator in the flash patch keeps them from noticing the Agents. However, the Agents are a Mary Sue's problem, so the Sues can see and hear the Agents. The disguises keep the Sues from recognizing the Agents for what they really are.

At least that is my understanding of it.

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Flashpatch

http://starshadowhall.tripod.com/ppc/gizmo.html This is a handy list of PPC technology.



From the Mission Writing Guide. http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Mission_Writing_Guide

"Other Common Mission-Related Questions

Where should I post my completed missions?

It’s up to you. Livejournal is a common choice, but if you have your own website, feel free to put it there. You can also post directly to our LJ community. FanFiction.Net (known around here as The Pit) is an option, but we don’t suggest it, as the admin is very likely to remove PPC-style stories.

Wherever you choose to post, make sure you link us to it. Post a link on the Board, and if you use your personal livejournal, a link post on the community would be very much appreciated for ease of access and archival purposes. Also, many agents have permanent links to all their missions on their profile pages here on the Wiki. We highly recommend doing this."

I think the disguises are just to make things easier. I mean, as far as I can tell, it keeps them from having to neuralyze anyone that happened to see them. In one of the TOS, Agents Sean and Lux tagged along, undisguised. This would lead me to assume it is possible. But, as you of all people know, I've been here for a shorter time than you. Thankfully, I tend to absorb information like mad (whether that is healthy or not). Anyway, my two cents are in.

P.S. Just came across info stating that most missions end with neuralyzations anyway at this point, due to the massive twisting of the canon. That would lead me to assume that the disguises are more to make things easier than anything else.

You'd have to remind me of what a cosine actually is. ^_^; *not a math person* That's got to be one of the best typos ever, though.

~Neshomeh

Probably with weird wave-like lines emanating off of the Sue's body, based on what a cosine function looks like when graphed.

The weird thing is that she's named Ahsoka. Is she related to Anakin Skywalker's Padawan Ahsoka Tano in that new cartoon? If she is, I'm scared...

This one is Agent Whatever, here to spork you.

welcome 2 teh broad
cant say much here gotta go slit mai rists w/a steak

You beast, you fiend, you absolutely horrible person! How dare you! We will have your guts for this! Your entrails! Your intestines (both small and large), your innards, we shall tie NOOSES with them and lynch your internal organs for such a terrible deed!

Because THERE ARE NO JOKES SNOWFLAKES ON THIS BOARD.

This is a 'Board of temperatures strictly above freezing, and for insinuating (with absolutely horrendous spelling, MIGHT I ADD) that "flakes" of "snow" would be welcomed here-- nay, that they could BEFRIEND the obviously room-temperature posts of this forum-like-space...

WE SHALL HAVE YOUR INNARDS

is fanficland open yet? it seems a bit rley, but u never know rught? neway its so cool 2 meet u! I dn't know anything about Bleach, but harry potter's pretty cool,tho drago's mean! I don't now why ppl like him. but that's okay! Free xxpresson! woo!

XOX

Hello there! I have a special gift for you, complimentary of a business I'm well acquainted with (known as the Raven Armory). The gift is a pre-paid vacation to Spidren Caverns, where you can make arachnid friends and stay forever, even until your skeleton turns to dust!*

*Fire, antidotes, screaming, and any sort of weaponry whatsoever is prohibited from Spidren Caverns. Enjoy your stay!

I have a special message for you! Why don't you read it aloud? Here it is:

"Candle Jack"

...we all know what day it is.

RAN! TEH GAINT SPYDERS R CUMMIN TA *EET* UR *FACE!!!!!*

i no teh wiki is so awwsum isnt it!

meh ichigi is soooooo boring. yumi and byachan are liek way hotter and kewler and pretier. darco is hawt tho i agri.

i want 2 b ur fiend 2

If this is some kind of sick joke, It's pretty obvious...

If this isn't, I think someone had an epic misunderstanding of what we do here...

*sighs, then facepalms*

Ha ha ha ha ha, who ever did this has a great sense of humor. I wish it was me . . .

You did not read the wiki, it stands against everything you like.

We do not like OCs with Canons, because that breaks canon. Once again, we FIX and PROTECT canon.

We will never be good friends.

... that this is an elaborate continuation of the front page prank. Just for my sanity.

But anyways, I should come up with an item to give to people. I'm pretty sure you are going to be given a dump-truck full of punctuation, so I'll just give you 2 cents.

I'm... not sure you quite have the idea, to be honest. We are not agents. We are Boarders. We write stories about agents, who are fictional members of a fictional organization. That in mind, I'll try to answer your questions.

1. To write PPC stories, you need Official Permission, which is explained in the wiki article Permission. You should read it in full.

2. Good agents are interesting to read about, no matter what their species or how they dress. The ones I've enjoyed reading about the most are the ones who have especially distinct personalities. Just a few examples include Jay and Acacia (of course); Trojie and Pads; Suicide, Diocletian, and Ithalond; and Dafydd & friends. Characterization is properly the subject of an essay-length discussion, which I'm not prepared to get into here, but I hope that helps.

3. If you want to kill Mary-Sues, you join the DMS, whose agents are known as Assassins. That's pretty much it.

~Neshomeh

I'm not usually into yaoi, but this is still just a really really well written story (and hilarious!).

I do have some questions about how this is categorized though, considering it's not really Kingdom Hearts canon at all - they just took some of the characters. The reason to use these characters to using OC characters instead seems to rely almost totally on just having a good visual picture of what they look like. And I guess just think more about them if you really like the characters.

Show some love. It doesn't all have to be white all the time. I like the new black. :D

It no longer says "Pretty Prissy Characters" or whatever else the new acronym was, at least. And I suppose I could get used to the black...

Someone is being lazy and hasn't reverted the changes yet? That's what I'd be inclined to blame...

Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it here. Also, here's half a spoon.

Fair winds!

Hello and welcome to the PPC Posting Board! Here, have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

Here are some cufflinks and a [random generic item]. Never underestimate the usefulness of cufflinks.

Hey! Well, welcome, and have a Mary Poppins Carpetbag (TM). Do you have your agents planned yet?

Thanks for everything! I really like the scarf, it reminds me of one that a friend has in RL (well, except for the seventeen foot long part.)

I've started writing my agent intro for when I get permission, and I have a few questions. There's an Agent Tristan on the list of response centers, but he doesn't have a page, and I can't find him anywhere else. Is it alright if I name an agent Tristan? And would singing Taylor Swift's 'You Belong with Me' in HQ get me shot at? If not, what would? Would Nickleback be alright to sing?

Now this you can use against sues.

On before of the newest contingent of Newbies may I bit you a fond welcome. And here, I happen to have one last giant stuffed Emu for you. This one's name is Frank and he likes to run.

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multi-colored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

So what are you fandoms?

*poke!*

Well, since you've already read the intro stuff, I don't have to use my stock response. Yay! Nice to meet you. {= D

You get a bumper sticker anyway. *sticks one on you*

~Neshomeh

I can tell by your username that we're going to get along juuuuust fine.

In honor of our meeting, here's a female wolf spider (the females are bigger)!

Welcome to the PPC! Here's a dagger set from the Raven Armory and a bottle of bleeprin. (Someone will be along with a list of PPC links soon, although by your introduction, I don't think you'll need all of the links. You know some of them already. *grins* )

Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it here. Also, here's... OH NOES! THE STRING! YOU MUST CAPTURE IT!

Do I detect a fellow Warriors fan? Your cattiness and screen name suggest such.

Hello! Welcome to the insanity! We could use more lolcats here. *pets*

Fair winds! Oh, you don't need a crew. The ship is sentient.

Hello and welcome to the PPC Posting Board! Since cats can't have chocolate, have a catnip mouse instead!

Here are some cufflinks, cat-sized cuffs, and a [random generic item]. Remember: Style is almost as important as function.

Do not feed it Sues or Stus. It is for mascot purposes only.

I take it upon myself to extend welcomes from the entire army of newbies that has assaulted this board over the past month. Unfortunately I just gave away my last stuffed Emu, but I've got a toy rat named Roger that you can have instead.

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multi-colored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

I added extra tassels onto the ends of yours, so it will make a better kitty toy. :D

Please use them IRresponsibly!

You do not have wings or opposable thumbs or any leanings toward mad science, do you?

If I pet you will I lose something?

And, welcome to the Board finally~ : ) I offer you a leash, flame-retardant and approximately brain-sized, for when you don't want your mind to wander.

...then again...

*poke*

I don't know what you've already read, of course, but there are a few things you should definitely make time for. First, there is the Original PPC Series by Jay and Acacia. It is our canon and that which started it all.

Second, we require that everyone read and abide by the Board Constitution, because it's nicer that way.

After that, there are several helpful documents on the Wiki designed to help acquaint newcomers with us and our habits and behaviors and general weirdness. Sedri's Guide to the PPC is particularly informative, especially when combined with the FAQ for Newbies and the Mission Writing Guide. If you do want to write PPC missions, you should also see the article about how to get Official Permission.

And that's probably quite enough to start with. {= ) Welcome! Have a bumper-sticker! *sticks one on you* ^__^

~Neshomeh

A lolcat, eh? That means...you're on our board, chatting in our threads!

I hear cats are immune to scorpion venom, so here's a fat-tailed scorpion from my local Arizona deserts.

And now, Keyboard Cat will play me off...

Welcome to the PPC! Here's a sabre from the Raven Armory and a bottle of bleeprin. A lolcat, eh? Interesting. What fandoms are you in, if you don't mind me asking?

Lotsa new people as of late, which is good.

Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it here. Also, drat. You didn't say "what's up".

Have a panda that eats, shoots and leaves!

Fair winds!

Welcome to the PPC Posting Board! Have some chocolate, won't you?

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multi-colored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

Welcome to the PPC! Here's an archery set from the Raven Armory and a bottle of bleeprin. Frankly, I don't know what exactly is going on. Just join in the insanity!

I've actually only been here for a little over a week, but I've read the Original Series, about half of the spinoffs listed on the Original Series site, and all the sporkings of the Legendary Badfics. Anyone have any reccomendations as to what to read next?

Have a bottle of Awesome Sauce. (it goes great on chips!)

Welcome to the Board! Have a Creep. (Creeps are like Peeps, but shaped like spiders instead of birdies.)

Welcome to the board. Having hunted for new newbie gifts I give you a stuffed model of the TARDIS. It's useful in that you can, um, well not do much with it, but it's a gift.

I am pleased to meet you. Have a tiny, mechanical Sunflower Official. Be careful, though, it may try to send you on tiny, mechanical missions to tiny, mechanical continua.

Tell me, what fandoms are you in to?

Welcome.

I've been trying to write something non-stop for a while now.

Permission is actually about permission to write a mission, not so much about posting. Indeed, you should have waited before writing anything at all, but you didn't know, and people make mistakes, so don't worry - we won't hang you for it.

However, you can claim badfics before getting Permission, so you are welcome to mark it as such on the Wiki, but treat your mission as if it isn't yet written until you have Permission. You could use it as your writing sample if you like.

Also, as I haven't had a chance to say hello to you yet - Hello! Welcome to the Board. I'm Sedri, a relative oldbie. Nice to meet you.

I assume that you have been lurking here for a while, else you would not have known enough to even write a mission.

You need to wait for permission. You can move it from the Unclaimed list to the Claimed list, but you should wait around, let us get to know you, and get permission before you post the actual mission.

I know it may sound like a long, drawn out process, but there is a reason we do it. If you have any questions about it, feel free to ask us and also check out the Permission Guide.

Welcome to the Board, and hope to see you around some more.

~Barid

I don't think this has happened before...

Are you implying that you made this mistake?

Are you sure it's a Transformer? I ask because it also means 'to drink' in Hungarian.

I've never read any fairly oddparents fics but I used to watch the show. Maybe we could do a mission. Oh, and have a bengal tiger, I've got extra

Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it here. Also, here's some bubbly green liquid in flasks.

No I am not calling you a Ho. That is a greeting. Moving on, Welcome to the PPC! Are you a boarder, or potential agent? What are your fandoms? And what is your favorite cheese?

Now that my questions are done, have a cloud (marble). It is very luckey.

Welcome! I offer you a coxcomb. It's a sort of silly hat with a Shakespearean lineage.

Hi! I'm glad to meet you.

Have a panda that eats, shoots and leaves!

Sentient one. Fair winds!

Hello and welcome to the PPC Posting Board! Have some chocolate and enjoy your stay here!

If you look closely, it'll look like a Cosmic Horror!

Welcome to the party. Have a life sized inflatable Star Ship Enterprise. Just make sure that you are outside when you start blowing it up.

Yes, TV Tropes can get rather sticky at times.

Anyway, have a venomous arthropod. You may not need gloves to handle it!

Yello, yello, yello, yeti 'nother newbie! Welcome to the club, I just joined today myself. Have a tsurugi, you'll probably need it...

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multi-colored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

Ah, linking someone to TV tropes... It's like rickrolling, but it lasts all day. :D Anyway, I am swiftly running out of cufflinks, so I will give you both a(n) [random generic item] and a(n) [random generic solution to a problem]. Anyway, welcome to the Board.

Welcome to the PPC! Hope you have fun. Have a bag of outdated slang.

Welcome to the PPC! Here's a Glitter-proof shield (it can't be Sueified and it serves a double purpose as a temporary wall to block out Bad Things) from the Raven Armory and a bottle of bleeprin. We're all insane here.

I could assume that the average is two new people a day or something now.

It looks great, and it's easy to read, which is really good.

I like the new look.

It looks nice. It really does make it seem more cohesive. I always loved a good wiki.

I especially like that you've connected the theme to the Board. :)

I am spending the day, as I periodically do, mucking around trying to reduce our number of Wanted Pages.

A lot of these wanted pages are one-use references to Agents whom, insofar as I can see, have never had any missions or places in other writings either.

With that in mind, I am going through all the one-link-only wanted pages and unlinking all the ones that are Agent names. If you are a writer of an Agent like this, please, only make a link if you're going to make a page, and make a page SOON, rather than 'oh, I'll get round to that when I've written something about them'.

If you have information on an Agent character that I've de-linked, feel free to relink and create the page. In fact, PLEASE do that. However if I've delinked one of your Agents, please THINK before relinking. Or rather, please don't relink unless you make the page right there and then.

(Please note, the Wanted Pages list does not update itself as soon as links have been removed, only when pages are made, so it will take a few days for my changes to show up on that list)

It's about time we had another drive on closing the gap on that Wanted Pages list anyway! Come on guys, if everyone makes a page from the Wanted List, we can cut it down some more. We're at just over 200 wanted - a couple of days of people making pages and we could get it way down :D

- Trojie

How would one go about changing that?

Considering that I still see the old style when not logged in, and thus have nothing set in the way of overriding or not.

I would love to beta read, and I should have something that needs beta reading pretty soon. Send it to me whenever.

If you want to look at the fic in question, it can be found here.

That was fun - it really would have been impossible to read as a simple MST I think. A mission was appropriate.

I was just on a Gorillaz binge last week too, finding out more about the characters and story behind the band.

Great idea. There doesn't seem to be any way to organize stuff on LiveJournal.

((Note: the non-Middle Earth swearing and the Grelvish name in this piece are both intentional, because I had hoped this would be funny...))

"You have some explaining to do."

To say that Legolas was angry was probably the understatement of the Age. 'Perfectly livid,' was probably a bit more accurate, and 'murderous,' even more so. However, in order to do complete justice to the Wood Elf's rage, Elrohir suspected he would have to remembered the Ancient Quenya lessons that his grandmother had hammered into his head centuries before, and he couldn't even do that in a good moment.

And, given the fact that the best reply he could come up with was a startled blink and an incoherent gurgle, this was most decidedly *not* a good moment. Though, to his defense, the gurgle was due to the fact that Legolas currently had him pressed up against one outer wall of the last Homely House, with one slender hand throttling his windpipe.

After a moment of choking, Elrohir managed a strained "Dunno...what...talkin' 'bout."

Legolas bared his teeth in a sick parody of a smile, and released Elrohir's throat. Elrohir fell into a sitting position on the ground, gasping for air and rubbing at his neck.

"Of *course* you don't know what I'm talking about," Thranduilion continued calmly, a slight twitch of his left eyelid being (temporarily) the only visible sign of his outrage. "The young groom who batted his eyes at you? Who agreed to a midnight tryst in the garden with you two months ago? Any of this sound familiar?"

Actually, none of it did. Elrohir had no memory of encountering flirtatious young grooms, and even if he had, he would have turned down any advances. In fact, just before Legolas's sudden interruption, he had been composing a love-letter to a lovely Galadrim maiden, whom he had met on a long-ago trip to Grandma's and whom he intended to propose to on the next trip to Grandma's. But, bruised as his throat was, he didn't get a chance to explain that situation before Legolas hauled him to his feet again, gripping his shirt by the lapel and shaking him senseless.

"That 'groom' is my little sister, you idiot!" shouted the Prince of Mirkwood, all calm completely renounced.

Elrohir's face contorted in confusion. "Sister? You have a sister?" It was the first time *he* had heard of it...

"Yes! A stupid, hormonal little sister who decided to be rebellious and run away from home disguised as my groom!"

The pieces were starting to come together. "Blonde, fair-skinned, only about twenty-six years old, and introduces herself as Mirkwoodelf?"

"YES! That's Tinawiel, trying to be Eowyn without knowing Rohirric." Legolas paused a little, his hands shaking violently, before continuing. "And now, not only is she pregnant with your child, she's FADING, you INCONSIDERATE JACKASS!"

A strangled gulp came from the dark-haired Elf. "But...I didn't...it was..."

"And YOU are going to MARRY her, RIGHT NOW, before she DIES, or SO HELP ME, I will DRAG YOUR BACKSIDE OVER TO MIRKWOOD AND FEED YOU TO THE SPIDERS!"

The first thing that popped into Elrohir's mind at this pronouncement was a Sindarin variant of "oh crap."

The second thing was "DAMN YOU, ELLADAN!"

Invasive, that's what it was.

Hermione stared up at the ceiling, and her thoughts drifted. Back and across, to those halcyon summer days, of pretend outrage and speaking her mind. So many afternoons she had left them, to stalk back to his dingy office in high dudgeon, ostensibly complaining about a poor grade.

If only they'd known.

They would have stopped her. They would have complained, and objected, and flailed in their sweet little teenage boy way. And then maybe she wouldn't be here now, following the cracks with one eye, desperately pretending she was anywhere but here, trying to ignore the authoritative voice telling her to lie back and think of England.

She flinched.

When she ruled the wizarding world, it'd be the first thing she'd change. Proper research, and proper procedures, and no more of this damned internal scaffolding. Barbaric, it was. Damn Snape and his treacherously appealing greasy hooded looks!

Hermione sighed, and followed the path of a cobweb with her eyes. Two feet away, procedures of a delicate nature occurred. She tried to ignore them. She mostly succeeded, until the Muggle doctor said the dread word. However would she tell Severus?

"Syphillis, Ms Granger."

got any more? I only know a few of the canons and couldn't come up with anything

Deorwine rubbed his face and tried to think of something that alliterated with “Lady.” The Rohirrim were having a feast tonight—the harp would be passed around, and everyone would recite poetry in turn. He wanted to compose something to make Lady Eowyn smile, as she had not done since Theoden King’s … illness began. He tried again:

Leaping lightly onto horse Lady Eowyn rides, lovely
And mightier than many men on Meare mounted
Sword swinging at her side swiftly—

That was no good, he decided, “Swinging” –-had she lost control of it? Poetry was harder than he had thought.

------------------------------------------------------------

Meare is (I think) the dative singular form of Mearas.

I tried to have extra spaces to indicate the caesura, but the post kept eating them; you'll have to imagine it's there.

1. 50 Reasons by fearblank
50 reasons to 'do it' starring Lily and Draco.

(Very AU, but so what? It'll still be better than the original...)


"Now, Mister Malfoy."

Gritting his teeth, Draco forced himself to move slowly - casually - as he turned in his comfortable seat to face this year's DADA teacher. Professor Potter looked annoyed. She would have looked annoyed anyway, standing as she was with her fists on her hips, but the addition of having her long red hair standing up in all directions, stiff as dry spaghetti, doubled the effect.

Two rows behind him, Harry 'The Git' Potter smothered laughter. His mother didn't so much as spare him a glance before saying, "You too, Harry. Now."

The laughter abruptly ceased, ending it what sounded like a strangled rasp.

Draco, determined to be more dignified, continued to face The Git's teacher mother. "Professor Potter," he began in a languid, airy tone, "I simply don't understand why."

She raised her eyebrows. Inwardly, Draco was certain she had meant to only raise one eyebrow, but of course not everyone was capable of that particular feat - not everyone was born with it. He raised one brow of his own just to prove the point, but unfortunately, she wasn't interested. Folding her arms as though she weren't at risk of blinding other students with her red, spaghetti-like spears, she asked lightly, "You need a reason, Mister Malfoy?"

For just a moment, Draco faltered. That tone... that tone was dangerous. He'd heard it before, and the memory was enough to cause a slight waver in his voice as he replied, "Yes..."

There was a fractional pause in which Professor Potter's lip twitched, very slightly, as if she were hiding a grin, and then in one swift move she pointed her wand at Draco's desk.

He suddenly found himself facing a stack of at least fifty books. Old, musty, dirty books. Books he didn't want to lay a fingernail on if he could possibly avoid it. On top of that, they reeked - the sort of old, half-damp stench that could probably kill on its own.

His controlled, calm expression must have faltered, because Professor Potter then explained, "These texts have been in storage under the library for about three hundred years; Madam Pince discovered them last week and is desperate to have them cleaned of all that mould - every last crease and crack."

Draco blanched.

Sweetly, Lily told him, "So you have a choice, Draco - and Harry," she added over his shoulder; "Do as you're told, or this will be your detention. Is that clear?"

Gritting his teeth, but now for an entirely different reason, Draco swallowed his twelve-year-old's pride and nodded. Professor Potter briefly glance behind him at her son, who apparently did the same. "Good," she said, flicking back a strand of stiff hair. "Now do it."

With muffled and not-so-muffled sighs, the boys stood up from their desks and gathered the five or six crumpled paper balls they had been magically flinging at each other's heads before shuffling to the back of the room. Glaring sideways at each other, they took positions on the large muggle 'crash-mat' Professor Potter had brought in for 'martial arts' practice.

"Now," she said lightly, "which of you would like to demonstrate the headlock first?"


~


Hmm, not the ending I was planning on, but I'm short on time so this'll have to do. Ah, well.

3. Bad Grade by Sugarplumjellygum
Hermione goes to Snape's office to get him to change her Bad Grade and leaves with something worse.

"Absolutely disgraceful, Miss Granger. I expect this kind of tripe from Potter and Weasley, but..." Snape let a ladleful of Brawler's Broth trickle back into the cauldron and gaver Hermione a sneer. "I suppose we must make allowances for those of us with... less background... in the Arts."

Cue sniggers from the other side of the Potions Dungeon and outraged growls from the Gryffindors, mainly Ron and Harry. Hermione said nothing as Professor Snape scribbled a mark on her paper and let it fall back to the desk.

"He can't do that to you, Hermione! Your potion was loads better than Greengrass's or Zabini's, and they both got full marks!" Ron's outrage carried over onto the Grounds, where Hermione had accompanied him and Harry for the afternoon.

"It's not that bad, Ron. I mean, he always gives the Slytherins better marks than us. It's useless to get upset about it at this point, really, and it's only a P..."

Harry snorted, glancing up from his own Potions paper, which he'd been absently shredding from the corners in the whole walk, having gotten a P as well. "What's wrong with you, Hermione? Since when do you let Snape push you around like that? I mean, he as good as said right out that you're less of a witch because you're Muggle-born!"

Ron nodded furiously. "That's just-- that's not even a bad grade, that's... that's a Bad Grade!"

She frowned for a moment, then abruptly turned back to the castle.

"Wait-- Hermione! Where are you going?"

"Where do you think, Ron?" she called over her shoulder. "I'm going to get that grade fixed!"

Harry and Ron stared at each other for a second, shrugged, and turned back to the lake.

She paused at the Potions Dungeon. Why the panic? She'd done this in Charms at least three times, asked for a clearer explanation on an essay, talked to Professor Sprout about practical grades' weights against writing and theory... just because this was Potions, and Professor Snape, and... and...

Unable to finish the thought in a way that didn't involve leaving, immediately, Hermione took a deep breath and rapped sharply on the door.

"Come in," drawled the Professor. How does he manage to make his -voice- sneer? She grimaced and walked into the dungeon, determined not to let him upset her.

He glanced up for about a millisecond, and then returned to his desk. "Ah, Miss Granger. Here, of course, to complain that you are undeserving of ever being graded as less than perfect."

Hermione took a deep breath. "Well, sir, I really just wondered why my potion received a lower grade than anyone else's, even though there were other potions far less like the finished product, and it didn't seem like mine was that far off..." She trailed off. Snape hadn't looked up once, and continued to write on his parchment without pause. There was a long silence. Finally, he finished writing.

"Untrue, Miss Granger. Neville Longbottom received a D for his potion, and three Hufflepuffs from the period before yours-- ah, but you are a high and mighty Gryffindor, and no doubt inquiring as to the grades of the lower Houses is beneath you."

"Professor, we don't have ti--"

"As I was saying, Miss Granger," he continued, with a look that might have been a glare, if there had been any actual emotion in it, "Your main problem seems to be that you received a lower mark than any of the students in your own class-- any Slytherins."

There was a bit of a pause, as Hermione struggled to find the right words to answer this, without using words like 'favoritism' or 'unfair' or 'slimy git.'

"You may not have noticed this, Miss Granger, but your potions are not always deserving of full marks, despite the fact that you are a Gryffindor, and, therefore, can apparently do no wrong."

"I wasn't asking for full marks, Professor, just--"

"However, (and if you keep interrupting me, Miss Granger, you will receive a detention), if you had paid attention to anything I said in the beginning of the class, rather than scolding your friends for their juvenile doodles, you would have understood the theory of what I was saying, as Zabini did. Your potion may have looked the part of a Brawler's Broth more than his, but his was closer to the meaning of the potion itself."

"...Oh." She started to speak again, but Snape motioned for the paper, and she handed it to him.

"Now get out of my classroom, and next time you bother me outside of class, you will simply receive a detention." She glanced at the paper. The P had been revised to a T. "I do not have to explain my motives to you, Miss Granger. Goodbye."

She fled.

"So, did you get that grade changed, Hermione?"

She shot Harry a glare and swept past him up to the Girls' Dormitory. He looked back at Ron, bemused. "What'd I say?"

1. Nighttime Thoughts by kissesdarling - Stargate: Universe
   Chloe's thoughts on a mad Scotsman. One shot.
   
   Chloe was alone in her room. It was late and she hadn't been able to sleep. Her dreams had been invaded by a mad Scotsman and she had to do something about it. She crossed the room to her favorite chair and got herself ready. A few deep, calming breaths and she was ready.
   
   She started out slowly, getting in the zone. She could almost see her Scottish tormentor; strong and black with a kilt and an eye patch. She began to move faster. She could feel that she was close to her goal. Finally, with one twitch of her finger... Boom! Headshot!
   
   She sat back and looked at her computer screen. She had done well. She had killed the Demoman with just one shot. Now it was time for bed.

Can I call the last one?

"Of Glitter and Men"

http://miah-arthur.livejournal.com/6127.html

Summary: Miah makes kissy noises, Castor enjoys pumpkin guts a bit too much, Cali rescues four children, and the NCIS continua is saved from a fluffy, wangst!Sue and her plague of glitter.

Just delete any notes I make before you post :P

I haven't seen any major problems, only minor spelling and grammar stuff. Okay...you capitalized every instance of the word 'Mission' even when it's not neccesarily a PPC mission, you used a comma instead of a question mark right at the beginning (What about the cat), and a few more pronouns would probably make things flow better. The execution scene is slightly vauge, and you're using commas too sparsely (or is that an effect of the Sue on the wordworld? It would be interesting if it was). Other than that, it's really very nicely done; in my veiw, the mission's funny, the characters are well-written, just fix the mechanics and it will be really good when its posted.

Agent Pads would respond by going dog and leaping joyfully into the fray.

Agent Oscar, however, would probably sidle away to check on his numerous honorary nephews and nieces remarkably quickly.

You're welcome to use either.

Lasa and Mombi of the Department of Angst tend to end up in the cafeteria when they're meeting up with Gypsy of the Division of Bad Het - Lasa would carry a crossbow and Gypsy a sawn-off shotgun, Mombi is usually unarmed. (They all have wiki pages in case you want any more details)

Trojie, also, could be in the Cafeteria. She would have her bell but doesn't tend to carry any other weaponry.

I have looooads of Agents, as you can see from my wiki userpage ( http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/User:Cassie5squared ), so feel free to use any of the Action ones except Nat.

He spent a lot of time in the Cafeteria and the Lounge about that time, since he was between assignments. He would not be armed (except possibly with a hardcover book), and he would most likely hide or run away.

As for the cat, Agent Earwig would want it, but he doesn't come on the scene for another two years. Also, I find it amusing to think of an invisible cat wandering HQ. It MIGHT be visible in the Tomb of the Unknown PPC Agent, though. The names on the tomb are in ithildin, and they show up, so the cat might, too.

~Neshomeh

Their first mission (which takes place back in the summer of '09—I still need to write it) will take place before this, so it's likely that they'd visit the cafeteria between the summer and the time that you base your mission in. Both agents carry weapons. Check the wiki for any other information you might need, but Eesa carries daggers and Sive uses a shortbow.

Depending on the time period of the mission, they'd be carrying different weaponry - they got their favourite weapons in October '07. Laburnum has an axe and Foxglove has a sabre. If it's set before then, they'd be carrying knives or some such. Laburnum's a Bloodwrather, don't know if that would help against a bear.

Don't use S&S, though - their original author may not be pleased.

Not surprisingly enough, it was one of the first fanfictions on the Shrek fanfiction page when I found it. The summary automatically placed it in the badfic category. (I mean, "Shrek" without Shrek? What the heck was this person thinking? And poor Artie...)

Then it got worse as I began reading it. It's too bad that I don't know the Shrek continuum well enough to honestly spork it, otherwise would have had someone from the PPC hunt down the author and hit her repeatedly with one of the Shrek DVDs (preferably the third movie). Line stealing, scene stealing, plot stealing, author insertion, grammar errors, inconsistency, lack of logic, and the list goes on and on. The only redeeming thing that I found in that badfic was the original character antagonist.

Anyway, your MST was very enjoyable and funny. I salute you for sporking the badfic.

Wow. You know for some reson I didn't expect to see sues in Shrek stories. *Sigh* So naive.

Anyway. I'm interested in hearing more from you. The comments were quite funny.

Despite having only seen part of Shrek III, I can empathize with your pain.

I remember writng one of those ages ago... but it was kinda lame so I deleted it... looking back it wasn't all that great anyway.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4970437/1/Only_God_Knows

FF.Net Summary: Jidda runs away after her mother commits suicide and gets stranded as the only girl on an island of boys. Can they remain civilised or will savegery overcome them? BETTER THAN IT SOUNDS, READ & REVIEW!

This one should be Crushed with Earth, i'm sure the Island will end up all right if the damage is limited only to the Sue and the area around her. Toph Bei Fong style Earthbending should do, or you can just throw boulders at her.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5416927/1/Not_so_bad

FF.Net Summary: They caught Ralph before they lit the island on fire. They are not rescued. Jack loves ralph. Roger loves Sam. but how do ralph and Sam feel about being their pets. Jack/Ralph, Roger/Sam. slash

Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Wrong! Use all four element to kill this thing! And acid! Lots and lots of it! *Doses head directly with Brain Bleach.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5416459/1/Fallen_Angels

FF.Net Summary: The girls in Mary Lou's School for Exceptional Young Women are everything but exceptional. Love traingles, murder attempts, hatred, and envy rule when these troubled/insane girls get stranded on an island with British boys. Many OC/LOTF boys. CH. 6 UP!

I tought this might be a parody...but it isn't. I wanted to see something that's actually comedic after the previous travesty, but this isn't it. Shock it with Lightning (it's faster than Fire!)

Sheez, am I going to want to read it?

The idea of sinking LOTF scares me!

Wow, a Lord of the Flies badfic. You know, I did not expect to see that.

And hey, if you flood it with water maybe the island will sink.

I love how piggy was the one who really knew how to treat an injured leg but the author sue just brushed him off. And described a 10 year old boy as having strong arms. I bet theres going to be as much child nudity as the original book

Have a griffin! Don't worry, it's house-trained.

I...um...was very busy. Had lots to do and such...um...Oh Ya! I remembered what I was doing, I was getting you a present from the Random Present Shoppe. I got you a rail car filled with electrical cords. You never know when you may need a wire or two to fix your control panel. they also make very handy leashes!

Have a return wave and a welcome glomp, and a magician's Top Hat of Holding. Use it wisely.

Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your... um... pocket lint in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* The poor dears haven't been eating well recently. Also, here's a glass vial full of shimmering colors.

Welcome, new friend, to the PPC Posting Board! Have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay here!

Welcome! The box I ordered just arrived, so here you go. Have a bladed yo-yo. Rhyme unintentional

Hooray! Another new insane person! I just joined recently too. Welcome.

I think this is the part where I give you something. So here! Have some bleeprin and a small blue Yeti.

Welcome a'Board!

Someone will probably be along at some point to send you a bundle of links, mostly involving the PPC Wiki, especially the PPC itself, the Newbie FAQ, the Board FAQ, and the Guide to the PPC.

Oh, wait, they just have! :-P

Enjoy your time here with us, and have a platter of chocolate-covered profiteroles and a pet mongoose (available for collection in the PPC Mongoose Shelter in RC 2816).

Elcalion, welcoming.

Welcome to the PPC! Here's a dagger set from the Raven Armory and a bottle of bleeprin. We're all insane here. You'll have good company.

Nice to meet you. Do you need some rain? We've been getting way too much of it where I'm from.

Completely insane? In a nice goofy way or in scary stabby way? Or somewhere in between, perhaps.

Anyway, have a free collection of tiny hats.

Have an imaginary pair of pants.

Now, can anybody tell me what the hell 'ciao' means, besides 'some sort of greeting'?

Welcome to the PPC! Here's a coxcomb. It's a sort of silly hat, with a Shakespearean lineage.

Wow, there have been a lot of new arrivals on the Board lately. It's lovely--so much activity! I hope you like it here.

Big cats are great!

Fair winds!

Hello there. As per my usual, here's a [random generic item] and a pair of cufflinks.

Have a venomous arthropod! You may not need gloves to handle it.

I would say insanity is practically a job requirement around these parts.

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multi-colored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

What fandoms do you follow?

I'm sure others will be by later with the big bag 'o links and bumper stickers, and a bucket marked 'warg fodder.'

It started happening after I upgraded to the latest version. I started a thread in their help forum about it, but I haven't heard anything. Maybe if more of you went over there and complained...?

~Neshomeh

I use Firefox, and the new posts never show up until I refresh the page.

Or at least it's a browser problem for me.

I had that problem with accessing the Board using Firefox, but not with IE. So now I use Firefox for everything else, and IE for posting on the Board.

I find that hitting refresh after reaching the home-area works, as opposed to hitting the 'return to messages' button.

That was really good - and the comic idea sounds great.

Looks great! I believe that is actually the first MST I've read. I might look at them more often now, but I think that I might still prefer missions. More long-term damage. That comic idea sounds cool, though. I vote for that, as long as it is not an enormous amount of extra work for you.

I'm happy to help. Any of those is fine. I would prefer Word docs via email if I'm the only volunteer, but Google docs is usually easier if there's multiple beta readers.