Sep 2009 Archive, part b

Do you think I could use Michel at some point in the future? I had a role in mind for him in my Agents' overarching plot.

Welcome back, and good work. It really shouldn't surprise me that there's fanfic for "Master and Commander," but it did. {= P Sheesh. Stupid Sues.

~Neshomeh

Always did enjoy your missions, it's nice to see them in action again. I know how it is not being productive, heh; still have to get my main agent pair out of April, timeline-wise. Backdating's handy like that. Still, good to see you back.

"Later that night, we were sleeping, in another building away from the Prancing Pony, when we all of a sudden heard the black riders scream, causing everyone to wake.

“What are they?”Pippin asked.

“They used to be men, Kings of this world. But, the rings given to them changed them. By using their greed for power, the dark lord changed them into his followers, doing his biding.”

“Why are they after us?” Sam asked.

“They are servants for Saruman. They are drawn to the evil that the ring carries.” He replied. “We must leave here.”"


Seriously, what? Most badfic writers at least understand slightly better than that.

That's even worse than Galadrianna.

I'll talk to Cass about if she wants to kill this one once we're done with the one we're currently doing. I've got a bunch of missions in progress, myself, and other writings, but we've already got a pair of Agents working the LotR shift, so I figure why not?

I used to have a rather huge callus on my middle finger from writing; it hasn't come back for a year or so, though, probably because I'm splitting my writing fairly equally between notebook and computer (or maybe it'll reappear in high school, who knows).

Though it's smaller than it used to be, back in the days that I also always had some ink on my fingers from my fountain pen.

I still write a lot by hand. I think about half (perhaps a little more) of the stuff I write gets a first draft by hand and then type it all up. Depending on how much editing I want to do I take pen (for complete scene rewrites) or computer (SGP).

I used to have one, back in school. Came from a combination of hand written work in classes, and a penchant for writing emo poetry which happily I grew out of by the age of eighteen.

Don't have it any more, however. I may have just spent three years doing a degree, but one could get away with taking very little by way of notes, and all work was typed (I've a suspicion they won't actually accept hand written work), so throughout my university career, the writer's bump would reappear whenever I sat an exam and that was it.

Mine's not on the middle finger, though. (Middle's the longest one, right?) It's on the ring finger. Probably because I hold my pen weirdly, with the first two fingers and thumb on the pen, and the ring and little fingers tucked away.

Although mine's more to do with drawing these days, since I do most of my composing on my laptop. (At first I swore I was going to keep writing first drafts by hand, but you know how it is.) The callus used to be truly monstrous, but it's not so big now. I miss it when I get to coloring, I can tell you. {= P

~Neshomeh

Might I borrow/adopt/foster the mini-Reapers at my Fanfiction University for Doctor Who?

Incidentally, Luxury is coming!

I'll adopt the mini-Tribble.

Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it for much here. Also, here's a bottle of some truly lethal hot pepper sauce, which may be used for splashing in the eyes of Sues or diluted 1:1034 with water for use in cookery.

I have a big dog named Sam who is a male spaniel mix with white long fur and brown spotches. I also have a female puppy that is a miniature shitzu with golden-brown short fur named Kinzie.

[Sueifying]

LOL!!11! Like OMg Sammmmmiiiieee is teh mst anazing doggie eva! He has sparkly blue eyes dat chang collor ta green and fur lyke wite silk w/ebbony ears (gold on the brown) and he is a karate masster. Kynzieee is so adorable wit pure gold fur an purple eyes. She can sing all teh Hannah Montana songz purfectedly!

[De-Sueifying]

My poor pets...

Alrighty I have a horse and a dog. The horse is a 6yr old dapple grey warmblood x thoroughbred mare her name is Minstrel (who, ever since her arrival, has ruled my life with her perfectly shod hooves and unpredictable temperament!) The dog is a 3yr old Shetland Sheepdog bitch named 'Lass' who can get kind of excited >
[SUEIFICATION IN PROGRESS]

OMG!!!1!! I have this REALLY PRITTI girl horse who is SILVER and WHITE and has a LOOOOOONG flowing tail and she ONLY obeys me! And her name is My Midnight Minstrel Dancer although I call her MY MINNIE MOOMOO! And she's best friends with my wittle PUPPI! SHE IS SO KAWAI!!!!111!!!! her names is LSSI!! and she is small and soooooooooo FLUFFI!

[END SUEIFICATION]

I'm going to go and beg for forgivness...

I have one dog in mind for this. She belongs to one of my younger sisters because I don't really care for pets. I will also include my grandparents' new kitten. Shorty is a mutt, with black and tan fur. The kitten, Precious (my grandmother named her that), is all black. She has been given several different names by my sisters who think she is a menace while I think she is absolutely adorable.

[SUEIFYING IN PROGRESS... COMPLETE]

Like, oh my god, my systar's dog, Shortcake, is just the most precousss thang. she is jus so swt and cudly. Shortcake just luves to take looooong walks wit me and she is larning to tlk.

Precious is so kawaii. She's all black and silky and satiny. she undrstands evrything u say to her and she talks back. She can also use silverwear and napkns.

[REVERSION TO NORMAL... COMPLETE]

Bleeprin...

Must have Bleeprin.

And please forgive me Shortcake and Precious.

Okay. I have two cats, Numair, who is a dark gray tabby, and Maura, who is a light gray "Bleachspot" calico. Numi has white socks, is extremely affectionate, and we think that he was weaned too early, since he has the tendency to attempt to nurse my mothers and my ears. Maura is mostly light gray, with tan patches that look like she got in the way of someone going berserk with a bottle of bleach. She is slightly more aloof than Numi, for the most part, but will occasionally do something incredibly, stupidly affectionate. Since the death of our old queen, Maura's sort of take it upon herself to fill the absurdity vacuum left in the house. She also has the Greebo-esque tendency to try to catch deer...

Now, to CAF it up.

Iv got too kats, Numair (i naimed him after the charri lol!) and Moora. Nummi is silver with black stipes like a tieger, so i call him mie tieger kitteh. he is the sweatest kitteh in teh hole werld, and luvs me teh bestest of nybuddy ever. he has wite socks and will life 4 eva bcuz he is magical liek that.

Moora is a little kittin (shes only 2 yeers old) and she is silver to with pyoor wite patches liek woah. she is my gardian and she is kinda rood to other poepple, but she luves me alot. she is reely brave and will hunt and kill mooses evn!!!11! when our old kat dide, Moora tuke on her sole, so now she is too kats, and the old cat is reely wize and tells me thing like teh tiem she said that there was a fier so i had to go home.

...

I.. I... I think I just threw up a little....

Ok, then. my cat, Lucy. She has brown fur, and green eyes. she is a very old cat, and we are currently giving her three different medicines. She will jump onto a person's lap in order to be petted. and she is very friendly

*REALITY COMPROMISED. CAF MODE ENGAGED*

my cat lucee is so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuute. she has pure gold fur, and is porbalby a dragon, becus she iz like 500 years old. and shi toks to me. and kills peeple for me. and protects me. did i menshun she haz golden fur? and she can use magic and fly and move things with her mind and stuff. and she is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!11!!!!!1!1!!

*CAF MODE DISENGAGED*

At the moment I have three cats: Selina, who is fat and black, and Pepper and Bentley (I was trying for Adam, but when mum offered Bentley instead I leapt on it) who are siblings. Pepper is torteshell and Bentley is black and white, but both of them have white socks and bibs. Selina's lazy, and has been on a diet pretty much since we got her, but Pepper and Bentley are as crazy as all kittens are and love sticking their noses in places they shouldn't, trying to eat my hair and using people's legs as scratching posts. Also, none of them know how to miaow: Selina meeps, and the kittens mrr.

But CAFified...

i hav 3 cats that r like my guardien angles. Celii is the oldest, and she is rly big, almost as big as a dog, and dark black lik my soul and since her son died protecting me form an evil monster she's been lik so depressedd but she still comes to sav me when I need her

Peregrin (I named her after the hobit!11) and Bently are kittens and r so kawii! Peregrin is red and black, like flames, and bently is all black with white around his face that makes :3, but both of them have white socks. They run arund all the time and let me now if theirs danger ahed. They are brother and sister and they share thier power together! I saved them from a men person who was abuzing them becoz I don't like 2 see anyone being hurt (see my history for more details!!)

They all spek to me, but it's in a speshil code that no1 undrstands so that noone can over here us!

I have two dogs, Lady and Monty. Lady is a pure black German Shepherd with a long coat, who quite frequently gets compared to a bear. Monty is a Rottweiler/Labrador (we think) cross breed, who was abandoned by his previous owners meaning that he ended up in the care of the RSPCA. They wrestle over who the boss is, but they never actually try to hurt each other. They usually act like big puppies, especially when food is around.

*engages Sueification machine*

I hav 2 kawaii doggies called Lady Midnight and Montezuma Black. Lady Midnight is pure black and is realy a wolf that can turn into a bare if she needs to. Montezuma Black is a puppy and he was going to be killed by some men because they wanted mean rottwielers and hes more liek a labrador, which is much cuter. Their both super loyal to me and if anyone trys to attack me then they hurt them until they run away. They're also really smart and can understand every word I say and even speak to me in they're own speshul barking code.

I have two cats. One called Salom and the other Sabrina.

Salom is all black, male, from a farm and Swedish. HE is pretty smart, and loves to Attack Sabrina. He is somewhat smart, although Sabrina, who is female, tends to be a tiny bit smarter, but he is much braver then him.

CAF ALERT!!!!
I hav e hte most AWESOMEOUS KATTEH!!! HE"S BIG>>> blak.... and pantheryy... (did you know that there is no such thing as a panther?) He is super smartz, talkz, and has vampire fangz. Did IZ mention he is part Vampire? He also has FOUR BATZ wingz.
end CAF ALERT

I have a fish named Joe. He doesn't do much but expect me to clean his water every single day and feed him three times a day. In return, all he does is bubble at me occasionally when I sit near the computer.

OMG gues what? I got this AMZINGLY AWSOMEFUL FISH. yeha. well, he's not actually a fish, he's actually a GIANT WSUID MOSNTER! yeah. i fedd him to much 1 day and he gew AS BIG AS MY HOUSE! itsn' that amazing?!!1!!1!!!11111 and so now he's not a boring goldfish anmore. HES ACTUALLY MADE OF GOLD. yeah. it's prety coo. all my friends are SO TOALLY JELUS OF SAMFIRE THE AWESOMEST (tats his name)!!!

Ow. Firefox's handy dandy ability to underline the misspelled words is making looking that even worse, if that's possible...

Now, this is a tough one. My pet has blond hair and blue eyes, and he already does all sorts of useful things, like making me a cup of tea in the morning, and going to the shops for me, and hanging my washing out to dry, and making me more cups of tea, and he always makes me laugh. Which sounds a bit CAF-like as it is, except he's human, and he's technically a housemate rather than a pet. Nonetheless.

I have a pet monkey, and he is the most awesomest monkey in the whole world. He does everything I tell him to, because he's really really smart (except when it's funnier that he's silly). Sometimes my monkey lets me put him in a suit and he acts as a butler, and answers the door to let my amazing cool friends in, and he fixes us all drinks and stuff. They say money doesn't grow on trees, but that's a lie - it does, but only my amazing monkey knows where that tree is. He's also really sleek and cute with white hair and azure eyes, and all the girl-monkeys want his uber-kawaii monkey babies.

,,,

And now I feel slightly dirty.

Okay, Murphy's a big fat sable-pattern ferret, with a bad case of hairless tail (something to do with his last moult going funny, the vet assures us it should grow back). He used to be a stray, and was in an unfortunate accident which, to put it bluntly, circumcised him, poor little guy. He's cute and huggable and I've trained him to lick my nose on command ("kiss!" - awwww ^_^) but he has the disgusting habit of drinking his own urine, then trying to lick inside my nose and mouth, so I don't do that often.

Jinx is smaller, skinnier, and yellow. He doesn't do hugs as much, he's a wriggly little monster and he's always gotta be doing something. He still bites sometimes, but he has an excuse because he appears to have been neglected a bit as a kit. I haven't been able to train him to do anything except let go when I yell at him for biting me again.

*turn on Sueify machine*

Okay, after Sueification, Murphy's tail hair is back ... and he now has three of them, which he can spin around really fast to fly with like a helicopter. Instead of being different shades of brown, his fur is now raven black and snowy white (it actually physically hurt to type that). In place of his unfortunate injury from when he was a stray, he now has a dramatic battle scar on his shoulder, where it's clearly visible and a lot less embarrassing, from one of the many times he saved Sue-me's life. He now understands English perfectly rather than just obeying one command when he feels like it, and he no longer has his bad habit of drinking his own urine because I'm pretty sure Cute Animal Friends don't excrete. (It's not "cute" to mess everywhere, and if they don't have to pass waste a Sue can keep them in her pocket/handbag/bra for as long as she wants.)

Jinx now has bright gold-coloured fur instead of pale yellow, and he understands English as well. Instead of merely being able to squeeze through most small gaps I don't want him to squeeze through, he now has the power to phase through solid walls. And rather than simply never having suffered any interesting injuries, he has magical regeneration powers! And teeth which can puncture solid steel! And super-speed! And ... argh, this is painful to imagine.

I have a cat named Merlin, only he's living with my mom because the apartment here is really too small. Anyway, he's a platinum-mink Tonkinese, which is really impossible to accurately describe, so here's a picture--a friend of mine took it while catsitting. He's quite an intelligent cat, very people-friendly. He'll reach up your leg to be picked up like a little kid. However, he's a bit skittish, and he can be very mouthy when he thinks he needs something we're not giving him. Also, while he generally never bites or claws--and he has all of them--he would get angry at me for leaving for extended periods of time (like a weekend) and not be satisfied until he'd taken it out on my arm. Just me, mind, no one else. {= P I maintain that he once deliberately spilled hot tea on me, too.

Now, while that's long-winded enough to be a CAF description, I can do better.

HI I have a kewl kitteh named Merlin, because he's part Kneazle and super-smart! He follows me around like a dog and protects me! His fur is totally silver and pale gold colored, and he has sapphire-emerald eyes (they're kinda both!)! Also he's part dragon, but he pretends to be a cat because its easier, but that's why he can telelport and fly and stuff. And he can talk! Kawaiiiiiii! ^____^

... Yeah. >.
~Neshomeh

I once had a border collie named Dixie. She never liked me, but she was still a good dog, and she was smart. She was mostly black, with white on her muzzle and chest, and on the tip of her tail.

Hang on, lemme get in the zone.

I had a dog thats part WOLF. She hs pure midngiht black fur and skyblue eyes that GLOW IN TEH DARK. Whe was so smart she could TLAK.And she was relly relaly loyal an ended up dyeing to saev my lief. OH TEH TRADEGY.

I have a cat. She's quite beautiful, with a black coat and white paws, and intelligent enough to know that being held and surrounded by people offering treats means she's about to be force-fed worm paste, and enough to know when I'm about to head for the study chair (because my morning routine is always the same), and bolt towards the room fast enough to curl up before I get there.

ERROR! ERROR! Not Sueish. REBOOT.

i have a kyut kitty namd EMERLAND GREEN IYES whose supr smart & can answer phones and typ on mny computr an chk the weather chanle evry mornin!

When I was a boy, I had a rabbit named Carrot-Muncher. He was a dark gray minilop, and had imprinted on people, so he was very sociable and very forgiving. He ate the stems of the carrots, not the roots (Pretty convenient Jack and Mrs. Spratt division, no?) He took ill and died two months short of his fourth birthday, alas.

[CAF OWNER="gary stu", DEGREE="FF"]i once had a coney named Carrotsbane. He had sleek chinchilla fur taht shone like the stars and mood ring ears he LIVED for people. boy did he live up to his name!!!1 he was almsot 4 wen he died oh angst.[/CAF]

3. Heartlessness Destroyed by Dhampire Hunter
Is it possible for Severus Snape to have a heart? Duh! Severitus. Slightly better summery inside Slytherin!Harry Vampire!Harry
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,065 - Published: 9-12-09 - Harry P. & Severus S
Ignoring the Slytherin!Harry.

"Ugh! I can't believe he gave you detention for that, Harry!"

Harry grimaced and made an irritated noise in the back of his throat, but the rest of his speech was cut off as Hermione came up behind them.

"Really, you can't, Ron? You can't believe Professor Snape gave Harry a detention for putting slices of frog liver on his seat when he wasn't looking? Because it seems pretty believable to me."

"He was asking for it," muttered Harry. "Sometimes I wish there was something I could do to really get back at him for what he's done. It's all his fault anyway, he practically encouraged Malfoy to throw that vampire blood at me."

The three winced at the recollection, when Snape had turned his back and Harry had gotten a few swallows of vampire blood in his mouth. The incident had left him sparkling in the sunlight forevermore with a pale complexion and a craving for blood, which he now drank a glass of every night before bed, usually the blood of an orangutan. Dumbledore maintained that it hadn't been Snape's fault, and Malfoy had suffered for quite some time, but for Harry and Ron, despite Hermione's halfhearted protests, something was wrong with the whole picture.

Ron held the Great Hall door open as they entered. "Yeah, sometimes I wonder if he's even got a heart at all."

Harry didn't miss the Look from Professor McGonagall in his direction as Snape leaned over to tell her something, the usual sneer on his face. He grimaced again and forced down the rest of his lunch, dreading the detention to come. The rest of the day passed in a blur, and he trudged down to the Potions Dungeon with a heavy heart that night.

"Mr. Potter," came the sneering voice from the dungeon. "Please be so kind as to shut the door behind you."

Harry stepped in, closing the door carefully behind him. "Yes, Professor."

"Due to the nature of your... prank," he said, pronouncing the word as though it was a kind of toad, "You will be removing the livers from enough frogs to get my sixth-year advanced class through next year."

Harry had no idea how the next words made their way to his mouth, without bothering to check with his brain first. "Ron's right, you have no heart."

Snape blinked, so taken aback, for the moment, that he had no response ready to hand. Then he cracked an amused expression, which might've been a smile, had it not also spelled D-O-O-M in neon flashing letters to Harry.

"Potter, you swallowed vampire blood last year." Harry tried to keep from looking blank, but only succeeded in looking blankly terrified. Snape sighed. "You really are your father's son."

Well-chosen words, the usual barb jostled Harry from his mental state and he glared. "My father, sir, was--"

"About as subtle as a brick wall," Snape drawled. "You're a vampire, which means that you can see body heat. Which means you can see that I have a heart, and, furthermore, that it is beating."

Harry blinked, and, curious, allowed his eyes to relax. Very, very faintly, his eyes located thermal images, proving that Snape indeed have a heart. He opened his mouth, but was cut off again.

"But thank you for the compliment, Potter. Which reminds me, why don't you also remove the hearts from those frogs and pickle them? Should keep you out of... trouble, for a few hours." The malicious sneer made it perfectly clear that there would be no Quidditch practice, and furthermore that this was part of the plan. Harry sighed and got to work on the frogs. Life as usual, he supposed.

3. Heartlessness Destroyed by Dhampire Hunter
Is it possible for Severus Snape to have a heart? Duh! Severitus. Slightly better summery inside Slytherin!Harry Vampire!Harry

Meir Brin of the Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy shook her head sadly. "There's no doubt about it," she told the assembled staff. "Madam Pomfrey says it's as bad a case of Severitus as she's ever seen."

"So, he's just going to keep doing that?" said Professor McGonagall. "Sort of... splintering like that?"

"Until the disease runs out of non-canon versions of Harry Potter to sever off him. Or until Professor Snape can brew the cure," Brin amended almost as an afterthought.

Harry Potter lay on a medical bed before them, looking pale, but fortunately sedated. Before their eyes, he grew filmy and indistinct, like a snake's skin just before molting. Then, as though someone had taken a knife and pared off an extra layer, a second Harry separated itself from the first and came to stand at the foot of the bed. This new Harry was almost the same as the first except for the Slytherin crest on his robes and the look of deep angst and woe on his face. He opened his mouth as though to bemoan his existence, but he was clouted soundly on the head first. He crumpled to the ground, revealing Madam Pomfrey and a very large case of medical supplies.

Pomfrey shrugged. "It's better for the patient this way."

The staff shook off their surprise and moved the new Harry to a bed of its own. At that time, Severus Snape appeared.

"How is it going, Severus?" Dumbledore asked.

Snape scowled. "The same as before, Headmaster. It won't work unless I can have a heart." He eyed Harry speculatively.

"Yes, it is a shame we had to destroy the last one," Dumbledore said, casting a look of regret toward a bed with a sheet thrown over it. The sheet didn't quite disguise the fact that the body beneath had a rather large stake through its chest. "But perhaps this new one will be of more use."

"We shall see," said Madam Pomfrey. "I'll ask you all to please keep back, this is a very sensitive matter."

The staff gave Pomfrey her space, as none of them really wanted to see what was about to happen. There came a sound awfully like splorch, and a smell of freshly cut grass and warm dust filled the room.

"Summery," Meir Brin commented. "Weird."

The others nodded.

A few minutes later, Madam Pomfrey emerged from behind the screened-off bed and held out a porcelain bowl to Snape. "There you are," she said. "One heart."

"Good," said Snape, though not as enthusiastically as he might have had the organ in question come from the original and not a copy. "The potion should be ready by the end of the day." He took the bowl containing the heart and returned swiftly to the dungeons and his potion.

Warning: slightly, er, noncon. Although utterly non-explicit, because we realised halfway through writing this that we don't actually know how to write het. We have taken the liberty of assuming the author of the fic summary is a Sue, and inserted her into this fic. Enjoy, or something.

***

'Like, here kitty kitty?'

Hissing softly, Greebo shrank further back into the dark recesses of his latest hidey-hole. The creature, whatever it was, surely wouldn't find him here. He flicked his tail, annoyed, as he heard the soft footsteps getting closer.

'Mister kitty cat, won't you come and play?'

Even the voice was unnatural, smooth and yet tinkly and making all the hairs down Greebo's spine stand on end. And that was to say nothing of how the thing looked...

'Gotcha!'

Suddenly there was light.

Greebo skittered out from his den of discarded wooden crates, and made a break for it through the impossibly slender and slightly sparkly legs in front of him. A perfectly manicured hand shot out, and missed him by a whisker. He skidded round the corner at high speed.

And stopped. Ahead was a blank wall, too high to leap. Behind, and rapidly approaching, was a beast straight from the Dungeon Dimensions. It gave a feral smile as it advanced.

There was only one possible escape, and Greebo took it.

There was a horrible moment where morphic resonance twanged like a piano-string, and then he was lurching to two flat, clawless feet.

The terrible beast was now at least a head shorter than him. Greebo grinned. He liked having the advantage. He wasn't well equipped, in this form, to bite the back of the creature's neck and shake it until bits snapped, but these strong human arms ought to be good for something. He reached out, and seized the thing with one hand.

'Mroooowl?'

'Erk!'

Mrrrroww!'

It struggled in his grasp, but something still wasn't right. Like any self-respecting cat, Greebo was in the habit of playing with his prey before eating it, though he was willing to concede that tossing it into the air and catching it might be a little difficult without paws. He'd been quite willing to give it a try just a moment before, but as his fingers tightened round its throat, he found himself overcome with an urge, or, more accurately, an Urge, to play with it in a slightly different manner.

He sniffed. Ah, there was the reason. The Beast had, it seemed, been party to similar Urges. Had being the operative word here. Now it seemed mostly to be harbouring fear. But Greebo was rather sensitive to smells, and both were lingering.

Well that was fine. Greebo rather liked fear. And Urges too.

He also liked the way this human form wasn't lumbered with clothes when Nanny wasn't about. It made things so much easier, not having to try to handle buttons. This meant that he was rather exposed, of course, but the fiend didn't seem to have any idea at all about not playing fair, and kept its knees resolutely down. And pressed tightly together.

He looked down.

Ah.

Yes, definitely Urges. The sparkling, whimpering creature followed Greebo's gaze, and gulped.

We will draw a delicate veil over the story at this point, and reconvene several months later ...

'Oh, Greebo, you naughty boy!'

'Naughty doesn't really cover it, Gytha,' said Granny Weatherwax, looking down at the sad, mewling heap on Nanny Ogg's doorstep.

'I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, really,' Nanny said, clucking. Granny sniffed.

'And why are they so glittery, d'you think?'

'Search me,' said Nanny, picking one of the strange kittens up and inspecting it closely. 'But don't you think they've got his eyes?'

'So long as they haven't got his temperament.' Granny sniffed once more, then peered at the dangling scrap of sparkling fluff in Nanny's hand. 'Well,' she added. 'They've definitely got his smell.'

'Oosa widdle sweetie den?' asked Nanny of the kitten. Granny rolled her eyes.

'Widdle sounds about right,' she said.

Barnabus tried to blink as the message ended. The tasoth had received many strange instructions over the millennium, ranging from a giant jellyfish with poison replaced with weapons it could not use to a T-Rex with a sonic cannon, but an underwater cat was particularly strange. Still, when commands came from T'leth, he obeyed.

Barnabus picked one of the lobstermen on the base at random to help with the design. After a few hours, the design seemed mostly complete, but something seemed off. The half-inch thick aqua plastic armor was somehow un-catlike. When he asked the lobsterman about it, the lobsterman said, "Yes, but it may run into X-com troops."

"Oh. Okay then, the armor is fine. Actually, give it more armor."

Something seemed vaguely off about the cluster of facial tentacles, but Barnabus decided it was good enough and sent the design to the cloning vats.

To make a cat, you must first make a deuterostome.
Take an ovocyte, make it divide for a certain number of times, until you get a hollow sphere called a blastula.
Then, fold one half of the blastula inside the other and stretch it somewhat (the exact way depends on species). You'll obtain a gastrula, with a hole at one end which will become the anus. The ectoderm (outer layer), mesoderm (filling the former hole of the blastula) and endoderm (inner layer) are formed at this step. You have now a deuterostome.
Then, you'll have to get a chordate.
Development continues with neurulation: the neural tube is formed by folding the dorsal ectoderm along the notochord (structure existing in all chordate embryos, but which persists in only a few chordate species). Then, somites (corresponding to future vertebrae) form, one after the other. You have a chordate.
With a chordate, you then make a vertebrate, a gnathostome (jawed vertebrate, jaws form from branchial arcs), an osteichthyan (the name means bony fish, as opposed to cartilagenous fish (chondrichthyan), but it also includes tetrapods as well). Than you get a tetrapod, by forming the limbs. The tetrapod becomes then a mammal and then a cat.
Let the cat grow for a while, and you're done.

Well, in fact, it's a bit more complicated, but that's a rough outline.

What a brilliant idea! I'll have to take a pass for this round, I've been sporking a Harry Potter/Twilight fic that has kind of drained my brain. I still love the idea though!

"I must make a cat," said Dr. Frankenstein. "Igor, bring me my spare parts kit."

"Yeth, mathter," said Igor as he wandered off in search of the spare parts kit he had to find.

"And I need a lantern, as well!" Frankenstein shouted at his servant's back.

Several hours later, Igor returned with a large box and a battery power lantern. "I have returned, mathter"

"Excellent. place the kit on the table, please. and hand me the lantern." said the doctor.

several more hours elapsed, and the good doctor looked at his creation. it looked like a cat, but each of its limbs had differently coloured fur, and a small lantern next to its left eye. "excellent. now we need a thunderstorm." He attached several wires to the cat, and then to a large electrical cable. "or, of course, we could simply use the town's power grid." and he flipped the switch. and the world went black.


*how's that?*

Must it be within the fandom originally used? Because if not, I can already think of something (still fanfic, but in a different fandom) to do with the last one.

If not, well, I'll try something else.

1. The Road to Lothlorien by KounetsuDeb
With orcs behind them and the maze of forests ahead of them, the fellowship could use a guide. Luckly Haldir is there to guide their way, unless he's too distracted by the green-eyed wizard among them. boyboy implied.

Boromir shook his head. "Orcs behind, the Witch of Lothlorien ahead... we could use a guide, Aragorn."

Aragorn looked uncomfortable. "I am myself uncertain what course to take," he said. "The last time I was here... it wasn't quite so, well..."

"Maze-like?" Gimli suggested. "For all Elves are strange creatures, I wouldn't expect them to sculpt their whole forest into a labyrinth. Crazy lot."

Ahead, Legolas stiffened. "You speak of the Lady of the Golden Wood," he reprimanded the dwarf. "Show a little respect."

"I have to agree with Gimli," Boromir put in. "The maze is a bit much."

Suddenly a voice called out from the single tree they were passing. Legolas smirked, and Aragorn let out a chuckle. "What?" Gimli demanded. "What did he say? I know Elvish speech when I hear it."

It was Frodo who answered. "I make it 'We may be crazy, but at least we're not lost,'" he said.

Gimli scowled at the tree. "Come down here and say that, Elf," he snapped. "My axe will-"

"Be useless, I rather suspect," Aragorn interrupted. "I recognise your voice, Haldir of the Galadhrim. Come down and make our acquaintance."

"What need have I of acquaintance, when I already know who you are?" Haldir said, dropping lightly to the floor. "Nine left Rivendell, and nine have come... uh." He stopped, blinked, and stared at the ninth member of the party. "Who is that, and why is he glaring at me?"

Aragorn glanced over his shoulder. "Oh, him. We found him in Hollin -- it was very strange. Mithrandir called him a wizard, but he doesn't seem to speak Westron."

"Or Sindarin, or Quenya, or Rohirric, or Adunaic, or the Black Speech," Sam muttered. "Or Telerin, Silvan, any of the tongues of the Avari-"

"Yes, thank you, Samwise," Aragorn cut him off. "He seems to be rather jealous of Elves in general, though -- practically green-eyed with envy."

"Does he have a name?" Haldir asked, still watching the 'wizard' cautiously. Merry sniggered.

"We don't know," the Hobbit said. "We just call him Boybo-"

"Haldir," Aragorn cut in, trying to get the border guard's attention. "Can you please help us make sense of this maze?"

"... what? Oh. Right." The elf shook his head and turned back to the Ranger. "You're too far from Caras Galadhon to get there tonight, so if you'll come with me, there's some flets you can rest on..."

If I don't make it, I hope everyone who does go has fun.

On account of living there. So I would be up for that.

As I will be going to Sweden from Sep 25th and working my way to London by train by about Oct 10th.

This Canadian would love to do a meetup somewhere in England!

Though currently have nowhere to stay and have no ideas on the hostel situation here.

Leto

Wow. Yeah, I think that's all that can be said on that. I'm going to go and repress now OO'

Then we're attacking the crossover aspect, not the religious part of it.

I distinctly recall the DoWTF skewering one where the Sue paired herself with God.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!

Gigglesnort.

Although with Twitards clogging the literature discussion board on Gaia, (Despite there being a friggin' STICKY for it. But, y'know, if they can't read a decent book, it would follow that they can't read the list...) I'm getting a tiny bit tired of the whole thing.

I wish I could see the pic, but I can't. Stupid filtered school laptops. Maybe the ones at the public library will work.
But I'm assuming this letter will be from the real vampires: the bat shape-shifting, sunlight exposure exploding, human blood drinking kind. Twilight makes me feel really embarrassed of my gender.

Still haven't read Twilight, so Am Not Qualified To Comment On It, but still, the person who came up with this is pretty awesome.

That said, in regard to potential disguises for Agents, I think I've read a few missions where they went in as themselves. If that doesn't work out, perhaps something could be done to render the Agents invisible so any noncanons don't see them? Having canon-compliant disguises sounds rather difficult, though since I'm not familiar with the canon, I may be wrong.

Which it will, because you fear it (:P), then do not fret about disguises - they're not essential in fics that don't have any original characters.

If I may ask a polite question, how do you write missions so quickly? Especially while doing them so well? I've been trying to figure out how to get more productive with my own missions, especially since I have so many Agents, so I thought I would ask. If it's not a bother that is; I was just thinking that maybe I could pick something up. On the whole, just curious and thought there wasn't harm in asking.

I figure that the utterly insane PPC tech can help reconcile it: the ones who go for hologram just have a different DORKS model or some such.

As my agent is a cat. When we were in the HP universe, the disgues altered his apearence but he still had his tail. (that was interesting...)

The favorite example being the time that Jay and Acacia were Ents, got shot with arrows, and didn't mind (until they dropped the disguises). A similar thing happened when they were dragons and someone ate a Sue and regretted it after the disguises were dropped. However, it's not a complete change, as the agent's mind is mostly untouched by the disguise. Also, as seen above, I don't think you could use a disguise to repair an injury. Cover it up, yes; fix it, no.

I've described the disguise as an overlapping morphic field, but that's just my Discworld-influenced take on it. I'd wait for other input.

Did I start a Reality Room As Plot Device trend? {= p

~Neshomeh

... who was described as having measurements of 800-2-400. In inches. And no, none of those numbers is a typo. So her waist is two inches around, and her boobs have a circumference of nearly 67 feet.

Most Sues aren't quite that horrifying, but they do tend to have ... slightly exaggerated figures.

Glad to see someone else has read the Dragonback series. Zahn has always been my favorite author.

Honestly, the number of Sues described as twigs...

I mean, beanpoles are one thing, since that implies that it's due to a recent growth spurt and that there is a real muscle structure there, but they're usually described as out-and-out twigs about to be blown away by a stiff breeze!

Sorry to be late. Had a job interview too. (it didn't work)

Have an extendy metal staff. Granted, it doesn't weigh more than a small house, but then again, you weren't born from a rock and very fuzzy all over.

Have some S&S plushie dolls.

Happy birthday, person! Good luck with that interview.

Here, have a Girl Genius slaver wasp-detecting weasel.

*gifts a box of assorted fruit-flavored Galadriel-brand™ lembas* Twenty is a good birthday. You're officially no longer a teenager. Woo!

Good luck with the job interview, too.

*helps self to Sedri's muffins on the way out*

~Neshomeh

And all the best to you!
We wish it was our birthday,
So we could party too! (Wooh!)
Happy Birthday! Here's a set of daggers from the Raven Armory and a tub of chocolate chip gelato (Italian ice-cream). Good luck with the interview!

Also, Bleepka, chocolate, and muffins. Because there happen to be a big pile of muffins here.

:D

Jeeze... I wish I could go back. I've been re-reading Harry Potter and reading the Shoebox Project in preparation for a massive fanfic undertaking, and it's making me miss England terribly. And now this. And the Armouries look really cool, what with the shinies and the critters and all. I think the most critters I saw in one place on my trip were the ravens at the Tower of London (unless you count my classmates), and I couldn't pet those.

My fiance and I could move in with one of you guys for a while, right? Just until we got jobs, right? ... Let's just never mind that no British publisher is probably going to want an American on staff. That's okay, I'll sell tea or flowers or something. I'm looking into tea stores over here as it is.

... Anyway. I'm glad the Gathering worked out. This third of it at least sounds like a great time. {= )

~Neshomeh

If you've referred to something without an article, and you're not going to write said article, it might be best not to link to it. Especially names that might only have one or two mentions anywhere ever. If more information about them comes up later on, then that would be the time to make an article, do a search for references to it, and add links.

~Neshomeh + $0.02

At the moment, I'm focussing on some of my redlinked Agents, but I'm also looking through the list to see what I know enough about to write a good article.

*heads off to the Tolkien-related pages*

I don't mind making new pages for something I'm sure I know about, but I'm shy of editing someone else's work - it feels like I'm saying they weren't good enough. But hey, variety means things will get done.

I'll try, Trojie dear. Once I stop sleeping and eating I should find the time ;)

Here's the link to the list of wanted pages: http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Special:WantedPages

~Neshomeh, who doesn't recognize half the stuff on that list. O.o

My Agents would have made a mess out of it. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Don't ye know that in our house, every day be pirate day?! A'course, that led to several homicide charges and now we be running from the law, but nonetheless!

Wait, what ye mean, "talk" like a pirate? Yar, that's just fer - dammit, they're gaining on our boat! YE'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!

I foun' out from a matey o' mine earlier. Remin's me o' th'good ol' days o' Pirates Boy Scout camp! Hoho, we 'ad grand times, mates, grand times! 'Cept I went an' got me stupid landlubber self lost in th'woods at night...

(PS: Storms abroad t'port, Cap'n. Best batten down th' 'atches.)

The Offical Website:
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

How to talk like a pirate:
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/howto.html

How to chat online like a pirate:
http://www.karateparty.org/content/view/419/37/