Jul 2009 Archive, part a

Or do I have the Welsh backwards and "Blaidd" is the part of the phrase that means "wolf?"

Either way, dumb name and shamelessly ripped from "Boomtown."

Really. And he calls himself John Smith. Is it just me, or would the real Doctor come up with something, I dunno, flashier, I guess? Perhaps I just haven't watched enough Doctor Who.

... is at least marginally more likely in this one than it was in another one I saw where two random vermin got hold of the corpse for some inexplicable reason and it was struck by lightning and somehow came back to life in a way which was never adequately explained.

I found it the other day while scouting Redwall fics for my own Redwall DMS pair, especially since one of them's a badger (who is, incidentally, not vermin). However, if you want it, go ahead, I was just saying I remembered the fic and that I'd been planning on using it. And no, the squirrel's definitely a Sue.

Send Agents in and KILL THAT SUE DEAD!

Welcome back!

what about Wank or Brown Willy as town names? And then of course, there's Westward-Ho!, the prosititutes' town of choice.

Regardless, can I glomp you? You're back!

All I have to say about the sunburn is "ouch" and use aloe vera gel on the burn, if possible.

*feels your pain* The big hot burny yellow angry thing in the sky wants to kill us all...

Well, I wrote my first official clunker (no big, I'll get a beta) and some celebrities died. Other than that, not much on my front. Good to see you back.

A village called Cocks, eh?

...hm...

............ The rooster fights there must be amazing...



Oh, Hell to the yes. (Credit to Tenkyougan, an artist acquaintance of mine. We don't know each other very well, but dammit his art is awesome.

You haven't missed much, mainly a couple of discussions, some mission plugs (including one that was... well, not very well received, to be polite about it), and badfic reports. Been rather quiet, actually.

Actually, the axe-fighting reminded me of something I'd had planned but never had the chance to talk to you about (namely because we're never on at the same time these days, and I've been certain you were busy). I'll be emailing you about it. Again, like the plug.

Glad to hear people liked them. Axe fights lol.

I'm not really sure how a non-Ent tree or Flower is supposed to wield an axe, but it's amusing all the same. :P

have some C4 plastic explosives. they might help get rid of the things that keep getting up. you might need blasting caps to set the C4 off. fire won't work on its own. And i have a dragonlace-verse dragonmetal sword. it could cut through your scales. and anything else.

welcome to the PPC. have fun.

Welcome to the PPC Board. Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *provides receptacle marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't have much need for it here. Also, here is a board with which you may hit yourself in the head. Pie Iesu Domine, dona eis Requiem... which basically translates to "Christ, give me a break!"
-Mad Maudlin

Welcome! Have a cup of tea. It'll cure what ails you, up to and including loss of limb.

So, have you any fandoms you pay some attention to? And are you dead set on Sues? Only we're always after new recruits for the DBS. Occupational hazards are limited - there's Lux, and prolonged exposure to the department has a detrimental effect on one's ability to comprehend heterosexuality - but it's good fun nonetheless.

This one is Polish, has a random unpronounceable Polish name and is very long and very fast. Be careful not to burn his sails, he won't appreciate it (yes, this ship is a he).

Have a winged kitten. As a pet. Not a potential food source.

I give you...an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and whisks not only eggs but author wraiths and spambots as well! Use it for good and not much evil.

Welcome to the insanity! Enjoy the ride.

Have an improbably racist chainsaw! ♥

Have a dragon-sized random shiny that negates most standard fireproofing, and laser claw tips.

Also, Dragon fagirls are coming!

@ Sedri: There's a reason for that. :P I've actually been using this name for about ten years now. Also - I like the sound of the Transdimensional Pocket Knife, but what's a Capillary Towel? O.o

@ Ugolino: And while you're using your spell, I'll just turn you into a pile of ash. Isn't fire-breath wonderful? :P

@ Chliever: I'm just not used tot he idea that daemons can be good guys. I know them too well. Also, an alternative to mumps would be nice. :P

@ Tawaki: I'm not a big fan of Doctor Who, so I was thinking of going the traditional route and taking an RC. Also - um, thanks for the plover?

@kgarrett: I don't think I've ever seen a flax before. Shiny new toy. ^_^ Things that burn are always welcome.

@ Pit Viper of Doom: Interesting screen-name you have there. :P I don't actually mind Tirry - people have been calling me that for years elsewhere (not that any of them asked permission).

Can I call you Tirry? Just kidding. I value my non-incinerated-ness. Is that a word? Probably not.

Formality is completely unnecessary, except perhaps with Flowers. But most agents don't even use it with them.

But here's one anyway. Careful where you point it, though, flamethrower/axe hybrids are not pleasant. Anyway, welcome aboard. Hope you decide to stay, and have fun regardless of what you ultimately decide to do.

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a response center?

Sorry my Agents alarmed you, they're both perfectly all right.

Have some mumps.

Actually... I probably shouldn't give you the mumps. I'll be back once I find a suitable newbie present.

We are the Plorg. Resistance is futile. We will add your canon knowledge and writing distinctiveness to our own.

Seriously, welcome.

As for the scales, Quickened Disintegrate.

Welcome. Interesting names; sounds very Pernese. I give you a Capillary Towel and a Transdimensional Pocket Knife. :)

Don't worry. I'm no dragon killer. At least, I'm not a killer of the un-sueified ones. Here's an ice-proof helmet from the Raven Armory, specially made for dragons. (It might be useful if you ever visit certain fandoms in the winter. Don't ask how I got it to be dragon-sized.)

I comes bearing links. *drags out Big Bag O' Links and digs through it*

First off is the link to the Wiki, a veritable fount of information for a newbie to read through. Especially helpful for you if you want to write missions would be the page on Permission (note the capital P).

I would advise against reading any Legendary Badfic, unless you are of strong mind and stomach. Even the summaries have been known to give those of weaker constitution nightmares.

For your reading pleasure, not knowing what you have already managed to find, I have several links for you. The Original Series (not to be confused with Star Trek) is a good place to start, as the PPC did many aeons ago. What do you mean I'm exaggerating? The Department of Geographical Aberrations is another interesting place to visit, if you have the time and inclination. Also by hS is the Tangled Webs site, which contains backstory for the PPC as an organisation. If you would rather visit the Floaters, then July's site is the place you need to be. And last, but most definitely not least, Response Centre 45 is where Trojie and Pads' missions are archived.

Hope you enjoy your stay here. Please deposit your sanity into the container offered to you by another Boarder; you won't be needing it here.

Italics, bold etc are possible here, if you know how to use HTML. Don't look to me for an explanation of how to do it though, since I've found myself to be made of fail at such things.

Can I have either MaGonagall or Geroge?

...I've been wondering about the minis for a few fandoms. Namely Rurouni Kenshin, Ghost in the Shell, and Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni shut up I found a Hanyuu mini and I want it. For Ghost in the Shell, I was thinking mini-T08A2, as in the giant spider-tank-thing from the end of the first movie, but for the other two, I dunno. All the "monsters" from Rurouni Kenshin are human, and Higurashi, well, really doesn't like to keep the threats visible. And as much fun as mini-Bursts Of Insanity or mini-Hallucinations might be, they wouldn't be very practical. Maybe mini-Fingernail Removers?

I run their Adoptions Agency. I'll take care of them unless somebody wants to adopt one. Thanks for finding them, though :)

Mini-Reapers:

Hartnell Era Minis:

Ian Minis:
Ani Chesterton
In Chesterton

Za Minis:

Zah

Vrestin Minis:

Vestrin
Verstin

Katarina Mini:

Karina

Celestial Toymaker Minis:

The Celestial Tomaker
The Celestial Titmaker

Troughton Era Minis:

Jules Benoît Mini:

Jules Beniôt

Medok Minis:

Mqedok
Medoc

Victoria Waterfield Minis:

Vitcoria Waterfield
Victoria Watterfield

Ramón Salamander Mini:

Ramen Salamander

Jon Pertwee Era Minis:

The Doctor (Pertwee) Mini:

The Docter

Liz Shaw Mini:

Liz Wash

The Master (Delgado) Minis:

The Mater
Professor Thasscalos

Tom Baker Era Minis:

Harry Sullivan Minis:

Harcourt Sullivan
Harrry Sullivan

Sutekh Mini:

Stekh

Li H'sen Chang Mini:

Li Sen Chang

Magnus Greel Mini:

Magnus Grill

K-9 Minis:

K-0
K-89

Foamasi Mini:

Fomasi

Davison Era Minis:

The Doctor (Davison) Minis:

The Doctro
The Doctoor

The Master (Ainley) Minis:

The Matser
Kallid
The Maaster

Tractator Mini:

Tracttaor

Colin Baker Era Minis:

The Rani Minis:

The Rai
The Rain

The Junkyard Valeyard Minis:

The Valleard
The Vlayard

McCoy Era Minis:

Kroagnon Mini:

Krognon

Dalek Mini:

Dlak

Bellboy Minis:

Belboy
Bellboyy

Ace Minis:

Ase McShane
Ace McShsne

McGann Era Minis:

Grace Holloway Minis:

Grac Holloway
Grace Holoway
Grace Halloway

Eccleston Era Minis:

Rose Tyler Minis:

Ruse Tyler
Rose Taylor
Rise Tyler

Bad Wolf Minis:

Bad Wold
Bed Wolf

Tennant Era Minis:

Rose Tyler Mini:

Ose Tyler

K-9 Mini:

KJ-9

John Lumic Minis:

Jonb Lumic
Jihn Lumic

Martha Jones Minis:

Martha Kones
Martah Jones

William Shakespeare Mini:

William Shakespear (Could also be a mini-Caliban)

The Master (Simm) Mini:

Harold Soxan

Miss Hartigan Mini:

Miss Hartogan

...but can I have Obivan?

Well, sometimes lotrfanfiction turns poor Eowyn into "...owyn", which she definitely doesn't deserve.

...but I don't think they can be let off the hook entirely. FF.N has a system that will remove scene breaks if you don't go back through the uploaded document and check it, which doesn't take very long. I would consider not taking the time to check that as being along the same lines as not bothering to run a spell check, if not exactly the same.

If it's not something they can fix by taking a little extra time... probably not. But someone ought to nag the admin of that site until it's fixed.

As I recall, it's the publishing of 'fics that lets them affect canon worlds and therefore show up on our Consoles; if it's what's shown and changing the Word Worlds (and on a more mundane level, what we see when we're trying to read a good story), then I don't think it should not create a mini, because the problem is still there.

Sorry to ramble - thinking out loud. Overall, I think it should create a mini, but that we shouldn't charge the author for it.

I mean, really, Vimes? Teatime? *Vetinari*?

We seem to be on a roll. It's just an illusion, really - the first of these missions has been on the go for about four years.

Lasa and Mombi of the Department of Angst take on a Fullmetal Alchemist fic, despite knowing nothing of the canon: http://agenttrojie.livejournal.com/96543.html

And Trojie and Pads take another jaunt to the Discworld. It's... not as pleasant as usual. Or as worksafe. Mental scarring may ensue, so have a care: http://agenttrojie.livejournal.com/96814.html

http://agenttrojie.livejournal.com/96224.html

In which Doctor McCoy molests Captain Kirk. For reasons we weren't quite able to figure out. Worst of the smut removed, as usual.

(Excuse me hijacking your thread, Cassie, but in the interests of the no-double-posting rule it seemed a good notion.)

If her problems have a simple solution, why are they still *problems*?

El-sarr-inn-ex-are-lass Caal-sair-ack-tick?

If I have to think about how to pronounce something and it's not a crazy alien, and it's not in a fandom with crazy aliens, I want to throttle something.

On the plus side, they've long stopped posting. I read the reviews for the one you commented on. I love this excuse:

"Yes, I so make mistakes while typing. Much of the time it is that I have too many ideas and I need to get the down quick before I foget them (I have a minor memory problem-really shows through in my Social Studies class. Dates, Ugh)"

O... kay? I have memory problems too. I forget things. I don't forget to spellcheck though. Ever.

And one of the reviews for the prologue had a signature that piqued my interest. Read this. It's... interesting: http://www.fictionalley.org/authors/ayla_pascal/JW01a.html

I know nothing of the canon, but if you need a SPaG and style beta I'm available. Oh, and vengeance has two Es in it. :P

I'm notoriously awful at doing this stuff in anything resembling a timely fashion, and I may become unavailable in the near future due to moving, but I feel responsible, so I'll do what I can. Chuck 'em my way. The e-mail to use is exswyzie14 (AT) yahoo (DOT) com.

I also tend to be on AIM at night under the name ElJenn, so if you use AIM, let me know and I'll add you so you can see me.

~Neshomeh

On Krisprolls, no less. And I also saw South. Whatever wasn't there, he's scheduled to join a bit later. I saw his sister, though, and two of her grandchildren. And many others.

If all your google-fu can't find them anywhere, some rejigging would be in order, especially as there are quite a lot of etries for that fic, if memory serves. Could condense them all into one and stick a note next to it for now, in case they resurface at some point.

Red Eyes
Kyouya Nakamura is a highschool student in Cardiff. Sounds simple enough, but it turns out that Kyouya has a dark secret. Who is he? And what happens when a man named Jack Harkness appears at his school? Jack/OC Warning: Rated M for later chapters. YAOI!

Jack Stu, first person, Jack is a teenager in a 21st century Cardiff high school and apparently there is only one emo in all of Cardiff.

It's not a retelling of the book. It's shameless copying of the book. I've reminded the "author" of that in a few reviews.

Can't really comment too much on the second one, not having read the book it's based on. It looks pretty bad, though, in terms of Sueishness (of course they have magical mind-reading powers...and mysterious visions...*bangs head against wall a few times*) And it looks to have serious timeline issues with regards to their ages. (This is the problem with usurping an immortal character's place in a story that spans sixty years :P).

As for the first one, though...words fail me. KILL!

Got a name.....

Gilros (lit. Star Whisper)

Opinions anyone?

It gives you a list of beginnings and endings with definitions, and when you choose two it shows you how they go together. The site also has a Quenya name generator.

http://www.elffetish.com/SindaFrame1.php

Glorgathon, Devourer of Worlds, as I used as a placeholder name until I could come up with one, is not an acceptable elf name.

I don't know the Canon, but I'm not sure if the story is really that bad. Not all of the 32 billion might be Mary Sues. Some might be bit characters (easily tricked into crashing).
Since you're new, here's a laser-proof scimitar from the Raven Armory. (It wasn't laser-proof until I had someone tamper with it.)

Okay, the fic isn't going to win any awards, but it doesn't suck, either. The premise of the conflict is well laid out, everyone seems to be in character, and I don't see what's wrong with using diplomacy to solve problems.

Furthermore, I looked over your review and the author's response. I didn't read them fully, because your use of footnotes (and footnotes within footnotes) is, frankly, annoying. However, based on what I did read, your concerns were well-answered, and the responses make enough sense for me. As the author points out, the fic doesn't contain any more plotholes on average than SG-1 itself, so I don't think we need to be getting up in arms over it.

If you intend to hang around the Board with us, that's cool--you're quite welcome to do so--but please calm down and make an effort to spell, capitalize, and punctuate your posts properly in the future, preferably with paragraphs at appropriate intervals. And please, please ditch the footnotes.

~Neshomeh

This one is Mexican, plays loud music all the day long (and the night) and sails very fast. And she's a he, too.

The Flowers, I think, will send in the Department of Geographical Aberrations, who will make the stars in major Akkadian Commonwealth systems go supernova.

You don't have to log in. You can just enter your name, e-mail, and subject heading anew each time, which naturally gives you the option of not entering your e-mail address if you don't feel like sharing it with the world. {= )

~Neshomeh, who's never once logged in to this Board.

http://disc.yourwebapps.com/disc-list-subscribe.cgi?id=199610

Is that it's not actually entirely "complete", though. There's a fair few things that've yet to get on there. Still a lot of stuff, though.

There's the Complete List of PPC Fiction and then there's the Killed Badfic page on our Wiki. Between the two, you should have just about everything that ever was or will be. {= )

~Neshomeh

...it's not Sueish. A Sue is a character who warps the established rules and story of the universe the story is set in, not a character who has a certain amount of traits.

...but I don't really mind characters with angsty backgrounds - depending on how they're handled. I think some of the main problems come from when the angsty past is being used to say either 'no-one has ever suffered like she has! Because she is just that Speshul!', or 'look at how much horrible stuff she's been through! You should all love her and feel sorry for her!'. But I don't think that bad things in a character's past are automatically a sign of Sueishness.

If you're looking for some more detailed advice, you could try checking out limyaael's fantasy rants on Livejournal. She did a number of rants on angst (http://limyaael.livejournal.com/tag/rants+on+angst), including one on how to handle abused characters.

If one would expect him/her to not be the only one with that sort of background woe in this sort of setting, it's not Sueish.

suppose this is how Jaycacia Thornbyrd, Funeral for an Angil and Agent Daffyd + The Gurl originated?

((This looks like fun :D ))

UN: vampyregrrl
Bio: Hia a ll u kool catzz LOL Im a BIGGG fan of teh PpC!! Exspeclley of maksThings nd the sO tho he iz so mEeeeen sumtimes loLolol!1! Nd I tought I;d tri wrting some sturies of my ownn so telll meh what u think cuz my bFf sayz their reall gud!1!!!!!11

Rating: G
Genre: General, Romance
Category: Official Fanfiction Universities
Summary: Prequel to Masquerade of OFUM. Lilith Wydenbrooke is selected to attend OFUM! A Frodo Fangirl, what happens to her when Legolas falls for her? R/R please!

Author’s Notes: This is the prequel to “Masquerade of OFUM”! Hope you enjoy reading it and Read and Review! Please!
The Diary of Lilith Wydenbrooke
September 1st
OFUM
Dearest Elwing,
My name is Lilith Wydenbrooke, and I will be your best friend throughout our years together here at OFUM, the Official Fanfiction University, Middle-earth. Somebody left you on my bed, and I find it very nice (and handy) to have a new friend and confidant.
First off, I would like to tell you of all the exciting things that have happened so far in my life. On Earth I am an ordinary preteen girl who is trying to survive the sudden onslaught if hormones. In fact, I find Frodo absolutely adorable! So right then and there, after I had read the trilogy three times through (each book, mind you), the Hobbit two times through, and the Silmarillion’s “Of Beren and Luthien” section six times (I read the rest at least four times through), I decided to watch the movies, and Frodo was even cuter! So then, I wrote a batch of crossovers and a few drabbles, and then, I wrote a Tenth Walker Mary-Sue. Well, I wrote it purely out of curiosity, and, so, curiosity sent the cat to Middle-earth.
I have a carbon of my acceptance letter and registration form. Here it is:

Official Fanfiction University, Middle-earth
Headmaster: [That’s for me and the staff to know, and you to find out. Signed, Miss Cam]
Assistant Headmaster: Gandalf Stormcrow
Course co-ordinator: Miss Camilla Sandman
Head of staff: Aragorn, son of Arathorn, King Elessar, Strider, Wingfoot, the Elfstone, etc.
Dear Miss Lilith Wydenbrooke,
We are not completely pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at OFUM, the Official Fanfiction University, Middle-earth. We have become aware of your most recent fanfiction piece entitled “A Mary Sue in Middle Earth”.
Below is a list of subjects you will be covering this year and your registration form. Please fill out the form.
We hope to see you at OFUM tomorrow via Rohan Express carriage!
Signed, Miss Cam

Official Fanfiction University, Middle-earth
Registration Form
NAME: _________________
RACE:
Elf/Hobbit/Dwarf/Man (Homo Sapiens)/*Other (please specify) ________
*Note: if your race is one that can enchant males, the influence will not affect them here at OFUM.
GENDER:
Male Female
LUST OBJECT:
Legolas/Frodo/Aragorn/Boromir/Pippin/Merry/Sam/Other (please specify) _________
FEAR OF SPIDERS:
Yes/No
FEAR OF HEIGHTS:
Yes/No
PERFERRED DARK LORD:
Sauron/Morgoth
CHOOSE A NUMBER:
Ten/Nine/Eleven

So that’s pretty much what the form looked like, really. So I filled it out, and went to sleep, as it was nighttime, you see. When I woke up, I was being tossed around in a carriage. That continued for some time before we pulled up to an imposing castle. There was a wide lake, and a forest of Ents, I believe. Looked quite like Hogwarts, if I do say so myself.
Now, Elwing, did you know that my Student Advisor is LEGOLAS THRANDUILLION, of all the Elves in Arda. I had wished for Elrond or Frodo. I’d choose Elrond since he would actually give advice, seeing as how Imladris is, according to canon, supposed to be a place where one gets advice and knowledge. And I wanted Frodo because of my hormones. What?
You know what else, Elwing? Legolas actually seemed enthusiastic about this whole ordeal, as he insisted on escorting me right into the auditorium. Why then, I ask you, did Eru give me legs? If he insists on propelling me around, I will never need to walk again. How nice.
But he is quite a polite elf, in some ways. He kissed my hand and now half the girls in the University are trying to fish the details out of me, including my own roommate, Nimloth. She is a Legolas Luster and an elf as well. As long as it isn’t Rosalie Berthilide Evangeline Eglantine Pottermalfoy Sparrowturner Hawkesbury I shall be fine, actually. Really, does the wretch need so many names? She is also a Chibi Elf Mary Sue. Trying to catch Legolas’s attention, obviously. As if. Didn’t she read the form?
September 2nd
OFUM
Dearest Elwing,
I think I have a “secret” admirer. I went to the library this morning and when I returned to the dorm to change for the party tonight I found a dress on my bed. There was a note attached to the green brooch on the matching cloak. Not idly do the leaves of Lothlorien fall, and yet the cloak was of Lothlorien make, yet made for dances. I think this person who is giving me these gifts must be one of the Fellowship members after Moria.
Here is the note:
Dearest Lilith,
I love your hair, like midnight in silky rivers.
I love your eyes, like the grey twilight.
If I made it clear that I love you, would you set your hands in mine?
We have met before, and we shall meet again, melamin.
~ An Elvish Admirer

I think the “Elvish Admirer” just made it clear who he is. Better not tell anyone who lusts after him, which is, what? Half of OFUM?
Later:
Dance was absolutely wonderful. Danced with Legolas a lot, before he noticed that a red-haired girl began hitting on Gimli. The girl fainted in his arms and Legolas carried her off to bed. Very nice of him, actually.

~~
Miss Cam blinked as she looked at the diary. It was urple, with pages in wilver covered in blello ink. “What in Eru’s good name IS this?” she demanded of thin air.
The thin air was not sentient, so it did not reply.
The incensed Course Co-ordinator stood up, urple diary loosely clutched in her hand as if it might explode. “I need to alert the staff and the mini-Balrogs. This menance must be stopped. Immediately.”
With that, she strode from the empty classroom.

Well technically its the 3rd chappie but the 1st was a prolouge so this is chappie number 2!

AN: im_tehmarster, your just jealous because i can write better than you so you act mean. Thanx everyone who left NICE reviews!!1!

Chapter 2

the so was sitting in his office starin out the window (AN: do they have windows? cant rembemr) when the door flrw open and agent rebecca walked it.

"sir i think theres someone here who knows you" she said.
she steeped aside and there in the doorway was the last person the so ever thought hed see again. "Raven Rose" he whispered.

the Raven Rose walked into the office as if shed always been there. "hi sunny" she said. "did u miss me?"

she came up to his desk and leaned over giving hima passionate kiss. "i knew u werent dead" the so said when they were done kissing. "i knew it."

"who is she" rebecca asked. the so turned to her. hed been so excited hed forgotten she was there. "this is my true love" he said. "we though she was gone but now shes back."

"but i came back for a reson" said the Raven Rose. "we have to stop them, sunny. they're coming."

AN: its getting exciting, huh? plz r+r! And NO FLAMES!

Honest Critic's bio:

I am a naturally talented editor and proofreader with more than a year of experience with story-writing. I know how to avoid all pitfalls and cliches, so if anyone ever needs advice, you are welcome to email me. My stories aim to show how excellent an institution the PPC truly is, and perhaps improve the overall quality of writing on Fanfic Land (which, by the way, should always be spelled as two words, no matter what the site logo seems to imply).

A few tips for all writers:
- Check your spelling and grammar. There is NO EXCUSE for not doing this! If you are incapable, either don't write or ask for help. I am more than willing to provide assistance, free of charge.

- NEVER insert author's notes into your text. This is messy and distracting and always unecessary. If your story doesn't tell us what we need to know, it's a bad story.

- Respect all reviewers. If you are told you need to take the story down and completely re-write it, do so. They know what they're talking about.

~

Title: The Respectful Tale of Canon Correction
Rating: G (Because no story ever needs to include anything indecent.)
Genre: General (What is it with all this romance recently? Once upon a time, the PPC was about improving quality.
Summary: Two agents, Honesty Jones and Charity Whipple, discuss their recent experiences in the PPC Cafeteria, and launch a brilliant plan to restore the agency to its original, pure form.


Agent Honesty Jones, former Bad Slash agent, worked in the Department of Finance and was quite competant. Agent Charity Whipple was active, diligently working to ensure that only the best slash stories were presented to the world at large. The two were friends, and met regularly for tea and coffee in the Cafeteria.

One day, Honesty said, "My friend, I regret to say that I believe the PPC is taking a turn for the worse."

"I agree," replied Charity. "No one seems to care about purity anymore."

"Indeed. I wouldn't be surprised if we were the only two agents left in all the PPC who truly care about restoring goodness and truth to the Word Worlds."

"Honesty, my friend," said Charity, getting an idea; "I have an idea. We should do something about this terrible problem."

"My dear Charity, it is not our place. We should never question Upstairs, no matter how foolish their choices may be."

"My dear Honesty, that is precisely my point. They are making foolish choices, such as allowing agents with obvious mental issues to be partners. If they cannot see that, they do not deserve to BE 'Upstairs'. We should. We should take over management of the PPC."

Honesty considered this. Charity was right, but then, Charity had a tendency to be over-enthusiastic at times when she had consmued just a little more sugar than her diet allowed (Honesty would never say so, of course, for Charity was nervous about her weight, and once had even consumed a glass of alcohol in her worry over it). However, being enthusiastic - or "passionate", as was the more polite term - was not a bad thing, and Honesty decided that her dear friend was right.

"Charity, you are right. The PPC needs a firm hand to ensure its future. We must be that hand. Come; we shall talk to the Department Heads one by one until they conceed to our request."

"Thank you, my friend. However, I suggest we save the Bad Slash Department for last; it is a fine line we Slash agents walk with regards to characterisation. All too often I have found myself forced to destroy many promising relationships that could be legally labelled 'AU' and promoted more worldwide peace and harmony with regards to the issue of personal sexuality."

"You must always be careful, Charity, not to let your good and noble intentions blind you to the issues of characterisation. It is a true shame that so few original story writers are brave enough to face criticism for including bi- and homosexuality in their stories, but it is not our place to allow poorly characterised stories to continue to exist simply because they 'even out' the overall bias towards heterosexuality."

"Indeed, you are right Honesty; I simply grieve for those poor, unfortunate souls who will remain in True Angst forever. Perhaps we should also consult with the Department of Angst..."

"Charity," warned Honesty firmly, "not yet. First we must ensure that the PPC itself functions properly. Then we shall see about changing policies."

"You are right, of course," said Charity. "Let us begin our journey. I suggest we see the Sunflower Official first..."

~ End of Chapter One ~

(AN: OMG its been 4ever! But don't worry, becauds I m back! And I'm going 2 conitue my story! Bur firtst, reviews!

JayBird: Thanks! Whuts a betta? I dont know either, lol.

kawaiiichisgurl4eva: I dnno, lol, ul just have to wait an c!

Lady Cyskia: I kno rite! its unfair. but Arora has sonthing up her slecve! THANKS!)

Aurora walked don the halls of HW with her new flashpatch! which she got from the Marqwuis. She was happy and prud bcus she was going to help him. But 1st she had 2 find herRC. It was 89 (AN I dnno if any1else has that 1, so sorry if they do!) and it was n the Deparment of...

Mary Sues!

She didt like the SO 4 being mean 2 the Marqwuis, but she wanted 2 kill sues, bcuz sues SUCK. She patted the cactus flashpatc on her shoulder and whistled 2 herself 2 find her way. But she didn't get there. She was in th rong hallway! And then she herd a vice in her head, and it said...

(OMG, another cliffie lol! But srsly, idk how 2 do the slanty words, culd some1 plz tell me? Thanks!

XOXOX)

WOW this is so amasing!!!!1!!!

Folwer school

"OMG math is soooo boaring" said the clover "Yeah " said the queens anns lase (A/n in this story they are bf ok?)"and teh teacher isn;t evet cute!!" "yeah its like totally lamwe" sid the clover (A/n in thios story she kind of talks like a vally girl). Suddenly the SO showed up "hey girls ru coming 2 the football game 2nite?" "of course" said the clover "i'm going 2 b there with the cheer team" "Cool said the so "you titally lok hwat in ur cheerleading outfit!" the clover blushed (A/n i know they r flowers but in my story thet can blush ok?") hey said the so do u want to make out with me if i win?" teh clover blushed some moe "ok " she sad.

A/n end of chappie 1!!1!!! OMG what is going 2 happn? plz r&r but no flamz! flamrz hav no life! i rote this at 4 in the morning.
i won't writ more unless i get at least 3 reviews!!1

I'm not going to write C**t of the S**t C****r stuff anymore, but rest assured, I have other ideas!

Genre: Romance, Rating: R, Summary: Lori Starrett vowed to never love another. But what happens when she meets Eledhwen Elerossiel? R&R please. No flames.

Discovering Love
Chapter One: The Meeting
Lori Starrett sang a happy tune as she melodically drifted down the corridors of HQ in a long forest green dress. Her sparkling auburn hair drifted in the wind and her voice was like the trilling of a thousand nightingales. Her skin was as pale as porcelain and her eyes as green as the leafy halls of Mirkwood, home of her former lover, Legolas Thranduillion.
She sighed as she remembered her former love, who had left her to go to the Grey Havens. In her sadness, a single, pearly tear slipped down her porcelain cheek . “Oh Legolas,” she sighed wistfully. “I will never love another ever again.”
(Author’s Note: Just pretend she never met Bill Fallis.)
Lori had been recruited by the PPC for her skills as a healer but instead of working at Medical she preferred to spend her days in the everwhite labs of the Department of Mary Sue Experiments and Research. There she was an excellent scientist, discovering many things about Mary Sues and adding to the PPC’s knowledge about them. She would have been the new Lab Director or even Department Head, but she modestly turned down the offer.
But now as she walked the halls, she suddenly collided with someone.
“Ouch!” an equally melodius tone exclaimed.
“Who are you?” Lori queried.
“Eledhwen Elerossiel,” the elleth replied. She had dark hair as mysterious as midnight and grey eyes like those of Legolas. “Who are you?”
“Lori Starrett.”
Eledhwen smiled. “The best scientist in HQ?”
“I don’t know.”
“You are. That’s what everyone says. And I think I’ve had quite a crush on you ever since you were recruited.”
The tears welled up. “But I cannot love another! My heart has been given to Legolas of Mirkwood, and he hath forsaken me. I shall spend the rest of my life grieving for my lost love.”
Eledhwen looked at her sadly. “My lady, my heart doth grieve for you.” She reached out and took Lori’s hand. “But I have loved you, too. Try. Try to love someone else.”
Lori bowed her head, saying nothing but feeling much.
Author’s Note: Please read and review! I hope I have Lori and Eledhwen in character!

(I'd like to join the game and mock Suethors who purposefully write Sues/Stus because they consider them "creative characters" and love them. So, here goes:)
Username: PrincessxKatricia
Bio: Hi!!! I love to write lotsof stories abuot the PPC!! The PpC is so awsome!!! And yeah, I like wrighting about Marry Sues but their my own characters so there!! I can write anything I want!!! Please review my stories!!!! No flames!!1

Hi it's me again and as you can see I learned a few thigns like putting better spelling into things and some of my friends got me into slash a little while back so I thought i'd write something about a couple of hot Agents.

Summary: Kelvin is lonely because he wants to find his one True love but he has to hide his real preferrences but could one person from StarWars change all that?

Category: PPC

Rated: 15 maybe M for later chappies

Chapter one

One day in Hq there was this really hott Elf called Kelvin and he was really cute and everything because Elves always are with long black hair that was always soft and smooth and deep grey eyes with the light of the stars in them like elves have. He had lots of problems because he was so cute and all the girls in Hq wanted to get together with him andn be his one True love bcause elves are only supposed to marry once ever. But Kelvin could never find this true Love amongst the girls and this made him sad because he was so lonely but it wasn't his fault because he secretly liekd men but he couldn't ever say that because it would make the girls ssad and he was too nice to make them sad.

He was walkign down the corridor whent he nearly walked into somebody comeing the other way but he didn't of course because elves are too graceful to walk into somebody. “Oh I;m sorry,” he said, “I didn’t see you there”. “Are you all right”?

“Yes I;m fine thankyou”, said the other person and Kelvin looked at him for the first time properly. The person was not human because he had pink skin and purple hair and vivid purple eyes but he looked very handsome anyway.

“Hello who are you”? “I haven’t seen you around before” the Elf commented.

“My name is Cavan and I’m a Zeltron from Star Wars” was the reply. “Who are you”?

“My name is Kelvin Talathion and I used to be a minor Stu but I was saved by the PPc”.

Kelvin could feel an attraction to Cavan imediately because he was so handsome and he moved closer and looked around to make sure none fo the girls who followed him around were nearby because he didn’t want them to see how attracted he was to Cavn. And Cavan smiled at him and put one arm around his waist and said “Would you like to come back to my place”? becaus he was attracted to Kelvin as well. The Elf looked at him and he was a bit worried in case they were seen but Cavan just shrugged and said “Im a Zeltron and we make friends with everybody so dont’ worry about it”.

So Kelvin said “Okay” and he went back to Cavan’s rC with him and they went in and closed the door and began to kiss because they both felt so attracted to each other and kelvin knew he’d found his one true love but they were interrupted when the door crashed open.

Standing there in the doorway was Cavans partner Rilwen and she hated him because she knew he was really gay and she thought that was wrong because she didn't think men should be in love with each other but women were all right because it was prettier that way and she was in love with Kelvins partner Lyra.

“HOW DARE YOU DO THIS IN OUR RC”‼‼‼! She shouted at Cavan and drew her lightsaber to kill them both.

[[And ohgod this one's painful. I apologise to everyone who may get LxC flashbacks from my punctuation. This was originally planned as a badfic-alternative to this: http://lady-rilwen.livejournal.com/19028.html ]]

A/N: So here she is again -- JAYCACIA THORNBYRD!!! She's back at last in an ALL NEW AVDENTURE!!! Hope you ENJOY and please READ AND REVIEW!!!

Chapter 1 -- Break

Jaycacia Thornbyrd stood in the Committee Room and breathed deeply. "All right," she said. "I'm ready."

Do you truly understand what is asked of you? a mental voice said out of the darkness.

"I do," Jaycacia replied. "The survival of the entire PPC rests on my actions here and now - on my sacrifice."

There will be no going back, another voice told her. Once you do this, you will never be able to return to who you were.

"I know," Jaycacia affirmed. "But if I stop now, what life I have will be one of misery and suffering under a cruel master."

It will be incredibly painful, a third voice said gently, both during and after the transformation.

Jaycacia smiled grimly. "Death is more painful," she said. "Death is forever."

Then so be it, a fourth voice said, one she knew very well. Beloved, your sacrifice will be remembered.

"I know, husband mine," Jaycacia told the Sunflower Official. "Thank you."

Let us begin, a fifth voice said with grim finality. Please enter the circle...

*-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-* *-*

One Day Earlier...

Jaycacia laughed as she hugged the SO around his stem. "Oh, my husband," she exclaimed, "you are the greatest!"

It's not much, the SO replied demurely. It's only your due as the greatest Assassin in the history of the PPC.

"Oh, now there must be more to it than that," Jaycacia retorted. "I've been the greatest for years. Why now?"

"Haven't you checked the date?" her mother, Jay, asked. Jaycacia frowned.

"Well, it must be... oh!" She blushed. "It's the first of Jaycaciamonth!" (A/N: I figured time is a mess in HQ, so they can't use normal months, right? So they named the months after their favourite people, like Jaycacia, Jay, the SO, Makes-Things, and I guess some others. Innit cool? *-*)

That it is, the SO confirmed. And as you know, Jaycaciamonth starts on the day you finally defeated the evil Acacia Byrd - he paused to spit on the ground - for good.

"So we thought you deserved a reward," Jay told her, grinning.

Jaycacia smiled wider. "My own statue..." she breathed.

To be unveiled in one week, the SO informed her. And that's not all. You also get a holiday.

"But I thought we never got holidays!" Jaycacia exclaimed. Jay grinned.

"Normal Agents don't. But we're assistants to the SO, my darling - he can make all the exceptions he wants."

And I think a week off will do us all good, the SO said. I've already set up a portal to a little place I know. A secluded woodland glade, a pool fed by warm springs, fruit trees on every side... and beds of earth softer than any feather mattresses.

Jaycacia smiled knowingly. "Just the three of us, then?"

Just the three of us.

"Then what are we waiting for?"

~

"Salve, Acacia."

Acacia Byrd jumped so high she nearly dropped the bowl of dates in her arms. "Jay?!" she exclaimed. "But..."

"Hi, Acy," Jay said, waving. "How was my Latin?"

"Absolutely appalling, to be honest," Acacia said. "But, what are you doing here?"

Jay shook her head disappointedly. "You haven't been paying attention to the calendar," she said, and held up a sheet of paper. "I thought you'd like to know that Miss Jaycacia Thornbyrd is up to her old tricks again."

Acacia winced. "'Like' is hardly the word I'd use," she said. "What's she doing this time?"

"Oh, statues, months named after her, erotic holidays with myself and the SO..." Jay shrugged. "The usual. You seem to have stayed dead, though."

"That's a relief," Acacia muttered. "So... oh, look, do you want to come inside? We can sit down with some dates or something and chat."

Jay grinned. "I thought you'd never ask."

(Hi all! Your friendly lurking lazy agent, Mystia Argent here. This here'll be my badfic writer.)

UN: MystikalLuvrrRr
Bio: Hi, everyone! I am the MystikalLuver (the more Rs the more love, hahahahha). I rite stores about the PPC and how the agents kill Sues or destroy badslash andte like. I goti nto te PPC vry very recently and fellin love!!! thyer so cool, protecting anon from badfic writers.


(having a new laptop actually helps with being a badfic writer, I keep mistyping! The key is just to not go back and fix it.)

A/N: Yes, I Know I have been long Away. Still, here is more of my Story. Again, no Flames!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/<br>
She had waited so Long. And then, she saw Him amid the blaekness of the Corridors.
he was so Handsome. This was her First thought, that his Radiance might better suit a god.
So tall and Pale with hair of the same Raven Hue as her own, and deep mysterios Eyes of Midnight black. Could he be like Her, she wondered?
"my Lady," his Voice was so deep and smooth. "I saw you there and saw the Sadness in your eyes and wonderd if I could lift it away from you. you are so Beautful, and the beautiful should never know such sorrow."
"My Lyfe has been sorrow, kind stranger." She looked at him with hope arisng. "But Maybe you could help me. What is your name."
"Gezeraxion Frostheart, Lord of the Shadows. all the world to me is Blood upon snow until I saw you. You melt the Frost in my heart fair lady. Tell me your name, I beg you."
"I am Ellerianniel Darkrose, Raven Lady of Sorrow. Or I was, but my Sorrow vanishes around you."
He kissed her, his arms aruond her, his Skin as smooth and Cold as her own. Yet they felt Heat, for it was only Mortals who Truly felt them as Cold, to each other they were perfect.
He swept her up and carried her to his RC, all painted in black with Blooodred bats painted within. And then they spent all Night together proving that they truly knew Love and that they need not fear Death at each other's Ivory Fangs. (A/N: Gezeraxion and Ellerianniel are too Noble to write Smut of this Scene. I aologise to any Readers who were expecting it.)
it took Days for any to seek them, before one who was Jealous that Gezeraxion had taken the Love of one so beautiful told the flowers, nd the Vampyres were told they must not see each other again in case they left the PPC to live in their Destiny elsewere.
Ellerianniel Wept, her Tears of Blood like Ruby crystals, and Gezeraxion plaeded that they not be parted, for they had gone so long without love. Then they said that if they were parted, they would walk into Sunlight, for Death was better than losing this Love.
The Flowers saw how true their love was and relented and they became partners, and for Eternity after, they were Great and famous Agents whose Love was a legend, and were never Lonely again.
And they did not Care that they never saw the Sun, because they were both so much Fairer than sunlight could ever be, so that alll admired them and the Pure strength of their everlatsing True Love.

The End.

/\/\/\/\/\/<br>A/N: And now it is Done and their story is told, and your Comments are Welcomed to greet the lovers in their story.

Name: Lilith Wydenbrooke
Bio: May Gobernon. I'm Lilith Wydenbrooke and I write fic for OFUM (and some other OFUs) and the DMSE&R at the PPC. I think I write really good stories! My BFF Lauriea says they're totally terrific and that I make everyone in character, and that my Original Characters are totally believable! I love writing fanfic, so please read and review!

((note to hS: I'm going to mock the Suethor-In-Denial. Namely, the one that uses decent grammar but is still a badfic writer. And the fanfic before this is rated K, the genre is Romance, the category OFUs, and the summary is "Lilith Wydenbrooke is the Cinderella of OFUM. This is her story, R&R please. No flames." Sorry about neglecting to include the info; I was too excited about the Game being up.))

Masquerade of OFUM
Lilith Wydenbrooke would not exactly be the pride of the students at OFUM, but she was for the teachers. She did her assignments accordingly, never tried to sneak into the staff section, yet could be just as evil as Elrond if provoked.
She was an elf, not for attracting Legolas, but because the thought of being wise and immortal appealed to her.
She had long hair as dark as midnight and eyes that were silver and mithril at the same time.
It was a pity that she rarely showed her face, for 99.999999999999% of her spare time she would be reading. Therefore, many of the students dubbed her ‘mini-Hermione’.
The Yuletide ball was approaching swiftly, and soon tongues began to wag about the ball, and most importantly, what they were going to wear. Lilith blissfully avoided the chatter and arguments over materials and accessories, and who was taking whom. Sadly for her, if the other girls weren’t busy devising plans to ask their lust objects out, or arguing and chatting, they were mercilessly teasing her.
“Poor Lilith,” sneered Rosalie Berthilide Evangeline Eglantine Pottermalfoy Sparrowturner Hawkesbury, who was the most Mary-Sueish girl in OFUM, “it’s such a shame that you read. You look as if you didn’t know there was a Yuletide ball.”
“Mini-Hermione’s only fit to go with a book!” crowed Rosalie’s friend Legatine Greenwood, wrinkling her dainty nose.
Lilith paid them no heed, though deep down she was miserable.
The staff seemed to decide that a three day trip to Minas Tirith would give the students enough time to get a dress and accessories, or to get one done by a seamstress. All the students thought it was a break from studies. They strolled around the city like one would do at a mall.
Legolas, the much fangirled and stampeded Prince of Mirkwood, chanced to also be shopping at the same time. Excited girls followed him everywhere, hoping for a date. Their eyes seemed to gleam with anticipation when they noticed him buying a diamond ring at a shop and they wondered who it was for. They also saw him buy a beautiful green dress with matching green dancing slippers and excitement grew to its height. Then he headed into a pub and sat down, weary. The barmaid bustled over, and countless giggling girls found themselves squeezing into nearby booths.
Lilith came in, with a book as usual, but she wasn’t reading it. She dropped into the seat facing Legolas and then started.
“Were you expecting someone?” she asked him, eyeing the bags of purchases.
“No, not at all,” replied Legolas, waving a dismissive hand.
Lilith nodded. She carried the signs that she had been crying.
“Why do you weep?” asked Legolas after a while.
“Those other girls at the University. They tease me so,” Lilith didn’t know how it happened, but soon she found herself pouring out her heart to him. “They call me ‘mini-Hermione’, and I do know about the upcoming ball! Why do they think I do not? What is it of their concern why I read? Why can’t I be left alone? And then one of those empty-headed girls that lust you had to go and tell me that I ought to be dating a book.” She sniffled sadly.
Legolas was taken back. Lilith was always so calm, so collected, compared to this sad little creature, at least. Out of sympathy, he shyly patted her hand.
That night, Lilith went to bed with hope in her heart.
It was the night of the Yuletide Ball, and Nimloth, Lilith’s roommate, had gone to the room across from them to borrow a hairpiece. Lilith flopped down on her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She had decided the day before that she was not going to the Ball simply because she didn’t want to spend the evening in the company of giggling fangirls in pink. Also, she didn’t have a dress.
Nimloth came back in with the hairpiece and got herself dressed to the nines. Snickering something about “mini-Hermione would rather stay in and snog books, wouldn’t she”, the pesky fangirl left for the ball, evidently trying to catch Legolas’s eye.

Lilith sniggered at her roommate’s back. The staff had conveniently “forgotten” to tell the students that it was going to be a masquerade, so there wasn’t much of a chance to tell Legolas apart from the others.
“Lilith!” The girl’s head snapped around to see Legolas, dressed rather dashingly in blue, with his face concealed behind a mask. There was no mistaking his voice, though. “Are you not going to the ball?”
“No,” replied Lilith. “I don’t fancy spending my night surrounded by the likes of Rosalie Berthilide Evangeline Eglantine Pottermalfoy Sparrowturner Hawkesbury.”
Legolas grinned. “They wouldn’t recognize you if you have a mask on. We DID fail to tell them that it was to be a masked ball.”
Lilith sighed. “Maybe. But I don’t have anything to wear.”
“Done and done.” The Prince of Mirkwood disappeared, but not before some bags were sitting on the windowsill in his stead.
Lilith peeked into the bags and discovered the contents. Grinning to herself, she prepared to arrive at the Ball fashionably late.
“Nobody ever told us that the ball was MASKED!” screamed Rosalie Berthilide Evangeline Eglantine Pottermalfoy Sparrowturner Hawkesbury.
“Oh, how are we ever going to find Leggie in this mess?” gasped Legatine Greenwood.
Suddenly all heads turned and a sudden stillness fell over the room when Lilith made her entrance.
Her whole being gave off a pure, wholesome light. Behind the delicate apple-green mask with the embroidered flowers, mithril eyes sparkled with a previously unknown radiance.
Legolas saw her from the other side of the hall, and slowly walked towards her as if in a dream.
“May I have the pleasure of this dance?” he asked her quietly as he kissed her hand. Rosalie seethed. Lilith smiled.
“Certainly, dear masked Prince.”
The End!
Author's Notes:Please review! It's my first story and no, Lilith is not a Mary Sue! :D

[*shrug* I have some time to kill today; might as well imitate those ridiculous authors who post ten things at once, assuming my creativity can keep up...]

AN: i didnt get 30 reviews you MEANEINGS! bt b/c im such a nice persun ill giv u da seqel nyways!

iza (u know, de evil bad slashr who tried ta brek up sedri n jonothan/caspian?) wuz sittin in her rc broodin b/c sedri wuz hapy w/jonothan n she was back wrkin in bad slsh and she hatd it b/c who WOULDNT hate 2 wirk in bad slash al day n watch thos stupd autor s make cut guys kiss EACH SOTHER ALL THE TIMEW? (a/n EWWWWW!)

de floweds had snt isa to bad slash bcause shewuz evil 2 sedri so iza desided she had 2 kiol sedri

sedir an jonothn wre in deir RC (#1830 bc iza ws kiked out the y got it al to thsm selves!) bein all hapy & cuddly& kissy & kawaii when iza stromed in w/ a flamthrowr & tried to KILL TEHNM!

jonothn saw wut was hapening in time n pushed sedri outa da way but wsn't fast enough 2 sav imself & IZA KILLED HIM!

& sedri lurked @ da body of hr luver and sudenly got real angry (a/n which she NEVER did b/fore bcause shes such a nice prson!) & jumped over n kiled iza with da flme thrower & iza screamed and bleeded and DYED!

then sedi cried n cried n cried over da body of her jonothn and all the pcc wuz sad 4 her and da flowers decided tat bcuuse she wus so gud she could go in2 narnia an marry teh real caspian (a/n u know cus jonothn wus oringinly a garystu but sedir rescud him?) n she did an she becaem queen of narina and lived HAPLY EVAR AFTA!

THE END!!!!



[Shudder, squirm, rinse, repeat... Ick.]

Rated:
Genre:
Characters: Makes-Things, OC

a/n amkes things SHULDNT HAV DDDDDIIIIIEED! GGRGRRRRR 2 DA IDJIT WHO ROTE DAT STPID IDAE!

1 day iin th ppc som idit desided 2 kil makesthings bt smehow (AN NO ID ON"T KNW HW B/C I DINDT READ DA STPID THIN ALL DA WAY THRU!!!!) a magik gurl named ALjArinna Siti mylong thinkalong sved him and dey got amrried and lived HAPLY EVR AFTA!

SOTHERE!@!!!!!!!@!!!




[By the way, hS, are you going to add FFN's new touches to FanficLand? Involved character listed in the specs, and so on? I've included those details here for you just in case. :) Thanks for starting this again!]

More accurately, I would like to make a note before people get really into it that I am not in the least bit comfortable with any of my Agents or character concepts being used in this. I know, it's arrogant to presume that anyone would want to, but I just wanted to make it clear just in case, sorry. Just so that people know I'd really rather not only sit out of this, but not have my characters involved. Hope everyone else has fun, but I wanted to lay this down just to head off the chances of anything happening. Sorry.

A.N.: i know i've been gonn for a long time but I'M back now n with lots of new story n bettr formattin!!!!!!

luv in hQ chappie three!!!

"HIYAH!" screemed brenden as he blasted throo the wall wit his ninja skillz.

"holy carp!" yelled the Markee an Krista broke free of teh ropes n hled a flamethrower to his hed.

"u r under arrest!" she growld and marched him up to teeh office of the SO: UPSTAIRS!!!1!

"my luv u r so brave!" sighed Brenden n Krista say "I know".

DONT FORGET 2 R&R BCUZ WE R NOWHERE NEER DONE YET!!! :DDDDDD

but happy birthday.

Have a mark I K-9!

(person I'm only vaguely familiar with but I presume is important).

Have an immortal Cute Fuzzy Thing. It could be any given cute fuzzy animal at any time, just so you know. Food just makes it happier, but it isn't strictly necessary. But happy cute thing=good.

*noms loads of ice cream and runs*

This one is Russian and very huge. Watch the parking spots.

And watch for three Agents swooping on the food. There won't be anything left after them. KRISPROLLS STOP IT!!! SOUTH AND WHATEVER, SAME FOR YOU TOO!!!

Bring on the ice cream! And while we're at it - Convenient Cake for all. :D

*Wolfs down like there's no tommorow*

Happy Birthday! By the way, here's an Anti-Lustin blade and daggers, just in case you have a stalker.

Here, have an otter plushie. Soft, cuddly, and abso-freakin'-lutely adorable. ^_^

*dashes for icecream*

*eats ice cream* Not silly at all. Congratulations!

May it be filled with merriment and frolicking and the like.

So how old does that make you? Past the safety line of "I can now never be a teenage mother"? Old enough to get up to all manner of things?

*hands out titanium sporks for ice cream eating*

Ohhh, ice-cream... *nom nom nom*

And as you're a year older, I present you with your very own sling, a sack of pebbles, and a basket of Bleeprin-berries.

*munches on your homemade ice cream* Here is a brand-new Spork Collection just for you on your birthday. Use it wisely and with care.

(augh, a welcome break from pretending to be a badfic writer. The bad grammar and spelling, it hurts! :P)

--Mystia, happy