May 2009 Archive, part c

Hooray, more Veridian and Steve stuff! That actually sounds like a comedy team. And I'm not ashamed to admit I've been waiting for the rest of the JP mission.

b n nb nb n b b
i think this should express some of my anger!
as for starclan, they are technically not invincible. I would recommend using a verrrry large quantity of high explosives. *checks fic again* HOLLYSTAR???? BURN IT! BURNITBURNITBURNIT *twitches violently*
I see LOTS of charges. lots of them. kill it. with fire. and explosions.

*bangs head against wall, keyboard and other hard objects* Can I kill it? Or do you want to join the Warriors division at least part-time? Either way, Kierra wants the pelts to make a far too brightly-colored rug out of. Why do people do this to us? I advise, since it seems to be a live clan, or at least acts like one, steal any redeemable cats, and then blow the place up. I don't care if they are dead, somebody is going to kill them again. If they have somewhat canonical names and aren't complete sues, Nocia can work on rehabilitating them. Also the kits might be okay if they don't have stupid fur colors or if the canon snaps them to regular cat colors. *stabs pillow in lieu of fic's author*

and technically, no longer a part of that universe.
Detonate the Reality Bomb. >D

The cats of StarClan are already dead. You probably need some sort of weapon that can get rid of ghosts.

You could get them all in one place, yell the charges at them, then throw some sort of bomb.

I do so hope you enjoy your time on this adorable blue and green sphere as much as I have.

Have a winged kitten and an evil cheese stick!

Here, have some catnip in a graduated cylinder. :]

have some C4 plastic explosives. they don't explode if you simply light them on fire, so they are a good replacement for a stove... just don't stomp on it. last person tried that was injured pretty bad

The cake will taste like your favorite flavour, and the Towel is good for cleaning up any messes (well, spilled blood, at least; we're not yet sure about other fluids).

As the others have already said everything of importance (and I swear, you're getting far more interesting welcome gifts than I did ~two years ago), I'll leave it at that.

And watch out for the random silliness!

Have...an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and hey, it whisks eggs! It's also pretty useful for author wraiths and those pesky trolls. Use it for good and not much evil.

Welcome to the insanity!

Here's a cool coupon to get a free item at the Raven Armory. It's nice to meet you.

Incidentally, Luxury is coming!

Seeing as nobody's done it yet... *drags out Big Bag O' Links*

First off is the link to the Wiki, a veritable fount of information for a newbie to read through. Especially helpful for you if you want to write missions would be the page on Permission (note the capital P).

I would advise against reading any Legendary Badfic, unless you are of strong mind and stomach. Even the summaries have been known to give those of weaker constitution nightmares.

For your reading pleasure, not knowing what you have already managed to find, I have several links for you. The Original Series (not to be confused with Star Trek) is a good place to start, as the PPC did many aeons ago. What do you mean I'm exaggerating? The Department of Geographical Aberrations is another interesting place to visit, if you have the time and inclination. Also by hS is the Tangled Webs site, which contains backstory for the PPC as an organisation. If you would rather visit the Floaters, then July's site is the place you need to be. And last, but most definitely not least, Response Centre 45 is where Trojie and Pads' missions are archived.

Hope you enjoy your stay here. Please deposit your sanity into the container offered to you by another Boarder; you won't be needing it here.

Feel free to stick around, in fact, we encourage you to if you want to do so~.

Have an Unusually Upgradeable Chainsword. It is, as the name implies, much more upgradeable than a standard chainsword. That may or may not include laser blade tips, a flamethrower (although there is a rather convenient slot for flamethrowers), or a limitless power source of unspecified origin.

Welcome to the PPC! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *holds out bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* We don't tend to have much use for things like that here. Also, here's a minion. It's a very small one and probably isn't very useful, but it is a start to your Horde.
-Mad Maudlin

Here, have a coffeemaker. You're going to need it.

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a Response Center?

Lovely to meet you! Welcome to the insanity.

And as a present, have this bag of pebbles and Random Shiny Object. They're fun. :D

You'll be pushing it. If there's any delays, you'll be in trouble. Victoria -st pancras on the Victoria line only takes twenty minutes/half an hour (did it every weekend last summer), but add ~20 minutes to walk from the coach station.

But, yeah, as hS said, get the Victoria line, and it's a straight trip. Since you'll have already done it one way you shouldn't have to worry about getting lost. Make sure you check the closures the week before hand - they have a tendency to take out the tube you need when you need it, and it's always better to know before you get to the station and have to suddenly backtrack.

It runs in a loop (hence Circle) that goes through both King's Cross St Pancras station and Victoria station. KCStP is linked directly to St Pancras main-line station, and Victoria is half a mile north-east of the coach station. On the way there you'll need to make sure you head for Victoria coach station rather than Victoria bus station (which is local), and on the way back... it /should/ take about half an hour to go round the Circle line, so you should be okay.

Alternately, you could take the Victoria line, which runs from KCStP to Victoria in about a third of the distance. Given how often the Circle line is closed for works, thaaaat's probably a better bet. And faster, too.

hS

None of you has given her bleepka to wash her brain of these "certain fics" which I don't care to imagine. Her, Rose, have a keg on me. *rolls keg toward you*

I like you.


Mine now.

*steals away!*

Have a coffeemaker.

Try them, they're delicious!

It's lovely to meet you. Everyone else seems to have jumped on the newbie-greeting bandwagon, so I thought I'd come and see what the fuss was about. :)

Nice ta meetcha. Here, have a bag of pebbles (excellent for throwing at Sues and annoying people) and a Random Shiny Object.

Have an Unusually Upgradeable Chainsword. It's unusually upgrade-friendly, even extending to a slot in which a handy flamethrower, missile launcher or easily portable maker of much dakka may be placed.

It's one of the goals of the PPC--to kill badfic.

Don't worry. We're all mad.

:)

Also, ignore the babbly about a Newbie Influx - it's not real. Most things here aren't. *cue creepy music* Actually, it's just a silliness brought about by the fact that newbies tend to arrive - for no explicable reason - in big groups at about the same time, and then none turn up for weeks on end. *shrug* Nothing personal, love; just something we notice and comment on, because we are Strange People.

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a Response Center?

have some c4. it might be useful. if all else fails, you can cook stuff with it. don't stomp on it though.

Welcome! Have a winged kitten, and beware senior boarders bearing giant glass jars.

Ah, LOTR, you'll fit in nicely here... heheh... plenty of work for you, too, once your month wait is over.

But let's not get into that. I gift you with a weighted companion cube (don't worry, it will never threaten to stab you) and a sock full of rocks. I'm sure they'll be useful.

Have an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and, miraculously, it whisks eggs! It's also quite handy when dealing with author wraiths and those pesky trolls. Use it for good and not much evil.

Welcome to the insanity! Enjoy your stay! ;-)

Seeing as nobody's done it yet... *drags out Big Bag O' Links*

First off is the link to the Wiki, a veritable fount of information for a newbie to read through. Especially helpful for you if you want to write missions would be the page on Permission (note the capital P).

I would advise against reading any Legendary Badfic, unless you are of strong mind and stomach. Even the summaries have been known to give those of weaker constitution nightmares.

For your reading pleasure, not knowing what you have already managed to find, I have several links for you. The Original Series (not to be confused with Star Trek) is a good place to start, as the PPC did many aeons ago. What do you mean I'm exaggerating? The Department of Geographical Aberrations is another interesting place to visit, if you have the time and inclination. Also by hS is the Tangled Webs site, which contains backstory for the PPC as an organisation. If you would rather visit the Floaters, then July's site is the place you need to be. And last, but most definitely not least, Response Centre 45 is where Trojie and Pads' missions are archived.

Hope you enjoy your stay here. Please deposit your sanity into the container offered to you by another Boarder; you won't be needing it here.

Welcome to the PPC! Here's another Sue-killing weapon. *hands over a special dagger* It comes from the Raven Armory.

Welcome to the PPC! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *holds out bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* We don't have much of a use for it here. I've never met you, but I'm going to hug you anyhow- and here is the Unnatural Axe to aid you in your killing certain fics very dead. Enjoy!
-Mad Maudlin

I must say, this is a good first try! Glad you recruited the sniper. And giving the Eredar!Sue to Kil'Jaeden, that was one of the best things you can do.

-Love, Wik.

Dunno anything about the given canon, though the mission still seems to be pretty good. Nice work. Out of curiosity, just how tall is this Prophet Velen supposed to be exactly? Also, I seem to be unable to find the continuum's mini-type in the mission for some reason or other, probably general inattentiveness...

Is that FFN profile you posted in the guestbook of the Link's Queen shrine really LQ? I ended up there through the Blue Soap archive website for some reason.

Well, if the canon's not actually meant to be dead, and is being killed in the background, I'd suggest one or both of your agents taking a detour and saving said canon. But if worse comes to worst, just get the corpse to Medical quickly.

Then again, I have a few more days before my schoolyear starts, and I do have a very large water minigun with an unmelting ice-elemental stone embedded in the water tank. Even more dakka!

Gaaaah! *splutter*

I'mma sitting this one out after last year's. *heads for the Neutral Shelter*

Must you remind me? I don't want it to be over.

In the meantime, Moar Dakka! *Opens fire with water gun*.

Man! I am gonna be doing SO much stuff this summer!! There's that backpacking trip... then the band concert on the other side of the country, AGH.

Still love summer. More time for storywriting and doing missions, hee.

But for now... *grabs super soaker and pumps it furiously* I call shotgun!

*is waterballooned for a lame joke*

Only a few more days of school for me! And it's a three-day weekend right now! Fun time!

*gives a mug of hot cocoa to Sedri*

I promise, I won't throw any water balloons at you.

*pulls up a large bucket filled up with a bunch of fluorescent green water balloons and lobs one at July*

No exceptions for you, though. You started this. :)

Southern Hemisphere. I have to have my lamps on at 2pm because the clouds are so heavy that it's half-dark. Throw a water balloon at me, July, and it'll turn to ice before impact.

So, I'm imagining Ross Tyler to actually be a miniature (like, foot-high) genderswapped version of Rose. This is an amazing mental picture, this.

You're joking. Right? Right?

Maybe if you want to avoid the whole copyright issue, you could restrict your fictional universes to something like fairy tales? Just a suggestion, and I'm not sure how many people it would appeal to.

The problem, of course (and yes, I know you said not a project, but I'm a thinky sort) is that involving fictional universes brings to pass all sorts of unpleasant licensing issues. Using public domain works brings it uncomfortably close to the works of Jasper Fforde (which I have recently started reading), so my mental telescope can already see a rock on one side, a hard place on the other.

Unless, of course, a bunch of PPCers were able to publish their own original works and then set stories for this in those... but that's a bit over-ambitious even for the Board, methinks.

Anyway. I'd read it (probably the short stories would work best, for consistency), but that's just me.

hS

I haven't written a single real mission for the PPC, and English is not even my first language. Besides, as I mentioned on my LiveJournal account on the off-chance that there's someone who glances at it once in a while, I am already losing interest in the PPC and in the universe created by Jay and Acacia (yeah, I know... that's pathetic). So this is certainly not something I will have a hand in. Just an idea, nothing more.

While reading some of the old missions by Jay and Acacia, it struck me that this stuff is much more addictive and original than many of the professionally written novels you find on the shelves. It is not deep, but it is very funny and light-hearted, and it features great characters in a great setting. Once you start reading, it is hard to stop. The original series is nothing short of brilliant, and even though Jay and Acacia are no longer with us, some of us may have what it takes to aim higher. I'm not saying that a novel written by PPCers would have any success, but getting something published is already quite an accomplishment — and not, I think, one that is out of reach for the best of us.

Though I don't think I could in any way be counted among the best of the PPC.

*is going to send her tall ship characters into this mess. Including the Infernal Trio.*

If this ever does become something, I'd love to take part in it.

Though, I have had ideas about writing a story (not necessarily about the PPC itself) where a race of sparkly, ethereal, perfect monstrosities attempts to spread light and sappiness on the universe, while a small army of 'normals' rises to oppose them. Probably will never do it, though, because I'm working on the original fantasy that has Deuce in it.

I know several of us have tried to get published, at least. I defer to anyone with a better memory than mine on the subject.

It sounds like a genius idea - count me in for a short story or two.

(not that I ever went there), does that mean the forum might not be far behind?

The main site just dying all of a sudden is a Very Bad Thing. Although there isn't much that can be done at the moment as far as I know, so...

*noms some scones, drinks some tea, and abruptly vanishes*

As to the report, I'm working on it, I'm working on it...

hS, off to archive-trawl

Does anyone have the rest of the stuff that was on the oddlots site saved?

http://oddlots.digitalspace.net/PPC/board_constitution.html">here

I've also saved a copy. It's not in its original spot any more, but it hasn't been lost to history.

Here: http://www.misssandman.com/PPC/story.html

The Constitution, however, I can't reach. :( This is Not Good.

Gathering photos would be lovely, though. :)

Just the day before I'd noticed the lilacs and thought about what day it was, but I was busy doing some much-needed housecleaning today. (Well, technically yesterday now.) I do know where all my towels are, though, because a fair bit of my time was spent washing them in the laundry. {= )

~Neshomeh, taking what she can get.

...and I forgot.
*kicks self*

But I forgot to hard boil an egg. Ah well, there's always next year.

That is an awsome idea! I couldn't pinch any lilac on my way to work today, I saw some but it was just out of reach! Ah well maybe next year.

Basically, I think this idea sounds awesome. I love space stories, though my own attempts at writing them usually fizzle.

I'd advise you, since you're writing this with heavy emphasis on the characters, to keep a close eye on them. Characters, especially those who you think you've plotted out their personalities and such beforehand, have a tendency to get away from you and run off in their own direction. You might have to jerk them back into line every now and then.

(In my own experience, Fritz is a good example of this; he's shown himself to be much less worrisome and more aggressive and laconic than I'd originally intended. Some of my older characters also refuse to be pigeonholed.)

That said, I admire you for doing something like this, and based off the character sheet you posted you've got a good strong roster to work with, and a solid premise to build on. If you ever need beta-reading, drop me a line.

Character-driven is good. Don't shy away from that. Just make sure that whatever you show about and between the characters has bearing on the story as a whole. It's easy to get dragged off on tangents when the characters lead the way.

~Neshomeh, speaking from experience.

Also, make sure that any parallels with the PPC aren't carried too far (there can be too much of a good thing) and that the story can stand on its own ends.

Aside from the opening scene, with James Kirk being born, which I have to admit I found a bit cheesy. *shrugs* Could just be me; I have a low cheese tolerance.

The rest was *awesome*. I feel sorry for Archer's dog, though :P

I've loved Star Trek: TNG, DS9, and Voyager, but I saw a few episodes of the Kirk series (and the newer Enterprise one) and just didn't like it. Too young, I guess; it felt contrived. So I went in with fairly low expectations.

They're sort of... gone, now. :D

I think that time-travel was the only reasonable way to make a movie like this without having it nit-picked to death by obsessed fans, and with that in mind, they did a really good job. I think we have to bear in mind that these Professional Scripwriters don't know crud about derivative writing like we do - we've seen how horrible it can be and are jaded by iffy but can-be-done-well concepts like time travel AUs. When that particular revelation came in the film, I grinned and thought something like, YES! That works everything out!

Of course, that gave them leave to demolish Vulcan, which made me very, very unhappy.

I don't like the womens' uniforms either - I would NEVER wear one - but it has the excuse of a 60s canon, so... *shrug*

As for Spock/Uhura, the most volitle issue... it didn't bother me, but if they'd left it out I would've been just fine. The sense of Uhura being put in a relationship because she's the only lead woman is annoying, and as far as I see, they could've picked Sulu or Scotty as easily as Spock, and only chose the latter because he's the most important character. It could've been worse. Actually, I went looking for Spock/Uhura fics to see if any fanfic writer out there could sell me the pairing. So far, they haven't, but maybe they would be more likely to if I found Spock as attractive as the fanbase does.

Nero... wouldn't think of himself as an Evil Overlord, but that aside; no, definitely not. He made many classic mistakes.

If it were a fic, I would caution the author to be more traditional, but then, that is my style, and it has been done quite well. Admittedly, the music and the great visuals hit me a lot more strongly than a description of the bridge as being "clean and white", or whatever.

(And yeah, why did no one start this thread sooner? *is puzzled*)

It was great, and I think the reboot/AU idea is fantastic, because it's going to give the whole Trekverse a new lease of life.

If it was a fic I would applaud it!

The girls having no pants is standard Trek - it is the FUTURE! Therefore we wear skimpy skintight clothing BECAUSE THAT IS THE WAY OF THE FUTURE! (and presumably those who wanted to wear baggy pants were burnt at the stake, or something, I dunno) :P

Time-travel ... good or bad, is hardly a *new* thing in Trek ... Voyager, anyone?

No, he hasn't seen it. But then, if he'd seen it, he might have won, and THEN where would we be? O.o

I believe that was supposed to be an open-cast mine, rather than a canyon. I know, it got me too the first time I saw the film. I was all 'wtf, enormous cliffs?' and then the second time I took notice of the whole chainlink fence and stuff and went 'OH! it's a mine!'

Cheers for the tip :P

- Trojie, still wildly overexcited about this movie and therefore jumping up and down and being giggly and OTT.

I really enjoyed the movie. Like you, I don't know enough about the original series to make a detailed comparison, but it did sound like everything was explained by the "time travel creates AU" thing. Which is really awkward as a plot device. But still.

What I want to know is if they plan to remake the original series. Some of you might be having aneurysms at the thought, but give me a minute. We have better technology now. We have better science, better special effects, and, let's face it, better plot devices than "Kirk gets the girl." We come armed with the knowledge of how the five-year mission goes, so we have the potential for a series with more scientific intelligence and better internal consistency. This could be really cool. I just don't know if anyone is actually planning this, or if they could carry it off.

I'd probably watch it just to see what happens to it.

If the movie were a fic, it would depend entirely on the quality of the writing. If it's well-written, there's no reason for us to bother with it.

~Neshomeh, who decided that if Leonard Nimoy is okay with it, then so is she.

I did not particularly like Uhura's character. She felt to me like she was just the typical 'strong female character' and she didn't actually do anything. But again, that's just my opinion. I did like the rest of the movie and Nero's ship was scary.

The no-pants thing...well, it's canon. At least for that part of Starfleet history. The time-travelling Romulans probably didn't have much impact on military fashion.

Time travel as opposed to an unexplained retcon? Good thing. Time travel that lets Nimoy!Spock give the Vulcan salute to Quinto!Spock? Good thing. Time travel as opposed to just working with the canon that was already there? Meh, not sure.

Yes, but if someone had shown Nero the Evil Overlord List, he would have killed Spock, and that would have made me very sad. And it would have been a very short movie.

The parts of the movie that deviated from canon were all explained as part of the time-travel thing, which was certainly preferable to just disregarding canon without explanation. And I felt that they did a fairly good job at staying true to what the show really meant.

But I plan to. My mom's a Trekkie minus the cosplay, so I'm bound to. I just know that I'll be spending the entire movie reminding myself that Spock's not gonna slice people's heads open.

http://web.archive.org/web/20080126140532/http://oddlots.digitalspace.net/PPC/

Any takers?

The PPC isn't the organization for dealing with the vileness that is a canon 'Sue. Head on over to canon_sues on LJ or Google it and see what comes up. I could not agree more with you about Bella, and you'll find yourself in good company at TwilightSucks.com (http://twilightsucks.com/board/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl?action=im).

It's a published canon. Therefore we protect it :)

Or rather, we ignore it until someone who knows the canon and cares decides to spork the badfic!

We do NOT take out a canon character, even if we think she's a Sue.

Agents Sarah and Alana rock!

I think I remember you. Not sure. Either way, welcome. *hands over Convenient Cake*

Eh; most of us have Sue skeletons in our closet; it's why we are able to make the distinction now. Innocence isn't very helpful. :)

As for Twilight, we're not doing anything; we can't, even if we wanted to, and not everyone does. I'm no fan of it, but Canon Sue or no, it doesn't irritate me nearly as much as you, apparently, and in any case, once it's published, it's out of our hands. Thankfully, no one can make us take on missions for it.

Sorry to be so brief, but I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Cheers!
- Sedri

...I do remember the name. I remember it sounded like a creature from Lord of the Rings Online. :-D

To answer your question: as far as I know, we aren't doing anything. I'm sure there are plenty of works that should never have been published and many of us would love to be destroyed (Eragon for example), but a canon is a canon, and we cannot actually PPC published canons. Sporkings like those done by Kippurbird and MST's are up to you, but as far as I know there's nothing we can do "about" Twilight. The Duty's The Duty, after all.

Hope to see you more often!

"Guessmyname
A CHALLENGE!
Weded May 27, 2009 7:25am
86.29.78.67

Ladiez adn Gentlemen, I haz jus finded a lolcat translator. http://www.slangaholic.com/

Surprisingly enough, iz akshully qwyet gud at eet. It kan translaet nearly anyfin into hilariously childish lolcatees.

naterelly, dis haz spawneded ideaz...

sow heer's mai challenge. Yoo nows awl dat badfic? awl dat *reelee* bad fic, wif moar werdz wron than riet, enough mistakez ta keep teh Authorz gravez spinnin foar anudda millenia or too...
...wud dis tool maeks dem worse, or... bettah?

*grinz evilly adn runz of ta getz moar caffeien*"


hee hee hee

(Since I didn't have anything more creative to dump in the text box.)

Might I point out that #4 is now particularly hypocritical...

misshun Statement: {misshun impussible mewzik playz in teh bakground} Teh misshun uv dis Board iz ta encouraeg teh gudfic, discouraeg teh bad, shaer writin adn comput-arrr tipz, halp owt fellow riterz in needz, exchange opinionz, adn ta nattah awn endlessly abowt efrytin frum lawd uv teh Ringz ta yukky-apple pai. Mmm . . . pai . . .

{drool}

dis webpaeg will self-destruct in thurtee twothz.

{Hidez. Several hourz pass.}

nivvah mind, den . . .

{comz owtta hidin.}

BOOM!

--

Ta compleet awr misshun wifout massively pissin each-uddah of requirez sum rulez. sow . . .

{Clearz throat.}

heer ye, heer ye! (adn awl dat uddah medieval mumbo-jumbo dowz widah-pissin-territory crierz meaow. Foarsooth verily!) We, teh PPC-Boarderz, in ordah ta foarm a moar perfick Messaeg Board, doez ordain adn establish dis Constitushun foar teh well-bein adn sanity (or insanity) uv awl.


Teh PPC Board Constitushun (a.k.a. Da Rulez)

1. Thou shalt luvz thy neighbor az thyself. sow b niec! Treat everywun else awn teh board wif respect!

2. Respect uddah peeps’s opinionz, especially wehn eet comz ta controversial issuez, lieks religion, homosexuality adn slash, or wichcraft. Yoo don’t hafta agreez wif anyoen, uv cors, adn statin yur own opinion iz encourageded, but noes tellin uddah peeps dat deir opinion iz WRON. It’s kynd uv hird foar a opinion ta b wron, considerin dat eet’s hao dat certain individual seez a certain issue.

3. dis sort uv goez alawng wif Numbah 2 . . . noes Flamez Alloweded! (Teh daffynishun uv flame uzd heer iz "A verbal scratch/insult awn a individual.") It’s wun fin ta meaow "I don’t agreez wif yur opinion," ta a person, but entirely inappropriaet ta meaow, "Yoo’re such a flippin idiot foar finkin dat, yoo flippin moron!"

4. Thou shalt maketh yur postz legible. Spell correctly adn uz gud grahmar ta teh betterest uv yur ability. Mistakez will b foargiven, uv cors, but eet’ll b hird foar everywun ta understand yoo adn respond ta yur postz if yoo go, "OMG! I kant believ taht newst movie iz owt! eets sow gr8!"

5. Postz shoodz b keeped frum teh G TA PG-13 range. Keep eet clean peeps. If yoo haz ta meaow sumfin ovah teh PG-13 level (lieks if eet includez cursin or sumfin) giev a warnin at least.

6. Silliness adn insanity iz welcum heer — even encourageded. Feel free ta leef yur sanity at teh door. Most uv teh Regularz doez.

7. serious discusshun iz ALSO welcum heer. Odd, ne?

8. Feel free ta shamelessly plug storeez adn websitez ta yur hart’s content, if yoo finks dey’ll b uv interest teh peeps awn teh Board. We’re in dier needz uv gud fanfic adn entertainment. Also feel free ta post links ta badficz. memebah dat part uv awr misshun iz ta halp authorz improev. Most peeps awn dis board post constructiev criticism in a attempt ta halp teh authorz improev deir writin styel, sow pleez considah dis wehn yoo go review sumoen’s story. seez faar below foar daffynishun uv flamez adn foar moar detailz.

9. newbeez shoodz post at least once ta introduec demselvez (adn ta receiev a bumpah stickah frum teh Offishal Bumpah Stickah Givah or teh Deputy Bumpah Stickah Givah.) Aftah dat, lurkin iz fien, although lurkerz iz likely ta getz BADLY losed cuz we ramble lotz, sow we encouraeg yoo ta join in adn becom a regular yurself. Thar’s binded ta b sumoen heer hoo lieks teh same stufs yoo lieks (since we’re such a diverse group.) adn we lieks new peeps adn fresh meat — er, opinionz. Don’t worriez, teh Regularz’ barks iz far worse than deir bytez. (Although we doez bark lotz, I kan tell yoo.)

10. If yoo dun understand sumfin, dun b afraid ta aks. Srsly! We won't point, laf, adn go "Ha-ha!" wehn yoo don’t nows sumfin. We'll halp.

11. If yoo haz a problem wif a fellow PPC Boardah, pleez tri ta wurks eet owt in privaet emalez. Don’t turn teh Board into a free-foar-awl Flamefest.

12. If yoo kan’t respect udderz’ opinionz or fingz getz too heateded, pleez tri ta keep political/theological argumentz ta a minimum. hoepfuwwy, dat wined’t b a problem, though.

13. If a political/theological adn/or controversial subject staartz owt hokay, but windz up heateded, adn staartz goin owtta controls, everywun shoodz step bak adn calm down, adn possibly abandon teh discusshun if eet seemz dat eet kan’t b continud calmly adn civilly.

14. If sumoen sez sumfin dat seemz offensiev, but yoo’re nawt suer xackly whut dey meaned, aks dem furst, befoar jumpin down deir throatz. Srsly! Dey probably didn’t mean ta offend anyoen. (If dey DID mean ta insult peeps, go ahedz adn jump down deir throatz if yoo lieks.)

15. Thar iz noes ruel 15.

16. Randomness iz seldom a bad fin, az lawng az Da Rulez iz followeded. (Foar a example, seez Ruel 15.)

17. Mary Suez iz generally despiseded adn though most uv teh Regularz will (probably) treat yoo wif respect if yoo lieks dem, dis Board iz nawt teh betterest plaec foar yoo. Srsly!

18. If yoo hates lawd uv teh Ringz, dis Board iz definitely nawt teh plaec foar yoo. Srsly! Yoo’ll find prittee mutch everywun heer in disagreement wif yoo.

19. Trollerz will b ignored or mockeded foar entertainment.

20. memebah ta haz FUN.

21. "noes meddle in teh affairz uv assassinz! Dey iz heavily-armeded adn quik ta angah. adn nawt noticeably subtle."

We teh PPC Boarderz, in ordah ta maeks a LOTR-saef Union, must heerby follow awl teh rulez uv teh PPC Board Pledge uv Allegiance:

I doez heerby solemnly swaer:

Ta defend awl lawd uv teh Ringz fanz adn fanaticz; teh PPC, eets riterz, adn eets fanz; OFUM, eets ritah, adn eets fanz; adn uddah LOTR-relateded fanpeepz in needz or in desperashun, az lawng az I remain a actiev membah uv teh Board. I will halp fellow PPC ADN PPC-Boarderz thumb deir nosez at FF.Net wehn eet actz awl stoopid.

(stoopid FF.Net --)

I will respect mai fellow PPC-Boarderz, despiet whut werdy, obnoxiouz, or udderwyez idiotic shenaniganz dey may doez in deir tyme az memberz uv sayed Board. (Though if dey iz breakin rulez, or bein meaniez, I WILL endeavor ta set dem straight.)

I will follow Da Rulez ta teh betterest uv mai ability, unless by consensuz majority, sayed Ruel(s) iz/iz finded ta b "reelee, reelee stoopid."

I heerby devoet maiself in teh protecshun adn support uv teh lawd uv teh Ringz Plot Continuum, whether dat b by halpin riterz riet bettah storeez, readin adn recommendin gud storeez, writin gud storeez uv mai own, reportin adn reviewin bad storeez, tawkin abowt random Lotr-relateded stufs, or n e uddah wacky methodz. adn I pledge ta blah blah blah . . . blah blah bla blah . . . bla bla blah bla . . . bla blah bla blah bla bla blah . . . adn wif equality adn bumpah stickerz foar awl!

Heer endeth teh PPC Board Constitushun.

Him/her hoo duz nawt agreez wif such turmz noes kan b truly happy awn teh PPC Board. Him/her shoodz theerfoer renounce n e idea uv bekummin a PPC-Boardah cuz true PPC-Boarderz shall nivvah weyvr frum followin deez rulez. n e errant behavior kan adn will b dealed wif by teh Assassinz adn/or fellow Boarderz in a lovin but firm mannah.

adn if dat duzn’t wurks, dey'll maeks yur lief a livin heck! ^__^



*holds her poor, aching head* Oooooowwww.

http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/

Best one is the Redneck version: "legolas by Mary Jane".

The first scene in Celebrian (cut off where the smut starts; I ran that through it, too, but figured I probably shouldn't post it here):

Celebrian standed befoar teh goblin kin, hedz boweded. Her lawng silvah locks hided her faec. Silent tearz streameded down durtee checks.

Teh orcz haded nawt mistreateded her—woe ta n e orc hoo spoileded teh kin’s pleasuer-toy. But teh hem uv her travelin dress wuz wet adn muddied by teh lawng walk thru watah loggeded tunnelz. Her hehr wuz matteded adn her affecshun-appendixez werz muddied, bruiseded adn kut frum menny a tumble in teh dark. Noen uv dat mattered compared ta teh faet dat awayteded her at teh handz uv dis sow-cawleded kin.

"Whut iz dis?" sayed teh goblin kin. Teh lift uv him loin cloth cauzd by teh stiffenin uv him cock demonstrateded full well dat teh kweschun wuz moot.

"A elf-bitch, yur highness, bringed frum teh caev at teh top uv teh pass. We snatcheded her whiel her sleeped."

"wuz her alonze?" askeded teh Kin.

Him yellow, watery eyup gazeded at him captiev. Dowz eyup displayeded a hint uv fear uv elf-warriorz but faar moar dey gloweded wif lust. Elvez wud stawp at nofin ta reclaim a losed woman ta teh orcz. Az well dey shoodz, thot, teh kin contemplatin whut lied in stoar foar dis fien specimen uv elven womanhood. Breakin her ta him needz wud b exquisiet.

"noes, yur highness. But dey haz nawt pursueded awr yet. gardz iz posteded. We will nows if dey com."

Celebrian kud follow deir werdz, foar teh orcz werz a mixeded lot uv big Uruks adn liddill woodz-goblinz adn uzd teh Westron tun ta communicaet. Her hart kud nawt halp leap wif teh remindah dat her husband Elrond wud com in search uv her. adn noes foarce uv orcz kud stay her rescue. Her haded ownlee ta owtlass her captorz foar a liddill whiel.

Teh goblin strokeded teh stubble awn him chin wif a graet claweded hand. Him idly pikkeded teh nostril uv him large pig-noes adn twicheded him pig-earz sow dat teh tuftz uv hehr in teh earz twicheded. Tusk-teef protrueded upward frum him undah-slun jaw.

Him smileded. Him knowed whut her wuz finkin. adn him knowed dat valor or nawt, eet wud taek graet effort foar Elvez ta track dem thru teh maez uv tunnelz. Dey haded nawt idly bringed her thru watah-filleded tunnelz: trackin wuz near impussible.

Teh Elvez wud com, but nawt foar a lawng tyme. adn him wud likely b goen lawng befoar dey arriveded. But if nawt, well, sum pleasurez werz worth teh risk.

"Strip her," him sayed at lass.

Celebrian’s hedz jerkeded up. Her hehr falled awai frum her faec revealin violet eyup undah slivah eyebrowz, a fien small noes adn a tiniez, delicaet mouf.

Someone actually took the time to translate the Bible in lolcat:

http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page

An absolutely god-awful Warriors fic that is, sadly, too short to PPC. It's called 'What if Tigerstar killed Scourge?' and consists of a horribly written battle between Firestar and Tigerstar. Hey! It's about cats, being translated to lolcat! Yay!

Disclaimah:I own nofin. Zip, nada, nofin in dis wunshooted except teh plot.

Whut if floofystar haded killeded Scourge?

Teh final battle against Firestar adn floofystar!

“Yoo stinkin kittehpet! I'll kill yoo befoar yur Clan's vewee eyup, srsly!”floofystar spited

“noes floofystar, yoo won't. Foar I HAZ STARCLAN awn mai sied, adn yoo dun. Yoo may haz bein given teh nin livez uv a leadah, but STARCLAN iz still awn mai sied, yoo Traitor! Firestar hisseded.

“Den let's seez hoo reelee duz haz STARCLAN awn deir sied, liddill retch!” floofystar screameded den leapeded at Firestar. Firestar wuz totally unawaer adn wuz catched of gard. Az floofystar bowleded into him sied, floofystar sayed mockingly “stoopid kittehpet duzn't nows hao ta fyet!” Firestar wuz nockeded off balance adn sended hurtlin towardz THUNDERCLAN.

“Firestar!”screameded Sandstorm. Her wuz abowt ta leap at floofystar wehn Firestar goted up.

“noes Sandstorm. dis iz mai battle.” him sayed calmly.

Firestar practicawly flyed straight at floofystar. Firestar sended floofystar off ta teh sied. Firestar sawed a openin. floofystar haded him stomach faec up. Him runed wif teh speed uv STARCLAN adn rakeded him claw down floofystar's stomach. floofystar wuz mahmentarily in fierce pain, but eet seemeded ta haz lef him. Him rakeded him clawz down Firestar's sied. Firestar goted bak up adn whackeded floofystar in teh faec. Dat lef him mahmentarily stunneded. floofystar goted up adn scratcheded Firestar awn teh noes.

“We iz too even. I needz ta find a trick.” Firestar sayed.

Den Firestar acteded az if him werz defeateded. floofystar yowleded in triumph. Him jumpeded ta deal teh killin blow, srsly. Den Firestar launcheded himself at floofystar. Him hit him awn teh stomach. floofystar goed flyin. Den him lied motionless. Firestar runed up adn bited down hird awn floofystar's neck. Firestar bakeded up az floofystar jerkeded. Den him lied motionless. too livez down, sevun ta go. Den floofystar jerkeded agin adn lied motionless. Him haded losed anudda lief! Him keeped dis up till him wuz awn him lass lief. Den him goted up.

“finks ur sow gud? Well, kittehpet, Iz nawt deded yet, srsly!” floofystar spited. Him jumpeded awn Firestar's bak. Him unnaterelly lawng clawz diged in hird. Suddenly Firestar let owt a yowl. Him lied motionless. Den, him reared up adn hit floofystar hird awn teh ground. Firestar's eyup gloweded wif raeg. Him claweded floofystar's belly hird. Den him hit him sow hird dat him soul probably goed ta DEATHCLAN adn bak. floofystar lied motionless. Firestar haded wined.

“I haz rid teh foarest uv a graet evil. But if I nows floofystar, him will wantz rebenge, even if himz in DEATHCLAN. In teh process, I haz losed a lief. But I still haz eit lef. I will maeks eet.” him telled teh Clanz. Sandstorm runed up ta teh mizzle uv teh clearin wher Firestar wuz sittin. Her lickeded him woundz til Cinderpelt comed adn shooeded her awai. Her attendeded him woundz.

Something good instead.

*wanders off to snicker at the idea of Lolflowers*

(to any fanficranters, this is what sparked me off last night)
Original: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4885653/1/WaitWERE_WHERE

lolcat: http://www.slangaholic.com/lolcat/convert.php?url=http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4885653/1/WaitWERE_WHERE

I blinkeded, y wuz efrytin sow dark in heer, wher wuz anywai...I sited up adn sawed a flash. "Kiri" a meaowin cawleded. I lukeded around but sawed nofin."Kiri" eet cawleded agin.

"hoo iz yoo!!!" I askeded loudly. "show yurself" I demandeded standin up nao, goted into a defensiev stance adn lukeded around.

I heerd teh feminien meaowin laf lightly "awl in doez tyme mai dear, dun worriez will nawt harm yoo" teh meaowin respondeded. I growleded low in mai throat.

"hoo iz yoo, I won't aks yoo agin" sayed angrily, hoo didz her finks her wuz. I heerd her laf agin befoar respondin.

"mai name iz Rakuren doez nawt worriez I iz awn yur sied" teh meaowin respondeded. I lukeded around still tryin ta figuer owt whut wuz goin awn.

"whut iz goin awn heer, wher iz I" I askeded her, hopin her wudn't brush meh of agin.

"I iz heer ta halp yoo awn yur upkummin quest, noes kan show maiself ta yoo yet, but soon I will b yur grate3st talonz...I kan tell yoo noes moar than dat, we will meets agin soon, small-hyooman-torturah b kaerfool..." den efrytin goed wyet.

AHHHH I bolteded upriet adn falled off teh beded. It wuz awl jus a dream, a scary dream but a dream noen teh less. I lukeded at mai annoyin-tickin-deviec 10:30am oh noes wuz SUPPOSEDED Ta meets Wif TSUZUKI ADN SILVAH riet Abowt Nao!!! I panickeded adn grabbeded mai clofes adn runed owt teh door. I staarteded runnin ta teh park wher wuz ta meets mai frenz.

Mai name iz Kiri Tora Doragon Densetsu, iz a lawng name I nows but eet iz whut eet iz. It meanz Misty floofy Dragon Legend, cool hu? I haz lawng dark blue hehr hehr dat goez ta mai hipz But iz uzually keeped in a high ponytail hirdly waer eet down sow I kan fyet wifout eet gettin in teh wai, haz dark lavendah eyup adn a spunky yet calm attitueded. I haz awn vewee strange yet eleagant clofes. I iz a fyteah, iz a black belt, 5th degree, adn I nows hao ta uz menny talonz, lieks ta fyet, I nivvah turn down a challenge unless eet iz sow bad dat considah repulsiev, adn I haz nivvah lass a match, iz 14 almost 15 yearz old adn Tsuzuki adn Silvah a.k.a. Gin, iz mai too betterest frenz, we nivvah go anywheah wifout each uddah. Tsuzuki Gin adn I lieks ta danz adn sin, we iz finkin abowt staartin a band but still izn't suer. I iz teh calm wun in teh group most uv teh tyme, hafta keep teh udderz saen ta a extent, uv cors Gin halpz wif dat. I kan easily hidez mai emotionz, even if dey tear meh apart, nivvah show eet, adn nows wun nawt even mai own betterest frenz, kan tell whut Iz pheelin sumtymez, Iz dat gud at hidin mai emotionz. I nivvah let anyoen seez meh in pain or hurt, adn especially nivvah adn I mean nivvah nivvah EVER EVER let anyoen seez mai tearz, nawt even in teh faec uv death, fear almost nofin, except teh separashun or death uv mai frenz...mai ownlee famley...I iz vewee graceful, sumfin pikkeded up frum Zuki-chan, adn her teachez meh ta danz wif graec, Gin teachez meh ta sin. In return I stay loyal ta dem adn teach dem hao ta wield talonz. I haz a past dat noes kan even memebah, I woek up in a strange plaec adn wuz meeted by too girlz mai age, Tsuzuki-chan adn Gin-chan, telled dem I dint memebah mai past, adn dey sayed dat dey wud halp meh memebah...teh ownlee fin I memebah iz bein able ta turn into a floofy adn a giant dragon.


*shudders* I think it got worse

The original link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4163393/1/Horse_Goddesses_and_Magic_Schools_dont_mix

What the translator gave me: I standed at teh doorz ta Hogwartz skool uv wichcraft adn Wizardry. It wuz a impressiev name ta b suer, but teh hooel “don’t let teh mugglez nows!” seemeded a liddill overzealouz. It wuz also complicateded enough ta b goddess uv horsez (yup I iz goddess uv horsez, yup nows yur jealouz) adn nawt ta menshun dat teh skool wuz co-eded. It wuz diffikult bein a goddess (even though we didz haz supah-coolio majikul powurz) since I'd a lust curse.

yup, a lust curse. mayks evry man fallz madly in “luvz” wif meh. nawt fun. Even sum uv teh furst yearz werz starin at meh funny. It stunk rocks. reelee stinky rocks.

I wuz a “transferrin” student, due ta a “disturbance” frum mai old skool; tri ta keep up wif meh. But moar uv dat latah, eet wuz tyme ta go in. (yoo kan learn moar latah, dat's y dey meaow eet "suspense")

At furst teh entrance uv teh furst yearz wuz teh uzual, everywun welkummin teh poor fresh meat into a furst livin nightmaer, but den I comed in. I comed in lass sow dat teh uddah poor small-hyooman-torturerz maiet akshully getz sum attenshun. But den everywun wuz starin at meh.

At furst eet wuz silence, evry straight man’s eye fikseded awn meh. lemme tell yoo, skared teh heck owtta meh. Den teh sownd uv evry man sighin az dey “falled in luvz”. I discreetly rolleded mai eyup. dis crap reelee goted borin aftah a whiel. Den uv cors comed teh catcawlz, wolf-whistlez, adn evry possible sign dat teh man wuz “turneded awn”. A blond buoy suroundid by too burly-lukin accomplicez wuz makin particularly loud contributionz. kan yoo meaow “embarrassin”?

I blusheded adn hided mai faec beneath mai hehr, grr eet wuz sow annoyin wehn dey did dat. I scurried aftah teh furst yearz, tryin ta disguies maiself amongst dem, nawt eezee wehn ur at least a fut tallah than everywun.

Aftah teh gauntlet uv a walk ta teh front uv teh “graet hall” (pleez, I haz seen sow menny moar hallz mutch largah than dis” teh old lady wif teh funny hat begined ta meaow.

“Yoo will b sorteded into yur territoriez; yur territory will b yur famley. Blah blah blah blah….” I needz ta getz maiself wun uv dem hatz. I thot. qwyet nifty.

befoar I'd reelizeded eet, teh lady wuz meaowin namez owt; teh pathetic foarmerz shuffleded ta teh front uv teh hall, adn werz placeded underneath a old hat. I kud feel teh majik driftin of uv eet, sow knowed eet must haz bein a object uv exceptional powa.

“Siriz Silverbow.” funny hat lady sayed.

I walkeded gracefully ta teh hall, evry single buoy’s eyup awn mai butt az ploppeded down awn teh stool. Teh old hat-fin wuz placeded awn mai hedz, sortin into “territoriez” I suppoes.

Den I feeled eet diggin into mai memoriez, tryin ta penetraet mai mind; sow painful memoriez, teh facez…deathz, srsly. Him faec. Him faec…

I whippeded dat fin off mai hedz sow fast eet wuz a blur. Mai eyup filleded wif tearz…Ceelin Cat I wuz goin ta staart sobbin n e minuet…. omg Him faec…

“Slytherin.” croakeded teh hat befoar eet hit teh flor.

I walkeded slowly ta mai territory table, lettin mai lawng, silky, wyet hehr drift in front uv mai faec ta hidez mai eyup brimmeded wif tearz. naterelly teh lawng table haded bein cleared sow dat teh ownlee spot lef wuz teh wun besied teh blond buoy. Even him accomplicez haded parteded ta allow meh teh “honor” uv sittin thar. Yoo bet yur buttonz I wuz pleaseded (in caes yoo didn’t nows, dat iz cawleded sarcasm).

“Hay,” begined teh blond buoy in a attempteded suaev meaowin. awl male eyup werz traineded ta him, borin deep into him flesh. Teh vieb around teh malez wuz awl teh same: luky!

Needless ta meaow I didn’t boafah lukin up frum mai tear-soakeded D-cupz (yup yoo did needz ta nows mai bra siez, yup nows ur sow totally jealouz) Teh wurd “reject” wuz qwyet obviously nawt includeded in dis moron’s vocabulary, sow him continud ta blab pointlessly.

“I’m Draco Malfoy. I nows yoo’re new heer, don’t worriez; I’ll taek gud caer uv yoo.” I'd lukeded up enough ta seez dat awn him lass werdz him eyup haded drifteded down ta mai boobz. I hates manz.

“Oh, dis iz Crabbe, adn dat’s Goyel.” Draco sayed, lukin up lawng enough frum mai funbagz (yup I did meaow dem dat, yup eet iz kynda insultin, but eet iz a graet vocab wurd) ta gestuer ta him too comradez.
Teh wun cawleded Crabbe mumbleded sum foarm uv incandescent greetin, him eyup glueded ta seez whutevah mai breastz wud doez nex. I akshully lukeded down too, uzually manz werzn’t dis annoyin. Oh. noes. I'd foargotten dat haded a wyet shurt awn; adn mai tearz haded dun eet noes jusiec. Crap. Mai shurt wuz totally seez-thru. adn I iz a albino. dis stunk rocks even worse than befoar.

Teh wun cawleded Goyel didn’t even boafah wif a greetin, him jus sited thar wif him eyup fikseded ta mai chest; wuz dat drool kummin owtta him mouf? I sawed sum uddah manz tri ta maeks a movement ta “win mai hand” but dey werz quikly silenceded by Malfoy’s glaer uv uttah contempt, him eyup returnin ta mai chest ownlee wehn him thot him haded skared awai evry lass traec uv competishun, adn utterly, frenz.

everywun wuz eatin nao, adn teh manz werz foarceded ta luk awai. Aftah lukin around mai territory I sawed a buoy wif hideously ugly glassez adn a odd scar tawkin ta a frizzy-hehred girl adn a red-hehred buoy. Dey werz awl lukin at meh strangely. I cudda sworn teh red-hehred buoy wuz in teh same staet az Goyel (dat uv cors bein teh chest-drool), if a ferociouz luk by teh fizz girl hadn’t skared him owtta lukin. I still catched him sneakin luks. Pervert.

Teh uddah too werz still lukin at meh suspiciously, adn purrhaps wun uv teh teechrz; teh wun wif a big noes adn kynd uv greezee black hehr. Him wuz starin at mai chest too, wuzn’t dat illegal? Whutevah, evry man in mai territory wuz starin, sow I suppoes him cudda a luk too, (iz a vewee, vewee consideraet person) at mai expense.

I turneded awai frum mai observationz ta luk at Malfoy agin. Him hehr reelee wuz astonishingly greezee…certainly thar wuz a environment law against dat? Actin awn impulse I reecheded owt adn toucheded eet. (I hasn’t bein around manz foar a whiel) Eww. It wuz az greezee az eet lukeded. I quikly withdrawed mai hand adn wipeded teh pound uv greaes onto mai napkin.

Seein dat awl teh uddah malez in mai territory werz jealously glarin at Malfoy, him grabbeded meh adn huggeded meh tightly; vewee tightly; srsly, I kudn’t…breef…

“ur goin ta b mai girlfrend.” Him whispered into mai hehr.

I keeped mai affecshun-appendixez limp at mai sied, evry man still starin at meh. Ceelin Cat…whut haded mai impulshun gotten meh into nao?

http://www.slangaholic.com/lolcat/convert.php?url=http://www.freewebs.com/bonsaimallorn4/Legolas.htm

Legolaz wuz ridin alawng teh woodz adn wun dai him finded a affecshun-competitor whapeded in colth sow him goted of him horse adn goed ta teh affecshun-competitor adn den Legolaz sayed"hoo lef yoo heer liddill wun"adn den teh affecshun-competitor jus cryeded adn den Legolaz pikk her up adn hold her adn den teh affecshun-competitor stawpeded cryin adn den Legolaz sayed"yur name iz goin b Laura"adn den Legolaz adn teh affecshun-competitor goed onto teh horse adn goed bak ta teh castle wher him liveded.Legolaz sayed"fathur muddah I finded dis liddill affecshun-competitor in teh woodz adn den Legolaz muddah goted up adn walkeded down adn sayed"hao kan peeps put affecshun-competitor in teh woodsand ta diez".Den Legolaz fathur sayed"we iz goin ta keep her"adn den Legolaz wuz happy foar sumrisein.

I'd nearly forgotten about Bionicle, actually. And congrats to the Penguin family!

Here's the link:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4615680/14/Light_and_Dark_The_Adventures_of_Dark_Yagami

*Dies, then gets Life Noted by random spork bunnies. Made of sporks. He dies again after seeing them.*

"Dark reached round and grabbed the cock from the table. It was seven oclock."

"Few! I thought I was a boner there!"

Also, note how 'lady' frequently becomes 'laddie'. *laughs at the thought of random hermaphrodites popping up*

"The world of the shinigami was very cold except for the hot bits and also some bits that were alright and that was where Dark was because he was the new king of the shinigami."

"All the other sinigami bowed there heads off because they loved him so much in a nonsexy way except the women."

You don't get that kind of Lemony Narrator unless it's on purpose.

"Du’ark gotted up and made some toast."

*dies of laughter*

This one leads to the first chapter:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4615680/1/Light_and_Dark_The_Adventures_of_Dark_Yagami

Get the sporks!

we don't celebrate Agents' birthdays; there are too many Agents, so we'd be doing nothing else, and many of them come from continua whose calendars don't match up with ours.

We do celebrate Boarders' birthdays, however, usually by giving them presents when they announce it as you should have been able to see from the recent birthdays we've had.

Let the party never end.

and my agents are bored; Party Time!

*****

"Drat! Where is that party supposed to be again?" Eesa struggled to hold on to about five bags of party supplies and a generous jug of bleepka as she trotted beside her partner down a hallway. Sive, who held nothing except a bag of popcorn, merely rolled her eyes.

"Response Center 20736. It says it here on the paper."

"Well, where is that? Our Response Center is nowhere near, surely."

One of the bags slipped from Eesa's grasp and spilled its contents all over the floor. Sive sighed and bent down to gather up the dumped items, mainly Silly String and confetti.

“We’ll find it eventually.”

*****

Eventually, as it turned out, happened to be two hours later. After lugging around the party stuff for this amount of time, Eesa felt like her arms were going to drop off. Luckily, this room couldn’t be mistaken for any others. The sign on it clearly read: “RC #20736”.

“Uh… Could you knock on the door, Sive? My arms are kinda full.”

Her partner took one look at the overburdened teenager and rapped on the door twice.

“Why did you bring so much stuff? I just brought popcorn.” Sive asked, rattling the bag she held slightly.

“’Cause I wanted to and that’s why.” Eesa retorted.

No. Just. No. Betty and Archie belong together!

Of a thousand comic nerds.

I swore off 4chan about a month back, but this is worth diving back in to see a reaction or two from /co/.

...Uh...pardon? That's not supposed to happen. I don't think that's supposed to happen.

*mourns*

You mean that they are having a teen marriage?

Oh... They made them grow up. Archie Comics I think will finally die a slow and painful death now.

Leto

Apparently P@L hasn't completely forgotten about her website. Still and all, it's a good thing to have everything saved off -- for next time.

hS

I'd be grateful if someone could switch it to the Claimed Badfic list on the wiki; I don't trust myself to edit it properly.

I'm claiming "Why Mione Hates Ron" from Unclaimed Badfic on the wiki- just a note.

Gambate

Leto

Here, have some chai tea and an aluminum foil beanie.

*hands out Convenient Cake*

And I've read that parody. That was weird. *laughs*

In honour of this, your eighteenth birthday, I present you with a sack of pebbles, your own sling and a basket of Bleeprin-berries - very healthy and deliciously memory-erasing.

but happy birthday anyway!

lol at the parody fic.

It's been stuck on 'cute' permanently, so don't worry about accidentally hugging a stuffed Demogorgon or something. *noms cake and drinks bleepka*

Here, have an Anti-Lustin backpack!

Have an otter plushie! Isso soft...

*noms on cake*

I'm finally doing research for my essay on John Wilmot and his most excellent play Sodom, or, the Quintessence of Debauchery. This has involved looking up attitudes to homosexuality during the Restoration. We're talking 250-350 years ago. Interesting points of note:

Homosexuality was viewed as having great potential in theatre, generally as a means of social commentary or satire. Rochester goes a bit beyond most (and there was a whole lawsuit about obscenity), having sodomy equated with Catholicism.

However, sodomy wasn't viewed as a sin, or against Church doctrine. (That'd be the Anglican church; the play passes comment on Charles II's motives for pushing religious tolerance in Protestant England.) It was just viewed as not the best way of expressing sexual desire.

Plays were generally seen by the upper classes, but there was worry that the themes and ideas within would trickle down to the lower classes, and warp the thinking of a lot of unsophisticated young men.

So there wasn't the "omg sin not normal get it away like NOW!" response, but there was still the idea that youngsters might be getting ideas.

Just thought I'd throw that in, since it's an interesting parallel.

Which to kill every moron in the world with? Hmm... decisions, decisions...

For God's sake, seriously? WTF?

First of all, I should point out that I have no idea what orientation I am. I'm a ''total'' virgin who's never even been kissed. For now, I'll identify as heteroflexible (because Pads thinks it sounds funny).

I'm not exactly a Slash fan, but I think that's more because none of it that I've encountered has been written well at all. If I find a good one, chances are I'd enjoy it regardless of pairing.

I presume that I'd be vaguely uncomfortable with gay people in that, if they start to hit on me, I'll be slightly confused as to how to respond. That's theory as that's not happened to me yet. However, that's nothing bad, because I feel uncomfortable if women hit on me (it happened once :P). I just have no idea what to say, my stammer hits like an anvil dropped from the sodding atmosphere, my head could be mistaken for a tomato. I presume that it'd be the same for gay people.

However, I do support gay relationships and gay rights. I think that Star Trek should have one, even if it's only a minor role at first. No more beating around the bush, an actual proper gay episode. As Gene Roddenbury said "In the 24th century, no-one gives a shit!"

I have at least three bisexual friends, two lesbian and one undecided, on top of my indecision. In fact, the only part of gay rights activism that I don't approve of (that I know about, anyway) is gay couples being allowed to adopt children. This isn't religious fanaticism or mindless homophobia (after all, if I find myself in a homosexual relationship, my views will affect me). This is pity for the child in question. Children can be utter devil-spawn when they want to be. I've bullied to the brink of suicide throughout my life. Can you imagine the type of flak that'd get thrown a child's way if the others found out that they had two fathers or two mothers? I hope that one day, I can support gay adoption, but that day won't be a long time if it's even within my lifetime. That day will only come when homosexuality is accepted for what it is: nothing to be afraid of.

But that's the problem isn't it? This generation's homophobia is infecting the next generation. Our children won't be able to tell that it's wrong if all they see and hear are homophobes ranting mindlessly about shit like this. Therefore, I come back to my original question: P90 or phaser?

Just my two pennies.

I can't believe people still get away with spouting this sort of nonsense about homosexuality being something that should be kept away from 'normal' people.

Here's me. I'm straight (well, probably logically what I am is just someone who hasn't found a member of the same sex attractive *yet* :P). I'm engaged. When I get married, I will find myself with (to all intents and purposes) three mothers-in-law - my partner's mother, her ex-partner who helped raise my partner and is acknowledged by him as his second mother, and his mother's current partner who has recently given birth to my partner's adoptive half-brother. Yes, it's a confusing wee family tree, but they are a happy, stable family. I go round to visit and to cuddle my brand-new almost-half-brother-in-law and it's like being in any other family home. It's not that much different than going round to see my friend (who is a single mother) and cuddle my godson.

Thing that really gets me, right, is that people happily interact with people of the opposite sex all day long without worrying that they're being eyed up. But tell them that someone of the same sex who they're interacting with is gay, and they suddenly start getting worried that they're going to get jumped in the locker-room, as it were.

When I was a girl guide, we had one (1) male leader. He was gay. He was not allowed to supervise us unless a female leader was around at all times (which sort of defeated the purpose of having him as we were really short on leaders at that point in time). For some reason a large number of the mothers got it into their heads that because he was a GAY MAN he automatically wanted to molest their TEENAGE DAUGHTERS.

Wtf? The logic, I see it not. They eventually got him kicked out, I might add.

But then again I get angry at things like national stereotypes and other kinds of sweeping judgements against large groups of people, so perhaps this is all just part of that.

- Trojie, half an hour past her bedtime and it's showing ...

"This is a typical gay agenda propaganda exercise, we should be used to it. It's been going on since the AIDS epidemic started. Trying to normalise homosexuality, AIDS is everyone's problem etc. Get used to it folks!" -Dave

"So if you think it's normal ponder this if everyone turned gay the human race will be extinct in less than 50 years! I for one are turning off home and away shame I did really enjoy it but now I will turn to a good book with an uplifting story. I have very close girlfriends who I absolutely adore but why confuse it with a sex! They should get a life! Shirley" -Shirley

"So as always homosexuals get special treatment (even tho they don't think so). There is uproar when a natural heterosexual couple kiss and make out on daytime TV for kids veiwing but hey, lets put 2 girls doing it and confuse our kids more than they already are! A lot of people get cancer, but does that make it normal?" -Jacqui

*facepalm* This type of narrow-minded viewpoint is all too common. Just look at 'Global warming isn't real', 'L0Lbanz0rz violent videogames!1!!one', and 'Muslims are ALL terrorists'. Might be a medical condition - lack of live braincells, perhaps? First one has extra fail points though, for the 'only gay people have AIDS'. AIDS is most definitely not exclusively sexually transmitted - this one's never heard of blood transfusions or injections, methinks.

I agree with WarriorJoe - I don't mind alternative sexuality, but I'm more comfortable with heterosexuality. Basically, if a gay guy doesn't go after *me*, then it isn't a problem. Although some overly flamboyant homosexuals can be disturbing - but then that's the Philippines for you. Some gay people here are a bit strange, but others aren't.

Australia, you're my home, my native country, and I can't wait to return to you in the summer. SO STOP SUCKING ALREADY.

Luckily a few people still have their heads on right. I like that TV critic guy. Honestly, with all the other stuff that goes on in Home and Away, any parent who lets a child watch it has way more to worry about than GASP the child thinking that maybe being lesbian isn't a big deal. ("But that might give them the courage to come out of the closet! Then where will my denial go?") Honestly, I vaguely remember witchcraft or something when my friends watched it around five years ago. And it mentioned drug abuse in the article.

I hate it when this happens. Not "normal" and "natural"?! *GROWL*

why some others think a religion-free world would have been better. I can't help but think of the line about the wall and the revolution...

On a related note, Britain banned an American minister from visiting due to his homophobic speeches, so there is some justice in the world.

And I agree with you. I dislike slash, but only when it has canons acting out of character or having sex with relatives or trivializes rape or other things like that. I get flamed for this sometimes. One person posted several all-caps flames calling me an immature, stupid, homophobic little bitch on my dA homepage because I had said that I didn't think two certain canons would have sex with each other. Sigh...

Maybe it's just me, but I'm thinking it's the people who get so gloddammed angry about the exist of gay people and characters that aren't natural/normal. They clearly have some issues. (My gay-ness is perfectly natural, thank you very much, and what's so great about being normal, anyway?)

And a "Death to MangoGirl" T-shirt.

The Infernal Trio is going to the party as soon as South's is over.

I'd be happy to help out, after last time, but I'm curious about what fandom it is.

Most Minis of fatal creatures are mostly harmless.

Let me guess...the fic's Merlin/Arthur?

It's popped up in other Arthurian fantasy before. I know I've seen a few literary references here and there. Should probably make a good mini, though.

As for mini-ness, I think they should just lack the bite of doom. Muzzles are a bit risky - they might be forgotten or removed somehow, which might mean loads of dead Agents. Generics just don't work as well.

... Balrogs are canonically giant, evil demons of flame and shadow, but people hug Mini-Balrogs all the time. The attributes of minis are usually rather toned-down from the originals -- that's why they're minis. So a toned-down version of fatal and incurable would be, what, painful?

Anyway, minis don't tend to bite people. Much.

hS