Good luck in becoming an agent.

Not sure if already asked, but what fandoms will you do?

also, Ever hear of something called a Bolo tank?

Here, have a mutated strawberry. You eat it or you can keep it as a pet.

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a Response Center?

We seem to have an influx of new people as of recent. Not that I'm complaining (or have room to complain, since I'm one of them).

At any rate, welcome to the PPC. I'm NovaKrazny, likewise new and likewise eager to get started. As a gift, I present to you a pen. Stainless steel, quick-drying black ink; perfect for writing up charge lists if you prefer to use a notepad.

I present you with a large floofy blue pillow shaped like a English Angora rabbit, made with actual blue angora fur.

After recent events, you'll need it.

Have an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and whisks not only eggs, but spambots and author wraiths! Use it for good and not evil.

Welcome to the insanity!

Here, have a cup of napalm coffee.

And, to remind you of the old days, I give you a bow similar to Acacia's. Make good use of it.

Unless I'm misunderstanding you. Anyway, hello.

Welcome to the PPC! Please leave your sanity at the door...yeah, in the bucket marked "Warg Fodder." We don't tend to have much use for things like that here. I gifteth thee with a shiny bit of crystal (it probably has healing powers or something else New Age-y) and two big black buttons. Enjoy!
-Mad Maudlin

Old ways are good ways; no one's obliged to use all the additional details we've created. :)

Nice to meet you. I'm sure someone will soon give you all the links you'll need, if you don't already have them, so I'll just say welcome, yet again, and that it's nice to meet you!

... we often don't stick to them. You saw that last Wicked mission; there were no Mary Sues, but Agent Sedri took it on anyway, since there are apparently very few people doing the Wicked continuumn. Trojie's in the Bad Slash department, but I hauled her in anyway.

Best advice I have is not to bind your Agent(s) to such a small area. Be a Floater for a while and see what you like best. :)

It'd be a bit pointless to have a department for OOC, since Out of Character is a charge that crops up in most badfics.

Iesu Christos, somebody bothered to write a critical anthropological study of the PPC? And they even cited sources?

WHY?!

I mean, really, if you're going to do something that serious, you might as well write about the Shining Path, or the Pre-Raphaelites, something that actually matters in the real world.

Somebody is taking themselves waaayyy too seriously.

I especially like the dismissal of the concept of standards in fan fiction as "authoritarian," and the presumption that all Mary Sues are parody characters.  (While the trope-naming Lieutenant Mary Sue herself was a parody, I highly doubt that Jenna Silverblade was.)

How much do you want to bet that "authoritarian" is a euphemistic Godwin here?

I really need to get an English opperating system.

Leto

*ROFL*
Yeah, and Betty Crocker was a supermodel. XD

The whole document is so hilarious, my sides hurt from laughing so hard.

Ye Gods, dear Eru, Glaurunging hell and Flaming Denethor. If we're the fandom police, then I obviously mislaid my badge.

It's for our entertainment, not other people's misery.

*goes back to laughing like a hyena*

I actually have some authority in one of the fandoms I "police".

A little while ago someone pointed me in the direction of a possible Suefic. The writing was good, but the premise a little iffy. I pointed that out to the writer and she made some changes to the story. Later, she received a review which (among other things) said this: "Personally, I’m glad that you took IndeMaat’s advice. She is one of the absolute best in helping people with their writing, and I hope you continue to listen to her and learn from her, because she won’t steer you in the wrong direction."

And that is not a unique sentiment in that fandom.

But there are also a lot of people who think I'm a bully. ;-)

This kind of thing really makes my day. Thanks!

Alas, I find myself too busy giggling and holding conversations with three other people to snark. I especially like the part where we're racist, sexist, and class-ist. (And I think there've been a few poor Sues; lots of potential for wangst and all.)

That they cite us as being led by Jay and Acacia, when to my knowledge both had been gone for some time by the time I found this place (Dec. 2006, for reference).

I was aware of the PPC for at least a couple of years before that, but that was when I found the Board.

Ahahaha. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DidNotDoTheResearch pretty much sums it up. Mary Sues... Well, they are beautiful in a disturbingly over-exaggerated way, some are powerful in a vicious dominatrix/rapist/whatever sense, and intrepid... well, I've got nothing. Lesson to everyone writing college papers: Check your facts very carefully.

Thank you, Araeph, that made my day.

For some reason I can't access the article. I hope it gets fixed: there is no such thing as bad publicity.

Let the Suethors hate and fear us.

Fresh off of TV Tropes, I kind of held a similar view. However, it didn't last long at all after reading through TOS and some bits of the Wiki. If all we wanted to do was act as Canon Police, we would have no need to make our characters, well, characters. Make them suffer, twitch, writhe, and in some cases, die- or Get Put On A Retirement Bus. There'd be no point in writing stories if all we wanted to do was act as enforcers of good storywriting.

But it's the stories that make it fun! And thinking any different, I have to say, simply shows a lack of research on the writer's part.

... I assumed you'd put in the wrong link, since there's no way you could actually be referencing something on Wiley Interscience. This couldn't be an actual academic paper.

Then I clicked.

Sweet Cuivienen.

hS

The link's not working for me, but just the excerpts are enough. :)

Oh, Araeph. Thank you for that. *hug*

~Neshomeh

This title is on the page: "Slippery texts in a culture of unfinish"

Does that sound mildly dirty to anyone else besides me? Or have I been spending too much time in the drama room?

Well, if you consider unrealistically, effortlessly beautiful Caucasian girls a minority race, then of course they promote diversity.

"Intrepid"?! Bahahahaha!

Ahem.

Ah, yes, the Mary Sue. Boldly going where every no other has gone before! She makes me proud...

...to be an assassin.

And I think both the Russia thread and the Death Star thread should be posted to fandom_wank to remind us all how silly we were today.

…taking the List and running with that. Good idea? Maybe not. But some of the items bug us, and hell, it can be fun~. Not sure when I'll get around to writing those bits, though.

...planned out in my head around Christmastime. It involved one of my DMSE&R scientists, alcohol, and mistletoe.

You see, Lori Starrett was very tipsy and she mistook her colleague for Legolas. Being a Legolas fangirl...well, things got pretty out of hand.

Her husband took photos. :P

I have to agree with the first opinion stated by Artic - "I head out for a few days and there's a minor meltdown? I dunno whether to be upset or appalled..." The PPC's about having fun, guys. Agreed, I enjoy being dramatic and serious at times, but the reason I originally loved the PPC was because it was funny.

As for my Agents' most humorous incident, it's kind of difficult to beat...

"As the last Sue fell, two Agents burst into the cafeteria, brandishing bows and screeching what was probably intended to be a war cry at the top of their lungs. They were accompanied by two bellowing mini-Balrogs, who were flailing their whips in every direction.

The noisy group would probably have kept on going, had not the shorter of the two Agents slipped in a patch of Sue-blood and crashed to the floor, tripping her partner and the minis. As the nearest Agents just stared, and more turned to see what was going on, both young women began to blush fiercely and disentangle themselves from each other."

That's Cassie and Nat, in the middle of the 2008 Mary Sue Invasion.

Another favourite of mine is from the PPC Christmas Party 2008, in which Cassie proceeded to get completely wasted and snog Zach Homewood, Marcus Langston and Kelvin Talathion under the mistletoe, in that order. And then got arrested.

Because I only have one mission out so far (working on it), but I have tonnes of "amusing moments" between Marcus, Zod, and any of my other myriad of Agents being worked on that I could use.

Well, Nume and Cameo's missions (read: Fill the Plothole stories) had a fairly high quotient of ridiculous. There was the time Nume left his Bleeprin in the fic and they had to go back and stop Legolas from taking any. (Sadly, I lost this one and never got around to re-writing it.)

Then there was the time they were disguised as Elves and Nume happened to have a bow and arrows. He, um, accidentally shot Legolas in the shoulder. Cameo boxed his ears for him.

These were before Nume started carrying a flask of Bleepka with him at all times, by the way. That's largely Cameo's fault.

In recent history, there's the incident of Ilraen trying to learn how to morph clothing. They'd acquired a box of Speedos that had fallen off the back of a plothole, so Ilraen was using those to practice. He would morph human, pull on a pair, then try to get back to Andalite and take them along.

Each attempt failed spectacularly. If you will, please imagine the Speedo stretching out as hips become hindquarters. Then imagine the elastic finally snapping, sending the Speedo flying across the RC to land anywhere from the console to Nume's bed to Nume's head. Imagine this happening about twenty times before the Speedos are used up.

As Nume commented, the place looked like nothing so much as a boys' college dorm afterward.

Oh, incidentally, Ilraen is indeed an Andalite, but he has done a mission in Young Wizards-verse and, even though he hasn't actually seen either species, I don't think he'd be likely to take a Rirhait for a Taxxon. The gaping, ravenous, toothy mouths on the Taxxons are a dead give-away.

Fill the Plotholes: http://starshadowhall.tripod.com/ppc/plotholes.html

Missions: http://starshadowhall.tripod.com/ppc/rc999.html

~Neshomeh

No stories from me. BUT, a very nasty and amusing thought occurred to me just now while reading past missions, and with the grace of the associated authors I'd like to expound on it.

We have at least one Andalite Agent, Iskillion (Animorphs). We also have a Rirhait Agent, Car'rok (Young Wizards Universe). Now, as anyone familiar with the Animorphs canon is aware, the Andalites have been fighting the alien race known as the Taxxon for... well, quite a while (can't remember how long exactly, it has been a while since I read the books). The Taxxon are inherently nasty even without the presence of the Andalites' sworn enemies, the Yeerks, running the show, so hostility is natural.

Both the Taxxon and the Rirhait, as I recall, have been described as resembling giant centipedes.

I don't know if Iskillion and Car'rok have met yet, but...

But it's not ready, so I can't post it yet. *snigger* Oh, just wait, it'll be worth it.

Will do a short thing instead. Perhaps the aftermath of S&S getting zapped by the TF Gun at the end of my last mission?

By the way, how are your projects going?

The first sign that something was wrong was the odd feeling of the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end... The second, the bone-warping pain that spread throughout her body and the third was her bra literally exploding. Looking down at her body, Agent Liadan's eyes widened as she eyed her new body, a stereotypically beautiful one that wouldn't look out of place in the Miss Sue Universe competition held annually on a small asteroid heading directly for a black hole.
Turning almost agonisingly slowly, Liadan's eyes glinted dangerously as they spied the reason for her abrupt change. Agent Lunac, member of the Department of Mary-Sues Video Gaming Division (General) stood there. There were reports he was frequently a few sandwiches short of a picnic, and by the time Liadan was through with him, he'd be three body parts short of a man. Cracking her fingers ominously, she walked forward...

But I don't know enough about them to judge whether they are suetiful. I need to see them in action.

Do you think the first one would lust for Dr Manhattan? He fits the bill.

And where do you find all those cute pics? There seems to be a lot of those on the wiki.

How does BBCode work? The usual tags have no effect: [i]italics[/i], [b]bold[/b], etc...

You can actually go back about five or so pages. Good for referance material from a couple of months ago.

Leto

a few months ago.

Ooh, a Canadiaperson! Lots of good stuff comes from the Frozen White Icebox, though most of the best (Corner Gas, Pushing Daisies, Clone High) is distinctly lacking in fanfiction content.

At any rate, welcome to the new blood! I present you with an Exorcism Bat; a baseball bat which has been impressed with the signatures of J.K. Rowling and J.R.R. Tolkien (as standard issue), with plenty of room to add more signatures for use in your specific fandoms.

Welcome to the PPC. have some combat sporks, and a styrofoam railgun.

Luxury and friends are coming! You must use it!

Hello, there, and please leave any sanity you may possess at the door. Here's a mutated strawberry; I can't guarantee it won't spontaneously sprout legs, but it should still taste fine. If you don't want to eat it, you can always keep it as a pet.

Hello! I'm new too! ...And I also roleplay! And why am I talking in exclamation points since I hate overuse of them! And I'm not a happy person in general!

Yeah. Here's some periods for you to offset that disgusting outburst of joy: ......

And have a pomelo. And red contact lenses.

We have chai tea! It is tasty. Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *holds out bucket marked "Warg fodder"* We don't have much use for that here.
You may have, in adddition to the aforementioned tea, some hugs and an Internets. Use them well.
-Mad Maudlin

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a Response Center?

It's nice to meet you :)

First off, young one, go get yourself a hat. No one will take you seriously if you don't have a hat.

And here's some coffee. It contains sugar, cream, napalm and the soul of an orphan.

I'm Cassie, former chatty newbie and recently semi-lurker (through no fault of my own, I hasten to add). I get involved with as much as I can when I am around, though.

Newbie gifts! *hands over a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object* It's been a while since I was here in time to greet anyone new. Lovely to have you here! And hi, Henry the Dancing Bear! We're all mad here.

You seem like a decent enough sort, I'm sure you'll have fun here. I'd give you a flaxe, but we're getting a bit low on stock, so I'll have to get back to you on it. Look forward to seeing your Agents.

Hi, I am one of the older boarders here, we do in enjoy freash me-- faces! Stick around, have some fun, stay away from the minis in a bad mood.

Smeagul say hi, *Leto pats the mini-balrog with a fire proof oven mitt* Don:t wear anything shiny around him, he loves shiny things. We have lost too many newbies that way...

So anyway, welcome!

Leto

Here, have a bag full of Ypur shaped Nm&nms! Andthis 2 tonne truck full of Bleepolate!
Hi, I'm Artic Blade, and I invented the Bleepolate!
Mind where you step, there are marbles rolling around here, and for you know, they could be mine. Just bow with respect and nudge them along, eventually they'll make their way back to their owner... Maybe.

Welcome to the PPC, and may you enjoy the insanity!

*hands over an extra-snorgleable angora rabbit pillow made from actual English Angora fur*

Warning: May cause dreams of Cute Overload and turn any attempt at sheep-counting into bunny-counting.

I gift you with...an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and whisks not only eggs but spambots and author wraiths, too! Use it for good and not much evil.

Welcome to the insanity!

Because you'll need it. Clearly you have no problem with the insanity qualification. Watch out for the Purple Stuff :)

*takes a bow* Welcome to the PPC, mate, where insanity is recommended and rational thought has little or no meaning. Feel free to take a complimentary walnut from the wooden bowl by the door. And by the off chance it starts talking to you, I would highly discourage taking any advice it might give you. Just saying...

I think my agents would love to greet you, though...

Adder: Hello, friend!

Deuce: ...

Deuce? Aren't you going to say hello?

Deuce: ...Not really.

Er, right then! I believe gifts are in order! Here's a sock full of rocks. I'm sure you'll find a use for it... somehow.

BUT...will the DVS have the exclusive rights to the disposition of all Villain!Sues?

I ask because my current tentative mission idea (the first draft is nearly complete, although my assassins still need names) involves three(!) Sues, one of them villainous.  As it stands at the moment, said assassins are from the DMS...but I don't want them stepping on anyone else's toes, roots, hooves, claws, etc.

Black shoulder pads, spikey ones for uniform.

Maybe the DoVS has a checklist where they criticize the sues poor choice of evil? like thinking with their nether regions instead of their brains?

Like this?


Or this?

It's your Division, do whatever you want, heh. If I think of any ideas I won't get flamed for, I'll email you, but honestly it's not our place to do that. If I get any suggestions though, we'll see.

Is it good? I've heard about this series and its style, and I happen to love metafictional humor (which is why I joined the PPC, of course).

Ah, it you've read and dismissed it as an Agent Sue without commenting already, I've edited it...so it's different than what you read a half hour ago?

Interesting. Very interesting.

A person who laughs more than smiles. For some reason I can't imagine that xD I always think that when you laugh, you have to smile. -Shrugs-

Ahahaha... no gag reflexes xD

... is generally frowned-upon. Granted, there are some precedents--and if someone already said you could do it, then feel free to ignore this post--but on the whole, we like people to come up with their own ideas.

~Neshomeh

Assuming I'm translating the jargon properly...

I don't see that it makes a difference whether or not the author gives a username. Badfic is badfic.

That said, I have no idea what a kinkmeme is, so my understanding of the question could be entirely off.

~Neshomeh

I wasn't sure about the Nurgle at first, but it looks like you've covered all the bizarre angles on that, so it's fine.

Would 'Sue sacrifices work to summon him back from the Warp, or does it have to be an actual confirmed member of the species Homo sapiens?

De-plagued freaking huge Plaguesword and possessed couch for the win. {= )

~Neshomeh

Highly enjoyable introduction. I look forward to reading your missions. {= )

~Neshomeh

I love Cal's overblown narration style, and pairing him with an agent random enough to be the basis for a cryptosystem is very nifty.

My brain just broke. I can't say for sure, since I didn't see the original fic, but this seems worthy of Legendary Status.

But,seriously, where do people come up with this stuff? Did the fic author sit through Jurassic Park thinking 'You know what would be really hot?' Blargh! An eight-year-old and a dinosaur? That's just...I don't think I have the words to describe my horror.

-ending rant and taking deep breath-

Excellent job with the sporking.

Helen

(more extensive comment on LJ, my loves)

There's something you don't see every day. And thank the Patriarchs for that.

As mentioned on the story itself, I don't have any Bleeprin, but I do have some serious beef. If you need more delicious meats after that ordeal continues, feel free to ask. I'm never going to work through this entire cow otherwise.

YIKES!!!!!

that... is bad. Bery veyr bad. Congrats.

Topics get pushed further from the top with every new thread made and in some cases onto the next page. It makes it hard to catch up with, sometimes.

Also, dude, not to be pushy, but any chance you can slow down with the constant thread making? Since it's mostly question stuff or checking, it's totally fine to keep it in one thread; it just makes the board go faster and makes stuff like permission requests harder for the PGs to catch.

There's four alone from just you, but you're not the only person doing this, so don't feel like I'm calling out or whatever, I'm just pointing it out.

Especially when there's one or two little issues that need to be sorted out; it's not polite to air everyone's problems on a public board. Private correspondance is better. But if you do find that your request has slipped off the page unanswered, then don't feel rejected. It's possible that no PG was around at the time or that they just didn't have time.

You know, considering that a majority of agents work in pairs written by the same author, unless both are essentially the same character, about half of all agents at most could be self inserts. Or maybe I just need to go to sleep now.

The answer is...CHURROS! Oh, and Sue-Slaying.

But either way, 'tis very funny.

Shall we print T-shirts for every DMS agent? "OFFICIAL SUESLAYER!"

Use the definition of Mary Sue on the Wiki:

Mary Sue, sometimes shortened simply to Sue, is a pejorative term used to describe a fictional character who plays a major role in the plot and is particularly characterized by overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, or having too many, [Araeph's note: having too many flaws makes you a Sue? Wha...?] and primarily functioning as wish-fulfillment fantasies for their authors or readers.

Now, substitute "Sue" for any PPC agent ever written.

Agent Jay Thorntree, sometimes shortened simply to Jay, is:

- a fictional character who plays a major role in the [canon] plot
- is particularly characterized by overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms
- lacks noteworthy flaws, or has too many
- primarily functions as a wish-fulfillment fantasy for her authors or readers.

*snerk*

Well, I suppose she and Acy fulfilled our wish of killing Sues...


For those of you who are interested, I've posted a brand-new PPC Mary Sue definition on the Wiki. I think it's better than Wikipedia's, anyway. (Not that that's a difficult feat to top.)

What I always considered the defining trait of the Mary Sue is that they're always in the spotlight, and I just don't see that with PPC agents. When they're in HQ, it's essentially original fiction, and when they're in a fic, it's a Rosencranz and Guildenstern style "the spotlight's somewhere else" situation.

Mostly because it's obviously incorrect to anyone who actually reads it. Probably a Suethor making a potshot.

Oh, that's a trend in the Redwall fandom. Authors will create their own Sues and send in Redwall versions of themselves to kill them. These Redwall alter egos are known as Sueslayers. Lycaenion has an in-progress Suebasher fic called 'Arawolf Beechclaw: Sueslayer Extraordinaire'.

I've noticed that, though, how our agents are often self inserts, but I think the difference is that self-insert sues are often overly new-and-improved versions of the author, or what the author imagines him/herself to be or wishes he/she could be. Also, the self-insert usually has the purpose to either seduce a canon character, bash a canon character, or place oneself in something that happened in the canon and have the self-insert influence it in some way (i.e. bashing/seducing canon characters).

Alter egos, fursonas, and suchlike that WE use, on the other hand, usually have no intention of doing any such thing, and are used for a comedic effect to get rid of Sues, bad slash, etc.

I actually don't understand what's wrong with the idea of an author inserting him/herself into a story, though. Kurt Vonnegut did it, and nobody complains about that. What exactly is it we hate so much about self-inserts, besides what I listed above?

Tell me, where can I find the music for that Tom Lehrer one? I'm trying to expand my campfire repertoire.

Holy goodness, that is. That is. Words fail me.

I like the person who deconstructed the RPer's psyches based on their pony!Sues. Something tells me I have things to learn from this person.

Okay, I just skimmed the first eight or ten posts and... Well, I'm wondering about how they can strip without wearing clothing in the first place; maybe it would have been better to just call them pole dancers? Oh, and why can't people capitalize the beginnings of sentences? It really isn't that hard.

But it makes you think just WHO is this twisted?!?!

Reminds me of when Randal Milholland of Something Positive fame threatened to cash in on the Twilight phenomenon by writing "Holy Shit Shiny Vampire Love Ponies" ...

And on this board, too. I don't think I'll ever recover. I've lost my faith in mankind. Somebody put me out of my misery.

it produces this.

Bye bye, Ring. Thou shalt be missed. :P

Say that 5x fast.

Because there's absolutely no reason not to celebrate it twice.

Well, I see at least one reason : avoid flooding the board with trivia.

My agent(s) seem to do whatever they please anyway; Agent Sedri is in DMS, but just did a Wicked mission that involved no 'Sues at all, just a replacement character, and I justified it by saying there aren't that many agents who do Wickedverse. *shrug* I don't think the Flowers much care who does what, so long as things get done... the Finance people might lynch me, though. ;)

I thought it'd be the same thing as the Department of Floaters, by the name, but once the page loaded it seemed odd. I've never heard of it, but it seems kind of interesting.

Aaaaaaand I put my name in the subject line...

I'm currently trying to find all fellow PPCers on LiveJournal to put them on my Friends list, but it's not easy. If your response center is on Livejournal, please post a link.


Mine is here.

Is this some random boredom-induced idea, or is it something you're going somewhere with/got from somewhere? Seems random enough that I'm kind of curious, even though any right I had to post in this topic was probably revoked a while back.

What are you, a believer of Pythia? "All this has happened before and all of it will happen again..." been there, heard that. Now what?

(to the author: thank the Gods you weren't serious. x])

Okay, this isn't related to your post, but since you're from the Finance Dept, I'll ask you the question currently nagging me: Who finances the PPC, anyway? All this technology, this infrastructure and those hundreds of agents must cost an awful lot...

is that This Time Round (Dr Who pub outside continuity and bizzare place)HAS a character called Sailor Gallifrey who is sharing bodies with an author avatar and is (in my opinion) a goodfic character.

but that still sounds... bizarre. The Sue actually turns into another person?

I've already claimed nightmare side...

I have Worldwar: Upsetting the Balance. The series is worth reading.

Faith felt another man grab her. She looked at him and immediately thought he was very hot. “ello” said the man now holding her, “my name is Jack Sparrow and you?”

A Relationship Sue can't get any more blatant than that.

Cause Buffy/Jack Sparrow?
Can anyone else say "pedophile"?

Not exactly clear how they're planning to do it, but apparently they're trying to make crossovers file properly. *shrug*

Of the fanfics that have recieved the most reviews.

May be not the top 1000, but some kind of big number.

Preferably one like on amazon, except after the one star there's a "troll", and after the "troll", there's a "mary-sue".

I know I'd like that.

And now I think about it, a five star rating system would be quite good. And fun. But mostly good.

I know! Maybe they'll finally add the feature that gives us the ability to delete signed/verified reviews! I signed a petition for that after a severe troll attack.

In recognition of your 21st, I present you with a big sack of pebbles, a basket of Bleeprin-berries and your own customised sling!

And a Necron Pylon covered in gold.

*drops a giant red panda plushie on the table, steals some food, and promptly disappears*

*HUG*

Wanna buy some deathsticks? *seedy look*

*dons party hat, puts prezzies on table, and nicks off with some food*

Have a coupon- redeemable for your annual birthday hazing ritual. And also some bleepcake.

*sings in a funeral dirge style, thumping the table every now and then*

Happy birthday... *thunk* Oh happy birthday... *thunk*

Grief and misery and despair, people DYING everywhere...

But...

Happy birthday... *thunk* Oh happy birthday... *thunk

One year CLOSER TO DEATH!!!

But...

Happy birthday... *thunk* Oh happy birthday... *thunk*

Does it have to be a knife? I have a plastic spoon, so could I try to go for the eyes?

... you know, I don't think anyone's ever said what kanar tastes like. The various wikis don't say so either - just that it's a thick liquid, which I already knew. Heh. So therefore, I've decided that it's quite sweet.

Happy birthday to both of you! Agent Sedri apologises for being a little late, but she had to get a few Trek Sues ronded up for you.

*dumps inert bodies on the floor*

They've been sedated; give it two minutes and they'll come 'round. *hands out the daggers*

Because I have no imagination when it comes to baked goods.

Happy birthday!

...that when I saw this, I actually said "D'awwww!" Out loud.
Yes. Me. I do have a sentimental side, you know. =P

*grabs some of the free food* Let the games begi... Teek, put that knife down. You're supposed to pin it on the Sue, not your partner.

Anyway.

*raises glass of kanar* Here's to this board full of wonderful lunatics where we met; to a whole lot more of our peculiar brand of insanity; and, for the hell of it, l'chaim!

I think you ought to tell Cavan he can't jump out of the cake. It seems like the kind of thing he'd be planning.

Here, have some cake, I made it myself. I used Sue fat instead of butter, which explains why it's so sparkly. (Since Sues don't have that much fat, I had to kill quite a lot of them to make this cake.)

*dredges up memories*

Let's see, 21 it was... 2006? So I was... hmm. Nope, I got nothing. 19 was the park, the scratchcard, and getting absolutely blotto on the Pangles in Spids, 23 was utterly wankered in my local, but all the ones in between are a blur.

So! Try to do something memorable, as you are now old enough that time will start going weird and memories will start randomly disappearing from your head.

And I shall be sure to have a pint in celebration of your birthday tonight. Happy birthday!

Fond memories: Getting my artificial eye. That about covers it.

Hope you have a better 21 than I did!

Leto

I might have something for you. *pulls out sack* now then, where did i put it? *rummages in sack**muffled explosion* no, that's not it. *more rummaging* ah, there it is. Here, it's some of the C4 I had left over. about 20 pounds, I think.

to the PPc. and what i inquire as to what mark giant two handled frying pan they are using?

Well, headvoices are pretty darn evil at times. Here, have a shield to block them! And a graduated cylinder. :]

Hi there! I'm new, like you :D

-Pokes your headvoices- Bad headvoices D:

Not for use on your own family.

Have a large English Angora bunny plushie.

Her, have a mutated strawberry. If it grows legs spontaneously, you can always keep it as a pet instead of eating it.

Here, have an egg whisk! You can make omelets with that frying pan! The egg whisk is gold-plated, too, and has bunches of other uses.

Enjoy the insanity!

Er, maybe you should advise them to invest in some padding? Or there's always this. *hands over a fluffy towel* Welcome!

Ve do not drink... bleepka. Here, have some bleepka! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *holds out bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* We don't have much use for things like that here. I gift thee also with some hugs and sparklevamp repellent- all natural and guaranteed to ward off 100% of Edward Cullens!
-Mad Maudlin

Welcome, new friend! Have a complimentary walnut from the wooden bowl by the door. I'm pretty sure they're all dead, but by the off chance that one starts attempting conversation with you, I highly recommend you ignore any advice it might give you.

As for a gift, here's a sock full of rocks. I'm sure you'll find a use for it.

Useful for hitting whatever person or object is trying to keep you from sleeping.

I see that The Links have already been handed out, but I'll add a complimentary DMS flag, badge, and dagger, just in CASE *hint, hint* you decide to join our bloodthirsty little department. :D

Nice to meet you!

... nom on this while thinking of something :D

Welcome!

Here, have a frying-pan-proof helmet. Unfortunately it doesn't protect from anything else, so you better run for cover if the headvoices start hitting you with a wok. (The Dept of Technology is currently working on a wok-proof prototype that looks promising.)

Welcome, nevertheless.

Welcome!

Have some meat. Rather well-done, in fact. Someone gave me a cow in my newbie gifts, but it stumbled into a flamewar a short while later and as a result I'm left with way too much beef.

So, here. Have a steak.

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a response center?

It's nice to see some fresh meat faces around here.

*rummages around* Where's that bucket of links. I know it was around here somewhere. Ah, here it is. *produces slightly battered and singed bucket*

If you haven't already, it's usually a good idea to visit the Wiki. Pay special attention to the page on Permission, if your aspiration is to one day write missions.

Watch out for the Legendary Badfic, as even the summaries can scar unsuspecting minds. If you somehow end up reading one, a dose of Legendary Goodfic is a good cure, especially if you are interested in any of the represented fandoms.

If you have the chance and haven't done so already, reading The Original Series (not to be confused with Star Trek) is recommended.

What fandoms are you interested in? And please deposit your sanity in the box by the door. You won't need it here.

I found the interstitial that I was referring to in my original post. Took some doing.

This is one of Cartoon Network's oldest interstitials, and was used to promo the network back when it was still young.

For almost a decade, this and other promos like it were the only place on the network where you would see anyone not made of pen and ink.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDN3wyxIJPk

Much better than Disney, I might add. Anyway, at least we have our memories. *Sings funeral dirge*

Hmmm... what do I give the newbie... -looks around for something suitable- hmm... no, not that, that's too poisonous... what else do I have... -rummages- -crash, roar, smoke- no, not that either... AH HA!!! I have it!!! Here, have a winged kitten.

Incidentally, Luxury is coming!

Have a Agent DRake plushie. Sadly, it does not come with railgun action. The flowers think that is a bad idea.

Anyway, welcome.

I gift thee with hugs. Please throw your sanity to the Wargs; we don't have much use for it here. I gifteth thee also with chai tea and a smack around the ear. You probably didn't deserve it, but it was a smack of love.
-Mad Maudlin

Are your voices more interested in a TARDIS or a Response Center?

Lots of fun. And you're interested in the DMS! Excellent.

Lovely to meet you. :)

Here, have a plushie shaped like an overfloofed Pomeranian.

I forgot to mention the division i would join. Department of Mary Sues.

Here, I offer you a brand-new Shift key for your keyboard! :P

Aaaaand also... a superb coffeemaker!

They must be putting something in the water. XD
Welcome.

Have...an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and hey, it whisks eggs! Use it for good and not evil.

Welcome to the insanity!

:D Hi thars. I'm a fellow newbie like you! Be sure to check your spellin'. Spellin' is cool.

Hello Headvoices of Jabbuk! You're so nice to lead Jabbuk here. Here, have this dancing hippo that can squeeze itself into a tight spandex suit and play the piano at the same time.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lunch date with George Washington and Robespierre.

Not bad, sounds like something out of Mercedes Lackey 100 Kingdoms verse (If you like this type of genre, I do suggest it. Even though it is true fairy tails that I think that you want to avoid. The other I would suggest are the Xanth books by Piers Anthoney.)

One comment that I would like to make. A king would never be in this type of situation unless he truely loved his wife, something that you don:t state in the opening. The Queen:s tantrums woudld not be tollerated after the first one. She would fall to disfavour in the eyes of the king and be sent to a nearby estate to have the child, or at least into a separate appartment of rooms across the castle so that the king would not have to listen to the `insane, and infernal` woman.

Why is the king able to travel without any special retinue or preparation into a village? This is not realistic in anysence. Even in an increadibly peaceful kingdom, the royalty are never without body guards and other hager-ons.

Editing: the end/or that you use in the second paragraph should just be `or`. `And` is redundant and adds confusion to this statement. There are some other editing problems, but that is the one the bugs me the most when I see it in a story. It is fine in notes and other personal documents, not for a narrative.

Should you continue? I say yes! But I do like fantasy. And the witch is sounding interesting, especially if you are going to have the story revolve around her.

But this is my opinion! Take and leave what you will. I do think that there is potential here.

Leto

Nice to meet you! Have you got a towel? *hands one over anyway*

Here, have a large stuffed panda.

Have some lembas, and don't worry, I'm older than you :P

How are you?

And interesting. Hmmm, what comic books do you like? if i may ask?

I gifteth thee with hugs. Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *holds out bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* We don't have much use for it here.
Here, have a sugar cube...?
-Mad Maudlin

You're like the 3rd one this week.
Welcome. We need the help.

Hi there! I also like comic books, so I'm very disappointed when I start referencing all these comic book villains when people start talking about Batman, and everyone gives me this Look. Because they have no idea what I'm talking about. And then I scold them for being uneducated...er, are you anywhere near as much of a geek as I am, or am I just blathering?

Oh yeah, middle school drama is disgusting, if you can remember that far back. Even more than high school drama. It actually breeds Mary Sues. Not quite sure why you want that.

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a Response Center?

I just meant that I tend to act older than I am, but thanks for all the welcomes.

As far as fandoms that I'm interested in... well, there are a lot. Mostly anything from Marvel, throw in some Alan Moore titles, Kingdom Hearts, Terminator (Television and Movies, not so much the comics)-- oh and Fables.

Okay, I don't know if we actually have such a thing as a Department of Recruitment (it's not on the Wiki at any rate), but we seem to be getting a lot of new members in a short period of time. When I joined this board not so long ago, I had no idea how big the PPC was. I thought they were just a small bunch of hopeless nerds, but it turns out we're a BIG bunch of hopeless nerds. (Not that it's a bad thing. One day we nerds will rule the world, everyone knows that. They all secretly fear us, and that's why they oppress us.)

[/rant]

Uh, yeah, welcome.

Twenty's nothing - I'm twenty four in six weeks, and there may even be older people loitering somewhere about the place.

So, what are your fandoms?

Welcome to the PPC. Trust me, twenty's not old at all. I'm twenty, and I still feel like a little kid half the time. :D And there are people of all ages in here.

*presents you with newbie-gifts of a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object*

Lovely to have you here.

You also get a granite pillow!

Don't worry, some of us are older than you are, though I'm afraid I can't compare on the feelings. :)

Someone will give you The Links soon, I imagine, but I'm afraid it won't be me, because I'm in a bit of a rush right now. So welcome, welcome, welcome, and it's good to meet you!

(Do watch your language, though. The Constitution specifically requests it.)

Hey thar! I gift you with...an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and hey, it whisks eggs! Use it for good and not much evil.

Welcome to the insanity!

And I am now recalculating. Or rather, I will be recalculating once I chase those damn Tap-Dancing Pineapples from Another Dimension out of my head.

1) That's a bit cramped for a bunch of (most likely psychotic) agents and a "dysfunctional" individual. I guess if it's a bit RC or one of those connecting-room RCs, it'd be okay.

3) Make sure there's a reason for this "Fred the Plover". It'd kinda be... not good... if there was just this random thing that existed simply for the lulz.

4) We have a "no torture" rule? Since when?! Why do people never tell me these things?! How on earth are we supposed to enforce that?

6) Probably.

7) Winged cats are probably the least odd of the oddities in the PPC Headquarters.

8) Well, Hercules would definitely kick its arse, and Perseus could probably turn the thing into stone with Medusa's disembodied head. But I think Theseus'd be biting off a bit more than he could chew, and unless Odysseus can find a way to make it drunk, he'd be outta luck.

9) Because Chinese people are awesome, that's why.

1) Only if you a) have Permission (:P) and b) don't think they'll actually kill each other at being so cramped. It's not generally done. I think there is precedent for interconnecting RCs though, so you could have them in a couple that have doors to each other.

2) Ask the author of the OFU you want them to have gone to.

3) Is there any plot significance to it? Or are you just playing for cheap laughs? Cheap laughs are all good, but it helps if they're there for a reason.

4) I would say it counted as torture.

5) Go check the List of RCs on the Wiki.

6) If you really feel the need.

7) For who? You'd have to be very careful it didn't just turn into a gratuitious Cute Animal Friend.

8) You'd get chargrilled Greek Hero. Unless it was Heracles or Achilles, in which case I'd say that would have to go to the judges.

9) Because the kind of food Chinese restaurants serve is not traditionally considered breakfast food and because even the famously hard-working people who run Chinese restaurants deserve some time at home - given Chinese restaurants are typically open very late 7 days a week, can you blame them for wanting to be home in the mornings?

1. Am I allowed to have four agents and a dysfunctional techie/psychiatrist in the same RC?
As someone pointed out, it might be a bit much. I would recommend to keep a low number of characters, to allow in-depth character development. A psychiatrist would be a good idea though: the PPC needs more of them, I think.

2. Can my agent have gone to an OFU even if I haven't officially registered them in RL?
I suppose so.

3. Can I have a plover named Fred the Plover appear out of nowhere, crash into something, and spontaneously combust every time someone mentions his name or barbecue sauce?
...Uh, there's no reason why not. Why do you ask?

4. Is skinning a feline Sue while they're still alive a breach of the 'no torture' rule, or is it okay?
Clearly a breach.

5. Is RC #423ab taken, or can I claim it?
You can take it.

6. Can I cover the door to the RC with bizarre signs?
Nothing forbids it.

7. Are winged cats acceptable pets?
Stranger things have been seen at the Headquarters.

8. What do you think would happen if a Greek hero fought a balrog?
Depends which hero, but very few would stand a chance against a balrog.

9. Why are Chinese restaurants never open for breakfast?
Dunno.

1. Wouldn't it be rather cramped?
   2.I think so; if not, I need to break out the Retcon.
   
   3.Why not?
   
   4. Yes...at least from my POV. Would you be allowed to do it to a human Sue?
   
   5. There's a list on the wiki.
   
   6.Why not? (Unless it's Chaos symbols or something equally mind-warping...)
   
   7.Why not?
   
   8. Extra crispy hero and content balrog. Of course, there's always Deux Ex Machinia...
   
   Rule of thumb: if it doesn't contradict TOS, it's fine.

it would depend on the hero. if it was Odysseus, he would probably try to trick it, and get burnt to a crisp. the answer to #6 you could probably find in one of the "history" stories. i think i saw something about an RC that had had the number covered with posters, so i would assume the answer to be yes.

Though personally, I think my DMS flashpatch and bloody daggers speak for themselves ;)

-?

In remembering that only TWO of my characters in the past seven/eight years have ever dipped as low as 19 years old. Seriously, with one exception (a group RP that required the ages be set at high school levels), that's as low as I've ever gone.

That counts my PPC characters so far, by the way, and totals to about ten or eleven different guys in total (but always guys. I'm a guy, it makes sense to write what I know).

I am sometimes worried by all those heavily sexualized Mary Sues (slim, big breasts, revealing clothes) who are self-inserts of 14-year-old Suethors with no first-hand romantic experience. For characters who are supposed to be perfect, Sues often lack a particular power: that of escaping the patriarchal mindset of our society. Sure, sexual emancipation of women is one of the things feminists have long fought for, and I fully support it. But some Sues are insults to the whole female gender, and it grieves me to know how young and influenceable the Suethors who created them usually are.

Have a very large stuffed red panda and a blueberry pie.

Have a limited edition Crazy agent figurine with real working flamethrower action.

I have no clue who you are, but have a winged kitten anyway!!! And cookies. Cookies are good.

Happy birthday, Luana!

In recognition of this, your fifteenth year, I bestow upon you a sack of pebbles, a basket of Bleeprin-berries and your very own sling. Use them well.

It's fresh!

PS: If it's not compatible with your body, we'll excange it for a free Skitty!

Have some cake!

Happy birthday!

And huzzah! Someone older than me!

Now don:t we feal ancient! I can:t wait until I start my B-Day party thread. It is going to be a masqurade!

Leto

May you make it to 1/2 of a century!

Have an otter plushie! And some cake! :-D

Pie >>>>>>> cake

I come bearing Convenient Cake! It conveniently becomes whatever flavour and texture the consumer likes best.

Happy 25th Birthday to you! -Sings horribly off tune and hands you cake-

School got in the way and I got way too busy. I could maybe reserect it now, but I would have to start from scratch again. Although, I did like Java the Hutt coffee....

Leto

Too much work. If you want to try, go right ahead, but I'm not getting close. Everyone who's tried ends up overworked, and I only know of three that actually got to the end of their first year.

I've had invariant thoughts about an Avatar one, but while I know a good chunk about the canon there I'm not as familiar with the fanon as I'd like. That, and I doubt I could keep up the relative regularity an OFU requires.

Plus, I'm blatantly biased against most of the fanon I do know about.

I wonder if anyone has done one for the Disney Universe. That would be buckets of fun, getting to yell at all the purists of original fairytales. The only time you actually get to legitimately do it!

Would Torchwood be included with Dr. Who?