Dec 2008 Archive, part a

Although I might give it a go next year. I only found out about it a little while ago after all. Seems like a pretty fun thing to try though.

Might have finished if I'd actually had any writing time on the weekends.

But then I got distracted by studying, coursework, fanfiction and sleep. Three out of four and I would have been able to manage NaNoWriMo on top of everything else but staying awake forever just didn't work out. Besides, I lost interest in my idea and started writing about gay, blond pirates instead. It was much more fun.

with an end total of 54,000 words. Also, I'm back.

... then decided it wasn't working, switched to a different story and made 7000-ish.

I have decided that full time work, four hour commutes and NaNoWriMo don't mix. Next year, however, I'll be at uni, and thus able to do more writing. Yay!

New job got in the way.

So I gave up on the NaNo aspect and just wrote as I usually do. My fic's only about fifteen thousand at the moment, but it's much better quality.

Because Things Occurred.

However, it still needs to be sporked. hard.

And I read PotterSues. *wince* Sithspit.

Are you sure? I don't think we can PPC parodies, so if you want to report it, better make sure.

And I shall Email you.

Soon.

There was a bit of a hoo-ha when I asked for help getting rid of a spammer and he responded with a distinct lack of class, and he hasn't been seen since.

That's sparky [at] cloud9nine [dot] net.

First up, sorry about that. I should've asked about it first. I just… find it a little odd, with that number.

I had a couple of questions. Um. What would be the most appropriate way to deal with the longer series of video games? Legend of Zelda can probably get away with one article, but I'm a little less certain about the Final Fantasy series (for one thing, aside from the numbered, there's the Compilation, the various Tactics games, and I don't know much about XI aside from it being a MMORPG). And then there's the Tyler-who's-not-in-MTFFAT-or-Reynolds. I was thinking, would his (current) species designation be all right?

Okay, so, this has been bothering me for a bit now, and since I just filled out the Transformers entry on the wiki, I'm going to maybe-not-so-randomly ask this question here...

Would minis in the Transformers-verse(s) be, well, mini-Transformers? I've been thinking that they could just be, like, the toys, or something. Only alive. Cuz that way they can still transform, which is kinda the point. And I don't think there's any nasty animals indigenous to the Transformers-verse(s) that could be used. Not to mention that they're ROBOTS, and I think they should stay that way...

The only problem with having mini-Transformers would be that, well, not all characters are giant robots, and I'm not sure what misspelled human characters would be. I'm thinking mini-hardhats, since it seems to be something of a recurring theme. http://transformers.wikia.com/wiki/Hard_hat

So, would it be too much to have two mini species for one continuum? Or slew of continuums? I've collected a number of the little buggers, and I'd kinda like to know what I'm dealing with here...

~Anjilly, who has a penchant for 80s cartoons, and who is also feeling slightly frazzled at the moment and thus apologizes for any flightiness inherent in this post. Like the way she just signed it. XD

much. Especially when it comes to other peoples' agents and creations. Will do my best.

...for which I can provide at least a brief blurb. I'll import some Wookieepedia information for some of the Star Wars terms, if that's all right.

*clears throat* Um. Yeah. At least it doesn't have a nine in it anywhere or I would be tempted to make very bad jokes.
I'll do what I can. =) Not promising this'll be much, y'know, but I'll give it a shot. Could be entertaining.

Because one of the main themes of TRC is not bringing back the dead. One guy tried and apparently nearly ripped Time and Space itself apart. We're mainly avoiding the issue but I think in other worlds, if there's a canonical afterlife and such, the Headmaster's intervention should be enough to bring them back.

If the universe has a canonical afterlife, it's probably possible, especially with the Headmaster's intervention.

Nice OOC Elven pornfic! With no one crying, no one pregnant, and no emasculation! Just what the doctor ordered. We'll take it.

... that sounds like a job for the Department of Bad Slash.

I do remember seeing you around for quite a while, which means you can't have been gone that long, as I only joined sevenish months ago. (Already? O.o)

Anyways. I'd suggest hanging around for just a little while and letting everyone get used to having you back before you ask. I don't think a whole month should be necessary, though, unless the PGs really insist. (Speaking of which, I wonder when the next elections are. :P)

Sorry, I ramble. Welcome back!

Some of the oldbies probably remember you, but it might be best to hang around a bit more, so people get to know you again, before you ask. I went through something similar, and that seemed to be how it worked (then again, literally nobody remembered me, and a few seem to remember you :P). Anyway, it's good to have a previous member back, I hope you enjoy it here without all the real life hassle.

BUT I feel I should let you all know that I have realized that I am probably insane and am instead going to write about past tenses in Italian, Spanish, and Latin.

(And the moral of the story is: If you want to do the Awesomest Project Evar, you should start it more than three days before it's due.)

I remember you! Welcome back to the Board!

Emailing you now.

Of course people remember you. :P

Concerning jargon, I'm at work right now, but I'll try and reply to the survey thingy later. For now, welcome back, even if only for a brief visit.

hS

And that is doing interviews!

So, since I really have no idea what direction this paper is going to go in, just some general stuff for now:

For the oldbies: What are your memories of PPC vocabulary? Do you remember specific vocabulary creation events? Do you have something else awesome to say?

For the newbies: Do you find PPC conversations confusing? How do you cope with new terminology?

For everybody: How does the PPC compare to other internet communities you're a part of? Do you think you'd be friends with fellow PPC'ers in real life? Do you know people like your fellow PPC'ers in real life?

It would be super awesome if you all responded to as many or as few of these as you felt like. a/s/l-type information, fandom history, PPC history, etc are also other options that would make my data collection even better. But all are totally optional.

Also if anyone wants to do this via e-mail, AIM, Skype, or gchat, that's totally fine with me. undeadgoat at gmail, deadgoatgirl, undeadgoat, undeadgoat at gmail, respectively.

P.S. This paper is due Thursday . . . Why didn't I have this idea a week ago? This is so cool!

And not realise it.

For instance, make the powers limited /strictly/ and /entirely/ to their element. So if you've decided (say) liquid water is an element, great -- but heaven help the person if it's salt water, or heavy water, or frozen water. Similarly, you can tweak that energy control one. Specify types of energy, for instance -- ground it in physics, not vague concepts of energy. So, say, one has control over light energy -- which, on Star Wars lasers (which I understand are actually not laser-based, especially not the big ones, they're gaseous) it would have the effect of making the light deflect while the gas or whatever carries merrily on its way. Then, sure she can control light in every way -- but all that means is she can a) turn things invisible, b) blind people, c) make illusions, or d) make and manipulate lasers (real ones). The degree to which she can do this depends on her degree of skill.

Which is the other way to do it. Give them great powers, but no finesse. So she can divert that superlaser, but can't control /where/ she redirects it, because her thoughts are simply "divert" rather than "divert by 75 degrees towards galactic north" or wherever.

So. Very specific and rather picky limits, or great power and no skill. Those're my suggestions.

hS

First off, make the bad guys powerful and smart enough to make such incredible powers necessary to defeat them.

Secondly, make the good guys lose at least once. Show that the bad guys are sneaky enough to work around their powers and beat them.

Third, have situations that incredible powers can't solve. Being able to deflect superlasers is quite the power, sure, but it won't cure a broken heart or end a drought.

Most important, to my way of thinking, is that the universe needs to be balanced. These eighteen heroes have been given massive powers for a reason - there has to be something that requires at least that much power to overcome.

Here's a few ideas...

For one, you can have them doing things with their element that would have lesser elementals or wizards or mages or whatever in fits, and doing them easily, without thinking. Sorry, that's a little confusing; what I'm getting at is that there's two ways of demonstrating the absolute control: through raw power, and through finesse. Finesse might be an easier way to do it. It helps if you have one of these lesser ones around to compare, or someone who's familiar with the lesser ones.

Another possibility is to show them keeping up (even if barely) with one of the gods, or a creature that is, in its home world, super-powerful. I'm thinking Chernabog (sp?) from KH for some reason, dunno why.

Hmm... yeah, I'm better at giving people awesome powers and making them half-useless. =P Hope I've helped at least a little.

It occurs to me that I never did finish going through the chapters I have. If you still want me to, I can finish probably tomorrow... Sorry about that! It completely slipped my mind.

Breaking the fourth wall. This being done by a story of the character:s predesesors (if they have any) abusing the powers and basically showing the full extent of them.

But this is an over used way of doing it. But it does get the point across.

Or you could go Shakesphere and do a monologue, that would be interesting!

Leto, giving bad advice!

That was atrocious.
The story, that is, not the sporking. The sporking made me lol, which is not necessarily a good thing as the rest of the house is currently asleep. >.
Good job, and keep it up! I'm off to read your other new mission now. :)

I'm amazed you even got through three chapters of it. It was funny, but in a very scary way!

Reminiscent of "Subjugation," that one. Except "Subjugation" at least used magic instead of the unnecessary surgery, which Lucius has no reason to know how to do.

... Dear Eru, I just made a favorable comparison of "Subjugation." O.o;

~Neshomeh, who is up too late.

Apparently we're having a productive week. The second mission of the Division of Mpreg, in which human biology takes an utterly bizarre turn in the Pegasus galaxy, can be found over at Trojie's lj as per usual:

http://agenttrojie.livejournal.com/55442.html

That-that was just *painful*. And I only read the mission. I pity you who read the actual fanfic, I truly do.

You could always try to find out if the author is still actively rewriting the damn thing. Either by PM or by making suggestions about things that could be rewritten.

Other than that, I guess it is just as much fair game as anything else. I've seen a few fics I've PPCed rewritten (mostly after I tackled them) and those rewrites still left plenty to charge the Sue with.

I'd say it's fine; if it was last updated in '04, it's not likely to have the rewrite posted. Of course, I'm not a Permission Giver.

You already know my email, and I'm both LOTR-verse knowledgeable and a full-blown Grammar Nazi. Chuck it over and I'll have a look.

I've got a pretty good grasp on the Abhorsen canon, so sure, I'll give it a read for you. My e-mail is spud@hotmail.co.uk - I'll definitely have time either today or tomorrow.

And long. ^_^
I don't know the fandom, but a 'Sue is a 'Sue. Nice sporkings. =D
Tasmin's time-knowing-thing struck me as very amusing, for some reason.

Not familiar with the A-Team, but I read the first one and will probably read the second one later. What an annoying Sue. And Sam.

Nice mission. I liked Tasmin's talent of...being exact about when the moon or sun would rise. Not really sure what you'd call that...

Incidentally, is the nameless Abhorsen still up for adoption? Because if she hasn't been claimed, I'd be more than willing to take her on. However, you'd probably have to wait a week or two before seeing her in action, since I don't plan to write anything until the bulk of finals is over.

It's been a few days, but I thought I'd drop you a congrats on your second mission. I'm looking forward to reading it since Abhorsen's a personal fandom, unlike the Tales series. So now I can read one of your missions AND have some idea who everyone is without needing the internet! Yay!

Well you already know I think it's good, but what the hell, I'll say it again: Nice work, an enjoyable read as before.

Done in by her own foolishness- very nice! And the Abhorsen seems sensible enough, taken out of the fic. *shakes head at anyone thinking an Abhorsen would go into a fight unprepared if they could help it*

…I tend to dream more in a sort of RPG-style, actually.

Thank you for disposing of it! ^_^

I promise I'll have a read and make comments on the mission when I sober up.

Fic is a common noun anyway; it were never proper, 'cause it ent real English, so dinnae fash yersen. But if your subconscious is asking Trojie to britpick, give it a kick from me, 'cause I've spent years britpicking her brain.

Um. What's Abhorsen?

You'll forgive him, however, if he keeps his distance from the new Agent. Old necromancer habits, you understand.

Good killing! Abhorsenverse Sues are always nasty.

Yup, I've had 'em. The only one I can remember right now is the one where hS came to America for a visit and stayed in the basement of my old house, where I was still living for some reason. It was a little strange, to be honest. I think we watched the Wonderworks production of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." And there was something about my set of Prismacolor pencils, but I don't remember.

~Neshomeh, who has not yet met any of the British PPCers in person, but hopes to do so this spring.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4662735/1/The_Scarlett_tales

If it's been marked AU, do we let them off the hook?

There are no missions so far done in Halo.

Been considering to do one, though.

I can offer up my three Agents. They're the original video gaming Agents, so they have a good stash of weapons from almost any game you can think of, from Halo to Legend of Zelda. Not so sure how well we'd write joint missions, since I'm in Australia and I assume you're an American, but we could give it a try eventually.
But anyways, weapons, power-ups and such are available from RC #1010

Another person who does Symphonia! You have no idea how happy you just made me. =D Also the LKA. Though for me it's usually more LZA... =P

If you want to try a joint mission, I'd be happy to drag my pair (or one of them) into the 'Suefic with you. I'm staying away from that slashfic, though. *shudder*

*gives Christmas-y WALL-E plushies and large boxes of mint Bleepolate*

Best of luck to you both, and have a good holiday season together!

First hS and Kaitlyn, now kgarret and Sara! We're the insane version of Match.com!
*laughs and hugs*
*gives out chocolate cupcakes*
Congrats, you two!

...what with me being all bitter and single and all. *needs a boyfriend*

Seriously, though, that's awesome for you two. Congratulations! Here's hoping all goes well and that you're very happy together. *proffers chocolates and fizzy cider*

~ Rath ~

*gives a box of chocolates shaped like hearts*

Great stuff guys, glad to see people getting together, especially you KG. Anyhow, hope you have a great time together.

All the best, guys. ^_^

~Neshomeh, who has been trying to drag her boyfriend onto the Board.

Have a K-9, mark IV!

Congratulations.

*Showers with Bleepolate Hearts* Congrats guys! And I think there is a trend emerging somewhere on this Board...

*Gives lots of celebratory Peppermint Bark and other nummy forms of chocolate. Carved as cute snowmen. With hearts.*

Glad we all could play a small, tangential role in your happiness.

*showers you with chocolate* Congratulations! ^_^

Good luck! *toasts*

*offers celebratory drinks*

May you live long and prosper, and all that stuff.

*wishes there were more than three PPCrs in her country*

Good luck to you!

Jelous, I want some jolly lass to suggle up with in this cold time of the year. My computer just doesn:t cut it.

Leto, unhappily single

Ah, well. It's certainly not a bad thing. :D Congradulations, you two! We're all very happy for you!

Good for you. ^_^ My girlfriend just pats me on the head and tells me I'm cute and out-geeking her again...

*pops open the Bleepagne* Here's to the PPC's newest couple.

I'm pretty sure the hunter guns are fuel rod cannon - heavy radiation and plasma burst weaponry, rather than goo.

In chapter 5 (looks like you co-wrote it with someone), it says "six tanks, and a few warthogs flew over the hill on the other side of the hill." First off, I'm pretty sure Scorpions don't fly - it's more of a lumbering crawl, or at least was in the original. Also, referencing multiple hills gets confusing very quickly - could something be added to identify them?

Per the bits of canon that I've read (Fall of Reach, mostly), I didn't think that Spartan toughness was generally known, so saying "The heavily armed troop transports were fast and maneuverable, and their plasma turrets were capable of killing even SPARTANs in a few shots" doesn't seem reasonable, unless the character making the observation has prior experience in the area.

Technical nit-picking aside, it's very well written. The characters are believable, and I'm definitely enjoying the descriptions of the navy action. The story is very much in the flavor of the Halo universe.

The story seems very unemotional at times, to the point of being almost clinical in its descriptions. It seems to spend more time discussing calibers and target areas than what the people involved are actually feeling.

Okay, one more technical nit-pick... The story mentions the Benelux (odd name - doesn't seem in-character for the universe) moving from low orbit to a geostationary orbit above Eva - that would suggest to me that Eva is equatorial, as otherwise, the Benelux would have to stand on her thrusters.

Geostationary orbit is also very, very high altitude - here on Earth, it's more than twice the equatorial circumference of the planet. Getting that high would make providing accurate orbital fire support difficult from the Benelux a bit difficult. While she could stand on her thrusters at a lower altitude, that quickly becomes a major power drain.

Have you read these:

Beauty and the Beast, the "vergin in my vagina" version: http://www.asstr.org/~Kristen/20/beauty.txt

Data Goes Ballistic: http://www.trekiverse.org/archive/2000/adult/tng/DataGoesBallistic

The Interrogation of Leia: http://iiichan.net/stuff/be/dodge/?episode=277201

Teasetting Ron

and last but not least (for now), Rose Potter: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/girlwholived/

Have fun!

~Zoe~

...I'd say something along the lines of how incredibly insane you are, but everyone else already has, so I don't think I need to... XD

Hope your mind recovers soon. *hands you bleeprin*

Here, have a badge of mad honour. You loony.

I couldn't read more than a sentence or two at a time on the first go. That's not just Redtooth, that's my freakin' CHILDHOOD with the spear in its unmentionable parts. My baaaaaaaaaaabiiiiiiiiieeeees ... *sob*

(Still, we got two potential OCs to play with out of it. Molly and Moses rock.)

C*l*br**n, on the other hand, was just funny to me until they got to the bit with the wooden apple. I think it helped me discover my teeth-pulling squick. What about Little Miss Mary? The pedo upset me, but I was too busy laughing at the appallingly stilted dialogue to be too disturbed. Similarly with "For Your Eyes Only", except that time it was the bad biology distracting me from the rampant misogyny.

I congratulate you on reading all of it. I only got to half of the fics...

*downs bottle of Bleeprin* When I read anything involving furries, I don't quite understand it as easily. Mostly because the authors tend to use the human anatomy. *shrugs*

If I'm ever going to finish That Series (like I would), I'll have to remember to keep on picturing the characters as actual humans instead of animals. Maybe it'll be a little less squicky.

I thank the stars that I don't know Redwall and thus, my Morbid Curiosity can't lure me into trying it. Here, have some Bleepuvian Ale.

Ummmm...That Series, the Redwall...pornfics?
Wow. All of them?

(And I could only read C*l*br*in in two parts. Kinda like Hitler's "Mein Khampf" or however you spell it...according to my history teacher, that book is so disturbing you can't read it in one go.)

*gives gallon of bleepka*
~Lily, who likes using...ellipsis...today...

Aaaiee! It's my fault! Me and my high level of unsquickability! My fault your brain is melting! I should never have "nyeeer"ed at you! FORGIVE MEEEEEEEEEEE!

Ever hear of a lil' thing called Agony in Pink~?

I'm quite impressed with your determination, and your stomach. I managed C*l*br**n without too much trouble, but I drew the line at Subjugation. >.
And y'know, for most people reading one legendary badfic in a day... or week... or month... is more than enough. I forsee great things for you, though I'm not going to call you a grasshopper.

Are you actively trying to send yourself flamethrower-crazy?

*offers selection of Bleeproducts*

That's even crazier than most of the veteran Boarders, and I thought most of them were well past doodle ally.

Stick with the missions instead of the fics from now on, eh?

Have you tried Draco's Christmas Cuppa yet? If you want sick-making that's a good contender.

Santa Zarquana Voostra... even by my standards you're mad.

Here. Have some Bleepulan Ale. And chocolate. And a towel, because you obviously enjoy dangerous situations and you're going to need one.

How bad could That Series be? How could it be worse than C*l*b*i*n? On second thoughts, I don't want to know.

What on Earth possessed you to read all of That Series in one go? Here, have some Bleepsinthe to wash the memory away. I've only managed to read a few of them, and I conveniently lost the link so I couldn't read any more.

If not, I want to.

I'm really quite worried; I'm not even sure I want to know where it went. *shudder* Very nice indeed; hopefully it wasn't as traumatic as it looked.

Also, that is one awesome mini. Whoever adopts him is going to have fun with him, I'm sure.

Wonder what Singsong has against DBS?

...s'long as it's only movie canon and you can give me a couple days (a little work-hosed right now). leetrynace at gmail if you'd like my red pen work.

is let us know what the plotbunnies are. Though I think just following the guidelines we tend to follow when writing fanfic could help. You know, characterisation (which admittedly is easier with your own characters, just be consistent about it), basic spelling and grammar rules, things like that.

I won't get my copy of Doomwyte until Christmas.

That said, yay! (Hope it wasn't inspired by Mr Jacques running across me online. Unless she's a raving pervert who makes bad puns constantly, I think we can safely say that's not the case, though.)

Shouldn't it be "story and song"?

Fun! *goes off to play with the pairing generator*

~Zoe~

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Also re-reading Generic Surface.

But the generator makes me laugh. ^_^ Where did you come up with that idea? It's not something I'd have thought of.

"Agent Trojie meets Agent Trojie eating cupcakes in front of the lounge. After the former violently pokes the latter's muscles, they retire to the largest door into HQ for soggy newbie-baiting."

...I sense time distortions. =P

PPC, Oh PPC
to the tune of Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah

PPC, Oh PPC, let's kill the Mary Sue
We can have a party, as we kill the Stu too
Gather around now Agents, we have stories to slay
Legolas is pregnant, and Arwen's gone away.

And while we are killing
In each death we shall take delight
For each Sue we shall spite
We shall set things to rights
And fight for the canon that we love*
For each Sue we shall spite
We shall set things to rights
And fight for the canon that we love*.

Yey! It's done. I'm not entirely happy with the starred line but it'll do.

~Zoe~

I love that song. Soon as I'm sane again after work tomorrow I'll try to do one.

To the tune of "Jingle Bells" by John C. Pierpont

Jango belle
Jango belle
Please to go away
Or we'll portal to thy fic
And with Vong tools thee slay
Jango belle
Jango belle
Please to go away
Or we'll portal to thy fic
And with Vong tools thee slay

Jango never wed
Common knowledge that
Sure he fell in love
But soon that was that
Boba was a clone
As Rosebud was a sled
If thou art his mother, then
Thou wilt soon be dead

Oh,
Jango belle
Jango belle
Please to go away
Or we'll portal to thy fic
And with Vong tools thee slay
Jango belle
Jango belle
Please to go away
Or we'll portal to thy fic
And with Vong tools thee slay

Boba has no ma
Should not that be clear?
But you have arrangéd
To disappear
All the canon facts
That get in the way
So beep goes our console and
We portal in today

Oh,
Jango belle
Jango belle
Please to go away
Or we'll portal to thy fic
And with Vong tools thee slay
Jango belle
Jango belle
Please to go away
Or we'll portal to thy fic
And with Vong tools thee slay

This was inspired partly by my boyfriend, who donated the first line, and partly by article 1.6.11 in the FAQ For Other People.

To the tune of "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire."

Badfic roasting on an open flame,
Flamers cackling in the night;
Fanbrats squeal, "OMG, ur so lame!"
And we say, "Yeah, they're kinda right."

Everybody knows that concrit and an open mind
Help to make a fanfic right;
Being mean, being truly unkind
Will only tend to start a fight.

We know that badfic's there today
We know that lots of Mary-Sues are on their way
And every canon's fan is gonna cry
And yet we smile--oh yes; I'll tell you why:

Because the agents of the PPC,
Action, and Infrastructure, too,
Although it is strange, they greet badfic with glee
And make goodfic out of badfic--yes, make goodfic for you.

~Neshomeh

Gosh, I'm relly getting filky. Maybe it's because I have so much Christmas songbooks and the radio stations I listen to constantly play Christmas songs.
But without further ado, here's the filks.

"Joy to the World (The 'Sue is Dead)"
(Sung to the tune of "Joy to the World")

Joy to the world, the 'Sue is dead,
And Canon is restored!
Let songs of joy
Ring through HQ,
For death hath come to 'Sue
For death hath come to 'Sue
For death, for death hath come to 'Sue.

Joy to the 'Verse! The Canon reigns;
May badfic be destroyed!
A glass of Bleepka
we raise in toast,
to goodfic's health and joy,
to goodfic's health and joy,
to goodfic, oh goodfic's health and joy.

Let no more 'Sues and badslash live,
Nor wangst infest the ground!
We'll never rest
For Duty calls
As long as badfic's found,
As long as badfic's found,
As long, as long as badfic's found!

Canon shall rule with truth and grace,
And 'Sues fall at Its feet!
Her doom is near; she stands with fear
For revenge shall be so sweet,
Yes, revenge shall be so sweet,
Yes, revenge, revenge shall be so sweet!


"Away in an RC"
(Sung to the tune of "Away in a Manger")

Away in an RC, a chair for a bed
Two PPC Agents laid down weary heads
The console then "BEEP"-ed and boy, did they yell
Two PPC Agents who're tired as hell

A mission is calling, so now they must wake
But PPC Agents want Bleeprin and breaks
Ironic O'erpower looks down from the sky
And cackles with malice while missions are nigh

Protect all the goodfic and slay all the bad
Though this job is thankless and people go mad
The Canon is thankful for your tender care
So slay all the 'Sues lurking deep in Its lairs

Hope you like.

Sung to the tune of "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch", of course. I couldn't resist using it...
*clears throat and attempts to sing*

You're A Mean One, Mary Sue

You're a mean one, Mary Sue.
You really are a b*tch.
You made Legolas a teenager,
You’ve outdueled Aragorn,
Mary Sue.

You're so damn perfect that
You give me a twitch.

You're a monster, Mary Sue.
You’ve screwed the Canon up.
Your brain is nonexistent,
And you scream of Sparklipoo,
Mary Sue.

You can’t even touch Canon with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You're a vile one, Mary Sue.
You employ much urple prose.
You have all the sappy sweetness
of a giant sugar pill,
Mary Sue.

Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the giant sugar pill.

You're a foul one, Mary Sue.
You're a nasty, wasty slut.
You’ve messed up the numerology,
And you’ve bedded many males,
Mary Sue.

The three words that best describe your fic are as follows, and I quote:
"Stink. Stank. Stunk."

You're a harlot, Mary Sue.
You're the queen of badfic plots.
You’re a walking plothole factory,
using Deus-ex-machina,
Mary Sue.

Your fic is an apalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.

You nauseate me, Mary Sue.
With a nauseous super-naus.
I’ve now run out of my Bleeprin
Reading ‘bout your sparkly horse.
Mary Sue.

You're a physically over-perfect Canon mangler
With glittery blood.

Um...yeah. Hope you like it.

This ought to be singable. I hope so, cos I tried to make it so!

On my first day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
A Faun in a Peter Pevensie.

On my second day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie.

On my third day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my fourth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my fifth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my sixth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my seventh day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Seven Lupins angsting
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my eighth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Eight pregnant Rincewinds
Seven Lupins angsting
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my ninth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Nine Bonds a-frotting
Eight pregnant Rincewinds
Seven Lupins angsting
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my tenth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Ten Doctors shagging
Nine Bonds a-frotting
Eight pregnant Rincewinds
Seven Lupins angsting
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my eleventh day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Eleven beaten Angels
Ten Doctors shagging
Nine Bonds a-frotting
Eight pregnant Rincewinds
Seven Lupins angsting
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

On my twelth day in Bad Slash, the Director sent to me
Twelve holiday fluff-fics
Eleven beaten Angels
Ten Doctors shagging
Nine Bonds a-frotting
Eight pregnant Rincewinds
Seven Lupins angsting
Six lubeless Ronons
Fiiiiive inapprooooopriate riiiiings.
Four bitchy Dracos
Three dumb Sams
Two Elven rapefics
And a Faun in a Peter Pevensie

... and then I snapped.

-grin- Originally O Come, All Ye Faithful. I rather like it, though there really aren't enough verbs ending in the -ore sound that have two syllables. -sigh-

Now I just need to figure out how to not sing this around people who know nothing of the PPC. I'll get some very strange looks.


O come, all ye Agents,
Gleeful and psychotic,
O come ye, O come ye to Rivendell.
Come and behold her, born the Queen of Arda;
O come, let us adore her,
O come, let us ignore her,
O come, let us deplore her,
Mary the Sue.

O charge, dear Assassins,
Charge in exultation,
Charge her that tramples on Tolkien’s holy word.
Give to the guilty no trial or quarter;
O come, let us adore her,
O come, let us ignore her,
O come, let us deplore her,
Mary the Sue.

Lo! see the Balrog,
Durin’s Bane approaches,
O Sue! stand and greet thy doom; do not dare to run.
Hail to the canon, now slowly restoring;
O come, let us adore her,
O come, let us ignore her,
O come, let us deplore her,
Mary the Sue.


Please to not be remarking on the punctuation. >.> Punctuating songs is not my favorite thing in the history of ever.

Agent Madison Stephanie O'Grady sings "Why it Got so Hot in The Disentangler's TARDIS Back in May".

On my first day interning, the Suethors messed up with
A Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my second day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my third day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my fourth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my fifth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my sixth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my seventh day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Seven Dalek Sithlords
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my eighth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Eight Twi'leks on Earth
Seven Dalek Sithlords
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my ninth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Nine Starfleet Hobbits
Eight Twi'leks on Earth
Seven Dalek Sithlords
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my tenth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Ten kids of Sauron
Nine Starfleet Hobbits
Eight Twi'leks on Earth
Seven Dalek Sithlords
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my eleventh day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Eleven fangirl Kirk!Sues
Ten kids of Sauron
Nine Starfleet Hobbits
Eight Twi'leks on Earth
Seven Dalek Sithlords
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

On my twelfth day interning, the Suethors messed up with
Twelve Narnia 'cest fics
Eleven fangirl Kirk!Sues
Ten kids of Sauron
Nine Starfleet Hobbits
Eight Twi'leks on Earth
Seven Dalek Sithlords
Six Drall on Riven
Five Extra Rings
Four Narnian Birds
Three Earth quiss
Two Jedi Elves
And a Time Lord in the Fellowship

*cue pyrotechnics*

What teen is this, whom Suethor wrote,
On Legolas' lap is weeping?
Whom hobbits greet with anthems sweet
While Agents watch are keeping?

This, this is a Mary-Sue
Whom hobbits love and elf-boys woo
Haste, haste to kill her now
This monster, this Sue called Mary

Why lie she in fair Rivendel
Where Council now is meeting?
Good fandom, fear, the Sue is near
She's messed up all the seating.

Sword, bow will pierce her through
The PPC will slay the Sue.
Hail, hail the Agents bold
They've killed this Sue called Mary

So bring them bleeprin and a towel
To wipe off all the glitter
Let no Sues sing in Lord of Rings
If she comes, we will hit her.

Raise, raise a cheer for you
Let joy ring over all HQ
Joy, joy, the Sue is dead
That dreadful Sue called Mary.

On the first Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
A Suethor in a Whomping Willow Tree.

On the second Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Two Transdimensional Pocket Knives
(Refrain)

On the third Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Three 'Sues asinging
(Refrain)

On the fourth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Four Minis abegging
(Refrain)

On the fifth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Five One Rings,
(Refrain)

On the sixth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Six Agents atwitching
(Refrain)

On the seventh Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Seven bottles of Bleeprin
(Refrain)

On the eighth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Eight Pages of That Series,
(Refrain)

On the ninth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
'Naturally Nine' from Elrond
(Refrain)

On the tenth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Ten Tubes of Dubious Lube
(Refrain)

On the eleventh Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Elevent Self-Inserts
(Refrain)

On the twelfth Day of Christmas, the Flowers sent to me...
Twelve nm&nms, eleven self-inserts, ten tubes of Dubious Lube, 'Naturally Nine' from Elrond, eight pages from That Series, seven bottles of Bleeprin, six Agents atwitching, five One Rings, four Minis abegging, three 'Sues asinging and a Suethor in a Whomping Willow Tree!


That's all I got. Feel free to add or subtract stuff from this guys! And a safe and happy Wintertime for you Boarders in the Northern Hemisphere (And muchly ice and coldness for those in the Southern).

With recordingy things? As soon as I have a functioning computer, that is? *Bounce?*

*Will also probably write something*

Should there be a wiki page for these...?

I think I'll try to do a Hanukkah song. We'll see how much time I have.

~Zoe~

Maybe I'll try it. Could be interesting, yes it could my precious.

Do you like fire? Here's some candles with colored flames; I can't cook well enough for a cake.

Happy birthday!

*presents you with a sackful of pebbles and a basket of Bleeprin-berries*

I did the maths (on my fingers! who needs mental arithmetic?) before reading your post, and was slightly disturbed. Because, happy birthday etc, but if you've officially just started your second decade doesn't that mean you've just turned ten?

As the lovely Makari and Oozaru Angel pointed out, I am actually entering my third decade, as I am turning twenty, not ten. Thanks for the tip, guys! This just goes to show that no matter how old you get, you will still make all sorts of silly mistakes. Excuse me while I go bang my head against the wall a few times.

Don't do anything that'll require bleepka to remove it from your mind! ;)

*throws confetti*

I gift you with bleepolate. And a few thermal detonators from Agent Brenden Sanderson. Just don't let his partner know he's handing out explosives...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR FIVE_REDCLAWED, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

Have a double-bladed lightspork. And an extra-large WALL-E plushie.

Have some Anti-Lustin bombs and ammo!

Though, technically, I think your second decade starts when you're eleven. Still! Lillies from Kumori and chocolate from me! Happy birthday!

Welcome to the decade in which you find yourself saying, "yeesh, I feel old. I'm not supposed to be old!"

Heh. And yes, of course you're allowed. We allow a lot of off-topic stuff, as long as there aren't too many new posts at once. Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, Lawrie-claws. ^_^ I remember you.

Finals yay. x.X Good luck with yours. : )

Waitaminute. Shouldn't you be entering your third decade, not your second?

Hi. You don't know me either, but have you seen the Chainsaw Man, just in case? *absently chucks pieces of purple eraser at nothing in particular* Here, have some purple stuffs. Although, not that Purple Stuff.

Welcome back! I present you with a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object.

Welcome back! Nice name. *gives graduated cylinder*

I just joined recently, that's why. Have a Prinny suit anyway. If you don't know what it does, it increases all your stats by a large amount, but it makes you add "-dood" to the end of every sentence, like this, dood. Warning: Make sure you are not picked up and thrown while wearing one, as you may have to wait at the nearest Netherworld hospital to be resurrected from the explosion.

Have a Suenicorn haggis and an earworm. The earworm is Blackmore's Night's song "Loreley".

I don't remember you, but seeing as I've only been here a bit under four years that's not so surprising.

Anyway, hope you'll enjoy your second round a'Board as much or more than the first, and have a welcome-back pet mongoose. It eats Sues, pocket lint... heck, it basically eats anything it can get its paws on. Head down to the PPC Mongoose Shelter to pick one up, and name it what you will.

Elcalion, celebratory

Y'already know where the wiki is, so all I got is a 'welcome back' as well, rabies optional.

I've lost track how long I've been here. It's either been two years or three. I think two. Probably two.

As for procrastinating... I'm in the middle of my exam period and instead of studying, I keep writing about gay pirates.

I do remember you. Not as a fellow-Boarder, but from some bit of fanfiction I read a while ago... I'm certain it was a Mary Sue parody (understandably), and I'm inclined to think it was in the Redwallverse.

Pleased to finally make your acquaintance, anyway. *offers chocolate*

I've only been around for about a year, so I don't really remember you. But hi anyway! *gifts you with bleeproducts*

Ahhh, procrastination. When used properly, I find it can help me write some stellar essays.

*goes to work on her bio homework*

You reviewed me and we chatted briefly back when I was writing the Guide To Redwall Mary Sue! (I wince when I look at it now, but it was pretty good for a fourteen-year-old's work.) Nice to see you again.

I've even been meaning to start up a support group with people enjoying, I mean, suffering from it. I might do that tomorrow.
Anywho, welcome! I gift you with a truckload of Bleepolate, some in the shape of plovers, most not. Also, if you find a Ypur or two in there, let me know.

Artic ~ Who is quickly losing track of the 875 Ypurs.

Welcome to the PPC. adn don;t worry. I have no social skills either. Here, have a book on how 50 ways to kill a sue with a rusty spork. Drake made it himself.

You won't know me, because I've only been around a year or so, but that's all right. Have some bleeprin!

It's not bad, it's just an illustration of the universal truth that Morbid Curiosity is unconquerable. Even in the face of essays.

Hi! Pleased to meet you.

I've been writing strange stories about Merlin instead of studying for final exams, so you're in good company.

They certainly wouldn't define themselves by HP terms, but HP characters might define them by what they know. In the case of Piper, she's from an old witch family, but her father was mortal, so Lucius would probably consider her a halfblood.

Even when we're technically grown-ups?

Love it.

is a great name for a metal band.

I like that microwave design. I might have to build something similar...

Out of curiosity, would you mind if I borrowed the concept for some DoSAT shorts?

(and there's a christmas present on its way to you from lego - I finally managed to convince them that I want to be billed in one country and have the parts shipped to another)

... Freewebs is playing up at the moment, so you might need to refresh a couple of times to see it.

hS