Sep 2008 Archive, part c

"Hey head!"
"Hey desk! Long time no see!"
"Yeah...did you flunk a pop quiz again?"
"No...I read this article about five baffling sex scenes in Fanfiction..."
"Ooh, that's bad. Go pester someone to get you some Bleepovour."
"I feel like mixing Stuffs with Bleeprin myself..."


*BOOOM*

One of the comments has the link for a Hitler/Jesus slash. Worse than any of the five mentioned, I would think.

Hilarious. Also slightly traumatizing, as I had no idea stuff like this existed. o.O

The article made it funny, which is good because otherwise I think I might have tried to break something.

Thanks for posting the link. :) Laughter is a good thing.

There was a link on Deleterius, I think - someone wanted to spork #2. Not sure how that turned out, but yeah. I remember staring at the screen and going 'guh?' at #1, but the others I just found hilarious. Meh.

I needed a good laugh, thanks for posting this!

All those pairings could probably make amusing crackfic, although Weasley Twins/Lance Bass is a bit hard to set up, and twincest kinda not my thing (okay, I'll be honest, none of those are 'my thing', before you get any ideas, but incest is one of my very few 'just ... no' things).

Correct me if I'm wrong though, but I'd nominate Kurt Cobain/Axl Rose for 'most baffling sex scene in fanfic history'. It sure as hell baffled me.

Picard. Elrond. Picard. El- NO. Just... no *shudder*

*chugs Bleepulan Ale*

I really shouldn't have eaten before reading that.

... "Little Miss Mary", too. But their examples were pretty hilarious, if not quite as brain-breaking.

...I saw the first few words of #5 and had to leave.

I am filthy-minded. I have a little taste for such things where humor is concerned, as long as it's witty and well-written.

But?

DO. NOT. WAAAAAAAAANT.

*hugs poor Picard*

*grabs as much Bleepolate and Bleepulan Ale as is possible*

You could also do an exorcism.

It looks that way to me. Personally, I ship H/Hr, but not to the extent that I'd boycott the book if they didn't get together.

(Although I did bitch about it for a while back then.)

But I can help slightly with the HP. Apparently before the release of HPDH, there was a petition going around for J.K Rowling to pair Harry with Hermione, and enforcing this by threatening to boycot (sp?) the book if she did not go to their whims.
Even more amusing, after the seventh book was finally published, a second petition went around demanding that Rowling REWRITE the entire Book, with Harry and Hermione getting together. Around the same time, a third petition went around, demanding that the 7th book should be withdrawn and instead of Rowling publishing it, a Fanfic writer who supported the Harry/Hermione pairing, write it instead.
I was rather amused at that...

As Rilwen said, if it's a Stu replacing a canon character you can kill them. The proper course of action would also have been to first locate the canon character before killing the replacement.

I think there's a few stories out there where agents kill the replacement character. I'm about to write one.

Your agents may still have to file a report on why they did not report on the whereabouts of Gerron in the first place.

Don't think you killed a canon.

Also, the 'Harmonians' being the main cause, try here, which has a list of 'wanks' where nutty H/Hr shippers were involved.

but I can for the H/Hr wars. Basically, JKR was interviewed by two fansite owners - Melissa and Emerson, who run The LEaky Cauldron and Mugglenet respectively - and she was asked a question about shippers. JKR said something about 'anvil sized hints' that it was gonna be Ron/Hermione rather than Harry/Hermione. On top of that, Emerson called the H/Hr shippers 'delusional' and the H/Hr fans went batshit.

I mean, the sane ones didn't. Most H/Hr shippers, I'm sure, got a bit annoyed, but didn't start writing letters to JKR and boycotting the series. But the batshit ones did, and that's why everyone thinks ALL H/Hr shippers are batshit. The main focus of the war was between H/Hr 'Harmonian' shippers and R/Hr shippers. And, yeah. So Harmonian shippers got a bad press while the R/Hr shippers came out scot free. Fandom_Wank will have reams on it, but I'm not sure of the links, and since their main purpoe is to make fun of everything, I don;t know how much you'lll find.

Wow, long post is long. Hope I could help!

Darn, I knew I was forgetting something. Bad news? I haven't touched it. Good news? I've officially finished school, so I'm up to my eyeballs in freetime.

So, one MST, coming right up.

There are a handful of places that try hard to distrubute all the public domain they can get their hands on. Apparently there's one for sheet music, too, though I can't find it.

It came from JKR's diary section on her home page on May 14 2007. You can find them all posted here: http://www.hp-lexicon.info/about/sources/jkr.com/jkr-com-diary.html#13

But the one in question reads as such:
May 14, 2007

A couple of weeks ago (April 28th, if you want to go and search the archive) the Potter fansite The Leaky Cauldron posted an editorial on potential spoilers for "Deathly Hallows". It made me laugh, but I was also incredibly moved and grateful.

We're a little under three months away, now, and the first distant rumblings of the weirdness that usually precedes a Harry Potter publication can be heard on the horizon. The Leaky Cauldron's early mission statement on spoilers (ie, don't, and we're not putting them up if you do) is deeply appreciated by yours truly.

I add my own plea to Melissa's for one reason, and one only: I want the readers who have, in many instances, grown up with Harry, to embark on the last adventure they will share with him without knowing where they are they going.

Some, perhaps, will read this and take the view that all publicity is good publicity, that spoilers are part of hype, and that I am trying to protect sales rather than my readership. However, spoilers won't stop people buying the book, they never have - all it will do is diminish their pleasure in the book.

There will always be sad individuals who get their kicks from ruining other people's fun, but while sites like Leaky take such an active stance against them, we may yet win. Even if the biggest secret gets out - even if somebody discovers the Giant Squid is actually the world's largest Animagus, which rises from the lake at the eleventh hour, transforms into Godric Gryffindor and... well, I wouldn't like to spoil it.


Anyways, point is, as a few of you have mentioned, it seems to have been intended as a joke. But you know how things go in the fanfiction world. I bet there's a fic out there using Godric Gryffindor = Giant squid as the formula for a cringe-worthy story.


--Boo

'It was revealed by J.K. Rowling, while making a joke, that Godric Gryffindor is still alive: he is the Giant Squid that lives in Hogwarts' lake, and thus makes him the biggest Animagus in the Wizarding World. At the eleventh hour of each night; the Squid transforms back into Gryffindor, who wanders the school grounds before returning to his Squid form. This explains why the Squid, despite its dangerous-looking appearance, is kind and gentle in nature (revealed when he saved Dennis Creevey from drowning).'

She did say it while joking though, so it's possible it may not be true. I'll have a look around for the interview though. I'll keep you posted.

This is... weird. Fascinating if it's true, but... where did you find it? I drop into mugglenet every day and I haven't heard a word about it.

Er, really? o.O

*resists urge to pounce on usage of 'begs the question'* Huh. Interesting. It would explain so much, and yet leave so much unexplained. You found this tidbit where?

This has my curiosity peaked.

Heavens, that epilogue must have been only the beginnings of the evidence that she'd snapped.

How on earth did none of the students rampaging around out of bed late at night not run into him?

How did he live this long?

What's the *point* of this concept?

JKR, you're mad.

Arti, you got a source for this? If it's an interview or something I would rather like to read all of it.

Y'know, I totally would have picked a lion for his Animagus form, since all the symbolism points that way...

...but then again, what says courage and nobility like the avatar of Great Cthulhu himself?
Gryffindor? Squid? I seriously fail to see a connection here, despite the fact that I like squid.

But hell, why listen to me? I'm just a Ravenclaw, babbling on about logic in the corner over here... I mean, that's pretty cool, but the giant squid?

... and wave a sign saying [Citation needed].

No, I did not know that.

hS

The European Beech has a life span of 150-200 years, but can live to 300. There is no life expectancy given for any of the other species (Japanese, Chinese, American etc).

For anything other than fanfic, particularly anything that's going to be published (is it?), I take jobs that pay, and I don't suppose that's going to happen here. I also really don't have time right now. Sorry.

I'll be happy to give it a shot. He/She can send it to winter@trashymail.com

Longer version: yes, leaving this one open for big RPs and the like.

hS

Would be something out of Hellsing. Perhaps a horde of Millenium Vampires would do the trick.

Or perhaps The Anon horde might be A good idea. On all accounts They seem to have a loathing for furries, if only for their susceptability to trolling. They are highly chaotic, filled with controlled rage and hate for their enemies on their *chans.

Warhammer 40k seems good if only for the Orks.

Are any of these Good?

And though I haven't read about Death, drow, or daleks, I still thought it was amusing.

Since I can guess what the other fandom might be, I have to wave a little caution flag for the sake of my sanity. Isn't part of the idea to keep Redwall's innocence intact? And to show how bad fanfic is bad? If the pure, undiluted canon is trying to kill everyone, it's a slightly strained message.

I'm not saying it's a bad idea; I'm just saying choose wisely.

~Neshomeh

Though I might suggest a little more dramatic talk...I mean, the tomb's URPLE! They ought to sound more horrified!
And the echoey effect sounds as if the announcement's in Chinese. Haha.
[/critic]

Otherwise, it's sheer awesomeness. Tis a pity that my stinkers of little brothers seem to have deleted my files on my electric keyboard for the soundtrack and the computer with Audacity and the mike crashed....

I don't have the resources to record my lines.

I am having trubble saving my lines as mp3 files, or anyother file other than an audacity file. How do I do it?

Leto

Was I supposed to receive a script? xD I remember signing up...and my computer can take Audacity now, hurrah!

*huggles the echo*

The echo makes me happy...

And I'm afraid the weird background noise on some of Library's lines may be my fault. Don't have the most stellar of microphones.

It's nice to have progress. ^_^

A few things, though--it's hard to understand the announcement at the start of the clip, there's a weird background noise to Library's lines, and some of July's lines seem to fade out. I don't know how much you can do about stuff like that, but there it is.

Incidentally, if you need back-up voices, or if my lines need to be re-done for any reason, I can do that.

~Neshomeh

And it is quite funny. You should listen!

Also adding my request for lines to Trojie's. And to those whose emails and IMs I have... I'll be aaafter youuuuuu...

Not really, but you'll get poked every now and then.

...'cause that just made a mess when it BLEW MY MIND.

I wish I had a computer that could handle spore.

Spent an entire day just playing that game. Soooooo much fun!

Well, I know the names, but that ain't no possession fic. More like a crack!fic that was proudly brought to you by the letters 'WTF'.

OKay, then.... I don't get it. That might be because I have no clue who the characters are, but it still sounds bizarre. Huh?

Personally, I don't feel to comfortable with this. Now I admit I haven't been around in a while, but to throw my two cents in from what I remember when I first joined, the point was to keep the canons in canon.

You could pick up Sues or Minor Characters in fan fics for agents if you wanted to, or just create someone, but canons were off limits for a variety of reasons.

One of those being Lust Object. Throwing a canon into a room full of crazed agents who may lust after them is begging for trouble. It's bad enough that the agents have to deal with their lust objects in the Fics, but to tempt them with a canonically acting canon? It's not fair.

But this is just my two cents.

~Kips

About the alternate universe characters- those of you who have played Kngihts of the Old Republic will recognize this name- I suggest one of the million and something versions of Revan running around, whether from a specific fanfic or the author's imagination.

Basically, Knights of the Old Republic is a role playing game set 4,000 years pre-Star Wars movies. If you want a more detailed explanation of the plot, you can look it up, but Revan is an ex-Sith Lord who gets captured by the Jedi, mind-wiped, and sent to defeat his/her apprentice Malak.

The canon has Revan being lightside and male, but for the alternate universe side of it, there are all sorts of weird options. You can make Revan female or a dark sider in the game, not to mention messing around with his/her assumed name, but for the purpose of being really AU, it would also be possible to give him/her his/her memories back, or somehting. Anyone else like this idea?(Please, let not the overuse of slash marks by for nothing)

We need to be really, really careful about how we do this. There is Canonical precedent, IIRC, we've got a copy of Voyager's Doctor working in medical (from TOS, actually). However, I would like to set some ground rules for borrowing Canonical characters (debate is welcome, of course).

First, and most importantly, we can't take characters out of the main continuity of their universe. We're here to protect the Canon, and that definitely includes the characters therein. Rescuing Wash, for instance, was rather borderline - I'm willing to let it stand as Canon, (and keep Wash around), but please, don't do it again?

Effectively, this limits us to pulling characters from AUs - while I'm no expert on alternate universe physics, I would suggest that the AU both has to be rather drastically different from the main Canon, and have been running for a long time - enough time and difference to (metaphysically) separate them from their Canonical counterparts.

The second rule I would suggest is that ex-Canons shouldn't be field agents. Mentioning that Sam is now working for DoSAT is fine, writing one-shots about her getting used to the job and her new co-workers is fine, stealing Luke Skywalker to kill 'sues with is definitely not.

Ultimately, the rule is "write maturely". This is the PPC - we're a band of crazy people going crazier while fighting the growing flood of badfic. We are not an insert-your-favorite-character sitcom.

That's my take, anyways. Discussion is welcome.

You are so much better at this sort of thing than me. I like the idea, but you knew that already.

That's absolutely fine -- in fact, it's better than fine. :P And there will be more episodes at some point... whenever I get bored enough to make one, I guess.

hS

Any reason why this particular drink, though? What continuum is it from?

It sounds like some wierd potion or science experiment. x]

Just checking-something like that does not possibly sound like it's drawback-free.

Mega Kick! Blaze Kick! Hi Jump Kick! Rolling Kick! Double Kick! Triple Kick! Jump Kick! Low Kick!

There we go.

I thought it had gone for good this time...

I think we can safely say we are not going to run out of spam for a very long time.

And at least we have this established refuge now, thanks to the quick thinking of the oldbies last time.

*ponders* Maybe it was just waiting for us to let down our guard and return, then it could attempt to stampede us to death.

Hah. Well, we're tougher than that, right, guys and gals? *takes out a big PPC flag and waves it* Forward the Buffs!

Can;t it catch a virus or something?

Jackass spambot.

*thwaps flood-bot with Ban-hammer*

(For those who missed it, the flood-bot paid us a brief visit last night. The evidence has been removed.)

Agent Eledhwen was happily minding her own buisness strolling down the hallways trying to look innocent and not hurried at all. In reality, she was in a rush and needed to get back to her RC before her partner Christianne realizes that she was gone.
Don't think about RC#L0121F4114C3... she reminded herself every other second. Don't think about the fact that you're in a hurry. She tried to calm herself down as she walked on and on in the endless hallways of gray.
THUMP. THUMP.
Eledhwen nearly jumped three feet in the air. "What was that?" she murmured as she looked around her wildly.
THUMP THUMP THUMPITY THUMP THUMP.
Eledhwen's hand tightened on the hilt of her sword. She looked around again, but her elven eyesight revealed nothing.
"It's probably upstairs," the part-time Assassin told herself. "Nothing special. I suppose it's just another two or more Agents getting frisky or something. Christy has often complained about our neighbors..."
She never finished that thought because a whole herd of ram-like creatures suddenly popped out of a random plot hole, thundering down the corridor.
And Eledhwen was in their way.

"Confusticate that elleth!" snarled Christianne. "She must have snuck out while I was taking my nap." The Assassin stormed out the door and down the corridor.
She was in such a rage (Not to mention that she was easily provoked, so a small issue like sneaking out when she was sleeping gets her positively fuming when she finds out.) that she tripped right over something on the ground. Christianne looked down, ready to shoot a stream of expletives at it. She refrained from doing so, however, when she saw who was lying on the ground.
It was Eledhwen. Or rather, Eledhwen run over by a bunch of stampeding Ypurs. Christianne groaned. "It looks like I'm going to have to lug her sorry ass over to Medical, then," she grumbled to herself as she picked up the unconscious elleth and started making her way over to Medical.

Stepped through. He was not supposed to be here. However, after his supposedly exemplary service at the raid on the New Caledonia DIA headquarters*; his employers had cut him some slack. Sneaking up on a pack of unwary Ypurs, he threw his net at them, catching half of the pack and scaring off the rest. He then threw the net into the portal and ran off, looking for more to catch. Activating his personal SEP Field projector(which he won from TM*), he went to the Cafeteria.

*Not posted yet. It's in part two of The New Caledonia Escapades: A test of the Psyche. Link to part one is here: http://wikimaster.livejournal.com/1459.html(I asked if I could tack on new plot elements into the PPC, like this story).

*Tleilaxu Master and future agent. appears in the story on the link.

PS: Sorry for any grammatical errors!

"What in the world are those things?" She asked her partner, not looking away from the creatures.

"Ypurs," Georgia replied, hiding behind the older woman, "You remember, right? That spambot invasion a few weeks ago? We lost the spambot but someone decided to keep the Ypurs."

"Must have missed it," Kumori said. She lifted one hand above her head and it began to glow.

"I think they'll be upset if you kill them!" Georgia reprimanded her, taking a few steps back anyway.

"Those things broke down our door and crushed my favourite dodecahedron bush!" The green haired Ex-sue growled, "Like hell I'm letting them get away with that!"

never know about these.

Nat stomped down the hallway, Cassie and the minis trailing close behind. The lanky girl was muttering under her breath. "Goddamn incompetent people not putting proper security on the place and now we're stuck with clearing it up can't get five minutes' peace in this place only just got back off the last mission..."

Cassie, on the other hand, seemed perfectly happy to be out of the RC and was entertaining herself tossing bits of bacon towards the minis. As she threw a piece to Giml, she accidentally dropped one of the sausages she'd been carrying to lure the Ypurs out with.

She didn't notice, but the Ypur lurking around the corner did. Greenlead, who had hung back to investigate something he'd found interesting lying on the floor, growled and snapped at the blue-furred creature that scurried out to claim the sausage. On hearing the growl, Cassie turned round.

"Nat! Nat, we found one!" she yelled, dashing towards the Ypur which, unsurprisingly, dashed off as fast as it could. The two agents and their minis took up the chase with enthusiasm, all previous traces of Nat's earlier mood gone.

The figures emerged, plucked capriciously from the womb of a hapless writer's mind before their time. They had no distinct form, for their genesis was not yet complete, and had settled on no details concerning their appearance. They were without name, for the whim of the uncaring powers that brought them here had not yet seen fit to grant them such. Indeed, so hazy and ill-formed were they that they were little more than figures of mist, animated only by the brightly burning spark of the idea in each, a spark that burned in the smoke that formed them. Even their voices were little more than indistinct whispers, though one seemed to have affected a French accent and a feminine tone, while the other was just as clearly male, and bore a drawl distinctive to those who knew of the planet Catachan-or alternatively, the mythical land known as Texas.

But these figures were not to be dismissed, for what their creator had not yet granted them in description, he had gifted them in firepower. While some of their weapons were little more than indistinct haze themselves, others were not...

Two Ypurs immediately fell to the neural shredders on loan from the Callidus Temple, mental activity hopelessly scrambled by the arcane weaponry, while a third barely dove out of the way of a hail of fire from the needle pistol one of the mist-shrouded figures bore.

It didn't help. A psyk-out grenade bounced around the corner, courtesy of an expert throw by one of the figures, despite the fact that it had no solid hands to speak of. The Ypur never awoke, silenced by the point-blank blast from the neuro shredder that followed as the unborn figures silently moved down the corridor, so indistinct that they barely seemed to register at all to the naked eye, save for that burning heart of the idea within...

Three had been cut down. There would be more to come. The figures shared what might have been a smile, had they faces to smile with, and continued down the corridor, shredders level.

Ansela ducked behind a half-open door, out of sight of the Ypurs stampeding through the cross section ahead of her. She didn't like the things, therefore she didn't even want to look at them.

"Stop hiding, Ansela, and help me out here," Risa resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she watched the Ypurs. "I cannot handle this number of these creatures by myself."

"I ain't coming out and you can't make me," Ansela scowled and reached for her zat, knowing the Shinigami could quite easily drop her in the middle of the Ypurs without being harmed herself if she wanted to. Activating the energy weapon, which looked rather like a stylised snake, she went to stand by her partner. "Can I kill just one of them?"

"We do not yet know what the consequences for killing one of these creatures are," Risa snapped, her eyes closed as she concentrating on focusing her energy.

"Whatever," Ansela's hand snapped up and squeezed the trigger of her zat, blue energy bolts arcing out and striking the Ypurs. Any that were hit collapsed instantly, knocked out by the Goa'uld stun weapon.

"Geki!" Risa yelled, thrusting her palm forwards at the Ypurs. Several of them stopped, paralysed by the red light that engulfed them.

"W00t, we got them!" Ansela did a victory dance, waving her zat above her head madly. Suddenly Risa shoved her backwards, barely pulling her out of the way of an enraged Ypur.

"Do not celebrate until they are all unconscious or restrained," Risa barked, before spinning round to face the dozen Ypurs that were still standing. "Geki!" Three more Ypurs were restrained by the paralysing red light. "Rikujōkōrō!" One more was caught by six rods of light, which crashed into it from all directions. "Sajō sabaku!" A thick chain wrapped around two of the Ypurs, binding them together from head to tail and preventing them from moving. "Hyapporankan!" A spear of light formed in her hand, which multiplied into a hundred when she threw it, driving the rest of the Ypurs back and impaling the limbs of two of them. Ansela's zat hummed four more times, knocking out the last four Ypurs and preventing them from breaking down the wall of glowing spears.

"You the gal, Risa," Ansela grabbed her partner and pulled her into a kiss, a wicked grin on her face. "Ansela and Risa 1, Ypurs 0."

"We should call Agent Lunac to return these to their proper place. He should be pleased to find that his burden has been lessened by seventeen escaped Ypurs."

"STU-PE-FY!" said Omicron, and nailed an Ypur with a stun blast. The Ypur photo-negatived and collapsed, out like a light.

Tawaki and Dustin were on their way to the mail room when they ran across four Ypurs. Tawaki cursed in Romulan and sent a message to the DIA.
"Here we go again," sighed Dustin.

Tawaki drew his DL-44, set to stun. Dustin pulled out a pencil-sized device called a Sonic Smiter, recently confiscated from a Forgotten Realms/Doctor Who crossover that shipped Drizzt with Rose. Dustin pointed it at an Ypur and activated it. There came a noise not unlike Sue-squealing, and an Ypur went down. A blast of expanding blue rings from Tawaki's blaster and another went down. K-9 took the other two down.

Very nice! The US one made me laugh, especially since most of the stuff in there remains depressingly true...ah, well. Hope there's another one coming soon!

The Onion's US entry is hilarious.

Tia and Car'rok said to thank Agent Undis for playing their favorite song, and that they started celebrating as soon as it started.

Undis Closed is very good at comic timing, and I rather like his pick of songs too.

If he's taking requests, as he seems to be, I wonder if he'd be willing to advertise the Movie with that little mockup our sound technician Trojanhorse did. *ducks and hides under the table* Yes Trojie I did say that I thought it'd be a good way to get more viewers but if you don't like the idea can everyone please forget I said anything to do with it.

Also, could we have "Battle Without Honor Or Humanity"? It's a favourite of mine.

I'm delighted. Also had to do a double take when you mentioned the countries I suggested. ^-^
I really need to get myself a copy of that Onion atlas- its sporking of my native land had me laughing at about every line. (of course, Agent Closed's calm English accent helps quite a bit...)


Cheers!

Thanks, everyone! And to anyone who is still thinking of volunteering...it's not too late!

What I'm thinking of is dividing this mission up into four parts: one part for every episode of the miniseries. For those of you who haven't see Lost in Austen, you can go onto Wikipedia and figure out where the episodes begin and end from the plot summary there. Then, simply choose your (least) favorite episode and e-mail me *points above*. That way, the poor agents will get some relief from the badfic. Don't worry...you can all be present for the no doubt gruesome ending of Amanda Price (though I haven't decided what that will be, yet. Red-hot shoes are very tempting).

Thanks for volunteering!

*jumps onto the wagon*
Count Agents Christianne and Eledhwen in. We've seen the show and it reeks of Mary Sue-ism.
*Agent Christianne looks through her poison supply*
*Agent Eledhwen sharpens her sword and knives*

You can have Ansela and Risa for a cameo if you wish. They know nothing of the source material, but will quite happily go along with a mob. Ansela will anyway. Risa's there to keep her from killing/poisoning/sleeping with the wrong person.

Kill it with fire and much pointy objects!

I think they might feel rather at home with this one, considering their home continuum.

Kill. Her.

Count Ecru and Avada in, after I finish their first mission and watch the recorded programs. Admittedly, I haven't sen the first ep but if YouTube has it, then I'll watch it as soon as possible.

In in in. She married Darcy?

I got through the first episode thanks to you-bloody-tube and that was MORE than enough. I mean, if Jane was so vulnerable as to nearly DIE from the cold, would Mrs Bennet have sent her out the first time? *strangles*

Admittedly, I didn't hate the Sue character too much. Amanda, I think her name was. She wasn't infuriating; it was all the things the scriptwriters did FOR her that was worst. Not that she wasn't bad, just... blegh.

That said, Araeph, do you want us all to watch all those horrid episodes or will you give us a run-down of events so we know exactly what's going on?

But count Agent Trojie in, so very much.

Beaver (possessed): What are those two menances that smell like metal and dragons doing here? I'm sure that draconic one is evil. And the metallic one must be an accomplice! I do hope Aslan will sort them out. He did get rid of the Witch.

Beaver (unpossessed): Thank Aslan! These two must have been sent by him. That little blondie menance must go. She is no Pevensie, that's right. She doesn't smell like them. But those two peace-bringers also smell strange...

I gift thee with an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated...and, hey, it whisks eggs! However, it may also be utilized in the whisking of author wraiths and spambots. Use it for good and not evil.

Welcome to the insanity!

Hivemind? Your request for an acid maw biomorph on the Agent of your choice has been approved. Welcome to the looney bin.

Yeah, that's right. I give pokes.

Anyway.

You need permission to actually PPC a 'fic, so for that you need to Page the Permission Givers with a sample of your writing and a link to the badfic in question, and... I think your agents? And they'll look around and give you an answer. Those I can think of are Techno_Dann and Huinesoron, and... Tawaki? I don't remember.

Anyway.

*poke*

Enjoy your stay a'Board, hope to see you around, have a whisk and a pair of fireproof gloves, good luck!

Welcome to the PPC, and here's an egg!

No clue what'll hatch from it.

Welcome to the PPC. have a list of sporkable fics and a heavily edited version of Celerbrain, for dare readings.

Trust me, you'll need it. Welcome to the PPC!

Now, let's take a looky here. You wrote that story, huh? Well, I know everyone on the PPC has a story they're ashamed of. I myself have hidden mine in the Land of the Gods, guarded by the Dragons of Eternity across the River of Lost Souls.
Anyways, it's really up to you. Firstly, you need ot gian permission to write in the PPC Universe, however. We do have a time-period for that, about a month of active participation on either of the Boards, and then one of our handy-dandy Permission Givers should give you the ok.

ANd it's really up to you about how you PPC. You could MST your story, PPC it, Reference it, dress it in drag and force it to do the hula (I support that one!), it's really up to you.

Anyways, that's all I've got. Be careful, there are a few marbles rolling around here. We don't talk about them, simply bow to them in respect and shuffle them on.

Greetings, hail and well met, and other such phrases!

As a newbie, I gift thee with a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object!

Now, I believe you're enquiring about fic claimage? I don't know whether anyone else has gven you this advice, but I'll say it anyway. When it comes to writing missions and whatnot, the general consensus is that you should hang around the Board for a month or so, chatting and letting everyone get used to you and your style. During that time, most people tend to work on creating and developing their Agents.

At the end of that month, you post a message for the Permission Givers, asking for Permission to write missions. In that post you should include a writing sample or link thereto, a description of your Agents, and possibly a link to the fic you intend to tackle.

*deep breath* Now that's over with, I'd like to welcome you to the Board. Other people should be along shortly to give out presents and advice.

If anyone links you to something called C*l*br**n, That Series, or anything else labelled Legendary Badfic, for the sake of your brain DO NOT READ IT. They're Legendary for a reason. If you've already seen them, however, feel free to disregard this friendly warning.

Lovely to have you here!

Oh, it is brave of you to spork your own fanfic. Normally people wouldn't want to do that. It still has a little sentimental value, after all.
(but I've MSTed two of mine, so I shouldn't talk)

Anyways, have a graduated cylinder! Not only does it measure fluids, but it also has a Master's degree and a graduation cap to boot. Very handy in scientific "experiments" regarding Mary Sues and such.

*laughs like a thing demented* I knew it.

Now that I've got that out of my system, ah, hi! *waves* Here, have a- um- *digs through pile of stuff* -a katamari! It seems vaguely appropriate. (Plus, always useful if the King goes on another bender.)

Actually, I would have treated it as Bad Slash, or… worked something out for Bad Parody, actually. Moot point, though, since I don't intend to take it (got a couple others, and… not sure about taking fics that I know the MSTs of anyway)- so I figure, go for it, once you've got permission and all.

And I see you have seen the MST! Awesome. We're… not 'round kingdomspork so much, though, these days- there was a problem with spam a while back, and we couldn't get in touch with the mod (pretty sure modship and so forth couldn't be transferred, either)- so most folks are at heartlessfics, and Lynx and Tegu's sporkings are at snakesonasora.

… We have a hivemind? Why does no one tell me these things.

Anyway. Hi, and welcome! (And Floaters has its advantages and disadvantages, too. *grin*)

I gift thee with an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and whisks not only eggs, but spambots and author wraiths, too! Use it for good and not evil.

Welcome to the insanity! Enjoy your stay! XDDD

(Because if Trojie's advertising Bad Slash, I must wave my flag for the Department of Mary Sues.)

Welcome, welcome, welcome! Have a Transdimensional Pocket Knife, a chain of butterbeer corks (functions as a necklace or a garotte), and a stuffed Animal of your choice.

Concerning your mission... the others have said most of what I'd say, on either this board or the other. I don't know if it would function as a great mission, but good on you for handling your own creation!

Volunteering to spork your own old works is a brave notion. I'm sure you'll fit in just fine :)

Be sure to check out the Wiki's article on Permission, and maybe the FAQ for the Board; your posts seem to be duplicated for some reason.

When you make up Agent characters, don't forget the fine employment opportunities and perks available to the members of the Department of Bad Slash!

- Trojie, your friendly Board Bad Slash recruiter and giver of canonical baked goods.

The Division of More Dakka has approved your request, submitted three years ago by a time-lost warp storm, for an inferno pistol, rated for melting through up to 20cm adamantium battle steel, or ten yards of conventional titanium alloy, along with five hundred rounds of ammunition. Usage of this weapon is at your discretion.

I think there are a few agents around that first started by PPCing one of their own fics. So there is precendence on that.

I'm a little confussed as about your intentions with the fic mission wise. Most of the PPC agents go into a fic point out what is wrong, some add how it could have been right, charge the offending parties, execute them and go home. You seem to have more of a tour guide idea. Not sure why you'd need the PPC for that.

Unless the Flowers have decided to branch out and offer tourist trips (compare those tourists that went into space).

as long as you don't mind poking me a lot. I tend to procrastinate, but I definitely won't mind reading, since reading is fun. So, yeah. I can't say how long it'll take before I think of anything, but I'm here if you want me.

what's a God!Sue? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's worse than a regular one.

Oh, and the Sue's once again called Amethyst. Make your own conclusions.

Came across a fic that mentioned in the summary that the girl was named Amethyst. Frankly, I had never seen that name on a person before. Other clues in the summary also suggest this girl is a Sue too.

As if I didn't have enough of them to contend with already.

I haven't seen it around, but I'll look next time I go in to a book shop. I'm slightly surprised about the movie's release date, actually; the trailer was shown in early 2008. They must have pulled another HBP. (Stupid Twilight being shown instead...grr.)

I started reading the first book in that trilogy, and got distracted about halfway through...
...ought I to continue?

Unfortunately, as such, I can't help you here.

Best of luck with your slaying.