Aug 2009 Archive, part b

It's so textbook I'm almost embarrassed for the Stuthor, really. I was actually thinking on killing that one, but I've already got fics for all the missions I'm currently writing, so I guess someone else will have to take it, sorry.

What would be a canonical way to disperse Sanitase through the area?

Tell me this is a joke. Please? What is this, Mossflower's answer to My Immortal? At least tell me nobody "hath telekinesis" in this one ...

I know what happened in the 2008 Epidemic and Invasion, and I'm very well up on the PPC. :P I have a passing familiarity with some of the canons you named, too.

I'll give it a look, if you like.

I know Pern and the PPC reasonably well, though I'm not familiar in the slightest with Phantom of the Opera or Dragonlance.

• If it maked me laugh hysterically for more than a minute it is probably a Bad Idea.
  - More than five minutes means it is probably a Very Bad Idea.
  _ In fact if it makes me laugh hysterically AT ALL I should probably re-think it!

I will not give Ozymandias a Death Note
- Nor Darth Caedus

• Zaraki Kenpachi is not to be given a chainsword
  - Or a chainaxe
  - Or any kind of powered weapon
  - Keep them away from Yachiru as well
  - In fact, Warhammer 40K weapons and Bleach characters are never to be mixed. Ever.

-You will not attempt to propiate or appease the Ironic Overpower through libations, sacrifices, or any type of religious offering.

• Molly Rath must never be introduced to Fagin's gang. In no incarnation of Oliver Twist has disembowelment been used as a distraction technique, and they should not be encouraged to start.
  - Molly Rath CERTAINLY should not be introduced to the characters of any book or television show aimed at small children. We all hate the Teletubbies, but having someone eat the Teletubbyland rabbits will not make it better.

-Daleks and Cylon Centurions should never meet. Never.
-I am not allowed to hack a holo-band (from Caprica) for my own nefarious purposes.
-Even if it's for the greater good.
-I am not allowed to ram giant phallus-like ships into HQ.
-Especially the Galactica.
-Even if Bill Adama did it first.
-I am not allowed to make Yo Mama jokes in the Bible-verse.
-I will not follow Agents Eledhwen Elerossiel and Christianne Shieh around playing "All Along The Watchtower".
-The Flowers must never meet the talking flowers from Alice in Wonderland.
-I will not go around labeling everything with "Eat Me" or "Drink Me".
-Especially if they're unedible.

I will not send Assassins after Peter Jackson.
-R.T.D is fair game, though.
-No he isn't.
-Yes he Glaurunging is.

Being a vegitarian does not make "I was hungry" an acceptable excuse for taking a bite out of the SO.

• I will not link Potterverse recruits to "My Immortal" or any Potterverse Legendary badfics.
  
  -No, not even if I think they'd be the right person to kill them.

I am not allowed to take Pavel Chekov of the Star Trek reboot canon home and feed him stroganoff.
- No, not even if he IS the cutest thing in the known universe.

1. I will not use information readily available in the Narutoverse in order to replace all the toilet paper in the agency with exploding notes.
   - Nor will I replace the water in the water coolers with anything from any body of water which has the word "sorrow" or suchlike in its name.

1036a: Rorschach and Treebeard must never be allowed to meet.

Glad to see that someone has a similar eye for hilarious trollfic. A toast to the future sporking of the fic!

Ah, sorry, by "that series" I mean Death Note. That was poorly phrased.

I'm absolutely flat broke, at the moment.

I hope to change that after school starts, by getting an on-campus job, but at the moment that's not guaranteed. If I do get a job, and start getting some money, I'd be thrilled to request a commission.

Cassie and I are vaguely planning a two-man Gathering in Preston sometime over Christmas. I say Gathering; the principal purpose of the day will be fangirling (on my part at least) over Torchwood's Gareth David-Lloyd in a pantomime. Would anyone else be up for that?

An hour's barely any time at all, really. And we're none of us exactly flush at the moment. But if we're dead set on the singing, it's my duty as Resident Board Alcoholic to point out that we could always do the Armouries and then find a pub with one of those newfangled jukeboxes that have about a million songs in, and then we could sing to our hearts' content. There just wouldn't be any microphones involved.

Ansela just texted me to say her brother wants to come too because he's tempted by the Armouries; any objection?

My favorite musical movie as a little kid. Unfortunately, I don't remember everything about the movie, but I might be able to help. I think that the only vague romantic pairing, as I remember, was between Jack Kelly and David Jacob's sister. I could read some of the story for possible line-stealing. Heck, now I've got all the great songs from that movie stuck in my head.

(singing)
And the World will know
And the Journal too
Mister Hearst and Pulitzer
Have we got news for you

*holds the fic gingerly between thumb and forefinger*

Eugh. Expect a PPC of this thing soon.

Ugolino and I found it some time back and were bored enough to MST it. Here you go, sporkage.

http://docs.google.com/View?id=ddkcfxr6_2453jd6rcx

I mean honestly, asking for comments but specifically telling people not to say anything bad?

I posted a comment which was basically "you know, there's this thing called spellcheck that you might want to use." We'll see whether they're a troll from how they respond to that, I guess.

What... what the... what?

That's... Um... what? What the... EH?

I have no words. That's just...

If I had more knowledge of the canon, I would snatch that up immediately.

*sigh*

Looking back over the fic, I realized that it's in diary format (it was kind of hard to tell). Is there anything that has to be done to stop it from being presented as writing on a page, or should I just treat it like a normal fic?

…so I don't know how many of the horses are canon or how many new colleagues Alice is getting.

I'm with Trojie. Kill it dead.

~Neshomeh

Among other things, summary FAIL. And the grammar...gah. Looks like a perfect example of why just running the spellcheck over things isn't sufficient. Thank you for offering to kill it :P

Just found this on the Pit - more childhood killage, Winnie-the-Pooh this time:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4694561/1/Winnie_and_Cristifor by Shiftember
The creatures of the hundred acre wood try to get their freind to remember them. Plese ignore the terrible grammer. Wrote it very quickley.
Rated: T - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 238 - Published: 12-3-08

I wonder what Winnie-the-Pooh minis would be... mini-Heffalumps, perhaps?

That's got to be a troll, right?

Kill it with my wholehearted encouragement.

And pretty pictures!

Isn't a ha-ha mentioned in one of the Discworld novels?

I must not say anything about the Balrog having wings. I will not say anything about the Balrog having wings. I will not ...

Now, see, here is something I did not expect: you encountered a flock of Pidgins while you were gallivanting about..

Which, I suppose, explains where the rest of them went.

Good show.

Hm. If only I weren't a minor living in America, then I could join the fun. Bugger.

Now that's one masterful retelling of the three tales. I love the way you interwove the three separate plot threads and made them work together like that. Wish I could have been there. :( Still! There's the one next month, which I will be attending.

Also, now you've mentioned Star Wars/Roman History crossovers, I get the strange urge to go and actually write some...

I deny those accusations of being a spoilsport and a showoff, though. It isn't my fault I'm cleverer than you.

^_~

Seriously, though, good synopsis. Synopses. Either way. The picture with the portal is really good--the people in the background seem like they're leaning away from it. I also enjoyed the MST of the game shop.

... Nobody got a picture of the mini Mary-Sues, did they? Alas. Keeping straight faces until they were gone was an epic feat.

Also, I think the people here deserve a rendition of your speech about the canals, if you can remember it. *g*

~Neshomeh, whose own photos from the 2009 Gathering are still here, if anyone wants a(nother) look.

I have quite a few things saved in Word documents and such for easy reading, but I doubt that's what you're after.

…and that's not on the other Jay and Acacia file.

Argue with the Sue that she can't logically have gone throught the rituals of becoming a Time Lord, therefore does not have the power to regenerate and thus is dead after being killed once.

(Keep poking me on that one. I keep being lame and hungover, and I can't beta worth a damn when hungover. Prod me repeatedly?)

Dalek.

Unless it's Uncle-Rusty-verse. Time was, The Doctor couldn't regenerate if the Daleks got him, I'm pretty sure. Force the Sue into sixties canon, one extermination should do it.

Seeing how the Daleks had this whole big war with Gallifrey, I'm pretty certain they have death-rays customized for preventing Time Lord regeneration. I mean, what's the point of exterminating someone if they get back up two minutes later with a different face?

Of course, Daleks are not the most reliable of allies. Maybe if you got your hands on one of their armor-shell-things and brought it back to base, someone could reverse engineer their death ray for missions like yours.

And then there's the obvious solution: dumping them down a black hole, leaving them at ground zero seconds before an A-bomb drops--you know, anything that breaks them down to their atoms. I'm pretty sure they can't regenerate from that. Of course, you might need a TARDIS to do the job.

Killing them thirteen times just adds to the fun! If you insist on killing them only once, I recommend something brutal that they couldn't possibly regenerate from. Decapitation, ripping out both hearts, incineration, etc. It may be hard to set up, but I doubt they could regenerate in a vacuum either.

Evidence from both the Old and New Series indicate that a Time Lord can't regenerate if the death is too fast. Witness the Doctor's drowning in Turn Left, or the shooting of the Castellan in Five Doctors.

The Doctor has also been in danger of permanent death from having his brain burnt out (Forest of the Dead), and according to the Tardis Wiki, you can kill a Time Lord by stabbing both hearts simultaneously. Or you could just make them not want to regenerate (Last of the Time Lords).

To be honest, regeneration is one of the least useful aspects of Time Lord-ness. There's just so /many/ ways to stop or disrupt it; the Doctor worries about dying practically every story.

hS

Of course all major cities are so like each other that it isn't even funny. A-M could be New York, or London or Madrid or Paris or Berlin or Washington or any major city. I feel the differences between major cities are much akin to identical twins getting their hair dyed and this is why you will always see something of home in A-M

My take on it, as an English reader, and bearing in mind just what he's playing off, is that Ankh-Morpork's got nothing to do with New York; rather, New York has its origins in the same city Ankh-Morpork does.

Ankh-Morpork is really nothing to do with New York. A-M is an evolved twist on London as was. But so, in fairness, is NY (or so Pterry says) - this is why so many Discworld cities have an A-M flavour while not being A-M; this is why so many Real World cities have a flavour of London. All cities, in a Platonic sense, are echoes of one city, Pterry tells us, and that city is Ankh-Morpork.

Or, if you'd rather, the man's not that familiar with America or New York, but he is familiar with London as is and as was, and also with the tropes surrounding fantasy cities. Mix the two, and you might get something resembling New York, but it's not actually based on New York. It's more a case of reality resembling the fictitious natural progression of that city.

(He also gets a lot down pat, because the man's an excellent satirist, and there's a lot of readily available source material.)

I agree. I think that Pratchett has simply hit upon something to do with the peculiarities of being human. People are really more alike than they think (or would like to believe, in some cases).
But that's merely my two cents =)

Do you like the new version of Battlestar Galactica? You know, the one without capes and unicorns and Random Shiny Cylons?

If you do, then we have something in common.

And by the way, have a graduated cylinder. :D

Welcome, and have a shapeshifting plushie.

*poor british accent* 'Ello, mate! I make it a point to greet the newbies, unless I miss them, so welcome!

Have a cookie! Just don't eat it...

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a Response Center.

Sadly I don't have anything to give you.

Nice to meetcha! You, being a newbie-person, may have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object to welcome you into our ranks. Use them well.

:D

Nice to meet you :D Here, have a glow-in-the-dark spork *hands it over* TV Tropes seems to be a very popular way of learning about this place (that was my introduction, too).

*poke* *poke*

Like Sedri said, it's traditional. And so is this. *throws Special Lembas at you*

But seriously, welcome. Don't quote tropes every other sentence and we'll get along just fine. {= )

~Neshomeh

Welcome to the PPC! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't be needing it here.

I gift you with an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and whisks not only eggs but spambots and those pesky author wraiths, too. Use it for good and not much evil.

Welcome to the insanity! Enjoy the ride.

Welcome to the PPC! Here's a special battleaxe from the Raven Armory. It's good for killing all Sues.

Don't touch those three, I need my Agents.
Whatever, Krisprolls and South are happy to welcome you and any Agents you might have.

Welcome. :) Don't mind the poking; it's tradition. Lovely to meet you. Please don't bother trying to maintain your sanity - it is already doomed. Thank you.

It does the job of showing what happens when she wakes up in prison, which I assume is your intent. I'd kind of like to follow the guard a bit now as he goes sniffing for information--it would give you a chance to explore his thoughts and his reasons for helping the main character--but if it's a flashback, maybe that doesn't work.

Also, I think you need a comma in this sentence: "Even she could tell that it seemed like a flimsy excuse for an escape attempt and she was actually suffering from amnesia."

It should read: "Even she could tell that it seemed like a flimsy excuse for an escape attempt, and she was actually suffering from amnesia."

Otherwise, it sounds like you're saying that she can tell she's actually suffering from amnesia, which is silly, because that's already established.

~Neshomeh

I was a Girl Guide many years ago and earned my Chief Commissioner's Award (the highest award given to Guides in NZ), so I know kind of what a big effort it is to actually go through with all of this sort of thing.

Congrats and high-five!

My big bro got it last year. In fact, his entire patrol made it to Eagle... except one of them who dropped out at Star.

I'm in Venturing, and my brother's been in Boy Scouts since he was a Wolf Cub, so I'm really familiar with this stuff. I've gone to a whole bunch of Courts of Honor, because my bro's troop is real gung-ho about the Eagle Rank.

Have a Mark III K-9!

I only got to first class.

An American tall ship named Eagle, no less.

Well done! My cousin is an Eagle Scout and he was telling us how hard he worked for it. This is definitely one achievement to be proud of for years.

Here, let's celebrate with absinthe.

Wow! Earning my Eagle Scout rank was really hard. Only a very small percentage of scouts make it. Great job!

I know how much hard work that takes--my brother's an Eagle Scout. Kudos for sticking with it and working your butt off to get that final rank! Seems like just yesterday you were a Tenderfoot, eh? ;-)

That is so cool! I've been to one of the ceremonies before and I have brothers trying for the same rank, so I know how hard it is to become an Eagle Scout. Here's chips, soda, and pizza for your celebration party!

I was gone for eight hours yesterday. Seriously, what's going on?

And, for the record, the very idea of an Internet marketing elite is laughable. Yes, it's a massive market for merchandising, but the majority of the stuff that does get marketed on the Internet is stuff that no one man would EVER want to attach their name to. Certainly not without several aliases in front of it.

So let's see, we have...

- misspellings
- asterix emphasis instead of italics
- literal killings
- Mr AS and Mr AS, whom I'll bet both have S-initial middle names
- writing single digit numbers in numerals instead of words
- punctuation abuse
- tutorials that take hundreds of hours
- microscopic videos
- total fail with "100's" - since when can the concept of a number own anything?
and,
- a mangled sign-off.

Something tells me I won't be buying it. The only PPC-worthy thing I can see in there is the possible new method of Sue-slaying. Death by Internet Marketing Method? Creative, at least.

Look! Spam! Beautiful! I just ran out of food for my minis!

*feeds the spam to them*

Especially...whisked spam. ^_^

*produces egg whisk and whisks with much aplomb*

*whisks suspected spammer*

Mmm, whisked spam.

Happy spammer, here's my idea. Why not hosting bets on Tall Ship Races? But I'm afraid all the benefits will go to the ships. No money for you.

LOL LOL LOL

Oh spammers, why can you not free our board from your presence?

I'll check this out as soon as I get my million dollars from that Nigerian prince!

Good morning, and welcome to the forums.

Your post, unfortunately, really looks like spam. I'll try to give you the benefit of the doubt and leave it up, but if you keep spamming, there's only one way this can end.

Bottom line: We have active admins here. This post will be left up for laughing at and general hilarity. If you keep spamming, you will be banned.

Have a nice day!

A misspelled country, which, by definition, is a name, becomes a Mini. She the various misspellings of Middle Earth, or all the Mordor misspellings out there. All of them, from what I have seen, are Minis.

And I've already put my input on the shape of this mini somewhere else in this thread.

I mini should be modeled after something that is at first glance not cute. Horses are cute by their very definition.

Wow. I can't imagine we have many PhDs on-Board.

Incidentally, what diseases? I may be an English major, but I've always been Bio-curious.

~Neshomeh, maker of horrible puns.

*looks shamefaced* Happy belated birthday, though! Hope you had a nice time, even with the band practice :D

And I have to ask, because I am incredibly curious...
...is that the Volga Birthday song?

Have a Mark IV K-9!

Happy birthday. Have a... well, something. It's probably whatever you want the most.

That way, if Luxury or Fangirls intrude, you can pop them!

Have a sack of pebbles, a customised sling and a basket of Bleeprin-berries.

Here's a dagger from the Raven Armory. Use it to get rid of the party crashers.

No, not my Agents!!! lol

Joy.
Glee.
Here, have a loverly bunch'a coconuts.

Happy Birthday. Here, have another graduated cylinder!

One of the anon reviewers' is apparently named 'Laura'. Did anyone else notice? Unsettling coincidence...

I'd volunteer, but it seems Trojie and Pads have this one. I wish you two luck. *grimaces* You'll need it.

The author of this atrocity is in the habit of sticking author's notes at the end of each chapter. In one, they've spelt their own name wrong. What sort of mini would that make?

See my two pence on the reviews page for chapter two.

Oh, and she's dropping anvils about abortion. The whole thing is apparently vehicle for her pro-life views.

That sounds almost as bad as "Subjugation." *cringe* *shudder*

~Neshomeh

Given this sounds like a hideous mischaracterisation of the alter ego of one of our agents, I rather suspect Trojie and I may have to tackle that one.

*facepalm, headdesk, headstairs, headescalator, headchainsaw...*